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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's The Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson. All right, Johnnie Starkins is here.

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Speaker 1: You are a excuse me, professional speaker. I could actually

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Speaker 1: use some of those skills right now. Clearly teacher, a

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Speaker 1: personal development coach. You do lots of classes, workshops, seminars.

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Speaker 1: You also work with a lot of athletes. I was

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Speaker 1: just telling you, I'm such a huge fan of some

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Speaker 1: of your clients. Tyranne Matthew from LSU. Back in the day,

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Speaker 1: we called him the honey Badger. Obviously they still do. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he was. He's amazing. UM. But before we get into

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Speaker 1: all the stuff that you do now, which obviously we'll

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Speaker 1: go back and talk about that. I was drawn to you.

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Speaker 1: We met on Instagram, and I was really drawn to

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Speaker 1: you because of the work you do in twelve step

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Speaker 1: recovery and how open you are with your journey. I

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Speaker 1: think that's just such an amazing part. And I love

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Speaker 1: hearing people's stories. I'm also in recovery, and so I

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Speaker 1: resonate a lot with the work you do. Things you

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Speaker 1: talk about, UM, and this month on the podcast we're

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Speaker 1: talking about reflection, so obviously recovery is so based in reflection,

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Speaker 1: looking back at your story, looking at how far you've come,

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Speaker 1: the progress, all of it, the steps and them in

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Speaker 1: and of themselves are just about reflection. So I wanted

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Speaker 1: to go back in. I know for me and recovery,

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Speaker 1: what we talked about is what it was like, um,

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Speaker 1: what happened, and what it's like now. So I thought

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Speaker 1: maybe we could do that a little bit with your story,

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Speaker 1: and can you start with just telling us what it

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Speaker 1: was like? Yeah, for sure. So I always on our

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Speaker 1: on our podcast, Darren and I, the first question we

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Speaker 1: ask is growing up for me? Was like right, and

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Speaker 1: we kind of shaped our comeback stories the questions around

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Speaker 1: that same model of what it what it was like,

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Speaker 1: what happened, and what it's like now, so we can

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Speaker 1: shape the story. But for me, growing up was actually easy.

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Speaker 1: It was sports came easy to me. Um. I just

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Speaker 1: felt like my childhood. My parents got divorced when I

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Speaker 1: was seven. I don't remember much of that. I understand

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Speaker 1: probably some type of trauma there, but they always made

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Speaker 1: the best out of what could have been have been

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Speaker 1: a bad situation. And I just grew up playing football, baseball, soccer,

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Speaker 1: played baseball, all the way up until my senior year

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Speaker 1: at Arizona State University. And UH, fifteen games into my

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Speaker 1: senior year, I had a massive traumatic knee injury, a

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Speaker 1: knee surgery, had a cadaver transplant of my meniscus. I

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Speaker 1: was the first person in Arizona to ever had this surgery.

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Speaker 1: But the doctor assured me that if all went well,

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Speaker 1: it would be like having a new knee and maybe

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Speaker 1: I would even be able to play again. And so

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I'll do it, I'll medical red shirt

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Speaker 1: and maybe I'll get another shot at it. But the

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Speaker 1: day I woke up from that surgery, I knew baseball

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Speaker 1: was over for me, just from the massive signs and

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Speaker 1: scars of trauma. My whole leg was bruised from my

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Speaker 1: hip to my toes um, and then the unbearable pain.

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Speaker 1: I just knew it was a wrap. And from that

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Speaker 1: day and for many years after, my world got turned

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Speaker 1: upside down from the life of an addiction addiction to

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Speaker 1: pain pills. Pain pills are what had its grip on me.

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Speaker 1: Pain pills, but also if I couldn't get pain pills

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Speaker 1: and X value just like prescription pills, I did a

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Speaker 1: lot of other drugs also, but really what had its

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Speaker 1: grip on me were the pills and my my addiction.

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Speaker 1: I mean it was off and on for a good

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Speaker 1: ten plus years of just like you know, just self destruction,

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Speaker 1: taking down people with me, selfish, self centered living, UM

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Speaker 1: to the point where my life got so bad that

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Speaker 1: I ended up in rehab. And when I got into rehab,

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Speaker 1: I actually started to get really curious about what the

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Speaker 1: hell happened to my life, Like I was this baseball player,

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Speaker 1: that was my identity, this star athlete, and now I'm

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Speaker 1: a drug at it? Where did it all go wrong?

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Speaker 1: And as I started to dive into the work, and

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Speaker 1: I was getting one on one therapy and starting to

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Speaker 1: dive into the twelve steps and actually do some inner work,

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Speaker 1: what I uncovered was that I actually didn't want to

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Speaker 1: feel the emotional pain of the loss of baseball, the

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Speaker 1: loss of my purpose, the love of my life. Um,

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Speaker 1: one day it was comply gone and I didn't have

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Speaker 1: any other plan, I didn't have my My whole identity

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Speaker 1: was wrapped in that, and so I actually didn't want

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Speaker 1: to feel the emotional pain. Yes there was physical pain. Yes,

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Speaker 1: the doctor prescribed me eighty percoset a week for a

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Speaker 1: month straight and then cut me off cold turkey, and

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Speaker 1: so I was set up. My lost baseball, went through

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Speaker 1: a breakup, had to drop out of my classes my

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Speaker 1: senior year because in my mind, I was like, it's

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Speaker 1: my senior year. All I'm gonna do is be on crutches,

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Speaker 1: so I'll just study. But I was so messed up

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Speaker 1: and in so much pain, like bed ridden for a

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Speaker 1: month straight, that I had to drop out of my

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Speaker 1: classes also. So yeah, there was a lot of that

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Speaker 1: type of trauma. But when I stopped blaming everybody else

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Speaker 1: and just took ownership and took personal responsibility um and

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Speaker 1: let go of the resentments of the blaming of this

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Speaker 1: doctor who manipulated me of having the surgery and then

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Speaker 1: giving me all these pain pills. When I let go

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Speaker 1: of that whole story and just took ownership, everything really

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Speaker 1: changed for me. And it was like I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to feel the emotional pain. So that's why I numbed

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Speaker 1: out every single day. That's my core wound. It's the

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Speaker 1: loss and the pain of losing my purpose, the only

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Speaker 1: thing I ever knew. How important do you think having

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Speaker 1: a purpose is to our lives? I think it's vital.

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Speaker 1: If we want to live, we might continue to live,

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Speaker 1: but are we really living a purpose driven life now?

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Speaker 1: I also believe that our purposes in static. It's not

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Speaker 1: something we declare a purpose statement and live by that

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Speaker 1: the rest of our lives. I believe our purposes dynamic.

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Speaker 1: It's fluid. But what's consistent in static are are our

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Speaker 1: natural gifts and talents. And so it's really more about

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Speaker 1: getting crystal clear on what your natural gifts talents are,

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Speaker 1: and then what are the causes that you believe in,

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Speaker 1: and then how can you use your gifts to be

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Speaker 1: of service to me? That is like, that's purpose and

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Speaker 1: how beautiful that my selfish, self centered living in my addiction,

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Speaker 1: which is the core of my disease is selfishness and

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Speaker 1: self centeredness the disease of addiction. That the antidote is service.

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Speaker 1: And so I've been able to find this massive life

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Speaker 1: hack of being able to serve others, and boy does

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Speaker 1: it help me stay out of my own way when

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Speaker 1: I'm not thinking about myself and just thinking about helping others.

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Speaker 1: And to be able to create a cool little career

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Speaker 1: in doing that is is even better. But it's all

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Speaker 1: because of my past, my past used to bury me

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Speaker 1: in guilt and shame, going from this baseball player to

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Speaker 1: a drug addict. That really messed with me for a while.

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Speaker 1: But today it's my best asset by far the It's

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Speaker 1: the best thing that ever happened to me. And it's wild,

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Speaker 1: but it's only when I became willing to do the

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Speaker 1: work and really owned it and cleaned up like the

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Speaker 1: wreckage of my past. I've heard you say in a

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Speaker 1: podcast before that your mess is your message, which I love, um.

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Speaker 1: And I also hear you saying when you're talking about

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Speaker 1: your purpose being baseball and like that maybe we can't

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Speaker 1: just make this statement and we're gonna have this huge

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Speaker 1: realization of like, this is my life purpose. But how

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Speaker 1: life really works is that you know, we have these

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Speaker 1: passions and these purposes, but they can shift. And so

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Speaker 1: in your story, you had the baseball package as your purpose,

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Speaker 1: but that wasn't in the cards for the rest of

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Speaker 1: your life maybe or to even take it to the

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Speaker 1: next level. So what happened. I know you've talked a

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Speaker 1: lot about the pills coming into play, but what happened

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Speaker 1: that help you get to that shift? Um? My life

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Speaker 1: had was like when the pain of staying the same

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Speaker 1: outweighed the pain of change when I go so miserable,

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Speaker 1: when my addiction um was beating me up so bad,

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Speaker 1: that vicious cycle of waking up every single morning and

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Speaker 1: not thinking about the moment I woke up, not thinking

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Speaker 1: about breakfast or any kind of morning routine or going

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Speaker 1: to the gym or even taking a shower. It was

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Speaker 1: reached for the pills wherever the pills are, because I

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Speaker 1: would wake up and the anxiety would start, and the

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Speaker 1: fear would start about just trying to live life on

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Speaker 1: life's terms, and so immediately that cycle would continue. That

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Speaker 1: would start the moment I will up, so I would

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Speaker 1: need to take my pills on an empty stomach, which

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Speaker 1: the pills would kick in like twenty minutes, and I

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Speaker 1: would get like this, like like what a breath does

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Speaker 1: for me today, This calms, like this calm cover over me,

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Speaker 1: where now I could go out and step outside my

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Speaker 1: house and not be in fear for a couple of hours,

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Speaker 1: and then the pills would wear off and then the

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Speaker 1: cycle would continue. So there was this mental obsession of

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Speaker 1: just being completely u hijacked and hijacked and dependent and

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Speaker 1: hooked on these pills that it just became so exhausting.

