Speaker 1: These hoes be coming for your heart, his hoes becoming
Speaker 1: for your heart.
Speaker 2: Man, More and more better, more better, a little bit
Speaker 2: more better more.
Speaker 1: Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending
Speaker 1: to have it all together and embrace the journey of
Speaker 1: becoming a little more better every day, or at least
Speaker 1: trying to. That's mosta from Marrow and that's Stephanie Beatrice.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the pod. Guys.
Speaker 2: What's going on?
Speaker 1: How are you guys? Welcome back, Melissa. What have you
Speaker 1: done lately? That's a little more better? What have I
Speaker 1: been doing lately? I'm about to leave for this job,
Speaker 1: And so I go through phases where I'm really good
Speaker 1: at like showing up for people or like making plans,
Speaker 1: and then the rest of the time you're fucking garbage
Speaker 1: at Yeah, sorry, no, I know. And then I think
Speaker 1: I just go through hibernation periods where I just like
Speaker 1: don't see anyone and just like become a very big
Speaker 1: homebody and like just hang out with my family. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: so okay, okay, I'm listening. But I think lately I've
Speaker 1: been a little more better about just making sure to
Speaker 1: like make plans and follow through and show up to
Speaker 1: things and and yeah just like show up to people.
Speaker 1: I do feel my social battery like starting to get
Speaker 1: a little low. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, But it
Speaker 1: also feels really good to like see friends and stuff
Speaker 1: because I actually feel like over the summer we saw
Speaker 1: friends and like, you know, we traveled and saw family,
Speaker 1: but like we didn't really do a lot of like
Speaker 1: adult social hangs, Like David and I didn't really go
Speaker 1: out to any dinners or like we kind of just
Speaker 1: did family stuff and we're kind of homebody over the summer.
Speaker 1: But it was nice. Yeah. But now I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: we got to get back out there. So I feel
Speaker 1: like I've been more better at that. Dave guy has
Speaker 1: been like going on double dates and stuff. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and like doing stuff. Yeah that's cute. Yeah that's really cute.
Speaker 1: Considering you're gonna leave soon and you're not going to
Speaker 1: see him for three weeks. I think that's very good
Speaker 1: to bank that time. Yeah, totally necessary. What about you?
Speaker 1: What have you been doing lately? That's more better? Oh,
Speaker 1: let's see, I've I've been really good at asking for hope.
Speaker 1: Ooh that's a big one. Is great at that, Like
Speaker 1: I'm really not good at it, especially not my family.
Speaker 1: I'm not I feel the deep need to do everything
Speaker 1: by myself otherwise I'm a failure. But that's not true.
Speaker 1: Oh that's not true at all. It's not true. And
Speaker 1: I've been trying to like be there for people when
Speaker 1: I can, like I did. I recently did a friend's
Speaker 1: podcast and did the live show of dough Boys here
Speaker 1: in Toronto. Fun and that was really fun. So like
Speaker 1: and I said I was gonna I was like offered
Speaker 1: myself up as a guest, Like I was like, hey, man,
Speaker 1: I'll be a guest if you want. Yeah, And that
Speaker 1: was a little like oh is that okay that I
Speaker 1: did that? So that was like brave of me. And
Speaker 1: then the actual podcast, I was really nervous because they're
Speaker 1: really funny. They're like funny jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes
Speaker 1: is just like femny. So are you? I know, thank you,
Speaker 1: but you know that there's I know, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like it's it's hard when it's like improv
Speaker 1: people or stand ups sometimes all the time, and yeah,
Speaker 1: and they're really good at it. Like yeah, there are
Speaker 1: people that are guest stars on our show this season
Speaker 1: that are incredibly incredibly funny, and you know I am
Speaker 1: funny too, but like some people are just gifted in
Speaker 1: another way, like you know what I mean. So yeah,
Speaker 1: and it can be like a little intimidating comparison situations.
Speaker 1: It's more like a you know, it's more like go wow,
Speaker 1: that people's that person's like really gifted at that. I'm
Speaker 1: gifted at other things anyway. But I like I braved
Speaker 1: it and did it. I ate this, like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I ate this honey croller on stage because they brought
Speaker 1: them on stage there we did Tim Horton. So the
Speaker 1: whole thing Boys podcast is like they eat different fast
Speaker 1: food chains. So we're in Canada, so we ate Tim
Speaker 1: Horton's I ate a honey croller on stage. I went
Speaker 1: into like septic shock, but like sugar shock. I shouldn't
Speaker 1: talk about that, but like no, I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: because you don't do a ton of sugar, and when
Speaker 1: you don't do a ton of sugar and you eat
Speaker 1: something like that, I felt like my eyeballs were gonna
Speaker 1: shoot out of my head. Yes, it was fucking gnarly
Speaker 1: bro like I at one point, I was like if
Speaker 1: I had a ton of shoes on I would run
Speaker 1: around this stage like I felt I thought like at
Speaker 1: one point I was like, should I fly away? Like
Speaker 1: I could fly away? Right now? I think I can fly, guys, Guys,
Speaker 1: I think I can fly. So yeah, that's what I've
Speaker 1: been doing, like, you know, just trying to just like
Speaker 1: I don't know if any of that was more better,
Speaker 1: but it felt more better. It felt kind of brave
Speaker 1: doing something. Yeah, you just you did something that scared
Speaker 1: you a little bit, Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: taking time for myself and stuff more better. So today's
Speaker 1: today's episode topic, guys, how about my segue? Did you like? That?
