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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five,

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Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger.

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Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger.

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Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love

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Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family,

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Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping

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Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get

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Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode one hundred and eighty three,

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Speaker 1: which is airing first in early February of twenty twenty one.

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Speaker 1: We're going to be talking about tweens, teens, and beyond.

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Speaker 1: Not that either of us are huge experts in the tweens,

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Speaker 1: teens and beyond, but we are exploring that stage for

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Speaker 1: both of us, getting into there and learning some things

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Speaker 1: as we're going. So I wanted to talk about what

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Speaker 1: we're kind of figuring out, what we're seeing from friends

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Speaker 1: and their kids, and obviously welcome people's input as well.

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Speaker 1: We'd love to hear your stories of parenting tweens teens,

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Speaker 1: and beyond. So Sarah, just for any new listeners or

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Speaker 1: people who are coming back after a long hiatus and

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Speaker 1: aren't familiar with how much time has passed. How old

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Speaker 1: are your children now? Yes, my children are genevievis three,

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Speaker 1: Cameron when this airs will be almost seven, and Annabel

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Speaker 1: will be nine in April, all right, and mine are

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Speaker 1: Jasper is thirteen, he'll be fourteen this spring. Sam is eleven,

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Speaker 1: Ruth is nine, Alex is six, and Henry is one.

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Speaker 1: So we've we were at the full gamut, as happens

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Speaker 1: when you have five of them. So I mean, is

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Speaker 1: life starting to feel easier for you? I mean now

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Speaker 1: that Jennevie probably doesn't have to be watched quite as

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Speaker 1: constantly anymore, right, is it starting? Yeah? There funny because

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Speaker 1: it's like it's still I wouldn't say it's easy. So

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite podcasts, as you know, it's the

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Speaker 1: Mom Hour, And one thing I love about it is

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Speaker 1: they're very honest about how certain things do get easier

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Speaker 1: with time. Like I feel like they're I've never heard

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Speaker 1: them say like little kids, little problems, or maybe they

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Speaker 1: have said it, but they do. A Sarah in particular,

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Speaker 1: whose kids are now they're like my kids. Their host

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Speaker 1: is also named Sarah if you don't listen to them,

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Speaker 1: but her kids are like my kids four years into

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Speaker 1: the future, and she talks about all the time how

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Speaker 1: things are much easier. So I feel like I'm still waiting,

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Speaker 1: and I'm obviously never going to catch up with her entirely.

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Speaker 1: But you are right, things are a little bit easier

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Speaker 1: with them now than they were maybe a year ago

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Speaker 1: or two years ago. You know, you get to the

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Speaker 1: point with your youngest where instead of you being worried

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Speaker 1: about them like injuring themselves or you know, doing something terrible,

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Speaker 1: you just worried about them like making a mess, which

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Speaker 1: is less of a big deal and you don't need

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Speaker 1: to be as much on them. But I don't feel

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Speaker 1: like we've reached the magic number. What do you think

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Speaker 1: the magic number is? Well, I mean, it's hard to say,

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Speaker 1: because it also depends on what your youngest child does.

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Speaker 1: Like some children are just more responsible than others, and

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Speaker 1: some seem to have a bit of a death wish,

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Speaker 1: which may apply to my second from youngest child now.

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Speaker 1: Their tendency to get into trouble is more than others.

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Speaker 1: On the other hand, he was, you know, and has

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Speaker 1: been able to if you put him in front of

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Speaker 1: the computer, like to watch YouTube videos. I mean, he

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Speaker 1: can be entertained for hours. And so there was definitely

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Speaker 1: a period of time before we had Henry where things

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Speaker 1: felt a lot more relaxed than they had been. Like

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Speaker 1: on a weekend, you didn't have to have a parent

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Speaker 1: who was on constantly. You could in fact both be

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Speaker 1: doing something some personal project while other people were while

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Speaker 1: the kids were all entertaining themselves. So it just had

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Speaker 1: this entirely different feel where of course, now there you

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Speaker 1: have to have somebody on Henry constantly because he is mobile,

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Speaker 1: he puts everything in his mouth, he'll get into anything

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Speaker 1: that the kids leave around, and of course with four

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Speaker 1: other children, it's very difficult to have an entirely baby

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Speaker 1: proofed house. You can clean a space, but then it

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Speaker 1: doesn't stay baby like. Somebody just drops popcorn kernels in

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Speaker 1: there or something. I mean, it's just really almost impossible

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Speaker 1: to keep it completely safe, and so you know, somebody

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Speaker 1: has to be on and it's a lot less relaxing.

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Speaker 1: I guess we decided we didn't like relaxing or something.

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Speaker 1: You have to plunge that I know, I love how

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Speaker 1: you put that it was like we had another baby,

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Speaker 1: because apparently we hate relaxing, yes, exactly, like well, for

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Speaker 1: most feels too easy. For most of this episode, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to interview you because since I don't even have

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Speaker 1: a nine year old yet, I don't feel like I

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Speaker 1: have that much to offer. Although we can take a

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Speaker 1: small dive into my brief forays into the orthodontire world

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Speaker 1: because I've had some experience there, but otherwise I feel

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Speaker 1: like it's all you. So I'm going to ask you

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Speaker 1: some fun questions. Just go over to our audience. We

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Speaker 1: are not going to get super personal because her kids

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Speaker 1: are at the age where well we can even talk

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Speaker 1: about that they care, right, they care. Well, that's one

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Speaker 1: of the things that you know, there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: resources for parents of younger kids out there, and a

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Speaker 1: lot of it is very conversational, like look what my

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Speaker 1: baby did, and here's what we did with this, or

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Speaker 1: you know, here's an issue we're having with our four

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Speaker 1: year old and you know, this is how we handled it.

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Speaker 1: Because at that age they don't care so much, right,

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Speaker 1: Like they're not their own internet presence, for instance, their

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Speaker 1: friends are not their own Internet presence or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: But I mean, once they're older, they definitely do care

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Speaker 1: and they have their own ways that they would like

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Speaker 1: to be presented to the world. And the stories that

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Speaker 1: you might want to tell are not just your stories anymore,

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Speaker 1: and so I try to be very aware of that.

