1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:03,960 Speaker 1: You're listening to the Tutor Dixon Podcast in the Clay 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:10,719 Speaker 1: and Book Podcast Network. Welcome to the Tutor Dixon Podcast. 3 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,040 Speaker 1: I'm Tutor Dixon, and it is great to have you 4 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 1: tuning into the podcast. My guest today is going to 5 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:18,000 Speaker 1: help us all. He's going to help us learn how 6 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,119 Speaker 1: to raise teenagers in this new world that is completely 7 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,600 Speaker 1: different from the world we grew up in as kids. 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 1: I have with me the author of Raising Healthy Teenagers, 9 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: Tom Cursting, Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for joining us. 10 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. Tutor. 11 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 1: Yes, so tell us the secrets because I, as we discussed, 12 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: I have one teenager, one preteen, well two three preteens. 13 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: I guess I have to call them now. And so 14 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:47,199 Speaker 1: our house is kind of terrifying to me because I 15 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: am not used to the whole children with devices. I 16 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: grew up with my phone attached to the wall. My 17 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: mom could pick it up and listen to what I 18 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 1: was saying and know everything I was doing, and there 19 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 1: were no videos or anything attached to it. So what 20 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: are the secrets that I don't know because this is 21 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: not my world. 22 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:07,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, like I grew up in the same type of household, 23 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 2: trust me, yeah, so yeah, so you know I wrote 24 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 2: this is the book here, Raising Healthy Teenagers, just came 25 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 2: out in February. The previous book I wrote a few 26 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 2: years ago is called Disconnected all that screen time and stuff, 27 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,120 Speaker 2: so I kind of piggybacked off of that. And you know, 28 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,960 Speaker 2: Raising Healthy Teenagers is appropriate for parents who have younger 29 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 2: kids as well. 30 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 1: So there's going to become teenagers no matter what you're doing. 31 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,320 Speaker 2: There's no real secret, right So here the problem is 32 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 2: in our society now, our kids are being raised more 33 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,560 Speaker 2: by their devices in front of their hands than they 34 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:41,040 Speaker 2: are from their parents. Okay, when I think about myself 35 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 2: growing up, dinner in the Cursing household was mandatory five 36 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 2: point thirty every night. Parents had to yell out the 37 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 2: front door and come get us in. Nowadays, when you 38 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 2: look at the way kids are living, play is down 39 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 2: seventy percent, okay, compared to previous generations. Kids are cooped 40 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 2: up inside. So it's not just the devices, it's also 41 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 2: know the lack of existing in their natural habitat, which 42 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 2: is outside. 43 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 1: And then did this get worse during COVID? Because I 44 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 1: think about what happened to my kids in Michigan, They 45 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 1: really they couldn't even go outside. So there became like 46 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 1: this one whole summer where they were sort of pushed 47 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,800 Speaker 1: into just whatever was in the house, and that seemed 48 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: to kind of have a footprint on the rest of 49 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 1: we've really been pushing this, go outside, play, get away 50 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: from TV, and all these things. But did this sort 51 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,079 Speaker 1: of change when everybody got locked in the house. 52 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. So the mental health epidemic that we currently have 53 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 2: among our nation's youth began in twenty twelve, and that's 54 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,120 Speaker 2: when smartphones became mainstream. So you look at all the 55 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 2: data from that going on, just a major escalation. COVID 56 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,120 Speaker 2: accelerated it, and I do talk about that in Raising 57 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 2: Healthy Teenagers. So you know, when you look at how 58 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 2: the mental health problem has risen even that much more 59 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 2: since COVID, not just for kids, but for adults as well, 60 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 2: it goes to show you that, you know human nature 61 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 2: we are we are social emotional beings, right, we are 62 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,720 Speaker 2: hunters and gatherers through evolution, we are meant to be 63 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 2: out and about. And when we're not out and about 64 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,399 Speaker 2: and we're locked indoors away from society, it triggers anxiety 65 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 2: within us. Our sympathetic nervous SYSM just sends, you know, 66 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:24,720 Speaker 2: frightening signals, and that's that's essentially what has happened when 67 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 2: people were kind of released back into the world. So 68 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 2: I'll say they didn't it was a foreign place for them. 69 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: So even I would, I would say that maybe parents 70 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: aren't recognizing that. I think sometimes when you were with 71 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 1: your kids, frust outbursts and frustration and anger comes out. 72 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: But that is really stressed and anxiety, and maybe we're 73 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: not seeing how kids can't look at you and say, boy, 74 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,360 Speaker 1: I'm really anxious about this. Boy, I feel a lot 75 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 1: of anxiety over this. But they they have gone through 76 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: so much and a lot of people are like, oh, 77 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: kids are resilient, but there really is a point when 78 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: you have to recognize that there's something deeper going on there. 79 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 1: How do you see that? And then what changes can 80 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: you make to reduce that stress, to reduce that anxiety. 81 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,080 Speaker 2: So when i'm you know, when I'm out lecturing, I 82 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 2: lecture all over the country about mental health, screen time, 83 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,960 Speaker 2: and I talk to parents and kids, and you know 84 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 2: what I try to what I really the message I 85 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 2: try to convey to them is that so when kids 86 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 2: get their first smartphone, the average age is around ten 87 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:28,160 Speaker 2: or eleven now, right, and everybody thinks that's a terrible idea, 88 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 2: but they do it anyway. That's a whole nother subject. 