1 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two and we're Thelma and Louise, 2 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: your favorite bestie's back at it to have a great 3 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:27,160 Speaker 1: conversation today about love and loss and chapter two. Our 4 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,479 Speaker 1: guest today is someone we all fell in love with 5 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,360 Speaker 1: when she opened herself up to love again on The 6 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: Golden Bachelor and then when she starred in the Golden Bachelorette. 7 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,200 Speaker 1: We can't wait to talk with her today. Please welcome 8 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 1: Joan Vassos to the podcast. Welcome, Thanks for having me. 9 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 2: Hi Joan, Hi, how are you guys? Thank you for 10 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,200 Speaker 2: wanting for me to be on your podcast. I appreciate it. 11 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 1: We're so excited. 12 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 3: And I have to ask you a question that's totally 13 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 3: unrelated to anything that we're talking about today, but it's 14 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 3: always intrigued me. 15 00:00:58,640 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: The clothes. 16 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 3: I mean, how did you figure out your wardrobe for 17 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,560 Speaker 3: the Bachelor and Bachelorette because I feel like you're in 18 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 3: evening gowns practically every night. I mean, did you have 19 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,880 Speaker 3: to hire a stylist? Do you just have a naturally 20 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 3: good sense of style? How did you approach that? And 21 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 3: then I'll get into the meat of it, but I 22 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 3: had to ask. 23 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,039 Speaker 1: You, well, then we need to ask her about her arms, 24 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 1: because let's be real, her body is ridiculous. 25 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,039 Speaker 2: Oh god, no it's not. But thank you for saying that. 26 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,959 Speaker 2: Good lightning, I think. So for the Golden Bachelor, I 27 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 2: had to do all my own clothes, and that you 28 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,840 Speaker 2: could see that they weren't anywhere near as Golden Bachelerette 29 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 2: as good as Golden Bachelorette. So, Golden Bacher, you do 30 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 2: all your own clothes. You have to bring all your 31 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 2: own evening gowns and everything you wear every day is yours. 32 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:41,360 Speaker 2: And then if you get to be the lead in 33 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 2: the show. So when I was the Golden Bachelorette, you 34 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 2: have a stylist's name is Carrie Fatman. He's a genius. 35 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 2: Do you go like three or four days before you 36 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 2: start filming, or maybe even a week before you start filming, 37 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 2: and you'd go and he has thirty racks of clothes, 38 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 2: at least thirty RECs. He has hundreds of dresses and 39 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 2: hundreds of outfits and they're all gorgeous, and you have 40 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 2: conversations with them before you arrive, so you know is 41 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 2: what your style is, like, your colors are and all that, 42 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 2: and then you just spend three full days like eight 43 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 2: to ten hour days trying on clothing, and then you 44 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 2: kind of narrow it down, like you know, he'll say, 45 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 2: you're going to need ten evening gowns, and so you 46 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 2: try on all the evening gowns and you narrow it 47 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 2: down to the ten and then he alters them so 48 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,080 Speaker 2: they are like made for your body. So it is 49 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 2: like such a treat to have a stylist. Now I 50 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 2: have to go back and be my own boring, you know, 51 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:30,639 Speaker 2: dressed like as you can see. 52 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:32,640 Speaker 1: You get to keep any of the clothes, any of 53 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:33,919 Speaker 1: your kind of greatest hits. 54 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,119 Speaker 2: So I've heard through the Great Fige that you get 55 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 2: to pick some of the outfits that you want to keep. 56 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 2: But so far I don't have any of the clothes, 57 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 2: and I'd really like to have some of them. Yeah, 58 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 2: I'm hoping. I'm keeping my fingers press, but maybe I 59 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,520 Speaker 2: get something an outfit or too. I know that a 60 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 2: lot of the evening gowns came from Randy Rahm, the 61 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 2: designer in New York I was talking about, and so 62 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 2: I think they go back to her. So they are 63 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 2: kind of like borrowed. They're not they don't belong to 64 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,919 Speaker 2: the show. They're really expensive. She does like really big 65 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 2: like she does Beyonce and you know, really big stars. 66 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,679 Speaker 2: You wore them, well, I got to wear them. 67 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 1: You made her look good. 68 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 3: I think everybody wears it as well. Thank you for 69 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 3: indulging me. It sounds like a total Cinderella moment. 70 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 2: Oh my god. So it was my favorite part of 71 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 2: the show other than finding sorry talk. 72 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 3: Okay, well, so now moving on, Joan, we loved watching 73 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 3: you in The Golden Bachelor and the Golden Bachelorette. But 74 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 3: for those listeners who may not be familiar with your story, 75 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,239 Speaker 3: tell us a little bit about your chapter one. 76 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 2: Okay, chapter one. So when I was married to John. 77 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 2: So I met John when I was in college. We 78 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 2: dated on and off kind of throughout like a three 79 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 2: year period, and then when we both graduated from college, 80 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 2: we were kind of like in the good place, you know, 81 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 2: ready be ready to date more seriously, and we did 82 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 2: and we got engaged. We got married. We did all 83 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 2: the normal things that you know, married couples do. We 84 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 2: had jobs, and we built a house and we you know, 85 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 2: kind of started life together. We had four kidskids with 86 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 2: four kids in six years, so we you know, we 87 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,120 Speaker 2: were you know, intimately involved in raising our kids and 88 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 2: doing sports and the community. 89 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. 90 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, and which is when I kind of loved, like 91 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 2: I really missed those years still, you know again, because 92 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 2: I loved kind of raising my kids. John and I 93 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,039 Speaker 2: raising our kids with a bunch of other parents that 94 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,479 Speaker 2: were raising their kids, and it was like a big 95 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,919 Speaker 2: community effort and everybody says, Oh, we're going to have 96 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 2: pizza tonight, or we're going to go to the baseball game. 97 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,480 Speaker 2: You know, our kids are playing and we're going to 98 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,279 Speaker 2: sit on the sidelines. And they were just such great 99 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,479 Speaker 2: bonding moments of raising our kids together. And I missed 100 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:38,039 Speaker 2: that like community that we had. So then, you know, 101 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,480 Speaker 2: my kids kind of grow up. They all went off 102 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,599 Speaker 2: to college, and then now I've all kind of started 103 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 2: their own lives. When my youngest child was in college, 104 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 2: he was a junior in college, John was diagnosed with 105 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 2: pancreatic cancer. And it was kind of right as we 106 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 2: were thinking about like our second chapter of our lives, 107 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 2: like traveling and you know, maybe buying a second home someplace, 108 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 2: and you know, you kind of finally get to the 109 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,480 Speaker 2: age where you have the time and you have you know, 110 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 2: kind of maybe a little more extra money and you 111 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 2: can do fun, you know, more fun things or different things. 112 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 2: And right when we were getting to that point in 113 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 2: our lives is when John got really, really sick. So 114 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 2: he survived the cancer for about two years, but it 115 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 2: was while he was in treatment. The whole time we 116 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,479 Speaker 2: were traveling back and forth to Empty Anderson trying to 117 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 2: get him to be part of a trial. None of 118 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 2: we never found a trial that he was eligible for. 119 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 2: We never The chemo really didn't work all that well, 120 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 2: and then he did radiation, and eventually, after almost two years, 121 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 2: he passed away a pancreatic cancer. 122 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: So sorry, that's so hard. That's that's that's awful, and. 123 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 2: It's a terrible cancer. So those two years that he 124 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,599 Speaker 2: was alive, most of those years weren't really weren't very good. 125 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,839 Speaker 2: He was in a lot of pain. So it's it 126 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 2: was a horrible way to die. And and he left, 127 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 2: you know, kind of right at the part of our 128 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 2: life where we were going to start really having fun 129 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,600 Speaker 2: and go back to being a couple, not just parents 130 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,000 Speaker 2: that you know, to our four kids. So I felt 131 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 2: like my life had kind of ended, like my whole 132 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 2: future that I was planning with John was all of 133 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 2: a sudden like this black hole. There was no future. 134 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:11,719 Speaker 2: I didn't have a person to spend it with. I 135 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,039 Speaker 2: didn't really want to, you know, I just was kind 136 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,599 Speaker 2: of in the mode of just staying alive and trying 137 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 2: to be strong for my kids, to try to like 138 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,920 Speaker 2: support them as well as I could. And you know, 139 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 2: I would see them and I was the happy person, 140 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 2: and you know, we got we're getting through this and 141 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,120 Speaker 2: we're a great family. And then I would go up 142 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 2: to my bedroom and I would cry. And that took 143 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,600 Speaker 2: me about two years to get through kind of that 144 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 2: phase of life to then look and say, Okay, well 145 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,599 Speaker 2: maybe I can't have a future. I didn't feel like 146 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,840 Speaker 2: I could in the beginning, But then I thought, you know, 147 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 2: why am I at the age of fifty nine saying 148 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,280 Speaker 2: that I can't have a second chance at love? Because 149 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 2: you know, I was married to John for thirty two years. 