Speaker 1: Hello you. What's your name?
Speaker 2: My name is Mo. Mo.
Speaker 1: Have we ever spoken before.
Speaker 2: Mel, No, we have not.
Speaker 1: Well, Uh, I'm excited, Doug. Yeah, I'm excited too. It's uh.
Speaker 1: I've said this before, but it's always crazy to me
Speaker 1: that after four and a half years, I'm still there's
Speaker 1: still new people calling in. So I'm happy to talk
Speaker 1: to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well it's crazy. I've been listening to you for
Speaker 2: a few years now. And I was like, let me
Speaker 2: give him a call today. Life's been crazy. So let's see.
Speaker 2: I did shrooms about three years ago and that kind
Speaker 2: of gave me an identity crisis. And then about two
Speaker 2: years ago, I got married. Everything's fine and dandy, and
Speaker 2: I was, you know, going to work and II five
Speaker 2: is coming home to a wife and I was like
Speaker 2: happy what not? And I started hating my out just
Speaker 2: out of nowhere. It just started hating my job. Funny enough,
Speaker 2: I'm at the Youth and Family mental health counselor. So
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know, I don't feel like
Speaker 2: it's my calling. So I started working on starting side business.
Speaker 2: I got obsessed with droom footage, like videography, photography, and
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie. I kind of put myself in
Speaker 2: debt and it's a bit scary, but I'm having fun.
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, a lot to unpack there. There's a lot
Speaker 1: to unpack there. How old are you?
Speaker 2: I am twenty.
Speaker 1: Six, twenty six okay, And you're married. Do you have
Speaker 1: a kid?
Speaker 2: Nope?
Speaker 1: Okay? When did you get married?
Speaker 2: December of twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1: Okay? And you hate your job as a family mental
Speaker 1: health counselor? You said, yep? And you're in debt from
Speaker 1: buying drones?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: How much money and debt are you from buying drones?
Speaker 2: Not an insane amount? I paid off most of it.
Speaker 2: I was at some point about six thousand dollars in
Speaker 2: debt now okay, two.
Speaker 1: Five d okay, yea horrible. I've heard there's worst numbers.
Speaker 1: But do you so? Are you living paycheck to paycheck.
Speaker 2: Essentially? Yeah? Okay, you know, with paying off my debt
Speaker 2: and everything, it's now paycheck, it's paycheck.
Speaker 1: Do you make any money doing with the drum photography?
Speaker 2: I'm kind of just building up a portfolio I started
Speaker 2: at about two years ago. I picked up gigs here
Speaker 2: and there, but I haven't broken like probably five hundred bucks.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so so I guess I'm sorry. I feel
Speaker 1: like I lost track. What do you this was this
Speaker 1: what you wanted to talk about today?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: No, I'm definitely. I just I think right now, I'm
Speaker 2: just looking for direction in life, like I don't know,
Speaker 2: and the hate for my job like has grown into
Speaker 2: like I was never like this, right, I was always
Speaker 2: like naive, kind, gentle, and now I'm kind of like,
Speaker 2: I don't know what's the word. I wouldn't say hateful,
Speaker 2: but discouraged and uh, envious sometimes I never felt envy
Speaker 2: until about now, like or just like these weak negative
Speaker 2: emotions and it's definitely affecting my marriage.
Speaker 1: Who are you envious of? What are you envious of?
Speaker 2: Just like you know, uh, people with the comfortable living
Speaker 2: are like sometimes like I'll see somebody in the same
Speaker 2: situation as me and I'll start talking shit about them,
Speaker 2: which I have never done in my.
Speaker 1: Life, someone like sa like like somebody like in debt
Speaker 1: and you start talking about them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't, like, dude, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2: You know? Like when I'm like alone in bed at night,
Speaker 2: I like reflect and I'm like, what are you on about? Right? Now, man,
Speaker 2: like you should definitely like apologize.
Speaker 1: You know, how is how is this affecting your marriage?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I feel like I've definitely spent a
Speaker 2: lot of money since because I started this drum business
Speaker 2: like six months after we got married, and I spent
Speaker 2: a lot of money just down that rabbit hole of
Speaker 2: wanting you know, the latest and greatest stuff. And now
Speaker 2: I'm like, shit, dude, you got to get it together
Speaker 2: because you know, like my wife is like, you're spending
Speaker 2: all this money on drunes and whatnot only and you
Speaker 2: don't even make money off of it.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, you're right, yeah, I mean I'm with
Speaker 1: her on that. I'm with her on that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm with her on that, especially if you want to
Speaker 1: you're talking about want to have kids soon?
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, hopefully in the near future.
Speaker 1: Okay, So uh, I mean basic like personal finance shit,
Speaker 1: you pay off your dabt, you make an emergency fund,
Speaker 1: and then you invest whatever else you have on top
Speaker 1: of that.
Speaker 2: You know, like the thing is like I know how
Speaker 2: to get myself, Like I've been in debt before and
Speaker 2: then like before my marriage, I saved up about fifty
Speaker 2: thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: And where did.
Speaker 2: Wedding stuff? I also put down a bit down payment
Speaker 2: on a brand new car travel, you know, stuff like that,
Speaker 2: instead of investing in the fucking roth Ira or putting
Speaker 2: in his stocks or something. Yeah, it's kind.
Speaker 1: Of what kind of what kind of car do you have?
Speaker 2: I got a twenty twenty two Ford Bronco.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not a car guy. Is that like a
Speaker 1: nice car?
Speaker 2: It's decent. It's like I like it a lot. It's
Speaker 2: probably my favorite purchase.
Speaker 1: How much did you but so it's not even you
Speaker 1: still have a payment on the car?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: How much? How much is the car in total?
Speaker 2: About forty five thousand?
Speaker 1: Okay? How much equity in the car do you have?
Speaker 2: I put down I think about thirty thousand, so I
Speaker 2: owe about fifteen thousand on it.
Speaker 1: Okay, could you theoretically I'm not trying to tell you
Speaker 1: what to do with your life, but if you are
Speaker 1: asking me, I do like figuring out these things. Could
Speaker 1: you theoretically sell your car, buy a really, really really
Speaker 1: the shitty used car, and then take the difference and
Speaker 1: pay off the debt.
Speaker 2: Oh one hundred percent. It's definitely something that I've been contemplating,
Speaker 2: especially because you know, I initially bought the car because
Speaker 2: there wasn't much of it they were having trouble with production.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I'll buy this car, and push
Speaker 2: comes to shove, I'll sell for a profit because at
Speaker 2: that point, you know, it did sell for a profit.
Speaker 2: But now like they made so much of it that.
Speaker 1: How are you how are you going to sell?
Speaker 3: Who?
Speaker 1: Like you're planning to sell the car for a profit.
