Speaker 1: World. Would you mind cillion pieces? Would trotting guys? Gals?
Speaker 1: No binary palace. Welcome to a bonuside, Hi, Scotti.
Speaker 2: It's a it's a pleasure. We're starting in the morning.
Speaker 2: I like when we record in the mornings, which is rare.
Speaker 2: We're usually afternoon dogs. But it does. It's a nice
Speaker 2: way to start the day. You're the first person I
Speaker 2: get to talk to you. Except I ordered a cold Bruce.
Speaker 2: I'm three SIPs of a cold brew in.
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, baby, I like it. I order a cold
Speaker 1: brew in. I like that, buddy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got that cold brew going. So by the
Speaker 2: end this thing, I'm gonna be talking really fast, like
Speaker 2: the micromachine man. And but I have a story for
Speaker 2: you already know what.
Speaker 1: I'm ready, I'm ready to hear it. Go for it.
Speaker 2: Okay, Oh what do you know? The micromachine man? Is
Speaker 2: that what you were going to say?
Speaker 1: No, the the zoom froze right before you said that.
Speaker 1: And then you know how sometimes it speeds up the
Speaker 1: audio to catch up with the current moment. It did
Speaker 1: that when you said all of that, and so it
Speaker 1: was hyper fast.
Speaker 2: It was like you were into the Internet. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: very plugged into the Internet. I'm a digital.
Speaker 1: Guy, very digital guy.
Speaker 2: Guys, the millennials we had, we were the vanguard, you know,
Speaker 2: we had to learn so that others could fly. Okay,
Speaker 2: So yesterday, around four in the afternoon, I was pitching
Speaker 2: and writing all day and I get this text and
Speaker 2: I won't use the real here, give me a fake.
Speaker 2: A guy's name, Kurt any Man's name, sal sal So
Speaker 2: sal My, one of my close his friends, sou note
Speaker 2: a guy that I'm just friends with, not even one
Speaker 2: of my closest friends. I get this text. This is
Speaker 2: a big ask, but if you could, if you have
Speaker 2: some time tomorrow, any chance you could pick these up
Speaker 2: and store them at Blank's place, another friend's place. Maybe
Speaker 2: you have an assistant that could. And I wrote, yeah,
Speaker 2: I can figure this out. And then they sent a
Speaker 2: link to and it says adult Triple x VHS tapes,
Speaker 2: tons of them horror rare. Okay, So they want me
Speaker 2: to go pick up tons of the porno tapes porn
Speaker 2: and horror, yeah, or the combination of both. Oh, porn horror.
Speaker 2: So I was like, hey, I'm kind of busy today.
Speaker 2: So I went last night and I get in touch
Speaker 2: with this guy on Facebook marketplace, and the.
Speaker 1: Many yestions before we get to this point. But why
Speaker 1: why why would you? Why would he ask you this?
Speaker 1: And why would you do it? Okay, he's in Chicago,
Speaker 1: you kind to him.
Speaker 2: No, he's a friend. He's a friend, but it's somebody
Speaker 2: I hadn't heard from in maybe six months or more
Speaker 2: over test. So, yeah, this is a big ask. But
Speaker 2: if you have some time tomorrow, any chance? So I
Speaker 2: was like, well, I can go tonight if they can
Speaker 2: let me go at like eight, And so he's like, well,
Speaker 2: here's the guy's information and then all you got to
Speaker 2: do is get him from his place to another friend's place.
Speaker 2: And I go okay, so for storing. So I was like,
Speaker 2: I responded, yeah, I can figure this out. And so
Speaker 2: I get in touch with the guy who has the tapes,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, where are you? And he's basically on
Speaker 2: the east Side. He's not quite in Lincoln Heights, but
Speaker 2: he's near Frogtown.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: So I drive to this address and there's a loading
Speaker 2: dock and it's like a warehouse and it's so I'm
Speaker 2: back in this parking lot and and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 2: I think I'm here, and the guy comes out he's like,
Speaker 2: oh hey, awesome. Yeah I didn't hear. And I go
Speaker 2: in and this is a warehouse of like just the
Speaker 2: weirdest giant props.
Speaker 1: Oh wow.
Speaker 2: Like there's there's like a guy in the corner welding something.
Speaker 2: There's a man that's holding like a stuffed animal in
Speaker 2: like like a It looked like a dog, but I
Speaker 2: don't even know what it was. And I passed that guy.
Speaker 2: That guy's just wandering around, and that dude holding the
Speaker 2: stuffed dog or the stuffed animal whatever was continuously got
Speaker 2: my way for the next fifteen minutes. So I round
Speaker 2: this corner and the man that I meet is pretty nice.
Speaker 2: He doesn't seem like super creepy and weird.
Speaker 1: He's like a production guy who is just like he's
Speaker 1: getting rid of this stuff from.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I was like, is this like a prop squarehouse?
Speaker 2: He's like, it's like an art collective. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: you know, that's all the conversation I need, and I
Speaker 2: cover around the corner. There are twenty one boxes of porn. No,
Speaker 2: they're labeled one two yards. That's how I know there's
Speaker 2: twenty one. I they are full to the top, and
Speaker 2: so I later ran the numbers and it was like,
Speaker 2: I think there were something like forty to fifty cassette
Speaker 2: vhs porn taped per box.
Speaker 1: What oh, so it is all porn, it's all horror porn.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's porn and horror movie porn.
Speaker 1: Which I didn't know is that I did not know,
Speaker 1: so porn was the thing either.
