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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's taking the awkwardness out of

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Speaker 1: One night Stands with a new product called Eat a

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Speaker 1: Sheet edible bed sheets for the rando who spends the

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Speaker 1: night at your place. I don't really get it now.

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Speaker 1: It comes in three flavors nacho, cheese, tapioca, and buttermilk ranch.

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Speaker 1: Wake up in the morning and eat a sheet with

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Speaker 1: that special someoney. Sorry, I can't leave it. I'm still

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Speaker 1: working on it. You started that corner, I'll start at

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Speaker 1: this one. We'll meet in the middle last night. It

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Speaker 1: sounds almost as delicious as Laser Stories, the segment where

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Speaker 1: we read weird news stories around the globe, just like

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Speaker 1: everyone else does, except we've got a laser. Those other

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Speaker 1: mattress munchers just don't. This first laser story is out

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Speaker 1: of Winter Park, Florida. Forty one year olds Paul Kuriak

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Speaker 1: recently stepped into his favorite Dunkin Donuts store when the

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Speaker 1: call of nature hit. Well, coffee will do that to you, yep,

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Speaker 1: So he stepped into the bathroom real quick, and then

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Speaker 1: the unthinkable happened. As he was on the toilet. It exploded,

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Speaker 1: The toilet blew up him and the restroom in well yeah,

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Speaker 1: exactly what you would think. Oh my god, what and why? God?

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Speaker 1: Paul sat there and shock for a couple of seconds,

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Speaker 1: and then with urine debris and worse all over him,

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Speaker 1: he bravely walked out of the restroom.

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Speaker 2: What to order his doughnut and coffee.

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Speaker 1: Imagine seeing that guy walk out of the bathroom being like, oh,

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Speaker 1: do not order food.

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Speaker 2: There?

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Speaker 1: And he found the store's manager and asked for help,

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Speaker 1: but according to Paul, he was brushed off. They quickly apologized,

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Speaker 1: and then they let him know they were aware of

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Speaker 1: the quote problem with the toilets, as it had happened before.

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Speaker 1: Wait it exploded before.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that wasn't the first time the duncan's toilet had exploded. Okay,

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Speaker 2: So Paul has now filed a lawsuit seeking more than

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Speaker 2: one hundred thousand dollars in damages because he says he

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Speaker 2: suffered severe and long term injuries due to the incident,

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Speaker 2: and more than that, he's required mental health care and

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Speaker 2: counseling just so that he can be brave enough to

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Speaker 2: use a public restroom.

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Speaker 1: Again before he's never gonna go to a duncan every again.

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Speaker 2: I mean one hundred thousand dollars honestly sounds pretty low

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Speaker 2: to me.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like he legit just needs some help. You

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Speaker 1: you don't think it sounds legit, No, I think it does.

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Speaker 1: Like it sounds legit to me. I don't know. I mean,

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Speaker 1: the case is in court and a ret for Duncan

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Speaker 1: has not publicly responded to the suit. As for the

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Speaker 1: toilet word is it's still not working, probably, but did

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Speaker 1: they finally put it sign They put an out of

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Speaker 1: order sign up on, so it's not like they've done nothing.

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Speaker 1: It's next to not should feel like a little bomb symbol.

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Speaker 1: Enter at your own risk. This next lazer stories out

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Speaker 1: of secret Ceremony Central and we getn't know about it.

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Speaker 1: The wedding venues are crazy expensive, so I'm surprised we

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Speaker 1: don't see this kind of thing more. Maybe it's a

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Speaker 1: new trend and we will start seeing more of it.

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Speaker 1: But a coffee shop in Indianapolis called Mansion Society is

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Speaker 1: in the news today after a couple held a pop

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Speaker 1: up wedding there and did not ask permission. What well,

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Speaker 1: they just did it. They just showed up with thirty guests,

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Speaker 1: didn't say anything, and started the ceremony in one corner

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Speaker 1: of the store. It's kind of cool. Don't have any

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Speaker 1: extra help, and you're not putting up any decorations. I

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Speaker 1: guess they had efficient there, and their photographer told a

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Speaker 1: barista to wait five minutes when they asked them to

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Speaker 1: please stop locking the door. No, okay, hold on, they

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Speaker 1: haven't just wait for him to kiss the bride. The owners,

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Speaker 1: who normally charged five hundred dollars for private events there,

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Speaker 1: say they didn't stop it from happening because footage of

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Speaker 1: them interrupting a wedding could go viral and the Internet

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Speaker 1: might cancel them. That's a good point, so we could

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Speaker 1: do whatever we want now.