Speaker 2: I was at some point, how do you?
Speaker 1: I don't I mean again, I'm not a car guy,
Speaker 1: but the car is like depreciate immediately.
Speaker 2: So I bought it during the pandemic when there was
Speaker 2: a chip shortage and they didn't produce much of the car,
Speaker 2: so people were like had there was a wait list
Speaker 2: to get the car at some point, and a lot
Speaker 2: of people would pay extra for other people's cars to
Speaker 2: get them so they don't have to wait in that
Speaker 2: wait list. But now there is a weight list, there's anything.
Speaker 1: It's do you want do you want? Do you want
Speaker 1: my aunt? Do you want my honest opinion on do
Speaker 1: you want my honest opinion on your personal finance situation?
Speaker 1: Or or because I mean, oh no, yeah, man, you
Speaker 1: should sell the fucking car and get out of debt
Speaker 1: and just drive like a shitty car.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm definitely down to do that. I and
Speaker 2: you know what also is kind of tough. So my
Speaker 2: wife is Canadian and I live in the States. So
Speaker 2: we live separately right now due to immigration stuff.
Speaker 1: Oh sure, And I thought you okay, I thought you
Speaker 1: two were like living together.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, we've been living separately.
Speaker 1: Where where do you live? Uh? Where do you live?
Speaker 1: I live in Buffalo, New York and she's in Toronto.
Speaker 2: She's a little bit south of Toronto and Hamilton.
Speaker 1: Okay, so it's about Anna. So if you go. But
Speaker 1: I thought, if you guys are married, doesn't she get
Speaker 1: a green card?
Speaker 2: That's what I thought. We we've been applying for like
Speaker 2: I applied March of twenty twenty three, like because we
Speaker 2: got married in December and we're figuring life out. She
Speaker 2: needed to graduate and everything, so I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna apply as soon as she graduates. So I
Speaker 2: applied March twenty twenty three, and we're still waiting for
Speaker 2: a green card.
Speaker 1: So how far is Hamilton from Buffalo?
Speaker 2: About an hour and a half.
Speaker 1: All right, Okay, so you got how often do you
Speaker 1: see each.
Speaker 2: Other every weekend?
Speaker 1: Every week? Okay, that's cool, that's good. And she and
Speaker 1: it's putting it and the financial shit is putting a
Speaker 1: straand on your marriage because she's like, hey man, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to start a life with you, so I need
Speaker 1: you to not go into debt doing doing a bunch
Speaker 1: of bullshit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, like another stupid thing that we
Speaker 2: did because I thought she was going to live with me,
Speaker 2: is I leased an apartment, like a pretty solid apartment too,
Speaker 2: And you.
Speaker 1: Leased an apartment in Buffalo?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I thought with me.
Speaker 1: Is that where you live right now?
Speaker 3: Not anymore?
Speaker 2: I moved in with my parents to hopefully be able
Speaker 2: to pay.
Speaker 1: Off my debts. That's a great idea.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you know, if push comes to shoves,
Speaker 2: the car will be sold.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean yeah, dude, is the car is the car?
Speaker 1: Tangentially making is your car, like tangibly making your life
Speaker 1: better more than more than not having debt would.
Speaker 2: Well, my debt isn't like an insane amount. It's about
Speaker 2: three thousand dollars. If you know, I really budget, I
Speaker 2: could pay it off.
Speaker 1: I know, but yeah, I know, but you I know,
Speaker 1: but you can, but you could put thirty thousand. But
Speaker 1: you could put thirty thousand dollars in your pocket, use
Speaker 1: three grand of that to pay off your debt, and
Speaker 1: then go on like fucking Facebook, Marketplace or whatever and
Speaker 1: find like some shitty ass car that you can drive
Speaker 1: for Like what how much would that call?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: At most? I don't know how much a used car
Speaker 1: costs off the top of my head, but let's say it's.
Speaker 2: Probably about more I have K for like a decent
Speaker 2: beater car.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, you get a beater car for five K,
Speaker 1: and then you and then you have twenty two thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Now instead of being in dead you have You go
Speaker 1: from having negative money to having twenty two thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Your wife is like, oh, this man makes sensible financial decisions.
Speaker 1: She gets her shit together. You guys move in, you
Speaker 1: can start doing a thing. You're a little bit closer
Speaker 1: to having some uh you know, uh room to if
Speaker 1: you hate your job so much, you have a little
Speaker 1: bit of room to leave and go find a new one.
Speaker 1: To me, I don't know, I'm not you. I don't
Speaker 1: live your life, but these all sound like the better
Speaker 1: things to have in your life. Than the car.
Speaker 2: I think the separation is definitely the biggest issue with
Speaker 2: our marriage, more than the finances. So we actually started
Speaker 2: playing the jobs overseas and we're going through another their
Speaker 2: government for another visa because my wife found a job
Speaker 2: in Saudi Arabia. So we're gonna.
Speaker 1: Sew Okay, So you're about to So you're you're about
Speaker 1: to move to Saudi Okay, you're throwing a wrench. I'm
Speaker 1: over here trying to go Dave Ramsey on you and
Speaker 1: you're throwing a fucking So you guys are gonna move
Speaker 1: to Saudi Arabia, Yeah, for like a.
Speaker 2: Year until the US gets its shit together and we
Speaker 2: can live together.
Speaker 1: Okay. So you're gonna live together with her in Saudi
Speaker 1: Arabia for a year. Yeah, what are you gonna do there?
Speaker 2: I got family over there, so I've probably gonna, you know,
Speaker 2: work in a family business for good. And she's a
Speaker 2: nail technician, so she's gonna do a nail technician job
Speaker 2: over there.
Speaker 1: That sounds nice. So you're gonna sell the fucking car,
Speaker 1: So you gotta sell that car anyway?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, all.
Speaker 1: Right, okay, So don't you don't even need to convince
Speaker 1: you of anything. You're you're already about to sell everything
Speaker 1: I move go to Saudi Arabia.
Speaker 2: It's literally bureaucracy that's kissing me off because it's like
Speaker 2: I have to go through so many holes and doors
Speaker 2: just to get a green card for my wife, and
Speaker 2: now I'm trying to get her. We're trying to get
Speaker 2: her visa to move overseas and we're doing the same
Speaker 2: ship again. So we're like throwing a dart anywhere and
Speaker 2: hoping it lands, so we could, you know, live together
Speaker 2: and hopefully start a feeling.
Speaker 1: Well, that's nice, that's nice. Sat Arabia seems like a
Speaker 1: cool place. I want to go there at some point.
Speaker 2: It's pretty I'm not worried.
Speaker 3: I'm not worry.
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about you anymore. I don't think I
Speaker 1: think you're gonna be fine.