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Speaker 1: You know, just you need to ask before posting a

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Speaker 1: photo of an older child, for instance, on social media,

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Speaker 1: before writing about an older child, for instance. I think

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Speaker 1: it's good to get permission. They might read it, they

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Speaker 1: might listen to it. So these these are just things

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Speaker 1: that I think makes a lot of parents of older

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Speaker 1: kids not be as opened, and not because they're not

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Speaker 1: being authentic. It's just that it's not just your story

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Speaker 1: to tell. And so keep that in mind that people

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Speaker 1: may be dealing with all sorts of issues that they

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Speaker 1: can't just publicly share, and so it's really helpful to

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Speaker 1: not rely on the internet as much. I think this

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Speaker 1: is definitely a situation where it's better to have, you know,

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Speaker 1: friends whose kids maybe are a little bit older than

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Speaker 1: yours that you know that you can ask questions, because

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Speaker 1: that will be more helpful than trying to rely on

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Speaker 1: somebody who is going to have to be more careful

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Speaker 1: about what they share. No, that totally makes sense. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So I'll try to steer clear of, you know, interrogating

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Speaker 1: questions and if we get there, then you can just

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Speaker 1: say pass or something. All right. So first I wanted

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Speaker 1: to ask about one on one time because you know,

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Speaker 1: my kids are still at an age where they're like, yes,

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Speaker 1: mommy day, I'm so excited. So are you still able

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Speaker 1: to spend one on one time? Do they resist more?

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Speaker 1: Do you enjoy it? And what would you do if

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Speaker 1: they started to resist? Well, it becomes harder to spend

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Speaker 1: one on one time. Part that's a function of the

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Speaker 1: spread of kids that the one year old needs so

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Speaker 1: much attention, and if he's not having attention, then the

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Speaker 1: six year old needs attention, and so there's less time

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Speaker 1: left over. But you can come up with ways. What

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Speaker 1: I've tried to do is have some projects I do

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Speaker 1: with the older kids that they are interested in and

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Speaker 1: I am interested in too. So we do a lot

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Speaker 1: of legos around here, doing a gigantic rocket ship with

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Speaker 1: Sam that is, you know, like twelve hundred pieces, three

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Speaker 1: hundred steps whatever, it's complicated. Ruth and I are making

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Speaker 1: a Lego friends Amusement Park, which likewise has like ten

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Speaker 1: bags and you know those booklets of steps that appear

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Speaker 1: to be a giant novels because they're so long. This

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Speaker 1: is something fun. Michael reads with Ruth pretty regularly. The

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Speaker 1: two of them have been working They work through all

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Speaker 1: of Harry Potter over the past year. They are now

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Speaker 1: going through Nancy Drew, which we have a couple of

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Speaker 1: classic Nancy Drew books. One actually has an inscription from

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Speaker 1: Mary vander Mullen in December twenty fifth, nineteen fifty four.

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Speaker 1: So that was my mom when she was eight and

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Speaker 1: she was reading Nancy Drew. So this has lasted in

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Speaker 1: the family through to this point. So that's pretty exciting.

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Speaker 1: Some slightly less politically correct parts of you know, nineteen

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Speaker 1: forties Nancy Drew books, as you might imagine, but you know,

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Speaker 1: we have relatively sophisticated literature consumption in here that we

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Speaker 1: can explain these things. But yeah, so they've been going

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Speaker 1: through that. Jasper and I need to find something more

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Speaker 1: we can do together. He did get a knife throwing

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Speaker 1: set for Christmas, very hunger games, so he and I

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Speaker 1: did a little bit of that. You know, I need

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Speaker 1: to suggest that we go out and do that he's

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Speaker 1: probably the harder one to spend time with. But you

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Speaker 1: can always get time driving kids, all right. If nothing

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Speaker 1: else they don't want to do anything else with you,

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Speaker 1: they do still need you to drive them places. And

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Speaker 1: so if you can establish some sort of expectation that

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Speaker 1: a child not, for instance, be on their headphones and

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Speaker 1: their phone while you're driving them somewhere, then you might

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Speaker 1: be able to have a chat. But you know, it's

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Speaker 1: so nobody's resisting this so much yet. I'm sure they will.

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Speaker 1: But if you're doing fun things, then I think there's

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Speaker 1: slightly less resistance to it because it's something the kid

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Speaker 1: might want to do anyway, and then they just have

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Speaker 1: company while they're doing it. Well, Like and you used

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Speaker 1: to be able to take the trips with them. That

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Speaker 1: must have been a nice extended quality. Yeah, and I

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Speaker 1: do hope to get back to that. I've done some

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Speaker 1: travel with just the big kids, and you know, like

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Speaker 1: in the summer of twenty nineteen, I took Jasper, Sam

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Speaker 1: and Ruth on a Disney cruise, for instance, and they

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Speaker 1: can just travel in a way that the younger kids can't,

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Speaker 1: And so I definitely want to do more of that.

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Speaker 1: I mean partly just to expose them to stoff that

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Speaker 1: I don't think I ness, so it can bring a

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Speaker 1: baby to you know, we'll figure it out we as

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Speaker 1: we go. I don't want them to not have the

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Speaker 1: travel experience just because we have younger kids, and it's

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Speaker 1: really difficult to travel with younger kids. So we'll do

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Speaker 1: some trading off with that kind of thing, and we'll

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Speaker 1: get back to the mommy days. I'm sure as life

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Speaker 1: opens up, you know, as Henry gets weaned at some point,

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Speaker 1: and as travel is more of an option, then we'll

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Speaker 1: get back to that awesome. Okay, here's a fun question.

