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Speaker 1: Hello you. What's your name?

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Speaker 2: My name is Mo. Mo.

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Speaker 1: Have we ever spoken before.

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Speaker 2: Mel, No, we have not.

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Speaker 1: Well, Uh, I'm excited, Doug. Yeah, I'm excited too. It's uh.

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Speaker 1: I've said this before, but it's always crazy to me

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Speaker 1: that after four and a half years, I'm still there's

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Speaker 1: still new people calling in. So I'm happy to talk

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Speaker 1: to you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well it's crazy. I've been listening to you for

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Speaker 2: a few years now. And I was like, let me

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Speaker 2: give him a call today. Life's been crazy. So let's see.

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Speaker 2: I did shrooms about three years ago and that kind

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Speaker 2: of gave me an identity crisis. And then about two

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Speaker 2: years ago, I got married. Everything's fine and dandy, and

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Speaker 2: I was, you know, going to work and II five

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Speaker 2: is coming home to a wife and I was like

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Speaker 2: happy what not? And I started hating my out just

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Speaker 2: out of nowhere. It just started hating my job. Funny enough,

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Speaker 2: I'm at the Youth and Family mental health counselor. So

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Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know, I don't feel like

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Speaker 2: it's my calling. So I started working on starting side business.

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Speaker 2: I got obsessed with droom footage, like videography, photography, and

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie. I kind of put myself in

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Speaker 2: debt and it's a bit scary, but I'm having fun.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, it's.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, a lot to unpack there. There's a lot

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Speaker 1: to unpack there. How old are you?

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Speaker 2: I am twenty.

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Speaker 1: Six, twenty six okay, And you're married. Do you have

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Speaker 1: a kid?

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Speaker 2: Nope?

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Speaker 1: Okay? When did you get married?

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Speaker 2: December of twenty twenty two.

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Speaker 1: Okay? And you hate your job as a family mental

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Speaker 1: health counselor? You said, yep? And you're in debt from

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Speaker 1: buying drones?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: How much money and debt are you from buying drones?

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Speaker 2: Not an insane amount? I paid off most of it.

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Speaker 2: I was at some point about six thousand dollars in

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Speaker 2: debt now okay, two.

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Speaker 1: Five d okay, yea horrible. I've heard there's worst numbers.

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Speaker 1: But do you so? Are you living paycheck to paycheck.

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Speaker 2: Essentially? Yeah? Okay, you know, with paying off my debt

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Speaker 2: and everything, it's now paycheck, it's paycheck.

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Speaker 1: Do you make any money doing with the drum photography?

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Speaker 2: I'm kind of just building up a portfolio I started

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Speaker 2: at about two years ago. I picked up gigs here

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Speaker 2: and there, but I haven't broken like probably five hundred bucks.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so so I guess I'm sorry. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I lost track. What do you this was this

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Speaker 1: what you wanted to talk about today?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: No, I'm definitely. I just I think right now, I'm

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Speaker 2: just looking for direction in life, like I don't know,

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Speaker 2: and the hate for my job like has grown into

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Speaker 2: like I was never like this, right, I was always

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Speaker 2: like naive, kind, gentle, and now I'm kind of like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know what's the word. I wouldn't say hateful,

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Speaker 2: but discouraged and uh, envious sometimes I never felt envy

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Speaker 2: until about now, like or just like these weak negative

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Speaker 2: emotions and it's definitely affecting my marriage.

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Speaker 1: Who are you envious of? What are you envious of?

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Speaker 2: Just like you know, uh, people with the comfortable living

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Speaker 2: are like sometimes like I'll see somebody in the same

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Speaker 2: situation as me and I'll start talking shit about them,

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Speaker 2: which I have never done in my.

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Speaker 1: Life, someone like sa like like somebody like in debt

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Speaker 1: and you start talking about them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't, like, dude, what are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: You know? Like when I'm like alone in bed at night,

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Speaker 2: I like reflect and I'm like, what are you on about? Right? Now, man,

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Speaker 2: like you should definitely like apologize.

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Speaker 1: You know, how is how is this affecting your marriage?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I feel like I've definitely spent a

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Speaker 2: lot of money since because I started this drum business

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Speaker 2: like six months after we got married, and I spent

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Speaker 2: a lot of money just down that rabbit hole of

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Speaker 2: wanting you know, the latest and greatest stuff. And now

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Speaker 2: I'm like, shit, dude, you got to get it together

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Speaker 2: because you know, like my wife is like, you're spending

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Speaker 2: all this money on drunes and whatnot only and you

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Speaker 2: don't even make money off of it.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, you're right, yeah, I mean I'm with

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Speaker 1: her on that. I'm with her on that. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm with her on that, especially if you want to

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Speaker 1: you're talking about want to have kids soon?

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Speaker 2: Right, yeah, hopefully in the near future.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So uh, I mean basic like personal finance shit,

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Speaker 1: you pay off your dabt, you make an emergency fund,

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Speaker 1: and then you invest whatever else you have on top

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Speaker 1: of that.

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Speaker 2: You know, like the thing is like I know how

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Speaker 2: to get myself, Like I've been in debt before and

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Speaker 2: then like before my marriage, I saved up about fifty

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Speaker 2: thousand dollars.

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Speaker 1: And where did.

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Speaker 2: Wedding stuff? I also put down a bit down payment

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Speaker 2: on a brand new car travel, you know, stuff like that,

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Speaker 2: instead of investing in the fucking roth Ira or putting

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Speaker 2: in his stocks or something. Yeah, it's kind.

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Speaker 1: Of what kind of what kind of car do you have?

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Speaker 2: I got a twenty twenty two Ford Bronco.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not a car guy. Is that like a

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Speaker 1: nice car?

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Speaker 2: It's decent. It's like I like it a lot. It's

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Speaker 2: probably my favorite purchase.

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Speaker 1: How much did you but so it's not even you

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Speaker 1: still have a payment on the car?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: How much? How much is the car in total?

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Speaker 2: About forty five thousand?

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Speaker 1: Okay? How much equity in the car do you have?

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Speaker 2: I put down I think about thirty thousand, so I

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Speaker 2: owe about fifteen thousand on it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, could you theoretically I'm not trying to tell you

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Speaker 1: what to do with your life, but if you are

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Speaker 1: asking me, I do like figuring out these things. Could

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Speaker 1: you theoretically sell your car, buy a really, really really

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Speaker 1: the shitty used car, and then take the difference and

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Speaker 1: pay off the debt.

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Speaker 2: Oh one hundred percent. It's definitely something that I've been contemplating,

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Speaker 2: especially because you know, I initially bought the car because

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Speaker 2: there wasn't much of it they were having trouble with production.

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I'll buy this car, and push

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Speaker 2: comes to shove, I'll sell for a profit because at

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Speaker 2: that point, you know, it did sell for a profit.

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Speaker 2: But now like they made so much of it that.

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Speaker 1: How are you how are you going to sell?

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Speaker 3: Who?

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Speaker 1: Like you're planning to sell the car for a profit.

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Speaker 2: I was at some point, how do you?

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Speaker 1: I don't I mean again, I'm not a car guy,

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Speaker 1: but the car is like depreciate immediately.