Speaker 2: But it was definitely a weird place. So it was
Speaker 2: like definitely the kind of thing where you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: is it a.
Speaker 1: Weird place with twenty one boxes of horror porn just
Speaker 1: waiting for anyone to come by and pick up.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And so I'm like, did sal already pay you?
Speaker 2: He goes, yay, pay me half, and then he's going
Speaker 2: to pay you the other half. When you text him
Speaker 2: and say you got him. I'm like, well that's smart.
Speaker 2: Now we're all just operating like business. Yeah, so I start.
Speaker 1: I grabbed the first one room for twenty one boxes
Speaker 1: in your car.
Speaker 2: I borrow No, not in my car, I borrow an
Speaker 2: SUV because I was.
Speaker 1: You're such a good friend.
Speaker 2: Well, I want to be the kind of person that
Speaker 2: somebody can go there's porn in Los Ange Angels, and
Speaker 2: I need somebody responsible to go get it in twenty
Speaker 2: four hours, and I'm like, boy, did you text the
Speaker 2: right guy? Also, you could say, hey, how you doing first? Anyways,
Speaker 2: So so I grab a box and then this dude
Speaker 2: i'm getting them from grabs a box of porn and
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, there's so much heavier than I expected,
Speaker 2: like twenty pounds, let's say twenty twenty five pounds, And
Speaker 2: so I put it in, and the guy, because the
Speaker 2: way I backed up to the loading doc, the man
Speaker 2: whose porn it was, he hits his head on the
Speaker 2: corner of the open suv, which is sharp like with
Speaker 2: the bottom, and instantly it's like oh, and then he's
Speaker 2: rubbing his head and walking away. So then it's just
Speaker 2: me loading nineteen more boxes of pornography and then fitting
Speaker 2: it into an suv like a Jengae like or like
Speaker 2: a Tetris, and you don't want to corn, no, no,
Speaker 2: And also I don't look inside, and because I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't even want to know, like I know there's
Speaker 2: tapes in there because you could see through like the handles,
Speaker 2: but so I'm stuffing them in. I get them all
Speaker 2: outside and then meanwhile, like I said, for fifteen minutes,
Speaker 2: I'm kind of like walking back and forth out of
Speaker 2: this warehouse over and I'm stacking them outside the suv
Speaker 2: before I have to like figure out how to seats down.
Speaker 2: The guy carrying the stuffed animal just repeatedly is zigzagging
Speaker 2: in front of me to a point where I'm like,
Speaker 2: At first, I'm like, I'm not gonna say anything, because
Speaker 2: I think this person might not be all the way there, yeah,
Speaker 2: whether on drugs or just in another way. And then
Speaker 2: about the fifth time I'm walking by with two bankers
Speaker 2: boxes full of porn, I'm like, hey, man, excuse me,
Speaker 2: and he's like, oh oh oh, and then just steps
Speaker 2: aside and then just stood and watched me carry porn
Speaker 2: for another five minutes. So then I get it in
Speaker 2: and I get it all the way and it's the
Speaker 2: entire backs of all I took photos. I have photos
Speaker 2: of all this because I wanted to do this.
Speaker 1: Sounds like the like like it sounds like this is
Speaker 1: in Baltimore, do you know what I mean? Like, now
Speaker 1: that you're just unloading this and a man holding a
Speaker 1: stuffed dog is watching the whole time, if this very
Speaker 1: much feels like a Baltimore specific place.
Speaker 2: Just the guy welding in the corner, so you can't
Speaker 2: look over there because it's just a blinding bright light
Speaker 2: flickering every now and then. So I'm like, okay, thanks guys.
Speaker 2: And then they just closed the warehouse door. So then
Speaker 2: it's just me in a parking lot with all was
Speaker 2: porn in an SUV that I'm.
Speaker 1: Borrowing last night.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was actually kind of helped. So I start
Speaker 2: loading it in and I fit it all in. But
Speaker 2: I have like four boxes in the passenger seat afront,
Speaker 2: I probably have eight in the middle seat, and then
Speaker 2: in the back I just fit them in. I mean
Speaker 2: I packed them in. You would not have believed how
Speaker 2: I got it in. So then I start driving and
Speaker 2: my first thought is I hope I don't get t
Speaker 2: boned in front of like a school. And then they
Speaker 2: find load dead, my body dead, amongst just a mountain
Speaker 2: of cassette pornography, most of which is horror movies. I'm
Speaker 2: the horror scared core porn. So so then I get
Speaker 2: the address of where I'm going, and like, I figured
Speaker 2: out it's actually not that far. It's like a twenty
Speaker 2: minute drive, and so I drive it over there and
Speaker 2: I'm like laughing and this is so funny. I'm sending
Speaker 2: pictures to people with just a boxes behind me. And
Speaker 2: I get to the right neighborhood and I get outside
Speaker 2: the house and I text the other person. We're going
Speaker 2: to call her Mary, that's not her name, and I'm like, hey, Mary,
Speaker 2: I'm here. And she's like, oh, hey, dude, has no
Speaker 2: idea what this means.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, hey, Sal, no, no, no.
Speaker 2: And so she comes out just thinking I'm like fun
Speaker 2: and I know her a little bit too, like just
Speaker 2: I know her enough where she's like, oh, hey, Scotty,
Speaker 2: like what's wrong. And I'm like, hey, I have Sal's
Speaker 2: boxes and she goes, what is this? I go, I
Speaker 2: think it's all pornography and she's like, what am I
Speaker 2: supposed to do with it? I said, well, he said
Speaker 2: that you were cool with it storing it here. She goes,
Speaker 2: are you kidding me? And so, oh my gosh, she goes, well,
Speaker 2: I don't want that in my house.
