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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to this week's episode of the PhD podcast.

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Speaker 1: It's your Girl Ebane and I'm super excited about this

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Speaker 1: week's episode. Before I continue, I have to say thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for supporting me this far. Thank you

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Speaker 1: for sharing my podcast with your friends, your family, you

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Speaker 1: loved ones. Um. I think this is episode twenty two,

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Speaker 1: and I have so much more in store for the podcast.

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Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you so much. It

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Speaker 1: has been such a good, exciting ride. I'm pretty sure

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Speaker 1: we all learned a thing of two and we all

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Speaker 1: even cracked up and I thinking too, so thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Please continue to share. I want

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Speaker 1: us to grow. I cannot wait to meet you guys,

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Speaker 1: and I started doing my live shows. And also, if

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Speaker 1: you have a story to tell, if it's something that's

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Speaker 1: empowering or hell even entertainment, please email me at hello

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Speaker 1: at the Professional home Girl dot com. Um, make sure

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Speaker 1: you follow me on Instagram at the Professional home Girl,

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Speaker 1: at the p m G podcast, and last but not least,

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Speaker 1: at Abone Beauty. And please keep in mind that all

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Speaker 1: of my guests are an onmous. So let's begin this

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Speaker 1: week's show. Oh, before we get into your story. Tell

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Speaker 1: us about your relationship before it became Um well, I

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Speaker 1: mean it started out in high school pretty much. Um

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Speaker 1: it was just like you know, your everyday normal relationship.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't actually somebody that I was into at first. Um.

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Speaker 1: I had gotten out of a previous relationship because at

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Speaker 1: the time I made it very clear to myself that

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone

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Speaker 1: who wasn't serious. And the boyfriend I had before, he

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Speaker 1: just he wasn't the way I wanted him to be.

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Speaker 1: So it just didn't work for me. So I decided to,

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Speaker 1: you know, first to be friends with this person. Was

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Speaker 1: friends with this person for about a year and a

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Speaker 1: half before I actually got into a relationship with them.

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Speaker 1: And so he was in high school. Oh were y'all

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Speaker 1: we had to be about seventeen, Okay, and yeah, because

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Speaker 1: we're born in the same year. So you know, I

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Speaker 1: just I was friends with him for just for like

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Speaker 1: a year and a half, and then you know, I

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Speaker 1: started to go from because when I first started, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, hanging with him, he was not my type.

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Speaker 1: He definitely was far from the type of guy that

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Speaker 1: I would have usually went for. I usually like a

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Speaker 1: little bit of an older dude or whatever. But he

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Speaker 1: was my age and he seemed pretty cool and we

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Speaker 1: were good friends. So I thought to myself, like, how

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Speaker 1: how could this possibly go wrong? You know, right, how

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Speaker 1: could it go wrong? So before the abuse started, did

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Speaker 1: you see any red flags? Ye? Did you notice any

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Speaker 1: red flags? Yes? But um, the red flags were not

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Speaker 1: red flags that I hadn't seen in my own life,

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Speaker 1: you know, growing up. So it what maybe a red

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Speaker 1: flag for you to do something? It became just like

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Speaker 1: a comfort zone, like it's something that I was used

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Speaker 1: to seeing, Like, you know, like what if he was

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Speaker 1: angry or he would also disclose to me, you know,

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Speaker 1: about how his past was, how he would watch his father,

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Speaker 1: you know, abuse his mom, and there were just situations

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Speaker 1: where he would become really frustrated or he would get

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Speaker 1: really mad and he would hit things, he would break things.

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Speaker 1: But at the time, he didn't really have that kind

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Speaker 1: of aggression towards me because I was all right. So,

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Speaker 1: even though we were at the same age, when he

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Speaker 1: left from where he used to if he's lived out

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Speaker 1: of state because his mom is an army, they put

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Speaker 1: him back a grade, so we weren't in the same grade.

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Speaker 1: And you know, you're in high school, you have popular

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Speaker 1: kids or whatever. So I was on the dance team,

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Speaker 1: I was doing all these different things. So it was

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Speaker 1: like he felt great to just for me to even be,

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Speaker 1: you know, with him. So he wasn't giving me the aggression.

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Speaker 1: He was so happy that, you know, I would actually

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Speaker 1: even give him a chance. So though I saw aggression

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Speaker 1: towards other situations, I never really put it together. And

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Speaker 1: he would express to me about all the things that

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Speaker 1: frustrate him in his life. And you know what he

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Speaker 1: watched as a child, and he is the father treated

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Speaker 1: his mom and the level of frustration from that, and

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Speaker 1: it never occurred to me that he never actually had,

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Speaker 1: you know, a male role model who would have taught

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Speaker 1: him how to treat a woman. Um, solid right, he

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Speaker 1: never sawt The one person that came close to, you know,

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Speaker 1: teaching him, you know, how to be a man and

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Speaker 1: how to treat a woman passed away when he was younger.

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Speaker 1: But when you know, his uncle passed away when he

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Speaker 1: was younger, So I didn't I didn't actually see it then,

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Speaker 1: and you know, he wasn't he basically he basically transformed

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Speaker 1: into the being that he is even today. Because when

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Speaker 1: I first met him, he had a different group of friends.

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Speaker 1: You know, he wasn't like the type of dude to

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Speaker 1: go out all the time. He wasn't like into this

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Speaker 1: whole night life scene. He was very calm, you know,

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Speaker 1: the type of dude. His mom used to make him

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Speaker 1: go to church on Sunday. He's that kind of guy.

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Speaker 1: He definitely, um did not he. I thought at the

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Speaker 1: time the red flag that I saw were more like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: he's like he has trauma. He's experienced a lot of

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Speaker 1: trauma in his life. I didn't think that that could

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Speaker 1: actually translate or trickle down to our situation. And I

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Speaker 1: think an important thing that you said with the red flags, right, well,

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Speaker 1: maybe a red flag to oh those a it's not

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Speaker 1: a red flag to us because a lot of times

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Speaker 1: we see things that we're so familiar with, so we

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Speaker 1: think it's okay, right, and you know, you know, one

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Speaker 1: of the most important things to remember is that some

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Speaker 1: when someone does something to you, um, it's not usually

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Speaker 1: because it just comes out of nowhere. There are little

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Speaker 1: things that that person has done to you in the

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Speaker 1: past that you may have just you know, took a

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Speaker 1: chip off the should They're like, oh, it's not that

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Speaker 1: serious because like, for instance, if we were having like

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Speaker 1: even a debate, you know, we were having a debate

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Speaker 1: about the way women dressed, and you know, different cultures

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Speaker 1: and how women should dress, and even just hearing his like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, everyone is allowed to have their opinion, but

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Speaker 1: your opinion should never overshado or how someone else feels,

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Speaker 1: because everybody's entire today, everybody's ented to their own opinion,

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Speaker 1: and you're an individual and you're entitled to be whatever

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Speaker 1: it is that you desire to be. And you know,

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Speaker 1: at the time, I didn't think like that. I really

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Speaker 1: didn't think like that. It was, you know, that stigma

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Speaker 1: that you know, people have a women that women should

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Speaker 1: be dress a certain way, we should look a certain way,

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Speaker 1: And that's kind of what he did. I didn't even

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Speaker 1: realize that until after that. He basically planted that seed

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Speaker 1: from early on, like you know, or you look at

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Speaker 1: certain girls like you don't want to be like that

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Speaker 1: because that girls are this and she's of that, and

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Speaker 1: coming out of situations from the past, you know, you

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Speaker 1: already are drained and just physically not emotionally strong enough

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Speaker 1: for you. And even at that age, you just don't

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Speaker 1: know to stand up for yourself and be like, well,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I don't care if that's what you think.

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Speaker 1: I'm still gonna continue to be a certain way. It

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Speaker 1: definitely didn't like come forward to me until after what

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Speaker 1: I thought about it, I was like, you know, I

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Speaker 1: should have saw that this person had in like in

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Speaker 1: depth insecurity issues like his insecurity issues are. They're like

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Speaker 1: a mount there, that's Mount Everest. He has Mount Everest

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Speaker 1: to climb, you know, to get those level of insecurities

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Speaker 1: away from himself. And it was a little by little,

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Speaker 1: you know, it was. It started with like, you know, oh,

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Speaker 1: talking about the clothes and always asking me because I

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Speaker 1: you know, I was I was always really skinny, and

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Speaker 1: you know I didn't really look good to myself in genes,

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Speaker 1: so I would always wear addresses and little skirts and

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Speaker 1: everything like that. You know. It's be like, oh, you know,

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Speaker 1: why are you always gotta have on the skirt? Why

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Speaker 1: are you skirty? So short? I mean your teenager, you're young,

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Speaker 1: you know, you just want to look cute. That was

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Speaker 1: my thing. But for him, you know, it just seemed

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Speaker 1: like he just was, you know, pulling and pulling and

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Speaker 1: pulling more and more to see just how much of

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Speaker 1: me would actually fold without me realizing I was folding.

