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Speaker 1: Show the rock to the bat for your boys.

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Speaker 2: Shot in case you ain't know, so you about sugar

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Speaker 2: honey iced tea pretty it's one icye little mama icy.

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Speaker 2: They say she your picy her. They are feisty. You

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Speaker 2: know how to treat it. She'll be sweeter than a

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Speaker 2: icy clean up very nicely. She was a kind of pricey,

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Speaker 2: matching him up precisely good gene nice tea like a

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Speaker 2: food spicy and she is the same the flame, but

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Speaker 2: I do not know her.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back, Mom's back choices and I'm Erica and what's

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Speaker 3: up girl?

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Speaker 1: What to do? Both? You know I'm hot.

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Speaker 3: Still having sound technical difficulties, guys. I'm sorry about the

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Speaker 3: last episode. We went to dash studio and we don't

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Speaker 3: know how to use real microphones, so.

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Speaker 1: When I listened to it in my car, it's not

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Speaker 1: too good. There are parts that were so low.

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Speaker 4: Well, bitch, you were swinging in your chair like you're twelve.

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Speaker 4: I was trying to tell you ding like something.

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Speaker 3: You did it too, don't there are there are moments

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Speaker 3: where you were doing the same thing, so don't do it.

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Speaker 1: Is this recording okay? Yeah, so.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry about that. We're still working on it. We're

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Speaker 3: trying to get this shit together. Like I think I

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Speaker 3: needed a new computer.

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Speaker 1: We need to like infringe on some engineer dead.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we have any people out there that want to

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Speaker 3: help us, Like, come over, you can just chill. We'll

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Speaker 3: get you high and then you can like help us

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Speaker 3: fix this shit because I'm low key getting really annoyed

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Speaker 3: by our sound.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, how was your weekend? Well, my weekend was what

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Speaker 1: do I do this weekend?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: If you just got back from like a three city tour.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was out of town for seven days. I

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Speaker 3: was in Toronto, Paris, London for work. It was amazing.

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Speaker 3: Learned a lot, Webb, I'm talking okay. I was in London, Paris, Toronto, London, Paris, London,

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Speaker 3: and I it was great. I wore I learned a

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Speaker 3: lot about my company, and watching my mom do her

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Speaker 3: thing was really amazing. I took some dope ast photos.

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Speaker 3: Never used Instagram more in my life. Got hacked. Also,

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Speaker 3: my Instagram got hacked. Someone deleted all my photos. That

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Speaker 3: was the day I left to go out of town.

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Speaker 1: Oh, we haven't discussed this. I thought we did it

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Speaker 1: dash because that was the day you got hacked. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. Oh you're right, Well I got my ship back. Okay,

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Speaker 1: how did you do that? Thank God?

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Speaker 3: Like the people that you don't have beauty lender, we

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Speaker 3: have a Facebook rep, so we actually have someone we

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Speaker 3: can talk to because a lot of times you just

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Speaker 3: have to submit shit and you just pray that it happens.

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Speaker 3: But we had someone like a point of contact and

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Speaker 3: they helped me get my stuff back.

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Speaker 1: Wow, that's crazy.

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Speaker 3: So when I was in Toronto, I like opened my

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Speaker 3: app and suddenly all my pictures were back, and there

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Speaker 3: was one photo of like a ray ban ad that

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Speaker 3: someone had posted. So it was like someone trying to

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Speaker 3: take a ray band, like cheap rate, like twenty dollars

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Speaker 3: ray bands.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you pike shit. Yes baby.

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Speaker 3: We have Iriy in the room today because Luna is

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Speaker 3: not here, so if she talks a lot, that's why

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Speaker 3: normally she has a distraction, but today she's with Mommy's

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Speaker 3: mott take your daughter to workday at my house.

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Speaker 1: Other than that, this weekend, I just went just chilling

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Speaker 1: with Iri.

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Speaker 3: We got our nails done today and we went to

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Speaker 3: dinner last night, and I what else, I saw my

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Speaker 3: little booth thing that I'm really liking.

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Speaker 1: And that's what it.

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Speaker 3: What about you, let's hear about your weekend. I'm really

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Speaker 3: interested about your weekend, Jamila. I would love to know

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Speaker 3: more about your weekend.

