Speaker 1: Native Land Pod is a production of iHeartRadio and partnership
Speaker 1: with Recent Choice Medium.
Speaker 2: Welcome Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome.
Speaker 1: Welcome home, y'all's it is a mini pod of Native Land.
Speaker 1: I'm here with Andrew Gillo and Angela Ry and we
Speaker 1: are already off the tage. Y'allcause too. We on this
Speaker 1: mini pod because Andrew told us this crazy story. We
Speaker 1: decided to I'll get to that, Andrew. We decided that
Speaker 1: we was going to tell the story of the craziest
Speaker 1: situation you've ever found yourself in. And so some of
Speaker 1: these stories, I'll tell your heads up. Some are going
Speaker 1: to be clean and funny. But I'm gonna just tell
Speaker 1: you now, this is not for young kids listening when
Speaker 1: I get to my story, because it is an absolutely
Speaker 1: crazy story, So proceed with caution.
Speaker 3: I just want to warn the parents again, do not
Speaker 3: let your kids listening.
Speaker 4: When Tip's voice come on this podcast, cut it off.
Speaker 1: Andrew tell us the craziest.
Speaker 2: Well, the funny thing is is one. I actually think
Speaker 2: I had a lot of crazy stories on the trail,
Speaker 2: but it's like I've been trying to black them all out.
Speaker 2: But but there have been some crazy things that have happened,
Speaker 2: but I keep it innocent. I in a former life
Speaker 2: worked as a part fundraiser for an organization and raising
Speaker 2: money for the cause the work we were doing. And
Speaker 2: I was actually out on a visit to l A
Speaker 2: visiting with one of our donors.
Speaker 3: You should go first, because yours go better. With tift
Speaker 3: in mine, I should have went first.
Speaker 1: No, Mom's not.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm at this donor's house. We're sitting down.
Speaker 2: You know, beautiful lived in Beverly Hills, and I love her,
Speaker 2: you know, dearly, but she has you know, she's got animals,
Speaker 2: and I love animals. I think they're great. I just
Speaker 2: don't own anything thereat. But I think I'm probably less
Speaker 2: a fan of cats. I just have had for a
Speaker 2: long time this vision that they like might strike me,
Speaker 2: which actually you got cemented with this one visit that
Speaker 2: I had out in LA. And so we're sitting there,
Speaker 2: I'm explaining the update of the program. I'm sitting on
Speaker 2: her couch. She's across diagonal to me, actually sitting in
Speaker 2: a chair, an armchair, and her cat comes from around
Speaker 2: the corner and I see it, you know, walking real,
Speaker 2: you know, like cats walk, you know, But except for me,
Speaker 2: because I'm terre like the thing, and I am, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know that this is a little it's a sexy thing,
Speaker 2: but it's it's really it's kind of scary to me.
Speaker 2: I always think they're about to pounce, so I know,
Speaker 2: I know, friend.
Speaker 5: So so the cat comes around her, goes from her feet,
Speaker 5: and then it rounds the little coffee table and now
Speaker 5: it's to my right and I'm speaking to her to
Speaker 5: my diagonal left. And as the.
Speaker 2: Cat starts to approach the couch and comes toward, you know,
Speaker 2: down toward my legs, she says, oh no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: don't bet her. She's schizophrenic. So I'm like, schizophrenic. I'm
Speaker 2: processing a lot here. Schizophrenic cat casisphenic? Is it same
Speaker 2: like human schizophrenia, Like it can change attitudes and moods
Speaker 2: like without noticing stuff. And then the cat goes from
Speaker 2: the floor and like effortlessly jumps from the floor to
Speaker 2: the seated part of the couch and then up the
Speaker 2: arm of the couch and is now on where you
Speaker 2: rest your head, the.
Speaker 5: Back of the couch.
Speaker 2: It's now approaching me from my right. But I'm supposed
Speaker 2: to be talking to her who is on my left.
Speaker 2: But I'm processing that the cat is schizophrenic, and all
Speaker 2: I can imagine is this thing is gonna fucking swipe
Speaker 2: my neck and head face when I'm turned. And it
Speaker 2: continues to come, and so I go, I don't know.