89 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 2: And that's when when when we really start to see 90 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 2: things starting to unravel a little bit, because these kids, 91 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,600 Speaker 2: they start literally getting addicted to these devices. And that's 92 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 2: when the hostility begins in the household, and it creates 93 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,280 Speaker 2: a stressful environment within the household because it's non stop 94 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 2: bickering kids of phone behind in school. There's like every 95 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,840 Speaker 2: household in a country right now. So a couple of 96 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 2: things that parents, you know, really need to do, just 97 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 2: a couple of simple things. Is the biggest problem I 98 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,479 Speaker 2: see with middle school kids and teenagers is that they 99 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,200 Speaker 2: are not only are they spending almost all of their 100 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 2: time by themse in their bedrooms. Those phones are in 101 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,599 Speaker 2: their bedrooms with them at night, and they are up 102 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 2: till all hours of the night. So we've got to 103 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,560 Speaker 2: get them, get the phones out of the bedroom, get 104 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 2: the kids out of the bedroom, and get them into 105 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,839 Speaker 2: the family room. And I think you've had to see 106 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 2: me on Fox talking about this, like get you know, 107 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 2: reintroducing family dinner meals together because there is no relationship. 108 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,560 Speaker 2: A relationship is founded on dialogue, you know, emotional transparents. 109 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,039 Speaker 2: And if it's just a bunch of individuals living under 110 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,040 Speaker 2: the same roof, kind of isolated from one another, it 111 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 2: really it kind of crushes the definition of the word family. 112 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 1: M Well, what about I mean, what about other things? 113 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,840 Speaker 1: Is there is there a way to bring games back 114 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: to your household? Is there a way? I mean, my 115 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: girls have started parler beating. I don't know if anybody 116 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,280 Speaker 1: else knows the joy of this, which I joke. I mean, 117 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,400 Speaker 1: I'm glad that they are creative and they do this, 118 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: But you have these tiny beads that just ball off 119 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: the kitchen counter and then they're rolling under your feet. 120 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: But is there something that you can do to kind 121 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 1: of bring a have a group activity? And and you know, 122 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: I think about it, and as I say that, I 123 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 1: think about it is I think we're all so busy, 124 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: even as parents. When my girls are like, let's get 125 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,919 Speaker 1: out the pearler beads and iron them all together, I 126 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 1: think this is going to be a huge project and 127 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,479 Speaker 1: it's going to take so much time. How do we 128 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 1: as parents get away from that idea that time is 129 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,599 Speaker 1: we are an enemy? Of time right now, enemy or 130 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,239 Speaker 1: the time is going away and we have to absorb 131 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:31,599 Speaker 1: it with different things. How do we slow down and say, 132 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,279 Speaker 1: you know what, today, I'm going to spend time parler beating. 133 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think that that's exactly what you just said. 134 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 2: We've got to take a breath of air, slow down, think, 135 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,359 Speaker 2: and then we got to prioritize. You know, what is 136 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 2: more important to a parent than anything in the world 137 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,120 Speaker 2: as their children, right, and all of the research shows 138 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:54,719 Speaker 2: that a child's mental health outcomes, their mental wellness is 139 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,839 Speaker 2: predicated on the amount of time in the relationship they 140 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 2: have with the parents. So the stronger the relationship that 141 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 2: a child has with the parents, the more likely they 142 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:06,040 Speaker 2: are to be mentally and emotionally strong and successful. So 143 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 2: we really need to we have this play. We just 144 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 2: have to. You know, the problem is that these devices 145 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 2: and stuff are so alluring, so addictive that kids doing 146 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 2: anything other than that no longer seems like fun. So 147 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 2: we have to just kind of turn the tables in 148 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 2: our own households and start, you know, making rules, making 149 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 2: time to do things that are that aren't you know, 150 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 2: the norm, you know, reintroducing going out for walks, doing 151 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 2: that game. You just talked about playing board games and 152 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 2: just interacting. It's it's there's nothing more important than that. 153 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,680 Speaker 1: So I think that a lot of parents feel like 154 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: when you start talking about screen time and devices and 155 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 1: all these things, do you ever find that people have 156 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 1: this guilt? So they kind of just shut that out. 157 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 1: They're like, I don't. I don't want to be the 158 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 1: parent who has allowed this, So I don't. And I 159 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,640 Speaker 1: think it is hard to deal with because you're talking 160 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: about putting in rules and having screen time book are 161 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 1: there recommendations for people because it seems very overwhelming, especially 162 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,320 Speaker 1: because you do have kids that get totally addicted to 163 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 1: these devices, and then that is an anxiety in the 164 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: house because there's going to be a fight over it. 165 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 1: There's going to be a struggle because that kid is 166 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 1: going to be holding on to this. I do think 167 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: that there's I mean, I see when I take my 168 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 1: daughter's phone at night, messages will come in all night 169 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 1: long from other kids. So you're trying to do something 170 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 1: that is not happening in all households. And it's a 171 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: challenge because all of us who are the parents didn't 172 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,679 Speaker 1: grow up with this. We've never we never had this 173 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: so it's hard to judge. I think we assume we 174 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 1: put our kids to bed, they go to sleep, but 175 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,080 Speaker 1: then when you follow what other kids are doing, those 176 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 1: parents are probably assuming they're asleep, but they're actually out 177 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,440 Speaker 1: there texting and sending messages. 