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Speaker 1: Oh really, yeah, it was a very that's full. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god. I took a fucking half an edible last

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Speaker 1: night with my homegirl. She's like, oh, hell, you don't

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Speaker 1: have to just try this, just you have, bitch. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what the fuck was in that gummy bear.

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Speaker 4: I got to Benny hannahs, I was like zooming into

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Speaker 4: everybody's conversation. I was thinking about these profound things about

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Speaker 4: Bennie Hannah's, like Benny Hanna's is the McDonald's of Hibachi.

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Speaker 4: Niggas were in there waiting like two hours to get

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Speaker 4: a table, Like I saw like at least three people

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Speaker 4: who had to be like ninety five years old.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, god, damn, black people love Benny Hannah. Oh.

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Speaker 1: I thought it was just black people. All people love any.

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Speaker 3: But a lot of people, but black people specifically think

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Speaker 3: it's real classy.

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Speaker 1: That's like.

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Speaker 4: I thought it was black people all people because last

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Speaker 4: night when I was I was high, so I was

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Speaker 4: intensely and zooming into everyone, and it was just everybody.

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Speaker 1: Wait, wait, did in Sino?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that doesn't matter what class you are, it doesn't

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Speaker 4: matter what background. If it's a mother fucking birthday, everybody

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Speaker 4: is liable to be in Henny Bonas Hennybo girl. It

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Speaker 4: was so many fucking people. They were waiting like two

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Speaker 4: hours for a table. Then we had this character of

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Speaker 4: a bartender. He looked like he was like oh what

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Speaker 4: a character like Oh? He looked like he should've been

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Speaker 4: on Family Guy cartoon Who's behind the Bar? First of all,

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Speaker 4: I was just too high to be there. We got home,

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Speaker 4: I literally passed out for like six hours on my couch.

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Speaker 1: First, Like the moral of the story, I'll never taking

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Speaker 1: a fucking edible with That's why I don't eat edible.

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Speaker 1: I was brought the other half for you hell and

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Speaker 1: I aloud have said, no, I don't do edibles. I

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Speaker 1: saw my witch doctor this weekend.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she saw her witch doctor in case she didn't

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Speaker 3: get that part witch doctor.

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Speaker 1: Do I wonder if we have any followers that go

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Speaker 1: to witch doctors. I'm sure we do.

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Speaker 4: There's somebody I can't be the only person. No, Well,

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Speaker 4: here's gonna be Shaman. He's my homeboy. Here's my friend.

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Speaker 4: He's been studying like ancestry spirits for a very long time.

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Speaker 4: He's mad cool. He just turned thirty. He went to

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Speaker 4: Haiti for his thirtieth and he came back with all

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Speaker 4: these tricks and shit, so tricks, you know, magic and yeah,

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Speaker 4: I had a cleansing and some other things and it

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Speaker 4: was quite an interesting ordeal overall, though, I feel really

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Speaker 4: good about it. I feel lighter, and just for anyone

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Speaker 4: who's like freaking out right now and is really into Jesus,

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Speaker 4: it wasn't it's not black magic.

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Speaker 1: It's not dark. It's light.

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Speaker 4: It's the dealings of like your angels and your ancestry

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Speaker 4: and your ancestor guys. So everybody, don't freak out. I'm

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Speaker 4: not a devil worship for her or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: No, she's not. So you're not gonna. You're just gonna.

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Speaker 4: That's what you're gonna do.

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Speaker 3: That's what you're doing today. That's what you're doing, Jamila,

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Speaker 3: for real, that's what's happening. Okay, Okay, cool, we're lyving

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Speaker 3: it there, we're leaving it there. Okay, Well, anyway, I

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Speaker 3: guess we're moving on from her witch doctor story. We're

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Speaker 3: not going to get into details of what that meant.

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Speaker 3: But you know, if you have a phity further questions,

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Speaker 3: make sure to hit up Jamila and ask her about

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Speaker 3: her true experience with her witch doctor.

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Speaker 1: I took two pigeons.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she took two pigeons, and we'll just leave it there. Okay,

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Speaker 3: that's I like, we can leave it there.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, anyway, continue anyway. Today we have a guest who's

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Speaker 4: also looking at me mad fucking sideways right now.

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Speaker 1: Thanks a lot, Erica from out In your fucking friend.

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Speaker 4: I called her this morning like, oh my god, I

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Speaker 4: got up this witch hit I did this week, and

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Speaker 4: she's like, I'm telling everyone.