Speaker 2: It's it's literally shut up and wait. But I hate waiting.
Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, you just gotta wait.
Speaker 3: You know, I've been.
Speaker 2: Waiting for about a year and a half, two years ago,
Speaker 2: so I'm like kind of sick of it. But that's
Speaker 2: why I'm trying to find opportunities elsewhere. But I also
Speaker 2: have to wait for those as well.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean what just sit in your parents just dude,
Speaker 1: just sit in your parents' house and sell the car immediate.
Speaker 1: Sell like that fucking car today. Get rid of that
Speaker 1: fucking car. Get rid of the fucking car, hang out
Speaker 1: in your parents place, and just save money.
Speaker 2: Sounds reasonable.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And then and then eventually you'll go to Saudi
Speaker 1: Arabia with your wife and you'll have you'll do fun
Speaker 1: cool things.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, that that's the plane. I I cherish traveling,
Speaker 2: and I feel like that would be a great experience
Speaker 2: for us.
Speaker 1: Okay, just one I'm gonna let you go, But just
Speaker 1: one thing. If you really cherish traveling, if I were you,
Speaker 1: I would like spend as little money as possible on
Speaker 1: like the like uh you know, stuff, so you can
Speaker 1: save it so you can have the freedom and flexibility
Speaker 1: to travel. And you can still if you're if your
Speaker 1: hobby is like drones and photography, you can still do it.
Speaker 1: Just buy shitty versions of the things. Well at the end,
Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, the expensive versions are not going to
Speaker 1: be They're not gonna fill your soul or help with
Speaker 1: your hobby as much as it's not going to be
Speaker 1: a that tangential of a difference between the shitty ones.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, No. I definitely was like thinking, oh, I
Speaker 2: could start a business. Then I was like, like, you know,
Speaker 2: a year and a half, two years down the line, like, man,
Speaker 2: you're an idiot. People could go to Walmart.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but buddy, start, dude, start your business with the
Speaker 1: shitty equipment first, and then once the business starts, like,
Speaker 1: don't like, start it with the shitty stuff first. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you don't don't like, if you want to go
Speaker 1: into a business that has like a startup cost, just
Speaker 1: go in with as little overhead as possible, especially if
Speaker 1: you aren't making any money yet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, very true.
Speaker 1: I mean I mean this get go suit that cost
Speaker 1: sixty dollars.
Speaker 2: All right, Yeah, well that's that's fair. You know, I
Speaker 2: appreciate you, Geck Ramsey, and I really I really enjoyed
Speaker 2: this conversation with you.
Speaker 1: You know, I really enjoyed this conversation with you too.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, Sorry, what we're you gonna say?
Speaker 2: I you know, I just felt very discouraged about myself
Speaker 2: in my situation, and you know, you kind of just
Speaker 2: let me know. Hey, you know, you just gotta wait
Speaker 2: a bit. Things are going to get better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I think so. Yeah, you're fine. Man, you're fine.
Speaker 1: I mean, sell that car and get out of dad.
Speaker 1: But yeah, other than that, you're fine. You're fine. You
Speaker 1: see you and your wife see each other every weekend.
Speaker 1: If you if you guys were like living on different
Speaker 1: if he was in like Alaska and you were in France,
Speaker 1: then it would be one thing. But if you see
Speaker 1: each other every weekend, you got a plan, You'll be
Speaker 1: You're I'm not worried about you. As long as you
Speaker 1: sell the car.
Speaker 2: Well, I appreciate you. Man. That car will be sold soon.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't it be funny if I bought it? If
Speaker 1: I if I wanted you to sell it so I
Speaker 1: could have.
Speaker 2: It, I would be like, you better pick it up
Speaker 2: in the get Go suit. That wouldn't be man.
Speaker 1: Well, well, anyways, anything else? Is there any fun? You
Speaker 1: want to say anything else before I hang up on you?
Speaker 2: Oh? No, you know, I'm just I'm just happy to
Speaker 2: talk to you. Been a fan for a few years,
Speaker 2: you know, it's been It's been a great conversation. Thanks.
Speaker 1: So what's your name again? Thanks?
Speaker 3: Moe?
Speaker 1: Take care? That was Mo? That was Mo. I don't
Speaker 1: know I I I kind of black out for that guy.
Speaker 1: That was a really chill conversation. I liked talking Tom out.
Speaker 1: I hope he's gonna be fine.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I sold my car, and I fucking hated having a car.
Speaker 1: I hate I really do, I really like uh. I mean,
Speaker 1: New York is more expensive than other cities, but you
Speaker 1: don't need a car, so it offsets a lot of
Speaker 1: that cost. But I also I just just fucking hate
Speaker 1: cars because I hate that. I hate that I might
Speaker 1: kill someone. I can walk the entirety of New York
Speaker 1: with a very little chance that I'll accidentally kill someone.
Speaker 1: But if you're driving around in a city where there's
Speaker 1: people walking, there's like a I looked at it. I
Speaker 1: looked this up. I went on CHATCHYBT, I looked this up.
Speaker 1: Uh about I think God, it's something like one pedestrian
Speaker 1: dies every like three days in New York City or
Speaker 1: two days. That might be completely wrong, but that's what
Speaker 1: I think. I remember it saying, which is crazy because
Speaker 1: I thought it would be way more. I thought at
Speaker 1: least five people get killed by cars in New York
Speaker 1: City every day, but apparently it's way less. But even then,
Speaker 1: it's like so I guess there's but like like around
Speaker 1: the fucking world, in the country and the universe. I mean,
Speaker 1: people are getting fucking killed. But I hated having a
Speaker 1: car and if I but sometimes you need one to
Speaker 1: do stuff. But it's nice if you can live somewhere
Speaker 1: that's not where you can just walk around and not
Speaker 1: kill people. And then like you get a dent in
Speaker 1: your car or like something goes wrong and you go
Speaker 1: to the Jeffery loub where the deal like a little
Speaker 1: like like there'll be like a little dent in your
Speaker 1: car or something. And then you go to the people
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, this is gonna cost about three
Speaker 1: thousand dollars to fix, or you fuck up someone else's
Speaker 1: car and it costs a billion. It's just so they're
Speaker 1: just so expensive and annoying. And then you also you
Speaker 1: get mail when you have a car. When you have
Speaker 1: a car, you just get a piece of mail that
Speaker 1: says you owe the Department of Motor Vehicles fifty dollars.