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Speaker 1: So you know, when somebody criticizes something so much, naturally,

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Speaker 1: when you go to do day and you say, well,

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Speaker 1: maybe I'm not going to do that again. Maybe' not

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Speaker 1: gonna because I don't want to be criticized about this,

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Speaker 1: right exactly, So you know, and and and it is

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Speaker 1: a bunch of bullshit at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: because a person should never make you feel a certain

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Speaker 1: type of way just because they're insecure. He was an

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Speaker 1: insecure as snigger from the beginning, and not wanting me

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Speaker 1: to look good, not wanting me to dress nice. That

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Speaker 1: was so that other people didn't look at me. But

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Speaker 1: if you were comfortable as a person or as a man,

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Speaker 1: and you knew you were treating your female right, you

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Speaker 1: want to care if other men are looking at your woman,

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Speaker 1: exactly because why would you want some you know, why

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Speaker 1: it's nice to have things that are admired by other people.

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Speaker 1: But in his eye, he knew that you know, oh

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Speaker 1: she you know she was she doesn't need me for anything.

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Speaker 1: She independent, she you know, she's going to school, she

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Speaker 1: has their job or whatever. What does she really need

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Speaker 1: me for? So he had to find a way to

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Speaker 1: like kill my spirit and bring me down. And that

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Speaker 1: was it, Like, you know, he knew I took a

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Speaker 1: lot of prode in my looks and just the way

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Speaker 1: I carried myself. And it went from and I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about my clothes, you know, And he even spoke about

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Speaker 1: it to the point where he actually made the mistake

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Speaker 1: and spoke about it in front of my mom, and

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Speaker 1: my mom went off, you know, and she was just like,

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Speaker 1: who the hell are you to tell her how to dress?

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Speaker 1: Like what the hell is your problem that you think

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Speaker 1: that you should tell her how to dress? You know?

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Speaker 1: And then not for nothing, you're still kids, That's what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like who who do you think you are? Like,

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Speaker 1: you know, and now that I think about it, even

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Speaker 1: now when I think about it, I get a little

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Speaker 1: bit heated because it's like, what the hell was I

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Speaker 1: thinking that I allowed that to happen. I had a

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Speaker 1: question for that. But we'll come back to that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So when was the first time he hits you? Um?

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Speaker 1: And didn't start out like that? So it was like

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Speaker 1: it was like, okay, one day, you know, we got

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Speaker 1: into an argument and he pushed past me like uses

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Speaker 1: his shoulder and pushed past me. M. And I'm like, wait,

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Speaker 1: did he just like did you just push me? Right?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh no, hell no. And then

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Speaker 1: I said I'm not talking to him, no more, right,

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Speaker 1: And then he called me and then you know, sab

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Speaker 1: stab a story. Oh you know, no I ain't, and

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Speaker 1: he put my hands in he I just pushed past you.

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Speaker 1: I used my shoulder to push past you. You know,

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Speaker 1: I used my shoulder to push past you. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you pushed me and he's like, no, no, I pushed

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Speaker 1: past you. And I let him convince me that he

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Speaker 1: only pushed past me. M M, which was dumb because

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Speaker 1: in my mind I knew that he pushed past me.

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Speaker 1: But you know, and then I and then I I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm also you know, you suffer from your own damage

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Speaker 1: when you start to think to yourself, well, okay, well

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Speaker 1: it's not even that serious because I've seen worse, right, right,

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Speaker 1: That's what that's the that's the mantra I gave myself

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Speaker 1: every single time. So then when did it When did

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Speaker 1: it escalate? It escalated? When? All right? So it escalated?

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Speaker 1: All right? So you know, after after the whole like

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Speaker 1: mind game thing where basically at this point, now, I

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Speaker 1: didn't really go out that much. I probably pretty much

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Speaker 1: didn't really dressed the way I used to dress for whatever.

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Speaker 1: And it was more so like I was in the

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Speaker 1: house all the time. I'll go to school and then

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Speaker 1: my friends would be like to me listening like the

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Speaker 1: friends that. That's another thing too. He didn't like any

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Speaker 1: of my friends none. You're like all of your friends

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Speaker 1: and holes, blah blah blah. All you want to do

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Speaker 1: is be on the street and all these different things.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, you just don't want to be a

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Speaker 1: street because you don't want us to know what's going

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Speaker 1: on with you, you know. So I think it was

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Speaker 1: after I started to stand up for myself, like what, like,

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Speaker 1: what are you talking about? The moment I challenged anything,

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Speaker 1: he said, he wanted to lunge at me, like he's

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Speaker 1: like a tiger, you know. And this person, this person

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Speaker 1: is not um, it's not a big person like me

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Speaker 1: and him. He's probably a little bit he weighs probably

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Speaker 1: a little bit less than me, you know, and just

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Speaker 1: full throttle. You would think that he was fighting the dude.

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Speaker 1: So he's a fist fight too, yes, mm hmm. You

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Speaker 1: would think that he was coming at a guy the

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Speaker 1: way he came full force. Mm hmmm. How long did

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Speaker 1: this last? Oh? My god? So I was in that

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Speaker 1: relationship for almost nine years. Wow. And I had my

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Speaker 1: daughter when, um, right before I turned twenty two. Um,

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Speaker 1: so I'd say maybe five years. Mm hmm five years.

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Speaker 1: Was there ever a time when you felt like like

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Speaker 1: he was going to like physically harm you, like to

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Speaker 1: appoint where you was afraid for your life? Yes? And no.

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Speaker 1: My my fears intensified when I had my daughter because

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Speaker 1: he was such an aggressive person. And I didn't tell

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Speaker 1: I didn't I have a brother, I have a dad.

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Speaker 1: I didn't tell anybody, you know, the way that he

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Speaker 1: behaved because I knew that that would make a problem.

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Speaker 1: And um, but he was so aggressive, and he was

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Speaker 1: aggressive in front of my daughter. End when he does

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Speaker 1: things like he's one of those impulst people, Like he'll

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Speaker 1: do something and then like, oh my god, like he'll

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Speaker 1: he'll hit you, or he'll push you, or he'll shove

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Speaker 1: your he'll throw something at you or um, you know,

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Speaker 1: punch you will do something to you, but then I

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Speaker 1: won't notice, Like, Okay, I pushed her and she fell,

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Speaker 1: and she might have bust her head. He's that type

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Speaker 1: of person. He doesn't, he's not he's not in the now,

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Speaker 1: he's heated. He does what he does, and then it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Like every other abuser, they go full throttle.

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Speaker 1: And then it's like, oh my god, I almost killed her.

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Speaker 1: H And I thought that was scary that somebody could

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Speaker 1: just black like that and not be able to control

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Speaker 1: himself or not recognize that this so called person that,

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Speaker 1: oh I love this girl. Now you you don't because

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Speaker 1: that level of that level of abuse is not something

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Speaker 1: that you you do to anybody that you love, especially

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Speaker 1: if you're doing it for your child. But you know,

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Speaker 1: and that people like that and they don't think anything wrong.

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Speaker 1: They don't think anything's wrong because it was done with them,

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Speaker 1: you know. And you know they give you give the

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Speaker 1: stop store like, oh, you know, I think I'm suffering

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Speaker 1: from trauma that things that I've seen with my mom

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Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. And you know, people work on

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Speaker 1: your on your psyche because when you have things in

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Speaker 1: common with somebody, you tend to sympathize with that person, right,

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Speaker 1: and then the person will point out traits that you

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Speaker 1: have based on the situation that you went through. So

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Speaker 1: my parents, my parents, Uh they my father used to

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Speaker 1: be abuse me to my mom. So I saw a good,

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Speaker 1: a great ordeal of abuse, which I feel like why

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Speaker 1: my tolerance was so high to begin with. Um, that's

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Speaker 1: one of my questions. And I was going to ask

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Speaker 1: that question because like when I was doing the Mommy

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Speaker 1: Issues episode, I came to my guests because I didn't

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Speaker 1: know which part I want to come at it, because

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Speaker 1: there's so many different angles you come at it. And

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Speaker 1: me and you was having a conversation and that's when

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Speaker 1: you share a couple of things to me about how

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Speaker 1: you know the things that you saw with your own

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Speaker 1: mother played a part and the situation you was in

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Speaker 1: write my inability to understand that something is wrong, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: it's very important that people be careful with the what

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Speaker 1: you display in front of your kids because you sometimes

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Speaker 1: you can get kids not pay attention, they're not watching.

