1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Laverne Cox Show, a production of shondaland 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:10,800 Speaker 1: Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. Habit stacking is 3 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: that on a monopolic habit stacking, I just like saying 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:18,760 Speaker 1: on a monopedia anyway, go no? So can we notice 5 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: though right here the word can be a resource? You 6 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 1: like saying it, and you're laughing and giggling and the 7 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,400 Speaker 1: brightness of your smile, like anything can be a resource. 8 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 1: Hello everyone, and welcome to the Laverne Cox Show. I'm 9 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:43,760 Speaker 1: Laverne Cox. So since we had my therapist Jennifer Burnt 10 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,880 Speaker 1: Flyer on the very first time, I knew I wanted 11 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,640 Speaker 1: to do a follow up episode with her to go 12 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 1: deeper into the work of the community Resiliency model and 13 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: really try to drive home some of these tools that 14 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: you can use in your life and the reason and why. 15 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:04,399 Speaker 1: It's because, as Dr Robert Brock, the former president of 16 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:10,560 Speaker 1: the American Academy of Pediatrics, once said, adverse childhood experiences 17 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: or childhood trauma is the single biggest unaddressed to public 18 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:20,839 Speaker 1: health crisis today. Toxic stress that can develop during childhood 19 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,320 Speaker 1: can throw our bodies out of whack in a lot 20 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: of different ways it can disrupt our immune system, we 21 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 1: can also disrupt our d n A. What is adaptive 22 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:38,760 Speaker 1: for survivalist children becomes maladaptive as adults. And so it 23 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 1: felt really urgent to me to have another conversation with 24 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: my therapist about practical tools that we can use to 25 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: combat toxic stress in our lives, because I feel like 26 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: our lives are on the line, and what is beautiful 27 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,200 Speaker 1: about the work of the community resiliency modelists that we 28 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,040 Speaker 1: can begin to have interventions in the lives of our 29 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,640 Speaker 1: children in terms of their health care, in terms of 30 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: how we parent them, and we could also have interventions 31 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:11,960 Speaker 1: with the children that live inside of us. It is 32 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: never too late to have a happy childhood. It is 33 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:19,840 Speaker 1: never too late to begin the healing process. Jennifer Burne 34 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,679 Speaker 1: Flyer is both a therapist and private practice and a 35 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 1: senior faculty member with the Trauma Resource Institute also known 36 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,640 Speaker 1: as t r I. She teaches both the Trauma and 37 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,359 Speaker 1: Community Resiliency models with t r I and has traveled 38 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: extensively in the US as well as Northern Ireland to 39 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,959 Speaker 1: share wellness skills with various groups and cultures. Jennifer is 40 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: certified and e m D. R Expressive Arts Therapy, and 41 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: Burnee Brown's Daring Way and Rising Strong Models. Please enjoy 42 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 1: my conversation with Jennifer Burden Plyer. Hello, Jennifer, Welcome back 43 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:04,079 Speaker 1: to the podcast. How are you feeling today. I'm feeling okay. 44 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: I'm feeling all right. You know, you are the first 45 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: guest that I've had back for a second time, so 46 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 1: that's awesome. Super you're obviously my therapist. For those folks 47 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: who didn't hear the previous podcast, we've been working to 48 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,720 Speaker 1: the other for five years, which is insane. And I'm 49 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: aware that I understood very early about the resilient zone. 50 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:28,919 Speaker 1: I understood very early about intellectually that is, about the 51 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,640 Speaker 1: resilient zone. I understood what the skills were in the 52 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 1: community resiliency model. I understood that talxic stress trauma too much, 53 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: too fast, too soon over time can have negative health consequences. 54 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 1: And I've really been trying hard to practice these tools 55 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: for the past five years. But it's been really hard. 56 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 1: And even though I know this step intellectually, I'm still 57 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: struggling and I have a lot of notes and theories 58 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: about why it's hard, but like why as a therapist 59 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 1: has been doing this for forever. What keeps people from 60 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 1: being able to practice these really simple, easy to use tools, 61 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 1: What keeps that? What gets in the way of us 62 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: being able to do this? It's such a great question. 63 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 1: And you know, I mean I, as I've said, I 64 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 1: teach these skills all the time, I use them myself 65 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: all the time. It also doesn't mean that I don't 66 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: need to be reminded sometimes by lovely friends who also 67 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,600 Speaker 1: know these skills that I need to maybe use a 68 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: skill sometimes, you know. So life is going to happen. 69 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: And I also think that going back, I was actually 70 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,359 Speaker 1: listening back to our podcast and a couple of things 71 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 1: arose for me, and one was we're wired for survival. 72 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: So the brain and body automatically are looking for where's 73 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,560 Speaker 1: the threat, where's the concern, where's the feel, where's the word? 74 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: What do I need to look out for? You know, 75 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,280 Speaker 1: this is just a constant for us. And Rick Hanson 76 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,159 Speaker 1: actually says that are you know, we are Velcro for 77 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,840 Speaker 1: the negative and Teflon for the positive. L Crow, can 78 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: you break that down? We're vell Crow for the negative 79 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 1: and Teflon for the positive. So the unpleasant, distressing stuff 80 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: is what sticks because if I know that if I 81 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 1: predict that, if I'm looking for that, then I'm much 82 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: more likely to survive. Right, So this goes back even evolutionarily. 83 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: You know, I needed to know if that rustle in 84 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 1: the bushes was a saber tooth tiger or if it 85 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,719 Speaker 1: was the wind. And if I sit there, la la 86 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:32,080 Speaker 1: la and think it's the wind, I could get eaten. Right, 87 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: So it behooves me to know from a survival standpoint. So, 88 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 1: if they're the human race to have survived this long, 89 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,919 Speaker 1: we had to have developed these certain survival skills that 90 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,680 Speaker 1: release the cortisol on the adrenaline. We know that the 91 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: constant release the courtisol on the adrenaline, though is not sustainable, 92 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,279 Speaker 1: is not healthy. Correct. I've been thinking a lot about 93 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,359 Speaker 1: my own journey and why this has been so challenging 94 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,159 Speaker 1: for me. I'm so hard wired for toxic stress and 95 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: a lot of you know, I think goes back to attachment. 96 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 1: You know, we've talked to Dr Wendy Walston this podcast 97 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 1: about attachment theory. Those first three years of um when 98 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 1: we're born, if we're neglected in some way, our survival 99 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,720 Speaker 1: response becomes maladaptive, right they of course it interviewed Nating 100 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 1: Burke Harris for this podcast, and she talks a lot 101 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: about ACES or adverse childhood experiences, and I have a 102 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:25,160 Speaker 1: lot of them. And so the research from my understanding, 103 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: and I mean, you're the one who told me about ACES, 104 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: is that those early adverse childhood experiences can change that 105 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: heartwork for me. What's so challenging with these skills is 106 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 1: that I'm so intensely hardwired in a maladaptive way because 107 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:46,240 Speaker 1: of adverse childhood experiences. Is that correct? Yes, But I 108 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 1: want to say a couple of things about that. So 109 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,840 Speaker 1: first of all, also, it's not even the first three years. 