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Speaker 1: And then also the shame and the pain that I

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Speaker 1: was putting my family through, you know, the worry, the

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Speaker 1: sleepless nights from my parents, and just like being a

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Speaker 1: liar and just not being an honest person, definitely not

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Speaker 1: being honest with myself. And you get to the point

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Speaker 1: where you feel so crappy about yourself that you don't

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Speaker 1: want to be around anybody, so you just isolate, right,

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Speaker 1: and then then there becomes this like self pity and

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Speaker 1: this victimization that nobody understands, nobody understands what I'm going through.

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Speaker 1: This doctor totally screwed me over. When the truth is

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Speaker 1: a lot of people understood and a lot of people

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Speaker 1: have been in that was in that exact same position.

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Speaker 1: So I'm always talking about how the only story that

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Speaker 1: matters is the one you tell yourself, and um, I

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Speaker 1: was telling myself that story that I'm alone. You know,

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Speaker 1: I know you had one of my friends and one

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Speaker 1: of our guests that we had, Andrew Robinson. What an

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Speaker 1: amazing guy, right, and just you know, we interviewed into

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Speaker 1: and to walk through and to ask those questions, It's like,

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Speaker 1: what is the story you're telling yourself that you would

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Speaker 1: make that that the like, that's like the extreme example,

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Speaker 1: right that, Like, I don't want to live anymore, so

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Speaker 1: I'm going to take my life now. You know where

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Speaker 1: our focus goes, energy flows, so like when we continue

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Speaker 1: to keep telling ourselves that story, will it becomes our reality.

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Speaker 1: And my mind is different than Drew's, but in a sense,

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Speaker 1: it was the same story that nobody understood, which which

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Speaker 1: is total b s. There's a lot of people there,

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Speaker 1: and that's how cool that today. Yes, my mess is

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Speaker 1: my message, and part of being a service is just

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Speaker 1: sharing my story. And yeah, there were shameful things that

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Speaker 1: I did, but you know what, the shame is lifted

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Speaker 1: the more that I just tell my story because I

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Speaker 1: know I'm helping somebody else, not by doing anything crazy,

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Speaker 1: but just being honest about my own story. Do you

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Speaker 1: find I think this is so interesting about addiction, and

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Speaker 1: I think this is shifting a little bit, especially with

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Speaker 1: alcoholism and those buzzwords. I know there's other people I've

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Speaker 1: worked with with sex addiction or different kinds of addiction

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Speaker 1: that are it's still a little bit like people aren't understanding.

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Speaker 1: But I love what you said about you were taking

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Speaker 1: the pills to outrun the feelings. And I think that

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Speaker 1: is what addiction is, or that's how it's been in

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Speaker 1: my life, my drug of choices, codependency. It's a little

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Speaker 1: bit different, but um, it can look the same, like

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Speaker 1: I'll stay in a relationship too long because I want

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Speaker 1: to outrun the pain of a breakup and I want

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Speaker 1: to just pretend like it's it doesn't exist, or you know,

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Speaker 1: like stuff it down, stuff it down, stuff and down.

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Speaker 1: And I have my own different ways of medicating that.

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Speaker 1: But I think that if a lot of people got honest,

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Speaker 1: or if if we were talking about this more, it's

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Speaker 1: so much more common than we actually realized. Because we're

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Speaker 1: a lot of us as humans are very scared of

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Speaker 1: the stories and the pain in our head. But as

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Speaker 1: you're saying, the more we speak it out loud, or

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Speaker 1: the more we actually take the steps to walk through it, um,

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Speaker 1: maybe we start realizing, wait, this isn't that weird. And

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Speaker 1: of course you would have grief around losing baseball like

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Speaker 1: that was what you thought your whole purpose was, right,

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Speaker 1: And so twelve step actually just gives you the place

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Speaker 1: to go say these things out loud and to actually

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Speaker 1: have the tool set to walk through hard feelings that

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Speaker 1: we're all going to face in life. Do you find

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Speaker 1: that with addiction, like there's still this taboo that people

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Speaker 1: are like, oh, he's an addict, versus like looking at it, like, man,

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Speaker 1: he's courageous enough to walk through the hard feelings of life. Yeah. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: although I think it's the stigma has been lifted compared

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Speaker 1: to maybe ten years ago, and it's it's people like yourself.

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Speaker 1: It's you know, like Darren Darren Waller, my co host

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Speaker 1: on my podcast, for him to speak openly about his

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Speaker 1: addiction and to to watch what's happened and unfolded since then,

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Speaker 1: where his teammate Max Crosby all pro um been two

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Speaker 1: years sober. We're talking about it and celebrating this and

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Speaker 1: making it public. Um Darren's other teammate Carl Nassib, who

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Speaker 1: came out as first active player to come out as

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Speaker 1: openly gay. Now he credits Carl's on our podcast too,

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Speaker 1: and he credits um Darren for giving him permission. So

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Speaker 1: it's like, you know, to be the lone wolf to

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Speaker 1: be able to give permission for others. And even though

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Speaker 1: Darren's story is different than Carl's story, Carl felt safe

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Speaker 1: enough to share his story because of Darren's vulnerability. And

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Speaker 1: so this is how we break the stigma. And yes,

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Speaker 1: addiction comes in. You know. The stigma might be more

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Speaker 1: around drugs and alcohol, but my god, I mean the

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Speaker 1: phone alone is its own addiction. But there's a plenty

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Speaker 1: of other addictions out there, and I think it all

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Speaker 1: stems from our unwillingness to feel like the unwanted stuff, right,

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Speaker 1: And so like the drugs and the alcohol or whatever,

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Speaker 1: addiction is just a symptom, but it's usually something deeper,

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Speaker 1: and it's it's that we don't I always ask myself,

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Speaker 1: what am I unwilling to feel? Right? So in the

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Speaker 1: order of the heel that we have to feel it,

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Speaker 1: and people don't want to when unwanted stuff comes up,

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Speaker 1: we don't want to feel it. So we numb it,

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Speaker 1: we suppress it, and we push it down. But the

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Speaker 1: body remembers everything. So it's like what Trench Shelton was

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Speaker 1: on our on our show and he said, what we

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Speaker 1: suppress turns into depression. And it's true, you know, And

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Speaker 1: so the only way we'll ever really get through it

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Speaker 1: is we have to go through it. We have to

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Speaker 1: walk through the fire. And even though it might be

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable and painful and hard sometimes always there like liberation

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Speaker 1: and freedom on the other side of that. But we

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Speaker 1: have to kind of turn and face what we've been

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Speaker 1: running from, right and and instead and and turn and

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Speaker 1: face and be able to sit in that discomfort to

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Speaker 1: actually work through it. And yeah, freedom, freedom is a

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Speaker 1: word for me that runs really deep. And I think

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Speaker 1: willingness and freedom go hand in hand. And more willing

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Speaker 1: I am to do the work and we're willing I

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Speaker 1: am to serve, the more free I can be. And

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's freedom for ourselves, it's freedom from ourselves,

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Speaker 1: like just getting out of our own way. Yes, I

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Speaker 1: think it's so interesting because even what you just said

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Speaker 1: about we just have to be willing to feel. It's like,

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Speaker 1: I think there's probably a lot of people listening that

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Speaker 1: would go But how like it's not like it's so

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Speaker 1: interesting to me in our culture that we're not necessarily

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Speaker 1: taught these skills, Like we go to school and we

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Speaker 1: learn about algebra, which you know, I never used in

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Speaker 1: my life, but like I wasn't taught basic skill sets

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Speaker 1: to walk through emotions like I'm a feeler and so

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Speaker 1: I have emotions all the time, and I can't contain

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Speaker 1: them necessarily. It's something I've learned to get better at obviously,

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Speaker 1: but like I wasn't really taught how to navigate that.

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Speaker 1: And I think that that is such a disservice that

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Speaker 1: we do for each other, is to not teach these

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Speaker 1: skill sets. Is there one moment that you remember where

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Speaker 1: you did finally go I'm going to be willing and

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Speaker 1: I'm going to show up and someone gave you the

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Speaker 1: tools to actually start taking that step forward to those feelings. Well,

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Speaker 1: I had a moment of clarity and rehab that first

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Speaker 1: night where I was just like praying to God. I

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Speaker 1: don't even know the God or what I was praying to.

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Speaker 1: I was just so desperate that I said, God, please

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Speaker 1: just tell me what I need to do to get

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Speaker 1: it right this time. Please, I'm so willing. Now I

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Speaker 1: had I had gone to meetings before. I would go

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Speaker 1: to meetings to keep my parents off my back because

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to go to rehab and stop my

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Speaker 1: life for thirty days or have the stigma around going

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Speaker 1: to rehab. I didn't want to do that which I

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Speaker 1: had nothing going on. So like thirty eight is not

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Speaker 1: going to be a big deal. But in my story,

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Speaker 1: in my head was like, oh no, that's not for me.