Speaker 5: If I should pet it.
Speaker 2: You know, And then she, you know, she calls the
Speaker 2: cat's name, and and the cat sort of you know,
Speaker 2: jumps down onto this again, the seated part. I've now
Speaker 2: stood up, and like partially stood up because I don't
Speaker 2: want to be completely awkward.
Speaker 5: But I want to acknowledge. I'm attempting to acknowledge.
Speaker 2: That you don't want me to pet the cat, and
Speaker 2: I'm so inclined to pet the cat, So let me
Speaker 2: just get out of the way so I don't pay.
Speaker 4: Narrator Edit, he does not want to piss this cat
Speaker 4: trying I'm trying to do.
Speaker 5: I really want to put that.
Speaker 2: I want her to come and get the pet and
Speaker 2: move the pet into a room that we aren't in.
Speaker 2: But she she like does a little thing, and let's
Speaker 2: just call her Betty, Okay, Betty, Betty pain Andrew. I
Speaker 2: ain't telling because it might they might know. Betty is
Speaker 2: still now seated on the couch where my where I
Speaker 2: was seated a minute ago. And at this point I'm
Speaker 2: now sort of standing seated, but the woman hasn't come
Speaker 2: and gotten the cat yet. And then I said, you
Speaker 2: know what, it's okay if you want to take a break.
Speaker 2: I don't mind if we take a break. So you know, Betty,
Speaker 2: you know, in case you wanted to to have Betty
Speaker 2: come with you.
Speaker 5: And she says, oh no, no, no, she'll be fine,
Speaker 5: to be fine, to be fine.
Speaker 2: And at this point now I'm sort of on my face,
Speaker 2: not giving relief, but like frustration, and I hurried through
Speaker 2: the rest of the story with her. I did sit down,
Speaker 2: and I kept my eye on Betty to my to
Speaker 2: my right, without looking disrespectful to the woman who I
Speaker 2: was there to meet. But I tell y'all, if if
Speaker 2: peeing on yourself a little bit almo somebody's couch was appropriate,
Speaker 2: I probably.
Speaker 5: I mean, what do you do?
Speaker 1: Someone says, schizophron restraint in order?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it'sophrenic all like, is a schizophrenic.
Speaker 1: But underrated story is making me real hesitant to tell
Speaker 1: the story.
Speaker 2: So and it didn't swipe me and I got out
Speaker 2: of there.
Speaker 1: I definitely rethinking, that's my g rated I'm having second
Speaker 1: thoughts completely, yes, because all de rated ass stories. But
Speaker 1: let me here you are.
Speaker 3: There are no studies or research that proves cats have schizophrenia.
Speaker 4: We do not.
Speaker 3: We cannot get inside their minds enough to know. So
Speaker 3: maybe that gives you a little bit of comfort. Not
Speaker 3: not then, Andrew, but maybe now in case you gets
Speaker 3: another one.
Speaker 1: We got we got n man is left. Okay, I
Speaker 1: need to.
Speaker 5: Hearty, I don't need all.
Speaker 4: Well, we're going to go from a very g rated
Speaker 4: story to ill give it a PG. Thirteen.
Speaker 3: Even though I was just eight, I had just taken
Speaker 3: my first communion. I was raised Catholic with my mother
Speaker 3: and my father. My dad is Baptist, but I was
Speaker 3: raised Catholic until I was in high school and started
Speaker 3: asking more questions and decided that I would go the
Speaker 3: Protestant route.
Speaker 4: And now I go to a church, a guid in
Speaker 4: Christ Church. Nevertheless, here we go.
Speaker 3: So the first communion second grade, my mother made me
Speaker 3: this beautiful dress. I had a pretty veil that day.