110 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: It's also just stationally, you know. And when we're in 111 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:58,360 Speaker 1: the womb, if the mother is experiencing stress, actually those 112 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: hormones cross the central bear, you aren't going into the 113 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: developing fetus. Yeah. And so when I'm saying that we're 114 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 1: velcrove for the negative and tethlon for the positive, it 115 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: means that the bad stuff sticks and the good stuff 116 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: kind of slides off. But if I'm using a skill 117 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 1: based process for regulating our nervous system, then I'm actually 118 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: increasing and enhancing the resiliency factors. So a couple of 119 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: things I would say, what we pay attention to is 120 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 1: what grows. So if I'm having physical pain in my 121 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: body and I pay attention to the beating drum of 122 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 1: the pain, I'm going to get more pain. That's what's 123 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: going to get more inflamed in my body because my 124 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 1: body goes, Oh, she's paying attention to that. Let's give 125 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 1: her more, you know. But if I then focus my 126 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: attention away from the pain to what else is true? 127 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 1: To both and maybe my foot is not in pain, 128 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,800 Speaker 1: maybe I need to go outside my body and just 129 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,960 Speaker 1: focus on something else. It might not completely go away, 130 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: but it might like a headache could go away, for example, 131 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,520 Speaker 1: of stomach ache might subside hide. But either way, even 132 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: if I have things like five of my algia or 133 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,880 Speaker 1: chronic conditions, the volume can get turned down if I'm 134 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:12,720 Speaker 1: actually looking for and cultivating paying attention to something else, 135 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 1: something other than what's distressing. But what else is true? Yeah? 136 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 1: And then the other piece I want to say that's 137 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: really important to pay attention to, is it with aces? 138 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 1: With any of this stuff? Often what we say when 139 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: we teach us that adversity is not destiny. Amen, Amen. 140 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: And the hardest part, the hardest part is practicing that 141 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 1: is what gets in the way. Going back to your 142 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,199 Speaker 1: what gets in the way is that we don't practice. 143 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: Because when we're in our resilient zone, when things are 144 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: going fairly well or we're neutral or whatever, we don't 145 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 1: think we need a skill. Why would I practice? Then 146 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: that's exactly the time we need to practice. Oh, Jennifer, 147 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: this is wonderful. Thank you so much for that. It's 148 00:08:56,080 --> 00:09:00,080 Speaker 1: it's thundering enlightening here. Adversity is not destinate for me. 149 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:05,440 Speaker 1: That piece is so important because that again that that's 150 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:09,040 Speaker 1: a resilient piece. It's also the agency piece before we 151 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,120 Speaker 1: get into some of the skills, because we want to 152 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,840 Speaker 1: go into practicing some of these skills live here on 153 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 1: the podcast to demonstrate them. I just wanted to define 154 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,120 Speaker 1: again because when I when I was listening again to 155 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:24,079 Speaker 1: our previous conversation trauma and toxic stress before we I'm 156 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 1: delve into the work, and I was very aware of 157 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 1: too much, too fast, too soon. But I was reminded 158 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 1: that in the community resiliency model from the Trauma Research Institute, 159 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: you said that trauma or toxic stress can also be 160 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:40,199 Speaker 1: too much or too little for too long. Because that 161 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,280 Speaker 1: that that I mean that too much, to fast, too soon, 162 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,960 Speaker 1: I think is really clear around trauma, right, Like if 163 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: you're in a car accident, that's like too much, too fast, 164 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:50,680 Speaker 1: too soon, but too much for too little for too long. 165 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 1: It feels like what I've been struggling with and what 166 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: a lot of people might be struggling with from childhood stuff. 167 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: Can you unpack that a little bit more before we 168 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,679 Speaker 1: move on. Yeah, So the too much, too fast, too soon, 169 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,440 Speaker 1: like we just talked about, like you just so eloquently said, 170 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: it's shocked trauma right from car accident on. But the 171 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 1: too little or too much for too long would be 172 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 1: it can be developed mental trauma. So something that happens 173 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 1: a lot over time. Right, So there could be neglect 174 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: going on that happens over time, or in a neighborhood 175 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,439 Speaker 1: there's gun violence m constantly, right, that's where there is 176 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 1: lead in the water, or it's just racial discrimination. And 177 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,439 Speaker 1: also you know another way that that we can look 178 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 1: at it is and this is very simplifying here, but 179 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: big tea, little tea, and c T or cumulative traumas. Right, 180 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 1: So the big teas are the nine elevens, the earthquakes, 181 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 1: the you know, car accidents. Little teas can be falls, 182 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 1: dog bites, dental procedures, things like that. And then the 183 00:10:53,640 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 1: cumulative trauma is that racial disparity and discrimination, impoverished communities. Again, 184 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: the cumulative things that happen over time, all the isms, 185 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 1: all the alcoholisms, all the you know, homophobia and transphobia 186 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,440 Speaker 1: and all those things are all part of cumulative traumas 187 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 1: that gets stacked up over time, and they take a 188 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:19,160 Speaker 1: toll in the nervous system. All of them take a toll, 189 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 1: by the way, So even if we're distinguishing big T 190 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:26,319 Speaker 1: little tc T, the body experiences them like a big tea, right, 191 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: the body is still registering it like horrible things are happening. 192 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 1: I'm in distress, so you know, I need help, and 193 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:36,760 Speaker 1: we can't. We turn on that survival response and we 194 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 1: can't turn it off. That feels like what it really 195 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: has been the struggle for me lately that I once 196 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: it's turned on for me, it's really hard to turn 197 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: it off. Walking out my apartment can turn it on 198 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,320 Speaker 1: for me, and so have to be like really intentional 199 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 1: when I'm walking down the street. I had I walked 200 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,680 Speaker 1: the streets today and it's hot, and you know, I 201 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 1: have all my you know, hyper vigilist. So I had 202 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:00,720 Speaker 1: to have a conversation with myself walking down the street. 203 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 1: I'm safe. I had to like, I'm really be aware 204 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,559 Speaker 1: of my surroundings and aware of what's going on in 205 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 1: my body. Dr Joe to Spins, who we had on 206 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 1: the podcast. I think that's what he means by being 207 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:14,839 Speaker 1: present in conscience. So I have to really slow down 208 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: and not be on automatic and a gentle like, Okay, 209 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 1: what's going on. Let's let's let's have a talk with myself. 210 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: Let's see if I can bring it down a little 211 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 1: bit well, And notice the compassionate tone of your voice 212 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 1: right now, and even that gesture, that motion that you're 213 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,360 Speaker 1: making with your hands coming down, bring it down? You know? 214 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: As you say that, can you notice the bringing it 215 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,880 Speaker 1: down on the inside as well as you make that motion. 216 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 1: I was thinking of the metaphor you used in the 217 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 1: last in our last conversation, Um, the living room would 218 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: be the resilient zone, in the basement would be the 219 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 1: low zone, and the attic would be the high zones. 