1 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: Good cats up thing, little food for yourself life. Oh 2 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,800 Speaker 1: it's pretty, but hey, it's pretty beautiful thing beautiful. That 3 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 1: for a little more exciting, said, he cut your kicking 4 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 1: with four Thing with Amy Brown. 5 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 2: Happy Thursday. 6 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 3: Four Things Amy here, and I got four totally different 7 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 3: things for you. So what we call an OG four 8 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 3: things episode. Now, the first thing I'm going to get 9 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,559 Speaker 3: into is a heartfelt email that I got from a listener, 10 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 3: and she's sharing with us five lessons that grief has 11 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 3: taught her. She unexpectedly lost her husband and her story 12 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 3: is very very powerful. Second thing, I got more brain 13 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 3: exercises for you. Yeah, you'll like the ones that Kat 14 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 3: and I went over. We're on Tuesday, so I've got 15 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 3: some more that'll help you boost concentration and beat distraction. 16 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,679 Speaker 3: And then the third thing is going to be about closure. 17 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:11,880 Speaker 3: Sometimes we crave it and we get stuck in a 18 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:17,319 Speaker 3: y trap and we can't move forward unless we have 19 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 3: that full closure. So I've got some tips for you 20 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 3: on that. This is something I had to revisit for 21 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 3: myself recently, so I thought it might be helpful for you. 22 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 3: And then the fourth thing, I've got a game changing 23 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:32,320 Speaker 3: tip for parents or co parents. I mean, this episode 24 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 3: is definitely a mix of some heartfelt stuff and just 25 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 3: really practical helpful things, So hope you enjoy it. Here 26 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 3: we go, first man, Right, yeah, all right. So the 27 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 3: other day I was in my four Things podcast email 28 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 3: inbox and I saw an email come in from a 29 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 3: listener named Audra, and in the subject line it said 30 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 3: grateful young widow. So I clicked on it, knowing that 31 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 3: it's probably going to be on the heavier side of things. 32 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 3: And as of course, as I read the email, I thought, oh, 33 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 3: my gosh, I can't even imagine going through what she 34 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 3: went through, And I'm thankful that she's sharing some of 35 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 3: her story in the email, and I'll read that to 36 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 3: you in just a second. What I was very grateful 37 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 3: for that she included was in the email she talked 38 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 3: about how at the five year anniversary of her husband's death, 39 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,919 Speaker 3: she decided to compile the top five lessons that grief 40 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 3: has taught her, and she took screenshot of that of 41 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 3: what she put on socials at the five year mark, 42 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,360 Speaker 3: and she attached it at the bottom of the email, 43 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,440 Speaker 3: along with a picture of her and her kids from 44 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 3: this last Christmas and a picture of her husband Ryan, 45 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 3: So I love when there are photos I can put 46 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 3: a face to a name. And I'm just very thankful 47 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 3: to Audra for opening up and sharing some of her 48 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 3: story with us. And I know that this will be 49 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,400 Speaker 3: helpful for somebody listening right now. You may not be 50 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:59,239 Speaker 3: grieving the loss of a significant other, maybe grieving something 51 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 3: else in lifefe, but whatever you take from this, I 52 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 3: know that it'll be helpful, whether for now or stick 53 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 3: it in your pocket for later, because grief is unavoidable. Hey, Amy, 54 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 3: I wanted to share with you that I love listening 55 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 3: to the Bobby Bone Show and I look forward to 56 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 3: Tuesdays and Thursdays to hear your little nuggets of wisdom 57 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,680 Speaker 3: for the week. They somehow always resonate with whatever I'm 58 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 3: thinking about or going through at the moment. Five and 59 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,080 Speaker 3: a half years ago, my husband Ryan, who was forty 60 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:31,800 Speaker 3: three at the time, unexpectedly passed away. He had an 61 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 3: undiagnosed heart condition, went into cardiac arrest and crashed while 62 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:40,360 Speaker 3: driving into work one rainy August morning. Because his heart 63 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 3: had stopped, he went without oxygen for too long and 64 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 3: suffered severe brain damage. He was put on life support 65 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 