WEBVTT - Why I Do Part 2 Is Golden with Joan Vassos 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:18.840 It's I Do Part two and we're Thelma and Louise, 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:22.520 your favorite bestie's back at it to have a great 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:27.160 conversation today about love and loss and chapter two. Our 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:29.479 guest today is someone we all fell in love with 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:32.360 when she opened herself up to love again on The 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:36.320 Golden Bachelor and then when she starred in the Golden Bachelorette. 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:39.200 We can't wait to talk with her today. Please welcome 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:42.760 Joan Vassos to the podcast. Welcome, Thanks for having me. 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:46.839 Hi Joan, Hi, how are you guys? Thank you for 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:49.200 wanting for me to be on your podcast. I appreciate it. 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:50.400 We're so excited. 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:52.440 And I have to ask you a question that's totally 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:55.840 unrelated to anything that we're talking about today, but it's 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:57.920 always intrigued me. 0:00:58.640 --> 0:00:59.360 The clothes. 0:00:59.600 --> 0:01:03.520 I mean, how did you figure out your wardrobe for 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:06.560 the Bachelor and Bachelorette because I feel like you're in 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:09.679 evening gowns practically every night. I mean, did you have 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:11.880 to hire a stylist? Do you just have a naturally 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:13.880 good sense of style? How did you approach that? And 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:15.360 then I'll get into the meat of it, but I 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:16.120 had to ask. 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:18.039 You, well, then we need to ask her about her arms, 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:20.800 because let's be real, her body is ridiculous. 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:23.039 Oh god, no it's not. But thank you for saying that. 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:26.959 Good lightning, I think. So for the Golden Bachelor, I 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:28.720 had to do all my own clothes, and that you 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:30.840 could see that they weren't anywhere near as Golden Bachelerette 0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:33.319 as good as Golden Bachelorette. So, Golden Bacher, you do 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:34.840 all your own clothes. You have to bring all your 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:38.840 own evening gowns and everything you wear every day is yours. 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:41.360 And then if you get to be the lead in 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:44.520 the show. So when I was the Golden Bachelorette, you 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:47.600 have a stylist's name is Carrie Fatman. He's a genius. 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:50.600 Do you go like three or four days before you 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:53.120 start filming, or maybe even a week before you start filming, 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:55.760 and you'd go and he has thirty racks of clothes, 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:59.040 at least thirty RECs. He has hundreds of dresses and 0:01:59.120 --> 0:02:02.200 hundreds of outfits and they're all gorgeous, and you have 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:04.080 conversations with them before you arrive, so you know is 0:02:04.080 --> 0:02:06.600 what your style is, like, your colors are and all that, 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.560 and then you just spend three full days like eight 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:12.400 to ten hour days trying on clothing, and then you 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:14.720 kind of narrow it down, like you know, he'll say, 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:16.840 you're going to need ten evening gowns, and so you 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:18.400 try on all the evening gowns and you narrow it 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:21.600 down to the ten and then he alters them so 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:25.080 they are like made for your body. So it is 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:27.320 like such a treat to have a stylist. Now I 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:29.560 have to go back and be my own boring, you know, 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:30.639 dressed like as you can see. 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:32.640 You get to keep any of the clothes, any of 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:33.919 your kind of greatest hits. 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.119 So I've heard through the Great Fige that you get 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:38.960 to pick some of the outfits that you want to keep. 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:41.320 But so far I don't have any of the clothes, 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:44.280 and I'd really like to have some of them. Yeah, 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:46.240 I'm hoping. I'm keeping my fingers press, but maybe I 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:49.520 get something an outfit or too. I know that a 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:52.560 lot of the evening gowns came from Randy Rahm, the 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:55.600 designer in New York I was talking about, and so 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:57.440 I think they go back to her. So they are 0:02:57.520 --> 0:02:59.480 kind of like borrowed. They're not they don't belong to 0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:02.919 the show. They're really expensive. She does like really big 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:05.760 like she does Beyonce and you know, really big stars. 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:07.679 You wore them, well, I got to wear them. 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:09.000 You made her look good. 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:11.840 I think everybody wears it as well. Thank you for 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:13.960 indulging me. It sounds like a total Cinderella moment. 0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:16.200 Oh my god. So it was my favorite part of 0:03:16.200 --> 0:03:21.000 the show other than finding sorry talk. 0:03:21.880 --> 0:03:24.960 Okay, well, so now moving on, Joan, we loved watching 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:28.000 you in The Golden Bachelor and the Golden Bachelorette. But 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:31.000 for those listeners who may not be familiar with your story, 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:33.239 tell us a little bit about your chapter one. 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:35.760 Okay, chapter one. So when I was married to John. 