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Speaker 1: But that's a lot of kids always watching, always paying attention,

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Speaker 1: and for some reason, it's harder to get good memories

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Speaker 1: and it is to remember the bad stuff. So when

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Speaker 1: my father would get upset, when you would get mad,

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Speaker 1: when you hit my mom, I would just cry. You know,

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Speaker 1: I would cry, and I would think to myself, like

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Speaker 1: why would he do that? Like will make will make

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Speaker 1: a person so angry that you want to hit a

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Speaker 1: grown person. I would say that when I was younger,

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Speaker 1: I would run and I like it, but like, no,

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Speaker 1: this ain't no regular hitting. Like when I say, I

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Speaker 1: think I'm making it sound light because I say hit,

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Speaker 1: but you know I'm talking about like, think of two

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Speaker 1: dudes fighting in the streets, but one of them is

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Speaker 1: not actually defending themselves, so you're just getting beat up basically, right,

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Speaker 1: you know. So I think that that made my tolerance

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Speaker 1: super high. And then i'm I'm I'm in a culture.

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Speaker 1: I was raised in a culture where men and women fight.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm. You know that's the culture. I It's unfortunate

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Speaker 1: and it's a really bad example, but that's the culture

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Speaker 1: that I'm in. I'm in the West Indian culture. And

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Speaker 1: if anybody who's what's in, they know that the older

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00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,560
Speaker 1: folks they fight, they argue, they cursed, they throw things,

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Speaker 1: and it becomes normal. They're so traumatizing. It is traumatized.

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Speaker 1: It's traumatizing and it's draining. Yeah, it's draining because you know,

328
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Speaker 1: and where did it? It's sometimes you make and make

329
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Speaker 1: you want to like, when did it get like this? No?

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Speaker 1: You know what I did several times, several times, and

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Speaker 1: I want to tell you, Um when I when I

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00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,399
Speaker 1: realized that it got too far right, I was getting

333
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,480
Speaker 1: ready to I was getting really gonna my my my

334
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,280
Speaker 1: brother's baby shower, and um, I had a you know,

335
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,240
Speaker 1: like how back in the days they had those little

336
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,520
Speaker 1: like chains and they had like scenes and stuff on

337
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:36,600
Speaker 1: that and it's a trust no man, right mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: And oh god, not one okay, Oh my god. That

339
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:48,800
Speaker 1: brought the devil out of him. Why did you want

340
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,080
Speaker 1: to wear something that says that what kind of ship

341
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,080
Speaker 1: is that? To have it around your neck? That's some

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00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 1: real stupid ship. Take that issue off to I'm like,

343
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Speaker 1: I'm not taking up I'm not thinking at off. And

344
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,119
Speaker 1: then it was also the fact that you know, he

345
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,520
Speaker 1: was going through whatever he was going to do in

346
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 1: his life where his living situation and his family, and

347
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 1: he would come to my house and it was a

348
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:14,919
Speaker 1: point like you know, at the time, I live with

349
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Speaker 1: my parents, so it would be right for him to

350
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,639
Speaker 1: come in and have respect, right, No, no, no, he

351
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,840
Speaker 1: was blaming my and my parents are strict. He was

352
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:32,360
Speaker 1: blatantly disrespectful, cursing when he's talking to my mom, throwing things,

353
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:35,399
Speaker 1: kicking garbage pins. One time he took my bed and

354
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:40,640
Speaker 1: he flipped it over mm hmm. You know. So at

355
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:45,959
Speaker 1: that point I was just like, you know that, And

356
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,800
Speaker 1: along with the fact that now, because and I'm gonna

357
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,879
Speaker 1: tell you something, I'm gonna show you how you have

358
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,000
Speaker 1: to learn how to take yourself out of crazy situations,

359
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,560
Speaker 1: not just because it messages you up mentally, but I

360
00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:02,879
Speaker 1: became even more aggressive. I came aggressive because now it

361
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 1: went from like, oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna push you

362
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,680
Speaker 1: around and anda hit you whatever, to me now defending myself.

363
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,480
Speaker 1: You know, so every situation make occurred to you or

364
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,160
Speaker 1: you feel like you had to defend yourself. I had

365
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,400
Speaker 1: to write so and and and I didn't learn that

366
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,920
Speaker 1: because it was so long. It happened for so long.

367
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 1: That aggression and the anger and that not me not

368
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,480
Speaker 1: wanting anybody to pick on me, me not wanting anybody to,

369
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,680
Speaker 1: you know, be that way towards me made me translate

370
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Speaker 1: that energy to every situation. And you can't be like that.

371
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:38,639
Speaker 1: You know, there's certain situations that require a certain amount

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00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,399
Speaker 1: of energy, and then there are certain ones that don't.

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Speaker 1: And as as you grow older, you realize a lot

374
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,199
Speaker 1: of things don't require that energy. When I'm arguing with

375
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Speaker 1: somebody on the street, I'm arguing about parking space, IM

376
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:52,960
Speaker 1: arguing with you know, uh, a bill collector, or I'm

377
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,800
Speaker 1: arguing with my daughter's teacher. It doesn't require that kind

378
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 1: of energy. M But that's the level of aggression that

379
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: I had. You know, it was me cussing me, you know,

380
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 1: getting the ball up to the point where I wanted

381
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,480
Speaker 1: to fight, because I constantly felt like every time someone

382
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,959
Speaker 1: says something to me, I felt like they will come

383
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,879
Speaker 1: from me. Mm hmmm, because everything out his mouth was

384
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 1: him coming from me, you know what I mean. It

385
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 1: was never anything good, and people think that was somebody.

386
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,880
Speaker 1: When you say abuse is just physical, note the emotional

387
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:29,040
Speaker 1: abuse and the and the verbal abuse is where you

388
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 1: suffer the most too, because people say things to you

389
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 1: and you you you sit with it. It sits on

390
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,760
Speaker 1: your you know, it sits on your chest, and you

391
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,400
Speaker 1: don't really let ever let it go if you're still

392
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 1: in that situation, and even after that situation, you know,

393
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 1: even even beyond that like he just definitely made me

394
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 1: more and I have to now I have to teach

395
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:59,639
Speaker 1: myself how to not be so aggressive, you know, because

396
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 1: now I'm like, no, I don't want that to happen again.

397
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 1: I would never let that happen again. And when I

398
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 1: see other people going through it, I'm aggressive even on them.

399
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 1: But I have to try to like remember, like, oh,

400
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,199
Speaker 1: this this is like a process. When it comes to

401
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 1: the situation where you see other people where the signs

402
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,639
Speaker 1: you know the same, it's uh, it's all right. So

403
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 1: first and foremost, while I understand that you know, men

404
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,639
Speaker 1: care about the safety of their women, no man should

405
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,239
Speaker 1: be telling a female that they cannot injure a night

406
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:37,160
Speaker 1: out with their girlfriends, or changing your whole wardrobe, or

407
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 1: deciding that you know, you should look a certain way

408
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 1: or you should eat a certain way. Now, if you

409
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 1: are asking for times, if I am asking for your opinion,

410
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 1: that's different. If you're trying to genuinely help me, because

411
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:53,399
Speaker 1: maybe I've been complaining about something, that's different. But now,

412
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,160
Speaker 1: when you have control over the person's phone, when you're

413
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 1: going through the phone, when you're going through their friends conversations,

414
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 1: when you one of the one or to me now

415
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 1: as an adult. You know, one of the craziest red

416
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 1: flags I've ever seen, and it happens to be a

417
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,919
Speaker 1: red flag all the time, is when men and women

418
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: you know, talk about someone's social media like they don't

419
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: want you on social media. They don't. They don't want

420
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 1: you in a public eye. They don't. They don't want

421
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:24,440
Speaker 1: you to go out, They don't want you to have friends,

422
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,959
Speaker 1: They don't want you to be happy. Why is it

423
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,719
Speaker 1: that you wouldn't want this person to enjoy themselves. You

424
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,919
Speaker 1: love this person and you think this person is great.

425
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 1: You know you would want this person to experience things.

426
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,360
Speaker 1: You're not the only person in the world that has

427
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 1: loved for this person, you know what I mean? So

428
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 1: why would you take that from them? Also, when you

429
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 1: when you realize that the guy or the girl is

430
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 1: just is just too much into your life where you're

431
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 1: to the point where your life revolves around them. Someone

432
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 1: is supposed to add to your life, not take things away. Yeah,

433
00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 1: Oprah Winfrey, I think she told Beyonce to too, you

434
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,960
Speaker 1: have your um own life before you become somebody's wife. No,

435
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: it's I'm gonna be honest with you. It is I'm

436
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:11,960
Speaker 1: gonna tall something. One of the biggest keys to living

437
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,879
Speaker 1: in a good relationship or having a fruitful marriage of

438
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 1: relationship is remembering to have your own life and be yourself,

439
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 1: be your true self if you The biggest problem that

440
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: the number one thing that I knew was wrong, even

441
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,919
Speaker 1: other than the abuse, the physical abuse, was that I

442
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 1: never felt like I was myself. I was always on eggshells.