Speaker 1: They'll just they just do that. They just send you
Speaker 1: an invoice for fifty dollars just for no reason. There's
Speaker 1: like a missions testing shit. Well they'll be like you
Speaker 1: have to come in to get your car missions tested,
Speaker 1: and it costs. It's just so annoy It's just an
Speaker 1: annoying experience. But you need it in like everywhere you go,
Speaker 1: so I don't know. My leg's chafed to that's one
Speaker 1: of the trade offs. My eye of big fat, thick,
Speaker 1: dowe piggy thighs, and they chafe when I walk, and
Speaker 1: I feel bad. It makes me feel gross, And those
Speaker 1: are those are the times where I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's worth it to have a car so that
Speaker 1: I don't have to face my thighs scraping together. But
Speaker 1: that's the cost, that's the cost. Hello, holy shit, Hello, Hi.
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 3: My name is Riyah. I'm like, I'm still flabergasted right now.
Speaker 3: What the fuck?
Speaker 1: I can't believe Riyah? What's up Ryan? How you doing?
Speaker 3: H Dear? I'm locked down in my apartment right now
Speaker 3: and I just have to like just such a long
Speaker 3: shitty day at work, Like there's these all these old
Speaker 3: people yelling at me, you trying to fix their organization,
Speaker 3: and I haven't eaten all day and I've been in
Speaker 3: a depression, like depression spial for the past I don't
Speaker 3: know how long like, I think this is just a
Speaker 3: bad day and I'm locked out of my apartment. I
Speaker 3: can't even like I can't even go.
Speaker 1: In, and like rut, Yeah, you sound very stressed out
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like waiting on maintenance to come and like
Speaker 3: open my door. But I don't know. I don't know
Speaker 3: when that's gonna happen. Last time it took them an hour.
Speaker 1: Well can I ask you that? Do you have like
Speaker 1: in your building? Is the hallway pretty? Is it?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: What's the hallway look like?
Speaker 3: Is the hallway pretty? No, it's like it's just like
Speaker 3: there's like another neighbor and they're like right on the
Speaker 3: like it's like a little corner, right, so it's my
Speaker 3: door on one side of the corner, and then there
Speaker 3: it's their door, and then there's a trash shoes and okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what color are the walls.
Speaker 3: Like a sea grayish blue?
Speaker 1: Okay? Is there anything pretty about like the wall color
Speaker 1: like that you can I'm not asking if it's like
Speaker 1: a luxury building, but like can we look at a
Speaker 1: color and be like that's a nice color.
Speaker 3: I guess I think some people would look at it
Speaker 3: and think it looks like a millennial gray a little bit.
Speaker 3: It's an old building, so you know, they try to
Speaker 3: like revamp it by coloring the walls. I don't know,
Speaker 3: Like it's it's like I don't know how old this
Speaker 3: building is, but it's like it's the kind of doors
Speaker 3: where it's like if you if you walk out, the
Speaker 3: door automatically locks behind you, and like I don't know
Speaker 3: why they do that. Who's that helping?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Oh, if it makes you feeling it better. I've
Speaker 1: locked myself out. I've one time locked myself out of
Speaker 1: my apartment, had to go to the like leasing office
Speaker 1: to have them let me back in, and then immediately
Speaker 1: locked myself out again. I had to go down to
Speaker 1: the leasing office to have them let me back in.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's kind of silly.
Speaker 1: So Riya, it's all right if you just want to
Speaker 1: chitter chatter. But I'll ask you this. You sound like
Speaker 1: you have a lot going on. Is there anything in
Speaker 1: particular that you called in to want to talk about
Speaker 1: anything at all?
Speaker 3: You know, I am like really scared of like growing
Speaker 3: alone and like losing my job and not knowing how
Speaker 3: to take care of myself. And also I have this
Speaker 3: like weird thing going on where like I feel like
Speaker 3: I'm trying to day and find someone, and I don't
Speaker 3: even know if I like people I like. I don't
Speaker 3: know if there's just like a storm of thoughts I
Speaker 3: can just like spiral so quickly, and I don't know
Speaker 3: where to begin because I never thought like i'd even
Speaker 3: on the show, and like I've thought about it before.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, what would I talk about?
Speaker 1: But like, no, this is all Yeah, No, I saw you.
Speaker 3: I saw you at your show. I saw you at
Speaker 3: your show in Summerville.
Speaker 1: Cool. Oh that was a long time, dude.
Speaker 3: I didn't know what to tell you. I didn't know
Speaker 3: what to say to you. Like I stayed afterwards to
Speaker 3: talk to you, and all you said to me was
Speaker 3: all you said to me was like you look colorful.
Speaker 3: And I was like thanks, and then took a picture
Speaker 3: and then left, and I felt like so lame.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I know, yeah, oh that was perfect.
Speaker 1: So that was perfect. Well are you talking about the
Speaker 1: one from earlier this year or from twenty twenty two,
Speaker 1: because earlier this year, Oh, at that fucking at that
Speaker 1: like community center place.
Speaker 3: Yeah it looks like a cool right, that was cool?
Speaker 1: That was cool. Yeah, with the clown guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he annoyed me. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Well anyway, anyway, Okay, first of all, just saying and
Speaker 1: no reason. No, everything's all good. Everything's uh super chill.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about this. So you're trying to date and
Speaker 1: you're afraid that you are going to die alone and
Speaker 1: grow up lonely forever and lose your job, and you're
Speaker 1: just all these horrible things are going to happen to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, when you say it back to me, it sounds
Speaker 3: really like lame, and I'm kind of embarrassed, like.
Speaker 1: Hold hold on right, Well, so first of all, don't
Speaker 1: feel lame, because I just need you to know I
Speaker 1: am also, on a daily basis afraid that all of
Speaker 1: the same things will happen to me. So you don't
Speaker 1: need to feel lame. Are you afraid that your friends
Speaker 1: are gonna.
Speaker 3: Hear this a little bit? Like I feel like people
Speaker 3: look at me and like pity me, and so yeah,
Speaker 3: that's I guess I'm just adding to that image of
Speaker 3: like a lame person, like I'm not the cool person
Speaker 3: that they first met.
Speaker 4: Like yeah, but but but the trying to build like uh,
Speaker 4: like an image, your image isn't helpful to.
Speaker 1: You and your actual life.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, because well hold on, I've there's so many
Speaker 1: there's so many things I want to talk about with this.
Speaker 1: Let's just start. Let's just start here. How how old
Speaker 1: are you?
Speaker 3: Twenty nine? I just turned twenty.
Speaker 1: Nine, And are you like, are you like on the
Speaker 1: dating apps and stuff?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1: How's how's that going, dude?
Speaker 3: I feel like every like normal like sae human person
Speaker 3: like found each other when they were like twenty five
Speaker 3: to twenty seven or something, and then they got married
Speaker 3: and then now it's just like crazy people out here,
Speaker 3: like like me, like, I'm I'm I'm not that crazy.
