WEBVTT - I think we've got an attitude problem

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<v Speaker 1>I think we've got an attitude problem. It's one more thing.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm strong and getty. One more thing. Shut up. I

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<v Speaker 2>hate you, I hate everything.

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<v Speaker 1>So Reddit has been around for a while. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know when it started, but it certainly was around in

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<v Speaker 1>twenty ten. And this is a big a research piece

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<v Speaker 1>they did on Reddit responses to a particular question, people

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<v Speaker 1>that are in unhappy marriages.

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<v Speaker 2>There's lots and lots of Reddit threads around this sort

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<v Speaker 2>of stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>Anyway, they filtered out relationship advice from one point two

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<v Speaker 1>million comments over the years since twenty ten to twenty

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<v Speaker 1>twenty five, So over fifteen years, one point two million comments.

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<v Speaker 1>When you describe being in a bad relationship, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>my marriage isn't going why? What? Well? Whatever?

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<v Speaker 2>The reason is back in the day.

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<v Speaker 1>And by back in the day, I mean twenty ten,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't mean like nineteen thirty, in nineteen eighty.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Wow, it's not the amount of change, it's the

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<v Speaker 2>pace that's making people insane.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah it is. Yeah, I want to make sure I

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<v Speaker 1>get the number completely right.

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<v Speaker 3>God, the fact that twenty ten was fifteen years ago.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to aging well and worth well. Yeah that too.

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<v Speaker 2>But the idea that in a lot of these things.

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<v Speaker 2>It's worth drawing a comparison between now and twenty ten.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, why would it be that didn't exist. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>if you compared you know, obviously eighteen seventy to eighteen

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<v Speaker 1>sixty in terms of marriage trends, there will be a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of difference.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, if you compare them in terms of number of

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<v Speaker 2>civil wars going on there, it'd be a difference.

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<v Speaker 1>But no, yeah, and so as recently as twenty ten,

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<v Speaker 1>so it's only fifteen years ago. Overall, the advice of

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<v Speaker 1>end the relationship was about a third, less than a third.

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<v Speaker 1>Thirty percent of the respondents would say end the relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>When you got on there with you, my marriage is

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<v Speaker 1>not happy.

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<v Speaker 2>Here's what's going on.

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<v Speaker 1>It's now over fifty percent. It's gone up twenty percent

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<v Speaker 1>just since twenty ten. Of people would say just end

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<v Speaker 1>your marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>Then, well that's got to be because fewer and fewer

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<v Speaker 2>people are in relationships, so they have no idea. What

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<v Speaker 2>they're talking about is that is that what's the explanation

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<v Speaker 2>is according to what you're looking at or well, all.

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<v Speaker 1>The other numbers decline a lot, So, uh, give space

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<v Speaker 1>and time to your spouse who you're having a problem

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<v Speaker 1>with has gone from twenty five percent of respondents down

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<v Speaker 1>to barely double digits. Say you should give your spouse

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<v Speaker 1>some time in space to try to fix this. It

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<v Speaker 1>all went down. Communicate about this went from a quarter

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<v Speaker 1>down to uh, barely double digits, just you know, the

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<v Speaker 1>simple idea of talk to them about it.

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<v Speaker 2>That's crazy, it is, I mean, that's stupid, it's toxic,

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<v Speaker 2>it's inexcusable. It's an indictment of everything that will follow.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, so communicate and give space dropped a lot. Set

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<v Speaker 1>boundaries went up some, which is also a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>a negative. I mean it, it can be positive, but

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<v Speaker 1>it's got a little bit of a negative flare to it.

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<v Speaker 1>More than talk to them or give them some space,

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<v Speaker 1>set some strong boundaries with me, you're no longer allowed

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<v Speaker 1>to do this.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, take a relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>That's another way of cutting you know, cutting it off

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<v Speaker 3>kind of.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but that's altimate to me. Sometimes it's necessary.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, h compromise went down about by about half.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, of course it did. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>The only one that went up much, and it went

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<v Speaker 1>up a lot, from thirty percent to over fifty percent,

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<v Speaker 1>is end the relationship divorce that is crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>And then that's something. What does that mean about society?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, if people aren't willing to work it out anymore,

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<v Speaker 2>clearly effort, Michael, I enjoyed judging as much as anybody.