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:38.480 So I met John when I was in college. We 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:41.080 dated on and off kind of throughout like a three 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:44.520 year period, and then when we both graduated from college, 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:46.880 we were kind of like in the good place, you know, 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:49.160 ready be ready to date more seriously, and we did 0:03:49.240 --> 0:03:52.520 and we got engaged. We got married. We did all 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:55.040 the normal things that you know, married couples do. We 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:58.080 had jobs, and we built a house and we you know, 0:03:58.120 --> 0:04:00.320 kind of started life together. We had four kidskids with 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:03.240 four kids in six years, so we you know, we 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:06.120 were you know, intimately involved in raising our kids and 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:07.960 doing sports and the community. 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:08.800 Yeah. 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:10.360 Yeah, and which is when I kind of loved, like 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:14.360 I really missed those years still, you know again, because 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:18.760 I loved kind of raising my kids. John and I 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:21.039 raising our kids with a bunch of other parents that 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:22.479 were raising their kids, and it was like a big 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:24.919 community effort and everybody says, Oh, we're going to have 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:26.920 pizza tonight, or we're going to go to the baseball game. 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:28.480 You know, our kids are playing and we're going to 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:31.279 sit on the sidelines. And they were just such great 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:34.479 bonding moments of raising our kids together. And I missed 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:38.039 that like community that we had. So then, you know, 0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:39.480 my kids kind of grow up. They all went off 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:41.599 to college, and then now I've all kind of started 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:45.080 their own lives. When my youngest child was in college, 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:48.120 he was a junior in college, John was diagnosed with 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:51.000 pancreatic cancer. And it was kind of right as we 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:54.680 were thinking about like our second chapter of our lives, 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:58.360 like traveling and you know, maybe buying a second home someplace, 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:00.200 and you know, you kind of finally get to the 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:03.480 age where you have the time and you have you know, 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:05.520 kind of maybe a little more extra money and you 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:08.320 can do fun, you know, more fun things or different things. 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:10.719 And right when we were getting to that point in 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:13.800 our lives is when John got really, really sick. So 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:16.880 he survived the cancer for about two years, but it 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:19.320 was while he was in treatment. The whole time we 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:21.479 were traveling back and forth to Empty Anderson trying to 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:25.240 get him to be part of a trial. None of 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:27.520 we never found a trial that he was eligible for. 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:30.960 We never The chemo really didn't work all that well, 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:35.880 and then he did radiation, and eventually, after almost two years, 0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:37.520 he passed away a pancreatic cancer. 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:42.080 So sorry, that's so hard. That's that's that's awful, and. 0:05:42.040 --> 0:05:44.120 It's a terrible cancer. So those two years that he 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:47.599 was alive, most of those years weren't really weren't very good. 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:49.839 He was in a lot of pain. So it's it 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:52.680 was a horrible way to die. And and he left, 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:54.720 you know, kind of right at the part of our 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:56.320 life where we were going to start really having fun 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:58.600 and go back to being a couple, not just parents 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:02.000 that you know, to our four kids. So I felt 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:05.200 like my life had kind of ended, like my whole 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:08.280 future that I was planning with John was all of 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:10.120 a sudden like this black hole. There was no future. 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:11.719 I didn't have a person to spend it with. I 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.039 didn't really want to, you know, I just was kind 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:16.599 of in the mode of just staying alive and trying 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:18.400 to be strong for my kids, to try to like 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:20.920 support them as well as I could. And you know, 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:23.560 I would see them and I was the happy person, 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:25.440 and you know, we got we're getting through this and 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:27.120 we're a great family. And then I would go up 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.320 to my bedroom and I would cry. And that took 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:31.600 me about two years to get through kind of that 0:06:31.640 --> 0:06:35.200 phase of life to then look and say, Okay, well 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:38.599 maybe I can't have a future. I didn't feel like 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:40.840 I could in the beginning, But then I thought, you know, 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:43.960 why am I at the age of fifty nine saying 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:47.280 that I can't have a second chance at love? Because 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:49.520 you know, I was married to John for thirty two years. 0:06:49.680 --> 0:06:52.240 What tells me that I can't have somebody else for 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:55.080 thirty two years at that age? I possibly could. And 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:59.600 so I decided that I needed to take action, and 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.080 I did some dating apps, like everybody does, you know, 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:03.360 that's like the widest net. 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:07.400 I am so scared of those dating apps and were 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:10.080 there friends that were pushing you to do it or 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:12.760 was it something your kids were involved with, saying Mom, 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.000 it's time to do that. Or did you and John 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:17.559 have those conversations that he wanted you to have another 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:19.040 kind of chapter two. 