178 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's absolutely so that three four years ago, I 179 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 2: used to work in a public license psychotherapy O a 180 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 2: private practice, and I also worked in a high school 181 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 2: for twenty five years. So and I retired three years 182 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,120 Speaker 2: ago early, and I did a survey. I took my 183 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 2: own data of one hundred students in my high school, 184 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 2: kids that knew me, that would come down to my office, 185 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 2: and I asked them to answer the following question. And 186 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 2: I told them that this was just for my own information. 187 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 2: It wasn't going to be divulged, your name wasn't going 188 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,520 Speaker 2: to be used. And the question I asked them is 189 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 2: what time do you go to sleep on school nights? 190 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 2: And ninety something out of those hundred kids told me 191 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,839 Speaker 2: that they went to bed between one and four am 192 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,200 Speaker 2: every night of the school week, and their parents had 193 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 2: no idea. So, as a result, we have in addition 194 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,120 Speaker 2: to all this this mental health, we have a sleep 195 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,320 Speaker 2: deprivation epidemic in our society among our nation's youth. 196 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 1: And how serious is that because I don't think that 197 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:49,200 Speaker 1: a lot of us think about you aren't learning, you're 198 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 1: not growing. I mean, it really affects your growth too, 199 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: if you're not sleeping, isn't that right? 200 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:57,240 Speaker 2: Oh my god? Like so a teenager that is it's 201 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 2: recommended that they get nine hours of sleep, and if 202 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:04,080 Speaker 2: you're getting four or five, which is what probably the 203 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 2: majority of teenagers are doing in the United States right now, 204 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 2: you can't be a happy, functioning, successful individual. You can't 205 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 2: learn effectively, you can't concentrate effectively. So that's like the 206 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,360 Speaker 2: number one thing I tell parents when I'm doing lectures 207 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,319 Speaker 2: at my private practice is, like I mentioned earlier, you 208 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 2: gotta get that. You're gonna get resistance if you could 209 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 2: already has the phone in the bedroom, got to get 210 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 2: that thing out of there that cannot be in their 211 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 2: bedroom with them, particularly at night when they're sleeping. 212 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,199 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm having guilt and I'm like, how 213 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: much do they sleep? I mean, it is hard because 214 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 1: they get they become like their own person, you know, 215 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,679 Speaker 1: and so they want to stay up, and especially in 216 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 1: the summer, so in Michigan. I'm not making excuses, although 217 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 1: it sounds like I am in Michigan. It stays where 218 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: we live. It stays daylight until like nine forty five 219 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 1: at night. So already they feel like it's it's oh, 220 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 1: I can stay up. And so the girls have been 221 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 1: staying up. Now it's summer, they've been staying up, and 222 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,680 Speaker 1: then they get up for track in the morning at seven. 223 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: So now I'm in my head, I'm having that moment 224 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,520 Speaker 1: where I'm going there. I don't think they're sleeping that much. 225 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 2: You might take something away from your own. 226 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 1: Podcast today, I know, No, that's why I selfishly most 227 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: of this is for I'm like, I've learned so much 228 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 1: doing this podcast. I'm such a better person. 229 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 2: Now let me exactly, let me share one other thing 230 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 2: with you, right, So, another thing happening in our society. 231 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 2: I mentioned how important relationship is between parent and child. Right, 232 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 2: The average parent nowadays spends just three and a half 233 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 2: minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their children. Three 234 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 2: and a half minutes per week. 235 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: Wow, wow wow. 236 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,719 Speaker 2: Really that's a statistic, and it's because we're glued to 237 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 2: our device or kids are glued to our devices. So 238 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 2: it's no matter where you go. So the next time, 239 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 2: I don't know if you drive your girls to school 240 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 2: or not, Yes, yeah we do. But if you're pulling 241 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,200 Speaker 2: into the school and there's a lot of traffic, just 242 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 2: look in your rear view mirror and it will be 243 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,439 Speaker 2: the same picture every time. It will be the child 244 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 2: in the pastor's seat like this. So even the five 245 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 2: minute rides to and from school have been relinquished to 246 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,080 Speaker 2: a device, and that is fertile ground, believe it or not, 247 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 2: fertile ground for dialogue connecting with your child and the 248 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,760 Speaker 2: child connecting with us. But it's like we just don't 249 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 2: know any better. It's just become the norm. And that's 250 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 2: I'm glad we're having this conversation so that your listeners, 251 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,079 Speaker 2: you know that do drive their kids to school, can say, Okay, 252 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 2: you know what, I'm not going to let them be 253 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 2: distracted by a phone the whole time and not have any 254 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:29,320 Speaker 2: conversation with. 255 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 1: Right, let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next 256 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:38,600 Speaker 1: on the Tutor Dixon podcast. I think this is one 257 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:42,760 Speaker 1: of the advantages of having four children, because I have 258 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: never there are actually I will not say that on 259 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 1: the way to school there's a lot of quiet moments, 260 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 1: but I think they're still waking up and preparing for school. 