Speaker 1: Hell I Suck Good Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello everybody, and welcome to
Speaker 1: I'll do brand new episode of Help I Suck At Dating.
Speaker 1: My name is Jared, I'm joined by Vanessa. Hello. Hello,
Speaker 1: Hello Vanessa. How are you? I'm great? How are you doing? Wonderful?
Speaker 1: It's always good to be your voice. My voice a
Speaker 1: little bit. Yeah, do you hear that my voice is
Speaker 1: a little bit. It's a little raspy. Yeah, I actually
Speaker 1: a little sectum like, I kind of hope this date.
Speaker 1: But now that's so funny because I think the same thing.
Speaker 1: I think Ashley loves my voice when it's a little
Speaker 1: bit raspier, kind of Batman totally, it's the best. Um. So, anyway,
Speaker 1: we have our first guest. Dean is still on vacation,
Speaker 1: traveling the world, doing a vacation. I think it's more
Speaker 1: like a soul searching. Yeah, he's been gone for I
Speaker 1: don't know four years. I will look into how long
Speaker 1: it's been gone because we may have to take his
Speaker 1: name out of the title pretty soon. Now he's gonna
Speaker 1: be back either next week or the week after. I
Speaker 1: believe one of those two to hear stories from Oh,
Speaker 1: I agree, But we have a very special guest in
Speaker 1: studio from the creators of the Men's App, which is
Speaker 1: an app that actually the men broken Hearts with. We
Speaker 1: have its creator L, so nice to be here. What's
Speaker 1: your last name? I love the way you describe that,
Speaker 1: by the way, because it sounded like we're actually putting
Speaker 1: together those broken hearts. Well, that's the way that appens.
Speaker 1: That's the way you guys described the app. Um. So
Speaker 1: I joined the app because I wanted to find out
Speaker 1: more about this L. First of all, what's your last name?
Speaker 1: I'm just sorry, my last name is? What the how
Speaker 1: do you say? What the what? What you got to
Speaker 1: roll your art let that? Yeah said, I'm half Mexican, okay,
Speaker 1: my dad is half and then I'm half I'm half white.
Speaker 1: And I was like, should I go into I just
Speaker 1: did my twenty three and me tell you I'm like
Speaker 1: part British or German. Um. Well, I wanted because I
Speaker 1: wanted to know your last name, so I didn't just
Speaker 1: introduce to you as L. Yeah. Usually people say where to,
Speaker 1: like like where too, but with an a a little
Speaker 1: bit easier, So L where To? You created this app
Speaker 1: and it is called mend. Can you tell us a
Speaker 1: little bit about it. Yeah, I really built what I
Speaker 1: needed and wanted when I was going through a breakup myself.
Speaker 1: So it's very much like a best friend that's guiding
Speaker 1: you through a breakup. If if your best friend had
Speaker 1: good advice and UM didn't get sick of hearing you
Speaker 1: talk about your breakup. UM. It's it's like a personal trainer.
Speaker 1: So every day you check in UM and we deliver
Speaker 1: an audio training that's personalized to you based on what
Speaker 1: we know about you and what we know about your breakup. UM.
Speaker 1: And it's kind of like this ongoing podcast that helps
Speaker 1: you mend throughout your breakup and then also beyond. So
Speaker 1: you created this after you went through a breakup yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's been a bit of a journey because I first
Speaker 1: launched a newsletter with breakup content, and then I launched
Speaker 1: a breakup website like a blog, and then it was
Speaker 1: really through that whole experience that I had the idea
Speaker 1: for the app UM. So it's been a while since
Speaker 1: that first that first breakup that that sparked. So what
Speaker 1: was different between the app and like the app that
Speaker 1: you have now and the website you had before? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that was just like a learning curve and
Speaker 1: then you finally kind of perfected what you wanted. And
Speaker 1: that's what MEN is all about. Well, the website was
Speaker 1: really a blog, so it was a place where we
Speaker 1: curated stories UM and I was curating advice from experts.
Speaker 1: The app is much more like UH an interactive experience.
Speaker 1: It really you know, if it feels conversational, you're actually
Speaker 1: messaging UM and you know it was messaging you back.
Speaker 1: So the app is a conversational UI. So it's not
Speaker 1: a person UM, but it feels like you're messaging with
Speaker 1: a person. So we ask you every day how you're doing.
Speaker 1: We send you a training to listen to, We ask
Speaker 1: you to rate the training, We ask you, you know,
Speaker 1: questions about your breakup to help us personalize your training
Speaker 1: program UM. So it feels sort of like a best
Speaker 1: friend guiding you through the experience, which for us was
Speaker 1: important because one of the things that we kept hearing
Speaker 1: from people who are using our our website was that
Speaker 1: they really missed UM, you know, just hearing from their
Speaker 1: X throughout the day. That's one of the things you
Speaker 1: missed the most, right, Like you're texting with someone all
Speaker 1: day long and then yeah, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: it's just you know, radio silent. So um, so yeah,
Speaker 1: that's why we we wanted to build a conversational app.
Speaker 1: Is very black, is a little bit well, it's not like,
Speaker 1: it's not like a series, it's not AI, but two people.
Speaker 1: I feel like they cant to develop an attachment to
Speaker 1: the UI. It reminds me a little bit of that movie,
Speaker 1: Oh Her Phoenix. That's exactly what I was thinking, you know.
Speaker 1: I think because um, because the user experience is very
Speaker 1: voice based, so it's actually my voice in the app.
Speaker 1: I think people, well, thank you, um. But I think
Speaker 1: people get attached to that. But it's not any different
Speaker 1: from people who are attached to listening to your podcast,
Speaker 1: you know. I think it's especially when you're going through
Speaker 1: a breakup. There's something really nice about hearing a human
Speaker 1: voice on the other end giving you advice versus just
Speaker 1: reading something on a website. I think this is a genius.
Speaker 1: When did this start? By the way, because I wish
Speaker 1: I knew this because I'm like the worst when it
Speaker 1: comes to breakup. So when did this? Um, when did
Speaker 1: you launched this app? So we launched the app last
Speaker 1: year in April. Um, so we just celebrated our first anniversary.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah, it's been an amazing year. I think
Speaker 1: this is great because, like you said, it's like a
Speaker 1: digital best friend, and sometimes it could get a little
Speaker 1: bit emotionally draining. I can talk for myself, UM, I
Speaker 1: do like to maybe replay, you know, scenarios in my
Speaker 1: head and maybe you know, you have all those stages
Speaker 1: that you go through. And I talk, you know, talk
Speaker 1: to my family my friends a lot about UM, the
Speaker 1: relationship during the breakup, and I know I could get
Speaker 1: emotionally draining on their end, and sometimes they're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it anymore. I think this
Speaker 1: is a great idea because it's another outlet for people
Speaker 1: to use and the party to write. So it's not
Speaker 1: like your best friend telling you things that you may
Speaker 1: want to hear to think that you should be you know,
Speaker 1: you should be hearing from um, from your friends and family. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think for better or worse, A lot of times
Speaker 1: when you're getting advice from from people, they're projecting their
Speaker 1: own relationship history or their own ideas or opinions. UM.
Speaker 1: So you know, even though I'm the person reading the trainings.
Speaker 1: All of our trainings are created by experts, whether it's
Speaker 1: wellness experts or mental health experts. And so would you
Speaker 1: consider yourself an expert? I would yeah. I mean I've
Speaker 1: been curating this type of content for years now, and
Speaker 1: it started as a real passion project. Um. I felt
Speaker 1: like there wasn't a great place for high quality advice
Speaker 1: online when it came to breakups, Like I remember the
Speaker 1: moment at two am when I was googling breakup advice
Speaker 1: on my phone and just getting all of these terrible
Speaker 1: like message like online forums and just awful advice and
Speaker 1: a lot of cliche advice. So I felt like there
Speaker 1: was a white space for that type of content. Um,
Speaker 1: And I've just become so passionate about it and I'm
Speaker 1: steeped in it every day. Well, I joined MEN. I
Speaker 1: created an account because I wanted to figure this thing
Speaker 1: out for myself. So when Susi walked into studio, I
Speaker 1: was like, I know that voice, that voice, and then
Speaker 1: I realized you were the voice on MEN. So I
Speaker 1: created it. Uh So, I'm happily engaged, but I wanted
Speaker 1: to thank you so much now you also, so I
Speaker 1: created it my profile as a single person to figure
Speaker 1: out what the app is all about to help somebody
Speaker 1: who's going through a breakup. But you say that there
Speaker 1: are people on this app that are actually in relationships.
Speaker 1: So why are people within relationships joining an app that
Speaker 1: is created to men to broken heart? Yeah? It was UM.
Speaker 1: It was a surprise to us too when we first launched.
Speaker 1: So one of the questions we ask is what is
Speaker 1: your relationship status? UM? And we've we've seen that there
Speaker 1: are a lot of people who are joining men who
Speaker 1: are married or in relationships. UM. I think it gets
Speaker 1: it something that is very universal, which is that relationships
Speaker 1: are challenging, you know, even the really wonderful ones. And
Speaker 1: so I think, you know, we have a lot of
Speaker 1: people who use mend um to get through a rocky period,
Speaker 1: like a rocky patch in a relationship. We have people
Speaker 1: who are thinking that maybe the relationship isn't right for
Speaker 1: them and they need support as they go through that
Speaker 1: process and figure out what the next step is. UM.
Speaker 1: And do you guys give relationship advice? For example, if
Speaker 1: somebody goes on there and they're texting and saying, I'm
Speaker 1: going through a rough patch with my you know, significant other,
Speaker 1: but I want to be with them. How do I
Speaker 1: fix this? Do you guys give feedback on that? So
Speaker 1: we aren't actually having a conversation with you, but um,
Speaker 1: we do get your input. So we ask questions throughout
Speaker 1: the process about you, about your breakup, and then every
Speaker 1: week you choose three to four themes that you really
Speaker 1: want to focus on. So if you're there, like for you,
Speaker 1: if you want to focus on just healthy relationship habits, um,
Speaker 1: you can do that. You don't have to focus on
Speaker 1: you know, X trainings or heartbreak trainings or breakup trainings um.
Speaker 1: And that's something that's a little bit newer for us,
Speaker 1: and we we wanted to expand into that because it
Speaker 1: was one of our top requests. Yeah, totally no. When
Speaker 1: I say feedback, though, I don't mean because I know
Speaker 1: that when I'm actually text messaging, I'm text messaging with
Speaker 1: a robot. How would you describe it? Appre texting, I'm
Speaker 1: texting with the app And I understand that. But it
Speaker 1: is pretty cool because I saw on the website about
Speaker 1: how this is better than sending a drunk text to
Speaker 1: your ass and that that's exactly what I was thinking too.