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Speaker 2: I mean, the five hundred dollars for a wedding venue

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Speaker 2: is not like, yeah, like fifty thousand dollars.

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Speaker 1: Well, later, the coffee shop posted a video of it happening,

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Speaker 1: after initially deciding not to they didn't want to shame

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Speaker 1: the couple online, but eventually opted to post the footage

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Speaker 1: after the bride and groom refused to admit that they

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Speaker 1: had done anything wrong. Money, man, I mean they shut

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Speaker 1: down the store, right, they blocked the entrance. Give them

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Speaker 1: like a hundred bucks.

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Speaker 2: Everybody buy a coffee.

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Speaker 1: Everybody Once the comments started rolling in. The bride was

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Speaker 1: shamed for not paying, and she offered two hundred dollars

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Speaker 1: for now we're negotiating. I think we're too late for that.

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Speaker 1: When they asked her for the full amount, she called

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Speaker 1: it unreasonable. So now people online are debating whether a

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Speaker 1: sudden pop up wedding like this is really a big

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Speaker 1: deal or not because the whole thing only lasted twenty minutes.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's it, okay, what they should do? They should

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Speaker 1: go back and you know, a pop up divorce. I

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Speaker 1: bet they didn't tell their guests of either. I bet

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Speaker 1: the guests are like, wait, yeah, I have no idea.

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Speaker 1: Stories out of emoji lands. A recent poll of one

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Speaker 1: thousand employees asked them to name the most inappropriate emojis

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Speaker 1: to use at work? Can you guess what number one is? Anybody? Egg? Plan?

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Speaker 1: Probably a plan? Come on? Well, how you answer might

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Speaker 1: depend on your age, because for gen Z it's the

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Speaker 1: peach emoji, the one that looks like a butty. I

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Speaker 1: thought too. For millennial age people, it's the beer mug emoji.

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Speaker 1: Is inappropriate for work, inappropriate to be sharing around at work?

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Speaker 2: Wouldn't you just say it like happy hour beer emoji?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, okay, you want to get fired, go ahead.

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Speaker 1: For gen Z people, it's the egg plant. Oh wait,

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Speaker 1: the first people were gen X. I always get these

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Speaker 1: mixed up. Gen Z is peach eggplant. Millennials are beer

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Speaker 1: mug gen X. Okay, and then baby boomers think the

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Speaker 1: middle finger emoji is the most unprofessional. One. That just

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Speaker 1: means I was number one in sales. Number one. Sign

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Speaker 1: is that true. Baby boomers think that the middle finger

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Speaker 1: emoji is most unprofessional. Bro, No, let's send them to

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Speaker 1: my mom. Okay. The top dancers for men and women

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Speaker 1: were also different. Women think the peach and egg plant

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Speaker 1: emojis are the most unprofessional. Men say the beer mug

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Speaker 1: and kissing mark emoji should not be allowed at work

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Speaker 1: because the men aren't getting sent the egg plant the

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Speaker 1: peach emoji. Yeah, then sending it, you know. Yeah. The

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Speaker 1: one that got the most votes overall was the beer mug. So,

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Speaker 1: I guess talking about getting drunk at work is still

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Speaker 1: considered taboo. But we can send like the red bite

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Speaker 1: lip emoji. I guess obviously, pain bottles fine, the wine

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Speaker 1: glass spine, like the spokes, like the smoke puff is okay. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just make a class. That's what we gotta do.

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Speaker 1: But that's why this guy never sends emojis. He just

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Speaker 1: draws a big phallic symbol on every work note that

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Speaker 1: he sends around the office, no subtlety whatsoever. That means

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Speaker 1: Laser Stories has come to an end for the day.

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Speaker 1: We'll do it again, same time on Friday. Freaking Jeffrey

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Speaker 1: in the morning,