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Speaker 2: So I bought it during the pandemic when there was

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Speaker 2: a chip shortage and they didn't produce much of the car,

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Speaker 2: so people were like had there was a wait list

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Speaker 2: to get the car at some point, and a lot

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Speaker 2: of people would pay extra for other people's cars to

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Speaker 2: get them so they don't have to wait in that

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Speaker 2: wait list. But now there is a weight list, there's anything.

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Speaker 1: It's do you want do you want? Do you want

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Speaker 1: my aunt? Do you want my honest opinion on do

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Speaker 1: you want my honest opinion on your personal finance situation?

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Speaker 1: Or or because I mean, oh no, yeah, man, you

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Speaker 1: should sell the fucking car and get out of debt

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Speaker 1: and just drive like a shitty car.

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm definitely down to do that. I and

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Speaker 2: you know what also is kind of tough. So my

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Speaker 2: wife is Canadian and I live in the States. So

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Speaker 2: we live separately right now due to immigration stuff.

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Speaker 1: Oh sure, And I thought you okay, I thought you

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Speaker 1: two were like living together.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: No, no, no, we've been living separately.

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Speaker 1: Where where do you live? Uh? Where do you live?

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Speaker 1: I live in Buffalo, New York and she's in Toronto.

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Speaker 2: She's a little bit south of Toronto and Hamilton.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so it's about Anna. So if you go. But

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Speaker 1: I thought, if you guys are married, doesn't she get

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Speaker 1: a green card?

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Speaker 2: That's what I thought. We we've been applying for like

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Speaker 2: I applied March of twenty twenty three, like because we

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Speaker 2: got married in December and we're figuring life out. She

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Speaker 2: needed to graduate and everything, so I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna apply as soon as she graduates. So I

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Speaker 2: applied March twenty twenty three, and we're still waiting for

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Speaker 2: a green card.

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Speaker 1: So how far is Hamilton from Buffalo?

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Speaker 2: About an hour and a half.

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Speaker 1: All right, Okay, so you got how often do you

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Speaker 1: see each.

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Speaker 2: Other every weekend?

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Speaker 1: Every week? Okay, that's cool, that's good. And she and

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Speaker 1: it's putting it and the financial shit is putting a

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Speaker 1: straand on your marriage because she's like, hey man, I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to start a life with you, so I need

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Speaker 1: you to not go into debt doing doing a bunch

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Speaker 1: of bullshit.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, like another stupid thing that we

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Speaker 2: did because I thought she was going to live with me,

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Speaker 2: is I leased an apartment, like a pretty solid apartment too,

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Speaker 2: And you.

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Speaker 1: Leased an apartment in Buffalo?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because I thought with me.

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Speaker 1: Is that where you live right now?

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Speaker 3: Not anymore?

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Speaker 2: I moved in with my parents to hopefully be able

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Speaker 2: to pay.

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Speaker 1: Off my debts. That's a great idea.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you know, if push comes to shoves,

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Speaker 2: the car will be sold.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I mean yeah, dude, is the car is the car?

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Speaker 1: Tangentially making is your car, like tangibly making your life

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Speaker 1: better more than more than not having debt would.

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Speaker 2: Well, my debt isn't like an insane amount. It's about

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Speaker 2: three thousand dollars. If you know, I really budget, I

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Speaker 2: could pay it off.

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Speaker 1: I know, but yeah, I know, but you I know,

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Speaker 1: but you can, but you could put thirty thousand. But

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Speaker 1: you could put thirty thousand dollars in your pocket, use

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Speaker 1: three grand of that to pay off your debt, and

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Speaker 1: then go on like fucking Facebook, Marketplace or whatever and

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Speaker 1: find like some shitty ass car that you can drive

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Speaker 1: for Like what how much would that call?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: At most? I don't know how much a used car

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Speaker 1: costs off the top of my head, but let's say it's.

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Speaker 2: Probably about more I have K for like a decent

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Speaker 2: beater car.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, you get a beater car for five K,

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Speaker 1: and then you and then you have twenty two thousand dollars.

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Speaker 1: Now instead of being in dead you have You go

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Speaker 1: from having negative money to having twenty two thousand dollars.

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Speaker 1: Your wife is like, oh, this man makes sensible financial decisions.

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Speaker 1: She gets her shit together. You guys move in, you

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Speaker 1: can start doing a thing. You're a little bit closer

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Speaker 1: to having some uh you know, uh room to if

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Speaker 1: you hate your job so much, you have a little

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Speaker 1: bit of room to leave and go find a new one.

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Speaker 1: To me, I don't know, I'm not you. I don't

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Speaker 1: live your life, but these all sound like the better

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Speaker 1: things to have in your life. Than the car.

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Speaker 2: I think the separation is definitely the biggest issue with

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Speaker 2: our marriage, more than the finances. So we actually started

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Speaker 2: playing the jobs overseas and we're going through another their

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Speaker 2: government for another visa because my wife found a job

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Speaker 2: in Saudi Arabia. So we're gonna.

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Speaker 1: Sew Okay, So you're about to So you're you're about

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Speaker 1: to move to Saudi Okay, you're throwing a wrench. I'm

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Speaker 1: over here trying to go Dave Ramsey on you and

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Speaker 1: you're throwing a fucking So you guys are gonna move

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Speaker 1: to Saudi Arabia, Yeah, for like a.

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Speaker 2: Year until the US gets its shit together and we

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Speaker 2: can live together.

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Speaker 1: Okay. So you're gonna live together with her in Saudi

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Speaker 1: Arabia for a year. Yeah, what are you gonna do there?

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Speaker 2: I got family over there, so I've probably gonna, you know,

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Speaker 2: work in a family business for good. And she's a

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Speaker 2: nail technician, so she's gonna do a nail technician job

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Speaker 2: over there.

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Speaker 1: That sounds nice. So you're gonna sell the fucking car,

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Speaker 1: So you gotta sell that car anyway?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, all.

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Speaker 1: Right, okay, So don't you don't even need to convince

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Speaker 1: you of anything. You're you're already about to sell everything

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Speaker 1: I move go to Saudi Arabia.

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Speaker 2: It's literally bureaucracy that's kissing me off because it's like

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Speaker 2: I have to go through so many holes and doors

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Speaker 2: just to get a green card for my wife, and

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Speaker 2: now I'm trying to get her. We're trying to get

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Speaker 2: her visa to move overseas and we're doing the same

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Speaker 2: ship again. So we're like throwing a dart anywhere and

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Speaker 2: hoping it lands, so we could, you know, live together

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Speaker 2: and hopefully start a feeling.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's nice, that's nice. Sat Arabia seems like a

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Speaker 1: cool place. I want to go there at some point.

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Speaker 2: It's pretty I'm not worried.

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Speaker 3: I'm not worry.

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Speaker 1: I'm not worried about you anymore. I don't think I

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Speaker 1: think you're gonna be fine.

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Speaker 2: It's it's literally shut up and wait. But I hate waiting.

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Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, you just gotta wait.

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Speaker 3: You know, I've been.

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Speaker 2: Waiting for about a year and a half, two years ago,

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Speaker 2: so I'm like kind of sick of it. But that's

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Speaker 2: why I'm trying to find opportunities elsewhere. But I also

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Speaker 2: have to wait for those as well.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I mean what just sit in your parents just dude,

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Speaker 1: just sit in your parents' house and sell the car immediate.

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Speaker 1: Sell like that fucking car today. Get rid of that

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Speaker 1: fucking car. Get rid of the fucking car, hang out

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Speaker 1: in your parents place, and just save money.

