Speaker 1: Wind Down with Jane Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2: This week's listener episode, We've got Stephanie Davies on, so
Speaker 2: excited to chat with her, so let's get her on.
Speaker 1: Hey Stephanie, I'm Jana.
Speaker 3: Hi, Nice to meet you.
Speaker 2: Nice to Oh so this is our first time meeting.
Speaker 2: We haven't met before. Nope, okay, fabulous, Because sometimes I
Speaker 2: have this thing where because there's certain people that I
Speaker 2: remember face wise, I forget names or whatever. But then
Speaker 2: it's I always feel bad and I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 2: met you at a show these many years ago, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: It's like I hate that.
Speaker 2: So most of the time I'm always I always say
Speaker 2: nice to see you, because that chance it kind of
Speaker 2: just covers the basis of like it is nice to
Speaker 2: see you, and it's nice to see you, like Yabby again,
Speaker 2: like we.
Speaker 3: Did talk about. I messaged you the other week about
Speaker 3: Roman and the tube at the at the Lake because
Speaker 3: my daughter was going to go on the toe too,
Speaker 3: and I was like, I'm so nervous. And then I
Speaker 3: saw that and I was like, I'm just gonna ask.
Speaker 2: Her, yeah, and then yeah, we dm that's right, Okay,
Speaker 2: there we go. So we have chatted before, So what
Speaker 2: was the verdict? Did you end up taking your son
Speaker 2: or daughter on the tube?
Speaker 3: She actually didn't end up going. It was just like
Speaker 3: it's just so chaotic that we actually didn't even have
Speaker 3: the time to go. But I think she might try
Speaker 3: this weekend, but we'll see.
Speaker 2: That's so exciting. So you live in Toronto, is that right?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Live in Toronto. You've got three kids?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Three kids? So I have an almost three year
Speaker 3: old daughter and then I have ten month old twins,
Speaker 3: boy and girl.
Speaker 1: Was that a natural?
Speaker 3: It was natural? It was shocking. Although I have a
Speaker 3: lot of twins on both sides of my family, so
Speaker 3: it really shouldn't have been a shock, but it was.
Speaker 3: It was a lot of emotions.
Speaker 2: That Yeah, I mean, gosh, it's I can't I can't
Speaker 2: imagine it. It's like I've obviously known people that I've
Speaker 2: had twins, but it just seems I mean, one to
Speaker 2: two for me was the hardest transition. So I can't
Speaker 2: imagine like one to three like right in a job.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was crazy. It is my daughter though, she
Speaker 3: has been amazing with them, like there hasn't even been
Speaker 3: like she hasn't even ever been like I don't like them,
Speaker 3: I don't like this, they're bothering me. She has been
Speaker 3: obsessed with them since day one, and they have been
Speaker 3: obsessed with her, so that it's almost easier when I
Speaker 3: have all three kids home with me because they get
Speaker 3: to they play together now. But yeah, it's it's been,
Speaker 3: it's been amazing. It's I mean, life is obviously so chaotic,
Speaker 3: but it's like the best thing and the hardest thing
Speaker 3: in the world as sure.
Speaker 1: So we'll just go right into it.
Speaker 2: What do you What is something that you're like, I
Speaker 2: need to know this, even though again I am not
Speaker 2: the best person to give all advice, David, let's just
Speaker 2: have a little mom girl chat.
Speaker 3: Let's do it, Okay, deal, So I just I have
Speaker 3: some questions here. So what what's the best piece of
Speaker 3: advice you've ever received about raising daughters?
Speaker 2: I'm a goodness, that is that's a really really good question.
Speaker 2: And I think it's like, there's there's a few things, right,
Speaker 2: So one of the things that I've heard that really
Speaker 2: stood out to me was that you have to let them.
Speaker 1: Okay, how do I say this?
