WEBVTT - You've Got Mail: One More Dive into the Ridiculous Crime Mailbag 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:02.759 Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeart Radio. 0:00:04.120 --> 0:00:04.400 Saren. 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:06.880 Hey, he's my favorite person who I do this show with? 0:00:06.960 --> 0:00:07.800 Elizabeth Duntan. 0:00:08.600 --> 0:00:12.320 How I'm good, I'm good. Listen. You know what's ridiculous 0:00:12.720 --> 0:00:13.320 I do? 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:18.599 Okay? You know about my cinematic favorite route, Tom Cruise. 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:21.920 Yeah right, I put emphasis on that my favorite road. 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:25.520 So it's like it's continental because it's it's it should be. 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:28.600 It's more than American. This is my love is it's expanding. 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:31.360 I don't know why. It's much like the Mission Impossible series, 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:34.599 it's international, Like like, why, Liza, why do I love 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:37.360 Tom Cruise? Like I've told you before about the running 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:39.800 I love that. I told you about how he had. 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:41.120 Like pumps his little arms. 0:00:41.159 --> 0:00:42.680 Yeah run, why did you talk about that? Was you 0:00:42.760 --> 0:00:44.680 talking about that? He has a he had a fame 0:00:44.720 --> 0:00:46.279 that I told you about the knee injury. And if 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:48.519 it wasn't for the knee injury wrestling, he wouldn't have 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:51.640 become a multi billion dollar movie star. Yeah. Think of 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:53.680 all the all those jobs he created because of that 0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:56.440 one knee injury. Well, I've got another thing for you, Elizabeth, 0:00:56.440 --> 0:01:01.400 and this is ridiculous. Tom Cruise, my cinematic guy. He's 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:04.720 a scientologist now, you know, right, But he didn't always 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:06.959 want to be a scientologist. But he and I have 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:10.720 a commonality. We both thought about becoming Catholic priests. 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:11.880 Oh he did, did he? 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:12.280 Yes? 0:01:12.400 --> 0:01:13.720 And you did? I did. 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:15.920 I thought about joining the Seminary when I was a Jesuit. 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:17.560 I was. I thought about it. I was like, I 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:19.200 could totally be a priest. I could rocket to sit 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:20.640 there and do like math and like you know, sit 0:01:20.680 --> 0:01:22.480 there in the castle. They're like, you don't do that anymore. 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:24.759 You can't be a monk. I was like, I can't 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:28.160 be like like my man Meerson. No, okay, probably could. 0:01:28.200 --> 0:01:30.119 There's probably some monk positions open. 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:32.160 Yeah, there's very few of them, though I think the 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:34.480 old guys would lock him down. Anyway. My point was 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:37.440 he got still time, I got knocked off my path. 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:39.559 You know how Tom Cruise got knocked off his path? 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:42.959 El Ron Hubbard hit him with a volcano. 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:45.280 No, he was at the Seminary. He took a step 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:47.720 further night did he actually getting like he signed up? 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:49.480 Was at the Seminary. But then all of a sudden, 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:52.240 like his Thomas Cruise just jumped out and He's like, 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:54.160 I gotta run, and he ran to a bar and 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:56.360 he got drunk, and he got some drunk with his 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:58.600 friends that when the priests saw him, they're like, this 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:00.920 life aid for y'all. And then you got kicked out 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:02.840 of the seminary and he became Tom Cruise. 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:07.400 Interesting, So we had all these opportunities to not have Tom. 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:10.200 Cruise exactly like the guy who invented the saxophone. He 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:11.440 could not be stopped. 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:16.040 That's ridiculous, right, that is? You know what else is ridiculous? 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:40.720 The state of our email inbox? Oh yeah, this is 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:46.000 ridiculous Crime A podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists, 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:49.280 and cons. It's always ninety nine percent murder free and 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:51.760 one hundred percent ridiculous. 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:54.040 Can I say something up for up Top? Yeah, I'm sorry. 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:55.520 I normal I would say you damn right, but I 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:57.560 have to correct myself. I'm gonna use this moment to 0:02:57.600 --> 0:02:59.600 say I said you're my favorite person I do this 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:01.320 show with, But really I do it with two people, 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:04.240 you would, producer d I'm sorry, Producer. I didn't mean 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:05.840 to like step on you. I met co host, but 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:07.760 my brain goes so quick. I'm like, I do the 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:10.320 show with mostly I'm at the talking part, but producer, 0:03:10.320 --> 0:03:12.560 do you do the talking? So forgive me. 