3: and I had to make the decision to finally let 66 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 3: him go. I suddenly became a widow at the age 67 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 3: of forty two, with three young children to raise. Alexa 68 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 3: had just turned fourteen in July, Olivia turned eleven five 69 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 3: days after Ryan passed, and my son Jase had just 70 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 3: turned six in June. As you know, there are so 71 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 3: many facets to grief, and on the five year anniversary 72 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 3: of Ryan's death this past year, I shared the top 73 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 3: of five lessons grief taught me. I knew by being 74 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 3: vulnerable it had to help someone else who was trying 75 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 3: to navigate their way through grief. I've heard you talk 76 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 3: about Pegosa Springs, Colorado often. I've never known anyone else 77 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 3: to talk about this beautiful, quaint town. 78 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 2: You see. 79 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,920 Speaker 3: A month before my husband passed away, we drove with 80 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 3: our three kids from Iowa to meet up with my parents, sister, 81 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 3: her family, and brother, who all also live in Colorado. 82 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,800 Speaker 3: We all went to Pegosa Springs for a week. We 83 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 3: later realized it would be the last family vacation we 84 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 3: would have with Ryan. We made so many memories and 85 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 3: shared so many laughs on that trip. We even spontaneously 86 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 3: had our family pictures taken while we were there. I 87 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 3: thank God every day for those photos. I never got 88 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 3: to visit your sister and brother in law's coffee shop, 89 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 3: but I desperately want to go back one day. Pagosa 90 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,280 Speaker 3: Springs has a special place in my heart. I appreciate 91 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 3: the pieces of your life's journey you've shared post divorce, 92 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 3: navigating new relationships and just trying to do life without 93 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 3: a partner. Ryan's death was tragic and he will always 94 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 3: be a part of my life. But without the heart ache, grief, 95 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 3: and pain, I would not have experienced true love with 96 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 3: him or had the opportunity to figure out who I am, 97 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 3: what I want in this life, and what my journey 98 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 3: is all about. For that, I have gratitude, and while 99 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 3: I'm not dating currently, if and when the right man 100 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,800 Speaker 3: does come along, I will be going into the relationship 101 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 3: as the best version of myself and have the ability 102 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 3: to navigate the challenges of life with confidence, emotional maturity, 103 00:05:54,200 --> 00:06:00,559 Speaker 3: and grace. Kind regards Odra. So that's the email she wrote, 104 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 3: and then, as I mentioned, she attached what she posted 105 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 3: on socials for the five year anniversary and the five 106 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 3: lessons she has learned from grief. So I'm just going 107 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 3: to read her entire post. In order to heal after loss, 108 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 3: you have to grieve. Grieving is a powerful emotion that 109 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:25,599 Speaker 3: evolves from a loss's impact on your heart. The grief 110 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 3: journey becomes each person's unique story. It is nonlinear and 111 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 3: undefined by timelines or hard fast rules. Five years ago today, 112 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 3: my husband Ryan was on his way into work. An 113 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:43,600 Speaker 3: unknown heart condition caused him to suddenly go into cardiac arrest. 114 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 3: His truck veered off the road and crashed at the 115 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 3: bottom of a steep ditch. Ryan's heart had stopped for 116 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:53,039 Speaker 3: too long and the impact of the crash was severe. 117 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 3: On August twenty first, twenty nineteen, I was told there 118 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,120 Speaker 3: was no hope for recovery, and I had to make 119 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,719 Speaker 3: a decision whether to leave him on life support. Because 120 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 3: I knew what Ryan's wishes were, I finally let him go. 121 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 3: The days in ICU with Ryan and the week that 122 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 3: followed were the hardest, saddest days of my life. My 123 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 3: journey to healing has taken a lot of time and work. 124 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 3: I started by trying to pick up the biggest broken pieces. First, 125 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:27,080 Speaker 3: I found a new normal for the kids, and I 126 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 3: put my heart and soul into making sure we were 127 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 3: not only going to survive, but thrive. Working through grief 128 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 3: and trauma has taught me so much, but I would 129 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:44,240 Speaker 3: say these are the top five lessons. One. Grief is 130 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 3: the price you pay for love. Grief has a lot 131 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 3: of emotions attached to it that don't feel good. There's anger, sadness, 132 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 3: what ifs, resentment, and so much more. However, it's important 133 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 3: to remember these feelings wouldn't exist if you hadn't experience 134 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:05,400 Speaker 3: It's the greatest gift of all love. Two events in 135 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 3: your life become a before and an after. In the after, 136 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 3: you're not the same person you are in the before. 