150 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 2: What tells me that I can't have somebody else for 151 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 2: thirty two years at that age? I possibly could. And 152 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 2: so I decided that I needed to take action, and 153 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 2: I did some dating apps, like everybody does, you know, 154 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 2: that's like the widest net. 155 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: I am so scared of those dating apps and were 156 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: there friends that were pushing you to do it or 157 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: was it something your kids were involved with, saying Mom, 158 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,000 Speaker 1: it's time to do that. Or did you and John 159 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,559 Speaker 1: have those conversations that he wanted you to have another 160 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: kind of chapter two. 161 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of all of the book actually. 162 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 1: Yeah. 163 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 2: So right before he passed away, about three days before 164 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 2: he passed away, I remember him calling me over to 165 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 2: this sop and he's like, come sit next to me, 166 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 2: comes in next to me. He was kind of in 167 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 2: and out of sleep. He was really sleeping. He was 168 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 2: pretty well drugged. And he said, we have a great 169 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,239 Speaker 2: life together, and I want you to be happy again. 170 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,120 Speaker 2: And he said I want you to find somebody else. 171 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 2: And I was in total denial. If it like, it's 172 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 2: hard to believe, I was, because he went from one 173 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 2: hundred and twenty one hundre two hundred and twenty pounds 174 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 2: to like one hundred and ten pounds and I still 175 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 2: looked at him and thought he was going to live. 176 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 2: And I said no, I said, I am not having 177 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 2: this conversation with you. I said, you are not leaving me, 178 00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:00,440 Speaker 2: and he's like, all right, oh, Joe. It was the 179 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 2: best gift he could have given me, because I would 180 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 2: have had a really really hard time doing this. If 181 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 2: I didn't have his blessing, In fact, I probably wouldn't 182 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 2: be here today because but he did this. You know, 183 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 2: he gave this to me and I didn't know it 184 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 2: at the time, and I didn't really even think about 185 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,800 Speaker 2: it for a lot of months, probably well into the 186 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 2: second year after he had passed away, and it gave 187 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:23,160 Speaker 2: me this freedom. 188 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: It was almost like permission was a little bit of 189 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: permission almost right. 190 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 2: Absolutely wise, yeah, absolutely, And like I said, I wouldn't 191 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,679 Speaker 2: have done this if I hadn't gotten that. He was 192 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 2: also a person that lived really big. He lived life 193 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 2: to the fullest. Like everything he did was epic. You 194 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 2: never went on like a normal vacation. You went to 195 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,240 Speaker 2: the best hotel, and you rented like every boat and 196 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 2: every you know, like water toy you could rent, and 197 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 2: like everything was big and everything was huge. We go 198 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 2: to a restaurant, just a normal restaurant, and he orders 199 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 2: every dessert on the menu just because we wanted to 200 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 2: try it all. 201 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: What a data VI, what a life spirit. But that's 202 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: so such a fun life, so brave of you. And 203 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: he's probably looking from above and he's happy and all that. 204 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:06,600 Speaker 1: But it's so brave and it's I'm so happy for 205 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,360 Speaker 1: you that you're you're getting this again. Are your kids 206 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 1: are they? How were they supportive of you? Do they 207 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 1: want to see you have another life? I mean, you 208 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,840 Speaker 1: have four kids. I'm sure there was conflicting feelings for 209 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:18,679 Speaker 1: all of them. 210 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 2: Kind of so they wanted me happy, absolutely, But I 211 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 2: think the whole process of like them knowing I was 212 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:30,679 Speaker 2: dating wasn't really particularly comfortable. But you know, at this 213 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 2: but they're all adults, so it's not like I have 214 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,439 Speaker 2: kids at home that are worried, you know, that I'm 215 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 2: going to bring a man home, you know, enter their 216 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,320 Speaker 2: home or something like that. That wasn't a worry and 217 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,200 Speaker 2: they wanted me to be happy. I just don't think 218 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 2: they really wanted the details of it. They didn't really 219 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 2: want to know a lot about relationships and stuff like that. 220 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 2: So when I was doing online dating, that was easy. 221 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 2: You know, I'd be like I'm going on days night, 222 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 2: or maybe I wouldn't even tell them whatever, And I 223 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 2: didn't talk about the men, you know, really very often. 224 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,679 Speaker 2: When I told them that I had filled out the 225 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 2: application to go on build a. 226 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 1: Bag, Sorry, was that your idea to go on the 227 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,680 Speaker 1: show or was that a friend so tell us about that. 228 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:05,480 Speaker 1: That's amazing. 229 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 2: So I was out to dinner with a friend. We 230 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,720 Speaker 2: were sitting at the bar, and it was right at 231 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,200 Speaker 2: about the two year marks. So John had been gone 232 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,840 Speaker 2: for about two years. The first year, you know, people say, oh, 233 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 2: after the first year, you start feeling better. Not true. 234 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 2: I felt like crap. In fact, I felt worse the 235 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 2: second year. It kind of all hit me like this 236 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 2: is my life, this like what the you know, like 237 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 2: what the heck happened? And so that second year was 238 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,520 Speaker 2: really hard. And I was getting to the end of 239 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 2: that second year and I was starting to feel lonely. 240 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 2: Before I was just kind of numb, and then I 241 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,560 Speaker 2: started feeling lonely and feeling like I wasn't part of 242 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 2: a couple, which is really hard in the world of couples. 243 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,440 Speaker 2: And I had gone from being you know this, you know, 244 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 2: John and I had gone from being a couple that 245 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 2: we did. We had a lot of couple of friends 246 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,320 Speaker 2: with I had a lot of couple of friends. We 247 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,000 Speaker 2: did a lot with our couple of friends to me 248 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,839 Speaker 2: being a single and then all of a sudden that 249 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 2: was excluded from all kinds of social things because I 250 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 2: was a single so I was starting to feel all 251 00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 2: we're familiar with that, you get it right, and it's 252 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 2: so weird hard, Yeah, it really is. And I was 253 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 2: like like alone on singles Island and I hated it 254 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 2: and I wanted I was starting to feel like I 255 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,680 Speaker 2: wanted to be a couple again, mainly because of the 256 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:22,320 Speaker 2: like I missed doing the things with other couples. 257 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,280 Speaker 3: Question. You mentioned that you met your husband You met 258 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 3: John in college, So you really I mean you never 259 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 3: really experienced dating. You fell in love young and kind 260 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 3: of it sounds like I grew up with John, so 261 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 3: first time in thirty years. That not only had you 262 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,679 Speaker 3: been through really a tragedy, but you also had to 263 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 3: figure out like what what that looked to date? 264 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:49,680 Speaker 2: And so I mean, what were you feeling at. 265 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 3: The time, and how did you approach that or did 266 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:53,040 Speaker 3: you have help? 267 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 2: You know? Yeah, so weird, right. I mean I had 268 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 2: this idea that I would rather meet somebody like or 269 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 2: so I had this new thing that I would do. 270 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 2: I meet friends out for dinner, and I have tons 271 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,200 Speaker 2: of friends, so I would be out a lot and 272 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,079 Speaker 2: you know, they kind of like a lot of them 273 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 2: kind of made me go out in the beginning, and 274 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,439 Speaker 2: they're like, you can't sit at home. You need to 275 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 2: get out, You need to get out. And that kind 276 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 2: of became like my life, me going out with my friends, 277 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 2: you know, most evenings every week. So and I would 278 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 2: always go. We used to go sit at a table, 279 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,200 Speaker 2: and I would say, let's sit at the bar now 280 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,760 Speaker 2: because I thought it opened me up to us. 281 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 1: So we do. We did it yesterday. It's so fun, 282 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 1: just the two of us though. 283 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 2: It just and it's fun going out with a girlfriend 284 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 2: because a lot of times people will engage you with 285 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 2: talking and sometimes it's just another couple, a guy, a 286 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 2: man and a woman, like a husband and wife. But 287 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,240 Speaker 2: you know, you never know, like when you're out if 288 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 2: that husband and wife have a friend or like the 289 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,959 Speaker 2: more that you're out there and the more accessible you are, 290 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,480 Speaker 2: So you need to not go sit at a table 291 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 2: where no one's going to come up to you. You need 292 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,000 Speaker 2: to sit at the bar. 293 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 1: Or it doesn't just drop out of the sky, right 294 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 1: like you have to put it out there. 