Speaker 1: Good cats up thing, little food for yourself life. Oh
Speaker 1: it's pretty, but hey, it's pretty beautiful thing beautiful. That
Speaker 1: for a little more exciting, said, he cut your kicking
Speaker 1: with four Thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 2: Happy Thursday.
Speaker 3: Four Things Amy here, and I got four totally different
Speaker 3: things for you. So what we call an OG four
Speaker 3: things episode. Now, the first thing I'm going to get
Speaker 3: into is a heartfelt email that I got from a listener,
Speaker 3: and she's sharing with us five lessons that grief has
Speaker 3: taught her. She unexpectedly lost her husband and her story
Speaker 3: is very very powerful. Second thing, I got more brain
Speaker 3: exercises for you. Yeah, you'll like the ones that Kat
Speaker 3: and I went over. We're on Tuesday, so I've got
Speaker 3: some more that'll help you boost concentration and beat distraction.
Speaker 3: And then the third thing is going to be about closure.
Speaker 3: Sometimes we crave it and we get stuck in a
Speaker 3: y trap and we can't move forward unless we have
Speaker 3: that full closure. So I've got some tips for you
Speaker 3: on that. This is something I had to revisit for
Speaker 3: myself recently, so I thought it might be helpful for you.
Speaker 3: And then the fourth thing, I've got a game changing
Speaker 3: tip for parents or co parents. I mean, this episode
Speaker 3: is definitely a mix of some heartfelt stuff and just
Speaker 3: really practical helpful things, So hope you enjoy it. Here
Speaker 3: we go, first man, Right, yeah, all right. So the
Speaker 3: other day I was in my four Things podcast email
Speaker 3: inbox and I saw an email come in from a
Speaker 3: listener named Audra, and in the subject line it said
Speaker 3: grateful young widow. So I clicked on it, knowing that
Speaker 3: it's probably going to be on the heavier side of things.
Speaker 3: And as of course, as I read the email, I thought, oh,
Speaker 3: my gosh, I can't even imagine going through what she
Speaker 3: went through, And I'm thankful that she's sharing some of
Speaker 3: her story in the email, and I'll read that to
Speaker 3: you in just a second. What I was very grateful
Speaker 3: for that she included was in the email she talked
Speaker 3: about how at the five year anniversary of her husband's death,
Speaker 3: she decided to compile the top five lessons that grief
Speaker 3: has taught her, and she took screenshot of that of
Speaker 3: what she put on socials at the five year mark,
Speaker 3: and she attached it at the bottom of the email,
Speaker 3: along with a picture of her and her kids from
Speaker 3: this last Christmas and a picture of her husband Ryan,
Speaker 3: So I love when there are photos I can put
Speaker 3: a face to a name. And I'm just very thankful
Speaker 3: to Audra for opening up and sharing some of her
Speaker 3: story with us. And I know that this will be
Speaker 3: helpful for somebody listening right now. You may not be
Speaker 3: grieving the loss of a significant other, maybe grieving something
Speaker 3: else in lifefe, but whatever you take from this, I
Speaker 3: know that it'll be helpful, whether for now or stick
Speaker 3: it in your pocket for later, because grief is unavoidable. Hey, Amy,
Speaker 3: I wanted to share with you that I love listening
Speaker 3: to the Bobby Bone Show and I look forward to
Speaker 3: Tuesdays and Thursdays to hear your little nuggets of wisdom
Speaker 3: for the week. They somehow always resonate with whatever I'm
Speaker 3: thinking about or going through at the moment. Five and
Speaker 3: a half years ago, my husband Ryan, who was forty
Speaker 3: three at the time, unexpectedly passed away. He had an
Speaker 3: undiagnosed heart condition, went into cardiac arrest and crashed while
Speaker 3: driving into work one rainy August morning. Because his heart
Speaker 3: had stopped, he went without oxygen for too long and
Speaker 3: suffered severe brain damage. He was put on life support
Speaker 3: and I had to make the decision to finally let
Speaker 3: him go. I suddenly became a widow at the age
Speaker 3: of forty two, with three young children to raise. Alexa
Speaker 3: had just turned fourteen in July, Olivia turned eleven five
Speaker 3: days after Ryan passed, and my son Jase had just
Speaker 3: turned six in June. As you know, there are so
Speaker 3: many facets to grief, and on the five year anniversary
Speaker 3: of Ryan's death this past year, I shared the top
Speaker 3: of five lessons grief taught me. I knew by being
Speaker 3: vulnerable it had to help someone else who was trying
Speaker 3: to navigate their way through grief. I've heard you talk
Speaker 3: about Pegosa Springs, Colorado often. I've never known anyone else
Speaker 3: to talk about this beautiful, quaint town.
