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Speaker 1: Hello, Hey, what's up?

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Speaker 2: Man? Hey, what's going on? Just the gick it is?

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Speaker 1: What's your name?

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Speaker 2: Uh? You can call me the Nasty Butler.

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Speaker 1: The Nasty Butler? I like that. How did you come

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Speaker 1: up with the Nasty Butler?

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Speaker 2: It's a CB handle I got from a movie.

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Speaker 1: It's a CD handle. Oh, so like it's the uh

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Speaker 1: wait what does that mean? A CD handle from a movie? Like?

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Speaker 2: Uh? CB is the radio that like truck drivers use

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Speaker 2: to communicate with other truck drivers. Oh, A handle is

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Speaker 2: a nickname.

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Speaker 1: Right, because on the road you all have secret identities.

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Speaker 2: That's right. Interesting, your identity is the Nasty butlert thumb

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Speaker 2: Wars some wars.

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Speaker 1: What is thumb Wars?

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Speaker 2: Some words? It's a parody of Star Wars made from

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Speaker 2: thumbs with faces on it. From the guy that made

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Speaker 2: Jimmy Neutron funny movie.

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Speaker 1: Now, I don't know what your real name is. But

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Speaker 1: when you're yourself, just in your house, you're not on

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Speaker 1: the road, do you feel a historic difference between you

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Speaker 1: as whoever you really are and you and you are

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Speaker 1: the Nasty Butler?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Totally. Man, it's a pretty surreal sometimes. I mean

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Speaker 2: it's kind of like I'm sure you'd had a job before.

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Speaker 2: You know, you're kind of a different person when you're

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Speaker 2: at your job and then you go home and you're

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Speaker 2: just yourself.

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Speaker 1: How would you describe the difference between you and the

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Speaker 1: nasty Butler?

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Speaker 2: Damn, that's a good question. Uh, I don't know. I think, uh,

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Speaker 2: as a truck driver, I'm a little bit more well,

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Speaker 2: as a working man, I'm a little bit more detail oriented.

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Speaker 2: And you know, when you're at home, you're just kind

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Speaker 2: of like Lase Fair, relaxed, don't give a fuck, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what is it you wanted to talk about today,

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Speaker 1: Nasty Butler?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I did text you that.

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Speaker 1: Uh.

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Speaker 2: You know, recently, my fiance broke up with me like

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Speaker 2: four months ago. We were together for like nine years,

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Speaker 2: and so now I'm just living in the truck, trying

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Speaker 2: to figure out what I'm gonna do next, and looking

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Speaker 2: at like some apartments and I kind of realized, like

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Speaker 2: I could live anywhere in the world, well in the

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Speaker 2: United States at this point, but you know, before I

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Speaker 2: was kind of tied to where I lived. Before, you know,

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Speaker 2: I had a dog, girlfriend, house life and all that.

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Speaker 2: And now I feel like year in a way, but

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Speaker 2: still kind of down that I don't have my fiance anymore,

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I could live anywhere, you know, looking at cars. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's kind of cool.

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Speaker 1: That's an interesting balance, that freedom versus the great It's

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Speaker 1: like a freedom versus grief almost.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to like convert my grief into

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Speaker 2: a positive by like, Okay, now I can kind of

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Speaker 2: figure out what's next and the posibility to kind of

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Speaker 2: opened up.

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Speaker 1: So let's talk about this. While you were in that relationship,

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Speaker 1: did you have any sense of festering within you that

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Speaker 1: you wanted two be free and go places and do

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Speaker 1: things if only you were not tied to where you were,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: Sort of? But she also had that desire, so it

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Speaker 2: was always kind of like, oh, let's like walk across

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Speaker 2: the country, or like let's go Stelts Camping three hours

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Speaker 2: away and then you know, let's travel somewhere. Let's live

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Speaker 2: in a van together. It was always kind of like

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Speaker 2: we both have the same idea of not wanting to

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Speaker 2: stay put and like experience new things. But now, but before,

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Speaker 2: it was kind of like, you know, we had to

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Speaker 2: do it together. You know, it was like we needed

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Speaker 2: permission from each other to kind of do these things,

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Speaker 2: but now it's all up to me, and so that's

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Speaker 2: kind of where I feel more free and now than

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Speaker 2: I did.

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Speaker 1: That makes sense, Yes, yes, was she the holdout?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I mean.

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Speaker 2: Yeah sort of because she was always like, oh, I

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Speaker 2: have family here, you know that, like she takes care

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Speaker 2: of her family, and so it's like, you know, we

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Speaker 2: can't travel for like a month or two because there

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Speaker 2: was always like obligations and rent, you know, for example.

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Speaker 2: And for me it was always like like I don't

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Speaker 2: really care, like we could not pay rent, we could

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Speaker 2: lose the house. It's fine, Like let's just go live

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Speaker 2: life and do something interesting. You know.

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Speaker 1: What's so funny is my friend I was I was

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Speaker 1: in the car once with my friends and his girlfriend

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Speaker 1: and my friend was like said to his girlfriend, if

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Speaker 1: you broke up with me, I would be living in

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Speaker 1: this car tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, that's a pretty real and you could definitely

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Speaker 2: do it. It's really easy to live in a vehicle.

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Speaker 2: Like right now, I'm living in this truck. I don't

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Speaker 2: have many things, which is nice. So like everything that

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Speaker 2: I had at my house fits in this truck, like

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Speaker 2: clothes and a laptop, and it's fine.

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Speaker 1: Are you a little bit more into roughing it than

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Speaker 1: she is.

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Speaker 2: You know, I I think I'm no, no, I think

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Speaker 2: we're pretty equal on roughing it and like minimalist lifestyle.

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Speaker 1: Can I ask only if you want to talk about it,

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Speaker 1: like why did the relationship end?

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Speaker 2: You know, I never got a straight answer. For the

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Speaker 2: most part. She was pretty much like she drove me

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Speaker 2: to the truck one day and I was like, hey,

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Speaker 2: you know, we need to like work on some things

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Speaker 2: and like be more present and stuff like that. I

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Speaker 2: was like, okay, cool, Like I can definitely work on that.

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Speaker 2: Like I realized that it's hard because I'm on the

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Speaker 2: road for a week to two weeks at a time,

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Speaker 2: then come home for three days and then go back out,

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Speaker 2: so it's kind of hard to be present. But I

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Speaker 2: was like, yeah, you know, I'll work on these things.

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Speaker 2: And then two days later she texts me and it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, we're going to break up. Like damn, that sucks.

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Speaker 1: It was over text. Yeah you're with this woman for

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Speaker 1: nine years. Yeah have you heard from her since?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? She you know, we kind of agreed to stay friends.

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Speaker 2: So like she'll call like at least once a week

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Speaker 2: and you know, just chat. But it's kind of cordial.

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Speaker 2: It's fine, just well, at least they'll trying to get

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Speaker 2: over it. Mostly got over it. But it seems like

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Speaker 2: she got over it right away. You know. It seemed

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Speaker 2: like she was kind of planning her out. It felt

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Speaker 2: like she was planning her out for like maybe months

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Speaker 2: before she actually broke up with me.

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Speaker 1: How do you feel.

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Speaker 2: I'm okay, Okay, it's just weird. It's weird to be

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Speaker 2: where I'm at right now because I was in a

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Speaker 2: place for nine years emotionally, you know, and now it's

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Speaker 2: just different. So I'm trying to like figure out my

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Speaker 2: life again, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're somewhere new. Now, how old are you?

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Speaker 2: Three?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so you spent this is actually like I don't know.

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Speaker 1: This is interesting to me, your predicament because you've spent

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Speaker 1: your entire twenties in one Yeah, you're right, one particular

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Speaker 1: like emotional mindset. And now you're like, oh shit, all right,

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Speaker 1: I can do whatever.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: Thirty is the new twenty. You ever heard that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I guess it is. Yeah. So yeah, so

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Speaker 2: I'm looking at apartments, but I don't even know if

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Speaker 2: I want to live in an apartment, you know, I

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Speaker 2: don't want to be tied to a particular location per se.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know where I would want to go.

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Speaker 2: I know, I don't really want to live where I

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Speaker 2: lived before. Kind of want to experience like other places.

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Speaker 2: But I feel like if I buy a van and

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Speaker 2: you know, live out of that while I'm not driving

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Speaker 2: the truck, then I can still travel around a little

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Speaker 2: bit and figure out where I want to be.

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Speaker 1: M what places are in your docket?

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Speaker 2: Thinking Texas maybe, so I live in the I've lived

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Speaker 2: most of my life in the Northeast, so I kind

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Speaker 2: of want to check out like that Texas, Florida, Georgia.

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Speaker 1: Maybe, yeah, you should do it. I mean, so it's

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Speaker 1: been four while Eve been living in the truck for

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Speaker 1: four months? Yeah, have you been driving it around.

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Speaker 2: As Yeah? Like, uh, you know for work. You know,

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Speaker 2: I work seventy hours a week as a truck driver,

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Speaker 2: so driving from place to place. They don't let me

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Speaker 2: like take the truck when I'm not doing work things

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Speaker 2: to go places. So like right now I'm just at

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Speaker 2: a truck stop for my break and for sleep.

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Speaker 1: And does the company know that you're living in your

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Speaker 1: work truck?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? So they were like, oh, when do you want

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Speaker 2: home time? And I was like, you know what, just

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Speaker 2: said it for July of twenty twenty six because I

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Speaker 2: don't have anywhere to go. So they're like, okay, bye.

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Speaker 1: M life is a truck driver is kind of kind

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Speaker 1: of crazy. I mean, are you're working seven you're on

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Speaker 1: the road, just driving for seventy hours a week?

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Speaker 2: Yep?

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Speaker 1: What do you do during that time?

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Speaker 2: Listen to therapey Gecko podcasts, other podcasts, music called Friends.