295 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 2: Absolutely totally agree with you on that one. So we 296 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 2: were out. We were sitting at a local restaurant, a bar, 297 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 2: like actually right across the street from a house where 298 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,920 Speaker 2: I go off, and like, I know the bartender, I 299 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 2: know other people there, so it's like a really comfortable 300 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,960 Speaker 2: place to meet for me. And I said to my friend, 301 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 2: you know, I really feel like I'm ready to maybe 302 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,120 Speaker 2: start dating, and kind of in my I thought it 303 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 2: in my head. My heart didn't really feel that way yet, 304 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,760 Speaker 2: but my head definitely knew that I wasn't getting any younger, 305 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 2: I wasn't getting prettier, I wasn't getting any more fun, 306 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 2: and that they were there could be guys out there 307 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,360 Speaker 2: that are feeling the same way, maybe close to my 308 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 2: age or whatever, and I thought I felt like I 309 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 2: needed to get out there. So like I was saying 310 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 2: that into my head, but I said to her, I go, like, 311 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 2: look around this restaurant. I go, everybody here is a couple, 312 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 2: and she's like, yeah, they are. I go, how am 313 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 2: I ever going to meet somebody? I really want to 314 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,120 Speaker 2: meet somebody organically. I don't want to do dating apps. 315 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 2: I want to like be at a wedding or be 316 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:44,960 Speaker 2: at a bar like this, or at a restaurant, or 317 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 2: meet somebody at the grocery store. You both reach for 318 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 2: the tomato or you know some romantic story like that. 319 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,920 Speaker 2: But I was like, it hasn't happened yet, and I 320 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,559 Speaker 2: don't feel like it's going to happen. She's like, you're 321 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 2: going to have to do dating apps and I. 322 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 1: Was like, ugh, do you live in a small Do 323 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: you live in a small community where most people are married? 324 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: Were people thinking to set you up? 325 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,200 Speaker 2: So I kind of put it out there that I 326 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 2: was ready to be set up, and people were like, Oh, 327 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,760 Speaker 2: you're not gonna like any of the guys I know 328 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 2: that are single, or look, I don't know anybody single. 329 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 2: So like people weren't particularly wanting to set me up. 330 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 2: They didn't think that I would be interested in the 331 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 2: people that we knew that were single. So, but I 332 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 2: don't live in a small community. I live right outside 333 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 2: of Washington, DC. I live actually right in the suburbs 334 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 2: of a big city. So it's not like there shouldn't 335 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:31,640 Speaker 2: have been a lot of people out there. But I 336 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 2: guess my friends just said no once again, couples hang 337 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:34,840 Speaker 2: out with couples. 338 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,000 Speaker 3: You also probably just wanted the exercise of dating, right, 339 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 3: I mean, it's not like you were like I need 340 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,320 Speaker 3: to find my mister perfect. It's like, yeah, you probably 341 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 3: just didn't even know what it was like to date, 342 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,640 Speaker 3: so it was more about like exercising the muscle, right. 343 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 1: But she's also good at it. She's also great at 344 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:53,360 Speaker 1: a relationship obviously. So I'm sure that that felt something 345 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,280 Speaker 1: that would be another destination that you would want in 346 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,240 Speaker 1: your life. Potentially. 347 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 2: Absolutely, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love, like I said, being 348 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 2: part of a and I loved the give and take 349 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 2: and I love the I love going out with somebody. 350 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 2: I still love sitting at home and watching a Netflix 351 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:10,080 Speaker 2: like I like having my person. It's just like I 352 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 2: had it for so many years of my life. I 353 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 2: didn't really know how to do it without having somebody, 354 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 2: Like like you said, I was. You know, we married 355 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,320 Speaker 2: kind of young. You know, we started dating when we 356 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 2: were in college. I dated while I was in college, 357 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 2: but like it's college dating, that's not like serious dating. 358 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 2: I started dating seriously right out of college was John. 359 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:30,120 Speaker 2: So I never really had a long term relationship with 360 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 2: anybody other than John. So I did need the practice 361 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,720 Speaker 2: a lot. And so I came home from that restaurant 362 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 2: that night thinking I got to go on a dating 363 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 2: app and this, and I turned my TV on and 364 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 2: I'm a bachelor watcher and it was a Bachelor night, 365 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 2: and I turned my TV on to watch the Bachelor, 366 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,000 Speaker 2: and the first commercial that came up said, we are 367 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 2: taking casting calls for a new series called the Golden Bachelor. 368 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,120 Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's a message from the universe. 369 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 2: Directly, that's exactly what I saimilarly, like a speaking to me. 370 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 2: And so I filled that application out and I did 371 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,360 Speaker 2: a really lousy job because I was on my phone 372 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 2: and I had had two glasses of wine and I 373 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 2: can't see or type. When after I got any wine. 374 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 1: And there was no chat GPT, then yeah, well there 375 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 1: was and. 376 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 2: I needed it. No, no, no, So I filled out 377 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 2: like I don't know. It was a long application, like 378 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,640 Speaker 2: ninety questions. It was really really really long. I filled 379 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 2: out about half of it. I did the part where 380 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 2: you need to send you know, like your Instagram and 381 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 2: your social media stuff, which I don't think I had 382 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 2: any followers on Instagram. I'm going to be positive I 383 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 2: had it, but I set whatever I had. 384 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: So you were the first star really of Golden Bachelette. 385 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: Did you honestly think that there was a reality or 386 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 1: potential that you could find a forever love on the show, 387 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:43,000 Speaker 1: Like if so, and at what moment did you think yourself, 388 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 1: Oh my god, this this could really work for. 389 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 2: Me, This could happen. So it kind of became a 390 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 2: little bit of a reality when I was on Golden Boucher, 391 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 2: or not necessarily because of Gary. I mean, he was fine, 392 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,720 Speaker 2: but I didn't think he was a match for me. 393 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 2: But when I went on my one in one date 394 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 2: with him, I felt like I could picture it finally, 395 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,960 Speaker 2: like picture actually being with another person. And I hadn't 396 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 2: up until that point. I was even on the show 397 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 2: filming and still was thinking, you know, I don't picture 398 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 2: myself with anybody other than John. And after I went 399 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,199 Speaker 2: on my date with Gary, even though I knew he 400 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,159 Speaker 2: wasn't for me, and I left the next day, So 401 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 2: that was the day I left to go home to 402 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 2: my daughter, I all of a sudden, like a switch flipped, 403 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 2: and I felt like I could picture a life with 404 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 2: somebody else. And I think part of it was not 405 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 2: just being with Gary, but being with the other twenty 406 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:36,119 Speaker 2: one other women and hearing them their stories and seeing 407 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,640 Speaker 2: how much fun they're having dating and you know, their 408 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,159 Speaker 2: stories about finding love again. It made me want it 409 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,199 Speaker 2: more and think it was possible more because I'm like 410 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:48,600 Speaker 2: these smart women that I really really respect and you know, 411 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 2: you know, kind of grew to love there. A lot 412 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,880 Speaker 2: of them are my really really good friends. Now we're 413 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,639 Speaker 2: doing it, and it gave me faith that if they 414 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,400 Speaker 2: were doing it, why did I think that it wasn't 415 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 2: going to work for me. So it kind of like 416 00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,920 Speaker 2: the switch kind of clips. So when I went on 417 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,199 Speaker 2: Golden but when I became the Golden Bacherette and I 418 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:06,400 Speaker 2: started that filming, I actually was feeling pretty positive about it, 419 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,880 Speaker 2: but I was worried because I hadn't met the men yet, 420 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 2: and I was like, I don't know what they're casting 421 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 2: for me, even though I know the producers pretty well 422 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 2: because I've done Golden Bachelor and over like that time 423 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,320 Speaker 2: of them, you know, interviewing me and kind of selecting 424 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 2: me and going through that whole process to become the 425 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,560 Speaker 2: Golden Bacherette. I really spoke to them a lot, and 426 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 2: they I felt like they knew me pretty well. But 427 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:28,840 Speaker 2: I had no idea who was going to apply for this, 428 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,040 Speaker 2: because I didn't know if there were going to be 429 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,879 Speaker 2: a bunch of really outgoing men that you know, wanted 430 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,600 Speaker 2: to be out there and wanted to date on National TV, Like, 431 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,919 Speaker 2: I don't know if there's a big group of those people, 432 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,639 Speaker 2: because most men I know would be like, yeah, no thanks, 433 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,440 Speaker 2: I'm not going to do that on National TV. That's 434 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,560 Speaker 2: like not very dignified. I just felt like they wouldn't 435 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 2: be open to being open and being vulnerable and talking 436 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,680 Speaker 2: about their feelings, and that certainly is required in this process. 437 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 2: So I thought, maybe they're not going to have a 438 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,200 Speaker 2: lot of men. So I was really worth the night 439 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 2: of the limousines entering. I was like, Okay, this is it. 440 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 2: I got to see if, like there's anybody good here, 441 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 2: and I felt pretty soon after the first couple limousines 442 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,919 Speaker 2: came that this could be, this could work out. And 443 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 2: how did you. 444 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 3: Obviously you knew you were going on the Golden Bachelorette 445 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 3: and you'd already done the Golden Bachelor. 446 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,080 Speaker 1: But back to your kids. 447 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,240 Speaker 3: I think I read an article recently that talked about 448 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,400 Speaker 3: how you had four kids and two of them kind 449 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 3: of have they had different opinions on you dating and 450 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,240 Speaker 3: especially doing it in the limelight in front of the 451 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 3: you know, national television. So how much did you seek 452 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:43,119 Speaker 3: input permission from them and really involve them in this process? 