Speaker 2: You see.
Speaker 3: A month before my husband passed away, we drove with
Speaker 3: our three kids from Iowa to meet up with my parents, sister,
Speaker 3: her family, and brother, who all also live in Colorado.
Speaker 3: We all went to Pegosa Springs for a week. We
Speaker 3: later realized it would be the last family vacation we
Speaker 3: would have with Ryan. We made so many memories and
Speaker 3: shared so many laughs on that trip. We even spontaneously
Speaker 3: had our family pictures taken while we were there. I
Speaker 3: thank God every day for those photos. I never got
Speaker 3: to visit your sister and brother in law's coffee shop,
Speaker 3: but I desperately want to go back one day. Pagosa
Speaker 3: Springs has a special place in my heart. I appreciate
Speaker 3: the pieces of your life's journey you've shared post divorce,
Speaker 3: navigating new relationships and just trying to do life without
Speaker 3: a partner. Ryan's death was tragic and he will always
Speaker 3: be a part of my life. But without the heart ache, grief,
Speaker 3: and pain, I would not have experienced true love with
Speaker 3: him or had the opportunity to figure out who I am,
Speaker 3: what I want in this life, and what my journey
Speaker 3: is all about. For that, I have gratitude, and while
Speaker 3: I'm not dating currently, if and when the right man
Speaker 3: does come along, I will be going into the relationship
Speaker 3: as the best version of myself and have the ability
Speaker 3: to navigate the challenges of life with confidence, emotional maturity,
Speaker 3: and grace. Kind regards Odra. So that's the email she wrote,
Speaker 3: and then, as I mentioned, she attached what she posted
Speaker 3: on socials for the five year anniversary and the five
Speaker 3: lessons she has learned from grief. So I'm just going
Speaker 3: to read her entire post. In order to heal after loss,
Speaker 3: you have to grieve. Grieving is a powerful emotion that
Speaker 3: evolves from a loss's impact on your heart. The grief
Speaker 3: journey becomes each person's unique story. It is nonlinear and
Speaker 3: undefined by timelines or hard fast rules. Five years ago today,
Speaker 3: my husband Ryan was on his way into work. An
Speaker 3: unknown heart condition caused him to suddenly go into cardiac arrest.
Speaker 3: His truck veered off the road and crashed at the
Speaker 3: bottom of a steep ditch. Ryan's heart had stopped for
Speaker 3: too long and the impact of the crash was severe.
Speaker 3: On August twenty first, twenty nineteen, I was told there
Speaker 3: was no hope for recovery, and I had to make
Speaker 3: a decision whether to leave him on life support. Because
Speaker 3: I knew what Ryan's wishes were, I finally let him go.
Speaker 3: The days in ICU with Ryan and the week that
Speaker 3: followed were the hardest, saddest days of my life. My
Speaker 3: journey to healing has taken a lot of time and work.
Speaker 3: I started by trying to pick up the biggest broken pieces. First,
Speaker 3: I found a new normal for the kids, and I
Speaker 3: put my heart and soul into making sure we were
Speaker 3: not only going to survive, but thrive. Working through grief
Speaker 3: and trauma has taught me so much, but I would
Speaker 3: say these are the top five lessons. One. Grief is
Speaker 3: the price you pay for love. Grief has a lot
Speaker 3: of emotions attached to it that don't feel good. There's anger, sadness,
Speaker 3: what ifs, resentment, and so much more. However, it's important
Speaker 3: to remember these feelings wouldn't exist if you hadn't experience
Speaker 3: It's the greatest gift of all love. Two events in
Speaker 3: your life become a before and an after. In the after,
Speaker 3: you're not the same person you are in the before.