137 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 3: Since Ryan's death, I have been able to connect to 138 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 3: the lost and forgotten parts of myself. I know I 139 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 3: can do hard things. I love my people hard and 140 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 3: make sure that they know and feel my love. I 141 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 3: know who I am, and I have a clear vision 142 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 3: of the life I want to create. I find joy 143 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 3: in life's smallest, simplest moments and cherish time and relationships 144 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 3: others may take for granted. 145 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 2: Three. 146 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 3: I figured out there is meaning behind the five stages 147 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:47,199 Speaker 3: of grief denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. As I look 148 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 3: back on my own grief journey, I saw myself in 149 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 3: each of those stages without even realizing it. If you 150 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 3: are open to it, a good therapist can help you 151 00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 3: unpack and identify the why behind the mix of emotions 152 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 3: your feeling. 153 00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,480 Speaker 2: Four. Gratitude is a gift. 154 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 3: However, it took me a long time to find it 155 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 3: after a traumatic loss, it is very difficult to see 156 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 3: gratitude amongst the anger, sadness, and tears. By giving myself 157 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 3: grace and space, it has allowed me to see the 158 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 3: blessings that I still had in front of me. A 159 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 3: piece of healing is eventually finding the rainbow after the storm. 160 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 3: Five It's okay to not be okay. There are times 161 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 3: when grief will still sneak up on you out of nowhere, 162 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 3: But you know your healing when you were able to 163 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 3: acknowledge your feelings, let yourself feel what you need to feel, 164 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 3: and move forward without staying under the black cloud that 165 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 3: grief can put you under. So there you go the 166 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 3: five lessons grief has taught her, and she shared that 167 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:59,320 Speaker 3: on the five year anniversary of her husband's passing. So Odre, 168 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 3: thank you so much much for sharing some of your 169 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 3: story with us, and I really hope you get to 170 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 3: go back to Pagosa one day and take your kids 171 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 3: and relive some of those memories that you'll had and 172 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 3: have some of the laughter, and it'll feel like your 173 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 3: husband is there with you. Maybe even one day you 174 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:23,319 Speaker 3: go with a new partner and you find a partner 175 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 3: that will allow Ryan to still be a part of 176 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:29,559 Speaker 3: your life, a part of your family, part of your kids' lives. 177 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 3: Believe it or not, there are some people that may 178 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,680 Speaker 3: not be able to handle something like that, But there 179 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,559 Speaker 3: is someone out there that would be able to take 180 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 3: a trip like that and really make it special and 181 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 3: acknowledge all of the memories that were made and create 182 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,280 Speaker 3: new memories with you, but still having that presence of 183 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 3: Ryan with y'all all the time, without any fear that 184 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:55,000 Speaker 3: you don't care for them. You only care for Ryan. 185 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:59,120 Speaker 3: You can still love Ryan and love this new partner. 186 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 3: And I only share this because Audre and I have 187 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 3: been emailing back and forth a little bit since she 188 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 3: sent this note, and I know she's not dating yet, 189 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 3: and she mentioned that in the email. But there is 190 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 3: hope and she may find someone at some point, and. 191 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:13,320 Speaker 2: I don't know. 192 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,480 Speaker 3: In my mind, I'm just picturing them taking a trip 193 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,840 Speaker 3: to Pagosa. All is one big, happy family, and stop 194 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 3: and buy the coffee shop. 195 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 2: You gotta go buy Roothhouse. That will definitely be special. 