1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:05,600 Speaker 1: You can't just continually look for this thing for yourself. Instead, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: you need to spend this time investing in you, following 3 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:14,840 Speaker 1: the things that you desire that might not have anything 4 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: to do with romance, but rather just you being your 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 1: best self because you are great as you are. Hey, Hurdlers, 6 00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 1: Emily A body here bringing you another installment of Hurdle 7 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 1: Moment from Hurdle y'all, it has been a day like 8 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 1: the most dayest of days. Oh my goodness. I spent 9 00:00:56,160 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: six hours almost in line waiting to vote early today 10 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: and as you can probably imagine, there are a lot 11 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 1: of emotions that go through your mind when you're waiting 12 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:13,320 Speaker 1: for six hours, and also your phone dies and you 13 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: are just like, what is going on. I'm definitely going 14 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,559 Speaker 1: to talk about this on Five Minute Friday this week, 15 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, I'm bringing 16 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:30,120 Speaker 1: a juicy episode to the feed today, deviating from a 17 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: lot of the running content that's been going on on 18 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:37,960 Speaker 1: Hurdle Moment Wednesdays. Today, I am sharing with you lessons 19 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: that I have learned from being single and maybe more 20 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:46,280 Speaker 1: specifically from dating in my thirties. It's something that I 21 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: get a lot of messages about and it feels really 22 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 1: relevant right now because this week in particular, a lot 23 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 1: of you have reached out over Instagram, and if you 24 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: don't follow Hurdle on Instagram, it's at Hurdle Podcast. I 25 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: am all so over at Emily a Body, but many 26 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: of you have reached out recently to talk to me 27 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:11,640 Speaker 1: about being single and your frustrations that go hand in 28 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,799 Speaker 1: hand with being single and feeling like you're doing something 29 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 1: wrong because you're single, and being made to feel like 30 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:21,799 Speaker 1: you're doing something wrong because you're single, and a few highlights. 31 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 1: First of all, you are not doing it anything wrong 32 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,399 Speaker 1: because you happen to be single. You cannot put your 33 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: value in the hands of others, whether that is a 34 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: potential partner or your friends or your family because you're 35 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 1: not attached. That's just not fair. And also of notes 36 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: on that before we end to the meat of things, 37 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 1: I also do want to say that there's some really 38 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: awesome opportunity that comes with embracing your single miss with 39 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:54,400 Speaker 1: embracing being alone, and I've chatted about that here on 40 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,560 Speaker 1: the show. Before I'll put some links in the show 41 00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: notes to episodes, and also a Hurdle workshop that I 42 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 1: hosted earlier this year on finding your power Alone. Now, 43 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 1: before I get into all of my highlights of navigating 44 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: the single life, I do want to take a moment 45 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:20,639 Speaker 1: and thank my friends at Gooder for sponsoring Kurdle. Now, 46 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:24,400 Speaker 1: if you have never heard of Gooder before, I'm about 47 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:28,919 Speaker 1: to blow your mind. Gooder makes unbelievable sunglasses that are 48 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 1: perfect for almost any activity. Maybe not swimming, but definitely 49 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 1: for running and anything outdoors that you're going to need 50 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,600 Speaker 1: some shades for. I actually noticed this weekend at the 51 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: Crossbeck Games a lot of those athletes were wearing some Gooders. 52 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 1: They make active sunglasses that do not bounce, and they 53 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 1: are polarized and they are my go to for running 54 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: at the track, hitting a long run, or cute enough 55 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: even just to wear to brunch. I'm a huge fan 56 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 1: of their blackout mock GE's. They've got a ton of 57 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: different looks to suit every taste. They've got an awesome 58 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: deal for the Hurdle audience. Head on over to Gooder 59 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 1: dot com slash Hurdle and use the code Hurdle at 60 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 1: checkout to get ten dollars off your purchase today. Important 61 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: to note here the glasses start at just twenty five dollars. 62 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 1: So again, this deal is outrageous. Again that is Gooder 63 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: goodr dot com. Slash kurdle and use the code Hurdle 64 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:35,479 Speaker 1: at checkout to get ten dollars off your purchase today. 65 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 1: As always, we need anything, reach out to me over 66 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 1: social and don't forget to subscribe to the weekly Hurdle newsletter. 67 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: The link to do so is in the show notes. 