Speaker 1: This is like the perfect way to like keep your
Speaker 1: to keep your dignity in chech you know, because like
Speaker 1: you said, like most people missed hearing from their from
Speaker 1: their significant other, you know, so this is like a
Speaker 1: great way to like message the app kind of like
Speaker 1: I guess they send out reminders do you send out Yeah,
Speaker 1: we send out a lot of reminders and um, you
Speaker 1: guys send out daily text. Yeah, they're not all app specifics,
Speaker 1: so a lot of them are just you know, little
Speaker 1: notes throughout the day, encouragement, motivation, you can do it
Speaker 1: like yeah, And it's funny because we have a really
Speaker 1: high often right for they're called push notifications, um, which
Speaker 1: means that people really like them. And I think it
Speaker 1: just goes back to the idea that you really you
Speaker 1: miss that from you know, your ax. Oh totally. I
Speaker 1: think the only thing from the app for me when
Speaker 1: I was creating an account was the lack of, um,
Speaker 1: how do I put this human interaction? But I will
Speaker 1: say so I got to the end of it after
Speaker 1: all the questions and kind of texting with the app
Speaker 1: back and forth, and at the end of it, whatever
Speaker 1: you guys, deem is the best uh fit for a
Speaker 1: little monologue that you give at the end. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: like that monologue. I haven't heard that yet. Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1: It's about a three So you get through all the
Speaker 1: questions that they ask you about what your breakup is,
Speaker 1: how you're doing, so on and so forth, and then
Speaker 1: at the end L comes on with about a four
Speaker 1: minute little monologue that she just goes into trying to
Speaker 1: help you get through whatever broken heart you're trying to
Speaker 1: get past. It is. Yeah, So we have a huge
Speaker 1: lie barry of trainings and we we personalize your training
Speaker 1: program so, um, you know, if you went through a
Speaker 1: breakup because of infidelity, you're going to get a set
Speaker 1: of trainings that someone who went through a commitment breakup
Speaker 1: wouldn't necessarily death. And that's what I enjoyed about the
Speaker 1: app is that because there is, like you said, a
Speaker 1: lot of cliches out there and a lot of very
Speaker 1: vague sayings that people try to exactly like just get
Speaker 1: over it exactly, you know, or like just be the
Speaker 1: best you you can be, and which are all fun
Speaker 1: and great. Well, I got I've created a profile for
Speaker 1: somebody who's single who got broken up with two months
Speaker 1: ago because of distance. I think I put um so
Speaker 1: because I wanted to create something that a profile for
Speaker 1: somebody that was maybe going through a breakup currently and
Speaker 1: trying to mend a broken heart, because that's what the
Speaker 1: app is all about. But having said that, the app
Speaker 1: is more than that, which I do really like. And
Speaker 1: for me, while there wasn't that much human interaction throughout
Speaker 1: the text, as soon as your voice came on, it
Speaker 1: was very comforting and I didn't realize that I had
Speaker 1: get that much comfort, just a formative monologue of saying, Hey,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay, We're here for you, and that
Speaker 1: was the really nice part of the app. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: I thought was a really nice touch because when I
Speaker 1: google how to get Over a breakup? There isn't there's
Speaker 1: no human interaction, but with this app, there is, and
Speaker 1: that's the big difference, and it is personalized for each
Speaker 1: person going through different circumstances. Unlike when you just google
Speaker 1: how do I Get over a breakup? There's so many
Speaker 1: different answers out there for this, it is for somebody
Speaker 1: going through a very specific type of breakup. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: since since we're on the topic of let's say a
Speaker 1: long distance or instelity, since those are two topics you
Speaker 1: guys brought up, what are some important things to successfully
Speaker 1: get through a breakup like that. What kind of advice
Speaker 1: would someone like that fine on the app? Mmm, well
Speaker 1: those are two really different types of breakups. But I
Speaker 1: would say so infidelity is one of the most common
Speaker 1: breakup reasons for vendors. So I think the last time
Speaker 1: I looked at still ranked number two. What's number one?
Speaker 1: Number one is commitment? UM. Not surprising for our generation.
Speaker 1: Everyone from everyone app pretty much. So we actually have
Speaker 1: users in over a hundred and sixty countries, So I
Speaker 1: think it's a global trend. UM. I do think for me,
Speaker 1: I think it just speaks to UM kind of the
Speaker 1: age group of our of our audience, which is, you know,
Speaker 1: mostly millennial, and I think that there's so much access
Speaker 1: to new relationships UM that it does take more I think,
Speaker 1: to commit than it than it maybe did in the past. UM.
Speaker 1: But when it comes to infidelity, we have a lot
Speaker 1: of trainings on infidelity. UM. I would say trust. We
Speaker 1: have a lot of trainings on rebuilding trust. But I
Speaker 1: think one of the most fundamental things that we really
Speaker 1: try to impress upon people is that even though it
Speaker 1: feels so personal, you can't take UM infidelity personally. UM.
Speaker 1: So you can't see it as a reflection on your
Speaker 1: own worth or your hard It's so hard and so
Speaker 1: it's not something that you listen to one three minute
Speaker 1: training and you feel better. But that's the whole point
Speaker 1: of men, is that you know it's a it's a
Speaker 1: long term companion. You're you're checking in every day, You're
Speaker 1: getting a training every day, and you're slowly building towards
Speaker 1: towards something. So you guys are like personal trainers, because
Speaker 1: that's what the New York Times called you, which is
Speaker 1: quite impressive, I must say, do you find that accurate?
Speaker 1: Would you consider yourself like a personal trainer? With love
Speaker 1: or broken hearts? Absolutely? You know. I just saw have
Speaker 1: you guys seen the Fred Rogers documentary? Okay, well, so
Speaker 1: there's a documentary on him, and um he says. One
Speaker 1: of the things that he says that I loved, Isn't
Speaker 1: it is Fred Rogers? Mr Rogers? Okay, Okay, I was
Speaker 1: going to say, I was like Fred Rogers? Who the
Speaker 1: hell is that? Okay? Mr Rogers? Aging myself? I think
Speaker 1: I am the oldest one. Two Rogers I used to
Speaker 1: watch is Rogers? Oh yeah, of course. Won't you be
Speaker 1: my neighbor? True fans also know his first name. But anyways,
Speaker 1: in this documentary, one of the things that you said
Speaker 1: is that love is at the root of everything, either
Speaker 1: love or the lack of it. And I really believe that,
Speaker 1: and so yes, I consider us, you know, personal trainers
Speaker 1: for heartbreak. Um. I think that there's so many other areas,
Speaker 1: like when it comes to finances, you get like a
Speaker 1: financial planner, and when it comes to fitness sometimes you
Speaker 1: get a personal trainer. Um And why not have that
Speaker 1: for one of the most core parts of who you
Speaker 1: are as a person? Your heart? Yeah? I totally agree.
Speaker 1: Um So, I have a quick question to you talk
Speaker 1: about training that you go through on the app. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you have any type of couples training or is
Speaker 1: this specific for one person going through one circumstance. That
Speaker 1: is a great question. Um. So, we we are very
Speaker 1: focused on the individual who's using men um So, we're
Speaker 1: really focused on helping you through your your breakup experience
Speaker 1: and then also helping you develop the relation and ship
Speaker 1: that you have with yourself, which really does set the
Speaker 1: foundation for the relationship you have with other people. But
Speaker 1: we are really focused on just that one person. But
Speaker 1: we do have people who are in couples who use
Speaker 1: men at the same time. So because al right, so
Speaker 1: at the end of when I signed up for the profile,
Speaker 1: at the end there's a journal. Yeah. Now when you
Speaker 1: when I write into the journal, is the app responding
Speaker 1: or do you guys go through that at all and
Speaker 1: kind of read some you know, the journals are encrypted,
Speaker 1: they're private, so nobody can read the journals except for
Speaker 1: yourself whoever is writing it exactly. Yeah, so no one
Speaker 1: on our team can not even our engineers can read it.
Speaker 1: And that that was really important to me because I
Speaker 1: felt like, um, you know, writing is very therapeutic, um,
Speaker 1: but it's also something it's very private, and so we
Speaker 1: wanted to keep that private for people. It's funny because
Speaker 1: we have some people who write in and they ask us,
Speaker 1: you know, can we pay extra for you to read
Speaker 1: the journal and give us more advice? Um, But I
Speaker 1: think it's just kind of a slippery slope. I think
Speaker 1: the majority of people really see that as a safe
Speaker 1: space where they can express whatever they're feeling and not
Speaker 1: be worried about reading. Yeah. Yeah, so every day you journal, um,
Speaker 1: which you know, a lot of the a lot of
Speaker 1: research has been done. Then it's really helpful to journal
Speaker 1: and check in daily UM when you're going through a breakup.
Speaker 1: But the progress tracking is really around UM a couple
Speaker 1: of metrics in the app. So we have we tracked
Speaker 1: two things. When you're going through a breakup, we track
Speaker 1: days since X contact UM and then we track yeah,
Speaker 1: last X contact and then we track days since breakup.
Speaker 1: And you have the ability to actually hide those if
Speaker 1: you don't want to track it UM. But I think
Speaker 1: the X contact one is really important. It's one of
Speaker 1: our most used features, and we in our community actually
Speaker 1: people will share UM their count and share that milestone
Speaker 1: like every week, like, hey, guys, you know it's been
Speaker 1: sixty days, the hardest sixty days of my life, but UM,
Speaker 1: you know I'm doing it one day at a time.
Speaker 1: Do you think you should cut off communication with an
Speaker 1: x UM? I So one of the things that I
Speaker 1: love about what we do is that we personalize our advice.
Speaker 1: But I will yeah, in general, that is one of
Speaker 1: the things that I do really stand by with men,
Speaker 1: but also personally, I don't think that you have to
Speaker 1: cut someone out forever. I think it is really important
Speaker 1: and research backs this up that if you're trying to
Speaker 1: move forward you need to have some buffer room to recalibrate.
Speaker 1: And it goes to the fact that UM, so much
Speaker 1: of a relationship is hormonal and neurochemical and if you UM,
Speaker 1: if you stay connected to your ex, you're still exchanging
Speaker 1: all of this hormonal feedback with them and UM it's
Speaker 1: very much like an addiction. So the only way that
Speaker 1: you will UM, you know, eventually be able to be
Speaker 1: friends with them, UM or have any type of relationship
Speaker 1: down the line with them is if you kind of
Speaker 1: take a break and break that chemical bond UM and UH.
Speaker 1: It's something that Helen Fisher has studied a lot. Who's
Speaker 1: Who's one of the experts on love UM, but she
Speaker 1: recommended about sixty days what you need to get through
Speaker 1: that hump that like withdrawal period. And it really feels
Speaker 1: like withdrawal. I'm sure you guys have experienced that before,
Speaker 1: but it is like, yeah, well that's what I was saying.
