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Speaker 1: All right, guys, time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And

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Speaker 1: if you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting,

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Speaker 1: and more. Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM

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Speaker 1: dot com and click.

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Speaker 2: Submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter live on.

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Speaker 1: The air, just like we're going to read this one

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Speaker 1: right here, right now.

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Speaker 3: Bugle up and hold on tight. We got it for

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Speaker 3: it you here. It is Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: Subject my wife made sure my son hates me. Dear

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Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley, I'm going to jump right on d I

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Speaker 1: cheated on my wife two years ago with a woman

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Speaker 1: that constantly threatened to call my wife when she didn't

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Speaker 1: get what she wanted. This one on two years until

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Speaker 1: I ran out of money and decided to end the affair.

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Speaker 1: This woman called my wife a few days later. I

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Speaker 1: was out cutting the yard when my wife when when

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Speaker 1: she called my house and my wife answered. I walked

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Speaker 1: in and my wife was on the speaker phone listening

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Speaker 1: to my side chick with my son sitting there listening

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Speaker 1: to everything. He was twelve years old at the time,

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Speaker 1: and I made him leave the room, but he had

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Speaker 1: already heard enough. My relationship with him was ruined after

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Speaker 1: that day. My home life was terrible too, so I

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Speaker 1: moved out after my wife served me with divorce papers.

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Speaker 2: We are in the.

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Speaker 1: Process of discussing who will get custody of our son,

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Speaker 1: and I haven't seen him in months. His mother has

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Speaker 1: brainwatched him to think I'm a no good cheater and liar.

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Speaker 1: She has him in the middle of grown folks business,

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Speaker 1: and when we talk, she's always on speakerphone so my

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Speaker 1: son can hear all of the conversation. She sends me

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Speaker 1: text messages with our son on the text thread, and

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Speaker 1: she's usually calling me names and cursing me out. She's

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Speaker 1: brought up all kinds of things that have happened in

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Speaker 1: our marriage, and my son doesn't need to know all

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Speaker 1: of that. I'm dying to see him, so I sent

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Speaker 1: him a text asking him to have dinner with me

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Speaker 1: one day soon. He sent me the most disrespectful reply

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Speaker 1: a child could send a father. I wanted to go

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Speaker 1: snatch him up real quick, but I can't. This is

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Speaker 1: not the boy I raised. He needs his father back

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Speaker 1: in his life. How can I reverse all of this brainwashing?

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Speaker 1: Please advise? Well, I don't know if you're gonna be

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Speaker 1: able to do that. And I have to say this,

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Speaker 1: Everything in this letter is just terrible. Everything in this letter,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you cheat it for the lamest excuse ever,

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Speaker 1: I mean, in the history of cheating.

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Speaker 2: Just say you cheated or wanted to cheat.

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Speaker 1: Cheating because this woman was gonna call your wife if

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Speaker 1: you didn't cheat with her is about the stupidest thing ever.

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Speaker 2: I mean.

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Speaker 1: And then you cheated with her for two years.

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Speaker 2: She scared you for two years. Okay, that's just dumb.

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Speaker 1: You know, you should have told your wife about the

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Speaker 1: threats when they started, and then call the woman's bluff

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Speaker 1: and not cheated since she ended up calling your wife anyway,

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Speaker 1: you know. I also, this is what I don't hear

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Speaker 1: in this letter. I don't hear any remorse from you.

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Speaker 1: I hear no remorse from you about what she did.

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Speaker 2: I mean, did you.

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Speaker 1: Try to fix it, did you try to apologize, did

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Speaker 1: you try anything anything? I mean? And of course your

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Speaker 1: wife wanted to hurt you, and she knows your son

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Speaker 1: is a way to get at you. I mean, what

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Speaker 1: she did is beyond wrong. What she did is beyond wrong.

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Speaker 1: There's no way your son should have been in the middle.

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Speaker 1: As you say, grown folks business. If she needed an ally,

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Speaker 1: she could have talked to another adult. You know, she

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Speaker 1: tainted the boy now, made herself look like a victim,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, made you hate him, made your son hate

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Speaker 1: you and disrespect you. I'm not blaming your wife. I'm

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Speaker 1: not blaming her for anything.

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Speaker 2: This is your fault. This is you.