Speaker 1: Was like so smooth? It was smooth. It was smooth.
Speaker 1: Today's episode topic actually comes from a listener. If you
Speaker 1: guys have any suggestions. By the way, by the way,
Speaker 1: we see you on the internet and we like it.
Speaker 1: We'd like it. Yeah, when you guys like tag us
Speaker 1: and stuff, we don't always get we can't always like
Speaker 1: get into conversations and stuff, but we see when you
Speaker 1: guys tag us. You see when you guys are commenting
Speaker 1: on especially social media stuff. We love seeing your comments
Speaker 1: and reading everything. And if you have a suggestion for
Speaker 1: a future episode, always email us. At Morebetter Pod at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com, and you can include a voice note
Speaker 1: if you want to be featured on the pod. Let's
Speaker 1: read the email. Shawee, Melissa show we yes here, I'll
Speaker 1: read it. Okay, Hi, Stephanie and Melissa. My name is Vivian.
Speaker 1: I'm from Germany. Cool and I'm a huge fan of
Speaker 1: your podcast. Thank you, Vivian. My suggestion for a topic
Speaker 1: is how to deal more better with heartbreak and breakups.
Speaker 1: I went through a tough breakup myself when my boyfriend
Speaker 1: and I ended our five year relationship a few months ago,
Speaker 1: and I still have a hard time moving on. I
Speaker 1: would love to hear what your thoughts are. Vivian. Oh,
Speaker 1: First of all, congratulations, yes, truly, truly that when I
Speaker 1: hear people have broken up, because you just never know
Speaker 1: like why they broke up or how what it was,
Speaker 1: but like more likely than not, it was for the
Speaker 1: best of all parties involved. So congrats. Mm hmm. Even
Speaker 1: though I might not feel like that right now one
Speaker 1: hundred percent, I actually have a good friend going through
Speaker 1: a breakup right now, and the same thing. At first,
Speaker 1: I was like because it came out of the blue
Speaker 1: and it was very like, you know, there wasn't a progression.
Speaker 1: There weren't really warning signs, so it was just kind
Speaker 1: of like, hey, I'm not happy, I'm gonna leave you
Speaker 1: like that kind of thing. Yeah. And so are were
Speaker 1: they married? Are they are living together? Living together?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: I know. And and then as I started asking questions
Speaker 1: because I didn't know their partner very well, as I
Speaker 1: started asking questions, I started to see a pattern of
Speaker 1: my friend did a lot more in this relationship than
Speaker 1: the other person. And then the second thing I sort
Speaker 1: of discovered was my friend went through a really tough
Speaker 1: period and that seemed to be the thing that the
Speaker 1: partner sort of referred to as like, you know, when
Speaker 1: things in the relationship weren't good, and it just sounded
Speaker 1: like they were centering themselves while you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And I was just I just had to go, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Speaker 1: you're my friend. I love you. Life is long, Relationships
Speaker 1: are tough, they go through ups and downs. Yeah, David
Speaker 1: and I I shared with him the first year after
Speaker 1: we were married, like you know, a very close family
Speaker 1: member passed and it was very sad and it was
Speaker 1: very ugly and hard, and you know, we went through
Speaker 1: this hard thing and I was like, hard things are
Speaker 1: always going to fucking happen. You went through a hard thing,
Speaker 1: and sometimes when your partner's going through something hard, you
Speaker 1: do have to, like some of your needs kind of
Speaker 1: have to be you know, put on hold a little
Speaker 1: bit because you've got to be there for your person,
Speaker 1: right because you got to understand that, like they need
Speaker 1: a little more support in that moment, Like this person
Speaker 1: just instead centered themselves and said, hey, well what about me?
Speaker 1: And yeah, and I was like, is that someone you
Speaker 1: want to start a family with? Is that someone you
Speaker 1: want to dodge? Bullet nudged? That's what I said. I said,
Speaker 1: I I know you're hurting, but I feel like this
Speaker 1: might be a blessing in disguise because I think you
Speaker 1: just you were you were ring shopping, like damn hopefully,
Speaker 1: I think you know. The first thing I would ask
Speaker 1: Vivian is just like if you can, in a way
Speaker 1: like step back and look at the big picture, is
Speaker 1: this person really going to be like your ride or
Speaker 1: day like exactly person really going to like have your
Speaker 1: back through like life's toughest moments. Yeah, yeah, it's so,
Speaker 1: But it's hard, man. Heartbreak is hard. It's really hard.
