WEBVTT - Second Cup: How busy people can meet someone special

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is about how busy people can still make time

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<v Speaker 1>to meet someone special. Valentine's Day is coming up, and

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<v Speaker 1>if you're in a happy couple, that's awesome. But many

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<v Speaker 1>people find themselves in different stages of life, and I

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<v Speaker 1>recently got a letter from a listener who'd been on

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<v Speaker 1>her own for a while. I was trying to figure

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<v Speaker 1>out how she could make time for dating. Our listener's

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<v Speaker 1>husband had died a few years ago, and she's now

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<v Speaker 1>raising her nine year old daughter as a single parent.

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<v Speaker 1>She says that I'm ready to date, but find it

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<v Speaker 1>difficult to muster the energy to find someone, let alone

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<v Speaker 1>go out on a date. It seems like online dating

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<v Speaker 1>is the thing to do now, but she says that

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<v Speaker 1>it feels very weird to me since she met her

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<v Speaker 1>husband when this wasn't as much of a thing as

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<v Speaker 1>it is now. I'm usually tired work and extracurricular activities

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<v Speaker 1>with my daughter and the usual home duties, She says.

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<v Speaker 1>My commute is at least an hour each way to work.

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<v Speaker 1>I finally get an hour or so of me time

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<v Speaker 1>in the evenings after I put my daughter to bed,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm also trying to read, shower, and do other

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<v Speaker 1>focused tasks that I can't do while she's away. So

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<v Speaker 1>what do you suggest? How can I carve out dating

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<v Speaker 1>and social time. How much time should I commit to

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<v Speaker 1>these tasks or do I just live life and hope

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<v Speaker 1>someone falls into my sights. I think this is a

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<v Speaker 1>great question. Plenty of people with jobs and family responsibilities

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<v Speaker 1>would like to meet someone special, but because of those

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<v Speaker 1>jobs and family responsibilities, dating can seem like one more

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<v Speaker 1>thing on the to do list. And like our listener,

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<v Speaker 1>I got married before online dating was as big a

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<v Speaker 1>thing as it is now. But I've talked with a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people about how they approach it, and I've

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<v Speaker 1>studied people's time logs to see how it's been incorporated.

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<v Speaker 1>The good news is that it does make the process

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<v Speaker 1>of meeting other single people a lot more of a

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<v Speaker 1>fit than in the past. Setting up first dates at

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<v Speaker 1>least is relatively easy, and since that's the case, I

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<v Speaker 1>recommend taking a very strategic, numbers oriented approach to this project.

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<v Speaker 1>Our listener could sign up for a few services that

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<v Speaker 1>friends recommend, and then give herself a target of going

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<v Speaker 1>on one first date every two weeks. She could do

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<v Speaker 1>this right after work or possibly over lunch or coffee,

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<v Speaker 1>so she wouldn't have to worry about finding additional childcare. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>to be clear, most of these dates will be mediocre

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<v Speaker 1>at best, but the upside is that it's only two

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<v Speaker 1>hours a month, so it's hard to feel like you've

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<v Speaker 1>wasted too much time. If nothing else, our listener can

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<v Speaker 1>try to find humor in the experience, or maybe meet

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<v Speaker 1>people who might be interesting professional connections. Now, they probably

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<v Speaker 1>won't all be terrible, of course, and this is where

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<v Speaker 1>the numbers game comes in. If our listener goes on

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<v Speaker 1>twenty four first dates in a year, the odds are

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<v Speaker 1>reason snible that she'll have at least a few dates

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<v Speaker 1>with people she wouldn't mind seeing a second time. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>let's say that one in four of those works out great. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>now she's going on six second dates in a year.

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<v Speaker 1>What if three of those turn into a third date

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<v Speaker 1>and one or two of those might be a reasonable

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<v Speaker 1>fourth date. Now we're getting somewhere. The key is to

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<v Speaker 1>be consistent with first dates until you meet someone who

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<v Speaker 1>makes you want to not be consistent. About going on

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<v Speaker 1>first dates anymore. Of course, online dating isn't the only

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<v Speaker 1>way to go. Our listener said that some friends had

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<v Speaker 1>suggested meetup groups and the like, and I think it's

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<v Speaker 1>smart in general to build an active adult social life

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<v Speaker 1>as a single parent, not even necessarily for dating purposes,

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<v Speaker 1>but just because it's fun. The more people you know

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<v Speaker 1>who like similar things to you, the broader your network

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<v Speaker 1>will be. And no doubt some of the people in

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<v Speaker 1>these networks know people that they'd be willing to set

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<v Speaker 1>you up with, so that helps with keeping up the

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<v Speaker 1>volume of first dates too. Of course, all this is

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<v Speaker 1>slightly more complex as a single parent. Divorced parents who

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<v Speaker 1>share custody can at least try to schedule their dating

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<v Speaker 1>lives around the times when their former partners have the kids.

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<v Speaker 1>Our listener is going to need to be more proactive,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm guessing that over the last few years of

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<v Speaker 1>solo parenting, she's made some arrangements with friends and neighbors, relatives,

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<v Speaker 1>and paid caregivers who can step in for a few

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<v Speaker 1>hours when she needs it. And the good news is

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<v Speaker 1>that in a few years her daughter will be able

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<v Speaker 1>to take care of herself for short periods of time,

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<v Speaker 1>and that will open up a lot more possibilities. As

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<v Speaker 1>for just hoping someone wonderful will appear, well, it's always possible.

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<v Speaker 1>Meeting someone wonderful does involve some amount of luck. But

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<v Speaker 1>here's the thing. With luck, we can nudget along. Someone

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<v Speaker 1>going on twenty four first dates in a year is

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<v Speaker 1>far more likely to luck out and meet someone wonderful

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<v Speaker 1>than someone who sticks to the same routine of work

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<v Speaker 1>and home chores as before. I'm happy to report that

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<v Speaker 1>I heard back from our listener that she was willing

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<v Speaker 1>to take this on as a project. A goal of

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<v Speaker 1>one date every two weeks sounds doable and not so daunting,

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<v Speaker 1>she says, I think I could do that, and if

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<v Speaker 1>she does, I'm sure that luck will bend her way

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<v Speaker 1>after a while. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks

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<v Speaker 1>for listening, and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod

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<v Speaker 1>that's b E the number four then Breakfast Pod. You

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<v Speaker 1>can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast Podcast

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<v Speaker 1>at iHeartMedia dot com that before Breakfast is spelled out

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<v Speaker 1>with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward

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<v Speaker 1>to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio.

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