220 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,760 Speaker 1: I'm trying to bring it down from the attic, you know. Yeah. 221 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,560 Speaker 1: Can I share briefly a piece that I remember from 222 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: our work together? Because one of the things early on 223 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 1: that I think we talked about in relationship to this was, 224 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,839 Speaker 1: you know, because you are a public figure, right your 225 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,440 Speaker 1: public personality, and when you go out of the house, 226 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 1: sometimes people are going to recognize you. And while you 227 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: are lovely with your fans, there have been moments where 228 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,240 Speaker 1: maybe somebody approaches you, either from a side or from 229 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 1: a certain position, and it can light up an old 230 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,199 Speaker 1: memory network of a boundary violation in the body, and 231 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: suddenly you're in a fight or flight survival response and 232 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,079 Speaker 1: the fan is just wanting to make contact with you, 233 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 1: but you're having a whole response, and and there's this 234 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 1: whole dynamic that gets set up that under other circumstances 235 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 1: might not happen. Yeah, it happened many times. And I 236 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,479 Speaker 1: have to say that the mask culture of the pandemic 237 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 1: has really helped me a lot with going out in 238 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 1: public and really being incognito and just like a normal person. 239 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 1: I love that, and that really has helped me regulate. 240 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 1: I've been more consciously like saying I'm going outside, now, 241 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 1: let's get present. Let's like try to slow it down 242 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 1: and bring it down so that I'm not just like 243 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,760 Speaker 1: if somebody like walks too close to me, I don't 244 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: freak out. Um, And that's It's like I have to 245 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:16,440 Speaker 1: be very consciously in the other direction, almost like the 246 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: hardwiring is to be hyper vigilant about a lack of safety. 247 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 1: And so I almost have to be gently and compassionately 248 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: and lovingly hyper vigilant in the other direction to to 249 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 1: not feel like everything is a threat, I guess, but 250 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 1: that's different than vigilance, right, So if hyper vigilance is 251 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 1: in the attic or in the high zone, when you 252 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 1: are intentionally consciously aware that's in your resilience zone, you 253 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: might even still be at the upper end of the 254 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 1: resilience zone. You could still be somewhat activated, but not 255 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 1: so aroused that you're in the attic, You're still in 256 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: the living room, you're handling it. I call it super tracking. 257 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 1: Our hyper vigilance gets dialed into be super tracking. I'm 258 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: very aware of what going on around me, but it 259 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 1: becomes more of a relaxed alert state. What's really been 260 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: helping me too? And on This will be useful for 261 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: anyone out there. I've been thinking a lot about like 262 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: how I need to feel energetically when I go to sleep, 263 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 1: when I want to rest and like just put my 264 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 1: mind at ease and put my body to rest. I've 265 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 1: been trying to sort of like walk in the world 266 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 1: like that. Not that I want to go to sleep 267 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 1: while I'm walking down the street, but I want to 268 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 1: just be so relaxed and at peace. It's like the 269 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: sensation of that is better than like a conversation or 270 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: better than it's really it's embodied. I guess it feels 271 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 1: more embodied than like because I've tried like affirm affirmations 272 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,400 Speaker 1: and positive self talked to counter the negative self talk. 273 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: But just that relaxation of like well and and even 274 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 1: that side that you just took sign resets and brings 275 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: on the parasympathetic branch, that bright pedal of the body. 276 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: What I like about it and about paying attention to 277 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: the body is there's no right, are wrong, there's no shoods. 278 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: It's just what's happening right now. And if I need something, 279 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 1: what can I bring in to help regulate this now? 280 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 1: It feels like a great time for a short break. 281 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 1: We'll be right back there. Okay, we're back. Let's keep 282 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 1: the conversation going. Can't we just remind everyone what the 283 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,920 Speaker 1: resilient zone is and then let's do some skills are 284 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 1: like practice getting into that zone. Yeah, if you picture, 285 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 1: you know, two horizontal lines, one on top of the other, 286 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 1: but there's space in between, and there's a wave that 287 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,240 Speaker 1: goes in between that. That's our resilient zone. And the 288 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: resilient zone is the place where we're our best sell. 289 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: We can have all kinds of different feelings, but we 290 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,679 Speaker 1: can manage them, we can communicate about them, we can 291 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,560 Speaker 1: pay attention to ourselves and ourselves in relationship to others. 292 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:12,280 Speaker 1: And then when we get bumped out of that resilien zone, 293 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:16,160 Speaker 1: that nice, yummy place, we can go one of two places. 294 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 1: We can get bumped into the high zone, which is 295 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,680 Speaker 1: that place of hyper vigilance and panic, like we've talked 296 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:25,240 Speaker 1: about the extreme stress rage states. I just saw red, 297 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 1: like those things that colloquialisms that we say, you know, 298 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:32,120 Speaker 1: in our world and our culture. That's the high zone. 299 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 1: And then conversely, we can go to the low zone, 300 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 1: which is numbed out, very depressed, more than just sad. Right, 301 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 1: this can be disconnected, it can be dissociated like floaty feeling. 302 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:48,160 Speaker 1: It can really feel like that extreme low zone depression, 303 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: almost suicidal, almost yeah, And our last conversation we um 304 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,719 Speaker 1: the question of connection came up right, that we're hardwired 305 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: for connection as human beings. And I was thinking too 306 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:03,679 Speaker 1: about that in relationship to resilience, like when I've been 307 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 1: bumped out in a session with you or just in 308 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 1: the world, like I can't hear, I can't hear, I 309 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: can't I can't really connect to someone when I'm bumped 310 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: into the high zone, and I can't connect to someone 311 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 1: when I'm in the low zone. So it's like I 312 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,360 Speaker 1: could only connect from a place that resilience, like really connect. 313 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,760 Speaker 1: And we're hardwired for connection as human beings, so like 314 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 1: the release of the stress hormones or like not being 315 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:33,200 Speaker 1: in the zone keeps us from connection. That's correct. And 316 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 1: and my colleague and friend Kim Cookson calls the resilien 317 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 1: zone also the relational zone. I mean, this is the 318 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:43,040 Speaker 1: place where we are in social engagement. Social engagement happens 319 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,680 Speaker 1: from the resilien zone. Right, we don't hear each other. 