68 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: With that, let's get to hurdling. I talk to a 69 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: lot of women about their relationship status. And that's a 70 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: funny sentence because most of the women that I talk 71 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 1: to about the relationship status it's over Instagram DM and 72 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: we don't actually know each other. As a woman in 73 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: my thirties, I can certainly relate to this idea that 74 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: many of you approach me with, which is, oh, my goodness, 75 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:34,119 Speaker 1: I don't have a life partner. So many people ask 76 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 1: me how I feel about this? Maybe make me feel 77 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: as though I am doing something wrong? How am I 78 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:44,640 Speaker 1: supposed to navigate this? Oh my goodness, am I inherently 79 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 1: lonely because I'm not sharing my bed with someone? Like goodness? 80 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 1: So many things and this is a topic I don't 81 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,400 Speaker 1: talk about that often because I don't like to get 82 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 1: into my personal life that often, but I do understand 83 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:02,559 Speaker 1: and recognize that I have some wisdom so to speak 84 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: on the subject matter that might be something that can 85 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: be of assistance. So here we go. Lessons I have 86 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:15,160 Speaker 1: learned from being single and dating in my thirties. First 87 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:20,159 Speaker 1: things first. Here, you have to come first. Period. The 88 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:24,279 Speaker 1: thing about relationships is that if you don't give to yourself, 89 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:28,960 Speaker 1: if you aren't feeling fulfilled and happy in your life, 90 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,159 Speaker 1: then you can't really show up for others, especially in 91 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:37,359 Speaker 1: a romantic capacity. You have to make time for yourself. 92 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: You have to do things that make you happy, whether 93 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,359 Speaker 1: or not you are single or attached. And I say 94 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: this specific to this topic because if you don't know 95 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: how to prioritize yourself first when you are not in 96 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:55,600 Speaker 1: a romantic partnership, then you could get completely lost when 97 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: you do meet someone that you are interested in. This 98 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 1: means that although you may, just like me, be someone 99 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:09,280 Speaker 1: who relates as a giver, you cannot, and I reiterate this, 100 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:13,560 Speaker 1: you cannot put aside the things that make you you, 101 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: the things that you need to get done to satisfy 102 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: another human. So you have to come first. Lesson number one. 103 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: Lesson number two. The right partnership is about you choosing 104 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: each other. Oh my god, how many times have you 105 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 1: sat with someone at a bar and talked about that 106 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: you just don't understand why this person flaked or why 107 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 1: this person doesn't like you without asking yourself a very 108 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 1: important question, especially when it comes to the introductory dating situation, 109 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 1: that question, do I really like them? There may be 110 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 1: things that you are looking for in a romantic partner 111 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 1: that this person doesn't even remotely come close to you. 112 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: But because it is human nature, we are so used 113 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 1: to like wanting this person to like us. Reminder, it 114 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: is a two way street. You are looking for a 115 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,200 Speaker 1: partner that makes you feel fulfilled, and they're going to 116 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: be your hype man and you're going to feel like 117 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: an equal. And if you're so busy trying to get 118 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 1: this person to like you like it's a job interview 119 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 1: and not doing inventory of how they make you feel 120 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 1: truly in return, then you are making a grave mistake. 121 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,840 Speaker 1: Less than number three, You should never have to be 122 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 1: someone you are not, or sacrifice who it is that 123 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 1: you are when it comes to the right partner. I 124 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:58,559 Speaker 1: cannot stress this enough. There have been so many times, 125 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:03,360 Speaker 1: especially God in texting communication, where I have been sitting 126 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:07,080 Speaker 1: there asking myself, what should I say, how should I respond? 127 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 1: What should I do if I do this? Are they 128 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,280 Speaker 1: going to react? Why? Or whatever analogy you want to 129 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 1: throw into the mix. The reality here, the right person 130 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,679 Speaker 1: in your life that should stay in your life is 131 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: going to stay because they like who you are, not 132 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: someone that you are pretending to be. And if you're 133 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: so busy pretending to be this like perfect human because 134 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: you think that they're interested in this kind of person, 135 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,959 Speaker 1: in the long run, that's going to be really exhausting. 136 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: You have to stay true to who you are. You 137 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: again have to put yourself first. And when you do 138 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: that and when you are authentic to you, that is 139 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 1: when the right partner is going to stick around. Next lesson, 140 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: it is going to be hard to clear the bench. 