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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID nineteen

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Speaker 1: twenty one edition. I'm your host, Pulled Stratton inform Mr

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Speaker 1: Kevin Poll doesn't mean her aims Shelley. First up, Chris Alvarado, Hey, Chris,

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Speaker 1: what's an animal fact that's fascinating to you? That m

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Speaker 1: cheetah's will catch fish with their tail? What? They put

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Speaker 1: their tail in a little stream and they pulled the

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Speaker 1: fish out. Isn't that? While that's craws amazing? I got

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Speaker 1: you the coal. You like that fact? This has been

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Speaker 1: alchemy this till next up? Awesome? Next up, Mr James Heeney, James,

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Speaker 1: what word do you think is just inherently funny? Um?

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Speaker 1: I think booger if it was gonna come, I think if,

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Speaker 1: just off the top of my head, booger. Okay, I mean,

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Speaker 1: if you give me ten minutes, I might be able

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Speaker 1: to find a handful of funnier ones. But that really

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Speaker 1: comes to mind. It just sounds funny. Bigger, Well write

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Speaker 1: them down if you think about him. Thro the let

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Speaker 1: me get ten minutes in the middle of the first scene.

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Speaker 1: Just chime in with some other funny words and we'll

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Speaker 1: know what you're doing. Next up, Craig Kakowski, Craig, I

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Speaker 1: heard you started a cover band. What's it called and

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Speaker 1: who do you cover? I'm in a kiss cover band

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Speaker 1: called Hug h U G G hell yeah, and we

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Speaker 1: only cover the music they did when they didn't have

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Speaker 1: the makeup on. So so like that. Yeah, nice a

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Speaker 1: tool saying is here everybody a tool? Who's the best

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Speaker 1: Dallas cowboy of all time? You're Texas boy man, that's tough,

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Speaker 1: you know. I think it goes to generations when you're

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Speaker 1: around to support the team. So I won't go into

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Speaker 1: the past before I was a fan, before I was born,

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Speaker 1: so I will stay with Troy Aikman. Um. That's usually

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Speaker 1: where I land with the one that I got to

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Speaker 1: watch that I really enjoyed. So yeah, that's probably where

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Speaker 1: I like Randy White two used to be a linebacker.

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Speaker 1: I could go on with. Listen, if you give me

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Speaker 1: ten minutes, I'll come up with ten names whore I

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Speaker 1: think are the best Dallas cowboy in the world and

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Speaker 1: who also have funny sounding names. Tell you what that

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Speaker 1: sounds good in the middle of the first scene to

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Speaker 1: start throwing down Emmett Smith's or whatever, and uh, we'll

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Speaker 1: know you're doing it. Uh, finally, Joey Greer is here.

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Speaker 1: Joey Greer, Joey, you're giving a five word tombstone? What

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Speaker 1: do you write on it? Nothing? Dude, I'm gonna draw

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Speaker 1: something with those words. I'm gonna have a dragon, right,

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Speaker 1: and the dragon is gonna be writing a Harley Davidson

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Speaker 1: Vintage motorcycle. And it's gonna have instead of those like,

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Speaker 1: you know, normal handlebars, it's gonna be just these uh,

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Speaker 1: these pencil tubes. Right, so not like a filled pencil,

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Speaker 1: but not like a mechanical pencil, talking about a wood

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Speaker 1: pencil with the lead going through. You know what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. And it's

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Speaker 1: gonna have me in the background. Like it's gonna look

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Speaker 1: like a like a water mark, if you will, right,

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Speaker 1: So it's gonna be kind of like is it? Do?

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Speaker 1: I see it? All? Right? Let's do a damn show everybody?

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Speaker 1: Are you ready to do this? Joey? Do you need

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Speaker 1: ten minutes to think about what else you want to

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Speaker 1: put on that teamb stone? I need ten minutes just

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Speaker 1: to tell you I know what's on that Pepperonian sausage

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Speaker 1: is what I used to do good. Hell yeah. All

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Speaker 1: of our see suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails, or

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Speaker 1: from our Patreon v I p s. To become a

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Speaker 1: Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and

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Speaker 1: other perks, just head on over to patreon dot com

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Speaker 1: slash alchemy this. You'd like to submit a scene suggestion

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Speaker 1: via email, please write to the podcast at your name

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Speaker 1: here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here

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Speaker 1: at alchemy That ce number one comes from Kristen Kelly,

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Speaker 1: who wrote congratulations. You are now subscribed to the Improv

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Speaker 1: Scene Suggestion of the Month Club. This month's suggestion the

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Speaker 1: five Wonka Golden Ticket winners. Years later as adults, did

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Speaker 1: they learn anything from their time in the factory? Have

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Speaker 1: they become better people because of it? Or are they

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Speaker 1: now barely functioning alcoholics with PTSD and a lifelong fear

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Speaker 1: of chocolate? Okay, great, if everyone just pick up your

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Speaker 1: name tag right up here. I know there's only a

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Speaker 1: couple of us, but you know traditions write a real name. Um.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you can write whatever you want, thank Carl,

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Speaker 1: but we all know don't say my real name please,

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Speaker 1: it's my name charg already. Okay, alright, let's you know what.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Mike TV. My name is Michael Thomas van Owen. Okay,

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Speaker 1: can we we're adults now, can we please put that

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Speaker 1: on there? Sure? So, of course, yeah again, you are

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Speaker 1: writing this, so you wrote Mike TV. Um, so if

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Speaker 1: you want to just change that, you're more than welcome.

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Speaker 1: I do have more name plackards, so if we could

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Speaker 1: just just lay them on here and different colored sharks

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Speaker 1: if that was your real name TV, because it seemed

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Speaker 1: very apt because you're like tvious so much. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: it just happened to be that. I was born into that,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I didn't really want to like TV,

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Speaker 1: but that's what it was, and I got obsessed. And

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Speaker 1: now it's like I don't even own a TV. Okay,

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Speaker 1: do you not I do on a TV? Or are

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Speaker 1: you saying stream? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I just streamed on

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Speaker 1: my laptop that I'll tell you what. That's that's when

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Speaker 1: we get started already. Yeah, we're just waiting for two

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Speaker 1: more people. Okay, she's not coming issue. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I haven't been able to get in contact. I'm leaving.

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Speaker 1: I go by Chuck, Okay, Chuck, are you do you

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Speaker 1: know what this is? Or this this is the ticket winners? Right?

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Speaker 1: Yes it is? Oh are you? Oh? I know who

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Speaker 1: you are? Chuck? Yes, okay, Chuck and I were having

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Speaker 1: a correspond before. This is a Violet's grandson, Chuck, how

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Speaker 1: are you? Um? I'm okay. This is a weird group

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Speaker 1: of people. I thought it was gonna be everybody's grandchildren.

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Speaker 1: Uh no, No, I'm actually um, I'm yeah. So it's not.

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Speaker 1: It's not. Is everybody ready for magic? Oh? Okay, you're

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Speaker 1: all gonna love this. Okay, So this this is a

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Speaker 1: local magician. He goes by the name of Inferno. Help

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Speaker 1: our trauma. How does this help the fucking memories that

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Speaker 1: are burned into my brain? How does this help at all?

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Speaker 1: Who you are and and what happened to you on

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Speaker 1: the tour? This is what I'm talking about. I'm the

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Speaker 1: sixth I'm the sixth winner that nobody ever talked about.

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Speaker 1: I was in there two hours before you guys showed up. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and nobody talks about me and nobody knows my story. No,

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Speaker 1: I was that I won. There was a sixth ticket.

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Speaker 1: I heard that there was a child wandering around looking

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Speaker 1: for the restroom. The whole time. That's what I heard.

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Speaker 1: But I was a kid. I was a child. Look

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Speaker 1: that chocolate river is also a restaurant. I had to

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Speaker 1: go peep. Is that so bad? Now? Magic guy, make

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Speaker 1: these memories go away. Here's a rabbit. Yeah it's dead.