Speaker 3: Since Ryan's death, I have been able to connect to
Speaker 3: the lost and forgotten parts of myself. I know I
Speaker 3: can do hard things. I love my people hard and
Speaker 3: make sure that they know and feel my love. I
Speaker 3: know who I am, and I have a clear vision
Speaker 3: of the life I want to create. I find joy
Speaker 3: in life's smallest, simplest moments and cherish time and relationships
Speaker 3: others may take for granted.
Speaker 2: Three.
Speaker 3: I figured out there is meaning behind the five stages
Speaker 3: of grief denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. As I look
Speaker 3: back on my own grief journey, I saw myself in
Speaker 3: each of those stages without even realizing it. If you
Speaker 3: are open to it, a good therapist can help you
Speaker 3: unpack and identify the why behind the mix of emotions
Speaker 3: your feeling.
Speaker 2: Four. Gratitude is a gift.
Speaker 3: However, it took me a long time to find it
Speaker 3: after a traumatic loss, it is very difficult to see
Speaker 3: gratitude amongst the anger, sadness, and tears. By giving myself
Speaker 3: grace and space, it has allowed me to see the
Speaker 3: blessings that I still had in front of me. A
Speaker 3: piece of healing is eventually finding the rainbow after the storm.
Speaker 3: Five It's okay to not be okay. There are times
Speaker 3: when grief will still sneak up on you out of nowhere,
Speaker 3: But you know your healing when you were able to
Speaker 3: acknowledge your feelings, let yourself feel what you need to feel,
Speaker 3: and move forward without staying under the black cloud that
Speaker 3: grief can put you under. So there you go the
Speaker 3: five lessons grief has taught her, and she shared that
Speaker 3: on the five year anniversary of her husband's passing. So Odre,
Speaker 3: thank you so much much for sharing some of your
Speaker 3: story with us, and I really hope you get to
Speaker 3: go back to Pagosa one day and take your kids
Speaker 3: and relive some of those memories that you'll had and
Speaker 3: have some of the laughter, and it'll feel like your
Speaker 3: husband is there with you. Maybe even one day you
Speaker 3: go with a new partner and you find a partner
Speaker 3: that will allow Ryan to still be a part of
Speaker 3: your life, a part of your family, part of your kids' lives.
Speaker 3: Believe it or not, there are some people that may
Speaker 3: not be able to handle something like that, But there
Speaker 3: is someone out there that would be able to take
Speaker 3: a trip like that and really make it special and
Speaker 3: acknowledge all of the memories that were made and create
Speaker 3: new memories with you, but still having that presence of
Speaker 3: Ryan with y'all all the time, without any fear that
Speaker 3: you don't care for them. You only care for Ryan.
Speaker 3: You can still love Ryan and love this new partner.
Speaker 3: And I only share this because Audre and I have
Speaker 3: been emailing back and forth a little bit since she
Speaker 3: sent this note, and I know she's not dating yet,
Speaker 3: and she mentioned that in the email. But there is
Speaker 3: hope and she may find someone at some point, and.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: In my mind, I'm just picturing them taking a trip
Speaker 3: to Pagosa. All is one big, happy family, and stop
Speaker 3: and buy the coffee shop.
Speaker 2: You gotta go buy Roothhouse. That will definitely be special.
Speaker 2: I love Pagosa.
Speaker 3: If y'all are ever in southern Colorado, definitely swing through.
Speaker 3: Sit in the hot springs, go for a hike, and
Speaker 3: then yeah, Roothhouse Coffee right along the river.
Speaker 2: It's my sister's coffee shop.
Speaker 3: And you can go get a cup of good coffee,
Speaker 3: a latte, or you can even have a cocktail. They
Speaker 3: serve those as well. Really good ranch waters, really good
Speaker 3: cinnamon buns. Now, oh kish Now, I'm just thinking all
Speaker 3: of the amazing things that my sister has on the
Speaker 3: menu there. But I love that you shared some of
Speaker 3: your story with us, Audre, and I know that it
Speaker 3: will resonate with somebody. Whatever it is that you are grieving.