141 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 1: You've gotta do it. I'm not gonna lie. There was 142 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 1: a long time where I felt like there were people 143 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 1: in my life that there were a lot of loose 144 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: ends with, so to speak. There were a lot of 145 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:11,640 Speaker 1: individuals who I had relationships with previously, and for some 146 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:16,680 Speaker 1: reason we were still maintaining semi regular communication. And what 147 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:21,080 Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily realize at this time, but I recognize 148 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 1: now in retrospect, was that these friendships that maybe felt 149 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: like a little bit more than friendships, even if they 150 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,560 Speaker 1: were just texting or random phone calls or what have you, 151 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:37,440 Speaker 1: they weren't helping me move on to find something new instead. 152 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,080 Speaker 1: Not because I thought that there was dramatic potential with 153 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 1: these individuals, but because I had them around, I wasn't 154 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: completely open to the universe, open to a new partner. 155 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:52,079 Speaker 1: So is clearing the bench, as I like to put it, difficult? 156 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:56,839 Speaker 1: Of course, it's difficult. These relationships. They feel comfortable, they 157 00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 1: feel reassuring. I get it. But you owe it to 158 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 1: yourself to let go so you can be available to 159 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,480 Speaker 1: whatever it is that the universe really wants to throw 160 00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 1: your way. And my last huge takeaway that I'm going 161 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 1: to offer today, when it comes to important lessons I've 162 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 1: learned from being single and dating in my thirties, solid 163 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 1: friendships are diamonds in the rough. I think I've touched 164 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 1: on this before. Making friends as you get older is difficult, 165 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,960 Speaker 1: and making friends that you can rely on as you 166 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: get older is so important, especially if you are navigating 167 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: this time. I'll bite for now by yourself. And I 168 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 1: say this because it doesn't matter if those friends are 169 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 1: single or attached, finding people that you can be honest 170 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,200 Speaker 1: and open with when it comes to everything from like 171 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 1: that random potential partner you eyed on the streets, to 172 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 1: being open about like the negatives and positives from a date, 173 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 1: or even talking about that person that you hope to 174 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:03,000 Speaker 1: get off of the bench. Feel stuck in this tumultuous relationship. 175 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 1: I mean, there are so many scenarios that you just 176 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,959 Speaker 1: need someone to talk to honestly who's not going to 177 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:14,360 Speaker 1: judge you. And that's why solid friendships are just so 178 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:19,079 Speaker 1: so important. Especially it feels like as someone who is single, 179 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 1: you need to have that person or the people that 180 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 1: you can rely on, the people that you can lean 181 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:29,080 Speaker 1: into when you're feeling lonely. And trust me, I get 182 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:33,040 Speaker 1: it that happens, and it's frustrating, and I've been there, 183 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: and you are not alone at all in that feeling. 184 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,240 Speaker 1: But the last thing that I need to reiterate to 185 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:45,080 Speaker 1: you is that you can't just continually look for this 186 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:49,840 Speaker 1: thing for yourself. Instead, you need to spend this time 187 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:55,080 Speaker 1: investing in you, following the things that you desire that 188 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: might not have anything to do with romance, but rather 189 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 1: just you being your best self because you are great 190 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:07,679 Speaker 1: as you are. I've been there, you know. I've sat 191 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: in my bedroom with tears in my eyes and wondered 192 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 1: why it's not happening or what I'm doing wrong. But 193 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,079 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, what I have come 194 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,800 Speaker 1: to realize, with all of this time alone, with all 195 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,840 Speaker 1: of this time single in my thirties, is that I 196 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,960 Speaker 1: am so much better right this very minute, right now. 197 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,720 Speaker 1: I'm so much more ready now than I ever could 198 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: have been years ago for that special thing. And you 199 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,280 Speaker 1: know what, I'm grateful that I haven't found it yet. 200 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 1: Who a vulnerable episode coming off a crazy day to 201 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:47,960 Speaker 1: get me to really open up to you, guys. I hope, 202 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: I hope this resonates with you, and again, I hope 203 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: you own your value because you've got a lot of it. 204 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:59,880 Speaker 1: At Hurdle Podcast at Emily a Body, Another hurdle conquered. 205 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 1: Catch you guys next time.