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Speaker 1: Clearly middle school dances are not currently happening. That may

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Speaker 1: or may not be a good thing for these kids,

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Speaker 1: because I don't know that I have the fondest memories

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Speaker 1: of those things, and I might not have been that

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Speaker 1: sad if they were canceled. But so, yeah, how are

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Speaker 1: the kids doing socially in the COVID era? It is

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Speaker 1: really tough. I mean, I gotta say I'm not sad

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Speaker 1: about middle school dances not really happening. That's just the

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Speaker 1: awkwardness would be. I don't know. Any case, it's hard

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Speaker 1: because they go to hybrid school right now. But they've

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Speaker 1: basically taken all the fun stuff out of school. I mean,

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Speaker 1: so even just sitting in the cafeteria, you have to

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Speaker 1: sit six feet apart from everyone, So it's not like

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Speaker 1: you can have a conversation with your friends over the

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Speaker 1: lunch table. You know, people are in much smaller classes

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Speaker 1: that they're not seeing as many people. You're just going

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Speaker 1: straight from class to class like you're not supposed to be,

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Speaker 1: you know, chatting with lots of people in the hallway

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Speaker 1: and so, and then activity is not really happening so much.

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Speaker 1: I mean, so Jasper was in this advanced choir that

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Speaker 1: was great. He had chosen to audition for that and

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Speaker 1: they were meeting early mornings twice a week, and he

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Speaker 1: had a lot of friends in that. And then of

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Speaker 1: course they can't do choir now, and so it's been

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Speaker 1: really hard. And I see this with all the kids,

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Speaker 1: that it's so much more difficult to do those friendship

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Speaker 1: building behaviors when you can't just have a casual conversation

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Speaker 1: over lunch. You know, the elementary school, they don't have

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Speaker 1: recent because they're there just in the mornings where they

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Speaker 1: get their core academic classes. They go home to eat lunch.

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Speaker 1: I enjoy having lunch with my big kids. That's certainly

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Speaker 1: something that I would not have had without COVID. But

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Speaker 1: on the other hand, I'm sure they would like to

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Speaker 1: be eating with their friends more than they like to

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Speaker 1: be eating with me and playing with their friends on

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Speaker 1: the playground, and that just isn't part of the school

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Speaker 1: day anymore, and so it is very difficult to maintain

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Speaker 1: those relationships. Now. They do have some you know, electronics stuff,

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Speaker 1: like people do video games with friends, Like we have

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Speaker 1: video game play dates that they will be on at

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Speaker 1: a certain time to play with friends. They will text

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Speaker 1: and FaceTime with people, and so, you know, there's some

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Speaker 1: of that, but it's really really challenging. I'm glad that

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Speaker 1: Alex at least is in full time in person school

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Speaker 1: because he would have an even harder time of managing

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Speaker 1: any sort of electronic friendship that at age six, I mean,

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Speaker 1: how would you even do that really, So it's at

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Speaker 1: least the older kids have that. Yeah, that is tough.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully will change at some point, although middle school dances

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Speaker 1: probably are not going to be a thrill to anyone.

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Speaker 1: Maybe some people love them, I don't know. All Right,

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Speaker 1: increased responsibility and chores. I'm curious about this. I was

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Speaker 1: actually really impressed with the number of things you mentioned

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Speaker 1: they're doing, because I gotta admit my kids don't do

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Speaker 1: that much. So maybe I'm late on that right now.

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Speaker 1: I feel like all they do is like clear their table.

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Speaker 1: Well that's not nothing. I mean, sometimes clean up their toys.

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Speaker 1: If you don't have to remind them, I mean that's great.

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Speaker 1: Like if they just automatically do it it's a habit,

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Speaker 1: then then awesome. I mean we so we are not

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Speaker 1: doing allowances is a bit of a long story. I

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Speaker 1: had an allowance growing up, and I thought it was fine.

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Speaker 1: But other members of my family have different opinions on this,

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Speaker 1: and it's some things are not worth fighting about when

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Speaker 1: one person feels very strongly about something. So we are

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Speaker 1: not doing that. They do though. The older kids have

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Speaker 1: brokerage accounts, so we skipped the entire allowance stage and

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Speaker 1: went straight to the investings age. So I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you want to say that's that. Maybe we get

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Speaker 1: points for that in the financial community, that the kids

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Speaker 1: can choose stock stocks that they wish to purchase. You know,

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Speaker 1: often it's companies that they know something about of course,

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Speaker 1: because they're even though in general we shouldn't be buying

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Speaker 1: individual stocks, like the goal is to get them interested

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Speaker 1: in it. They set stock price targets like when we

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Speaker 1: will buy based on how the history of the stock

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Speaker 1: and it's ups and downs and you know, it's so

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Speaker 1: hopefully that's kind of like an allowance though if you're

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Speaker 1: giving them money to put in there. Yeah, well we

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Speaker 1: put one initial sum in when they got the account,

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Speaker 1: like to open it, right, because you can't open it

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Speaker 1: without a certain amount in there, and then I haven't

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Speaker 1: you know, anything that comes. It's fortunately the last few

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Speaker 1: years have been great for growing, except for like down

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Speaker 1: in March, and we just didn't show it to them then.

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Speaker 1: But then it's been like got fifty percent in March

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Speaker 1: or something, so it's it's it's a lot anyway, and

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Speaker 1: you don't like let them spend theirs. You're just it's

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Speaker 1: there to sit there so they can watch them. So

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Speaker 1: I should, you know, explain the how how the money works.

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Speaker 1: I get, okay, so the money and chores are totally separate,

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Speaker 1: but how money works is, yes, they get that account

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Speaker 1: when they are ten and then can make investing decisions

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Speaker 1: with it. We generally buy things they need or if

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Speaker 1: there is a good argument for why they want it.

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Speaker 1: So books I will just buy because I want the

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Speaker 1: kids to read. Clothes nobody has, you know, developed an

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Speaker 1: interest in designer clothes, So I mean, if you want

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Speaker 1: something from Old Navy, like I will, I will buy

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Speaker 1: you your sweatshirt from Old Navy. Video games we might

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Speaker 1: argue a bit more about and toys, but I mean

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Speaker 1: there's so many in the house that I feel there's

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Speaker 1: less of, especially you know, when they come in for

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Speaker 1: birthdays and Christmas fairly regularly and with a lot of kids,

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Speaker 1: like other people get stuff for their birthdays that then

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Speaker 1: can also be fun to play with, so there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of gifts coming in over the course of the year.