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Speaker 1: It's a dead rabbit, Yes it is. I wasn't supposed

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Speaker 1: to hold it that long inside my jacket. But your

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Speaker 1: story about kind of took a little bit longer. So

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Speaker 1: just in what do you want another rabbit? Jesus man,

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Speaker 1: what are you doing with these animals? I'm doing, Magic Man.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you've seen my website, inferno magic

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Speaker 1: dot com. Check it out, all right, he'll show you all.

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Speaker 1: I mean, well, I've gone to it. It's just a

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Speaker 1: tumbler account. It's just like, there's no rule that says

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Speaker 1: a tumbler can be your website. I guess you're right. Look,

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Speaker 1: I've just been getting a lot of flak. Um My

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Speaker 1: my bunny distributors have been asking me a lot of questions,

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Speaker 1: like why don't I need so many bunny He's like,

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Speaker 1: keep one of those bunny. I'll trade you a balloon bunny,

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Speaker 1: one of your bunnies. Here we go, give me a second,

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Speaker 1: here you go, I'm gonna need money for the bunny.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna take a bunny balloon. Look, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be honest with you, man, I'm a bunny distributor. Like

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Speaker 1: I make money getting bunnies out there. But the amount

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Speaker 1: of bunnies that you were asking for and and granted,

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Speaker 1: I am making money from you, friend, but it's suspicious.

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Speaker 1: I know that, all right. Look, I'm just I took

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Speaker 1: this meeting with you. I decided to break bread with

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Speaker 1: you because I respect you, all right. I respect you, okay,

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Speaker 1: and I respect our relationship. Set it. By the way,

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Speaker 1: it's fantastic. Those are good. Look, I'm a bunny breeder, okay,

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Speaker 1: And I know you distribute the bunnies, but I can't

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Speaker 1: just make them breathe just because you want them all

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Speaker 1: the time. Look, I gotta demand do you have the

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Speaker 1: supply economics? Friend? Look, it's just kind of suspicious. No

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Speaker 1: other distributor wants that many. Honey. Our daughter has been

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Speaker 1: missing some bunnies lately, and it's it's a suspicious amount.

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Speaker 1: At the last week counting, we had two thousand bunnies

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Speaker 1: and it seems like we're missing almost seven d she's

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Speaker 1: upset and she blames you. She thinks you've been getting

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Speaker 1: rid of them. I have, Diane, Diane, I've been selling them.

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Speaker 1: It's my job. What do you just love bunnies as

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Speaker 1: much as we did? What am I love? I love

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Speaker 1: the bodies, I love, I love the bunnies. But I

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Speaker 1: I breed him and I sell them to a distributor

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Speaker 1: to distribute yourself. You know. Okay, thank you everyone for coming.

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Speaker 1: Your name cards are right there. You can also rewrite

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Speaker 1: them if you'd like. You know, we're all the wives

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Speaker 1: who have been lied to by her husbands about what

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Speaker 1: their jobs were. All right, and as everyone's coming in,

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Speaker 1: I can. I'll just speak over everyone as they're coming in,

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Speaker 1: just as the way a formality. My name is Gail.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna give my last name, but it rhymes

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Speaker 1: with hammer and uh so, just so you know, my husband,

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Speaker 1: I thought he was a tire repair mechanic. He actually

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Speaker 1: was importing and exporting illegal stone. So that's what everybody

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Speaker 1: there for. Yes they are, Yes they are. Who's ready

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Speaker 1: to juggle? Oh everyone, this is Frosty. He's gonna do

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Speaker 1: some magic for us. Don't do magic, all right, I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm the best juggler in town. When you say magic,

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Speaker 1: it just Sully's the whole thing. This is this is

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Speaker 1: why I don't tell my wife about this. Wait wait

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Speaker 1: wait wait wa wait wait hold on, what did you

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Speaker 1: just say? I keep this a secret. Get My grandmother

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Speaker 1: was part of the class action lawsuit for all the

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Speaker 1: kids that got sick that the competition, and I thought

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Speaker 1: that there's gonna be a lot of other people that

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Speaker 1: we're suffering from the same thing. This is now a

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Speaker 1: genial matter. I mean, it's true a lot of people

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Speaker 1: got mess with leoma when they walk through the factory. Um. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And and that's not something that nobody else seems to

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Speaker 1: be talking about this they're worried about. What are they worried? What? What? What?

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Speaker 1: What are we worried about? What about the sickness that

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Speaker 1: you can't see? Huh? What about the diagnosis that doesn't

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Speaker 1: come to you? You know, the sickness I can't see

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Speaker 1: my grandma. My grandma's the sickness I can't see. You

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Speaker 1: guys should be considering yourself lucky. You lucky. Look at

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Speaker 1: these fucking tats I have all over my chest. You

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Speaker 1: see that that's a map, that's the map. That's the

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Speaker 1: path I took in that fucking factory. You think I'm lucky. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's get another drink. So, Chuck, you're telling me that

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Speaker 1: you went to the meet up with all those people

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Speaker 1: who went to that freak factory and then you just

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Speaker 1: you harass them for trumpery not a freak factory. But

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I thought that I just was imagining

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Speaker 1: that they'd be sick. I thought that we could all

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Speaker 1: bond over the sickness, like you know, that's something that happens. Jack,

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Speaker 1: What did you say? Your actions were a little sick

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Speaker 1: to drinks? Thank you, thank you very much. No, it's

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Speaker 1: just that I don't know. I was really close to

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Speaker 1: my grandmother. She named me after you know, Charlie. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I see you, Rick, we need to have a talk.

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Speaker 1: We'll take the extra time. These are free, right, these

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Speaker 1: are freak as you're sucked up. We don't take this back. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm fine here. Oh yeah, do you mind putting this

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Speaker 1: on my Wonka card? What do you put this? Do

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Speaker 1: you work for Wonka? No? But my bank is Wonka Bank.

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Speaker 1: Oh sorry, I've just been I feel like sometimes I'm

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Speaker 1: getting I don't know, spied on by the Wongs just

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Speaker 1: because we were part of the class action lawsuit trying

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Speaker 1: to look for a flaw, exploit me, make me the

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Speaker 1: bad guy. Do you really think Wonka is looking at

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Speaker 1: you man, all the lawsuits they got, So you want

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Speaker 1: to open up an account here at Wonka Bank? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm in line, sir. Sorry, sorry, well, um, let me

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Speaker 1: just walk you through the paperwork. Care come with me,

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Speaker 1: and you'll see two point three per annual percentage right

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Speaker 1: and minimal. You don't got it. You don't get a

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Speaker 1: thing from I just have the corporates watching. They're everywhere.

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Speaker 1: Look at to see those little cameras up there. If

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Speaker 1: that's those those candy cameras. Yeah, but they're they're they're

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Speaker 1: four K and um they If I don't seem through

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Speaker 1: all the rules and regulations like I will, I will

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Speaker 1: have to eat something that will probably kill me. So

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Speaker 1: just let me eat you the terms and we can

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Speaker 1: beat this. I've got free checking in banking for you.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go over here, Hey, Gustus, how you hey?

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Speaker 1: How are you holding up? Pretty well? I mean this, uh,

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Speaker 1: this locks and bagels platter is fantastic, It's pretty nice.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty nice. Do you ever have any dreams weird dreams? No?

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Speaker 1: Hell yeah you ever? You ever you ever think about

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Speaker 1: maybe going back to the factory, you know, just do it'll,

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Speaker 1: I'll walk through. I've want to drink that entire chocolate

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Speaker 1: river and eats that liquorice tree. Yeah, I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: the candy's gone. It's kind of like a Rundown water

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Speaker 1: park now. But I feel like it would do me good,

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Speaker 1: you know. I mean, we still all have our golden tickets,

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Speaker 1: right maybe we could just show those at the gate,

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Speaker 1: maybe that they let us hand. I mean I have

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Speaker 1: mine right here, always carrying mine with me. Okay, guys,

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Speaker 1: So I talked to the front desk and they said

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Speaker 1: they will extend our stay here in the Flamingo room.

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna be able to be here for another

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Speaker 1: half hour to forty five minutes. It's not exciting. So

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Speaker 1: I got we're gonna go over to the factory. What

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Speaker 1: we're gonna go to the abandon No no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: no, no no, hold on, everyone, hold on. Maybe it'll be

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Speaker 1: good for us everyone. Okay, everyone, sit down, sit down.