320 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 1: We actually our whole perception changes when we're in the 321 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:53,440 Speaker 1: higher low zones. We don't actually hear accurately, we don't 322 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 1: perceive tones of voice in the same way when we're 323 00:18:56,240 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 1: in the higher low zones. Our perspective and perception is 324 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:03,600 Speaker 1: very narrowed when we're in either of those polls versus 325 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 1: when we're in the resilience zone, we really are aware 326 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,719 Speaker 1: of ourselves and we can socially engage and connect. I 327 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,880 Speaker 1: think that relates to to like, you know, the thing 328 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 1: I always talk about on a macro level, on a 329 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 1: societal level, when we hurt people, hurt people when people 330 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: are sort of operating from trauma right in our politicians 331 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 1: have like sort of you know, weaponized as being in fear, 332 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 1: and so we're so afraid and we read a comment 333 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 1: and we can't even like we're not even reading the 334 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 1: comment directly. We're just projecting our own story, our own 335 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: trauma onto it, not because we're bad people, because we're 336 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: bumped out of our zone, and so we can't even 337 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 1: actually accurately read a comment on the internet. We can't 338 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:48,359 Speaker 1: accurately read a situation around us either when we're bumped 339 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,880 Speaker 1: out of our zone. Yeah, it's it's I mean, it's 340 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 1: so key because if I if I am in those 341 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,920 Speaker 1: states of high low zone or bouncing back and forth 342 00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 1: between those states all the time, and I can't send 343 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:04,240 Speaker 1: into my own resilience that begets more of that. Right. Again, 344 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 1: what we pay attention to is what grows. So that's 345 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: all I'm in and I lose my sense of connectedness, right, 346 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,480 Speaker 1: And it is in that connection place which we talked 347 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,600 Speaker 1: about last time around. I have my own zone and 348 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,439 Speaker 1: you have your own zone. But then together we have 349 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:25,640 Speaker 1: that collective the coregulation. The coregulation and sometimes even in therapy, 350 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,640 Speaker 1: for example, if I'm in my resilience zone, even when 351 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: or if you get bumped out of yours, I'm holding 352 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:37,720 Speaker 1: the resiliency container and I'm lending you my nervous system 353 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:42,159 Speaker 1: that is regulated so that you can reregulate. That is coregulation. 354 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,480 Speaker 1: So can we talk a little bit about the six 355 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 1: skills that we use to regulate our nervous distance as 356 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:54,119 Speaker 1: per the Community Resiliency Model. Yes, so the Community Resiliency 357 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,880 Speaker 1: Model or CRM has six skills. Most of them are 358 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,880 Speaker 1: in the eye chill app as well. If you want 359 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,920 Speaker 1: to go look at the at the app for some practice, 360 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 1: and they are tracking, resourcing, grounding, gesturing, shift and stay 361 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:14,800 Speaker 1: and help now. And again, what I really also want 362 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 1: to say is that we're tracking with all the skills. 363 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:22,320 Speaker 1: So that is key. It is the foundational cornerstone of 364 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 1: this practice is because tracking is reading the body, it's 365 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 1: it's noticing what's happening in our body. And then that 366 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 1: practicing these skills, as were about to talk about, if 367 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 1: we can practice when we're already in our zone, we're 368 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,879 Speaker 1: actually widening and deepening our capacity for resiliency, which means 369 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,240 Speaker 1: less stuff is going to bump me into the higher 370 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 1: low zones, so I actually have more autonomy. We want 371 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:51,480 Speaker 1: to actually also be heartwiring and firing wiring new neuro 372 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,080 Speaker 1: pathways in our nervous systems. And so when things are great, 373 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,720 Speaker 1: when things are awesome, and Jennifer reminds me a lot, 374 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,200 Speaker 1: like you know, I've been having some great time my 375 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:05,199 Speaker 1: boyfriend and like some really wonderful, loving, awesome, incredible times, 376 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:07,680 Speaker 1: you know, being at the house with with with the boy. 377 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,920 Speaker 1: I'm just going to go on the way um C 378 00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 1: C And I'll tell Jennifer about it, and she's like, 379 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,600 Speaker 1: we should bank those, we should bank those in the 380 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:20,080 Speaker 1: nervous system so that when something challenging comes up, I 381 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 1: have these good sensations, there's resources to draw from, and 382 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 1: so that these can become what else is are true. 383 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,200 Speaker 1: Later on, I remember in um in Bernie Brown's Call 384 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 1: to Courage, the Netflix special she did, she tells the 385 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,520 Speaker 1: story about being on a paddle boat with her daughter 386 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 1: one afternoon and her daughter kind of leaning back and 387 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 1: closing her eyes, and Brinnie asked her what she was doing, 388 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,679 Speaker 1: and she said, I'm making a picture memory. And I 389 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 1: do that so that when upsetting things might happen, I 390 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:53,119 Speaker 1: can call up the picture memory that's resourcing. So resource 391 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,879 Speaker 1: in this model, in the way that we define it 392 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,399 Speaker 1: is anything that gives you comfort, joy or peace in 393 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: your life. Her daughter was actually banking a resource in 394 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,879 Speaker 1: that moment. And there's this wonderful quote by JFK that 395 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,119 Speaker 1: the best time to fix the roof was when the 396 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:12,399 Speaker 1: sun is shining, and that is why we practice when 397 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:15,920 Speaker 1: the good stuff is going on, and just a simple thing, 398 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 1: like you know, it was raining the other night and 399 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 1: CC was like, I love the rain, and I was like, 400 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 1: let's go up to the roof and like, just you know, 401 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:28,080 Speaker 1: watch the rain like fall. It seems so silly, but 402 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,760 Speaker 1: it was so beautiful and it was such a beautiful 403 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 1: memory in the view is amazing up there, and I 404 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:38,159 Speaker 1: allowed myself to be in that moment fully and to 405 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,840 Speaker 1: feel him and to feel the view and to feel 406 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,679 Speaker 1: the rain drops and the breeze, and that becomes a 407 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:48,359 Speaker 1: resource that I can use. So wait, let's pause right there. 408 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,360 Speaker 1: Let's pause right there. I'm just gonna work it out, Jennifer. 409 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 1: So let's take that moment and enhance it. So you 410 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,439 Speaker 1: just painted this beautiful picture of it raining outside and 411 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,959 Speaker 1: you inviting him to the roof and to watch and 412 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 1: feel the rain on your skin and just the view 413 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 1: from the rooftop and even the sounds or the smell 414 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 1: outside of being up on that roof. And I'm just 415 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,400 Speaker 1: watching you take a breath right now, as I'm all 416 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 1: I'm doing is feeding your words right back to you. 417 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 1: And as you're in that memory, what else, if anything, 418 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,359 Speaker 1: are you aware of in your body right now? Let's 419 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:32,400 Speaker 1: just take a moment and track that in the memory. 420 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,920 Speaker 1: I'm aware of him holding me and how safe and 421 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:42,400 Speaker 1: seen I felt. I'm aware and in my body specifically, 422 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,399 Speaker 1: it's all over my body. I mean the way he 423 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,400 Speaker 1: holds me, but it's like it feels like it's coming 424 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 1: up through my through my guts, from my belly button 425 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,440 Speaker 1: up to my like um stern m so Let's notice 426 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 1: that's right now. It's coming from your belly, from your 427 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,200 Speaker 1: gut all the way up to your sternum, and you 428 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,240 Speaker 1: made this lovely motion which actually just is going to 429 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,160 Speaker 1: invite you to slow that down a little bit. This 430 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,680 Speaker 1: motion of bringing your hand up from your belly to 431 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:11,479 Speaker 1: your stern um and what happens inside as you do 432 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 1: that with your breath or it made me want to exhale, 433 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 1: and then I just I mean, I just thought about 434 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,960 Speaker 1: and I thought about the way he smells and the 435 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:24,239 Speaker 1: way he looks at me. I noticed the laughter and 436 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,119 Speaker 1: the smile. So now we're paying attention to the sensory 437 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:32,440 Speaker 1: experience of the story of being with him. Yeah, that 438 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,679 Speaker 1: is the slowing down. That is the tracking what's happening 439 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,960 Speaker 1: in your body right now in this moment. I almost 440 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: feel some tears wanting to come. Um. I'm so happy 441 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,359 Speaker 1: when I'm with him in a way that like I 442 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: never imagined, And sometimes it feels like too much and 443 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,880 Speaker 1: it gets scary because it's it's pure joy, and it's 444 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:59,080 Speaker 1: so pure and just feeling very whole and safe, like 445 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 1: really really stage so right now in this moment, notice 446 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:08,760 Speaker 1: the sensation of whole and safe on the inside. Just 447 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:13,120 Speaker 1: take a moment and let yourself be aware of whole 448 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:19,960 Speaker 1: and safe in your body. Um, and just noticed, tears 449 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,240 Speaker 1: are a release. Tears are release in the nervous system. 