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:21.080 Yeah, kind of all of the book actually. 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:21.720 Yeah. 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:24.320 So right before he passed away, about three days before 0:07:24.360 --> 0:07:26.200 he passed away, I remember him calling me over to 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:28.000 this sop and he's like, come sit next to me, 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:29.240 comes in next to me. He was kind of in 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:31.560 and out of sleep. He was really sleeping. He was 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:34.760 pretty well drugged. And he said, we have a great 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:37.239 life together, and I want you to be happy again. 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:40.120 And he said I want you to find somebody else. 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:44.080 And I was in total denial. If it like, it's 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:45.680 hard to believe, I was, because he went from one 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:47.560 hundred and twenty one hundre two hundred and twenty pounds 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:49.840 to like one hundred and ten pounds and I still 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:51.320 looked at him and thought he was going to live. 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:54.360 And I said no, I said, I am not having 0:07:54.360 --> 0:07:56.440 this conversation with you. I said, you are not leaving me, 0:07:56.800 --> 0:08:00.440 and he's like, all right, oh, Joe. It was the 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:02.840 best gift he could have given me, because I would 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.880 have had a really really hard time doing this. If 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:08.160 I didn't have his blessing, In fact, I probably wouldn't 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:10.680 be here today because but he did this. You know, 0:08:10.720 --> 0:08:11.920 he gave this to me and I didn't know it 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:14.000 at the time, and I didn't really even think about 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:17.800 it for a lot of months, probably well into the 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:22.280 second year after he had passed away, and it gave 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:23.160 me this freedom. 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:25.720 It was almost like permission was a little bit of 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:27.120 permission almost right. 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:30.280 Absolutely wise, yeah, absolutely, And like I said, I wouldn't 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:32.679 have done this if I hadn't gotten that. He was 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:35.160 also a person that lived really big. He lived life 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.480 to the fullest. Like everything he did was epic. You 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:39.400 never went on like a normal vacation. You went to 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:42.240 the best hotel, and you rented like every boat and 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:44.880 every you know, like water toy you could rent, and 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:47.480 like everything was big and everything was huge. We go 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:49.679 to a restaurant, just a normal restaurant, and he orders 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:51.800 every dessert on the menu just because we wanted to 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:52.160 try it all. 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.520 What a data VI, what a life spirit. But that's 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:58.400 so such a fun life, so brave of you. And 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:03.000 he's probably looking from above and he's happy and all that. 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:06.600 But it's so brave and it's I'm so happy for 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:09.360 you that you're you're getting this again. Are your kids 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:13.160 are they? How were they supportive of you? Do they 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:14.800 want to see you have another life? I mean, you 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:17.840 have four kids. I'm sure there was conflicting feelings for 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:18.679 all of them. 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:23.480 Kind of so they wanted me happy, absolutely, But I 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:27.480 think the whole process of like them knowing I was 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:30.679 dating wasn't really particularly comfortable. But you know, at this 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:32.680 but they're all adults, so it's not like I have 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:35.439 kids at home that are worried, you know, that I'm 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:37.280 going to bring a man home, you know, enter their 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:39.320 home or something like that. That wasn't a worry and 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:41.200 they wanted me to be happy. I just don't think 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:43.600 they really wanted the details of it. They didn't really 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:45.600 want to know a lot about relationships and stuff like that. 0:09:45.920 --> 0:09:47.960 So when I was doing online dating, that was easy. 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:49.400 You know, I'd be like I'm going on days night, 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:51.520 or maybe I wouldn't even tell them whatever, And I 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.720 didn't talk about the men, you know, really very often. 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:56.679 When I told them that I had filled out the 0:09:56.720 --> 0:09:57.760 application to go on build a. 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:00.800 Bag, Sorry, was that your idea to go on the 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:04.680 show or was that a friend so tell us about that. 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:05.480 That's amazing. 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:07.960 So I was out to dinner with a friend. We 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:09.720 were sitting at the bar, and it was right at 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:12.200 about the two year marks. So John had been gone 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:14.840 for about two years. The first year, you know, people say, oh, 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:17.080 after the first year, you start feeling better. Not true. 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:19.600 I felt like crap. In fact, I felt worse the 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:21.640 second year. It kind of all hit me like this 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:23.920 is my life, this like what the you know, like 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:27.240 what the heck happened? And so that second year was 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:28.520 really hard. And I was getting to the end of 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:31.800 that second year and I was starting to feel lonely. 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:33.960 Before I was just kind of numb, and then I 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:36.560 started feeling lonely and feeling like I wasn't part of 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:39.400 a couple, which is really hard in the world of couples. 