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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve RBFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours. You never know. Buckle up and

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Speaker 1: hold on type. We got it for you. Here it

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Speaker 1: is Strawberry Letter, and thank you nephew mister today. Subject

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Speaker 1: why does she need an explanation? Dear Stephen Shirley, My

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Speaker 1: boyfriend and I have been together three years and he

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Speaker 1: just moved in with me. We did not want to

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Speaker 1: shack up, but were forced to because there was a

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Speaker 1: fire at his apartments and he had nowhere else to go.

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Speaker 1: When he asked his mother if he could stay with

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Speaker 1: her for a minute, she told him that she had

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Speaker 1: a lot going on and her boyfriend didn't think it

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Speaker 1: was a good idea. This is the exact reason that

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Speaker 1: I can't stand his mama. She is fifty five years

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Speaker 1: old and still a self centered boy, crazy busybody. I

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Speaker 1: try not to come between him and his mom, but

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Speaker 1: she always disappoints him. Whenever she calls him, he jumps

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Speaker 1: to help her if he needs her, She may not

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Speaker 1: even call him back for a few days. She's jealous

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Speaker 1: of his relationship with me and he can't see it.

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Speaker 1: He and I went ring shopping before he moved in

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Speaker 1: with me, and she was very upset about it. She

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Speaker 1: asked him if he was ready and if he really

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Speaker 1: knew me. He explained to her why he chose me

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Speaker 1: and not his girlfriend, his ex girlfriend, and he answered

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Speaker 1: a lot of her stupid questions. I wanted to throw

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Speaker 1: a pillow at his head for over explaining he bought

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Speaker 1: me a bike recently, and she asked him why he

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Speaker 1: bought it and why didn't I buy my own bike?

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Speaker 1: It kills me how he explains everything to her when

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Speaker 1: he finally invited When she finally invited us to meet

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Speaker 1: her seventy year old boyfriend in and we couldn't make

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Speaker 1: it somehow, she said it was my fault and my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend spent thirty minutes explaining to her that we had

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Speaker 1: other plans. Her favorite line is, but why I have

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Speaker 1: told him that a simple no will do, but he

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Speaker 1: can't seem to say it to his mama, so she's

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Speaker 1: always in our business. Would I be wrong if I

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Speaker 1: tell him to keep my engagement ring until he gets

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Speaker 1: his mama in line? Well? Yeah, you know you don't

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Speaker 1: want to say that, but I mean you won't be

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Speaker 1: wrong because that's how you feel. But you gotta understand this.

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Speaker 1: If you do that, if you tell him to keep

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Speaker 1: his engagement ring till he gets his mama in line,

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Speaker 1: he's gonna think that you want him to choose between

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Speaker 1: you and his mama, and you know you're gonna be

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Speaker 1: kicked to the curb. This is a mama's boy who

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Speaker 1: doesn't realize that you should come first. If you guys

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Speaker 1: do make it to the altar, you too need to

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Speaker 1: relax and not nag him about this, okay, because if

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Speaker 1: he continues this behavior, I'm sure you guys are gonna

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Speaker 1: break up. Anyway. You won't be together. You've already made

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Speaker 1: up your mind about how you feel about his mamma,

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Speaker 1: and you don't like her at all. You are irritated

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Speaker 1: because you think he over explains everything to her, and

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Speaker 1: he does, especially if he's spending thirty minutes doing this.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't have to do that. That's the part he

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Speaker 1: doesn't get this is a lot. It is a whole lot,

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Speaker 1: and three years is a long time to put up

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Speaker 1: with this. But other than that, you haven't really said

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Speaker 1: anything bad about this guy. It sounds like he's trying

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Speaker 1: to do the right thing by you. Since you guys

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Speaker 1: have just moved in together and are looking at rings

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Speaker 1: and stuff, you have to concentrate on your own relationship now,

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Speaker 1: make sure that that foundation is strong. Then if he

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Speaker 1: keeps running back and telling mom everything, sorry, but this

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Speaker 1: mama's boy just isn't for you, and that's the way

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Speaker 1: you have to look at it and move on. Steve Well,

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Speaker 1: I understand what Shirley says, but I want to offer

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Speaker 1: a different look at this because I know you all

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Speaker 1: are reading this letter and now I'm gonna go through

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Speaker 1: it again and I may have to come to the

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Speaker 1: same conclusion Shirley came to. But I don't think he's

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Speaker 1: a mama's boy. I think it's something else, because you

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Speaker 1: gotta be careful with that term, because if he was

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Speaker 1: doing mama's boy stuff, it would be like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this dude is tripping. But these are all conversations he's

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Speaker 1: having with his mother and the explanations he's giving his mother.