Speaker 3: I was fly down to the socks, white pat and
Speaker 3: leather shoes. And after first communion in our family, my
Speaker 3: mother's side of The family's from southern Louisiana, so Catholicism
Speaker 3: is a big deal. It's a big deal to have
Speaker 3: first Communion and you have a little after party. So
Speaker 3: we had a little after party. And speaking of cats,
Speaker 3: I had a cat growing up. His name was Tiger,
Speaker 3: and I was trying to get Tiger. All the family
Speaker 3: was over, including my grandparents and my great aunts and uncles,
Speaker 3: and I couldn't get the cat, and so I was
Speaker 3: running after the cat and I said, come here, you
Speaker 3: little bastard.
Speaker 4: Again.
Speaker 3: I was in the second grade, and bastard is not
Speaker 3: something they want you to say any day, especially not on.
Speaker 4: First communion for all the elders. So it was like
Speaker 4: a record stop.
Speaker 1: And my dad, what did you saying? I was like,
Speaker 1: that's what you call the cat, that is the nickname.
Speaker 4: So I didn't.
Speaker 3: I learned that day that bastard was a bad word,
Speaker 3: at least in my family, and that that is not
Speaker 3: the appropriate name for Tiger, the cat bastard.
Speaker 4: So the world stopped and I thought I was going.
Speaker 3: To hall because I said a cuss word on first
Speaker 3: Communion day. But the last here we are, although we
Speaker 3: still might be in hell depending on how you look
Speaker 3: at the state of this country right now. But uh,
Speaker 3: first Communion, I got.
Speaker 4: To be Catholic. Actually, I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 2: You got a bastard on Communion day?
Speaker 4: You have comunion?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I'm just saying you basket day. I
Speaker 2: got a whoop band because I said the word help
Speaker 2: I heard. I heard adults.
Speaker 5: Saying, oh, he's so helpful, she's so helpful.
Speaker 2: So I was trying to say that somebody was being helpful,
Speaker 2: but my mother and Auntie heard it as heifa, which
Speaker 2: I had no idea what a heifa was.
Speaker 4: You said half and I got a he helfa.
Speaker 2: I was trying to say helpful, she helpful, he's helpful, helpful?
Speaker 2: She thought I said help her baby, but you really
Speaker 2: did say I actually said.
Speaker 4: Very little bastard, And now the world stopped in that moment.
Speaker 3: It's not that it's the craziest situation I've been in,
Speaker 3: but it's probably the most awkward where I felt like
Speaker 3: I disappointed the whole family and was in trouble. I
Speaker 3: really didn't know what My dad shouldn't have been calling
Speaker 3: the cannabastard that Papa ritis is your fault, shouldn't have
Speaker 3: been calling the catabastard.
Speaker 6: Okay, they're impressionable. So now we going to graduate from
Speaker 6: p gu I mean story.
Speaker 1: Feeling like my story is completely inappropriate for your.
Speaker 5: Adult lives, I think you should give it.
Speaker 1: Come on, well, because you're an instigator, so give them.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 1: If you've been listening with your family up until now,
Speaker 1: thinking oh, these are cute little story, now it would
Speaker 1: be the time to tell your kids this ain't this
Speaker 1: part of the story. And even if you're twenty, like,
Speaker 1: you gotta be twenty five and not maybe thirty two maybe.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, you got to be forty
Speaker 1: plus to hear this story. Give it all right, I
Speaker 1: will tell it quickly because we're running out of time.
Speaker 1: I'm in my twenties. Uh. And you know in Washington,
Speaker 1: d C. This is where Angela and I were professionally groomed,
Speaker 1: so it's you know, there's a high standard of excellence
Speaker 1: and everything got to be on tight. So it's a
Speaker 1: very intense environment. And so we had fun when we
Speaker 1: would hang out together. And that's when you were able.
Speaker 1: You ford's lifelong friendships, and you know, you meet people
Speaker 1: and get close. So I was friends with some young ladies.
Speaker 1: And we started talking one night about the act of fillatio.
Speaker 4: Okay, and so I was this conversation, by the way,
Speaker 4: because she threw.
Speaker 1: Me here, I'm not there. Angela was not there. She
Speaker 1: knows everybody who was, but she was not there. And
Speaker 1: we started talking about but like, how exactly are you
Speaker 1: supposed to do it? You know, we were in our
Speaker 1: twenties and we were like, is it like, are you
Speaker 1: like trying to get a golf ball through a water hole?