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Speaker 1: So the meetings were just to keep my parents off

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Speaker 1: my back. But you know that. Obviously I didn't work

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't listening in there. But as I laid

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Speaker 1: and rehab that first night, and I said, please just

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Speaker 1: tell me what I need to do to get it right. Um,

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Speaker 1: every night at seven pm, two people would come in

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Speaker 1: to host a meeting, twelve step meeting, and that first

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Speaker 1: night it was the Pills anonymous meeting, and the gentleman

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Speaker 1: sharing was saying things like, go to meetings, get a sponsor,

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Speaker 1: worked the steps with that sponsor, be of service. And

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Speaker 1: I heard it for the first time. Mind you, I've

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Speaker 1: been going to meetings before and they've been saying all

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Speaker 1: these same things, but I was never hearing it. And

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Speaker 1: now I had asked God, please speak to me. So

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Speaker 1: I believe that he came through the mouths of those

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Speaker 1: gentlemen sharing in that first meeting, and I knew what

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Speaker 1: I needed to do. After day one and rehab, I

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Speaker 1: had plenty of work to do on myself, but I

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Speaker 1: knew what it was going to take once I got

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Speaker 1: out of rehab and so that was kind of my

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Speaker 1: big moment of clarity. And then you know, in my sobriety,

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Speaker 1: you know my mom, she was the one that got

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Speaker 1: me into yoga. I teach yoga and mindfulness and meditation,

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Speaker 1: and early on when I was suffering in my addiction,

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Speaker 1: dying physically, dying spiritually, my body is a mess of

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Speaker 1: at seven surgeries on my left knee, my right hit,

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Speaker 1: my low back, the whole body is just banged up.

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Speaker 1: And um, I would tell my mom, like, yoga's for

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Speaker 1: girls and hippies. I'm not doing that crap, And that

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Speaker 1: was more in my mind. I wasn't open minded. And

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Speaker 1: I finally went one day and I went to that

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Speaker 1: yoga class, and I knew I would do yoga for

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Speaker 1: the rest of my life just from a physical standpoint,

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Speaker 1: But little did I know what it would do for

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Speaker 1: the mind and the soul. But the physical practice gave

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Speaker 1: me access to it, and just because of the reprieve

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Speaker 1: I was getting from my hip and my low back,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my God, this is what I need.

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Speaker 1: So I fell in love with it. And then I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to teacher training and learn about it,

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Speaker 1: not necessarily knowing if I was going to teach. Once

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Speaker 1: I got into teacher training and I'm like, I gotta

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Speaker 1: teach this, I gotta share this. This is amazing, And

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Speaker 1: that kind of evolved into yoga, meditation and then being

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Speaker 1: a coach, being a personal development coach, and then doing

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Speaker 1: some speaking, and I get to work with all walks

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Speaker 1: of life, from the all pro NFL football player to

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Speaker 1: the you know, the stay at home mom, the empty

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Speaker 1: nester that maybe has lost her purpose because her last

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Speaker 1: child has now left house and she doesn't know who

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Speaker 1: she is because all of her identity was wrapped in

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Speaker 1: being a mom. So I feel like the work, the

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Speaker 1: work I might do with my athlete, and the work

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Speaker 1: I might do with the mom, it's actually all the same.

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Speaker 1: It's all the same type of work, and it's all

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Speaker 1: around self love and self esteem and self sabotage and

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Speaker 1: values and defining your purpose. So it's just it's cool.

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Speaker 1: It's like a it's a universal teaching that I think

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Speaker 1: applies to everybody. And yes, it's the stuff that we

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Speaker 1: didn't learn in school. Would have been nice, but we didn't,

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Speaker 1: we didn't get a taste of it. Then maybe we

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Speaker 1: should start those programs. Yeah, well, since you mentioned that,

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Speaker 1: you know, you feel like it's the same for everyone.

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Speaker 1: Why do you think as humans it's so hard to

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Speaker 1: ask for help or admit we have a problem. I've

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Speaker 1: heard you tell your story and you said you woke

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Speaker 1: up in Mexico. I think it was after an overdose, right,

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Speaker 1: and you still wanted to tell yourself that you did

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Speaker 1: not have a problem. Talk us through that part of

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Speaker 1: your story. Yeah, you know, I would go Mexico. There's

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Speaker 1: a place Rocky Point in Mexico near Arizona, the Arizona

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Speaker 1: border that was like a spring break hangout spot and

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Speaker 1: that was cool for some years, you know, when you're

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Speaker 1: didn't have to be twenty one, and you could go

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Speaker 1: there when you're eighteen. But as my addiction progressed, you

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Speaker 1: could go get pills down there, all the pharmacies. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's like more legal. So I would went down there

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Speaker 1: and took a mix of two different painkillers and like

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Speaker 1: my body froze up, and um. The friend and I

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Speaker 1: say that in air quotes that was there with me

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Speaker 1: left me at the emergency room and called my family

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Speaker 1: and said, your son's at the emergency room at Rocky Point.

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Speaker 1: The overdose. Dost you need to come get him, and

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Speaker 1: my brother in law and my brother in the middle

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Speaker 1: of the night came and drove to Mexico and picked

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Speaker 1: me up. Woke up the next morning, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't have a problem. That's the insanity of the

401
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Speaker 1: disease and how delusional I was, and and clearly not

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Speaker 1: ready yet. And so it's like that, you know, I

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Speaker 1: just everybody's them as different and I clearly wasn't ready

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Speaker 1: or willing yet. And it took a few years after that,

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Speaker 1: a few more years of bad decisions and self destruction,

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Speaker 1: um and putting, putting my family through a lot of pain,

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Speaker 1: where I finally surrendered and became willing. As an athlete yourself,

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Speaker 1: I mean I would imagine that you trained a lot,

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Speaker 1: and you, you know, kind of pride yourself on the

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Speaker 1: practice of all of that and being in control and

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Speaker 1: being such a I think athletes are very um discipline

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Speaker 1: and can kind of like control troll the narrative as

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Speaker 1: much as possible. So was that part of why admitting

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Speaker 1: defeat was so difficult? Yeah? I mean I used to

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Speaker 1: think humility was a sign of weakness, and again as

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Speaker 1: an athlete, as a male athlete. I think I was

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Speaker 1: always taught to push through the pain and never let

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Speaker 1: him see you sweat. Definitely not talk about your emotions

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Speaker 1: or talking about what you're afraid of. I mean, that

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Speaker 1: wasn't even in the my vocabulary. I never heard anything

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Speaker 1: like that. I was just it was really all about me,

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Speaker 1: even like service and helping others, even though my mom

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Speaker 1: did a good job and we did a lot of

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Speaker 1: volunteering in my younger years. When I got into like

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Speaker 1: high school and college, it was like all about me.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, you know, I feel like, um the athlete

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Speaker 1: and the competitive side of me of not willing to

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Speaker 1: like want to show those weaknesses or ask for help.

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Speaker 1: I just didn't think that was a sign of strength.

430
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 1: And I know today my coach David Meltzer, we asked

431
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 1: him on our podcast, like, what's the one thing you

432
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 1: would tell someone that's struggling, that knows they're struggling but

433
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,679
Speaker 1: doesn't know what to do about it, And he his

434
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:44,520
Speaker 1: tip to everybody is asked for help. Just keep asking

435
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 1: for help, you know. And so today I know that,

436
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,119
Speaker 1: and I asked for help and anything I need help with,

437
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:51,919
Speaker 1: But back then I just didn't know better and I

438
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,879
Speaker 1: thought humility as weakness, but today I know it's definitely

439
00:21:54,920 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 1: a sign of strength. That's something Drew and I actually

440
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 1: talked about speaking of Drew Robinson, but we um, we're

441
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,919
Speaker 1: talking about the expectation we put on ourselves to just

442
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 1: know how to do everything Like that was one of

443
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,119
Speaker 1: the narratives that he had a lot with the baseball stuff,

444
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,439
Speaker 1: was just I should know how to do this, you know,

445
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 1: like or I'm going to play pro and like the hit.

446
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,400
Speaker 1: The stories I saw of him talking to himself were

447
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,479
Speaker 1: so mean. The critical voices were just tearing him apart,

448
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 1: and it's like, of course he wouldn't know how to

449
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 1: do this yet this is his first year of baseball

450
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: or whatever it was, you know. And I do that

451
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,159
Speaker 1: to myself too. I just walk into a situation I

452
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,359
Speaker 1: expect myself to know how to do it, and that

453
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,880
Speaker 1: that goes for recovery. I mean a decade ago when

454
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 1: I started recovery in the non programs, UM, that was

455
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 1: a huge defeat for me. And my parents had been

456
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,159
Speaker 1: telling me, you know, this is in our family, you

457
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 1: should probably do this, this would help you, and I

458
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 1: was like no, no, no, no, no, I got this,

459
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 1: didn't got it um and then even further, my therapist

460
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,720
Speaker 1: lay it or would give me certain books and I

461
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,960
Speaker 1: would be like, okay, Like i can get on board

462
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 1: with codependency, but I'm not a love addict, no chance,

463
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 1: Like that is not a word I'm comfortable with. Like

464
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:12,120
Speaker 1: I'm not going to dive deeper into that, but it's

465
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:14,880
Speaker 1: like it only you can only get there when you're

466
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 1: you're so willing to admit defeat. And to me, there's

467
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:21,239
Speaker 1: so much power in that, in the collapse, and I

468
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 1: see that now. And I also see that why asking

469
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: for help is going to be something I need to

470
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,200
Speaker 1: do for the rest of my life, because how would

471
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: I know how to do everything? Yeah, and we can't

472
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 1: do this thing called life alone and we're not alone,

473
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 1: right and again, I you know, you hear people in

474
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: the mental health world reminding everybody else and themselves of

475
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,679
Speaker 1: that is that we're not alone, We're never alone, and

476
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 1: we can't do this thing called life. Who life's too hard,

477
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: We're not meant to do it alone. And that's the

478
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 1: tricky part with technology and um the way the world

479
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 1: is um evolving, where even though in a sense we

480
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 1: are connected from a technology standpoint, there's still the like

481
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 1: false feeling of connection because it's not human connection. It's

482
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: not proximity, it's not the one on one conversations, the

483
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,680
Speaker 1: intimate conversations UM in the same physical space. So it's

484
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 1: a it's a tricky one. Technology is connecting us in

485
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 1: many ways, like in this moment right now, me and

486
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:21,479
Speaker 1: you're talking together, but in many ways it's also disconnecting us.

