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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: I made a casual comment about my sister in law's

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Speaker 3: career and.

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Speaker 4: She blew up, like her career blew up.

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Speaker 3: I twenty eight female, have been with my husband thirty

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Speaker 3: one male, for three years, married for two and we

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Speaker 3: have a two and a half year old child. I'm

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Speaker 3: currently two months pregnant with our second and last child.

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Speaker 3: When dear husband and I met, I was child free

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Speaker 3: by choice, and I was at the top of my career.

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Speaker 3: And by the way, this comes from Throwaway sixty eight baby,

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Speaker 3: And if you want us to meet your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the our slash Okay Storytime Subredda. I'm Carlee, I'm.

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Speaker 5: Sophia, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice.

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Speaker 3: Goofy. But we don't have all the answers. We only

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Speaker 3: know what we would do, So let us know what

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Speaker 3: you would do, comments and op says. When we had

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Speaker 3: our child, I was devastated at the thought of going

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Speaker 3: back to work. Dear husband is a blue collar man,

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Speaker 3: also at the top of his field. We own our

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Speaker 3: vehicles and he bought his our home at twenty one

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Speaker 3: and has a fantastic interest rate. I lived frugally, well

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Speaker 3: beneath my means and had modest but relevant savings and

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Speaker 3: investment accounts. We made the decision that I would become

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Speaker 3: a stay at home mom until the second child enters kindergarten.

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Speaker 3: It was the best decision of my life.

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Speaker 6: Oh wow.

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Speaker 3: My brother in law met and married my sister in

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Speaker 3: law during this time. When I made my decision to

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Speaker 3: be a stay at home mom. We were discussing it

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Speaker 3: at a family dinner and we actually had a small debate.

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Speaker 3: Her argument was essentially, I could never give up my

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Speaker 3: career for my child. I can't give up that part

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Speaker 3: of myself. My career is my passion and a big

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Speaker 3: part of my identity, and it's sad when women lose

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Speaker 3: themselves in motherhood. I'm very secure in myself and my choices.

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Speaker 3: And I said that I'm glad she knows what she

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Speaker 3: wants just as much as I do. And I left

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Speaker 3: it at that. That was about a year and a

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Speaker 3: half ago. Now they have a beautiful six six week

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Speaker 3: old child, her first his second, and I have tried

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Speaker 3: to help without overstepping as we are not particularly close.

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Speaker 3: This included a meal train and lots of babysitting my nephew,

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Speaker 3: brother in law's first child, who's four, while sister in

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Speaker 3: law and the newborn were settling in. Here's the actual

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Speaker 3: incident where I might be the a hole. We were

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Speaker 3: at a family event today and I asked her if

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Speaker 3: she was excited to get back to work, as I

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Speaker 3: know her maternity leave is only eight weeks. Brother in

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Speaker 3: law went back to work a week ago, as I

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Speaker 3: believe he only got two weeks. She looked at me,

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Speaker 3: super offended and shocked and told me she couldn't believe

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Speaker 3: I would ask that. I clarified and said I knew

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Speaker 3: how important her work is to her and that her

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Speaker 3: clients were surely missing her. She is a fantastic, highly

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Speaker 3: sought after beauty technician. Again, she looked at me highly

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Speaker 3: offended and said something to the effect of, well, I

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Speaker 3: have to go back to work. We aren't all spoiled brats, Okay.

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Speaker 3: That honestly just ruined the whole vibe. Yeah, I just

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Speaker 3: looked at her like WTF and walked away. Well, now

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Speaker 3: the whole family is in a disagreement because apparently I

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Speaker 3: was rubbing it in her face that I get to

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Speaker 3: stay home and she doesn't. Half the family remembers very

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Speaker 3: clearly that she herself chastise me for my choice and things.

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Speaker 3: She is being dramatic and hormonal. The other half things

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Speaker 3: that I am spoiled and that I shouldn't shove it

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Speaker 3: in people's faces. So there it is.

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Speaker 6: Am I the a.

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Speaker 3: Hole for asking her if she was excited to get

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Speaker 3: back to work being a stay at home mom myself?

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Speaker 3: Do I apologize or what ed it to add? Only

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Speaker 3: because I've had to clarify twice Now we were all

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Speaker 3: at the birthday party of my husband and her husband's

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Speaker 3: older brother's husband's sister.

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Speaker 4: So this is this is ope's brother in law's husband

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Speaker 4: husband's sister.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so not a place you want to make drama.

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Speaker 3: I had just asked the sister in law of the

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Speaker 3: sister sister in law of the sister how their job

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Speaker 3: was because they got a promotion. At the last event,

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Speaker 3: I saw the map, which was my child's birthday party.

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Speaker 3: So we were very casually talking about work. Then my

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Speaker 3: sister in law walked up and I asked if she

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Speaker 3: was excited to return to work. I did not seek

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Speaker 3: her out explicitly to ask about work. Some comments commenter

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Speaker 3: one always breaks my heart to read that people can

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Speaker 3: only get eight weeks of maternity leave. Where I am,

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Speaker 3: people get nine months to a year.

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Speaker 6: Okay, are you commentor.

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Speaker 4: My least favorite thing is when people come onto these

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Speaker 4: comments and like, Wow, that sucks for you guys. Where

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Speaker 4: I am, I get fifty thousand years of much don't

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Speaker 4: tell you. Don't tell me that I don't want to know.

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Speaker 3: Asking her that does sound a little tone deaf. Yeah, Edit,

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Speaker 3: you're at the top of your career at twenty five,

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Speaker 3: your husband bought a house at twenty one. I mean

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Speaker 3: it's screaming family money to me. It doesn't sound like

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Speaker 3: you understand the difference between yours and your sister in

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Speaker 3: law situation, dude, which are likely more than just that

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Speaker 3: she's a career girl and you're not. Probably you're the

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Speaker 3: a hole, But that's from reading between some lines here.

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Speaker 3: OPI responds, you could definitely claim family money for my

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Speaker 3: husband and his brothers. There are three of them each

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Speaker 3: were gifted with a down payment on a home at

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Speaker 3: twenty one.

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Speaker 4: Y'all are rich, ridge, rich rouge.

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Speaker 3: So for the record, sister in law has that same

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Speaker 3: advantage as they are living in his their home. He

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Speaker 3: is three years younger than my husband, so obviously they

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Speaker 3: have three years less equity. And yes, I was at

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Speaker 3: the top of my career in my chosen field. There

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Speaker 3: was no position higher than mine that wasn't technically a

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Speaker 3: feel to change. I might be the a hole, but

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Speaker 3: no one is gonna take my hard earned success from me.

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Speaker 3: Commentary two Info, Do you not understand that career driven

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Speaker 3: woman can still want more than eight weeks of maternity leave?

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Speaker 3: Just because someone cares a lot about their job doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean they wouldn't appreciate having a maternity leave policy that

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Speaker 3: doesn't suck. Opie says, I do understand that, and personally,

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Speaker 3: I left my own job partially because I was disgusted

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Speaker 3: by the maternity policy. That being said, uh, and I

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Speaker 3: left this out of my post because I felt it

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Speaker 3: was somewhat related but too far off to be fully relevant.

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Speaker 3: When I gave birth to my child, I was not

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Speaker 3: married yet, and I had to leave my job early

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Speaker 3: due to medical issues and being placed on bed rest.

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Speaker 3: Long story short, there was a period of about three

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Speaker 3: months where I had no insurance when I was freshly postpartum,

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Speaker 3: and they found a polyp when I was supposed to

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Speaker 3: get an IUD and I had to ultimately go back

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Speaker 3: for a coal post. Unfortunately, my husband's insurance considered this

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Speaker 3: a pre existing condition. We were very concerned with how

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Speaker 3: this might impact us, but thankfully, in my state, all

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Speaker 3: children from birth to age five and mother's up to

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Speaker 3: one year postpartum qualify for state Medicaid. This ended up

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Speaker 3: saving us and covered my IUD. When discussing this at

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Speaker 3: a family dinner, my brother in law and sister in

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Speaker 3: law at the time his new girlfriend were adamant that

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Speaker 3: that was living off the government and that it was

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Speaker 3: why taxes were so high. Okay, so I know exactly

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Speaker 3: the type of people that your brother and sister in

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Speaker 3: law and these.

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Speaker 4: Way, these are what they suck.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, they suck. Yi.

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Speaker 3: They also claimed that mother should definitely not be covered

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Speaker 3: postpartum because it encourages welfare queens to keep getting pregnant

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Speaker 3: so they could always have insurance.

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Speaker 4: And you guys suck wow wow.

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Speaker 3: Yeah opimann be so really should have included that in your.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it probably would have way more people on

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Speaker 4: your side. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, oh, you're gonna

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Speaker 4: you're gonna stay on dude. If they said that and

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Speaker 4: then they went on alternity, I'd be like, Oh, you're

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Speaker 4: going on maternity leave, you're not working or you're getting paid. Yikes.

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Speaker 4: I thought you didn't agree with that. Yeah, I believe

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Speaker 4: that should happen, but I thought you didn't believe in that.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: They're like, you're just gonna take that free money from

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Speaker 3: your company because because you had a baby.

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Speaker 4: Mmmm, seems like seems like you should work harder.

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Speaker 3: They are very staunchily against social welfare, as they believe

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Speaker 3: it's just people taking advantage of the system. My husband's

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Speaker 3: family is rather fiscally conservative, socially liberal and leaning, and

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Speaker 3: he almost wanted to wait and get the IUD under

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Speaker 3: his insurance and pay for it. But I put a

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Speaker 3: stop to that conversation because it's my body and I

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Speaker 3: was terrified of falling pregnant again too soon, so I

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Speaker 3: wanted the IUD asap. So when I asked the question

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Speaker 3: are you excited to get back to work, it was

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Speaker 3: less in a philosophical debate kind of tone and more

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Speaker 3: of a small talk tone. For the record, we were

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Speaker 3: all at the birthday party of my husband and her

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Speaker 3: husband's older brother's husband sister, so not a place where

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Speaker 3: you want to make drama or have big debates. I

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Speaker 3: had also just asked the sister in law of the

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Speaker 3: sister how their job was because they got a promotion

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Speaker 3: at the last event. I saw them at my child's

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Speaker 3: birthday party, so we were very casually talking about work.

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Speaker 3: Someone replies, the more I read about your in laws,

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Speaker 3: the worse they sound. If any of this is true,

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Speaker 3: they are judgy, whiny a holes and you should just

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Speaker 3: stop associating with them in general. Verdict a whole, verdict? Ahole?

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Speaker 4: What id' y'all are playing? Y'all are playing today? No?

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Speaker 3: No, we have an update.

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Speaker 4: But who is in your comments? Who are these people?

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Speaker 4: Rage baiting me?

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Speaker 6: Update?

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Speaker 3: Shortly after this was post said, I visited my sister

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Speaker 3: in law. I was babysitting both kiddos so she could

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Speaker 3: get a spa salonde before going back to work. I

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Speaker 3: decided to apologize. It's really important to me that we

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Speaker 3: have a good relationship for our children's sake. Also, all

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Speaker 3: of you here helped me realize that she is a

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Speaker 3: lot younger than me and to give her grace for that.

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Speaker 3: We unexpectedly had a really deep heart to heart where

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Speaker 3: she expressed to me that she only snapped at me

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Speaker 3: because she is so excited to get back to work.

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Speaker 3: She feels bad that she doesn't want to stay home

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Speaker 3: with her baby, and that she's been feeling stifled being

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Speaker 3: home with the two kids. She was also feeling very

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Speaker 3: worried about some of her regular clients jumping ship if

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Speaker 3: she was off any longer.

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Speaker 4: Okay, she's in the clear. All of your in laws

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Speaker 4: still suck.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, any of the ones that were immediately got after you.

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Speaker 3: She I get she just had a baby. She's probably like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god. I'm sure a lot of moms feel

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Speaker 3: guiltful things they should not feel guilt for.

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Speaker 4: But the all of the freaking other in laws were like,

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Speaker 4: gets you out?

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Speaker 3: You're the ahot dare are.

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Speaker 4: You making up all these things her? And she's like,

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Speaker 4: oh no, this is why.

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Speaker 3: I told her. I totally understood, and that I could

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Speaker 3: barely handle my puppy when I was her age, much

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Speaker 3: less two kids.

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Speaker 4: Any other thoughts just that your in laws or stinky

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Speaker 4: and uh law is seemingly making amends. Yep, but I

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Speaker 4: hope that she, like is very apologetic in a sam

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Speaker 4: that she's sorry for the comments that she made about you. Yea,

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Speaker 4: because she made other comments a while ago.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she made comments about you for not wanting to

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Speaker 3: go back to work.