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Speaker 2: A lot of times it don't pick up because other

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Speaker 2: people are not spending seventy hours sitting right.

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Speaker 1: It's funny, man. You know, I feel like I don't

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Speaker 1: get to think that often about like this podcast out

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Speaker 1: in the universe, but I'm I'm feel I feel kind

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Speaker 1: of honored to be in your truck.

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Speaker 2: Cool man. Yeah. Yeah, every time you post on it,

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Speaker 2: I listened to it. I really like the uh they

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Speaker 2: that way? Yeah? You already?

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Speaker 1: Do you get lonely on the road?

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Speaker 2: You know, for like spurts for like minutes, I'll be like, man,

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Speaker 2: I wish somebody was here, and then I just kind

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Speaker 2: of get over it. I've always kind of been a

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Speaker 2: solo kind of person.

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Speaker 1: How long have you been doing that?

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Speaker 2: For driving truck. Yea two years.

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Speaker 1: What would you do before that?

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Speaker 2: Just general like warehouse, labor, work, restaurants, stuff like that.

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Speaker 2: I can too serious.

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Speaker 1: M hm hmm. So when you get time off to

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Speaker 1: go on your adventures.

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Speaker 2: When do I Yeah, so I can pretty much ask

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Speaker 2: them like whenever. So after seventy hours, you get thirty

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Speaker 2: four hour break. So because I don't have a car

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Speaker 2: right now, I can't really do that. So I'm just

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Speaker 2: at truck stops for thirty four hours. But as soon

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Speaker 2: as I get a car and figure out where I

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Speaker 2: want to put that car so that I could park

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Speaker 2: the truck next to it, and then I will be

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Speaker 2: going on mini adventures.

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Speaker 1: Was the amount of time you were spending on the road, uh,

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Speaker 1: harmful to your relationship?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I think it definitely was. And you know, it

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Speaker 2: was something that my girlfriend never said that was an issue,

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Speaker 2: and I would always apologize for it, and she's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: it's fine, like you know, making money for us, like

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Speaker 2: we're trying to build the lights. And I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: but you know, it kind of sucks. But I definitely

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Speaker 2: feel like that was a huge cause of the breakout

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Speaker 2: because I'm not around. Oh you want to know something

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Speaker 2: cool too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she uh, she got a boyfriend like two days

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Speaker 3: after we broke up. Oh wow, Yeah, so I kind

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Speaker 3: of think that was in the works while I've been

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Speaker 3: on the road.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, just a just a theory.

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Speaker 1: But bro, you're like a you're like a military husband.

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Speaker 1: Yeah right, yeah, really you're that's kind of You're like

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Speaker 1: the deal is she's like away, like you're away for

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Speaker 1: such a long periods of time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Is it good money?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's pretty good money, Like eighteen hundred a week.

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Speaker 1: And you want to walk across the country.

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Speaker 2: I would. I would totally walk across the country. When

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Speaker 2: I was leaving high school. My plan was to walk

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Speaker 2: from the northeast to the south, like camp along the

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Speaker 2: way and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: It's cool.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that would be pretty fun.

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Speaker 1: Is that on your plan? Is that on your list

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Speaker 1: of things to do now that you have your freedom?

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Speaker 2: Well? I think I would not be able to be

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Speaker 2: a truck driver, considering the time is so demanding, Like

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Speaker 2: I would only get three days off before I have

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Speaker 2: to get back from the truck. It was I can't

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Speaker 2: walk that fast.

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Speaker 1: So when would you When would you do? Because you're

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Speaker 1: telling me about like all these like grand adventures. I

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Speaker 1: guess that you want to go on, right, And you

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Speaker 1: seem like and listen, you're not a You're not a

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Speaker 1: fancy pants You're like, well what you're what your you know?

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Speaker 1: Your ex was like, what do we do about rent?

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Speaker 1: You're like, we just want to pay it. Yeah, you're like,

256
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Speaker 1: we just say what I always won't pay rent?

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Speaker 2: Don't pay it?

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So so I think the.

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Speaker 2: Plan is to save up a bunch of money so

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Speaker 2: that I have a good amount saved so that I

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Speaker 2: can do grand adventures, and then when I come out

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Speaker 2: of the adventure have a bunch of money to use

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Speaker 2: just in case I can't get back to work right away.

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Speaker 1: How much do you think you need before you go?

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Speaker 2: Hmm, that's a good question, I would say. I mean

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Speaker 2: I don't spend a lot, so I mean even five

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Speaker 2: to ten thousand would probably be comfortable. Mm hmm. Give

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Speaker 2: me like a month or two of looking for a

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Speaker 2: job and somewhere to live. Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys didn't have kids together, did you.

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Speaker 2: No, we had a dog that I missed terribly. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's fine. Hm.

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Speaker 1: Hm.

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Speaker 2: You were just in Iraq, right, I was?

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Speaker 1: I was in Iraq. I was that it was interesting.

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Speaker 1: It was really enlightening as to the difference between like

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Speaker 1: governments and the people that actually live in the place.

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Speaker 1: But I want to know more about you, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: want to know more about you, unless if you're unless

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Speaker 1: if you asked me that because you don't want to

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Speaker 1: talk about yourself.

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Speaker 2: No, it's fine. I just felt like I was talking

283
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Speaker 2: too much and I wanted to I was curious about

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Speaker 2: your iracketment.

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Speaker 1: That's very polite of you, Thank you.

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Speaker 2: M So.

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Speaker 1: Are you going to try to date again?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I'd like to at some point. Being a truck driver,

289
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,080
Speaker 2: you don't get to like meet people or hang around

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Speaker 2: the same person for extended periods of time. They were

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Speaker 2: sitting in the truck, so they would have to already

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Speaker 2: be comfortable with me. So yeah, I mean for sure,

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Speaker 2: It's just kind of not really super important on my

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Speaker 2: mind right now. I just kind of want to save

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Speaker 2: money and figure out life before I try to bring

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Speaker 2: somebody else's life into my life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Have you ever had someone with you on the

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Speaker 1: road before? No?

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Speaker 2: No, that would be cool, though, it would be interesting.

300
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Speaker 1: What's up with the lot lizards?

301
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 2: You know, I've never seen one, but I hear about them.

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Speaker 1: Oh, this is what I want to know. Hold on,

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Speaker 1: Nasty Butler. Nasty Butler. So that's your road. Do you

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Speaker 1: chat with other dudes on the radio?

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00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:41,960
Speaker 2: Yeah? So generally it's the radio. It's pretty silent until

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Speaker 2: you're in like a traffic jam and people are bored

307
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 2: or there's an accident. But a lot of times other

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00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 2: truck drivers and myself included, will like warn other truck

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Speaker 2: drivers like, oh, what lane is closed or you know,

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Speaker 2: stuff like that, And a lot of times you'll just

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Speaker 2: hear people talking.

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00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 1: About that, people talking about dicks.

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00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just talking about penises all the time.

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Speaker 1: Why do they talk about penises all the time.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I think they're just bored. You know.

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Speaker 2: I'll turn it on right now and if anybody said

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Speaker 2: something right, hear it over the zone.

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Speaker 1: Is your is your truck in motion?

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Speaker 2: No? Now, I'm part at the stuff right now.

320
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Speaker 1: So what do you do when you're just like alone

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Speaker 1: in the truck.

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00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:37,920
Speaker 2: I have my laptop and I like try to make

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Speaker 2: apps and web design and music and stuff.

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Speaker 1: You try to make apps?

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00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I made as an app that helps me like

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Speaker 2: organize the information I need to pick up orders from customers.

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Speaker 2: And it helps that. There's like a calculator that I

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Speaker 2: wrote for lighting so on the trailer. On the truck trailer,

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Speaker 2: the back tires they actually like slide forward and back

330
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Speaker 2: to help balance the weight. And then there's there's a

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Speaker 2: bunch of holes that a pin goes into to lock

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Speaker 2: it into place. So I wrote a calculator that kind

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Speaker 2: of calculates where that pin should go so that the

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Speaker 2: weight is legalized.

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Speaker 1: Did you Okay? So I've been working out of like

336
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 1: a coworking space that's very like there's a lot of

337
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,960
Speaker 1: like tech people there. So I just learned of this

338
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 1: phrase that I'm gonna drop. Did you? Did you vibe

339
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Speaker 1: code it?

340
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:52,680
Speaker 2: A little bit of it was vibe coded? Yes, okay, yeah,

341
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 2: But I'm more of like a designer, so all of

342
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,479
Speaker 2: that I did, but like the the math and the

343
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:05,119
Speaker 2: logic for making the buttons and stuff work was vibe coded.

344
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Speaker 1: Isn't that a hilarious term? It mean? For those who

345
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 1: don't know, that means I mean that I mean you

346
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 1: you you actually make apps, So correct me if I'm wrong,

347
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 1: But that just means to like use AI to make

348
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Speaker 1: your app.

349
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Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, but it sounds like you're going off like

350
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 2: feeling like it's the vibe.

351
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Speaker 1: That's what it means, right, is you're just like you

352
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 1: basically like type and type into like Chatchy pet some shit.

353
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 1: You're like, here's the vibe of an app I want

354
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Speaker 1: to make, and then it makes the app for you.

355
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 2: Right, That's that's the goal, that's the intention, But it

356
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 2: doesn't really work out if you just like you really

357
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 2: have to hold its hand to make it do what

358
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 2: you want it to do.

359
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 1: Are you hoping at any point to try to make

360
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 1: some money off of web design and apps?

361
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Speaker 2: I did when I was like eighteen, but I'm I'm

362
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 2: not a salesman, and to really make money by yourself

363
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 2: with like apps and websites, you have to sell yourself

364
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 2: to potential customers, and I'm just not gonna have it,

365
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 2: so I kind of gave up on that. But it's

366
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,959
Speaker 2: I've had some people come up to me and they're like, hey, man,

367
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,199
Speaker 2: can you make my website? I'm like, yeah, sure, why not,

368
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 2: I'll do it for free whatever?