450 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. And that exhale. Noticed the exhale, m hm, 451 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,959 Speaker 1: and the nodding of the head. You know, sometimes will 452 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 1: not our heads when things feel very congruent. I'm just 453 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,720 Speaker 1: gonna invite you to marinate. And what I think is 454 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 1: really important to point out is that you're not with 455 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: him right now. You're not on the roof right now. 456 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,680 Speaker 1: I know it's thundering where you are, but you're not 457 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 1: in the rain right now, right And so that is 458 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:56,159 Speaker 1: the beauty of our nervous system, our body and resourcing especially. 459 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,720 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter that you're not on that roof. Your 460 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 1: body is experienced sing it like it's happening right now. 461 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,159 Speaker 1: The nervous system does not know past, present, future or 462 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: fact from fantasy. One more time, the nervous system does 463 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 1: not know past, present, present, future, or fact from fantasy, 464 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:18,080 Speaker 1: or a fact from fantasy that reminds me of what 465 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:23,679 Speaker 1: Dr Joe Dispensa says about their body be unconscious. Mind 466 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: does not know the difference between reality or a thought 467 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: that we've created. That's right. They do it in sports 468 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: a lot as well. Or if you've ever watched the Olympics, 469 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,560 Speaker 1: even like the ski runs that people do, and you'll 470 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:42,640 Speaker 1: see the skier at the top doing the course, they're 471 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 1: like moving their body the way the course is going 472 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,640 Speaker 1: to go. They're running it in their body before they 473 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 1: even go down that hill, and the nervous system is 474 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:56,199 Speaker 1: responding in kind. So that is the real benefit to 475 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,960 Speaker 1: chasing the resiliency, to focusing on the pleasant and new. 476 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 1: It's not a denial that these things happened in our lives. 477 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,680 Speaker 1: It's not a denial of the oppression that people are 478 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 1: experiencing or have experienced. It is the both. And because 479 00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:15,680 Speaker 1: what helps me then deal with that is by cultivating 480 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,600 Speaker 1: the strength and resiliency in my nervous system. And we 481 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:22,240 Speaker 1: have to actively practice when I think the embodied piece 482 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,080 Speaker 1: of the resources. I was just you know, I am 483 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:25,800 Speaker 1: in a lovely apartment in New York right now, and 484 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,560 Speaker 1: this view is insane and I'm not always able to 485 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,679 Speaker 1: take in the view. So it's like there has to 486 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,119 Speaker 1: be a conscious connection to the resource. Right, there's incredible beauty. 487 00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 1: If I can like slow myself down enough to take 488 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,560 Speaker 1: it in that can be a resource. I mean that's 489 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 1: also maybe a little help now too well, but it's 490 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,960 Speaker 1: it's both and they do overlap. Yeah, So the health 491 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 1: now skills are when we are really bumped out in 492 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,640 Speaker 1: the high or low zone, we need something very quickly 493 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:55,320 Speaker 1: that can come in and regulate us. And so this 494 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,680 Speaker 1: is a list actually on the actual app, there's a 495 00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,800 Speaker 1: list of ten things, but I often invite people to 496 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:03,400 Speaker 1: add to it because actually the scent one is not 497 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,560 Speaker 1: quite on there as far as I can recall. But 498 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:10,040 Speaker 1: I invite people really to pick out maybe two that 499 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 1: speak to you, and those are the ones that you 500 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: practice with. I have the ones that are my go 501 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 1: to ones. Those are the entry point because maybe I'm 502 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 1: too bumped out to even find my resource, but I 503 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,440 Speaker 1: can find a help now scope and I can do that, 504 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,440 Speaker 1: and that might get me notched down or notched up 505 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,280 Speaker 1: enough in order to find a resource, and then I 506 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,400 Speaker 1: can get more back in my zone. And that's really 507 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 1: the point of them. Got love help Now. These skills 508 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 1: do overlap, and you're going to find that, like when 509 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 1: we're inter weaving the gestures with the resourcing and all that. 510 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:42,840 Speaker 1: You know, we can talk about gesturing in a moment. 511 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,400 Speaker 1: But yes, the key about resourcing that I think is 512 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,360 Speaker 1: so important is that we need to tell the story 513 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:54,640 Speaker 1: of the resource to make it alive enough that when 514 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,880 Speaker 1: I go into the body for the sensory experience, it's 515 00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 1: big enough to override my automatic lenin to distress, brilliant. 516 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,440 Speaker 1: It completely mirrors what Dr Dodas spans it talks about 517 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,600 Speaker 1: that he says that an experience, that experience becomes our 518 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,640 Speaker 1: unconscious mind. Right. So, and you said in the last 519 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: podcast that we received most of our information from the 520 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,440 Speaker 1: body to the head and the other in the opposite direction. 521 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,720 Speaker 1: So we have to tell the story of the experience 522 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,840 Speaker 1: so that it feels real for us in our bodies 523 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 1: and our in our nervous systems to override the habit, 524 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:37,400 Speaker 1: the programming of the maladaptive um stress response. That's exactly right. 525 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,160 Speaker 1: It can't just be like, oh, Laverne, think about that thing. 526 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,239 Speaker 1: Sometimes a resource is powerful enough that I could say, oh, 527 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:46,720 Speaker 1: just think about your boyfriend, right, and I'm sure that 528 00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,960 Speaker 1: would light up already. It starts a cascade going. But 529 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 1: isn't it much more rich when you tell me the 530 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,360 Speaker 1: story of the roof. And then if that got too 531 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,760 Speaker 1: big and too much, let's say hypothetically we were in 532 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,960 Speaker 1: a session, I would justly bring us back to the 533 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,360 Speaker 1: part of the resource that's really pleasant. It wasn't sad. 534 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,200 Speaker 1: It I was crying because I was I was so happy, 535 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,200 Speaker 1: Like the tears were coming because I was so happy 536 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,960 Speaker 1: and it and it also felt like, oh my god. Safety, 537 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 1: you know that the thing of like so much of 538 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 1: what I'm struggling with in my body right as much 539 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:26,479 Speaker 1: as like intellectually I'm like I'm safe, my nervous system 540 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,160 Speaker 1: she doesn't feel safe. You know, I'm forty nine years old. 541 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,040 Speaker 1: I can't keep living with this toxic stress. And I mean, 542 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 1: you know, there's all the studies about heart disease, about diabetes, 543 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:40,320 Speaker 1: about the negative health consequences that come from this. But 544 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:44,080 Speaker 1: like it feels like a matter of life or death. 