Speaker 3: I don't think. I think I'm pretty normal. Like I
Speaker 3: have a job, I live on my with a roommate,
Speaker 3: Oh no, my own so, but I don't know. It
Speaker 3: just feels like there's so many people who aren't in
Speaker 3: touch with themselves and they're like thoughts that it makes
Speaker 3: it hard to get to know them on a deeper level.
Speaker 3: And it's tiring.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's very tiring. I'm no, I'm no expert on
Speaker 1: success in this arena, but I'm an expert on failure
Speaker 1: in this arena. And you know, I too, have you know,
Speaker 1: I spent a lot of time on uh dating app
Speaker 1: apps and whatnot, kind of trying to to find someone
Speaker 1: into it. Just recently I deleted my presence on those
Speaker 1: apps and I just decided to kind of try and
Speaker 1: like find peace and be at peace with myself. And
Speaker 1: I did that like a week or two ago when
Speaker 1: I'm feeling really good about it, and I felt like
Speaker 1: I kind of feel like, well, you said, do you
Speaker 1: feel crazy?
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's like, why doesn't anyone like me? And
Speaker 3: then when they do, all of a sudden there, yeah, yeah, how.
Speaker 1: Long have you been trying?
Speaker 3: I feel I've been trying for years. Like I feel
Speaker 3: like I missed my window, Like my prime years were
Speaker 3: during COVID when when I was like twenty five to
Speaker 3: twenty seven or whatever, and like and I feel like
Speaker 3: I just missed my time period. And like it doesn't
Speaker 3: help that I'm a woman and there's these expectations and
Speaker 3: like all these stereotypes about like you know, if you're
Speaker 3: alone by like thirty or whatever, then there's something wrong
Speaker 3: with you. And even if there isn't, well it doesn't matter,
Speaker 3: like no one wants you.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, let's talk about do you like your
Speaker 1: just in general, do you like your life?
Speaker 3: Yeah, i'd say so. I think, yeah, I've got good
Speaker 3: I've got good friends, Like they like are they're not
Speaker 3: always there for me? Like okay, no, that's so rude
Speaker 3: to say, so okay, no, they're they're there for me
Speaker 3: and in the big moments, like they planned stuff for
Speaker 3: my birthday, they like they talk to me about their struggles,
Speaker 3: and that makes me feel good because I feel like
Speaker 3: I'm getting to know them deeper and I can help
Speaker 3: them out. And I just I think I just miss
Speaker 3: what I'm missing from my life is having someone to
Speaker 3: like build it with or like just experience moments together
Speaker 3: and like have someone to reflect on them back with.
Speaker 3: Like my friends they all have like partners, and it
Speaker 3: just feels lonely because it feels like I'm not their
Speaker 3: primary person, so like I'll never and like, I you know,
Speaker 3: like I have this whole like thing about like relationship anarchy,
Speaker 3: like I wish like everyone kind of like lived like
Speaker 3: that where it's like their primary partner isn't actually the
Speaker 3: primary partner.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I know what you mean.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: No, when I know what you mean, you kind of
Speaker 1: want to feel like, uh, yeah, it can be hard
Speaker 1: when you feel like you're no one's like primary person, right,
Speaker 1: because like you know, you can go you go out
Speaker 1: with all your friends and like you know, you feel
Speaker 1: very close to them, but still when you go home
Speaker 1: and you kind of go into the uh, the the
Speaker 1: the real depths of your life, you can kind of
Speaker 1: feel alone and like there's no one else there. I
Speaker 1: get what you think, now, yeah.
Speaker 3: And I'm like I'll talk to a therapist and I'm
Speaker 3: on medications and stuff, and like I've been doing this
Speaker 3: for like like seven years now at least, and it's
Speaker 3: just like it feels like when am I gonna like.
Speaker 1: What do you when you do? Were you hold on?
Speaker 1: You said you've been doing this for seven years?
Speaker 3: Was that was this like the whole like going to
Speaker 3: a therapist and doing individual therapy and group therapy and
Speaker 3: all these vacations. It feels like it's like is there
Speaker 3: something wrong with me? Like and like am I autistic?
Speaker 3: Am I just not diagnosed? But like my therapist doesn't
Speaker 3: become autistic, so I guess I'm not. But who knows?
Speaker 3: M hm.
Speaker 1: Hm hmm.
Speaker 3: And like I feel like I have so much writing
Speaker 3: on can I find someone to be happy with?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the fucking yeah. But you understand, like, uh,
Speaker 1: that's kind of I've I've really learned this, Like that's
Speaker 1: there's a paradox there. This is a real paradox because, uh,
Speaker 1: it's like when you have so much writing on trying
Speaker 1: to find a relationship, I think it paradoxically keeps you
Speaker 1: away from one and it also makes it It also
Speaker 1: makes it so that, like I mean, if you're trying
Speaker 1: to find somebody else, it's so hard because I really,
Speaker 1: I strongly believe that like relationships, not just romantic but
Speaker 1: just you know, the relationships you have with other people,
Speaker 1: they're the gonna be the biggest source of happiness that
Speaker 1: you have in your life. And by the way, I'm
Speaker 1: not an expert on this stuff. I'm really fascinated by
Speaker 1: this paradox and I'm really trying to kind of figure
Speaker 1: it out, and I talk to a lot of people
Speaker 1: about it, and I think a lot about it. The
Speaker 1: paradox of like relationships that you have with other people, again,
Speaker 1: not just romantic relationship anarchy, as you said, are some
Speaker 1: of the biggest sources of happiness. And yet if you're
Speaker 1: on the search for a romantic partner, but with the
Speaker 1: context of I'm gonna find this person and they are
Speaker 1: going to be the missing puzzle piece that makes me happy.
Speaker 1: That's that's too much to put on someone else, you know,
Speaker 1: that's an unreasonable request. Yeah, and it's gonna and it's
Speaker 1: gonna and it's gonna fuck you. And even because I
Speaker 1: even if you do find that person and you have
Speaker 1: so much stock tied up in them, that's that feels
Speaker 1: kind of dangerous to me. But it's a fucking uh
Speaker 1: paradox because you should if you're gonna fucking like get
Speaker 1: married to someone and you're gonna they're gonna be your
Speaker 1: primary person and you're gonna build a life with them,
Speaker 1: you should have a lot of stock in them. They
Speaker 1: should be one of the primary things that make you happy.
Speaker 1: So it's a weird paradox. I don't, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't know what to think about it, really, but uh, yeah.
Speaker 3: I feel like the dating apps aren't really designed to
Speaker 3: actually make you or help you like find other people,
Speaker 3: like because I don't see any incentive for them to
Speaker 3: do that really, because don't they want to keep you
Speaker 3: on the app? So like, and like, I don't know,
Speaker 3: there is I don't know it feels all kind of
Speaker 3: hopeless and it's hard not to let it get to you.