Speaker 1: You're just bobbing, and we like, what are you doing
Speaker 1: as a results? This is what I'm trying to tell y'all.
Speaker 1: Y'all talk about community. Anyway, we did talk about kids. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we're figuring it out and we're like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't really know, girl, I don't really know. We're like,
Speaker 1: you know, why, guys, we should have a party and
Speaker 1: like have a little cocktail party and we'll call it
Speaker 1: cocktails over cocktails. And so we invited like some girl girls,
Speaker 1: you know, like, Okay, we're all going to this girl's house.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have a little party, just some little silly
Speaker 1: thing to do on a Saturday. And we're like, we
Speaker 1: should get somebody to come over, like who really knows
Speaker 1: and can like tell us all about it. We can
Speaker 1: ask all our embarrassing question. So they're like okay, great.
Speaker 1: So we're there having a good time and the person
Speaker 1: who was supposed to come like this doesn't show up.
Speaker 1: It's like eleven o'clock and you know, it was past
Speaker 1: my bedtime. So the party dying down, some people leave,
Speaker 1: it's like five or six of us left, and then
Speaker 1: someone knocks at the door and this woman comes in
Speaker 1: with a massage table and a man walks in behind her,
Speaker 1: and we were really clear this is a girl's only gathering.
Speaker 1: So the guy comes in and we're all like trying
Speaker 1: to like we're nervous at this point.
Speaker 4: At this point, what like we.
Speaker 1: Got like we had like higher bartenders, like it was
Speaker 1: an all girl shabag. So he's literally the only man
Speaker 1: there and we're all like why is he here? Like
Speaker 1: what's happening? And so she he says, is there a
Speaker 1: place where I can go get changed? And we're all
Speaker 1: like okay, And also these people look pretty familiar to us,
Speaker 1: but we can't quite place it. But it's dc, so
Speaker 1: you know, everybody look familiar there, but we've they're like
Speaker 1: we've seen them in the spots before. Okay. So the
Speaker 1: girl comes out and she's now like in a little
Speaker 1: neglige and the guy is nude, okay, and she proceeds
Speaker 1: to then give us a life instruction.
Speaker 5: You guys, she.
Speaker 1: Was verbally talking through it and performing. Okay. But I
Speaker 1: am so uncomfortable because not now.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I want you to know before, before I told this story,
Speaker 1: I gave them a previous said I just want you
Speaker 1: to know my story is gonna be about this. They said, no,
Speaker 1: tell no one.
Speaker 4: You was gonna be like you went to a porn concert.
Speaker 1: Okay, can I just tell you? So I'm so uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: We're sitting there and I because it gets quiet of
Speaker 1: course when when she can't speak because he's making it
Speaker 1: to night and so right, and so I am like, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: let me just finish this. So I'm little me didn't
Speaker 1: finish the story. And then I answer all questions, please
Speaker 1: hold thank you. So I'm trying to like talk through
Speaker 1: it because it's so we are all like literally petrified,
Speaker 1: like we are frozen looking at this like what the
Speaker 1: hell is happening? And so I'm trying to talk through
Speaker 1: it because it's like awkward silence, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: so you're okay, You're you're grabbing there and you're touching there.
Speaker 1: And finally one of my friends was like, Manchael, you
Speaker 1: stop narrating. We can see what's happening trying, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm sorry, I'm so uncomfortable. I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do. So this happens. She finishes. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: everybody finishes, and then they and they're like, okay, any
Speaker 1: questions tons the first, third and last question little journalists
Speaker 1: right here, because.
Speaker 4: I had question and last questions.
Speaker 1: I asked them, had they ever done anything like this before?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like do y'all like publicly the host of the event?
Speaker 4: Yes, this was the Constitution.
Speaker 1: Yes, not really, it's not really politicians. Well I don't
Speaker 1: know the payment part. But what we concluded is like, oh,
Speaker 1: ship you guys. You know how we know these people?