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Speaker 1: They also get gift cards that they just don't use.

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Speaker 1: So if there's something that they do want to be like,

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Speaker 1: oh wait, you have this forty dollars gift card from Amazon,

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Speaker 1: sign it over to me, and then I will buy

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Speaker 1: you this video game from wherever and then just put

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Speaker 1: it into the Amazon file, which eventually I used by

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Speaker 1: contact lens solution and socks and stuff like that. Doesn't

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Speaker 1: Amazon have the video game? I'm just sometimes they do

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Speaker 1: sometimes they don't, so, but but you treat the gift

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Speaker 1: cards as cash basically in the household economy. So that

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Speaker 1: is how we And I'm not saying this will work

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Speaker 1: forever because I'm sure they will develop more expensive tastes

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Speaker 1: at some point and then we'll have to draw the

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Speaker 1: line on it, or that they will ask for things

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Speaker 1: that there's no plausible, good reason that they need. But

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Speaker 1: you know, I think if we're not going anywhere either,

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Speaker 1: it's not like they have spending money occasions right now either.

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Speaker 1: So I'm sure this will not last well forever, but

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Speaker 1: we have to do it eventually. All right, let's take

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Speaker 1: a quick break. Okay, I have one more money related question.

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Speaker 1: When you go on trips, do you give them like

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Speaker 1: a budget. That's been our practice. That's the only reason

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Speaker 1: I'm asking, Like if we back in the day we're

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Speaker 1: at Disney, we would tell them, like, you have fifty

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Speaker 1: dollars that you can spend throughout our time here, because

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Speaker 1: we feel like that's good practice, like if you use

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Speaker 1: it all now, it's going to be gone and budgeting

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Speaker 1: kind of an exercise. So yeah, we basically have said,

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Speaker 1: like you can get one souvenir, so think about what

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Speaker 1: that is, and that has been so far has mostly worked.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that it has then only been

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Speaker 1: one souvenir, because then like somebody else will find something

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Speaker 1: small and then everyone else wants that. But it's enough

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Speaker 1: to limit it, Like it's not that we buy something

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Speaker 1: in every single gift store. Like we might start out

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Speaker 1: saying one and then wind up with two. But it's

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Speaker 1: not that we, you know, have a free for all

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Speaker 1: or anything like that. And I'm fine if it's two,

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Speaker 1: as long as it's limited and not over the top.

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Speaker 1: But the chore question should I get back to, I mean,

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Speaker 1: what your kids clear the table? Do they? I mean,

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Speaker 1: do you have any expectation of anything beyond that at

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Speaker 1: this point? I mean they're supposed to pick up their

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Speaker 1: own toys, which sometimes becomes a bit of a battle,

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Speaker 1: and I'll say something like, well, if you don't clean

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Speaker 1: up the mess you made, then we're not watching anything,

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Speaker 1: and then certain children who will remain unnamed, might say, well,

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Speaker 1: then fine, I'm not watching it, and so it's like, okay, well,

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Speaker 1: so now I think that's something we need to work on.

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Speaker 1: And the interesting thing is, you know, two out of

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Speaker 1: three are currently attending a Montessori school, which is super

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Speaker 1: strict about like you have to sweep, and you have

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Speaker 1: this like cleaning cycle, and they're like really specific about

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Speaker 1: cleaning up after yourself and doing things for yourself. And

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Speaker 1: so I'm hoping that we're going to evolve more in

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Speaker 1: that direction. I don't know that I've seen it. So

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Speaker 1: inspire me because your kids are doing a lot. I

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Speaker 1: don't know that they're doing a lot. I mean they

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Speaker 1: I mean they have to pick up their rooms and

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Speaker 1: pick up the basement before the cleaning service comes, right

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Speaker 1: so that things can be vacuumed. I mean, that's pretty

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Speaker 1: straightforward there. Our nanny does their laundry. They are supposed

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Speaker 1: to put it all away right, so, like comes out

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Speaker 1: of the dryer, they are supposed to put it away

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Speaker 1: in joors. Some people do it quicker than others. It's

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Speaker 1: an interesting phenomenon of the order in which it tends

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Speaker 1: to happen. We often request that they empty the dishwasher.

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Speaker 1: Everyone has to take their stuff off the table, and

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Speaker 1: if we ask for help with clearing other stuff off

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Speaker 1: the table, they have to do it. The boys will

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Speaker 1: if asked again. It's not automatic. Nothing of this is automatic.

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Speaker 1: But if asked, they'll help take out the trash. One

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Speaker 1: thing I have needed a lot of is asking them

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Speaker 1: to watch Henry and so the three older children can

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Speaker 1: all watch him for periods of like ten minutes if

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Speaker 1: somebody needs to go do something right, like make dinner,

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Speaker 1: take a shower. So that is something that we have

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Speaker 1: definitely been asking them to do, and I would say

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Speaker 1: people are generally relatively happy about doing that. That's not

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Speaker 1: been any argument over that so far. But you know,

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Speaker 1: certainly they're not doing huge amounts of things we said

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Speaker 1: we don't give an allowance. Michael has offered extra cash

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Speaker 1: for like big projects like weeding the yard a job

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Speaker 1: if they don't want to do it. So it's like, again,

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Speaker 1: they don't need because maybe if their wants are somewhat

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Speaker 1: limited and then there's not really a huge incentive to

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Speaker 1: do it. So there you go. It's like the my

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Speaker 1: screen time motivation exactly. Then by yeah, yeah, so interesting. Well,

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Speaker 1: I think I think it sounds like you're doing I

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Speaker 1: think it sounds like you're doing pretty well in terms

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Speaker 1: of that. I want to work on getting mine to

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Speaker 1: be a little bit more independent and have responsibilities. Okay,

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Speaker 1: where are we? Oh? Wait, you were going to talk

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Speaker 1: about cooking, cooking which is impressible. Well, I've mentioned that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Sam will cook mac and cheese for everyone for lunch,

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Speaker 1: which is great. I've been impressed with Jasper has the

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Speaker 1: Family and consumer science class at his Noddle school. But

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Speaker 1: they've done some projects that are He actually made his

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Speaker 1: own pair of pajama pants and they were not bad.