545 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,360 Speaker 1: It's time for a short break. When we come back 546 00:31:48,800 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 1: more with our guest, we are back picking up where 547 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:15,480 Speaker 1: we left on the way politicians get reelected. The way 548 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 1: like media organizations like get us to click on things 549 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:23,600 Speaker 1: is to like make us outraged afraid, and we click 550 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,480 Speaker 1: and then we like, and then it's just we get 551 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 1: addicted to that, and we keep going and it's stressful, 552 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:32,000 Speaker 1: and we're all stressed out and worried. It's the cycle 553 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,360 Speaker 1: that's going on inside our bodies. But then it's like 554 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 1: everything external that I feel like I have to put 555 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:41,280 Speaker 1: down as well if I want to survive. I think 556 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,920 Speaker 1: you're right, it is a public health crisis, which means 557 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:50,080 Speaker 1: there's a biological imperative that we take some action and 558 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:54,200 Speaker 1: do this daily to actually regulate, because otherwise, how are 559 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 1: we going to deal with this life, in this world 560 00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:59,720 Speaker 1: and this planet that we're on right now? How are 561 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,959 Speaker 1: we going to do it? And I think that speaks 562 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,320 Speaker 1: to your question of how do we bring it in? 563 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:09,000 Speaker 1: And again I'm not in any way knocking meditation practices 564 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,240 Speaker 1: or you know, other forms. What I love about these 565 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 1: skills more than anything is how fast I could do them. 566 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:21,240 Speaker 1: I don't have to sit for twenty minutes to get regulated. 567 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:25,160 Speaker 1: I can actually get regulated in about thirty seconds if 568 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,120 Speaker 1: I can pay attention, you know, if I do, for example, 569 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:29,880 Speaker 1: I help now skill which I'm just going to name 570 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,040 Speaker 1: a couple, it could be like sipping something warm or cool. 571 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,520 Speaker 1: It could be looking around the room and naming colors 572 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,240 Speaker 1: or naming items in the room, you know, pushing on something, 573 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:42,720 Speaker 1: pulling something. Those things are very quickly regulating for the 574 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 1: nervous system. If we then pay attention to how that 575 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 1: shifts in the inside. And when you speak to practicing, 576 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 1: there's a technique called habit stacking. Habit stacking. I love that. 577 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: I don't know what it means, but it sounds really cool. 578 00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:01,000 Speaker 1: Habit stacking is that on a mint of habits stacking 579 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:07,120 Speaker 1: on ama, I just like saying on Amonopeia anyway, go no. 580 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,600 Speaker 1: So can we notice though right here the word can 581 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 1: be a resource. You like saying it and you're laughing 582 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,720 Speaker 1: and giggling and the brightness of your smile, Like anything 583 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,400 Speaker 1: that doesn't suck can be a resource. And so with 584 00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:24,399 Speaker 1: habits stacking. Habits stacking is about taking something new that 585 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,799 Speaker 1: you want to practice and pairing it with something that 586 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:30,480 Speaker 1: you already do. So if I brush my teeth every 587 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:34,520 Speaker 1: morning and every evening, I'm going to pair practicing my 588 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:38,640 Speaker 1: resourcing or practicing grounding, or practicing a help now skill 589 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:43,319 Speaker 1: while I'm also brushing my teeth, or before after I'm 590 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,640 Speaker 1: brushing my teeth, so I do it at the same time. 591 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:51,759 Speaker 1: So then again you're creating new habits, pathways, new neural pathways, 592 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:56,400 Speaker 1: new neuropathways, neuroplasticity, and we're breaking the habit of being 593 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,360 Speaker 1: ourselves in the parlance of Dr Joe just spins that. 594 00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,200 Speaker 1: And what is great and encouraging about the world right 595 00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:03,560 Speaker 1: now is that a lot of there is a lot 596 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,360 Speaker 1: of talk about self care and mental health, like publicly 597 00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,399 Speaker 1: right now and Naomi Asaka just I don't know why, 598 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 1: I just she just her withdrawing from the French Open 599 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,560 Speaker 1: citing mental health and then like it, making international news 600 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,680 Speaker 1: feels like a huge intervention for some reason to me, 601 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:20,880 Speaker 1: someone like me, and I think for a world that 602 00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,400 Speaker 1: is so like about success, right like that in America 603 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,799 Speaker 1: were like I want to be successful. I have internalized 604 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,600 Speaker 1: I have to work harder than everybody else, Like I 605 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,960 Speaker 1: have to work twice as hard. I have to like 606 00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:34,520 Speaker 1: just nose to the grindstone and just give it, give 607 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,120 Speaker 1: it given. I want to go hard, but like my 608 00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:40,359 Speaker 1: nervous system is like saying no, Like you know, it's 609 00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:41,960 Speaker 1: so funny because like I want to be Beyonce and 610 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,239 Speaker 1: j Lo, Like I look at those women and I'm 611 00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,800 Speaker 1: like they are clearly working harder than everybody else and 612 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,080 Speaker 1: that's why they're more successful, right, And so like I 613 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:52,359 Speaker 1: want to work harder than everybody else. But maybe they 614 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,120 Speaker 1: don't have the same trauma and stress talks of stress 615 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,320 Speaker 1: that I do. I don't know, maybe they don't. But 616 00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,640 Speaker 1: also we don't know what they do to cultivate rest 617 00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,440 Speaker 1: and play in their own lives as hard as they're working. 618 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,000 Speaker 1: Let's remember that one of Bernet's guide posts a wholehearted 619 00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: living is cultivating rest and play. And I'm letting go 620 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:15,759 Speaker 1: a productivity and self worth, right, which is hard for 621 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,640 Speaker 1: some of us. I know I am an over classic, 622 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,719 Speaker 1: over function or over worker, and it's hard I think 623 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,760 Speaker 1: being a helper, you know, being in a helping profession. 624 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,080 Speaker 1: I want to be of help. And so if somebody 625 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 1: needs a session, the question is am I also practicing 626 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:32,800 Speaker 1: what I preach? Am I'm modeling what I'm doing? Or 627 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,239 Speaker 1: am I still in that over functioning which kind of 628 00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:39,360 Speaker 1: can perpetuate that higher zone state. Well, you've told me 629 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:43,600 Speaker 1: I can't pour from an empty cup, So yeah, I 630 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,000 Speaker 1: mean again, like we can remind folks that these we 631 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:49,719 Speaker 1: wanted to just really key in on resourcing today. Let 632 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,600 Speaker 1: them the last conversation we talked about tracking and shiftin 633 00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,800 Speaker 1: s Day. You can listen to that last podcast, And 634 00:36:56,040 --> 00:37:00,439 Speaker 1: really this is about for me. It's again act seeing 635 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 1: these skills when things are going well, because I've been 636 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,520 Speaker 1: I had a panic attack in the airport. Oh that 637 00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,120 Speaker 1: was bad. I was a mess girl. I called you 638 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,080 Speaker 1: and you said, do you have any throat coat tea 639 00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,920 Speaker 1: bags in your purse? And I did because I often 640 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,799 Speaker 1: carry throat coat tea bags because that can you open 641 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,560 Speaker 1: it up? Can you just smell the tea bag? And 642 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,719 Speaker 1: I mentioned this because that helped a little bit. It 643 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,680 Speaker 1: got in a little bit. But once I'm in my 644 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,719 Speaker 1: high zone, once I'm in the panic attack, it is 645 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:34,160 Speaker 1: almost impossible for me to actually practice these skills, at 646 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,800 Speaker 1: least on my own. Well, I also think biologically, once 647 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,080 Speaker 1: you're in the wave of a panic attack, you're kind 648 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,399 Speaker 1: of riding that wave into the shore at that point. 