Speaker 2: We all have our own like little girl baggage trauma
Speaker 2: right from our childhood, whether it was good, bad, ugly
Speaker 2: for me personally, I'm always trying to be like, Okay,
Speaker 2: well I didn't have this, so let me give her
Speaker 2: this or let me you know, this is how I
Speaker 2: wanted to be talked to, so let me try to
Speaker 2: do it this way. And I think what I've learned
Speaker 2: with raising my daughter is that, you know, she's she's
Speaker 2: really kind of teaching me a lot of things too
Speaker 2: that I didn't I didn't really know. And then then
Speaker 2: also like I didn't have that example, I guess growing
Speaker 2: up too. So a lot of times, you know, it's
Speaker 2: it's letting her almost now there's this I don't mean
Speaker 2: it like this like rule the shit, but I want
Speaker 2: her to come to me and tell me things like
Speaker 2: there was one time when I got upset with her
Speaker 2: and she's like, well, you never taught me that, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, you're absolutely right, I did not teach you that.
Speaker 2: And so I think it's letting her feel her emotions
Speaker 2: without being like, oh, you're being too sensitive or you're
Speaker 2: being this. Like she's she's about to be eleven, so
Speaker 2: she's coming into more hormonal changes. So it's more just
Speaker 2: like letting her be, letting her be silly, letting her
Speaker 2: be fun. You know, I saw something that said when
Speaker 2: kids are overly not overly, but like when kids are
Speaker 2: super silly and wild and free, and you know they
Speaker 2: they act silly, it's because they feel comfortable and they
Speaker 2: feel safe. So it's just like pouring that into them.
Speaker 2: And you know, she's just really her own person and
Speaker 2: not putting myself onto her. So it's like, yeah, did
Speaker 2: I want her to be a figure skater one hundred percent,
Speaker 2: but I'm like, she's not. She doesn't want to be,
Speaker 2: and she doesn't have like the balance of a skater,
Speaker 2: and not putting my own stuff on her because I
Speaker 2: want to and her, you know, her course to look
Speaker 2: like this or yeah, I mean really just like letting
Speaker 2: her like be her own little individual instead of trying
Speaker 2: to heal my little girl from when I was a
Speaker 2: little kid.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? I know that's like a.
Speaker 2: Very long n example, but like so many times I
Speaker 2: was like, I'm I was started to realize that I
Speaker 2: was trying to parent her how I wanted to be
Speaker 2: parent and I'm like, listen, she's a totally different little
Speaker 2: girl than I was so let me pour into her.
Speaker 1: You know, what does she need? Ask her?
Speaker 2: I'm like, what do you need right now? Like do
Speaker 2: you just need to be in your room and be
Speaker 2: mad because your brother's annoying you? Like that's cool, you
Speaker 2: know if like you need that moment, you have a choice.
Speaker 2: You can stay in there, and you can have a
Speaker 2: choice to not be in your room, Like it's up
Speaker 2: to you too, and not like telling her every time
Speaker 2: what she has to do. And I think that's like
Speaker 2: it's all aging up to like now, I think she's
Speaker 2: at that age where it's having those like you have
Speaker 2: these are choices. You have a choice to do this,
Speaker 2: and you have a choice to do that. And yeah,
Speaker 2: it's up to you now too.
Speaker 3: Yeah for sure, I like that one. Yeah. Another thing
Speaker 3: about raising daughters is there are there any intentional things
Speaker 3: you do to help your daughter feel heard, confident and
Speaker 3: safe as she grows up.
Speaker 2: So we've had that's a great question. We've had this
Speaker 2: thing on her wall since she was a little girl,
Speaker 2: and it says I'm confident, i am brave, i am beautiful,
Speaker 2: I'm like all all the affirmations right, because again, what
Speaker 2: I just said about not doing like what I needed
Speaker 2: as a kid. This is I'm literally talking out of
Speaker 2: two sides of my mouth because at the same time,
Speaker 2: like I didn't have those positive reinforcements as a kid,
Speaker 2: Like I'm sure my parents felt all those things, but
Speaker 2: like I grew up to believe that like oh I
Speaker 2: wasn't smart, I wasn't like good enough, or I wasn't this, X, Y,
Speaker 2: and Z. So what I can do, you know, for
Speaker 2: her to like instill that, because once she gets out
Speaker 2: of this house, and even before she leaves this house
Speaker 2: going to school, she's going to start hearing negative things
Speaker 2: from someone. Like the other last year she said she
Speaker 2: wasn't smiling a bunch of pictures and I said, baby,
Speaker 2: why aren't you smiling? And She's like someone told me
Speaker 2: that I had buck teeth or that I look like
Speaker 2: a horse. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: first and foremost, I'm like, you have beautiful teeth. But
Speaker 2: that's like she's going to hear negative things from everybody
Speaker 2: else outside in like outside this house. So I'm like,
Speaker 2: if we can pour the positive belief, so is that
Speaker 2: she believes it so that she can go okay, well
Speaker 2: like almost like laugh it off. And not believe when
Speaker 2: someone else tells her something mean like and really just
Speaker 2: like every so every night we say a prayer and
Speaker 2: we look up at her things and I say, Jolie Ray,
Speaker 2: who are you?