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Speaker 1: I mean like they used a sewing machine. It's nice

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Speaker 1: flannel pajama pants. He's worn them. I mean, it's great.

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Speaker 1: I'm a big fan. He made us with Michael's help.

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Speaker 1: He made a stir fry the other night. Unfortunately, the

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Speaker 1: kids are not adventurous eaters, so not many of them

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Speaker 1: really ate the stur fry. But I thought it was good.

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Speaker 1: I thought it was really good. So maybe I can

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Speaker 1: get them to get them to do that again. Maybe

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Speaker 1: the more they make things, the more they might. You know,

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Speaker 1: I keep reading that as parenting advice, and that's never

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Speaker 1: happened in my house. Like people will grow the vegetable

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Speaker 1: and not eat it. They will prepare the salad but

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Speaker 1: not eat it. They will you know, it's just whatever.

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Speaker 1: That's so funny. I will say it has worked in

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Speaker 1: our house a little bit. So your mileage maybury, but yes,

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Speaker 1: yours tend to be more challenging in that realm anyway. Okay,

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Speaker 1: digital freedom clearly something a lot of people talk about

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Speaker 1: and are nervous about. You know, there's that whole movement

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Speaker 1: like wait until eighth to give your kid a phone,

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Speaker 1: and like when do you do that? And Steve Jobs

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Speaker 1: kids never had any technology, and god knows what mythology

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Speaker 1: is out there, I will share that we were always like, oh,

429
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 1: we're never letting her, you know, we're not gonna give

430
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,879
Speaker 1: our kids phones. And sure enough my phone broke. I

431
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 1: replaced it, but then it revived itself, and we were like, anabell,

432
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,360
Speaker 1: you can help this. I don't know, just sort of happened.

433
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 1: It is not connected as a phone, so like there's

434
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 1: no data or anything. She can't actually like call, but

435
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,560
Speaker 1: she can skype. She can pretty much use it as

436
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 1: a phone when she's in the house, which is a

437
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 1: lot of the time. She's not allowed to take it

438
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 1: to school. But that just kind of happened. And so

439
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: I guess I would say that even if you're a

440
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 1: family that's made a lot of decrees, you just never know.

441
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,680
Speaker 1: You just never know if there's going to be a pandemic,

442
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,880
Speaker 1: or you just something seems less scary when you get

443
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,159
Speaker 1: close to it, maybe because it's been fine. I mean,

444
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,560
Speaker 1: we limit it, and she's using it just like she

445
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 1: would use an iPad or computer, so it's not really

446
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 1: that different. But how have you handled things because your

447
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 1: kids probably want to do more advanced things like I

448
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 1: don't know, social media type stuff. Yeah, so we started

449
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:14,439
Speaker 1: giving our role in our household was you could get

450
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 1: a phone for your eleventh birthday, and it has remained

451
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,639
Speaker 1: that you get your first like nice phone at your

452
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: eleventh birthday. But of course, if each kid gets a

453
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,639
Speaker 1: phone at the eleventh birthday, as you might imagine, you

454
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: wind up with the supply of older phones, just as

455
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: you mentioned. You know, Jasper got his phone at eleven,

456
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: but then he turned thirteen. Before Sam turned eleven, Sam

457
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 1: was still ten. So Sam got his old phone at ten,

458
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 1: then he got in a phone at eleven, and then

459
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: Ruth kind of immediately inherited that old phone, which she,

460
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 1: you know, doesn't really use for anything other than surfing

461
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 1: the web at home or doing her duo Lingo Spanish app,

462
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,120
Speaker 1: which is great. She's a little chip off the black

463
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,719
Speaker 1: hair because she's now got a seventy plus day streak

464
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:06,239
Speaker 1: of studying Spanish. She also has this Gizmoto watch. This

465
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,920
Speaker 1: is this might be an interim solution for some families

466
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 1: that if you have a situation where a child who's

467
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 1: like ages nine to eleven or whatever, you don't want

468
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 1: to give them a full cell phone, but you actually

469
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,159
Speaker 1: do need to text them or call them or anything

470
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 1: like that or know where they are. It is a watch,

471
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 1: a smart watch that it's like cheaper than an Apple watch,

472
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 1: and it can text and call a certain number of people.

473
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 1: There's sets and you know, responds to a certain number

474
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 1: of things. And that's been good. Like she'll call her

475
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: grandparents on it, or she can text us if she

476
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 1: needs to. She's not away from us anywhere at this point.

477
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,520
Speaker 1: I originally got it for Sam because we have this

478
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,719
Speaker 1: whole thing that occupied a whole lot of mental space

479
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 1: last year where I was like, I'm going to have

480
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,720
Speaker 1: the baby and Jasper's gonna have early morning choir and

481
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,199
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to bring the baby with me, but

482
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to leave the other kids at home

483
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 1: while Michael is traveling, and like all of these things

484
00:24:56,359 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 1: completely disappeared as issues, but we still have the watch,

485
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 1: so there are Jasper does have some social media accounts

486
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 1: that are limited their private and so the general thought is,

487
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 1: if you know somebody in person, then that as a

488
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:18,400
Speaker 1: person that can be part of your social media universe.