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Speaker 4: And I hope that she understands now yeah, now that

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Speaker 4: she's had children. Uh that that feeling because you are

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Speaker 4: not the a litle or You're not a bad person

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Speaker 4: for wanting to stay home with you guys. You're not

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Speaker 4: a bad person for being like, I want to work

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Speaker 4: and i want to pursue my career because I'm still

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Speaker 4: a person outside of my motherhood.

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Speaker 3: Thanks to the commenter here, I was careful to specifically

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Speaker 3: clarify that I think she's doing a fantastic job as

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Speaker 3: a mom and in her career. There with some other

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Speaker 3: stuff about comments from the family and her husband, but

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Speaker 3: it's not important to the update anyway. She offered me

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Speaker 3: a free service when she gets back to work, which

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Speaker 3: was yesterday. Anne has been more friendly with me at

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Speaker 3: family dinner. She's been texting me and calling me just

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Speaker 3: a chat more too. Yay. I think maybe she just

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Speaker 3: needed a friend. And I'm glad y'all pointed it out

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Speaker 3: to me because I think me apologizing was the catalyst

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Speaker 3: for our newfound closeness. Sometimes it's hard to hear that

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Speaker 3: you're the A hole, but it is case. Even though

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Speaker 3: I felt defensive, I'm glad I listened. Thanks.

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Speaker 4: I still do not think that you are the A hole.

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Speaker 3: Oh p still not the A whole.

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Speaker 4: However, I am glad that your apology led to this.

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Speaker 3: I hope she lets up on things that you say.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like, there was nowhere in this where you were

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Speaker 4: the a hole, not at all. I don't know how

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Speaker 4: anyone could have understand, you know, seen that from what

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Speaker 4: we just read, but I'm glad that. If anything, I

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Speaker 4: think the comments could have been like, hey, you know,

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Speaker 4: maybe talk to her, maybe she's having a lot of feelings,

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Speaker 4: see what's bothering her. That would be the answer that

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Speaker 4: I would.

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Speaker 6: Give one hundum.

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Speaker 4: You're not the able. But that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 6: Folks.

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Speaker 4: My mother in law try to hijack my baby shower,

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Speaker 4: but I won't let it happen.

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Speaker 3: My baby shower.

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Speaker 4: So although I thirty three female have a great relationship

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Speaker 4: with my husband's family. I've always kept ten steps away

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Speaker 4: because my husband always clashes with his mom. I also

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Speaker 4: hate drama and am a pick your battles kind of person.

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Speaker 4: In my culture, you must remain kind and obey elders.

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Speaker 4: I don't come from a controlling family, so obeying my

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Speaker 4: parents has been easy growing up. By the way, this

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Speaker 4: comes from Delicious Menu seven seven four four And if

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Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 4: r slash Okay Storytime. Suped it.

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Speaker 5: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and I'm Keon, and we're here

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Speaker 5: to give good advice goofully, But we don't have all

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Speaker 5: the answers. We only know what we'd do, so let

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Speaker 5: us know what you would do in the comments and

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Speaker 5: Opie says mother in law sixty two. Female tries to

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Speaker 5: babysit her two sons and treats her husband like crap

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Speaker 5: and public, which always annoys me, but again not my problem,

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Speaker 5: so I'm not involved.

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Speaker 4: My husband hates her babysitting and controlling behavior and tries

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Speaker 4: to keep her out of our lives. I don't like

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Speaker 4: attention that much. We didn't have a wedding, for instance.

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Speaker 4: It was only me and my husband and family and

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Speaker 4: friends on zoom during lockdown. We are really simple people

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Speaker 4: who like to stay low key. When mother in law

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Speaker 4: offer to do my baby shower, I said, I wasn't

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Speaker 4: planning to have one because in my culture, people don't

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Speaker 4: buy things for your child. It's fully your responsibility. But

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Speaker 4: if this is part of what Americans do, I'll do it.

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Speaker 4: I told her I'll let her know if I need

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Speaker 4: her help. She kept nagging if I thought about it,

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Speaker 4: so I told her that I'll do one at home

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Speaker 4: and invite only close friends and family. She said she

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Speaker 4: wants to pay for it, so I told her that

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Speaker 4: I don't want her to pay for things, and that

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Speaker 4: is something i'll and that this is something i'll plan.

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Speaker 4: I said this in a kind manner, but mother in

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Speaker 4: law kept saying no, that the house will be chaotic

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Speaker 4: and I have to clean. I didn't really answer, and

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Speaker 4: then I traveled home for two weeks with my husban.

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Speaker 4: I came back and she kept calling me NonStop every

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Speaker 4: day to go out to see venues. I didn't want

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Speaker 4: to be rude, so I went. Turns out she's been

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Speaker 4: looking at venues for the past few weeks. She's narrowed

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Speaker 4: it down to two to three ones she liked and

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Speaker 4: wanted me to pick. I hated all of them. They

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Speaker 4: were all too dark and in random places. She said,

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Speaker 4: her budget is nine hundred dollars or less, so we

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Speaker 4: need to stay under it. At this point, I was like,

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Speaker 4: why am I being pushed into this? And why am

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Speaker 4: I supposed to be within your budget? I have money.

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Speaker 4: Everything with her was conclusive and decided I didn't want

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Speaker 4: drama because ultimately I did not care to have a

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Speaker 4: baby shower. I picked the venue I liked out of

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Speaker 4: the ones she offered. I also thought, it's her first grandchild,

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Speaker 4: and why be annoying about it. We didn't have a wedding,

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Speaker 4: so let's at least have this. In this way, I

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Speaker 4: follow their culture. But she got more and more obsessive.

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Speaker 4: She started calling me every single day about the baby registry,

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Speaker 4: every single day twice and thrice. She wanted to come

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Speaker 4: over every Saturday at ten am and work on this

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Speaker 4: registry geez, and she wanted access to my registries so

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Speaker 4: she could update it. I said, you, she was so

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Speaker 4: obsessive while I was still suffering from morning sickness and

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Speaker 4: couldn't get a full night's sleep. Mind that some Saturdays,

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Speaker 4: five to six family members came over, so I have

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Speaker 4: to host the guests and prepare lunch. But mother in

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Speaker 4: law would try to force me to work on the

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Speaker 4: registry until guests arrived, and then I had to get

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Speaker 4: food together so quickly and ended up not even eating myself.

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Speaker 4: At some point I had enough. I told my husband

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Speaker 4: not to accept for them to come at ten am anymore.

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Speaker 4: My reasoning was simple, I want to sleep. Yeah, it's Saturday,

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Speaker 4: you pregnant. We worked all week and I really don't

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Speaker 4: feel like getting up so early to cook breakfast for

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Speaker 4: my family and mother in law and father in law,

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Speaker 4: and then cook lunch for the other guests too. She

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Speaker 4: got mad that I didn't want them to come at

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Speaker 4: ten am, but rather in the afternoon with the rest

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Speaker 4: of the guests. Her attitude disgust me. It's my effing house.

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Speaker 4: When they came over, she nagged about the registry again,

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Speaker 4: even though it was done. I said, I won't be

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Speaker 4: working on the registre it's done. More guests are coming

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Speaker 4: over and I need to host them and also be

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Speaker 4: able to eat. She continued emailing me three to four

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Speaker 4: times a day with what she wants me to add,

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Speaker 4: calling me et cetera. I ignored them, and then she

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Speaker 4: would come on Saturday and say, I sent you an

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Speaker 4: email on January thirteenth at two pm. Add those in

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Speaker 4: your lists. I said, I saw it, and I'll add

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Speaker 4: them if I see fits. She made a weird face.

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Speaker 4: This is when I started getting triggered and had enough.

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Speaker 4: One Saturday, she picked on my last name and asked

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Speaker 4: why I don't change it to my husband's and our

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Speaker 4: family and friends won't know me. While looking up the registry,

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Speaker 4: I said, I'm not planning to change my name and

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Speaker 4: they can access it through the e invite link. She

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Speaker 4: made a weird, annoyed face. I then looked at the

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Speaker 4: invite list. There were fifty people. My husband and I

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Speaker 4: were shocked. We don't even know fifty people. Out of

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Speaker 4: fifty people, fifteen were our friends, the rest were She

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00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:05,480
Speaker 4: invited everyone, and even their grandmother's. She invited her second

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Speaker 4: and third cousins and their children that my husband doesn't

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Speaker 4: even know. So I told her that I thought we

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Speaker 4: had a budget, so I didn't invite some friends. She said,

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Speaker 4: as people are SVP, no, I can invite more people.

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Speaker 4: So when people are svp'd.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 4: I told her I would invite two friends, mind that

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Speaker 4: I don't have any family. She said she will be

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Speaker 4: inviting her distant cousins instead, and I should be waiting

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Speaker 4: a bit more. And then you say no because this

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Speaker 4: is my baby shower and I don't know your friends.

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Speaker 3: Mother, lad, do you remember how this started?

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Speaker 4: You forced this upon me. Mind you that nobody knows

382
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Speaker 4: these cousins, and she's always talked crap about these people

383
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Speaker 4: for having kids out of wedlock and for being poor.

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Speaker 4: Mother in law's behavior just got worse after I told

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Speaker 4: her that I don't think a Kroger cake is appropriate

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Speaker 4: for an important event like this. Don't get me wrong,

387
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Speaker 4: I love a Proger cake, but for a baby shower.

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Speaker 4: Then she made a problem out of it. I said,

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Speaker 4: I want to bring my own cake, perfect and she

390
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Speaker 4: said no, and then I'll get a crow goo cake.

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Speaker 4: She then tried to give me her used dress to

392
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Speaker 4: wear to the shower, like is this normal? My husband

393
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Speaker 4: was like, absolutely not, and that we should go to

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Speaker 4: the mall and get me a nice dress. I didn't

395
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Speaker 4: have a say in anything, even about the invitation design.

396
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 4: My husband agreed with me as he saw how things

397
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Speaker 4: were unfolding, and was like, just say what you want

398
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Speaker 4: and then let me know when to get involved.

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Speaker 3: Yeavlved get involved involved, husband, So I created.

400
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Speaker 4: A group chat with her and sister in law. She

401
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Speaker 4: is super nice, and told them I changed the invitation

402
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Speaker 4: design to the one I want. I'll get my own

403
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Speaker 4: cake and we'll also be in charge of all decoration

404
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 4: and theme. Nice mother in law got mad and kept

405
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,160
Speaker 4: picking on things and apparently throwing subtle shade behind my back.

406
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Speaker 4: She kept saying she didn't like the new invitation and

407
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,040
Speaker 4: said she chose it with sister in law after hours

408
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,159
Speaker 4: of searching. I then told them that we needed to

409
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 4: update the invitation time because we didn't have time to

410
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 4: set the venue up. She started shouting, and I told

411
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Speaker 4: her that I needed only thirty minutes extra and then

412
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,639
Speaker 4: my friends are coming in from a different country and

413
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Speaker 4: that they need time to get there. Mind you that

414
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 4: she chose a venue that was near to her and

415
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Speaker 4: her friends but was fifty minutes away from everyone.

416
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Speaker 2: I know.

417
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,160
Speaker 4: We just gotta put our foot down. Put her foot down?

418
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Speaker 3: How how planned is this?

419
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Speaker 2: Like?

420
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,119
Speaker 3: Is this like in a week and now we're telling

421
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 3: my stuff Like why because it's tough because it was

422
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 3: like op was like, I don't want to be involved,

423
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,920
Speaker 3: then you plan this, but now is like, well, actually,

424
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Speaker 3: I've decided that I know exactly what I've wanted this

425
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Speaker 3: whole time.

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Speaker 4: My friends need to cross the border and drive all

427
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Speaker 4: the way. We didn't send the invitation yet, so what's

428
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 4: the problem. Yeah, I was assertive and I said that

429
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,359
Speaker 4: it will be okay. It's just the thirty minute buffer.

430
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Speaker 4: Her husband father in law supported me and said what

431
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,920
Speaker 4: I said made sense. My husband called her the next

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Speaker 4: day and told her, if you want to plan a

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Speaker 4: baby shower for my wife, then my end butt must

434
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,760
Speaker 4: be taken. Otherwise we will cancel everything. She of course

435
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,919
Speaker 4: screamed at him and got so mad, but he defended.

436
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 4: Then came the week of the shower finally here and

437
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Speaker 4: again everything about me is an issue. Some of my

438
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 4: friends are vegan for lent, which I believe is totally

439
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,920
Speaker 4: normal in America, And she said, oh, that's the problem.

440
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 4: We have to check if that's okay with a restaurant.