Speaker 1: This app is kind of like whenever you have that
Speaker 1: orde where you wake up I finally like the after breakup. UM.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys th relate to this.
Speaker 1: The morning are the worst because you're waking up, like
Speaker 1: you check your phone and you kind of have some
Speaker 1: sort of expectation that they would have emailed you or
Speaker 1: texted you, or you would have had like a miscall
Speaker 1: from them the next day, you know, and yeah, like, no,
Speaker 1: they did not think of me during the night or
Speaker 1: last night or this morning, and they haven't messaged me.
Speaker 1: Kind of like start off your day with that expectation.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, well, you know, maybe I'll hear from
Speaker 1: them throughout the day. So I think that app is great. Um,
Speaker 1: Like I said, to keep this dignity to UM, I
Speaker 1: have a question, how does one I guess, for lack
Speaker 1: of a better term, graduate from this aspect? How does
Speaker 1: how do you, um, how do you succeed uh like
Speaker 1: the break up? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: I mean I think it's different for everyone. Every heartbreak
Speaker 1: is so unique. But one of the things that we
Speaker 1: see happen when people are kind of beyond that really acute,
Speaker 1: painful heartbreak phase is that they change which milestones they're tracking.
Speaker 1: So instead of tracking day since X contact day since breakup,
Speaker 1: they start tracking how many trainings they've done, um. And
Speaker 1: that's that's basically switching from what we call break up
Speaker 1: milestones to mending milestones um. And we also notice that,
Speaker 1: you know, every week we ask you to choose themes
Speaker 1: that are top of mind for you that you need
Speaker 1: help with, and we start to see that people are
Speaker 1: choosing themes around self care, self love, dating, We have
Speaker 1: you know, dating content, relationship content, and they start choosing
Speaker 1: other types of things so they're not so focused on
Speaker 1: their X and their breakup. And that's really I think
Speaker 1: the turning point for a lot of people. And I
Speaker 1: think that's the point of this app, which is so good.
Speaker 1: It acts as kind of a filler, like it makes
Speaker 1: you focus on the app rather than your X because
Speaker 1: I've been there before. I'm sure a lot of people
Speaker 1: have been there before. Listen to this where like, you
Speaker 1: have that X that you still just kind of hang
Speaker 1: out with, that you still might like get together with,
Speaker 1: spend nights with, and just get back into that comfort zone,
Speaker 1: and it's just so unhealthy because what you really need
Speaker 1: is to distract yourself and get away from that situation.
Speaker 1: And I think this is a great app to do that,
Speaker 1: to try to really focus your energy on something else,
Speaker 1: whether it be through text, messaging, training, journal writing, rather
Speaker 1: than focusing on your EX. Because checking their Instagram stories exactly,
Speaker 1: stocking them on social media. It's like totally, it's like
Speaker 1: the modern day way of driving past somebody's house, you
Speaker 1: know how like people used to drive past their house
Speaker 1: if the car stone driveway going through somebody's Instagram is
Speaker 1: the exact same way. But now it's way easier to
Speaker 1: do that because you're not going to get caught unless
Speaker 1: you accidentally like one of their pictures from like twelve
Speaker 1: weeks prior, and then that's really embarrassing. Yeah, we actually
Speaker 1: have we have a meme about that on our Instagram account. Um,
Speaker 1: that is one of the worst things ever when you
Speaker 1: get caught doing that, but it's it's the most common
Speaker 1: breakup vice. Instagram is so hard and that's the hardest
Speaker 1: part of bart breaking up today is that like they're
Speaker 1: still just right in your face. And so yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: I advocate when you say, like block them, just cut
Speaker 1: off communication for a while, because that's the healthiest thing.
Speaker 1: I think blocking is a little bit much. Um, I
Speaker 1: think like maybe just deleting them off of your you know,
Speaker 1: do you have good will power? Though, especially if they
Speaker 1: are a public profile. Even if they're public I just
Speaker 1: feel like it's unless it ended that be like I've
Speaker 1: never really had a horrible breakup with anyone, but of course,
Speaker 1: like I'm an emultiple person, so for me, it was
Speaker 1: like a big deal to break up every even I
Speaker 1: dated someone for like two weeks. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1: like why do we break up? But I for me,
Speaker 1: it's just a level of respect, Like I'm not going
Speaker 1: to block them. I don't think it's delete them. I'll
Speaker 1: delete them so that like for me, it's like I
Speaker 1: don't know, I guess it's all psychological for me, like
Speaker 1: I'll delete their number off of my phone, and it's
Speaker 1: that's like for me, a way to um kind of
Speaker 1: start like dissolving, do you you know, like that the
Speaker 1: relations and ships so that I can start from scratch,
Speaker 1: but still maintaining that respect for the person that I dated.
Speaker 1: Having to go the extra mile of like blocking them
Speaker 1: and being traumatic totally. Yeah. But for me, I just
Speaker 1: don't have the willpower. If I just simply do need somebody,
Speaker 1: I'm going to still somehow get their number and still
Speaker 1: either contact of them or like even with Instagram or
Speaker 1: Facebook or Twitter whatever, Like sure I can un follow them,
Speaker 1: but you're I mean, I'm still going to search you
Speaker 1: and try to find you. What I need to do
Speaker 1: is like take drastic measures. And it's not a respect
Speaker 1: thing for me. It's not like I don't cherish the
Speaker 1: time we have, But for me, the healthiest thing is
Speaker 1: really cut off communication. And it's really difficult to do that.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's easy. What I'm saying is I
Speaker 1: advocate it, and like it's not a disrespect thing. It
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with that I hate you. It's
Speaker 1: more so I need to just cut you out of
Speaker 1: my life for a little while, because if I don't,
Speaker 1: then you're going to consume a lot of my time,
Speaker 1: and that time I need to move on. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think if you have to keep yourself in check, right,
Speaker 1: like if it becomes an unhealthy obsession, which for a
Speaker 1: lot of people it does. I mean, Instagram is so
Speaker 1: addictive and then you're going through withdrawals, so all you
Speaker 1: want to see is a photo of your ex um
Speaker 1: And they've actually they've done research that seeing a photo
Speaker 1: of your ex triggers the same things in your brain
Speaker 1: as you know seeing them in real life. So it
Speaker 1: is it's so important to just be mindful of what
Speaker 1: you're doing. On Instagram and how much time you're spending,
Speaker 1: how much is talking you're doing. I just want to
Speaker 1: go on an excess profile and see a picture of
Speaker 1: them crying and how sad they are without me and lonely.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see them like with somebody else,
Speaker 1: how happy they are. That's why I go on their
Speaker 1: vocation on vacation. They're doing so much better without. We
Speaker 1: all know that whatever you see on social media half
Speaker 1: the time is not real. It's true. How can everyone
Speaker 1: have like a perfect life on you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if they're posting all these amazing pictures
Speaker 1: of them on vacation and like out having fun and
Speaker 1: looking good, it's probably they're probably hoping that you're checking
Speaker 1: their Instagram paid to see it's you know, it's how
Speaker 1: they're doing so that they can make you feel worse
Speaker 1: about the breakup. And I fall into the trap every
Speaker 1: single time by used their not anymore. I'm very happy,
Speaker 1: but it's good for whoever's listening for them to understand that,
Speaker 1: you know, totally everything you see on social media is
Speaker 1: like real life guys. So people are sad, some people
Speaker 1: are happy, but again, at the at the end of
Speaker 1: the day comes down to what like you said there,
Speaker 1: it comes down to will power, and I uh, I
Speaker 1: guess I have a little bit of little power to
Speaker 1: not go out of my way to contact someone. But
Speaker 1: you know what, that's not true. I've lost my dignity
Speaker 1: in so many situations after breakup and my friends like
Speaker 1: stop texting, stop calling them, Like it's hard, it's just,
Speaker 1: it's just And I didn't know if this mendap existed,
Speaker 1: so now I do totally. It's like an addiction. It's
Speaker 1: unbelievable talking about like social media. It is funny, like
Speaker 1: if I'm out somewhere and I'll see, you know, a
Speaker 1: group of girls, are a group of guys and they're
Speaker 1: just kind of hanging out, but then like somebody about
Speaker 1: to post a selfie and they all start yelling and
Speaker 1: like yeah, like calling crab the best time ever. And
Speaker 1: then they'll take the picture and I'll look at it
Speaker 1: and immediately going back to like just kind of standing
Speaker 1: around and and it's like unbelievable, how you're absolutely right
Speaker 1: in us. So where my mind when I'm out, If
Speaker 1: I'm out at a concert and having fun and like
Speaker 1: I see people do that, I realize oh my god,
Speaker 1: they're just doing it for the Graham. But then I
Speaker 1: go back home and I'm watching TV by myself, you know,
Speaker 1: not anymore. I have my beautiful fanc with me. But
Speaker 1: years ago, when I was watching TV by myself, and
Speaker 1: I'd go on Instagram and see these people doing the
Speaker 1: exact same thing I just saw. For some reason, that
Speaker 1: still triggers FOMO. And even though I know that they're
Speaker 1: just doing it for the phone, I don't know. It's
Speaker 1: a hard thing to to really get, but I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: One thing that I think can be really helpful, and
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people have started doing this now,
Speaker 1: especially menders, but doing kind of an audit of who
Speaker 1: you're following on Instagram and just make sure that you're
Speaker 1: following really positive accounts that uplift you, that are more
Speaker 1: like advice oriented um, because sometimes you don't realize the
Speaker 1: impact of all the content you're scrolling through and you
Speaker 1: might actually need to change the content that you're seeing
Speaker 1: during that peer it. And I think we oftentimes forget
Speaker 1: social interaction like actually, you know, hanging out with your
Speaker 1: friend and having face to face conversations with them, like
Speaker 1: it's it's crazy and I'm you know, I'm I'm guil
Speaker 1: give this where I'm like, oh, well, I have so
Speaker 1: much to today, but I'll you know, FaceTime my mom
Speaker 1: instead of drive up to her house and go see
Speaker 1: her in person when we live in the same city.