453 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:49,479 Speaker 2: Probably input, not permission, because I'm not sure if they 454 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 2: would ever not give me permission, because they would never 455 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 2: be like that selfish, and they knew, you know, I 456 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,760 Speaker 2: really wanted to do it, they would want that for me. 457 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,920 Speaker 2: But I did really want their input because I wanted 458 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,959 Speaker 2: respect their privacy, because like, it was me going on 459 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,439 Speaker 2: this journey, not them, And so I wanted to make 460 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:09,160 Speaker 2: sure I didn't embarrass them. I didn't you know, reveal 461 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 2: anything about them that they didn't want revealed, because this 462 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,399 Speaker 2: was my journey, not theirs. So I had conversations. I 463 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,959 Speaker 2: had a lot of conversations with my kids, and I 464 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 2: had too that thought it was really kind of cool 465 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,919 Speaker 2: and fun, and you know, my thought was and I 466 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,239 Speaker 2: actually had this conversation with a friend of mine. I said, God, 467 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm gonna I want to do this. 468 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,600 Speaker 2: I'm afraid that like, in some way, it's not respecting 469 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,879 Speaker 2: John's memory, it's not honoring John by going out and 470 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 2: doing something this kind of mist salacious, you know, it's 471 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,399 Speaker 2: a little you know, a little sortied maybe or something. 472 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,359 Speaker 2: You know. I didn't feel that way, but I was 473 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 2: afraid that other people did. And and I kind of 474 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,720 Speaker 2: knew how I was going to do this process and 475 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 2: that I was going to be dignified. I was going 476 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:50,639 Speaker 2: to be embarrassing, but I just didn't want, like to 477 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 2: embarrass my kids. 478 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,200 Speaker 1: One of the things that Thelma and I really took 479 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: away was the way you handled those overnight dates that 480 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,119 Speaker 1: you didn't I mean, it was so elegant and so 481 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 1: classy and respect I mean it was it was literally 482 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 1: Probably my biggest takeaway was how you handle that. It 483 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:12,720 Speaker 1: was amazing. 484 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 2: Thank you. I put a lot of thought in that 485 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 2: because I didn't think it was going to be really 486 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 2: popular with the producers. I mean that's part of the show, 487 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,119 Speaker 2: and or the guys or the guys or the guys 488 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:26,240 Speaker 2: there's that too, But I felt like I had to 489 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,239 Speaker 2: do what was right for me. And there's no in 490 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,840 Speaker 2: no universe can I ever imagine sleeping with three guys 491 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 2: in the. 492 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,639 Speaker 1: Same week, so with your kids and your friends and 493 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,879 Speaker 1: your community watching the show. 494 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,400 Speaker 3: Well, I agree with that, and I think and by 495 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,040 Speaker 3: the way, I would have handled it the same way. 496 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 3: And as as you know, Louise indicated, I thought you 497 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,000 Speaker 3: were a stellar and you were. You handled it head on, 498 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:54,000 Speaker 3: you were direct, you were vulnerable and you were amazing. 499 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,080 Speaker 1: And so transparent. 500 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:10,399 Speaker 3: Question for you, was there any concern because obviously you 501 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,400 Speaker 3: had I mean being with the person for thirty one years, 502 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,440 Speaker 3: right and being I mean there's a level of comfort there. 503 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,760 Speaker 3: Were you at all concerned that this was your opportunity 504 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,639 Speaker 3: to you know, be with these men and were you 505 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 3: concerned at all about intimacy? I don't, you know, was 506 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 3: that a priority? Obviously not to that level. 507 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 2: But you know what I'm saying, I absolutely so, Like 508 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 2: you said, you know, it was going to be very 509 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:38,440 Speaker 2: weird and you know, kind of out of my comfort 510 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,120 Speaker 2: zone again, like dating was out of my comfort zone. 511 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 2: I you know, kind of did that. But getting to 512 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:46,040 Speaker 2: that end, you think, Okay, there's obviously a physical component. 513 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,880 Speaker 2: I mean, and it's certainly a message that I wanted 514 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,200 Speaker 2: out there. Honestly, I didn't want like this was a 515 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 2: show about people dating in their you know, second half 516 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,720 Speaker 2: of their life, and so like, I think addressing an 517 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 2: intimacy part of it is important because I don't want 518 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,239 Speaker 2: people to think that that's not an important part of 519 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,040 Speaker 2: my relationship or a relationship at this age, we know 520 00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,840 Speaker 2: it is, right, I Mean, it's certainly like it's certainly 521 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,240 Speaker 2: something that I wanted, but I didn't want to do 522 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:13,400 Speaker 2: it on national TV. And I think there's things that 523 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 2: you can tell about your attraction to a person that 524 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,400 Speaker 2: doesn't have to take it all the way to the end. 525 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 2: So I mean kissing is you know, really important, and 526 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,240 Speaker 2: you know, I feel like there's more, there's intimate moments 527 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,400 Speaker 2: that don't require you like having sex with somebody. And 528 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,120 Speaker 2: so I mean, like I knew that I was only 529 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,560 Speaker 2: going to have, you know, a physical relationship with one 530 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,919 Speaker 2: person if I ended up with somebody, and you know, 531 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,159 Speaker 2: I didn't, So I know I was going to end 532 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,119 Speaker 2: up with somebody, but I knew that wasn't going to 533 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,720 Speaker 2: be on the table for until the end, until I 534 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,800 Speaker 2: was either engaged or the show was over, and I 535 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,959 Speaker 2: had just one person left, whether engaged or not. And like, 536 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 2: I was not going to do it before that. It 537 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 2: just didn't feel right to me. It's just not my 538 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 2: it's just not the way ever operated. 539 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,359 Speaker 1: It's interesting because it's it's you get off the show 540 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,719 Speaker 1: and all of a sudden you're engaged. And so in 541 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:06,200 Speaker 1: addition to the you know, kind of physical step, there's 542 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:10,199 Speaker 1: so much to learn about somebody and you guys have 543 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 1: you know, fifty years of life experiences completely separate that 544 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,840 Speaker 1: you really need to see if kind of your Obviously 545 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 1: you've learned that your core values are aligned, but there 546 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: is such a learning curve to like really to see 547 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:32,040 Speaker 1: and to almost undo other like kind of behaviors and 548 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,720 Speaker 1: different things that you navigated for so long. With John, 549 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,720 Speaker 1: it's been a big it's a big thing. So it 550 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 1: was kind of like getting off the show and then 551 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: I would assume you're looking at each other and you're like, 552 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:44,040 Speaker 1: where do we start? 553 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 2: Exactly what happened? It's hilarious. So you do you take 554 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 2: like this leap of faith? You really do? You say? Okay, 555 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 2: you know, like there's so many really good things. And 556 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,480 Speaker 2: like I said from the very beginning, I don't need 557 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,760 Speaker 2: to be engaged at the end of this process. I 558 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,359 Speaker 2: want to leave this show with a signal I can't 559 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,320 Speaker 2: one person that I wanted to explore how you know, 560 00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 2: our lives would work together, that we would work together. 561 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,439 Speaker 2: But I did feel pretty strongly about Chocolate. I did 562 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 2: feel like I was in love with him, and you know, 563 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 2: I thought he might actually propose to me, and he did, 564 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 2: and I had in my mind that I would say yes. 565 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,160 Speaker 2: That I was going to take this leap of faith. 566 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,600 Speaker 2: I don't have to I don't have to marry him, 567 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:24,199 Speaker 2: but it would be nice to leave this process with 568 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,680 Speaker 2: the real commitment. And so I said yes, obviously when 569 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,880 Speaker 2: he asked me to marry him. And then we went back. 570 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,440 Speaker 2: We were staying on a ship, and we went back 571 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,840 Speaker 2: to the ship and we went into he was in 572 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,080 Speaker 2: a suite. We were with in sweets. So I went, 573 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:37,800 Speaker 2: I went down to his suite. I changed my clothes. 574 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,400 Speaker 2: But on the evening, gown went down to his suite 575 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 2: and had a bottle of wine there and two glasses, 576 00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 2: and he pored him and he goes, so, tell me 577 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 2: about yourself. Are you nervous? 578 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:48,919 Speaker 1: I would have been nervous. 579 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 2: I was. I'm engaged in this person. I tell liquid courage. 