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:15.440 You're like, you're my favorite person who talks. That's not me. 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:17.320 Yeah, like that I hear in my headset. 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:22.640 Yeah, if listeners, if you hear a bleep earlier over person, 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:24.160 is that's what happened. 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:27.079 So please forget me. Producer. 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:29.000 You have to be like a parent. I love you 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:32.320 both equally. Yeah, I know I'm terrible to navigate this. 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:33.920 I step on myself all the time. 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:37.400 We always ask people to send us emails. We do, 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:40.000 and we read those emails. Yes we do, but no 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:41.640 one answers those emails. 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:43.640 No, I don't think it has a send function. 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:45.840 No, I think so we broke it. I snapped that 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:49.000 button off. We do read them, though, and then I 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:52.280 have proof of that today, do you. I am going 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:55.440 to go through the mail bag from the last few months. 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:57.320 You actually brought a bag. That's amazing. 0:03:57.600 --> 0:04:01.320 And this this is from after the point where one 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:06.120 of our interns, Breakston, accidentally deleted all the messages. 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:07.000 I remember him. 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:08.640 Yeah, we got rid of him so I can name 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:12.240 names now. He was the worst Breakston. He was like 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:15.200 a version of that classic Reddit post about that kid Kevin, 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:19.479 and if you aren't familiar, google Reddit classic Kevin and 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:21.320 then prepare to laugh so hard. 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:21.560 You far. 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:25.080 Right? Oh yeah, yeah this up. 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:25.760 And then. 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:31.000 I like his parents didn't know what school he went to, 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:32.520 and he went to a public school and they tried 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:33.320 to pay tuition. 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:35.040 Yeah. 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:38.360 So Breakston was almost like that. I made a cake 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:40.400 one time to bring in for everyone here in HQ. 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:42.039 Do you remember this? I think I do, And I 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:43.600 put it on the counter in the kitchen and it 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:47.400 was like, so cute, all these decorations case and Breakston 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:49.800 put his grubby hands right into it and pulled a 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:50.719 chunk out of center. 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:52.680 Yea, he said he want the best part. 0:04:52.760 --> 0:04:54.600 Yeah. And then we couldn't We couldn't let him answer 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:56.920 the phones here because he always said, no, I hate 0:04:56.960 --> 0:05:00.240 that his hands like they'd be like, hello, oh can 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:02.320 I speak with Dave Coustin. No, I hate that. 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:04.400 Yeah, Lake Breakston, stop that. 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:07.040 So we were free of him. And now I've been 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:09.560 forwarded most of the messages that we were able to recover, 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:12.280 Thank God, I know. And here we are. So I've 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:15.279 got some good messages and some good shorties that people 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:18.360 have suggested. You know, the crimes that are great and ridiculous, 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:20.880 but they don't have enough information to make a full exive, 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:24.279 so like I can vamp for time, but not that much. 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:26.159 So let's start with a message. 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:26.600 Please. 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:29.520 This is from Jade in Manchester, UK. 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:30.960 I know where that is. I know. 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:34.919 I was just listening to your ice cream van episode 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:37.120 and it reminded me of a story my father used 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:40.360 to tell when we were kids in the early nineteen eighties. 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:43.280 Living in Manchester, the local ice cream van was very 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:46.160 popular with the parents. As well as selling ice cream 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:49.680 for the kiddies, the ice cream man also had an 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:53.920 illegal side gig of selling slash renting bootleg movie videos. 