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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that just hired Kanye's therapist and

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Speaker 1: showed up to work today in a black leather onesie

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Speaker 1: with his face covered by a mask of rusty nails.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if that person's certified.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they are feeling pretty good today. Laser Stories the

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Speaker 1: segment where we read weird news stories fro around the globe,

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Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser

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Speaker 1: those other yay sayers. Just This first Laser story is

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Speaker 1: out of Kinston, North Carolina. Ronda Deaver is a regular

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Speaker 1: at Smith's Cafe, and last week she accidentally left her

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Speaker 1: credit card behind after paying. That's when a quick thinking

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Speaker 1: waiter took action.

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Speaker 3: Oh did he chase her down in the parking lot? No? Okay,

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Speaker 3: did he find her social media and DM her? No?

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Speaker 1: No, He did the next best thing by taking pictures

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Speaker 1: of the front and back of her credit card, then.

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Speaker 3: Posting them to the town's Facebook grip. That's right and back.

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Speaker 1: The credit card number, the expiration, the security code, security,

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Speaker 1: the full name, all right there living on the internet.

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Speaker 3: It's terrible.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, is this your credit card?

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest, though, I could see myself when

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Speaker 2: I got my first like waiting job at sixteen. I'd

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Speaker 2: be like, oh I beat so help you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I just not even understanding what you did.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 3: Ronda realized half an hour later what she had done

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Speaker 3: intes on the internet like.

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Speaker 1: She returned to the cafe to get her card, and

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Speaker 1: that's when the waiter proudly told her that he had

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Speaker 1: gone the extra.

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Speaker 3: Mile to get it back to it.

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Speaker 2: He's open for a fat tip, and he showed her.

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Speaker 3: The Facebook post. He's like, I also bought some stuff

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Speaker 3: on Amazon. Sure it still works.

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Speaker 1: Ronda could not believe it and quickly called her bank,

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Speaker 1: but the damage was already done. Two thousand dollars and

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Speaker 1: extra charges had been run on her.

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Speaker 2: Why did I expect anybody else?

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Speaker 1: Luckily, Ronda's bank closed the account, but she's still in

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Speaker 1: the process of disputing the charges and the crazy part,

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Speaker 1: she might be responsible for some, if not all, of

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Speaker 1: the charges.

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Speaker 2: No way stop payment put a stop payment on all

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Speaker 2: of it.

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Speaker 3: What the heck?

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Speaker 1: As for the helpful waiter in the cafe, his official

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Speaker 1: statement is no comment.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I still stories.

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Speaker 1: Out of California, the employees of a subway restaurant had

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Speaker 1: a strange running with a customer the other day. According

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Speaker 1: to witnesses, the man started arguing with the staff because

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Speaker 1: he didn't get double ham on his sandwich, and nobody

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Speaker 1: got that's like.

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Speaker 3: Four bucks extra or something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah when you get when you get double to meet, sure.

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Speaker 1: You could be upset, but they looked at his receipt

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Speaker 1: and it said he'd only paid for regular hands.

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Speaker 2: Oh then you get the sixth likes okay, Then you

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Speaker 2: got to ring it up again, sir.

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Speaker 1: Well he got heated anyway, and at one point the

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Speaker 1: manager stepped in and that's when the guy lost it.

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Speaker 3: Listen, I did not expect this. He comes around the corner.

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Speaker 3: I go, what are you gonna do?

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Speaker 1: Hit me?

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Speaker 3: Over ham?

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Speaker 2: Hit me? What?

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Speaker 3: Ye hit? The manager?

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Speaker 1: Now she has a black eye and says she can't

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Speaker 1: feel half of her face.

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Speaker 2: Who is this man?

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Speaker 3: What is wrong with him?

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Speaker 1: To make it worse, there was a huge size difference

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Speaker 1: between the two of them. She's four foot eleven and

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Speaker 1: says the double hand guy was six foot five, almost

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Speaker 1: four hundred pounds.

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Speaker 3: Him, and he was like three foot six.

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Speaker 2: He's just angry. Commercial.

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Speaker 1: Luckily, cops showed up after it went down, and the

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Speaker 1: man was arrested for battery. The manager says she is

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Speaker 1: definitely pressing charges.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, get that hand band it.

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Speaker 1: Good news is he'll probably get double salamid in prison.

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Speaker 1: Everybody wins. Let's go to your next lazer story. Out

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Speaker 1: of chi Lettingham Township, Pennsylvania, porch pirates have reached a

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Speaker 1: new level of brazenness. According to the latest report, it

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Speaker 1: all started when forty six year old Henry Davis was

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Speaker 1: at home and got the notification his delivery had arrived.