369
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 1: Cool? Cool? Yeah, that must be a lot of fucking

370
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 1: work doing driving the truck for that long and then

371
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 1: stopping to make apps or a vibe code them.

372
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 2: You know, it's My brain is like constantly moving when

373
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 2: I'm driving, and there's not much stimulation. So when I

374
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,600
Speaker 2: get done driving, I'm it's really hard to just go

375
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 2: to sleep like I be doing something.

376
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course you're nighttime revenge procrastination. They call it.

377
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 2: Nighttime revenge procrastination.

378
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 1: So it's something like that. Maybe that's not the exact

379
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 1: order of the words, but it's something like that.

380
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 2: It sounds about right. I like it.

381
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: Hmm, what's your name again?

382
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 2: It makes some tunes, Nasty Butler.

383
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 1: Oh, what kind of music do you make in the truck?

384
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 2: I make goth music. Goth music, Yeah, gothic electronic music.

385
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,440
Speaker 1: When I think gothic music, I think of like emo

386
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 1: kind of music.

387
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:34,360
Speaker 2: Definitely not emo music. I'd say emo is like more

388
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 2: like rock, sort of metal ish, but like with whiny vocals,

389
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:45,880
Speaker 2: right yeah, and then goth is just like it's got

390
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 2: like a sad vibe, but it's not like whiny, like

391
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 2: woe with me. It's just like dark themes and distortion

392
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:59,159
Speaker 2: and stuff like that, like spooky vibes.

393
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: You make spooky music, spooky music, that's cool. Wait, give

394
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,639
Speaker 1: me your name one more time. Nasty Butler, Nasty Butler.

395
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:15,360
Speaker 1: I forgot you never gave me your real name.

396
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 2: Hm hmm. Could be my real name?

397
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 1: No, I don't think it. I don't think it legally,

398
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 1: it could be your real name, that your I don't

399
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 1: think your parents named you. I don't think you can

400
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 1: legally name your baby nasty.

401
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 2: Probably not, but you can probably get your name changed

402
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:35,160
Speaker 2: to it.

403
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I still don't think you did that.

404
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 2: M one. Now, mhmm.

405
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 1: Are you satisfied with this phone call? I feel like

406
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 1: I feel like there's maybe more that we could get into,

407
00:25:53,440 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 1: but you speak with a soft demeanor and appear from

408
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 1: my end to have shared all your at least desiring

409
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 1: to share in this moment. Correct me if I'm wrong.

410
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean pretty satisfied. I guess I didn't really Uh,

411
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 2: I didn't really expect you to call, To be honest,

412
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 2: I'm surprised to call.

413
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 1: What are you gonna do? When are you gonna do

414
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 1: this big walk? I hope you do it. I hope

415
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: you find a way.

416
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 2: I hope we get wanted to do for like twelve years,

417
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 2: so hopefully you know. I should actually make a date

418
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 2: and like plan for it to make sure I actually

419
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 2: do it.

420
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's important. That's one of that's one of

421
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 1: my biggest realizations is that if you have anything that

422
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 1: you possibly we could think of wanting to do, you

423
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 1: have to do it right fucking now. There's really never

424
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 1: a good time.

425
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 2: Ye I'll set it for like May next year. I

426
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,440
Speaker 2: don't know what. It gives me a couple of months,

427
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 2: that's fine, May of next year.

428
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the

429
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go?

430
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 2: Walk more? Take some walks? I liked that.

431
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling, Nasty Butler. Call do me a fan. Okay, listen,

432
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,879
Speaker 1: do this in May after you finish the walk or

433
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: I mean, it's fun. It's gonna take you a long

434
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,120
Speaker 1: ass time. Okay, so maybe in a year, however long

435
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 1: it takes you to do it, give me a call

436
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 1: when you're done.

437
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 2: All right, we'll do.

438
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 1: Thank you, Nasty Butler.

439
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 2: Thanks having going.

440
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 1: I liked that guy. He had a nice demeanor. He

441
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 1: had a nice demeanor. He was very interesting. That was

442
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 1: me starting a sentence and then they're having to not

443
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 1: knowing how to finish it. I think he'll be Okay,

444
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 1: what an interesting life that is being a truck driver.

445
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: If I have to be completely you know, I'm gonna

446
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 1: be completely utterly honest right now. Talking to that caller

447
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: just now gave me a lot of perspective on my

448
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 1: own life. You know, I'm like, damn, this guy works

449
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:55,480
Speaker 1: seventy hours a week driving a truck and he takes

450
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 1: it on the chin. You gotta give him some credit.

451
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: Makes you think about makes you think about being a

452
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: pussy for you know, whatever it is. Well, I'm not

453
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 1: going to project it makes me feel like being a

454
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 1: pussy for having a fake, funny gecko job, but in

455
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: a good way. And you know I have a lot

456
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 1: of respect for him. Okay, let's take another phone call. Hello, Hi, Hi, Yes,

457
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 1: this is the gek. What's your name? Oh?

458
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 4: Hi, I don't even know if I should give out

459
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 4: my real name.

460
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 1: That's okay, I'll call you Mickayla. I'm sorry I said

461
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: I'll call you Michayla. I just whipped that one up.

462
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 4: Oh awesome, Okay, Hi, I'm Michayla.

463
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 1: See, I feel like you know what I should start doing.

464
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 1: I've been saying this for so long. I should start

465
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: us just a sign all the you. By the way,

466
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 1: at any given time, you can change that name. That's

467
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 1: just the name you've been assigned. It's not part. It's

468
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 1: up to you. It's some people they don't they're not

469
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 1: good at coming up with fake names, so I'll assign

470
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 1: them a fake name.

471
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's great.

472
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 2: I like it, thinks Mikaela.

473
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 4: I'm sorry.

474
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no, no, no, don't be. I promise

475
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 1: listen that so that you'll feel shaky for about one

476
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 1: hundred and twenty more seconds and then you won't. Then

477
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 1: everything will be fine. So what's going what's going on

478
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 1: with MICHAELA? What's happening?

479
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 4: Jesus? I don't know. I've been wanting to talk to

480
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 4: you for a while, but honestly, like now, you put

481
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 4: me on the spot and I have no idea what

482
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 4: I'm wanted to talk about. I I texted you earlier,

483
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 4: I'm trying therapy for the third time in my life,

484
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 4: and so that's that's I'm giving that a try. I

485
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 4: don't know you want to go into that right away.

486
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 1: You texted me and you said, I feel like a

487
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 1: literal asshole sometimes and I don't mean to and it's

488
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 1: ruining my life. Is that? Is this something you still

489
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: want to talk about?

490
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 4: Uh? Yeah, I guess it all loops together. I guess.

491
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 4: So I don't know.

492
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 2: I just.

493
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 4: I don't know how to explain it.

494
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: Gag. I'm sorry, it's okay, take a time.

495
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 4: It's just sometimes I just feel like everybody like does

496
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 4: things to like. I don't know, I just feel like

497
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 4: I villainize a lot of people in my life.

498
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 1: You feel like everyone does things to piss you off.

499
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 4: Yes, oh, necessarily to piss me off, but to just

500
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 4: make me feel bad, And it's just wrapping into the

501
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 4: whole time everything, and I just I just feel like

502
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 4: everyone's doing me and and I don't know, and you know,

503
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 4: and I like, I I just think of reasons to

504
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 4: make it make sense in my head of why they

505
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 4: would act a certain way towards me, you know, and

506
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 4: I like make myself believe it, and it's not the

507
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 4: case a lot of times, and so it makes me

508
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 4: react like a fucking asshole to people that aren't being

509
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 4: assholes to me. And I catch myself a lot of

510
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 4: the times, and it makes me feel like shit, you know,

511
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 4: And I don't know, and I don't I definitely don't

512
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 4: mean to. And maybe it's the way I react or

513
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 4: the way my tone in voice or something. I just

514
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 4: feel like I'm mean, I'm just feel like I'm a

515
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 4: mean person, you know.

516
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: I mean, your tone of voice doesn't sound particularly mean.

517
00:32:53,760 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 1: I mean, granted we've been on a fairly cordial phone call. Yeah,

518
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 1: I've had that before. By the way, in my life,

519
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 1: I don't yeah, I don't have I haven't had anything

520
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 1: like that. I had a little bit of that when

521
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:20,239
Speaker 1: I was younger. I yeah, I want to say, in

522
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 1: high school, not that every I want to say in

523
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 1: high school, I never felt like I don't think I

524
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 1: ever explicitly felt as though the world was against me

525
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 1: or a lot of people were against me. But I

526
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: felt at times in my life. Yeah, I remember in

527
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 1: high school feeling a lot of times of like a

528
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 1: little bit, yeah, actually a little bit that the world

529
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 1: was against me in some way, or that like people

530
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 1: were against me. Definitely that people didn't like me. Yeah.

531
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 2: And it's not.

532
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 4: Even that I care to be liked, to be honest, like,

533
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 4: you know, it's easy to say I don't care, but

534
00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 4: deep down you do. But I don't know, man, It's

535
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 4: just I don't know, like I really like, you know,

536
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 4: I I am a nice person, like, yeah, you know,

537
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 4: I will never go out of my way to be mean.

538
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 4: To somebody, you know, But it's just like I don't know,

539
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 4: just little things like I just catch on like certain

540
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 4: little tones, like change of voice, like certain expressions towards me,

541
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,400
Speaker 4: and I just feel like, you know, like it's just

542
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 4: on purpose towards me make me feel bad, but it's not,

543
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,839
Speaker 4: you know, and like I know it's not. But it's

544
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 4: hard to get out of thinking that way when I

545
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 4: don't know, I've thought about this for years and it's

546
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 4: just it's hard. It's a hard habit to kick.