487
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 1: And so I believe the opposite of addiction is connection, UM.

488
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 1: And our work is to like really break through all

489
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,919
Speaker 1: those layers of disconnection that come up in between whatever

490
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 1: our practices are. And I mean, for me, I teach

491
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 1: this stuff, and the phone is still my number one distraction.

492
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: I'm so much better, but it's still there's this, um

493
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,479
Speaker 1: there's this disconnect when I'm on it, and I know

494
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,679
Speaker 1: I'm on it too long, like I can feel it.

495
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 1: I can like I can be out by the beach

496
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 1: and then being really feeling connected and then come back

497
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 1: and grab my phone and I lose all of that

498
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 1: even though I'm still looking at my phone. So it's

499
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,439
Speaker 1: like phone things a tricky one, you know, And I

500
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 1: think we have to use it or it's going to

501
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 1: use us, and have to find that balance of using

502
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: it to work for us and not against us. Yeah,

503
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 1: well let's get into the wood it's like now, because

504
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 1: I have a lot of questions about that with you.

505
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,880
Speaker 1: Um So, once you started recovery, when did you start

506
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 1: to finally see a shift in your life and into

507
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 1: your new purpose. I mean I started to see a

508
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 1: shift right away when I got out of rehab. I think,

509
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 1: my you know, my life had gotten so bad that

510
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 1: I was so willing and I just said, tell me

511
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 1: whatever I need to do to get it right. You know,

512
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 1: my sponsor, I was sit taking direction. Now. An important

513
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: part of my story also is that I had three

514
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 1: years of sobriety, and um, I actually had a relapse.

515
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 1: So I had three years of sobriety, a little over

516
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 1: three years, but about three years in I stopped doing

517
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 1: the work. I stopped going to meetings. I stopped working

518
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,880
Speaker 1: with my sponsor and helping others. And all of these

519
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 1: gifts that recovery got me, we're the same things that

520
00:25:55,520 --> 00:26:00,679
Speaker 1: pulled me away. So the job right and all the stuff. Um,

521
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: and so I stopped going to meetings and I actually

522
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 1: hurt my knee. I hurt my right knee playing in

523
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 1: a softball game, and I had to have a minor,

524
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: minor surgery on it, and I like nothing compared to

525
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,959
Speaker 1: these other ones I've had. And I woke up from

526
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,919
Speaker 1: the surgery and I love the way that I felt.

527
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: And six days later I was back in the doctor's office,

528
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,679
Speaker 1: lying about the pain and taking more pain killers. And

529
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: that started like another eight month run of just smoking

530
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,200
Speaker 1: a lot of weed and popping pills again. And um,

531
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 1: after having three years of sobriety and knowing everything and

532
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 1: I and it was like, just like that, it happened.

533
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,160
Speaker 1: I tell that part of my story because it's so

534
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 1: important and it's the best thing that ever happened to me,

535
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: because it's my reminder that the work will never stop. Um,

536
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:46,159
Speaker 1: it will never not even just in sobriety, just the work,

537
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 1: the inner work to keep my freedom and keep my

538
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,399
Speaker 1: piece like I I want to do it. The work

539
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 1: today has become a labor of love, and the labor

540
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 1: of love is just a lifestyle now because I want

541
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 1: to be free, and I think about how I was

542
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 1: not free in the depths of my of my addiction.

543
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: So when I catch myself going through the motions, I

544
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:09,120
Speaker 1: will remind myself, Donnie, how free do you want to be?

545
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 1: And it brings me back to that path. You know,

546
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: we say we don't want to we don't regret the past,

547
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: nor do we shut the door on it. And I

548
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 1: want to remember that because it actually gets me off

549
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: my butt and fuels me into action. So um so, yeah,

550
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 1: it's been it's been a powerful ride. But so that

551
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 1: was three years of sobriety, relapsing for eight months, and

552
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,199
Speaker 1: now and may I'll have another nine years of sobriety.

553
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 1: So even though I thank you, losing all that time

554
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 1: of the three years, by far the best thing that

555
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,880
Speaker 1: ever happened to me. And I always share that part

556
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 1: of my story for the person out there that maybe

557
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:49,120
Speaker 1: is getting complacent in their own sobriety, that it will

558
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,400
Speaker 1: creep up on you and you know, the obsession will

559
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: be lifted and it will be gone as as long

560
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: as it's all contingent on your spiritual condition. And then

561
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: that's like whatever your whatever your practice is, are, your

562
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,159
Speaker 1: morning routines, whatever the things are that allow you to

563
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 1: feel grounded, present and alive, that's that's going to be

564
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 1: the key to being free and living a life of sobriety,

565
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: whatever that looks like For you when you say practices,

566
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,399
Speaker 1: talk us through some of those tools. I like to

567
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 1: give people actually tangible tools that they can take with

568
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 1: them that they may resonate with that you use as well. Yeah.

569
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 1: So so my practices, I am so um committed to

570
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: my own morning routine. So morning routine looks like waking

571
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,439
Speaker 1: up in the morning. Um, first thing I do before

572
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: my feet hit the ground is I make my bed.

573
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: No I for my feet hit the ground. I think

574
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: of a few things I'm grateful for. And so after

575
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: I think of a few things I'm grateful for, my

576
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 1: feet hit the ground. I uh, I sorry, there's a

577
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 1: little noise in my background right now. Um, I make

578
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 1: my bed. So that's like the two winds, right. I

579
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: make my bed. Um, and before I've done anything, I've

580
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 1: actually have a couple of wins, and then I have

581
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 1: some positive momentum going after that. So I try not

582
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: to look at my phone until I've done my meditation,

583
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: read my like daily devotionals. I've got like two daily

584
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: devotionals that I read. And then within like the first hour,

585
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: I'm moving my body, whether I'm going to a yoga

586
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: class or going to a hit class or forty five

587
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 1: those are kind of like the non negotiables that I

588
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 1: call for my sacred morning and really and I do

589
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 1: it in the morning because we have control over our morning,

590
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 1: you know. It's it's something we have control over. If

591
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: you get over it, if you get up at a

592
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: decent time, you don't have all these distractions coming your way.

593
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 1: And so you dial in that morning routine and to me,

594
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: the rest of the day, I have my foundation and

595
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: then I can just flow. Why yoga You talk so

596
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: much about your yoga practice. You mentioned your mom introduced

597
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: you to yoga many years ago. Um, I also love yoga,

598
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 1: but I have also found um the way it's been

599
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: popularized and just I don't know. I think you've caught

600
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 1: it the Instagram yoga. There is a difference between a

601
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 1: certain kind of yoga practice. I do actually specific breathwork

602
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: practice with a lady that's called boxed yoga, But it's

603
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: not what people know about yoga as seen on Instagram.

604
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 1: So can you talk us through why yoga resonates so

605
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:25,719
Speaker 1: much with your internal UM journey? Yeah? I think for me,

606
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 1: yoga is such an essential part of my own recovery

607
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: because I believe again in the power of the mind.

608
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 1: Body connection and that the body remembers everything, or that

609
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 1: our issues are in our tissues, and so like when

610
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: we have trauma, guilt, shame, all these all these things

611
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 1: that we pick up just from being a human being.

612
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 1: It's in your body and on an energetic level, if

613
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 1: you don't actually move your body with intention and move

614
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 1: through that, it remains stuck. And that stuck energy becomes heavy,

615
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: and I believe it eventually leads to disease. That's where

616
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: most of our disease comes from. It's for the stress

617
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 1: and the repression and just suppressing things down. And so

618
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 1: the yoga, when you move and you breathe mindfully, you

619
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 1: move energy. Energy can't be destroyed, but it can be shifted.

620
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 1: And so as we move and breathe with purpose, we

621
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: free up those sticky parts of our body, Like that

622
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: tension that you might be feeling in your shoulder or

623
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: your neck, that's coming from our thoughts. It's coming from stress.

624
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 1: And so if we don't have practices where we're moving

625
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 1: our body, this is the stuff that weighs the body down.

626
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 1: It's very heavy and it's dark energy and it keeps

627
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 1: us stuck. And so again it's about freedom, right and

628
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 1: I believe like people struggle with meditation and they say, oh,

629
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 1: like when people find out I teach meditation, they say,

630
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: I can't meditate. My mind never stops thinking, And I say,

631
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 1: nobody's does. So you give your mind something to focus on.

632
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 1: And when your your mind leaves, you come back. And

633
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: every time you come back, it's like doing a rep

634
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,600
Speaker 1: with a free weight. Your mind is getting stronger because

635
00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: you've noticed it left. And it's this constant return, turning

636
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 1: to your center, coming back home to the body, or

637
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 1: coming back home to the heart. Really, and so the

638
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: yoga can provide this moving meditation. And I love the

639
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 1: style of yoga that I practice and also teach that

640
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:17,239
Speaker 1: adds in really good music, like music that I mean,

641
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: one of the coolest parts about being a teacher is

642
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 1: you get to be the DJ two and you get

643
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 1: to pick for me music like I feel like, really steady, solid,

644
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 1: like an E d M type music that has a

645
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 1: good pace to the breath creates this like amazing experience.