196 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 2: I love Pagosa. 197 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 3: If y'all are ever in southern Colorado, definitely swing through. 198 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:31,360 Speaker 3: Sit in the hot springs, go for a hike, and 199 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,559 Speaker 3: then yeah, Roothhouse Coffee right along the river. 200 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 2: It's my sister's coffee shop. 201 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,080 Speaker 3: And you can go get a cup of good coffee, 202 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 3: a latte, or you can even have a cocktail. They 203 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,959 Speaker 3: serve those as well. Really good ranch waters, really good 204 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 3: cinnamon buns. Now, oh kish Now, I'm just thinking all 205 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,560 Speaker 3: of the amazing things that my sister has on the 206 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,840 Speaker 3: menu there. But I love that you shared some of 207 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 3: your story with us, Audre, and I know that it 208 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 3: will resonate with somebody. Whatever it is that you are grieving. 209 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 3: It may not be the loss of a part. We 210 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 3: all are going to agrieve in life. It's unavoidable. But 211 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 3: I specially loved Adra's first lesson that she shared. It's 212 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,559 Speaker 3: the price you pay for love, and that's one of 213 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 3: the greatest gifts. So thank you, Audra. Second, on Tuesday's 214 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,560 Speaker 3: fifth Thing, Kat and I went over adhd exercises for 215 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 3: focus and productivity. And today I've got more for you, 216 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:30,560 Speaker 3: but these are for focus and memory. The first brain 217 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,760 Speaker 3: hack skill exercise. If you heard Kat and I'm talking 218 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 3: on Tuesday, she really did not like that I was 219 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 3: calling these brain hacks. So whatever, I just feel like 220 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,559 Speaker 3: that's an easier way to say it. So the first 221 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 3: brain hack I've got for you is the memory place game. 222 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 3: And this is best for strengthening your working memory, which 223 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 3: if you've got ADHD, you struggle with this, But maybe 224 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 3: you don't have ADHD, but you're like, oh, I am 225 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 3: having some memory issues. 226 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,360 Speaker 2: This will work for you too. 227 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 3: So what you need to do is visualize a place 228 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 3: you know well, like your house. Assign objects or words 229 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 3: to different rooms. This will help with recall. So an 230 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 3: example would be if you need to remember your grocery list, 231 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 3: picture milk in your fridge, bananas on your couch, and 232 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 3: bread in your bed. Now, the more ridiculous the imagery, 233 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:22,600 Speaker 3: the easier it is to remember. It's called the memory 234 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 3: Place game. And I know this sounds a little cuckoo, 235 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:30,079 Speaker 3: but it works. The second hack is the brain dump method. Now, 236 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 3: this is best for racing thoughts. 237 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 2: Or idea overload. 238 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 3: What you need to do is set a five minute 239 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 3: timer and write down every thought that is swirling in 240 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 3: your head. No filtering, you're just right, right, right, right right. 241 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,600 Speaker 3: This helps clear mental clutters so that you can focus 242 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 3: on what actually matters. And a little bonus tip for 243 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:53,720 Speaker 3: this is use different color pins for priorities versus random thoughts. 244 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 3: Third brain hack the dopamine menu. Now, this is for motivation. 245 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:04,760 Speaker 3: Really will help you be boredom or task paralysis. So 246 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 3: what you got to do is make a list of 247 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 3: things that boost your dopamine like music, movement, certain snacks, 248 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 3: a book that you love, a show. What's something that 249 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,679 Speaker 3: boosts your dopamine and when you need motivation, pick one 250 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:24,640 Speaker 3: dopamine booster first, then start your task. Example, before I 251 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 3: do emails, I'll listen to one hype song, or before 252 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 3: I clean, I'll have a snack and put on my 253 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 3: favorite podcast. That's a little dopamine menu. Like, you make 254 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:37,880 Speaker 3: the menu and then you know what you're gonna do 255 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 3: before each thing to get your dopamine hit. Next tack 256 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 3: is the clocks everywhere trick. This is best for time blindness. Now, 257 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 3: ADHD brains lose track of time constantly so what we 258 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,880 Speaker 3: gotta do is put visible clocks everywhere, not just on 259 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 3: our phones. We needn't have timers and alarms for everything, 260 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,600 Speaker 3: set reminders five to ten minutes before you need to leave. 