Speaker 1: So I think it's important to also have like that
Speaker 1: balance of yes, having a lifting positive accounts on your Instagram,
Speaker 1: but really like go back to the basics. Remember when
Speaker 1: we were kids, we didn't have cell phones or like
Speaker 1: any way of communicating with their family until like you
Speaker 1: knew the sun was setting. But that's when you have
Speaker 1: to go home. My friend is at my house now,
Speaker 1: and she's like I was messaging Her'm like, hey, where
Speaker 1: are you five minutes? Wait, Hey, I'm here. You know,
Speaker 1: like instead of me just going downstairs and waiting for her,
Speaker 1: I was like texting her every five minutes to see
Speaker 1: where she was. As Yeah, as a kid, I'd be
Speaker 1: playing tagger on the neighborhood, running around not even caring
Speaker 1: and not having care in the world. And now like
Speaker 1: I take two steps away from my condo without my
Speaker 1: phone and wall and I start crying because I'm afraid
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get lost. Um, I do want to ask
Speaker 1: this al really quickly, UM, because you had a very
Speaker 1: famous female actor that had an interview exactly great mind
Speaker 1: stick of Life Vanessa. So you had Jessica Alba to
Speaker 1: an interview. How did that happen? Yeah? How did it happen?
Speaker 1: And Yeah, so that was an amazing, UM, really surreal moment.
Speaker 1: We went on the show called Planet of the Apps,
Speaker 1: which was an Apple series that is an amazing name, UM,
Speaker 1: and we had to it was sort of like the Voice,
Speaker 1: So we had to do a pitch and I was
Speaker 1: on a moving escalator UM and was pitching to h
Speaker 1: Jessica Alba, Gwyneth Paltrow, Will I Am, and Gary v
Speaker 1: Um and had to pitch them on the idea of
Speaker 1: why they should be my mentor and helped me through
Speaker 1: this incubator period. And then together UM, Jessica and I
Speaker 1: pitched to Light Speed Ventures, which is a big VC
Speaker 1: in Silicon Valley. They were one of the first investors
Speaker 1: that snapchat UM and try to get them to give
Speaker 1: me money. So I went through Yeah, I went through
Speaker 1: that experience with her, and that was right before we
Speaker 1: launched the app. UM. It was incredible. She's, you know,
Speaker 1: an expert brand builder and storyteller. And she helped me
Speaker 1: through the rebrand of men um and through the launch
Speaker 1: of our app. It was it was amazing. And she
Speaker 1: she still involved with the app, so, I mean she
Speaker 1: is very supportive from the sideline. She's not intimately involved
Speaker 1: with what we're doing on a on a day to
Speaker 1: day basis. She has quite a bit going on. She's
Speaker 1: a little Yeah she just had third kid. Um No,
Speaker 1: but she looks amazing. Yeah, she's she's amazing and was
Speaker 1: so helpful through that process. Um And we're really lucky that,
Speaker 1: you know, she is one of our mentors. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: pretty incredible when you have Jessica Alba helping you launch
Speaker 1: your app. So, Jessica, if you're looking to them, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, launch another app. Any idea is just come.
Speaker 1: You can find me at help I suck a dating
Speaker 1: at ihart media dot com. Um. But l I want
Speaker 1: to thank you so much for coming in. This was
Speaker 1: such a wonderful interview. Thanks for having me. It was
Speaker 1: fun to be here. I'm a big supporter of the app.
Speaker 1: I have one question actually for you guys about your
Speaker 1: cover art that I'm dying to know. Is it is
Speaker 1: it like a menage version of the Titanic stands with
Speaker 1: I never thought of it in that way. Are so
Speaker 1: our cover picture Vanessa, the one that is for help.
Speaker 1: I've been trying to figure and myself for lifting you up.
Speaker 1: That's not my idea, Mike, Let's do something silly, and
Speaker 1: that was that was silly Metanic reference. Okay, I've been
Speaker 1: trying to figure that out for the longest time we
Speaker 1: were doing We just kind of it was like, hey,
Speaker 1: let's lift Vanessa up, and then we took a picture
Speaker 1: and then that became the cover art of the podcast.
Speaker 1: And I love how I'm smiling. I'm like smiling like
Speaker 1: a twelve year old little boy. Vanessa's giggling because she
Speaker 1: has two men just lifting up in the air and DiCaprio,
Speaker 1: No Dean is leading on DiCaprio, and then Dean just
Speaker 1: has this look on his face like if I had
Speaker 1: a nick for every time I lifted a girl in
Speaker 1: the air. UM, l thank you so much for coming in.
Speaker 1: Um guys, definitely go check out the men'd app anybody
Speaker 1: going through a broken heart, and even if you're not,
Speaker 1: you're just going through some maybe difficult times from relationship
Speaker 1: and really just want somebody to talk to definitely go
Speaker 1: check out this app. Um l is there anything else
Speaker 1: you'd like to say? Add in where people can find you?
Speaker 1: You can find us on the app store, um so
Speaker 1: where iOS only right now? And you can follow us
Speaker 1: on social media. Let's mend And if you want to
Speaker 1: follow me, I'm Ellen Werta on Instagram. Perfect and that's
Speaker 1: m E N D. Mend. All right, thanks, hell, thank
Speaker 1: you bye? Well that was great. L Wow, she was
Speaker 1: really impressive. Huh good god? Alright, all I'm a lonesome
Speaker 1: on that one. UM. What she did have though, when
Speaker 1: she first walked in I noticed right away was a
Speaker 1: beautiful head of hair. That's very important to me. I know, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: but you have beautiful hair, so you get to see
Speaker 1: yourself in the mirror every day so much. You're always complimentary.
Speaker 1: You know. I tried beautiful hair Jessica Alba, who is
Speaker 1: also part of that app, um that we were talking about.
Speaker 1: Men uh love dusk gals of hair. I was actually
Speaker 1: just listening to Ariana Grande. That's another celebrity that I
Speaker 1: think has great hair. It's always like in a high
Speaker 1: pony talents like super thick and lustius. Wait, how can
Speaker 1: you know that she has great hair. If it's always
Speaker 1: in a point of tale, you can tell the pot
Speaker 1: it's thick. Yeah. So when I tie my hair like
Speaker 1: I'm like, I hope it looks like Ariana Grande. It
Speaker 1: looks like it's thick, it's long, it's shiny. You want
Speaker 1: to have You don't want to only have great hair
Speaker 1: when your hair down as a girl, great hair when
Speaker 1: it's curly and trade and the pony celler and a bun.
Speaker 1: If you if you can picture any celebrity with amazing
Speaker 1: hair like dusk Alvo Oriana Grande, you can bet that
Speaker 1: they have a stylist who cools them in to the yummy,
Speaker 1: delicious little gummies sugar Bear Hair. Sugar Bear Hair is
Speaker 1: the a best seller on Amazon with thousands of great reviews.
Speaker 1: You guys have to see me post about it. Actually
Speaker 1: just got my fit meant I think last week of
Speaker 1: like six new bottles, I'm really excited. Um. They taste
Speaker 1: like sweet delicious candy made with real juice from real berries,
Speaker 1: but contain everything you need for stronger and healthier hair.
Speaker 1: There gluten free, soy free, cruelty free. They support strength
Speaker 1: and shine of your hair and nails. Um I've been
Speaker 1: using it for you know, maybe a little bit over
Speaker 1: a year. My hair grows a lot longer, and I
Speaker 1: do feel like it's it's like a little bit thicker now. Um.
Speaker 1: It has as much vitamin A as four cups of broccoli,
Speaker 1: as much vitamin C as one cup of cranberries, and
Speaker 1: as much vitamin B twelve as four organic eggs. Nutrients
Speaker 1: and sugar Bear hair fans also found their nails and
Speaker 1: skin quality improved over time. So everyone that's been asking
Speaker 1: me and damming me about what my skin carotin is,
Speaker 1: nothing has changed. Um, But I guess there is a
Speaker 1: Cigar Bay hair. I didn't think of it that my
Speaker 1: skin quality. You know, it's like shine no signier, but
Speaker 1: it looks like jewier my skin. I'm sure it looks wonderful.
Speaker 1: I wish I could see you in person so I
Speaker 1: can compliment you. But you've always had great skin, and
Speaker 1: sugar Bear hair is just improving it, which I didn't
Speaker 1: even know it was possible. Sugar Bear hair, good God,
Speaker 1: it is amazing. Actually loves it, Vanessa, I know that
Speaker 1: you love it, So listen. I know you guys are
Speaker 1: gonna love it as well. Everybody listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1: So what you have to do in order to get
Speaker 1: this is you go to sugar Bear Hair dot com.
Speaker 1: Slash help You go there for beautiful hair and a
Speaker 1: healthier you that sugar Bear Hair dot com slash help
Speaker 1: h e l P sugar Bear Hair dot com slash
Speaker 1: help go there today to get your shipment of sugar
Speaker 1: Bear hair. Vanessa loves it. I'm gonna try it out
Speaker 1: and get some. I mean, my fing hair is already
Speaker 1: pretty thick, so I don't know if I want to
Speaker 1: get it that much thicker. But they do taste delicious,
Speaker 1: so it's really hard to turn turn down. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: we also have another wonderful guest that's waiting on the
Speaker 1: line for us. This guest his name is Bill Freeman.
Speaker 1: He is from a online matchmaking website called love Story
Speaker 1: Matchmaking dot com. Bill, are you there? Hey? Bill? How
Speaker 1: are you doing? This is Jared, So it's Jared and
Speaker 1: Vanessa okay, and I'm joined by Sonia. Okay, yes, Sonia,
Speaker 1: how are you hi? Thank you for having us, No,
Speaker 1: thank you for coming into our podcast. We appreciate it.
Speaker 1: So tell us a little bit about your website, love
Speaker 1: Story Matchmaking dot com. Um love Story match Making dot
Speaker 1: Com is an exclusive offline match making agency. UM. We
Speaker 1: pride ourselves on taking the process offline, making it more personal,
Speaker 1: making it more offline. Of um, none of the profiles
Speaker 1: that we that people fill out, all the information they
Speaker 1: give us is not available to anyone online. It's for
Speaker 1: our internal use only for match making purposes. Okay, if
Speaker 1: that makes sense. It makes perfect sense. Yes, so it
Speaker 1: because it's um, it attracts. Uh. You know a person
Speaker 1: that is a busy professional that doesn't have time for
Speaker 1: all of the online dating apps, who wants a little privacy,
Speaker 1: a little more you know, exclusivity, a more tailored need
Speaker 1: um approach to matchmaking. That's fair. So my question is
Speaker 1: you guys, are you go online to find love story
Speaker 1: matchmaking dot Com But then you say that your matchmaking
Speaker 1: is offline, so they put in a little they do
Speaker 1: a survey. Correct, everybody goes on does a survey to
Speaker 1: kind of personalize their little profile. And then what do
Speaker 1: you guys do after that? Exactly? So they'll they'll log
Speaker 1: into our system, give us some basic information about them,
Speaker 1: and then someone's and our team will reach out and
Speaker 1: get them started with a profile and give them a
Speaker 1: password to access all of the detailed information that we
Speaker 1: need to get them started, and then they're able to
Speaker 1: upload their photos from there, and then we'll schedule UM
Speaker 1: and in depth conversation consultation with with everyone who's come
Speaker 1: to the system in the ditches that we do identity verification,
Speaker 1: background checks, personality testing and so UM. You know a
Speaker 1: lot of people's experience with the online apps, UM, and
Speaker 1: there's a lot of them is that you know you
Speaker 1: don't you don't know what you're actually getting. And we
Speaker 1: do a lot of the leg work and verification and
Speaker 1: and find out a lot about you and and your
Speaker 1: what your personality is really all about, and helps our clients,
Speaker 1: UM find somebody uh that they're really looking for. So
Speaker 1: I have a question. I'm single. Let's say I were
Speaker 1: to sign up to love Story match making dot com
Speaker 1: I were to build my profile. Would I be the
Speaker 1: one to hand pick the person I think that suits me?