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<v Speaker 2>I ought to be on the Supreme Court. I'm so judgment.

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<v Speaker 2>But if you not only haven't had serious relationships and

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<v Speaker 2>you just live an online life, and you're like kind

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<v Speaker 2>of the second generation of that fewer and fewer relations

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<v Speaker 2>so you haven't seen role models of good relationships in

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<v Speaker 2>front of you, how the f would you have any

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<v Speaker 2>idea what advice to give? And so what you're seeing

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<v Speaker 2>here is a bunch of cynical I live my life

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<v Speaker 2>online types saying very onliney things.

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<v Speaker 1>I would love to know. I don't know how much marriage.

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<v Speaker 1>The number of people getting married is chained in fifteen years.

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<v Speaker 1>I know it's declining, but I don't know. But I

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<v Speaker 1>think it's pretty solid that the number of people getting

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<v Speaker 1>into relationships at all has declined quite a bit. So

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<v Speaker 1>if you've never been in a relationship and you secretly

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<v Speaker 1>want to be in one, I don't care what you

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<v Speaker 1>say about how happy you are alone, you want to

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<v Speaker 1>be in a relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>You just do that's the way you're built.

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<v Speaker 1>But so you of course you're happier that other people

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<v Speaker 1>aren't in relationships. It whether you're whether you acknowledge it,

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<v Speaker 1>or it's all subconscious you hate somebody else being in

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<v Speaker 1>a happy relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it sounds yeah. These And this also sounds like

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<v Speaker 3>it might be coming from people who had one bad

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<v Speaker 3>relationship and have just said f them all kind of.

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<v Speaker 2>I was just going to bring up the person who's

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<v Speaker 2>had a couple of relationships and have given up or

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<v Speaker 2>they say, you know, there's no woman worth you know.

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<v Speaker 2>I won't put a sacrifices blah blah blah.

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<v Speaker 1>I won't put too fine a point on this to

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<v Speaker 1>keep myself out of trouble. But if your spouse starts

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<v Speaker 1>hanging around with divorced people it is who who are single,

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<v Speaker 1>it's much worse for you than if your spouse hangs

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<v Speaker 1>around with people who are making it work, going through

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<v Speaker 1>the grind of being married and raising kids and doing

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<v Speaker 1>the whole thing, as opposed to hanging around with somebody

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<v Speaker 1>who's divorced and talking.

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<v Speaker 2>About all the fun they could happen. Why do you

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<v Speaker 2>put up with that?

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<v Speaker 1>And blah blah blah, Because they love to cut this

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<v Speaker 1>divorce is a contagent. I've seen it over and over

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<v Speaker 1>again at various workplaces and stuff like that. Friend groups.

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<v Speaker 1>It is absolutely a contagion. And somebody else gives the

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<v Speaker 1>permission structure and then starts, you know, with the caretive.

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<v Speaker 1>Look how great this and fun this life is out

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<v Speaker 1>here compared to your drudgery. But if you hang around

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<v Speaker 1>with other people who are, like I said, doing the deal,

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<v Speaker 1>it's less likely to happen. And so you got all

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<v Speaker 1>these people on here reading these things. They're they're in

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<v Speaker 1>the no no, no, no, you should join us in

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<v Speaker 1>our happiness using my finger goes, because they're not that

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<v Speaker 1>happy out here in single world.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, misery loves company.

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<v Speaker 2>Yep, exactly. You know that's two hundred percent as a friend.

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<v Speaker 2>As a student rather of language, I have like shelves

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<v Speaker 2>of books of quotations. Is there one? I mean, because

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<v Speaker 2>misery loves company, Drunks want everybody to drink more, stoners

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<v Speaker 2>want everybody to take another hit or smoke if they

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<v Speaker 2>don't smoke pot, you know, is maybe birds of a

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<v Speaker 2>feather flock together. I'm trying to think, is there a

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<v Speaker 2>great quotation that communicates what we're talking about. Everybody feels

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<v Speaker 2>better if more people are doing what they're doing, they

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<v Speaker 2>feel justified in themselves.

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<v Speaker 1>If you get divorced too, Yeah, I know because I've

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<v Speaker 1>seen it one hundred percent. Like I've had friends who

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<v Speaker 1>I've watched this appen not only with my own life,

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<v Speaker 1>but they enjoy when their friend gets divorced too. Somehow,

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<v Speaker 1>it I don't know, makes them feel better.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know why. And you have kind of a

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<v Speaker 2>kinship going, I guess.

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<v Speaker 3>And on the flip side, I've actually been in this

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<v Speaker 3>situation where I've had a friend get irritated with me

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<v Speaker 3>when I got married and my life started getting better.

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<v Speaker 2>Sure, yeah, I've seen that also, yep. Absolutely, Oh is

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<v Speaker 2>that persons still a friend? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, absolutely. When you're younger, I remember, like you know,

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<v Speaker 1>you got the friend group. All us dudes were hanging

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<v Speaker 1>out or watching a football game on Saturday, drinking beer,

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<v Speaker 1>and then somebody gets a steady girlfriend and they're not

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<v Speaker 1>part of that anymore. You secretly want the steady girlfriend

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<v Speaker 1>like they have, right, but you're kind of angry that

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<v Speaker 1>they do, and you'd love it if they broke up

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<v Speaker 1>and they come back to hang out with you. Drinking beer,

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<v Speaker 1>watching football, wasting your wife on a Sunday afternoon.

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<v Speaker 2>That's just the way we're built, I guess.

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<v Speaker 1>But the fact that it's moved that much in fifteen

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<v Speaker 1>years is the thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, that's right. I'd kind of spaced off

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<v Speaker 2>that it was fifteen years.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so now, oh my, it's just since twenty ten

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<v Speaker 1>that's gone from thirty percent to over fifty percent of

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<v Speaker 1>divorce them.

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<v Speaker 3>That's so crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>So dump them is now almost five to one over

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<v Speaker 2>communicate or give them space. That's that's okay, that's just

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<v Speaker 2>you're you're in a cesspool. You're asking just stupid, ignorant,

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<v Speaker 2>evil people for advice.

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<v Speaker 1>Well that's kind of what redd it is. It should

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<v Speaker 1>be their sub edit, right, asking stupid people for their advice.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, stupid evil people, trolls giving advice.

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<v Speaker 2>We are in a spot turned to ignorant trolls. Misery

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<v Speaker 2>loves company. Maybe it's as simple as that could be,

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<v Speaker 2>or but it's it's more than misery though. It's it's

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<v Speaker 2>every drunk wants everybody else to have one more drink

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<v Speaker 2>to because it gives you cover. I don't have a problem.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody's doing it. Humans don't I don't like it.

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<v Speaker 1>And on that trajectory, where's that gonna be in five,

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<v Speaker 1>ten more years?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh boy, that's a scary thought.

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<v Speaker 1>Is there any reason I think that's gonna level off

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<v Speaker 1>or start stop going at that rate?

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<v Speaker 2>Miserable, childless isolation. That's fine, it's a pretty steep chart.

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<v Speaker 3>All be dating robots, Yep, don't date robots.

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<v Speaker 2>We'll all be dating robots. That's what's saying, Daton, No,

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<v Speaker 2>damn robot. What they look like. There's one more woman

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<v Speaker 2>on earth. I'm gonna find her. Oh my god, they're

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<v Speaker 2>looking real. Now what can I jags do in sex bots?

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<v Speaker 2>Jack's doing sex bots? How can I dress them to

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<v Speaker 2>mock you like it's a schoolard?

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<v Speaker 3>However you want, Jack, that's the beauty of dating robots.

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<v Speaker 1>It's it's I actually feel the opposite of it. I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like, as a single man out in the world,

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<v Speaker 1>there's more opportunities for me as some as you weirdos

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<v Speaker 1>go that direction and uh and isolate more as a

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<v Speaker 1>single man.

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<v Speaker 2>That I had a sex bot, I'd have it look

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<v Speaker 2>just like my wife.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh that that should be on a car, That should

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<v Speaker 1>actually be you gotta write that, du Yeah, send that

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<v Speaker 1>to Hallmark.

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<v Speaker 2>It's complete bullet, but it's you know, it's a nice sentiment. Wow,

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<v Speaker 2>I've already got one of those. Maybe I want a

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<v Speaker 2>tall redhead that doesn't make me a monster, does it? No,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna ask credit. Well, I guess that's it.