261 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 3: Like if y'all were to open up in my clock 262 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 3: app on my phone, you would see so many timers 263 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 3: and alarms for everything. Because that's what I have to 264 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:14,800 Speaker 3: do to help keep myself on track. It's very helpful. 265 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 3: Or if I'm in my house, I'll ask Alexa to 266 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 3: set a timer for something. I just need this because 267 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 3: time blindness is very very real for me. Right. The 268 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 3: final hack, which honestly, I'm not even sure I could 269 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,760 Speaker 3: pull this one off, but it's called the one tab 270 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 3: role for productivity. It's best for preventing distractions while working. 271 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 3: And let me tell you, in ADHD brain loves opening 272 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 3: one hundred tabs and then forgetting what they're doing completely. 273 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 3: This little tip wants you to commit to one tab 274 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 3: at a time. If you need another, you write it 275 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:52,560 Speaker 3: down instead of opening up a tab immediately. You can 276 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 3: only go back to it like you write it down, 277 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 3: and then when you're done with one tab, then you 278 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 3: can type in what you need to do, like right now, 279 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 3: on my computer. I have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen. 280 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 3: I have fourteen tabs open, which honestly is not that bad. 281 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 3: But I know what all those tabs mean, and I 282 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,920 Speaker 3: actually thrive with the tabs. But I'm sure there is 283 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 3: something to the one tab roll, and I'd probably thrive 284 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 3: even more if I would try this tip out. But 285 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 3: some of them I keep open because I know I'm 286 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:24,920 Speaker 3: going to. 287 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:25,600 Speaker 2: Go back to them. 288 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 3: But I do see the idea behind executing getting rid 289 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 3: of one tab boom, and then going to your list, 290 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 3: what was the next tab I need to open? 291 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 2: So one tab role. 292 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 3: If you want to try that one out, let me 293 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 3: know if any of these work for you. 294 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: Here we got third day. 295 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 3: All right, let's talk about closure, because well, I think 296 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 3: this is something that we've likely all struggled with at 297 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:58,120 Speaker 3: some point, like whether it's a breakup or a friendship 298 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 3: that fizzled or ended, or just any situation that never 299 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:06,680 Speaker 3: fully has been resolved. It's really really hard to move 300 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 3: on without that final answer. And I will say, sometimes 301 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 3: we want to receive that final answer, but also sometimes 302 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:17,119 Speaker 3: we want to give other people closure because we feel 303 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 3: like it will be good for them, when maybe that's 304 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:23,919 Speaker 3: not necessarily our role. You may not have to provide that, 305 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 3: So that's a whole other thing to work through as well. 306 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:31,680 Speaker 3: But I read something from psychologists Kavyat Shrivastov. Totally not 307 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 3: sure if I'm saying her name right, but I gave 308 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 3: it my best shot and it really hit close to home. 309 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,600 Speaker 3: She said, closure isn't about what the other person gives you, 310 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 3: It's about how you process what happened. 311 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:44,880 Speaker 1: Now. 312 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 3: The main reasons behind why we crave closure are pretty obvious. Obviously, 313 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 3: it helps us find peace after being hurt. It stops 314 00:17:55,840 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 3: us from just ruminating over it, obsessing over any answered 315 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 3: questions that we have. It helps us move forward without 316 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:11,679 Speaker 3: lingering regrets of sorts, and pretty much closure is like 317 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 3: ceiling an emotional envelope. That's how I visualize it in 318 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 3: my head, like you're able to just close it shut 319 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:25,400 Speaker 3: without it, you keep going into the envelope to reread 320 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 3: all the old stuff, the letters, the messages, and you 321 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 3: try to make it make sense and you can't. And 322 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 3: the hard truth about closure is sometimes we think that 323 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 