261 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,840 Speaker 1: But on the way home from school, when you have 262 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,680 Speaker 1: four girls in a car, there is never a moment 263 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,440 Speaker 1: where they are just looking down because every one of 264 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: them has to tell you, which I love. But they 265 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 1: all talk at once. It's so funny because all of 266 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 1: the parents at school talk about this. They even when 267 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 1: they're with their friends, they all talk at once. They 268 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 1: get in the car and they're like, oh, let me 269 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 1: tell you what happened today, which I love. It is 270 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 1: just a lot going on. So my recommendation is you 271 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: have four kids and then they never they are like 272 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,960 Speaker 1: starved for the How can I get my words out? 273 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:22,079 Speaker 1: It's a competition. 274 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,240 Speaker 2: So there we have it. Everybody everybody watching. You have 275 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 2: to have war too. 276 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,600 Speaker 1: There you go, Yeah, they're gonna love that. There are 277 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: some there are some moments that are not so pleasant. 278 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 2: But even if there's you know, if they're talking, even 279 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 2: if there's some bickering, that's healthy. You know, that's how 280 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 2: you learn to you know, to deal with adversities and 281 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 2: handle something that you don't want to hear. You know, 282 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 2: you have to have those conversations. So that's that's healthy stuff. 283 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:49,719 Speaker 2: It's healthy for a kid to go outside and get 284 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,320 Speaker 2: the ball taken at the park when you know that's 285 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 2: how you learn. 286 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 1: But there are some things that are more dangerous on 287 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 1: these phones. It's not just that you are being taken 288 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 1: away from time with family or time with friends and 289 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,560 Speaker 1: in your own little zone. I mean, there are some 290 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: things that happen on these phones that are really impacting 291 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 1: the way kids think. They're impacting depression. I mean, you 292 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: even talk about a California school board that is suing 293 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:18,080 Speaker 1: the tech companies over the mental health impact of some 294 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 1: of these apps. And we're talking about TikTok and Instagram. 295 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 1: I mean, there is so much going on in these apps. 296 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 1: You have the fear of missing out. You see your 297 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 1: friends doing something that you're not doing. All of a sudden, 298 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: why aren't Why aren't they inviting me? Why aren't they 299 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: talking to me? You know, it's funny because even over 300 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 1: the weekend, we had a little girl at our house 301 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 1: and she said, do you know in eighth grade I 302 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: wasn't allowed in the eighth grade chat because I had 303 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: green bubbles. And I was shocked. I said, what do 304 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 1: you mean? And they said, well, the other kids didn't 305 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 1: want to have an Android in the chat because of 306 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: the green bubbles, So I was kicked out of the 307 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 1: eighth grade chat. I think, wow, crazy? Is that? How 308 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 1: sad to think that there's elitism. There's so much that 309 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: is going on the kids have ever dealt with before. 310 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 1: So can you go through a little bit about that 311 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 1: and what it means to sue these companies? 312 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, so you have. That's a good point. 313 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 2: This fear of missing out, kids feeling left out. Something 314 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,360 Speaker 2: in my previous book I talk about it called social 315 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 2: media self esteem. You know where kids are you know 316 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,040 Speaker 2: they're getting you know, the likes and the streaks and everything, 317 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 2: not because they're aspiring photographers and videographers, is because they 318 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 2: want at tension. 319 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 1: And that's where the streaks is an addictive thing. I mean, 320 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: I think that's something a lot of parents don't know 321 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,800 Speaker 1: about because that is with Snapchat and some of these 322 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 1: other ones, you have a streak and and so that 323 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 1: that's a development. These developers said, if I can convince 324 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 1: this kid that they have to keep the streak going, 325 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,040 Speaker 1: they will come to my app every single day. 326 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the one armed bandit, the digital slightless 327 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,440 Speaker 2: lot machine, right, That's that's the effect that has, right, 328 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 2: And the addictive part of that is that all of 329 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 2: these apps and stuff with the algorithms are designed to 330 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 2: target the pleasure seeking part of the brain that produces dopamine, 331 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 2: which is the feel good chemical. And dopamine is associated 332 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 2: with every diction or is, whether it's drugs, gambling, or 333 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 2: what have you. So our kids are literally literally just 334 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 2: getting an ivy drip for eight or nine hours a day, 335 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 2: an ivy dopamine drip, right. So there, and the way 336 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 2: it works, the way the brain works called homeostasis. You 337 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 2: don't want to have too much dopamine or too little. 