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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm welcome to stuff.

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Speaker 1: I've never told your production of iHeart Radio. Any I

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Speaker 1: have a question. Okay, when you were a kid, did

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Speaker 1: you fantasize or even plan your wedding? Yes, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: knew it. Tell me that I did. I did. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I had a whole journal, and I drew the dress

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Speaker 1: that I wanted, and I had like, not the specific venue,

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Speaker 1: but the kind of location in mind. But I wanted

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Speaker 1: it to look like I had like songs that I

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Speaker 1: wanted played and dances I wanted. Um, I had kind

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Speaker 1: of this vague vision of how I wanted the guy

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Speaker 1: to look, and you know, I would I would dream

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Speaker 1: about it. I would dream that I was so in

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Speaker 1: love and so happy. I would run down the aisle

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Speaker 1: and I cry and cry and cry of happiness. Just beautiful.

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Speaker 1: I really wanted a short dress, not like short short,

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Speaker 1: but like me length, because I really wanted to dance.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to be held back by any long dresses.

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Speaker 1: That kind of wanted like colorful flower little accompaniments. So yes,

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Speaker 1: But but yeah, I mean you're not the only one. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: I did not necessarily plan my wedding. Um, but I

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Speaker 1: was in a lot of them, so I learned from

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Speaker 1: them what I didn't want, and by the time that

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Speaker 1: I was in high school, I was like, if I

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Speaker 1: do get married, it will not be a large wedding.

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Speaker 1: I remember to the point that my mom was like,

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Speaker 1: just invite us as in the parents, and I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: Like that was so good of it. But because I

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Speaker 1: had been in so many weddings as a kid, I

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Speaker 1: was miserable. I was like, I'll never do it again,

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Speaker 1: which is hilarious because I'm like, wow, I was jaded

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Speaker 1: at twelve. Cool, right, Well, we are talking about marriages

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Speaker 1: and weddings today and we're talking about a different type

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Speaker 1: of relationship all around, which is platonic marriages. Anything you

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Speaker 1: know much about platonic marriages before we started talking about this, No,

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Speaker 1: not at all. Actually, um, I don't think I even

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Speaker 1: heard that term. I've heard political marriages, which I think

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Speaker 1: is something similar. And then a while back past host

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Speaker 1: did an episode on Boston marriages, so I knew a

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Speaker 1: little bit about that, but no, not really, not about

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Speaker 1: platonic marriages. Well so, and I've heard of things such

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Speaker 1: as like the political as well as a marriage of convenience,

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Speaker 1: arranged marriages, and these are all different types. But what

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Speaker 1: we're talking about when we're talking about platonic marriage, well,

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Speaker 1: according to bride dot com, is actually a legal union

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Speaker 1: based on spiritual connection or practical love rather than a

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Speaker 1: sexual or romantic love. And another site actually described it

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Speaker 1: as a wedding without the sexual relationship. And according to

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Speaker 1: relationship experts Amy Linting him and Rachel Sussman, who are

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Speaker 1: both some kind of counselors or some type of professionals

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Speaker 1: in that level state quote, platonic marriages are when people

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Speaker 1: that are friends who are not sexually involved, decide to

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Speaker 1: make a commitment in a marriage for life with each other.

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Speaker 1: And I thought that was interesting because there's been a

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Speaker 1: few articles that have come out talking about this kind

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Speaker 1: of arrangement. And Annie, I know we've talked about this

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Speaker 1: a lot, just how the pandemic and the quarantine has

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Speaker 1: affected women altogether. But according to one research from science

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Speaker 1: direct dot com, women were more likely to experience increased

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Speaker 1: feelings of loneliness than men. And of course people who

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Speaker 1: have low self esteem also are gonna fill these types

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Speaker 1: of feelings, I guess. And as one couple reported that

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Speaker 1: having the connection in the commitment without the complexities of

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Speaker 1: sex and romance lingering over them. They felt connected and

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Speaker 1: able to more openly communicate and felt fulfilled. So there's

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Speaker 1: this whole conversation that maybe we're talking about this more

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Speaker 1: because of that connection, and it's not new. Actually I

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Speaker 1: thought it was. I was like, oh, but it's just

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Speaker 1: more that people are coming out and talking about it.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's the whole thing about us talking

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Speaker 1: about sexuality a little more and about relationships and about

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Speaker 1: being a little more open to understanding. There's some fluidity

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Speaker 1: to it all, which is nice, but there aren't just

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Speaker 1: open about it. They're actually encouraging for a lot more

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Speaker 1: people to come and kind of consider this type of

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Speaker 1: lifestyle and they could be looking into something that's a

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Speaker 1: committed relationship again without the backlash of the sex and

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Speaker 1: the toxicity that a heteronormative relationship may bring. And I

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Speaker 1: thought it was really interesting because you and I've talked

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Speaker 1: about this before, how we want to do a commune right, Yes,

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Speaker 1: And the whole idea is like, because we want companionship,

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Speaker 1: but it's not necessarily that we want marriage with our

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Speaker 1: romantic partner. And I was like, huh, yeah, this could

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Speaker 1: be a good solution. Again, it's not new, as in fact,

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Speaker 1: it's been around possibly from the fifteenth century and even

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Speaker 1: further beyond. But at that point it was referenced as

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Speaker 1: a more platonicus, meaning again platonic love and how it

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Speaker 1: kind of elevates beyond the realm of just the physical

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Speaker 1: and it goes into the spiritual. And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's nice. And even to the point that the Catholic

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Speaker 1: Church approved of this type of union, uh, and it

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Speaker 1: was called something like justified union. So I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: which we do know people are really really really scared

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Speaker 1: of sex, so that could be a whole different connotations.