547
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:50,879
Speaker 1: I guess, dude, I keep, I fucking keep forgetting that

548
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:55,720
Speaker 1: so much of life is about perspective. I really really

549
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 1: really keep forgetting that. And yeah, that's yeah, And that's

550
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: the problem is you because right because you've you've developed

551
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 1: this mindset that the world is against you, and when

552
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 1: you feed that wolf of your in your brain like

553
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 1: we have, this is like I think this is what

554
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: like cognitive behavioral therapy is. And not that I've ever

555
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 1: I've also I've tried therapy a bunch. I've never had

556
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 1: like a long streak of time where I was like, oh,

557
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:31,919
Speaker 1: I'm in therapy and this is awesome. I haven't found

558
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 1: the right one. I've found a lot of just shit ones.

559
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 4: And you know, I don't think.

560
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 3: It's such a case for me.

561
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,720
Speaker 4: I think I sound really great therapists. I have given

562
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 4: me a lot of ways to cope, you know, and

563
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 4: like like say five years ago, if I was like

564
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 4: in the middle of a panic attack, I wouldn't be

565
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 4: able to like think, you know, like, hey, this is happening,

566
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 4: like you need to breathe, you need to slow down.

567
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 4: And like now, like I feel like I'm in a

568
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 4: better state of where I'm able to a little bit

569
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 4: and not completely pull myself out of it, but you know,

570
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,399
Speaker 4: to be able to like practice those tools that I've

571
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 4: been given throughout the years. And it's not that I've

572
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:15,880
Speaker 4: had bad therapists. It's just that I think I've just

573
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 4: been a little bit scared to do the inner work.

574
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:22,280
Speaker 4: And you know, I've tried the talking therapy, I've tried

575
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 4: EMDR and now I'm back again to just regular you know,

576
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 4: speaking therapy with with somebody, and yeah, I just hope

577
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 4: I'm able to keep going. And you know, I know

578
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 4: I'm you know, at first I started and then two

579
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 4: months in and I started feeling great, and I was like, oh,

580
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,839
Speaker 4: you know, this is awesome, and then like now it's

581
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:48,799
Speaker 4: like four months in and I'm like, yeah, this sucks,

582
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,239
Speaker 4: just having to relieve a lot of things and a

583
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 4: lot of things are you know, coming up for me again,

584
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 4: and it's just a little hard for me to keep

585
00:36:56,560 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 4: my like interpersonal relationships. I struggle a lot, like co

586
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 4: workers and maintaining friendships, and it's just really lonely.

587
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 1: Why do you think you struggle with maintaining friendships?

588
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 4: Because I think people are out to get me, you know,

589
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 4: not necessarily, but I just feel like it's not genuine,

590
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,360
Speaker 4: Like the friendship isn't genuine that I just feel like,

591
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,720
Speaker 4: you know, people are just I feel like people aren't

592
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 4: genuinely interested in getting to know me and that they're

593
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 4: just kind of getting intel and you know, not for like.

594
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:34,960
Speaker 2: Genuine reason.

595
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: Are you are you basing? What are you basing? Like

596
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 1: where where is this perspective coming from?

597
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 2: What do you mean?

598
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 4: I'd like to know that too? I don't know, Like.

599
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: Wait wait wait wait, okay, so so so so okay.

600
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 1: So for example, right, like you're in a conversation with somebody,

601
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: what is it about? Like okay, so let's say you're

602
00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 1: in a conversation with somebody and they're like asking you

603
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 1: a question, like they're like, MICHAELA, what'd you do today

604
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,360
Speaker 1: in your brain? Do you go? Are you asking me

605
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: that to gain information about my day that you can

606
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,040
Speaker 1: use against me later for your plot?

607
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 2: Well it's not even about my day.

608
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 4: But you know, like people are starting, like when I

609
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 4: first started getting like I switched. I have a history

610
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 4: of switching jobs because I just can't with full workers.

611
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,920
Speaker 4: Like I don't know if I'm like I don't know

612
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 4: if I'm like being picked on, or if I just

613
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 4: like I said, I would just loop, you know, I

614
00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:36,399
Speaker 4: just rab it hole myself into it. But like people say,

615
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 4: I've had asked people ask I'm very reserved about it

616
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 4: what I share. So it's just hard for me to

617
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 4: even say this. But like I like with people would

618
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,080
Speaker 4: ask me about my son, you know, like oh, why

619
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 4: why do you want to know.

620
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 2: About my son?

621
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 4: Like what's it to you?

622
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 2: You know?

623
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 4: But it's just coworkers, like you know, we see each

624
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 4: other every day, we have to talk and and you know,

625
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 4: and like I see, like it's so stupid, Like I

626
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 4: think of it and I'm like, it's so stupid to

627
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:02,439
Speaker 4: think about it this way.

628
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:03,320
Speaker 2: But when it's happening.

629
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:08,400
Speaker 4: It's just like it just goes through my head. You know. Sorry,

630
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:09,400
Speaker 4: I'm rambling. I don't know.

631
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,399
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, I'm

632
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:16,479
Speaker 1: just listening. How old is you? How old is your son?

633
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 4: My son is for?

634
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: How's he doing?

635
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:21,880
Speaker 2: He's great.

636
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have a lot of help. I struggle a lot.

637
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 4: I'm I'm not sayingle mom, but I have a lot

638
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,759
Speaker 4: of help. I'm thankful for my village, you know. There.

639
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 4: I I struggled a lot, you know, with postpartum and

640
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 4: and just trying to kick things that happened when I

641
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 4: just a lot of traumatic things when I was pregnant.

642
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 4: And you know, my son is almost five and I'm

643
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 4: still kind of dealing with this stuff emotionally and so

644
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 4: like it's it's tough at times being a mom and

645
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,839
Speaker 4: being a person and and knowing yourself that of being

646
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:04,880
Speaker 4: a mom, and so it's just hard. I feel like

647
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 4: I don't have a social life because I don't have friends,

648
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:10,800
Speaker 4: and I just like closed off work and home working home,

649
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 4: and I'm but he's great. I'm sorry, I drifted.

650
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 1: All who do you have helping you?

651
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 4: My parents?

652
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 1: It's hard if you don't want to talk about it,

653
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:29,800
Speaker 1: but I'm like, I'm just curious, like what happened to dad?

654
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 4: Oh, he hasn't seen the baby since I was like

655
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 4: two months old. But it was just hard, you know,

656
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 4: like he was very abusive, emotionally abusive, and he like

657
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 4: took me to cour for like full custody when my

658
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,400
Speaker 4: son was like two months old, so like I couldn't

659
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 4: even process, you know, like being a new mom because

660
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 4: I had to deal with a lot of like legal

661
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 4: stuff and it was just I don't know, he just

662
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 4: put a lot on me when he could have just

663
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 4: walked away and left it. And so yeah, so he's

664
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 4: not in the picture at all. I hope it stays

665
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 4: that way. I have all legal and physical rights. So

666
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 4: I yeah, that's that's my baby.

667
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

668
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 4: I will be twenty six next month?

669
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:35,320
Speaker 1: Cool? Yeah, Well, like what can I ask? What state

670
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 1: you live in?

671
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 4: I live in New Mexico.

672
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:47,800
Speaker 1: Okay, sorry, I'm not gathering intel to use against you.

673
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 1: I'm just like trying to I'm just painting a picture

674
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:55,400
Speaker 1: in my head of like what your surroundings are and

675
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 1: your existences.

676
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 4: There's literally nothing here. Yeah.

677
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 1: Well, Okay. The reason I well, there's a few the

678
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: reasons I asked you the questions I asked you is

679
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:09,840
Speaker 1: because you sound like you're missing, uh, like a community.

680
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 1: You know, we you know, we talk about this a

681
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 1: lot on the show. You sound like you're missing a

682
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 1: community of some kind or like a space that you

683
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:22,840
Speaker 1: can be in where there's other people that's not just

684
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 1: your home and your word. Yeah, but it's really fucking

685
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 1: hard for you because you have a kid.

686
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 4: Too, right, Yeah, And like I said, like I have

687
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 4: a lot of help, and you know I'm not I'm

688
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 4: very respectful my parents time and stuff. So but you know,

689
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:42,879
Speaker 4: there's a couple of times here and there where don't

690
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:44,680
Speaker 4: let me, you know, will not let me, but you

691
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 4: know they'll don't watch don't watch them for me a

692
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 4: couple a couple of hours, and I'll I like to

693
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 4: I mean, I go out alone because like I said,

694
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 4: I don't have friends, but like I like to go

695
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,800
Speaker 4: to raise, you know, So I'll go solo. I'll go solo.

696
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:02,959
Speaker 4: I'm all go sober. You know, I'll have to drive

697
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 4: home at the end, I have to drive like an

698
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 4: hour thirty minutes to get there to where there usually

699
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:10,799
Speaker 4: are to the big city, so I have to drive back.

700
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 4: But I mean I love it. It's like a little stake

701
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 4: for me, you know, Like I don't know, I like it.

702
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,439
Speaker 4: Like I said, I don't go to be crazy during

703
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 4: two drugs. I just enjoy the music. I like the community,

704
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 4: like you said. So, but like I said, I can't

705
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:32,360
Speaker 4: have that, you know, I can't have that every day.

706
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:37,399
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, it's hard to have that every day.

707
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 1: I'm trying, you know. I see people sometimes you have

708
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 1: a version of that every day, and I'm like, and

709
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,879
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to have something like that every day.

710
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 2: You know.

711
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 1: There's a weird thing where you want every day to

712
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 1: be exciting, but it's just and maybe it can be.

713
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:00,960
Speaker 1: Maybe it can be. I don't know.

714
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you know, not every day has to be.