338 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 2: Once there's an imbalance and the stimuli is removed, mom 339 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 2: takes the phone away or the video game system, there's 340 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 2: an absolute crash. And that's something I'm seeing the last 341 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 2: couple of years of my private practice like I've never 342 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 2: seen before. You kids with developing oppositional defined behavior kids 343 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 2: eleven twelve, thirteen cursing out their parents, punching holes in 344 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 2: all simply because the device or video game system was removed. 345 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 2: That's part of the equation there, and also something I 346 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 2: talk about I talk about a chapter in Raising Healthy 347 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 2: Teenagers called fear Filled Nation, And I start the chapter 348 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 2: off talking about the movie Jaws. Right, So you remember 349 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,720 Speaker 2: Jaws nineteen seventy five, seventy six. After Jaws came out, 350 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 2: a two hour movie about with a robotic shark, millions 351 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 2: of people wouldn't go into water. And the guy you're 352 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,640 Speaker 2: looking at right now still is apprehensive to go into water. 353 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 1: I know. I'm like, Okay, I feel the same way. 354 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,920 Speaker 1: I always talk about how the lake doesn't have sharks. 355 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 1: Sage come to Michigan. 356 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,240 Speaker 2: Yes, that's just a two hour movie. Now, Now think 357 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 2: of this. Think about all of the content, like every 358 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,080 Speaker 2: single thing is caught on camera nowadays, every violent act, 359 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:26,200 Speaker 2: every murder, shooting, car jacking, mugging, beating, right, and think 360 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 2: about a two hour movie like Jaws having that impact. 361 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 2: And think about our kids being exposed to the stuff 362 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,160 Speaker 2: for hours on a daily basis, and how that may 363 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:39,240 Speaker 2: contribute to this anxiety epidemic and this fear epidemic that 364 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:39,480 Speaker 2: we have. 365 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:44,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel so early many years ago, when I 366 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 1: first got out of college, I lived in New York 367 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: City and I remember at that time, I mean I 368 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 1: took the subway everywhere. I never thought about. It was 369 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 1: the nineties, it felt really safe, you know, it was 370 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,359 Speaker 1: a different time in New York City. But now you 371 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,639 Speaker 1: see all of these things on the news on social media, 372 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,200 Speaker 1: and we go to New York now and I walk 373 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,919 Speaker 1: around and I'm constantly and not that that's you know, 374 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,959 Speaker 1: you should always be aware of your surroundings, but in 375 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,040 Speaker 1: a different way where I feel concerned, and that is 376 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:16,040 Speaker 1: I can imagine if kids are seeing this happening in schools, 377 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,400 Speaker 1: you could be essentially walking into every place, the mall, 378 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,280 Speaker 1: every place, and feeling anxious everywhere you go. 379 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent, you know, because we see this 380 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,119 Speaker 2: stuff in New York City. I mean, I'm half an 381 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 2: hour from New York City. Yeah, it's not the same, 382 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 2: not the same as it was in the nineties. I 383 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,760 Speaker 2: grew up in this hilarreas. When I go into the city, 384 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 2: I'm like, I have like I don't have two eyes, 385 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 2: I have like twenty eyes. Yeah, right, well over the 386 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,480 Speaker 2: first because you don't know, and you know, part of 387 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,879 Speaker 2: that is because you know the the you know the 388 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 2: politics in New York City, and you know criminals not 389 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 2: being prosecuted, and you know, you know, I mean everything 390 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,880 Speaker 2: we see on the news, and it kind of emboldens 391 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 2: the bad guys and makes the good guy good guys. 392 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,639 Speaker 1: But isn't that also sucking people in on social media 393 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,480 Speaker 1: because you have everybody who wants to be an activist days, 394 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,680 Speaker 1: and there's this call. These young people are all saying. 395 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,679 Speaker 1: If you take a survey of young people, they say, well, 396 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 1: I want to stand for something. This is providing them 397 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 1: some stance, whether or not they were raised to agree 398 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 1: with the stance. There's something there that is pulling them in. 399 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 1: Just like the streak, it can pull you in. You 400 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 1: want to be a part of this? What are the 401 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: dangers there? 402 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 2: Well, you know, I just want to read something. I 403 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 2: have this highlighted, right, so talk about like activism. Right. 404 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,439 Speaker 2: So like this guy, George Barnet, who's a professor at 405 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:33,439 Speaker 2: Arizona Christian University, he wrote this like sixty page report 406 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 2: and it's pretty interesting. He talks about right, some millennials 407 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 2: are well known for their advocacy towards tolerance. Right, and 408 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,960 Speaker 2: they emerged in his survey as the least tolerant generation 409 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,879 Speaker 2: by their own admission. Oh wow, people of people who 410 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 2: hold different views from their own. And additionally, they were 411 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,879 Speaker 2: twenty eight percentage points more likely than baby boomers to 412 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,439 Speaker 2: admit that they're committed to getting even with those who 413 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 2: want them. 414 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: And a couple of other stats is terrifying. 415 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, right, so these are the ones preaching tolerance, and 416 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 2: you know where it's all this coming from social media. 