Speaker 3: It may not be the loss of a part. We
Speaker 3: all are going to agrieve in life. It's unavoidable. But
Speaker 3: I specially loved Adra's first lesson that she shared. It's
Speaker 3: the price you pay for love, and that's one of
Speaker 3: the greatest gifts. So thank you, Audra. Second, on Tuesday's
Speaker 3: fifth Thing, Kat and I went over adhd exercises for
Speaker 3: focus and productivity. And today I've got more for you,
Speaker 3: but these are for focus and memory. The first brain
Speaker 3: hack skill exercise. If you heard Kat and I'm talking
Speaker 3: on Tuesday, she really did not like that I was
Speaker 3: calling these brain hacks. So whatever, I just feel like
Speaker 3: that's an easier way to say it. So the first
Speaker 3: brain hack I've got for you is the memory place game.
Speaker 3: And this is best for strengthening your working memory, which
Speaker 3: if you've got ADHD, you struggle with this, But maybe
Speaker 3: you don't have ADHD, but you're like, oh, I am
Speaker 3: having some memory issues.
Speaker 2: This will work for you too.
Speaker 3: So what you need to do is visualize a place
Speaker 3: you know well, like your house. Assign objects or words
Speaker 3: to different rooms. This will help with recall. So an
Speaker 3: example would be if you need to remember your grocery list,
Speaker 3: picture milk in your fridge, bananas on your couch, and
Speaker 3: bread in your bed. Now, the more ridiculous the imagery,
Speaker 3: the easier it is to remember. It's called the memory
Speaker 3: Place game. And I know this sounds a little cuckoo,
Speaker 3: but it works. The second hack is the brain dump method. Now,
Speaker 3: this is best for racing thoughts.
Speaker 2: Or idea overload.
Speaker 3: What you need to do is set a five minute
Speaker 3: timer and write down every thought that is swirling in
Speaker 3: your head. No filtering, you're just right, right, right, right right.
Speaker 3: This helps clear mental clutters so that you can focus
Speaker 3: on what actually matters. And a little bonus tip for
Speaker 3: this is use different color pins for priorities versus random thoughts.
Speaker 3: Third brain hack the dopamine menu. Now, this is for motivation.
Speaker 3: Really will help you be boredom or task paralysis. So
Speaker 3: what you got to do is make a list of
Speaker 3: things that boost your dopamine like music, movement, certain snacks,
Speaker 3: a book that you love, a show. What's something that
Speaker 3: boosts your dopamine and when you need motivation, pick one
Speaker 3: dopamine booster first, then start your task. Example, before I
Speaker 3: do emails, I'll listen to one hype song, or before
Speaker 3: I clean, I'll have a snack and put on my
Speaker 3: favorite podcast. That's a little dopamine menu. Like, you make
Speaker 3: the menu and then you know what you're gonna do
Speaker 3: before each thing to get your dopamine hit. Next tack
Speaker 3: is the clocks everywhere trick. This is best for time blindness. Now,
Speaker 3: ADHD brains lose track of time constantly so what we
Speaker 3: gotta do is put visible clocks everywhere, not just on
Speaker 3: our phones. We needn't have timers and alarms for everything,
Speaker 3: set reminders five to ten minutes before you need to leave.
Speaker 3: Like if y'all were to open up in my clock
Speaker 3: app on my phone, you would see so many timers
Speaker 3: and alarms for everything. Because that's what I have to
Speaker 3: do to help keep myself on track. It's very helpful.
Speaker 3: Or if I'm in my house, I'll ask Alexa to
Speaker 3: set a timer for something. I just need this because
Speaker 3: time blindness is very very real for me. Right. The
Speaker 3: final hack, which honestly, I'm not even sure I could
Speaker 3: pull this one off, but it's called the one tab
Speaker 3: role for productivity. It's best for preventing distractions while working.
Speaker 3: And let me tell you, in ADHD brain loves opening
Speaker 3: one hundred tabs and then forgetting what they're doing completely.
Speaker 3: This little tip wants you to commit to one tab
Speaker 3: at a time. If you need another, you write it
Speaker 3: down instead of opening up a tab immediately. You can
Speaker 3: only go back to it like you write it down,
Speaker 3: and then when you're done with one tab, then you
Speaker 3: can type in what you need to do, like right now,
Speaker 3: on my computer. I have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen.
Speaker 3: I have fourteen tabs open, which honestly is not that bad.