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Speaker 1: And of course your son doesn't want to see his

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Speaker 1: mom hurt and going through because of you. People get

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Speaker 1: divorced every day and parents do get joint custody of

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Speaker 1: a kid, so hopefully during the divorce that'll work itself out.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, you, sir, created all of this because of

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Speaker 1: your cheating. Now the family's broken. But you got to

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Speaker 1: get to your son some kind of way. You gotta

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Speaker 1: apologize to him. You gotta do something. You got to

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Speaker 1: talk to your son and not say anything bad about

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Speaker 1: his mom like you tried to, you know, allude to

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Speaker 1: in the letter.

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Speaker 2: None of that.

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Speaker 1: I don't agree with anything she's done either, And your

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Speaker 1: son is already damaged by what she did, you know,

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Speaker 1: letting him hear everything.

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Speaker 2: So you got to get to a counselor.

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Speaker 1: You got to talk to him, a therapist, a pastor, Jesus,

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Speaker 1: someone to heal this relationship hopefully, like I said, the divorce.

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Speaker 1: When you get that, when you get custody, you know,

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Speaker 1: he can begin to understand that you do love him.

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Speaker 3: Steve.

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Speaker 4: See, I don't think this is a letter at all

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Speaker 4: about reconciliation. I don't think it is at all. And

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Speaker 4: I think the man came right on when he said,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna just jump right on it. I cheated on

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Speaker 4: my wife two years ago. He already noticed his fault.

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Speaker 3: He hit that. I'm just saying he know it.

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Speaker 4: This is his fault with the woman who constantly threatened

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Speaker 4: to call my wife when she didn't get what she wanted.

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Speaker 4: See now that's not a threat. If you don't stay

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Speaker 4: with me, I'm gonna call your wife. It could be

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Speaker 4: anything she wanted, because he said, like he was buying

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Speaker 4: her stuff, getting her stuff, probably helping.

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Speaker 3: Her, you know, with the bills and all this hit in.

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Speaker 4: When she don't give something she want her way or

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Speaker 4: him to come over at a certain time, then I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna threaten to call your wife. This went on for

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Speaker 4: two years, and this is the killer part, he says,

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Speaker 4: until I read out of money and decided to end

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Speaker 4: the affair. See this affair was based around the money

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Speaker 4: he was giving the mistress. So when the mistress couldn't

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Speaker 4: get what, she won't and would threw out need this,

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Speaker 4: you need to buy me that This shit threatened to

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Speaker 4: call the wife. He kept it going for two years.

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Speaker 4: He liked the little sideline stuff, but it was costing

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Speaker 4: him too much, so then he decided to end the affair.

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Speaker 2: What what should He didn't have to do any of this.

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Speaker 3: He was cheating with the woman. He was buying her stuff.

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Speaker 3: She wanted more.

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Speaker 4: When he didn't have the money to give or wall,

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Speaker 4: she threatened to call him. He tried to keep it

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Speaker 4: until he ran out of money.

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Speaker 2: I said, what is that?

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Speaker 1: We'll come back with part two of your response girl

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Speaker 1: at twenty three minutes after.

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Speaker 3: You and straightened her letter and her out. Come on back.

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Speaker 2: You straightened him out.

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Speaker 3: He needs to send you out.

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Speaker 2: My ex wife made sure my son hates me? Is

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Speaker 2: the subject? Will be back right after this. You're listening

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Speaker 2: hard Morning show?

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Speaker 3: All right?

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Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter. The subject

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Speaker 1: my ex wife made my son hate me?

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Speaker 3: All right?

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Speaker 4: Man writes a letter that said he gonna jump right

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Speaker 4: on it. Cheated on his wife two years ago. He

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Speaker 4: admitted that he know he wrong with the woman that

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Speaker 4: constantly threatened to call my wife when she didn't get

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Speaker 4: what she wanted. That could be I want you to

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Speaker 4: come over now. That could be I want a new dress.

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Speaker 4: That could be I want you to fix my car.

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Speaker 4: That could be I need help with these bills. It

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Speaker 4: could be anything she wanted. But she would threaten to

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Speaker 4: call the wife. Now. He tried to keep it up,

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Speaker 4: and he said this went on for two years until

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Speaker 4: I ran out of money. And I said, man, now

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Speaker 4: I got to end this affair because that affair he

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Speaker 4: was in it might have been sexual, but it.

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Speaker 3: Was tied to money. Sugar.

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Speaker 4: Daddy ran out of sugar. He just daddy, now. So

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Speaker 4: that's what happened. I was out cutting the yard when

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Speaker 4: she called my house and my wife answered.

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Speaker 3: Walked in.

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Speaker 4: Wife on the speakerphone listening to my side check he

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Speaker 4: know he wrong. My son was sitting there listening to everything.