Speaker 1: Or would you come back to me with a list
Speaker 1: of men that you think would be a great match
Speaker 1: for me? So how would work? Is if you were
Speaker 1: a client of love Story and I'm searching on your behalf, UM,
Speaker 1: you fill out your profile, I get to know you
Speaker 1: really well go through all your criteria points, what you're
Speaker 1: looking for, who you're looking to meet. UM, you know
Speaker 1: in detail, and it equates to an executive search almost
Speaker 1: if you can visualize that. So UM, I would find
Speaker 1: him for you and the course of one year, it's
Speaker 1: a year contract. You would meet you know, anywhere from
Speaker 1: two to three introductions a month that are vetted and
Speaker 1: based on the criteria points that are important to you,
Speaker 1: so that you will be the WIT. I meet everyone
Speaker 1: in person, yes exactly. I would send you the men
Speaker 1: and bring the introductions to you UM, one at a time,
Speaker 1: so you wouldn't see you would see a bio before
Speaker 1: you UM, before the introduction, and of course I would
Speaker 1: bring them to life and tell you all about them
Speaker 1: and everything I know about them and their personality, you know,
Speaker 1: everything that's important about meeting someone. I kind of do
Speaker 1: the coffee date first for you, and then you would
Speaker 1: know the first date you take. You do that for us,
Speaker 1: Yes exactly. I meet everyone in person and make sure
Speaker 1: that it's a match before you can hang out with them.
Speaker 1: That's really interesting. I like that because it's always that
Speaker 1: awkward first moment where you're like, oh, what do you do?
Speaker 1: What do you do. And then sometimes it's just you
Speaker 1: find out that you have nothing in common. And what
Speaker 1: you're matchmaking does is that you guys, make sure that
Speaker 1: you do have common interests and that you do live
Speaker 1: in similar areas to make sure that this is something
Speaker 1: that could potentially work for the long term. I really
Speaker 1: like that exactly exactly, and even like relationship goals and
Speaker 1: it gets really, you know, deeper than that. It's like,
Speaker 1: what are your relationship goals? Are you looking for? You know,
Speaker 1: to date? Is? Are you marriage minded? Are you you know,
Speaker 1: um you ever see yourself getting married or having children,
Speaker 1: or you know, really getting down to the details of
Speaker 1: what the basis of a relationship can build on before
Speaker 1: you even meet that person. So, Bill Sonia, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for coming in. We really appreciate you coming
Speaker 1: in and talking about your love story match making. It's
Speaker 1: a very interesting idea, very uh different. I like how
Speaker 1: it's offline dating, not online dating, and that's something that
Speaker 1: intrigues me a lot. Um do you guys, do you
Speaker 1: guys have anything else you want you want to talk
Speaker 1: about before we let you go where we can find
Speaker 1: you the online, the website, yes, just you know, log
Speaker 1: into love Story, Max making dot Com and fill out
Speaker 1: you know, go go to the about you and we
Speaker 1: will contact you with us an even password to get
Speaker 1: going and start your own love story. Awesome. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Thank you guys, really appreciate it. Bill and
Speaker 1: Zana from love love Story Matchmaking dot Com thank you
Speaker 1: guys so much for joining us. Thank you, Jared. I
Speaker 1: have a question for you. I went on love Story
Speaker 1: match Making dot com to see will was all about
Speaker 1: and how they have a they have a personality test
Speaker 1: um to better Matthew with like uh with a partner,
Speaker 1: And then I was thinking, so, you know, like dating
Speaker 1: is really not easy, and like I'm in right now
Speaker 1: trying to date, and I start thinking of, you know,
Speaker 1: I want someone who has similar personality treats as me.
Speaker 1: But then it's also like, let's say I think, and
Speaker 1: hopefully I'm formulating this question properly and it makes sense.
Speaker 1: Let's say I think I'm someone who's intelligent, but I don't.
Speaker 1: You are intelligent, Vanessa, Okay, thank you? So like and
Speaker 1: then you and I meet a guy and the guys
Speaker 1: more intelligent than I am, and then he becomes intimidating,
Speaker 1: and then it becomes like an awkward you know, like
Speaker 1: I can't fully be myself because then the one thing
Speaker 1: that I knew I was really good at, or the
Speaker 1: one um quality that I had that was really like
Speaker 1: intriguing to men, has now become something that I don't
Speaker 1: think I can have. And you know what I mean
Speaker 1: because like he takes over that quality. So you want
Speaker 1: to be So you're trying to say you want to
Speaker 1: be smarter than your significant not you know, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to give like an example of like a quality that
Speaker 1: you think you have. Like let's say, dare you're do
Speaker 1: you want to be with something like well, now you're
Speaker 1: in days, but like when you're dating and you did
Speaker 1: you want to date someone that was funny as well?
Speaker 1: Or did you want to date someone that just enjoyed
Speaker 1: your humor? Yeah, I got you. You're like George Costanza
Speaker 1: right now from Seinfeld, where like he can't do anybody
Speaker 1: funnier than him. Like it's just I I got you
Speaker 1: um for me quality that like I think, Uh, I
Speaker 1: don't think I've ever really thought about equality that I
Speaker 1: want to have some you know, like over Ashley. I
Speaker 1: mean when like when you were like dating, you know,
Speaker 1: like now I'm I'm open to dating um, and I'm
Speaker 1: starting to think of, Okay, of course I want to
Speaker 1: be and I am being more selective with the men
Speaker 1: that i'm in fighting into my personal space of course,
Speaker 1: as you will should. Yeah, and then and I start thinking, like,
Speaker 1: am I just becoming way too picky because there's you
Speaker 1: know and you know like and then like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: because like, oh it's fun you're face. I don't want
Speaker 1: to date him because he's funny than me. And that's
Speaker 1: the one thing I know i'm good at for I'm
Speaker 1: not saying I'm funny, but I'm just being a quality that, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, that you think you can have. And I
Speaker 1: think that's the problem that some of us encounter. And
Speaker 1: I agree with maybe Eagle, because you're like, I'm really
Speaker 1: good at this, and I want to be good at that. No,
Speaker 1: you're absolutely right, Vanessa, You're hysterical. But listen, I do
Speaker 1: have an answer for your question now, because when I
Speaker 1: went on the Bachelorrette, I don't know if you remember this,
Speaker 1: I had to choose between two bachelorrettes. I had Britt
Speaker 1: and I had Caitlin, and so I remember going in
Speaker 1: there obviously meeting them both for the first time, thinking
Speaker 1: Caitlin is too funny, Caitlin is too witty, she's too outgoing.
Speaker 1: She like any I always I was always intimidated by
Speaker 1: Caitlin because I thought that while I find myself a
Speaker 1: conversationalist and I'm able to banter, she would always have
Speaker 1: something and she would just out with me, and I
Speaker 1: couldn't keep up, and she would just blow, you know,
Speaker 1: blow the doors off me type thing, right. And so
Speaker 1: that's why I was more intrigued by Britt, because I
Speaker 1: was always intimidated by Caitlin. And then I met them,
Speaker 1: and then I found out, oh wait a minute, no,
Speaker 1: I can keep up with Kaitlin. This is something that
Speaker 1: I'm interested in, and so I think and for me personally,
Speaker 1: it was more so a confidence thing. I'll never forget.
Speaker 1: My first night in the bachelorette, I was I was
Speaker 1: not confident at all. God, I felt like I was
Speaker 1: gonna throw out the entire night. Somehow, miraculously, exactly right,
Speaker 1: miraculously I got a rose and then I was able
Speaker 1: to go in the next week. And I remember thinking
Speaker 1: that if I let my insecurities get the best of me,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be voted off next week. And I'm probably
Speaker 1: gonna look like a jackass because I'm just always going
Speaker 1: to be scared and and shine. Oh no, I don't
Speaker 1: want to like disturb the peace. I don't want to
Speaker 1: cause any drama. I'm just gonna hide in the background.
Speaker 1: And so that week, my first week, it was a
Speaker 1: boxing date that I had, and I remember thinking to myself, Jared,
Speaker 1: you either suck it up and pull yourself up by
Speaker 1: the pants and have this confidence about you, or you're
Speaker 1: gonna let your insecurities get the best of you and
Speaker 1: you're gonna look like an idiot and be sent home
Speaker 1: and you're gonna regret everything. And so that week I
Speaker 1: decided to put all my doubts to the to the
Speaker 1: side and be confident. And then that's when I found
Speaker 1: out that, like, oh my god, I think I might
Speaker 1: have like a connection with this girl, and I think
Speaker 1: I might like her. And and and then I started finding
Speaker 1: that I like, yes, she had a lot of banter,
Speaker 1: and she was witty and clever and funny. But I
Speaker 1: was keeping up because I was just being myself and
Speaker 1: being confident. So I think when you're dating somebody Vanessa,
Speaker 1: and you're out there and you might think that they're
Speaker 1: super funny and smart and intelligent, and they have so
Speaker 1: many things going and you might feel a little intimidated.
Speaker 1: Just try to focus on yourself in that moment and realize,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, I've got my own going on right
Speaker 1: now that I'm really confident about, and focus on that
Speaker 1: rather than focusing on how quote unquote perfect they seem.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense right? Yeah? Now I get that.
Speaker 1: I think it's hard wife when you're especially as you're
Speaker 1: getting I don't. I don't think i'm old, but I
Speaker 1: think as they're getting older. You know, I'm in turning
Speaker 1: thirty one and two months, and I'm like, I want
Speaker 1: to make sure that the next person I invited to
Speaker 1: my little world here and I introduced my friends family
Speaker 1: as someone that I'm really really, really really connecting with
Speaker 1: and I know I can see a future with. So
Speaker 1: I think right now at this I just like I
Speaker 1: and in my head sometimes when I think of why
Speaker 1: why do I like this person or why do I
Speaker 1: not like them? Or why am I intimidated? But you
Speaker 1: gotta get out of your head. But it was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but then, you know, at one point I met someone
Speaker 1: I was a little intimidated. I'm like, why am I intimidated?