Speaker 3: But I know what all those tabs mean, and I
Speaker 3: actually thrive with the tabs. But I'm sure there is
Speaker 3: something to the one tab roll, and I'd probably thrive
Speaker 3: even more if I would try this tip out. But
Speaker 3: some of them I keep open because I know I'm
Speaker 3: going to.
Speaker 2: Go back to them.
Speaker 3: But I do see the idea behind executing getting rid
Speaker 3: of one tab boom, and then going to your list,
Speaker 3: what was the next tab I need to open?
Speaker 2: So one tab role.
Speaker 3: If you want to try that one out, let me
Speaker 3: know if any of these work for you.
Speaker 1: Here we got third day.
Speaker 3: All right, let's talk about closure, because well, I think
Speaker 3: this is something that we've likely all struggled with at
Speaker 3: some point, like whether it's a breakup or a friendship
Speaker 3: that fizzled or ended, or just any situation that never
Speaker 3: fully has been resolved. It's really really hard to move
Speaker 3: on without that final answer. And I will say, sometimes
Speaker 3: we want to receive that final answer, but also sometimes
Speaker 3: we want to give other people closure because we feel
Speaker 3: like it will be good for them, when maybe that's
Speaker 3: not necessarily our role. You may not have to provide that,
Speaker 3: So that's a whole other thing to work through as well.
Speaker 3: But I read something from psychologists Kavyat Shrivastov. Totally not
Speaker 3: sure if I'm saying her name right, but I gave
Speaker 3: it my best shot and it really hit close to home.
Speaker 3: She said, closure isn't about what the other person gives you,
Speaker 3: It's about how you process what happened.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: The main reasons behind why we crave closure are pretty obvious. Obviously,
Speaker 3: it helps us find peace after being hurt. It stops
Speaker 3: us from just ruminating over it, obsessing over any answered
Speaker 3: questions that we have. It helps us move forward without
Speaker 3: lingering regrets of sorts, and pretty much closure is like
Speaker 3: ceiling an emotional envelope. That's how I visualize it in
Speaker 3: my head, like you're able to just close it shut
Speaker 3: without it, you keep going into the envelope to reread
Speaker 3: all the old stuff, the letters, the messages, and you
Speaker 3: try to make it make sense and you can't. And
Speaker 3: the hard truth about closure is sometimes we think that
Speaker 3: it has to come from the other person, like we
Speaker 3: need to hear them explain or apologize or even validate
Speaker 3: whatever it is that happened, But that's not always going
Speaker 3: to happen again because they don't even owe it to us.
Speaker 3: Now in some circumstances, Yes it's not a blanket statement,
Speaker 3: but let's just say, for the sake of this thing,
Speaker 3: it's never going to happen. You're not going to get
Speaker 3: the closure. So then what what do you do? Well,
Speaker 3: that's when you get stuck in the wide trap and
Speaker 3: you're like, why did they do this? Was it me?
Speaker 3: What could I have done differently? How could I fix it?
Speaker 3: And those types of questions will leave us spiraling forever.
Speaker 3: So the key for us is to accept that we
Speaker 3: don't need all the answers to move forward. And I
Speaker 3: have had to practice this multiple times in my adult life,
Speaker 3: and I wish I better understood this as a teen
Speaker 3: and a young young adult as well, because the power
Speaker 3: of acceptance is so good. And now that I know acceptance,
Speaker 3: it just helps me. And I know that it could
Speaker 3: sound like if you're accepting that, you're just kind of
Speaker 3: rolling over and being like, Okay, cool, you know this
Speaker 3: horrible thing happened and I'm fine with it. But that's
Speaker 3: not what the acceptance part is. Acceptance just means that
Speaker 3: you're not going to fight it. You're going to fight
Speaker 3: what's happening. It means instead of obsessing over why something happened,
Speaker 3: you focus on what you can do next. A little
Speaker 3: mantra that I had in my back pocket for twenty twenty,
Speaker 3: twenty twenty one, twenty twenty two, like, I was using
Speaker 3: this one a lot. I may not understand it, but
Speaker 3: I can heal anyway. Because there was so much I
Speaker 3: wasn't understanding and I didn't have answers to, but I
Speaker 3: knew I had the ability to heal anyway. Sometimes it
Speaker 3: was hard for me to just move on. I didn't
Speaker 3: like the idea of that, so I would think of
Speaker 3: it more as like moving along or moving forward, Like
Speaker 3: despite what was happening, I was going to move forward.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I would move backwards, but at least I was moving.