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Speaker 4: He was twelve years old at the time, and I

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Speaker 4: made him leave the room, but he had already heard enough.

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Speaker 3: My relationship with him was ruined after that day.

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Speaker 4: My home life was terrible too, so I moved out

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Speaker 4: after my wife served me with divorce papers. So this

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Speaker 4: isn't about a reconciliation. It's over. He caused it, his fault.

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Speaker 4: Bam hit the problem. We are in the process of

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Speaker 4: discussion who will get custody of our son dog. You

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Speaker 4: not getting custody. You could get joint custody. You know

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Speaker 4: you might get knocked down to visitation, but you not

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Speaker 4: getting custody. You can stop this argument right now. I

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Speaker 4: haven't seen him in months. His mother has brainwashed him

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Speaker 4: to think I'm a no good cheetah and liar. She

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Speaker 4: has him in the middle of grown folks business, and

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Speaker 4: when we talk, she's always on speakerphone, so my son

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Speaker 4: can hear all of the conversation.

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Speaker 3: Sureley and I both agree she's wrong for this.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell you at the end, sends me text

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Speaker 4: messages with our son on the text thread. Oh she wrong, man,

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Speaker 4: But I'm gonna tell you why. She's doing this too,

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Speaker 4: calling your names and cussing me out. She's brought up

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Speaker 4: all kinds of things that happened, and I marriage my

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Speaker 4: son don't need to know all that. I'm dying to

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Speaker 4: see him, So when I send him a text asking

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Speaker 4: him to have dinner with me one day soon he

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Speaker 4: sent me the most disrespectful reply a child could send

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Speaker 4: her father. I want to go snatch him up real quick,

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Speaker 4: but I can't. This is not the boy I raised.

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Speaker 4: He needs his father back in his life. How can

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Speaker 4: I reverse all the brain washing? Please advise? Well, see

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Speaker 4: here's a deal. She has accomplished what she wanted to do.

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Speaker 4: But here's the problem. She won, but he lost. Not

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Speaker 4: you have lost. Her son has lost because see not

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Speaker 4: only does she not have a husband, but now her

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Speaker 4: she got her son thinking he ain't got a father.

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Speaker 4: And it don't have to be because here's my opinion

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Speaker 4: in this whole thing. When your husband doesn't prove to

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Speaker 4: be a great husband, it doesn't mean that he's not

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Speaker 4: a good father. Those are two different roles completely, And

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Speaker 4: when I say that, I'm meaning that the two roles

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Speaker 4: can be separated and each can be performed extremely well.

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Speaker 3: You can be a great husband and never have any children.

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Speaker 4: You can be a great father, but you don't necessarily.

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Speaker 3: Make you a great husband.

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Speaker 4: So the man is not a great husband, got that,

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Speaker 4: But that don't mean he ain't a great father.

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Speaker 3: But as a.

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Speaker 4: Scoring woman or man, tying the two together only hurts

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Speaker 4: the child.

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Speaker 3: The childish crush. Oh, you whipping the fathers behind. But

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Speaker 3: do you know that?

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Speaker 4: You know in the long run that may and is

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Speaker 4: still a man no matter what you say about him.

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Speaker 3: But you are.

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Speaker 4: Hindering your son's development into manhood because the one person

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Speaker 4: that can teach him how to be a man, you've

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Speaker 4: discredited him because he wasn't a good husband.

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Speaker 3: See, y'all just wasn't it for each other?

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Speaker 4: For whatever the reason was, he wrong for cheating one

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Speaker 4: hundred percent, one hundred percent, But because he's not a

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Speaker 4: good husband, don't make him not a good father. So

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Speaker 4: now you've brainwashed the child and the hating his own father,

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Speaker 4: and you win.

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Speaker 3: But guess what your child loses? And y'all got to

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Speaker 3: stop that.

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Speaker 4: This knowledge GA, if you are out there, you have

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Speaker 4: to stop that. If you are in the process of

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Speaker 4: using your child as upon and your divorce or your relationship,

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Speaker 4: you have to stop that.

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Speaker 3: I am speaking from experience. You have to stop that.

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Speaker 4: It's not for you to do this to this boy,

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Speaker 4: because I have news for you. One day, this boy's

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Speaker 4: gonna grow up and he gonna know the truth.

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Speaker 3: And as this boy grows up, this boy's.