Speaker 1: It's probably it's also just the definite just the genre
Speaker 1: sounds terrifying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, porn and horror movie porn. And so she's like,
Speaker 2: is this really porn? Takes the lid off one of
Speaker 2: the boxes. I mean packed to the gills as organized
Speaker 2: as you can have cassette tapes one some of them
Speaker 2: are red red cassette tapes. I don't remember those at all.
Speaker 2: I was too young, I think for the VHS porn era.
Speaker 2: And so we load them out and she goes, well,
Speaker 2: I don't want those in my house. But there's like
Speaker 2: a shed around back. We can put him there tonight.
Speaker 2: But he's going to get a storage unit. There's no
Speaker 2: way I'm keeping all this here. She's like, what if
Speaker 2: there's like bad porn on here? And I hadn't even
Speaker 2: thought of that, So like, great, now I'm trans porting
Speaker 2: something illegal. I hadn't thought of that. So then I'm like,
Speaker 2: let's get it out as fast as we can. And
Speaker 2: so we loaded into this back shed that's like got
Speaker 2: I don't know all kinds of stuff, and it's so
Speaker 2: much that it barely fits in that little shed. I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm talking, what.
Speaker 1: Is up you sound? This is what is going on?
Speaker 1: To not check with this person? This is crazy.
Speaker 2: She had no idea. Mary was like, and this is
Speaker 2: all porno tapes? And I go, I think so, And
Speaker 2: so we get we get everything in and she's moving
Speaker 2: things to fit more boxes in. We can't even close
Speaker 2: the shed door because it swings in. There's so much porn.
Speaker 2: So I'm just relieved to have it out of my car.
Speaker 2: I also have to go, you know, bring the suv back.
Speaker 1: I borrowed at suv too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I didn't want to stick around either. But
Speaker 2: like when we were leaving, she was like, what is this?
Speaker 2: And so she opens the box when we're in the
Speaker 2: shed and the she pulls out one tape and the
Speaker 2: only it said triple X Cinderella, ebony and white. And
Speaker 2: then we both put it back in because we were like,
Speaker 2: all right, I bet that is a real thrill ride.
Speaker 2: And then I left and then I texted her this morning.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to
Speaker 2: just show up and drop porn on you. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: she's like, I already got a storage unit. She's like,
Speaker 2: I already paid a task grab it to move it
Speaker 2: for me.
Speaker 3: This.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, you and I are recording it's nine to thirty
Speaker 2: when we started at eight. By eight thirty, she had
Speaker 2: already gotten it out of there. Wow, Because she didn't
Speaker 2: want her landlord or whatever or anybody to be like,
Speaker 2: are you a perf?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What's going on so much more.
Speaker 1: So sal sells pornography by the tape? Is that what
Speaker 1: he does?
Speaker 2: I think he? I honestly, you don't know what he
Speaker 2: wants it for. I didn't ask. I just went and
Speaker 2: moved that poorn And it's just the kind of guy
Speaker 2: I want to be in people's life. And so I'm
Speaker 2: done with it. The whole thing experience is over. But
Speaker 2: it was I'm talking to zero DVDs, all VHS tapes.
Speaker 2: I have a screenshot of the text message, and then
Speaker 2: I just have photos of like me trying to figure
Speaker 2: out how to get this much in. But I also,
Speaker 2: like kind of smartly was like I'm not I mean, Kurt,
Speaker 2: look this is what I walk into. That's how much poor?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's okay. So for folks, it is
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've ever seen the children show number.
Speaker 2: Blocks, Yeah, it's exactly you see number blocks. It is.
Speaker 1: It looks like a number blocks character and it's taller
Speaker 1: than a human being. Wait, way way taller than a
Speaker 1: human being, and wider, probably as wide as a human being.
Speaker 2: Like laying down packed there's the back of the suv
Speaker 2: and me trying to figure out how to get so
Speaker 2: much VH. So anyways, uh, that's how I That's how
Speaker 2: I'm ending my week. And what a way to end it.
Speaker 2: What a thrill ride.
Speaker 1: That's a I mean that is I love that, Like,
Speaker 1: I mean like it's just so much. It's just so
Speaker 1: much solder dude.
Speaker 2: It was heavy, like I was. Mary couldn't carry more
Speaker 2: than one box at a time. I was doing two
Speaker 2: at a time just to get them out. But Mary
Speaker 2: was like, what you seriously can't be and I'm like,
Speaker 2: it is, it is. So that's how I started. That
Speaker 2: was my Wednesday night or Thursday night.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Wow, pretty great way to start the day.
Speaker 1: Pretty great way to start the day.
Speaker 2: Man. I was so honored.
Speaker 1: Oh man, I'm so that's a wonderful story. I'm so
Speaker 1: happy for that story.
Speaker 2: It felt good.
Speaker 1: I just got back. I got back from from camping
Speaker 1: and Shennon dead was it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's beautiful there.
Speaker 1: It's so beautiful there.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: There's these uh you know, primitive cabins that we go
Speaker 1: to and you have to hike into them and you know,
Speaker 1: but it's got like a wood stove inside and it's
Speaker 1: got a bunch of like cast iron pans that you
Speaker 1: can use, and there's an outdoor fireplace that like is
Speaker 1: just so key, and it was stocked with wood when
Speaker 1: we got there, which is amazing.