441
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 4: I'm like, what the f I already mentioned this before

442
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,919
Speaker 4: and added salad to the menu and they could remove

443
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,640
Speaker 4: non vegan stuff. My husband was there and he said

444
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 4: he didn't understand what her problem is. People are vegan

445
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 4: all the time. Just remove the meat. She then shut up.

446
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 4: Then one friend changed her RSVP to no because she

447
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 4: had an emergency surgery. Mother in law got upset because

448
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 4: she gave the count to the restaurant already that same day.

449
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,639
Speaker 4: She then picked on the centerpieces I bought because they

450
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 4: were toe bag. But she is the only one that thinks.

451
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 4: So then the venue wants to charge her X amount

452
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,959
Speaker 4: for extra tablecloths because now more of her people are coming.

453
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:53,920
Speaker 4: But she doesn't want to pay for extra tablecloths, so

454
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 4: she bought one dollar hot pink tablecloths from the Dollar Store,

455
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 4: so all tables will be white fabric tablecloths and three

456
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:02,639
Speaker 4: will be hot pink.

457
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:03,159
Speaker 3: Sick.

458
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 4: I said, I'll pay the venue and to please keep

459
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 4: things uniform. But no, she said, she already bought hot

460
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 4: pin ones and it's done.

461
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 3: Three dollars.

462
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 4: You can return them three dollars. You probably use them again.

463
00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:17,720
Speaker 4: Then some money. Yeah, you paid, You've paid nine dollars total.

464
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:19,680
Speaker 3: No, I think the tablecloths were each a dollar.

465
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,880
Speaker 4: She oh, you're right, you're right, dollars. You paid three

466
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 4: dollars and also you could return them. Yeah, I already

467
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 4: told her I will do the arrangement for venue decre

468
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 4: but she went behind my back and arranged with them

469
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 4: what she wanted. She picked on seating, and she had

470
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 4: the audacity to tell me that she wanted her family

471
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,920
Speaker 4: and friends to be seated at the main table and

472
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 4: my friends to be seated at the side tables. And

473
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 4: I just lost it. This is a nightmare. This is

474
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 4: a nightmare, I said, I don't think so, and I

475
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 4: need to think about it. My friends are coming from

476
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 4: a different country. Then here's the kicker that I do

477
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 4: not understand. She won't tell me what takeaway gifts guests

478
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:00,879
Speaker 4: will take home and completely rejects any extra gifts. In

479
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 4: addition to it, she says, I'm not supposed to now

480
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 4: and there has to be a surprise for me. I

481
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 4: don't like that. How come I don't know what my

482
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 4: friends are going to be taking home. She won't tell me,

483
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,160
Speaker 4: and she won't let me nor the sister in law

484
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:17,160
Speaker 4: add an extra gift to balance things. After she bought

485
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 4: those one dollar tablecloths, I would not trust her to

486
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 4: make those gift baskets.

487
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm not trusted enough for anything.

488
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 6: She seems like she's doing everything really cheaply.

489
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, but then like I don't even know she's just.

490
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,520
Speaker 4: Doing all of this. She's getting the cheapest option for everything.

491
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 4: When the sister in law found out that I don't

492
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 4: know the gift, she told me what it is behind

493
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 4: mother in law's back because she thinks it's rude that

494
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:39,159
Speaker 4: I don't know.

495
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, sister in law a plus.

496
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,199
Speaker 4: When I found out what the gift is. Although I

497
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 4: personally think it's a cute gift, I don't think people

498
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 4: from my church would appreciate receiving a gift like that.

499
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 4: What is it?

500
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:50,159
Speaker 3: What is it you need?

501
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:51,879
Speaker 4: There has to be something next to it?

502
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 6: What do you mean?

503
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:53,239
Speaker 2: Is it?

504
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:57,120
Speaker 3: What gift? Could it be that these church goers will reject?

505
00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,360
Speaker 4: I am planning to suck it up because we don't

506
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 4: have time any and get some flowers to take away.

507
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 4: She also wanted me to make a list of everyone

508
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,400
Speaker 4: that came but sent gifts to the house and thank

509
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 4: them individually, listing the items they bought, which I said

510
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,439
Speaker 4: absolutely not. What if someone bought five gifts and another

511
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 4: only afforded one small gift, wouldn't they feel bad? I

512
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 4: want to thank people individually and intimately. I will also

513
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 4: be sending them personalized cards, and I have been thanking

514
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 4: people as they send home stuff already. After this conversation,

515
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 4: brother in law messaged in our group chat and said

516
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 4: mother in law was so angry and drinking too much.

517
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:39,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, like you already caved to every shower because you

518
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 3: are not even used to doing baby showers in your culture,

519
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 3: so you already were like, yeah, you know what, like

520
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 3: I'll give you this, let's do a baby shower. And

521
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 3: then she was like okay, like I got you, and

522
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 3: you're like, but noble, let no, no, I can help out,

523
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 3: Like it's my baby shower. I'd like to be involved,

524
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 3: and she's like no, no, no, no, no, because it's

525
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 3: just a baby shower for her to brag to her friends.

526
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 4: Get your husband in there and say stop stop, no, stop.

527
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 3: It, which it sounded like when he came in the

528
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,199
Speaker 3: one time, he was very like to the point like

529
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:08,719
Speaker 3: I leave my wife alone.

530
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 4: Let's keep up that energy.

531
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 2: I'm also on the train of maybe mother in law

532
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 2: didn't have a baby shower.

533
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,640
Speaker 3: Maybe yeah, I could see it because this is also

534
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 3: her first grandchild. It's probably the first time she's getting.

535
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 2: To throw on but again there's a cultural differences and

536
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 2: everything like that, and that I think that's playing a

537
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 2: huge role. And maybe baby showers weren't like a big

538
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 2: thing when she had her kid the mother in law,

539
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 2: you know, Opie's husband, So I don't know. Maybe there

540
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 2: was a baby shower, but maybe it.

541
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,200
Speaker 3: Wasn't because if they weren't a big thing then but.

542
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 2: I don't know.

543
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 4: I don't know.

544
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, there was some things that I definitely was like,

545
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 3: heyop maybe like this isn't the biggest deal, or like

546
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 3: maybe you fixed it so like let's just move on

547
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,199
Speaker 3: kind of thing. But it's also then like, well then

548
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,360
Speaker 3: why is she nagging you so much?

549
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 4: But there is a little bit left to the story.

550
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 4: I used to love my mother in law a lot,

551
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 4: but this experience changed a lot of dynamics. I just

552
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 4: cannot imagine how she will be after the baby is

553
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 4: and I already had to warn my husband that I

554
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 4: won't accept her involvement with my children. He told me

555
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 4: that he is glad I now see why he doesn't

556
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,160
Speaker 4: get along with her and why he left at sixteen,

557
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,360
Speaker 4: and that we must have a united friend to keep

558
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 4: her out. I feel bad for being so angry and

559
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 4: kind of disgusted. To be honest, I cannot stop thinking

560
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 4: about all of this and how shocked I am. This

561
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 4: was more of event, but I honestly don't know if

562
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,640
Speaker 4: I am overacting. But at the same time, it kind

563
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 4: of explains by nobody from her husband's family really speaks

564
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 4: to her or includes her in things. Everyone seems to

565
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 4: have an issue with her, And now I'm finally realizing it.

566
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 4: Did I make a mistake by imposing what I want?

567
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 4: Is this really the American tradition that you try to

568
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,160
Speaker 4: keep the parent to be so out of the loop.

569
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 4: I was so naive and just didn't care enough, I feel.

570
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 3: And that's the end of that story. But we're gonna

571
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 3: go to the next one. My mother in law acts

572
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 3: entitled to my newborn and thinks I am the problem.

573
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,880
Speaker 6: Well, maybe it's the baby that's the problem.

574
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 3: So me, twenty five female, and my husband twenty six male,

575
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 3: have been together for a year and things are great.

576
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 3: We rarely bicker and have basically been attached to the hip.

577
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 3: It's the best relationship I've ever had. The only issue has,

578
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 3: unfortunately been my mother in law. By the way, this

579
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 3: comes from Nestwolf and if you want us to make

580
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 3: your own stories. Go to the arslash Okay story time Supreddit.

581
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here.

582
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 3: To give good advice goofully, But we don't have all

583
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,199
Speaker 3: the answers. We only know what we would do, so

584
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 3: let us know what you would do in the comments,

585
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 3: and Opie says to clarify, we haven't gone full no

586
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 3: contact and we have not stated explicitly to her that

587
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:43,199
Speaker 3: this arrangement is forever. We have clearly laid out what

588
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 3: it would take to fix the situation before I met

589
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,680
Speaker 3: her in person. We got along wonderfully. His parents travel

590
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 3: as they are snowbirds, so I didn't meet them until

591
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 3: we went to visit them a few months into my pregnancy.

592
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 3: I was cordial and respectful, as I'm Southern and a

593
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,240
Speaker 3: bit shy with new people, so I default to the

594
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 3: whole respect your elders thing and usually don't speak unless

595
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 3: spoken to. But I noticed pretty quickly she was making

596
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 3: small jabs here and there, comments on my outfits, getting

597
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,640
Speaker 3: angry and defensive when I mentioned my husband's ex had

598
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 3: been rude and slandered me at work, and more offhand

599
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 3: and off color things that seemed a little hostile, but

600
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 3: I brushed it off as I didn't want to rock

601
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 3: the boat, especially because I was having her grandchild. Soon,

602
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 3: finances got tight and we decided to move out of

603
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,680
Speaker 3: state to live in the other state. The in law

604
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 3: stayed in in the hopes it would be cheaper. Things

605
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 3: got progressively worse as time went on. It seemed more

606
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 3: and more like she wasn't fond of my presence, to

607
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 3: the point even my brother in law took notice. Nearly

608
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 3: every time I was around her, she would be rude,

609
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 3: make snide jokes, condescend to me, or just make me

610
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 3: feel generally stupid or bad about myself. A few examples.

611
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 3: At a restaurant, I had to take a phone call

612
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 3: and turned to tell my husband, if the waitress comes,

613
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 3: he could just order a burger for me, but make

614
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 3: sure no vegetables. She, very loudly, causing multiple people to

615
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 3: stare over, said oh, getting rid of the healthy things

616
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 3: on the burger. At another lunch, ME and her were

617
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 3: having some inconsequential conversation, and as I was mid sentenced,

618
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 3: she turned and just started talking over me to my

619
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 3: brother in law. Despite my husband trying to steer her

620
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 3: back by telling her I was speaking it was extremely rude.

621
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 3: One time I wore a shirt and pants that had

622
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 3: clashing patterns, she crinkled her nose and said, you're really

623
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 3: wearing that to go out? You know those don't match right,

624
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 3: in a very condescending tone, But later backtracked and said

625
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 3: she said that because she was so shocked how well

626
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 3: the outfit worked on me. Now that I've had my daughter,

627
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 3: things have gotten downright ridiculous. She asked us if she

628
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 3: could be in the room for my delivery, and as

629
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 3: I had been having these issues, I wanted to decline,

630
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 3: but during her asking she said, and I just want

631
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 3: you to know if you say no, I'll be really,

632
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 3: really upset. So, of course, scared to say anything because

633
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 3: I was heavily pregnant, I agreed, but said the answer

634
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 3: may change. What she said would be fine, she would

635
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,480
Speaker 3: just be very upset. About a month before I was due,

636
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 3: my husband went to her and explained we had changed

637
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 3: our mind and decided it would just be us two

638
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 3: to what. She responded by essentially giving us the silent

639
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 3: treatment and pouting for a day.

640
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 2: Let me guess she was upset.

641
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 3: Thank god, as I ended up needing an emergency sea section,

642
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 3: and my laboring experience was extremely difficult and stressful. Once

643
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 3: the baby was born, I was in recovery as the

644
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 3: baby was in the nikki with my husband. My mother

645
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 3: in law asked if she could come sit with me,

646
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 3: to which I agreed as I was ill and fevered

647
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 3: and didn't want to be alone. My mom lives in

648
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 3: another state and I have no family or friends here.

649
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 3: At first, it seemed okay until a nurse decided to

650
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 3: try and convince my mother in law to go see

651
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 3: my baby in the nick you mind you. I hadn't

652
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 3: even gotten to see my baby yet. I hoped I

653
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 3: would get in indignant. Absolutely not, but instead my mother

654
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 3: in law said, oh, maybe I'll just go talk to

655
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,479
Speaker 3: my son and look at her through the window. Of course,

656
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 3: I felt helpless as I couldn't walk or do anything.

657
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 3: At this point. The nurse said the nick you didn't

658
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 3: have a window anymore, to which my mother in law

659
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 3: sadly went, oh, man, I guess I'll wait if I

660
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 3: have to. Mom should hold her first, while looking at

661
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 3: me with puppy dog eyes, hoping I would give her permission.