417 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,119 Speaker 2: And here's some other frightening stats. 418 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,960 Speaker 1: I'm looking at the millennial in the office and I'm like, okay, well, yeah, 419 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 1: now I know how you feel about me, right, yeah. 420 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 2: Right right? And twenty nine percent of young millennials eighteen 421 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,960 Speaker 2: to twenty five have some kind of a mental health 422 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 2: mental health disorder, fifty four percent in the survey have 423 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,919 Speaker 2: some form of mental fragility or mental illness, and ninety 424 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,560 Speaker 2: six percent lack of biblical worldview. And here's the real 425 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,480 Speaker 2: here's a real crazy one. Seventy five percent in this 426 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 2: survey reported that they lack meaning and purpose in life. 427 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 1: Wow. 428 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 2: And remember this is the generation that has more access 429 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 2: to anything, right, we have more abundance. You know, things 430 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 2: are easy. You hit a button, you get food delivered 431 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,440 Speaker 2: to your door, You want to watch a movie. There 432 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 2: it is, you know, Yet they're the most unhappy generation 433 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,239 Speaker 2: in history. I want to see what's gona happen with 434 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 2: gen Z or you know the gen Z is coming 435 00:20:59,400 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 2: up after that. 436 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 1: Let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on 437 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 1: the Tutor Dixon Podcast. We had friends come to my 438 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,399 Speaker 1: daughter's eighth grade graduation and my kids go to a 439 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:17,160 Speaker 1: Christian school and the kids were all very they're eighth graders. 440 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,120 Speaker 1: I mean, it didn't strike me, but the friend who 441 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 1: came said, you're the eighth graders were all so quiet, 442 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,000 Speaker 1: and they listened, and they were so intent on and 443 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,960 Speaker 1: hearing what the message was, and they were all so 444 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:33,199 Speaker 1: good to each other, and I she said, when we 445 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 1: walked out, she said, it was a moment where I thought, 446 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,679 Speaker 1: at our school, there's so many kids questioning gender, all 447 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,800 Speaker 1: of these different things. And she said, you can feel 448 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:46,439 Speaker 1: the anxiety when you walk into the school. And it 449 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,159 Speaker 1: made me think, boy, it really does make a difference 450 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,879 Speaker 1: to have faith, and we were really losing that in 451 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 1: this country. 452 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 2: Well one hundred percent. I mean, I'm a Catholic church gower, 453 00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,960 Speaker 2: went to Catholic school my whole life, and I think 454 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 2: that's intentional, you know. Yeah, I remember the Ronald Reagan quote, 455 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 2: once we forget that we were a nation under God, 456 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 2: we are a nation gone under. That's what's happening. 457 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:10,479 Speaker 1: Like. 458 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,440 Speaker 2: You know, I remember during the twenty twelve Newtown, Connecticut shootings, 459 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,439 Speaker 2: Mike Huckabee had his show on Fox, and that's I 460 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,199 Speaker 2: was going on there at that time, talking about all 461 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,000 Speaker 2: this stuff. And you know, somebody asked him a question. 462 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,639 Speaker 2: They said, Governor, how could God let something like this happen? 463 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 2: And you know what his response was. His response was, 464 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,040 Speaker 2: what do you mean? God had nothing to do with this. 465 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,439 Speaker 2: God's not allowed in schools anymore. Remember. 466 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,679 Speaker 1: Oh? Yes, yes, that was it. That just gave me chills. Yes, 467 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: that was a powerful moment. 468 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, So let me share. Can I share one other 469 00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:39,680 Speaker 2: thing with you that I think is very important for 470 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 2: the listeners. So I'm when I go, when I go 471 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,040 Speaker 2: do my lectures, which I love doing, I go, I'm 472 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:51,000 Speaker 2: going out to California in August time October, and I 473 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,960 Speaker 2: speak to parents and kids. But when I'm speaking to kids, 474 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,399 Speaker 2: I get to this point my lecture about self and 475 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,640 Speaker 2: self esteem, and I'll ask a kid in front. I'll 476 00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 2: ask them the question. I'll say, who are you? Who 477 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,359 Speaker 2: are you? And I already know what the answer is 478 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:02,560 Speaker 2: going to be. They tell me their name. Oh, I'm 479 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,640 Speaker 2: John Smith, Hey John. And they go to the next kid, 480 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,439 Speaker 2: they tell me their name, and so forth. Then I 481 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 2: ask one of those kids to ask me who I am, 482 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 2: and they say to me, who are you? And I say, 483 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 2: I'm not Tom Kursting, That's just the name my parents 484 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 2: gave me. Who I am is as follows. I am 485 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:25,600 Speaker 2: a spiritual, powerful, loving, motivated, determined, happy, excited, charismatic, empathetic being. 486 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,520 Speaker 2: And then there's silence, and I go on to say, next, 487 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,480 Speaker 2: I'm not saying that about myself to boast about myself. 488 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 2: I'm saying that because every single one of you in 489 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:37,119 Speaker 2: this room is that as well. But you can't know 490 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 2: that if you're never if you're never bored, if you're 491 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,560 Speaker 2: never in the silence, you can't know who you are. 492 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,840 Speaker 2: So I implore these kids, I tell them, I say, listen, 493 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,639 Speaker 2: if every one of you guys in this room commits 494 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,000 Speaker 2: to sitting in silence for fifteen minutes a day, which 495 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 2: initially you're going to go crazy, Your subconscious mind is 496 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 2: going to go all over the place. But if you 497 00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,439 Speaker 2: commit to that, and you do that on a daily 498 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,760 Speaker 2: basis over the course of six months, right, and you 499 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,480 Speaker 2: really get all those goods that are within us. It's 500 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,919 Speaker 2: like the rest of the iceberg. That's everything is within us. 501 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 2: It's not out here. It's not how many streaks, likes followers, 502 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 2: we gets. Happiness is never an outside in thing. It's 503 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 2: only an inside out thing. And I explained to them 504 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 2: if they were to do that and commit to that 505 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,600 Speaker 2: for fifteen minutes a day, I predict that the mental 506 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,679 Speaker 2: health epidemic would go down ninety five percent. 