489
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,959
Speaker 1: If you don't, then that person should not be. We

490
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 1: aren't really policing any of it very carefully. I know

491
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:32,680
Speaker 1: that they're watching Netflix shows on their phones. I don't

492
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,920
Speaker 1: entirely know what they're watching. I have not seen anything

493
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 1: on the phone so far that there was one time

494
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 1: then a child may have looked at something, but there

495
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 1: was a conversation about that, and you know, in general,

496
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,959
Speaker 1: it hasn't been too much visue again. I think this

497
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 1: may change over time, but trying to you know, talk

498
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: about it as we go and maintain open line of

499
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 1: communication because I mean, what else can you do. I mean,

500
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: I have four boys and the Internet is full of

501
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 1: all sorts of things, right like it would be foolish

502
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: of me to think that I can keep it all

503
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 1: out forever, so instead of I can obviously put limits

504
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,160
Speaker 1: on things and have you know, parental controls and things

505
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 1: like that. But I think in general, you also want

506
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 1: to have conversations about why you might not want to

507
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: seek out everything that the unit rent has to offer,

508
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: And so that's more where I'm trying to focus my efforts. No,

509
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,160
Speaker 1: that makes total sense, And I think what you said

510
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:42,199
Speaker 1: about open lines of communication, because I think, you know,

511
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: back in the day when we were raised, there was

512
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 1: much less of that. Parents and kids kind of kept

513
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 1: a lot of Oh, I would never talk to my

514
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 1: parents about that kind of a thing. And I think

515
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,640
Speaker 1: that's a lot of times to kids detriment because if

516
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 1: something's a secret, then it could kind of spiral off

517
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,399
Speaker 1: in the wrong direction, Whereas if you know bits and

518
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 1: pieces of things are evolving, then you can kind of

519
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 1: offer advice and help steer the ship. And I think

520
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 1: that I think that's actually that sounds probably how we

521
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 1: will handle such things in the future, because truthfully, eventually

522
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,360
Speaker 1: kids are going to go to college and there will

523
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 1: be no parental controls on their internet there. So to say,

524
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: you know, if you have a question, don't go ask Google.

525
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,679
Speaker 1: You can ask me, right And because I don't know

526
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: what Google's going to cough up, but I know what

527
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:30,160
Speaker 1: I can, and so that's what I'm trying to encourage

528
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 1: and that's probably in why you spend one on one

529
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,359
Speaker 1: time together. So if people do have questions, that's an

530
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: occasion where you're, you know, doing something together, so you

531
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: don't have to stare at each other having an awkward conversation,

532
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 1: but it's it's where things can come up. And so

533
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 1: so that's definitely what I'm trying to do. That makes sense. Okay,

534
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: this is a popular question that we get, and you

535
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: certainly don't have to share any specifics because this is

536
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 1: an area where I also think that nobody wants to

537
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 1: hear specifics, but academics. If things are going well, obviously

538
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,119
Speaker 1: it's easy to say, oh, I don't do anything, everything's great,

539
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: but maybe even you can share like what your friends

540
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: have done, Like how involved do you think parents should

541
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 1: get if things are not going well? And maybe in

542
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 1: terms of like other people, you know, what strategies seem

543
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 1: to have worked. Things go up and down in our

544
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: house in terms and different kids can go through different

545
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 1: phases of finding things more challenging than not. I think

546
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: virtual learning has been hard because there's less of that

547
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,879
Speaker 1: accountability with the teacher being like, hey, you know, where

548
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: is this stuff? And you're in the class and you know,

549
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 1: you can sort of have that conversation. I think it's

550
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: easier to blow stuff off when it's virtual. So I'm

551
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 1: glad again that they're in at least some of the time.

552
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: I wish they were in full time because I think

553
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: there would be more accountability for it. Then, you know,

554
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 1: we all go through this transition. I mean maybe you

555
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 1: never had to, but where school goes from being really

556
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 1: easy if you're a fairly smart kid, to school not

557
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 1: being so easy, and like you sort of realize, like, oh,

558
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 1: I actually have to work. And that point can hit

559
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 1: at different points for different children, but it's going to

560
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: hit eventually, and I see that it's hitting earlier for

561
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 1: my kids and it necessarily hit for me. But I

562
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: don't think that's because I'm smarter than my children. I

563
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 1: think it's that their school is harder, and so I'm

564
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: glad about that. I'm glad that they have more challenging curriculum.

565
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 1: But yeah, we're talking about like, well, if stuff isn't

566
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 1: immediately easy, that's not because you are stupid. It is

567
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 1: because you have to work on it, and if you

568
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: put more time into it, you will get better. There's

569
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 1: various strategies you can use. Oh look, your teachers have

570
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: times where they are available that they're not actually teaching.

571
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 1: How about you go talk to them during those times.

572
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 1: There's an idea like if a particular subject is seeming

573
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 1: much harder than being proactive about getting ahead of it,

574
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 1: and so that's you know again, it's just the open

575
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 1: lines of communication. I think in life, people have to

576
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 1: make their own way, and you learn a lot more

577
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: when you realize that you want to do something. And

578
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 1: so I just don't. I mean, I don't really have

579
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 1: it in me to be a helicopter parent and to

580
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: check in on everything. I mean, I will check in

581
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 1: if I start getting notes from a teacher that stuff

582
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 1: has just never come in, But I can't every single day,

583
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 1: and I can't stand over them and do them because

584
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to do that forever.

585
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 1: So I was like, well, you have to want to

586
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 1: do this, so let's talk about the things in your

587
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 1: future that are going to be enabled by doing well

588
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 1: in school now and just keep having that conversation. Part

589
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: of me is like, yes, that makes sense, and the

590
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: other part of me is like, as a pediatric endor chronologist,

591
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: I have learned my adolescents do not care at all

592
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 1: about like what their future might look like in five years,

593
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 1: like they do not, Like they absolutely don't care. Like

594
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 1: I could be like, oh, you're going to be healthy

595
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 1: or like whatever. Like the only thing that seems to

596
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: motivate them is like maybe like, oh, you know, you

597
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 1: have football season coming up and your performance isn't going

598
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 1: to be as good if you're a one CS twelve

599
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: that might might or even like we have this cool

600
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 1: new piece of technology, but insurance isn't going to prove

601
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 1: it unless you are at least checking your blood sugar,

602
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 1: like you know, once a week or something. I mean,

603
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 1: I'm kind of being very facetious with what I'm saying,

604
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,959
Speaker 1: but so I'm impressed that works. Maybe it works more

605
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: when it's coming from a parent than when it's coming

606
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 1: from I'm not saying it works one hundred percent, like,

607
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 1: but I just have to have faith that long term

608
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: it will right like that you know it's not entirely

609
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: going over the head, that it's in there somewhere too, yes,

610
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 1: And you know, you have much more of a relationship

611
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 1: with your children obviously, and they're watching you and how