Speaker 3: It's a small shift from the word moving on to
Speaker 3: moving forward, but for me it made a big difference.
Speaker 3: It felt more practical and less forced. The energy a
Speaker 3: little bit different. I don't know see if that resonates
Speaker 3: with you, Like if you say I'm moving on or
Speaker 3: I'm moving forward, there's different energy there. So then comes
Speaker 3: the time where you'd have to really give yourself closure Again,
Speaker 3: It's not coming from the other person, it is coming
Speaker 3: from within you. At the end of the day, finding
Speaker 3: closure is you choosing yourself because you're not going to
Speaker 3: let those thoughts take up any more space rent free
Speaker 3: in your brain. So one thing you need to do
Speaker 3: because who knows how long you've been thinking these thoughts.
Speaker 3: I mean some of you listening right now, I know
Speaker 3: we're holding onto things from ten years ago and you
Speaker 3: want closure and you have been wondering why for the
Speaker 3: last ten years or maybe it was just ten days ago. Well,
Speaker 3: this is going to be awesome for you to be
Speaker 3: reminded of this. I'm not saying anything new, by the way,
Speaker 3: and I'm gathering a lot of different things that I
Speaker 3: was taught over the last five years that I learned.
Speaker 3: Some of this I picked up in alan On. That
Speaker 3: is all about surrender releasing control. When you are stuck
Speaker 3: in trying to figure out the why of what happened,
Speaker 3: and you are stuck wanting closure from somebody else, this
Speaker 3: is the opposite of surrendering. You have to focus on
Speaker 3: what you can control, and you can't control that So
Speaker 3: whether you've been trying to operate that way, like I said,
Speaker 3: for ten years or ten days, pause and forgive yourself
Speaker 3: for holding on for however long it was. Let go
Speaker 3: of any resentment towards the person. You don't want to
Speaker 3: carry that around, and then prioritize peace.
Speaker 2: If you are.
Speaker 3: Waiting on that one last conversation or that one last explanation,
Speaker 3: just know that you don't actually need it. Your piece
Speaker 3: is within you. It's not dependent on what they do.
Speaker 3: This is honestly one of those things like when I
Speaker 3: was typing out what I wanted to say about this,
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I need to email this to myself
Speaker 3: so I can go back and read it when I
Speaker 3: need it, or maybe I'll pull this part of the
Speaker 3: podcast and listen to it when I need it, because
Speaker 3: I think we all crave closure, and we can know
Speaker 3: that this is what we need to do to let
Speaker 3: it go and not get all wrapped up, and that
Speaker 3: we need answers from somebody else when we're trying to
Speaker 3: force it. Now, if someone wants to volunteer that information,
Speaker 3: that's totally fine, But does knowing that really change things
Speaker 3: for you?
Speaker 2: Fully?
Speaker 3: I know there are things that I have ended where
Speaker 3: I believe the person would appreciate more closure. And at
Speaker 3: the same time, I felt like what I was able
Speaker 3: to share was enough without getting wrapped back up into
Speaker 3: unhealthy patterns that we were in. So also, like I
Speaker 3: said at the beginning of this thing, is sometimes we
Speaker 3: feel the need to over explain why we're making a
Speaker 3: decision so that we can protect that other person's feelings.
Speaker 3: That is not our responsibility as long as we're doing
Speaker 3: something in a kind way and staying on our side
Speaker 3: of the street. And what you're trying to do when
Speaker 3: you're trying to get closure from somebody else is you're
Speaker 3: going into their side of the street. You need to
Speaker 3: focus on your side of the street, whether you're the
Speaker 3: one wanting the closure or you're the one that is
Speaker 3: ending something and you feel like you need to give
Speaker 3: all of this closure so they feel better. I think
Speaker 3: you can express things in a concise, kind way on
Speaker 3: your side of the street.
Speaker 2: But if you start to get.