Speaker 3: And I try to fill my life with hobbies and things,
Speaker 3: and it seems like I'm like eternally trying to find
Speaker 3: something else to fulfill me, and I don't know what
Speaker 3: I'm doing with my time, like, and it doesn't help
Speaker 3: that like my family is all like my dad's like
Speaker 3: he's super like hardcore Muslim, and I grew up pardcore
Speaker 3: Muslim and I've like gone against like everything he's ever
Speaker 3: taught me. And so like whenever I visit home or
Speaker 3: whenever it's a phone call, it's always about like, let
Speaker 3: me find a Muslim man for you and then everything
Speaker 3: will be fine. And it's just like I don't really
Speaker 3: care about the Muslim part so much. It's just that
Speaker 3: like there's so many like traditionalists who are usually Muslim,
Speaker 3: like they're not like chill, like they're I don't know,
Speaker 3: I'm getting into different topics, but yeah, y, I don't
Speaker 3: know if it's making sense right now. Sorry I'm bothering you.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I'm just thinking. No, I'm just thinking about, uh,
Speaker 1: your situation. It's not an uncommon situation. Yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 1: do you have friends.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have friends. They're like you know, I have
Speaker 3: my Discord friends that I like gamed with during COVID
Speaker 3: and I've like met them all in person, and they're
Speaker 3: all across the US, and but we don't really talk
Speaker 3: too much anymore, Like it feels like, you know, everyone's
Speaker 3: got their own lives going on. But we catch up
Speaker 3: every now and then, maybe sometimes I go on a trip.
Speaker 3: I have some friends here in my city and they're
Speaker 3: they're cool. Like I try to see some I try
Speaker 3: to do like a social acts, like meet up with
Speaker 3: one of my friends, like every week at least, like
Speaker 3: I try to because I feel like it's really easy
Speaker 3: for me to self isolate. So I try to plan
Speaker 3: things ahead with people, and I'll try to use dates
Speaker 3: as well as a way to be social. But going
Speaker 3: on dates isn't as it doesn't fill my cup as much.
Speaker 5: As no, you know, yeah, well, how when's the last
Speaker 5: time you just quit all your dating apps and you
Speaker 5: were like, I'm just.
Speaker 3: Not doing this for a little while, literally literally like
Speaker 3: three days ago.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, okay, so three okay, so you so you
Speaker 1: so you did that three days ago and then but
Speaker 1: I've done it before.
Speaker 3: I've deleted. I deleted many times before and then got
Speaker 3: back on it.
Speaker 1: What's the longest streak you've gone not being on it?
Speaker 3: I don't know, like maybe like seven eight.
Speaker 1: Months, Okay. Do you feel happier during that time?
Speaker 3: I think so. I think like it's kind of like
Speaker 3: a feeling of resignation of like this, this isn't working.
Speaker 3: I know it's not gonna work, so I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: be on there and so but it's not like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm going to try to find someone in real life.
Speaker 3: It's more like.
Speaker 1: It's such a it's such a I really, I just
Speaker 1: I empathize with you. It's such a weird fucking paradox
Speaker 1: of like the people you're support you you I by
Speaker 1: the way, I believe you. You like so weird fucking
Speaker 1: paradox of like trying to find happiness alone. But then
Speaker 1: if you're happy alone, why would you need why would
Speaker 1: you want another person? But then if you find another
Speaker 1: per it's just it's just a weird paradox that I
Speaker 1: don't I don't have any answers to. But if it
Speaker 1: makes you feel any better at all, you are not
Speaker 1: the only one, uh trying to figure out this paradox.
Speaker 3: Do you do you ever get caught up in your
Speaker 3: image as like a person outside of like the lizard suit, Like,
Speaker 3: do you ever think, like, oh, maybe if I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: these are I'm projecting, Like like basically my thoughts are like, Okay,
Speaker 3: if I worked out more, if I like just like
Speaker 3: got totally shredded, then I would find yeah, yes, yes,
Speaker 3: And then it's like because I'm because I'm not getting shredded.
Speaker 3: It's my own fault that I haven't found anyone. But
Speaker 3: I know that I've like I've been in relationships before.
Speaker 3: It's been three more than three years, I think since
Speaker 3: my last relationship. So it makes me feel like, oh
Speaker 3: my god, oh my god, that was it. I didn't
Speaker 3: even know like that was my last one. And I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna find anyone anymore, you know, And I've never
Speaker 3: been shredded, but like, yes, But.
Speaker 1: To answer your question, what's your name again, Riya Riya?
Speaker 1: To answer your question for just hilarious that I feel
Speaker 1: extremely called out right now in a good way. I literally, yeah,
Speaker 1: I deleted my dating apps and stuff like a week ago,
Speaker 1: and I was absolutely of the mindset of like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna get shredded first and then we'll come back.
Speaker 1: I literally was I no, I literally I deleted them
Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, we're not coming back to
Speaker 1: this until we get shredded or.
Speaker 3: Because it's not gonna be But I do that every time.
Speaker 3: I do that every time, and then like I'll be like, okay,
Speaker 3: I'm not that dad. Let me just like download and
Speaker 3: just see what's out there, and then I end up
Speaker 3: back on my That's how that happened.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh man, Oh, you're completely ruining the idea that
Speaker 1: I had that things will be different when I return.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, No, it's okay. I think it's good. I
Speaker 1: think it's good. Yes, I have done that same thing.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people do that same thing.
Speaker 1: The second part though, the second part of like what
Speaker 1: was the second part of the thing. It was like,
Speaker 1: if I'm not I'll never find someone.
Speaker 3: Oh, if I'm not shredded, then I won't find someone
Speaker 3: because and it's like and because I'm not shreaded, that's
Speaker 3: my own choice of not being shredded, and so that
Speaker 3: means it's my own choice that I'm not finding anyone.
Speaker 1: Yes, I have followed down that path of logic before
Speaker 1: how much of it do I believe I believe about
Speaker 1: I would. I'm not going to go like motivational on
Speaker 1: you and say that I don't believe those things about myself,
Speaker 1: because I would that would be hypocritic of me. I mean,
Speaker 1: is I think. I mean it is a choice. I
Speaker 1: think to not be like in shape, But I think
Speaker 1: that's uh, I look at it. I mean for myself.
Speaker 1: I mean, look, I'm like fucking you know, I went,
Speaker 1: I did my BMI today, I'm about three points over obese.
Speaker 1: Uh is it my choice? Yeah, it's my choice. And
Speaker 1: to say it was, to say it's not my choice
Speaker 1: would not be helpful to me, because then I take
Speaker 1: the power away from my because you feel I assume
Speaker 1: you feel powerless in your in your journey and you're
Speaker 1: clinging to things that you think, Okay, I can do
Speaker 1: this to influence this journey in which I feel powerless.