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Speaker 1: So let me show you what I see. You've been

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Speaker 1: together with just three years his dude, and he moved

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Speaker 1: in with your coause department caught on fire and everything,

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Speaker 1: y'all didn't want to check up. She was waiting, So

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Speaker 1: before he moved in, he asked his mother if she could,

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Speaker 1: if he could stay with her for a minute. She

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Speaker 1: told him that he had she had a lot going

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Speaker 1: on to her. Boyfriend didn't think it was a good idea.

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Speaker 1: And that's why you don't like his mother, because you

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Speaker 1: say that every time your boyfriend or fiance needs his mother,

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Speaker 1: she's never there. And then every time she calls him

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Speaker 1: he jumps and goes running. Well, see that's not a

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Speaker 1: mama's boy. Mama's boy relationship is a little bit tighter

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Speaker 1: than that. They can't be separated. They always together. He

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Speaker 1: go over there every day. All this here, I think

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Speaker 1: it's something else. She's fifty five, she's steal self center boy,

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Speaker 1: crazy busybody, and you don't want to get between him

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Speaker 1: and his mom. Shirley made a good point, though, and

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you what that is. Shirley made a great point. Now,

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Speaker 1: whenever she calls he jumps to help him if he

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Speaker 1: needs her. She may not even call back for a

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Speaker 1: few days. See, that's not a mama's boy. That relationship

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Speaker 1: goes both ways. She always want him to come hold her,

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Speaker 1: bring her soup, sit up, watch TV, all that. Take

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Speaker 1: me here, take me that that's a mama's boy. She's

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Speaker 1: jealous of his relationship with you, lady, and he can't

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Speaker 1: see it at y'all. Wouldn't ring shopping before he moved

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Speaker 1: in with you? She was upset about it. She asked

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Speaker 1: him if he was ready, and he really knew me Now,

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Speaker 1: the woman is a hater. She is self sinner and

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Speaker 1: she's a hater. So that's what I see so far.

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Speaker 1: And he explained to her why he chose me and

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Speaker 1: not his ex girlfriend, and he answered a lot. I

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Speaker 1: wish I knew how old he was. That would have

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Speaker 1: helped me in this letter, but I don't see that anything.

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Speaker 1: And he answered a lot of her questions. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to throw a pillar at his head for over explaining.

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Speaker 1: So when we come back, I'm gonna show you what

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Speaker 1: I really thinking and how you might be able to

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Speaker 1: solve all right. Coming up at twenty three minutes after

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Speaker 1: the hour, we'll recap today's Strawberry letter and have part

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Speaker 1: two of your response coming up Steve right after this.

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Speaker 1: You're listening, all right, Come on, Steve, Let's recap today's

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Speaker 1: strawberry letter. The subject why does she need an explanation?

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Speaker 1: This woman is having trouble with her fiancee mama because

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Speaker 1: she's a busy body, she is very self centered, and

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Speaker 1: she's a hater and everything he does, she asked why.

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Speaker 1: The woman in the letter that wrote the letter feels

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Speaker 1: like he over explains before they moved in because he

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Speaker 1: had a fire in his apartment, he has his mama

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Speaker 1: to move in. She said no, because she had a

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Speaker 1: lot going on in her seventy year old boyfriend said

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Speaker 1: he ain't think it was a good idea. All right.

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Speaker 1: That's what the woman who wrote the letter don't like

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Speaker 1: about his mamma because every time he needs his mama,

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Speaker 1: she's never there. But whenever she wants something, he jumps

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Speaker 1: to it. This is a boy seeking his mother's approve.

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Speaker 1: This is a classic case of my mom can do

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Speaker 1: no wrong. This is a classic case of I pay

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Speaker 1: the altar, admitting ultimate homage to my mother. That's all

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Speaker 1: this is because when she does him wrong, he still

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Speaker 1: tries to do the right thing by her when she

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Speaker 1: needs When he needs her and she's not there, He's

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Speaker 1: always there for her. He's extremely respectable of the son

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Speaker 1: mother relationship, and now she takes full advantage of So

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Speaker 1: I don't think you have a mama's boy on your hand.

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Speaker 1: I think you have a classic behavior of a boy

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Speaker 1: wanting his mother's approval, seeking it even as an adult.

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Speaker 1: And that's what you're dealing with him, because he's missed

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Speaker 1: that in several moments doing his life, and he's constantly

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Speaker 1: seeking it. And if you're constantly seeking it, all I

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Speaker 1: ever wanted from my mother and father was them to

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Speaker 1: be proud of me till they died. I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to know they was proud of And I disappointed him.