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:43.440 And I had gone from being you know this, you know, 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:45.120 John and I had gone from being a couple that 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:46.720 we did. We had a lot of couple of friends 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:48.320 with I had a lot of couple of friends. We 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:50.000 did a lot with our couple of friends to me 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:51.839 being a single and then all of a sudden that 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:54.480 was excluded from all kinds of social things because I 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:57.440 was a single so I was starting to feel all 0:10:57.800 --> 0:10:59.760 we're familiar with that, you get it right, and it's 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:03.240 so weird hard, Yeah, it really is. And I was 0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:07.000 like like alone on singles Island and I hated it 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:09.520 and I wanted I was starting to feel like I 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:12.680 wanted to be a couple again, mainly because of the 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:22.320 like I missed doing the things with other couples. 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:28.280 Question. You mentioned that you met your husband You met 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:31.600 John in college, So you really I mean you never 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:34.240 really experienced dating. You fell in love young and kind 0:11:34.240 --> 0:11:36.440 of it sounds like I grew up with John, so 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:40.120 first time in thirty years. That not only had you 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:43.679 been through really a tragedy, but you also had to 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:46.120 figure out like what what that looked to date? 0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:49.680 And so I mean, what were you feeling at. 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:52.480 The time, and how did you approach that or did 0:11:52.520 --> 0:11:53.040 you have help? 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:56.800 You know? Yeah, so weird, right. I mean I had 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:59.920 this idea that I would rather meet somebody like or 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:02.520 so I had this new thing that I would do. 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:03.880 I meet friends out for dinner, and I have tons 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:06.200 of friends, so I would be out a lot and 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:09.079 you know, they kind of like a lot of them 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:10.920 kind of made me go out in the beginning, and 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:12.439 they're like, you can't sit at home. You need to 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:14.160 get out, You need to get out. And that kind 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:17.280 of became like my life, me going out with my friends, 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:20.920 you know, most evenings every week. So and I would 0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:22.880 always go. We used to go sit at a table, 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:24.200 and I would say, let's sit at the bar now 0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:25.760 because I thought it opened me up to us. 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:28.080 So we do. We did it yesterday. It's so fun, 0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:29.200 just the two of us though. 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:32.120 It just and it's fun going out with a girlfriend 0:12:32.120 --> 0:12:33.840 because a lot of times people will engage you with 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:36.040 talking and sometimes it's just another couple, a guy, a 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:38.200 man and a woman, like a husband and wife. But 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:40.240 you know, you never know, like when you're out if 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:43.120 that husband and wife have a friend or like the 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:45.959 more that you're out there and the more accessible you are, 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:47.480 So you need to not go sit at a table 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:48.840 where no one's going to come up to you. You need 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:50.000 to sit at the bar. 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:52.640 Or it doesn't just drop out of the sky, right 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:54.480 like you have to put it out there. 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:57.760 Absolutely totally agree with you on that one. So we 0:12:57.760 --> 0:13:00.600 were out. We were sitting at a local restaurant, a bar, 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:02.360 like actually right across the street from a house where 0:13:02.360 --> 0:13:03.920 I go off, and like, I know the bartender, I 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:05.920 know other people there, so it's like a really comfortable 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:07.960 place to meet for me. And I said to my friend, 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:10.520 you know, I really feel like I'm ready to maybe 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:13.120 start dating, and kind of in my I thought it 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:15.280 in my head. My heart didn't really feel that way yet, 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:17.760 but my head definitely knew that I wasn't getting any younger, 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.000 I wasn't getting prettier, I wasn't getting any more fun, 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.320 and that they were there could be guys out there 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:25.360 that are feeling the same way, maybe close to my 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:27.320 age or whatever, and I thought I felt like I 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:29.440 needed to get out there. So like I was saying 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:31.440 that into my head, but I said to her, I go, like, 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:34.640 look around this restaurant. I go, everybody here is a couple, 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.200 and she's like, yeah, they are. I go, how am 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.000 I ever going to meet somebody? I really want to 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:41.120 meet somebody organically. I don't want to do dating apps. 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:43.000 I want to like be at a wedding or be 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:44.960 at a bar like this, or at a restaurant, or 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:47.920 meet somebody at the grocery store. You both reach for 0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:50.240 the tomato or you know some romantic story like that. 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:52.920 But I was like, it hasn't happened yet, and I 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:54.559 don't feel like it's going to happen. She's like, you're 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:55.800 going to have to do dating apps and I. 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:58.560 Was like, ugh, do you live in a small Do 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.160 you live in a small community where most people are married? 