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Speaker 2: Sounds reasonable.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And then and then eventually you'll go to Saudi

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Speaker 1: Arabia with your wife and you'll have you'll do fun

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Speaker 1: cool things.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. No, that that's the plane. I I cherish traveling,

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Speaker 2: and I feel like that would be a great experience

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Speaker 2: for us.

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Speaker 1: Okay, just one I'm gonna let you go, But just

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Speaker 1: one thing. If you really cherish traveling, if I were you,

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Speaker 1: I would like spend as little money as possible on

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Speaker 1: like the like uh you know, stuff, so you can

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Speaker 1: save it so you can have the freedom and flexibility

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Speaker 1: to travel. And you can still if you're if your

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Speaker 1: hobby is like drones and photography, you can still do it.

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Speaker 1: Just buy shitty versions of the things. Well at the end,

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Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, at the end

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Speaker 1: of the day, the expensive versions are not going to

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Speaker 1: be They're not gonna fill your soul or help with

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Speaker 1: your hobby as much as it's not going to be

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Speaker 1: a that tangential of a difference between the shitty ones.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, No. I definitely was like thinking, oh, I

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Speaker 2: could start a business. Then I was like, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: a year and a half, two years down the line, like, man,

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Speaker 2: you're an idiot. People could go to Walmart.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but buddy, start, dude, start your business with the

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Speaker 1: shitty equipment first, and then once the business starts, like,

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Speaker 1: don't like, start it with the shitty stuff first. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you don't don't like, if you want to go

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Speaker 1: into a business that has like a startup cost, just

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Speaker 1: go in with as little overhead as possible, especially if

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Speaker 1: you aren't making any money yet.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, very true.

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Speaker 1: I mean I mean this get go suit that cost

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Speaker 1: sixty dollars.

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Speaker 2: All right, Yeah, well that's that's fair. You know, I

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Speaker 2: appreciate you, Geck Ramsey, and I really I really enjoyed

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Speaker 2: this conversation with you.

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Speaker 1: You know, I really enjoyed this conversation with you too.

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Speaker 1: Go ahead, Sorry, what we're you gonna say?

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Speaker 2: I you know, I just felt very discouraged about myself

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Speaker 2: in my situation, and you know, you kind of just

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Speaker 2: let me know. Hey, you know, you just gotta wait

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Speaker 2: a bit. Things are going to get better.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I think so. Yeah, you're fine. Man, you're fine.

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Speaker 1: I mean, sell that car and get out of dad.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, other than that, you're fine. You're fine. You

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Speaker 1: see you and your wife see each other every weekend.

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Speaker 1: If you if you guys were like living on different

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Speaker 1: if he was in like Alaska and you were in France,

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Speaker 1: then it would be one thing. But if you see

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Speaker 1: each other every weekend, you got a plan, You'll be

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Speaker 1: You're I'm not worried about you. As long as you

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Speaker 1: sell the car.

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Speaker 2: Well, I appreciate you. Man. That car will be sold soon.

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Speaker 1: It wouldn't it be funny if I bought it? If

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Speaker 1: I if I wanted you to sell it so I

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Speaker 1: could have.

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Speaker 2: It, I would be like, you better pick it up

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Speaker 2: in the get Go suit. That wouldn't be man.

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Speaker 1: Well, well, anyways, anything else? Is there any fun? You

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Speaker 1: want to say anything else before I hang up on you?

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Speaker 2: Oh? No, you know, I'm just I'm just happy to

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Speaker 2: talk to you. Been a fan for a few years,

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Speaker 2: you know, it's been It's been a great conversation. Thanks.

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Speaker 1: So what's your name again? Thanks?

341
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Speaker 3: Moe?

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Speaker 1: Take care? That was Mo? That was Mo. I don't

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Speaker 1: know I I I kind of black out for that guy.

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Speaker 1: That was a really chill conversation. I liked talking Tom out.

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Speaker 1: I hope he's gonna be fine.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I sold my car, and I fucking hated having a car.

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Speaker 1: I hate I really do, I really like uh. I mean,

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Speaker 1: New York is more expensive than other cities, but you

350
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 1: don't need a car, so it offsets a lot of

351
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Speaker 1: that cost. But I also I just just fucking hate

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Speaker 1: cars because I hate that. I hate that I might

353
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Speaker 1: kill someone. I can walk the entirety of New York

354
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Speaker 1: with a very little chance that I'll accidentally kill someone.

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Speaker 1: But if you're driving around in a city where there's

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Speaker 1: people walking, there's like a I looked at it. I

357
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 1: looked this up. I went on CHATCHYBT, I looked this up.

358
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Speaker 1: Uh about I think God, it's something like one pedestrian

359
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:07,280
Speaker 1: dies every like three days in New York City or

360
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Speaker 1: two days. That might be completely wrong, but that's what

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Speaker 1: I think. I remember it saying, which is crazy because

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Speaker 1: I thought it would be way more. I thought at

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Speaker 1: least five people get killed by cars in New York

364
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Speaker 1: City every day, but apparently it's way less. But even then,

365
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 1: it's like so I guess there's but like like around

366
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Speaker 1: the fucking world, in the country and the universe. I mean,

367
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 1: people are getting fucking killed. But I hated having a

368
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Speaker 1: car and if I but sometimes you need one to

369
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Speaker 1: do stuff. But it's nice if you can live somewhere

370
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:44,239
Speaker 1: that's not where you can just walk around and not

371
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Speaker 1: kill people. And then like you get a dent in

372
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Speaker 1: your car or like something goes wrong and you go

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Speaker 1: to the Jeffery loub where the deal like a little

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00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 1: like like there'll be like a little dent in your

375
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,199
Speaker 1: car or something. And then you go to the people

376
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, this is gonna cost about three

377
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: thousand dollars to fix, or you fuck up someone else's

378
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 1: car and it costs a billion. It's just so they're

379
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 1: just so expensive and annoying. And then you also you

380
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 1: get mail when you have a car. When you have

381
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,919
Speaker 1: a car, you just get a piece of mail that

382
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 1: says you owe the Department of Motor Vehicles fifty dollars.

383
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: They'll just they just do that. They just send you

384
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 1: an invoice for fifty dollars just for no reason. There's

385
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 1: like a missions testing shit. Well they'll be like you

386
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,399
Speaker 1: have to come in to get your car missions tested,

387
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 1: and it costs. It's just so annoy It's just an

388
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 1: annoying experience. But you need it in like everywhere you go,

389
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Speaker 1: so I don't know. My leg's chafed to that's one

390
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 1: of the trade offs. My eye of big fat, thick,

391
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 1: dowe piggy thighs, and they chafe when I walk, and

392
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: I feel bad. It makes me feel gross, And those

393
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: are those are the times where I'm like, you know,

394
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: it's it's worth it to have a car so that

395
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:28,199
Speaker 1: I don't have to face my thighs scraping together. But

396
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 1: that's the cost, that's the cost. Hello, holy shit, Hello, Hi.

397
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Speaker 1: What's your name?

398
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Speaker 3: My name is Riyah. I'm like, I'm still flabergasted right now.

399
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 3: What the fuck?

400
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Speaker 1: I can't believe Riyah? What's up Ryan? How you doing?