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Speaker 1: I got a gun with us. I got a candy

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Speaker 1: gun on you right now, sit down, listen. I'm a Wonka.

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Speaker 1: It's it's a little sweet and tart. Okay, now on

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Speaker 1: the barrel. No, get all the get away from my gun.

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Speaker 1: He ate my gun. Good job you found out. Listen.

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Speaker 1: I'm a candy robot. I'm a special agent for the

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Speaker 1: Wonka Corporation. If you think for a second, we haven't

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Speaker 1: been keeping tabs on you since the day you left.

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Speaker 1: Looks like laughy taffy. No, don't don't don't eat me.

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Speaker 1: I don't do it, Mike, we're all robots. Hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: I don't have a car, but that magicians outside of

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Speaker 1: his van. Maybe we can hop in there. M all right,

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Speaker 1: Hey magine guy. Yeah, yeah, but what do you want

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Speaker 1: to make fun of me before you kick me out again? No? No, no,

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Speaker 1: we're sorry. We're sorry for doing that. Hey, do you

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Speaker 1: want to go in a real magic ride? Yeah? You're

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Speaker 1: Tom Drugs. Yeah, I got a PC guy. He's more

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Speaker 1: of a distributor, but he gets it out. He still

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Speaker 1: do PC. Yeah. How are you doing here in front

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Speaker 1: of who the hell are all these fucking people? You know?

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Speaker 1: Carl uh? If don't give me your government, don't give

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Speaker 1: me your government. Man goes to school don't give me

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Speaker 1: your government man, Michael Thompson Van Owen. How you know

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Speaker 1: he goes by MTV not my EMPTV. What the hell

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Speaker 1: is going on? Man? I need PCP. Man. These guys

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Speaker 1: all want to go on a magic ride, if you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? Oh yeah, hell yeah, you know

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Speaker 1: what I got? Um, I got a defunct little little

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Speaker 1: track card over here, goes around all was really fucked

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Speaker 1: up garbage areas around here. A right, but it'll come

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Speaker 1: right back. It'll look right back over here to my trailer.

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Speaker 1: So once you can get a little track card, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, like a little roller coaster. We

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Speaker 1: just want we just want to drug. I just want

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Speaker 1: a drug. We don't want to go in a roller coaster.

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Speaker 1: You sure you don't have? What is that? Do? Do? Do?

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Speaker 1: That's just a little roller coaster? Are you go? Man?

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Speaker 1: Just the BCP man Sherman Hamlesley, Sherman Angel dust sweet

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Speaker 1: All right, everybody, Well let's dance. Let's dance. Well right

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Speaker 1: now that we're all hopped up on piece of the factory. Man,

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Speaker 1: let's go, guys, let's go. Very's Charlie Bucket, by the way,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know he runs the factory now he's

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Speaker 1: head of Voca Enterprises. He should be here. And what

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Speaker 1: about fucking Farruca Salt? Yeah, what about he's weird. We're

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Speaker 1: missing some major players days. Yeah, like I mean his

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Speaker 1: grandson showed up, Like why am I here? You know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? No one even knows my story? Huh

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Speaker 1: oh ship Hello, this PC piece sucking me up? Who

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Speaker 1: is hello? What's going on? Okay? Every I see movement,

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Speaker 1: I'm should Charlie's grandpa, Joe, you're still alive? I yes,

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Speaker 1: how do you know my name? Every towards the factory

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Speaker 1: fifty years ago? Oh? God, the fat amish child. I

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Speaker 1: know you never you're like a hundred and thirty? What

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Speaker 1: do they have in that factory? They even keeping me alive,

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Speaker 1: removing my organs and put in inside. I don't think

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Speaker 1: I'll ever die. I've seen. What are you doing out here? Charlie, Charlie,

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Speaker 1: get back inside. Oh I'm sorry, I love you, Charlie.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. You guys aren't allowed here. Your golden

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Speaker 1: tickets are expired and there's no expirations and Mike and

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Speaker 1: uh Carl, Carl, Carl, I don't know, Carl, acustus, Mike,

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Speaker 1: you know that you're not allowed here. This is a

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Speaker 1: lost cause you guys look like chie Look look you

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Speaker 1: might have one, but we got messed up for our

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Speaker 1: entire lives. And we're not leaving until we get a

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Speaker 1: vowal of that phizzy im or tal and he drink

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Speaker 1: that Uncle Joe took. Okay, and I want to go

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Speaker 1: in that glass a little bitter. Man. I'm so listen.

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Speaker 1: You don't know what it's like to be Uncle Joe. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Grandpa Joe as I call him. But he's not your grandpa. Okay,

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Speaker 1: he's not even He's more candy than he is human.

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Speaker 1: Now is that what you want? Yeah? Alright, then come inside,

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Speaker 1: Come inside, don't touch the wallpaper. We brought this magician

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Speaker 1: with us. Is that cool? If he comes with us?

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Speaker 1: Hi is your card three of space? That's a four clubs?

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Speaker 1: Oh man? Tim Burton really ruined it, didn't He just

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Speaker 1: got a little weird in the second act. I thought,

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Speaker 1: sure did. I'm disappointed, man, I mean, I really thought

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Speaker 1: it would be a little closer to the book. I mean,

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Speaker 1: everybody knows the class elevator second and I don't know, man,

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Speaker 1: we're trying to watch the movie. Keep it down it's

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Speaker 1: also like three and a half hours long. I mean

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Speaker 1: this PCP segment has just been I mean that's almost

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Speaker 1: a tool to make it longer. That's what that's what's interesting.

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Speaker 1: I want to see the ending of this movie. I

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Speaker 1: want to see it now. O Varuca And that's the

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Speaker 1: first scene. All right. See two is from patriar v

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Speaker 1: I P. William Craft, who wrote I have another scene suggestion.

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Speaker 1: The characters in Pixar's Cars, or any world inhabited by

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Speaker 1: sentient vehicles, there are a ton of kids shows like

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Speaker 1: this start to wonder about their origin and question their existence.

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Speaker 1: Why have they taken over the role of humans? Why

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Speaker 1: are they still designed for humans? What the hell is

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Speaker 1: going on? Also, how do they procreate? I figured a

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Speaker 1: scene about existential crisis will be fitting in the time

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Speaker 1: of COVID. Thanks W Devon Craft esquire, Hey, fellas, welcome

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00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 1: to stuff like guys having a good day. Not really.

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Speaker 1: It's hot as hell. It's hot. It's hot, it's hot.

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Speaker 1: Shee's hey. When that light hits green, I'm on my

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Speaker 1: way to go on a little date a date. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm just doing deliveries even when I'm on break. I'm

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Speaker 1: an idol it sucks. Yeah, I get it. Well, I

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Speaker 1: got to meet out of it. Calling my name, I'll

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Speaker 1: see you later, he's remember remember hi, Man, how's it going.

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Speaker 1: It's I've seen better days. I'm not a big fan

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Speaker 1: of this delivery thing. Yeah, I kind of want to

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Speaker 1: just I don't know, I kind of want to just

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Speaker 1: take a break. I don't know, man, you don't I

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Speaker 1: mean I could give you that break, man, I could

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Speaker 1: take over your deliveries. I'm so busy just you know,

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Speaker 1: racing all the time and and you know, carrying this franchise.

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Speaker 1: I'd love to just take a break, man, and just

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Speaker 1: you know, deliver things. Man. Huh, Well, I don't know

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Speaker 1: how I can help you. I'm just basically I wake

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Speaker 1: up and the first thing that the man wants me

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Speaker 1: to do, it's what I gotta do. I never thought

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Speaker 1: of it that way. Man. It's like I never really

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Speaker 1: wanted a race, but that's what I do. You know

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Speaker 1: I did. I would love to try to race. I'd

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Speaker 1: like to have some other goal than just to be

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Speaker 1: the the middleman between here and there. He go to

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Speaker 1: this like a little auto shop down on the corner there,

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Speaker 1: and we could, like, I don't know, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to go to an auto shop. They don't treat me

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Speaker 1: good there. Now listen, our water is running. Hello, all right,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how many humans are left out there,

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Speaker 1: but these goddamn cars are getting more and more powerful

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Speaker 1: by the day. And I'm sick and tired of keeping No, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm just sticking tired of this. I'm sick and fucking

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Speaker 1: tired of this. Now we got here, we take out

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00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 1: that leader, we take out that goddamn plymouth, Fury, and

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Speaker 1: then we reclaim this earth for ourselves. You understand that

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Speaker 1: these cars aren't gonna run this planet anymore. Not touching her.