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:03.480 Were people thinking to set you up? 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:06.200 So I kind of put it out there that I 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:09.280 was ready to be set up, and people were like, Oh, 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:10.760 you're not gonna like any of the guys I know 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:13.280 that are single, or look, I don't know anybody single. 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:17.000 So like people weren't particularly wanting to set me up. 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:18.880 They didn't think that I would be interested in the 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:22.760 people that we knew that were single. So, but I 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:24.720 don't live in a small community. I live right outside 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:26.960 of Washington, DC. I live actually right in the suburbs 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:30.400 of a big city. So it's not like there shouldn't 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:31.640 have been a lot of people out there. But I 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:34.160 guess my friends just said no once again, couples hang 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:34.840 out with couples. 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:38.000 You also probably just wanted the exercise of dating, right, 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:39.880 I mean, it's not like you were like I need 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:43.320 to find my mister perfect. It's like, yeah, you probably 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:44.880 just didn't even know what it was like to date, 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.640 so it was more about like exercising the muscle, right. 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.760 But she's also good at it. She's also great at 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:53.360 a relationship obviously. So I'm sure that that felt something 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:56.280 that would be another destination that you would want in 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:57.240 your life. Potentially. 0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:59.560 Absolutely, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love, like I said, being 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:01.880 part of a and I loved the give and take 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:04.120 and I love the I love going out with somebody. 0:15:04.200 --> 0:15:06.480 I still love sitting at home and watching a Netflix 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:10.080 like I like having my person. It's just like I 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:11.720 had it for so many years of my life. I 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:13.800 didn't really know how to do it without having somebody, 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:17.560 Like like you said, I was. You know, we married 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:19.320 kind of young. You know, we started dating when we 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:21.080 were in college. I dated while I was in college, 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:23.640 but like it's college dating, that's not like serious dating. 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:26.200 I started dating seriously right out of college was John. 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:30.120 So I never really had a long term relationship with 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:33.240 anybody other than John. So I did need the practice 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:36.720 a lot. And so I came home from that restaurant 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:38.200 that night thinking I got to go on a dating 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:41.480 app and this, and I turned my TV on and 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:44.120 I'm a bachelor watcher and it was a Bachelor night, 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:45.800 and I turned my TV on to watch the Bachelor, 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:48.000 and the first commercial that came up said, we are 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:52.000 taking casting calls for a new series called the Golden Bachelor. 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:55.120 Oh my god, that's a message from the universe. 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:59.400 Directly, that's exactly what I saimilarly, like a speaking to me. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.520 And so I filled that application out and I did 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:04.360 a really lousy job because I was on my phone 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:06.680 and I had had two glasses of wine and I 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:09.080 can't see or type. When after I got any wine. 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:11.080 And there was no chat GPT, then yeah, well there 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:11.640 was and. 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:14.760 I needed it. No, no, no, So I filled out 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:16.520 like I don't know. It was a long application, like 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:18.640 ninety questions. It was really really really long. I filled 0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:20.680 out about half of it. I did the part where 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:22.800 you need to send you know, like your Instagram and 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:24.480 your social media stuff, which I don't think I had 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:26.680 any followers on Instagram. I'm going to be positive I 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:28.080 had it, but I set whatever I had. 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:31.800 So you were the first star really of Golden Bachelette. 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:35.040 Did you honestly think that there was a reality or 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:39.000 potential that you could find a forever love on the show, 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:43.000 Like if so, and at what moment did you think yourself, 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:44.960 Oh my god, this this could really work for. 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:49.440 Me, This could happen. So it kind of became a 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:51.800 little bit of a reality when I was on Golden Boucher, 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:54.000 or not necessarily because of Gary. I mean, he was fine, 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:55.720 but I didn't think he was a match for me. 0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:58.520 But when I went on my one in one date 0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:03.720 with him, I felt like I could picture it finally, 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:07.960 like picture actually being with another person. And I hadn't 0:17:08.000 --> 0:17:09.960 up until that point. I was even on the show 0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:13.000 filming and still was thinking, you know, I don't picture 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.600 myself with anybody other than John. And after I went 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:17.199 on my date with Gary, even though I knew he 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:19.159 wasn't for me, and I left the next day, So 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:20.760