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Speaker 1: But for people like yourself, when we talk about the

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Speaker 1: fact that you are a sexual and it's not so

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Speaker 1: much that you're not sexual being, but you just don't

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Speaker 1: want to have that type of relationship with someone at

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Speaker 1: this point in time. And for me, who doesn't not

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Speaker 1: necessarily associate long term commitment with sex either, so that

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Speaker 1: that kind of blows my mind. But I am really really,

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Speaker 1: really really great at having friendships. You are, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? Though, that's kind of that whole level

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Speaker 1: of like huh um. And of course there's no such

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Speaker 1: thing as a perfect relationship again, because I've lost friends

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Speaker 1: and we've had friendships die because we weren't able to communicate.

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Speaker 1: We just got angry with each other and just left

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Speaker 1: it at that, and it just didn't feel like it

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Speaker 1: was worth fighting for, which is the whole process of

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Speaker 1: any relationship. But being open and having that bond in

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Speaker 1: this friendship when you are really really tied together, maybe

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Speaker 1: you can make for a successful partnership. Um. And I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to talk about some of the benefits in

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Speaker 1: this and about our own experiences because I'm not necessarily

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Speaker 1: thought about doing a platonic marriage because anything legal, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like that seems really like yeah, but here's some of

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Speaker 1: the benefits one not wanting a romantic relationship, but do

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Speaker 1: want stability with a partner they trust and more flexibility

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Speaker 1: in their lives. And I think I could see that

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Speaker 1: in that I live pretty far away from my parents. Mhm.

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Speaker 1: So when you have to have that emergency contact, who

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Speaker 1: do you use? Right, you have to decide like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: maybe this is kind of that stability that you want

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Speaker 1: and having someone being able to be there to help

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Speaker 1: execute and who understand what you want. Yes, And then

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Speaker 1: There's another thing is they want to raise children and

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Speaker 1: co parent with a person, but not necessarily a romantic partner.

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Speaker 1: And of course there's this back and forth in general

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Speaker 1: about out the whole being a single parent and the

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Speaker 1: benefits and the backlash of that. So having someone to help,

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Speaker 1: especially when you're living by yourself and or living in

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Speaker 1: an area that again you don't have that support system

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Speaker 1: such as your family. Right. Another one, and I think

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Speaker 1: it's a really good one because you talk about this

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Speaker 1: a lot, taking care of each other in our old age. Right.

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Speaker 1: And then the third I've thought about a lot because

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Speaker 1: it's taken me thirty you know, probably thirty seven years

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Speaker 1: before I could live by myself financially splitting expenses and

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Speaker 1: with the fact that our income has not increased as

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Speaker 1: in like the minimal wage in the past fifteen years. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's almost impossible when the cost of living is so

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Speaker 1: high to live by yourself. Yeah. I love that we're

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Speaker 1: having these conversations because for so long, I feel like,

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Speaker 1: especially for me that kind of came from a sheltered town,

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Speaker 1: I only saw one type of relationship and this is

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Speaker 1: the one, and it's your nuclear family, heteronormative relationship. But

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Speaker 1: now I'm seeing a bunch of people. And of course

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Speaker 1: now I live in a liberal city and I have

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Speaker 1: pretty liberal friends. But I'm hearing conversations about like polyamorous

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Speaker 1: relationships or things like this, like what I would in

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Speaker 1: heavy quotes call is like traditionally non traditional relationships, which

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Speaker 1: is nice because for most of my life I didn't

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Speaker 1: know these were options. I didn't know that these were things.

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Speaker 1: So it's like making me question, you know, do I

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Speaker 1: want that? Maybe I don't, but maybe I do, And

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Speaker 1: now I'm at least thinking about it, which is nice.

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Speaker 1: And I've had a lot of interesting thoughts about different

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Speaker 1: types of relationships I might be okay with lately, which

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Speaker 1: I think I'm going to talk about in an upcoming

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Speaker 1: happier or But but we've had discussions like this among

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Speaker 1: my friend group with the commune of like, yeah, it

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Speaker 1: would be nice to have kind of a relationship where

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Speaker 1: you're living. You're living with someone, but you have your

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Speaker 1: own separate space. Also important to me, but you have

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Speaker 1: that camaraderie and companionship and that, yes I'm getting older,

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Speaker 1: in case something happens, like somebody will be there. And then,

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Speaker 1: as I said in my last relationship, I was pretty

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Speaker 1: happy and that's kind of what we had, right, But

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Speaker 1: of course he wasn't happy, so that's totally cool, but