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Speaker 4: Gonna make mistakes of his own, and he's gonna start

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Speaker 4: to understand that mistakes happen in life. But because he

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Speaker 4: wasn't a great husband to you don't mean that he

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Speaker 4: wasn't a great and that he wasn't a great father

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Speaker 4: to this boy. And you're doing nothing but damaging the boy.

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Speaker 4: And they tell you all the time. Listen, I don't

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Speaker 4: let my children hear me say nothing about their mother's disparage.

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Speaker 3: Nothing.

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Speaker 4: Oh I could, but I don't now them. On the

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Speaker 4: other hand, Oh, they ain't done me, done me like

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Speaker 4: like like a damn book. But guess what, at the end,

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Speaker 4: the truth comes out hanging that dog. I support the

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Speaker 4: man in this letter, surely.

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Speaker 2: I support the child.

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Speaker 1: All right, Well wow, okay, Well we'll continue this conversation

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Speaker 1: when we come back. My ex wife made sure my

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Speaker 1: son hates me. Steve and I agree on that that

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Speaker 1: that is definitely wrong, and we have some personal experiences

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Speaker 1: to talk about when we come back.

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Speaker 2: We all do right after this. You're listening this.

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Speaker 1: Morning show, all right, see this this Strawberry letter was

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Speaker 1: was interesting. My ex wife made sure my son hates me.

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Speaker 1: You know, I mean, we can relate to it, we

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Speaker 1: can relate to it. We've both been divorced on the show.

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Speaker 1: You know, full disclosure. My first marriage didn't go well,

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Speaker 1: didn't end well, but we had a beautiful child out

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Speaker 1: of that relationship. And you know, I'm not ashamed to admit.

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Speaker 2: That I was very bitter. I was very, very bitter

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Speaker 2: when we broke up.

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Speaker 1: Uh, you know, you get to a dark place sometimes

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Speaker 1: you're angry, you're bitter.

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Speaker 2: And you know, I was on the radio. I was

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Speaker 2: on the radio in LA.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people who listened during that time probably

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Speaker 1: well hopefully they don't remember it so long ago, but.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I used to batman.

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Speaker 1: I used to really bat mouth my ex husband on

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Speaker 1: the air constantly because you know, something would happen that

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Speaker 1: it would remind me or you know, trigger me or

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Speaker 1: something like that, and I just go in, you know,

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Speaker 1: or say one thing, Yeah, call him a deadbeat dad

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Speaker 1: or whatever whatever, and uh, just just not a good look.

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Speaker 2: You know when you look back.

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Speaker 3: You look back for now, what do you think?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 1: It was horrible. I mean I had to stop myself.

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Speaker 1: You know, you grow, you change, people change, they do.

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Speaker 1: I had to forgive him that. It started with that

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Speaker 1: forgiveness because Forgiveness is not for the other person.

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Speaker 2: We talk about that a lot on the show. Forgiveness

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Speaker 2: is for you.

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Speaker 1: Once I forgave him, then I could start to heal.

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Speaker 1: And I stopped, and I apologized on the air. I

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Speaker 1: apologize to him for saying that because we had a child,

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Speaker 1: I never wanted her to grow up. And you know

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Speaker 1: have people saying, well, your mom used to do this,

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Speaker 1: talk about your I never wanted that, so you know

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Speaker 1: mine ain't feel that way.

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Speaker 2: She wouldn't do that. You're too much of a gentleman

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Speaker 2: to do that.

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Speaker 4: Well, I would never talk about my sons and daughters

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Speaker 4: mothers in a disparaging way publicly.

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Speaker 3: I would never do that.

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Speaker 4: You know. I have my comments awaire in my own

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Speaker 4: personal life because I'm human, but never on the air.

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Speaker 3: Because I taught my sons.

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Speaker 4: I raised my sons to honor their mothers like I

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Speaker 4: was raised to honor mind and to defend her at

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Speaker 4: all costs. I can't they can't see me talking about it.

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Speaker 4: Then I asked them not to honor them. But you know,

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Speaker 4: my life. Yeah, but my ex went on a complete

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Speaker 4: and total smear campaign out of out of her anger

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Speaker 4: and scoring for years.

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Speaker 3: I understand for years, I.

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Speaker 4: Mean just attack, attack, attack, attack, You're so you know, yeah,

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Speaker 4: and you know, I thank god I had Marjorie, you know,

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Speaker 4: a strong woman who knew me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I could say no.

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Speaker 1: All right, We'll be back with more of the Steve

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Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show right after this.

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Speaker 2: You're listening to Steve Harvey Morning Show.