Speaker 1: What are you? And she's like, I'm brave, I'm confident,
Speaker 1: I'm smart.
Speaker 2: But what I've started to do is I've looked at
Speaker 2: her and I said, and do you really like you
Speaker 2: believe that? You know, like do you feel that in
Speaker 2: your core? And she's like, yeah, mommy, I do. And
Speaker 2: again age appropriate whise stuff. Now that she's getting older,
Speaker 2: that's when I'm like, hey, like, is there anything you
Speaker 2: want to talk about that you know, did something frustrate
Speaker 2: you today or do you feel you know, do you
Speaker 2: feel unsafe with something? Or do you do you just
Speaker 2: want to like, I will always want to open up
Speaker 2: a conversation for how they feel and emotions, because I
Speaker 2: think that's so important so that they can one day,
Speaker 2: hopefully when she's thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, she can come to
Speaker 2: me and go, I feel this yeah, instead of holding
Speaker 2: it in, you know, Like that's how like when in
Speaker 2: my adolescence, I was like I never I was too
Speaker 2: afraid to say how I actually felt because I felt stupid.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do that. So I was really really good
Speaker 3: at it. When my daughter turned one, and every morning
Speaker 3: we would get ready and I would do the same thing.
Speaker 3: She would say, I am and she, for an almost
Speaker 3: three year old, she talks. Her language skills are amazing.
Speaker 3: And my husband always says it's because I talk so much.
Speaker 3: I just like always just talk to her, and I
Speaker 3: honestly forget that she's just three years old because I
Speaker 3: love just having the conversation with her. But everyone morning
Speaker 3: when we get ready, I'll be like, I am, and
Speaker 3: she'll go, I am brave, I am beautiful, I am smart,
Speaker 3: I am kind. We just kind of lost it a
Speaker 3: little bit, obviously from having the twins. So like I
Speaker 3: like even before dead last night, I was like, let's
Speaker 3: do this, Like, but it's I I just want yeah,
Speaker 3: like you said, like, I just want them to to
Speaker 3: know that like they're they're just perfect and they're beautiful
Speaker 3: and they're smart, and yeah, they're going to hear so
Speaker 3: much stuff from the outside world that in here it's
Speaker 3: just like you can do no wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, listen, I lose my case sometimes and
Speaker 2: sometimes you know, as moms do, we can be like ah,
Speaker 2: but hopefully they always come back to the core. And
Speaker 2: you know, it doesn't have to be every night, but
Speaker 2: we try to do it every single night. And then
Speaker 2: another thing too is I don't know your spiritual background,
Speaker 2: but we pray. You know, I'm always whether I sit
Speaker 2: there and you know, we say it together. But knowing
Speaker 2: that she is a place to go to too, like
Speaker 2: when she gets scared, because I also didn't know that
Speaker 2: as a kid, I didn't know that I could go
Speaker 2: talk to somebody else to be like, hey, I'm scared,
Speaker 2: watch over me. Because she gets really scared, like up
Speaker 2: in her room at night time, like the night scares her.
Speaker 2: And so I can only say so much. And that's
Speaker 2: when I say to her, ask God about it, or
Speaker 2: pray about it or talk to Yeah, that's idea, you know,
Speaker 2: because then it's then you're instilling another way of safety
Speaker 2: for them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good idea. Another question I had moving
Speaker 3: on to boys, the what values are most important to
Speaker 3: you when raising your sons and how do you encourage
Speaker 3: them to grow into kind and respectful people.