715
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 4: But you know, like when like five six years go

716
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 4: by and you realize you haven't done like fun shit

717
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 4: with your life, it's kind of like down, like times

718
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 4: passing me by, like I'm already like twenty six, you know,

719
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:19,799
Speaker 4: and like I just feel like I'm stuck, like you.

720
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 1: Know, like I don't know, I was thinking about this

721
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 1: today because I was I was saying about you, like

722
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:31,400
Speaker 1: you know, I have this weird thing of like I

723
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 1: always want life to be exciting when I don't know

724
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 1: how realistic it is for everyone. I was at the

725
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 1: dentist's office and the reception there was like a sitting

726
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:49,879
Speaker 1: and there's like a really tight, close dentist office, and

727
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 1: the receptionist was like talking to the other people in

728
00:44:56,000 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 1: the like waiting around, and she was like and one

729
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:03,360
Speaker 1: of the guys was like, Yo, how old do you

730
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 1: think I am? And she was like, m I think

731
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 1: you're thirty. And he's like, I'm younger than that. And

732
00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 1: she's like, what's your birthday? And he's like, uh, I

733
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 1: forget what month he said, but she was like, oh,

734
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 1: you're a Capricorn. It means you're the quiet type. And

735
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 1: I was just sitting there and I don't know. I

736
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 1: was just watching these two people talk and I was like,

737
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,439
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try. I was trans I was like, I'm

738
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 1: waiting in line at the dentist office. I'm doing something

739
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:39,920
Speaker 1: objectively boring, and yet here's this like just little moment

740
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: of connection that I'm witnessing because I'm like present for

741
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:51,400
Speaker 1: whatever I'm doing, and I'm like, oh, I feel in

742
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 1: this moment is like because I'm present and I'm like

743
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 1: looking for it. Like I'm like, I'm like, oh, in

744
00:45:56,960 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 1: any given moment of anything, you can find you can

745
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:12,760
Speaker 1: observe something to be like, that's fucking psychedelic. That's interesting,

746
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 1: you know.

747
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 4: Like not necessarily happening to you yourself, just kind of

748
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:18,799
Speaker 4: witnessing it.

749
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:23,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, you know, I mean even with your

750
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 1: when you're even when you're taking care of your kid, right,

751
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: you have the opportunity to just look at look, just

752
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: stare at him.

753
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh I.

754
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:34,840
Speaker 1: Just be like, oh my god, I created this or

755
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 1: like you know, I mean it's four you know, you

756
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,240
Speaker 1: can you can just sit there and observe his movements,

757
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:46,959
Speaker 1: look at his eyes and why is he walking that way?

758
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 1: Why is he saying that? It's like it's like if

759
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 1: it's like if like you have like an active dog,

760
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 1: you could just stare at a dog for an hour

761
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 1: or basically, this is what I'm describing. It's the life

762
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:03,360
Speaker 1: equip vo of forgetting your phone in the bathroom. So

763
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 1: you start reading a shampoo bottle. Okay, you know you

764
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Yeah, so you know, yeah, I've

765
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 1: done that, so you know, sometimes I'm reading the back

766
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 1: of the shampoo bottle, and I'm like, you know, zynthanol.

767
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 1: That's interesting is that how much of that is lethal

768
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 1: in one dose? You know, the universe can be interesting

769
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:29,959
Speaker 1: even and it's not interesting moments. But you say life

770
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:31,719
Speaker 1: is passing you by. What is it that you want

771
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 1: to do that's passing you by?

772
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:38,200
Speaker 4: I feel like I want to put myself out there

773
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 4: more like I don't know. I I struggle a lot

774
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 4: with anxiety. I have a panic disorder. So it's just

775
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 4: hard for me to kind of be in public, be

776
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 4: able to get out of the car and actually go

777
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 4: into the store and not walk out, you know, empty handed,

778
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 4: because too much, you know. So I'm working on that.

779
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 4: I'm working on actually being being able to do things

780
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:13,000
Speaker 4: without having a gut feeling that it's wrong.

781
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 1: What you what have you been doing that you have

782
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 1: a gut feeling is wrong?

783
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,239
Speaker 4: I don't know, Just like being in public, I just

784
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 4: I just I just hate like even driving, Like I

785
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 4: just feel like everybody's staring at me, like you know,

786
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 4: Like I don't know, like I just hate. I just

787
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 4: feel like every like I'm being perceived and I just

788
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 4: hate that, huh. Like I just I just don't want to, like,

789
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 4: I don't know, like you know, I'm not a noticeable

790
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:50,240
Speaker 4: person at all. I'm small, like you know, I'm small,

791
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 4: like I don't know, probably look like ninety percent of

792
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 4: the population here in New Mexico. So like, I don't know,

793
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 4: I don't bring much attention to myself. But I feel like,

794
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:03,239
Speaker 4: you know, as if I were wearing a bright kneon costume,

795
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 4: you know, and everybody's staring at me and looking at

796
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:09,840
Speaker 4: me weird, and I feel like, you know, I whispering

797
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:13,400
Speaker 4: things about me when they're obviously the people don't care.

798
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 2: You know.

799
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it sounds it sounds like an extreme amount

800
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,040
Speaker 1: of like self consciousness.

801
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you did.

802
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:24,600
Speaker 1: You're you're trying therapyre for the third time. What did

803
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 1: your real therapists say about this?

804
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 4: Well, she just says that I've been in such a

805
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:36,240
Speaker 4: state of mind that I am just I'm just looking

806
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 4: for things to validate like my feeling like my my

807
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 4: you know, the feelings of of people being against me,

808
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 4: of people watching me and stuff. I just like, I'm

809
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,840
Speaker 4: just in the habit of looking, you know, I'm looking

810
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 4: for things to to be the way that I'm wanting

811
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,359
Speaker 4: them to be. Instead of just taking things as they are.

812
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 4: So I'm just practicing on getting out of the habit

813
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 4: and I homework of like you know, telling myself that,

814
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 4: you know, like this isn't like this isn't me, Like

815
00:50:06,440 --> 00:50:08,839
Speaker 4: it's you know, my therapist tells me to like tell

816
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 4: myself like this isn't who I am, Like this is

817
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 4: you know, like a sorry. I do therapy and sadness.

818
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 4: So it's hard for me to translate into in English,

819
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:22,520
Speaker 4: but essentially saying that, you know, I have like kind

820
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 4: of like an injury to my to my to myself,

821
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 4: but I've been kind of been a way injured and

822
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:35,919
Speaker 4: that it's just the product of that hurt. It's not

823
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 4: like me, it's just like a symptom of it. And

824
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 4: so because I don't know, I've just felt that way

825
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 4: for so long and it's just kind of like it's

826
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 4: kind of like how I identify myself. I guess, like

827
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:51,280
Speaker 4: how I ye see myself as a person at this point.

828
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a fucking that's a dangerous,

829
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 1: a weird thing, man. Yeah yeah, yeah. You're like you

830
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 1: can you can like you can really ugh, you know what,

831
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:09,480
Speaker 1: you know, what is one of the most fucking annoying

832
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:16,200
Speaker 1: like contradictions of navigating mental health, like just personally is

833
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 1: there's the weird this, this is fucking contradiction of like, Okay,

834
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 1: in order to address an issue, you have to admit

835
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:32,480
Speaker 1: that you have it, right, But by admitting you have it,

836
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:38,800
Speaker 1: do you then feed into this narrative of.

837
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:40,399
Speaker 2: Yourself this is who I am?

838
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 4: Yeah? See, And so like I went, I went so

839
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 4: many years with just like trying to like deal with

840
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 4: it on my own that I just I guess that

841
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 4: was my way to cope with it. And now, you know,

842
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:56,280
Speaker 4: I take little tones in people's voices and I'm like, yeah,

843
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 4: like that person's mad at me, that person doing this,

844
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 4: you know, And I'm just trying to validate what I'm

845
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 4: thinking when it's not there. And so it's kind of

846
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 4: like this fake reality you know that I'm living because

847
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,680
Speaker 4: it's not what's happening. And I know, so it's just

848
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 4: it's it's also you know, like you said, you have

849
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 4: to recognize it, and yeah, I recognize it, but I'm like,

850
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,239
Speaker 4: this is fucked up. Like now I know that it's

851
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:21,920
Speaker 4: fucked up, you know.

852
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:28,400
Speaker 1: M Yeah, I think there's there's like there's definitely something

853
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 1: optimal to like recognize it, right, because there's a thing

854
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 1: I'm not saying, you know, I'm not here to I'm

855
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 1: not going to diagnose anyone. I'm just saying about myself, right,

856
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 1: like I like myself, for example. Just for me to

857
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:46,360
Speaker 1: be like, I'm mentally ill, you know, is a weird

858
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,279
Speaker 1: thing because if I say to myself I'm mentally ill,

859
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 1: or I have or like I have clinical depression, I'm

860
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 1: a depressed guy, then I like feared to feed into

861
00:52:56,640 --> 00:53:00,719
Speaker 1: this like narrative of like I'm a label of something,

862
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:04,799
Speaker 1: you know, which I don't, which I don't like. But

863
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,960
Speaker 1: then on the other hand, I found it to be

864
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:11,040
Speaker 1: helpful to be like, oh shit, I'm mentally ill. That's

865
00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:14,840
Speaker 1: why I do these things. They don't necessarily they don't.

866
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:18,000
Speaker 1: I'm mentally ill, That's why I do these things. You

867
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 1: find a way you do things, And then you know,

868
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:24,279
Speaker 1: what is cool is because we understand that our perceptions

869
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 1: of the planet are like how we fucking experience it's

870
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:35,680
Speaker 1: necessarily reality, you know. So I'm like, oh, the actual

871
00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:41,319
Speaker 1: reality that I'm living in is so different from the

872
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 1: universe I have in my head because I'm mentally ill.