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:57.120 My father told me the ice cream man would be 0:05:57.160 --> 0:05:59.080 one of the first people in line whenever a new 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:01.960 movie came out at the cinema. He would then record 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:07.800 the latest blockbuster Ghostbusters Indiana jonesleg make copies and sell 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:08.480 them out of the van. 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:09.320 Got bootlegs. 0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:12.680 They were always really dodgy and would have people coughing 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:15.200 and standing up to to the toilet. 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:17.040 In them in the crowd. 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:20.400 It was the cheapest and quickest way for a family 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:23.599 of five to see a new movie. Years later, my 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:26.120 father also told me the ice cream man would also 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:29.400 rent bootleg poorn videos to the dads, but I was 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:31.039 never told how he got hold of that. 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:36.279 Oh yeah, with the camera, what do you know that 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:40.560 walking back and forth Jade was amazing. 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:43.640 So bootleg movies, I think they're the best. And to 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:47.080 buy them from an ice cream from Manchester. Perfect. So 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:49.360 let's let's stay over on that side of the pond. 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:54.120 I have a brit who pulled a pretty ridiculous crime. 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:57.760 And this was recommended to us by Soren r Over 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:00.599 in the UK. He just said, he said he was 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:02.680 just from the UK General Ballpark. He didn't give us 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:04.920 a county or city or what have you, just UK. 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:08.120 So anyway, Soren, he tipped us off to a guy 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:11.560 named Michael Fagan, a cursed name if ever there was. 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:15.800 He was born. Michael Fagan was born in Clerkenwell, London, 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:18.920 in nineteen forty eight. His dad was a safe cracker, 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:22.520 like a cracker of safe, not a non dangerous cracker, 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:24.680 and he. 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:27.280 Was when he was thirty four MIAs. 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:33.080 When he was thirty four, Michael broke into a place, 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:36.200 not just a place, he broke into a palace. A palace, 0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:39.880 oh Buckingham palace, Oh and he did it twice in 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:42.560 one month. What Yeah, so it check it out. It's 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:44.120 early nineteen. 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:45.320 Eighty two, Are you kidding me? 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:48.360 And it should be noted that security was pretty tight there, 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:50.720 or it should have been, because when you think about it, 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:53.720 we're talking about nineteen eighty two. I've been reading a 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:56.240 really great book that I was tipped off to by 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:59.320 a number one badass journalist and all around hilarious and 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:03.240 brilliant guy, Zach Budrick. Yeah, he's an environmental reporter for 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:07.000 The Hill. He referenced a book called There Will Be Fire. 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:10.120 Oh yeah, the Ivory plot to blow up Margaret Thatcher. 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:15.280 Fantastic book, really lucky. Yeah, I recommend it. I'm loving 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:18.600 it anyway. So this nineteen eighty two, we're in the 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:22.240 middle of the troubles the Buckingham Palace. You know, break in. 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:25.640 You'd think that, like the rest of the country, the 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:28.200 place would be a little long guard. You think they did, though, 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:31.560 I mean they had revolving spikes and barbed wire at 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:34.040 the top of the wall around the outside. Really, that 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:38.880 doesn't stop Michael. The first time he gained entry by 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:42.280 shimmying up a drain pipe and popping in a window. 0:08:42.760 --> 0:08:44.480 Okay, how do you get over the fence? 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:47.760 I don't know. And he poked around for a little bit. 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:51.640 He had legitimately he had cheese and crackers. Yeah, he 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.680 went and got himself some cheese and crackers. Someone saw 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:57.880 him and called security and so he hid and was undetected. 0:08:58.000 --> 0:08:59.240 He just broke in and had a snack. 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:05.040 Yeah, just wandered around. He gets away from a snack, yes, 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:08.040 And he was trying to get out, and he set 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:10.520 the alarm off and then security thought it was just 0:09:10.559 --> 0:09:12.480 a glitch in the system, so they ignored it. They 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:14.640 just shut it off. So we wound up hanging out 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:15.640 a little bit more and then. 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:16.840 He left, took a little nap. 