401
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 3: H Dear? I'm locked down in my apartment right now

402
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 3: and I just have to like just such a long

403
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 3: shitty day at work, Like there's these all these old

404
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,400
Speaker 3: people yelling at me, you trying to fix their organization,

405
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 3: and I haven't eaten all day and I've been in

406
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 3: a depression, like depression spial for the past I don't

407
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 3: know how long like, I think this is just a

408
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 3: bad day and I'm locked out of my apartment. I

409
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 3: can't even like I can't even go.

410
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 1: In, and like rut, Yeah, you sound very stressed out

411
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: right now.

412
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like waiting on maintenance to come and like

413
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 3: open my door. But I don't know. I don't know

414
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 3: when that's gonna happen. Last time it took them an hour.

415
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,119
Speaker 1: Well can I ask you that? Do you have like

416
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,640
Speaker 1: in your building? Is the hallway pretty? Is it?

417
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 3: Like?

418
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 1: What's the hallway look like?

419
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 3: Is the hallway pretty? No, it's like it's just like

420
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 3: there's like another neighbor and they're like right on the

421
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 3: like it's like a little corner, right, so it's my

422
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 3: door on one side of the corner, and then there

423
00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:02,200
Speaker 3: it's their door, and then there's a trash shoes and okay.

424
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, what color are the walls.

425
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 3: Like a sea grayish blue?

426
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 1: Okay? Is there anything pretty about like the wall color

427
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: like that you can I'm not asking if it's like

428
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: a luxury building, but like can we look at a

429
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: color and be like that's a nice color.

430
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Speaker 3: I guess I think some people would look at it

431
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 3: and think it looks like a millennial gray a little bit.

432
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 3: It's an old building, so you know, they try to

433
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:37,360
Speaker 3: like revamp it by coloring the walls. I don't know,

434
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 3: Like it's it's like I don't know how old this

435
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:43,719
Speaker 3: building is, but it's like it's the kind of doors

436
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 3: where it's like if you if you walk out, the

437
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 3: door automatically locks behind you, and like I don't know

438
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:50,959
Speaker 3: why they do that. Who's that helping?

439
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 1: Yeah? Oh, if it makes you feeling it better. I've

440
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 1: locked myself out. I've one time locked myself out of

441
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: my apartment, had to go to the like leasing office

442
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 1: to have them let me back in, and then immediately

443
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: locked myself out again. I had to go down to

444
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: the leasing office to have them let me back in.

445
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's kind of silly.

446
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 1: So Riya, it's all right if you just want to

447
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,119
Speaker 1: chitter chatter. But I'll ask you this. You sound like

448
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 1: you have a lot going on. Is there anything in

449
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: particular that you called in to want to talk about

450
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 1: anything at all?

451
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 3: You know, I am like really scared of like growing

452
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 3: alone and like losing my job and not knowing how

453
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:44,880
Speaker 3: to take care of myself. And also I have this

454
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 3: like weird thing going on where like I feel like

455
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 3: I'm trying to day and find someone, and I don't

456
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 3: even know if I like people I like. I don't

457
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,119
Speaker 3: know if there's just like a storm of thoughts I

458
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 3: can just like spiral so quickly, and I don't know

459
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,240
Speaker 3: where to begin because I never thought like i'd even

460
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 3: on the show, and like I've thought about it before.

461
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, what would I talk about?

462
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,840
Speaker 1: But like, no, this is all Yeah, No, I saw you.

463
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 3: I saw you at your show. I saw you at

464
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 3: your show in Summerville.

465
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 1: Cool. Oh that was a long time, dude.

466
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 3: I didn't know what to tell you. I didn't know

467
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,879
Speaker 3: what to say to you. Like I stayed afterwards to

468
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,119
Speaker 3: talk to you, and all you said to me was

469
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,640
Speaker 3: all you said to me was like you look colorful.

470
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,399
Speaker 3: And I was like thanks, and then took a picture

471
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 3: and then left, and I felt like so lame.

472
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I know, yeah, oh that was perfect.

473
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 1: So that was perfect. Well are you talking about the

474
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 1: one from earlier this year or from twenty twenty two,

475
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 1: because earlier this year, Oh, at that fucking at that

476
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 1: like community center place.

477
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 3: Yeah it looks like a cool right, that was cool?

478
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 1: That was cool. Yeah, with the clown guy.

479
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, he annoyed me. I don't know.

480
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 1: Well anyway, anyway, Okay, first of all, just saying and

481
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 1: no reason. No, everything's all good. Everything's uh super chill.

482
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:22,879
Speaker 1: Let's talk about this. So you're trying to date and

483
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 1: you're afraid that you are going to die alone and

484
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:31,360
Speaker 1: grow up lonely forever and lose your job, and you're

485
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 1: just all these horrible things are going to happen to you.

486
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, when you say it back to me, it sounds

487
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 3: really like lame, and I'm kind of embarrassed, like.

488
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: Hold hold on right, Well, so first of all, don't

489
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: feel lame, because I just need you to know I

490
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 1: am also, on a daily basis afraid that all of

491
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: the same things will happen to me. So you don't

492
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:05,160
Speaker 1: need to feel lame. Are you afraid that your friends

493
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 1: are gonna.

494
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 3: Hear this a little bit? Like I feel like people

495
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 3: look at me and like pity me, and so yeah,

496
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 3: that's I guess I'm just adding to that image of

497
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 3: like a lame person, like I'm not the cool person

498
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 3: that they first met.

499
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 4: Like yeah, but but but the trying to build like uh,

500
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 4: like an image, your image isn't helpful to.

501
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 1: You and your actual life.

502
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: Wow.

503
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 1: Okay, well, because well hold on, I've there's so many

504
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 1: there's so many things I want to talk about with this.

505
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: Let's just start. Let's just start here. How how old

506
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: are you?

507
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 3: Twenty nine? I just turned twenty.

508
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 1: Nine, And are you like, are you like on the

509
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 1: dating apps and stuff?

510
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's okay.

511
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: How's how's that going, dude?

512
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 3: I feel like every like normal like sae human person

513
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 3: like found each other when they were like twenty five

514
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 3: to twenty seven or something, and then they got married

515
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 3: and then now it's just like crazy people out here,

516
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 3: like like me, like, I'm I'm I'm not that crazy.

517
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 3: I don't think. I think I'm pretty normal. Like I

518
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 3: have a job, I live on my with a roommate,

519
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 3: Oh no, my own so, but I don't know. It

520
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 3: just feels like there's so many people who aren't in

521
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 3: touch with themselves and they're like thoughts that it makes

522
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 3: it hard to get to know them on a deeper level.

523
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 3: And it's tiring.

524
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's very tiring. I'm no, I'm no expert on

525
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: success in this arena, but I'm an expert on failure

526
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 1: in this arena. And you know, I too, have you know,

527
00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 1: I spent a lot of time on uh dating app

528
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 1: apps and whatnot, kind of trying to to find someone

529
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 1: into it. Just recently I deleted my presence on those

530
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 1: apps and I just decided to kind of try and

531
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: like find peace and be at peace with myself. And

532
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 1: I did that like a week or two ago when

533
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: I'm feeling really good about it, and I felt like

534
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: I kind of feel like, well, you said, do you

535
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: feel crazy?

536
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's like, why doesn't anyone like me? And

537
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 3: then when they do, all of a sudden there, yeah, yeah, how.

538
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 1: Long have you been trying?