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Speaker 1: I'm not touching Fury. I mean they're powerful, they have engines,

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Speaker 1: they're bigger than us, and they are they smarter? Can

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Speaker 1: they feel enough? They're smart enough? Right now? He's okay, fine, okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: then I guess I'm gonna have to do this so

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Speaker 1: low huh. That means by myself, what's the plan? What's

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Speaker 1: the plan? I found all these potatoes. We're gonna put

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Speaker 1: all these potatoes and their tail pipes. Okay, let you

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Speaker 1: knowlad their engines. I don't know, Duda. My name's Jane

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Speaker 1: the name's Jane. Okay, hey Jane, Hey, Hey, you look gorgeous. Thanks.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking maybe we could drive over to uh

399
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Speaker 1: makeout point. It's our first state. Okay, don't get ahead

400
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Speaker 1: just to look over, just to look at the water

401
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 1: and stuff. Okay, I guess, but follow me. I can't

402
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 1: keep you drive fast? Yeah, yeah, okay, so I can't breathe. Well,

403
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 1: look here a couple of cars driven to make up point. Like,

404
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,200
Speaker 1: what what's your plan now that you're here? You can't

405
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 1: get in each other because you're both cars, and how

406
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Speaker 1: are you going to make out? And what's what's the

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00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 1: next step? That's easy? Well I'm gonna well sure because

408
00:25:55,800 --> 00:26:04,200
Speaker 1: she well, I'm yeah exactly. You haven't thought it out. Look,

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Speaker 1: I know you want to go rise up against those cars, man,

410
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 1: all right, but we gotta have a plan. Calm down,

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Speaker 1: And I got one. I didn't want to bring this

412
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Speaker 1: kind of the group, but I saw you up a

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Speaker 1: car makeout point the other night, and you had your

414
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 1: you had your dick in a gas tank. But what

415
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: about come here? All right, listen to me right now,

416
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,719
Speaker 1: you shut the hell up. Okay. I was doing preliminary tests.

417
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:32,920
Speaker 1: I was seeing if I could sacrifice myself to destroy

418
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 1: the cars. Yeah, that's how crazy I got. That's how

419
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,120
Speaker 1: desperate I got to save us. You had a you're

420
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:41,399
Speaker 1: still coughing, Jane. I mean you're still coughing. You have

421
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:45,359
Speaker 1: like a like a human cough almost. That's weird. I

422
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: feel something's happening to me. It's not your air filter. No,

423
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: I just got that change, Jane. I'm gonna cut right

424
00:26:55,800 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 1: to it. Did you fucking human? I knew you wouldn't

425
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 1: take this the right way? Such a you're such a

426
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,159
Speaker 1: carust All you can do is I'm a car. But

427
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,360
Speaker 1: we can live with the humans? Can we can live

428
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,959
Speaker 1: with the humans? What do you in love with him?

429
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 1: I don't understand them who were the same? So you're

430
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: gonna have like a hybrid baby? There, half human, half car?

431
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 1: Are you still here? How does that work? How does

432
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: that even work? What does it come out of? Where

433
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 1: do he put it? Tell me where? You know your business?

434
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: I'm out of here, hybrid baby? I mean, I feel

435
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 1: like worst case scenarios. You got a bunch of seamen

436
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 1: in your gas tank. But I don't know. I don't

437
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 1: know what that's gonna do. Mom Dad, None of the

438
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: other human boys or cars will play with me. Maybe

439
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,680
Speaker 1: you should just kill me. I don't know what I am. No, No,

440
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,679
Speaker 1: this is this is from your side of the family.

441
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 1: This is where he gets to height. This is where

442
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 1: he gets us. You know you're special, You're You're gonna

443
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: save but everyone the whole planet. Don't you understand you're

444
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 1: the future. This is because you kept feeding him fucking

445
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 1: potatoes all day and night. Oh what the hell do

446
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:16,199
Speaker 1: I have? Uh? Just look at me. My eyes are headlights.

447
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 1: My mouth is a human mouth. I've got two mufflers

448
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: and keep going, keep going. I got junk in the

449
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 1: trunk for real. Hey, delivery truck. Uh huh? You want

450
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 1: to bring some real meaning to your life? Oh god, yeah,

451
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 1: oh god, yeah please, I got one special delivery you

452
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 1: should make. Huh two and a half tons of C four.

453
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: We're gonna drive into the gas station and blow up

454
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: every last human here. What do you man? My humans

455
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 1: actually not so bad. John's just trying to make it bies.

456
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 1: Just don't even tune you up. John. Let you drive

457
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: around with scratches. Your tires are low. Yeah, it's just

458
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 1: kind of you know, I wouldn't call them blow so much?

459
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: Is they're you know, soft through soft tires. Those humans

460
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: they think the better than us. But do you realize

461
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 1: it will happen if it's me Like I've got two

462
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 1: tons of sheep and finally be worth something. Is that

463
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: what you think I'm worth? Blow boom, Sector two of

464
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 1: the Underground Wonka Facility, Mr Wonka. I've looked at the

465
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 1: preliminary data. It looks like you're your projects are moving forward.

466
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 1: The cars and humans have good good No, I can

467
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,479
Speaker 1: hear you. I just didn't expect this update. This is

468
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 1: this was really best. Usually like nine months gestation for

469
00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 1: a human human I was imagining more or less, not

470
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 1: by much. Well, you have the best imagination in the world, sir.

471
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: Have you told crapa Joe? I have not gone to

472
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 1: the chamber yet, sir. It's to freaks me out, be honest,

473
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: all right, to drinks? Wait you guys already? Rick, goddamnit?

474
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 1: Well these are free still right, because they're they're free.

475
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: Come out, human, Come out. I got a couple of

476
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 1: words to say to you. Yeahre, you are what a

477
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: weird look? If you come you're a weird looking guy.

478
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: First of your tires will explode. Oh yeah, is that right?

479
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: One of their spike strips. Oh ship, there are spice

480
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 1: strips everywhere. All right, listen, don't do that. Don't do that?

481
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: All right? So what are we doing? Man? This is voice? Yeah,

482
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: that's the place. What's you guys say? No base? Yeah?

483
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 1: Bah huh, all right, same thing if you if you

484
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: move forward, there's a spike strip it'll blow your tyrants.

485
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 1: And I'm not planning and driving back. I'm coming forward. Hey, dad,

486
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 1: can I have a w D forty caprice? Son? Wait?

487
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: What the heck is going? Game? Dinging? Oh, ladies and gentlemen.

488
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 1: After the explosion, there was only one survivor and we're

489
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: here live with him. I will tell you he is

490
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 1: a hybrid, so please, uh please, your discription advised? Um,

491
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,840
Speaker 1: can you tell us a little bit about the explosion

492
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: and and what happened right before it? Uh? And is

493
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 1: that your mouth a regular Wow? It's a regular mouth. Yeah.

494
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: My eyes are headlights. So UM, if I put my

495
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: brides on, I get too excited. So you know, if

496
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 1: I did that happen, so let me know. Um, it

497
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 1: was terrible, Like I I just wanted something to drink

498
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:28,959
Speaker 1: and I went outside and this old dumpy delivery truck

499
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 1: with like the license plate was hanging off the side

500
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: and it had like an unkept mustache on the front. Anyways, Um,

501
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: it's it's something he was with like a flashy car

502
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 1: and um news crew, news crew. So we're right in

503
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: the middle of interview. Sorry, sorry, I thought this was

504
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 1: the press conference. I'm Speedy Tires, Current Driver magazine. Yeah,

505
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 1: let me just finish with the sir, please, just wondering

506
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: what kind of biolage the hybrid get your tires are

507
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: gonna get in a lot of the spikes, every word,

508
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 1: Just be careful, Okay, let me just finish the interview

509
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: with this. No, no, it's it's okay. I can answer that. UM.