873
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:50,640
Speaker 1: And that's and that and that's really that's helpful information

874
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 1: to have, I think, but you don't. That's helpful information

875
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 1: to have, but you gotta I think it's also important

876
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:00,320
Speaker 1: to you can kind of both think this can be

877
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 1: true at the same time. It's helpful information to have.

878
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 1: But then there's gotta be at some point where you're like,

879
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:11,640
Speaker 1: all right, I'm not gonna you know, I'm mentally ill.

880
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:14,799
Speaker 1: That's why I'm feeling this way. So let's you know,

881
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: try to mitigate it, manage it, actively work towards it.

882
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 1: That's kind of like we're talking about like cognitive behavioral therapy,

883
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:25,439
Speaker 1: which is just like this which I'm gonna start talking about.

884
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:27,560
Speaker 1: I've never read a book about it, or even I've

885
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:29,759
Speaker 1: never even read an article about it. I was I

886
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:32,400
Speaker 1: just started thinking about it from the you know, I

887
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: read like a paragraph or something. I was like, basically,

888
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 1: it's just like it's just reframing your brain how you

889
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:41,719
Speaker 1: think about things. I thought it was stupid. Actually, I

890
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 1: really did. I've been in so many situations where I

891
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:53,279
Speaker 1: you where if you told me that the issue was

892
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:57,400
Speaker 1: my own perspective, I would tell you to go fuck yourself.

893
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 1: I really yeah, But you know, I look back and

894
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:04,360
Speaker 1: I look forward. Now I'm like a lot of it,

895
00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:08,719
Speaker 1: you know, is I mean, you know, again, for you

896
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:11,160
Speaker 1: it's like you live in this world where everyone's out

897
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 1: to get you and everyone you know feels a certain

898
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:17,920
Speaker 1: way about you, but it's just not it's just not

899
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:23,600
Speaker 1: true of the actual world you live in, you know.

900
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:26,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, And you know, I'm able to like discuss these

901
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 4: things with like my sister and like my parents, Like

902
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:31,520
Speaker 4: I talk to them about it, and it's and I feel, like,

903
00:55:31,600 --> 00:55:35,160
Speaker 4: you know, before I started dealing with like my mental stuff,

904
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 4: like my family was so close off to it, like

905
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:40,319
Speaker 4: and now I'm able to openly tell my mom, like, hey,

906
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:43,680
Speaker 4: like feeling a little anxious right now, and like, you know,

907
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,440
Speaker 4: I'm able to like communicate and recognize the feeling of it.

908
00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:49,960
Speaker 4: So like it's definitely I've come a long way, I

909
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 4: would say, but it's definitely not enough, because like I know,

910
00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 4: I'm still dealing with a lot of things, and especially

911
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 4: now with my son, you know, he's almost he's almost five,

912
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 4: and I do not have patience. Get I have the

913
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 4: worst patience ever, and it's you know, and so like

914
00:56:09,080 --> 00:56:12,400
Speaker 4: that's something I'm learning for him as well, because I

915
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 4: don't know. I just feel like, you know, because of

916
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:16,440
Speaker 4: my issue is it's not anfair that I take it

917
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:18,919
Speaker 4: out of my son and stuff, and so like, I

918
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 4: you know, it's I'm very aware that, you know, I could,

919
00:56:23,800 --> 00:56:26,200
Speaker 4: you know, I'm in charge of my son's childhood and

920
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,120
Speaker 4: his feelings for the rest of his life, and so

921
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:32,440
Speaker 4: like it's very scary to like not being able to

922
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 4: like regulate your own emotions to like trying to teach

923
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:39,320
Speaker 4: that to like your.

924
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:39,480
Speaker 2: Child, you know.

925
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, And so it's like we're learning. It's like, you know,

926
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,399
Speaker 4: I'm literally learning with him. And it's like he's five

927
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:48,799
Speaker 4: and I'm twenty five, and it's it's crazy that I'm like,

928
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:52,799
Speaker 4: you know, like and I'm starting therapy now that he's

929
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:54,600
Speaker 4: for so I'm like, you know, I've been a mom

930
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:57,879
Speaker 4: for like four and a half years, and it's just

931
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 4: really scary to think that, like I've gone on so

932
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:06,560
Speaker 4: long without help and and I'm starting to realize, you know,

933
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:10,759
Speaker 4: like not that I'm exactly like affecting my son's childhood,

934
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 4: but like you know, like I can and that's I could,

935
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 4: you know, And that's scary. That's really scary, you know,

936
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:23,560
Speaker 4: and like having you know, like making your child feel

937
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 4: things that you felt when you were a child, Like

938
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:27,960
Speaker 4: that's something that I wouldn't want for him, and so

939
00:57:28,160 --> 00:57:31,560
Speaker 4: like I'm that's that's really what's in the back of

940
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 4: my head at twenty four to seven at the end

941
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 4: of the day, like there you know my son.

942
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:45,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I but I I commend you, Michaela, because you're, ah,

943
00:57:45,680 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 1: you know, you're getting help, You're trying to do this.

944
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:51,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm trying.

945
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, I.

946
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 1: Know, yeah, I know, you mean, I know how that can. Yeah,

947
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,560
Speaker 1: I fear, but I think you know, we talked to

948
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 1: train guy about this a little bit, I think, and

949
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:06,520
Speaker 1: you know, we've I mean, we have had a lot

950
00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: of people who have kids talk talk on the show

951
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,960
Speaker 1: about you know, being afraid that they're going to fuck

952
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 1: him up. Even even people who aren't, you know, who

953
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 1: haven't experienced some kind of like uh, you know, mental

954
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 1: health crisis or whatnot, get worried that they're gonna like

955
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 1: fuck fuck things up. But I think I think at

956
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:42,400
Speaker 1: the end of the day, uh, as long as you try, right,

957
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:46,800
Speaker 1: I mean, look look at your you know, look at

958
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 1: his dad. He's not even trying.

959
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:52,439
Speaker 4: He's not even there, right, Yeah, So like I don't

960
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 4: have a choice, you know. And it's not that I

961
00:58:55,080 --> 00:58:59,280
Speaker 4: love my kids, but you know, like sometimes you're human,

962
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:03,280
Speaker 4: you know, and it's I don't know, it's tough. So

963
00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 4: I'm just I'm always thankful for the hope I have

964
00:59:07,600 --> 00:59:11,880
Speaker 4: and yeah, because yeah, I mean I've gone through a

965
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:15,400
Speaker 4: lot of mental shit when my son was younger, and

966
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:17,840
Speaker 4: I'm just glad he was as little as he was

967
00:59:17,920 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 4: so that he wouldn't you know, have to remember or

968
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:25,240
Speaker 4: see things. But like he's he's starting to make memories

969
00:59:25,280 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 4: and it's starting to like, you know, form connections. So

970
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:32,560
Speaker 4: like it's it's important for me to like, not I

971
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 4: haven't seen me in the state that I was before.

972
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:39,920
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, but you know, I just uh well,

973
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 1: I mean listen, before we go, just give yourself at

974
00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 1: give yourself a little bit of compassion here, right, you know,

975
00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:56,720
Speaker 1: recognize that you're trying. This is another perspective thing, you know,

976
00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 1: because right because you're living in a world, because you're

977
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:06,920
Speaker 1: kind of living in a world where your narrative is

978
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 1: I have all these issues and they're gonna manifest and

979
01:00:11,320 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fuck up my kid with my own issues

980
01:00:18,920 --> 01:00:23,400
Speaker 1: and stuff, and you know, yeah, that's that's that's one

981
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:34,360
Speaker 1: of infinite narratives that you could feed. But there's more helpful, yeah, more,

982
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 1: you know, logically more even even more objectively true narratives

983
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:46,280
Speaker 1: that exists that you couldn't even refute. Where you're like, Okay,

984
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 1: well I tried to have a life with this guy

985
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:59,840
Speaker 1: or I don't know what the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy war.

986
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:01,400
Speaker 1: But where you're like, I try to have a life

987
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,760
Speaker 1: with this guy and then he ran out and I'm

988
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:08,360
Speaker 1: staying and I'm recognizing that I'm fucked up, and I'm

989
01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 1: trying to get help, and I'm trying to be a

990
01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:17,360
Speaker 1: good mom, uh as best as I realistically can with

991
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 1: the limited time and energy that I have, as you know,

992
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:29,880
Speaker 1: a human being, and I'm I'm trying my best, and

993
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:34,880
Speaker 1: I'm I go to bed each night satisfied that I

994
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 1: at least gave a give a shot. And that's good.

995
01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:44,800
Speaker 1: So you know, you look, you can feed that wolf

996
01:01:44,840 --> 01:01:50,680
Speaker 1: in your brain. So so so if if there's a

997
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 1: if you walk away from this conversation with anything, I

998
01:01:54,800 --> 01:02:01,600
Speaker 1: hope it's that you choose to feed a different narrative

999
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 1: about yourself and this situation rather than the one that

1000
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:13,920
Speaker 1: scares you because you don't have to feed the scary narrative. God,

1001
01:02:14,880 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 1: I swear on my life doing this podcast is just uh,

1002
01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:21,000
Speaker 1: or are you talking to you right now? I'm just

1003
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:24,800
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm really just talking to myself. I'm really

1004
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 1: just talking to myself.

1005
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:30,800
Speaker 2: So yeah, no, I mean thank you so much.

1006
01:02:30,880 --> 01:02:34,680
Speaker 4: I've I've had it in my chest for a long time.

1007
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:37,400
Speaker 4: I've wanted to talk to you and get a different

1008
01:02:38,240 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 4: point of view.

1009
01:02:39,040 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 2: So thank you.

1010
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:41,919
Speaker 4: I really really appreciate your time.

1011
01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:44,040
Speaker 1: Absolutely. Is there anything else you want to say to

1012
01:02:44,040 --> 01:02:45,440
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?

1013
01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:48,520
Speaker 4: Nope, I'm glad I got to talk to you.