443
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: I could never be my true self around him because

444
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 1: my true self irritated him, made him angry. Mm hmm.

445
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 1: You know, for whatever reason, my true self with him

446
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: in him when when when he saw my true self,

447
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: it gave him more insecurity, you know, and then it

448
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 1: made him more angry, and he just wanted he wanted,

449
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 1: let me tell you something. I would be out, okay,

450
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 1: and he would want to fight me while I'm out.

451
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 1: That's crazy, you know. And I would get into it

452
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:15,400
Speaker 1: with him, and he just he just didn't understand what

453
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 1: he was doing. Like and it's not like he was

454
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 1: like you know how you know how women sometimes have

455
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,879
Speaker 1: a benefit in a relationship as to why they would say,

456
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,399
Speaker 1: I didn't have no benefits. He ain't have no money,

457
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 1: he ain't he the two cars he had, he lost them,

458
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 1: he couldn't hold a job. Why do you why do

459
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 1: you think? You say it so long? I don't know.

460
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: I don't know. Up until this day, I have to

461
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 1: ask myself the same question, and I think, you know what.

462
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you what it is Like I told

463
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,239
Speaker 1: you my mother and my father, I feel like they

464
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,919
Speaker 1: shouldn't have been together. They should have been divorced, and

465
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 1: they're not. Even to this day. I feel like they

466
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 1: should be though, because of all the situations they've had.

467
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: I think it would be much healthier for both of them, right,

468
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: And um I had I just didn't want to be

469
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: that girl you know that had multiple big fathers or

470
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,439
Speaker 1: wasn't married to the person she had a child with.

471
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 1: So even if it was bad, I was trying to

472
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,880
Speaker 1: make it like a family thing, like, let me try

473
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,400
Speaker 1: to still do this. And it sounds so cliche because

474
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 1: so many people say that, they say like, oh, I

475
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 1: stayed because of my kids. But when you're in this

476
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,879
Speaker 1: situation and you know, you look at your child and

477
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't want them to grow up and

478
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 1: not know who their fathers are, what the family unit

479
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 1: is supposed to look like, you trick yourself into thinking

480
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 1: that you should stay to convey this family unit, when

481
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: in all actuality, a family could be a family even separated.

482
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 1: It just needs to be a healthy situation. But I

483
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 1: think it's one of those things. Also. I mean, I

484
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,880
Speaker 1: don't have kids, but because I was, you know, my

485
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,919
Speaker 1: mom was, She was in a beautive relationship, and I

486
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 1: saw a lot of things that happened when I was

487
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: growing up with my within my own family, and I

488
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: think a lot of times and parents that they want

489
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,719
Speaker 1: to stay there because of the kid, especially when it's

490
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,680
Speaker 1: going at that type of level. I think that by staying,

491
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 1: you're even showing your child to still put up with

492
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 1: any type of bullshit that comes their way. Absolutely absolutely,

493
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: and I want and I'm doing more harmed than help.

494
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 1: It definitely is because look at me, you know, lookid me.

495
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 1: My tolerance for his bullshit was super high, and it

496
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: went on for so long. All right, Okay, so let

497
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: me tell you something in order for me to have

498
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: left him, you know, all right, So I knew at

499
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: the end of what was the last straw, I'm gonna

500
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: tell you, so at the end of I think it

501
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 1: was two twelve when Sandy hit, right, my aunt passed

502
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:48,160
Speaker 1: away and my parents were in my parents were in Jamaica,

503
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 1: and uh, you know, we didn't have no life to

504
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 1: anything like that. And he was supposed to stay with

505
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: me and my sister and my daughter because we were

506
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 1: in the house with no lights. The whole block had

507
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 1: no lights. Mm hmm. And he left us. He went

508
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,960
Speaker 1: to a party. He left us, went to a party,

509
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 1: you know, and you know, I just got taken back.

510
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's got taken back for a second because

511
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 1: when I said went to a party, I had to

512
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:27,879
Speaker 1: realize how many times he left, actually left me in

513
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 1: different situations to attend parties and to just be out

514
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:35,080
Speaker 1: doing his own thing, you know, sidebar real quick. You know,

515
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: I should have seen the red flag from way early,

516
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: but I think at the time I felt like I

517
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: was in too deep, and I didn't. I had gotten

518
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 1: pregnant so young in my parents eyes that I already

519
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: felt like I was in a bad situation, so I

520
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 1: didn't want to make it worse. So I stayed in

521
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 1: it to not make it look that bad because I

522
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: didn't want to disappoint them even more. But when I

523
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 1: was given birth, five minutes before I gave birth is

524
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 1: when he ran into the hospital because he was there

525
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 1: with me early in that day and he left to

526
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: go to a party. Mm hmm. So I just I

527
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: don't know why they just kick back. And that's another

528
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 1: thing too. That's another thing that shows you how somebody

529
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 1: will treat you and how they will abuse you. Because

530
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 1: guess what, he didn't only abuse me physically and mentally,

531
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: he abused my time. He didn't be I was never

532
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: a priority. I'm giving birth and you left to go

533
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 1: to a party. That's that's a clear indication a right

534
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: that I'm not a priority. Mm hmm. Hey guys, this

535
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 1: week's episode is sponsored by my company ebon a beauty. Um.

536
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:34,439
Speaker 1: Right now, I am selling beautiful maglashes that you can

537
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538
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539
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540
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541
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,000
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542
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543
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544
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 1: now and let's get back to the show. You know.

545
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: So yeah, so um the that with the whole sandy thing.

546
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 1: So he left me and my sister and my my daughter,

547
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 1: and my daughter was really and my daughter was only

548
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: two mm hmmm, in the dark, you know, and my

549
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 1: parents weren't here. They were in Jamaica. So I just

550
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 1: was like, you know, my brother was away, like he

551
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 1: lived for he lived further away. And I'm like, you're

552
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: the only male right now that we have. This whole

553
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 1: block of houses has no lights, and you're gonna leave

554
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 1: us here, right, And he left, and it just really

555
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: hit me as I as I you know, I slept

556
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: around my sister and my um my daughter so weak

557
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 1: because it was freezing cold so we could get some

558
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 1: heat or whatever, and it really hit me. I was like,

559
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 1: you know something, You are already by yourself, you know,

560
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 1: you already living life by yourself. Why on earth would

561
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: you really want to be in a situation stressing yourself

562
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 1: when you already pretty much by yourself. Just be by yourself, right,

563
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:09,719
Speaker 1: So I all by myself And it didn't and it

564
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: didn't happen right away. And I didn't let him know

565
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: that I was going to leave him, right because I

566
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 1: knew he would try to do things to try to

567
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 1: convince me that we should be together. So January that was,

568
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: That was like November December. January hit and I wrote

569
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: down in a book that I had that I would

570
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 1: bring to work and leave it there. Right I wrote down.

571
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 1: I was like, right, I just wrote the word exit. Exit.

572
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 1: That's the only thing I wrote, exit. And I just

573
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 1: kept thinking to myself, how do I start this? Where

574
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:53,200
Speaker 1: do I start? Right? So I started first by really

575
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: allowing myself to see what else he had going on

576
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 1: besides me that I needed to see to make it

577
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: make me stronger to be able to leave him alone.

578
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:10,479
Speaker 1: Mm hm. So I really started to look. I started

579
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 1: to look, and the more look is more sound. It's

580
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: multiple girls, like multiple girls, multiple mold to pull people

581
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 1: that I knew. Wow, okay, because he signed in he

582
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 1: signed it on my my He signed it on Facebook

583
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 1: on my computer. That's how much of a bum he is.

584
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: Hein't even had, you know nothing, Okay, he signed it

585
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 1: on my computer. And you know how like you could

586
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 1: click a link in the U r L still comes up.

587
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 1: M I picked the link and it went back to

588
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 1: his Facebook page. And at first I thought to myself,

589
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna look at it. No, but I decided

590
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: to look. It took me two hours to go through

591
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 1: all those messages. Wow. And at the time he didn't

592
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 1: have a place to lift, so he would come and stay,

593
00:31:58,440 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 1: you know with me when he was the same way

594
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 1: as friend, and it was of him and he it

595
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 1: was messages of him back to back with girls talking about, Oh,

596
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 1: you should come to my house. Oh I wish I

597
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 1: could take you home after the club. I'm like, what home?

598
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: What home? Are you taking these girls too? Because you

599
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,479
Speaker 1: don't have one for yourself, M, And you don't have

600
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: any money and you don't have a job. That was

601
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 1: That was the first portion of it. Then you know, um,

602
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 1: I started, you know, despite his his feelings about me

603
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 1: going out, I really started going out more. M. You know,

604
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, sucking, I'm I'm going out

605
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: And I started going out with my friends, and you know,

606
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: I started really being happy and draining myself. And the

607
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 1: more I enjoyed myself, it's the less I wanted to

608
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: see him and the less I wanted to hear his name.