Speaker 1: It's it's hard even when both parties are it's it's
Speaker 1: hard when no one's at fault. It's hard when someone's
Speaker 1: at fault. It's hard when no one's a fault, right,
Speaker 1: it's hard. Yeah. Like I remember, you know, having a breakup,
Speaker 1: and it was like everybody was trying to be after
Speaker 1: we got over the heart, like the the shitty, icky part.
Speaker 1: It was like everyone was trying to be adults, and
Speaker 1: it was still really hard. It's just like, it's really
Speaker 1: difficult to entangle untangle your entangled life. It's not a word,
Speaker 1: is it. Untangled? Yeah, just disentangled. Oh god, I'm uned
Speaker 1: an English major. Oh no, untangled, disentangled, untangled is correct.
Speaker 1: Disentangle is not a word. But you know what Shakespeare
Speaker 1: made should up And I'm definitely just like Shakespeare. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you are so like it's just really, I mean, five
Speaker 1: years two, it feels like forever. That's hard. You probably
Speaker 1: they probably shared friends and oh god, that's awful. The
Speaker 1: first time I ever had my heartbroken, I was eighteen.
Speaker 1: I was in a relationship with my high school boyfriend
Speaker 1: at the time, and we I knew we were probably
Speaker 1: going to break up after high school, but like I
Speaker 1: was kind of holding on to hope that we wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I remember a prom having this like big, dramatic, like
Speaker 1: cry moment on the on the prom floor because it
Speaker 1: was like, we're gonna break up. I just know it,
Speaker 1: and like I should have. I should I wish I
Speaker 1: had been brave enough to be like, we should break
Speaker 1: up for the summer, but I couldn't because he was
Speaker 1: just like everything that I had ever wanted, you know. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: I was sixteen. We started dating, and then we both
Speaker 1: went to our respective schools and I was going to
Speaker 1: school in Missouri, he was going to school in Texas.
Speaker 1: And then the week of freshman orientation he called me
Speaker 1: and was like, I slept with someone. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm laughing now, but I was devastating, devastated because at
Speaker 1: the time I also hadn't had sex yet, like I was.
Speaker 1: I was a late bloomer, and I was just devastated.
Speaker 1: Number One one, that you know, he had had sex
Speaker 1: with someone else. I just couldn't believe it. Number Two,
Speaker 1: that he was breaking up with me, like over the phone.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, this can't be. I tried to
Speaker 1: get him back for like six months, like I just
Speaker 1: was all. It was all consuming, all consuming. It was
Speaker 1: all about Travis, was everything was about Travis, and like
Speaker 1: I just couldn't imagine a world in which that wasn't
Speaker 1: what I wanted. Yeah, And like that's the hard thing
Speaker 1: about breakups. Heart hard thing about heartbreak is like in
Speaker 1: the moment, you really cannot imagine a world where this
Speaker 1: doesn't hurt as much as it does in that moment.
Speaker 1: It's so hard to trust that there will be a
Speaker 1: life beyond that heartbreak. It's really hard to trust. Trust
Speaker 1: comes with like time and experience, and like, already it's been,
Speaker 1: however many months, she said, six months since the break up,
Speaker 1: five months, six five months, Like it doesn't hurt as
Speaker 1: bad as it did probably that very first day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it still probably hurts really, really bad. You know,
Speaker 1: it's gonna keep hurting for a while. Was that thing
Speaker 1: on Sex and the City where she was like, you
Speaker 1: get over a breakup for in half the time that
Speaker 1: you guys were together, which is like kind of a
Speaker 1: bullshit rule, but kind of helps a little bit. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well I think it takes the pressure off of oh
Speaker 1: it's been so long and I still feel like this,
Speaker 1: you know, I myself have been through some gnarly like
Speaker 1: love breakups, but I think the ones that I had
Speaker 1: an even harder time getting through were the friend breakups.
Speaker 1: I had like two big ones in my twenties. Fucking brutal, brutal,
Speaker 1: brutal and these toes becoming for your heart, these hoes
Speaker 1: becoming for your becoming for your heart. Man and same.