580 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,639 Speaker 2: I did I need liquids, curds. It was like one 581 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 2: o'clock in the afternoon and I'm we dranking two hobitles 582 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,680 Speaker 2: of wine, I think. And we really just sat there 583 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 2: and got to know each other. Which you talked about kids, 584 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 2: We talked about marriages, we talked about things that we 585 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,120 Speaker 2: talked about a little bit on the show. But once again, 586 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 2: I didn't want to read the deal, things about my 587 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 2: kids or you know, parts of my life that would 588 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 2: embarrass my kids or not. You know, I wouldn't went 589 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:15,439 Speaker 2: on TV. And he was the same way. So it 590 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 2: was finally our chance to just be free and open 591 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,040 Speaker 2: and talk about whatever we wanted. But we were really 592 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:24,640 Speaker 2: lucky because Batcher does a really good job of fostering 593 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 2: your relationship during those months where you're not public yet. 594 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,600 Speaker 2: So you you know, you finish filming and you have 595 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:34,480 Speaker 2: like three months before the finale and they, you know, 596 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,680 Speaker 2: they get that you need to like you know, date 597 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,919 Speaker 2: kind of you need to be with each other and 598 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,440 Speaker 2: figure out. So we had these they're called happy couple visits, 599 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,360 Speaker 2: and we had five of them, which is more than 600 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:45,520 Speaker 2: anybody has ever had it. 601 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: Psychondrigal visits in jail. 602 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 2: It's like go to jail and like, you know, having 603 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,920 Speaker 2: the room, but instead it's in a beautiful home to 604 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 2: these beautiful airbnbs in la and you have a pool 605 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,679 Speaker 2: and a tennis court and some of them. So it's 606 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 2: lovely and they give you food you say, we're going 607 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,560 Speaker 2: to cook, and they'll get to do your grocery shopping 608 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,679 Speaker 2: for you, and they just give you time to be 609 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:08,200 Speaker 2: together and actually and that first meeting was weird also 610 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,960 Speaker 2: because we hadn't been together in like three weeks because 611 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,640 Speaker 2: we'd stop filming. But we you know, there was time. 612 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,400 Speaker 2: There was a chunk of time where we couldn't see 613 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 2: each other for like three weeks, and then we finally 614 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,680 Speaker 2: went on our first a happy couple you know weekend, 615 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,479 Speaker 2: which is like a four day weekend. And I remember 616 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,199 Speaker 2: I got to the house before talk and I was like, 617 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,960 Speaker 2: this is so awkward, Like he's just going to come 618 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 2: even seeing him a hurdly little the. 619 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,560 Speaker 1: Guy, Well, you do look good on face time, so 620 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,320 Speaker 1: hopefully you guys FaceTime regularly. 621 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 2: We did a little bit. We talked a lot. We 622 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 2: didn't FaceTime quite as much because he would be working, 623 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 2: I'd be in like in my car or whatever. For 624 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:42,720 Speaker 2: some reason, we didn't FaceTime all that much. But we 625 00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 2: talked like five times a day. So we certainly were 626 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 2: getting to know each other really well. But we were 627 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:51,919 Speaker 2: both super nervous coming into that house. And hey, I 628 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,919 Speaker 2: got there first. He got there about an hour later, 629 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,320 Speaker 2: and he walked in with the suitcase and he comes 630 00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 2: in and he gives me a kiss, and we were 631 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,679 Speaker 2: right back where we were before. So like it was 632 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,400 Speaker 2: just like we didn't skip a beat. We were right 633 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,360 Speaker 2: back kind of to where we were when we left, 634 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,360 Speaker 2: when we were in love and we you know, we're 635 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 2: you know, figuring each other out. We got to that point. 636 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 2: So and then every visit after that and I said 637 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,920 Speaker 2: we had five every time it was better and better 638 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,680 Speaker 2: and better. We became more solid. We knew each other better, 639 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,520 Speaker 2: but we still hadn't dated out like in the real world. 640 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,240 Speaker 2: So we we you know, we dated in like a bubble. 641 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,800 Speaker 2: So we finally, you know, after the finale started to 642 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 2: go you know, got to go out. We went to 643 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,600 Speaker 2: New York City right at the finale and spent a 644 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,000 Speaker 2: week there, and then he came to my home and 645 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,480 Speaker 2: we spent time here, met some of my friends, and 646 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,520 Speaker 2: you know, spent time with my family, and you know, 647 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,240 Speaker 2: now we just kind of we kind of moved back. 648 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,000 Speaker 2: We worked backwards. We got engaged. 649 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 1: You guys have a rhythm, And do you feel that 650 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,120 Speaker 1: when you have introduced him to your couple's friends or 651 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:56,360 Speaker 1: the kids, Like are they open and warm? Are they judgmental? 652 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 1: Do you feel nervous? Do you feel uncomfort Like? How 653 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 1: does that play out when you bringing him into your world, 654 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,160 Speaker 1: which was obviously a world with John for so long. 655 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a little in nerve wracking, and you know, 656 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 2: we happened our finale happened to have happened to occur 657 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,920 Speaker 2: right before Thanksgiving, so it was like the second week 658 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 2: in November was willing they have had the finale, and 659 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 2: we made plans for our families to be together for Thanksgiving. 660 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 2: So that was really nice of him because he usually 661 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,600 Speaker 2: does something else with his family for Thanksgiving. And his 662 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 2: kids said they would come, you know, to my house, 663 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 2: which was really nice. So both his kids came to 664 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,480 Speaker 2: my house and they stayed here along with you know, 665 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,960 Speaker 2: Chalk obviously was here, and we kind of merged the 666 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,440 Speaker 2: families in a really kind of busy weekend where there's 667 00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 2: a lot of other family involved, and it wasn't just 668 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,000 Speaker 2: our two families. I have a big extended family, and 669 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 2: I wanted to respect that. You know. It was actually 670 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,280 Speaker 2: most of the people that we get together with for 671 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:51,920 Speaker 2: Thanksgiving is John's family, so I didn't want to change 672 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,880 Speaker 2: that for my kids. Or I'm still very very very 673 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:56,200 Speaker 2: close to my mother in law, my sister, and the 674 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 2: I mean they were part of my for like almost 675 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 2: you know, almost my whole life. 676 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 1: She raised she raised you. 677 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,120 Speaker 2: You were kind of like she was. Yeah, I was 678 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:05,800 Speaker 2: like twenty when we met. 679 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 1: So how did that? 680 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,240 Speaker 2: How did that go? I mean, was it challenging? 681 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:09,840 Speaker 1: Was it? 682 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,120 Speaker 2: What did that look like? It was just chaotic? Honestly, 683 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:15,840 Speaker 2: My daughter hosted it at her house and so we 684 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:17,640 Speaker 2: all went there. So we had a couple of days 685 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 2: here and then Thanksgiving occurs and we all go over 686 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 2: to her house and there was like forty people and 687 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 2: it was chaotic and everybody wanted to meet Chalk and 688 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 2: his kids, and it was exhausting, to be totally honest, 689 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:31,479 Speaker 2: it was a really really hard way to do it. 690 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,840 Speaker 2: We did it all at once. It's done now now 691 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:38,200 Speaker 2: everybody's met everybody. But it wasn't fun for me at all. 692 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:39,040 Speaker 2: I was nervous. 693 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 1: I would have been nervous on edge too the whole time. 694 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, And we started at like three o'clock and by 695 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 2: eight o'clock I was freaking exhausted. I just I was like, 696 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,120 Speaker 2: we got to go. And they felt the same way. 697 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,240 Speaker 2: I think we were all in bed by nine o'clock 698 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,440 Speaker 2: that night. We were just it was just a long, 699 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,640 Speaker 2: hard day. It's an emotional day also, because everybody it's 700 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,560 Speaker 2: like there's this big pink elephant in the like he's 701 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 2: not John yeah, and like we all see it, so 702 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,600 Speaker 2: like he's now like stepping, you know, stepping into the 703 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 2: role of being my person. And it's hard for everybody 704 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:12,800 Speaker 2: to accept that. It was hard for me to even 705 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:16,040 Speaker 2: present it. So that was an uncomfortable day. Did you 706 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,520 Speaker 2: debrief with your children? Did you debrief with your children afterwards? 707 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:23,000 Speaker 2: I think we've kind of had that conversation about that 708 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,120 Speaker 2: being you know, like a little bit of a rider day. 709 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,360 Speaker 2: Our kids happened to get along really well together though, 710 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,840 Speaker 2: so it's kind of fun. So the next day I 711 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,920 Speaker 2: had made plans for us to go to a local brewery, 712 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,640 Speaker 2: which is really fun, and they had these things they 713 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 2: have these yurts where you can rent so which oh 714 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 2: my god, they're so fun. And they had big, you know, 715 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 2: fire pits. And it was in a town that I 716 00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:45,960 Speaker 2: grew up in, so I know everybody there and we 717 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,720 Speaker 2: went there and that day was fun. That day was 718 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 2: very social. The pressure was almost off. 719 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:55,560 Speaker 1: It was like beyond do you feel that the fact 720 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 1: that both you and Chalk have experienced grief and last 721 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:05,000 Speaker 1: part that that gave you both a deeper understanding and 722 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:09,200 Speaker 1: a comfort level which was created more of a connection. 723 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,239 Speaker 2: Yeah. So I think that when you go through a 724 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:15,960 Speaker 2: loss like that, that the little things become less important 725 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 2: and you realize that and maybe, you know, part of 726 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,880 Speaker 2: that is probably maturity also that just naturally that would 727 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 2: have happened, but you look at like the small crap 728 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 2: and it just doesn't matter because because you realize how 729 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,280 Speaker 2: how short life is, and you don't realize it until 730 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,320 Speaker 2: you like come face to face with mortality, and that 731 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,120 Speaker 2: doesn't happen until you know a loved one dies. If 732 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 2: you die or a loved one dies, that's you know, 733 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,240 Speaker 2: that's the only time when you actually face it, like 734 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 2: with somebody like I fit, you know, I face mortality 735 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,440 Speaker 2: with John and as he died, and Chalk did the 736 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:55,160 Speaker 2: same thing with Kathy. So you have a different look 737 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 2: at life, to be honest, it's more fragile and more valuable. 738 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 1: My best friend died of cancer over the pandemic, and 739 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 1: he has fallen in love with a widow who lost 740 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 1: her husband suddenly in an auto accident, and their relationship 741 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:15,360 Speaker 1: is unbelievable to watch. 742 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:18,920 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, you value life and you value like your 743 00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:32,760 Speaker 2: moments so much more and easily so Joan, though. 