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Speaker 1: I like, don't tell. No one's gonna understand.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 4: Our friend, my new friend, Erica's old friend, is looking

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Speaker 4: at me like we're not friends, bitch, not you guys.

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Speaker 3: My dear friend, Nicole Russell is with us. Thank you

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Speaker 3: for joining our podcast today.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. My friend Nicole. I've known

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Speaker 1: her since I was.

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Speaker 3: Seventeen, lived in New York. I read no, get off

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Speaker 3: the table. I'm not going to tell you again, off

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Speaker 3: the table down because you're shaking everything.

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Speaker 1: So, oh my god. Three is really hard. Three It is.

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Speaker 3: Really hard Anyway, I've known Nicole since I was seventeen,

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Speaker 3: when I was in college for one year and I went.

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Speaker 1: To college for one year two right and look at

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Speaker 1: us now glowing.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: I was actually talking to Jared about this. Jared's a

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Speaker 3: friend of mine that I went to college with, and

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Speaker 3: Nicole also knows. And like Nicole was like used to

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Speaker 3: get us into all the clubs underage, all the best

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Speaker 3: clubs in New York.

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Speaker 1: What was it called Sway or Stereo Stereo?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I just know the DJ used to always play Sterio Sarrio.

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Speaker 1: That's fun.

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Speaker 3: That had so many Cranberry Vodkas at that point, because

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Speaker 3: that's like the intro to drinking. Yeah, and yeah, We've

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Speaker 3: just been friends ever since when I went when I

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Speaker 3: moved back out to New York again, right before I

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Speaker 3: had Iri, like she was there for me, supportedly, helped

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Speaker 3: me get a job everything.

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Speaker 1: I love this girl.

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Speaker 3: She's so smart, selfless, talented, and I wanted to have

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Speaker 3: her on because not only that, but because she had

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Speaker 3: she has a foundation called the Pressures Streams Foundation, which

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Speaker 3: she'll tell you about, and a new book coming out.

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Speaker 1: So I want her to come on and tell us

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Speaker 1: about what she does. Well, technically, it's out. It's out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's out. Oh yeah, it is out.

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Speaker 5: Yeah out yesterday, yeah yeah, September eighteenth. So the book

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Speaker 5: is called Everything a band Aid Can't Fix and it's

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Speaker 5: a teens guide for healing and dealing.

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Speaker 3: With life, and like, can you tell our listeners a

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Speaker 3: little bit about your work with Prescious Dreams Foundation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So, I'm the co founder of the nonprofit Prescious Dreams

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Speaker 5: and we provide comfort tools and programs that teach foster

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Speaker 5: and homeless youth how to sell soothe, which is something

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Speaker 5: that I've been doing since twenty twelve.

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Speaker 1: I'm super passionate about it, and I just.

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Speaker 5: Like from the stories that have been shared over the years,

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Speaker 5: from just seeing how difficult of times these children face,

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Speaker 5: I've learned so much from them and from all having

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Speaker 5: all those gems like stored, I just was like, other

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Speaker 5: kids need need this information.

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Speaker 1: Other people need to know what is.

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Speaker 5: Going on and how you self soothe when you're facing

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Speaker 5: adversity and then all these crazy situations. Not everyone has

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Speaker 5: parents that stick around, and some people do have parents

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Speaker 5: that are living very unhealthy lives. And so what do

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Speaker 5: you do when you feel like you're alone and you

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Speaker 5: have nobody else to depend on. So that's what my

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Speaker 5: work is about, and that's what this book is about.

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Speaker 1: And I'm really excited. That's amazing.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I know, coming from a single parent with

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Speaker 3: a busy mom who did her best, there were definitely

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Speaker 3: things that like tools that I really like self soothing,

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Speaker 3: Like it's something that you just don't think about.

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Speaker 1: Obviously saved any vocabulary. Yeah, you just don't think about it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because I think about I actually had when when

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Speaker 3: I was thinking about this, I was thinking about moments

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Speaker 3: in my life as a teenager and just as an

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Speaker 3: adolescent where where I needed those like tools and I

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Speaker 3: didn't have them.

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Speaker 5: But I think that's because we're taught as children that

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Speaker 5: we're supposed to rely on our parents, and so that's

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Speaker 5: whenever they do something that disappoints us, it hurts to

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Speaker 5: the core because it's like, I'm relying on you for everything,

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Speaker 5: how dare you let me down? But our parents are

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Speaker 5: not teaching us at a young age that it's us.