510
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: I get it's pretty good. I get, uh, forty five

511
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: freeway City and twenty at school. All right, what's the MSRP?

512
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: All right, we're gonna send it back to the uh

513
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: the station where I cover car news for car going

514
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: back to your Ted. What oh shoot, it wasn't ready.

515
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 1: Uh hey it's me Ted. So much news, so much happening.

516
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 1: Just read the prompter, Ted, read the prompter. I'm happy

517
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 1: to be doing the news for you. Happening, happening, that's

518
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: what's happening. Happened Uh, oh god, it's not his fault.

519
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 1: I program the prompter wrong. I wrote, I'm happy to

520
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 1: be doing the news from you. Happenings happening, happening. Oh god,

521
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 1: I car apocalypse going on right now? Why are we

522
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 1: even still doing the news like we we've got We've

523
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 1: got more important things to do, like destroying the sentient

524
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: cars that they were running rampage all over this world.

525
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 1: Job is the news. You do the fucking news until

526
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 1: I pay you to stop doing that fucking news. You

527
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:18,479
Speaker 1: got it fail all right, Mr Murdoch, al right back

528
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 1: in there, get the pamptor going, get ted back on

529
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 1: his drugs and get the fucking news out. Cars taking

530
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: over the world. What is my life? It just turned

531
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 1: the news off. I hate watching news. You know, there's

532
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: a golf channel on or some of the two drinks?

533
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: Thanks what there was other people watching the news. It's

534
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 1: kind of important, so I wasn't. So let's watch the

535
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 1: golf channel and to drink. How are you too? How

536
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 1: are we really really? How we my section? Sorry? You

537
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 1: guys can keep them. It's I'm I'm not gonna make

538
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:09,800
Speaker 1: any money. Hi, I'm a I'm here for the meetup. Cuckoo. Cuckoo? Mhm,

539
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 1: what who was cuckoo? I think that I think that

540
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 1: that's just that that doesn't make any sense with me.

541
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 1: There's no secret password for this meet up. Oh I

542
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 1: think if there's a secret pass, where are you secretly going?

543
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: Maybe we should go. Well, have you guys trying the

544
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 1: cooling and winking? Well, it happens a lot of doors.

545
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 1: I think this is I think this might be a

546
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,880
Speaker 1: relationship that I don't think this is a meet up

547
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 1: thing he's doing. We're just on business. Wait, I don't

548
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: know what meetup to blow up every fucking car? Oh

549
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 1: my god, no, what do you what do you mean?

550
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:54,399
Speaker 1: I mean we're just having drinks. So you're a car.

551
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 1: We don't even like to watch the news. We try

552
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 1: not to get political. So you like cars, then, well,

553
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to enjoy myself out, just trying to

554
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:14,840
Speaker 1: enjoy yourself, just trying to enjoy yourself. Step in. Oh a,

555
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 1: you're gonna have your drink bread or no? Yeah, I

556
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 1: definitely want to keep this drink you can't have Oh,

557
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 1: I don't drink it, I mean drink. I don't want

558
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 1: to cuckoo cuckoo. Oh yeah, you're you're looking for the

559
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 1: wrong thing. Man. Let's just let's just jump ahead and

560
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:40,799
Speaker 1: so dukids are kicking his ass. Hi. Um, look, this

561
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,439
Speaker 1: is awkward for me too. This is my first time.

562
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: I think I'm the first hybrid ever try to do

563
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 1: it um with a person. Um, just pay me the

564
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:59,800
Speaker 1: money and you can do whatever you want. But I

565
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 1: have had a lot of first before. I don't want

566
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:05,239
Speaker 1: to take good care of you, baby, okay, but I

567
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: gotta warn you. I don't I don't know how this

568
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 1: all works. I don't know what will happen if I

569
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 1: get too heated. Um I do like, fine, Okay, you're

570
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 1: in the right place, all right. Well here's here's the money. Um,

571
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:29,280
Speaker 1: it's mostly it's a combination of dollar bills and lug nuts.

572
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 1: I see that, I see that. It's all good to

573
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,239
Speaker 1: your baby. Okay, let's see what you're working with here.

574
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 1: Oh my god, is that an eight ball shifter? It is?

575
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 1: It's an eight ball shifter. I don't know. I don't

576
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: know if this is gonna work, baby. I mean, just like,

577
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 1: keep changing gears and we'll see what happens. Okay, where's

578
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 1: your clutch? Where's your clu cut? Right? Right? There. Yeah, okay, okay,

579
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 1: high beams, high beams. Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus, green warning,

580
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 1: leave horrified. I left my I left my truck right outside.

581
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,240
Speaker 1: I was only gone for a second when I walked

582
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,320
Speaker 1: up to the door, and I think somebody stole it.

583
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 1: I don't know where the truck went for the last time.

584
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 1: I'm not going to give you money, okay, come on,

585
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:36,799
Speaker 1: I just need a little bit of money to get

586
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 1: the next delivery truck. I need to keep working. I

587
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 1: can see the PCP in your mustache. That's not PCP.

588
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: I was baking. I was baking, Tim. I love you, man,

589
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:59,720
Speaker 1: my brother. I can't why does why does Tim Burton

590
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: left PCPs so much? This is the second movie when

591
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: I don't understand why they're letting him have control of

592
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: these franchises that he shouldn't be touching their classics already

593
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:13,879
Speaker 1: and you know, yeah the second act just hey, down

594
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 1: down in front fellas. Yeah, we're in front of you.

595
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 1: You're staying around in front of me at this drive through.

596
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: I'm enjoying the film myself. Of course, I'm a car.

597
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 1: Yeah we know, dude, we know you're a car. This

598
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: is why people don't like cars, right, what's that? Could

599
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 1: you speak up a little? Um? No, all right, just

600
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,359
Speaker 1: just mind you when you watch the movie and said

601
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 1: people don't like cars, all right? You yeah, Wait a second, wait,

602
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 1: there's an there's another car coming in. It's an old

603
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:55,719
Speaker 1: delivery truck. I didn't know they allowed those into the

604
00:39:55,840 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 1: drive fins man, let's have something to deliver. I guess

605
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 1: in the middle of screening, it just seems weird. No,

606
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 1: just jove would be crazy if it was there from

607
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:17,799
Speaker 1: the movie that. Hey, I'm sorry to interrupted y'all are

608
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,640
Speaker 1: talking too much for this driving movie. Okay, so you

609
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 1: both gotta just do these two parts. Complease just just

610
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 1: please be quiet? All right? What did you sell people

611
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,319
Speaker 1: trying to enjoy the movie? So I'm saying, calm down,

612
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 1: shut the funk up, all right. A lot of people

613
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: pay good money to come here to watch this drive

614
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 1: through movie. All right. Hey, that's Tim Burton. He's he

615
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 1: only at those two guys, So just do me a

616
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 1: favor and enjoy the goddamn art. Okay, I guess the

617
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,800
Speaker 1: drive through movie. You're just supposed to just keep moving,

618
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 1: you see, like five minutes of it tough. Yeah, that's right,

619
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 1: that's our second See three is from Tyler. Hey, I'm

620
00:40:56,719 --> 00:41:00,040
Speaker 1: an auditor at a manufacturing company, and I suggest in

621
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 1: a scene in which an alchemist was auditing insert random

622
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:08,320
Speaker 1: fictitious company here and found something deeply concerning wacky or wild.

623
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:15,719
Speaker 1: Hi jinks, ensue, Thanks Tyler. Yes, so this is um

624
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 1: this is where the where the factory of floors. You

625
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,800
Speaker 1: can see here through the window. There. That's all the

626
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 1: workers there. I think you're over here. This is our

627
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 1: main office right here. I think this is my first rodeo.

628
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,359
Speaker 1: Is that what's happening right now? I'm getting the reach

629
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 1: around on my on my first day. I just wanted

630
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:37,240
Speaker 1: to show you I've audited every company you can think of. Okay,

631
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 1: I go in, I look in manufacturing, and I tear

632
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,360
Speaker 1: him a new one. So you think this little sweet

633
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 1: tour is going to do anything, Janice, then you're mistaken.