662
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 3: I did not good for you, Opie, My mother in

663
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:40,959
Speaker 3: law hardly helped with anything regarding our baby, but for

664
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 3: some reason has decided that any help at all means

665
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 3: we owe her time with our baby. She even told

666
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,239
Speaker 3: me I should be letting other people enjoy her like

667
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 3: she's a toy to be shared and played with. She

668
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 3: has disrespected me around every corner and has even gone

669
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 3: as far as to refer to the baby as her baby,

670
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 3: and has called herself mama on multiple occasions. She has

671
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 3: even hesitated to hand me my child while my husband

672
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 3: and brother in law are constantly offered her with absolutely

673
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 3: no trouble. She questions every boundary we set, complained incessantly

674
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 3: until we allowed her to kiss the top of our

675
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 3: baby's head. No, no, you don't kiss newborn They don't

676
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 3: have immune systems.

677
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,560
Speaker 6: Come on, come on.

678
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,000
Speaker 3: She just loves the baby so much that she has

679
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 3: to give the baby all her little drugs on her

680
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 3: lips because she just can't stand to give it the flu,

681
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 3: and was livid that we didn't want to drop our

682
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 3: three week old baby off at her RV to babysit.

683
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 3: Now things are coming to a head. She has been

684
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 3: spamming my husband's phone, lamenting about how awful this is

685
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 3: for her, how she's going to just leave town since

686
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 3: we're withholding her grandchild from her. Anne has refused to

687
00:32:56,600 --> 00:33:00,239
Speaker 3: give any real apology. It's always I never said that,

688
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 3: or I didn't mean it that way, or I'm sorry

689
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 3: she took it like that, or you know, I'm not

690
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 3: like that, mind you. We have talked to her about

691
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 3: this behavior before and thought it would be squashed, Yet

692
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 3: she continued. My father in law called today and proceeded

693
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 3: to make it out like both of us are wrong

694
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 3: and that it's essentially up to me to concede and

695
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 3: accept that she's just allowed to be rude and unkind

696
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 3: to me because that's how she is, and she's not

697
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 3: going to apologize. He then ended it by saying I

698
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 3: should just essentially beerate her to make her listen. At

699
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 3: this point, I'm at a loss. This woman has made

700
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 3: me feel like a second class citizen compared to her

701
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 3: family and essentially treats me like I incubated her daughter

702
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 3: and I'm just the nurse maid, and then proceeds to

703
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 3: degrade me every time she comes over. But I'm being

704
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 3: told I have to bridge the gap my husband and

705
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 3: I don't know how to fix this because it's not

706
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 3: like we want our daughter to not be around her grandparents.

707
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 3: But I don't want to be treated like crap in

708
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 3: front of my daughter or in general. Important note, my

709
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 3: husband has been wonderful in defending me and holding strong

710
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 3: on this boundary. Both over the phone and in person.

711
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 3: We have an update. How you feeling.

712
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 4: I think we gotta make strict boundaries.

713
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, man, It's like.

714
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 3: Sounds like you're already limited contact and sounds like that's

715
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 3: a great call.

716
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,880
Speaker 4: Sometimes she gotta Sometimes people gotta know you mean business.

717
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:30,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, because it doesn't sound like she respects you.

718
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,080
Speaker 4: She just continue to treat you really poorly.

719
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 7: You'd be like, hey, I'm in no way gonna let

720
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 7: you treat me like this, or you know, forbid, gad

721
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 7: forbid you treat my child like this.

722
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like what hunting be eighty five says. Every

723
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 3: time she says my baby, oh, PI should direct her

724
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 3: to her husband my baby, Oh you mean the adult

725
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 3: one over there? The twenty five year old's yours.

726
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 2: Emma Wilkins in the chat says, I call my grandson's

727
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 2: my boy. Thankfully, the whole family understands and we all

728
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 2: run with it.

729
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's you can call you know, there's

730
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,319
Speaker 4: like a yeah, there's a point where that makes it all.

731
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 3: So my boys fair, my boys is way more generalized

732
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 3: than my baby, my baby.

733
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,799
Speaker 4: And also calling yourself.

734
00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:16,879
Speaker 3: Mama, it's like I call my cat's back home, my.

735
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 6: Boys, my boys, the boys, yeah, the boys.

736
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 2: No, she's like claiming possession of the ChIL update.

737
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 3: So I had a phone call with her today and

738
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 3: what she screamed at me overspoke me and sobbed for

739
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 3: the majority of the conversation. I was honest about my

740
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 3: feelings and did not back down on my opinions on

741
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 3: her behavior. But the best we got was I'm said,

742
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. You interpreted it like that. I didn't mean to,

743
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,840
Speaker 3: So I can't apologize for hurting your feeling.

744
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,400
Speaker 2: That's crazy that she said I'm sorry, but I'm not

745
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 2: going to say i'm sorry. She is hello, but I'm

746
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 2: not sorry, but she said. She started off with I'm sorry,

747
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

748
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:57,439
Speaker 3: That you feel bad.

749
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 4: I don't hello, I'm not sorry.

750
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 3: Essentially putting the blame on me for receiving her actions

751
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 3: in a negative way. The call ended with me crying

752
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,799
Speaker 3: and finally yelling, in which my husband gently took the

753
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 3: phone away and hung up to give me a break,

754
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:16,439
Speaker 3: as I was genuinely not being heard by her at all.

755
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 3: About thirty minutes later, she texted my phone a long message,

756
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:24,800
Speaker 3: giving a semblance of a real apology, although not really

757
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 3: admitting fault, and seemingly understood my perspective to some degree.

758
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 3: I decided to give her the chance she's begging for

759
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 3: and accepted her apology and explained once again that she

760
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 3: is absolutely not entitled to our baby, but I am

761
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 3: willing to let her see my daughter. I told her

762
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,319
Speaker 3: to give everyone a few days to cool off and

763
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,840
Speaker 3: she could come see us on Wednesday, to which she

764
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 3: curtly agreed. I'm sure it's going to be extremely uncomfortable

765
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 3: and tense. The ball is fully in her court to

766
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 3: behave and follow our rules and boundaries, as I feel

767
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 3: like I've made it very clear, I'm not going to

768
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,560
Speaker 3: allow crossing them. I really do want her in my

769
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 3: daughter's life if I can help it. I didn't grow

770
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 3: up with a positive family and I don't want that

771
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 3: for her. But if this behavior continues after things were

772
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 3: made crystal clear, I will not tolerate it, as I

773
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 3: have given the benefit of the doubt too many times

774
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 3: now update too well. I didn't think i'd be making

775
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:24,760
Speaker 3: this kind of update. Last night, my husband went over

776
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 3: to the place the in laws are staying to work

777
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 3: out with his dad. This is a nightly thing they

778
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 3: usually do, and he got caught in a conversation with

779
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 3: mother in law. It was clear from the start she

780
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 3: had planned to get him alone without me in order

781
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 3: to god my husband into contradicting everything I said and

782
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 3: essentially talk crap about me. She said, my mental health

783
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,879
Speaker 3: or trauma must be why I'm treating her this way,

784
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 3: reiterated that she definitely doesn't understand how she isn't entitled

785
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 3: to be around my daughter, and a whole lot of gaslighting.

786
00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 3: She sent a text to both of us today saying

787
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 3: she read a Reddit post last night that felt like

788
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 3: us maybe mine, and she understands where we're coming from

789
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 3: in the boundary of not wanting too many interactions with

790
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,760
Speaker 3: our daughter in the first few months for health reasons,

791
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:17,560
Speaker 3: but really nothing else. It was a lot of redirecting,

792
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 3: saying we didn't communicate with her. We did constantly, We

793
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 3: explained every choice even when we didn't need to, and

794
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 3: now she wants us to look at her side. She

795
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,280
Speaker 3: then texted my husband when she didn't receive an answer,

796
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,360
Speaker 3: and asked if she was forgiven. Unfortunately, I am done.

797
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 3: Someone who clearly would rather be right than see their

798
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 3: grandchild has no place with my daughter the end of

799
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 3: the day. I am her mother and my job is

800
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 3: to keep her life happy and positive, and my mother

801
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 3: in law is sadly far from it. Not to mention,

802
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 3: the pure stress of dealing with someone who is trying

803
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 3: anything and everything to make my husband think I'm crazy

804
00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,359
Speaker 3: and make me feel stupid and small is too much

805
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 3: to handle anymore. I plan now to remove myself and

806
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 3: my daughter from the equation. I don't expect no contact

807
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 3: from my husband with his mom, as that was never

808
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 3: my intent, but me and my child will be no

809
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,799
Speaker 3: matter how witchy or unstable she may try to make

810
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 3: me out to be. For this, no one can tell

811
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 3: me what's best for me and my daughter except me.

812
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 3: Me and my little one are happy and healthy and

813
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 3: thriving with just us and her dad, and that's more

814
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 3: than enough for me. That's the end of that story.

815
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,360
Speaker 1: Hey it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories, but

816
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:35,439
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

817
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 7: My friend joked about me losing a large amount of money,

818
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:40,320
Speaker 7: so I left.

819
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:42,280
Speaker 2: That's what friends are for.

820
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,360
Speaker 7: For context, I've been friends with Matt ten years, John

821
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,319
Speaker 7: for eight years, and Lily for seven years, on and off.

822
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 7: For clarification, Lily and I have had a rough relationship

823
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 7: throughout the years, as of recently since twenty twenty two

824
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 7: due to other issues. By the way, this comes from

825
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 7: Mini min X MoU and if you'll just submit your

826
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:03,400
Speaker 7: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime, sepread

827
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 7: it and.

828
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 6: I'm Angie, I'm key On, and we're here to give

829
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 6: good advice goofy. But we don't have all the answers.

830
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 6: We're just going to guess what we would do in

831
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:11,720
Speaker 6: this situation. So let us know what you would do

832
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 6: down in the comments.

833
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 7: I female, twenty four, recently had a birthday which included

834
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,479
Speaker 7: three friends, Matt twenty four male, John twenty four male,

835
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:22,359
Speaker 7: and Lily twenty three female. It wasn't anything big. It

836
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 7: was all four of us going into the city and shopping,

837
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 7: which I enjoyed. In our friend group, I'm probably known

838
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 7: as the sensitive one. I get upset easily intend to

839
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 7: act on my emotions in the moment, which I've been

840
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 7: working on with my therapist. I've been very open with

841
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 7: my friends about how it's going and what I've been doing.

842
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 7: At first, everyone seems supportive, though I've noticed Lily has

843
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 7: been less and less responsive to our conversations.

844
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,320
Speaker 6: In general, I at first assumed that this was okay.

845
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:47,879
Speaker 7: People have lives, things get busy, and she'll get back

846
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,720
Speaker 7: to me whenever she can. The day itself was fun

847
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:54,400
Speaker 7: in the beginning. Nothing seemed off. We were shopping and chatting,

848
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 7: and things felt fine. Around midday, though, as I was

849
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 7: transferring money into my bank account, I noticed some of

850
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 7: my money went missing. To clarify, I'm very cautious with

851
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:07,399
Speaker 7: my spending. I track what I spent to make sure

852
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 7: that I don't overspend on things. I don't have a

853
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 7: lot for my age, and all of my friends know

854
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 7: that I'm cautious with money. I started checking my accounts

855
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 7: and stressing because it wasn't a small amount. It was

856
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 7: over seven hundred dollars. Everybody noticed that I was getting

857
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,400
Speaker 7: worked up and upset. Matt suggested that we stop inside

858
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 7: my bank branch to sort the issue out, since there

859
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 7: was one down the street.

860
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 6: I agreed, since I didn't want.

861
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 7: To continue while actively noticing money was missing, and I

862
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:32,919
Speaker 7: assumed that my account might have been hacked or something.

863
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 7: John said that it was fine, but Lily was annoyed

864
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,919
Speaker 7: since we hadn't finished our shopping yet. She sat down

865
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 7: on the bench with John. At first, I didn't hear

866
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 7: her or what she was saying because I was too

867
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 7: worried over my account, though as I was looking for

868
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,440
Speaker 7: directions to the bank, she piped up about her in

869
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 7: John's account. Oh look, John, we might have been hacked too.

870
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 7: See our money for the day is missing too. She laughed,

871
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 7: but nobody else did. It was clearly not funny, and

872
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 7: we all stood in the silence. All I said was

873
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 7: that the poor joke was distasteful and nobody found it funny.

874
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 6: But her.