Speaker 1: This is a little bit of power I can take back.
Speaker 1: That's how That's how I feel when I say to
Speaker 1: my when I you know, have the same thoughts that
Speaker 1: you're talking about, where.
Speaker 3: It's like yeah, and then you get it gives you
Speaker 3: a glimmer of hope.
Speaker 1: It gives you a glimmer of hope. But that's and
Speaker 1: that's what you need it. You need to find some
Speaker 1: fucking avenue in which you feel like you can take control.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. And I'm like a tall girl too,
Speaker 3: so it's just like, oh my god. Sometimes it's just
Speaker 3: like I feel like people just like others, like I
Speaker 3: feel like it's so stupid. It's so stupid. I feel
Speaker 3: like I'm basing so much on like my image, and
Speaker 3: I know I have a great person because I know.
Speaker 3: It's like it's like it's like I'm a good I
Speaker 3: think I'm a good conversationalist. Like people say, like I
Speaker 3: have charm and stuff, and they say all those nice things,
Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, it's like I'm
Speaker 3: not beautiful enough. I'm not like I don't fit thisthetic
Speaker 3: standards of like what's popular right now, which is like
Speaker 3: being a short, cute girl.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, mm hmm.
Speaker 3: This it's I sound so whiny and I know that,
Speaker 3: and I know, like it's like, oh it's not I
Speaker 3: know I sound like envious, and it's true, I am envious.
Speaker 3: I wish I was just like I wish I had
Speaker 3: the kind of face that was like cute and like
Speaker 3: makes you want to take care of it. But like
Speaker 3: I feel like I have like this really stern face
Speaker 3: and it's like I can't change it, you know, I
Speaker 3: have to work with what I got. And yeah, I
Speaker 3: don't know.
Speaker 1: My my my brother in Christ, I have. I have
Speaker 1: been there. I have hated my appearance. Uh and for
Speaker 1: lots of times over the course of my life and
Speaker 1: in recent history. I really really really it's weird. I
Speaker 1: uh So, a couple of days ago, I've been trying.
Speaker 1: I've been trying to go out into New York a
Speaker 1: lot more and like do stuff. And I went to
Speaker 1: this thing on Saturday. It was like a it's called
Speaker 1: a formation circle. Like there's like a reading and then
Speaker 1: everyone talks about it. Uh there's a reading about enoughness
Speaker 1: and it was like this idea of like when will
Speaker 1: you ever be enough? And we talked about it and
Speaker 1: I have It's another fucking paradox. It's another fucking paradox
Speaker 1: because on on one hand, I'm very practical and very logical,
Speaker 1: and I like, and you know, you take up some
Speaker 1: power in that right because you go, Okay, I have
Speaker 1: the power to make my appearance better. And I have
Speaker 1: the power to, like, you know, get shredded, as you say,
Speaker 1: And that's the little power I'm gonna take. And I
Speaker 1: don't think that's I don't think that's bad. I think
Speaker 1: it's good if you to make positive life changes for yourself.
Speaker 1: But then on the flip side of that, the internal universe,
Speaker 1: I don't think you can do it by hating yourself
Speaker 1: the whole time. And I think you do need to
Speaker 1: like accept the way you have to, like accept the
Speaker 1: things you can't change, accept your height, accept your what
Speaker 1: you look like, no, and know that you can change
Speaker 1: things about how you look, and know that you can
Speaker 1: make more positive decisions and there are things in which
Speaker 1: you have control. But you also need to balance that
Speaker 1: with some acceptance so that you're not just fucking walking
Speaker 1: around hating yourself all the time, because that's not healthy.
Speaker 1: Like it's like going to the gym and losing weight
Speaker 1: and doing all that stuff is healthy, But so is
Speaker 1: accepting yourself and not hating yourself and not being stressed
Speaker 1: and anxious all the time. That's healthy too. So it's
Speaker 1: kind of a it's a weird balance you got to
Speaker 1: kind of you kind of kind.
Speaker 3: Of kind of reach yeah, I guess like hating myself
Speaker 3: hasn't like transformed me. Well, I don't know. I feel
Speaker 3: like I grow the most when I throw myself in
Speaker 3: the water, like in the ocean and in certain scenarios,
Speaker 3: Like I feel like I used to be like really
Speaker 3: introverted until like I got this job where I had
Speaker 3: to do a lot of public speaking, and then I
Speaker 3: feel like that forever altered my personality or like cracked
Speaker 3: my shell, and like I feel like I need to
Speaker 3: like make this change or something something dramatic to change
Speaker 3: the course of my life in a good way. And
Speaker 3: like I'm just like I just blame myself. I'm like,
Speaker 3: why haven't I done that already? Why haven't I gotten
Speaker 3: shredded already? Like because there's plenty of people who themselves
Speaker 3: into being better. So I don't know, it's I can't
Speaker 3: conceive or the thought of like well even it sounds
Speaker 3: cringey to say, but loving yourself sounds so like just
Speaker 3: like woo woo to me, and like but like kind
Speaker 3: of just seeing yourself as like enough, I feel like
Speaker 3: it's more attainable and maybe I guess that could.
Speaker 1: Work on I know exactly, I know the I I
Speaker 1: similarly have felt like this, like the rejection of wanting
Speaker 1: to love yourself because it seems like woooo. But like,
Speaker 1: I just have been thinking about this stuff, and lately
Speaker 1: I do think that you can have both. You can
Speaker 1: love yourself and feel woo about the world and blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, but also be like, well, I got to
Speaker 1: kind of fucking do ship too, you know, Like I've
Speaker 1: been trying to. I've been trying to not be in
Speaker 1: a rush anymore and trying to have I'm trying to
Speaker 1: be anxious less and that might make me a little
Speaker 1: bit less productive. I don't know, I'm still a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff is kind of uh. I talked about that
Speaker 1: either last episode or a couple episodes ago.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but do you get you get high a lot
Speaker 3: still or ever? I can't remember, but like I think
Speaker 3: I like there was just like one time you said
Speaker 3: on a on a show that like you've gotten maybe
Speaker 3: high twice on a show. And and but the reason
Speaker 3: why I bring this all up is because like I
Speaker 3: find myself getting high a lot to like try to.
Speaker 3: I don't know, I feel like I'm in a more accepting,
Speaker 3: free thinking mode and so like I'll make a lot
Speaker 3: of changes and feel like I have more free will
Speaker 3: when I when I'm high, I'll try to I'll try
Speaker 3: to like motivate myself to make these changes. Like recently,
Speaker 3: like last week, I went on like a four mile walk,
Speaker 3: just like totally high and listening to any and stuff
Speaker 3: and like it. Like I was like, hey, if I
Speaker 3: could just get high and just walk four miles every day,
Speaker 3: then maybe all this weight will fall off and then
Speaker 3: I'll be like this totally brand new person. And I
Speaker 3: don't know. Anyways, I find myself getting high a lot
Speaker 3: to just do things, and lately it's been backfiring and
Speaker 3: instead I get like into this whole like spiral of
Speaker 3: like hating myself. So now I'm like, well, fuck, well,
Speaker 3: how do I motivate myself to like become to kill,
Speaker 3: to still keep living, to still like try you know,
Speaker 3: like right now, the meds, I'm on, uh, they make
Speaker 3: it a lot easier to deal with these thoughts, but
Speaker 3: the thoughts are still there and they they still hold
Speaker 3: me down. But I'm not like, you know, suicidal at least, so.
Speaker 1: Yes, I still get high. I still get high a lot.
Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna I was. I got a
Speaker 1: little nervous because I thought you were gonna say something
Speaker 1: like you said in one of your early podcasts that
Speaker 1: you were quitting weed.
Speaker 3: Did you.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Maybe I hope that's That's what sucks.
Speaker 1: That's one of the that's one of the downsides of
Speaker 1: just saying whatever into a microphone is that people will
Speaker 1: be like, hey, remember two months ago you said you
Speaker 1: were gonna do this, and you just fucking totally didn't
Speaker 1: do it at.
Speaker 3: All, And you have to be like, dude, you freaked out.
Speaker 3: You freaked out when like there was a caller like
Speaker 3: a couple episodes ago that was like quoting you, and
Speaker 3: like the way it made you feel uncomfortable was kind
Speaker 3: of funny because I would also feel I would also
Speaker 3: not want my words thrown back at me.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't at all, but I listened. Any
Speaker 1: time I want, I can destroy all of the I
Speaker 1: can just hit the XP. I can never have to
Speaker 1: go on the internet ever again if I don't want to.
Speaker 3: We would be sad if you did that.
Speaker 1: Uh, you know, I don't plan on doing that. But anyway, anyway,
Speaker 1: what's your name again? You've told me I about five times,
Speaker 1: but ya Rayah. Well, Riyah. Well, I'll actually I would.
Speaker 1: There's one thing I do want to mention about this is,
Speaker 1: you know, it's interesting to hear you say, like, uh,
Speaker 1: it's interesting to hear like a woman's perspective on this
Speaker 1: because like myself and a lot of other like guys
Speaker 1: that I know have also been on the whole train
Speaker 1: of like, you know, I need to get shredded before
Speaker 1: like I put myself back out there. And I think
Speaker 1: with with dating in general, there's all these like I
Speaker 1: mean you go on like Twitter or threads or whatever,
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of like gender wars about it
Speaker 1: and whatnot. But I think when you get down to it,
Speaker 1: it's like the emotions surrounding this process and the feelings
Speaker 1: and the thoughts and the ideas they are universal and
Speaker 1: I think shared by both genders a lot more of
Speaker 1: the feelings and the emotions. Obviously there's things that are
Speaker 1: like specific to the male experience and to the female experience,
Speaker 1: but I think there's a lot more that is shared
Speaker 1: than is talked about or acknowledged.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like, no, I totally agree with that,
Speaker 3: Like I don't really see I don't really see gender. No,
Speaker 3: I mean, like I know, that there's like gender like
Speaker 3: stuff and issues, but like in general, like for instance, romantically,
Speaker 3: when I like look at a person, like I'm like
Speaker 3: trying to see them for them, like I'm not. I
Speaker 3: don't really see it as like man versus women in
Speaker 3: this like whole like being on like trying to find
Speaker 3: someone to have in your life romantically, because I think
Speaker 3: that just works against us. I mean, if we just
Speaker 3: saw each other as people, like maybe most of these
Speaker 3: issues wouldn't exist. Of Like, yeah, I don't know. I
Speaker 3: think it's a system working against us if we like
Speaker 3: think of it in like a gendered manner of like oh,
Speaker 3: all men are like this or all women are like this, Like.
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, definitely not helping anyone. Well, right, are you
Speaker 1: still in the hallway of your apartment, dude? Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: I hope that whoever's coming to let you out come soon.
Speaker 1: Thanks for thanks for sharing your your lived experience. Thanks
Speaker 1: for talking on the phone.
Speaker 3: Yeah for talking on the phone with me about it,
Speaker 3: Like it's nice that you're not like trying to like
Speaker 3: give me like diluted advice or anything and just talking
Speaker 3: about your experience with that as well. Like I feel
Speaker 3: like that's more real than you know, people just being
Speaker 3: like be positive.
Speaker 1: You know, if I had any good solutions for you,
Speaker 1: I would Well, I guess we talked about a few,
Speaker 1: but uh, you know, I guess we're all just trying
Speaker 1: to figure it out. Ray, Is there anything else you
Speaker 1: want to say to the people of the computer before
Speaker 1: we go, or any other anything that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you for listening and thank you for accepting
Speaker 3: my call. And I hope everyone doesn't feel lonely and
Speaker 3: find someone. Have a good night, rya bye.
Speaker 1: Damn it. Okay, I was trying to think of a
Speaker 1: post call thought. By any post call thought I would
Speaker 1: have had would have just been me regurgitating things that
Speaker 1: I already said over the course of the of the call.
Speaker 1: I don't have any new information to add as a
Speaker 1: post call thought. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the
Speaker 1: end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a
Speaker 1: bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour
Speaker 1: of the podcast that you can listen to. By becoming
Speaker 1: a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy Gecko
Speaker 1: dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes.
Speaker 1: They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the
Speaker 1: regular show. They get recordings from my live shows, members
Speaker 1: only streams, and they help support my ability to continue
Speaker 1: doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's
Speaker 1: members only bonus episode. So he had a watch that
Speaker 1: was worth two two hundred. You know it was worth
Speaker 1: two hundred? You low ball them fifty bucks?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you putting a lot of situations while working at
Speaker 1: the pawnshop that you feel morally questionable about?
Speaker 3: No, it's about it like ripping people off with the money,
Speaker 3: and that's about it.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. What kinds of stuff do you? Is there
Speaker 1: anything in the pawnshop you think I might like that
Speaker 1: I should buy? Do you have gold teeth?
Speaker 3: Scull with teeth?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Gold teeth?
Speaker 2: Oh, gold teeth. I may we can make it for you,
Speaker 2: just for you.
Speaker 1: Can you make them green?
Speaker 3: I can make them any color you want.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm coming down there. If you want to
Speaker 1: hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become
Speaker 1: a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com
Speaker 1: or find the link in the episode description that's therapy
Speaker 1: Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing
Speaker 1: else to say. One never think get good starts, I
Speaker 1: just teaching new housing your life, but he's not really
Speaker 1: an expert.