1014
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:50,320
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you, Mikayla. You have a the rest

1015
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:50,480
Speaker 1: of the.

1016
01:02:50,520 --> 01:02:52,800
Speaker 4: Night, you too, Thank you, Gode.

1017
01:02:55,680 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 1: That was Mikayla. That was some That that was some real.

1018
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:01,480
Speaker 1: That was the most most real therapy I've done in

1019
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 1: so long. I was in the mood. I just was

1020
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:06,480
Speaker 1: it was like, I don't know, it was just what

1021
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:11,240
Speaker 1: I was already thinking about today, and I have energy.

1022
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 1: I'm back in my actual Gecko studio. I drank a

1023
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 1: coffee before this, so I'm I'm feeling I'm feeling gecked. Up.

1024
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:25,640
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing. MICHAELA.

1025
01:03:30,840 --> 01:03:34,760
Speaker 2: Hello, Yo, what's up? What's up?

1026
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:36,120
Speaker 1: What's your name?

1027
01:03:37,720 --> 01:03:38,640
Speaker 2: My name is Christian.

1028
01:03:39,120 --> 01:03:41,840
Speaker 1: What's going on? Christian? How can I get you today?

1029
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:46,560
Speaker 2: Yes, hello, Lyle. I would like to talk to you

1030
01:03:46,600 --> 01:03:52,560
Speaker 2: today about my trip to New York and I was

1031
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:55,240
Speaker 2: looking for you in the park and ended up getting

1032
01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:57,120
Speaker 2: to a random side quest.

1033
01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:00,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, what was the side quest?

1034
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:05,680
Speaker 2: So? I went to New York like last month, and

1035
01:04:06,640 --> 01:04:11,240
Speaker 2: I was walking around Washington Square Park by myself, and

1036
01:04:12,560 --> 01:04:14,440
Speaker 2: I was looking for you, and I was asking a

1037
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:18,440
Speaker 2: bunch of people like, oh, have you seen the therapy gecko?

1038
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:22,640
Speaker 2: Have you seen the therapy gecko? And everyone was like no, no,

1039
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:25,040
Speaker 2: I haven't seen the therapy gecko. And then I asked

1040
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:29,840
Speaker 2: this guy that was selling weed if he's seen the

1041
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:32,680
Speaker 2: therapy gecko and he was like nah. Oh. He was

1042
01:04:32,720 --> 01:04:35,480
Speaker 2: like yeah, yeah I do. I do see him during

1043
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:38,640
Speaker 2: the weirdo hours, which I guess is six to ten

1044
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:43,600
Speaker 2: o'clock according to the weed name there at the park. Yeah. Yeah.

1045
01:04:43,680 --> 01:04:48,320
Speaker 2: And then some random guy was like, oh, I think

1046
01:04:48,480 --> 01:04:50,760
Speaker 2: you're the therapy gecko. So I was like, what do

1047
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:53,600
Speaker 2: you need? Do you think I'm the therapy get So

1048
01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 2: then I sat down with him, and I rolled up

1049
01:04:57,880 --> 01:05:01,479
Speaker 2: a Dutch with from Zaza in it, and at first

1050
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:02,960
Speaker 2: he didn't want to hit it because I guess New

1051
01:05:03,040 --> 01:05:06,680
Speaker 2: York has a flavored tobacco band, so everyone just rolls

1052
01:05:06,680 --> 01:05:09,640
Speaker 2: a bunch of joints, which is kind of wag, but whatever.

1053
01:05:10,440 --> 01:05:14,840
Speaker 2: And then yeah, we ended up smoking. And then it

1054
01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:17,840
Speaker 2: was me, him and like a group of five strangers

1055
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:21,520
Speaker 2: and we just got into a great conversation. They're asking

1056
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:24,000
Speaker 2: me about what I did in New York. So then

1057
01:05:24,040 --> 01:05:27,680
Speaker 2: I went shopping. I saw this guy, James that makes

1058
01:05:27,800 --> 01:05:31,120
Speaker 2: custom leather belts on the side of the road, and

1059
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:34,120
Speaker 2: one of the people there also happened to have one

1060
01:05:34,120 --> 01:05:37,360
Speaker 2: of those belts. And then we all smoked together and

1061
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:40,720
Speaker 2: just enjoy the good sash talking about the Therapy Gecko

1062
01:05:40,880 --> 01:05:44,560
Speaker 2: and it was like the Therapy Get Go, but with

1063
01:05:44,840 --> 01:05:46,919
Speaker 2: random people in the park, Like we were just all

1064
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:48,200
Speaker 2: talking about random shit.

1065
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 1: Yeah I did. That's awesome. I'm so, I'm so that's cool.

1066
01:05:53,480 --> 01:05:56,000
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you can go to the park and

1067
01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:58,520
Speaker 1: talk to a random guy and he's like, yo, that

1068
01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:04,200
Speaker 1: I've seen that fucking uh cryptid. Yeah, dude, that park

1069
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:06,520
Speaker 1: is cool. It's always filled with like, yeah, six to

1070
01:06:06,640 --> 01:06:09,600
Speaker 1: ten is definitely weird. Oh hours. It's it's filled with

1071
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:11,520
Speaker 1: like random ass shit. I was there last night. I

1072
01:06:11,520 --> 01:06:13,160
Speaker 1: go there and I go there almost every day. I

1073
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:16,040
Speaker 1: go there all the time when I'm not in the costume.

1074
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:20,360
Speaker 1: I just love existing there. It's just so I.

1075
01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:22,240
Speaker 2: Was looking for you, man, I was looking for you.

1076
01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:25,439
Speaker 2: I've been a long time fan. Hmm.

1077
01:06:27,000 --> 01:06:28,480
Speaker 1: I'm glad I could send you on a side. Yeah,

1078
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:30,760
Speaker 1: that's a perfect place if you want to like get

1079
01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:34,040
Speaker 1: into a weird thing where you're smoking weed with a

1080
01:06:34,080 --> 01:06:38,000
Speaker 1: stranger that you are like I, in no other situation

1081
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:39,720
Speaker 1: in my life would be hanging out with this person.

1082
01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:42,080
Speaker 1: That's where. That's one of the places you can go

1083
01:06:42,720 --> 01:06:43,800
Speaker 1: in the world to do that.

1084
01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:47,360
Speaker 2: I honestly think wash is like it's like a bar

1085
01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:49,920
Speaker 2: for people that smoked ha ha.

1086
01:06:51,080 --> 01:06:54,120
Speaker 1: I love that. Oh man. It is kind of like

1087
01:06:54,160 --> 01:06:57,720
Speaker 1: a kind of like a bar for people that smoke weed. Yeah,

1088
01:06:58,400 --> 01:07:00,360
Speaker 1: you know, I took Yeah, I took a friend. I

1089
01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:05,640
Speaker 1: took a friend to Washington Square last night and he

1090
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:08,360
Speaker 1: saw that there's all these tables of people smoking weed

1091
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:12,280
Speaker 1: and he was like, is this legal? And I was like,

1092
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:16,800
Speaker 1: who cares, It's Washington Square Park. You know, do whatever

1093
01:07:16,800 --> 01:07:20,840
Speaker 1: you want, live your life. He gives a shit. Yeah,

1094
01:07:21,240 --> 01:07:22,080
Speaker 1: I still don't.

1095
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:23,440
Speaker 2: It was very odd to me.

1096
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:25,720
Speaker 1: I still don't know if it's legal.

1097
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:30,160
Speaker 2: I think it's I mean, it's got to be treating.

1098
01:07:30,280 --> 01:07:32,680
Speaker 2: So I live in Browd County, Florida, which is like

1099
01:07:32,840 --> 01:07:37,720
Speaker 2: Port Lauderdale type area, and it's not legal here. So

1100
01:07:37,800 --> 01:07:40,600
Speaker 2: I have like a medical marijuana card so that, you know,

1101
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:42,560
Speaker 2: I could do what I do without getting fucked with.

1102
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:46,000
Speaker 2: And I remember I have a buddy that goes to

1103
01:07:46,120 --> 01:07:48,040
Speaker 2: NYU over there, so I kind of go there like

1104
01:07:48,280 --> 01:07:51,439
Speaker 2: a few times a year to visit and see my boy.

1105
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:56,000
Speaker 2: And I remember walking around after rolling up and he

1106
01:07:56,120 --> 01:07:57,920
Speaker 2: was like, oh, spark it. But there was like a

1107
01:07:57,960 --> 01:07:59,840
Speaker 2: cop right next to us, and I was like, you know,

1108
01:08:00,200 --> 01:08:03,200
Speaker 2: being all scared, and I just remember sparking it right

1109
01:08:03,240 --> 01:08:05,080
Speaker 2: next to the cop, and it was like, it's such

1110
01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 2: just a real experience, like being able to just walk

1111
01:08:08,840 --> 01:08:12,520
Speaker 2: past a police officer smelling like an absolute pound and

1112
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:14,200
Speaker 2: they just don't give a fuck.

1113
01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:20,120
Speaker 1: It's funny. It's it's dude, It's really crazy, uh, being

1114
01:08:20,160 --> 01:08:25,400
Speaker 1: in places where it's like if you smoke weed, you're

1115
01:08:25,640 --> 01:08:28,599
Speaker 1: you go to jail for twenty years, right, Like it's

1116
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:32,720
Speaker 1: that fucking illegal versus in the States where yeah, you

1117
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:35,479
Speaker 1: can just blow smoke in a CoP's face and well

1118
01:08:35,520 --> 01:08:37,880
Speaker 1: if you did that, they'd probably care.

1119
01:08:38,320 --> 01:08:43,160
Speaker 2: But well not here in Florida, because I mean I've

1120
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:46,120
Speaker 2: been pulled over. Like, I'm a car guy, so my

1121
01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:49,200
Speaker 2: car is like kind of low and it just it

1122
01:08:49,479 --> 01:08:51,720
Speaker 2: looks a little bit different than like your average car.

1123
01:08:51,880 --> 01:08:56,840
Speaker 2: So I guess sometimes I'm like targeted, I guess you

1124
01:08:56,880 --> 01:09:02,479
Speaker 2: could say. And I'm always super, super super nervous about

1125
01:09:02,479 --> 01:09:05,080
Speaker 2: the smell of my car, even though I have all

1126
01:09:05,160 --> 01:09:08,439
Speaker 2: the legal you know, like ship that you are supposed

1127
01:09:08,479 --> 01:09:08,680
Speaker 2: to have.

1128
01:09:08,960 --> 01:09:12,080
Speaker 1: Well, well you're not allowed to smoke weed and drive.

1129
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:20,000
Speaker 1: Oh you're not in no state are you or will

1130
01:09:20,040 --> 01:09:22,840
Speaker 1: you ever in history be allowed to smoke weed and drive.

1131
01:09:23,160 --> 01:09:25,280
Speaker 1: You know what's so fun? I haven't driven a car,

1132
01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:30,240
Speaker 1: and well, man, I used to get high and drive

1133
01:09:30,280 --> 01:09:33,760
Speaker 1: my car all the time. You really shouldn't do that.

1134
01:09:34,200 --> 01:09:37,840
Speaker 2: But no, no, no, no, let me I have.

1135
01:09:38,080 --> 01:09:38,320
Speaker 1: I have.

1136
01:09:39,080 --> 01:09:42,320
Speaker 2: I will honestly tell people the exact opposite.

1137
01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:48,120
Speaker 1: Shut up, here's what that's it's that you're wrong. I

1138
01:09:48,160 --> 01:09:51,479
Speaker 1: won't hear your argument. I do it. I do it,

1139
01:09:51,520 --> 01:09:54,120
Speaker 1: and I'm I will, I will. It's like, it's like

1140
01:09:55,520 --> 01:09:58,800
Speaker 1: the way I feel about smoking weed and driving is

1141
01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:03,320
Speaker 1: the way I feel about like eating meat. It's like,

1142
01:10:03,439 --> 01:10:07,759
Speaker 1: I think it's objectively wrong, and I do it anyway

1143
01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:11,200
Speaker 1: because it's really it's awesome. But I'm not gonna pretend

1144
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:18,000
Speaker 1: it's not. It's an objectively bad thing. It's an objectively

1145
01:10:18,400 --> 01:10:21,679
Speaker 1: bad thing to get high and drive.

1146
01:10:23,160 --> 01:10:27,240
Speaker 2: Well. Do you ever feel like you smoke and then

1147
01:10:27,720 --> 01:10:30,400
Speaker 2: or not? Do you ever feel like when you're doing

1148
01:10:30,439 --> 01:10:34,519
Speaker 2: something that you do every day with being sobered, do

1149
01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:37,080
Speaker 2: you ever feel like you brush through it and you're

1150
01:10:37,120 --> 01:10:38,280
Speaker 2: just moving too quickly?

1151
01:10:42,400 --> 01:10:44,800
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not, I'm not. I'm not following that.

1152
01:10:44,880 --> 01:10:46,760
Speaker 1: I mean, I know, I know the logic you're trying

1153
01:10:46,800 --> 01:10:50,320
Speaker 1: to present, but I think it's I think it's wrong.

1154
01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:52,960
Speaker 2: No, I think I think.

1155
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:57,080
Speaker 1: It's fun though that likes to drive that.

1156
01:10:57,400 --> 01:10:58,720
Speaker 2: And I tell you, what if I.

1157
01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:02,920
Speaker 1: Do you drive drive? Do you do you get do

1158
01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:04,240
Speaker 1: you get high and drive fast?

1159
01:11:05,560 --> 01:11:07,720
Speaker 2: No, it's the opposite. I normally drive fast when I'm

1160
01:11:07,760 --> 01:11:11,040
Speaker 2: sober because I'm just like, I'm just like, oh, like

1161
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:14,120
Speaker 2: it's number one. It's kind of fun. I have a

1162
01:11:14,160 --> 01:11:16,439
Speaker 2: heavy foot and I just don't have any patience. You know,

1163
01:11:16,520 --> 01:11:20,240
Speaker 2: everyone's driving slow and they're creating these walls on the highway,

1164
01:11:20,680 --> 01:11:22,640
Speaker 2: and you know, I just got places to be. But

1165
01:11:22,720 --> 01:11:25,639
Speaker 2: when I'm off the zall like I really don't care,

1166
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,360
Speaker 2: Like if you know, if I'm doing five twenty under

1167
01:11:28,360 --> 01:11:31,080
Speaker 2: the speed limit, it really doesn't matter. Like the music

1168
01:11:31,160 --> 01:11:35,559
Speaker 2: is hitting the wind is you know, is winding, and

1169
01:11:36,160 --> 01:11:37,760
Speaker 2: I don't feel like I have to press the gas

1170
01:11:37,800 --> 01:11:40,160
Speaker 2: as much because I'm off the gas.

1171
01:11:48,360 --> 01:11:50,559
Speaker 1: That was a good quit. That was a good quit.

1172
01:11:52,800 --> 01:11:53,599
Speaker 1: What's your name again?

1173
01:11:54,760 --> 01:11:55,519
Speaker 2: My name it's Christian?

1174
01:11:57,439 --> 01:12:01,880
Speaker 1: Hmm, Christians? There anything else want to say to the

1175
01:12:01,920 --> 01:12:03,320
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go.

1176
01:12:11,320 --> 01:12:16,120
Speaker 2: Don't drink and drive, Okay, yeah, don't drink and drive,

1177
01:12:16,160 --> 01:12:20,920
Speaker 2: but maybe maybe, you know, maybe it's okay to do

1178
01:12:21,000 --> 01:12:23,719
Speaker 2: some other things. I'll drive if if your body allows

1179
01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:26,000
Speaker 2: you to everybody different. I could never drink and drive.

1180
01:12:26,080 --> 01:12:29,000
Speaker 1: I you ever you ever get? You ever get? You

1181
01:12:29,000 --> 01:12:32,480
Speaker 1: ever get drunk and then like sleep in your car.

1182
01:12:32,880 --> 01:12:36,040
Speaker 2: I never get drunk ever, Like I mean I might

1183
01:12:36,080 --> 01:12:40,200
Speaker 2: get like like I've never been like really really drunk.

1184
01:12:40,600 --> 01:12:44,639
Speaker 2: I'm not good with alcohol. I'm kind of skinny every

1185
01:12:44,640 --> 01:12:48,400
Speaker 2: time if I take a shot it's within those five

1186
01:12:48,439 --> 01:12:51,040
Speaker 2: minutes of after taking those shot, I'm gonna throw up.

1187
01:12:51,080 --> 01:12:51,840
Speaker 2: It's guarantee.

1188
01:12:58,120 --> 01:12:59,120
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling Chris.

1189
01:13:00,360 --> 01:13:02,439
Speaker 2: All right, Gey, take it easy, love the show.

1190
01:13:02,720 --> 01:13:04,160
Speaker 1: Thank you, brother, appreciate it. You have the rest of

1191
01:13:04,200 --> 01:13:12,280
Speaker 1: the night, get too. That was Chris. That was the

1192
01:13:12,280 --> 01:13:16,160
Speaker 1: Therapy Gecko podcast. What an episode today. We had three

1193
01:13:16,280 --> 01:13:20,200
Speaker 1: good calls. We talked to the truck gentlemen. We talked

1194
01:13:20,240 --> 01:13:26,519
Speaker 1: to the lady about a feeling like the world is

1195
01:13:26,520 --> 01:13:32,120
Speaker 1: against her. We talked about the park and weed. I

1196
01:13:32,120 --> 01:13:37,200
Speaker 1: feel good about this episode. This had everything in it.

1197
01:13:37,320 --> 01:13:42,600
Speaker 1: This head had this had emotion, had stories. This was

1198
01:13:42,640 --> 01:13:44,960
Speaker 1: a good episode of the podcast. This felt like a

1199
01:13:46,160 --> 01:13:52,839
Speaker 1: like a quintessential standard day at the Therapy Get Headquarters.

1200
01:13:53,320 --> 01:13:59,200
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me on this. Oh yes, if you

1201
01:13:59,240 --> 01:14:04,080
Speaker 1: live in Edmundton, Canada. If you live in Edmonton, Canada,

1202
01:14:04,680 --> 01:14:12,840
Speaker 1: I am doing a show at Mayswan University November sixth. Also,

1203
01:14:13,920 --> 01:14:16,280
Speaker 1: also if you're still listening, if you're listening right now,

1204
01:14:17,120 --> 01:14:22,519
Speaker 1: if you would see me live to do a show

1205
01:14:23,240 --> 01:14:29,520
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty six, comment below on YouTube or Spotify

1206
01:14:30,160 --> 01:14:31,920
Speaker 1: and let me know if you would come see a

1207
01:14:32,000 --> 01:14:39,360
Speaker 1: show and where you live. It's helpful information for me anyway,

1208
01:14:41,360 --> 01:14:46,479
Speaker 1: thank you all for joining Get bless see you guys

1209
01:14:46,479 --> 01:14:48,600
Speaker 1: around the universe again.

1210
01:14:48,760 --> 01:14:52,519
Speaker 2: Goes on the Live taking your phone calls every night. Ever,

1211
01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:53,679
Speaker 2: Acon goes.

1212
01:14:53,479 --> 01:14:55,400
Speaker 1: To I'm teaching you Cloud.

1213
01:14:55,439 --> 01:14:57,280
Speaker 2: In the interview, Lived is

1214
01:14:57,360 --> 01:14:59,799
Speaker 1: Not really an expert.