Speaker 2: Last time we hacked it or did you sleep inside?
Speaker 1: I hammicked it. But the first night I hammocked it
Speaker 1: was so windy. I was pretty miserable. And then the
Speaker 1: next day I hammicked and it was delightful. And then
Speaker 1: the third day it was just like a rain storm,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't need to because I
Speaker 1: have a nice warm place to sleep.
Speaker 2: Yeah, rain is out word fall rain, East Coast rain.
Speaker 1: I know, especially in November, but.
Speaker 2: It was a cold November rain.
Speaker 1: What a delight. Also came up with an idea for
Speaker 1: a show called how the hell did this even become
Speaker 1: a thing?
Speaker 2: I love that?
Speaker 1: And it's like it's just it's just like a where
Speaker 1: in human history? How did like us eating mushrooms? Like,
Speaker 1: how did like eating it as a food source? You know,
Speaker 1: like something that like ninety eight ninety percent of them
Speaker 1: like murder you immediately, and ten percent are kind of tasty?
Speaker 1: How did that? How did that become a thing? You know?
Speaker 1: And then you have like different people, So here's how
Speaker 1: it works. So you have three experts on one is
Speaker 1: a real expert and the other two are comedians, and
Speaker 1: then they have but have a very convincing story, and
Speaker 1: then you get to decide which one is the actual
Speaker 1: correct story of how we started eating mushrooms.
Speaker 2: I like that. I think that's great. There's that board
Speaker 2: game Malarkey. I think that's like you. Oh I remember
Speaker 2: put it was. It was a fun I think it is.
Speaker 2: It's either Boulder Dash or Marlarky. But it was one
Speaker 2: of those games where it goes, why are Levi's five
Speaker 2: oh one jeans called five oh one? And then one
Speaker 2: person has the card with the answer, and they can
Speaker 2: choose to lie or not to lie, okay, and then
Speaker 2: everybody else has to say, oh, I know they're called,
Speaker 2: and it will be you. That's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 2: So this is you would have been incredible because you
Speaker 2: would just confidently being like, oh, yeah, I grew up
Speaker 2: with this guy and uh, you know, his dad worked
Speaker 2: on the railroad and the from Jersey to California, the
Speaker 2: five oh one rail line, and the men that built
Speaker 2: that line wore jeans, and Levi's made their jeans, so
Speaker 2: they and you go, wait, is that right? Is that
Speaker 2: I have no idea, yeah, or say.
Speaker 1: Actually were very simple. I know this because I used
Speaker 1: to work in a Levi's jeans store in New York
Speaker 1: City in two thousand and two. And it's just that
Speaker 1: if five oh one is the Oklahoma area code that
Speaker 1: the genes were actually started in.
Speaker 2: I believe you you God makes so much sense to me. Well,
Speaker 2: I think that's a great idea. Also, if you can't
Speaker 2: sell to a TV show, that would be a fun
Speaker 2: podcast that would be your weight weight. Don't tell me.
Speaker 1: That's a great podcast idea, Yeah there is. I do
Speaker 1: think they do it on weight weight. Don't tell me
Speaker 1: as just a segment, but you know what I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go on.
Speaker 2: But there's huge dorks and you're cool. Actually exact dorks
Speaker 2: are out. Nerds are out. Cool guys are back. It's
Speaker 2: simply not ever going to be true again. The nerds
Speaker 2: ruled the world sadly.
Speaker 1: How about Oh, they're trying to take you. They're trying
Speaker 1: the non dorks are trying to get it back.
Speaker 2: But yeah, they're trying.
Speaker 1: Here. What Okay, give me a would you rather do
Speaker 1: you have? Oh?
Speaker 2: Sure, I have a bunch? Yeah, oh great? Thanks? Thanks everybody,
Speaker 2: send them in. We have some gross ones, we have
Speaker 2: some not gross ones. Okay, let's see, here's a real
Speaker 2: simple one. Victoria sent this in thank you. Victoria. Would
Speaker 2: you rather Taco Tuesday or Sunday brunch?
Speaker 1: Taco Tuesday or Sunday Brunch?
Speaker 2: What do you enjoy more?
Speaker 1: I'm thinking is I have a question if children are involved,
Speaker 1: because it does change my answer? WHOA, yeah, okay, what's
Speaker 1: your question? What's your what's for sure?
Speaker 2: Taco Tuesday. I waited too many brunches. I was a
Speaker 2: waiter for so many brunches, and so I hate brunch.
Speaker 2: I actually would I love breakfast hate brunch?
Speaker 1: Oh really? Oh? Because you had to? And also that
Speaker 1: is my I mean, like that was my job all
Speaker 1: through high school, was waiter for a bed and breakfast.
Speaker 1: So we only did breakfast, so it was like six
Speaker 1: am to eleven am or something like that. But it
Speaker 1: never made me dislike brunch. I always still love, even
Speaker 1: the smells of it. I'm like, well, I don't mind.
Speaker 1: I don't mind.