Speaker 2: So I owe a lot of credit to my husband
Speaker 2: with this one because he's really helped me with in
Speaker 2: this area of being like Jase, you respect women, you
Speaker 2: open up doors, you are kind to them. You don't
Speaker 2: hit your sister, you don't scream like that, because sometimes
Speaker 2: he'll he'll sometimes really angry and he'll scream or they
Speaker 2: and they just at the age right now they're just
Speaker 2: kind of fighting a little bit. I think with Summer too,
Speaker 2: they're just at each other's throats a bit more. But
Speaker 2: it's really about always knowing like, we don't hit girls,
Speaker 2: we don't talk to girls like that. I don't care
Speaker 2: if it's your sister and she's annoying you, you need
Speaker 2: to figure out how to also control your emotion. So
Speaker 2: whether that's go in your room, scream, hit your punching bag,
Speaker 2: do what you need to do because you don't take
Speaker 2: it out on your sister, no matter how like upset
Speaker 2: you are. And that goes the same for Jolie too.
Speaker 2: I'm like that attitude is not okay. He doesn't deserve
Speaker 2: that either, So it does go both ways. But it
Speaker 2: really is about, like you know, I think, and Alan
Speaker 2: Set's a really good example with that, Like you know,
Speaker 2: he'll come home and he'll bring flowers and he's I think,
Speaker 2: I really do think the dad leads and Stepdad lead
Speaker 2: the way in that area with helping them like see
Speaker 2: the example, because I think for them, seeing the example
Speaker 2: is what also shapes them. And I think, you know, again,
Speaker 2: just the other day, you know, Jace opened up the
Speaker 2: door and when we were and I'm like, oh, buddy,
Speaker 2: like it was so cute, and but it's because you know,
Speaker 2: Alan has kind of showed him like, hey, if the
Speaker 2: girls are right there, you open the door for them.
Speaker 2: But it's all just about like when he was at
Speaker 2: a friend's house too, it's you know, yes ma'am and no, sir.
Speaker 2: And I just think it's important to and still respectful
Speaker 2: behaviors that way, it'll carry out into school and other
Speaker 2: people's homes, because I think that's important. And I think
Speaker 2: when you know, the kids listen again, they're kids, they're
Speaker 2: gonna like his age too, Like he's about to be eight,
Speaker 2: so he's definitely getting a little bit more lippy with me.
Speaker 2: But he also knows too. He's like, come sorry, mommy,
Speaker 2: like I'm sorry, you know, and it's like because he
Speaker 2: says such a sweet boy like at his core. But again,
Speaker 2: I just think he's you know, I think if you
Speaker 2: just keep showing them by example. That's the best thing
Speaker 2: for them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that, and I love showing them like
Speaker 3: I mean, my son is only ten months old, but
Speaker 3: even with my oldest daughter, like I love showing them
Speaker 3: how like like mommy and daddy can laugh together, they
Speaker 3: can fool around, like we always play together. Like it's
Speaker 3: just I love showing that kind of things because I
Speaker 3: want them to grow up being like, oh, this is
Speaker 3: what you deserve and this is what it's actually like.
Speaker 3: So it's very important to us for sure. But I'm excited.
Speaker 3: I never thought having my daughter and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm definitely gonna have a girl next, Like I cannot
Speaker 3: picture myself with boys and then just having like a
Speaker 3: little son. It's just like I'm so happy with like
Speaker 3: two girls two boys, perfect, Like it's it's amazing. And
Speaker 3: like he's only yet many ten months old, so obviously
Speaker 3: still so little, but I'm excited for him to grow
Speaker 3: into like the little boy he's gonna be, and he's
Speaker 3: just so sweet.
Speaker 2: Already because they're the twins are boys.
Speaker 3: The twins are boy girl.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, wow, that's awesome. I was gonna say,
Speaker 2: because two boys like are they're not made the same.
Speaker 2: Like Roman is wildly different than Jase was as a kid,
Speaker 2: so it's like totally different energy. But yes, I mean yeah,
Speaker 2: boys are they love their mama. Yeah, it's like it's
Speaker 2: really it's really sweet. And then you know, the girls
Speaker 2: will the girls will test you in the best ways.
Speaker 2: Like I love my relationship with my daughter. But I
Speaker 2: think it's because you know, on my good days, on
Speaker 2: my bad days, I'm I'm I'm there for and I'm like,
Speaker 2: all right, Mommy didn't do that perfectly and I'm really sorry.
Speaker 2: Can I kind of explain to you, like when I
Speaker 2: have to repeat myself for the fifth time, like I'm
Speaker 2: going to get upset?