646
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:35,320
Speaker 1: Um So I think the combination of that, it's like

647
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: the opportunity to go inward and create this moving meditation

648
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: that unhooks us from all of the stories and all

649
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: of the things that like basically hijack our lives. So

650
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: it's a way back home to your body. Our body

651
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 1: knows where home is, but it's our mind that takes

652
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 1: us down these roads that makes us feel so disconnected

653
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 1: and homeless. So the breath brings us back. The breath

654
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: is the access point to the mind body connection, and

655
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 1: it's the access point to the present moment. Yes, so

656
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 1: we have to learn how to if we want to

657
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 1: learn how to live the right way, we have to

658
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: learn how to breathe the right way. We learned how

659
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 1: to breathe the right way, we start to think the

660
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 1: right way and then are living in our thinking kind

661
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 1: of come into an alignment with like our core values

662
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 1: of the essence of who we really are. Yeah, it's

663
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: so interesting. When I started working with my breath work coach, Um,

664
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 1: I didn't realize how much I was just holding my

665
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 1: breath even like I actually wasn't breathing. I was so

666
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 1: tight and just like this rigid. I think it was

667
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,719
Speaker 1: a fear thing anxiety. It's the way that I just

668
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 1: hold it is like to stop breathing, and she would

669
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 1: be like, breathe, just pause and breathe, And that practice

670
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: in and of itself has really helped me get more

671
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,160
Speaker 1: in touch with my body. I always say now, like

672
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: my last six months has really been a journey of

673
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 1: learning to trust my body and not my mind, because

674
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 1: my mind gets super distorted and that for me, is

675
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 1: where my addiction will start to run the show. Um,

676
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 1: but my body always knows. It knows when I'm in

677
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,719
Speaker 1: a situation that I don't need to be in. It

678
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 1: knows what I'm going down the wrong path. It just knows.

679
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: And so being in touch with my body is such

680
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:11,800
Speaker 1: an important part of my healing journey just for that reason.

681
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 1: But I do think it's difficult and our go go

682
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 1: go society to do that. So I think your morning

683
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 1: practice is a really good tool set to set that

684
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 1: intention for the rest of your day. Yeah, it's the foundation.

685
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 1: And if it's not there. What I used to do

686
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: is I would wake up in the morning and grab

687
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,399
Speaker 1: my phone and you know, I wanted to shift something

688
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,400
Speaker 1: because I was basically a ship show. I don't know

689
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,400
Speaker 1: if we can cuss on this, that's right. Yeah, So,

690
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,279
Speaker 1: like I would wake up in the morning and just

691
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:42,439
Speaker 1: be like easily distracted, tension in my my neck, easily irritated,

692
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 1: UM just kind of all over the map, and I

693
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 1: had a coach guide me through this visualization UM and

694
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,320
Speaker 1: then I shifted it and I started to make some space.

695
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,320
Speaker 1: And I started with something really small, like five minutes

696
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 1: before looking at my phone, and then I started to

697
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 1: just add things so there would be space before I

698
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 1: went to distraction and reaction and responding. But I'm telling

699
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: you that phone today, still to this day, will sit

700
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: there like crack, especially there's like a like a reply

701
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 1: or some an opportunity or something that I know is

702
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 1: in my inbox. But I can say no. And you know,

703
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 1: I always say the most self confident people are the

704
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: ones that keep the promises they make to themselves. And

705
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 1: so this is a huge commitment for me to say no.

706
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 1: And also because this is what I teach and coach,

707
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: and I can only take my people as far as

708
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 1: I'm willing to go. So for me not to follow

709
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,240
Speaker 1: through on this, I feel like I'd be a fraud

710
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,799
Speaker 1: if I didn't, if I didn't stick with these commitments.

711
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 1: You know, I just did a twenty one day detox

712
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: UM and you know I live by myself here in California,

713
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 1: and day nineteen and day twenty I'm like, oh, what's

714
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 1: twenty what's what's all? I can have a little bit

715
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 1: of something or a dessert tonight, it's the it's the

716
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 1: nineteenth night. I'm like, no, like, this is something, this

717
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: is follow through. There were so many things that I

718
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 1: didn't finish, you know, like in my addiction, didn't finish

719
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 1: what I started, and so like instead of being change

720
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,440
Speaker 1: in shame from that, that's kind of what I what

721
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 1: I used to to finish. Like I remind myself, no,

722
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 1: finish what you start. If you start that book, finish it.

723
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,359
Speaker 1: If you say you're gonna do something, do it. It's

724
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 1: like being impeccable with your word from the four agreements.

725
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 1: The most, you know, the people that struggle with self

726
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 1: esteem or are very vulnerable to the noise, the internal

727
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 1: noise and other people's opinions or projections, most likely have

728
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 1: broken a lot of promises they made to themselves because

729
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: they haven't been impeccable right. So, like you don't even

730
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: trust yourself right and your second guessing, well, then you're

731
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,720
Speaker 1: so much more vulnerable. It's like fertile ground to the noise.

732
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:38,919
Speaker 1: But if you're dialed in and you know who you are,

733
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: and you figured out your core values and you're actually

734
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:44,440
Speaker 1: living by those, all that other noise just starts to

735
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: fall away. But it's a practice, and you know it's

736
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: a practice, and what we practice grow stronger, and a

737
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,879
Speaker 1: lot of us get in the practice of getting really

738
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: good at being distracted and going really quick. Right in

739
00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: yoga class, it's I'll watch students who are struggle to

740
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 1: slow down, and they it's uncomfortable, so they don't do

741
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 1: it well, of course, because you're so used to going quick.

742
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 1: But there's the gift is to slow down. And actually

743
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 1: when we slow down, we have more control. Another mantra

744
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,280
Speaker 1: I always uses, I don't have time to rush because

745
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but like where I am,

746
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 1: the worst version of myself is when I'm rushing and

747
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 1: I'm rushing around, like it all goes out the window,

748
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 1: and so like I have to have these little anchors

749
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 1: and pattern interrupts or redirect my focus and remind me,

750
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 1: like you got to slow down. Speaking of when I

751
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:43,240
Speaker 1: get self centered and selfish, it's when I'm rushing usually

752
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: because I like I can only focus on the goal.

753
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 1: So whatever comes in the way, whether it's a person,

754
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,479
Speaker 1: their needs, whatever it is. When I'm rushing, I can't

755
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,920
Speaker 1: consider any of that, and my empathy goes out the window,

756
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 1: or my compassion even even for myself. So I do

757
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 1: I do agree with you the shing Um. Let's talk

758
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 1: a little bit about your coaching practice, because you're talking

759
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 1: a lot about your UM certain practice or your specific

760
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 1: practices yourself. And I do love that you say I

761
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:14,720
Speaker 1: can't teach something I'm not practicing, because I believe that too.

762
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,919
Speaker 1: So how did you transition into actually making this into

763
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 1: a business and what does that look like? Yeah, so

764
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: about five years ago, I was teaching around twenty yoga

765
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:30,239
Speaker 1: classes a week, like public classes. Then I had my

766
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 1: private stuff and some of the things I was doing

767
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:35,839
Speaker 1: with the Phoenix Suns and some athletes back in Phoenix UM.

768
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 1: But I had the you know, the foresight to say,

769
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 1: I don't want to be teaching twenty classes five years

770
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:44,880
Speaker 1: from now. And I've been doing a lot of work

771
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: with Lulu Lemon and was an ambassador for them, and

772
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: they're all about the personal development and there's so much

773
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: more than just like selling expensive stretchy pants. Like their

774
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: company is rooted in some solid values and yoga principles

775
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 1: and they live by those and so I got a

776
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 1: big taste of personal development working with them and ended

777
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 1: up being able to lead the company's internal personal development

778
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 1: program called Purpose and Practice, and I just fell in

779
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 1: love with it. I fell in love with the work.

780
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 1: And so I knew coaching would be that that like

781
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 1: nice transition of since I had the kind of the

782
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: following and the network of people anyways, that and I

783
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 1: was coaching people anyways, talking to people after class. That

784
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 1: it was like such a seamless transition where I was

785
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 1: actually able to do both, you know. And as as

786
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:36,319
Speaker 1: time went on, I scaled back and don't teach near

787
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: as much yoga anymore. I still teach. Moved to California

788
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 1: like four months ago, and I wanted to integrate into

789
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 1: the community here. So I'm teaching classes again to like

790
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,880
Speaker 1: meet new people and bring them into my world and

791
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 1: some of the stuff that I do. And so yeah,

792
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 1: I have a ninety day coaching program. It starts as

793
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 1: a ninety day program and most most clients just keep

794
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 1: working with me, which is nice. But it's called the shift.

795
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: It's transformation of the mind, body, soul, and it ties

796
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: in the pillars of mindfulness, um self love, community. I

797
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 1: mean these are the three main things that we're focusing on,

798
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: and we dive into topics again like self confident, self esteem,

799
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 1: self sabotage, values, goals, um again, mission statement, boundaries is

800
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,279
Speaker 1: a big one, right, like teaching people how to treat us.

801
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,479
Speaker 1: And so I love that work. I love the work,

802
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 1: especially even with the athletes. It's the same work. A

803
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: lot of the stuff that I do specifically with athletes

804
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: isn't for on the field. It's actually for all the

805
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 1: other stuff because we're all getting pulled in a thousand

806
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:39,879
Speaker 1: different directions. But athletes have a lot of people who

807
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:43,440
Speaker 1: want a lot of things from them, including their own family, UM,

808
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:47,240
Speaker 1: lots of you know, whether it's agents and scouts and media,

809
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 1: and so if they don't have the tools, techniques and

810
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,880
Speaker 1: practices to find their center, then they're just gonna feel

811
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 1: like they're being pulled in all those different directions. And

812
00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 1: so to be able to give them grounding techniques and

813
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 1: and and mindfulness and meditation practices to be able to

814
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: return to the center, and also set boundaries for athletes,

815
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,880
Speaker 1: all of us, but athletes having to set boundaries with

816
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: their own family members around certain things. So important in

817
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 1: what that does is then it gives them the energy

818
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: to be able to prepare the right way because the

819
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: level of your you know, your performance is determined by

820
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 1: the level of your practice or your preparation. So if

821
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 1: there's worried about all this at home stuff and the

822
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 1: stresses of their families, right then it does affect their

823
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 1: their practice or their their um preparation, which affects their performance.