Speaker 1: They work on Capitol Hill. One was a delegate and
Speaker 1: one worked on Capitol Hill. We were like, oh my
Speaker 1: one was it? Yes, of a political party and that's
Speaker 1: all I'm going to say about identities, but it was why.
Speaker 1: And then honestly they got dressed, they left, and we
Speaker 1: are like, it's like after you went so crazy, there
Speaker 1: are literally no work. But we didn't even have a
Speaker 1: conversation about it that night. We all just got up
Speaker 1: and walked out, since let's just go home. I don't
Speaker 1: we have never had as the one girl who hosted,
Speaker 1: she and I talked about it, like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that was the craziest shit. Can you believe that that
Speaker 1: was the craziest scenario I have ever found myself.
Speaker 2: To know that they were fierce professionals about what they
Speaker 2: did the right That's what I'm like.
Speaker 1: These were like working professionals who had careers and jobs,
Speaker 1: and they were sexually uninhibited, and you know, they were
Speaker 1: like they were not shy about you know, they were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: so this is what's what and is what it is?
Speaker 4: The moonlight?
Speaker 1: I mean, well, I guess I don't even know that
Speaker 1: they were doing it for the money. I think it
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, y'all want our time, like this is
Speaker 1: what it is, because whatever it was, none of us
Speaker 1: had money like that, so we were having them. But
Speaker 1: it was right. I think it was a level of exhibitionism,
Speaker 1: Like you know, they were a couple. They were like a, yes,
Speaker 1: this was her boyfriend, this was her boyfriend, and they
Speaker 1: were like, yo, okay, y'all wanted to learn how to
Speaker 1: do some things. Let me show you how to do okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I really don't appreciate telling this story. If you talking
Speaker 1: about a cat and Angela talking about communion, I okay.
Speaker 3: I thought you were saying that this was going that
Speaker 3: something happened at an event and it was gonna be
Speaker 3: like heard on the Hill kind of scooped.
Speaker 4: I didn't know that we was going to be dropped
Speaker 4: into a two B porno. I didn't know.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you know what, I don't want I don't
Speaker 1: want to air this episode.
Speaker 3: You know what, like this entire episode space We're just mortified.
Speaker 1: But you know, my most awkward story is one time
Speaker 1: when I was little, I said hell in front of
Speaker 1: my Now she's going, you're going bletschizophrantico to okay our defense.
Speaker 1: I saw a job.
Speaker 3: Before we started this episode, I couldn't think of anything,
Speaker 3: and I wanted to tell the Steph's favorite story that
Speaker 3: I tell about being anyway.
Speaker 1: But I told y'all what the story was about, y'all
Speaker 1: gonna be at an event.
Speaker 4: I didn't know that y'all was talking event.
Speaker 1: I was this is probably two thousand and six.
Speaker 3: Maybe inside right now, I think you were just.
Speaker 1: Saying that because I told her who before we started.
Speaker 3: My stomach is like, well, I'm gonna tell you. I'm
Speaker 3: gonna tell you because I know the person. Yeah, he
Speaker 3: was a HOUCHI, he was a huccie.
Speaker 1: I don't know anything.
Speaker 5: Bad about him.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but we thank him for volunteer.
Speaker 2: Conversation I tried to do.
Speaker 1: This is not the podcast I listen with your kids.
Speaker 1: This is the craziest situation I found myself.
Speaker 4: The craziest situations we want to hear about him.
Speaker 3: Hopefully they're a little less x rated than tips version
Speaker 3: and maybe a little bit just.
Speaker 1: Tell my stories.
Speaker 3: It's a cross generations that it's across of.
Speaker 4: The range of from to car trade it.
Speaker 3: You get all things on Native lamp Pod because you
Speaker 3: are home.
Speaker 4: So we welcomed you home, y'all, welcome home.
Speaker 3: Speaking of these two and yes, we're just glad that
Speaker 3: you didn't participate in the act.
Speaker 2: The cats in all their forms that should be the
Speaker 2: cats and dogs welcome.
Speaker 1: Native lamp Pod is a production of iHeart Radio and
Speaker 1: partnership with Reason Choice Media. For more podcasts from my
Speaker 1: heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.