3: it has to come from the other person, like we 324 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:46,040 Speaker 3: need to hear them explain or apologize or even validate 325 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,800 Speaker 3: whatever it is that happened, But that's not always going 326 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,919 Speaker 3: to happen again because they don't even owe it to us. 327 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 3: Now in some circumstances, Yes it's not a blanket statement, 328 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,320 Speaker 3: but let's just say, for the sake of this thing, 329 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 3: it's never going to happen. You're not going to get 330 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 3: the closure. So then what what do you do? Well, 331 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 3: that's when you get stuck in the wide trap and 332 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 3: you're like, why did they do this? Was it me? 333 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,520 Speaker 3: What could I have done differently? How could I fix it? 334 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 3: And those types of questions will leave us spiraling forever. 335 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:21,720 Speaker 3: So the key for us is to accept that we 336 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 3: don't need all the answers to move forward. And I 337 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 3: have had to practice this multiple times in my adult life, 338 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,240 Speaker 3: and I wish I better understood this as a teen 339 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,399 Speaker 3: and a young young adult as well, because the power 340 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,240 Speaker 3: of acceptance is so good. And now that I know acceptance, 341 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 3: it just helps me. And I know that it could 342 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,159 Speaker 3: sound like if you're accepting that, you're just kind of 343 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 3: rolling over and being like, Okay, cool, you know this 344 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 3: horrible thing happened and I'm fine with it. But that's 345 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,160 Speaker 3: not what the acceptance part is. Acceptance just means that 346 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 3: you're not going to fight it. You're going to fight 347 00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:01,120 Speaker 3: what's happening. It means instead of obsessing over why something happened, 348 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:05,040 Speaker 3: you focus on what you can do next. A little 349 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 3: mantra that I had in my back pocket for twenty twenty, 350 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,640 Speaker 3: twenty twenty one, twenty twenty two, like, I was using 351 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,959 Speaker 3: this one a lot. I may not understand it, but 352 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 3: I can heal anyway. Because there was so much I 353 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 3: wasn't understanding and I didn't have answers to, but I 354 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 3: knew I had the ability to heal anyway. Sometimes it 355 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 3: was hard for me to just move on. I didn't 356 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 3: like the idea of that, so I would think of 357 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,159 Speaker 3: it more as like moving along or moving forward, Like 358 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 3: despite what was happening, I was going to move forward. 359 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,600 Speaker 3: Sometimes I would move backwards, but at least I was moving. 360 00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 3: It's a small shift from the word moving on to 361 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 3: moving forward, but for me it made a big difference. 362 00:20:54,359 --> 00:21:00,200 Speaker 3: It felt more practical and less forced. The energy a 363 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,400 Speaker 3: little bit different. I don't know see if that resonates 364 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 3: with you, Like if you say I'm moving on or 365 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:11,440 Speaker 3: I'm moving forward, there's different energy there. So then comes 366 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 3: the time where you'd have to really give yourself closure Again, 367 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 3: It's not coming from the other person, it is coming 368 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,880 Speaker 3: from within you. At the end of the day, finding 369 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,359 Speaker 3: closure is you choosing yourself because you're not going to 370 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,560 Speaker 3: let those thoughts take up any more space rent free 371 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,720 Speaker 3: in your brain. So one thing you need to do 372 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 3: because who knows how long you've been thinking these thoughts. 373 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 3: I mean some of you listening right now, I know 374 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,399 Speaker 3: we're holding onto things from ten years ago and you 375 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 3: want closure and you have been wondering why for the 376 00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 3: last ten years or maybe it was just ten days ago. Well, 377 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,359 Speaker 3: this is going to be awesome for you to be 378 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,680 Speaker 3: reminded of this. I'm not saying anything new, by the way, 379 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:53,119 Speaker 3: and I'm gathering a lot of different things that I 380 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,600 Speaker 3: was taught over the last five years that I learned. 