744 00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 3: I mean, it's so fun to watch you and Chock 745 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,360 Speaker 3: and you both have that sparkle in your eye and 746 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 3: it just seems. 747 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,760 Speaker 2: Like you really really click. 748 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,880 Speaker 3: But now that you're you know, there's no more cameras 749 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:46,680 Speaker 3: rolling all the rest and you're doing this long distance relationship, Like, 750 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,080 Speaker 3: what are the challenges that come with that? And how 751 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,000 Speaker 3: are you navigating kind of the distance and trying to 752 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:54,320 Speaker 3: figure out do we move forward? 753 00:33:54,560 --> 00:34:00,160 Speaker 1: Well, maybe she's moving to Kansas, are you? 754 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,360 Speaker 3: I thought we were meeting in New York in a 755 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,400 Speaker 3: sexy pad and having fun there. 756 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:08,080 Speaker 2: That that is true. We are doing that. We're trying 757 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:09,880 Speaker 2: to find a place, but it's really really hard to 758 00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,360 Speaker 2: find something, or to be honest, they just disappear, like 759 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 2: the minute they come in the market, they're gone. So 760 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 2: that's been a little bit of a challenge. We're still 761 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:17,960 Speaker 2: working on that and it's still our plan. But we 762 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,319 Speaker 2: also have the plan of kind of him spending time here, 763 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:24,000 Speaker 2: me spending time in Kansas. He's been here more times 764 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,279 Speaker 2: than I've been to Kansas, so I owe a Kansas trip, 765 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:30,000 Speaker 2: which I'm actually making on Thursday, so I'm going there 766 00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,759 Speaker 2: again and then we're driving to Oklahoma to visit his father. 767 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,400 Speaker 2: So I'm doing the whole mid Midwest tour next week 768 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:39,600 Speaker 2: or this coming up week. I don't think that is 769 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,319 Speaker 2: really a challenge, to be honest. Right now, we have 770 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,120 Speaker 2: been fortunate, since you know we're pretty soon off the show, 771 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 2: you still have kind of opportunities. People still want to 772 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,800 Speaker 2: see you around, and I'm sure all those will fade 773 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,480 Speaker 2: very soon. But like iHeartRadio invited us to go to 774 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,120 Speaker 2: the Jingle Ball, and you know, we've done a couple 775 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 2: other things. We've been invited by people to be on shows, 776 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,399 Speaker 2: and like we were Drew very Moore at a couple 777 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,040 Speaker 2: of weeks ago, so they invited to New York City 778 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,600 Speaker 2: and we got to see each other there. So we 779 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:14,200 Speaker 2: get invited to enough things right now that we organically 780 00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,879 Speaker 2: see each other once every couple weeks anyway, And then 781 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,960 Speaker 2: we make an effort. Don't if we're not seeing each 782 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:22,160 Speaker 2: other in every ten to fourteen days, we've planned something. 783 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,280 Speaker 2: So the few times that we haven't had a reason 784 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:27,200 Speaker 2: to meet, he's come here or we've been in New 785 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,320 Speaker 2: York City, we've planned a trip. And then we just 786 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 2: got back from Cancun, so we went on a vacation together. 787 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,960 Speaker 2: So we've done a good job of making sure that 788 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:36,839 Speaker 2: we see each other. In fact, like I think we're 789 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,080 Speaker 2: coming up on maybe the longest time that we haven't 790 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,719 Speaker 2: seen each other, and it's feeling starting to feel kind 791 00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:45,719 Speaker 2: of crappy. But we're both really busy right now, and 792 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:48,920 Speaker 2: like the absence makes the heart grow funder is kind 793 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,080 Speaker 2: of a thing that I believe in. And when we 794 00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,600 Speaker 2: see each other, we're really happy to see each other, 795 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,799 Speaker 2: like we are, We're like newlyweds, you know, We're like, 796 00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,360 Speaker 2: we need to be together at that point, and it 797 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:00,279 Speaker 2: feels so good. 798 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,000 Speaker 1: No, that makes sense. Do you think that people that 799 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:06,440 Speaker 1: are looking for their chapter two should be more open 800 00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:10,000 Speaker 1: to long distance dating? It opens up more options? 801 00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:13,080 Speaker 2: Absolutely, and I wasn't. So I think I've learned a 802 00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 2: lot from this experience. I have kind of a philosophy 803 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,480 Speaker 2: and I talked about this. Actually before I went on 804 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,840 Speaker 2: the show, CNN asked to interview me, and it was 805 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,719 Speaker 2: right after Gary and Teresa had broken up. It was right, 806 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:27,720 Speaker 2: it was fresh off the break up, and it was fresh. 807 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,960 Speaker 2: It was actually they interviewed me like right the day 808 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:32,520 Speaker 2: that I was announced that I was going to be 809 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,799 Speaker 2: the Golden Bachelor of the day after. So it aired 810 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,920 Speaker 2: the day after and they asked, I said, what are 811 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,160 Speaker 2: you going to do? Like obviously this distance thing is 812 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 2: what caused that marriage to break up. You know, how 813 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:44,640 Speaker 2: are you going to handle it? And I said, well, 814 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:45,879 Speaker 2: I just want to put it out there right now 815 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,080 Speaker 2: that I am not moving from Maryland. I have three 816 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,759 Speaker 2: grandkids here, I have four kids that live there. I 817 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:52,560 Speaker 2: am and I have a ninety two year old mother 818 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,080 Speaker 2: and an eighty six year old mother in law that 819 00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:57,000 Speaker 2: I can't leave. So I am not leaving Maryland. So 820 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,920 Speaker 2: if somebody thinks that they're coming on the show and 821 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,080 Speaker 2: I am going to change that, that is not going 822 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,680 Speaker 2: to happen. But I do realize that then that's a 823 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:07,799 Speaker 2: whole different conversation. And it's going to take a lot 824 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,719 Speaker 2: of effort to make this relationship work. And it's going 825 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,640 Speaker 2: to be required that you know, you have to make 826 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:14,960 Speaker 2: sure that your schedules are you know, you're going to 827 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,400 Speaker 2: match your schedules. It's going to require travel, it's going 828 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:19,759 Speaker 2: to require an effort to see each other, and I 829 00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,399 Speaker 2: am so willing to do that. I will bend over 830 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,560 Speaker 2: backwards to make sure that that part we take care of. 831 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:28,080 Speaker 2: So it's just a kind of a you know, you 832 00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:29,480 Speaker 2: have to look at it in a little bit of 833 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,480 Speaker 2: different way. But I also in my mind thought, this 834 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:33,960 Speaker 2: is like really a bad thing. 835 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:38,160 Speaker 1: You sound like Selma, Yeah, is that Yalma loves long distance. 836 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,360 Speaker 3: I love long distance, And I feel like having a 837 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:45,200 Speaker 3: chapter one that was very traditional and it was wonderful, 838 00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,920 Speaker 3: but again, I think there's so many more variables in 839 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:53,320 Speaker 3: chapter two, with families and kids and lives, lives and jobs, 840 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,920 Speaker 3: and I was just going to say, I mean, are 841 00:37:55,960 --> 00:38:00,319 Speaker 3: you seeking a more non traditional relationship kind of? And 842 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:02,960 Speaker 3: I don't mean there's not the connection in the bond 843 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 3: and all of that, but just the day to day 844 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,240 Speaker 3: you know, it doesn't have to be under one roof, 845 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:10,480 Speaker 3: like are you seeking something different this chapter? So I'm 846 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:10,839 Speaker 3: not sure. 847 00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:15,000 Speaker 2: If I'm seeking anything yet, but it's playing out in 848 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:16,719 Speaker 2: the way I kind of expected to because I know 849 00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:18,960 Speaker 2: that Truck still has a business in Kansas, and I 850 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:24,680 Speaker 2: still have grand kids, and I'm busy too. I feel 851 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,000 Speaker 2: like we couldn't have the best of both the world. 852 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,279 Speaker 2: So if I have something important going on here, he 853 00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:32,359 Speaker 2: has no problem playing here and doing what I need 854 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:34,200 Speaker 2: to do. Or if I have something like I'm doing 855 00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:37,640 Speaker 2: this wine collaboration in California, so he and I are like, 856 00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 2: we're meeting in California because it's kind of a fun 857 00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:40,799 Speaker 2: thing to do, kind of a. 858 00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:42,720 Speaker 1: Sexy jet setting life. 859 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,440 Speaker 2: And people see this as a negative. I think it's 860 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,719 Speaker 2: actually really fun. I think it's hugely a positive for us. 861 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,520 Speaker 2: Right now we have all these really cool experiences together. 862 00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:55,520 Speaker 2: And maybe i'd see one day, you know, maybe next year, 863 00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:57,440 Speaker 2: maybe they reactor, maybe five years from now. Then I'm 864 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,560 Speaker 2: going to go like, Okay, you know, it'd be nice 865 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,920 Speaker 2: to have you around, like to cook dinner together and 866 00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,240 Speaker 2: to like start living a more normal life. But right now, 867 00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,799 Speaker 2: this is really fun and I am not looking to 868 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:08,839 Speaker 2: change it, and. 869 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,560 Speaker 3: It's probably been I would think, is it been helpful 870 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,840 Speaker 3: for your children, because I mean life has changed. You 871 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 3: obviously have a loved one now, but it's probably nice 872 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,360 Speaker 3: that they still have you to themselves occasionally and you 873 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,640 Speaker 3: know the routine of what was pre Chock. 874 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:25,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you're right, Like it hasn't been a 875 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,239 Speaker 2: big up people to their lives. It hasn't changed all 876 00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 2: that much. Like I'll go away for a week at 877 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:31,400 Speaker 2: a time or ten days at a time and then 878 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,839 Speaker 2: be home for a week or two weeks at a time, 879 00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,040 Speaker 2: and so it's a little different, but it's not a 880 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:39,520 Speaker 2: lot different. But the difference is they really like it 881 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,759 Speaker 2: when Chalk comes here because they really like him. He's 882 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,920 Speaker 2: just a fun, easy person of the round. Yeah. So 883 00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,440 Speaker 2: he stays here and you know, we come down for 884 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,399 Speaker 2: you know, like to have coffee in the morning, and 885 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,080 Speaker 2: you know, one of my kids will be here, and 886 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,040 Speaker 2: I feel like they like him maybe more than like me. 887 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:56,239 Speaker 2: They really have fun. 888 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:59,600 Speaker 1: So he fits. He really he really fits, and. 889 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:01,680 Speaker 2: He has a great since humor, is fun to be around. 