824
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 1: So it's giving them tools, all these tools that we

825
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 1: didn't get UM allowing them to work through those tools

826
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,280
Speaker 1: so that they can be the best version of themselves

827
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 1: as they prepare for on the field. And that goes

828
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 1: for anybody in any career. Actually, do you see a

829
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 1: lot of athletes UM, because I know we talked about

830
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: Tyranne earlier, who obviously has a huge comeback story. Do

831
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: you feel like that is something that you specifically fine

832
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 1: and a lot of the athletes you work with is

833
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 1: that they're really struggling to navigate real life living the

834
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 1: pressures of being this professional athlete. Like what does that

835
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 1: look like? I mean, it's I have a lot of

836
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: empathy for all of them because even though on the

837
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,400
Speaker 1: outside and what we see on the field, especially as

838
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 1: a football player, where they're armored up in their equipment

839
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 1: and their helmets that we don't even really see them

840
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:28,319
Speaker 1: as human beings, and I get to see them in

841
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 1: such a different light where I actually have, you know,

842
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: so I have a ton of empathy. And people think,

843
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 1: you know, they have all this money, that everything is

844
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 1: all great, but it's not always the case. Some oftentimes

845
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 1: it's more money, more problems, or more distractions or you know,

846
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 1: never never satisfying everybody, or a family member. One family

847
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:48,760
Speaker 1: member gets the money, the other one doesn't get money,

848
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:51,479
Speaker 1: and now they're all it's like this, this is not enough,

849
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:54,719
Speaker 1: Like they can never do enough for their families. So

850
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 1: there's a lot of there's a lot of pressure, you know.

851
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: And if you have UM, if you have one of

852
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 1: these plates that doesn't have any of these tools, well

853
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 1: it became it becomes a very chaotic inner world for

854
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,879
Speaker 1: all of them and for many of us, at least

855
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 1: in my experience of myself and the people that I coached,

856
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:16,879
Speaker 1: athlete or non athlete, we have this not enough story, right,

857
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 1: like there's not good enough, not pretty enough, Like you know,

858
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 1: Darren's story is UM his The first question you know

859
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,799
Speaker 1: when we ask what child what's your childhood was like?

860
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 1: And for him, it was confusing because he wasn't he

861
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,400
Speaker 1: wasn't black enough for his black friends, because he was

862
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 1: different and played in the band and hung out with

863
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,439
Speaker 1: white people and grew up in a white neighborhood. So

864
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:38,919
Speaker 1: his core wound. And he wouldn't mind sharing this because

865
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 1: he shared it publicly, is that he's not enough. The

866
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,879
Speaker 1: same thing. It's rooted in the not enough story. That's

867
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: why I have these shirts and I leave retreats called

868
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,919
Speaker 1: Love Yourself, because you know, until we can truly love

869
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: ourselves flaws and awe um, until we can get to

870
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 1: that place, we'll just continue to seek board outside of

871
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:00,040
Speaker 1: ourselves to try to fill a void we can and

872
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: fill ourselves. And so we at some point we have

873
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: to be enough, you know, we have to. We have

874
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,239
Speaker 1: to love ourselves. We have to have our little mantras

875
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 1: and reminders that we're doing good work. That doesn't mean

876
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,759
Speaker 1: we don't step up and keep ourselves accountable, but at

877
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: some point we have to be enough. Because if you're

878
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 1: a lot of people get very very successful and make

879
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:23,360
Speaker 1: a lot of money, business leaders with that same story

880
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 1: but not enough story. So even though they have all

881
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 1: that stuff, if they're feeling like they're not enough, they're

882
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 1: not happy. And so you have the you have the

883
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 1: bomb on the street, you know, the homeless person on

884
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 1: the street that has not enough story, and then you

885
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 1: have the billionaire that has the not enough story. It's

886
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 1: the same story, it just took them in different places.

887
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 1: And so we want to get to a place of

888
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: inner peace and contentment where we can be comfortable in

889
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 1: our own skin. And if we're not, then we'll just

890
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 1: we'll numb out. We'll find a way to numb out. Yeah.

891
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 1: I just love so much hearing about and this is

892
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 1: one of the reasons I really love listening to your podcast.

893
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,439
Speaker 1: Was that and this is we'll talk a little bit about.

894
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 1: It's called the comeback Store or comeback stories, and you

895
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 1: do is this with Darren Waller, who we mentioned a

896
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 1: couple of times. But the reason it's so good to

897
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 1: me is that it's sort of like what you mentioned earlier,

898
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 1: where when you started telling your story, you realize you're

899
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 1: not isolated in any of the things that you're going through.

900
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:23,840
Speaker 1: And I do deeply believe that we're all connected. But

901
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 1: what you just described, like the homeless man versus the

902
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 1: professional athlete, we look at these accolades, and especially when

903
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 1: someone's so successful on this huge scale and they look

904
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,759
Speaker 1: like they have the money, they're on TV there, you know,

905
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:43,839
Speaker 1: very famous, and people just dehumanize them in some capacity.

906
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 1: I have found and this happened to me actually when

907
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:48,279
Speaker 1: I was on TV for a while. It was like

908
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I wasn't human anymore to people,

909
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 1: and oh, I had signed up to do this show,

910
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,960
Speaker 1: so that meant something about me that what was happening

911
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 1: didn't affect me in a certain way, and that couldn't

912
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,439
Speaker 1: have been further from the truth. And so I love

913
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 1: hearing these stories, especially like what you just said. It's

914
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: like this guy who is so successful and um has

915
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 1: all the things that everyone thinks they would want, struggles

916
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 1: with the same thing that I struggled with every day

917
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 1: of I'm not enough as I am, like, I've got

918
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 1: to go earn it. And that is such a beautiful thing.

919
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about the podcast, because

920
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 1: I think you guys do such a good job of

921
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:31,880
Speaker 1: telling those stories and bringing them the likeness, the humanness

922
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 1: to these people who I think we put on these

923
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 1: pedestals as superhuman m Yeah, comeback story. So Darren and

924
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 1: I started it. Um, it's been just over a year

925
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 1: and a half of the first episode was um right

926
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 1: before the pandemic started. Okay, yeah, so UM. We didn't

927
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 1: know what we were doing. We just knew we wanted

928
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 1: to share stories and and and have people tell their

929
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,840
Speaker 1: comeback stories, because everybody has a comeback story, and we

930
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 1: know everybody loves to come back story. And so our

931
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 1: mission has been to reach as many people as possible

932
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:06,319
Speaker 1: to remind them that they're not alone. And so when

933
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:08,279
Speaker 1: we have all walks of life on there, it's not

934
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 1: just athletes, it's everybody, and it's different versions of a

935
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:14,280
Speaker 1: comeback story. It's not just addicts, it's I mean, it's

936
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:17,480
Speaker 1: it's all over the map. And so when when people

937
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 1: can hear, there's no greater feeling than when I'm you know,

938
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 1: we're in an interview and you have um, you know,

939
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: we haven't released this episode yet, but Michael Phelps, we

940
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 1: did an interview with him and him sharing his struggles.

941
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 1: Even to this day, there's no better feeling that for

942
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 1: me to sit back and listen to this and this

943
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:38,200
Speaker 1: guest who everybody thinks is the the best athlete of

944
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 1: all time, the most mentally strong that still struggles like

945
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 1: this is exactly why we did this, right, this is

946
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:48,320
Speaker 1: why Darren sharing his story. You know, from the world's

947
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:52,120
Speaker 1: view he looks like the masculine from some people's perspective

948
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:56,440
Speaker 1: of what masculinity is, as football player, massive guy. And

949
00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 1: it's like, no, like he's sharing, he's sharing. We don't

950
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,399
Speaker 1: we only talk about football on the podcast. We don't

951
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: even go there. We talk about what we're afraid of

952
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,279
Speaker 1: in our emotions and loving ourselves like those are the

953
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:10,880
Speaker 1: conversations that we're having. And so yeah, I believe that

954
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 1: it humanizes um you know people. We had Carson Daily

955
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 1: on Who you Know. He talked about of the Voice.

956
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 1: The show is prerecorded and is live, and he says,

957
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 1: if you watch any of the live shows, I have

958
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 1: my hand in my pocket and I'm gripping my leg

959
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:30,320
Speaker 1: because I'm so riddled in anxiety. Because he's been outspoken

960
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:33,239
Speaker 1: about mental health in his own anxiety and after all

961
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: these years of being on TV, he still struggles with it.

962
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:40,279
Speaker 1: And so to hear all these different walks and all

963
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 1: these different areas of life but share this common struggle,

964
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 1: and you know, I think we're all the same. We

965
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 1: all have pain. And we all have struggle, and it's

966
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 1: actually pain that connects us. Pain is part of the

967
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: shared human experience. Even though my pain might look different

968
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 1: than your pain, this is actually what connects us. And

969
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 1: so I think that's like the magic of of comeback

970
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 1: stories is when people can hear like, wow, he's going

971
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 1: through that all the stuff that he did and he

972
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 1: has the same struggle. And then once I can see

973
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: myself in you, then it bankrupts the story of im

974
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 1: I'm all alone, nobody understands, which is like, no, that's

975
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:19,320
Speaker 1: not true. And then from there that like that allows

976
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 1: us to feel a sense of connection even in our

977
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 1: darkest pain. Yeah, there's so much hope in that that narrative.

978
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:29,719
Speaker 1: To me, I'm literally sorry. I'm in shock thinking about

979
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 1: the Carson Daily thing because I've had clients do the

980
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:33,520
Speaker 1: show and I've watched him doing He's such a pro.