Speaker 2: It's the beverages, to be honest, I mean it's over
Speaker 2: priced eggs too. But like when you wait, I waited
Speaker 2: brunch in Atlanta, so on Sara's and Sundays we did
Speaker 2: bignet brunch where we had a place called Huey's. It
Speaker 2: was New Orleans steam they made Bignet's. I told the
Speaker 2: story once about Alvi, the guy that worked the beignet,
Speaker 2: and he would He was a little Mexican man who
Speaker 2: didn't speak English. He was great. He wore big Johnson
Speaker 2: T shirts and Nascar hats and he was if I'm
Speaker 2: lying and dying, he was four foot eleven. Yeah, he
Speaker 2: was great at making Bignet's. But by the end of
Speaker 2: every brunch from all the powdered sugar, he just looked
Speaker 2: like a little snowman back there, like covered in white powder.
Speaker 2: And he would just like to see and just put
Speaker 2: him in the windows. I'm like, Alvi, you're the man.
Speaker 2: And the only thing he could say in English was
Speaker 2: my American cousin. That's what he would say to me,
Speaker 2: my American cousin, and I would go, thank you, ALBC.
Speaker 2: So the thing that would piss me off is it
Speaker 2: was the post church Baptist Church Atlanta crowd. So everybody's
Speaker 2: dressed really well, it's Atlanta, so it's white and black,
Speaker 2: which is wild landa is great and they would be
Speaker 2: like a table of four would get the kids would
Speaker 2: get two drinks at least, Like everybody get a water,
Speaker 2: everybody get a chocolate milk or an apple juice or
Speaker 2: whatever the kid wanted. Yeah, and then the parents would
Speaker 2: get a bloody mary or a mimosa and a coffee
Speaker 2: and a water tray is likes, and then everybody wants that.
Speaker 2: And then waiters have to make their own drinks. You
Speaker 2: don't have somebody back there getting your SODA's and your
Speaker 2: coffee is ready. Man, I hated I hated it so
Speaker 2: much that it was great money because people were coming
Speaker 2: from church and you could tell they felt a little
Speaker 2: bad about being sinners, and so they were trying to
Speaker 2: do the right thing. And but yeah, I would go
Speaker 2: Taco Tuesday every time. Over Sunday brunch means yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't enjoy brunch.
Speaker 1: Sunday brunch with children does not sound delightful to me.
Speaker 1: Sunday brunch without children sounds like a real treat because
Speaker 1: it's the beginning of a lazy day. It's the beginning
Speaker 1: of a you are you're You're You're like shifting, you're
Speaker 1: shifting the day into vacation. Mode, true, right, the first
Speaker 1: thing you do, which I really do like, and also
Speaker 1: the only time I ever have brunch, or it used
Speaker 1: to be when like a friend would come into town
Speaker 1: and we had had a light late night the night before.
Speaker 1: We're all hungry, but it's not it's it's not breakfast anymore,
Speaker 1: but we don't want lunch. And that's when you would
Speaker 1: have a brunch and a little hungover with some good friends.
Speaker 1: And then there's always one person who's like, I'm a
Speaker 1: I'm have a blooded Mary, and then people are like
Speaker 1: and then it's just like that nice lazy feeling to
Speaker 1: the beginning of the day. Then you go home and
Speaker 1: maybe you watch a movie together and it's a delight.
Speaker 2: That's nice.
Speaker 1: And I'm imagining I'm imagining Asbury Park in the in
Speaker 1: the in the wintertime or the beginning of the winter time,
Speaker 1: when it's not like, yes, so horrifying, and like a Sunday,
Speaker 1: a Sunday brunch. I like that Taco Tuesday, you know,
Speaker 1: nighttime for children they have to eat, so might as
Speaker 1: well just like that. And they they like tacos, they
Speaker 1: like specific type of tacos, and we do it a lot.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna go. So, if it's with kids, I'm
Speaker 1: going taco Tuesday. If it's without kids, I'm going brunch.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's unfair. I think a lot of parents out
Speaker 2: there would agree with you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, here's a we're giving a little advice
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 2: Kids.
Speaker 3: Havanna boys.
Speaker 2: This is me.
Speaker 3: I am an activity director at a luxury senior living
Speaker 3: community and I love it.
Speaker 1: It's great.
Speaker 3: However, sometimes the residents complaints, requests, comments are so utterly
Speaker 3: ridiculous that like I lose the ability to speak English.
Speaker 3: So I need like three statements responses just in my
Speaker 3: back pocket that I can reply with when I freeze,
Speaker 3: like with the same energy of it's all gravy baby,
Speaker 3: something like that. You know, give me something something that
Speaker 3: will be either so absurd that it just shuts the
Speaker 3: conversation down and they don't also know what to say,
Speaker 3: or something that's just to catch all phrase that will
Speaker 3: work no matter what. So, can I have a couple
Speaker 3: of bananas phrases?
Speaker 1: Please? Thank you? Hmmm?
Speaker 2: Well, the Baltimore legendary the one that you've heard me
Speaker 2: say it so many times to crazy people on the
Speaker 2: sidewalks when somebody's yelling about anything. Yeah, and maybe they're
Speaker 2: yelling that they are dragging and that everybody else is
Speaker 2: going to get punched in the face by an almighty God.
Speaker 2: I always say you and me both, Bud, you and
Speaker 2: me both, and it catches people soft guard where somebody's like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna kick your ass. You go, you me both? Man,
Speaker 2: So maybe slap instead of a butt on there. Yeah,
Speaker 2: just put gorgeous or spring chicken or about spring chicken.
Speaker 1: M that's the best thing I've heard all day.
Speaker 2: Ooh, you know, just go for a high five.