875
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 7: Lily snapped, saying that I was ruining the day by

876
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 7: stressing everybody out about money. When she and John had

877
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,440
Speaker 7: traveled to see me, I told her I appreciated the

878
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 7: travel to see me, but this was something that I

879
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 7: couldn't skip over since I'd already seen it. So I

880
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 7: left for the bank and ignored her. After I finished,

881
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 7: I found Matt waiting for me to inform me that

882
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:24,320
Speaker 7: Lily and John went home. In the morning, I found

883
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 7: a bunch of missed texts from Lily saying that I

884
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 7: ruined the day and that I was being overly sensitive

885
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 7: about a clear joke that she made and too emotional

886
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 7: for reacting the way that I did. I didn't snap

887
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 7: or yell at her. I left the situation since my

888
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 7: worry was my account. But she won't listen to my reasoning.

889
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 7: So am I the a hole? And there isn't edit.

890
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 7: Sorry forgot to add. Yes, I lost my money. I've

891
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:48,879
Speaker 7: been at the bank for the past few days now,

892
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 7: waiting to see what they can do to help me.

893
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 7: It happened on a busy day, so the bank hours

894
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 7: were shorter than normal. They explained it like sometimes when

895
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,839
Speaker 7: you shop online, some companies will sell your information. I'm

896
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 7: not sure how true it is, but I'm dealing with

897
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 7: the situation at hand. I will update in the next

898
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 7: couple of days with any information that I get. And

899
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:07,280
Speaker 7: there is an update.

900
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 6: Oh boy, but do you think that ope, he's the

901
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 6: a hole?

902
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 2: No, not at all.

903
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:12,879
Speaker 6: No.

904
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 2: I think that's the most logical and reasonable way to react.

905
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 2: You lost, even if it was like fifty bucks I

906
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:22,280
Speaker 2: would be like, yo, I lost fifty bucks. That's annoying.

907
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yeah, especially if it's her birthday too.

908
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,759
Speaker 2: It's like, that's right, her birthday.

909
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.

910
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 7: Did you never hear that song?

911
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,560
Speaker 2: I mean I think I think Lily is like the

912
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 2: class clown or you know which tries to be or

913
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:43,040
Speaker 2: she is a pick me girl.

914
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 5: Yeah.

915
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 2: And she tried to make a joke that obviously wasn't

916
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 2: That was just poorly timed and just not a good joke. Right,

917
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,800
Speaker 2: Nobody laughed and she got really like pouting, like, oh

918
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,320
Speaker 2: you know how dare Like, I was just trying to

919
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,760
Speaker 2: be funny and no one's laughing at me. Everyone yeucked.

920
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,840
Speaker 7: About the main issue, I've frozen and locked my account

921
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 7: and card connecting to each other at the bank. With

922
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 7: some help from the employee, she explained the process of

923
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:08,960
Speaker 7: getting a new card and suggested that it might be

924
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 7: better to make a completely new account, which I agreed

925
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 7: to do because I'd rather be safe with it. Before

926
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 7: closing the account, I was able to transfer over my

927
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 7: remaining funds and take some cash out since the worker

928
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 7: I mentioned it might take a week or two for

929
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,839
Speaker 7: the new car to arrive. About getting the stolen money back,

930
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,400
Speaker 7: she was very kind at explaining the process on what

931
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 7: to do, and thankfully she had helped me with the

932
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 7: process a little bit, since this has never happened to

933
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,360
Speaker 7: me before. She put it in the system as a

934
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:36,480
Speaker 7: fraudulent transaction, and I'm still in the process of getting

935
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 7: the money back, she stated, it.

936
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 6: Won't take too long, maybe a few weeks.

937
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 7: I'm still keeping all the info we've gathered until its resolved.

938
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:45,920
Speaker 7: I've also made a report to the government fraud buster

939
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 7: website as another safety precaution. I wanted to add this

940
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:51,480
Speaker 7: because some people were curious, and I will only give

941
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 7: small details. Regarding my therapist and therapy, It's more about

942
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 7: regulating suppressed feelings and emotions. As a TEENA wasn't exactly

943
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 7: allowed to talk about feelings and emotions besides just being happy.

944
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 7: I didn't have a proper support system emotionally to express

945
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 7: any negative feelings like sadness or anger.

946
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 6: As my therapist has put it, you.

947
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,360
Speaker 7: Seem to let people walk on you like a dormat,

948
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 7: and you seem like a people pleaser.

949
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,720
Speaker 6: And I've accepted both statements as true.

950
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 7: She is helping me express feelings properly without trying to

951
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:22,839
Speaker 7: feel guilty about them. The situation wasn't me getting mad

952
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,319
Speaker 7: and screaming or shouting. It was me trying to say

953
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 7: my feelings and speak my mind and hopes that people

954
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 7: will respect that.

955
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,080
Speaker 2: Oh he watched inside out was like, wait, there's more

956
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:32,320
Speaker 2: than joy, right.

957
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 6: It's okay to feel these other events.

958
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 2: There's sadness and no anger. Yeah, I can feel those.

959
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 2: I'm allowed to feel those wild that wow.

960
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 7: A couple of months ago, I told the group beforehand

961
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 7: that I'm trying to regulate my emotions a lot more

962
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:48,760
Speaker 7: than I normally would, which would not be saying anything.

963
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 7: And I feel like after the shift and trying to

964
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 7: speak my mind more often and express my feelings more

965
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 7: than usual, it might seem as if I'm being more

966
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 7: sensitive or over sensitive since they haven't seen this before.

967
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 7: To the comments about just leaving Lily and closing the friendship,

968
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 7: I wish it was that simple. She's been married to

969
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:05,399
Speaker 7: John for.

970
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 6: Three years, so we're all very close. At this point.

971
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 7: I don't have many friends besides our small group, and

972
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 7: it seems harder to make friends now as an adult.

973
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 7: I've been to all their celebrations, their wedding parties.

974
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:16,120
Speaker 6: Hangouts, etc.

975
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 7: I feel like we're a family emotionally, it feels harder

976
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 7: to let go and walk away. Each argument or fight

977
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 7: we've had over the years always did end up resolving itself,

978
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 7: though on my end, I would always apologize. We haven't

979
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 7: spoken since this incident, so I'm not sure where we

980
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 7: are exactly on understanding each other. After the incident, I

981
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 7: sent a final message to Lily, very calmly, explaining how

982
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 7: hurtful the comment was in a situation that was clearly

983
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 7: stressing me out and was not needed. I've been left

984
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 7: on red and still haven't gotten a word back. Someone

985
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 7: asks do you think Lily had taken the money? Op

986
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 7: He says, no, I don't. She doesn't have access to

987
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 7: any of my banking details, she's never used my card,

988
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:54,919
Speaker 7: and I genuinely don't believe that she would do something

989
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 7: that cruel. I truly believe that she had nothing to

990
00:46:57,480 --> 00:46:59,759
Speaker 7: do with it, and I was unfortunately just caught in

991
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 7: a Someone else asks, why aren't you mad at John

992
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 7: for leaving as well? Opie says, I'm not mad at

993
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 7: John because he didn't make the comment. Each time Lily

994
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 7: and I would fight. She would always have a comment

995
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:13,000
Speaker 7: to add, which I would feel bad about. On my end,

996
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,439
Speaker 7: John isn't the type to instigate or start drama. He's

997
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 7: normally very chill and we've always gotten along. I've never

998
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 7: had any issues with John. And there is a little

999
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 7: bit more to this story.

1000
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 6: But yeah, that like just that just icky, the icky situation.

1001
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, this might be just like a wake up call

1002
00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:33,239
Speaker 7: for OP, like maybe don't take it as like, okay,

1003
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:35,319
Speaker 7: I need to end this friendship, but maybe just a

1004
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 7: wake up call of like how you go about it

1005
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:38,880
Speaker 7: in the dynamic, it's.

1006
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 2: Again the people pleasing. Yeah, you know, I think this

1007
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 2: is this is a perfect example or perfect time for

1008
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 2: you OP to you know what. I know it's very uncomfortable,

1009
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 2: especially for someone who's been used to this their entire life,

1010
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 2: But this is you to like stand up for yourself

1011
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:54,360
Speaker 2: or like, you know what, I am not okay with

1012
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 2: this and this is not a resolution. I want to

1013
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,400
Speaker 2: figure this out where you know, I get to say

1014
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 2: and I think, you know, Lily, that's not cool kind

1015
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:04,640
Speaker 2: of thing, or like yeah, hey, everybody, this is how

1016
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 2: I feel. I don't care what you think. Come on,

1017
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:07,720
Speaker 2: let's be adults.

1018
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 7: Here right, Yeah, I think you handled it well because

1019
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 7: the way I would think to go about this is

1020
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,319
Speaker 7: to just kind of like reassess, Like the way that

1021
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 7: you go about things like this, Hyeah comes up like

1022
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 7: maybe in those fights, whatever happens in those fights, like maybe,

1023
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 7: I'm sure there's a way that you can act differently

1024
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:24,440
Speaker 7: and that you can.

1025
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 6: Stop yourself from apologizing.

1026
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 7: And I'm glad that in this situation you reacted how

1027
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,360
Speaker 7: you would and you didn't snap at her or anything

1028
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:33,840
Speaker 7: like that, and you also didn't like let it happen

1029
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:36,439
Speaker 7: and you weren't just like, oh, yeah, it's just a joke.

1030
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:36,919
Speaker 4: You're right.

1031
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 7: Since John and Lily traveled together, I didn't want her

1032
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 7: taking public transport alone later in the afternoon or night.

1033
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 6: The area we were in at the time isn't.

1034
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 7: Always the best place to be alone, especially traveling alone

1035
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 7: as a woman. Plus, I wouldn't want them leaving at

1036
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:50,799
Speaker 7: separate times.

1037
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 6: Anyway.

1038
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,439
Speaker 7: I'm not sure if I have any other updates to come,

1039
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 7: but I sincerely appreciate all the nice comments and getting

1040
00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:59,319
Speaker 7: an opinion that wasn't biased in the situation, and it

1041
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:01,879
Speaker 7: helped me. It has helped me figure out what type

1042
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:03,880
Speaker 7: of people I should have in my life and what

1043
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 7: I need from friends in the sense of not having

1044
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 7: one sided friendships.

1045
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 6: And there are some comments coming. Number one says, not

1046
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 6: the a hole.

1047
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 7: Whenever I hear the I was just joking, excuse, the

1048
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,359
Speaker 7: first thing that comes to my mind is to ask

1049
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 7: the person what part of that was supposed to be funny.

1050
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 7: If I find out that I'm seven hundred dollars short,

1051
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 7: I'm stopping on the train and figure out what the

1052
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:25,800
Speaker 7: f is going on. And if I found out that

1053
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 7: a friend had that problem, I'm too concerned to make

1054
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 7: jokes and suggest that she wait a day or so

1055
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,840
Speaker 7: to figure it out. Sounds like Lily isn't your friend anymore,

1056
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,360
Speaker 7: and that's okay for both of you.

1057
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 6: Someone else responds.

1058
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 7: Until I read the edit, I was honestly going to

1059
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 7: say that maybe Lily is the one who robbed her

1060
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,720
Speaker 7: for the seven hundred dollars. She sounds like the type. Honestly,

1061
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:46,319
Speaker 7: I'm glad Ope is on the verge of figuring it out.

1062
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 7: Though that's crazy. Lily is not your friend, op cut

1063
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:52,040
Speaker 7: her out of your life. I know the word toxic

1064
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,439
Speaker 7: gets thrown around on here a lot, but I think

1065
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 7: that it's appropriate. In this case, she sounds very selfish

1066
00:49:57,239 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 7: and spoiled, with no concern for anyone but herself.

1067
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 6: And that's the end of that story. Yes, that makes

1068
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 6: it great.

1069
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 2: For those comments. Great, Yeah, yeah, I ruined years worth

1070
00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 2: of friendship after I confessed what did you do? I

1071
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 2: male twenty six, met this girl, female twenty five more

1072
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 2: than ten years ago, and we developed a great friendship

1073
00:50:16,239 --> 00:50:18,319
Speaker 2: over the years. We would tease each other all the

1074
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,880
Speaker 2: time and would sometimes act a bit more than friendly.

1075
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 2: Though I dated other people and she dated other people.