381 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,240 Speaker 3: Some of this I picked up in alan On. That 382 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 3: is all about surrender releasing control. When you are stuck 383 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,920 Speaker 3: in trying to figure out the why of what happened, 384 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,879 Speaker 3: and you are stuck wanting closure from somebody else, this 385 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 3: is the opposite of surrendering. You have to focus on 386 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 3: what you can control, and you can't control that So 387 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 3: whether you've been trying to operate that way, like I said, 388 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:24,840 Speaker 3: for ten years or ten days, pause and forgive yourself 389 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,199 Speaker 3: for holding on for however long it was. Let go 390 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,399 Speaker 3: of any resentment towards the person. You don't want to 391 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,679 Speaker 3: carry that around, and then prioritize peace. 392 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:36,439 Speaker 2: If you are. 393 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:40,320 Speaker 3: Waiting on that one last conversation or that one last explanation, 394 00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 3: just know that you don't actually need it. Your piece 395 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 3: is within you. It's not dependent on what they do. 396 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,199 Speaker 3: This is honestly one of those things like when I 397 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,199 Speaker 3: was typing out what I wanted to say about this, 398 00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,719 Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I need to email this to myself 399 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 3: so I can go back and read it when I 400 00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:01,359 Speaker 3: need it, or maybe I'll pull this part of the 401 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,359 Speaker 3: podcast and listen to it when I need it, because 402 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 3: I think we all crave closure, and we can know 403 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 3: that this is what we need to do to let 404 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 3: it go and not get all wrapped up, and that 405 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,159 Speaker 3: we need answers from somebody else when we're trying to 406 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:20,959 Speaker 3: force it. Now, if someone wants to volunteer that information, 407 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,399 Speaker 3: that's totally fine, But does knowing that really change things 408 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:24,679 Speaker 3: for you? 409 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,160 Speaker 2: Fully? 410 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 3: I know there are things that I have ended where 411 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:34,439 Speaker 3: I believe the person would appreciate more closure. And at 412 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 3: the same time, I felt like what I was able 413 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 3: to share was enough without getting wrapped back up into 414 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 3: unhealthy patterns that we were in. So also, like I 415 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,480 Speaker 3: said at the beginning of this thing, is sometimes we 416 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,199 Speaker 3: feel the need to over explain why we're making a 417 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:56,200 Speaker 3: decision so that we can protect that other person's feelings. 418 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,879 Speaker 3: That is not our responsibility as long as we're doing 419 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,640 Speaker 3: something in a kind way and staying on our side 420 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,200 Speaker 3: of the street. And what you're trying to do when 421 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,160 Speaker 3: you're trying to get closure from somebody else is you're 422 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,119 Speaker 3: going into their side of the street. You need to 423 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 3: focus on your side of the street, whether you're the 424 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,520 Speaker 3: one wanting the closure or you're the one that is 425 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:17,840 Speaker 3: ending something and you feel like you need to give 426 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,880 Speaker 3: all of this closure so they feel better. I think 427 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:24,399 Speaker 3: you can express things in a concise, kind way on 428 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:25,399 Speaker 3: your side of the street. 429 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:26,920 Speaker 2: But if you start to get. 430 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 3: Into all of the nitty gritty of you did this 431 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,439 Speaker 3: and you did that, and that's not staying on your 432 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,199 Speaker 3: side of the street. And so sometimes it's best to 433 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:39,240 Speaker 3: just keep it brief and respectful and kind the other 434 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,320 Speaker 3: person might be hurt by that, and you can feel 435 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:46,000 Speaker 3: it's okay to feel that pain. I have certainly felt 436 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,920 Speaker 3: it before, and it's not fun. It's not fun. But 437 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,800 Speaker 3: at the end of the day, we all have to 438 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 3: protect our own peace. So I hope if there's something 439 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,360 Speaker 3: that you need to accept that this will be that 440 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:01,200 Speaker 3: final little kick in the pants to do it, give 441 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:04,720 Speaker 3: yourself the closure you need. You're able to do it 442 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 3: without anybody else. All right. This final thing is a 443 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 3: parenting tip, but you don't have to be married parents 444 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,199 Speaker 3: to do it. You could be co parents. Now. I 445 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,800 Speaker 3: will say I was talking about this with one of 446 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:35,240 Speaker 3: my friends who has like a loser ex husband, Like 447 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,119 Speaker 3: he is a loser with a capital