890 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:05,040 Speaker 1: He's also has a very calming what I mean. He 891 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,640 Speaker 1: has such a calming energy about him. And when I 892 00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:10,600 Speaker 1: looked at the two of you when we were all 893 00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:13,840 Speaker 1: in Pebble Beach, I saw the excitement and the attraction, 894 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:17,280 Speaker 1: but I saw peace, like a real kind of peaceful 895 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,920 Speaker 1: connection with the two of you, where you guys just 896 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,080 Speaker 1: felt safe with each other. 897 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:23,920 Speaker 2: That's like such a great way to put it, because 898 00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:28,960 Speaker 2: that was something that when John passed away, I felt 899 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:33,640 Speaker 2: like floating, untethered, like I just was like it was 900 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,200 Speaker 2: just me. Even though I have a great family and 901 00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,160 Speaker 2: I have so much love in my life. I felt 902 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:39,800 Speaker 2: very alone and that it was like me against the world, 903 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:43,560 Speaker 2: and he grounds me. I don't feel that way anymore. 904 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,560 Speaker 2: I feel like I have my person and that he 905 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,960 Speaker 2: makes me feel safe. I felt like he grounded me. 906 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:54,560 Speaker 3: We interviewed him at Pebble Beach and he was full 907 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,719 Speaker 3: of sage advice and you can tell he's one of 908 00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:59,960 Speaker 3: those guys that it's not that he needs to be 909 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:01,719 Speaker 3: the center of attention and speak all the time. 910 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:03,600 Speaker 1: He has a quiet confidence, but. 911 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,160 Speaker 3: When he does speak, it really resonates with you. And 912 00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,040 Speaker 3: if anyone hasn't watched that episode, I would encourage them 913 00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,080 Speaker 3: to do so because I think it was so interesting 914 00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,200 Speaker 3: to talk to all three of the bachelor's when we 915 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:17,720 Speaker 3: git them and they're different takes on everything. 916 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:19,480 Speaker 2: It was. It was really it was. 917 00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,560 Speaker 3: I think it was really helpful for us as when 918 00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,480 Speaker 3: there are different john we talk. 919 00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:28,480 Speaker 1: A lot in our friends group about sharing or recycling men. 920 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,360 Speaker 1: Were there any of the men that were in either 921 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:37,480 Speaker 1: you know in your season that you would kind of 922 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,960 Speaker 1: pivot to one of your friends or single friends. 923 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of. So there was a thought for me 924 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,960 Speaker 2: that and not just I didn't just think about it 925 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:52,320 Speaker 2: was like a subject, you know, conversation subject with the 926 00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,480 Speaker 2: Golden Bachelor women. So the women that came off of 927 00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,879 Speaker 2: Gary season, so there were twenty one of us, they 928 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:02,799 Speaker 2: were all very interested in when I came home from 929 00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:07,200 Speaker 2: Golden Bachelorette, and I really couldn't talk about like who 930 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,880 Speaker 2: had gone and who didn't until on the show you 931 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:11,960 Speaker 2: could see that they had been eliminated, and then I 932 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,040 Speaker 2: could kind of address relationships for each one of those 933 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,800 Speaker 2: people as they got eliminated. You became a match maker, 934 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:19,960 Speaker 2: and I became the matchmaker. I did, and I would 935 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,920 Speaker 2: be getting messages the next day, like after the show aired, 936 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,600 Speaker 2: So whoever got let go that night, people would be like, 937 00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:27,120 Speaker 2: what do you think? Do you think that he would 938 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,479 Speaker 2: like me? Would would you think we're being a good match? 939 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:33,040 Speaker 2: And I definitely had some matches and I actually worked 940 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:38,719 Speaker 2: on several. Unfortunately none of them really worked out. The 941 00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,920 Speaker 2: guys on my season rescued a little younger than the 942 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,600 Speaker 2: women on Gary season because I was younger. Gary was 943 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,960 Speaker 2: seventy and I was sixty interesting and so yeah, so 944 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:51,440 Speaker 2: the ages didn't match up. I had guys the age 945 00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:54,560 Speaker 2: from fifty seven and the oldest one on my season 946 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,440 Speaker 2: was sixty nine and it was Pascal and he was 947 00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,120 Speaker 2: by far the oldest. I think the next one to 948 00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,200 Speaker 2: him was maybe closer to like sixty six of it, 949 00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:01,480 Speaker 2: and the most of my guys. 950 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,160 Speaker 1: Are really good for his age though. 951 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, he's very fit. He's a good looking guy. 952 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,200 Speaker 3: So it sounds like you dated a little bit before 953 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:12,160 Speaker 3: obviously the Golden Bachelorette, and you dated several men on 954 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:15,279 Speaker 3: the Golden Bachelorettes, so you definitely are are are a 955 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:18,120 Speaker 3: force and have probably a lot of advice to give 956 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:22,680 Speaker 3: what red like subtle red flags do you think that 957 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:26,200 Speaker 3: people ignore when looking at chapter two? 958 00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:26,520 Speaker 1: Dating? 959 00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:28,879 Speaker 2: So, I think people have like a tendency to date 960 00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:32,080 Speaker 2: a certain type. So some people like the bad boys, 961 00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:36,280 Speaker 2: some people you know, you kind of are attracted to something, 962 00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,560 Speaker 2: and it's always pretty consistent, like who you're attracted to. 963 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:44,239 Speaker 2: I think that the smartest thing to do when you're 964 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,680 Speaker 2: dating is to try to get away from those because 965 00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:48,360 Speaker 2: if you've been dating for a long time and it 966 00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,880 Speaker 2: hasn't worked out, it's probably because you're not looking for 967 00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:51,760 Speaker 2: the right kind of person. 968 00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:54,360 Speaker 1: You sound like the j Sheetty podcast that was on 969 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:58,080 Speaker 1: today with Jillian Tareki, which was all about what you're 970 00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:01,560 Speaker 1: basically saying right now, which is date differently than what 971 00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:03,080 Speaker 1: you've done if it hasn't been working. 972 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:06,000 Speaker 2: I really strongly about that, because I too have a 973 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,840 Speaker 2: tendency to date like a certain kind of guy. I've 974 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,640 Speaker 2: been Actually, Chalk is very much like my late husband John. 975 00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,360 Speaker 2: So I actually I think I'm a good picker, but 976 00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,440 Speaker 2: I'm not sure. I've seen a lot of people who 977 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,960 Speaker 2: aren't good pickers, who particularly the people that like the 978 00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,920 Speaker 2: bad boy and like I feel like, Okay, that's something 979 00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:24,480 Speaker 2: great to do when you're in high school in college, 980 00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:26,879 Speaker 2: but when you're looking for a relationship that's a bad guy, 981 00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,719 Speaker 2: that's not the person you want where they like a playboy. 982 00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:31,880 Speaker 2: So you know, past girl is a bit of a playboy. 983 00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:35,000 Speaker 2: You know, I wasn't going to pick him because I 984 00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:38,719 Speaker 2: knew that about him. He self eliminated. That was all good. 985 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:40,560 Speaker 2: All of that worked out the way it was supposed to. 986 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,920 Speaker 2: I feel like red flags are the way you're dating 987 00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:47,520 Speaker 2: not and the way you pick because you have a 988 00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:50,160 Speaker 2: tendency to pick the same kind of person I certainly do. 989 00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,160 Speaker 2: I that both of you do, and that you should 990 00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,440 Speaker 2: like widen your your net a little bit. You know, 991 00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:03,080 Speaker 2: I heard a podcast recently about fixing your profile on 992 00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:08,520 Speaker 2: a dating app and that you should widen the people 993 00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:12,400 Speaker 2: that you're accepting messages from, so like make it a 994 00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,640 Speaker 2: bigger age gap that that you say are okay, or 995 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:19,800 Speaker 2: don't specify religion or don't specify a number of miles 996 00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:22,520 Speaker 2: that they need to be within, Like why did all 997 00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:25,720 Speaker 2: of those parameters? So you get introduced to more people 998 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,479 Speaker 2: and you'll have a better likelihood of finding somebody better 999 00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,080 Speaker 2: or sending a better match for you. 1000 00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:33,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's insightful because I feel like when you think 1001 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:35,480 Speaker 3: of red flags, you're always thinking about looking at other 1002 00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,160 Speaker 3: people and their red flags, right, But it's really what 1003 00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,560 Speaker 3: you're saying is it might be within us. 1004 00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:43,200 Speaker 1: You need to listen to that podcast Filma. That's what 1005 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:48,759 Speaker 1: it was today. So, Joan, did you have speaking of 1006 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,719 Speaker 1: red flags and me and bad Boys, did you have 1007 00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:56,040 Speaker 1: crazy wild butterflies the minute you met Schoks. I know 1008 00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:58,960 Speaker 1: a lot of people say that butterflies can be almost 1009 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,279 Speaker 1: a warning signal, and I'm so I'm always trying to 1010 00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:05,200 Speaker 1: sit with myself on a date and say, you know, butterflies, 1011 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,120 Speaker 1: no butterflies, good thing, bad saying what do you think? 1012 00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:11,080 Speaker 2: So I did have butterflies, which is really good. So 1013 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:12,840 Speaker 2: when he stepped down the limbo, I thought, Okay, now 1014 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:15,120 Speaker 2: that's a good looking guy. He's a great dresser. I 1015 00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,400 Speaker 2: think he's a good dresser too. He's a good dresser. 