1076
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:27,160
Speaker 2: After all, we were simply friends. By the way, this

1077
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,440
Speaker 2: comes from user Levitt's carnal and if you want to

1078
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,520
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1079
00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 2: storytime Separate. I'm Keon and I'm Angie, and we're here

1080
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 2: to give good advice googly, But we don't have all

1081
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 2: the answers. We only know what we'd do, So let

1082
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 2: us know what you would do in the comments. This

1083
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:45,280
Speaker 2: all changed in twenty eighteen when we started dating. Things

1084
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 2: didn't end well for a multitude of reasons, so we

1085
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 2: went our separate ways. It was a hard breakup and

1086
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:54,359
Speaker 2: we didn't speak for two years. She recontacted me during

1087
00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 2: the VID saying how she missed me and how she

1088
00:50:57,320 --> 00:50:59,400
Speaker 2: wasn't good, that she had some issues and wanted me

1089
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:03,319
Speaker 2: back in her life. I obliged. In friendship terms. The

1090
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 2: truth is I never forgot this girl. I've had other relationships,

1091
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 2: but nothing has come close since. I knew it was

1092
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:13,479
Speaker 2: a mistake bringing her back into my life, but I did. Though,

1093
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:17,440
Speaker 2: like I said before, as friends, that's probably f up

1094
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 2: number one. She was always inviting me to go out

1095
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:22,880
Speaker 2: with her or to meet up at her house, though

1096
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 2: it never actually happened. We were back to our old

1097
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,920
Speaker 2: ways and kept flirting playfully with one another like we

1098
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 2: used to before we dated. Eventually, I visited her one

1099
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 2: night one year ago. Nothing happened, but I held her

1100
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 2: in my arms. That's when I truly realized I hadn't

1101
00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:38,759
Speaker 2: forgotten this girl at all. I tried to kiss her,

1102
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 2: but she rejected me. That night, things got awkward for

1103
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:43,880
Speaker 2: a bit and I left. By then, it was around

1104
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,239
Speaker 2: five to six am. She had smoked something while I

1105
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 2: was there, though I didn't partake. I was kind of

1106
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 2: devastated but felt it might have been for the best.

1107
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,840
Speaker 2: The next day she messaged me and we got to talking.

1108
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 2: She asked if I tried to kiss her. I lied

1109
00:51:56,480 --> 00:52:00,440
Speaker 2: and I said no, No, I felt embarrassed. Thing went

1110
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 2: on as nothing happened. She kept being sweet with me

1111
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 2: for a while, but things went colder than usual. Fast

1112
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 2: forward till late last year. She had actually found someone.

1113
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:09,799
Speaker 2: They dated for a while and broke it off. We

1114
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 2: didn't talk much during this time, but after she was single,

1115
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:15,040
Speaker 2: we started talking a bit more. She invited me to

1116
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:16,840
Speaker 2: meet up with her when she was having a camp

1117
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:20,440
Speaker 2: by the beach side with some girlfriends, but I didn't go.

1118
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:23,600
Speaker 2: That's major f up number two. Overall, twenty twenty three

1119
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:25,880
Speaker 2: hasn't been easy for me, and it wasn't easy for

1120
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 2: her either. I thought to myself that maybe I should

1121
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 2: tell her how I felt all these years, but she

1122
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:33,239
Speaker 2: had just gotten out of a relationship. Was it the

1123
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 2: correct time. She was healing and was fragile. So I

1124
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:40,359
Speaker 2: decided to wait. So I did until last month, which

1125
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 2: is where I truly leffed up. I decided one day

1126
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 2: to stop by unannounced and bought her a pack of

1127
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 2: sweets as a gift. I had no courage at all

1128
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 2: to knock on her door and tell her how I felt,

1129
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:51,680
Speaker 2: so I bought some wine and drank in the car.

1130
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:54,040
Speaker 2: I picked her up after drinking a bit and we

1131
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 2: got to talking. I was fine until I wasn't and

1132
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:59,880
Speaker 2: told her everything, and I mean everything, I told her.

1133
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 2: Maybe I shouldn't have. I told her some personal things,

1134
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,800
Speaker 2: and I cried, and she cried. I kept repeating myself,

1135
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:08,160
Speaker 2: telling her just how much she meant to me after

1136
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 2: all these years, and how I find her to be

1137
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:14,239
Speaker 2: magnificent in every way. I left and had a horrible night,

1138
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:16,959
Speaker 2: where looking back, it's super foggy to me, I can't

1139
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 2: even remember some specific things. Well, things went cold for

1140
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 2: a while. She actually dated someone the same week I

1141
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,240
Speaker 2: told her all of this, and that hurt me deeply.

1142
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 2: I was not expecting that at all, though they ended

1143
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:30,120
Speaker 2: it after just a few days. I think everyone needs

1144
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:32,240
Speaker 2: to slow their role here and figure out themselves.

1145
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 6: Be single, guys, be.

1146
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 2: Single before you start going to other people. When I

1147
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:39,359
Speaker 2: found out, I unfollowed her socials there are certain things

1148
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:41,879
Speaker 2: I didn't want to see. Well, she blocked me, then

1149
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 2: unblocked me, block me again, unblock me, and followed me again.

1150
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,439
Speaker 2: I know, seems ridiculous. I haven't seen her since that day,

1151
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:51,320
Speaker 2: but we've spoken since I sent her a long, truly

1152
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 2: deep message, and she didn't know how to react. Right now,

1153
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 2: She's not mentally fine and well, to be honest, neither

1154
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 2: am I. I believe she appreciated it, but said she

1155
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 2: felt toobol and was no good company to anybody and

1156
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:06,399
Speaker 2: wanted to be alone, which I understand and I respect well.

1157
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:08,560
Speaker 2: A few days go by, and I thought I'd be

1158
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 2: kind and buy her a gift, similar to one I

1159
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 2: bought when we dated all those years ago. I showed up,

1160
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:16,800
Speaker 2: knocked and nobody answered, stayed for a bit, knocked again,

1161
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:18,439
Speaker 2: and I left. I spent the day at the beach

1162
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 2: with a friend, and when I got home, she sent

1163
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 2: me a voice message asking if I knocked on her

1164
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 2: door that day. I said I did, that I had

1165
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 2: something I wanted to give her, and that if a

1166
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:28,960
Speaker 2: lot of days go by without giving it to her,

1167
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:32,480
Speaker 2: it would spoil well read it. She goes ballistic on me.

1168
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:36,360
Speaker 2: She sent multiple audio messages saying how I'm being harmful,

1169
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:38,799
Speaker 2: how her house is in some meet up place, and

1170
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 2: that I have no right, how I have left her

1171
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:43,400
Speaker 2: absolutely anxious by doing that, and that her whole body

1172
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 2: hurts as a result. She said a few more things,

1173
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:48,440
Speaker 2: and they weren't kind. But then I realized, yeah, this

1174
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 2: is over. I apologized, told her she could have peace

1175
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 2: of mind it would not happen again, and that she

1176
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,759
Speaker 2: would not hear from me again. And I thought that

1177
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 2: was that. That was until a girlfriend of mine post

1178
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 2: a story with a pack of sweets in my car.

1179
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 2: I shared that post. She my friend saw it and

1180
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 2: replied saying something like, well, mine is probably still under

1181
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:11,480
Speaker 2: the passenger seat smiley face, referring to the pack I

1182
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:14,920
Speaker 2: bought her that day. I didn't reply, had no idea

1183
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:17,479
Speaker 2: what to say or what she was expecting me to say.

1184
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:19,839
Speaker 2: Two days go by and she texts me at seven

1185
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 2: am saying that now I'm ignoring her, and how she

1186
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:27,640
Speaker 2: hopes I never ever stopped by her place again, and

1187
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:31,080
Speaker 2: oh that I'm an effing stupid idiot. I've been blocked

1188
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:33,600
Speaker 2: ever since, and I don't think we'll ever speak again.

1189
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:35,480
Speaker 2: As the last gesture, I spoke with a friend of

1190
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:38,879
Speaker 2: hers to be there for her because I feared for her,

1191
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,880
Speaker 2: and that was it. I haven't heard from her since,

1192
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 2: and we have an update three days later. Oh boy, Angie,

1193
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:46,319
Speaker 2: I mean we've been saying this entire time. Yeah, that

1194
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,960
Speaker 2: she's very wishy washy on what she wants from you.

1195
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 2: I think she only wants you at specific times in

1196
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:54,040
Speaker 2: her life where she feels alone or empty, and it's

1197
00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:55,879
Speaker 2: only on her terms of like I think I can

1198
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 2: have you in my life. I mean, you guys did date,

1199
00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,319
Speaker 2: but for the most part, that's what it seems like.

1200
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:02,279
Speaker 2: But now going to UOPI, I think what you were

1201
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 2: trying to do was, like you thought, this is really sweet.

1202
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:06,240
Speaker 2: I'm being a good person. I'm being a good friend.

1203
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 2: I'm being a good you know, I've revealed my feelings,

1204
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:11,440
Speaker 2: my true feelings for her. That wasn't your place to do.

1205
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:14,319
Speaker 2: I think you shun up at her place multiple times.

1206
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:16,520
Speaker 2: This wasn't the first time, but the second time, and

1207
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:18,839
Speaker 2: maybe you didn't tell her. Maybe you didn't tell her

1208
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:21,560
Speaker 2: that's not okay. She said, I want space, I want

1209
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 2: to be respected, and you said, I respect that, I'm

1210
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:25,759
Speaker 2: not going to bother you. And then you literally show

1211
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:28,000
Speaker 2: at her door with a gift that's going to remind

1212
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:31,080
Speaker 2: you of your old relationship. What are you doing. You're

1213
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:33,320
Speaker 2: not being fair. That's I think it's a little selfish

1214
00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 2: of you to do that. When you said one thing

1215
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:37,920
Speaker 2: and she said one thing, and you're like, Okay, I'll

1216
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:38,360
Speaker 2: respect that.

1217
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:40,560
Speaker 7: Yeah, because obviously we're seeing a lot of things that

1218
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 7: she's doing wrong in this situation.

1219
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:44,720
Speaker 6: But I feel like in a toxic.

1220
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:47,359
Speaker 7: Relationship like this one, you seems like you're both contributing

1221
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 7: to that.

1222
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 2: We do have an update three days later. So I've

1223
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 2: been reading everyone's comments for the past few days. I

1224
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:55,920
Speaker 2: have noticed some people calling out the toxic behavior between

1225
00:56:55,960 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 2: the both of us, and most of you are indeed right.

1226
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:01,359
Speaker 2: I could have done things diff been thinking about it

1227
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 2: almost every day for the past month. Actually, I forgot

1228
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 2: to mention one thing that I think is important and

1229
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,479
Speaker 2: that I admit it. When she recontacted me during the VID,

1230
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:12,160
Speaker 2: she wanted us to get back together. I put an

1231
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 2: emphasis on us only being friends. So the reason I'm

1232
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 2: making this post to day is, well, she called me tonight.

1233
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:20,680
Speaker 2: I had her phone number deleted, but I recognized it

1234
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 2: mostly because of the last three digits. As I picked up,

1235
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:26,280
Speaker 2: I noticed she seemed to be sobbing slightly. Well. She

1236
00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:28,120
Speaker 2: goes on to tell me that she doesn't want things

1237
00:57:28,160 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 2: to end with me, that I was one of the

1238
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 2: best things that happened to her, but that she's angry

1239
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 2: with me for showing up and letting that bombshell on her.

1240
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 2: I apologized again for it, especially for being wasted before

1241
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 2: meeting up with her. I am not someone who drinks,

1242
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:42,440
Speaker 2: so I am especially vulnerable when doing so, though I

1243
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 2: did want a slight emotional push. Anyways, she told me

1244
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 2: that she's confused by everything that happened, even though she

1245
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 2: says I'm very important to her. Whichever way she meant,

1246
00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 2: I don't know. She told me some more private things

1247
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 2: that made me actually feel for her, but honestly, the

1248
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,080
Speaker 2: reaction to that post kind of changed my life, and

1249
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 2: I want to thank most of you for it. I

1250
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:02,000
Speaker 2: cut things off off completely. I told her I'll probably

1251
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,439
Speaker 2: love her for many more years. Being with other people

1252
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 2: hasn't worked so far. But like I told her, eyes

1253
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 2: that don't see, heart that doesn't feel I said, I'll

1254
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:11,120
Speaker 2: miss her. I told her just how much everything she

1255
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:13,800
Speaker 2: did hurt me, including our first relationship, and that I

1256
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 2: believe that I didn't deserve to be treated that way

1257
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:18,160
Speaker 2: that she treated me because it hurt me and made

1258
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:20,840
Speaker 2: me question my worth. After all, one thing that assures

1259
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:23,280
Speaker 2: me is that I did everything to always treat her

1260
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:25,240
Speaker 2: the best I could. I always did what I could

1261
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:27,360
Speaker 2: for her. I told her to be strong, but that

1262
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 2: this would probably be the last time we'd interact. I'd

1263
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 2: asked her to delete my number, which is the last

1264
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 2: thing we still have to be in contact each other.

1265
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:36,200
Speaker 2: We've blocked each other on social media. Of course, while

1266
00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 2: I was telling her those things, she started crying, which

1267
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:41,680
Speaker 2: made me question everything I was saying over the phone.