Speaker 1: And I think it was because they were so funny,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I can't think it was something funnier
Speaker 1: to like text back to them or to stay back.
Speaker 1: So maybe I'm gonna be and then maybe they might
Speaker 1: perceive me as someone boring, so maybe I just stop talking,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? No, of course, and listen.
Speaker 1: I've I was in my head for a very long time,
Speaker 1: for years until this past January, and I realized that
Speaker 1: because I've been into my in my own head and
Speaker 1: doubting everything and been scared to actually make a decision
Speaker 1: and trust my gut and go with it, I almost
Speaker 1: lost the most important person in my life, which was
Speaker 1: actually and thank god, I realized that I was in
Speaker 1: my own head and realized that I needed to get
Speaker 1: out of my own head in order to achieve the
Speaker 1: goals that I wanted to achieve. And it was the
Speaker 1: best decision that I've ever made in my entire life.
Speaker 1: And so that's my advice, is that the more in
Speaker 1: your head you are, the worst your life is going
Speaker 1: to be. Going your gut, What are you doing here?
Speaker 1: I'm just giving advice, That's what I'm on the podcast
Speaker 1: for I'm giving advice because what I'm telling you is
Speaker 1: follow your heart and trust your gut and go after
Speaker 1: the things you want to go for, because there's nothing
Speaker 1: worse than living with regret. How many times what I
Speaker 1: remember thinking this when I was first talking to Ashley
Speaker 1: and expressing my feelings, because all I could think about
Speaker 1: was all of of of like not old my older friends,
Speaker 1: but just like older guys that I've met throughout my
Speaker 1: life who have always been like, you know, if I
Speaker 1: could go back, I should have said something to her,
Speaker 1: I should have gone after this person, or why the
Speaker 1: hell didn't I say something? And like I was, you know,
Speaker 1: I was too prideful and I never did anything and
Speaker 1: told people how I fell, and I should have told
Speaker 1: them every day how much I love them. And that's
Speaker 1: what all all this was going through my head, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I need to do something. I needed
Speaker 1: to step up to the play. I need to just
Speaker 1: get out of my head and go after what I want.
Speaker 1: And so that would be my advice for you, is that, like,
Speaker 1: don't be don't overthink I do I do, I do,
Speaker 1: go after what I want. I think that just like
Speaker 1: like why did you well, I have one more thing
Speaker 1: I want to say, just very quickly. You know what
Speaker 1: I always um equated to is remember when you've given
Speaker 1: presentations back in school, and you'd be sitting there and like,
Speaker 1: for me, I'd be sweating, I'd be so nervous. I
Speaker 1: never wanted to go in front of the class because
Speaker 1: I knew I was just gonna startter and be shy,
Speaker 1: and I was scared. And then I always remember seeing
Speaker 1: the people up there that were like me, that were
Speaker 1: scared and sweaty, and would become self aware of it
Speaker 1: and be like, I'm really sorry, guys, I'm just nervous,
Speaker 1: and their presentation would suck. And then even though they
Speaker 1: did the work beforehand, they were prepared, but in the moment,
Speaker 1: they just couldn't get out of their own head and
Speaker 1: they were so terrified and their presentation was awful. And
Speaker 1: then you'd get to the next guy who didn't do
Speaker 1: any work beforehand, who just went up there and winged it.
Speaker 1: But because he was so confident in the moment, or
Speaker 1: at least pretending to be confident, his presentation killed because
Speaker 1: he was just able to have charisma and really be
Speaker 1: himself and it didn't matter if he really knew what
Speaker 1: he was talking about or not, but just the fact
Speaker 1: that he was confident in himself and it was entertaining
Speaker 1: to watch. And so I kind of equate that with
Speaker 1: dating a little bit where even though I'm nervous going
Speaker 1: and huh, I don't think it comes down to Like
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say is, I don't think it
Speaker 1: comes down to confidence for me. It's like I, Um,
Speaker 1: if I see something I I wanna you know, pursue,
Speaker 1: or someone I want to pursue, like, I have no
Speaker 1: shame in being that person to either you know, approach
Speaker 1: them or to you know, ask their friends for their number, Like,
Speaker 1: I have no shame of doing that. Um, that's a
Speaker 1: good quald to have, what I'm saying, And that's really
Speaker 1: good to have for me. When I was dating, it
Speaker 1: was more so if I was nervous, I would try
Speaker 1: to overcompensate, and then that's when I was, you know,
Speaker 1: saying dumb things because I was trying to be funnier
Speaker 1: than I actually am. I just trying to come off
Speaker 1: smarter than I actually am when actuality no, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: I'm funny when I can be, and I'm smart in
Speaker 1: certain areas of life. And then other areas I'm dumb
Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with that. And so I think
Speaker 1: I was like asking during for this love story matchmaking
Speaker 1: nott com website, if you have to, you have to
Speaker 1: the personality test, and you like, let's say I would
Speaker 1: want someone funny or whatever? Was someone right? Like? I
Speaker 1: want someone funny? But I'll hear the thing, you know, like,
Speaker 1: how would you like even if someone has all the
Speaker 1: qualities that you think would match your personality type, your
Speaker 1: personality traits? Is it like do you want them more
Speaker 1: educated than you? Lesson? You know what I mean? There's
Speaker 1: always like that. Is that what the personality tests asked?
Speaker 1: Do they want somebody smartest? No? No, no, no. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, like, obviously for personality want someone who I
Speaker 1: don't know? I didn't. I didn't. I want on the
Speaker 1: website to see what they did, but I didn't click
Speaker 1: on the personality the personality. All I'm asking is do
Speaker 1: you think sometimes well, now that you're engaged, we need
Speaker 1: to get Dean on the phone here, I know right
Speaker 1: where is Dean. We'll just talk to me. Listen. I
Speaker 1: I I've lived a very single life for a very
Speaker 1: long time. Yeah, it's just like, do you start thinking, Okay,
Speaker 1: do I like why do I like this guy? I
Speaker 1: like this guy because he has this, this, this, this
Speaker 1: this as personality chase or why am I intimid dated
Speaker 1: by this person? Isn't because they have, you know, more
Speaker 1: success than you And is that's something that you feel
Speaker 1: that that you need to work on individually in order
Speaker 1: to have a successful relation to put that person who
Speaker 1: ultimately has everything that you want in a significant other.
Speaker 1: But it's something that you need to work on. So
Speaker 1: that's what I was trying to say, is does it
Speaker 1: come down to like things that you're ego were things
Speaker 1: that you need to work on because it's just that
Speaker 1: you um, you know that you feel like you need
Speaker 1: to do to be a little bit better at um
Speaker 1: or does it come down to not knowing what it
Speaker 1: is that you want in person in personality face in
Speaker 1: the person that you want to be dating. I think
Speaker 1: feel like I'm talking in circles right now. I don't
Speaker 1: think I'm making sense. Well, what I'm gonna say is
Speaker 1: that I think a lot of people make excuses because
Speaker 1: in actual outly they're just afraid of commitment because it
Speaker 1: is a very scary endeavor. To take on to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to commit myself to this person and just
Speaker 1: you and I pray to God it works out. And
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people are scared of that,
Speaker 1: and I was for a very long time, and I
Speaker 1: kept making excuses to be like, oh, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: not working out because of this, or it's not working
Speaker 1: out because of that, when an actuality wasn't working out
Speaker 1: because I wasn't willing to really, uh you stick to
Speaker 1: my convictions, um and so. And I think that's a
Speaker 1: part of being in your own head because you just
Speaker 1: you know, you always think of the worst rather than
Speaker 1: think of the best, and human beings would just do
Speaker 1: that in nature. And then I also think in terms
Speaker 1: of um, you know, you go out and you're like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I like him for this, or I like him for
Speaker 1: this or for that. I don't think you can really
Speaker 1: quantify love like there's like even when I think about it,
Speaker 1: actually I'm like, yeah, I love her because she's endearing
Speaker 1: and sweet and honest, and I can list off all
Speaker 1: these qualities, but the reason I love her most is
Speaker 1: something that I can't even put into words. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so I think even when for you, when you're
Speaker 1: when you're on dates with people and you're like, you know,
Speaker 1: I really like them, um, because of this and that.
Speaker 1: And I think it comes down to when you know
Speaker 1: you know, and when you get you know, those feelings
Speaker 1: of like I want to pursue something in with this
Speaker 1: with this person. You know. That's um, that's like the
Speaker 1: point where you know, like you just kind of you
Speaker 1: can't describe it. If I'm making that would be my
Speaker 1: best case. I mean, think, definitely, think, you know, always think,
Speaker 1: but just try not to overthink. You know, what we
Speaker 1: need to talk about for a second here, something that's
Speaker 1: very important, very near and dear to my heart. Do
Speaker 1: you guys know nine Day Fiance? Oh, I think a
Speaker 1: lot of us do. Well. There's a show called ninety
Speaker 1: Day Fiance before the ninety Days and guess what it premiers.
Speaker 1: It's back, guys. It's back on Sunday, August five at
Speaker 1: eight o'clock, seven o'clock Central on t l C. It's
Speaker 1: the ninety day condown known around the world. So t
Speaker 1: l S you guys know what that channel is. It
Speaker 1: hits show. Ninety Day Fiance is taking on a journey
Speaker 1: from the very beginning and going before the ninety days.
Speaker 1: These couples fell in love online and now we get
Speaker 1: to see their first date halfway around the world. So
Speaker 1: pretty much they're dating where Dean is right now. Um,
Speaker 1: they're taking a huge risk and putting their life on
Speaker 1: the line for love. Nine to day fiance. It's a
Speaker 1: culture shock, language barriers. There's unexpected twists and turns. Can
Speaker 1: these relationships survive? And who will get down on one
Speaker 1: knee for that long proposal? Some of these couples don't
Speaker 1: even speak the same language and have to use a
Speaker 1: translator app to communicate. That is insane. If Ashley spoke
Speaker 1: a different language, I'm not sure how it would work,
Speaker 1: but I'm excited to see if these couples can make
Speaker 1: it through. Can you imagine buy an engagement ring for
Speaker 1: someone you've never met in person. That's insanity to me,
Speaker 1: but you know, sometimes you gotta take a risk for love.
Speaker 1: It's a leap of faith, really, so sometimes it works.
Speaker 1: Some of them have only talked online. This is just crazy.
Speaker 1: Anything as possible when you meet when they need person
Speaker 1: in a fourth country there to meet them, or will
Speaker 1: they turn out to be who they say they are?
Speaker 1: Will they return home? With caves are heartbroken, so actually sweet.