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:20.400 Yeah. Fast forward a few days, He's hanging out at 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:23.280 his local Irish pub and it comes on TV that 0:09:23.280 --> 0:09:28.520 the Queen fellow. Yeah, well, Sagan, I know I'm not 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:32.400 making any guesses. It comes on TV that the Queen 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:35.560 is staying at Buckingham Palace over the weekend. The flag 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:38.839 is up over the palace. You can guess how this 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:43.040 fun fact went down at the pub. Yes, so Michael 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:46.040 bets these pals that he's drinking with five pounds each 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:48.360 that he could get into the Queen's bedroom that night. 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:49.679 Do they know he's done this? 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:55.400 No, So seven people at the bar and each of 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:58.160 them gave him five pounds. They're like, you're on, there's 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:03.000 no kidding. So he gets to Buckingham Palace. He's like, later, 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:06.120 chaps off he goes. He gets to Buckingham Palace, he 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:09.760 climbs that twenty foot spiked wall. And this time he 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:12.280 didn't just get into like the public area of the 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:15.720 palace where he had done before. He went into the 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:18.400 area where the royal family actually lived and ate and 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:21.640 slept and just like lazed about. Wow, he got into 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:22.640 the royal apartment. 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:24.400 Yeah, to their like chambers. 0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:28.000 Yeah. So he grabs a bottle of wine, starts strolling around. 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:30.920 So I went to Prince Andrew's place. Go on. 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.160 So this was said to be the biggest breach of 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:36.640 security in the modern history of the English world. 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:39.520 I can't believe that this would be massively embarrassing for them. 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:42.000 He did the old drain piped a window trick again, 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:44.760 and then he made it onto the balcony of a 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:48.520 bedroom and there's there are more than two hundred bedrooms 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.120 in Buckingham House with the Queen. Well, he had a 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:55.520 one and two hundred chance of selecting a very special bedroom. Yeah, 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:59.400 and he hit the jackpie. He got onto the balcony 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:03.160 of Queen a in this bedroom. He goes in. Queen's 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:07.440 asleep and according to him, like she sleeps sitting up 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:08.760 in a four poster bed. 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:09.640 Get out of it. 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:12.800 Her eyes. Her eyes are covered with a sleeping mask, 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:14.679 so she may have her eyes open like a. 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:17.800 Horse, Elizabeth. I am still stuck with her sleeping sitting up. 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:20.319 Maybe she broke her collar bone. 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:22.640 Okay, but what So he comes in and there's the 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:24.120 Queen and she's sitting up like. 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:29.680 With a sleeping mass. Think she was snoring, but probably, 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:33.080 but she couldn't see who he was. She just hears something. 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:34.959 She does hear him though, Yeah, So he creeps over 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:36.760 to the bed and he sits at the end of it. 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:40.760 She she wakes up. She's like, is that you Philip Way? 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:43.760 And so he like clears his throat and he does 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:48.480 this super posh English accent. Uh huh, No, it's me Michael, 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:51.360 And so she just freaks out. 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:55.839 She's just like, why put on the name because. 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:59.079 It's fun and cups So he like she rips off 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:02.920 hersking was like ah, she's positive as curtains for her. 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:05.520 Oh yeah, she's got an irishman sitting on the end 0:12:05.559 --> 0:12:06.880 of her bread in nineteen eighty two. 0:12:07.640 --> 0:12:09.880 He's full of beard. He has love in his heart, 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:10.960 agape love. 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:12.839 Oh, he's like a bed warmer. 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:17.240 He wanted to soothe her soul. He says to her, 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:21.440 quote relaxed, sister, you don't have to worry. I'm Irish. 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:26.520 Like at this point she's probably just peeing. Like that's it. 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:31.319 That is the punchline of the century. So she says, 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:32.599 what do you want from me? 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:34.680 Okay, negotiate? 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.319 She says, all I want is a kiss? 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:39.720 What? Yeah, he wants a kiss from the queen. 