Speaker 1: Just go for a high five. If you force high five,
Speaker 1: people are so whoa what oh okay? Oh. If somebody
Speaker 1: just comes up and it's just like, you know what
Speaker 1: I think we should do. I think we should have
Speaker 1: only raisins for desserts, and you go, that's the best
Speaker 1: thing I heard all day. Up, top up, top, boom,
Speaker 1: and then you walk away.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you can end it with a high five
Speaker 2: or low five, best thing I heard all day, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that'll work. And then I think some of the ban
Speaker 2: animals that follow us on Instagram know whenever we get
Speaker 2: fake accounts or people are trying to send us I
Speaker 2: don't know. Twenty one boxes up I always respond do
Speaker 2: you like corn on the cob? And uh, I don't
Speaker 2: know why, but it works. It throws people. And the
Speaker 2: best was there was one guy that was clearly a
Speaker 2: scammer that was like, yes, I do enjoy corn, but.
Speaker 1: Actually that's a great one. Do you like corn on
Speaker 1: the cob? And then people most people would be like
Speaker 1: I do and be like, well, I guess we're on
Speaker 1: the same page then, and then walk away. Then high
Speaker 1: five and walk away.
Speaker 2: Man. I think, yeah, see now we're yeah, and that's
Speaker 2: something we can build off of. Do you like her
Speaker 2: on the cop? But of course no, yeah, me neither.
Speaker 2: That's something we can build off of. All right, back
Speaker 2: to the hule hoop competition, Larry.
Speaker 1: You look right in the eye and you go, now
Speaker 1: we're cooking with oil, and then you just walk away.
Speaker 2: You can also give the old walking away show of hands,
Speaker 2: then raise your hand and walk away, walking away show
Speaker 2: of hands. Okay, guys, I'll see you end his head out.
Speaker 1: Of there, walk away show of hands, and then that's you.
Speaker 2: And then you raise your own hands and walk away.
Speaker 2: I said this once on a different podcast, but I've
Speaker 2: never regretted pretending to be asleep in my whole life.
Speaker 2: So maybe just close your eyes and just pretend to
Speaker 2: be asleep for a second, and then as the Brits say, sorry, love,
Speaker 2: I was miles away.
Speaker 1: I was miles away. All right, give me another one, Bamy.
Speaker 2: What a nice person, a kind of a fun job.
Speaker 1: I know, right, But I can also imagine the lunatic
Speaker 1: requests as well.
Speaker 2: How haven't they remade Cocoon? That movie is awesome? No.
Speaker 1: Also, I mean people talk about this all the time,
Speaker 1: but it still shocks me that like the majority of
Speaker 1: the actors and that were like fifty five.
Speaker 2: I know, Wilford Brimley was younger than George Clooney is now.
Speaker 1: Yes, and people were just like, yeah, this is what
Speaker 1: an older person looks like. It's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 2: It is true, like you know the old forties, the
Speaker 2: new thirty or thirty whatever they say, Yeah, it is true.
Speaker 2: That's seventy is the new fifty. Like people that are
Speaker 2: seventy now are so active and do so much stuff
Speaker 2: compared when we were kids. Like if my grandmother was seventy,
Speaker 2: she she was like just a crip keeper. Yeah, Like
Speaker 2: it was like a person that died along It was
Speaker 2: like the night at the end of Last Crusade where
Speaker 2: it's like I've been here for a thousand years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my mother in law is seventy six, I think
Speaker 1: or seventy five, and she is hikes up a mountain
Speaker 1: three times, the Dolomite times a week. She went to
Speaker 1: the she hiked the Dolomites at seventy five.
Speaker 2: You know it's so true. Yeah, but Cocoon. If you've
Speaker 2: never seen the movie Cocoon, don't let us spoil it
Speaker 2: for you, but it is like a feel good sci
Speaker 2: fi comedy with old people, which I know is a
Speaker 2: crazy mashup of genres, but with boomers being the biggest
Speaker 2: percentage of America's population, Like, how haven't they brought back Cocoon?
Speaker 2: Just just do a remake with new actors.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent people would love it. If
Speaker 1: you're going to remake absolutely everything on the planet, give
Speaker 1: us a Cocoon, baby.
Speaker 2: I know it's so true. Also, I watched Wolf's Did
Speaker 2: you watch Wolf?
Speaker 1: Did watch Wolves? It was real right, Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: just like, oh, this has some fantastic premises and I'm
Speaker 1: ready to watch these two. I love watching them. I
Speaker 1: love watching George Cooney and Brad Pitt, come on my
Speaker 1: little baby boys.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I love Amy Ryan everything Amy Ryan is in.
Speaker 2: I'm like, she do you remember her? We hung out
Speaker 2: with her a little bit in New York. Really, she
Speaker 2: used to date. I don't know if she married.
Speaker 1: Uh Eric Slovan, Oh yeah, okay, So she.
Speaker 2: Was always around the comedy scene. But every time she's
Speaker 2: in something, I'm like, this is gonna be good, and
Speaker 2: she is good to this. But I thought Wolf's was
Speaker 2: kind of boring. It was.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I paused it in the middle and then didn't
Speaker 1: come back to it until I was on a plane,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, all right, I'll finish this.
Speaker 2: I finished it on a plane. That is the ultimate insult.
Speaker 2: Insult if I wrote that movie and you're like, I
Speaker 2: paulished it at home and finished it on a plane.
Speaker 1: Because man, George Klooney and Brad Pitt just being fun together.
Speaker 2: Or hey, Clooney and Bradley Pitt.