612
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 1: you live versus me who I get to see my

613
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: patients like a few times a year, so that probably

614
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 1: also helps a lot. But it is funny becuse I'm like, oh,

615
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 1: the horizon talk with your team, Like I yeah, they

616
00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: struggle with that, and it's not their fault. It's their

617
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 1: it's the way their brain is designed. And sometimes I

618
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 1: just have to remind myself of that because it could

619
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: be frustrating from a clinical perspective. But okay, I'm getting

620
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: way off track, but yeah, I think this is an

621
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 1: area where everybody I know struggles and has a lot

622
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 1: of opinions. And maybe we'll have to have another expert

623
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: guest later. Although what we were saying is, and you

624
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 1: mentioned you said, probably nobody knows what they're doing when

625
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 1: it comes to teenagers. Yeah, I know. You asked me

626
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 1: like who do I follow to get advice? And I

627
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 1: was like, you know, everyone's just figuring it out, and

628
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 1: I mean inevitably. You want to be careful about putting

629
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: yourself out as an expert because then it's like your

630
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,239
Speaker 1: kid's going to do something terrible. It's like, you know,

631
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: the marriage experts who then get divorced, and like the

632
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 1: parenting expert whose kid has been you know, publicly arrested.

633
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 1: In some horrible way. I mean, it's just like nobody

634
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 1: knows and you just try to do the best you

635
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,479
Speaker 1: can and if they turn out great, that's awesome. Like

636
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: it's probably not all because of you. That again, if

637
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: something goes terribly wrong, again, it's also not probably all

638
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: because of you either. So we just have to hope

639
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: on a day to day basis that the better angels

640
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 1: of our nature will prevail. Okay, one more fun question,

641
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 1: which is any TV shows or pop culture that you've

642
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: kind of enjoyed sharing with. Well, you mentioned a couple.

643
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 1: I will say Harry Potter has been like a really

644
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: fun stage to get to with my kids because I

645
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: feel like before that, you know, I could try to enjoy,

646
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 1: but I like legitimately enjoy reading because I haven't read

647
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: those books for a long time and they're so good,

648
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: and just getting to re experience that with them has

649
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 1: been really fun and something that wouldn't. It is a

650
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 1: little tough because Genevieve gets bored and starts like singing,

651
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 1: and I have to like talk really loud to talk

652
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 1: over her. And it's a reminder that three year olds

653
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: really can appreciate Harry Potter. But you know, almost seven

654
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: to nine year olds can, So that's that's fun. But

655
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 1: any specific series or things that have been fun of

656
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: experience with your big kids, well, I mean, part of

657
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: the problem is here, I'm not a huge movie or

658
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 1: TV person, so I haven't necessary necessarily been watching The

659
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 1: Jasper and I may try to find maybe some sort

660
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 1: of makeover show we can watch together. I'll work on

661
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 1: that with him, and you know, Ruth is doing Nancy

662
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 1: Drew now with Michael. I read A Little House in

663
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,719
Speaker 1: the Big Woods to Ruth and Alex. They seem to

664
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 1: mostly like it. You know, there's parts that are a

665
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 1: little slow, but they like the idea of playing in

666
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: the woods and the preparations for winter and all the

667
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 1: things that they pulled together from their own homestead, which

668
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: is of course always really fun to think of with

669
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: the Little House books. So you know, I think I'm

670
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 1: trying to Some of the series I've suggested people read

671
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 1: have not gone over as well, and maybe it's just

672
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 1: the oh well, nobody. People have to like their own thing,

673
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 1: and different kids like their own things, and hopefully they'll

674
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 1: stumble on to some of the books I liked and

675
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 1: decide they like them too. And some of your kids

676
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 1: have express interesting Game of Thrones and you're trying to

677
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 1: decide if that's so. Michael does, in fact like violent

678
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: TV and Josh loves Game of Thrones, like Superman. I mean,

679
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 1: there's just been a bunch of like terrible stuff. But

680
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 1: we're trying to figure out what shows they can watch together.

681
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: And I know that there is some boy time after

682
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: I've gone to bed on weekends where they're watching movies

683
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:28,279
Speaker 1: or watching TV shows, and I just I stay out

684
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:32,839
Speaker 1: of it completely and trust that some judgment is being exercised,

685
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 1: which may or may not be the case. But I mean,

686
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 1: if you're watching it with your dad, I guess having

687
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 1: a parent by their side, it's kind of like the

688
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 1: best case scenario. You could. You could fast forward, you

689
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 1: could discuss, you could, you know, all kinds of things.

690
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: Josh likes to watch Marvel with Cameron at times, and

691
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,919
Speaker 1: it's not very interesting to Annabel nor me. So there

692
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 1: you go, there you go. It's good that they have

693
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 1: their things. They can they can do. I have boy,

694
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 1: I just can't stay up late. So I guess it's

695
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 1: good that they're doing it with him. Awesome. I think

696
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,759
Speaker 1: I think that's that's good. Maybe we'll have to do

697
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 1: like a second edition later because I feel like there

698
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 1: is more we could go into related to big kids.

699
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:16,240
Speaker 1: But this was very fun hearing about all the things

700
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 1: that I and many others can expect in their life. Ooh,

701
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 1: I'm going to provide a very brief orthodontic update. Yes,

702
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 1: orthodonic update for those who read my blog. I talked

703
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,440
Speaker 1: about how Annabel was getting a palette expander, and she

704
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,799
Speaker 1: is not. She's a little sensitive when it comes to pain,

705
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 1: as many of us are, so I wasn't sure how

706
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 1: that was going to go. And the first day she

707
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,240
Speaker 1: came home and I had to like pure everything because

708
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,880
Speaker 1: she wasn't going to chew anything solid. But I'm so

709
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,799
Speaker 1: happy to report she can pretty much talk normally now,

710
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 1: she will eat everything. She's been very good when it

711
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 1: comes to like turning the little crank that you have

712
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 1: to turn on the top to Why didn't the palette

713
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 1: which I got to experience as well as a child,

714
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:55,799
Speaker 1: So I guess we have genetically laying palettes. But so

715
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:57,919
Speaker 1: it's been much better than I expected. Now she doesn't

716
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: have brackets put on yet, so I think that'll be

717
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 1: a next hurdle to climb but I've been pleasantly surprised

718
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 1: at the adaptability of a kid with stuff in their mouth. Yes,

719
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: I don't want stuff in my mouth ever. Ever again,

720
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:16,399
Speaker 1: all right, well, let's head over to the question section here.