Speaker 3: You know? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so like you gotta you gotta give mom a
Speaker 2: little grace yeayeah.
Speaker 3: And then just my last question, this is about more
Speaker 3: like the motherhood and friendships. But did your friendships ever
Speaker 3: changed when you became mom, especially with the ones that
Speaker 3: don't have kids, And if so, how did you navigate that?
Speaker 2: It's hard, I mean, friendships in this season of life
Speaker 2: is really difficult, and I think you know, I was
Speaker 2: just talking to a girlfriend of mine, ran into them.
Speaker 2: I took Jolie and my in laws are in town.
Speaker 2: So we took them downtown Nashville and Jolie came with
Speaker 2: us and one of my friends that I love her,
Speaker 2: I rarely see her, and you know, she's game, this
Speaker 2: big old hug and I'm like, while, like, we just
Speaker 2: need to hang out more, you know. But it's like,
Speaker 2: I love spending time with my husband and my kids,
Speaker 2: and then there's the work and you know, pile all
Speaker 2: that on top of it with their activities. I mean,
Speaker 2: even last night, I was supposed to have a Ukra
Speaker 2: night and it got canceled because you know, we were
Speaker 2: everyone was just kind of tired. And it's it does
Speaker 2: whether they have kids or not.
Speaker 1: That's the thing.
Speaker 2: Like, yes, I had some friends that didn't have kids,
Speaker 2: but now they do, and then the ages are a
Speaker 2: little bit different.
Speaker 1: I think. I just friendships change as you get older.
Speaker 1: I really do. And I wish that wasn't the answer.
Speaker 2: And I know that there's a time and a season
Speaker 2: when I'm going to pour more into it, but right now,
Speaker 2: I'm just like, when I'm home, I want to be
Speaker 2: with my my family and my kids and that's okay.
Speaker 2: And I know my friends are there. They're always going
Speaker 2: to be like They're always going to be there. I'm
Speaker 2: always going to be there for them, and the season
Speaker 2: will come back around when, you know, maybe I won't
Speaker 2: be as tired past eight o'clock and I'll want to
Speaker 2: hang out and you know. So it's I just I
Speaker 2: wouldn't be afraid of the seasons that come with friends,
Speaker 2: because the real, the true ones are going to stay there.
Speaker 2: Like I'm still best friends with my high school of friends,
Speaker 2: you know, and I get envious because I feel like
Speaker 2: somehow they're able to make it all work and hang
Speaker 2: out all the time. But it's I look at my
Speaker 2: friends here and I'm like, we have everyone kind of
Speaker 2: has different ages or we're farther away, and then they've
Speaker 2: got you know, maybe they're their husband's always traveling or
Speaker 2: X Y and Z, and so it's just it's it's
Speaker 2: just hard. It's just hard, you know. But that's why
Speaker 2: I'm just pouring into the season of Okay, it's it's
Speaker 2: my family, it's family time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree with you for sure. It's like the
Speaker 3: weeks are so Monday to Friday or so go, go go,
Speaker 3: and you just want to like hold on to the
Speaker 3: weekends and cherish it with your family. And all that,
Speaker 3: especially in the summer. It's just so crazy, I know,
Speaker 3: but yeah, and it's I found that friendships did change.
Speaker 3: But I also reconnected with old friends that had kids
Speaker 3: around the same time I did, and it's been amazing.
Speaker 3: And you just have that you created like a little
Speaker 3: mom group and it's it's it's been fun like being
Speaker 3: friends with people I used to be friends with.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love that well, Stephanie. I really appreciate you
Speaker 2: coming on. I'm so just I'm like happy for you.
Speaker 2: It sounds like you've just got a beautiful little family,
Speaker 2: and I love Toronto. Maybe you were very close to
Speaker 2: Michigan and so we went up there, Yeah, like for
Speaker 2: my fifth grade field trip.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we go to Actually my husband went to school
Speaker 3: and played hockey in Michigan, so I was we were
Speaker 3: there a lot, and we're actually going in October to
Speaker 3: visit too. But yeah, so very.
Speaker 1: Love Yeah, I love that. Well, thank you so much,
Speaker 1: Stephanie for ting on.
Speaker 2: You're so sweet. I know they so officially meet you. Yes, Okay,
Speaker 2: alrighte bye girl.
Speaker 3: H