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Speaker 1: Oh man, I tried to fix it your husband, boyfriend?

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Speaker 1: Is that classic? My mom can do no wrong. I'm

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Speaker 1: seeking her approval and she's taking an advantage of it.

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Speaker 1: So then asked him, why did he buy your ring?

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Speaker 1: Are you sure he's ready? She tries to act like

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Speaker 1: she's concerned. That's just to keep him on the string.

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Speaker 1: So when she needs something, he hopped to it. All

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Speaker 1: is just false concerned. Here's another false concern. He bought

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Speaker 1: you a bike? She called and want to know why

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Speaker 1: you bought her a bike? Why she can't buy her

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Speaker 1: own bike? What? What? What? What kind of woman doesn't

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Speaker 1: require or want of her son to take care of

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Speaker 1: a person the way a woman is supposed to be

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Speaker 1: taking care of or to be kind to a woman.

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Speaker 1: You would think your mother would say, boy, that was

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Speaker 1: so nice. She bought that girl for that bike. She'll

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Speaker 1: hope she appreciate it. No, no, no, what you buy

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Speaker 1: her bike? Bo? Why can't she buy her own? This

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Speaker 1: is a classic woman who's taking advantage of her son,

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Speaker 1: manipulating him, keeping him on the strength. Then she invited

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Speaker 1: us over to meet her seventy year old boyfriend. Y'all

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Speaker 1: couldn't make it. She got mad, and the boyfriends spent

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Speaker 1: thirty minutes explaining to her that y'all had other plans.

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Speaker 1: Her favorite line is, but why see that constantly keeps

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Speaker 1: him on the defensive. She is a master manipulator. Your

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Speaker 1: husband or fiance is not a mama's boy. I've told

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Speaker 1: him the simple no would do, but he can't seem

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Speaker 1: to say that to his mama. So she's always in

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Speaker 1: our business. What I'd be wrong if I tell him

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Speaker 1: to keep my engagement ring until he gets his mom

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Speaker 1: in line. Shirley's absolutely corright. Shirley's absolutely correct in telling

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Speaker 1: you that if you do this, you're saying to him,

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Speaker 1: choose between me and your mama, and you don't want

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Speaker 1: to put the man in that position. I would not

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Speaker 1: tell him to keep his wedding with but I would

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Speaker 1: learn to help him deal with what he's dealing with,

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Speaker 1: which is a manipulative self sinning a of a mama.

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Speaker 1: And the best way to do that is to make

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Speaker 1: getting to your fiance just a little bit more difficult

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Speaker 1: for her. Now, what you could do after you get

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Speaker 1: the engagement ring is you could call her and have

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Speaker 1: a talk with her, which is going to do no good,

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Speaker 1: but it will at least put her own notice that

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Speaker 1: you are hip to it. And I would suggest that

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Speaker 1: the conversation goes something like this. Since we don't have

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Speaker 1: a name, let's just use Heffer. Look, mama, Hefer. Well, Well,

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Speaker 1: we don't know her name, so I'm just saying, for

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Speaker 1: just purpose is to move the story alone, We're just

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Speaker 1: gonna use Heffer as the name. So just say, listen, Helfer,

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Speaker 1: you know, or helg or whatever her name makes you

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Speaker 1: use Helger because something sound like a hateful ass and

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Speaker 1: a helga olga. Oh, Gwen, there's a lot of hateful

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Speaker 1: ass guin, a lot of guenst gwen ass who used

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Speaker 1: to beat my ass, that big ass Gwen queen, you

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Speaker 1: beat my ass, and I was still sick of being

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Speaker 1: a little boy. And so just say, hey, look, I

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Speaker 1: just want you to know that you have a really,

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Speaker 1: really wonderful son who loves you and tries to take

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Speaker 1: care of you. And I know you're taking advantage of him,

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Speaker 1: and I know you don't really care for me, but

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Speaker 1: I love your son and I'm gonna help him get

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Speaker 1: to where he needs to be in life. And I

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Speaker 1: wish you really wouldn't interfere with that, because he has

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Speaker 1: the potential to become something really, really great if he

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Speaker 1: had the right support system, and I intend fully on

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Speaker 1: being that now. I wish we could get on the

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Speaker 1: same page as adult women, but if we can't, I

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Speaker 1: just want you to know that I'm on to you

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Speaker 1: have fun. Cannot do that, all right? Leave it's your

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Speaker 1: comments until letter. You don't want to be a bit

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Speaker 1: on Instagram and at Steve Harvey FM, and check out

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Speaker 1: the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand now. Coming up next

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Speaker 1: it is Junior and Sports Talk. Right after this, you're

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Speaker 1: listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show