Speaker 3: Into all of the nitty gritty of you did this
Speaker 3: and you did that, and that's not staying on your
Speaker 3: side of the street. And so sometimes it's best to
Speaker 3: just keep it brief and respectful and kind the other
Speaker 3: person might be hurt by that, and you can feel
Speaker 3: it's okay to feel that pain. I have certainly felt
Speaker 3: it before, and it's not fun. It's not fun. But
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, we all have to
Speaker 3: protect our own peace. So I hope if there's something
Speaker 3: that you need to accept that this will be that
Speaker 3: final little kick in the pants to do it, give
Speaker 3: yourself the closure you need. You're able to do it
Speaker 3: without anybody else. All right. This final thing is a
Speaker 3: parenting tip, but you don't have to be married parents
Speaker 3: to do it. You could be co parents. Now. I
Speaker 3: will say I was talking about this with one of
Speaker 3: my friends who has like a loser ex husband, Like
Speaker 3: he is a loser with a capital L.
Speaker 2: So she was like, this would never work.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, there's nothing positive about my kid's dad that
Speaker 3: I can say, because that's that's the tip, is to
Speaker 3: brag about your partner or your ex in front of
Speaker 3: your child or children. And she was like, I can't
Speaker 3: do it. I can't think of anything. And I'm like,
Speaker 3: surely you can think of something, and I know that
Speaker 3: she can deep down. Now there might be someone that's
Speaker 3: even like loser all capital letters and so in that case,
Speaker 3: you can just throw this tip out the window. I
Speaker 3: don't need you to find ways to brag about that
Speaker 3: type of person. But if you're in an okay, ish
Speaker 3: to healthy relationship with your partner or your ex. Hopefully
Speaker 3: if it's your partner, you're in a healthy relationship. But
Speaker 3: I guess I'm focusing on the X thing since I'm
Speaker 3: divorced and my friend that I was talking to is divorced.
Speaker 3: But if you have opportunities to brag about your partner
Speaker 3: in front of your child or children, it's so good.
Speaker 3: It models kindness and appreciation at home. Your child will
Speaker 3: start to notice the small efforts that you and others
Speaker 3: put in. They'll also start expressing their appreciation out loud,
Speaker 3: which is huge because here's the deal. If they hear
Speaker 3: us criticize or focus on someone's mistakes, they will learn
Speaker 3: to do the same. You know, where kids are paying
Speaker 3: attention to everything and picking things up like sponges. But
Speaker 3: Ben and I are really trying to do this. We're
Speaker 3: trying to be complimentary of each other in front of
Speaker 3: the kids, and we try to have a united front
Speaker 3: so the kids don't try to take advantage of anything, like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm going to say this in front of mom and
Speaker 3: do this in front of dad, and and they have
Speaker 3: this whole scheme going on. We talk about everything, and
Speaker 3: we keep each other in the loop, so nothing's getting
Speaker 3: by us.
Speaker 2: And we're not always perfect.
Speaker 3: I've told stories on here before like our co parenting
Speaker 3: relationship is far from perfect. But this is also a
Speaker 3: challenge for me. Even though I already do it, I'm
Speaker 3: going to try to look for more opportunities to do it,
Speaker 3: to brag on their dad in front of them. And
Speaker 3: I may need to remind him to make sure he's
Speaker 3: doing that about me in front of them.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 2: I'm sure he does it all the time. I'm sure
Speaker 2: he can't help himself.
Speaker 3: Just kidding. Okay, Well, that's it. That's today's episode. I
Speaker 3: hope y'all are having the day that you need to have.
Speaker 3: And if you want to send us any of your
Speaker 3: thoughts about any of this, or any story you have
Speaker 3: to share, or anything going in your life, or any
Speaker 3: question that you have for Kat and myself coming up
Speaker 3: on a fifth Thing episode or something for Outweigh that's
Speaker 3: coming up, or you've got something on your mind that's
Speaker 3: body image, body dysmorphia, food, related that would fall into
Speaker 3: the outwagh category. But you can email me at four
Speaker 3: Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com and just
Speaker 3: put outwegh in the title and I'll see that. Leanne
Speaker 3: and I are going to be recording some episodes soon,
Speaker 3: so I always like to see what y'all would like
Speaker 3: to hear about. So yeah, I hope y'all are having
Speaker 3: the day that you need to have and I'll talk
Speaker 3: to you later.
Speaker 2: Bye.