Speaker 1: It's like what you were saying about trust, it was,
Speaker 1: you know, so much of my trust was broken. The
Speaker 1: first friendship sort of fell apart in a we were
Speaker 1: roommates and there was like a big dumb fight at
Speaker 1: the end of it, and I felt really betrayed and
Speaker 1: it was like a little bit over money and that
Speaker 1: kind of thing. And we had a lot of mutual friends,
Speaker 1: which ended up helping a little bit because some of them,
Speaker 1: most of them were like, no, I think you were
Speaker 1: right in this situation. But also who knows friends be
Speaker 1: just being friends and they could have been saying that
Speaker 1: to both of us. But I felt really betrayed and
Speaker 1: this person I was like my best friend, Like I mean,
Speaker 1: we were roommates, we spent so much time together, and
Speaker 1: you know, and then the second friend, uh friendship was
Speaker 1: more of the situation of me kind of realizing one
Speaker 1: day like oh, I think I put so much more
Speaker 1: into this friendship than this other person. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: And I don't think this person is a good friend
Speaker 1: and like doesn't value quality time with me and the
Speaker 1: way like I'm always trying to hang out when it's
Speaker 1: not like a party or we're not like going to
Speaker 1: the club or like you know, and they're always busy
Speaker 1: like that kind of stuff. And again, I just felt
Speaker 1: in the world and is Molisa from Maro calling you
Speaker 1: up and being like, hey, do you want to like
Speaker 1: hang out and get coffee And You're like no, Like
Speaker 1: what are you talking about?
Speaker 2: Who?
Speaker 1: So it's like I'm busy or you know, there was
Speaker 1: always excuses. There's no problem. Boom. That is something that
Speaker 1: you learn, right, Like you learn that those people they
Speaker 1: might not be bad people, but when they don't want
Speaker 1: to spend time with you, when they don't want to
Speaker 1: be with you anymore, when they don't, it's like boo boo.
Speaker 1: There's plenty of people that would love love to like
Speaker 1: hold your hand through life and guard your heart carefully
Speaker 1: and like be your close companion, as they say in
Speaker 1: Anne green Gables, your bosom friend, you know, like there's
Speaker 1: lots of people and there are, but I but I
Speaker 1: think the two breakups, the first one broke my trust
Speaker 1: and made me, I think, afraid to trust someone again,
Speaker 1: which is why maybe I fell into the second friendship
Speaker 1: thinking this person was my best friend, but like wasn't
Speaker 1: really a person that was there for me, right because
Speaker 1: like deep down it was safe, right, like maybe I
Speaker 1: wasn't going to get hurt, but I ended up getting hurt.
Speaker 1: And then the mind fuck was why did I? Why
Speaker 1: did I go along for so long? Why did I?
Speaker 1: And honestly, when I look back, I probably avoided getting
Speaker 1: close to anyone new for the next like five years
Speaker 1: after that day Actice friendships film, like because I was
Speaker 1: so afraid of getting so hurt again that I'm just
Speaker 1: talking to me? Is this me talking to me? That's
Speaker 1: how I feel, That's real, I feel. Yeah, Like after
Speaker 1: I lost those I mean we talked her a little
Speaker 1: bit on the podlat like I also had two very
Speaker 1: good friends that like I felt really betrayed by, and
Speaker 1: like I just had my wedding anniversary, and I think
Speaker 1: I part of what made me I was like thinking
Speaker 1: about our wedding and thinking about our you know, anniversary,
Speaker 1: and I just kept thinking of those two friends because
Speaker 1: like they were part of the wedding and I don't
Speaker 1: talk to them anymore.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: It's like it made me really sad. But like I'm
Speaker 1: very very like stand offish when it comes to friendships
Speaker 1: because I'm nervous about getting fucked, like getting my heart
Speaker 1: like ripped out of my gut. Same. I think it's
Speaker 1: only been the last few years that I have sort
Speaker 1: of had a moment where I'm like, well, I love
Speaker 1: having friends. I've always loved having friends, like I love
Speaker 1: having a group of friends I love like I know
Speaker 1: that I need people, like I know that I'm like
Speaker 1: a like a village type of person I think most
Speaker 1: people are, and and like kind of yeah, having a
Speaker 1: moment in the last few years of like it's time
Speaker 1: for me to like open up to more people and
Speaker 1: invest more time and energy into the people I really
Speaker 1: love and care about and make time for them, and
Speaker 1: like figure out a way how to like really fold
Speaker 1: this into my life and not be so scared if
Speaker 1: you know, I get hurt again. Yeah, well how do
Speaker 1: you fet? It's hard? Like, how do you get over?
Speaker 1: How do you start to get over the breakup or
Speaker 1: how do you get over the like you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, I think it's important to like anything
Speaker 1: kind of you have to feel all the hard fucking feelings, right,
Speaker 1: It's like you have to. I feel like whenever I'm
Speaker 1: moving through something really hard, whether it's heartbreak or grief,
Speaker 1: is a big one too, where I have to check
Speaker 1: in with myself of like how much of avoiding am
Speaker 1: I doing a thing? Because I do? I do? We
Speaker 1: all do ten because it's uncomfortable, right, Like that's the
Speaker 1: go to, Like that is I'm just gonna keep myself
Speaker 1: and I do. I'm so good at it. I'm so
Speaker 1: good at keeping my keep miss Elsy. I'm distracted and
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna like do the things that are fun
Speaker 1: and like see the fun people and like you know.