L. 448 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 2: So she was like, this would never work. 449 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, right, there's nothing positive about my kid's dad that 450 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,159 Speaker 3: I can say, because that's that's the tip, is to 451 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,639 Speaker 3: brag about your partner or your ex in front of 452 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 3: your child or children. And she was like, I can't 453 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,240 Speaker 3: do it. I can't think of anything. And I'm like, 454 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 3: surely you can think of something, and I know that 455 00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 3: she can deep down. Now there might be someone that's 456 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:04,359 Speaker 3: even like loser all capital letters and so in that case, 457 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 3: you can just throw this tip out the window. I 458 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,399 Speaker 3: don't need you to find ways to brag about that 459 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,840 Speaker 3: type of person. But if you're in an okay, ish 460 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 3: to healthy relationship with your partner or your ex. Hopefully 461 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:20,399 Speaker 3: if it's your partner, you're in a healthy relationship. But 462 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 3: I guess I'm focusing on the X thing since I'm 463 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 3: divorced and my friend that I was talking to is divorced. 464 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 3: But if you have opportunities to brag about your partner 465 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,600 Speaker 3: in front of your child or children, it's so good. 466 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 3: It models kindness and appreciation at home. Your child will 467 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:39,560 Speaker 3: start to notice the small efforts that you and others 468 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 3: put in. They'll also start expressing their appreciation out loud, 469 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,359 Speaker 3: which is huge because here's the deal. If they hear 470 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:51,240 Speaker 3: us criticize or focus on someone's mistakes, they will learn 471 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,120 Speaker 3: to do the same. You know, where kids are paying 472 00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:57,199 Speaker 3: attention to everything and picking things up like sponges. But 473 00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,560 Speaker 3: Ben and I are really trying to do this. We're 474 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,320 Speaker 3: trying to be complimentary of each other in front of 475 00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 3: the kids, and we try to have a united front 476 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,919 Speaker 3: so the kids don't try to take advantage of anything, like, oh, 477 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,359 Speaker 3: I'm going to say this in front of mom and 478 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:13,920 Speaker 3: do this in front of dad, and and they have 479 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 3: this whole scheme going on. We talk about everything, and 480 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 3: we keep each other in the loop, so nothing's getting 481 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:20,479 Speaker 3: by us. 482 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,040 Speaker 2: And we're not always perfect. 483 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,200 Speaker 3: I've told stories on here before like our co parenting 484 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:30,879 Speaker 3: relationship is far from perfect. But this is also a 485 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 3: challenge for me. Even though I already do it, I'm 486 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 3: going to try to look for more opportunities to do it, 487 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,879 Speaker 3: to brag on their dad in front of them. And 488 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,920 Speaker 3: I may need to remind him to make sure he's 489 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,120 Speaker 3: doing that about me in front of them. 490 00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:44,440 Speaker 1: Huh. 491 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,159 Speaker 2: I'm sure he does it all the time. I'm sure 492 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,120 Speaker 2: he can't help himself. 493 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,920 Speaker 3: Just kidding. Okay, Well, that's it. That's today's episode. I 494 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,200 Speaker 3: hope y'all are having the day that you need to have. 495 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,520 Speaker 3: And if you want to send us any of your 496 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,679 Speaker 3: thoughts about any of this, or any story you have 497 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,400 Speaker 3: to share, or anything going in your life, or any 498 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:04,800 Speaker 3: question that you have for Kat and myself coming up 499 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 3: on a fifth Thing episode or something for Outweigh that's 500 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,680 Speaker 3: coming up, or you've got something on your mind that's 501 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:16,200 Speaker 3: body image, body dysmorphia, food, related that would fall into 502 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 3: the outwagh category. But you can email me at four 503 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,560 Speaker 3: Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com and just 504 00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,880 Speaker 3: put outwegh in the title and I'll see that. Leanne 505 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 3: and I are going to be recording some episodes soon, 506 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,399 Speaker 3: so I always like to see what y'all would like 507 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,760 Speaker 3: to hear about. So yeah, I hope y'all are having 508 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,200 Speaker 3: the day that you need to have and I'll talk 509 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:31,640 Speaker 3: to you later. 510 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 2: Bye.