539
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 3: I feel I've been trying for years. Like I feel

540
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 3: like I missed my window, Like my prime years were

541
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 3: during COVID when when I was like twenty five to

542
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 3: twenty seven or whatever, and like and I feel like

543
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 3: I just missed my time period. And like it doesn't

544
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 3: help that I'm a woman and there's these expectations and

545
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 3: like all these stereotypes about like you know, if you're

546
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 3: alone by like thirty or whatever, then there's something wrong

547
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 3: with you. And even if there isn't, well it doesn't matter,

548
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 3: like no one wants you.

549
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, let's talk about do you like your

550
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 1: just in general, do you like your life?

551
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, i'd say so. I think, yeah, I've got good

552
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 3: I've got good friends, Like they like are they're not

553
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 3: always there for me? Like okay, no, that's so rude

554
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 3: to say, so okay, no, they're they're there for me

555
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 3: and in the big moments, like they planned stuff for

556
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 3: my birthday, they like they talk to me about their struggles,

557
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 3: and that makes me feel good because I feel like

558
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 3: I'm getting to know them deeper and I can help

559
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 3: them out. And I just I think I just miss

560
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 3: what I'm missing from my life is having someone to

561
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 3: like build it with or like just experience moments together

562
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 3: and like have someone to reflect on them back with.

563
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 3: Like my friends they all have like partners, and it

564
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 3: just feels lonely because it feels like I'm not their

565
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 3: primary person, so like I'll never and like, I you know,

566
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 3: like I have this whole like thing about like relationship anarchy,

567
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 3: like I wish like everyone kind of like lived like

568
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 3: that where it's like their primary partner isn't actually the

569
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 3: primary partner.

570
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I know what you mean.

571
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know.

572
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: No, when I know what you mean, you kind of

573
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: want to feel like, uh, yeah, it can be hard

574
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: when you feel like you're no one's like primary person, right,

575
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 1: because like you know, you can go you go out

576
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 1: with all your friends and like you know, you feel

577
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 1: very close to them, but still when you go home

578
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: and you kind of go into the uh, the the

579
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 1: the real depths of your life, you can kind of

580
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 1: feel alone and like there's no one else there. I

581
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 1: get what you think, now, yeah.

582
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 3: And I'm like I'll talk to a therapist and I'm

583
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 3: on medications and stuff, and like I've been doing this

584
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 3: for like like seven years now at least, and it's

585
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 3: just like it feels like when am I gonna like.

586
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 1: What do you when you do? Were you hold on?

587
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,479
Speaker 1: You said you've been doing this for seven years?

588
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 3: Was that was this like the whole like going to

589
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 3: a therapist and doing individual therapy and group therapy and

590
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 3: all these vacations. It feels like it's like is there

591
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 3: something wrong with me? Like and like am I autistic?

592
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,479
Speaker 3: Am I just not diagnosed? But like my therapist doesn't

593
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 3: become autistic, so I guess I'm not. But who knows?

594
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 3: M hm.

595
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 1: Hm hmm.

596
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 3: And like I feel like I have so much writing

597
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 3: on can I find someone to be happy with?

598
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:20,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the fucking yeah. But you understand, like, uh,

599
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 1: that's kind of I've I've really learned this, Like that's

600
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: there's a paradox there. This is a real paradox because, uh,

601
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 1: it's like when you have so much writing on trying

602
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 1: to find a relationship, I think it paradoxically keeps you

603
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 1: away from one and it also makes it It also

604
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 1: makes it so that, like I mean, if you're trying

605
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 1: to find somebody else, it's so hard because I really,

606
00:35:56,920 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 1: I strongly believe that like relationships, not just romantic but

607
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 1: just you know, the relationships you have with other people,

608
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 1: they're the gonna be the biggest source of happiness that

609
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,439
Speaker 1: you have in your life. And by the way, I'm

610
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 1: not an expert on this stuff. I'm really fascinated by

611
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 1: this paradox and I'm really trying to kind of figure

612
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 1: it out, and I talk to a lot of people

613
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 1: about it, and I think a lot about it. The

614
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 1: paradox of like relationships that you have with other people, again,

615
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:26,840
Speaker 1: not just romantic relationship anarchy, as you said, are some

616
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 1: of the biggest sources of happiness. And yet if you're

617
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: on the search for a romantic partner, but with the

618
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:43,120
Speaker 1: context of I'm gonna find this person and they are

619
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 1: going to be the missing puzzle piece that makes me happy.

620
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:53,319
Speaker 1: That's that's too much to put on someone else, you know,

621
00:36:53,520 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 1: that's an unreasonable request. Yeah, and it's gonna and it's

622
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 1: gonna and it's gonna fuck you. And even because I

623
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 1: even if you do find that person and you have

624
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:13,360
Speaker 1: so much stock tied up in them, that's that feels

625
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 1: kind of dangerous to me. But it's a fucking uh

626
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:22,359
Speaker 1: paradox because you should if you're gonna fucking like get

627
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,200
Speaker 1: married to someone and you're gonna they're gonna be your

628
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:27,839
Speaker 1: primary person and you're gonna build a life with them,

629
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: you should have a lot of stock in them. They

630
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 1: should be one of the primary things that make you happy.

631
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: So it's a weird paradox. I don't, I don't. I

632
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 1: don't know what to think about it, really, but uh, yeah.

633
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 3: I feel like the dating apps aren't really designed to

634
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 3: actually make you or help you like find other people,

635
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 3: like because I don't see any incentive for them to

636
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 3: do that really, because don't they want to keep you

637
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,839
Speaker 3: on the app? So like, and like, I don't know,

638
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 3: there is I don't know it feels all kind of

639
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 3: hopeless and it's hard not to let it get to you.

640
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 3: And I try to fill my life with hobbies and things,

641
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:15,959
Speaker 3: and it seems like I'm like eternally trying to find

642
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:19,799
Speaker 3: something else to fulfill me, and I don't know what

643
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:24,919
Speaker 3: I'm doing with my time, like, and it doesn't help

644
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 3: that like my family is all like my dad's like

645
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 3: he's super like hardcore Muslim, and I grew up pardcore

646
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 3: Muslim and I've like gone against like everything he's ever

647
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 3: taught me. And so like whenever I visit home or

648
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 3: whenever it's a phone call, it's always about like, let

649
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:47,720
Speaker 3: me find a Muslim man for you and then everything

650
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:51,479
Speaker 3: will be fine. And it's just like I don't really

651
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 3: care about the Muslim part so much. It's just that

652
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 3: like there's so many like traditionalists who are usually Muslim,

653
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:06,880
Speaker 3: like they're not like chill, like they're I don't know,

654
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 3: I'm getting into different topics, but yeah, y, I don't

655
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 3: know if it's making sense right now. Sorry I'm bothering you.

656
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I'm just thinking. No, I'm just thinking about, uh,

657
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 1: your situation. It's not an uncommon situation. Yeah, I don't know,

658
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 1: do you have friends.

659
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have friends. They're like you know, I have

660
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 3: my Discord friends that I like gamed with during COVID

661
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:46,879
Speaker 3: and I've like met them all in person, and they're

662
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 3: all across the US, and but we don't really talk

663
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 3: too much anymore, Like it feels like, you know, everyone's

664
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 3: got their own lives going on. But we catch up

665
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 3: every now and then, maybe sometimes I go on a trip.