Speaker 1: But then eventually, like that shit catches up with you,
Speaker 1: Like eventually your body or your brain or your sleep
Speaker 1: starts telling you like you have to deal with this,
Speaker 1: you know, and it shows up in different ways I
Speaker 1: think for everyone. Then I just try I try to
Speaker 1: like remind me I felt that I eventually have to
Speaker 1: move through this. Yeah, And there's something about like move
Speaker 1: the forward movement, like visualizing just like moving through the muck,
Speaker 1: moving through the the thing, you know, and whether it's
Speaker 1: crying or whether it's going to therapy or talking to
Speaker 1: friends about it, you know, I think be careful with
Speaker 1: that because I definitely have been that person that is like,
Speaker 1: had a friend be like, I love you, but we
Speaker 1: we need to move forward, and we have talked about
Speaker 1: this a lot, so you don't want to like abuse
Speaker 1: your friendships. I am sometimes the friend that is like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh I've done that too. Yeah, I love you,
Speaker 1: but like you gotta, you gotta gotta, I gotta figure
Speaker 1: something out. I do think, like, like in terms of
Speaker 1: practical practical advice, like, yeah, one of the things I
Speaker 1: did after a big breakup when I was in my
Speaker 1: thirties and this was somebody that I thought I was
Speaker 1: gonna be with for pretty much forever, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is the person, right like, and we lived together
Speaker 1: and you know, like you do live and son and
Speaker 1: I moved out. And when I moved out, I saved
Speaker 1: a lot of things from the relationship. And it wasn't
Speaker 1: until like the next year. I think at Christmas time
Speaker 1: that I was going through you know, Christmas boxes or
Speaker 1: like a stuff like storagey stuff, and I was like,
Speaker 1: why am I holding onto these? Why am I holding
Speaker 1: onto this personalized you know? It was the Christmas ornament
Speaker 1: that started. I was like, why am I holding onto
Speaker 1: this Christmas ornament with this picture of me and this person?
Speaker 1: We are broken up, You're not together anymore. I have
Speaker 1: to get rid of this And it was really hard.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I even did it that year,
Speaker 1: but I ended up all of the ornaments. Ornaments are
Speaker 1: really important to me, Christmas is really important to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: put them all in a box and I threw them
Speaker 1: away and I threw with the love letters. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: threw away the love notes. I threw away the birthday cards,
Speaker 1: and like, I know, some people will keep those things
Speaker 1: because it's like a moment in time, but like for me,
Speaker 1: it was like, I'm not with this person anymore. My
Speaker 1: heart was broken when this didn't work out. Why am
Speaker 1: I holding on to the stuff that makes me feel
Speaker 1: so sad when I look at it. It's not like
Speaker 1: I look at this stuff and think that was a
Speaker 1: romantic poem. It's like, I know, I think about this,
Speaker 1: and I go like this person, you know, fucked me up,
Speaker 1: Like why look, why am I holding onto the shit?
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, like a cliche as it can be.
Speaker 1: I think even like you know, putting a little pot
Speaker 1: of fire and burn or like a fire planting, like
Speaker 1: burning some things and like letting go and releasing kind
Speaker 1: of being really helpful and therapeutic totally. I also think
Speaker 1: like taking this is something that I used to do
Speaker 1: more in New York because you didn't have to drive,
Speaker 1: you could just get on public transit. But I would
Speaker 1: go and do things like I would go see a
Speaker 1: movie by myself or go This is also because I
Speaker 1: was young and not a mom and single or whatever,
Speaker 1: but like I would go to like the art museum
Speaker 1: or go to an exhibit or go to like you know,
Speaker 1: go to somewhere and experience something by myself and have
Speaker 1: like a good cleansing, artistic feeling. Cry about it because
Speaker 1: for me, I'm not a person who can hang out
Speaker 1: in my apartment and cry like I don't. Okay, So
Speaker 1: this is a big heartbreak moment. But when my dog
Speaker 1: Banjo died, I was very very connected to Banjo. He
Speaker 1: was like my familiar and when he died. I Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I hope, I'm cry. I went around the
Speaker 1: apartment and collected all of his stuff, like everything that
Speaker 1: was his, like his toys, his little blankets, his dog food,
Speaker 1: is treats, and I just sobbed the whole time. And
Speaker 1: then I kept saying out loud, you were such a
Speaker 1: good boy. You were such a good boy, and like
Speaker 1: it was such a hard thing to do. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was so cleansing, though, and it was so healing for
Speaker 1: me because I knew he's he like his spirit was
Speaker 1: still in the house. Like, but I also had to
Speaker 1: give myself the activity of like I have to I
Speaker 1: have to clean his stuff up. I have to let
Speaker 1: go because like if I look over in a week
Speaker 1: and I still see all his things, it will devastate me.