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Speaker 5: We need to see ourselves when we're hurt and when

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Speaker 5: we're in pain. You know, we're the only ones that

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Speaker 5: are going to get us. Do that, but parents, most

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Speaker 5: parents just don't well.

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Speaker 3: I think also as parents, we and especially in the

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Speaker 3: beginning of you know, Irish three our kids are three.

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Speaker 3: I think in the beginning of having a kid, it's

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Speaker 3: like you want them to rely on you, you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean. You love that they rely on you, you do,

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Speaker 3: and so it's hard for that to.

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Speaker 1: Switch over, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: It's almost becomes like sort of like an addiction, because

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Speaker 3: it's almost it makes you you're it makes you feel

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Speaker 3: wanted in a way, you know what I mean. It's

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Speaker 3: like the one person that you know needs you. But

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Speaker 3: don't you think that's selfish? It totally is. No, it's

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Speaker 3: one hundred percent selfish. But I'm just saying that's just

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Speaker 3: I think how parents think. Yeah, and we're conditioned to

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Speaker 3: think and.

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Speaker 5: Not even a bad thing. It's not a bad thing.

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Speaker 5: It's just I wish. At the same time, parents taught

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Speaker 5: us to see ourselves. And I think that's why like

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Speaker 5: learning how learning the importance of self care and self comfort,

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Speaker 5: like all that stuff happened, or for most adults.

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Speaker 1: In their late twenties early thirties, like when we realize, like.

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Speaker 5: Shit, all I have is all that I have in

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Speaker 5: this moment is myself shit.

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Speaker 4: I just learned that two days ago, not literally. I

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Speaker 4: just think I think it's such a good idea. I've

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Speaker 4: thought about this like twenty times, Like why the fuck

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Speaker 4: wasn't there any handbook about this shit? Yeah, because like

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Speaker 4: eighteen to like twenty five, it is just like a

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Speaker 4: whirlwind of fucking and drinking and a parent of trying

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Speaker 4: to self soothe, but you're trying to like doing it

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Speaker 4: in all these other ways. And I think also, I

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Speaker 4: think our parents didn't have the tools. I think, like

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Speaker 4: you said, like we all parents are kind of like

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Speaker 4: I am your savior, I am superwoman. I will take

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Speaker 4: you out of any predicted like bad situation you ever

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Speaker 4: find yourself. And that's what we're like trained to, like

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Speaker 4: you know, embody for our children. But the reality of

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Speaker 4: it is like then you'll be thirty and you're like,

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Speaker 4: oh shit, Oh you fuck up too. Oh you're just

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Speaker 4: a big ass kid in a fifty year old's body.

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Speaker 1: Oh you don't.

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Speaker 4: You don't get it either. Yeah, you're figuring out yourself too.

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Speaker 4: And I had to deal even as an adult, I'm

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Speaker 4: dealing with like, oh, my parents are just teenagers, Like

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Speaker 4: they're just kids too, And there's like this whole like

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Speaker 4: period where even as an adult, I'm reminding myself to

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Speaker 4: not take things so personally because they themselves are on

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Speaker 4: their own journey and that you know, there's just not

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Speaker 4: a dialogue that says, hey, I'm human too. Teaching your

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Speaker 4: kids that and then not being like this huge taboo

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Speaker 4: thing even like when like a parent is like has

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Speaker 4: infidelity or steps out. You know, kids like take think

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Speaker 4: it's them and because there's no there's no one talking.

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Speaker 1: About this shit, like mom has to be happy too. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think also thinking about parents, I think that's a

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Speaker 3: difficult position for parents because they want their children to

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Speaker 3: respect them as the authority and uh as the provider,

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Speaker 3: as the authority, as the example discipline.

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Speaker 1: So it's hard for like, at what point as a parent.

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Speaker 3: Do you have this conversation with your kid where you're like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I'm a human too.

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Speaker 1: I fuck up, Like you don't.

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Speaker 3: Do that, yeah, yeah, because you know you feel like

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Speaker 3: that shifts like that shifts the respect level.