609
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 1: And that was that was too And then you know

610
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 1: I started running, and I started running and going to

611
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: the gym and you know, getting myself back and then

612
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 1: move with things and working out. And for a long

613
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 1: time in my relationship I had, I was plagued with

614
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 1: like bad acting on my face. I think he has

615
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 1: something to do with all the stress, right, And then

616
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 1: my face started clearing up and everything just started going

617
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 1: with emotion. And he came to one day and he

618
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 1: was like, why do I feel like you're not that

619
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: into me? Right? Because I would not be physical with

620
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 1: him because I have found out about the whole things

621
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,239
Speaker 1: about the girls. I'm like, you're not gonna You're not

622
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 1: gonna come and give me anything. So he was like,

623
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 1: I feel like you're not into me. And I'm like, no, no, no,

624
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: you know I'm fine. You know I'm good. We're good.

625
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 1: He's like you sure. I'm like yes. So then i

626
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 1: still keep doing the same thing, same tempo, but I'm

627
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: working a lot now. So at the time I was

628
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,240
Speaker 1: working a lot, so I would seem less and less

629
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 1: and less. And then like towards like the end of

630
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 1: the summer, he came to me and he wanted to

631
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 1: apologize right for everything thing that he's ever done to

632
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 1: me and girl he even brought got into it. He

633
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 1: was like, he asked, God, oh, changed you know, I

634
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 1: want to do better and you know, I really want

635
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 1: to make this work. And I'm like, yeah, for sure. Yeah,

636
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,680
Speaker 1: did you ever think he was gonna ever change? Hell?

637
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:30,319
Speaker 1: Nor so. So he's and I'm like, okay, yeah, sure,

638
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 1: no problem, Yeah of course, yeah, we can totally work

639
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,399
Speaker 1: that out. But in my mind I knew that all

640
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 1: this time, from the time the years started, even from

641
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 1: the last year, I had already get up my mind

642
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 1: like I'm done with this dude. I'm not gonna be

643
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 1: talking to him no more. And when he said that

644
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,399
Speaker 1: to me, I kind of chuckled in my head because

645
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 1: I was that was the end, towards the end of someone,

646
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 1: like going into September, I was already over him. He

647
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 1: just ain't know. And that's to show you how bad

648
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,759
Speaker 1: the relationship was that you with somebody and you don't

649
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 1: even realize that they over you. Mm hmm. You know.

650
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 1: So he's calling me and he's like, oh, I don't understand,

651
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,360
Speaker 1: Like you haven't been calling me, you know, you haven't

652
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: been checking in with me. I'm just like, I'm I'm busy,

653
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:15,320
Speaker 1: you know, I'm just I'm busy. And I kept myself busy.

654
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:19,279
Speaker 1: And because I kept myself busy me and him, right,

655
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 1: me and him didn't get some bump heads that much. Um. So,

656
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 1: like right around September going in to October, I started

657
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,879
Speaker 1: a new job, right and the new job took me

658
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 1: pretty far out from where I am, and I met

659
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:43,280
Speaker 1: a lot of people, and um, I just told myself,

660
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, I like where I'm at

661
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:48,040
Speaker 1: in my life right now, but this other portion of

662
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: my life I got to close that chapter, like I

663
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 1: can't take it with me. I don't want it, m M,

664
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 1: you know. Um. And also because of where I was, like,

665
00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 1: he's ignorant, Like he's an ignorant dude. He's very eat

666
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: and I don't know he wasn't raised like that, so

667
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 1: I don't know where he learned this behavior from. And

668
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:09,320
Speaker 1: he had friends, um that weren't in relationships and would

669
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 1: tell him, would would feed basically the aggression. You know,

670
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 1: I told you I'm wting the I'm Jamaican to be

671
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 1: exact Jamaican men, not to give them all about me,

672
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 1: but there are a good puestion of them that have

673
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 1: bad aggression, and um, the friends feed that aggression. They're

674
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 1: like yo, you know, yeah, Yo, you can't you can't

675
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,799
Speaker 1: trust no female. These females are here, they'd be doing this,

676
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 1: doing that. So even if you're not doing anything and

677
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 1: he's around that all day and they're like, yo, so

678
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 1: where you where you think your girls at right now? Yeah,

679
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 1: she probably got a dude overhead this and this and that.

680
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 1: And I'm like, wow, you know he would some of

681
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 1: these things. I'm like, your friends are stupid and you're

682
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 1: dumb if you listen to them. What is your relationship like?

683
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:58,479
Speaker 1: WI him? Now? God, No, that's the father of oh man.

684
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: I want to tell you because I have to. I

685
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:03,719
Speaker 1: have to teach myself now to I told you, I

686
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:05,399
Speaker 1: have to teach myself not to be aggressive. I would

687
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 1: teach myself not to be aggressive to him. Mm hmmm,

688
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,759
Speaker 1: because when I broke up, Well, let me tell you

689
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 1: when I broke up with him finally right, mm hmm.

690
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: This is when he this is he didn't believe me.

691
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 1: I called him one day in October and I said

692
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 1: to him, I said, it's over. Out of nowhere. We

693
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 1: didn't have a risk, we didn't have a fight, nothing.

694
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 1: I just said it's over. Right. He laughed. He said, okay.

695
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,359
Speaker 1: So it was over for a week. It was over

696
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:34,399
Speaker 1: two weeks. Then he called me back and he was like,

697
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 1: it's still over, and I'm like, yeah, it's over. Has

698
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 1: always come back. No, he didn't believe me because I

699
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:46,879
Speaker 1: had said it before, all right. So he comes back

700
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:49,399
Speaker 1: like another like week and half later, he's like yo,

701
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:53,759
Speaker 1: like what's up. I'm like, nigga, it's over, it's over. Over,

702
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: it's done done m And he's like, no, it can't

703
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 1: be done, blah blah blah. So now he's starting to

704
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,720
Speaker 1: really feel like, oh, she might be serious this time.

705
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 1: So I started cutting my phone off at a certain

706
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 1: time of night. I'm like, I'm not dealing with this right.

707
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 1: So where I works, I would in the city, I

708
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 1: would hang out more right, and I found a lot

709
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 1: of friends to hang out. Would and I would hang

710
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 1: out after working. I would ask my mom she could

711
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 1: watch my daughter. And my mom definitely wanted me to

712
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 1: get out. She definitely wanted me to be happy, so

713
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 1: she was happy to watch my daughter. She's like, yeah, yeah,

714
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 1: you know, standing and he'd be looking for me. Let

715
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 1: me tell you something. This man never, okay, never walked

716
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 1: me to a train station to catch a train to

717
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 1: go to work. Never ever came to a train station

718
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,879
Speaker 1: to pick me up after work. And I was out

719
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,360
Speaker 1: maybe until eleven, twelve o'clock at night, and I came

720
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 1: down the train and I cut my phone off because

721
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 1: I want to call me. I came down the train

722
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 1: up stairs, and who I see standing at the door

723
00:38:53,360 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 1: crying mm hmm. His dumbass standing there crying, snob snot

724
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 1: out his nose, loving on a good show, jumping. Uh

725
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,319
Speaker 1: can barely get his words out his mouth. And I'm like,

726
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 1: why are you here? And he's like, I need to

727
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,319
Speaker 1: talk to you, and you you turn off your phone.

728
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like, what are you? Why are you

729
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,399
Speaker 1: looking for me? Like I'm not your girl anymore? Why

730
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 1: are you looking for me? And he's like, you're still

731
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 1: the mother of I just want to talk to you.

732
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:24,880
Speaker 1: I want to see people work things out. I was like,

733
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 1: we can't work out anything. I was like, first of all,

734
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 1: why are you out here in like twelve degree weather

735
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 1: with this Jeane jacket on? And two you never in

736
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:35,759
Speaker 1: your life, I said, this is further proves why I

737
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 1: don't want to be with you. You You never in your

738
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 1: life woke me to a train station. You've never done

739
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: anything like this for me, And now you've stood here

740
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 1: since what time? Because I got out of work at

741
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: eight thirty and it's almost twelve o'clock. You stood here

742
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 1: all this time just to see when I would get

743
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 1: off the train. How do you even know I would

744
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: get off this train? Girl? Okay? And he did that

745
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 1: for maybe like two or three months, and then I

746
00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 1: started talking to somebody else. This man is so controlling, okay,

747
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: that he already had the password to my phone, and

748
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 1: he had the password to my voicemail. But I didn't

749
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 1: care because I wasn't with him, so I didn't think

750
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 1: he was gonna do nothing with it. This man went

751
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 1: in my phone, found the number. He went through not

752
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 1: my phone, but he went in my voicemail, found the

753
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 1: number to the guy I was talking to. Call the guy.