649 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:47,480 Speaker 1: So the whole hope is that we can actually practice 650 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,800 Speaker 1: tracking enough that we can then catch the ramp before 651 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:52,680 Speaker 1: it goes all the way up, and then we might 652 00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:55,600 Speaker 1: be able to extinguish that and thwart a panic attack. 653 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,400 Speaker 1: The other thing I want to just note here with 654 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,880 Speaker 1: the scent is the ural factory bulb our sense of 655 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,200 Speaker 1: smell is the only sense in the body that links 656 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,360 Speaker 1: directly to the amygdala, which is the fierce appraisal center 657 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:13,200 Speaker 1: of the brain, and so it holds really highly charged memories. Right. 658 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,440 Speaker 1: Why does it do that? Well, if there's smoke on 659 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,360 Speaker 1: the horizon, I need to know to run away, or 660 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,120 Speaker 1: if the meat is bad, I know I need to 661 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:20,640 Speaker 1: know to not eat it. So it needs to give 662 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,640 Speaker 1: me cues really quickly. But it can also those scents 663 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,759 Speaker 1: can really quiet those yummy the throat coatie or like 664 00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:29,439 Speaker 1: I was just saying, the you know, the old book 665 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,600 Speaker 1: smell or scent of lavender for me is another scent. 666 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,520 Speaker 1: So it started to help. It started to poke in there, 667 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:39,240 Speaker 1: even in that moment, And that's a help now scaled 668 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:43,680 Speaker 1: that we can draw on immediately and then maybe callbody. 669 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,560 Speaker 1: But I could even I was so bumped out, I 670 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:50,040 Speaker 1: couldn't even get bring myself to think to pull out 671 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:53,560 Speaker 1: the t bag. No, at that point, No, at that point, 672 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: you're borrowing from another person's prefrontal cortex to help you 673 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,560 Speaker 1: get regulated. You're borrowing the thinking brain of somebody else 674 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,680 Speaker 1: because you're thinking brand has gone offline in that moment 675 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:07,000 Speaker 1: and that's great, brilliant. We schoually just do a little bit. 676 00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,800 Speaker 1: Gesturing basically is one of the skills and we're running 677 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,120 Speaker 1: at a time, but I just wanted to we we 678 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,319 Speaker 1: mentioned in and basically it's like, can you just talk 679 00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:16,000 Speaker 1: briefly about gesturing and we can incorporate it a little 680 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,720 Speaker 1: bit into the resource um And as you said earlier, 681 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,600 Speaker 1: we can move do multiple things at once with these skills, 682 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,560 Speaker 1: we can. And with gesturing, what we're really paying attention 683 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,320 Speaker 1: to is, let's say when you were in the resource, 684 00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:32,040 Speaker 1: the gesture you're making is often either enhancing or intensifying 685 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,920 Speaker 1: the resource, or it's also the body and the nervous 686 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:38,040 Speaker 1: system is settling, and the gestures will be ones of release, 687 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,200 Speaker 1: so I can feel my body letting go of that, 688 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,120 Speaker 1: and we'll make hand gestures or arm gestures that signify that. 689 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,719 Speaker 1: So we pay attention to that in this model, and 690 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,880 Speaker 1: we track it. We slow it down because typically gestures 691 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,200 Speaker 1: happen below consciousness. We're not aware of it, like I 692 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,120 Speaker 1: talked with my hands all the time, but some of 693 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,279 Speaker 1: the gestures can be really poignant, and when we slow 694 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 1: them down, the actually deepen and intensify the state of relaxation, 695 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,720 Speaker 1: or there might be some protective gesture, like I wanted 696 00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:08,879 Speaker 1: that person to just stop and I put my hand out. 697 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:13,400 Speaker 1: That's a protective gesture. Setting a boundary is really important, 698 00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,239 Speaker 1: and we might pay a somatic attention to that. And 699 00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,560 Speaker 1: there's two more. One is self soothing. So people that 700 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,200 Speaker 1: play with your hair like you play with your hair 701 00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,040 Speaker 1: actually quite a bit um and I would say that's 702 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,440 Speaker 1: a self soothing gesture if you call attention to it. 703 00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,719 Speaker 1: Or some people twiddle their thumbs, or some people shake 704 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,359 Speaker 1: their foot or shake their leg. Those things are self 705 00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:37,920 Speaker 1: soothing gestures, and they're typically very socially acceptable gestures. So 706 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,879 Speaker 1: we would intensify them, make them so then I could 707 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:44,280 Speaker 1: do it consciously, and then that could actually be soothing 708 00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,600 Speaker 1: and calming for my system. And then the other our 709 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:53,200 Speaker 1: universal spiritual gestures like prayer hands or open palms, like 710 00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:56,000 Speaker 1: those kinds of gestures, hand to the heart. We've seen 711 00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,880 Speaker 1: that all over the world. So those are the gestures 712 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:01,640 Speaker 1: that we can cultivate and pay attention to. What I 713 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,040 Speaker 1: love about gesturing as again as an actor and a 714 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,200 Speaker 1: danswer is that it is physicalized. Check Off has this 715 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:10,560 Speaker 1: idea of the psychological gesture there may be as something 716 00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,800 Speaker 1: that the character does, a specific particular movement that a 717 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:17,800 Speaker 1: character does that gives us clues about who that person 718 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,040 Speaker 1: is emotion or a movement that can get you right 719 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,800 Speaker 1: into character. So it's really interesting thinking about this in 720 00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,680 Speaker 1: relationship to what you're saying, what Dr Joe says, in 721 00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,880 Speaker 1: terms of like these resources that, once embodied, they can 722 00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:34,160 Speaker 1: become a rehearsal for the person that we want to be, 723 00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,640 Speaker 1: a rehearsal for the life that we want to live, 724 00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:40,040 Speaker 1: for the resilience that we want to um live in, 725 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,200 Speaker 1: rehearsal for the zone, rehearsal for you know, the new 726 00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:48,000 Speaker 1: character that we're creating that is ourselves. I love that. Yeah, totally, 727 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:52,400 Speaker 1: I love that. I love it too. Okay, So you 728 00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:54,919 Speaker 1: know we in the podcast with the question what else 729 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,080 Speaker 1: it's true. We've been talking about that the whole time. 730 00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:03,080 Speaker 1: But for you, Jennifer today, after this way else it's true. Well, 731 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:05,040 Speaker 1: I just want to thank you again. I want to 732 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,680 Speaker 1: thank you for having me back. I know it's a 733 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:10,600 Speaker 1: vulnerable thing when we're engaged in a therapy process already 734 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:14,799 Speaker 1: to then make that more open, and I'm just I'm 735 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,239 Speaker 1: touched and moved and also just honored because I really 736 00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,880 Speaker 1: have so long felt that these skills are so so 737 00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:25,399 Speaker 1: readily accessible and so needed, and it feels so good 738 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,399 Speaker 1: for me to be able to to get this out 739 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,160 Speaker 1: to a wider group of people, because these skills really 740 00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:34,560 Speaker 1: honestly saved my life. Um, I knew you were going 741 00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,480 Speaker 1: to ask me this question again today and I thought, 742 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:38,840 Speaker 1: Oh my god, what am I going to share? What 743 00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,080 Speaker 1: else is true? What else is true? And I thought 744 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:45,080 Speaker 1: about vulnerably sharing a resource of mind because I'm looking 745 00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:49,239 Speaker 1: at a picture of it right now. Well, music is 746 00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:51,280 Speaker 1: a huge resource for me, and I like all different 747 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,239 Speaker 1: kinds of music wide ranging, you know, operative heavy metal 748 