721
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 1: This is I guess this is for you too ready

722
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 1: to much in this episode. That's okay, it's a good episode,

723
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,320
Speaker 1: all right. Since you hosted a time tracking challenge recently,

724
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 1: and for those who follow Alwa's blog, she had like

725
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,439
Speaker 1: a week time tracking challenge in the beginning of the year,

726
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 1: and so this person asked, what is the best way

727
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 1: to track from your phone or do you advise carrying

728
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 1: a piece of paper or print out everywhere? Well, so,

729
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,359
Speaker 1: there's lots of different ways you can do this. What

730
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 1: I do is I have my spreadsheet on my laptop,

731
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 1: and my laptop generally stays on my desk at home

732
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 1: unless I am traveling for multiple days, and then obviously

733
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 1: it comes with me. I check in three times a

734
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 1: day to fill out the time log, so it really

735
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 1: only requires three minutes on the computer on any given day,

736
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 1: and so I don't feel like it has to come

737
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,959
Speaker 1: with me. Now, I've been tracking for close to six

738
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 1: years now, so I remember how I'm spending my time.

739
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 1: This is not challenging for me. I can see how

740
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 1: if you are first learning to do this, it might

741
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,920
Speaker 1: help to check in a little bit more frequently. But

742
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: even so, I mean every three or four hours is

743
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 1: probably okay. So you can take notes as well, So

744
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 1: if you are going to be away from your computer,

745
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 1: for instance, or from your smartphone or wherever you are

746
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 1: recording it, you can just take notes on a piece

747
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 1: of paper and then fill it in later. And that

748
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 1: can help for situations where you actually don't want to

749
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:43,879
Speaker 1: be on your device all day long. So I think

750
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,359
Speaker 1: that's what that question was getting at, Like, do I

751
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 1: actually think you need to carry this thing with you

752
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: all day? I mean, I'm not going anywhere. I don't know.

753
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 1: Maybe this person just goes more places than I do.

754
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm working from home in a pandemic, so

755
00:38:56,719 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: I haven't had to be away from the all that much.

756
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 1: But I do know that in the past it has

757
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 1: either come with me for longer trips or if I'm

758
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 1: you know, out and about doing a lot of stuff,

759
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 1: I'll just, you know, send a note to myself on

760
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 1: my phone, email myself the rough time log, write a

761
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 1: note on a slip of paper, fill it in later,

762
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 1: and that's that's been fine. I don't track time, but

763
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: if I did, and I was going to use my phone,

764
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 1: I would probably use the notes up because it's just

765
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 1: so easy. You just have like a blank little document

766
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 1: for the day. You just like, oh, I'm doing this

767
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:31,320
Speaker 1: ten thirty, going to dentist or whatever. So right, Sarah,

768
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 1: what is your love of the week? All right? My

769
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 1: love of the week is a book I just finished

770
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 1: and it was so good. It was a little like harrowing,

771
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 1: so it's not the most relaxing read because you might

772
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: be a little stressed or sad while you read it.

773
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 1: But it was just so well done. And I don't know.

774
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 1: It's my Station eleven equivalent of twenty twenty one. It

775
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 1: was in Napolitano's Dear Edward. So if you want a

776
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 1: book that's going to be very propulsive and you just

777
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 1: want to like empty your heart into something, it's about

778
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 1: a lane crash, a soult survivor oh dear. But it's

779
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 1: really well done. Okay, all right, well that's good. Yeah.

780
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: I know, having read Station eleven made the whole start

781
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: of the pandemic a bit not not fun. I mean,

782
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: not that it would have been fun anyway, but just

783
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: the ideas of what could happen. Not great times I

784
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 1: read it. I read it in January. It's like the

785
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 1: worst timing and it's the same. I had the same feeling.

786
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:30,799
Speaker 1: But even even before the pandemic, as I was reading it,

787
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:34,719
Speaker 1: I was like, this book is like it's beautiful and

788
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: it's interesting, and it's also horrifying and emotionally draining. So

789
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 1: I have the same feelings about Dear Edward, but I

790
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: don't anticipate like the events, you know, coming true in

791
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 1: any way, shape or form, even in a mild form.

792
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 1: So that makes a little better. That's good. So my

793
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: love of the week is this fleece snowsuit type thing

794
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 1: I think we got from well, we didn't buy it

795
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:57,400
Speaker 1: from LBE, and my older brother's family had it and

796
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 1: their children wore it, and Henry now sent it over

797
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 1: his pajamas and I feel like he's been sleeping better

798
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 1: and it's he's just because he must have been cold. So,

799
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 1: you know, anything that works. He now is, you know,

800
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 1: spending much of his life in a little fleece thing

801
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 1: on top of his clothes or on top of his pajamas.

802
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 1: And he seems to be more comfortable, so I'm happy

803
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:26,399
Speaker 1: with it. And it's you know, made gotten through eight

804
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 1: children now, I guess because my older brother's three kids

805
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:31,879
Speaker 1: and then R five, we've all used it, so it's

806
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: it's great. And it seems improbable that he'd be cold

807
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,880
Speaker 1: because he has this like steel like level of blubber.

808
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 1: But babies can be cold too, I guess everyone can

809
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 1: be cold, and Pennsylvania in January. It's part of the

810
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 1: part of the deal. All right, Well, this has been

811
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,800
Speaker 1: best of both worlds. We've been talking teens and tweens.

812
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 1: We will be back next week with more on making

813
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 1: work in life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can

814
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 1: find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com at the

815
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,160
Speaker 1: Underscore shoe Box on Instagram, and you can find me

816
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the

817
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:11,919
Speaker 1: best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time

818
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 1: for more on making work and life work together.