981
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:36,120
Speaker 1: I would have never known that, which is that's what's

982
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:39,399
Speaker 1: so cool about this podcast and such a cool guy

983
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 1: and just a normal, normal dude, normal doing who's like

984
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 1: open and honest and cool thing about our podcast and

985
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 1: just like I'm having this conversation with you, Oh, all

986
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 1: we're doing is having like the most meaningful conversations ever,

987
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 1: Like one of my core values is meaningful relationships. But

988
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:56,920
Speaker 1: in order to have meaningful relationships, you have to have

989
00:49:56,960 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 1: meaningful conversations. That's what we get to do, like I'm

990
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,320
Speaker 1: having with you right now, Like I can talk about

991
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,839
Speaker 1: this ship all day long, like what sets my soul

992
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 1: on fire? And again, if I have to share a

993
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 1: little bit of my messy past, it's okay because this

994
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,720
Speaker 1: is like, this is what matters, and if it helps

995
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:27,359
Speaker 1: one person, you know, that's enough. My best friend and

996
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,880
Speaker 1: I have been saying, um that we're done with small talk.

997
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 1: This is kind of like our new mantra. But like

998
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,359
Speaker 1: I can't do it. I don't know if it was

999
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 1: the pandemic or just a lot of the other things

1000
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: I went through in the last couple of years, but

1001
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 1: like I'm at capacity with small talk. I don't know,

1002
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,759
Speaker 1: I don't have the space for it anymore. It just

1003
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,880
Speaker 1: drains me. I'm just done. So unless you want to

1004
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 1: talk about something real or like how I actually am

1005
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:52,840
Speaker 1: or how you actually are, we probably don't need to

1006
00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 1: like even go there, you know. I mean there's time

1007
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:58,439
Speaker 1: in a place in business maybe, but like that's it. Yeah,

1008
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 1: I just was having a conversation yesterday with a friend

1009
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: and I said the same thing, like I want to

1010
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 1: cringe or run when small talk happens. But what cool is?

1011
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 1: You know? They say your vibe attracts your tribe. So

1012
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 1: the more that you're in this work and having these

1013
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 1: conversations like that, small talk doesn't even really come around

1014
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:18,399
Speaker 1: much anymore because you're surrounded with with the people that

1015
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:21,360
Speaker 1: that are that are willing to go there and drop

1016
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:25,239
Speaker 1: in have deep, meaningful conversations, so you don't even really

1017
00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 1: have to worry about it. It kind of just bounces

1018
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:30,439
Speaker 1: off of you, doesn't come near you anymore. What made

1019
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 1: you want to start telling your story publicly? Because you

1020
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:36,480
Speaker 1: know that's something that I'm also just now starting to navigate.

1021
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,320
Speaker 1: Like I said, I've been in recovery for a decade.

1022
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:40,400
Speaker 1: I've never talked about it publicly. And one of the

1023
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:44,440
Speaker 1: hard things around that for me was the anonymity of

1024
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 1: the program. And so you know, I grew up in

1025
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:50,240
Speaker 1: a house where twelve Step was very it was active

1026
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:53,400
Speaker 1: and um but we just never talked about it with

1027
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:57,840
Speaker 1: anyone else, and so talking about it now, I'm like

1028
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 1: fumbling through it, but I feel very um led to

1029
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 1: do that, and because I've developed sort of this community

1030
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 1: of people, it's like, well, if I'm not telling that

1031
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:09,759
Speaker 1: part of my story, it's not me living in my

1032
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 1: truth either, because it's a huge part of my life.

1033
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: So what made you want to start doing that? And

1034
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:20,399
Speaker 1: then how did you get past the anonymity part of recovery? Yeah,

1035
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:22,479
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you asked that because I didn't share

1036
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,319
Speaker 1: this part of my story, but I did some leadership

1037
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 1: works and training under Sean Corn. She's uh, she's been

1038
00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:31,560
Speaker 1: on our on our podcast too. She's one of my

1039
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,040
Speaker 1: greatest teachers, has become one of my friends. She to

1040
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 1: me as a legendary yoga teacher, but not not the

1041
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:39,600
Speaker 1: Instagram yoga, the like real yoga the body. She's the

1042
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 1: one that taught me like um, the power of the

1043
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,759
Speaker 1: mind body connection and really made yoga makes sense for me,

1044
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 1: but also taking yoga off the mat. So from a

1045
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:52,799
Speaker 1: leadership standpoint in service and she I went to her

1046
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,319
Speaker 1: leadership training and she has had us in this like

1047
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:57,920
Speaker 1: deep hip opener, right, we are hips. We spent a

1048
00:52:57,920 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 1: lot of time in our hips in yoga because the

1049
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:02,080
Speaker 1: hips are like a junk drawer for a lifetime of

1050
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:04,960
Speaker 1: just tension and where we suppress a lot of our energy.

1051
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 1: And so she had us in this pose and she

1052
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 1: said the words how dare we not? And those words

1053
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:13,319
Speaker 1: to me like hit me right in the heart, and

1054
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 1: it was like, how dare I not share my story?

1055
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 1: There's people dying out there. I was teaching in Scotts Sale, Arizona,

1056
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:20,720
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of money out there and people

1057
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 1: driving nice cars and looking like on the outside they

1058
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:25,880
Speaker 1: have it altogether. But I know people are dying on

1059
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:28,880
Speaker 1: the inside. So how dare I not share my story?

1060
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:31,400
Speaker 1: As I started to teach and build my following and

1061
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 1: yoga was like really wanting people to like me and

1062
00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: wanted to build a following, so I wasn't gonna let

1063
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 1: everybody know my story. But as she said those words,

1064
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:41,720
Speaker 1: it was like, how dare I not share my story?

1065
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: And so we were tasked with going back into our

1066
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:47,240
Speaker 1: community and creating a service project. And I started this

1067
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:50,279
Speaker 1: this monthly we would do this the yoga event at

1068
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:53,240
Speaker 1: the resorts out in Scottsdale, and I called it Sunday

1069
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 1: Yoga Service. And on the first um event that we did,

1070
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:01,359
Speaker 1: I shared my story and and and from that day

1071
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 1: everything changed. That's so wild, Like I found my voice. Um,

1072
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:09,400
Speaker 1: it humanized me as a teacher. People were like that

1073
00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:12,719
Speaker 1: could relate, and we're sending me messages about how you know,

1074
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 1: just one month ago, one lady had lost her husband

1075
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 1: to alcohol. In the words that I was sharing, like

1076
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:21,440
Speaker 1: helped her heal And I'm like, whoa all of the

1077
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:23,840
Speaker 1: things I was worried about, like people thought about me

1078
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 1: and the judgment of my messy past, like all of

1079
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:30,880
Speaker 1: those things, we're we're everything that I needed to be sharing.

1080
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 1: And so it was her words, how dare we not?

1081
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 1: And then it was me getting into action and walking

1082
00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 1: through that and being vulnerable in that first time and

1083
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 1: sharing my story. Now that's part of like when I

1084
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:44,479
Speaker 1: speak or do an event, now, I'll share my story

1085
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: and people will come up and say thank you for

1086
00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 1: being so vulnerable and like that. It's not vulnerable to

1087
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:53,399
Speaker 1: me today, but I understand that it gives It activates

1088
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:55,959
Speaker 1: the event or the retreat or whatever we're doing, because

1089
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 1: it gives people permission to do the same. So as

1090
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:01,040
Speaker 1: they hear my story, they feel safe enough to also

1091
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:05,080
Speaker 1: open up, and it creates these like experiences like no

1092
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 1: other because they're hearing it from me and hearing the

1093
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 1: rawness of me, you know, giving them permission to do

1094
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 1: the same. And so that's that's really, um where I

1095
00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 1: think I found my voice, I found my purpose and

1096
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,840
Speaker 1: and the yoga became so much more than just a

1097
00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:24,400
Speaker 1: physical practice and figuring out ways that I could be

1098
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:26,799
Speaker 1: of service. And I think for me that was that

1099
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:29,440
Speaker 1: was the moment, just being able to hear those words

1100
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:32,319
Speaker 1: how dare we not? And then actually doing something about it,

1101
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,200
Speaker 1: and it changed everything for me. It's wild. I don't

1102
00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:38,080
Speaker 1: think I would be connected to Tyrant and be connected

1103
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,080
Speaker 1: to Darren if I wasn't open because we have a

1104
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:44,279
Speaker 1: common bond, we have a messy pass right and so

1105
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,359
Speaker 1: like I think, you know, pro athletes have a lot

1106
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,799
Speaker 1: of trust issues, rightfully so because they have a lot

1107
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 1: of people wanting a lot of things. And so if

1108
00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 1: they can trust me because they know I've maybe been there,

1109
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:55,840
Speaker 1: maybe not played at the level they have, but I've

1110
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 1: been through some ship a lot of it self inflicted,

1111
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:01,640
Speaker 1: um that there's a level of trust there that I

1112
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:04,279
Speaker 1: don't think I would have. So the anonymy to me

1113
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 1: is like, I don't care about it. For me, it's

1114
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 1: way more important to share my story and it's validated

1115
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,799
Speaker 1: every single day with just you know, I don't necessarily

1116
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 1: need the feedback, but when I can get a message that,

1117
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 1: like you know, Darren and I's Instagram live or our

1118
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:22,279
Speaker 1: podcast that we're doing is help someone get sober, it's like,

1119
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:25,320
Speaker 1: of course, like I have a duty and a responsibility

1120
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:28,760
Speaker 1: and it's it's part of my purpose today. So um,

1121
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 1: I know some people want we want to honor that

1122
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:34,160
Speaker 1: anonymity towards that towards their own recovery. But for me,

1123
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:36,480
Speaker 1: I need to I need to be telling people and