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Speaker 5: So that's all in your head because you're putting these

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Speaker 5: expectations on yourself that like IRI has to see you

300
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Speaker 5: this way, right, But I mean even with the show,

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Speaker 5: you are so authentically yourself, Like, why can't you just

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Speaker 5: show her who you are from the beginning now, because

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Speaker 5: then I feel like there's less room for disappointment when

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Speaker 5: things happen and she might feel like, oh, you've let

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Speaker 5: her down, or she sees the side of you that

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Speaker 5: she has never been introduced to you.

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Speaker 1: Then she's like, whoa, who is this? That's not my mom.

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Speaker 1: But you're like, no, it is. I've been hiding this

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Speaker 1: part of me from you, you know. No, it's true

310
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Speaker 1: to be authentic, even to your children. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, in a way, that's like respect me. But hey,

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Speaker 4: also I'm amazed.

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Speaker 1: I probably respect you more. Yeah, definitely, definitely.

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Speaker 4: I would probably have a lot more respect for my

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Speaker 4: parents if they're like, hey, I'm a fuck up.

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Speaker 5: I'm doing these things because my parents didn't teach me,

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Speaker 5: and so if I make mistakes with you, just know

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Speaker 5: that I'm trying. You know, Like, we just don't have

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Speaker 5: those type of conversations with our kids, and I think

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Speaker 5: that we should.

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Speaker 1: But that's like, there's this one quote in the book.

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Speaker 1: It says parents aren't perfect, they are people.

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Speaker 5: I didn't realize that until I was like twenty five

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Speaker 5: I had a moment where I was like.

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Speaker 1: Oh, no, I get what was wrong? You know.

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Speaker 3: No, I think I had that moment around that age too,

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Speaker 3: where I suddenly like something clicked in me and I

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Speaker 3: was like, Oh, my parents are people and they're not superhuman.

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Speaker 1: No, like, yeah, they're out here trying to figure it out.

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Speaker 1: And I think, yeah, no.

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Speaker 3: And I think now that I'm thirty, gonna be thirty

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Speaker 3: one next month, I'm finally at the point of like

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Speaker 3: forgiving my parents for that.

334
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Speaker 4: Yeah.

335
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Speaker 3: And it's it's they don't even it's not like eveything even deserve.

336
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Speaker 3: It's not even like a matter of forgiveness. But it's

337
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Speaker 3: really forgiving myself or putting all that on them and

338
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Speaker 3: me and realizing like everything they did wasn't to hurt

339
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Speaker 3: like anything that I felt with it like they were

340
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Speaker 3: hurting me. It wasn't like they were setting out to

341
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Speaker 3: hurt me, right, you know what I mean. It's not

342
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Speaker 3: like they woke up like you know, it's fay, I'm

343
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Speaker 3: gonna fucking.

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Speaker 1: Hurt my daughter, right, you know.

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Speaker 3: They were just doing and continuing to try and do

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Speaker 3: the best they can with what they have, with what

347
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Speaker 3: they have, And I the more and now I realize

348
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Speaker 3: that more and more of them now that I have

349
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Speaker 3: a kid in the right.

350
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Speaker 1: Now, I'm about it's you know what, down call the

351
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Speaker 1: ancestors for your patient.

352
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Speaker 3: You're gonna go get a pigeon and fucking you guys

353
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Speaker 3: for the rest of history.

354
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Speaker 4: Fuck you guys. When I was in college, I went

355
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,640
Speaker 4: to college. I remember I had like twenty three twenty

356
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Speaker 4: four my dad calling me and was like, my god,

357
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Speaker 4: my mom's gonna kill me because basically like your mom

358
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,520
Speaker 4: got it to do uys since you've been in school

359
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,320
Speaker 4: and she's going to jail. And I was like what

360
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,320
Speaker 4: She's like, she's gonna She's gonna give me her like

361
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Speaker 4: two months in jail.

362
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Speaker 1: And I hung up the phone and I was just.

363
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Speaker 4: So fucking disturbed, and I'm like, how the fuck am

364
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Speaker 4: I in college?

365
00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:47,159
Speaker 1: No, duuys.

366
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Speaker 4: I mean I've been a lot of sucking up, but

367
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Speaker 4: no DUIs, Like, how is this pitch forty something years

368
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,199
Speaker 4: old about like about to go to jail. I just

369
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,679
Speaker 4: couldn't understand for the life of me, Like what in

370
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Speaker 4: the fuck is going on? I left the city and

371
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,639
Speaker 4: you motherfuckers don't know how to act? Yeah, and like

372
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Speaker 4: you know, yeah, I have a whole different, like perspective

373
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Speaker 4: of my parents.