666
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 3: I have some friends here in my city and they're

667
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 3: they're cool. Like I try to see some I try

668
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 3: to do like a social acts, like meet up with

669
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 3: one of my friends, like every week at least, like

670
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,760
Speaker 3: I try to because I feel like it's really easy

671
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,279
Speaker 3: for me to self isolate. So I try to plan

672
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:21,720
Speaker 3: things ahead with people, and I'll try to use dates

673
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 3: as well as a way to be social. But going

674
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 3: on dates isn't as it doesn't fill my cup as much.

675
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 5: As no, you know, yeah, well, how when's the last

676
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 5: time you just quit all your dating apps and you

677
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:38,839
Speaker 5: were like, I'm just.

678
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:42,359
Speaker 3: Not doing this for a little while, literally literally like

679
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:43,439
Speaker 3: three days ago.

680
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 1: Oh okay, okay, so three okay, so you so you

681
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 1: so you did that three days ago and then but

682
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 1: I've done it before.

683
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 3: I've deleted. I deleted many times before and then got

684
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 3: back on it.

685
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 1: What's the longest streak you've gone not being on it?

686
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 3: I don't know, like maybe like seven eight.

687
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 1: Months, Okay. Do you feel happier during that time?

688
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:17,799
Speaker 3: I think so. I think like it's kind of like

689
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 3: a feeling of resignation of like this, this isn't working.

690
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 3: I know it's not gonna work, so I'm not gonna

691
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,319
Speaker 3: be on there and so but it's not like, oh,

692
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 3: I'm going to try to find someone in real life.

693
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 3: It's more like.

694
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 1: It's such a it's such a I really, I just

695
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:39,759
Speaker 1: I empathize with you. It's such a weird fucking paradox

696
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: of like the people you're support you you I by

697
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 1: the way, I believe you. You like so weird fucking

698
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 1: paradox of like trying to find happiness alone. But then

699
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 1: if you're happy alone, why would you need why would

700
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 1: you want another person? But then if you find another

701
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 1: per it's just it's just a weird paradox that I

702
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 1: don't I don't have any answers to. But if it

703
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:09,960
Speaker 1: makes you feel any better at all, you are not

704
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 1: the only one, uh trying to figure out this paradox.

705
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 3: Do you do you ever get caught up in your

706
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 3: image as like a person outside of like the lizard suit, Like,

707
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 3: do you ever think, like, oh, maybe if I was like, Okay,

708
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:33,240
Speaker 3: these are I'm projecting, Like like basically my thoughts are like, Okay,

709
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:36,839
Speaker 3: if I worked out more, if I like just like

710
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 3: got totally shredded, then I would find yeah, yes, yes,

711
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 3: And then it's like because I'm because I'm not getting shredded.

712
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 3: It's my own fault that I haven't found anyone. But

713
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 3: I know that I've like I've been in relationships before.

714
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:54,439
Speaker 3: It's been three more than three years, I think since

715
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 3: my last relationship. So it makes me feel like, oh

716
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 3: my god, oh my god, that was it. I didn't

717
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 3: even know like that was my last one. And I'm

718
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 3: not gonna find anyone anymore, you know, And I've never

719
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 3: been shredded, but like, yes, But.

720
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 1: To answer your question, what's your name again, Riya Riya?

721
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,919
Speaker 1: To answer your question for just hilarious that I feel

722
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 1: extremely called out right now in a good way. I literally, yeah,

723
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:28,280
Speaker 1: I deleted my dating apps and stuff like a week ago,

724
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 1: and I was absolutely of the mindset of like, Okay,

725
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 1: we're gonna get shredded first and then we'll come back.

726
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: I literally was I no, I literally I deleted them

727
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, we're not coming back to

728
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 1: this until we get shredded or.

729
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 3: Because it's not gonna be But I do that every time.

730
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 3: I do that every time, and then like I'll be like, okay,

731
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:57,759
Speaker 3: I'm not that dad. Let me just like download and

732
00:43:57,840 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 3: just see what's out there, and then I end up

733
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,320
Speaker 3: back on my That's how that happened.

734
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh man, Oh, you're completely ruining the idea that

735
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 1: I had that things will be different when I return.

736
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,359
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, No, it's okay. I think it's good. I

737
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: think it's good. Yes, I have done that same thing.

738
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:17,959
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people do that same thing.

739
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 1: The second part though, the second part of like what

740
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 1: was the second part of the thing. It was like,

741
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 1: if I'm not I'll never find someone.

742
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 3: Oh, if I'm not shredded, then I won't find someone

743
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,839
Speaker 3: because and it's like and because I'm not shreaded, that's

744
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 3: my own choice of not being shredded, and so that

745
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 3: means it's my own choice that I'm not finding anyone.

746
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 1: Yes, I have followed down that path of logic before

747
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:52,919
Speaker 1: how much of it do I believe I believe about

748
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 1: I would. I'm not going to go like motivational on

749
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 1: you and say that I don't believe those things about myself,

750
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:03,719
Speaker 1: because I would that would be hypocritic of me. I mean,

751
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:05,719
Speaker 1: is I think. I mean it is a choice. I

752
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:10,919
Speaker 1: think to not be like in shape, But I think

753
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:14,959
Speaker 1: that's uh, I look at it. I mean for myself.

754
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 1: I mean, look, I'm like fucking you know, I went,

755
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 1: I did my BMI today, I'm about three points over obese.

756
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 1: Uh is it my choice? Yeah, it's my choice. And

757
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:27,240
Speaker 1: to say it was, to say it's not my choice

758
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: would not be helpful to me, because then I take

759
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 1: the power away from my because you feel I assume

760
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: you feel powerless in your in your journey and you're

761
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 1: clinging to things that you think, Okay, I can do

762
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 1: this to influence this journey in which I feel powerless.

763
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: This is a little bit of power I can take back.

764
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 1: That's how That's how I feel when I say to

765
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 1: my when I you know, have the same thoughts that

766
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 1: you're talking about, where.

767
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 3: It's like yeah, and then you get it gives you

768
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 3: a glimmer of hope.

769
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 1: It gives you a glimmer of hope. But that's and

770
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 1: that's what you need it. You need to find some

771
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:16,360
Speaker 1: fucking avenue in which you feel like you can take control.

772
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. And I'm like a tall girl too,

773
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 3: so it's just like, oh my god. Sometimes it's just

774
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 3: like I feel like people just like others, like I

775
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 3: feel like it's so stupid. It's so stupid. I feel

776
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 3: like I'm basing so much on like my image, and

777
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:44,840
Speaker 3: I know I have a great person because I know.

778
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 3: It's like it's like it's like I'm a good I

779
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 3: think I'm a good conversationalist. Like people say, like I

780
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 3: have charm and stuff, and they say all those nice things,

781
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,439
Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, it's like I'm

782
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 3: not beautiful enough. I'm not like I don't fit thisthetic

783
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 3: standards of like what's popular right now, which is like

784
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 3: being a short, cute girl.

785
00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, mm hmm.

786
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 3: This it's I sound so whiny and I know that,

787
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 3: and I know, like it's like, oh it's not I

788
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:22,240
Speaker 3: know I sound like envious, and it's true, I am envious.