Speaker 1: Handsome guys, handsomest man's Clooney's the best, though, I do
Speaker 1: I do like Clooney over I Sometimes, you know what
Speaker 1: I better. Sometimes I'll just watch Up in the Air.
Speaker 1: I'll just watch Up in the Air, and I love
Speaker 1: up in the air so much. It's such a good
Speaker 1: Jason Rightman, great movie, is a great director. Very proud
Speaker 1: of him.
Speaker 2: You're very proud of the guy born into the Hollywood
Speaker 2: system who's dad directed Ghostbusters. Proud of that guy for
Speaker 2: breaking through and getting the movie made. Did you ever
Speaker 2: interview for any of the Ghostbusters jobs? I come brought
Speaker 2: in for so many of those, and every time they're like,
Speaker 2: you're our guy, and then just absolutely never picked me
Speaker 2: to write anything. So Lizy, I know it is so weird. Dude, Dude,
Speaker 2: I know it's about to get so much weirder too.
Speaker 2: Liz Man sent this in great name m A h
Speaker 2: N Liz Man or Liz Man, not a would you rather?
Speaker 2: But if your fingers on one hand could squirt out liquids?
Speaker 2: What five liquids would you pick?
Speaker 1: This?
Speaker 2: I know you would.
Speaker 1: This is me up my alley man.
Speaker 2: Okay, one has to be whatever gasoline your car takes.
Speaker 1: Oh, it was not what I would go to. I
Speaker 1: don't want want, I don't want five. I don't want gasoline.
Speaker 2: Finger. You don't want to walk out to your front yard,
Speaker 2: wave of the neighbors and stick your finger in your
Speaker 2: own car and filler up.
Speaker 1: I have an electric car. I kind of do that already.
Speaker 2: That's what I forgot.
Speaker 1: You have an electric car, So I don't want smelly
Speaker 1: gasoline fingers. No, Scott, He's got gasoline is number one.
Speaker 2: I like the smell of gas. Maybe that's part of
Speaker 2: my problem. I love it. I think it smells great.
Speaker 1: I'm having Seltzer as one.
Speaker 2: Okay, just a plane, No.
Speaker 1: No, I'm going. I'm going lime spin drift. I got
Speaker 1: lime spin drift. And that's my pointer finger, Scotty. Who yeah?
Speaker 1: What Also if you make your gasoline finger your pinky finger,
Speaker 1: that's Pinky's so funny. Just stick it in there, gas
Speaker 1: and pinky. Are you writing this that Scotty's writing it down?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, gas pinky.
Speaker 1: What's your number two?
Speaker 2: Well, I think we would be lying to ourselves if
Speaker 2: we didn't put Tito's vodka out of one of our fingers,
Speaker 2: and I would say, my thumb. Just look at that guy,
Speaker 2: still sucking his thumb, just wobbling drunk.
Speaker 1: Here's what I don't know if I want unlimited, constant
Speaker 1: access to v co on myself at all times. I
Speaker 1: liked that it lives in a specific place and that
Speaker 1: I have to go somewhere to get it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever sat at a bar, like
Speaker 2: a real bar and looked at all those bottles and
Speaker 2: thought to yourself, Wow, this is contained death.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, oh yeah, it's poison.
Speaker 2: Poison. And when you look at a bar, you're like,
Speaker 2: if I drank three of these, I would die. And
Speaker 2: there they are glistening in the light, and we all
Speaker 2: sit and face them. How creepy is it to sit
Speaker 2: and face poison?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: It's insane? Yeah, and we's so many people do that's
Speaker 2: just sit and look at this poison that could ruin
Speaker 2: everything for us. So, okay, Tito's vodka, thumb, gasoline, pinky.
Speaker 1: I think I'm going. I'm going I'm going Crystal, Hot
Speaker 1: sauce pinky.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta have a hot sauce Yeyeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think I'm going crystal because it kind of
Speaker 1: is very You can use it on almost any thing
Speaker 1: and it works. I would maybe go good Franks, but
Speaker 1: I kind of like crystals better than Frank's or but also,
Speaker 1: you know what I really like is that green chi
Speaker 1: green chilula.
Speaker 2: Oh that's so good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is so good. So I would I'm thinking crystal
Speaker 1: but maybe how that one is that's number.
Speaker 2: Three is a hot sauce just dnk ding dnk. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's good. I think maybe maybe for ring finger, I
Speaker 2: go like a really nice uh air freshener, like a scent,
Speaker 2: like so like if you were.
Speaker 1: In at and then if you're.
Speaker 2: In a bathroom, if you're in the back of an
Speaker 2: ub or, you could just raise your ring finger in
Speaker 2: the air and just just whatever. My favorite signature scent
Speaker 2: is that.
Speaker 1: Is really really smart. I really like that Thank youinger scent.
Speaker 1: Such a good idea. I'm tempting.
Speaker 2: I'll go index finger barbecue sauce. I'll skip hot sauce.
Speaker 2: I'm going barbecue sauce.
Speaker 1: Okay, sauce.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm gonna go index finger barbecue sauce. So like,
Speaker 2: if I'm eating something, I'm like, you know what this needs,
Speaker 2: I could just point at it, squirt barbecue sauce on it.
Speaker 1: I want something I want. I do want something salty, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's liquid, you know what I mean. So it's
Speaker 1: just it's kind of difficult, like I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't want I don't want pickle juice necessarily. I don't
Speaker 1: necessarily want.