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Speaker 3: Okay, that's a great So he'd ordered six iPhones for

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Speaker 3: his family.

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Speaker 2: Casually that's like six grand lots.

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Speaker 1: So he opened the door at three pm just as

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Speaker 1: the Amazon driver was walking away.

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Speaker 3: He bent down to pick up the box, and.

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Speaker 1: Then out of nowhere, a stranger in a mask dashed

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Speaker 1: up his front steps and grabbed it out of.

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Speaker 2: His hand, literally took it. Well, he was still bare.

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Speaker 1: While he was standing there with the box, the suspect

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Speaker 1: booked it to a tan car where a getaway driver

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Speaker 1: was waiting for him.

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Speaker 3: They hit the gas and were gone.

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Speaker 2: They're just like following the Amazon. They are really lucky.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't a heavy package. Can you imagine it.

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Speaker 1: Took less than a minute for the robbery to go down,

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Speaker 1: and Henry was left. He called the cops, and police

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Speaker 1: are looking for the pair, but without much identifying factors

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Speaker 1: like what they look like, it's hard to hunt them down.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, we just look for a guy with

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Speaker 2: six cell phones going at the same time.

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Speaker 1: But the weirdest part is that seconds after the delivery,

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Speaker 1: he got a scam call telling him to return the

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Speaker 1: phones that he just bought. What he told the scammer

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Speaker 1: the package was stolen, and then the caller hung up.

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Speaker 2: What.

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Speaker 1: Henry has no idea how multiple thieves knew about his

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Speaker 1: iPhone delivery, but from now on he does plan to

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Speaker 1: go directly to an Apple store to buy phones for

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Speaker 1: his family the next time that is skemsh.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I mean I don't want to point

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Speaker 2: the fingers of the driver a driver.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, his next lazer stories out of millennial mania. The

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Speaker 1: other day, we ad at a poll that found aches

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Speaker 1: and pains tend to start at around age thirty seven. Now,

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Speaker 1: a separate pole found you officially start being lame shortly after.

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Speaker 2: Like that should just coincide with whenever you have children.

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Speaker 3: Isn't that pretty much?

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Speaker 1: Because a survey of two thousand Americans found the average

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Speaker 1: person stops being cool at age thirty nine.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, wow, that age.

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Speaker 1: Age thirty nine is when we tend to feel like

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Speaker 1: we're out of touch and can't follow the trends anymore. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they listed the main topics. Okay, here's how they're ranked.

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Speaker 1: Number five, technology.

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Speaker 2: Already at age thirty something.

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Speaker 1: Your twenty six percent of people feel out of touch with.

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Speaker 3: Tech by the time thirty nine rolls around.

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Speaker 2: Okay, because you don't have an AI assistant yet.

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Speaker 3: Even that, there's too much problem.

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Speaker 2: Honestly.

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Speaker 1: Number four is a tie between books and fashion. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: thirty two percent of millennials just under forty feel like

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Speaker 1: they're out of touch with both of those things.

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Speaker 2: I've always don't get Brook and I started on this

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Speaker 2: book debate right now I have a favorite Brook and

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Speaker 2: Brook text me every day how much she hates it. Dude,

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Speaker 2: Alessis has got me reading this Sarah Jay Mass stuff.

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Speaker 3: You're both equally lame, Twilight but worse.

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Speaker 2: It's better, don't you do?

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Speaker 3: The Number three the arts about the art.

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Speaker 1: Thirty four percent couldn't name one famous artist other than Banksy,

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Speaker 1: a modern artist.

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Speaker 2: I think they mean someone who's living?

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Speaker 1: Number two celebrities like who's Jacob Elordi? And if you

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Speaker 1: could pick Emma Chamberlain out of a lineup, Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be it.

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Speaker 2: I could do the first one, the second one, em

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm probably you've seen her, but I

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Speaker 2: mean they all kind of look the same. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: If you can't identify those people that I named earlier,

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Speaker 1: then you're with the other thirty six percent.

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Speaker 3: Of losers like myself.

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Speaker 1: And finally, the number one thing someone thirty nine years

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Speaker 1: old can't keep.

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Speaker 3: Up with is slang.

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Speaker 1: I agree. Forty percent said they're completely out of touch

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Speaker 1: with the modern slang going on, or, as I like

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Speaker 1: to say, dswlt, these shoes won't love themselves.

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Speaker 3: Liser Stories has come to an end for the day.

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Speaker 3: We'll do it again, same time on Wednesday.