507 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:27,360 Speaker 1: So when you say that, I think that's so oh. 508 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,240 Speaker 1: I think about my kids, and I think that would 509 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,880 Speaker 1: be overwhelming to them, just be silent. But I think 510 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 1: there are moments when kids can be silent in a 511 00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:38,960 Speaker 1: walk outside and a jog. A kid doesn't have to 512 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,919 Speaker 1: be motionless. Silence comes in a lot of different ways. 513 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,720 Speaker 1: Reflecting on life. Can be in a kayak, it can 514 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,119 Speaker 1: be skiing, it can be all kinds of different things. 515 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 1: But there needs to be a time when you are 516 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,600 Speaker 1: just with you and you learn who you are. 517 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,879 Speaker 2: It's depth, right, So you know, we have this very 518 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 2: powerful mind imagination, right, and we never use it. So 519 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,680 Speaker 2: we're instead of like Nietzsche said, that philosopher, we're under 520 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,480 Speaker 2: the presumption that we're thinking but in reality, we're being thought. 521 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 2: And what he means by that is we're being controlled 522 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 2: by our thought rather than being in control of our thought. 523 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 1: Interesting, So how do you You talked about faith? And 524 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:23,840 Speaker 1: I think it's important for me too, because I'm somebody 525 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:28,720 Speaker 1: who I would say that. When my oldest was a baby, 526 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,800 Speaker 1: I had a girlfriend come to me and she said, 527 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,359 Speaker 1: you know, we would love to have you join our 528 00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 1: Bible study. And I was somebody that had gone to 529 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: church and was grew up as a Christian, but a 530 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,440 Speaker 1: Bible study was a little intimidating, and I said yes, 531 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,280 Speaker 1: and then I spent seven years in this pretty intense 532 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: Bible study. And I remember going into this Bible study 533 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,159 Speaker 1: and they said, you know, this will change everything in 534 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:56,120 Speaker 1: your life and you'll come against hardships and you'll see 535 00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,440 Speaker 1: them in a different way. And you know there's this 536 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 1: immediate like, oh, I don't want to come against hardships, 537 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 1: so maybe I just don't do this, and then I 538 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 1: won't come against hardships. But you do. And since that time, 539 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:12,399 Speaker 1: I mean, I've gone through losing a baby at eighteen weeks, 540 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 1: I've gone through cancer, I've gone through losing my father, 541 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,840 Speaker 1: We've gone through having a kid go through tough hardships 542 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 1: at school, and I think that in all of those 543 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,840 Speaker 1: things there was you could find joy through the process 544 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,680 Speaker 1: because of faith. So how when we're at this point 545 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,280 Speaker 1: now where we're talking about school and we're talking about 546 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,000 Speaker 1: social media. But I think that there is a lot 547 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 1: of value that can be placed on where your kids 548 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 1: are educated as well. And I think that's something that 549 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,879 Speaker 1: parents oftentimes think is out of their reach to have 550 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:49,560 Speaker 1: a values based education, But it's something that I feel 551 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,880 Speaker 1: is something parents should seek out. And there's a lot 552 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,119 Speaker 1: of help along the way if you can't financially make it. 553 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:59,200 Speaker 1: A lot of these schools that want to teach your 554 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,719 Speaker 1: kids through through the lens of the Bible are willing 555 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,879 Speaker 1: to help you get there. What is your feeling on 556 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:05,680 Speaker 1: something like that? 557 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,160 Speaker 2: I agree. I actually talk about this in Raising Healthy Teenagers. 558 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:10,679 Speaker 2: I have all the chapter about schools and stuff and 559 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,240 Speaker 2: the fact that you know, private schools and Catholic schools. 560 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,560 Speaker 2: For the first time in like thirty years, Catholic school 561 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 2: enrollment actually went up because of COVID and because they 562 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,359 Speaker 2: came from a place of yes, you know, when people 563 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,840 Speaker 2: all the you know, the public schools are being locked 564 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,040 Speaker 2: down and so forth. But one hundred percent, you know, 565 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,600 Speaker 2: like that, there's the values of being in one of 566 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,840 Speaker 2: the in a school like that where you're you know 567 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:34,720 Speaker 2: where God is part of the equation. I mean, you know, 568 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:35,879 Speaker 2: think about this. You don't even have to be a 569 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:40,639 Speaker 2: religious person, right So, God, simply whether you believe it, 570 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,080 Speaker 2: doesn't have to be a religious thing, represents all that 571 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:47,320 Speaker 2: is good rights. That's what God embodies goodness. Right Now, 572 00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 2: when you remove good, when you remove light, what do 573 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,560 Speaker 2: you have? You have darkness? Right so darkness isn't even real, 574 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 2: it's just the absence of light. When you remove God, 575 00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:01,399 Speaker 2: what does that open the door to and badness? And 576 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 2: take a look at what's happening in society on a 577 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,320 Speaker 2: daily basis. I don't think it's a coincidence. 