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:40.200 Yikes? 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:41.760 Why peopleways want to kiss from queen? 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:42.640 What does she say? 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:43.320 What did she say? 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.080 Let me tell you in like a thick Brooklyn accent, 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:51.199 she said, do you know who I am? I'm the 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:52.080 Queen of England. 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:53.440 She name checks herself. 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:56.240 Yeah, She's like, p s yeah, I'm the queen. Like 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.520 do you have the right room where you're trying to 0:12:58.520 --> 0:12:59.280 find you. 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:01.360 Know totally, I I own everything here, you know. 0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:06.120 That right Ann's places down the hall and so he's too. 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:10.000 He says, quote, I don't care who you are. I'm 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:12.840 Michael Fagan from Ireland and I'm here for a kiss, 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:16.120 like if I'm one hundred percent sure I'm about to die. 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:18.160 Yeah where he's a kind of an Irish poet, like, 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:18.720 give me a kiss. 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:22.800 Now He's like, no, kiss a shooter in the post. 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:25.000 Apocalyptic movie and he's like, oh did the beat? 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:27.560 So she would say no, and then he'd try to 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:30.200 convince her, and this went on for a long time. 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:33.600 Kidding she can't scream or do anything. She's no bell 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:34.000 to ring. 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:36.840 Now there is? She She picks up the phone next 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:41.319 to the bed. Okay, guns, no one answers for answers, 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:44.360 he gets impatient. He said, quote, for God's sake, woman, 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:47.199 would you give me a kiss? And then the queen, 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:49.840 according to him, said quote, I shouldn't even be massaging 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:52.160 your back, Like wait, what. 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:52.800 What are you are you making? 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:55.160 I'm missing something in this that what I was like, 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:59.400 does the queen insist on bodyworks on someone? She's like, 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:02.160 I haven't even rubbed your back yet. You think I'm 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:07.640 gonna kiss you anyway? So Michael he told this story 0:14:07.640 --> 0:14:09.400 when he was arrested, but then he took it all 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:11.840 back into a twenty twelve interview with The Independent. 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.400 Yes, because of course the Queen's not gonna yeah. 0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:16.400 So he said in that interview that as soon as 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:18.320 he appeared in the room, she cut out to go 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.160 get help. She called the palace switchboard twice to ask 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.240 for the police, but no one showed up. That part 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:26.280 it did happen. So she went back to the room, 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:30.520 used her bedside alarm bell and then no one shows up. 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:32.800 T which he leaves the bedroom and then comes back. 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:34.640 God has to come back to the bedroom. She realized 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:35.680 that's where her alarm is. 0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:38.200 Her like, you know what, I've fallen and I can't 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:41.720 get yeah, exactly, life alert. So she then runs back 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:43.520 out in the hall, she sees a maid who's just 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:44.080 like doo. 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:47.080 Do do twos. It's like a clapper like clap off. 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:51.880 Exactly, and so the maid she yells out and the 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:54.040 maid comes to help her, and the queen and the 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:58.400 maid usher Michael quote into a nearby pantry on the 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:02.440 pretext of supplying him with the cigarette. What they're like, well, 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:03.480 you know what you need to smoke? 0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:04.920 Total, are you kidding me? 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:08.880 I got a case of Benson and hedges the roll. Yeah, 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:10.920 And so let's just go on the pantry. There was 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:13.640 supposed to be an armed guard outside of her bedroom. 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:15.160 Door all night long, I would assume. 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:18.840 But this all happened during a shift change. What, yeah, 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:21.920 you can have. There was this guy, the dooty footman, 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:25.440 Paul Wybrew. He was out walking them corgies when this 0:15:25.520 --> 0:15:28.040 all went down. Uh huh, taking him out for a piddle. 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:28.440 Yeah. 