Speaker 1: Some of the cast Rachel and John So she's a
Speaker 1: single moms from New Mexico. He's from England and has
Speaker 1: a criminal record. They met get this on a karaoke app,
Speaker 1: which actually is my favorite. What is a karaoke app?
Speaker 1: Do you get to meet other people that want to
Speaker 1: sing the same song? I think so. I think it's
Speaker 1: like a dual thing, and you like your screen pops
Speaker 1: up and you can help sing the same song together.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking that you can meet your soul mate on
Speaker 1: karaoke app. I'm feeling good about that one. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'll have to try that out. There's also set two
Speaker 1: year old Angela is from Georgia and head over heels
Speaker 1: for her thirty year old Nigerian sweetheart Michael, whose friend's
Speaker 1: question why he's dating a grandma? That's not nice? A
Speaker 1: grandma years old? She might be a grandma and age
Speaker 1: this is the number. And then there's Marta and DIA's
Speaker 1: my favorite. Martha is a Catholic exotic answer and Dia
Speaker 1: is a Muslim and doesn't speak English. She's flying to
Speaker 1: Algeria to meet him. So this is um sounds like
Speaker 1: three interesting Days. I would love to see again. It's
Speaker 1: ninety days before the ninety Days premiere Sunday, August fifth,
Speaker 1: at eight seven Central, Honor Chia on TLC Channel Wheel.
Speaker 1: All up to us, Um, this is really interesting. It's
Speaker 1: crazy to think that, like, you're gonna go and meet
Speaker 1: you're the person that you might be engaged to. Don't
Speaker 1: speak the same language. I've only spoken online, never met
Speaker 1: each other, and you're gonna go and you're gonna take
Speaker 1: the risk of hopefully finding love with that person. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: look at us. I mean we ended up on the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: So hey, anything is possible. Anything is possible. I truly
Speaker 1: believe that. I'm excited to check it out. Nine fiance
Speaker 1: before the ninety Days check it out, guys. August five.
Speaker 1: All right, so do we have time for emails? I
Speaker 1: think there's a few that we got it. There are
Speaker 1: something here, yes, Jack Pot, Jack Pott, Hi, everybody, Hi,
Speaker 1: here's Heather. Heather says a guy in tender was talking
Speaker 1: to her this morning, and by this afternoon they were
Speaker 1: exchanging number. Hasn't They've been texting basic questions and I
Speaker 1: he's asking the FaceTime. I've been packing a move all
Speaker 1: day I'm writing a paper for school that's so not pretty.
Speaker 1: I don't want to FaceTime with somebody I don't know
Speaker 1: and I've never met. I told him no, thanks, I
Speaker 1: have to work on my paper, and he said, ouch,
Speaker 1: what's your opinion on this? Is it okay to initiate
Speaker 1: a FaceTime at this point? And what's he doing help
Speaker 1: by secudating? Well, since I'm the single one here, I'm
Speaker 1: not a fender. But you know, obviously I do meet
Speaker 1: people when I go out or friends or whatever, and
Speaker 1: we'll obviously start in stating a conversation through text ressuge,
Speaker 1: which is fine, but then you can't really see like
Speaker 1: how they are like a person else before you end
Speaker 1: the meeting that person, uh, face to face. I think
Speaker 1: it's a great idea to FaceTime. I personally love face timing.
Speaker 1: And uh so, what if you're like wedding and writing
Speaker 1: a paper for for for school and you know, like
Speaker 1: if he I don't know, Derek, do you feel like
Speaker 1: don't you want to meet the person that If you
Speaker 1: want to have like a sperituationship with someone, don't you
Speaker 1: want to meet them in their elements, not like all
Speaker 1: dolled up or you know, having to be on their
Speaker 1: A game. I just think I want to see their
Speaker 1: face before I actually meet him in person. And like,
Speaker 1: I kind of like this guy being like, hey, you
Speaker 1: want to FaceTime only after a few text messages get
Speaker 1: to the point, let's do this like we met on
Speaker 1: a dating app. I think you're cute. Let's just face time.
Speaker 1: But the fact that listen, the fact that he said
Speaker 1: out like buddy, really like that was involve around you.
Speaker 1: It's fine if he has like going on and Heather,
Speaker 1: actually I actually like down to you for saying like,
Speaker 1: no think, well actually even nothing no think. But the
Speaker 1: fact that you show that you have your own stuff
Speaker 1: going on is like, I find that if I were
Speaker 1: a guy, I find that attractive. And I think the
Speaker 1: out comment he could have responded a little bit better,
Speaker 1: like his eagle is probably a little bit bruised. But
Speaker 1: let me just from the other side of this, let's
Speaker 1: point out the guy's motivation here. He wants to see
Speaker 1: what you look like. He doesn't trust what you've put
Speaker 1: on the dating gaps, and he wants to see the
Speaker 1: reality of it because you know our dating apps, it's
Speaker 1: your best. Oh. I think a thousand percent of the
Speaker 1: guy's point of view. He wants to see what the
Speaker 1: real deal is here. Can you blame him? Maybe not
Speaker 1: not even cafish, but maybe it's like a picture from
Speaker 1: four years ago or just like right, you just don't
Speaker 1: know online. But that's why he's doing it, So do
Speaker 1: it or don't do it. But no, that's why he's
Speaker 1: doing it. And if you don't hear from him again,
Speaker 1: he didn't like what he saw. Guys are so superficial,
Speaker 1: and that's what this is. I I agree to a
Speaker 1: certain extent. Yeah, he just wants to he wants to
Speaker 1: see it. I don't think there's anything wrong with FaceTime
Speaker 1: before you actually meet somebody in person. I don't know
Speaker 1: a facetimer, But for me, my motive is not like
Speaker 1: I want to see you look like I want to right,
Speaker 1: But that's the female point of view. The male point
Speaker 1: of view is how hot is? Erica was the victim
Speaker 1: of an ambush FaceTime. Yeah, that was horrible. I was
Speaker 1: like texting with this guy for literally, this is bad.
Speaker 1: We should have done a FaceTime way sooner. We're texting
Speaker 1: for like three weeks or something, and he facetimes me
Speaker 1: out of nowhere. I'm made no makeup in a sweatcher,
Speaker 1: like doing work, and I had to answer because we're
Speaker 1: already on the bottom. You did not do you mean
Speaker 1: you're already on We were on the phone and then
Speaker 1: he just flicks video. It was horrible, So you still
Speaker 1: you could have just been cute and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't have any makeup on. I'm so sorry, Like
Speaker 1: let me with him someone. If she says no, he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: first of all, I'd like, yeah, I'm gonna ask her
Speaker 1: without makeup, So exactly I did and it was fine.
Speaker 1: But then I think within a week we were not
Speaker 1: speaking anymore. But he also didn't live here. There was
Speaker 1: so much that I'm really glad that there's probably a
Speaker 1: lot of that story, but I don't know. Also, I
Speaker 1: would face time someone, but if they said no because
Speaker 1: I want to put makeup on, two things will go
Speaker 1: through my head. One either they don't look like the
Speaker 1: person they are supposed to look like online, or two
Speaker 1: maybe this girl is kind of just funny and cutein
Speaker 1: is like, no, I want to put makeup on before
Speaker 1: I first meet you, because like, I don't know. Those
Speaker 1: would be the two I would not close off the
Speaker 1: idea of dating someone if I tried to face time
Speaker 1: then before I met them in person. They said not
Speaker 1: until I put makeup on, because then would just try.
Speaker 1: I would say, Okay, let's do a FaceTime session, like
Speaker 1: let's plan something. That's what I would do. It would
Speaker 1: be like it would be like a FaceTime date that
Speaker 1: I would plan. That's what I would do. That's cute,
Speaker 1: all right? What else we got over here? Lauren is nineteen.
Speaker 1: She's eight days away from leaving for college. She met
Speaker 1: a guy at the end of senior year. They had
Speaker 1: a summer fling and she caught feelings and he has
Speaker 1: to the same thing happened last summer. I was getting
Speaker 1: a guy, started to keep dating, but he went to college.
Speaker 1: He broke up with me for another girl, and I
Speaker 1: was a wreck. My current guy and I were not
Speaker 1: sure what to do. Do we go our separate ways
Speaker 1: and try to keep the relationship going, or live our
Speaker 1: college life and see if it works out down the road,
Speaker 1: or if we meet other people. I always seem to
Speaker 1: get these summer flings. I want a relationship, so help,
Speaker 1: I suck at dating, well hold on, so I seem
Speaker 1: to somehow end up in long distance relationships. And I
Speaker 1: was having this conversation with my friend who also seems
Speaker 1: to end up in long distance relationships, and we're like, oh, welcome,
Speaker 1: and then it's like, how is it that we always
Speaker 1: end up with it? Like, no, always, we often end
Speaker 1: up dating or interested in guys that don't live in
Speaker 1: the same city. Um, so maybe maybe maybe you want
Speaker 1: to relationship, but you kind of don't, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, if you keep having these summer flings,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe that's all it could be. I was. It
Speaker 1: was so funny when she said in the email this
Speaker 1: happened to be last summer as well, because all I
Speaker 1: could think about when first set of summer flame was like,
Speaker 1: doesn't seem always happened this way? Where like people were
Speaker 1: right as and say, I'm about to leave for college,
Speaker 1: but I met somebody like a week before I left.
Speaker 1: It seems like it happens all the time. By advice,
Speaker 1: Lauren would just go your separate ways. You know, you're
Speaker 1: about to go to four years of college. Lauren's nineteen,
Speaker 1: She's about to go leave for college. Fun, you have fun,
Speaker 1: you know, listen when you guys go and do your
Speaker 1: own college experience and go up for four years on
Speaker 1: your own. And if you come back to the same
Speaker 1: town and you're both single. We'll see what happens. But
Speaker 1: until then, go to college. Have fun enjoying so many
Speaker 1: many people. I mean, the universities in the States are huge,
Speaker 1: so there's probably so many people you can you will
Speaker 1: end at meeting through groups of friends or new classes
Speaker 1: or whatever. So I would say, um, remain friends with
Speaker 1: this guy and don't close off your off to other people.