1124
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,439
Speaker 1: I'm not throwing it up all everybody. It's just part

1125
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:42,839
Speaker 1: of my story. Yeah, I totally resonate with that. And

1126
00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 1: for a while I did need the anonymity while I

1127
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 1: like found my way, you know, and and I think

1128
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:51,279
Speaker 1: it's just that has been more ingrained in me. And

1129
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 1: so it's kind of getting to this place of like, Okay,

1130
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:57,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just take the conversations that I've been having

1131
00:56:57,719 --> 00:57:01,120
Speaker 1: for many many years and just am out loud because

1132
00:57:01,280 --> 00:57:02,799
Speaker 1: at this point, like I don't feel like I have

1133
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:05,240
Speaker 1: anything else to lose. It's just sort of like jigs

1134
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 1: up there, it is. Yeah, and once we once we

1135
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 1: um it's amazing. How like the more that we tell that,

1136
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:16,400
Speaker 1: we run our story back in our heads. We think

1137
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 1: it's this big deal and there's all this shame around it, right,

1138
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 1: and it's like we almost have to make we continue

1139
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 1: to make ourselves paid for the same mistake over and

1140
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:26,480
Speaker 1: over again because we keep going back to it and

1141
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:30,760
Speaker 1: we become overidentified with the past. Right. But like you're

1142
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 1: sharing your and I'm looking at you going like that's

1143
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 1: no big probably no big deal compared to the stuff

1144
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:39,480
Speaker 1: that I went through my own drug addiction. Right, But

1145
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:43,040
Speaker 1: like we keep judging ourselves for it and for our past.

1146
00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: But if you just know how many people you're gonna

1147
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:48,120
Speaker 1: be able to help because of the platform that you have.

1148
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not gonna say it's your duty, but

1149
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:53,800
Speaker 1: you have the stage and you have the platform, and

1150
00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 1: the fact that you'll just be able to help so

1151
00:57:56,280 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 1: many people, um moves most of us into act. And yeah, well,

1152
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:03,160
Speaker 1: speaking of being in touch with your body, it's like

1153
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:05,320
Speaker 1: my body will not let me not tell it now,

1154
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:07,480
Speaker 1: and so it's like, Okay, I'm just gonna lean in

1155
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:10,600
Speaker 1: and we'll see what happens. So it's so beautiful. Yeah,

1156
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:13,439
Speaker 1: it's so beautiful and I always used the I don't

1157
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 1: know if you saw the Mr. Rogers with Tom Hanks,

1158
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 1: but one of the questions, that's so good, like he's

1159
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 1: the ultimate Yogi and like presence. I mean, it's there's

1160
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:25,440
Speaker 1: such a good message the well, yeah, yeah, I did

1161
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,520
Speaker 1: not know that Won't you be my name? Won't you

1162
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:31,000
Speaker 1: be my name? Yeah? But it is so good. And

1163
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,640
Speaker 1: what he says, somebody asked him, how do you do

1164
00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:36,480
Speaker 1: this every single day? Um, you know, every single day

1165
00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:39,320
Speaker 1: you're filming, And he says, I just look into the

1166
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 1: camera and I think about that one kid who's struggling,

1167
00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:44,400
Speaker 1: and if I can talk to that one kid. So

1168
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:47,040
Speaker 1: when I'm doing like putting my phone up and staring

1169
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:49,280
Speaker 1: at my face doing an Instagram video and I'm like,

1170
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 1: I don't really want to do this that I just

1171
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:53,720
Speaker 1: remember those words like that one. If you can just

1172
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:57,400
Speaker 1: reach that one person, then you've done enough. And so

1173
00:58:57,440 --> 00:58:59,320
Speaker 1: how cool that this is the way that we can

1174
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 1: use tech technology to like make a positive impact. Absolutely

1175
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:07,600
Speaker 1: the way that the tech had that way that technology

1176
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 1: has helped even just connecting with people, like I know

1177
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 1: we talked about the disconnection, but I mean I wouldn't

1178
00:59:13,520 --> 00:59:17,200
Speaker 1: have met you. There's so many people from across the world,

1179
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:20,720
Speaker 1: even that I get messages from nowadays, and I'm like, wow,

1180
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:24,240
Speaker 1: I mean just the I love feeling like, God, we

1181
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:28,360
Speaker 1: really are not different, none of us. We all are connected,

1182
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:32,040
Speaker 1: and there's so much beauty. Like the mess, the mess

1183
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:36,240
Speaker 1: is your message. Everyone has a mess, everyone, whether you're

1184
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:39,160
Speaker 1: willing to admit it or not. But like there might

1185
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:41,680
Speaker 1: be people listening to this podcast they're like, yeah, okay,

1186
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 1: cool for y'all, but like I don't identify or whatever,

1187
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:47,480
Speaker 1: but we'll be here whenever y'all get ready. Like that's

1188
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:50,000
Speaker 1: just how I feel at this point, because everyone has

1189
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:51,840
Speaker 1: a mess. It's just whether or not you're willing to

1190
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:55,680
Speaker 1: acknowledge it or do something about it. So true, And

1191
00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:58,240
Speaker 1: I think until we get to the until we get

1192
00:59:58,280 --> 01:00:02,160
Speaker 1: to the wound, right, I believe like we meditation. Might

1193
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 1: have a Buddhist mong friend who talks about meditation being

1194
01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:07,480
Speaker 1: about getting to the root of the problem and digging

1195
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:10,480
Speaker 1: it out and healing ourselves. So until we can get

1196
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:12,680
Speaker 1: to the root of the wound, whatever the wound is,

1197
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:15,240
Speaker 1: we all have it. We all have, you know, trauma

1198
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:17,560
Speaker 1: and past. Even though they look they can they look

1199
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:21,320
Speaker 1: completely different. Only until we can get to the to

1200
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 1: the wound, the center of it. Only then, or only

1201
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 1: until we can own the wound, can we write the

1202
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 1: ending of our story. Otherwise, the own based the wound

1203
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:34,320
Speaker 1: basically owns our life. And we're making decisions in the

1204
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:36,440
Speaker 1: present moment that all have to do with the past

1205
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:39,880
Speaker 1: until we can like shine the light of awareness onto it,

1206
01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:44,120
Speaker 1: which awareness is what loosens the grip in a natural way. Um,

1207
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 1: until we can go there, only then can we write

1208
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:51,120
Speaker 1: the ending. Otherwise we're just like again, we're being hijacked

1209
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 1: by an old story and for many people that live

1210
01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:57,160
Speaker 1: their whole life like that, and that breaks my heart,

1211
01:00:57,240 --> 01:01:00,920
Speaker 1: and it also fuels me into action to U remind

1212
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,800
Speaker 1: people to to do their work and um, just be

1213
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:06,760
Speaker 1: open and honest about my own story. M M. I

1214
01:01:06,880 --> 01:01:09,800
Speaker 1: love that. Thank you so much. I really really enjoyed

1215
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:12,520
Speaker 1: this you guys. I'm telling you this podcast is so great.

1216
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:14,760
Speaker 1: Comeback stories. Tell the people where they can find it.

1217
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 1: Is it anywhere you listen to podcast? It's anywhere, Yeah,

1218
01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:20,880
Speaker 1: anywhere any platform. Will be back recording live. There's plenty

1219
01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 1: of episodes will be back recording in a month. We

1220
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:26,120
Speaker 1: record Out of the Wind blue Wire Media at the

1221
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:29,280
Speaker 1: Wind Hotel in Vegas. Got a really cool podcast studio there.

1222
01:01:29,280 --> 01:01:32,480
Speaker 1: But there's plenty of episodes to catch up on. UM. Yes,

1223
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:35,320
Speaker 1: some pretty epic guests, all walks of life, and it's

1224
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:39,440
Speaker 1: just us having real meaningful conversations, people telling their their stories.

1225
01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:42,080
Speaker 1: We all have one. And what if people are interested

1226
01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:45,200
Speaker 1: in coaching? Where else can they find you? Yeah? My

1227
01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:47,960
Speaker 1: website is just my name, It's Donnie Starkins dot com.

1228
01:01:47,960 --> 01:01:51,480
Speaker 1: It's Donnie with a why. My instagram is UM Donnie

1229
01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:54,560
Speaker 1: Underscore Starkins and you could go there and find I

1230
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:57,520
Speaker 1: lead retreats. I gotta retreat in Sedona, Arizona coming up,

1231
01:01:57,600 --> 01:02:00,640
Speaker 1: made thirteth through the fifteenth. The usually lead like four

1232
01:02:00,680 --> 01:02:04,400
Speaker 1: retreats a year, and so I'm I'm in the community,

1233
01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:06,920
Speaker 1: usually doing something, traveling a little bit. And then the

1234
01:02:06,960 --> 01:02:10,280
Speaker 1: coaching is a whole virtual so it's one on one UM.

1235
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:13,120
Speaker 1: And yeah, I've got I've got space for a few

1236
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:16,280
Speaker 1: coaching clients right now. If anybody's down, I'm down to

1237
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:19,280
Speaker 1: do the work with you. Amazing, Well, thank you so

1238
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:22,240
Speaker 1: much for being here. We really appreciate it. Thank you,

1239
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:23,960
Speaker 1: It's been an honor. You are really good at what

1240
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:27,040
Speaker 1: you do, keep keep doing your thing, and keep speaking

1241
01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:31,000
Speaker 1: your voice. Thank you, Thank you guys for listening. Thanks

1242
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:33,760
Speaker 1: for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson,

1243
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,440
Speaker 1: where we believe everyone has a little velvet and a

1244
01:02:36,440 --> 01:02:40,600
Speaker 1: little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty

1245
01:02:40,680 --> 01:02:44,400
Speaker 1: and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.