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:32.600 He gets back, he sees this whole messoudn't be Yeah, 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:36.200 runs to help. They're pushing Michael into the pantry, but 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:39.400 he still wants more time with the queen. So why 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.720 Brew he stalls Michael, He's like, quote all right, but 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:45.120 let her get dressed first. That's what he tells them. 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:46.240 They're so British about it. 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:49.400 And then the footman asked Michael if he wants a drink, 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:52.200 and Michael says, quote yes, please, I'll have a scotch. 0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:53.680 Like they don't want to embarrass the men, Like I 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:56.800 don't want to. Let's let's get you a smoke and 0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:57.200 a drink. 0:15:57.240 --> 0:15:58.320 This is how Michael tells it. 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:02.280 Quote, Wow, nobody's swinging. Nobody's like you don't need to 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:02.600 get here? 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:06.880 What oh? He would have been Yeah. In in modern time, 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:08.880 I don't know anyway. This is how he tells it. 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:12.440 Quote the footman came and said, cool, right, you look 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:14.160 like you need to drink. He took me to the 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:17.200 Queen's pantry across the landing, where I presume she cooks 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:19.760 her baked beans and toast and whatever, and takes a 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:22.080 bottle of famous Grouse from the shelf and pours me 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:22.920 a glass of whiskey. 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:24.160 Are you kidding me? 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:29.080 I mean, hello, J Yeah, I am, I'm so judging. 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:33.160 Michael told The Independent that he really needed to find 0:16:33.160 --> 0:16:35.600 a bathroom. You know, he'd had a bunch of paints 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:37.680 at the at the Puppy's been drinking on that one 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:42.680 long night. But like he said, everything was poorly marked. Quote. 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:46.440 I found rooms saying Diana's room, Charles's room. They all 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:48.960 had names on them. But I couldn't find a door 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:51.960 which said WC. All I found were some bins with 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:54.840 quote corky food written on them. I was breaking my 0:16:54.960 --> 0:16:56.760 neck to go to the toilet. What do I do? 0:16:57.080 --> 0:16:59.200 Pee on the carpet? So I had to pee in 0:16:59.240 --> 0:16:59.960 the corky food? 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.160 Are you kidding me? He's like, I couldn't find an umbrella, 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:04.440 stand a peon. 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:10.080 Finally security shows up, then the cops, then more security. 0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:11.160 Michael gets arrested. 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:13.520 Finally somebody actually shows up like hey, let's get rid 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:14.160 of the and. 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:16.440 They gently escored him up. He got sentenced to two 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:18.520 years in jail, but he only served a few months 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:21.080 and then they let him out for good behavior. And 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:23.760 legend has it that the queen sent him a couple 0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:25.320 of letters while he was in prison. 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:26.679 No, I do not believe that. 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:28.320 I don't know that's what they said. 0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:30.960 What Yeah, the actual which is amazed. 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:32.720 So when he got out, you. 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:34.520 Think that they actually had like a real conversation and 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:35.919 maybe she was like, you know what, I took your 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:37.320 advice and I thought about. 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:40.040 Yeah, maybe he influenced all sorts of. 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:42.240 You know, he's working on trucks, like so maybe like 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:44.159 they like they were talking about like, oh, you know, 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.119 I was working on this, uh you know lander over 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:50.040 the other day. Maybe they kissed maybe and then yeah, 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:52.040 and then the maid was like make them kiss. 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:58.520 Maybe he's Charles's real dad, like you know, a retcon. Anyway, 0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:01.560 So he gets out, he goes back home to dairy 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:06.000 in Northern Ireland. Years later, he said he didn't regret 0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:06.960 the trespassing. 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:07.560 I bet not. 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:10.240 What did he say about this episode in his life? 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:11.719 I made fifteen pounds. 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:15.000 It's brought me adversity, but I can laugh about it, 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:16.160 and that's the main thing. 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:20.720