Speaker 1: So like I had to put them in a box,
Speaker 1: and then the next week I had to take the
Speaker 1: box to a friend and like give her she had
Speaker 1: like she was rescuing animals, so like I gave her
Speaker 1: all the stuff. And like I think the physical activity
Speaker 1: sometimes is like really healing to like you know, finish
Speaker 1: with that part of your life. Like at breakups are
Speaker 1: they are a break and you have to break you
Speaker 1: have to let yourself break and then heal, because like
Speaker 1: if you keep holding on, you're never going to like
Speaker 1: the break is never going to be clean, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you have to find a way. I like what
Speaker 1: you were saying about, like sometimes it can be like
Speaker 1: a physical action to help you feel like you're moving
Speaker 1: forward and you're moving through the thing. You know. I
Speaker 1: know my friend who's going through the breakup is going
Speaker 1: to like redecorate parts of their house, you know, things
Speaker 1: that their partner chose. They're going to change. And I
Speaker 1: told them, I said, you should rearrange the furniture, you know,
Speaker 1: and find out figure out a new layout for things,
Speaker 1: and like maybe even switch your bedroom to a different room,
Speaker 1: like you know, like big physical changes. And then I said,
Speaker 1: and then if you can swing it, you should go
Speaker 1: on a trip, whether by yourself or with friends, like
Speaker 1: whichever you think you need, but just like have a
Speaker 1: little get away to just kind of like whatever. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's morn maybe it's party, maybe you know, like something
Speaker 1: something for you that's not about to like not about them,
Speaker 1: and just like come back from that trip and be
Speaker 1: like this is the start of the new chapter. You know.
Speaker 1: I think it's important to do these little markers or
Speaker 1: rituals right, like you just feel like we're we're moving
Speaker 1: through the thing a little bit. But it's and the
Speaker 1: budget version of that is like, Okay, so maybe you
Speaker 1: can't like afford to go stay in a hotel overnight,
Speaker 1: but you probably have some friends that will let you
Speaker 1: like crash in their house and like yeah, a movie
Speaker 1: night and like stay away from your house one night
Speaker 1: and like have a moment that's not that's not in
Speaker 1: that space, you know, Like especially if you shared a
Speaker 1: space or share to like you know, maybe you can't
Speaker 1: redecorate your whole apartment, but like I bet you could
Speaker 1: get a new comforter from like TJ Max or something
Speaker 1: like yeah that you could get like a new set
Speaker 1: of sheets, like something a room pain, a roam you
Speaker 1: can't tell her, get a new laundry detergent and like
Speaker 1: wash your sheets in a different scent and like start fresh.
Speaker 1: Like there's so many little things like that that can
Speaker 1: help you like make a space feel new practically and physically.
Speaker 1: I mean, like all these things are like little magical
Speaker 1: things that you can bring into your space that like
Speaker 1: are hard because we are so connected, especially like if
Speaker 1: you live with people. Yeah, more isis our producer send
Speaker 1: us this thing that like was in our nerd time
Speaker 1: part of this pod, which was like, my god, we're
Speaker 1: so InSync because I literally just was pulling it up as.
Speaker 3: You said that.
Speaker 1: So one of the things that she sent us was
Speaker 1: this interview with the author of this book called Heartbreak,
Speaker 1: A Personal and Scientific Journey by Florence Williams, and it
Speaker 1: investigates the ways in which like extreme emotional pain can
Speaker 1: impact your heart, your digestive and immune systems. So like
Speaker 1: when people are like I'm heartsick, like it's actually real,
Speaker 1: Like it's a real thing. And when you are with
Speaker 1: other people, like if you're with a partner for a
Speaker 1: long time or even if you just see them all
Speaker 1: the time, your bodies can really like co regulate when
Speaker 1: you're with someone all the time, like intimately, Like so
Speaker 1: like if you're in post proxiety at them, Yes, your
Speaker 1: heartbeats actually regulate. When you're asleep, your cortisol levels line
Speaker 1: up your morning and evening cortisol levels, your respiration rates
Speaker 1: sometimes aligne. There are lots of studies showing that when
Speaker 1: you put a couple in a brain scammer scanner, scammer.
Speaker 1: Love is a brain scam, by the way, and then
Speaker 1: you give them a test, their brain waves sync up
Speaker 1: in the same way what happens physiologically when a partner leaves.
Speaker 1: Your brain and body really notice it on a subconscious level.
Speaker 1: I just thought that was really interesting because I will say,
Speaker 1: like after we finished shooting Brooklyn, Yeah, we had all
Speaker 1: been together at that point for seven and a half years,
Speaker 1: almost eight years, and the month after and I was
Speaker 1: very pregnant, so like might have been part of that too,
Speaker 1: But like I was fucked up, Like I was fucked up,
Speaker 1: Like I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I was having
Speaker 1: like a very hard time after we finished, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I had a hard time. I was really heartbroken because
Speaker 1: I knew I just wasn't gonna see you guys the
Speaker 1: same way every single day, you know, and like it
Speaker 1: was it fucked me up. And like no, it fucked
Speaker 1: me up too. It's like it's kind of nice knowing that,
Speaker 1: Like science is like, yeah, of course it fucked you up.
Speaker 1: Like you're not You're not like a little baby. They
Speaker 1: can't handle it, Like you're You're a human being that
Speaker 1: gets fucked up. When the people that you were around
Speaker 1: for that much time. Aren't in your life every day anymore?
Speaker 1: I mean all the female cycles even SYNCD up like
Speaker 1: during the course of that show. Yeah, someone was trying
Speaker 1: to tell me the other day like, oh, that's been
Speaker 1: like debunked or whatever. I was like, l O L.
Speaker 1: I looked around the set and I was like, I
Speaker 1: can count like four women right now that are all
Speaker 1: in the same period cycle, Like how dare you tell
Speaker 1: me that debunked. I'll debunk you with my fucking toe
Speaker 1: bagful you know. Yeah, sleepings right now. Yeah, that that
Speaker 1: was a total heartbreak phase after Brooklyn ended, of just yeah,
Speaker 1: I would wake up so sad for so slave can't eat.
Speaker 1: You know, it's hard. It's really hard, and it's like
Speaker 1: still hard. It's still hard. It's still hard. It's been
Speaker 1: many years and it's still hard. Yeah. I just was
Speaker 1: at a wedding this weekend, Be's wedding.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was so great. I know, I know you were missed,
Speaker 1: but it was really sweet. It was beautiful and who
Speaker 1: was there? Was everybody there. It was a good chunk
Speaker 1: of us. It was. It was to and Rick and
Speaker 1: Dan and Dirk and Joel and me. Yeah, and Phil
Speaker 1: Augusta Jackson. So it was it was a mix of
Speaker 1: like crew and you know the people she was. She
Speaker 1: was the closest with in the real Matt Mandela isn't
Speaker 1: Matt of course Matt. God for those of you don't know,
Speaker 1: I went to a wedding and Beatrice this wonderful, beautiful,
Speaker 1: kind giving person. We love you, b uh. She worked
Speaker 1: in the production office, so she was sort of not
Speaker 1: always on set behind the scenes, so you know her
Speaker 1: interaction for brain and she's a super brain and a
Speaker 1: superperson and like super generous and giving anyway. But yeah,
Speaker 1: just sitting at that table with like Matt and Tony
Speaker 1: and everybody, it was just like, you know, we joked,
Speaker 1: we're like, guys, let's make another show. Let's listen. And
Speaker 1: I think it was it was Tony. It was either
Speaker 1: Tony or Matt that just went, Oh God, wouldn't that
Speaker 1: be great? Like, you know, it's not just us, like,
Speaker 1: it's it's every like it was such a special thing
Speaker 1: for so long and how close we truly all got.
Speaker 1: That was a really big one that was hard to
Speaker 1: get over. Yeah it's fine, I mean it's it's and
Speaker 1: there's no like talking yourself out like, oh well maybe
Speaker 1: maybe someday we will know. Like the reality with the
Speaker 1: fact is is like that was a time that will
Speaker 1: never happen again. We will never be together for that
Speaker 1: many hours ever again. Yeah, and that fucking sucks, and
Speaker 1: it's heartbreakings. It sucks. But like that's also like the
Speaker 1: tough the tough love part of heartbreak is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you do have to be a little tough with yourself
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to be like you're gonna get through this,
Speaker 1: like you're gonna be okay, Oh, you'll always be a
Speaker 1: little bit sad about this, and that's what. That's fine.
Speaker 1: That's fine, Okay, a little bit sad about it, you know, Like,
Speaker 1: and there's also gonna be I mean, there's also gonna
Speaker 1: be other heartbreaks that you have in your life, Like
Speaker 1: this won't be the last one, you know, like this
Speaker 1: won't be the this. It just it won't be that way.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I don't even know. I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's like good or bad necessarily, but it's human, you know,
Speaker 1: it's human. Human. It's just hard, hard experience. Yes, it's
Speaker 1: the give and take for how wonderful and full of
Speaker 1: joy and amazing life is. I literally was just saying
Speaker 1: that to my son Enzo this morning because a boy
Speaker 1: on his soccer team is moving away and he was
Speaker 1: sort of sad about it, and and this just sort
Speaker 1: of flew out of my mouth, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I hope that wasn't too harsh, Like I you know,
Speaker 1: you like, deal with it, bitch. No, listen, get your
Speaker 1: shoes on. We got to go to school and just
Speaker 1: deal with it, all right. Uh no, I validate, And
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, that's really, you know, tough up.
Speaker 1: But then I was like, but babe, like I hate say,
Speaker 1: It's just part of life. It's part of growing up.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have other friends that move. You're gonna have
Speaker 1: other friends that go to a different school, you know,
Speaker 1: when you graduate high school and you I'll go off
Speaker 1: to different I remember sobbing on my high school graduation
Speaker 1: because it was that same sort of feeling I had
Speaker 1: at Brooklyn where I was like, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: see you anymore. So funny I was learning peace, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, but definitely was that, Like, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: there was a little bit of that because I was
Speaker 1: excited about what was coming. But I sobbed that day
Speaker 1: because there were and there were certain friends that like,
Speaker 1: deep down I knew, I was like, we're probably barely
Speaker 1: going to be friends anymore. And I really like you,
Speaker 1: but I just know that you're going to lives are
Speaker 1: going in different dior lives are going in different directions,
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to see you and we're not
Speaker 1: so so close that you know, And it's sad, but
Speaker 1: it is. It is, you know. There you have to
Speaker 1: find a way to make peace with these shitty parts
Speaker 1: of life that are just going to happen. Otherwise you
Speaker 1: stop living. Otherwise your life stops being less less. You know,
Speaker 1: you don't live your life fully, you don't ye your
Speaker 1: life maybe in your ability, your best potential. You deserve
Speaker 1: a big life that's full. Yeah, Like everyone decide and
Speaker 1: deserves the biggest life everything. You know. It's like five
Speaker 1: years feels like a lot, but it's really not that
Speaker 1: much time. Like ten years isn't that much, twenty years
Speaker 1: isn't that much. Like there's still more life to be had,
Speaker 1: there's still more things to see and experience and laugh
Speaker 1: about and have joy about, and there's still so many
Speaker 1: sunsets and sunrises and like there's still so much like
Speaker 1: beyond that thing. Obviously you're mourning that thing, and it's hard,
Speaker 1: but like, there's so much life to be had, and
Speaker 1: you deserve to let yourself have it. You know, you
Speaker 1: deserve it. Yeah, you deserve it. If you can't say
Speaker 1: that to yourself, we'll say it to you right now.
Speaker 1: You deserve it. You do deserve it, bitch. Get back
Speaker 1: out there, rearrange some furniture, call your friends, get a
Speaker 1: new comforter. More better. I feel more better?
Speaker 2: Do you?
Speaker 1: I feel like very good?
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: I think with that in pretty healthy ways. Yeah. It's
Speaker 1: hard to talk about, it's hard to think about, but
Speaker 1: it's also good to I think think about these things
Speaker 1: once in a while too. You know, it's sort of like, oh,
Speaker 1: look how far I've come. You know, all the great
Speaker 1: things that have happened despite these like heartbreaks, heartbreaks? Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: If trumps In sleep with that girl on a freshman orientation, yes,
Speaker 1: what would have happened? You know what I mean? I
Speaker 1: don't know what would have happened. It certainly wouldn't you know.
Speaker 1: I certainly wouldn't know raws. She wouldn't Yes, she wouldn't
Speaker 1: exist maybe, And she's like the coolest person ever. That's
Speaker 1: my kid. If you don't, if you haven't listened to
Speaker 1: the podcast, but you know, you just never know where
Speaker 1: life's going to take you. Yeah, yeah, And most of
Speaker 1: the time a breakup is in the long run. Yeah,
Speaker 1: congrats supposed to happen, So congratulations, believe it at that. Congrats,
Speaker 1: Ma Man, Congrats movie. We'll see you. We'll see you
Speaker 1: next time. Bye, guys, Bye, More Better. Do you have
Speaker 1: something you'd like to be more better at that you
Speaker 1: want us to talk about in a future episode? Can
Speaker 1: you relate to our struggles or have you tried one
Speaker 1: of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 3: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
Speaker 3: gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
Speaker 3: want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better
Speaker 3: with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WV Sound and
Speaker 3: iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network, hosted by me, Stephanie Viatriz, and
Speaker 3: Melissa Fumira.
Speaker 1: More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem, and
Speaker 1: Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and
Speaker 1: Leo Clem at Wvsound. This episode was edited by Isis
Speaker 1: Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music
Speaker 1: by Madison Davenport and Hey Loo Boy. Our cover art
Speaker 1: is by Vincent Remis and photography by David For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,
Speaker 1: Saga Bye,