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:58,520 Speaker 1: and everything in between, but sting in particular is a 749 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,880 Speaker 1: big resource for me. Several years back, I actually got 750 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,839 Speaker 1: an opportunity at a sound check to sing with him 751 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:09,200 Speaker 1: on stage, and that was I can feel it like 752 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:13,920 Speaker 1: bubbling up right now. What you say with staying at 753 00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:19,319 Speaker 1: a sound check? What? How did this happen? How did 754 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:21,800 Speaker 1: this happen? I was with a friend of mine and 755 00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,759 Speaker 1: we had sound check passes, and he at one point 756 00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:26,719 Speaker 1: during the sound check said, Okay, who wants to help 757 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:29,279 Speaker 1: me out on this next song? And I'm raising my 758 00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,920 Speaker 1: hand frantically, and my friend actually was pointing at me 759 00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:35,000 Speaker 1: because she knows I like to sing. And so he said, oh, 760 00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:37,520 Speaker 1: your friends nominating you, So you come up, and he 761 00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,719 Speaker 1: picked one other girl. And as we're both going up, 762 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,439 Speaker 1: the woman says in my ear, she says, can you sing? 763 00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:47,720 Speaker 1: And I said yes, and she says, oh, good, because 764 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:51,120 Speaker 1: I can't sing. And I'm like okay. And so we 765 00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:53,839 Speaker 1: go up on stage and you know, he's really nice, 766 00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:55,440 Speaker 1: and he, you know, gives us what. We're going to 767 00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:58,600 Speaker 1: share this mic. Right, We're gonna sing every breath you take. 768 00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:00,839 Speaker 1: We're gonna sing every breath you take. And he's going 769 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:02,800 Speaker 1: to sing the first line and then I'm going to 770 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,359 Speaker 1: sing the next line. She's going to sing the third, 771 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,560 Speaker 1: and we're going to go round about like that. And 772 00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,359 Speaker 1: then I got to harmonize with him, and we sang 773 00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:12,040 Speaker 1: the entire song from front to back. Did he take 774 00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:14,239 Speaker 1: the melody and you took like a higher harmony or 775 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,279 Speaker 1: did did you take the melody and he took a 776 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,640 Speaker 1: harmony I'm I'm wanting he was on the melody line 777 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,920 Speaker 1: and I took a higher harmony. And then he said, oh, 778 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:27,120 Speaker 1: she's harmonizing. Now. I love that that is so epic. 779 00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,000 Speaker 1: That is definitely what else is do? That's a resource? 780 00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,239 Speaker 1: Oh my god? And is there a photo of you 781 00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,280 Speaker 1: with staying? Is that what you're looking at? Well, there's 782 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:36,759 Speaker 1: He came to l A with his UM the Last 783 00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:40,000 Speaker 1: Ship with his Broadway show, and I waited at the 784 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,120 Speaker 1: stage door when he and he came out. So I 785 00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:44,600 Speaker 1: actually have a picture of him with my arm around 786 00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:47,000 Speaker 1: him in my hand on his chest. So that's the 787 00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:50,360 Speaker 1: picture I'm looking at right now. I love you waiting 788 00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,160 Speaker 1: at this stage door for staying. Like that makes me 789 00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,160 Speaker 1: like really happy. I've waited at the stage door too 790 00:44:56,239 --> 00:45:02,960 Speaker 1: in my day. Yes, And can we just notice right 791 00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,440 Speaker 1: now in the connection that we're having right now in 792 00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,520 Speaker 1: this moment, in that resource way, and what that's like. 793 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:13,400 Speaker 1: We're co regulating, we are, we are, We're doing the 794 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:16,440 Speaker 1: skills not even knowing it. But now that you've pointed 795 00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,520 Speaker 1: it out, we can bank this moment. We can bank 796 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,960 Speaker 1: the like sharing of this this staying stories epic. I 797 00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,080 Speaker 1: love staying. I'm actually my boyfriend and I we UM 798 00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,680 Speaker 1: on vacation. We were singing every breath you take as well, 799 00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:29,359 Speaker 1: like not with staying well with the recording is staying, 800 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:32,759 Speaker 1: not like standing next to him and the STIPU take. 801 00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:45,720 Speaker 1: I'll be watching you watching okay on that note, podcast 802 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,080 Speaker 1: has gone very free willing, okay. Thank you so much. Jennifer. 803 00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:53,600 Speaker 1: Are you on social media? People follow you somewhere. I 804 00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:56,640 Speaker 1: do have a website, Yes, the website. I have a website. 805 00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:59,320 Speaker 1: They can find me at Jennifer Burton m f T 806 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:04,360 Speaker 1: dot com. Thank you so much. I love it. Thank you. 807 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:11,280 Speaker 1: I hope that in finding Jennifer back and going deeper 808 00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:16,760 Speaker 1: into the work of the community Resiliency model has helped 809 00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:21,000 Speaker 1: you to understand this process more and how you may 810 00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:25,040 Speaker 1: be able to use it in your life. I'm obsessed 811 00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:27,720 Speaker 1: right now with habits stacking. While I'm brushing my teeth, 812 00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:32,480 Speaker 1: I can practice the resource. I love what Jennifer shared 813 00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:35,680 Speaker 1: with us encouraged us to do around practicing the skills, 814 00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:39,040 Speaker 1: rehearsing them in an experiential way, and it's very much 815 00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:41,520 Speaker 1: related to what Dr Doda spins I talked about that 816 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:45,680 Speaker 1: we need the experience of it to override the hardwiring, 817 00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:50,560 Speaker 1: to override the trauma pathways. For me specifically, I love that. 818 00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,920 Speaker 1: I love that this is related to the work that 819 00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,560 Speaker 1: we talked about with doctrinating Borke Harris, the attachment theory 820 00:46:57,680 --> 00:46:59,719 Speaker 1: work that we talked about with Dr Wendy, washed self 821 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:03,560 Speaker 1: come fashion peace that we talked about with Kristin Neff, 822 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,200 Speaker 1: to post traumatic slave syndrome. So all of these things 823 00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:09,879 Speaker 1: are connected. You know, I've been with Jennifer for five 824 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,399 Speaker 1: years now, and she brought up attachment theory, she brought 825 00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:16,759 Speaker 1: up you know, adverse childhood experiences, et cetera. Right, and 826 00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:19,920 Speaker 1: there's only so much that we can get to at once, 827 00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:24,200 Speaker 1: so easy does it. We don't want, like the therapeutic 828 00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:26,239 Speaker 1: process to be too much, too fast, too soon, So 829 00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,800 Speaker 1: we have to take things in pieces. Right. It's like 830 00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:31,080 Speaker 1: an onion that you sort of feel. You peel back 831 00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:33,640 Speaker 1: one layer and there's another one. Jennifer has given us 832 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,680 Speaker 1: some very concrete work that we can do right now, 833 00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:40,480 Speaker 1: some help now that we can do so that we 834 00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:43,120 Speaker 1: can connect to the world around us, so that we 835 00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:47,840 Speaker 1: can connect to the things that make us human. And 836 00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:52,200 Speaker 1: best of luck to you in your search for your 837 00:47:52,320 --> 00:48:05,320 Speaker 1: resilience for being the very best version of yourself. M H. 838 00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:11,600 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to the Laverne Cox Show. 839 00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:15,600 Speaker 1: Join me next week for my conversation with multi award 840 00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:21,279 Speaker 1: winning actor, singer, director, composer, playwright, fashion icon, the one 841 00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,960 Speaker 1: and only Billy Porter. I mean girl, How can you 842 00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:33,680 Speaker 1: miss it? Please? Rate, review, subscribe and share with everyone 843 00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,440 Speaker 1: you know. You can find me on Instagram and Twitter 844 00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:40,120 Speaker 1: at Laverne Cox and on Facebook at Laverne Cox for Real. 845 00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:57,120 Speaker 1: Until next time, stay in the love. The Laverne Cox 846 00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:59,840 Speaker 1: Show is a production of Shonda land Audio in partners 847 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:03,480 Speaker 1: it with I heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, 848 00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:07,360 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 849 00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:08,880 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.