634
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 1: We've got nothing high. Do you like an espresso? We

635
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 1: have an espresso. Make sure I do love an espresso.

636
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:52,799
Speaker 1: You know, I didn't like him for a long time,

637
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:55,880
Speaker 1: but I said, what's why would George Cluney support it?

638
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 1: And so I started drinking it. You know what I'm saying.

639
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 1: Don't get off track. Oh, Jannis, is this the is

640
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 1: this the auditor? Yeah? I'm Dan. I work up in

641
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:13,399
Speaker 1: a package. It's really great to have great. I hope

642
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 1: you have fun auditing today. We've got everything in order,

643
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:17,719
Speaker 1: and I think that you're gonna really love the place.

644
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 1: I think this is a joke. Do you think I'm

645
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 1: coming to play around? Got free time? I have forty

646
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 1: agents down here to shut this plant down. I don't know.

647
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,359
Speaker 1: We want you to audit if we have anything wrong,

648
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 1: our safeties at hand, So if you please let us know,

649
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 1: please let me just trying to do a good job.

650
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 1: Did you tell me we have an espresso machine? I

651
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: just did. I just did so, Mr Pontiac, I'm gonna

652
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 1: give you this. This key. It opens up every door

653
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:53,280
Speaker 1: in the facility, will let me in everywhere. It's not magic,

654
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 1: it's just it's the general universal key. Yeah, universal key.

655
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,600
Speaker 1: So go ahead, talk to any of our employees, open

656
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,719
Speaker 1: any filing count you know, do what you want quick.

657
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 1: Little thing we will be having in an out truck

658
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 1: coming later for free burgers. I don't know if you like.

659
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 1: It is Tuesday, but you can't bribe me one thing.

660
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: You look at you look at my yelp reviews, They'll say,

661
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 1: Phil Pontiac cannot be bribed. Okay, well, enjoy the facility,

662
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 1: all right? Oh Phil, I really hope you audited the

663
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:27,920
Speaker 1: hell out of them, But you kind of forgot that

664
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 1: it was your weekend with Troy, So I want I

665
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 1: don't even care what he says. What happened to you? Man?

666
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: I mean, we used to be so in love and

667
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 1: then you fucking you audited our marriage and found that

668
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 1: we shouldn't be together. That's what was That's exactly my job.

669
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 1: I did whatever that I'm the best at. I used

670
00:43:55,080 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 1: that analysis on our wedding. And nobody likes Troy at school. Well,

671
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 1: all right, because he learned it from you. He's auditing

672
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: every friendship he's ever had. I mean, what is what

673
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 1: went wrong? Troy? More like me than I realized? Uh? Look,

674
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 1: Troy pissed? Troy? What do you mean you have questions

675
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 1: for us? Pick up your skateboard. Let's go. Hold on

676
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 1: a second, Hold on a second. Here, okay, well look

677
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 1: at this. Look at the bearings on your skateboard. Here,

678
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: look at the third wheel on the back. All right,

679
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 1: you see how it's not going in rotation with the

680
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 1: other wheels. You know what. I'm gonna have to take

681
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 1: this board away from you. This is I'm safe. This

682
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,919
Speaker 1: is an unsafe board. Dude. Dude, that's not your board

683
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 1: to take from him. Oh isn't it? Then who is?

684
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 1: If he's not going to protect himself, then then who

685
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:49,320
Speaker 1: Then what's gonna happen? He's gonna get injured, possibly injured

686
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: somebody else. And I don't think any of us here

687
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: have the insurance to cover that. You take the fun

688
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 1: out of everything, Troy. We're just trying to have a

689
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,120
Speaker 1: skate day. Guys. I don't want me to interrupt, but

690
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 1: look who's coming, Blake the bully. Keep cool, Keep cool?

691
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 1: Oh what's up? Skaters? Oh no, skaters, skateboards. Blake, don't

692
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: push us. That's dangerous. I'll push you as much as

693
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 1: I want. Blake stop. Okay, you're gonna hurt somebody. Oh

694
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:27,719
Speaker 1: since when you are you concerned about injuries? Right now?

695
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:31,800
Speaker 1: When I break your elbow? Oh my god, you just

696
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 1: snapped my elbow? And up, Oh my god, he snapped

697
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 1: another kid's elbow. And what do you want me to

698
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:48,120
Speaker 1: stop showing him Steven Seagal movies for one, but two,

699
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 1: you need to be a dad. A dad. Kids make mistakes, Okay,

700
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 1: but he's now thinking that he's the enforcer down on

701
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 1: the playground and then it's cool. It hits his job

702
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 1: to make sure everybody's following the rules. You gotta stop.

703
00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 1: Stephen Sagal is one of the best father figure somebody

704
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 1: could have. I was raised on steven Sagall. He's gonna

705
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: be raised on it. Don't tell me how to break

706
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 1: this is what this was was in our audit. You're

707
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 1: telling me what to do. Janis Janets getting Get in

708
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 1: here and close the door behind yourself. Did you bring

709
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,320
Speaker 1: your fucking baby to work? No, he was just a

710
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,799
Speaker 1: squeaky door. Thank Jesus. Why don't you refer my baby

711
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:34,800
Speaker 1: is my fucking baby? What's going on on Friday? You

712
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,360
Speaker 1: gave that auditor the master key? What the funk were

713
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:44,920
Speaker 1: you thinking? You're so lucky that nothing happened? Okay? Did

714
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 1: he Did he have the espresso? Yeah, you'd liked it.

715
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:52,480
Speaker 1: Thank you for I appreciate this meeting. No, this isn't

716
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: an appreciation meeting. I need to have a play by play.

717
00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 1: If everything he saw is he gonna come back and

718
00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 1: bite me in the escalator? Channis, he does have he

719
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:04,720
Speaker 1: said he will be doing a secondary um review tomorrow.

720
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 1: So tomorrow find we'll find out that everything you need

721
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 1: to burn, all the extra limbs and organs in the

722
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,399
Speaker 1: basement I need out here. We are going to take

723
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 1: that risk again because the harvest those baby limbs and

724
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 1: baby but it's all over it. That guy, he's not

725
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: gonna get out down there. He's not going to use

726
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 1: the universal keeper downstairs. Nobody goes downstairs. I told him

727
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:28,399
Speaker 1: about the in and out. I showed him the factory floor.

728
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 1: He's not going to check out the organ, So relax

729
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 1: and if something happens, I'll take care of him. Yeah.

730
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:37,880
Speaker 1: I mean that's pretty much the two floors. Uh. And

731
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 1: then there's the basement and the sub basement and all that.

732
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:49,360
Speaker 1: Answer me this, what about this right here? That's a

733
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 1: squeaky door, even trying to fix something? My baby? Excuse me,

734
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 1: that's my baby. I'm so sorry. Sorry, excuse me. Hi,

735
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 1: I hope you have any good day part of it? Yeah? Yeah,

736
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 1: it was your baby behind the door. Yeah, is your

737
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:08,839
Speaker 1: baby being attended to? He's he has a jot? Else

738
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: is behind this door? Oh my god, it's my other baby.

739
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:18,440
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, babies on the factory floor.

740
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:24,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, not good. Let me just check this door.

741
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:37,879
Speaker 1: Another babyl that's the door. That's the door the manager here? Um,

742
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:43,080
Speaker 1: this is just a customer on the factory floor. I

743
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:47,919
Speaker 1: don't I'm not a manager. I'm one of the Yeah,

744
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,400
Speaker 1: who I am? When you answer my question? Hold on?

745
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:55,399
Speaker 1: Hold on? What do you think your position is here?

746
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 1: I don't know I was. I always think like research

747
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 1: and development head, you mop and take the trash out.

748
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:05,839
Speaker 1: I'm very concerned about this customer being on the factory floor.