1268
00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:44,880
Speaker 2: But I pulled through, mostly because, like everyone said, this

1269
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 2: was doomed to fail and I was doomed to get

1270
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,959
Speaker 2: hurt again. Time to think of my well being for once,

1271
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,080
Speaker 2: and not someone else's. She calmed down a bit and

1272
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 2: took it fairly well. She said she'll respect my decision.

1273
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:56,480
Speaker 2: I wish her the best, hung up the phone and

1274
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 2: blocked her number. This was not easy at all ready,

1275
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 2: let me tell her, after all, I still love this

1276
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:03,800
Speaker 2: girl with every ounce of my being. I feel relieved

1277
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 2: in a way. I feel we ended things fairly reasonable

1278
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 2: with no toxic feelings closure per se. Thanks to everyone.

1279
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:13,320
Speaker 2: It's a breakup. You finally like you finally got your closure.

1280
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:16,360
Speaker 2: You finally broke up. I mean, you guys, were no

1281
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:19,880
Speaker 2: matter if it's a friendship, relationship, whatever, ship. You guys

1282
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:24,520
Speaker 2: didn't fully break up until now, and breakup suck. Yes,

1283
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 2: you guys were dating. You guys stopped talking, but you

1284
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:29,200
Speaker 2: got you guys kind of rekindled. It wasn't fully broken

1285
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 2: up until that door, wasn't fully closed until now, and

1286
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 2: now you can you know exactly the saying of if

1287
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 2: you love someone, let them go kind of thing. Yeah

1288
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:40,000
Speaker 2: and yeah, I kind of hate that saying, but it's

1289
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,840
Speaker 2: in this case. Sure you could love them, but you

1290
00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:44,720
Speaker 2: can move on. What you need to do is love

1291
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:47,640
Speaker 2: yourself first, exactly, focus on yourself. Op.

1292
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 7: Yeah, be single for a while, reflect and process this situation.

1293
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:55,360
Speaker 7: Let's just you know, realize what we didn't like about

1294
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:59,200
Speaker 7: the situation, and you'll feel stronger afterwards because you'll know

1295
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 7: that you never would have up with that again.

1296
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:03,000
Speaker 2: It's a learning experience. It's called life.

1297
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:03,240
Speaker 6: You know.

1298
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:05,560
Speaker 2: It's okay, And that's.

1299
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:06,120
Speaker 4: The end of the story.

1300
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 6: We're gonna go on to the next one.

1301
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 2: John here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories.

1302
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:13,240
Speaker 2: But a quick three minute break from ass for more sponsors.

1303
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 7: My friend's wife mocked me because I don't have a

1304
01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:17,600
Speaker 7: wedding gift for them.

1305
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 2: Your presence was a gift.

1306
01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:22,240
Speaker 7: I recently attended my best friend's wedding last weekend, and

1307
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:24,680
Speaker 7: I guess he finally got around to opening all the gifts.

1308
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:27,320
Speaker 7: My friend and I have been best friends since two

1309
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:30,080
Speaker 7: thousand and seven, when we met in grade school. Since then,

1310
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 7: we've been over at each other's houses so often it's

1311
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:36,520
Speaker 7: basically more like a familial brother bond than an actual friendship.

1312
01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:37,600
Speaker 6: By the way, this comes.

1313
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 7: From SGAI snsvds and if you want to submit your

1314
01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:44,120
Speaker 7: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime, sepread

1315
01:00:44,160 --> 01:00:45,400
Speaker 7: it and I'm Angie.

1316
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:47,640
Speaker 6: I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice goofily.

1317
01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:49,440
Speaker 6: But that means that we don't have all the answers.

1318
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:51,680
Speaker 6: We just are gonna guess what we would do in

1319
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:53,520
Speaker 6: this situation. But let us know what you would do

1320
01:00:53,560 --> 01:00:54,240
Speaker 6: in the comments.

1321
01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:56,000
Speaker 7: In May of this year, he came to me with

1322
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:58,480
Speaker 7: his head down and asked me if he could borrow

1323
01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:00,880
Speaker 7: money for his wedding. He knew he was getting married.

1324
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:03,640
Speaker 7: They had sent out invites for a wedding on September

1325
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:06,919
Speaker 7: twenty seventh, my birthday. Hello, happy birthday, What a great

1326
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:07,400
Speaker 7: day to have.

1327
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 2: We were also the first day at Carly ah yeah, cute,

1328
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:13,120
Speaker 2: big important days for both of us.

1329
01:01:13,240 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 6: Yay, and we were all so excited.

1330
01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 7: He told me he was able to pay most of

1331
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 7: the deposits, but was running low on cash for full

1332
01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:23,800
Speaker 7: payment of services rendered. He had saved about thirty K

1333
01:01:24,080 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 7: and was short about fifteen K, but he was sure

1334
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:30,960
Speaker 7: he could live off of ramen and spend very little

1335
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:33,720
Speaker 7: and save the five K in the next six months,

1336
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 7: so he wanted me to loan him ten K. I

1337
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 7: told him very clearly that I had no problem loaning

1338
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:41,080
Speaker 7: him the money, but I would need to do it

1339
01:01:41,120 --> 01:01:45,440
Speaker 7: with a clearly stated contract about repayment terms, and he agreed.

1340
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:47,080
Speaker 7: A few days after he came to me, I showed

1341
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:49,400
Speaker 7: about his house with the contract and money. I told

1342
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:52,240
Speaker 7: him the contract clearly states that I'm only loaning him

1343
01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:55,240
Speaker 7: seven thousand dollars and not ten thousand dollars. The additional

1344
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:57,560
Speaker 7: three thousand was a gift from me to him and

1345
01:01:57,600 --> 01:01:58,360
Speaker 7: his future wife.

1346
01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 6: Oh wow, wow wow, that's very generous.

1347
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:02,800
Speaker 2: I want to be my friend too, right.

1348
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:06,200
Speaker 7: The contract stated that he would repay me within one

1349
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:09,120
Speaker 7: year of the actual marriage, so officially his debt would

1350
01:02:09,120 --> 01:02:12,280
Speaker 7: come ode on September twenty seventh of twenty twenty six.

1351
01:02:12,400 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 7: This Monday, my friend asked me to meet him at

1352
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:16,960
Speaker 7: a local coffee shop so we could talk about something.

1353
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:19,120
Speaker 7: He told me that he and his wife had gone

1354
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 7: through all of the envelopes and she was very upset

1355
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:24,360
Speaker 7: to find that there was nothing from his best friend.

1356
01:02:24,480 --> 01:02:25,840
Speaker 6: He told me that he kept the.

1357
01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:28,280
Speaker 7: Load of secret from her and wanted to keep it

1358
01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:30,680
Speaker 7: that way, but she might reach out to figure out

1359
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:32,520
Speaker 7: if there was an issue on why I didn't send

1360
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:34,440
Speaker 7: a gift. I told him he could just tell her

1361
01:02:34,520 --> 01:02:36,600
Speaker 7: that I gave a gift earlier and that my gift

1362
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:39,480
Speaker 7: was used as payment to vendors or something for the wedding, which.

1363
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 6: Is the truth. He doesn't want to say that.

1364
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:43,680
Speaker 7: He thinks it's too shameful from his perspective to say

1365
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:46,040
Speaker 7: something like that, especially since some of the vendors at

1366
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:49,840
Speaker 7: the wedding, like the mocktail mixologist, were her request and.

1367
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:52,560
Speaker 6: She had to have a specific videographer, et cetera.

1368
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:55,520
Speaker 7: Yesterday, my friend and his wife invited me over to

1369
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:58,360
Speaker 7: their new apartment. I knew I wasn't expecting to be invited,

1370
01:02:58,440 --> 01:03:00,439
Speaker 7: but my parents taught me to know I ever show

1371
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:02,760
Speaker 7: up to someone's home empty handed. I bought a box

1372
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:06,840
Speaker 7: of specialized baclava from a Lebonese bakery at work, Jump

1373
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:10,920
Speaker 7: Yummy Yummy, in a small bouquet of flowers, and a

1374
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:13,360
Speaker 7: nice piece of vinyl art that sticks to the wall

1375
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 7: and also peels off easily. Since they are renting, I

1376
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:17,440
Speaker 7: didn't think much of it, but these gifts caught me

1377
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:20,160
Speaker 7: about forty five dollars in total. It wasn't very thoughtful,

1378
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:23,080
Speaker 7: but it also wasn't anything crappy. They both got upset

1379
01:03:23,120 --> 01:03:26,160
Speaker 7: for different reasons. My friend was upset that I showed

1380
01:03:26,240 --> 01:03:28,480
Speaker 7: up with gifts in the first place, especially after the

1381
01:03:28,520 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 7: conversation we just had. His wife was upset that I

1382
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:33,240
Speaker 7: showed up with gifts for visiting their home but not

1383
01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:36,680
Speaker 7: their wedding. She was pretty blunt and said, wow, you know,

1384
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:38,960
Speaker 7: these gifts almost make up for not getting us.

1385
01:03:38,920 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 6: A wedding present.

1386
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:42,000
Speaker 7: I pretended to laugh it off and saw my best

1387
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:44,920
Speaker 7: friend's expression that he wanted me to lie, so I

1388
01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:47,280
Speaker 7: told them sorry about that. I just don't always feel

1389
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:49,520
Speaker 7: comfortable giving money as a gift, and I know your

1390
01:03:49,720 --> 01:03:52,680
Speaker 7: invites said no boxed gifts. If I can get you

1391
01:03:52,720 --> 01:03:54,600
Speaker 7: all something for the new place, I thought it would

1392
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:57,040
Speaker 7: be better After that little exchange, we had a slightly

1393
01:03:57,080 --> 01:04:00,320
Speaker 7: awkward dinner, and I left and got messages from my

1394
01:04:00,440 --> 01:04:03,080
Speaker 7: friend saying thank you for covering for him. And I

1395
01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:05,760
Speaker 7: left and got messages from my friend thanking me for

1396
01:04:05,840 --> 01:04:08,600
Speaker 7: covering for him. But now she's expecting a gift for

1397
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:10,680
Speaker 7: their home. He sent me a link to a few

1398
01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:13,600
Speaker 7: Amazon products and asked if I would be comfortable ordering

1399
01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:17,120
Speaker 7: one of those. I said sure, no, if he would

1400
01:04:17,200 --> 01:04:19,200
Speaker 7: sell me at the amount for the gifts, yes, I

1401
01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 7: think that would be great.

1402
01:04:20,120 --> 01:04:22,040
Speaker 6: If if they want to go with this.

1403
01:04:22,160 --> 01:04:24,600
Speaker 2: Oh oh, the friend would sell zell op the amount.

1404
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:28,280
Speaker 6: Okay, that's what we're asking. I don't think it's going

1405
01:04:28,320 --> 01:04:30,440
Speaker 6: to happen, but that would be if they're.

1406
01:04:30,240 --> 01:04:32,240
Speaker 7: If they're truly going up with it, or like going

1407
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:34,280
Speaker 7: through with this cover up, that would need to be

1408
01:04:34,360 --> 01:04:34,840
Speaker 7: what happens.

1409
01:04:34,920 --> 01:04:38,040
Speaker 6: Okay, you need to then buy.

1410
01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:39,520
Speaker 4: My gift for your home.

1411
01:04:39,560 --> 01:04:42,040
Speaker 6: Because I paid you three thousand dollars, I.

1412
01:04:41,960 --> 01:04:43,880
Speaker 2: Was gonna say, hey, so put that on my tab

1413
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:47,040
Speaker 2: that you owe me, you know, four thousand more dollars, right,

1414
01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:48,520
Speaker 2: you remember that, right exactly?

1415
01:04:48,640 --> 01:04:49,840
Speaker 6: He was confused.

1416
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:52,400
Speaker 7: I thought he would pay since I already gave him

1417
01:04:52,440 --> 01:04:55,200
Speaker 7: a fairly generous gift and this was just to keep

1418
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:58,720
Speaker 7: up appearances. He said, no, but the cheapest thing he

1419
01:04:58,840 --> 01:05:02,240
Speaker 7: sent me was Ay two one hundred dollar robot vacuum cleaner.

1420
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:04,920
Speaker 7: I told him I was not going to pay for

1421
01:05:04,960 --> 01:05:07,080
Speaker 7: a gift after I had already given him a gift

1422
01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:09,080
Speaker 7: and he just didn't want to tell his wife about it.

1423
01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:11,600
Speaker 7: Now he hasn't spoken to me and won't respond to

1424
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:14,520
Speaker 7: any messages. Am Ida hole for not giving a gift

1425
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:16,520
Speaker 7: at a wedding and uh, the answer is.