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Speaker 1: I was. And so I was like, Okay, this is

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Speaker 1: kind of what I'm looking for, which is a companion

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Speaker 1: that I can have fun with and do stuff with,

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Speaker 1: but there's no like pressure of sexual or romantic side

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Speaker 1: of it. And I have had friends talk to me

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Speaker 1: about like political marriages in particular, and like saying, oh,

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Speaker 1: my therapist brought up political marriages as an option. I'm like, wow, right,

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Speaker 1: just yeah, and yeah, you're not the only one. They

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Speaker 1: talk about the fact that there are a lot of

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Speaker 1: couples who come in as assist head a normative couple

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Speaker 1: because of the romantic involvement, but then it grows into

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Speaker 1: this platonic level, and of course, yes it can be unhealthy,

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Speaker 1: but it can also be healthy. And we also see

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Speaker 1: it when we have things like when one part of

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Speaker 1: the couple realizing that they are not necessarily just straight

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Speaker 1: or you know, heterosexual, but they are you know, one

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Speaker 1: of the l g B d Q and and really

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Speaker 1: lost themselves and trying to be what they quote unquote

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Speaker 1: really was normal, and then trying to figure that out,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, do caring about their partner

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Speaker 1: and their partner caring about them still even though the

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Speaker 1: relationship has changed, and them remaining in it because it's

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Speaker 1: still it's okay and it's healthy with it healthy for them.

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Speaker 1: And I was seeing couples who do this with children,

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Speaker 1: of course, doing this unhealthily, being like they feel like

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Speaker 1: they've forced into it. Not a great idea, but being

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Speaker 1: into a place where like this actually can work and

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Speaker 1: it's healthy. Why not, And that there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: conversation about these benefits being pretty great, and the fact

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Speaker 1: that because it is newer, there's not any standard, so

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Speaker 1: you can talk about it as you go and you

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Speaker 1: could fix it as you go. The one couple that

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Speaker 1: has been written up a lot because they got married

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Speaker 1: this year, they talk about the fact that they do

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Speaker 1: share beds, but there's no sexual attention. They might cuddle,

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Speaker 1: but that's just a friendship that level thing. And they

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Speaker 1: have a foster kid and and they care for them

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Speaker 1: and they share their responsibilities, and yeah, they might go

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Speaker 1: on dates, but it's okay because again they know exactly

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Speaker 1: what that is and and that what they are expecting

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Speaker 1: from each other. And who they come home to and

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Speaker 1: who's allowed who's not allowed without the awkwardness. So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh why not, And yeah, especially when we have the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: I will say, like my partner now are romantic and

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Speaker 1: we are really good together in that, but part of

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Speaker 1: that is that companionship of being able to eat together,

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Speaker 1: being able to share a show together, of being able

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Speaker 1: to sit next to each other while no one else

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Speaker 1: you know is around, and then being selective who we are,

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Speaker 1: but not being completely lonely the entire time. So it

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Speaker 1: was it was the sub balance and seeing during the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, this, this could be a lot of benefits.

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Speaker 1: Not to say that you can't have that with your

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Speaker 1: roommate and you don't have to to be that far along.

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Speaker 1: Of course, this is the level of a commitment that

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Speaker 1: is a whole different conversation now that a great relationships

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Speaker 1: with the past roommates mm hmm, But of course this

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Speaker 1: is not that same level. In this kind of like, huh,

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Speaker 1: why not if you feel like that's how you are

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Speaker 1: and the relationship goes beyond just friendship and that when

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Speaker 1: you say best friends forever, this is a whole new

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Speaker 1: level yeah, I think. I mean because there's a commitment

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Speaker 1: involved in here, right, But there's plenty of I have

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Speaker 1: many best friends, and I feel like, you know, I

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Speaker 1: am committed to you, like whether or not we're going

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Speaker 1: to take that next step, right, but it is like

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Speaker 1: I hope we will be best friends for life. And

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Speaker 1: so it's kind of like, you know, the commitment's already there,

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Speaker 1: and it's just if you want to make it legal,

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Speaker 1: make it legal, make it legal. But yeah, you can

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Speaker 1: definitely rewrite since it's it is newer in our more

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Speaker 1: common like understanding of it. That is nice that you

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Speaker 1: kind of have to have those negotiations or discussions around

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Speaker 1: it and you can make it or build it in

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Speaker 1: a way that works for the people in the relationship, right,

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Speaker 1: And I love it. Yes, big fans, well listeners. If

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Speaker 1: anybody is in a platonic relationship, please let us and know.

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Speaker 1: You can email us at stuff Damil stuff at i

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Speaker 1: heeart media dot com. You can find us on Twitter

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Speaker 1: at Momsta podcast or on Instagram and stuff I've never

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Speaker 1: told you. Thanks, it's always to a super producer Christina,

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Speaker 1: who is amazing as well. Yes, and thanks to you

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Speaker 1: for listening. Stuff I never told you protection of iHeart Radio.

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Speaker 1: For more, podcast on iHeart Radio is the heart radio app,

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Speaker 1: Apple podcast all ready listen to your favorite shows. Oh,