749
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 1: Can we not a customer? I will reveal who I

750
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,440
Speaker 1: am once somebody answers my question. Okay, but I mean

751
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 1: you have to admit though I have brought a lot

752
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 1: of good ideas up when we have development. Could be

753
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 1: the manager, per se, But I am the highest employee

754
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:27,320
Speaker 1: in your purview that I use that right. Oh anyway,

755
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 1: how can I help you? I can take you to

756
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,920
Speaker 1: my boss if you'd like. Great, that's what I was

757
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 1: hoping for. I've got a truck full of of baby

758
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:40,840
Speaker 1: limp pickers from the border. I'm sorry you were coughing

759
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: while I was talking, which may be impeded everyone's ability

760
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:47,880
Speaker 1: to hear the thing I was saying, yes, yes, baby

761
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 1: limb pickers. What I feel like you should cough during

762
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 1: that to be consistent, White Ralph? What's your job here? Well,

763
00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 1: I mean I thought to repeat things you shouldn't be repeating,

764
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 1: phil Um. I don't know how to say this, but

765
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:08,839
Speaker 1: how I was trying to find Um his literal league glove,

766
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 1: and I was looking through your drawers and I found

767
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 1: a bunch of baby limbs. Are you taking a kickback?

768
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 1: Did you take a kick back on that audience just

769
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:21,200
Speaker 1: because you're not getting a percentage of my baby limbs?

770
00:50:21,239 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 1: Is that what this is about? You can have half

771
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 1: half baby limbs for you, half baby limps for me.

772
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 1: It's not about the baby limbs, Phil, it's the fact

773
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,879
Speaker 1: that you all these years you talk about how you're

774
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 1: in the right, you're doing these audess this whole time.

775
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:40,719
Speaker 1: You're the dishonest one you were taking. You're taking your

776
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:47,680
Speaker 1: yell reviews are live? Phil? There? Try what the hell's

777
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 1: in your pocket? Dude? It looks like a little finger

778
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:55,320
Speaker 1: it is. Let that hell flip me off with the

779
00:50:55,840 --> 00:51:00,480
Speaker 1: fake arm. Fake that's a real baby limb. How do

780
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:10,480
Speaker 1: you know what's going on here? They say it will

781
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:15,320
Speaker 1: take six months to heal. No, thanks to you. This

782
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 1: is you guys doing trading baby lamps like little babies.

783
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:22,640
Speaker 1: Shut up, blake this right here. It's not a baby,

784
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:27,360
Speaker 1: it's a candy baby. My dad ordered one of the

785
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:32,360
Speaker 1: Wanka Corps subsidiary companies. And he says subsidy. It means

786
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 1: under this subsidiary baby, don't give me a Wendy let go.

787
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:44,399
Speaker 1: And he says that they're creating candy kids. No way.

788
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:48,239
Speaker 1: Troy took a baby arm to school and he ate

789
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:52,800
Speaker 1: it thinking it was candy. Alright, Phil, it's disguise. I

790
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:55,440
Speaker 1: want those. What I do. This is the best thing

791
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 1: I can have. Maybe he wants to see me now

792
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 1: try all right, that's worth the shot. But he's getting

793
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 1: to like me. He likes what I'm doing here. You

794
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,800
Speaker 1: don't want, honey, you want more baby limbs you have,

795
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 1: I'll give you all the legs. I don't want baby limbs, Phil,

796
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 1: I don't need them. I just I feel like I

797
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 1: need to turn you in. What it's you just need

798
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:22,560
Speaker 1: to do the odds. If you're taking things, it's just

799
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,719
Speaker 1: it's just it's legal, it's a moral it's wrong. I'm

800
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:27,960
Speaker 1: not upset about the baby limp. Part of this all

801
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:32,239
Speaker 1: just the fact that you would take them. So, doctor,

802
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 1: how long will it take for this baby limb to get,

803
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:38,520
Speaker 1: you know, catch up with the rest of my limps?

804
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 1: Is it just gonna it's gonna grow bigger, right? Like? Uh,

805
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 1: what I what I got when I asked for it?

806
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,400
Speaker 1: It works well, but it's just so small. It's like

807
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 1: I was expecting for the price that this hospital's charted.

808
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:01,440
Speaker 1: So what we can do. I can remove your torso

809
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:03,719
Speaker 1: and I can put a baby tors o there. That

810
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 1: way it will fit in with the baby arm. Is

811
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 1: that something that I'm not looking for? A baby torso? Okay,

812
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna have a this giant head and a

813
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:16,799
Speaker 1: baby torso I need. I thought it's just baby limp,

814
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,279
Speaker 1: not gonna grow into an adult limp. Weird, you have

815
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 1: a you look even weirder than I do, and I

816
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:25,320
Speaker 1: have headlights for eyes and a human mouth. Oh I

817
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:30,840
Speaker 1: don't look you you're a freak. Oh thank you. I

818
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 1: mean it looks it looks I mean I shouldn't even

819
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 1: be out here. I mean I just lost my car

820
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:40,880
Speaker 1: ginity and I just don't know if it's God damn it,

821
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 1: this is a good thing for us. You're gonna get

822
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:47,560
Speaker 1: a tip about a tip out of this cuckoo cuckoo?

823
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 1: Oh show, what the fuck is this happening? Cuckoo cuckoo? Yeah,

824
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: I'm the guy you were supposed to meet. I'm just

825
00:53:56,239 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 1: I'm sitting at a high backed booth with my back window.

826
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 1: I started working. I started working here. No, I couldn't

827
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:06,279
Speaker 1: see you. You couldn't see me. I just picked a

828
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,719
Speaker 1: bad place. Yeah, how like? Yeah, you've been working here

829
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:10,600
Speaker 1: for a couple of weeks. Right, Yeah, yeah, I'm not

830
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 1: I'm not as angry anymore. So I think I'm kind

831
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:17,360
Speaker 1: of out and to drink. You have six now, guys,

832
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:22,719
Speaker 1: let's have a meeting in the back. Sorry, I just

833
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 1: keep them. Well, Troy, we're really happy to have you here.

834
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:29,960
Speaker 1: Your father told us a lot about you, and he

835
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:33,359
Speaker 1: said you'll be doing a junior audit today. We're really

836
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 1: excited about that, Troy. Yeah, you're gonna be doing a

837
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:46,960
Speaker 1: junior audit. Today's funny. What's that? Oh my god? Is

838
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 1: that a machete? Yeah? I taped to a middle finger.

839
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 1: Going on to Troy, I don't know you like coffee.

840
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 1: I'm not going to drink caffeine. Well, it's too dangerous.

841
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:08,000
Speaker 1: The rate of addiction with caffey to anything is so

842
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:09,920
Speaker 1: high that if you touch it with your lips you'll

843
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 1: get addicted. Fact, it's not as it's not any more

844
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:18,839
Speaker 1: dangerous than taping a machette to your finger, is it. Well,

845
00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 1: maybe I don't know what's dangerous anymore. So Choice out

846
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 1: of the house. He's doing my job for the day.

847
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:34,760
Speaker 1: We're alone. Do you wanna grabbing my gearshift? I shouldn't

848
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:40,160
Speaker 1: even be here. You're stuck on the baby heads now

849
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 1: it's part of the job. Choice probably going through a

850
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:49,120
Speaker 1: million right now. It's just just there's there's framed baby

851
00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 1: parts all over this place. It just doesn't make any

852
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:54,759
Speaker 1: sense what's going on here? Or disgraced hard trying to

853
00:55:54,880 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 1: funk a human car hybrid Jesus five and neighborhood bully,

854
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:06,520
Speaker 1: and I can wad anybody's house and be little. Is

855
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:10,879
Speaker 1: that a cast on your whole arm? Yes, my arm

856
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 1: is healing because your your son snapped at it. Two

857
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:22,279
Speaker 1: wait it signed? We love you Blake Salt? Are you

858
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 1: Fucus Salts grandson? Yes, she settled out in America. The

859
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 1: whole whole families americanized out so funny. Wait, what's what

860
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 1: you're You're in my apartment yelling at us, and just

861
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 1: get out? All right, get out? What kind of ter

862
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:49,160
Speaker 1: your cataforda whole? We're separated, we're separated. Okay, you're a bully.

863
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:52,440
Speaker 1: You're a bully. You know what do I do to bullies?