1426
01:05:16,520 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 2: No, you gave a gift.

1427
01:05:17,760 --> 01:05:19,560
Speaker 6: What do you mean, Yeah, exactly, you did give a gift.

1428
01:05:19,640 --> 01:05:20,400
Speaker 2: You gave a gift.

1429
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:23,320
Speaker 7: You also paid for like a third of that wedding,

1430
01:05:23,440 --> 01:05:27,080
Speaker 7: so like, come on Friday night, my friend reached out

1431
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:29,280
Speaker 7: to me through his mom, As I said, we grew

1432
01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:31,120
Speaker 7: up together, so his mom has a special place in

1433
01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:33,800
Speaker 7: my heart always. She asked me kindly to come over

1434
01:05:33,840 --> 01:05:35,880
Speaker 7: to her house so we could all discuss it. My

1435
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:39,920
Speaker 7: friend told his wife everything. Oh, and she apologized so

1436
01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:42,760
Speaker 7: much to me in person. She said that in her culture,

1437
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 7: which is Chinese slash East Asian, you use a gift

1438
01:05:46,240 --> 01:05:49,360
Speaker 7: to denote your worth to the couple being married, So

1439
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:51,840
Speaker 7: not receiving a gift from people is very odd and

1440
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:54,640
Speaker 7: seen as heavily disrespectful. She didn't know much about me

1441
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:57,200
Speaker 7: before their marriage, other than the fact that her husband

1442
01:05:57,240 --> 01:05:59,720
Speaker 7: always told her about how I was basically his brother

1443
01:06:00,120 --> 01:06:02,440
Speaker 7: since he never actually had one. Her asking for a

1444
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:05,480
Speaker 7: gift was out of concern for our relationship, saying that

1445
01:06:05,520 --> 01:06:07,840
Speaker 7: she was looking out for her husband's feelings because he

1446
01:06:07,880 --> 01:06:10,120
Speaker 7: wouldn't want to lose the only brother he's ever had.

1447
01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:12,200
Speaker 7: She said that me giving the generous gift that I

1448
01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:15,040
Speaker 7: did was hugely appreciated, that she is super proud to

1449
01:06:15,040 --> 01:06:17,640
Speaker 7: see me as her brother, and she was sorry our

1450
01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:20,920
Speaker 7: first major interaction happened so poorly, but I have been

1451
01:06:20,960 --> 01:06:23,320
Speaker 7: nothing but amazing to her and the family as a whole.

1452
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:25,560
Speaker 7: My friend started tearing up, saying that he wanted to

1453
01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:28,080
Speaker 7: try to keep it a secret as a point of pride.

1454
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:31,040
Speaker 7: Borrowing money was something that should be taboo, and if

1455
01:06:31,080 --> 01:06:33,320
Speaker 7: he didn't have the money for an extravagant wedding, he

1456
01:06:33,360 --> 01:06:35,200
Speaker 7: should have done a smaller wedding. From the beginning, I

1457
01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:37,600
Speaker 7: was a little frustrated with everyone there, but also saw

1458
01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:40,480
Speaker 7: that everyone was being sincere, so I decided to forgive.

1459
01:06:40,680 --> 01:06:43,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, if this didn't a good that you didn't have to,

1460
01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:46,960
Speaker 2: you know, make things explode on your end where he's like,

1461
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:48,960
Speaker 2: all right, dude, you don't want to up to it.

1462
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:51,160
Speaker 2: I'm I'm going to reveal the truth. It is so

1463
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:53,400
Speaker 2: good that he's like, hey, sorry, the fact that you

1464
01:06:53,560 --> 01:06:54,680
Speaker 2: go through was mom though.

1465
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:57,560
Speaker 6: The mom is the one that decided to like very weird.

1466
01:06:57,720 --> 01:06:58,440
Speaker 6: It's very weird.

1467
01:06:58,480 --> 01:07:01,600
Speaker 2: But okay, I meant there. We got to the apology

1468
01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:03,440
Speaker 2: and everyone's yeah, cool.

1469
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:06,680
Speaker 6: Now Bud's got a problem with pride. It's gotta work

1470
01:07:06,680 --> 01:07:06,920
Speaker 6: on that.

1471
01:07:07,160 --> 01:07:10,720
Speaker 2: Like, hey, by the way, since you you're sorry and everything, right,

1472
01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:12,000
Speaker 2: when am I getting my money back?

1473
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:12,400
Speaker 6: Right?

1474
01:07:12,720 --> 01:07:12,919
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1475
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:13,280
Speaker 6: Exactly?

1476
01:07:13,320 --> 01:07:14,640
Speaker 2: I want to payment plan. How are we doing this?

1477
01:07:14,840 --> 01:07:15,080
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1478
01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:17,520
Speaker 7: I told my friend's wife specifically that I don't like

1479
01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:19,880
Speaker 7: my worth being questioned by the size of my gift

1480
01:07:19,920 --> 01:07:22,280
Speaker 7: and that she acted poorly having me over at her house.

1481
01:07:22,400 --> 01:07:24,320
Speaker 7: I told my friend that his actions put me in

1482
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:26,680
Speaker 7: a very awkward spot where I was forced to lie

1483
01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:28,800
Speaker 7: when I don't like to lie. They decided to make

1484
01:07:28,840 --> 01:07:31,520
Speaker 7: amends by offering to pay back the loan early by

1485
01:07:31,560 --> 01:07:34,120
Speaker 7: giving me the cash gifts they received at the wedding,

1486
01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:36,360
Speaker 7: plus a little bit of their own money to make

1487
01:07:36,400 --> 01:07:38,720
Speaker 7: it even. That's a great idea of you got all

1488
01:07:38,760 --> 01:07:41,760
Speaker 7: this money for the wedding, you have debts to pay.

1489
01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:43,960
Speaker 7: They were able to pay me back the seven thousand

1490
01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:46,680
Speaker 7: dollars in full and had also set aside three thousand

1491
01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:49,320
Speaker 7: dollars asking me to take that back as well, but

1492
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:52,040
Speaker 7: I refused, saying from the beginning that my intention and

1493
01:07:52,160 --> 01:07:54,920
Speaker 7: giving that was always as a gift and that they

1494
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:55,640
Speaker 7: should keep it.

1495
01:07:55,920 --> 01:08:00,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. Now, yeah, okay, don't don't civil math here. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,

1496
01:08:00,760 --> 01:08:03,080
Speaker 2: Let's just give me back the money that I want.

1497
01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 2: Don't put any interest on it. Yeah, take me out

1498
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:06,360
Speaker 2: to dinner or something.

1499
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:08,280
Speaker 7: There are some comments coming to emberon. One says not

1500
01:08:08,360 --> 01:08:10,520
Speaker 7: the a whole. You are not the a hole for

1501
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:13,680
Speaker 7: so many reasons. For one, you did get him a gift.

1502
01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:15,360
Speaker 7: You loaned him a certain amount of money that he

1503
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:17,599
Speaker 7: had asked for, but part of that sum of money

1504
01:08:17,680 --> 01:08:19,559
Speaker 7: was a gift to pay for vendors. He gave him

1505
01:08:19,560 --> 01:08:21,639
Speaker 7: three thousand dollars as a gift. It is not your

1506
01:08:21,640 --> 01:08:23,599
Speaker 7: problem that he feels the need to hide this from

1507
01:08:23,640 --> 01:08:26,040
Speaker 7: his wife. That's honestly, such a red flag to hide

1508
01:08:26,080 --> 01:08:27,799
Speaker 7: something financial like that in a marriage.

1509
01:08:27,880 --> 01:08:29,240
Speaker 6: That hasn't even been gun yet.

1510
01:08:29,479 --> 01:08:30,439
Speaker 2: I so yeah.

1511
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:33,240
Speaker 6: And then to let her talk to you disrespectfully like.

1512
01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:36,040
Speaker 7: That when you not only loaned him money, but gifted

1513
01:08:36,120 --> 01:08:39,320
Speaker 7: him three thousand dollars And then not only did you

1514
01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:42,320
Speaker 7: loan him money, gift part of the loan that doesn't

1515
01:08:42,400 --> 01:08:45,400
Speaker 7: have to be paid back, but he doesn't offer to

1516
01:08:45,479 --> 01:08:49,040
Speaker 7: pay for the wedding gift his wife was asking for.

1517
01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:50,639
Speaker 6: He needs to get his crap together.

1518
01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:52,479
Speaker 7: He needs to be honest with his wife, or that

1519
01:08:52,520 --> 01:08:54,679
Speaker 7: marriage isn't going to last long at all. I mean,

1520
01:08:54,720 --> 01:08:57,840
Speaker 7: she should have been embarrassed of her behavior, regardless of

1521
01:08:57,840 --> 01:09:00,320
Speaker 7: the secret gift or not. But to put you on

1522
01:09:00,360 --> 01:09:02,720
Speaker 7: the spot for quote not getting a wedding gift from you,

1523
01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:04,840
Speaker 7: is just bizarre. At this point, I don't know if

1524
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:07,120
Speaker 7: there is any redeeming of the friendship. He's shown as

1525
01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:09,000
Speaker 7: true colors. And I'm not saying this is the best

1526
01:09:09,040 --> 01:09:10,640
Speaker 7: thing to do, but I would straight up tell the

1527
01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:12,800
Speaker 7: wife about the loan, about the money as a gift,

1528
01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:14,680
Speaker 7: or to hint towards it so that he has to

1529
01:09:14,760 --> 01:09:18,080
Speaker 7: explain himself better to her. This is insanity and that's

1530
01:09:18,120 --> 01:09:18,479
Speaker 7: the end.

1531
01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:20,719
Speaker 6: Of that story. But yeah, I think that really summed

1532
01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:21,600
Speaker 6: up our thoughts on it.

1533
01:09:21,800 --> 01:09:25,599
Speaker 2: No exactly. Op. You are a loyal friend. Yeah, from

1534
01:09:25,600 --> 01:09:28,120
Speaker 2: what we've got, very loyal. You would lie for your friend,

1535
01:09:28,439 --> 01:09:32,080
Speaker 2: you would take all the blame from uh man, you're

1536
01:09:32,360 --> 01:09:34,080
Speaker 2: never the a hole here. Good thing. You put your

1537
01:09:34,120 --> 01:09:36,280
Speaker 2: foot down and you're like, no, this is dumb. Hopefully

1538
01:09:36,320 --> 01:09:40,120
Speaker 2: your friendship could you know, blossom back to normal. But

1539
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:41,680
Speaker 2: you did it, good for you.

1540
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:44,639
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think that comment was obviously before the last update.

1541
01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:46,000
Speaker 2: I think it was right before the day.

1542
01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:48,400
Speaker 6: Everything in that update was good.

1543
01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:51,000
Speaker 7: I'm glad that you didn't keep that three thousand dollars,

1544
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:53,200
Speaker 7: even though I think you would have been fine to

1545
01:09:53,280 --> 01:09:53,519
Speaker 7: do that.

1546
01:09:53,760 --> 01:09:55,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, but I think it was good.

1547
01:09:55,040 --> 01:09:57,639
Speaker 7: I think that was a good friendship move because then

1548
01:09:57,680 --> 01:10:00,320
Speaker 7: now there can't be any resentment of like, oh, like

1549
01:10:00,479 --> 01:10:03,200
Speaker 7: you know, you deserve money for like you deserve some

1550
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:05,920
Speaker 7: sort of punishment for that kind of stuff. It's it's

1551
01:10:05,920 --> 01:10:10,360
Speaker 7: a very very nice, uh pardon that you the wife's apology.

1552
01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:13,200
Speaker 2: I mean maybe it was very sincere and she was like,

1553
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,560
Speaker 2: you know, in my culture kind of thing, but I

1554
01:10:15,560 --> 01:10:18,920
Speaker 2: would have been like, oh my gosh, like I am

1555
01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:22,760
Speaker 2: so embarrassed. I feel so bad, Like is there anything.

1556
01:10:22,560 --> 01:10:24,800
Speaker 7: And I'm glad that he spoke his mind on being Like, well,

1557
01:10:24,840 --> 01:10:27,120
Speaker 7: I get that that's your culture, but at the same time, like,

1558
01:10:27,280 --> 01:10:29,839
Speaker 7: I don't like being. I don't want to be defined

1559
01:10:30,040 --> 01:10:32,240
Speaker 7: the amount of gift site bring you.

1560
01:10:32,080 --> 01:10:34,880
Speaker 6: You know what I mean. Yeah, that's very odd, but

1561
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:36,120
Speaker 6: glad that he spoke his mind.

1562
01:10:36,200 --> 01:10:37,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, very good for U.