789
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:24,319
Speaker 3: I wish I was just like I wish I had

790
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,319
Speaker 3: the kind of face that was like cute and like

791
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:27,799
Speaker 3: makes you want to take care of it. But like

792
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 3: I feel like I have like this really stern face

793
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 3: and it's like I can't change it, you know, I

794
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:38,719
Speaker 3: have to work with what I got. And yeah, I

795
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 3: don't know.

796
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,319
Speaker 1: My my my brother in Christ, I have. I have

797
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:48,800
Speaker 1: been there. I have hated my appearance. Uh and for

798
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:52,319
Speaker 1: lots of times over the course of my life and

799
00:47:52,880 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 1: in recent history. I really really really it's weird. I

800
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:07,280
Speaker 1: uh So, a couple of days ago, I've been trying.

801
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:10,239
Speaker 1: I've been trying to go out into New York a

802
00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 1: lot more and like do stuff. And I went to

803
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 1: this thing on Saturday. It was like a it's called

804
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 1: a formation circle. Like there's like a reading and then

805
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:23,440
Speaker 1: everyone talks about it. Uh there's a reading about enoughness

806
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 1: and it was like this idea of like when will

807
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:31,359
Speaker 1: you ever be enough? And we talked about it and

808
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:36,320
Speaker 1: I have It's another fucking paradox. It's another fucking paradox

809
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 1: because on on one hand, I'm very practical and very logical,

810
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 1: and I like, and you know, you take up some

811
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 1: power in that right because you go, Okay, I have

812
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 1: the power to make my appearance better. And I have

813
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 1: the power to, like, you know, get shredded, as you say,

814
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 1: And that's the little power I'm gonna take. And I

815
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 1: don't think that's I don't think that's bad. I think

816
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:05,240
Speaker 1: it's good if you to make positive life changes for yourself.

817
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 1: But then on the flip side of that, the internal universe,

818
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 1: I don't think you can do it by hating yourself

819
00:49:16,239 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 1: the whole time. And I think you do need to

820
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 1: like accept the way you have to, like accept the

821
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 1: things you can't change, accept your height, accept your what

822
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 1: you look like, no, and know that you can change

823
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:34,280
Speaker 1: things about how you look, and know that you can

824
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 1: make more positive decisions and there are things in which

825
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 1: you have control. But you also need to balance that

826
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,800
Speaker 1: with some acceptance so that you're not just fucking walking

827
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:51,840
Speaker 1: around hating yourself all the time, because that's not healthy.

828
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:55,879
Speaker 1: Like it's like going to the gym and losing weight

829
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 1: and doing all that stuff is healthy, But so is

830
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:02,720
Speaker 1: accepting yourself and not hating yourself and not being stressed

831
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 1: and anxious all the time. That's healthy too. So it's

832
00:50:06,440 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 1: kind of a it's a weird balance you got to

833
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 1: kind of you kind of kind.

834
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 3: Of kind of reach yeah, I guess like hating myself

835
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 3: hasn't like transformed me. Well, I don't know. I feel

836
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 3: like I grow the most when I throw myself in

837
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:26,400
Speaker 3: the water, like in the ocean and in certain scenarios,

838
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:28,280
Speaker 3: Like I feel like I used to be like really

839
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 3: introverted until like I got this job where I had

840
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 3: to do a lot of public speaking, and then I

841
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 3: feel like that forever altered my personality or like cracked

842
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:41,279
Speaker 3: my shell, and like I feel like I need to

843
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 3: like make this change or something something dramatic to change

844
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 3: the course of my life in a good way. And

845
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:54,279
Speaker 3: like I'm just like I just blame myself. I'm like,

846
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 3: why haven't I done that already? Why haven't I gotten

847
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 3: shredded already? Like because there's plenty of people who themselves

848
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:05,400
Speaker 3: into being better. So I don't know, it's I can't

849
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 3: conceive or the thought of like well even it sounds

850
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 3: cringey to say, but loving yourself sounds so like just

851
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 3: like woo woo to me, and like but like kind

852
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 3: of just seeing yourself as like enough, I feel like

853
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 3: it's more attainable and maybe I guess that could.

854
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 1: Work on I know exactly, I know the I I

855
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:44,720
Speaker 1: similarly have felt like this, like the rejection of wanting

856
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 1: to love yourself because it seems like woooo. But like,

857
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 1: I just have been thinking about this stuff, and lately

858
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:55,479
Speaker 1: I do think that you can have both. You can

859
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:58,279
Speaker 1: love yourself and feel woo about the world and blah

860
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 1: blah blah, but also be like, well, I got to

861
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:07,080
Speaker 1: kind of fucking do ship too, you know, Like I've

862
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:09,640
Speaker 1: been trying to. I've been trying to not be in

863
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 1: a rush anymore and trying to have I'm trying to

864
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 1: be anxious less and that might make me a little

865
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 1: bit less productive. I don't know, I'm still a lot

866
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: of stuff is kind of uh. I talked about that

867
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:25,439
Speaker 1: either last episode or a couple episodes ago.

868
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:30,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, but do you get you get high a lot

869
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 3: still or ever? I can't remember, but like I think

870
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:36,399
Speaker 3: I like there was just like one time you said

871
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:40,280
Speaker 3: on a on a show that like you've gotten maybe

872
00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 3: high twice on a show. And and but the reason

873
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 3: why I bring this all up is because like I

874
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:50,440
Speaker 3: find myself getting high a lot to like try to.

875
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 3: I don't know, I feel like I'm in a more accepting,

876
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:56,160
Speaker 3: free thinking mode and so like I'll make a lot

877
00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:58,279
Speaker 3: of changes and feel like I have more free will

878
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:01,640
Speaker 3: when I when I'm high, I'll try to I'll try

879
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:04,920
Speaker 3: to like motivate myself to make these changes. Like recently,

880
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,560
Speaker 3: like last week, I went on like a four mile walk,

881
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:10,280
Speaker 3: just like totally high and listening to any and stuff

882
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 3: and like it. Like I was like, hey, if I

883
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,879
Speaker 3: could just get high and just walk four miles every day,

884
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 3: then maybe all this weight will fall off and then

885
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 3: I'll be like this totally brand new person. And I

886
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 3: don't know. Anyways, I find myself getting high a lot

887
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:31,520
Speaker 3: to just do things, and lately it's been backfiring and

888
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 3: instead I get like into this whole like spiral of

889
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 3: like hating myself. So now I'm like, well, fuck, well,

890
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 3: how do I motivate myself to like become to kill,

891
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:47,600
Speaker 3: to still keep living, to still like try you know,

892
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 3: like right now, the meds, I'm on, uh, they make

893
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:53,880
Speaker 3: it a lot easier to deal with these thoughts, but

894
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:56,600
Speaker 3: the thoughts are still there and they they still hold

895
00:53:56,640 --> 00:54:03,879
Speaker 3: me down. But I'm not like, you know, suicidal at least, so.

896
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:10,399
Speaker 1: Yes, I still get high. I still get high a lot.

897
00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna I was. I got a

898
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 1: little nervous because I thought you were gonna say something

899
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 1: like you said in one of your early podcasts that

900
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:17,760
Speaker 1: you were quitting weed.

901
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:20,480
Speaker 3: Did you.

902
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 1: I don't know, Maybe I hope that's That's what sucks.