754
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 1: M hmm. It pretended like he was someone else to

755
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 1: try to get information from the dude child. Okay. My

756
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 1: my relationship was was very bad with him from for

757
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 1: like even up to this day. Because you see his

758
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,319
Speaker 1: his abusive behavior. He had to learn how not to

759
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 1: come near me, right because I think because I had it.

760
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 1: He's one of those people who because you have to

761
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 1: kill with him, he feels like he owns you. So

762
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,360
Speaker 1: you know, kids, you know now that I know of

763
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,880
Speaker 1: um he would see me out and one time he

764
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: saw me out and he asked me if I could

765
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,319
Speaker 1: go in the bathroom with him and talked to him, right,

766
00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 1: I said, no, why on earth what I want to

767
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: go in the back that? First of all, I don't

768
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: even want you to to right, I don't even want you to

769
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:04,920
Speaker 1: to talk. He's a DJ, so he thinks he just

770
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 1: do whatever he wants. I don't even want you. I

771
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:08,919
Speaker 1: don't want you near me. I don't even want people

772
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 1: to know that we even speak. So please, like you know,

773
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 1: get away from me. You know that he picked me

774
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 1: up and um, I pushed my leg against the wall

775
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 1: and he ended up dropping me. M I bruised my

776
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 1: knees and my elbows. And then, like I told you,

777
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: I now I became an aggressive person. I went back

778
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 1: to fight him. Right. My friends end up pushing me

779
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 1: out of the club. And it was like that for years.

780
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 1: Even when I was pregnant with my son, me and

781
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: him got into a verbal argument because he wanted to

782
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 1: take my daughter somewhere that I didn't think it was

783
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:43,839
Speaker 1: age appropriate. They does he have a relection with his door?

784
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 1: Now my daughter loves him. M hmm. You know, but

785
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 1: that's not because of effort that he's put in. That's

786
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 1: because of me pushing him to have a relationship with

787
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,360
Speaker 1: his daughter. Like I got a call on be like

788
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 1: did you call her? You know? Because I know that

789
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 1: she loves him, so I'm worried about her, you know,

790
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:07,919
Speaker 1: And I'm like, did you call her? You know? Did

791
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 1: you even like financial? Like it's it's like bending. I

792
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 1: don't like if you could take if you could take

793
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: a million pieces of strength and make a blanket out

794
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:19,919
Speaker 1: of it, Like, think of how long it would take

795
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: to put little threads together to make a blanket. That's

796
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: how it is. Trying to get anything out of him.

797
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:28,320
Speaker 1: But his life outside, you know, he has a large

798
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:32,319
Speaker 1: following on social media is the DJ he does all

799
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 1: over the place. He does the most. It doesn't take

800
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 1: care of his kid and doesn't care about the mental

801
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,760
Speaker 1: state of his nine year old daughter or the damage

802
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 1: that he's caused or even you know, just to have

803
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 1: like the how I got him, I'm gonna tell you

804
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 1: how I got him to stop trying to physically get

805
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,839
Speaker 1: into it with me. And this is probably something that

806
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 1: I got the law in ball because my family, my

807
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 1: husband now, and my father and my brother told me,

808
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 1: you don't get the long involved, you're gonna make one

809
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 1: of us go to jail. Mm hmm. So I got

810
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 1: a restraining order and he wasn't able to come near

811
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,319
Speaker 1: me for a very long time, and he wasn't able

812
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 1: to see his daughter for a very long time. So

813
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 1: he knows that I'm not playing with him. And I

814
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:23,359
Speaker 1: made it to a point even before that, where one,

815
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,000
Speaker 1: he's not a lot to curse on the phone with

816
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 1: me too. If you raise your voice in me, I'm

817
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: hanging up and I'm blocking you and we're not speaking. Um.

818
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: There was a long time when I didn't speak to him,

819
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 1: and we spoke through my mom. My daughter is nine,

820
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 1: so she has her own phone so he can call her,

821
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,359
Speaker 1: so we don't. We don't have to speak that much.

822
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:43,399
Speaker 1: We only speak on like if he if he's if

823
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, his mom chooses at some point to

824
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 1: come and see see my daughter. UM be speaking on

825
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 1: stuff like that, but it's very minimal, and I'm so

826
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 1: aggressive towards him now, I'm gonna be honest with you.

827
00:43:54,760 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 1: I hated him so much right m that my husband

828
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 1: now my husband now knows how to box right, and

829
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 1: when I first met him, I made him teach me

830
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:12,760
Speaker 1: how to box. And one day Ondesday, Oh, my brother's

831
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: father came to the house. He was talking all this

832
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: mess and I had boxing gloves and I put the

833
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:21,280
Speaker 1: boxing gloves on and I was like, I've been waiting,

834
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 1: you know, I said him, if I've been waiting for

835
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: this rematch over a year now, I said, I'm gonna

836
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 1: beat that ship was funny if we laugh at no,

837
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 1: he's not healthy. And I had to. I had to

838
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 1: when I told what I told he was my birthfriend's time.

839
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: When I told my husband, I was like, I told

840
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: him that I was gonna be his ass. Was gonna

841
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:50,439
Speaker 1: He's like, no, you know I can your boxing glo

842
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 1: no I put. I was like you. I was like,

843
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 1: I've been waiting on this very much. I said, I'm

844
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 1: gonna beat your ass. I said, you think you can

845
00:44:57,400 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: hit females. I told me, you just walk around and

846
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 1: put your hand on females, but when niggas come up

847
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: to you, you can't fight no man like how you

848
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 1: fight a female. I was going, man, I was going

849
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 1: because I really and he didn't you know what the

850
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 1: funny thing is he didn't come near me. He was like, yeah,

851
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 1: he probably wasn't. He was serious. She he was like,

852
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:25,919
Speaker 1: you know, he said to me, he said, he said,

853
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:31,240
Speaker 1: you're crazy. Something wrong with you. I said, oh, I'm crazy.

854
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 1: I'm crazy now, you know. So we don't have a

855
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:40,399
Speaker 1: good relationship. Like even now, see him, he'll um, I'll say,

856
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: I'll say hello, especially if he's with my daughter, like

857
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 1: my daughter's outside speaking to him, or if he comes

858
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 1: outside my house and he wants my daughter to come

859
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 1: out to him, or if he has in a car,

860
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 1: if I'm walking past, I'll say hello, you know, just

861
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 1: to keep you know. And she she's always like my

862
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: daughter doesn't like when I get upset. She's always like mommy, mommy, no,

863
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 1: like she I realized that my aggressiveness really flusters her

864
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: and makes her scared, like she's afraid of me getting angry.

865
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:10,399
Speaker 1: Your daughter, and I know you have a son. What's

866
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 1: some things that you would share with them that you

867
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 1: wish your own parents were to share with you? So? Good? Well,

868
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 1: first things first, I already made up my mind to

869
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:25,880
Speaker 1: not be in any situation that could potentially portrayed my

870
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,759
Speaker 1: daughter that there's not like you. I am I am

871
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 1: only going to put myself in situations or I'm gonna

872
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:33,919
Speaker 1: have to be by myself because I need my daughter

873
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 1: to know that there is a certain way that a

874
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,880
Speaker 1: man is supposed to treat you, or whoever you choose

875
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: that that person is supposed to treat you. UM. You

876
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 1: do not tolerate verbal, physical, mental, any kind of abuse

877
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 1: or down putting from anybody, it doesn't matter who it is. UM.

878
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 1: Some things that I wish that they taught me was

879
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 1: how to manage anger. You know, I come from a

880
00:46:57,400 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: house full of angry as people angry, yell, yelling, screaming, shouting.

881
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: I wish I knew a better way and wish it

882
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:07,920
Speaker 1: I didn't have to learn it at such an older age.

883
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:12,839
Speaker 1: How to maybe the community girl community, that's right, that's

884
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: a community too, because even the people I was around

885
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,400
Speaker 1: people at school, you know, I realized, after speaking to

886
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,279
Speaker 1: different people, especially to people in my community, that if

887
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:22,840
Speaker 1: people I went to school people went to college with,

888
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: we also from the same thing, you know. So I

889
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:31,719
Speaker 1: wish that there was just better representation of healthy relationships,

890
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 1: even if that meant that people were not necessarily together.

891
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 1: I wish that, you know, my parents weren't so strict

892
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 1: in a way where I feel like I couldn't talk

893
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: to them about certain things. You know. Um, I feel

894
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:50,239
Speaker 1: like as a as a child, when you grew up

895
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 1: in a strict household, sometimes there are things that you

896
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:54,880
Speaker 1: go through and you really would like to know or

897
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 1: you really would seek, you know, the advice from somebody

898
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 1: elder than you, but you don't really know who to

899
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:00,320
Speaker 1: talk to because you don't want to get a trouble,

900
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 1: you know. And I wish that I had more freedom

901
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 1: to make my own choices because I feel like my

902
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 1: life probably could have turned out a bit different, you know.

903
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 1: I just and I just I want people have to

904
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:16,839
Speaker 1: support People have to really support their kids, and they

905
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:22,000
Speaker 1: really have to be understanding and be comfortable in hearing

906
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 1: things that they're gonna not want to hear, you know

907
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,840
Speaker 1: what I mean. I think that's the that's the parents

908
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 1: biggest fear is that they're going to talk to their

909
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 1: kids and they're going to hear that their kid did

910
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:35,600
Speaker 1: something that they wasn't supposed to do or But that's

911
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 1: the nature of how people learn. People don't necessarily learn

912
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:43,400
Speaker 1: by sight and by you know, someone else's experiences. You

913
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 1: can learn that way. But people aren't their own from

914
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,959
Speaker 1: their own experiences, which is why a baby will still

915
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:51,879
Speaker 1: put his hand on the stove even though you told

916
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 1: him that's gonna burn his ass, because he want to

917
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 1: make sure that you know, and that's exactly what happens.

918
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 1: But kid will do kids. Kids will do things that

919
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 1: kids do. You know, toddler teenagers as they grow up,

920
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:10,800
Speaker 1: they do things within the realm of what is normal

921
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:15,399
Speaker 1: for their age um. But for a teenager to be

922
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:19,839
Speaker 1: in an abusive relationship that is not normal. That is

923
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: something that is embedded in that person's head. They were

924
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 1: taught to be complacent with a certain type of treatment.

925
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 1: And you know it is important to my daughter. I

926
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:35,760
Speaker 1: empower my daughter to not only a speak how she feels,

927
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,759
Speaker 1: but to be herself and for her to understand like

928
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 1: who you are is enough. And if you choose to

929
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 1: be more, and if you're progressing to be more, which

930
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: you should progress to be more because you want to

931
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 1: be the best you could be. But don't let anybody

932
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 1: tell you that your outward appearance or you know, what

933
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 1: you can do is not enough. And there is a

934
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,319
Speaker 1: certain way that man who was supposed to treat women,

935
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 1: and I have lucky. I'm lucky to have found somebody

936
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:11,919
Speaker 1: who models that. And and and she knows that there's

937
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 1: just certain things that she should expect from the person

938
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:18,720
Speaker 1: that she's with. And there's certain ways that you speak

939
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 1: to the person that you're with. There's certain ways that

940
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 1: you don't speak to the person that you're with. And

941
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:26,240
Speaker 1: even now, when I get mad, she'll correct me. She'll

942
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 1: be like, mom, mom, but I don't think that's a

943
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:30,919
Speaker 1: great word. I don't think that's a really great word

944
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 1: to use, mom. And I'm like, oh, I'm like, I

945
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,359
Speaker 1: said something bad. She's like, yes, he didn't even know,

946
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 1: but she said something really bad, you know. But I

947
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:41,080
Speaker 1: think that's important because you learn from home, Like that's

948
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 1: the first where you see and experience a lot of things.

949
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 1: And you know, the thing is, she's nine, and it's

950
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 1: unfortunate that she experienced so much, but I'm also glad

951
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:53,200
Speaker 1: she got She got to see what I didn't get

952
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 1: to see. So she saw the bad and now she's

953
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 1: seeing good. I just saw feel bad. So she knows

954
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 1: there there's both in of the spectrum, you know. So,

955
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 1: and and the thing is, she's so smart for a

956
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:09,440
Speaker 1: nine year old. She knows what an abusive relationship could be.

957
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 1: She knows the concept of someone she didn't. She knows

958
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 1: all of that, which she probably shouldn't, but she does

959
00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:17,719
Speaker 1: because she's in the realm of it and it's all

960
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 1: around her, and you know, people talk about it. I

961
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:22,919
Speaker 1: just thought it. No, I'm like, listen, and no one's

962
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:25,280
Speaker 1: supposed to put their hands on you. Nobody is supposed

963
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 1: to put their hands on you. I don't hit you,

964
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:31,320
Speaker 1: and I'm your mother, so nobody's supposed to be putting

965
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 1: their hands on you. You You know, there's never a time

966
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 1: where it's okay for somebody to physically hurt you. And

967
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:40,359
Speaker 1: there's never a time when it's okay with somebody who

968
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 1: says they love you to disrespect you and and disregard

969
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:48,880
Speaker 1: your feelings and make your feelings hurt, you know. And

970
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:51,400
Speaker 1: and it's not to say that people won't get into arguments,

971
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,959
Speaker 1: but even when you argue with somebody that you love you,

972
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:58,760
Speaker 1: you sometimes you say crazy things. But there there's a difference.

973
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 1: There's a big difference, and you arguing and your feelings

974
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:04,640
Speaker 1: are hot versus when you're just a malicious person who

975
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 1: has probably been hurt. Because hurt people hurt people and

976
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,440
Speaker 1: you just and it's also a difference Mason might use

977
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 1: their words and use their backs. I want to tell

978
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 1: you something, you know, you know what I'm saying. I

979
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:22,360
Speaker 1: want to say also what is probably an issue, and

980
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:24,799
Speaker 1: that is also to be aware of the type of

981
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 1: friends you have around you too, because I'm gonna tell

982
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 1: you what my friends was going through the same thing.

983
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,440
Speaker 1: So it was like normal. It was like, yeah, he

984
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:35,759
Speaker 1: hit me in my face, and we're like, he hits

985
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: you in your face. But then nobody's saying that because

986
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,359
Speaker 1: they may hit him in the face too. So it's

987
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 1: like a bunch of dodal birds walking around. Nobody to say, hey, guys,

988
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 1: that's not normal, or hey guys, you know it shouldn't

989
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:52,440
Speaker 1: be that way. We learned later on it's the blind.

990
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:58,360
Speaker 1: Were a bunch of Helen keller is walking around. Yeah,

991
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:01,440
Speaker 1: and at least Helen Hella che was able to you know,

992
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,760
Speaker 1: succeed without the hearing. In the scene. We had eyes

993
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:07,200
Speaker 1: and we could hear. We have every sense that you

994
00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:09,279
Speaker 1: could think of, and we still couldn't get ourselves out

995
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 1: of it because we thought that it was normal. I'm

996
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 1: gonna tall you there's a lot of things that I

997
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,759
Speaker 1: learned are not normal. I did not know for a

998
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:20,239
Speaker 1: long time that arguing didn't have to You didn't have

999
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:24,040
Speaker 1: to yell and scream to argue your point. Yeah, well,

1000
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 1: when you're surrounded by that your entire life, you're normal. Girl.

1001
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 1: I didn't know that I could be mad without hitting somebody.

1002
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, because I felt every time I was mad,

1003
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:37,879
Speaker 1: I felt like I needed to hit somebody. You talked

1004
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:39,960
Speaker 1: on a really good topic. And this is like the

1005
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:42,759
Speaker 1: last question I wanted to ask before we go. Um,

1006
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 1: I know a lot of times people are in the

1007
00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: abusive relationships, either they tell someone or they don't tell anyone. Um,

1008
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:52,880
Speaker 1: if someone is listening to this right now, one of

1009
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:54,960
Speaker 1: our listeners, and if they have a friend that is

1010
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 1: in a similar situation, what does'nt advice you would give

1011
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 1: to them? Um, you have to be, especially if it's

1012
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:05,360
Speaker 1: a good friend, first of all telling because you know

1013
00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 1: a lot of people be like, that's none of my business.

1014
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:12,120
Speaker 1: It's your business when the person could be in danger,

1015
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,359
Speaker 1: it's your business. When you know people think that it's

1016
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 1: just somebody hitting you. Oh well he punched her. He

1017
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:19,360
Speaker 1: ain't gonna kill her from punching her yet. But he

1018
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 1: punched her, he knocked her out, and she tripped and

1019
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:23,399
Speaker 1: bust her head, and then she end up dead. That's

1020
00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:27,399
Speaker 1: your problem, you know what I mean. Or she comes

1021
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:30,520
Speaker 1: back and be the same, or she's paralyzed or something,

1022
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,239
Speaker 1: or he finally loses it and he ends up killing her.

1023
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 1: It's your problem because you know what. And that's why.

1024
00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:38,600
Speaker 1: First of all, the term friend is being used in

1025
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 1: this day and age very loosely. So if indeed this

1026
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:45,640
Speaker 1: person is your friend, it is your obligation to understand that, hey,

1027
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:48,439
Speaker 1: this person is not only physically being harmed, but they're

1028
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:53,040
Speaker 1: mentally damaged. They are mentally damaged. So telling somebody you

1029
00:54:53,040 --> 00:54:57,479
Speaker 1: need to leave him it's not enough. It's just not enough.

1030
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 1: It's literally the best way to get someone out of

1031
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:05,399
Speaker 1: an abusive situation is to make them realize that they're

1032
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: being abused, because a lot of people only think that

1033
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:10,319
Speaker 1: they're being physically abused. Part of really seeing yourself from

1034
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 1: a physical abuse is relieving relieving yourself from the mental abuse.

1035
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:16,919
Speaker 1: So the mental abuses what gets you, because you would

1036
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:20,040
Speaker 1: not sit unless someone physically abuse you if you were

1037
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:24,080
Speaker 1: in your right mind. That's not normal. Pain is something

1038
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 1: that humans run from naturally. So for you to be

1039
00:55:29,080 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 1: in pain and someone causing you pain and you stay,

1040
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:35,879
Speaker 1: the mental state of that person is not right. So

1041
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 1: it's all just like the man got into her head

1042
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:39,879
Speaker 1: and made her feel like she needed to stay here.

1043
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 1: It's unfortunate, but as a friend, you have to find

1044
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:44,880
Speaker 1: a way to get back into her head, which means

1045
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:49,759
Speaker 1: that she needs you, can't she I mean, I've had

1046
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:53,960
Speaker 1: a friend who wasn't being physically abused when this is recently.

1047
00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:56,120
Speaker 1: She wasn't being physically abused, but she was definitely being

1048
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 1: mentally abused. And I told her, I said, and I

1049
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 1: think that guy may have liked her arm. I told us, said,

1050
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:04,960
Speaker 1: this is how it start, girl versus mental. Then it's

1051
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:09,080
Speaker 1: the pulling other arm and then he beat your ass, okay,

1052
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 1: And I had to remind her, like, you have a life,

1053
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:19,279
Speaker 1: you have your own life. People are men and other

1054
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:22,680
Speaker 1: women who abuse men. Also, people pray on people who

1055
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:27,839
Speaker 1: they feel like it's easy to control, you know, And

1056
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:32,440
Speaker 1: there's a difference between control, controlling someone's life, and um,

1057
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:36,879
Speaker 1: you know, compromising. Compromising means that both of you win

1058
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:40,560
Speaker 1: in the end. When you give somebody full control, that

1059
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:42,359
Speaker 1: means you no longer are able to do the things

1060
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 1: that you like to do. So having your own life, okay,

1061
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:53,040
Speaker 1: enjoying life, being happy outside of your relationship, having friends,

1062
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:57,000
Speaker 1: going out, having your own money, having a job, having independence,

1063
00:56:57,320 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 1: having that saving account because girl, let me tell you,

1064
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 1: nigga switch like the weather. The show Baby Tomorrow, okay

1065
00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:12,040
Speaker 1: with Sally next door, So listen. None And I think

1066
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 1: that the culture that we bring in girls up in

1067
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 1: now people think it's bad, but it's bad and it's

1068
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:19,160
Speaker 1: not bad because it's teaching you that as a woman,

1069
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 1: you also you need to have a plan. So when

1070
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 1: you go into these relationships, it's easier to spot when

1071
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 1: someone could be abusive when you are healthy yourself. So

1072
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,480
Speaker 1: if you have your job, you have, you know, things

1073
00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:34,480
Speaker 1: going for you in your life. You have your friends,

1074
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 1: you have your own time. Any person who is going

1075
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:41,240
Speaker 1: through an abusive relationship and they have a friend and

1076
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 1: you're the friend standing on the side, you need to

1077
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 1: remind first the person that they're worth more than what

1078
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:50,439
Speaker 1: they're going through. They're worth more than what they're going through.

1079
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 1: There they don't have to be people tend to be

1080
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:54,960
Speaker 1: afraid to be by themselves. You don't have to be

1081
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:58,360
Speaker 1: in a relationship. You can be by yourself. It's completely

1082
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 1: fine to be by yourself, you know what I mean.

1083
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 1: And then you have to willingly. It's it's a hard

1084
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 1: it's a hard role to because I've been in the

1085
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 1: situation and I've been the friend. So it's a hard

1086
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:13,080
Speaker 1: role to play to be that friend because you literally

1087
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:15,520
Speaker 1: are gonna have to take on the situation almost like

1088
00:58:15,520 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 1: it was your own. And then you people say, well,

1089
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:23,080
Speaker 1: what happens if the girl goes back? You still have

1090
00:58:23,160 --> 00:58:26,200
Speaker 1: to try because guess what, you think that that man

1091
00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 1: don't know if when when you pull your friend back

1092
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:32,120
Speaker 1: and when you're finally getting in your friend's head, the

1093
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:36,080
Speaker 1: abuser knows that someone's getting in her head. You know that, right,

1094
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:38,440
Speaker 1: So he switches it up real quick. He starts to

1095
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:40,400
Speaker 1: act nice, he starts to do things the right way,

1096
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:42,640
Speaker 1: because that's how he's gonna real her back in. But

1097
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:45,120
Speaker 1: you just gotta reassure her, You gotta you gotta give

1098
00:58:45,160 --> 00:58:48,200
Speaker 1: her examples, you gotta talking. The part of the thing

1099
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 1: that makes it easy for me to help other people

1100
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:52,600
Speaker 1: going through a situation like this is because I speak

1101
00:58:52,600 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 1: from share experience. You know, people, people usually don't trust

1102
00:58:57,480 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 1: people and they're like, well, how do you know? I

1103
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:01,360
Speaker 1: know because I've been there, and I've been in the cycle,

1104
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:03,320
Speaker 1: and I got caught back in the cycle like five

1105
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:06,720
Speaker 1: times before I actually got out of it. It don't

1106
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:11,360
Speaker 1: change people who people who fight fight um with with

1107
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:14,920
Speaker 1: they fist and beat your ass. It isn't It doesn't change.

1108
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 1: And I think it's also one of those things where

1109
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 1: it's like you gotta put yourself on that person shoes,

1110
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 1: show up for them. How you want somebody to strike

1111
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 1: for you? I mean, like you just you can't give

1112
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 1: up because you know, in my my situation I was

1113
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 1: talking about with my friend, you know, I had to

1114
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 1: speak to the dude and I had to let him

1115
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:39,680
Speaker 1: know that she and alone. I know you think she's alone,

1116
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:42,920
Speaker 1: and I know you think that you got her alone,

1117
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:47,640
Speaker 1: but she's not alone. And the best way for a

1118
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 1: coward two overpower you or to make you feel like

1119
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:55,440
Speaker 1: you're afraid, is to make you feel alone, because you

1120
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:56,800
Speaker 1: could be in a house ful of people and still

1121
00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 1: feel alone. But I wanted him to know that she

1122
00:59:59,840 --> 01:00:02,640
Speaker 1: is emotionally open and she has shared everything that you've

1123
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:04,720
Speaker 1: done with us, and we are willing to beat your

1124
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:07,560
Speaker 1: ass if that's what it takes to get held away

1125
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:14,640
Speaker 1: from you. No, I think that's a perfect way and

1126
01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 1: take my friend back, okay, because you're not about to

1127
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:25,480
Speaker 1: make her into you know. And just remember, if the

1128
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:29,920
Speaker 1: physical being don't kill you, the mental stress and the

1129
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 1: breakdown that it will have on your body will kill you.

1130
01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 1: So one way or another, you're doomed in that situation.

1131
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:38,920
Speaker 1: You have to get out. You have to be strong,

1132
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:42,080
Speaker 1: and you have to believe that there's a much higher

1133
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:44,720
Speaker 1: purpose for you and there's a reason that you're being

1134
01:00:44,760 --> 01:00:47,800
Speaker 1: held back like this, a perpetrators not holding you back

1135
01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:50,960
Speaker 1: because you're a bad, unworthy person, or perpetrators holding you

1136
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:55,439
Speaker 1: back because they know you can do better. Mm hmm. Well,

1137
01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:58,840
Speaker 1: I think this has been a very inspiring conversation. I

1138
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:01,840
Speaker 1: think that you know, we need to have more conversations

1139
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:04,480
Speaker 1: like this because you never know who by sharing your

1140
01:01:04,480 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 1: story how I can help. And I heard such a

1141
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 1: great quote yesterday by Kirk Franklin and he said that

1142
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 1: I can impress you with my accomplishment, but I can

1143
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 1: and pack you with Mama's absolutely. So if you have

1144
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 1: any questions for my guests, please email me at hello

1145
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:25,840
Speaker 1: at the Professional Homeguard dot com. Thank you so much

1146
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: to my guests for sharing your story, for having me

1147
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:32,320
Speaker 1: and thank you and until next time, guys. Later,