1016 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,080 Speaker 2: He doesn't and he doesn't know. He thinks he's not 1017 00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,920 Speaker 2: a good dresser, but he is very really good. You 1018 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,680 Speaker 2: have to look really good enclosed. He also looks good 1019 00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:28,520 Speaker 2: out of close, but he and because he's tall and 1020 00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:30,520 Speaker 2: he's pretty thin, so and he's in shape. He has 1021 00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:33,839 Speaker 2: really wide shoulders, broad shoulders which just kind of just 1022 00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:36,600 Speaker 2: make your body just look good anyway. So I close 1023 00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,279 Speaker 2: hangs so well like that, yeah, hangs in like it 1024 00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:41,040 Speaker 2: just like has a presence kind of about you. Like 1025 00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:44,759 Speaker 2: it's like like there's a man, you know. So I 1026 00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:46,879 Speaker 2: liked him when I go out of the limbo. When 1027 00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,040 Speaker 2: I really really liked him is kind of when I 1028 00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:53,120 Speaker 2: needed to feel a comfort and was at Disneyland, and 1029 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:57,120 Speaker 2: that was you know, that was a a kind of 1030 00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,760 Speaker 2: a stressful as a first date. So I was stressed. 1031 00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,000 Speaker 2: I was, I was, I was really nervous. And I 1032 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,400 Speaker 2: came in on this like little train thingy and they 1033 00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:06,400 Speaker 2: dropped me off from the plane on the train platform 1034 00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:10,120 Speaker 2: and he's standing there and I immediately felt again the 1035 00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:14,080 Speaker 2: word safe with him, and I thought he was really sexy. 1036 00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:15,759 Speaker 2: And he put his arm around me and he made 1037 00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:19,200 Speaker 2: me feel comfortable and I had butterflies, and I was like, 1038 00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:22,040 Speaker 2: this is really good. And that date was phenomenal. Probably 1039 00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:23,000 Speaker 2: the best date I've ever went. 1040 00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:25,759 Speaker 1: On was that before he left? Was that before he 1041 00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:28,280 Speaker 1: So were you sad when he left? 1042 00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:28,400 Speaker 2: Like? 1043 00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,120 Speaker 1: Did you think he was going to come back? 1044 00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:32,839 Speaker 2: I was devastated when he left, Okay, And. 1045 00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:35,280 Speaker 1: That's a sign too that you knew you liked him. 1046 00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:38,359 Speaker 2: That was the day I knew that he was the guy. 1047 00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:40,319 Speaker 3: Oh my, I was going to ask you that I 1048 00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,279 Speaker 3: was going to ask you because I feel like it 1049 00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:45,560 Speaker 3: was obvious. I mean it was written Oliver's face that 1050 00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,200 Speaker 3: he was just enamored with you. And I also think 1051 00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:51,240 Speaker 3: it was kind of ironic that the most pedestrian of dates, 1052 00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:53,080 Speaker 3: no offense to the bachelor, you know what I mean, 1053 00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:54,879 Speaker 3: that you had you had like that was the most 1054 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,120 Speaker 3: pedestrian of all the dates, and that was your guy, 1055 00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,680 Speaker 3: you know, I mean, it wasn't like flying off in 1056 00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:02,040 Speaker 3: the hell copter or doing anything super sex Well. 1057 00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:06,080 Speaker 1: Also Joan had left her show too. You just didn't 1058 00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,600 Speaker 1: come back, and so that was the whole thing. 1059 00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:11,840 Speaker 2: I when I came to the mansion that day was 1060 00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:15,319 Speaker 2: literally you know, like you know, very soon after our date, 1061 00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:17,880 Speaker 2: and he was standing waiting outside for me, and I 1062 00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,040 Speaker 2: was like, that's exactly what they had me do when 1063 00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:22,640 Speaker 2: I had to tell Gary I was leaving. It was exactly. 1064 00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:25,439 Speaker 2: And there was that bench was sitting right there, which 1065 00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:27,279 Speaker 2: was the exact same bench I sat on and had 1066 00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:29,040 Speaker 2: to say goodbye to Gary. And I was like, oh, 1067 00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:31,680 Speaker 2: something is going something is not good here, but this 1068 00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:33,440 Speaker 2: is bizarre. I was going to the mansion to go 1069 00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:37,239 Speaker 2: on a date with with Jordan. I had a date 1070 00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,160 Speaker 2: that day. I was arriving at the at the mansion 1071 00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:42,080 Speaker 2: to go on a date and there was standing talk 1072 00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:44,160 Speaker 2: is standing there at the front door waiting for me, 1073 00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:45,640 Speaker 2: and he said, Hey, can I talk to you for 1074 00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:48,200 Speaker 2: a minute. I'm like, that's exactly what I said to Gary, Hey, 1075 00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:49,560 Speaker 2: I need to talk to you for a minute. And 1076 00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,080 Speaker 2: we sat down on the bench and he said, I 1077 00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:52,839 Speaker 2: had a very importunate thing happened last night. I knew 1078 00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:55,280 Speaker 2: his mom was really sick. So my mom passed and 1079 00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:57,719 Speaker 2: you know, I need some help figuring out what I 1080 00:48:57,719 --> 00:48:59,600 Speaker 2: should do. And I was like, you have to go there. 1081 00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:03,919 Speaker 2: And so he had a stepfather elderly, and I said, 1082 00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,160 Speaker 2: you need to go see your stepfather. And so he 1083 00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:09,640 Speaker 2: decided he was going to do that, and that's absolutely 1084 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,920 Speaker 2: the right decision. But when he walked away, I remember 1085 00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:14,960 Speaker 2: and he said, I will be back. I'm coming back, 1086 00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:16,880 Speaker 2: and I thought, yeah, he thinks he's coming back. I 1087 00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:18,600 Speaker 2: thought I was coming back, and I know. 1088 00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,520 Speaker 3: I mean, he couldn't get back there fast enough though. 1089 00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,279 Speaker 3: I'm sure that he did tend to his family, but 1090 00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:24,320 Speaker 3: I felt like he must have taken somebody the concourse 1091 00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,040 Speaker 3: back like he. I felt like he was like he 1092 00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:27,520 Speaker 3: was back, and I was like, he was not. 1093 00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:30,760 Speaker 2: Going to let this opportunity go. I thank god because 1094 00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,000 Speaker 2: he left, and I, you know, I had to function 1095 00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:34,520 Speaker 2: that day. I had to go on the date, and 1096 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,640 Speaker 2: you know, I didn't want to. I needed to be 1097 00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:40,000 Speaker 2: true to that guy, to Jordan. You know, he was 1098 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,000 Speaker 2: excited he had a date, and I, you know, I 1099 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,760 Speaker 2: did the best I could to have a great time, 1100 00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:45,719 Speaker 2: and I think we did a great your heart, but 1101 00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:50,719 Speaker 2: I was worried the whole time that I that chalk 1102 00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:52,839 Speaker 2: wasn't going to come back. And in my mind, when 1103 00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:54,759 Speaker 2: I finally got to like be off a date and 1104 00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,680 Speaker 2: like have some time to think, I my mind said, 1105 00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:00,759 Speaker 2: he doesn't know if he can come back, And how 1106 00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:02,200 Speaker 2: in the world I am I going to do this 1107 00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,319 Speaker 2: whole journey because right now, like he was like number 1108 00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:07,000 Speaker 2: one in my mind, I said, I will have this 1109 00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:09,680 Speaker 2: unanswered question forever. 1110 00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:12,760 Speaker 1: Would have changed the course of the entire show? 1111 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,640 Speaker 2: Who would have changed the course of the entire show? 1112 00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:18,239 Speaker 2: And I am not positive I would have gotten to 1113 00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:21,600 Speaker 2: an ending of picking somebody. I think I might have, 1114 00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:24,160 Speaker 2: just he would be too big of a question market 1115 00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:25,640 Speaker 2: I had. I don't think I could have gotten all 1116 00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,880 Speaker 2: the way to the end and found somebody else. He 1117 00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:31,600 Speaker 2: was pretty clearly the guy that I like had kind 1118 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,560 Speaker 2: of honed in on. But I was also really careful 1119 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:36,239 Speaker 2: as we were filming because I thought that really early on. 1120 00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,480 Speaker 2: I thought that at the Disneyland date that this was 1121 00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,479 Speaker 2: pretty a really good date and that he I felt 1122 00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:44,200 Speaker 2: really good about him. But I know that people do 1123 00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:46,439 Speaker 2: that a lot on Bauchler, and they kind of hone 1124 00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:48,520 Speaker 2: in on a person and they get like four weeks 1125 00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:50,560 Speaker 2: in and discover that that person is not the person 1126 00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:52,680 Speaker 2: they thought that he was or she was, and that 1127 00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:55,279 Speaker 2: then they have to pivot and they don't have very 1128 00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:59,280 Speaker 2: much time then to establish another good relationship. So I 1129 00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:03,960 Speaker 2: was really careful that every person I dated, every every 1130 00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:07,080 Speaker 2: date or every interaction, I treated them like they were 1131 00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,640 Speaker 2: the person. Like I was really you know, making sure 1132 00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:11,759 Speaker 2: I got to do them really well and was giving them, 1133 00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:14,759 Speaker 2: you know, I gave everybody like an equal chance, even 1134 00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:17,480 Speaker 2: though in my mind I did feel like Chalk was 1135 00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:17,920 Speaker 2: the person. 1136 00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:21,400 Speaker 1: That's really good advice for the for the future bachelor's 1137 00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:24,279 Speaker 1: and bachelorettes to give everybody their day in. 1138 00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:26,719 Speaker 3: Court, and you did, and I felt like everybody felt 1139 00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:30,400 Speaker 3: that and was they They constantly I think told you 1140 00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:32,600 Speaker 3: how appreciative they were that they had your full attention. 1141 00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:35,160 Speaker 2: I feel like I really got to know some amazing men, 1142 00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:41,200 Speaker 2: and like that's part of the journey also, is that 1143 00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:43,799 Speaker 2: even though you don't pick everybody, at the end, you 1144 00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,600 Speaker 2: end up with these really like unique friendships that you've 1145 00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:49,799 Speaker 2: gone through this weird journey of dating, and like they 1146 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:51,879 Speaker 2: are your all your old boyfriends, which is just kind 1147 00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:53,640 Speaker 2: of a funny thing to say, because we all don't 1148 00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:56,239 Speaker 2: really feel that way. I mean, you know, it's a 1149 00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,919 Speaker 2: it's a quick journey. It's only eight weeks. You never 1150 00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:02,880 Speaker 2: get bad and beaded in somebody unless they're like the 1151 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:06,000 Speaker 2: person that you're picking. So everything is like you hold 1152 00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:08,400 Speaker 2: back a little bit so you don't dive like totally 1153 00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:09,919 Speaker 2: in and they hold back a little bit too. 1154 00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:10,520 Speaker 1: You have to. 1155 00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:11,439 Speaker 2: You have to protect your heart. 1156 00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,000 Speaker 3: It's like it was college again. It was like watching 1157 00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:14,640 Speaker 3: college again. 1158 00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:15,200 Speaker 1: It was fun. 1159 00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:17,759 Speaker 3: But it's been so amazing to talk to you.