Speaker 1: I agree. I think, yeah, the second you get there,
Speaker 1: you'll wish you had totally And that's what causes real problems. Actually,
Speaker 1: go to college with a boyfriend and girlfriend, and then
Speaker 1: a month then you're going to partise of these people
Speaker 1: and you realize you want to be single. By the way,
Speaker 1: that's what Thanksgiving weekend it's all about. You come home
Speaker 1: and you break up with your summer flight exactly. Brea,
Speaker 1: which is a lovely name. By the way, when on
Speaker 1: a day with a guy, had a really great time
Speaker 1: with him, totally like him. I found out that not
Speaker 1: only is he bi polar, but he was married for
Speaker 1: three weeks last year. They had dated for eight years
Speaker 1: and then we're married for three weeks. During those three weeks,
Speaker 1: he was diagnosed and he destroyed their house. Also, that
Speaker 1: was before he got help and when on medication. So
Speaker 1: just to make a point for him, should I run,
Speaker 1: Brea says ah I, okay, um, being by being diagnosed
Speaker 1: bipolar is an actual like it's like it's a condition
Speaker 1: that he can't help. It's not like, you know, he's
Speaker 1: like it's a condition that he can't help. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say to run from someone who has a mental um
Speaker 1: you know, illness um, because that's not right. But I agree,
Speaker 1: I agree with that. No, Um, we all have issues,
Speaker 1: you know, some of us will diagnosed, some of us aren't. UM.
Speaker 1: But I just let know what what the is to like, Okay,
Speaker 1: take out bi polar, he's bipolar, that's not you know,
Speaker 1: that's fine? Cool? Marys for three weeks? So what he
Speaker 1: was married for three weeks? Maybe they realized. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know if i'd react that with a so what,
Speaker 1: let's marry for three weeks, have two kids? So why
Speaker 1: you're fine? No, the only thing I would be worried
Speaker 1: about is that he destroyed the house. Well, there's a lot,
Speaker 1: there's some red flags going through here. I think the
Speaker 1: bipolar one is not one of them. I will let
Speaker 1: me specify that we shouldn't even be talking about that.
Speaker 1: But it is a well, it is a factor that
Speaker 1: you have to talk, you know, at least discussed with
Speaker 1: that other person before jumping into a relationship with them.
Speaker 1: I don't, you know, but I just feel like I
Speaker 1: wouldn't I wouldn't describe it as a red flag. What
Speaker 1: I would describe it is as something that you guys
Speaker 1: need to talk about. For example, to relate it to
Speaker 1: something else completely different would be uh. On this most
Speaker 1: recent episode excuse the season of The Bachelorette, there's a
Speaker 1: guy named Colin everybody knows who said that he was
Speaker 1: a virgin, and I remember other guys talking about that
Speaker 1: was a skeleton in his closet or a red flag,
Speaker 1: and it's like, no, no, it's not. That's just something
Speaker 1: that him and Becca need to talk about. It's certainly
Speaker 1: not on a red flag. And that's how I would
Speaker 1: kind of discuss this. Where a bipology is something that
Speaker 1: you definitely need to talk about, I would not describe
Speaker 1: it as a red flag, um, but I would describe
Speaker 1: obviously the destruction of the house and the fact that
Speaker 1: he's married for three weeks potential to red flags that's
Speaker 1: where they should come in. Yeah, I would ask him
Speaker 1: why three weeks um, But I wouldn't. I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't judge him based on that, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe it's the conversation to obviously talk about UM and
Speaker 1: obviously if you know disinformation, then that's something that he
Speaker 1: wants you to know and he's being honest about it.
Speaker 1: I would just ask, like, why the house thing, you
Speaker 1: know what happened there? Yeah, and Bria, I would just
Speaker 1: talk about, like, you know how much you like this
Speaker 1: guy we went on one day. It depends on like
Speaker 1: listen to Sparks Flu and you think, holy crap, I
Speaker 1: think this is the love at first sight, then definitely
Speaker 1: sit down and talk to him about it. But I mean,
Speaker 1: if it was just a date that kind of went okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you should run, but you know, certainly
Speaker 1: date around. I mean, look, it's one date, yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get any feedback from people saying, oh,
Speaker 1: you're saying that people with mental illnesses can't be loved. Look,
Speaker 1: we all have our issues. We only need to be done.
Speaker 1: They need to be dealt with. Even a one date
Speaker 1: with this guy, there's a lot of guys out there
Speaker 1: if I'm here, listen. But I understand Brita because like
Speaker 1: growth romanticized relationships and uh, like we have a tendency.
Speaker 1: I am a talking about myself. I have a tendency
Speaker 1: to like go on a day with someone. It's like okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're like it's interested in me. You know, like maybe
Speaker 1: I can see if you like you have an idea
Speaker 1: of what they could be or how they could be
Speaker 1: in a relationship, and you kind of want to give everyone.
Speaker 1: I'm the type person that I give everyone that I
Speaker 1: go on to day with an equal chance until I
Speaker 1: find a reason not to. So I actually appreciate real
Speaker 1: writing into us with this question, even if it was
Speaker 1: for one day, Like maybe there is you know, there's
Speaker 1: there's they have really great chemistry or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: But obviously don't close yourself off, like we told Laren,
Speaker 1: don't close yourself off to other often. Um just like
Speaker 1: get yeah, like you know, we're all adults. It's just
Speaker 1: like ask what happened? Yeah, I know, I agree. I
Speaker 1: mean listen, if you, like I said, it depends on
Speaker 1: the connection you fell on this first date, yes or
Speaker 1: no question? Should I run? Jared No, don't run, Vanessa, No,
Speaker 1: just have a have a conversation, like honest than just
Speaker 1: like I say, find yourself some track shoes and run.
Speaker 1: Madeline is nineteen dated a guy in high school and
Speaker 1: his mom, who raised them as a single parent, passed
Speaker 1: away unexpectedly right before we started dating. We supported each other,
Speaker 1: in love with each other, really believed he was the
Speaker 1: love of my life. But it got to the point
Speaker 1: we were destroying ourselves trying to save each other, and
Speaker 1: after two years I broke it off. It's been over
Speaker 1: three years since and I think about him every day.
Speaker 1: Three options here, tell him how I feel. No com
Speaker 1: men dot com would be great for her. The men
Speaker 1: to app that's fourth option. Tell him how I feel
Speaker 1: right now, even though I have no idea how he feels.
Speaker 1: To wait it out, see where life takes me. Maybe
Speaker 1: I meet someone else, maybe we end up together in
Speaker 1: the end, just let fate take its course. Or three
Speaker 1: move on. And here's where the men DApp comes And
Speaker 1: she says, if you think this is and then they do.
Speaker 1: I need some tips for getting over somebody. Well, the
Speaker 1: men DApp is for you. Thanks so much for taking
Speaker 1: the time to help me out. The podcast the great.
Speaker 1: You guys are amazing. I don't know. I think it's
Speaker 1: made um. You know, I if I so, I'm dirty Madaline, Madeline.
Speaker 1: And if I can go back to my nineteen year
Speaker 1: old self, I'm still like the queen of getting my
Speaker 1: heartbroken and like trying to figure you know out. But
Speaker 1: if I were to go back to my nineteen year
Speaker 1: old self and to think of how like what I
Speaker 1: would have, like what I would tell myself when I
Speaker 1: was nineteen I would have, I would go back and say, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: let it be, you know, like if if the relationship
Speaker 1: will come circling back around it will I don't believe
Speaker 1: in um like I'm I'm a I don't know if
Speaker 1: I've found like Creichde. But like things do happen for
Speaker 1: a reason. And all the heartbreaks that I went through
Speaker 1: until I was twenty eight led me to being on
Speaker 1: the back, led me to you know, being engaged to
Speaker 1: Nick for a small amount of time, but it led
Speaker 1: me to this life that I have now where I
Speaker 1: know so much more about myself and I'm so much
Speaker 1: happy you're in the position that I am and now
Speaker 1: being like single and knowing what I want as opposed
Speaker 1: to you know, constantly thinking of ways to um either
Speaker 1: like get back with an X or because that's like
Speaker 1: that's where like when you're younger, you're like, I found
Speaker 1: the love of my life. But it could also be
Speaker 1: like someone that you're like enamored by and then as
Speaker 1: you get old, you're like, oh, this is what love is. Yeah, listen, Madeline,
Speaker 1: I think you should move on. I think that's what
Speaker 1: it really comes down to. I mean, I remember my
Speaker 1: first love and it was wonderful and she's amazing. But
Speaker 1: there's some people in this life that you just have
Speaker 1: to live within your heart but not in your life.
Speaker 1: And I think that this guy might be one of
Speaker 1: those people. And like you said, you never know what's
Speaker 1: going to happen in the future. You can come back
Speaker 1: to each other. But right now, if you haven't stop
Speaker 1: thinking about this guy for three years, I think you
Speaker 1: might not have stopped thinking about him because you keep
Speaker 1: doing all the wrong things that you shouldn't be doing,
Speaker 1: checking his instagram, going on social media, staying in contact
Speaker 1: with them. I mean, maybe I'm wrong, maybe you cut
Speaker 1: off communication and still been three years, but I doubt it.
Speaker 1: So distract yourself good, try to do something different. That
Speaker 1: you haven't done. To stop thinking about him and move
Speaker 1: on with your life. We're meant to be together. It
Speaker 1: will find them all. It's gonna happen. And you're still young.
Speaker 1: So let's say you were nineteen. You guys dated for
Speaker 1: two years one, so it's been three years. So you're
Speaker 1: twenty four years old right now. You got so much
Speaker 1: love to give. He's currently ninete. Yeah, I'm oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: what the hell are you doing. Don't think about this guy,
Speaker 1: don't worry. Yeah, you're nineteen, You're you're fine. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you're gonna find love again. Holy crap. Yes, move on.
Speaker 1: I'm sure he's wonderful. And like Mark said, if it's
Speaker 1: gonna happen, it will happen, I promise you. So from
Speaker 1: there we're gonna wrap the show. Thank you everybody for
Speaker 1: tuning into a new episode of Help I Suck a Dating.
Speaker 1: Thank you l from Men creator she's a Men creator
Speaker 1: for the app L. Thank you so much for coming in.
Speaker 1: Definitely guys check that app out, Men Broken Hearts, Sugar
Speaker 1: Bear Hair, Vanessa, I you love it so much. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much, Sugar Bear Hair. Also thank you for
Speaker 1: Bill Freeman and Sonja coming in. From Love Story Matchmaking
Speaker 1: dot com. Definitely go check it out if you're looking
Speaker 1: to find the love of your life. Also ninety day
Speaker 1: Fiance before the ninety Days, go check it out on
Speaker 1: Sunday eight seven Central Vanessa. You are wonderful as always,
Speaker 1: no no worries. You can call me Dean. Dean, We'll
Speaker 1: be back here next week or the following week. He's
Speaker 1: still traveling all around the world hopefully has some great
Speaker 1: stories for us. Please keep those emails coming. Those are
Speaker 1: my favorite part of the show. East Love you guys
Speaker 1: so much for listening. Yes it is I Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating at i heeart media dot com. That's the email address.
Speaker 1: Keep him coming. We love hearing from you guys. Thank
Speaker 1: you for tuning in. Make sure you tune in next week,
Speaker 1: where hopefully we all suck a little less. Follow hell
Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast.