1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to The K Factor Everything 2 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,639 Speaker 1: k Pop, a podcast hosted by me Bomhan and I 3 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: am a former K pop trainee slash former idol who 4 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: uh did tours and performances around the country. And kind 5 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 1: of a continuation from last week's episode, this is going 6 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: to be a episode about mental health, mental health in 7 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,520 Speaker 1: the industry of K pop, and as promised, we have 8 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 1: a very very special guest here today talking about herself 9 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,519 Speaker 1: and also my very specific situation. I'm going to give 10 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,600 Speaker 1: a quick intro of our guest today. Our guest, Belinda, 11 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 1: is a dual Oh my gosh, these are way bigger 12 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,160 Speaker 1: words than I am a custom too. This is why 13 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,240 Speaker 1: I do not have a degree. Our guest today is Belinda, 14 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: who is a dual Board certified adult and psychiat mental 15 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 1: health nurse practitioners specializing in anxiety depression by polar disorder 16 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: OCD and ADHD. She provides inclusive, patient centered care that 17 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: integrates psychopharmacology and therapy. Her co owned, rem certified practice 18 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:23,400 Speaker 1: offers intrizzle, ketamine and FDA approved ADHD neuropsychological testing. 19 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,200 Speaker 2: Killed it, killed it, Okay, point. 20 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 1: Everybody, please welcome Belinda. Thanks you thank you and welcome 21 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:33,639 Speaker 1: to the K Factor. 22 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:34,480 Speaker 2: Thank you pleasure. 23 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: Okay, well, is there anything that you wanted to add 24 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: to this bio, anything that you wanted the audience to 25 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 1: know about you. 26 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 2: Well, we also or for services to schizophrenia as well. Okay, 27 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 2: it's effective disorder. That's pretty much you covered everything. A 28 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 2: lot of people, you know, voweling a lot of anxiety 29 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 2: depression by polar disorder now where they have these things 30 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,280 Speaker 2: going on. So and we also do make sure that 31 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 2: with our whole work of any psychiatric disorders that we 32 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 2: also include a full organic like medical work up to 33 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 2: make sure there's no medical conditions happening. Because a lot 34 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 2: of times people think they have ADD or ADHD or 35 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 2: anxiety depression and your thyroid function is off, or your 36 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 2: farentin levels are off, or your vitamin d's in the 37 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 2: toilet and that's why you're having symptoms. So we do 38 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 2: a whole service of care when you come to our 39 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 2: office and you get all out work done before we 40 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 2: even start you on certain things in medications. So we 41 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 2: do well visits, integrated psychiatry, holistic psychiatry, and then we 42 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 2: really need to tack on real mence. We do that 43 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 2: as well. 44 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,640 Speaker 1: I think it's cool that you mentioned that, like a 45 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: lot of people go on with their whole lives like 46 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 1: not knowing that they have these things right for sure. Yeah, 47 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: Like how often does someone come to your session and 48 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: they just like they just like they're venting and then 49 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: you're like, oh, wait, this is actually this, this is 50 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 1: actually that. 51 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 2: A lot of times that happens. Well, unfortunately, you know, 52 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,079 Speaker 2: stigma plays a lot of roles, and culture plays a 53 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 2: lot of roles. So I even have many patients in 54 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 2: mind that are like, well, what when you brint the 55 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 2: package at the house, is it going to say something 56 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 2: that has to do with like psychiatry on it. She 57 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 2: happens to be from Nigeria and parents are very anti 58 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 2: you know, mental health. Get it. I come from a 59 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:02,399 Speaker 2: Caribbean background. They get it too, However they took time 60 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,760 Speaker 2: for them to get it. Over time, however, what happens 61 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 2: is I have a lot of patients that have come 62 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 2: to me and say, hey, listen, I've been having the 63 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 2: sun on set of like these mood disorders, or I've 64 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 2: been having like I've been snapping. I have this I 65 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 2: have that you know, you know, I get really really 66 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,280 Speaker 2: anxious in social situations, and I'll always take it from 67 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 2: the top wind to the start because psychiatry is very 68 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 2: based on timeframe. So some people vibe I had ADHD 69 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 2: since you know, I was a kid. No, you're actually 70 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 2: battling anxiety because if you can't concentrate, you know, you 71 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,920 Speaker 2: could be anxious. If you can't focus, you could be anxious. 72 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 2: But it's easy to take on, you know, tackle like 73 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 2: add or ADHD, you know, because it's just easier, you know. 74 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,480 Speaker 2: But you know that's why we do neuropsychological testing. You 75 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 2: have add No, you're just anxious. Maybe you know your 76 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 2: favorits and levels. You know, the blood work is a 77 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 2: little bit off, which can mimic a lot of sign 78 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 2: and symptoms of some psychiatric disorders. So a lot of 79 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 2: times when especially when you have a sudden onset of symptoms, 80 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 2: I have a lot of patients that will come to 81 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 2: me and like, you know, all of a sudden, you know, 82 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,680 Speaker 2: I've had like these weird voices. Now, yeah, well no 83 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 2: that's not from childhood. That's something that's really acute, that's 84 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 2: kind of happening. So we'll definitely work them up. In 85 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 2: a lot of things that are missed, especially in a 86 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 2: lot of women of Asian descent or if we have 87 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 2: any like how black women or Hispanic. There's a lot 88 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 2: of order. Immune diseases play a lot of significant roles 89 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 2: in white patients experience her and symptoms. So for a 90 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 2: sudden onset and you're having like hearing, you're not supposed 91 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:16,240 Speaker 2: to have that A lot of times like a psychiological factors, 92 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 2: a lot of on immune diseases, if they manifest and exacerbate, 93 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,560 Speaker 2: can actually mimic a lot of psychiatric features. There was 94 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 2: a big, big story actually on Suffolk County, a young 95 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,719 Speaker 2: lad named Ape Barrel. It's all over the news, so 96 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 2: it's not even like a secret I'm not. There's no 97 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 2: hippop combines issue. And she was twenty one. She has 98 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:35,159 Speaker 2: a psychotic break. She was catatonic, She wasn't really talking 99 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 2: to anyone. She had like hearing voices, seeing things a 100 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 2: number and she was institutionalized for ten years. There was 101 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 2: a resident actually he was actually from Korea as a 102 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 2: matter of fact, that did his medical school rotation. He 103 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 2: did it there and then he actually came back after 104 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,599 Speaker 2: his residency to wonder why she was still institutionalized after 105 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 2: ten years. She had what they call order mune and ccephalitis, 106 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 2: and it came from lupis, and unfortunately, a lot of 107 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 2: lupus and ccephalitis actually mimics a lot of psychotic features. 108 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,599 Speaker 2: She was on ivy ibu violence, she was on pretizone, 109 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 2: she was on an older measuge you would use for 110 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 2: someone who has lupus simple, So you have to totally 111 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 2: work up your patient before you just jump into a 112 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 2: true diagnosis. And that's what we do it all. That's 113 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 2: what makes us very different. We have our primary care 114 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 2: on site, work things all the way up, and once 115 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,680 Speaker 2: we get a clear note, then we start intervening. 116 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:23,640 Speaker 1: That's super interesting that you say that, because I actually 117 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 1: had a really poor experience with like approaching this in 118 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: the past, which is why I'm kind of like like 119 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,400 Speaker 1: right now, I'm like terribly nervous, Like I'm like shaking almost. 120 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,280 Speaker 2: You really got a good sugarcoating like this. 121 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, So it's like I'm glad to see that you 122 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 1: put so much care into your practice. 123 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 2: Congratulations, thank you, thank you. My dad would be proud 124 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,560 Speaker 2: of you with you because I was the last one. 125 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 2: I was the menace. You know, what do you do 126 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 2: with yourself? I'm like I don't know, so I wind 127 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 2: up being the good one in the end. 128 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: You know, I think a lot of creatives also go 129 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 1: through their lives without like really kind of attributing like 130 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,479 Speaker 1: any of like the things kind of how do I 131 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 1: say that's like a I don't want to say there's 132 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: something wrong with them. But there's a lot of people 133 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,240 Speaker 1: like creative in the field, like especially in Korea because 134 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: of the culture and like distigmatism, Like they don't approach 135 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,599 Speaker 1: the topic of mental health, and they'll go their whole 136 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 1: life without like knowing that there's something that could be 137 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: there absolutely like seeking help. So like, I think your 138 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 1: openness to approaching it can like change a lot of 139 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 1: things in the future, you know. 140 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 2: Yep, myham and I have a lot of different patients 141 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 2: that are of all the sense and I have a 142 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,239 Speaker 2: few from Korea, and I know some get it, some don't. 143 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 2: But you know, again, neither one of my parents were educated, 144 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,600 Speaker 2: you know, they came from the next country. They pushed 145 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 2: us all through school. My mother could you know, she 146 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,680 Speaker 2: be like, oh, can you read this from me? She's like, 147 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 2: so I put all you guys through school. So again, 148 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,040 Speaker 2: but the ignorance is just not there. So sometimes when 149 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,280 Speaker 2: I approach my mom a certain things that say certain things. 150 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 2: They automatically say, it's worst, it's crazy, she's nuts, she's insane. 151 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 2: I'm like, no, no, you don't know, don't know that. 152 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 2: So sometimes people are balanced certain things because they think, oh, 153 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,359 Speaker 2: it's demonic or it's this, it's that, and I'm like, no, 154 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 2: it's not. She really has a psychiatric disorder, you know, 155 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 2: I mean, it really is true. And then you go 156 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,159 Speaker 2: into family history. And sometimes when I take family history 157 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,480 Speaker 2: and take from my initial patients, I have to be 158 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 2: very mindful because they don't know. If somebody asks me, 159 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 2: anybody your household had many you know, mom and dad 160 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 2: had anxiety depression. No, their answer, well, you need to work, 161 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 2: they're lazy. You don't you have anxiety presion because you don't 162 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 2: want work. You know, you don't want to get a job. 163 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: You know. 164 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 2: That was my parents' response. So sometimes they don't know 165 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 2: the family history and family history plays a significant role, 166 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 2: especially with you know, and anxiety depression, especially with like 167 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 2: bipolar sword and schizophrenia, and they're like no, not really, 168 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 2: and suicide you know is major, you know, and a 169 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 2: lot of times people think, oh, you're a coward, if 170 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 2: you're suicidal. I don't think Miss America was a coward. 171 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 2: I don't think the CEO of you know, bed Beth 172 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 2: and Beyond was a coward. I don't think Anthony Bourbin 173 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 2: Boarding was a coward. Kate Spade wasn't a coward. So 174 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 2: that heaviness is internal, you know what I mean? And 175 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 2: that's why me as a provider, I try to yeah, yeah, okay. 176 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 2: And on top of that, it's not a state. I 177 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 2: hate when people say, oh, you're a coward. No, you're 178 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 2: not a coward. You are feeling things that people could 179 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 2: only internalize what's happening with them. And that's why I 180 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:07,120 Speaker 2: always tell my patients, I would rather rather hear your 181 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 2: story than attend your funeral, So please open up. And 182 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,880 Speaker 2: I always create a safe space for all my patients, 183 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 2: no matter what color, what you choose to do behind 184 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 2: closed doors. And I always say you always analyze the 185 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 2: messenger before you analyze the message. People could say things. 186 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,240 Speaker 2: Do things hurt you? Where's it coming from? Are you 187 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 2: transferring aggression? Are you transferring itemssia? Are you dealing with 188 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 2: post traumatic stress disorder? Do you have a lot of 189 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 2: childhood trauma? I know that some of the ex boyfriends 190 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 2: that I've had, Like, you have a lot childhood trauma. 191 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,200 Speaker 2: That's why you're weird, you know what I mean. But again, 192 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:34,439 Speaker 2: I look at the whole picture. But unfortunately you don't 193 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,679 Speaker 2: have many people that do that, and suicide is our 194 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,679 Speaker 2: major major. I just went to the Nami Walk on 195 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 2: Sunday and South Street Seaport and to hear how many therapists, doctors, 196 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 2: nurses lost someone to suicide. And we're talking about professionals. 197 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,080 Speaker 2: They look like you and I. They're not disheveled, they're 198 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 2: not you know, not groomed and not taking showers. Those 199 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 2: are the easy ones to pick out because you can 200 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 2: help them. They identified Miss America was Miss America. Who 201 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 2: would thinks you would leave from the top of the building. 202 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 2: No one. That's why I always say check on your 203 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,559 Speaker 2: happy and healthy friends. And I'm a personal and being 204 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 2: completely transparent. I lost my I'm always the one to 205 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 2: get everybody together, So I lost my dad. I battled 206 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 2: with a lot of significant loaws, feeling like dark and out. 207 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 2: I felt like nobody was there to help me, and 208 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,720 Speaker 2: I felt like I wish I could trade places with him. 209 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 2: I was going through that, going with that emotion, that's 210 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 2: suicide ideations. I would go to work, mind you. I 211 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 2: worked through COVID. I was doing death certificates ten of shift, 212 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 2: at twelve hour shifts. I was writing deertificates for coworkers. 213 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 2: Had no problem. You're a battle PTSD if you work 214 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 2: in the household with SA many deaths that you saw. 215 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 2: But when it hits home, it's different. I went to 216 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,840 Speaker 2: work the whole time, no problem, no issues, and people 217 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 2: are like, wow, you were real. Yeah, seven days a 218 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,960 Speaker 2: week suicidal, just thinking like wow, if I could just help. 219 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,559 Speaker 2: And I felt like it was my fault. And I 220 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 2: think the only reason why you and I having a 221 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 2: conversation today is because I have a son because I 222 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,559 Speaker 2: feel like I couldn't do that to him, so I 223 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 2: make sure you have some kids. 224 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: Okay. 225 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 2: But I felt like it was my fault, and I 226 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 2: felt like things were my fault. And you're newer transmitted 227 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,560 Speaker 2: in your brain just go all over the place. They 228 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:03,440 Speaker 2: stop working after a while when you have a significant impact, 229 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 2: no what it no matter what it was. It could be. 230 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 2: It could be a death, it could be a bad relationship, 231 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,959 Speaker 2: it could be a financial hardship, it could just be bidy. 232 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 2: This morphie. We don't know. Everybody battle things differently, And 233 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,760 Speaker 2: I always say that I'm glad that I was able 234 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 2: to kind of take that grip and something allowed me 235 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 2: to be able to sit with you today. But I 236 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,959 Speaker 2: always say that, don't thank you for being here. 237 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, beyond everything, thank you for being here today too. 238 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:25,080 Speaker 2: You're welcome. 239 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 1: And like even when you were talking about like oh, 240 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 1: like clocking in seven days a week and Algy like 241 00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 1: she's she's she's killing it right now. But then like actually, 242 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,200 Speaker 1: like at home, it's like all these thoughts and like 243 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,760 Speaker 1: like hip hop idols, like like we go through like 244 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: these schedules that are like twenty hours long, and then 245 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: it's like, oh okay, then it's just the next day. 246 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 1: That is the next day, and you never really know 247 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:45,719 Speaker 1: what someone's dealing with. Yep. 248 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,440 Speaker 2: I always say that I'm such a firm belief in 249 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 2: that I go to work. I'm like, this person is balance, 250 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 2: a little bipolar. This one doesn't know she's getting you straight. 251 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 2: This one actually doesn't. She's having bodies more. Everybody's got 252 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,839 Speaker 2: stuff going on. I get it. 253 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,679 Speaker 1: However, just walking around, these red flags are clicking all 254 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 1: this time, and. 255 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 2: I'm like, you know what. But you know, fortunately a 256 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 2: lot of times, you know, put it this way. The 257 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 2: chief of psychiatry, I believe it. Yeah, I'm not sure 258 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,679 Speaker 2: if he's still there. Who runs the whole school of medicine. 259 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 2: He is a borderline s gets effective disorder. So people 260 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,959 Speaker 2: who bad in this meltal are very intelligent, especially someone 261 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 2: like myself who has ADD. You know, although if I 262 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 2: just blame it all, I'm just busy. I'm no, No, 263 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,079 Speaker 2: you have ADD It's okay, you know what I mean, 264 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,559 Speaker 2: It's okay, But myself and other people battle ADD or ADHD. 265 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,360 Speaker 2: We don't have dope mean that brain, so we have 266 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 2: less dopening, so we have to create it from somewhere, 267 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,200 Speaker 2: whether it's from adderall or whether it's from vitamin dB six. 268 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,240 Speaker 2: We are high functioning, and people think that, well, you 269 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 2: have good grades, so you don't have ADD. No, that's 270 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 2: not the case. It doesn't manifest like that because we don't. 271 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,320 Speaker 2: We don't have much dope in our brain, and we 272 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 2: have to overcompensate. That's what make us so intelligent. 273 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 1: Oh. I remember when I first took medication to kind 274 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 1: of like help treat the ADHD a bit, I felt 275 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 1: this huge weight that was like lifted off my shoulder. 276 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 1: I was like, wait, this is how regular people live, right, Wow, you. 277 00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,680 Speaker 2: Actually were able to start that on time and finish 278 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 2: it on time. 279 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:05,200 Speaker 1: I was like, wait, I can just do it. I 280 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,559 Speaker 1: have some close family members who kept going with their 281 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 1: lives for like a similar reason. And when I found 282 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,920 Speaker 1: myself like a couple of years ago, like I was 283 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:16,839 Speaker 1: at like the edge of a building and like things 284 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 1: are just like so autopilot and going on and on 285 00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 1: and on until I was like, Okay, this doesn't matter, 286 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 1: and then this doesn't matter, and then like I kind 287 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 1: of reached my last doesn't matter. And when I woke 288 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,560 Speaker 1: up in that moment, I was at the edge of 289 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: the building and then like what there was like a 290 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:36,880 Speaker 1: kind of like a battle, like a tug of war. 291 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,079 Speaker 1: At that moment, it was like okay, if I go 292 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 1: right now, who cares? And in my head, like it 293 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 1: was so deranged that I was like no one because 294 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 1: I was going through like a whole bunch of internet 295 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 1: bullying at that time, where like I had like a yeah, 296 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 1: it's like like all like the negative thoughts I had 297 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 1: about myself were like confirmed for the first time, and 298 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: like an outside source you know, gotcha. And then I 299 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: was dealing with like a death of a family member. 300 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:07,200 Speaker 2: That's so heavy because death is finalsclan, and you don't 301 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 2: mean just shut them off, block them. You know, it's 302 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,280 Speaker 2: very easy, but you know this, this will be the 303 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:16,200 Speaker 2: mom but just do this, just turn it off, this match, ny, 304 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 2: but death is final. You know, certain things are just final. 305 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 2: And I always tell people that my son was believed 306 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,920 Speaker 2: that a lot in high school and unfortunately due to 307 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 2: the fact of you know, complexion of skin is unfortunate. 308 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 2: But okay, fine, whatever, He's totally fine. Now he goes 309 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 2: Then while he's great, he's doing well, he's worried about 310 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 2: his curls and his hair stupid stuff. But again, he 311 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 2: was going through that. No one would understand that, but you. 312 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 2: So when people try to come to you or come 313 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,720 Speaker 2: at you from the outside, always remember that's why they're outside. 314 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 2: They need to stay there. They're not in your inner circle. 315 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 2: They're not in your unitary human being. They're not inside. 316 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 2: And honestly tell you to you know, thank god you 317 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,080 Speaker 2: were unsuccessful, because we've gonna have this conversation right now. 318 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 2: You want to be as awesome as you are, and 319 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,800 Speaker 2: thank god, you know, I mean your parents, you know 320 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,079 Speaker 2: what I mean. I always look at what we leave behind, 321 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,280 Speaker 2: and we always say they're going to suffer, you know, 322 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,839 Speaker 2: but sometimes when you're in that moment, and statistics have 323 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:03,680 Speaker 2: shown that a lot of patients who have attempted to 324 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 2: take their life, unfortunately and if they wanted to change 325 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 2: their mind or it's almost within seconds and sometimes they're 326 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,240 Speaker 2: able to kind of get out that, thank god. Yeah, 327 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 2: and then some unfortunately successful they were successful with suicide 328 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:19,120 Speaker 2: doesn't go well together. But I'm just trying to make 329 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 2: it sound you know what I mean, But you know, unfortunate. 330 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,120 Speaker 2: That's a very small ratio, and a lot of times 331 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,080 Speaker 2: show your small ratio. 332 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: Thank you for saying that, because in that moment, it 333 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,480 Speaker 1: was at an airport, like I was a mid schedule 334 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 1: and I just like I stepped away from the group 335 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,960 Speaker 1: and then like one of the workers like saw me 336 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: and was like it was a really nice day today. 337 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: And I looked up and I was like, oh, that's 338 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: pretty nice, ADHD. 339 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 2: And I was like, wait, what am I doing? 340 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,480 Speaker 1: And then I sat down and then I talked to 341 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 1: the person and like we had like a cry, and 342 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 1: then like I and then I came back down and 343 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,960 Speaker 1: I continue with like my life, I guess. But then 344 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,680 Speaker 1: I was still like calling like hotlines and still all 345 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 1: this stuff. But I felt like and validated a little 346 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 1: bit because I was like, oh, like, oh, was it fake? 347 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 2: Right? 348 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: You know, It's like, oh, I could just get off 349 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: like that, right, you know, So like you're saying that, like, oh, 350 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 1: it could just change at any moment. 351 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 2: Literally seconds. Patients would be at that point and then 352 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 2: before they wanted up like yeah, I'm like, yeah, it 353 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 2: happened a lot all the time, and they've done studies 354 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 2: on it and it's show them to be proven and 355 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,560 Speaker 2: a lot of times, especially when you have, unfortunately have 356 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,440 Speaker 2: patients that have multiple attempts, whether it be for whatever 357 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 2: different reasons it is. You know, people have multiple attempts 358 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 2: and things of that sort. Some people are battling, they're 359 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 2: getting raped at home from family members and stuff, and 360 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 2: they're like why are they why do they want to 361 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 2: take their life? You don't know what they're battling. That 362 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,320 Speaker 2: person is like messed up for life, you know, so 363 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,160 Speaker 2: they'd rather just be on the other side because they 364 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 2: feel it's more comfortable. And I always tell patients, you know, 365 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 2: have I had a few my patients that unfortunately that 366 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 2: was successful, you know, unfortunately taking their life. It bothers 367 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 2: me to it today because like why didn't you call me? 368 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 2: Why don't you call them like you call them for 369 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 2: everything else. We feels on this, We fools on that 370 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 2: why don't you call me? And the one just the 371 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,240 Speaker 2: one time I didn't answer or the one time they 372 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 2: didn't reach out is heavy. So I always look at 373 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,480 Speaker 2: the fact that when they did that, never point anybody 374 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:05,920 Speaker 2: as being a coward. It's very painful. 375 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:11,200 Speaker 1: Then, may I ask, what do you what would you 376 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: say to that to the people, because for me, I 377 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 1: wanted help. I wanted help so bad, and like one 378 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,640 Speaker 1: bad thing that I did was I didn't know where 379 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,040 Speaker 1: to ask for help or how to ask for help, 380 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: and I would do it in stupid ways. And like 381 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 1: like one thing that happened on the internet was like 382 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: I would I would self harm and then I would 383 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 1: go on live and like intentionally like not show, like 384 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,520 Speaker 1: like not wear sleeves and all these things, just hoping 385 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,240 Speaker 1: someone would check on me because I was so alone 386 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: in like Korea and all these things, and like the 387 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 1: schedules were NonStop. I didn't have any time to like 388 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 1: ask for help, and then like the people around me 389 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 1: like I'll just kind of like drop hints. I'll be 390 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 1: like really sucks, you know. 391 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,280 Speaker 2: And they're looking at you like yoka, yeah. 392 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,200 Speaker 1: Right, because like I didn't ask for their permission to 393 00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: like kind of listen to me in that moment, you know. 394 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 1: So like for these people who are kind of like 395 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: they're just acting out or like like people around them 396 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,560 Speaker 1: are like seeing them as being weird, like what is 397 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,560 Speaker 1: the best way to be Okay, stop doing this instead, 398 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: do this so we'll see instead. 399 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 2: And I always tell they have to be able to 400 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 2: understand that barrier. They have to be able to let 401 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 2: that guard down. I know, you have to have boundaries, 402 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,159 Speaker 2: but when it comes to boundaries of harming yourself, of 403 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,480 Speaker 2: being in a psychotic phase or just having that significant depression, 404 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 2: no one could really read minds unfortunately, you know, because 405 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,720 Speaker 2: you thought someone would probably pay attention, and some people 406 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,639 Speaker 2: are so caught up in your image that they're just like, oh, no, 407 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 2: he's gonna be fine, this is going to be good, 408 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,920 Speaker 2: no big deal. You have to be able to come 409 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,119 Speaker 2: to grips with yourself and say, hey, listen, you know 410 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,399 Speaker 2: I need to go ahead and ask for help for 411 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 2: resources because sometimes you just don't know me. I offer 412 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 2: resources because my patients come to me. I'm like, hey, 413 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,480 Speaker 2: guess what if I don't ask my phone you feel 414 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 2: this way, call this, this, this, this is this, and 415 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 2: then you have four numbers when you have this, this, 416 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,200 Speaker 2: this is There's so many ways to get in touch 417 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,400 Speaker 2: with me, my assistant, my business partner, so many people, 418 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 2: so many different therapists that I have I communicate, but 419 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 2: a lot of different therapists that also have emergency lines 420 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,520 Speaker 2: on top of everything across the America. That's could cool, Like, 421 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,480 Speaker 2: you know, so many resources. I mean, I can only 422 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,359 Speaker 2: be justified for the States because we have so many 423 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 2: ways to get in touch with someone. In the event 424 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,640 Speaker 2: you could just three one one, you call nine one one, 425 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,920 Speaker 2: you can cool. It's so many ways. It's so many 426 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,679 Speaker 2: ways to not dial that number. But you're not going 427 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 2: to dial that number if you're feeling like embarrassed or 428 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,640 Speaker 2: you feel you can't. So that's where that therapy kind 429 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,399 Speaker 2: of comes in, you know, And that's we're talking to you. 430 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 2: If you could confide in a friend. Sometimes I believe 431 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,960 Speaker 2: in that. Sometimes I don't because you're getting a problem 432 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 2: with the friend and your business on the street. You know, 433 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,160 Speaker 2: you get a real dedicated if that was we can't 434 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,080 Speaker 2: tell your business drink and that's our license, you know. 435 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 2: But I always say, try your best even if you can, 436 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,480 Speaker 2: you know, even do anonymous things are as anonymous things 437 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,320 Speaker 2: on Facebook. There's things that be to communicate about. 438 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:52,120 Speaker 1: Ye, no seek professional hope. I remember I remember asking 439 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 1: my sister and she was just go crash out, dude, 440 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,320 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, okay, yeah, I'll do that. 441 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,119 Speaker 2: Did you jump yet? You know what I mean? 442 00:18:59,560 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 1: Yeah? 443 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 2: Are you still jumping? 444 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: You know? No? 445 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 2: No? Sorry? So sometimes. 446 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 1: I think I think what's cool? Is uh something that's useful? 447 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,240 Speaker 1: That was for me was like this isn't the answer, 448 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:18,440 Speaker 1: you know, like, before you get to this answer, this 449 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,879 Speaker 1: ultimate answer, try this, this, this, and that. Here's forty 450 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 1: five things in between. You get through all these things 451 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,200 Speaker 1: and your life still sucks. Here's another forty five because 452 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:32,439 Speaker 1: this is not the answer, correct, right, And like I 453 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,720 Speaker 1: had to build these middle steps from scratch because I 454 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 1: was jumping straight. So I was like, oh, I'll just 455 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 1: don't kill. 456 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 2: Myself, right exactly. You build a gratitude list. You see 457 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,119 Speaker 2: how much okay, things that you're like Wow, I actually 458 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 2: did this. I did it. I did it. Things to 459 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 2: just be grateful for. You don't even realize just the 460 00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:51,200 Speaker 2: fact they're able to get them and have a conversation, 461 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,119 Speaker 2: you know. And I'm not telling you to be this 462 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,399 Speaker 2: whole religious person and believe in God, because everybody's very 463 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 2: different with what they believe in. If you want to 464 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,560 Speaker 2: be spiritual, what have you? Just think about the simplest things, 465 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,880 Speaker 2: Like you know, some people can't even just feed themselves, 466 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 2: and they have their complete faculties, then they're totally alert 467 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,919 Speaker 2: in oriented times ten they're able to kind of converse 468 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 2: with everyone, but they can't even just take a fork 469 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 2: and just eat. And we're just worried about the fact 470 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,640 Speaker 2: that I'm hitting a microphone, so we can't even move 471 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 2: their extremities. So I always try myself my best to 472 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,879 Speaker 2: go ahead and just make a gratitude isst be thankful 473 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,320 Speaker 2: for things that you have and then give yourself some credit. 474 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 2: A lot of us battle a lot of imposter syndrome, 475 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 2: which is bad. It's like, you know, why am I 476 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 2: hearing up? Because you're awesome. That's why you're here, that's why, 477 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,440 Speaker 2: That's why you're dope, That's what it is one money. 478 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 2: I'm young, and how come I have all these follow 479 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 2: because you are who you are that you you didn't 480 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,200 Speaker 2: get you need any handouts. You did what you did. 481 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:36,879 Speaker 2: You you work like you know what I mean. So 482 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,160 Speaker 2: so hold on to that. You're dope, that's it, That's 483 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,399 Speaker 2: what it is. I'm just lying, that's it, you know, 484 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 2: taking what it is. And that's why once you realize 485 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,159 Speaker 2: what you've done and what you work hard for, you 486 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,640 Speaker 2: sacrifice for, you might think twice like you don't really 487 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,440 Speaker 2: want to end up, keep my life going a little 488 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 2: bit longer, enjoy, you know, and then the extend it 489 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,119 Speaker 2: becomes like a thing in the brain that kind of 490 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 2: just also and that positive self talk back talk with you. 491 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 2: So I talk to myself in the mirror all the time. 492 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 2: My mother's probably this girls, and I know I'm just 493 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,000 Speaker 2: talking to myself. That's all it is. 494 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,879 Speaker 1: Mm hmm, just kind of like digesting that like form 495 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 1: my current situation. I don't care if I talk about 496 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:10,960 Speaker 1: myself of it. 497 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 2: You can talk about yourself. This is your show. 498 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:19,640 Speaker 1: This is my show. Wow, Okay, okay, so you guys 499 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:20,680 Speaker 1: have problems start a show. 500 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, So. 501 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,320 Speaker 1: I think a lot of that empowerment. That self empowerment 502 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,960 Speaker 1: were like, Okay, you know what, I did work hard 503 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 1: for this. You know, I'm gonna stand up for myself. 504 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: I don't know where I went wrong in handling that. 505 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:47,159 Speaker 1: So these things have have happened along my career like 506 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,159 Speaker 1: a bunch of times. So the first time I started 507 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: dealing with like the waves of hate and all this stuff, 508 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,399 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, okay, time to die because I 509 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,639 Speaker 1: care about this, you know, and I'm doing this for 510 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 1: you and you don't care about it. And like I 511 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,359 Speaker 1: associate my identity my worth to my job and like 512 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,680 Speaker 1: all these things, and it's like if that's nothing, then 513 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 1: I'm nothing. And if I'm nothing, then I should die, right. 514 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:17,199 Speaker 1: And it's like it's like I also like grew up 515 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 1: like wanting to be like a good guy and like 516 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,680 Speaker 1: defeat the bad guys. And you're telling me that I'm 517 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:25,960 Speaker 1: the bad guy. So I'm gonna take him out. I'm 518 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:30,080 Speaker 1: gonna do this for you guys, you know. And I 519 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:34,359 Speaker 1: realized that over the years. This was around twenty twenty 520 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 1: twenty one maybe, so it's been like a couple of 521 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,800 Speaker 1: years now and throughout those years, like like kind of 522 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 1: going through that and then trying to build those systems, 523 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 1: those in betweens. I realized I was like, Okay, I 524 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:50,760 Speaker 1: need to establish my worth outside of my work. I 525 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 1: need to go live life. I need to see what 526 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,000 Speaker 1: I believe and see what I value and all these things. 527 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:59,560 Speaker 1: And I fear that I may have gone too far. 528 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: And it's like it happened again recently, which is why 529 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 1: we were kind of just kind of topic that we 530 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,200 Speaker 1: wanted to talk about, because I had like this huge 531 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:12,679 Speaker 1: crash out on the internet because like I felt so 532 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 1: justified in the things that I was doing. I was like, Okay, 533 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,560 Speaker 1: I worked hard to be here. Hello, guys, sorry to interrupt. 534 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 1: Is bum behind here. If you guys are enjoying the episode, 535 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,600 Speaker 1: please tune in next week for the second part. 536 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,639 Speaker 2: Of this episode where we finish off the top. Thank you.