374
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Speaker 1: But like then I just could not.

375
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Speaker 4: It just took a long time for me to like

376
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Speaker 4: clat like to really understand like that.

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Speaker 1: They don't really know what the fuck is going on either, and.

378
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,520
Speaker 4: They have their own like they're battling their own demons

379
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,800
Speaker 4: and probably dealing with their own trauma from their childhood

380
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Speaker 4: that was never fucking addressed.

381
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Speaker 1: And then there's like this, Yeah, it's just so bad.

382
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's no class, there's no certification needed.

383
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 4: To have children right seriously, Like, lord Jesus, I've read

384
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:34,560
Speaker 4: that in the book.

385
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,879
Speaker 1: I stop. Do you want to go out there? Do

386
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,400
Speaker 1: you want to go watch your movies? Do you want

387
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,280
Speaker 1: to do you want a DVD? I mean, do you

388
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:45,120
Speaker 1: want an iPad? Oh? Do you see what I'm doing?

389
00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:46,399
Speaker 1: You're gonna see your major?

390
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,600
Speaker 3: Like Nicole's like, what I know? Do you want iPad?

391
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:50,720
Speaker 3: Do you want to watch the Barber?

392
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Speaker 4: At first one, I was like, Oh, it's gonna be

393
00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:53,879
Speaker 4: a teenage guy. I have plenty of time to read this.

394
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,760
Speaker 4: But then I'm like, oh no, this shit happens quickly.

395
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to watch it own play. Well, I

396
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,480
Speaker 1: don't have it. You guys, we have to take a

397
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:02,920
Speaker 1: quick break.

398
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,040
Speaker 3: Sorry, I know it's early in the episode, but we've

399
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,080
Speaker 3: got to get Homegirl in line so we can have

400
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:08,320
Speaker 3: a real discussion.

401
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,560
Speaker 1: Are we going to music or now?

402
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 3: Okay, we're back. Sorry about but I'm probably gonna get

403
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,800
Speaker 3: an adopted again. But we're downloading a game so we

404
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 3: can continue this conversation.

405
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:39,119
Speaker 1: What were you saying? You were saying, you're just like

406
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 1: the parents, like the tools too.

407
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 4: There has to be a discussion that I'm human. Hey,

408
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,639
Speaker 4: I fuck up too, and I know I think it

409
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,400
Speaker 4: is too. A lot of parents don't apologize to their

410
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 4: kids growing up, like I'm sorry, I messed up.

411
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:52,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

412
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,879
Speaker 5: Most parents don't even want to be held accountable for

413
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:58,720
Speaker 5: their mistakes. Like me and my father are actually not

414
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 5: talking right now over something that I wrote in the

415
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,879
Speaker 5: book that happened when I was six years old, and

416
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,440
Speaker 5: his dad he's so upset that I've brought it up

417
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,439
Speaker 5: that I put it into the book that he just

418
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,680
Speaker 5: he doesn't even want to talk about it.

419
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,200
Speaker 4: Instead of instead of saying, I obviously heard you, let's

420
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 4: talk about it.

421
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 1: Wait, what is it?

422
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 5: I want to read the book now, but I talk

423
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 5: about my parents' separation, what led to that? And yeah,

424
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,200
Speaker 5: he just he's very old school, and I think most

425
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 5: parents feel like, what happens in this house?

426
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Speaker 1: Oh I think I read I read what happened?

427
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I say, yeah, I think it was infidelity, right,

428
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,000
Speaker 3: it was like it was more than that.

429
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 5: It was yeah, sort it was an incident of yes,

430
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 5: which I've made. I tried to make it as clean

431
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:43,640
Speaker 5: as possible because it was like, it's.

432
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Speaker 1: My dad, I love him.

433
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,119
Speaker 5: I'm not going to have him out here looking crazy

434
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 5: putting in details. But I just wanted children to know

435
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 5: that these things happen. Sometimes they're a mistake, you know,

436
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,000
Speaker 5: but to help them process it, because no one sat down.

437
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 1: With me and was like, listen, this is what you

438
00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 1: just saw.