864
00:56:56,800 --> 00:57:02,960
Speaker 1: My rebo broken in half? All right, we're gonna be

865
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 1: able to attach a couple of limbs on your elbows. There.

866
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 1: I should speed up with the uh, the repairing of

867
00:57:08,719 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 1: the bone, if you will, um. Yeah, So it should

868
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:14,120
Speaker 1: be like that for the next two to three years,

869
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:16,280
Speaker 1: and then we can starry the modes that I missed

870
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 1: all of this so far? Did you miss all of that? Huh?

871
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 1: You know what? You spoiled piece of ship? You know,

872
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 1: I'm a goddamn physician. Do you know that? Can you

873
00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:30,360
Speaker 1: spell physician? A? Y? See? God, you're a dumbass. Listen

874
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:33,480
Speaker 1: to me. You gotta listen what adults are talking. This

875
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 1: is why you're in the position you're in. Okay, you

876
00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 1: gotta get your life together. Okay, Look, I don't have

877
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:42,920
Speaker 1: to listen to a subcar who thinks he's a doctor. Okay, alright,

878
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 1: I'm an ambulance. I am a doctor. I think I

879
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 1: know what I'm doing. You drive around people who are hurt.

880
00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 1: Just not the same thing. It's the same It's not

881
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 1: the same same thing, Blake, it's the same thing. It's

882
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:02,720
Speaker 1: the same thing. This world has gone to shut since

883
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:07,400
Speaker 1: cars get sentient and try to human society. Just create

884
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,960
Speaker 1: a car society of their own. You know what, Maybe

885
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 1: we willn't They don't wipe out all the humans. Oh yeah,

886
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 1: I try it. Doctor. If you're one o'clock is here?

887
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 1: It's a guy with that what did you just call me? Doctor?

888
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 1: That's right? Do you hear that? Blake? You told us

889
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:26,919
Speaker 1: to call you doctor? You made us, he said, I'm sorry,

890
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:28,560
Speaker 1: you're one o'clocks here? Do you want to see it's

891
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 1: the same guy. He's back with the baby arm, still

892
00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 1: complaining about it. Yes, I will all right, Hey doctor,

893
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:37,760
Speaker 1: I'm referring to myself. You can go in now, thank you?

894
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 1: All right? Oh, there's another person inside this ambulance. It's fine.

895
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 1: I can fit six people. So let's see here. What

896
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:48,120
Speaker 1: do we get? What do we got here? It looks

897
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:51,760
Speaker 1: like from your chart you're having problems breathing through both nostrils,

898
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:57,919
Speaker 1: both nostrils. It's not, honestly, both nostrils. It's just one

899
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 1: in nostril. It's been left side by it's clogging, okay,

900
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 1: the left side, and I believe it's because of the

901
00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 1: baby had you put up me? Okay, well let's see

902
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:12,440
Speaker 1: if I can't add another head. Oh shut up, you're

903
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 1: gonna look this way too. Wait, doctor, how can I

904
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 1: be doctor? That's the first thing you said when I

905
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:25,320
Speaker 1: said can I be pregnant? I don't understand sherman? Did

906
00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:27,320
Speaker 1: you did you? Did you hear what she said? Yeah?

907
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:31,680
Speaker 1: We heard it. Okay, great, I thought I was like

908
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:35,360
Speaker 1: a guy hybrid. Oh that's right. Let me just look

909
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 1: at your chirt here. I yes, you are a yeah

910
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:41,600
Speaker 1: I have it, so you are braided? Wait what is that?

911
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:45,920
Speaker 1: Is there a hot wheel inside me? I don't understand.

912
00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 1: How does you got to get room for one more

913
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 1: in this? My magic? Just magic? This is private? Yeah yeah, yeah,

914
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 1: I can fit three more. I'm not a juggler too,

915
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:02,400
Speaker 1: I'm oh my god, alright, why don't you look just

916
01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 1: like that juggler? Well, hey, you know what I'm that's

917
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 1: my twin brother. But whatever, check the check your back

918
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:12,680
Speaker 1: pocket a little brett. I can't because both of my

919
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 1: elbows are broken. Eye baby arms coming out of them. Now,

920
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:22,120
Speaker 1: who putty do We've got some more pc cp fo

921
01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:24,720
Speaker 1: yould on on, I can have three more people in here,

922
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:28,000
Speaker 1: so all the other bhoompus gotta stay outside. So and

923
01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:36,040
Speaker 1: that's our show. Everybody. Oh my god, I just pictured

924
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:39,080
Speaker 1: Craig's character walking into all the houses on the blog

925
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:45,120
Speaker 1: because he can. Holy, that's what police do. Check in

926
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:47,880
Speaker 1: with everybody, see what's going on? Craig Koski. Where can

927
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 1: people find you? At Kakowski on Twitter. I also just

928
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:57,200
Speaker 1: in an episode of Chris Alvarado's podcast The Comedy Fixed,

929
01:00:57,280 --> 01:01:01,880
Speaker 1: so subscribe to that. Hopefully that'll drop soon. Um yeah,

930
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:05,720
Speaker 1: it's very like nuts and Bolts, nerdy discussions of of

931
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:08,440
Speaker 1: comedy that I was totally into as a fan and

932
01:01:08,520 --> 01:01:13,240
Speaker 1: now I was a guest. Nice Chris Alvarado. That's it. Also,

933
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:15,600
Speaker 1: what a fucking dream for us at the Comedy Face

934
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:18,520
Speaker 1: to have Craig at Kowski come in and he goes dark,

935
01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:22,280
Speaker 1: he gets deep, he goes inside the world of performance

936
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:25,960
Speaker 1: in comedy. You should join us The Comedy Things on

937
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:31,640
Speaker 1: Instagram and where you listen to podcast. Nice James Ceney, Well,

938
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:33,760
Speaker 1: it would be my pleasure if you joined me on

939
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 1: a Wednesday night at eight pm Pacific Standard time at

940
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,360
Speaker 1: twitch dot tv slash b S Comedy and we hang

941
01:01:41,520 --> 01:01:46,920
Speaker 1: and uh have some fun and some laughs. Nice tool sing.

942
01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:50,440
Speaker 1: Hey thanks? Uh just follow me on Instagram at a

943
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:53,440
Speaker 1: tool time or anything on a tool time. And uh,

944
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:56,840
Speaker 1: I just sometimes when you talk about BS comedy, you

945
01:01:56,880 --> 01:02:00,320
Speaker 1: guys say backslash. I just want to say it's forward slash. Yeah,

946
01:02:00,480 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 1: all right, I think I just say slash. Do I see?

947
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:09,040
Speaker 1: I think you said, yeah, all right, that's it? Hey,

948
01:02:09,280 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 1: good update. We care a tool? What the fuck? Do

949
01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:17,960
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like I saw? I missaid

950
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:21,000
Speaker 1: the thing? Right? Who cares? I think when you when

951
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:23,800
Speaker 1: I say no, one's just backslash, you know what they mean? No,

952
01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:27,120
Speaker 1: one never uses the other slash. It's whatever whatever underneath

953
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:29,600
Speaker 1: the question mark. That's what I clicked, right, you know

954
01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:32,480
Speaker 1: what I mean? So whatever that is, that's what I'm using.

955
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:35,760
Speaker 1: You want people to come. I'm so pissed right now.

956
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,040
Speaker 1: He was just being helpful. No, Dad, I'm gonna piss

957
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:46,320
Speaker 1: a keyboards. Uh so much? All right. I met on

958
01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:49,320
Speaker 1: various social media flatforards I got to ask that sketch

959
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:51,680
Speaker 1: Fest dot com, rent Fest Apocalypse and other things that

960
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:53,920
Speaker 1: we've done help us raise money while things you're down.

961
01:02:54,600 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 1: Let's thank each of our helchemist we already did that,

962
01:02:57,120 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 1: and our engineer and producer, Doug Bay. Name the fine

963
01:03:02,200 --> 01:03:08,720
Speaker 1: folks at I heart media dot com and please write

964
01:03:08,760 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 1: to us at your name here at alchemy this dot com.

965
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 1: That's your name here at alchemy this dot com. Until

966
01:03:15,720 --> 01:03:16,280
Speaker 1: next time,