578 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, absolutely. And when you remove God, you the 579 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:15,160 Speaker 1: thing about that statement when I first went in there 580 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,359 Speaker 1: and they said you're going to come across hardship, is 581 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,480 Speaker 1: that's coming no matter what, no matter where you are 582 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 1: in your faith journey, whether you are away from God 583 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:26,720 Speaker 1: or you are right there with Him every day, that 584 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,760 Speaker 1: is coming. Wouldn't you rather your child be walking in 585 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:36,080 Speaker 1: strength and light? Then when that darkness comes. That's all 586 00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,320 Speaker 1: there is, there's no light. That's tough. 587 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,680 Speaker 2: That's a very good point. You know, if a child 588 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,320 Speaker 2: doesn't already have light, joy and happiness right because of 589 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 2: for whatever reasons, how are they going to be what's 590 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,120 Speaker 2: going to help them get through an adversarial situation. 591 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 1: And that's a tough thing, I think for a lot 592 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,920 Speaker 1: of people to talk about, because there is a lot 593 00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 1: of persecution of Christianity and faith these days, more so 594 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 1: in this country than we have ever seen, and it's 595 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 1: been shocking to me. Running for office was shocking to me. 596 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 1: I just talked about this because when I first started running, 597 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,600 Speaker 1: that was the most common thing I got from Christians. 598 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 1: Don't talk about your faith because that'll turn people away. 599 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:21,320 Speaker 1: I think that my faith is something that defines me 600 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 1: and you should know that about me, And I don't 601 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,440 Speaker 1: think that I don't ask other people not to talk 602 00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: about their faith. I certainly wouldn't ask other people not 603 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,440 Speaker 1: to talk about something that was a part of who 604 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 1: they are. So I think we kind of have to 605 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,160 Speaker 1: start pushing back on this idea that you shouldn't be 606 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,440 Speaker 1: open about your faith, because my faith is what has 607 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,160 Speaker 1: gotten me through and my faith is what helps me 608 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,920 Speaker 1: to have those conversations to recognize when to put the 609 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,840 Speaker 1: phone away. I mean those that can lead you in 610 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,680 Speaker 1: a place that can lead I mean it should lead 611 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 1: you to a place where you are loving and helping 612 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:53,680 Speaker 1: others as well. 613 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I wish we had another half hour because I 614 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 2: could tell you. 615 00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 1: I know, I'm sorry, I'm just like all your time. 616 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 2: No, No, I could tell you this crazy story like 617 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:07,080 Speaker 2: with me, like everything booked like my publisher, right, I had, 618 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 2: like I had the visional book. This book disconnected. Okay, 619 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 2: this came out three years A guy I self published 620 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,640 Speaker 2: it in twenty sixteen, and it really took off, probably 621 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 2: from going on Tucker Carlson Show, and so then it's 622 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,080 Speaker 2: got a lot of interest in like three of the 623 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 2: biggest publishers wanted the book, and the one that came 624 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,160 Speaker 2: in with the best of the best terms is the 625 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 2: second largest Christian publisher Bigger Books, and that was no accent. 626 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,960 Speaker 2: And it's a whole backstory to that, and it's I've 627 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,640 Speaker 2: come to realize that the work I do, you know, 628 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,920 Speaker 2: writing books, going doing media, being on your podcast and 629 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 2: lecturing isn't really coming for me. It's something bigger than me. 630 00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,880 Speaker 1: That's so cool. Even those folks who are not close 631 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 1: to him, he's seeking you and he will find you 632 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,920 Speaker 1: in places that you are not expecting. That's that's the message, 633 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,000 Speaker 1: and that's I mean, even for someone who is he 634 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,520 Speaker 1: is finding you in places you are not aspecting. And 635 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 1: I think that's the cool thing. And honestly, that was 636 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,440 Speaker 1: I feel like he drew. I saw you, You're right. 637 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,640 Speaker 1: I saw you on Fox and Friends and I was like, 638 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 1: I want to talk to that guy. I want to 639 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,479 Speaker 1: know what he knows. He knows something I don't know, 640 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,240 Speaker 1: and I want to share that. So I appreciate you 641 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,880 Speaker 1: coming on. Tell everybody where they can get your books. 642 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:19,680 Speaker 2: Thank you. By the way, Yeah, anywhere you know Amazon, 643 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:22,080 Speaker 2: Barnesandoble dot com. You can go to Baker Publishing Group 644 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 2: dot com and you can just you know, just just 645 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 2: google my name. There's a lot of stuff out there, 646 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:31,959 Speaker 2: and my website is www dot Tom Cursting dot com. 647 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much. Raising teenagers is tough. I 648 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: think all of us who are doing it or have 649 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,800 Speaker 1: done it, realize that it is not easy and we 650 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,080 Speaker 1: can use all of the advice we can get. So 651 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 1: thank you so much. The author of raising healthy teenagers. 652 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,440 Speaker 1: Make sure you pick it up. Tom Kurstin, thanks for 653 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:52,280 Speaker 1: joining us, Thank you Tutor, and thank you all for 654 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 1: joining me on the Tutor Dixon Podcast. As always, for 655 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 1: this episode and others, go to tutordisonpodcast dot com. You 656 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 1: can subscribe right there, or check out the iHeartRadio app, 657 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and make 658 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 1: sure you join us the next time on the Tutor 659 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,600 Speaker 1: Dixon Podcast. Have a great day.