WEBVTT - “DRONES HAVE RUINED MY LIFE”

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<v Speaker 1>Hello you. What's your name?

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<v Speaker 2>My name is Mo. Mo.

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<v Speaker 1>Have we ever spoken before.

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<v Speaker 2>Mel, No, we have not.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, Uh, I'm excited, Doug. Yeah, I'm excited too. It's uh.

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<v Speaker 1>I've said this before, but it's always crazy to me

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<v Speaker 1>that after four and a half years, I'm still there's

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<v Speaker 1>still new people calling in. So I'm happy to talk

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<v Speaker 1>to you.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well it's crazy. I've been listening to you for

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<v Speaker 2>a few years now. And I was like, let me

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<v Speaker 2>give him a call today. Life's been crazy. So let's see.

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<v Speaker 2>I did shrooms about three years ago and that kind

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<v Speaker 2>of gave me an identity crisis. And then about two

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<v Speaker 2>years ago, I got married. Everything's fine and dandy, and

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<v Speaker 2>I was, you know, going to work and II five

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<v Speaker 2>is coming home to a wife and I was like

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<v Speaker 2>happy what not? And I started hating my out just

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<v Speaker 2>out of nowhere. It just started hating my job. Funny enough,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm at the Youth and Family mental health counselor. So

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, I don't know, I don't feel like

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<v Speaker 2>it's my calling. So I started working on starting side business.

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<v Speaker 2>I got obsessed with droom footage, like videography, photography, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not gonna lie. I kind of put myself in

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<v Speaker 2>debt and it's a bit scary, but I'm having fun.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know, it's.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay, a lot to unpack there. There's a lot

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<v Speaker 1>to unpack there. How old are you?

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<v Speaker 2>I am twenty.

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<v Speaker 1>Six, twenty six okay, And you're married. Do you have

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<v Speaker 1>a kid?

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<v Speaker 2>Nope?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? When did you get married?

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<v Speaker 2>December of twenty twenty two.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? And you hate your job as a family mental

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<v Speaker 1>health counselor? You said, yep? And you're in debt from

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<v Speaker 1>buying drones?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>How much money and debt are you from buying drones?

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<v Speaker 2>Not an insane amount? I paid off most of it.

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<v Speaker 2>I was at some point about six thousand dollars in

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<v Speaker 2>debt now okay, two.

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<v Speaker 1>Five d okay, yea horrible. I've heard there's worst numbers.

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<v Speaker 1>But do you so? Are you living paycheck to paycheck.

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<v Speaker 2>Essentially? Yeah? Okay, you know, with paying off my debt

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<v Speaker 2>and everything, it's now paycheck, it's paycheck.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you make any money doing with the drum photography?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm kind of just building up a portfolio I started

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<v Speaker 2>at about two years ago. I picked up gigs here

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<v Speaker 2>and there, but I haven't broken like probably five hundred bucks.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, yeah, so so I guess I'm sorry. I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like I lost track. What do you this was this

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<v Speaker 1>what you wanted to talk about today?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>No, I'm definitely. I just I think right now, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just looking for direction in life, like I don't know,

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<v Speaker 2>and the hate for my job like has grown into

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<v Speaker 2>like I was never like this, right, I was always

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<v Speaker 2>like naive, kind, gentle, and now I'm kind of like,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what's the word. I wouldn't say hateful,

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<v Speaker 2>but discouraged and uh, envious sometimes I never felt envy

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<v Speaker 2>until about now, like or just like these weak negative

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<v Speaker 2>emotions and it's definitely affecting my marriage.

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<v Speaker 1>Who are you envious of? What are you envious of?

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<v Speaker 2>Just like you know, uh, people with the comfortable living

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<v Speaker 2>are like sometimes like I'll see somebody in the same

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<v Speaker 2>situation as me and I'll start talking shit about them,

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<v Speaker 2>which I have never done in my.

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<v Speaker 1>Life, someone like sa like like somebody like in debt

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<v Speaker 1>and you start talking about them.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't, like, dude, what are you talking about?

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<v Speaker 2>You know? Like when I'm like alone in bed at night,

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<v Speaker 2>I like reflect and I'm like, what are you on about? Right? Now, man,

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<v Speaker 2>like you should definitely like apologize.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, how is how is this affecting your marriage?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I feel like I've definitely spent a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of money since because I started this drum business

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<v Speaker 2>like six months after we got married, and I spent

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of money just down that rabbit hole of

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<v Speaker 2>wanting you know, the latest and greatest stuff. And now

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, shit, dude, you got to get it together

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<v Speaker 2>because you know, like my wife is like, you're spending

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<v Speaker 2>all this money on drunes and whatnot only and you

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<v Speaker 2>don't even make money off of it.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, you're right, yeah, I mean I'm with

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<v Speaker 1>her on that. I'm with her on that. Yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm with her on that, especially if you want to

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<v Speaker 1>you're talking about want to have kids soon?

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<v Speaker 2>Right, yeah, hopefully in the near future.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, So uh, I mean basic like personal finance shit,

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<v Speaker 1>you pay off your dabt, you make an emergency fund,

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<v Speaker 1>and then you invest whatever else you have on top

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<v Speaker 1>of that.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, like the thing is like I know how

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<v Speaker 2>to get myself, Like I've been in debt before and

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<v Speaker 2>then like before my marriage, I saved up about fifty

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<v Speaker 2>thousand dollars.

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<v Speaker 1>And where did.

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<v Speaker 2>Wedding stuff? I also put down a bit down payment

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<v Speaker 2>on a brand new car travel, you know, stuff like that,

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<v Speaker 2>instead of investing in the fucking roth Ira or putting

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<v Speaker 2>in his stocks or something. Yeah, it's kind.

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<v Speaker 1>Of what kind of what kind of car do you have?

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<v Speaker 2>I got a twenty twenty two Ford Bronco.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I'm not a car guy. Is that like a

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<v Speaker 1>nice car?

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<v Speaker 2>It's decent. It's like I like it a lot. It's

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<v Speaker 2>probably my favorite purchase.

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<v Speaker 1>How much did you but so it's not even you

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<v Speaker 1>still have a payment on the car?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>How much? How much is the car in total?

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<v Speaker 2>About forty five thousand?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? How much equity in the car do you have?

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<v Speaker 2>I put down I think about thirty thousand, so I

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<v Speaker 2>owe about fifteen thousand on it.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, could you theoretically I'm not trying to tell you

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<v Speaker 1>what to do with your life, but if you are

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<v Speaker 1>asking me, I do like figuring out these things. Could

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<v Speaker 1>you theoretically sell your car, buy a really, really really

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<v Speaker 1>the shitty used car, and then take the difference and

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<v Speaker 1>pay off the debt.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh one hundred percent. It's definitely something that I've been contemplating,

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<v Speaker 2>especially because you know, I initially bought the car because

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<v Speaker 2>there wasn't much of it they were having trouble with production.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, I'll buy this car, and push

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<v Speaker 2>comes to shove, I'll sell for a profit because at

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<v Speaker 2>that point, you know, it did sell for a profit.

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<v Speaker 2>But now like they made so much of it that.

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<v Speaker 1>How are you how are you going to sell?

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<v Speaker 3>Who?

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<v Speaker 1>Like you're planning to sell the car for a profit.

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<v Speaker 2>I was at some point, how do you?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't I mean again, I'm not a car guy,

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<v Speaker 1>but the car is like depreciate immediately.

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<v Speaker 2>So I bought it during the pandemic when there was

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<v Speaker 2>a chip shortage and they didn't produce much of the car,

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<v Speaker 2>so people were like had there was a wait list

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<v Speaker 2>to get the car at some point, and a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of people would pay extra for other people's cars to

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<v Speaker 2>get them so they don't have to wait in that

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<v Speaker 2>wait list. But now there is a weight list, there's anything.

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<v Speaker 1>It's do you want do you want? Do you want

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<v Speaker 1>my aunt? Do you want my honest opinion on do

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<v Speaker 1>you want my honest opinion on your personal finance situation?

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<v Speaker 1>Or or because I mean, oh no, yeah, man, you

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<v Speaker 1>should sell the fucking car and get out of debt

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<v Speaker 1>and just drive like a shitty car.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm definitely down to do that. I and

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<v Speaker 2>you know what also is kind of tough. So my

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<v Speaker 2>wife is Canadian and I live in the States. So

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<v Speaker 2>we live separately right now due to immigration stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh sure, And I thought you okay, I thought you

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<v Speaker 1>two were like living together.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>No, no, no, we've been living separately.

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<v Speaker 1>Where where do you live? Uh? Where do you live?

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<v Speaker 1>I live in Buffalo, New York and she's in Toronto.

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<v Speaker 2>She's a little bit south of Toronto and Hamilton.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so it's about Anna. So if you go. But

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<v Speaker 1>I thought, if you guys are married, doesn't she get

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<v Speaker 1>a green card?

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<v Speaker 2>That's what I thought. We we've been applying for like

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<v Speaker 2>I applied March of twenty twenty three, like because we

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<v Speaker 2>got married in December and we're figuring life out. She

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<v Speaker 2>needed to graduate and everything, so I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna apply as soon as she graduates. So I

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<v Speaker 2>applied March twenty twenty three, and we're still waiting for

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<v Speaker 2>a green card.

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<v Speaker 1>So how far is Hamilton from Buffalo?

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<v Speaker 2>About an hour and a half.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, Okay, so you got how often do you

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<v Speaker 1>see each.

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<v Speaker 2>Other every weekend?

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<v Speaker 1>Every week? Okay, that's cool, that's good. And she and

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<v Speaker 1>it's putting it and the financial shit is putting a

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<v Speaker 1>straand on your marriage because she's like, hey man, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>trying to start a life with you, so I need

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<v Speaker 1>you to not go into debt doing doing a bunch

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<v Speaker 1>of bullshit.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you know, like another stupid thing that we

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<v Speaker 2>did because I thought she was going to live with me,

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<v Speaker 2>is I leased an apartment, like a pretty solid apartment too,

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<v Speaker 2>And you.

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<v Speaker 1>Leased an apartment in Buffalo?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because I thought with me.

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<v Speaker 1>Is that where you live right now?

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<v Speaker 3>Not anymore?

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<v Speaker 2>I moved in with my parents to hopefully be able

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<v Speaker 2>to pay.

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<v Speaker 1>Off my debts. That's a great idea.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think you know, if push comes to shoves,

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<v Speaker 2>the car will be sold.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I mean yeah, dude, is the car is the car?

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<v Speaker 1>Tangentially making is your car, like tangibly making your life

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<v Speaker 1>better more than more than not having debt would.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, my debt isn't like an insane amount. It's about

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<v Speaker 2>three thousand dollars. If you know, I really budget, I

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<v Speaker 2>could pay it off.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, but yeah, I know, but you I know,

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<v Speaker 1>but you can, but you could put thirty thousand. But

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<v Speaker 1>you could put thirty thousand dollars in your pocket, use

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<v Speaker 1>three grand of that to pay off your debt, and

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<v Speaker 1>then go on like fucking Facebook, Marketplace or whatever and

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<v Speaker 1>find like some shitty ass car that you can drive

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<v Speaker 1>for Like what how much would that call?

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<v Speaker 2>Like?

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<v Speaker 1>At most? I don't know how much a used car

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<v Speaker 1>costs off the top of my head, but let's say it's.

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<v Speaker 2>Probably about more I have K for like a decent

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<v Speaker 2>beater car.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, all right, you get a beater car for five K,

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<v Speaker 1>and then you and then you have twenty two thousand dollars.

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<v Speaker 1>Now instead of being in dead you have You go

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<v Speaker 1>from having negative money to having twenty two thousand dollars.

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<v Speaker 1>Your wife is like, oh, this man makes sensible financial decisions.

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<v Speaker 1>She gets her shit together. You guys move in, you

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<v Speaker 1>can start doing a thing. You're a little bit closer

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<v Speaker 1>to having some uh you know, uh room to if

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<v Speaker 1>you hate your job so much, you have a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit of room to leave and go find a new one.

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<v Speaker 1>To me, I don't know, I'm not you. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>live your life, but these all sound like the better

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<v Speaker 1>things to have in your life. Than the car.

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<v Speaker 2>I think the separation is definitely the biggest issue with

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<v Speaker 2>our marriage, more than the finances. So we actually started

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<v Speaker 2>playing the jobs overseas and we're going through another their

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<v Speaker 2>government for another visa because my wife found a job

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<v Speaker 2>in Saudi Arabia. So we're gonna.

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<v Speaker 1>Sew Okay, So you're about to So you're you're about

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<v Speaker 1>to move to Saudi Okay, you're throwing a wrench. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>over here trying to go Dave Ramsey on you and

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<v Speaker 1>you're throwing a fucking So you guys are gonna move

0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:20.320
<v Speaker 1>to Saudi Arabia, Yeah, for like a.

0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:23.080
<v Speaker 2>Year until the US gets its shit together and we

0:14:23.120 --> 0:14:24.000
<v Speaker 2>can live together.

0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:27.200
<v Speaker 1>Okay. So you're gonna live together with her in Saudi

0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:30.320
<v Speaker 1>Arabia for a year. Yeah, what are you gonna do there?

0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:37.400
<v Speaker 2>I got family over there, so I've probably gonna, you know,

0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:42.320
<v Speaker 2>work in a family business for good. And she's a

0:14:42.400 --> 0:14:45.440
<v Speaker 2>nail technician, so she's gonna do a nail technician job

0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:46.120
<v Speaker 2>over there.

0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:48.640
<v Speaker 1>That sounds nice. So you're gonna sell the fucking car,

0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:50.040
<v Speaker 1>So you gotta sell that car anyway?

0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:52.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, all.

0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:55.920
<v Speaker 1>Right, okay, So don't you don't even need to convince

0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:58.080
<v Speaker 1>you of anything. You're you're already about to sell everything

0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:00.200
<v Speaker 1>I move go to Saudi Arabia.

0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:08.080
<v Speaker 2>It's literally bureaucracy that's kissing me off because it's like

0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:12.680
<v Speaker 2>I have to go through so many holes and doors

0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:15.320
<v Speaker 2>just to get a green card for my wife, and

0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:18.200
<v Speaker 2>now I'm trying to get her. We're trying to get

0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:21.040
<v Speaker 2>her visa to move overseas and we're doing the same

0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:27.080
<v Speaker 2>ship again. So we're like throwing a dart anywhere and

0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:29.600
<v Speaker 2>hoping it lands, so we could, you know, live together

0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:31.840
<v Speaker 2>and hopefully start a feeling.

0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:39.440
<v Speaker 1>Well, that's nice, that's nice. Sat Arabia seems like a

0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:41.800
<v Speaker 1>cool place. I want to go there at some point.

0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:44.160
<v Speaker 2>It's pretty I'm not worried.

0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:44.600
<v Speaker 3>I'm not worry.

0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:46.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm not worried about you anymore. I don't think I

0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:48.000
<v Speaker 1>think you're gonna be fine.

0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:52.640
<v Speaker 2>It's it's literally shut up and wait. But I hate waiting.

0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:58.040
<v Speaker 1>Now, Yeah, you just gotta wait.

0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:00.520
<v Speaker 3>You know, I've been.

0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:02.800
<v Speaker 2>Waiting for about a year and a half, two years ago,

0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:06.360
<v Speaker 2>so I'm like kind of sick of it. But that's

0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:11.000
<v Speaker 2>why I'm trying to find opportunities elsewhere. But I also

0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:12.440
<v Speaker 2>have to wait for those as well.

0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:18.360
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I mean what just sit in your parents just dude,

0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:21.480
<v Speaker 1>just sit in your parents' house and sell the car immediate.

0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:24.720
<v Speaker 1>Sell like that fucking car today. Get rid of that

0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:28.480
<v Speaker 1>fucking car. Get rid of the fucking car, hang out

0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:33.280
<v Speaker 1>in your parents place, and just save money.

0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:34.560
<v Speaker 2>Sounds reasonable.

0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:37.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And then and then eventually you'll go to Saudi

0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:42.000
<v Speaker 1>Arabia with your wife and you'll have you'll do fun

0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:43.000
<v Speaker 1>cool things.

0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:49.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. No, that that's the plane. I I cherish traveling,

0:16:50.440 --> 0:16:53.359
<v Speaker 2>and I feel like that would be a great experience

0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:53.960
<v Speaker 2>for us.

0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:56.880
<v Speaker 1>Okay, just one I'm gonna let you go, But just

0:16:56.920 --> 0:17:00.200
<v Speaker 1>one thing. If you really cherish traveling, if I were you,

0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:03.160
<v Speaker 1>I would like spend as little money as possible on

0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:08.640
<v Speaker 1>like the like uh you know, stuff, so you can

0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:11.320
<v Speaker 1>save it so you can have the freedom and flexibility

0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:13.399
<v Speaker 1>to travel. And you can still if you're if your

0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:16.280
<v Speaker 1>hobby is like drones and photography, you can still do it.

0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:20.439
<v Speaker 1>Just buy shitty versions of the things. Well at the end,

0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:21.960
<v Speaker 1>because at the end of the day, at the end

0:17:22.000 --> 0:17:24.560
<v Speaker 1>of the day, the expensive versions are not going to

0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:29.119
<v Speaker 1>be They're not gonna fill your soul or help with

0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:31.320
<v Speaker 1>your hobby as much as it's not going to be

0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:34.360
<v Speaker 1>a that tangential of a difference between the shitty ones.

0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:36.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, No. I definitely was like thinking, oh, I

0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:41.119
<v Speaker 2>could start a business. Then I was like, like, you know,

0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:44.760
<v Speaker 2>a year and a half, two years down the line, like, man,

0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:47.320
<v Speaker 2>you're an idiot. People could go to Walmart.

0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but buddy, start, dude, start your business with the

0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:54.320
<v Speaker 1>shitty equipment first, and then once the business starts, like,

0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:59.640
<v Speaker 1>don't like, start it with the shitty stuff first. Yeah,

0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:02.320
<v Speaker 1>and you don't don't like, if you want to go

0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:05.520
<v Speaker 1>into a business that has like a startup cost, just

0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:08.399
<v Speaker 1>go in with as little overhead as possible, especially if

0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:10.840
<v Speaker 1>you aren't making any money yet.

0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:13.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, very true.

0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean I mean this get go suit that cost

0:18:15.080 --> 0:18:17.920
<v Speaker 1>sixty dollars.

0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:21.560
<v Speaker 2>All right, Yeah, well that's that's fair. You know, I

0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:27.879
<v Speaker 2>appreciate you, Geck Ramsey, and I really I really enjoyed

0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:29.440
<v Speaker 2>this conversation with you.

0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:31.520
<v Speaker 1>You know, I really enjoyed this conversation with you too.

0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:33.080
<v Speaker 1>Go ahead, Sorry, what we're you gonna say?

0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:37.880
<v Speaker 2>I you know, I just felt very discouraged about myself

0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:41.280
<v Speaker 2>in my situation, and you know, you kind of just

0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:43.520
<v Speaker 2>let me know. Hey, you know, you just gotta wait

0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:44.800
<v Speaker 2>a bit. Things are going to get better.

0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:48.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, no, I think so. Yeah, you're fine. Man, you're fine.

0:18:49.040 --> 0:18:50.760
<v Speaker 1>I mean, sell that car and get out of dad.

0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:54.560
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, other than that, you're fine. You're fine. You

0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.120
<v Speaker 1>see you and your wife see each other every weekend.

0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:59.359
<v Speaker 1>If you if you guys were like living on different

0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:03.000
<v Speaker 1>if he was in like Alaska and you were in France,

0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:05.320
<v Speaker 1>then it would be one thing. But if you see

0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:08.040
<v Speaker 1>each other every weekend, you got a plan, You'll be

0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:10.760
<v Speaker 1>You're I'm not worried about you. As long as you

0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:11.320
<v Speaker 1>sell the car.

0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:16.480
<v Speaker 2>Well, I appreciate you. Man. That car will be sold soon.

0:19:17.880 --> 0:19:19.439
<v Speaker 1>It wouldn't it be funny if I bought it? If

0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:20.960
<v Speaker 1>I if I wanted you to sell it so I

0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:21.440
<v Speaker 1>could have.

0:19:21.359 --> 0:19:25.760
<v Speaker 2>It, I would be like, you better pick it up

0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:28.840
<v Speaker 2>in the get Go suit. That wouldn't be man.

0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:32.600
<v Speaker 1>Well, well, anyways, anything else? Is there any fun? You

0:19:32.640 --> 0:19:34.520
<v Speaker 1>want to say anything else before I hang up on you?

0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:38.280
<v Speaker 2>Oh? No, you know, I'm just I'm just happy to

0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:40.840
<v Speaker 2>talk to you. Been a fan for a few years,

0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:45.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's been It's been a great conversation. Thanks.

0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:48.280
<v Speaker 1>So what's your name again? Thanks?

0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:48.480
<v Speaker 3>Moe?

0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:58.600
<v Speaker 1>Take care? That was Mo? That was Mo. I don't

0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:00.760
<v Speaker 1>know I I I kind of black out for that guy.

0:20:00.800 --> 0:20:05.160
<v Speaker 1>That was a really chill conversation. I liked talking Tom out.

0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:07.200
<v Speaker 1>I hope he's gonna be fine.

0:20:09.920 --> 0:20:10.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:14.160
<v Speaker 1>I sold my car, and I fucking hated having a car.

0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:18.840
<v Speaker 1>I hate I really do, I really like uh. I mean,

0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:24.639
<v Speaker 1>New York is more expensive than other cities, but you

0:20:24.680 --> 0:20:27.840
<v Speaker 1>don't need a car, so it offsets a lot of

0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:34.119
<v Speaker 1>that cost. But I also I just just fucking hate

0:20:34.119 --> 0:20:37.640
<v Speaker 1>cars because I hate that. I hate that I might

0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:43.040
<v Speaker 1>kill someone. I can walk the entirety of New York

0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:46.639
<v Speaker 1>with a very little chance that I'll accidentally kill someone.

0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:49.680
<v Speaker 1>But if you're driving around in a city where there's

0:20:49.720 --> 0:20:52.439
<v Speaker 1>people walking, there's like a I looked at it. I

0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:54.920
<v Speaker 1>looked this up. I went on CHATCHYBT, I looked this up.

0:20:55.560 --> 0:21:02.320
<v Speaker 1>Uh about I think God, it's something like one pedestrian

0:21:03.080 --> 0:21:07.280
<v Speaker 1>dies every like three days in New York City or

0:21:07.320 --> 0:21:09.320
<v Speaker 1>two days. That might be completely wrong, but that's what

0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:12.480
<v Speaker 1>I think. I remember it saying, which is crazy because

0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:14.080
<v Speaker 1>I thought it would be way more. I thought at

0:21:14.160 --> 0:21:17.320
<v Speaker 1>least five people get killed by cars in New York

0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:21.800
<v Speaker 1>City every day, but apparently it's way less. But even then,

0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:24.960
<v Speaker 1>it's like so I guess there's but like like around

0:21:25.000 --> 0:21:29.359
<v Speaker 1>the fucking world, in the country and the universe. I mean,

0:21:29.359 --> 0:21:31.560
<v Speaker 1>people are getting fucking killed. But I hated having a

0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:39.119
<v Speaker 1>car and if I but sometimes you need one to

0:21:39.200 --> 0:21:42.320
<v Speaker 1>do stuff. But it's nice if you can live somewhere

0:21:42.359 --> 0:21:44.239
<v Speaker 1>that's not where you can just walk around and not

0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:48.520
<v Speaker 1>kill people. And then like you get a dent in

0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:51.280
<v Speaker 1>your car or like something goes wrong and you go

0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:54.880
<v Speaker 1>to the Jeffery loub where the deal like a little

0:21:54.920 --> 0:21:59.920
<v Speaker 1>like like there'll be like a little dent in your

0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:03.199
<v Speaker 1>car or something. And then you go to the people

0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:05.320
<v Speaker 1>and they're like, yeah, this is gonna cost about three

0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:10.040
<v Speaker 1>thousand dollars to fix, or you fuck up someone else's

0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:15.440
<v Speaker 1>car and it costs a billion. It's just so they're

0:22:15.480 --> 0:22:18.760
<v Speaker 1>just so expensive and annoying. And then you also you

0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:20.600
<v Speaker 1>get mail when you have a car. When you have

0:22:20.640 --> 0:22:25.919
<v Speaker 1>a car, you just get a piece of mail that

0:22:26.080 --> 0:22:30.680
<v Speaker 1>says you owe the Department of Motor Vehicles fifty dollars.

0:22:30.840 --> 0:22:34.240
<v Speaker 1>They'll just they just do that. They just send you

0:22:34.280 --> 0:22:37.680
<v Speaker 1>an invoice for fifty dollars just for no reason. There's

0:22:37.720 --> 0:22:41.520
<v Speaker 1>like a missions testing shit. Well they'll be like you

0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:44.399
<v Speaker 1>have to come in to get your car missions tested,

0:22:44.440 --> 0:22:47.040
<v Speaker 1>and it costs. It's just so annoy It's just an

0:22:47.080 --> 0:22:52.120
<v Speaker 1>annoying experience. But you need it in like everywhere you go,

0:22:54.640 --> 0:22:59.240
<v Speaker 1>so I don't know. My leg's chafed to that's one

0:22:59.280 --> 0:23:05.560
<v Speaker 1>of the trade offs. My eye of big fat, thick,

0:23:06.960 --> 0:23:14.119
<v Speaker 1>dowe piggy thighs, and they chafe when I walk, and

0:23:14.200 --> 0:23:18.600
<v Speaker 1>I feel bad. It makes me feel gross, And those

0:23:18.600 --> 0:23:20.320
<v Speaker 1>are those are the times where I'm like, you know,

0:23:20.440 --> 0:23:22.320
<v Speaker 1>it's it's worth it to have a car so that

0:23:22.359 --> 0:23:28.199
<v Speaker 1>I don't have to face my thighs scraping together. But

0:23:28.480 --> 0:23:34.560
<v Speaker 1>that's the cost, that's the cost. Hello, holy shit, Hello, Hi.

0:23:34.760 --> 0:23:35.400
<v Speaker 1>What's your name?

0:23:36.520 --> 0:23:41.280
<v Speaker 3>My name is Riyah. I'm like, I'm still flabergasted right now.

0:23:41.320 --> 0:23:41.960
<v Speaker 3>What the fuck?

0:23:42.080 --> 0:23:46.400
<v Speaker 1>I can't believe Riyah? What's up Ryan? How you doing?

0:23:46.720 --> 0:23:50.359
<v Speaker 3>H Dear? I'm locked down in my apartment right now

0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:53.040
<v Speaker 3>and I just have to like just such a long

0:23:53.119 --> 0:23:57.160
<v Speaker 3>shitty day at work, Like there's these all these old

0:23:57.200 --> 0:24:00.400
<v Speaker 3>people yelling at me, you trying to fix their organization,

0:24:01.080 --> 0:24:05.080
<v Speaker 3>and I haven't eaten all day and I've been in

0:24:05.119 --> 0:24:08.840
<v Speaker 3>a depression, like depression spial for the past I don't

0:24:08.840 --> 0:24:11.639
<v Speaker 3>know how long like, I think this is just a

0:24:11.720 --> 0:24:14.000
<v Speaker 3>bad day and I'm locked out of my apartment. I

0:24:14.000 --> 0:24:15.760
<v Speaker 3>can't even like I can't even go.

0:24:15.840 --> 0:24:20.400
<v Speaker 1>In, and like rut, Yeah, you sound very stressed out

0:24:20.560 --> 0:24:21.040
<v Speaker 1>right now.

0:24:23.000 --> 0:24:26.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I'm like waiting on maintenance to come and like

0:24:27.520 --> 0:24:31.840
<v Speaker 3>open my door. But I don't know. I don't know

0:24:31.840 --> 0:24:34.560
<v Speaker 3>when that's gonna happen. Last time it took them an hour.

0:24:36.040 --> 0:24:38.119
<v Speaker 1>Well can I ask you that? Do you have like

0:24:38.160 --> 0:24:40.640
<v Speaker 1>in your building? Is the hallway pretty? Is it?

0:24:40.720 --> 0:24:40.800
<v Speaker 3>Like?

0:24:40.840 --> 0:24:41.960
<v Speaker 1>What's the hallway look like?

0:24:43.600 --> 0:24:47.320
<v Speaker 3>Is the hallway pretty? No, it's like it's just like

0:24:48.560 --> 0:24:51.560
<v Speaker 3>there's like another neighbor and they're like right on the

0:24:51.880 --> 0:24:54.359
<v Speaker 3>like it's like a little corner, right, so it's my

0:24:54.520 --> 0:24:56.879
<v Speaker 3>door on one side of the corner, and then there

0:24:57.119 --> 0:25:02.200
<v Speaker 3>it's their door, and then there's a trash shoes and okay.

0:25:03.119 --> 0:25:06.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, what color are the walls.

0:25:07.760 --> 0:25:11.600
<v Speaker 3>Like a sea grayish blue?

0:25:12.520 --> 0:25:15.639
<v Speaker 1>Okay? Is there anything pretty about like the wall color

0:25:15.800 --> 0:25:19.040
<v Speaker 1>like that you can I'm not asking if it's like

0:25:19.080 --> 0:25:20.920
<v Speaker 1>a luxury building, but like can we look at a

0:25:20.960 --> 0:25:22.520
<v Speaker 1>color and be like that's a nice color.

0:25:24.600 --> 0:25:26.480
<v Speaker 3>I guess I think some people would look at it

0:25:26.520 --> 0:25:28.960
<v Speaker 3>and think it looks like a millennial gray a little bit.

0:25:30.040 --> 0:25:32.800
<v Speaker 3>It's an old building, so you know, they try to

0:25:32.880 --> 0:25:37.360
<v Speaker 3>like revamp it by coloring the walls. I don't know,

0:25:37.800 --> 0:25:40.280
<v Speaker 3>Like it's it's like I don't know how old this

0:25:40.359 --> 0:25:43.719
<v Speaker 3>building is, but it's like it's the kind of doors

0:25:43.760 --> 0:25:46.320
<v Speaker 3>where it's like if you if you walk out, the

0:25:46.359 --> 0:25:49.240
<v Speaker 3>door automatically locks behind you, and like I don't know

0:25:49.280 --> 0:25:50.959
<v Speaker 3>why they do that. Who's that helping?

0:25:52.320 --> 0:25:54.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Oh, if it makes you feeling it better. I've

0:25:54.760 --> 0:25:58.320
<v Speaker 1>locked myself out. I've one time locked myself out of

0:25:58.320 --> 0:26:01.960
<v Speaker 1>my apartment, had to go to the like leasing office

0:26:02.640 --> 0:26:07.040
<v Speaker 1>to have them let me back in, and then immediately

0:26:07.080 --> 0:26:10.280
<v Speaker 1>locked myself out again. I had to go down to

0:26:10.280 --> 0:26:12.280
<v Speaker 1>the leasing office to have them let me back in.

0:26:13.280 --> 0:26:16.520
<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, that's kind of silly.

0:26:17.560 --> 0:26:20.560
<v Speaker 1>So Riya, it's all right if you just want to

0:26:20.720 --> 0:26:23.119
<v Speaker 1>chitter chatter. But I'll ask you this. You sound like

0:26:23.160 --> 0:26:25.840
<v Speaker 1>you have a lot going on. Is there anything in

0:26:25.880 --> 0:26:28.720
<v Speaker 1>particular that you called in to want to talk about

0:26:28.760 --> 0:26:29.400
<v Speaker 1>anything at all?

0:26:30.600 --> 0:26:36.840
<v Speaker 3>You know, I am like really scared of like growing

0:26:36.880 --> 0:26:40.200
<v Speaker 3>alone and like losing my job and not knowing how

0:26:40.200 --> 0:26:44.880
<v Speaker 3>to take care of myself. And also I have this

0:26:45.000 --> 0:26:49.080
<v Speaker 3>like weird thing going on where like I feel like

0:26:49.119 --> 0:26:53.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm trying to day and find someone, and I don't

0:26:53.560 --> 0:26:57.720
<v Speaker 3>even know if I like people I like. I don't

0:26:57.760 --> 0:27:00.119
<v Speaker 3>know if there's just like a storm of thoughts I

0:27:00.119 --> 0:27:03.119
<v Speaker 3>can just like spiral so quickly, and I don't know

0:27:03.119 --> 0:27:05.240
<v Speaker 3>where to begin because I never thought like i'd even

0:27:05.600 --> 0:27:08.080
<v Speaker 3>on the show, and like I've thought about it before.

0:27:08.119 --> 0:27:09.600
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, oh, what would I talk about?

0:27:09.720 --> 0:27:13.840
<v Speaker 1>But like, no, this is all Yeah, No, I saw you.

0:27:14.080 --> 0:27:16.359
<v Speaker 3>I saw you at your show. I saw you at

0:27:16.400 --> 0:27:17.800
<v Speaker 3>your show in Summerville.

0:27:18.920 --> 0:27:22.280
<v Speaker 1>Cool. Oh that was a long time, dude.

0:27:22.400 --> 0:27:24.720
<v Speaker 3>I didn't know what to tell you. I didn't know

0:27:24.720 --> 0:27:26.879
<v Speaker 3>what to say to you. Like I stayed afterwards to

0:27:26.920 --> 0:27:29.119
<v Speaker 3>talk to you, and all you said to me was

0:27:29.560 --> 0:27:31.640
<v Speaker 3>all you said to me was like you look colorful.

0:27:31.680 --> 0:27:34.399
<v Speaker 3>And I was like thanks, and then took a picture

0:27:34.600 --> 0:27:37.200
<v Speaker 3>and then left, and I felt like so lame.

0:27:37.359 --> 0:27:42.440
<v Speaker 1>I was like, no, I know, yeah, oh that was perfect.

0:27:42.920 --> 0:27:45.199
<v Speaker 1>So that was perfect. Well are you talking about the

0:27:45.200 --> 0:27:47.800
<v Speaker 1>one from earlier this year or from twenty twenty two,

0:27:49.280 --> 0:27:52.720
<v Speaker 1>because earlier this year, Oh, at that fucking at that

0:27:52.800 --> 0:27:54.119
<v Speaker 1>like community center place.

0:27:54.720 --> 0:27:58.359
<v Speaker 3>Yeah it looks like a cool right, that was cool?

0:27:58.640 --> 0:28:00.320
<v Speaker 1>That was cool. Yeah, with the clown guy.

0:28:01.760 --> 0:28:03.920
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, he annoyed me. I don't know.

0:28:06.119 --> 0:28:11.520
<v Speaker 1>Well anyway, anyway, Okay, first of all, just saying and

0:28:11.560 --> 0:28:16.680
<v Speaker 1>no reason. No, everything's all good. Everything's uh super chill.

0:28:18.240 --> 0:28:22.879
<v Speaker 1>Let's talk about this. So you're trying to date and

0:28:22.920 --> 0:28:26.320
<v Speaker 1>you're afraid that you are going to die alone and

0:28:26.440 --> 0:28:31.360
<v Speaker 1>grow up lonely forever and lose your job, and you're

0:28:31.400 --> 0:28:34.320
<v Speaker 1>just all these horrible things are going to happen to you.

0:28:34.440 --> 0:28:36.399
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, when you say it back to me, it sounds

0:28:36.480 --> 0:28:39.960
<v Speaker 3>really like lame, and I'm kind of embarrassed, like.

0:28:42.000 --> 0:28:46.080
<v Speaker 1>Hold hold on right, Well, so first of all, don't

0:28:46.080 --> 0:28:49.320
<v Speaker 1>feel lame, because I just need you to know I

0:28:49.360 --> 0:28:54.680
<v Speaker 1>am also, on a daily basis afraid that all of

0:28:54.720 --> 0:28:58.400
<v Speaker 1>the same things will happen to me. So you don't

0:28:58.520 --> 0:29:05.160
<v Speaker 1>need to feel lame. Are you afraid that your friends

0:29:05.160 --> 0:29:05.960
<v Speaker 1>are gonna.

0:29:05.800 --> 0:29:09.960
<v Speaker 3>Hear this a little bit? Like I feel like people

0:29:10.000 --> 0:29:14.400
<v Speaker 3>look at me and like pity me, and so yeah,

0:29:15.160 --> 0:29:18.440
<v Speaker 3>that's I guess I'm just adding to that image of

0:29:18.520 --> 0:29:23.440
<v Speaker 3>like a lame person, like I'm not the cool person

0:29:23.480 --> 0:29:24.320
<v Speaker 3>that they first met.

0:29:24.480 --> 0:29:30.560
<v Speaker 4>Like yeah, but but but the trying to build like uh,

0:29:31.520 --> 0:29:35.400
<v Speaker 4>like an image, your image isn't helpful to.

0:29:35.600 --> 0:29:37.920
<v Speaker 1>You and your actual life.

0:29:42.200 --> 0:29:42.880
<v Speaker 3>Wow.

0:29:42.880 --> 0:29:49.600
<v Speaker 1>Okay, well, because well hold on, I've there's so many

0:29:49.680 --> 0:29:51.960
<v Speaker 1>there's so many things I want to talk about with this.

0:29:52.480 --> 0:29:54.640
<v Speaker 1>Let's just start. Let's just start here. How how old

0:29:54.680 --> 0:29:54.920
<v Speaker 1>are you?

0:29:56.480 --> 0:29:58.520
<v Speaker 3>Twenty nine? I just turned twenty.

0:29:58.320 --> 0:30:03.080
<v Speaker 1>Nine, And are you like, are you like on the

0:30:03.160 --> 0:30:04.360
<v Speaker 1>dating apps and stuff?

0:30:05.280 --> 0:30:06.800
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's okay.

0:30:06.840 --> 0:30:09.960
<v Speaker 1>How's how's that going, dude?

0:30:10.000 --> 0:30:13.880
<v Speaker 3>I feel like every like normal like sae human person

0:30:14.080 --> 0:30:17.200
<v Speaker 3>like found each other when they were like twenty five

0:30:17.320 --> 0:30:19.800
<v Speaker 3>to twenty seven or something, and then they got married

0:30:19.920 --> 0:30:23.600
<v Speaker 3>and then now it's just like crazy people out here,

0:30:23.680 --> 0:30:27.000
<v Speaker 3>like like me, like, I'm I'm I'm not that crazy.

0:30:27.120 --> 0:30:29.000
<v Speaker 3>I don't think. I think I'm pretty normal. Like I

0:30:29.040 --> 0:30:31.600
<v Speaker 3>have a job, I live on my with a roommate,

0:30:31.920 --> 0:30:34.640
<v Speaker 3>Oh no, my own so, but I don't know. It

0:30:34.800 --> 0:30:37.440
<v Speaker 3>just feels like there's so many people who aren't in

0:30:37.520 --> 0:30:41.040
<v Speaker 3>touch with themselves and they're like thoughts that it makes

0:30:41.080 --> 0:30:43.440
<v Speaker 3>it hard to get to know them on a deeper level.

0:30:44.000 --> 0:30:45.200
<v Speaker 3>And it's tiring.

0:30:46.520 --> 0:30:50.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's very tiring. I'm no, I'm no expert on

0:30:51.120 --> 0:30:54.000
<v Speaker 1>success in this arena, but I'm an expert on failure

0:30:54.040 --> 0:30:57.320
<v Speaker 1>in this arena. And you know, I too, have you know,

0:30:57.360 --> 0:31:00.000
<v Speaker 1>I spent a lot of time on uh dating app

0:31:00.000 --> 0:31:05.880
<v Speaker 1>apps and whatnot, kind of trying to to find someone

0:31:05.960 --> 0:31:12.560
<v Speaker 1>into it. Just recently I deleted my presence on those

0:31:12.600 --> 0:31:16.480
<v Speaker 1>apps and I just decided to kind of try and

0:31:16.640 --> 0:31:22.320
<v Speaker 1>like find peace and be at peace with myself. And

0:31:22.560 --> 0:31:24.840
<v Speaker 1>I did that like a week or two ago when

0:31:24.840 --> 0:31:30.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling really good about it, and I felt like

0:31:32.520 --> 0:31:35.760
<v Speaker 1>I kind of feel like, well, you said, do you

0:31:35.800 --> 0:31:38.440
<v Speaker 1>feel crazy?

0:31:38.520 --> 0:31:41.880
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because it's like, why doesn't anyone like me? And

0:31:41.920 --> 0:31:46.360
<v Speaker 3>then when they do, all of a sudden there, yeah, yeah, how.

0:31:46.160 --> 0:31:47.200
<v Speaker 1>Long have you been trying?

0:31:48.720 --> 0:31:52.560
<v Speaker 3>I feel I've been trying for years. Like I feel

0:31:52.560 --> 0:31:55.800
<v Speaker 3>like I missed my window, Like my prime years were

0:31:55.880 --> 0:31:58.640
<v Speaker 3>during COVID when when I was like twenty five to

0:31:58.680 --> 0:32:01.680
<v Speaker 3>twenty seven or whatever, and like and I feel like

0:32:01.720 --> 0:32:05.360
<v Speaker 3>I just missed my time period. And like it doesn't

0:32:05.400 --> 0:32:09.120
<v Speaker 3>help that I'm a woman and there's these expectations and

0:32:09.240 --> 0:32:13.080
<v Speaker 3>like all these stereotypes about like you know, if you're

0:32:13.160 --> 0:32:17.120
<v Speaker 3>alone by like thirty or whatever, then there's something wrong

0:32:17.160 --> 0:32:20.160
<v Speaker 3>with you. And even if there isn't, well it doesn't matter,

0:32:20.520 --> 0:32:21.360
<v Speaker 3>like no one wants you.

0:32:22.480 --> 0:32:27.400
<v Speaker 1>Well, I mean, let's talk about do you like your

0:32:27.560 --> 0:32:31.640
<v Speaker 1>just in general, do you like your life?

0:32:32.000 --> 0:32:36.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, i'd say so. I think, yeah, I've got good

0:32:36.560 --> 0:32:42.560
<v Speaker 3>I've got good friends, Like they like are they're not

0:32:42.720 --> 0:32:45.960
<v Speaker 3>always there for me? Like okay, no, that's so rude

0:32:45.960 --> 0:32:49.680
<v Speaker 3>to say, so okay, no, they're they're there for me

0:32:50.040 --> 0:32:53.880
<v Speaker 3>and in the big moments, like they planned stuff for

0:32:53.960 --> 0:32:58.800
<v Speaker 3>my birthday, they like they talk to me about their struggles,

0:32:58.840 --> 0:33:01.000
<v Speaker 3>and that makes me feel good because I feel like

0:33:01.000 --> 0:33:03.800
<v Speaker 3>I'm getting to know them deeper and I can help

0:33:03.880 --> 0:33:08.040
<v Speaker 3>them out. And I just I think I just miss

0:33:08.760 --> 0:33:11.840
<v Speaker 3>what I'm missing from my life is having someone to

0:33:11.960 --> 0:33:17.240
<v Speaker 3>like build it with or like just experience moments together

0:33:17.320 --> 0:33:19.880
<v Speaker 3>and like have someone to reflect on them back with.

0:33:20.120 --> 0:33:23.480
<v Speaker 3>Like my friends they all have like partners, and it

0:33:23.600 --> 0:33:26.520
<v Speaker 3>just feels lonely because it feels like I'm not their

0:33:26.600 --> 0:33:31.240
<v Speaker 3>primary person, so like I'll never and like, I you know,

0:33:31.440 --> 0:33:34.680
<v Speaker 3>like I have this whole like thing about like relationship anarchy,

0:33:34.800 --> 0:33:37.320
<v Speaker 3>like I wish like everyone kind of like lived like

0:33:37.360 --> 0:33:40.720
<v Speaker 3>that where it's like their primary partner isn't actually the

0:33:40.840 --> 0:33:41.560
<v Speaker 3>primary partner.

0:33:41.800 --> 0:33:42.880
<v Speaker 1>Like yeah, I know what you mean.

0:33:43.800 --> 0:33:44.880
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I know.

0:33:45.080 --> 0:33:47.560
<v Speaker 1>No, when I know what you mean, you kind of

0:33:48.360 --> 0:33:51.880
<v Speaker 1>want to feel like, uh, yeah, it can be hard

0:33:51.880 --> 0:33:55.760
<v Speaker 1>when you feel like you're no one's like primary person, right,

0:33:55.760 --> 0:33:57.160
<v Speaker 1>because like you know, you can go you go out

0:33:57.200 --> 0:34:02.520
<v Speaker 1>with all your friends and like you know, you feel

0:34:02.600 --> 0:34:05.800
<v Speaker 1>very close to them, but still when you go home

0:34:05.880 --> 0:34:10.640
<v Speaker 1>and you kind of go into the uh, the the

0:34:10.640 --> 0:34:13.520
<v Speaker 1>the real depths of your life, you can kind of

0:34:13.560 --> 0:34:16.719
<v Speaker 1>feel alone and like there's no one else there. I

0:34:16.760 --> 0:34:20.440
<v Speaker 1>get what you think, now, yeah.

0:34:19.560 --> 0:34:22.080
<v Speaker 3>And I'm like I'll talk to a therapist and I'm

0:34:22.120 --> 0:34:25.319
<v Speaker 3>on medications and stuff, and like I've been doing this

0:34:25.360 --> 0:34:29.560
<v Speaker 3>for like like seven years now at least, and it's

0:34:29.640 --> 0:34:32.160
<v Speaker 3>just like it feels like when am I gonna like.

0:34:32.680 --> 0:34:34.799
<v Speaker 1>What do you when you do? Were you hold on?

0:34:34.880 --> 0:34:36.479
<v Speaker 1>You said you've been doing this for seven years?

0:34:36.560 --> 0:34:42.239
<v Speaker 3>Was that was this like the whole like going to

0:34:42.280 --> 0:34:46.160
<v Speaker 3>a therapist and doing individual therapy and group therapy and

0:34:46.480 --> 0:34:48.520
<v Speaker 3>all these vacations. It feels like it's like is there

0:34:48.600 --> 0:34:53.080
<v Speaker 3>something wrong with me? Like and like am I autistic?

0:34:53.200 --> 0:34:55.479
<v Speaker 3>Am I just not diagnosed? But like my therapist doesn't

0:34:55.480 --> 0:34:59.520
<v Speaker 3>become autistic, so I guess I'm not. But who knows?

0:35:00.080 --> 0:35:01.239
<v Speaker 3>M hm.

0:35:02.880 --> 0:35:03.279
<v Speaker 1>Hm hmm.

0:35:06.840 --> 0:35:09.920
<v Speaker 3>And like I feel like I have so much writing

0:35:10.040 --> 0:35:14.200
<v Speaker 3>on can I find someone to be happy with?

0:35:15.040 --> 0:35:20.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's the fucking yeah. But you understand, like, uh,

0:35:20.840 --> 0:35:23.839
<v Speaker 1>that's kind of I've I've really learned this, Like that's

0:35:23.880 --> 0:35:31.120
<v Speaker 1>there's a paradox there. This is a real paradox because, uh,

0:35:31.560 --> 0:35:35.960
<v Speaker 1>it's like when you have so much writing on trying

0:35:35.960 --> 0:35:43.279
<v Speaker 1>to find a relationship, I think it paradoxically keeps you

0:35:43.400 --> 0:35:48.080
<v Speaker 1>away from one and it also makes it It also

0:35:48.280 --> 0:35:50.680
<v Speaker 1>makes it so that, like I mean, if you're trying

0:35:50.719 --> 0:35:56.879
<v Speaker 1>to find somebody else, it's so hard because I really,

0:35:56.920 --> 0:36:00.520
<v Speaker 1>I strongly believe that like relationships, not just romantic but

0:36:00.560 --> 0:36:02.120
<v Speaker 1>just you know, the relationships you have with other people,

0:36:02.120 --> 0:36:06.440
<v Speaker 1>they're the gonna be the biggest source of happiness that

0:36:06.480 --> 0:36:08.439
<v Speaker 1>you have in your life. And by the way, I'm

0:36:08.480 --> 0:36:11.120
<v Speaker 1>not an expert on this stuff. I'm really fascinated by

0:36:11.120 --> 0:36:16.640
<v Speaker 1>this paradox and I'm really trying to kind of figure

0:36:16.680 --> 0:36:18.040
<v Speaker 1>it out, and I talk to a lot of people

0:36:18.080 --> 0:36:19.560
<v Speaker 1>about it, and I think a lot about it. The

0:36:19.600 --> 0:36:23.560
<v Speaker 1>paradox of like relationships that you have with other people, again,

0:36:23.640 --> 0:36:26.840
<v Speaker 1>not just romantic relationship anarchy, as you said, are some

0:36:26.960 --> 0:36:33.759
<v Speaker 1>of the biggest sources of happiness. And yet if you're

0:36:34.160 --> 0:36:38.759
<v Speaker 1>on the search for a romantic partner, but with the

0:36:38.760 --> 0:36:43.120
<v Speaker 1>context of I'm gonna find this person and they are

0:36:43.239 --> 0:36:46.400
<v Speaker 1>going to be the missing puzzle piece that makes me happy.

0:36:47.080 --> 0:36:53.319
<v Speaker 1>That's that's too much to put on someone else, you know,

0:36:53.520 --> 0:37:00.719
<v Speaker 1>that's an unreasonable request. Yeah, and it's gonna and it's

0:37:00.760 --> 0:37:03.759
<v Speaker 1>gonna and it's gonna fuck you. And even because I

0:37:03.840 --> 0:37:07.279
<v Speaker 1>even if you do find that person and you have

0:37:07.400 --> 0:37:13.360
<v Speaker 1>so much stock tied up in them, that's that feels

0:37:13.440 --> 0:37:17.440
<v Speaker 1>kind of dangerous to me. But it's a fucking uh

0:37:17.680 --> 0:37:22.359
<v Speaker 1>paradox because you should if you're gonna fucking like get

0:37:22.400 --> 0:37:25.200
<v Speaker 1>married to someone and you're gonna they're gonna be your

0:37:25.239 --> 0:37:27.839
<v Speaker 1>primary person and you're gonna build a life with them,

0:37:28.600 --> 0:37:31.960
<v Speaker 1>you should have a lot of stock in them. They

0:37:31.960 --> 0:37:35.400
<v Speaker 1>should be one of the primary things that make you happy.

0:37:35.680 --> 0:37:38.200
<v Speaker 1>So it's a weird paradox. I don't, I don't. I

0:37:38.200 --> 0:37:43.040
<v Speaker 1>don't know what to think about it, really, but uh, yeah.

0:37:42.520 --> 0:37:45.239
<v Speaker 3>I feel like the dating apps aren't really designed to

0:37:45.360 --> 0:37:49.960
<v Speaker 3>actually make you or help you like find other people,

0:37:51.640 --> 0:37:54.000
<v Speaker 3>like because I don't see any incentive for them to

0:37:54.040 --> 0:37:56.759
<v Speaker 3>do that really, because don't they want to keep you

0:37:56.800 --> 0:37:59.839
<v Speaker 3>on the app? So like, and like, I don't know,

0:38:00.280 --> 0:38:04.200
<v Speaker 3>there is I don't know it feels all kind of

0:38:04.200 --> 0:38:08.040
<v Speaker 3>hopeless and it's hard not to let it get to you.

0:38:08.320 --> 0:38:11.120
<v Speaker 3>And I try to fill my life with hobbies and things,

0:38:11.200 --> 0:38:15.959
<v Speaker 3>and it seems like I'm like eternally trying to find

0:38:16.000 --> 0:38:19.799
<v Speaker 3>something else to fulfill me, and I don't know what

0:38:19.880 --> 0:38:24.919
<v Speaker 3>I'm doing with my time, like, and it doesn't help

0:38:25.000 --> 0:38:27.520
<v Speaker 3>that like my family is all like my dad's like

0:38:27.960 --> 0:38:32.000
<v Speaker 3>he's super like hardcore Muslim, and I grew up pardcore

0:38:32.160 --> 0:38:37.200
<v Speaker 3>Muslim and I've like gone against like everything he's ever

0:38:37.440 --> 0:38:41.040
<v Speaker 3>taught me. And so like whenever I visit home or

0:38:41.160 --> 0:38:43.719
<v Speaker 3>whenever it's a phone call, it's always about like, let

0:38:43.719 --> 0:38:47.720
<v Speaker 3>me find a Muslim man for you and then everything

0:38:47.719 --> 0:38:51.479
<v Speaker 3>will be fine. And it's just like I don't really

0:38:51.520 --> 0:38:53.520
<v Speaker 3>care about the Muslim part so much. It's just that

0:38:53.680 --> 0:38:59.520
<v Speaker 3>like there's so many like traditionalists who are usually Muslim,

0:39:00.200 --> 0:39:06.880
<v Speaker 3>like they're not like chill, like they're I don't know,

0:39:06.920 --> 0:39:13.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm getting into different topics, but yeah, y, I don't

0:39:13.560 --> 0:39:16.120
<v Speaker 3>know if it's making sense right now. Sorry I'm bothering you.

0:39:16.600 --> 0:39:20.520
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, I'm just thinking. No, I'm just thinking about, uh,

0:39:22.400 --> 0:39:30.359
<v Speaker 1>your situation. It's not an uncommon situation. Yeah, I don't know,

0:39:31.080 --> 0:39:31.840
<v Speaker 1>do you have friends.

0:39:33.880 --> 0:39:38.560
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I have friends. They're like you know, I have

0:39:38.680 --> 0:39:41.880
<v Speaker 3>my Discord friends that I like gamed with during COVID

0:39:42.000 --> 0:39:46.879
<v Speaker 3>and I've like met them all in person, and they're

0:39:46.880 --> 0:39:50.000
<v Speaker 3>all across the US, and but we don't really talk

0:39:50.080 --> 0:39:53.880
<v Speaker 3>too much anymore, Like it feels like, you know, everyone's

0:39:53.880 --> 0:39:55.680
<v Speaker 3>got their own lives going on. But we catch up

0:39:55.719 --> 0:39:57.960
<v Speaker 3>every now and then, maybe sometimes I go on a trip.

0:39:59.440 --> 0:40:03.520
<v Speaker 3>I have some friends here in my city and they're

0:40:03.880 --> 0:40:06.640
<v Speaker 3>they're cool. Like I try to see some I try

0:40:06.640 --> 0:40:09.200
<v Speaker 3>to do like a social acts, like meet up with

0:40:09.239 --> 0:40:12.480
<v Speaker 3>one of my friends, like every week at least, like

0:40:12.560 --> 0:40:14.760
<v Speaker 3>I try to because I feel like it's really easy

0:40:14.800 --> 0:40:17.279
<v Speaker 3>for me to self isolate. So I try to plan

0:40:17.400 --> 0:40:21.720
<v Speaker 3>things ahead with people, and I'll try to use dates

0:40:21.760 --> 0:40:25.400
<v Speaker 3>as well as a way to be social. But going

0:40:25.440 --> 0:40:28.800
<v Speaker 3>on dates isn't as it doesn't fill my cup as much.

0:40:28.640 --> 0:40:36.040
<v Speaker 5>As no, you know, yeah, well, how when's the last

0:40:36.040 --> 0:40:38.120
<v Speaker 5>time you just quit all your dating apps and you

0:40:38.120 --> 0:40:38.839
<v Speaker 5>were like, I'm just.

0:40:38.760 --> 0:40:42.359
<v Speaker 3>Not doing this for a little while, literally literally like

0:40:42.600 --> 0:40:43.439
<v Speaker 3>three days ago.

0:40:44.719 --> 0:40:47.279
<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, okay, so three okay, so you so you

0:40:47.560 --> 0:40:49.920
<v Speaker 1>so you did that three days ago and then but

0:40:49.960 --> 0:40:50.880
<v Speaker 1>I've done it before.

0:40:51.520 --> 0:40:54.759
<v Speaker 3>I've deleted. I deleted many times before and then got

0:40:54.880 --> 0:40:55.480
<v Speaker 3>back on it.

0:40:56.160 --> 0:40:58.440
<v Speaker 1>What's the longest streak you've gone not being on it?

0:41:02.239 --> 0:41:08.080
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, like maybe like seven eight.

0:41:07.920 --> 0:41:11.360
<v Speaker 1>Months, Okay. Do you feel happier during that time?

0:41:13.880 --> 0:41:17.799
<v Speaker 3>I think so. I think like it's kind of like

0:41:17.840 --> 0:41:23.680
<v Speaker 3>a feeling of resignation of like this, this isn't working.

0:41:23.760 --> 0:41:25.560
<v Speaker 3>I know it's not gonna work, so I'm not gonna

0:41:26.480 --> 0:41:30.319
<v Speaker 3>be on there and so but it's not like, oh,

0:41:30.360 --> 0:41:32.319
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to try to find someone in real life.

0:41:32.320 --> 0:41:32.920
<v Speaker 3>It's more like.

0:41:33.040 --> 0:41:36.480
<v Speaker 1>It's such a it's such a I really, I just

0:41:36.640 --> 0:41:39.759
<v Speaker 1>I empathize with you. It's such a weird fucking paradox

0:41:40.560 --> 0:41:45.040
<v Speaker 1>of like the people you're support you you I by

0:41:45.080 --> 0:41:48.279
<v Speaker 1>the way, I believe you. You like so weird fucking

0:41:48.320 --> 0:41:53.560
<v Speaker 1>paradox of like trying to find happiness alone. But then

0:41:53.600 --> 0:41:56.839
<v Speaker 1>if you're happy alone, why would you need why would

0:41:56.880 --> 0:41:59.040
<v Speaker 1>you want another person? But then if you find another

0:41:59.080 --> 0:42:02.120
<v Speaker 1>per it's just it's just a weird paradox that I

0:42:02.400 --> 0:42:06.719
<v Speaker 1>don't I don't have any answers to. But if it

0:42:06.719 --> 0:42:09.960
<v Speaker 1>makes you feel any better at all, you are not

0:42:10.120 --> 0:42:14.960
<v Speaker 1>the only one, uh trying to figure out this paradox.

0:42:15.960 --> 0:42:18.440
<v Speaker 3>Do you do you ever get caught up in your

0:42:18.800 --> 0:42:22.799
<v Speaker 3>image as like a person outside of like the lizard suit, Like,

0:42:23.520 --> 0:42:28.000
<v Speaker 3>do you ever think, like, oh, maybe if I was like, Okay,

0:42:28.320 --> 0:42:33.240
<v Speaker 3>these are I'm projecting, Like like basically my thoughts are like, Okay,

0:42:33.280 --> 0:42:36.839
<v Speaker 3>if I worked out more, if I like just like

0:42:37.200 --> 0:42:41.680
<v Speaker 3>got totally shredded, then I would find yeah, yes, yes,

0:42:41.760 --> 0:42:44.640
<v Speaker 3>And then it's like because I'm because I'm not getting shredded.

0:42:44.920 --> 0:42:47.360
<v Speaker 3>It's my own fault that I haven't found anyone. But

0:42:47.480 --> 0:42:50.520
<v Speaker 3>I know that I've like I've been in relationships before.

0:42:50.560 --> 0:42:54.439
<v Speaker 3>It's been three more than three years, I think since

0:42:54.520 --> 0:42:56.680
<v Speaker 3>my last relationship. So it makes me feel like, oh

0:42:56.680 --> 0:42:59.120
<v Speaker 3>my god, oh my god, that was it. I didn't

0:42:59.160 --> 0:43:01.560
<v Speaker 3>even know like that was my last one. And I'm

0:43:01.560 --> 0:43:06.640
<v Speaker 3>not gonna find anyone anymore, you know, And I've never

0:43:06.680 --> 0:43:10.560
<v Speaker 3>been shredded, but like, yes, But.

0:43:10.640 --> 0:43:15.480
<v Speaker 1>To answer your question, what's your name again, Riya Riya?

0:43:15.760 --> 0:43:18.919
<v Speaker 1>To answer your question for just hilarious that I feel

0:43:18.960 --> 0:43:25.279
<v Speaker 1>extremely called out right now in a good way. I literally, yeah,

0:43:25.320 --> 0:43:28.280
<v Speaker 1>I deleted my dating apps and stuff like a week ago,

0:43:28.840 --> 0:43:32.680
<v Speaker 1>and I was absolutely of the mindset of like, Okay,

0:43:33.040 --> 0:43:35.680
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna get shredded first and then we'll come back.

0:43:37.880 --> 0:43:41.560
<v Speaker 1>I literally was I no, I literally I deleted them

0:43:41.600 --> 0:43:44.680
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, Okay, we're not coming back to

0:43:44.719 --> 0:43:47.120
<v Speaker 1>this until we get shredded or.

0:43:47.120 --> 0:43:50.040
<v Speaker 3>Because it's not gonna be But I do that every time.

0:43:50.480 --> 0:43:54.040
<v Speaker 3>I do that every time, and then like I'll be like, okay,

0:43:54.160 --> 0:43:57.759
<v Speaker 3>I'm not that dad. Let me just like download and

0:43:57.840 --> 0:43:59.520
<v Speaker 3>just see what's out there, and then I end up

0:43:59.520 --> 0:44:01.320
<v Speaker 3>back on my That's how that happened.

0:44:01.400 --> 0:44:05.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Oh man, Oh, you're completely ruining the idea that

0:44:05.680 --> 0:44:07.680
<v Speaker 1>I had that things will be different when I return.

0:44:08.600 --> 0:44:12.359
<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry, No, it's okay. I think it's good. I

0:44:12.400 --> 0:44:16.160
<v Speaker 1>think it's good. Yes, I have done that same thing.

0:44:16.239 --> 0:44:17.959
<v Speaker 1>I think a lot of people do that same thing.

0:44:19.040 --> 0:44:25.279
<v Speaker 1>The second part though, the second part of like what

0:44:25.400 --> 0:44:26.840
<v Speaker 1>was the second part of the thing. It was like,

0:44:26.920 --> 0:44:28.560
<v Speaker 1>if I'm not I'll never find someone.

0:44:29.880 --> 0:44:33.040
<v Speaker 3>Oh, if I'm not shredded, then I won't find someone

0:44:33.080 --> 0:44:35.839
<v Speaker 3>because and it's like and because I'm not shreaded, that's

0:44:35.880 --> 0:44:38.319
<v Speaker 3>my own choice of not being shredded, and so that

0:44:38.440 --> 0:44:41.440
<v Speaker 3>means it's my own choice that I'm not finding anyone.

0:44:43.600 --> 0:44:47.200
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I have followed down that path of logic before

0:44:48.200 --> 0:44:52.919
<v Speaker 1>how much of it do I believe I believe about

0:44:53.440 --> 0:44:55.920
<v Speaker 1>I would. I'm not going to go like motivational on

0:44:56.000 --> 0:44:58.160
<v Speaker 1>you and say that I don't believe those things about myself,

0:44:58.200 --> 0:45:03.719
<v Speaker 1>because I would that would be hypocritic of me. I mean,

0:45:03.840 --> 0:45:05.719
<v Speaker 1>is I think. I mean it is a choice. I

0:45:05.760 --> 0:45:10.919
<v Speaker 1>think to not be like in shape, But I think

0:45:10.960 --> 0:45:14.959
<v Speaker 1>that's uh, I look at it. I mean for myself.

0:45:15.000 --> 0:45:17.120
<v Speaker 1>I mean, look, I'm like fucking you know, I went,

0:45:17.200 --> 0:45:20.960
<v Speaker 1>I did my BMI today, I'm about three points over obese.

0:45:21.640 --> 0:45:24.960
<v Speaker 1>Uh is it my choice? Yeah, it's my choice. And

0:45:25.239 --> 0:45:27.240
<v Speaker 1>to say it was, to say it's not my choice

0:45:27.880 --> 0:45:35.200
<v Speaker 1>would not be helpful to me, because then I take

0:45:35.239 --> 0:45:38.440
<v Speaker 1>the power away from my because you feel I assume

0:45:38.480 --> 0:45:45.160
<v Speaker 1>you feel powerless in your in your journey and you're

0:45:45.239 --> 0:45:48.960
<v Speaker 1>clinging to things that you think, Okay, I can do

0:45:49.400 --> 0:45:55.040
<v Speaker 1>this to influence this journey in which I feel powerless.

0:45:55.040 --> 0:45:57.000
<v Speaker 1>This is a little bit of power I can take back.

0:45:58.960 --> 0:46:01.160
<v Speaker 1>That's how That's how I feel when I say to

0:46:01.400 --> 0:46:03.200
<v Speaker 1>my when I you know, have the same thoughts that

0:46:03.239 --> 0:46:04.200
<v Speaker 1>you're talking about, where.

0:46:04.080 --> 0:46:06.080
<v Speaker 3>It's like yeah, and then you get it gives you

0:46:06.120 --> 0:46:07.000
<v Speaker 3>a glimmer of hope.

0:46:07.200 --> 0:46:09.000
<v Speaker 1>It gives you a glimmer of hope. But that's and

0:46:09.040 --> 0:46:11.520
<v Speaker 1>that's what you need it. You need to find some

0:46:11.760 --> 0:46:16.360
<v Speaker 1>fucking avenue in which you feel like you can take control.

0:46:18.640 --> 0:46:26.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I don't know. And I'm like a tall girl too,

0:46:26.120 --> 0:46:29.560
<v Speaker 3>so it's just like, oh my god. Sometimes it's just

0:46:29.600 --> 0:46:34.080
<v Speaker 3>like I feel like people just like others, like I

0:46:34.120 --> 0:46:37.200
<v Speaker 3>feel like it's so stupid. It's so stupid. I feel

0:46:37.200 --> 0:46:41.719
<v Speaker 3>like I'm basing so much on like my image, and

0:46:42.480 --> 0:46:44.840
<v Speaker 3>I know I have a great person because I know.

0:46:45.160 --> 0:46:48.360
<v Speaker 3>It's like it's like it's like I'm a good I

0:46:48.400 --> 0:46:51.440
<v Speaker 3>think I'm a good conversationalist. Like people say, like I

0:46:51.520 --> 0:46:54.160
<v Speaker 3>have charm and stuff, and they say all those nice things,

0:46:54.239 --> 0:46:56.439
<v Speaker 3>but at the end of the day, it's like I'm

0:46:56.480 --> 0:46:59.880
<v Speaker 3>not beautiful enough. I'm not like I don't fit thisthetic

0:47:00.160 --> 0:47:03.520
<v Speaker 3>standards of like what's popular right now, which is like

0:47:04.719 --> 0:47:06.600
<v Speaker 3>being a short, cute girl.

0:47:08.520 --> 0:47:11.080
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmmm, mm hmm.

0:47:12.280 --> 0:47:15.000
<v Speaker 3>This it's I sound so whiny and I know that,

0:47:15.400 --> 0:47:18.960
<v Speaker 3>and I know, like it's like, oh it's not I

0:47:19.000 --> 0:47:22.240
<v Speaker 3>know I sound like envious, and it's true, I am envious.

0:47:22.280 --> 0:47:24.319
<v Speaker 3>I wish I was just like I wish I had

0:47:24.320 --> 0:47:26.319
<v Speaker 3>the kind of face that was like cute and like

0:47:26.440 --> 0:47:27.799
<v Speaker 3>makes you want to take care of it. But like

0:47:27.880 --> 0:47:30.160
<v Speaker 3>I feel like I have like this really stern face

0:47:30.280 --> 0:47:32.960
<v Speaker 3>and it's like I can't change it, you know, I

0:47:32.960 --> 0:47:38.719
<v Speaker 3>have to work with what I got. And yeah, I

0:47:38.719 --> 0:47:39.200
<v Speaker 3>don't know.

0:47:39.840 --> 0:47:42.319
<v Speaker 1>My my my brother in Christ, I have. I have

0:47:42.480 --> 0:47:48.800
<v Speaker 1>been there. I have hated my appearance. Uh and for

0:47:49.480 --> 0:47:52.319
<v Speaker 1>lots of times over the course of my life and

0:47:52.880 --> 0:48:03.200
<v Speaker 1>in recent history. I really really really it's weird. I

0:48:03.400 --> 0:48:07.280
<v Speaker 1>uh So, a couple of days ago, I've been trying.

0:48:07.320 --> 0:48:10.239
<v Speaker 1>I've been trying to go out into New York a

0:48:10.239 --> 0:48:12.520
<v Speaker 1>lot more and like do stuff. And I went to

0:48:12.560 --> 0:48:15.520
<v Speaker 1>this thing on Saturday. It was like a it's called

0:48:15.520 --> 0:48:18.920
<v Speaker 1>a formation circle. Like there's like a reading and then

0:48:19.040 --> 0:48:23.440
<v Speaker 1>everyone talks about it. Uh there's a reading about enoughness

0:48:24.000 --> 0:48:26.200
<v Speaker 1>and it was like this idea of like when will

0:48:26.239 --> 0:48:31.359
<v Speaker 1>you ever be enough? And we talked about it and

0:48:31.680 --> 0:48:36.320
<v Speaker 1>I have It's another fucking paradox. It's another fucking paradox

0:48:36.360 --> 0:48:42.640
<v Speaker 1>because on on one hand, I'm very practical and very logical,

0:48:42.760 --> 0:48:45.200
<v Speaker 1>and I like, and you know, you take up some

0:48:45.239 --> 0:48:48.400
<v Speaker 1>power in that right because you go, Okay, I have

0:48:48.520 --> 0:48:51.160
<v Speaker 1>the power to make my appearance better. And I have

0:48:51.239 --> 0:48:55.680
<v Speaker 1>the power to, like, you know, get shredded, as you say,

0:48:55.760 --> 0:48:58.120
<v Speaker 1>And that's the little power I'm gonna take. And I

0:48:58.120 --> 0:49:01.000
<v Speaker 1>don't think that's I don't think that's bad. I think

0:49:01.080 --> 0:49:05.240
<v Speaker 1>it's good if you to make positive life changes for yourself.

0:49:06.080 --> 0:49:11.560
<v Speaker 1>But then on the flip side of that, the internal universe,

0:49:12.520 --> 0:49:16.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't think you can do it by hating yourself

0:49:16.239 --> 0:49:19.120
<v Speaker 1>the whole time. And I think you do need to

0:49:19.239 --> 0:49:22.960
<v Speaker 1>like accept the way you have to, like accept the

0:49:23.000 --> 0:49:27.600
<v Speaker 1>things you can't change, accept your height, accept your what

0:49:27.640 --> 0:49:32.160
<v Speaker 1>you look like, no, and know that you can change

0:49:32.200 --> 0:49:34.280
<v Speaker 1>things about how you look, and know that you can

0:49:36.480 --> 0:49:40.680
<v Speaker 1>make more positive decisions and there are things in which

0:49:40.719 --> 0:49:45.600
<v Speaker 1>you have control. But you also need to balance that

0:49:45.640 --> 0:49:48.800
<v Speaker 1>with some acceptance so that you're not just fucking walking

0:49:48.840 --> 0:49:51.840
<v Speaker 1>around hating yourself all the time, because that's not healthy.

0:49:52.960 --> 0:49:55.879
<v Speaker 1>Like it's like going to the gym and losing weight

0:49:55.920 --> 0:49:59.000
<v Speaker 1>and doing all that stuff is healthy, But so is

0:49:59.080 --> 0:50:02.720
<v Speaker 1>accepting yourself and not hating yourself and not being stressed

0:50:02.719 --> 0:50:06.200
<v Speaker 1>and anxious all the time. That's healthy too. So it's

0:50:06.440 --> 0:50:08.719
<v Speaker 1>kind of a it's a weird balance you got to

0:50:08.800 --> 0:50:10.040
<v Speaker 1>kind of you kind of kind.

0:50:09.840 --> 0:50:14.600
<v Speaker 3>Of kind of reach yeah, I guess like hating myself

0:50:14.719 --> 0:50:21.120
<v Speaker 3>hasn't like transformed me. Well, I don't know. I feel

0:50:21.160 --> 0:50:23.160
<v Speaker 3>like I grow the most when I throw myself in

0:50:23.239 --> 0:50:26.400
<v Speaker 3>the water, like in the ocean and in certain scenarios,

0:50:26.480 --> 0:50:28.280
<v Speaker 3>Like I feel like I used to be like really

0:50:28.320 --> 0:50:31.279
<v Speaker 3>introverted until like I got this job where I had

0:50:31.320 --> 0:50:33.880
<v Speaker 3>to do a lot of public speaking, and then I

0:50:33.880 --> 0:50:37.640
<v Speaker 3>feel like that forever altered my personality or like cracked

0:50:37.640 --> 0:50:41.279
<v Speaker 3>my shell, and like I feel like I need to

0:50:41.360 --> 0:50:45.640
<v Speaker 3>like make this change or something something dramatic to change

0:50:45.680 --> 0:50:49.239
<v Speaker 3>the course of my life in a good way. And

0:50:50.880 --> 0:50:54.279
<v Speaker 3>like I'm just like I just blame myself. I'm like,

0:50:54.320 --> 0:50:56.600
<v Speaker 3>why haven't I done that already? Why haven't I gotten

0:50:56.640 --> 0:51:00.719
<v Speaker 3>shredded already? Like because there's plenty of people who themselves

0:51:00.719 --> 0:51:05.400
<v Speaker 3>into being better. So I don't know, it's I can't

0:51:05.480 --> 0:51:13.080
<v Speaker 3>conceive or the thought of like well even it sounds

0:51:13.160 --> 0:51:18.440
<v Speaker 3>cringey to say, but loving yourself sounds so like just

0:51:18.680 --> 0:51:23.080
<v Speaker 3>like woo woo to me, and like but like kind

0:51:23.080 --> 0:51:25.920
<v Speaker 3>of just seeing yourself as like enough, I feel like

0:51:25.960 --> 0:51:31.440
<v Speaker 3>it's more attainable and maybe I guess that could.

0:51:31.239 --> 0:51:35.560
<v Speaker 1>Work on I know exactly, I know the I I

0:51:35.760 --> 0:51:44.720
<v Speaker 1>similarly have felt like this, like the rejection of wanting

0:51:44.760 --> 0:51:49.080
<v Speaker 1>to love yourself because it seems like woooo. But like,

0:51:49.280 --> 0:51:51.120
<v Speaker 1>I just have been thinking about this stuff, and lately

0:51:51.160 --> 0:51:55.479
<v Speaker 1>I do think that you can have both. You can

0:51:55.600 --> 0:51:58.279
<v Speaker 1>love yourself and feel woo about the world and blah

0:51:58.320 --> 0:52:01.400
<v Speaker 1>blah blah, but also be like, well, I got to

0:52:01.480 --> 0:52:07.080
<v Speaker 1>kind of fucking do ship too, you know, Like I've

0:52:07.080 --> 0:52:09.640
<v Speaker 1>been trying to. I've been trying to not be in

0:52:09.640 --> 0:52:13.960
<v Speaker 1>a rush anymore and trying to have I'm trying to

0:52:13.960 --> 0:52:18.560
<v Speaker 1>be anxious less and that might make me a little

0:52:18.560 --> 0:52:20.560
<v Speaker 1>bit less productive. I don't know, I'm still a lot

0:52:20.600 --> 0:52:22.719
<v Speaker 1>of stuff is kind of uh. I talked about that

0:52:23.280 --> 0:52:25.439
<v Speaker 1>either last episode or a couple episodes ago.

0:52:27.080 --> 0:52:30.879
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but do you get you get high a lot

0:52:31.000 --> 0:52:34.279
<v Speaker 3>still or ever? I can't remember, but like I think

0:52:34.320 --> 0:52:36.399
<v Speaker 3>I like there was just like one time you said

0:52:36.440 --> 0:52:40.280
<v Speaker 3>on a on a show that like you've gotten maybe

0:52:40.760 --> 0:52:46.000
<v Speaker 3>high twice on a show. And and but the reason

0:52:46.040 --> 0:52:47.960
<v Speaker 3>why I bring this all up is because like I

0:52:48.000 --> 0:52:50.440
<v Speaker 3>find myself getting high a lot to like try to.

0:52:51.160 --> 0:52:53.120
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, I feel like I'm in a more accepting,

0:52:53.480 --> 0:52:56.160
<v Speaker 3>free thinking mode and so like I'll make a lot

0:52:56.160 --> 0:52:58.279
<v Speaker 3>of changes and feel like I have more free will

0:52:58.320 --> 0:53:01.640
<v Speaker 3>when I when I'm high, I'll try to I'll try

0:53:01.680 --> 0:53:04.920
<v Speaker 3>to like motivate myself to make these changes. Like recently,

0:53:05.000 --> 0:53:07.560
<v Speaker 3>like last week, I went on like a four mile walk,

0:53:07.760 --> 0:53:10.280
<v Speaker 3>just like totally high and listening to any and stuff

0:53:10.320 --> 0:53:12.799
<v Speaker 3>and like it. Like I was like, hey, if I

0:53:12.800 --> 0:53:15.879
<v Speaker 3>could just get high and just walk four miles every day,

0:53:15.920 --> 0:53:17.880
<v Speaker 3>then maybe all this weight will fall off and then

0:53:17.920 --> 0:53:22.239
<v Speaker 3>I'll be like this totally brand new person. And I

0:53:22.239 --> 0:53:25.520
<v Speaker 3>don't know. Anyways, I find myself getting high a lot

0:53:26.000 --> 0:53:31.520
<v Speaker 3>to just do things, and lately it's been backfiring and

0:53:31.800 --> 0:53:35.600
<v Speaker 3>instead I get like into this whole like spiral of

0:53:35.800 --> 0:53:38.680
<v Speaker 3>like hating myself. So now I'm like, well, fuck, well,

0:53:38.880 --> 0:53:42.960
<v Speaker 3>how do I motivate myself to like become to kill,

0:53:43.160 --> 0:53:47.600
<v Speaker 3>to still keep living, to still like try you know,

0:53:48.440 --> 0:53:51.480
<v Speaker 3>like right now, the meds, I'm on, uh, they make

0:53:51.560 --> 0:53:53.880
<v Speaker 3>it a lot easier to deal with these thoughts, but

0:53:53.920 --> 0:53:56.600
<v Speaker 3>the thoughts are still there and they they still hold

0:53:56.640 --> 0:54:03.879
<v Speaker 3>me down. But I'm not like, you know, suicidal at least, so.

0:54:08.239 --> 0:54:10.399
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I still get high. I still get high a lot.

0:54:10.480 --> 0:54:12.160
<v Speaker 1>I thought you were gonna I was. I got a

0:54:12.160 --> 0:54:14.200
<v Speaker 1>little nervous because I thought you were gonna say something

0:54:14.320 --> 0:54:16.799
<v Speaker 1>like you said in one of your early podcasts that

0:54:16.800 --> 0:54:17.760
<v Speaker 1>you were quitting weed.

0:54:20.160 --> 0:54:20.480
<v Speaker 3>Did you.

0:54:20.760 --> 0:54:23.520
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, Maybe I hope that's That's what sucks.

0:54:24.040 --> 0:54:26.120
<v Speaker 1>That's one of the that's one of the downsides of

0:54:26.600 --> 0:54:30.480
<v Speaker 1>just saying whatever into a microphone is that people will

0:54:30.520 --> 0:54:32.560
<v Speaker 1>be like, hey, remember two months ago you said you

0:54:32.560 --> 0:54:34.840
<v Speaker 1>were gonna do this, and you just fucking totally didn't

0:54:34.840 --> 0:54:35.520
<v Speaker 1>do it at.

0:54:35.400 --> 0:54:38.520
<v Speaker 3>All, And you have to be like, dude, you freaked out.

0:54:38.719 --> 0:54:41.000
<v Speaker 3>You freaked out when like there was a caller like

0:54:41.080 --> 0:54:44.239
<v Speaker 3>a couple episodes ago that was like quoting you, and

0:54:44.320 --> 0:54:47.480
<v Speaker 3>like the way it made you feel uncomfortable was kind

0:54:47.520 --> 0:54:50.920
<v Speaker 3>of funny because I would also feel I would also

0:54:51.000 --> 0:54:52.719
<v Speaker 3>not want my words thrown back at me.

0:54:53.400 --> 0:54:56.879
<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't at all, but I listened. Any

0:54:56.960 --> 0:55:00.319
<v Speaker 1>time I want, I can destroy all of the I

0:55:00.320 --> 0:55:03.400
<v Speaker 1>can just hit the XP. I can never have to

0:55:03.400 --> 0:55:05.239
<v Speaker 1>go on the internet ever again if I don't want to.

0:55:06.640 --> 0:55:08.160
<v Speaker 3>We would be sad if you did that.

0:55:10.080 --> 0:55:15.600
<v Speaker 1>Uh, you know, I don't plan on doing that. But anyway, anyway,

0:55:17.320 --> 0:55:19.880
<v Speaker 1>what's your name again? You've told me I about five times,

0:55:19.920 --> 0:55:25.839
<v Speaker 1>but ya Rayah. Well, Riyah. Well, I'll actually I would.

0:55:25.840 --> 0:55:27.880
<v Speaker 1>There's one thing I do want to mention about this is,

0:55:29.239 --> 0:55:35.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's interesting to hear you say, like, uh,

0:55:36.400 --> 0:55:38.960
<v Speaker 1>it's interesting to hear like a woman's perspective on this

0:55:39.520 --> 0:55:42.800
<v Speaker 1>because like myself and a lot of other like guys

0:55:42.800 --> 0:55:44.399
<v Speaker 1>that I know have also been on the whole train

0:55:44.440 --> 0:55:48.080
<v Speaker 1>of like, you know, I need to get shredded before

0:55:49.360 --> 0:55:51.879
<v Speaker 1>like I put myself back out there. And I think

0:55:51.920 --> 0:55:56.640
<v Speaker 1>with with dating in general, there's all these like I

0:55:56.680 --> 0:55:59.280
<v Speaker 1>mean you go on like Twitter or threads or whatever,

0:55:59.320 --> 0:56:02.719
<v Speaker 1>and there's a lot of like gender wars about it

0:56:02.920 --> 0:56:07.480
<v Speaker 1>and whatnot. But I think when you get down to it,

0:56:07.480 --> 0:56:14.160
<v Speaker 1>it's like the emotions surrounding this process and the feelings

0:56:14.200 --> 0:56:18.640
<v Speaker 1>and the thoughts and the ideas they are universal and

0:56:18.960 --> 0:56:23.120
<v Speaker 1>I think shared by both genders a lot more of

0:56:23.160 --> 0:56:27.520
<v Speaker 1>the feelings and the emotions. Obviously there's things that are

0:56:29.200 --> 0:56:33.600
<v Speaker 1>like specific to the male experience and to the female experience,

0:56:33.640 --> 0:56:37.960
<v Speaker 1>but I think there's a lot more that is shared

0:56:38.680 --> 0:56:41.000
<v Speaker 1>than is talked about or acknowledged.

0:56:41.200 --> 0:56:45.239
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I feel like, no, I totally agree with that,

0:56:45.320 --> 0:56:49.600
<v Speaker 3>Like I don't really see I don't really see gender. No,

0:56:49.760 --> 0:56:52.160
<v Speaker 3>I mean, like I know, that there's like gender like

0:56:53.600 --> 0:56:58.360
<v Speaker 3>stuff and issues, but like in general, like for instance, romantically,

0:56:58.360 --> 0:57:00.600
<v Speaker 3>when I like look at a person, like I'm like

0:57:00.920 --> 0:57:04.000
<v Speaker 3>trying to see them for them, like I'm not. I

0:57:04.000 --> 0:57:06.520
<v Speaker 3>don't really see it as like man versus women in

0:57:06.560 --> 0:57:09.320
<v Speaker 3>this like whole like being on like trying to find

0:57:09.360 --> 0:57:13.719
<v Speaker 3>someone to have in your life romantically, because I think

0:57:13.760 --> 0:57:15.840
<v Speaker 3>that just works against us. I mean, if we just

0:57:15.880 --> 0:57:18.959
<v Speaker 3>saw each other as people, like maybe most of these

0:57:19.000 --> 0:57:23.240
<v Speaker 3>issues wouldn't exist. Of Like, yeah, I don't know. I

0:57:23.280 --> 0:57:25.560
<v Speaker 3>think it's a system working against us if we like

0:57:25.680 --> 0:57:28.919
<v Speaker 3>think of it in like a gendered manner of like oh,

0:57:29.080 --> 0:57:31.760
<v Speaker 3>all men are like this or all women are like this, Like.

0:57:32.000 --> 0:57:37.680
<v Speaker 1>Sure, yeah, definitely not helping anyone. Well, right, are you

0:57:37.760 --> 0:57:43.080
<v Speaker 1>still in the hallway of your apartment, dude? Yeah, Well,

0:57:45.000 --> 0:57:48.520
<v Speaker 1>I hope that whoever's coming to let you out come soon.

0:57:51.040 --> 0:57:57.240
<v Speaker 1>Thanks for thanks for sharing your your lived experience. Thanks

0:57:57.280 --> 0:57:58.960
<v Speaker 1>for talking on the phone.

0:57:59.560 --> 0:58:02.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah for talking on the phone with me about it,

0:58:02.160 --> 0:58:04.400
<v Speaker 3>Like it's nice that you're not like trying to like

0:58:05.360 --> 0:58:08.480
<v Speaker 3>give me like diluted advice or anything and just talking

0:58:08.480 --> 0:58:12.240
<v Speaker 3>about your experience with that as well. Like I feel

0:58:12.240 --> 0:58:17.000
<v Speaker 3>like that's more real than you know, people just being

0:58:17.080 --> 0:58:18.280
<v Speaker 3>like be positive.

0:58:18.680 --> 0:58:22.680
<v Speaker 1>You know, if I had any good solutions for you,

0:58:22.800 --> 0:58:25.280
<v Speaker 1>I would Well, I guess we talked about a few,

0:58:25.480 --> 0:58:28.400
<v Speaker 1>but uh, you know, I guess we're all just trying

0:58:28.400 --> 0:58:31.160
<v Speaker 1>to figure it out. Ray, Is there anything else you

0:58:31.160 --> 0:58:32.680
<v Speaker 1>want to say to the people of the computer before

0:58:32.680 --> 0:58:34.480
<v Speaker 1>we go, or any other anything that.

0:58:35.400 --> 0:58:42.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, thank you for listening and thank you for accepting

0:58:42.440 --> 0:58:48.520
<v Speaker 3>my call. And I hope everyone doesn't feel lonely and

0:58:48.760 --> 0:58:53.560
<v Speaker 3>find someone. Have a good night, rya bye.

0:58:57.120 --> 0:58:58.360
<v Speaker 1>Damn it. Okay, I was trying to think of a

0:58:58.360 --> 0:59:01.479
<v Speaker 1>post call thought. By any post call thought I would

0:59:01.480 --> 0:59:06.160
<v Speaker 1>have had would have just been me regurgitating things that

0:59:06.200 --> 0:59:10.240
<v Speaker 1>I already said over the course of the of the call.

0:59:12.520 --> 0:59:16.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't have any new information to add as a

0:59:16.160 --> 0:59:19.760
<v Speaker 1>post call thought. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the

0:59:19.920 --> 0:59:23.520
<v Speaker 1>end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a

0:59:23.720 --> 0:59:28.880
<v Speaker 1>bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour

0:59:29.240 --> 0:59:32.240
<v Speaker 1>of the podcast that you can listen to. By becoming

0:59:32.280 --> 0:59:36.800
<v Speaker 1>a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy Gecko

0:59:36.880 --> 0:59:42.040
<v Speaker 1>dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes.

0:59:42.240 --> 0:59:45.280
<v Speaker 1>They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the

0:59:45.320 --> 0:59:49.120
<v Speaker 1>regular show. They get recordings from my live shows, members

0:59:49.160 --> 0:59:52.480
<v Speaker 1>only streams, and they help support my ability to continue

0:59:52.560 --> 0:59:56.200
<v Speaker 1>doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's

0:59:56.520 --> 0:59:59.480
<v Speaker 1>members only bonus episode. So he had a watch that

0:59:59.520 --> 1:00:01.600
<v Speaker 1>was worth two two hundred. You know it was worth

1:00:01.600 --> 1:00:04.120
<v Speaker 1>two hundred? You low ball them fifty bucks?

1:00:05.240 --> 1:00:05.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

1:00:05.840 --> 1:00:07.840
<v Speaker 1>Are you putting a lot of situations while working at

1:00:07.840 --> 1:00:10.320
<v Speaker 1>the pawnshop that you feel morally questionable about?

1:00:12.080 --> 1:00:15.320
<v Speaker 3>No, it's about it like ripping people off with the money,

1:00:15.320 --> 1:00:16.439
<v Speaker 3>and that's about it.

1:00:17.320 --> 1:00:19.480
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm. What kinds of stuff do you? Is there

1:00:19.480 --> 1:00:21.720
<v Speaker 1>anything in the pawnshop you think I might like that

1:00:21.760 --> 1:00:23.560
<v Speaker 1>I should buy? Do you have gold teeth?

1:00:25.360 --> 1:00:26.120
<v Speaker 3>Scull with teeth?

1:00:26.760 --> 1:00:27.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Gold teeth?

1:00:28.760 --> 1:00:31.520
<v Speaker 2>Oh, gold teeth. I may we can make it for you,

1:00:31.960 --> 1:00:32.280
<v Speaker 2>just for you.

1:00:32.400 --> 1:00:33.240
<v Speaker 1>Can you make them green?

1:00:34.960 --> 1:00:36.360
<v Speaker 3>I can make them any color you want.

1:00:36.880 --> 1:00:38.680
<v Speaker 1>All right, I'm coming down there. If you want to

1:00:38.720 --> 1:00:41.120
<v Speaker 1>hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become

1:00:41.120 --> 1:00:45.680
<v Speaker 1>a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com

1:00:46.160 --> 1:00:49.680
<v Speaker 1>or find the link in the episode description that's therapy

1:00:49.800 --> 1:00:54.360
<v Speaker 1>Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing

1:00:54.400 --> 1:01:02.240
<v Speaker 1>else to say. One never think get good starts, I

1:01:02.680 --> 1:01:06.280
<v Speaker 1>just teaching new housing your life, but he's not really

1:01:06.440 --> 1:01:07.280
<v Speaker 1>an expert.