439
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 4: No one did that, And like now because I'm like now,

440
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,280
Speaker 4: I'm reflecting all the things like happened to me as

441
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,119
Speaker 4: a child, and I'm thinking because I think like it

442
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,439
Speaker 4: comes back at this time in our lives, around your thirties,

443
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,920
Speaker 4: around your late twenties, you're like you kind of have

444
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 4: to deal with like how you love, how you interact

445
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:17,119
Speaker 4: in relationships. And I'm realizing there's a direct correlation with

446
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,959
Speaker 4: the relationship you see your parents have and the relationship

447
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 4: that you offer others when you become an adult. Because

448
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 4: I got like of commitment issues. I don't I'm not

449
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:30,879
Speaker 4: like verbally like that nice, like I just expect you

450
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,639
Speaker 4: to understand that I love you. And I'm just realizing

451
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 4: there's all these unhealthy things that I saw happen, and

452
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 4: as a like subconsciously, that's how I interact in my

453
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,239
Speaker 4: own relationships, even with my child, like oh shut up,

454
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,520
Speaker 4: you know, like I have to remind myself to like.

455
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:50,399
Speaker 1: Be verbally like a firm affirm her, you know. But

456
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 1: and I don't. I don't want to make it a

457
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 1: cultural thing.

458
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 4: But I think a lot of times in like I know,

459
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 4: because I'm black and black families, it's like if something

460
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 4: goes wrong in the household, it's hush hush, we don't

461
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,120
Speaker 4: speak about it. You kind of brush it under the rug.

462
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 4: You don't tell nobody our business. And then like then

463
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 4: there's just this attitude that certain things that do happen

464
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,919
Speaker 4: aren't a big deal. So like abuse, infidelity, they're like

465
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 4: it's we're a programmed to like steep goingunder the rug,

466
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 4: so that if it does happen in our adulthood, then

467
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 4: we're kind of feel the same way.

468
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,119
Speaker 5: Like my thing is, we can't hear from anything that

469
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 5: we don't discuss. So even if we're not going to

470
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 5: talk about this outside of the household, we have to

471
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,199
Speaker 5: talk about this here in the household. Yeah, Like I

472
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 5: need to understand what's going on. And no, I'm not

473
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 5: too young to understand, because I'm not too young for

474
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 5: you to show me what you're doing, right, right, so

475
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 5: help me process.

476
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,879
Speaker 1: At least I'm not getting like hints and pieces of it.

477
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 4: At least if we're going to like, I'm gonna know,

478
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,199
Speaker 4: So let's discuss it.

479
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 5: And then the idea of like a lot of parents

480
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,400
Speaker 5: think like, oh, he or she is so young, he's

481
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 5: gonna forget this. No, like traumatizing experiences stick with you. You

482
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 5: have to talk to these kids about it. Yeah, I know,

483
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:06,479
Speaker 5: doing the sign language to Irie. It's downloading, baby, it's downloading. Okay,

484
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 5: your Barbie game.

485
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 1: Is oh, it's up. Okay.

486
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 5: Yeah, So we I think the conversation is just necessary,

487
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,440
Speaker 5: whether it's in the house, whether you.

488
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,119
Speaker 1: Know you're talking to a professional, whatever it is.

489
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 5: We all have to deal with our issues in order

490
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,680
Speaker 5: to overcome them.

491
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 4: Hold on, okay, Yeah, I mean, I totally agree, and

492
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,439
Speaker 4: I think I think it's so wonderful that you made

493
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 4: a book about like two teenagers, I mean, and ship

494
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 4: for parents too, because even I'm looking the book like,

495
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 4: oh god, these are things that we're totally overlooked in

496
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaker 4: my childhood. Maybe I can give it to my mom

497
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 4: right now, right, maybe you could learn something right now. Yeah.

498
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 5: I've done talks where people like adults, parents, have come

499
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 5: up to me crying and then they're like, I need

500
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 5: to read this book for myself.

501
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 1: And I'm like, read it.

502
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:56,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, we're we all heal at different stages,

503
00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:00,239
Speaker 5: at different ages, Like my dad just turned sixty and

504
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 5: he's still not.

505
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 1: Ready to deal with what happened, right, right, So it takes.

506
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 5: It's everybody has their own healing process, but at some

507
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,359
Speaker 5: point you have to do it right. And and the

508
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 5: thing is most of us have to heal the most

509
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 5: from things that happen to us in our.

510
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,880
Speaker 1: Childhood because they're that most impressionable then, right.