Speaker 2: Oh crazy, I mean, we have so much liquid ivy already,
Speaker 2: so yeah, we can make that at home. I've been
Speaker 2: drinking it. I had one this morning too. God damn,
Speaker 2: it's good. It's good.
Speaker 1: So wait, I got seltzer and hot sauce. I got
Speaker 1: three left, right, you.
Speaker 2: Could go hot sauce.
Speaker 1: Oh, I know, I don't know. This is definitely one.
Speaker 1: This is my this is my ring fing her. There
Speaker 1: is a There is a mustard that I got ooh
Speaker 1: going hot tart already in the in the Paris airport.
Speaker 1: It was a and you can only get it in France,
Speaker 1: and I feel like such a bourgeois scumbag saying that,
Speaker 1: But I can't find it anywhere else. And it's a
Speaker 1: scallion and garlic mustard. Whoa that's made by me L
Speaker 1: M I E L E And I can't get it
Speaker 1: in the States. And I gotten the tiniest jar of it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is the I put it
Speaker 1: on everything. It was the most amazing mustard I've ever
Speaker 1: eaten in my life. I would have that come out
Speaker 1: of my ring.
Speaker 2: And it was.
Speaker 1: Jon yeah, but with scallion and garlic, it was so good.
Speaker 1: But it was it wasn't you know what you know
Speaker 1: how djon mustard can sometimes be a little bit harsh.
Speaker 1: This was so smooth. It wasn't overwhelming, it wasn't overpowering,
Speaker 1: but it still had such a good flavor. So that's
Speaker 1: that's my ring.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's a good ring.
Speaker 1: So I got two. We both have two left, right.
Speaker 2: I have one left? Do you have? I have my
Speaker 2: middle finger left? And I'm torn. I'm gonna be honest
Speaker 2: with you, Okay, I'm torn between like spring water, pure cold,
Speaker 2: delicious spring water and SPF thirty sunblock.
Speaker 1: An SPF thirty sun block.
Speaker 2: You go to the beach and you just you just
Speaker 2: flip yourself off a little bit, just rub it in.
Speaker 1: I do. I do Seltzer and spring water because I
Speaker 1: do kind of want both as well.
Speaker 2: Do you love? You're a hydro.
Speaker 1: I'm a hydro guy, so I do, think I do.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do just I'm gonna have a Seltzer finger
Speaker 1: and a water finger. Okay, So I got mustard, water,
Speaker 1: Seltzer and hot sauce last one. Maybe we're going something sweet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta go something sweet. You gotta treat yourself.
Speaker 1: Talking about Yeah, what am I talking about? Scotty? I
Speaker 1: know exactly what it is. Okay, it's a cappuccino. Middle finger.
Speaker 2: Oh damn, that's good.
Speaker 1: Boom, just like that right in there, and it's a
Speaker 1: perfect cappuccino.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, I might have to change mine.
Speaker 1: Yeah what the middle finger is the capucin? Oh wait, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, my thumb is sorry.
Speaker 2: Oh you're gonna suck that thumb. You're gonna be sucking caps.
Speaker 1: I go for a cappuccino.
Speaker 2: Being tired, sucks thumbs down, fills this cup. Okay, so
Speaker 2: mine is pinky gasoline index finger pointing that barbecue sauce
Speaker 2: at those chicken breasts. Thumb, I'm thumbing tetos. I'm just
Speaker 2: walking down the street getting drunk as hell. Ring finger.
Speaker 2: A nice scent, A nice nice scent that that just
Speaker 2: makes it smell good where.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you'll need it because you'll smell a gasoline everywhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or vodka, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Gasoline, and for breeze. You're gonna be the weirdest smelling
Speaker 1: dude in town.
Speaker 2: I know. And also, this is my left hand. My
Speaker 2: right hand is going to just stay my normal strong
Speaker 2: hand so I could wash it constantly. Middle finger, I'm
Speaker 2: going cappuccino with you. That's a great call.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. Yes, And then I got I got
Speaker 1: sparkling water, index finger, middle finger, no, no, middle finger, cappuccino,
Speaker 1: ring finger, regular water, pinky finger, uh hot sauce, and
Speaker 1: thumb no thumb is cappuccino, and and pointer finger is
Speaker 1: a DJ Mustard.
Speaker 2: I love it. I love it.
Speaker 1: That was the best game I've ever played. Whoever liz Man,
Speaker 1: My god, thank you liz Man. Liz Man.
Speaker 2: That is yep. Yeah, that was fun. And you guys,
Speaker 2: they don't have to be woody rathers. They can be hypotheticals.
Speaker 2: You could just send to us what would you do?
Speaker 2: And so that was sol fun.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you, Scottie, Thank you to everyone who sent
Speaker 1: stuff in. Keep sending would you rathers? And keep asking
Speaker 1: us for advice. You go to our instagram, The Bananas Podcast,
Speaker 1: or you can email us at the Bananas Podcast at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: You and me both. Paw Bay Bananas is an exactly
Speaker 2: right media production.
Speaker 1: Our producer and engineer is Katie Levine.
Speaker 2: The catchy Bananas theme song was composed and performed by Kahon.
Speaker 1: Artwork for Bananas was designed by Travis Millard.
Speaker 2: And our benevolent overlords are the great Karen Kilgareff and
Speaker 2: Georgia Hartstart.
Speaker 1: And Lisa Maggott is our full human, not a robot
Speaker 1: intern paying