903
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 1: That's one of the that's one of the downsides of

904
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 1: just saying whatever into a microphone is that people will

905
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:32,560
Speaker 1: be like, hey, remember two months ago you said you

906
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:34,840
Speaker 1: were gonna do this, and you just fucking totally didn't

907
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 1: do it at.

908
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:38,520
Speaker 3: All, And you have to be like, dude, you freaked out.

909
00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 3: You freaked out when like there was a caller like

910
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 3: a couple episodes ago that was like quoting you, and

911
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 3: like the way it made you feel uncomfortable was kind

912
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:50,920
Speaker 3: of funny because I would also feel I would also

913
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:52,719
Speaker 3: not want my words thrown back at me.

914
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:56,879
Speaker 1: You know, I don't at all, but I listened. Any

915
00:54:56,960 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 1: time I want, I can destroy all of the I

916
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 1: can just hit the XP. I can never have to

917
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 1: go on the internet ever again if I don't want to.

918
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 3: We would be sad if you did that.

919
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:15,600
Speaker 1: Uh, you know, I don't plan on doing that. But anyway, anyway,

920
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:19,880
Speaker 1: what's your name again? You've told me I about five times,

921
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:25,839
Speaker 1: but ya Rayah. Well, Riyah. Well, I'll actually I would.

922
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 1: There's one thing I do want to mention about this is,

923
00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:35,600
Speaker 1: you know, it's interesting to hear you say, like, uh,

924
00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 1: it's interesting to hear like a woman's perspective on this

925
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:42,800
Speaker 1: because like myself and a lot of other like guys

926
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:44,399
Speaker 1: that I know have also been on the whole train

927
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 1: of like, you know, I need to get shredded before

928
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:51,879
Speaker 1: like I put myself back out there. And I think

929
00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:56,640
Speaker 1: with with dating in general, there's all these like I

930
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:59,280
Speaker 1: mean you go on like Twitter or threads or whatever,

931
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:02,719
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of like gender wars about it

932
00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:07,480
Speaker 1: and whatnot. But I think when you get down to it,

933
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 1: it's like the emotions surrounding this process and the feelings

934
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:18,640
Speaker 1: and the thoughts and the ideas they are universal and

935
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 1: I think shared by both genders a lot more of

936
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 1: the feelings and the emotions. Obviously there's things that are

937
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 1: like specific to the male experience and to the female experience,

938
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:37,960
Speaker 1: but I think there's a lot more that is shared

939
00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 1: than is talked about or acknowledged.

940
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:45,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like, no, I totally agree with that,

941
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 3: Like I don't really see I don't really see gender. No,

942
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 3: I mean, like I know, that there's like gender like

943
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:58,360
Speaker 3: stuff and issues, but like in general, like for instance, romantically,

944
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:00,600
Speaker 3: when I like look at a person, like I'm like

945
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:04,000
Speaker 3: trying to see them for them, like I'm not. I

946
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 3: don't really see it as like man versus women in

947
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:09,320
Speaker 3: this like whole like being on like trying to find

948
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:13,719
Speaker 3: someone to have in your life romantically, because I think

949
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:15,840
Speaker 3: that just works against us. I mean, if we just

950
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:18,959
Speaker 3: saw each other as people, like maybe most of these

951
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 3: issues wouldn't exist. Of Like, yeah, I don't know. I

952
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,560
Speaker 3: think it's a system working against us if we like

953
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:28,919
Speaker 3: think of it in like a gendered manner of like oh,

954
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:31,760
Speaker 3: all men are like this or all women are like this, Like.

955
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, definitely not helping anyone. Well, right, are you

956
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:43,080
Speaker 1: still in the hallway of your apartment, dude? Yeah, Well,

957
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:48,520
Speaker 1: I hope that whoever's coming to let you out come soon.

958
00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:57,240
Speaker 1: Thanks for thanks for sharing your your lived experience. Thanks

959
00:57:57,280 --> 00:57:58,960
Speaker 1: for talking on the phone.

960
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 3: Yeah for talking on the phone with me about it,

961
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:04,400
Speaker 3: Like it's nice that you're not like trying to like

962
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:08,480
Speaker 3: give me like diluted advice or anything and just talking

963
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 3: about your experience with that as well. Like I feel

964
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:17,000
Speaker 3: like that's more real than you know, people just being

965
00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 3: like be positive.

966
00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:22,680
Speaker 1: You know, if I had any good solutions for you,

967
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:25,280
Speaker 1: I would Well, I guess we talked about a few,

968
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 1: but uh, you know, I guess we're all just trying

969
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:31,160
Speaker 1: to figure it out. Ray, Is there anything else you

970
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 1: want to say to the people of the computer before

971
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:34,480
Speaker 1: we go, or any other anything that.

972
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:42,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you for listening and thank you for accepting

973
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 3: my call. And I hope everyone doesn't feel lonely and

974
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:53,560
Speaker 3: find someone. Have a good night, rya bye.

975
00:58:57,120 --> 00:58:58,360
Speaker 1: Damn it. Okay, I was trying to think of a

976
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:01,479
Speaker 1: post call thought. By any post call thought I would

977
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 1: have had would have just been me regurgitating things that

978
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:10,240
Speaker 1: I already said over the course of the of the call.

979
00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:16,120
Speaker 1: I don't have any new information to add as a

980
00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:19,760
Speaker 1: post call thought. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the

981
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:23,520
Speaker 1: end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a

982
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:28,880
Speaker 1: bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour

983
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:32,240
Speaker 1: of the podcast that you can listen to. By becoming

984
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:36,800
Speaker 1: a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy Gecko

985
00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:42,040
Speaker 1: dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes.

986
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:45,280
Speaker 1: They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the

987
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 1: regular show. They get recordings from my live shows, members

988
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:52,480
Speaker 1: only streams, and they help support my ability to continue

989
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 1: doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's

990
00:59:56,520 --> 00:59:59,480
Speaker 1: members only bonus episode. So he had a watch that

991
00:59:59,520 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 1: was worth two two hundred. You know it was worth

992
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:04,120
Speaker 1: two hundred? You low ball them fifty bucks?

993
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 2: Yeah?

994
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:07,840
Speaker 1: Are you putting a lot of situations while working at

995
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 1: the pawnshop that you feel morally questionable about?

996
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:15,320
Speaker 3: No, it's about it like ripping people off with the money,

997
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:16,439
Speaker 3: and that's about it.

998
01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. What kinds of stuff do you? Is there

999
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:21,720
Speaker 1: anything in the pawnshop you think I might like that

1000
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:23,560
Speaker 1: I should buy? Do you have gold teeth?

1001
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:26,120
Speaker 3: Scull with teeth?

1002
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:27,640
Speaker 1: Yeah? Gold teeth?

1003
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:31,520
Speaker 2: Oh, gold teeth. I may we can make it for you,

1004
01:00:31,960 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 2: just for you.

1005
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 1: Can you make them green?

1006
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:36,360
Speaker 3: I can make them any color you want.

1007
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:38,680
Speaker 1: All right, I'm coming down there. If you want to

1008
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:41,120
Speaker 1: hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become

1009
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 1: a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com

1010
01:00:46,160 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 1: or find the link in the episode description that's therapy

1011
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:54,360
Speaker 1: Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing

1012
01:00:54,400 --> 01:01:02,240
Speaker 1: else to say. One never think get good starts, I

1013
01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 1: just teaching new housing your life, but he's not really

1014
01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 1: an expert.