511
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 5: And that's why I think I say that the book

512
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 5: was written fourteens, but really it's for anyone that's that

513
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 5: with traumatic experience. Is in there you gotta feel that

514
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,440
Speaker 5: in a child, you got to go through that or

515
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 5: else you're not going to get better.

516
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 3: How do you feel because you I was telling Jamila

517
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,399
Speaker 3: before you came, I was like, Nicole is like my

518
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 3: most evolved friend. Like Nicole like she don't take shit

519
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 3: from nobody the moment, Like she knows her worth one

520
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 3: hundred percent through and through. And you know, I know

521
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 3: probably everyone has their moments and make sure you do too.

522
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,520
Speaker 3: But just from an outsider looking in, like I just

523
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 3: have so much respect for the way you handle you

524
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 3: handle situations and with.

525
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 1: Friends, with men, just with just work. You know what

526
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 1: you want, you go for it.

527
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, So how coming from a situation and as a

528
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 3: kid that didn't wasn't given all those tools.

529
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,360
Speaker 1: Right, how did you find them? Was it just by

530
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,400
Speaker 1: yourself or like? So that's the thing.

531
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 5: The term self comfort is something that's not heard often, right,

532
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 5: but it's something that I had to start doing at

533
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 5: age six. So when my parents separated, which this is

534
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 5: something else that you don't hear often, my mother left

535
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 5: the house, she was forced to leave, and I was

536
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 5: then raised by my dad, who went into a twelve

537
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 5: year depression. And my house was silent at all times,

538
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 5: like there was no talking like some days I would

539
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 5: come home and say hello to my father, or like

540
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 5: I'd come home and I had a great day at

541
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:44,960
Speaker 5: school and I'm like, hey.

542
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 1: Dad, and the energy is just so low.

543
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 5: Like it was like I didn't even walk into the rooms,

544
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 5: like I was a ghost.

545
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 1: Because he was in a deep depression.

546
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, he was kind of like, stay out of my way,

547
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 5: I'm not dealing with you, and like, no, do you

548
00:25:58,600 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 5: have siblings.

549
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 1: I do, So I have an older brother who also

550
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,639
Speaker 1: went into depression because your mom was gone.

551
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 5: So I was just like surrounded by it and it

552
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 5: was this dark, quiet house.

553
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:09,640
Speaker 1: But inside I.

554
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 5: Was like I'm happy, and like I like to sing

555
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,199
Speaker 5: and I like to dance. I like to do all

556
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 5: these things. So I would close my door and like

557
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 5: look in the mirror and act out things like I

558
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,920
Speaker 5: just started spending time alone, and I was like, what

559
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 5: can I do so that I don't turn.

560
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: Out that way?

561
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 5: Like that was something that I recognized at a very

562
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:27,879
Speaker 5: young age that I wanted to be better than that,

563
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 5: and so it was a lot of trial and error,

564
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,880
Speaker 5: but trying to figure out, you know, how to maintain

565
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 5: my happiness at a very young age.

566
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: Because I was aware six year old govern mess. I

567
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 1: was forced.

568
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,159
Speaker 5: I was like forced to see It's like you know,

569
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 5: when the child cries, eventually someone's going to come, right,

570
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 5: So the children that I work with are children that

571
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 5: cry in that room and no one ever comes. So

572
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 5: you have to say to yourself, how long am I

573
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 5: going to sit here and cry for? Am I going

574
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 5: to ask myself to process these feelings?

575
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,120
Speaker 1: Why am I crying? Or am I just going to cry?

576
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 5: And some tied and fault you know, our minds worked differently,

577
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 5: But for me, it was how long am I going

578
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 5: to cry for? Why am I crying? I had to

579
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 5: have those conversations with myself in order to get through it,

580
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 5: and I think we underestimate.

581
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 4: I was thinking this like, no matter if you're not

582
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 4: a mom or a dad or whatever, you're not paring

583
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,439
Speaker 4: it if your parents, if your kids are small or

584
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 4: large or whatever, the fuck It's never too early to

585
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,880
Speaker 4: have these tools. Because what I've found is, like I'm

586
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,680
Speaker 4: joking saying, the most you are the most of all

587
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,360
Speaker 4: six year old I've ever met. But I remember just

588
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 4: like being like I even see in Luna, like they're

589
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,399
Speaker 4: so aware, they're so smart, They're they're probably more of

590
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 4: smart than adults because they're less tainted by social bullshit.

591
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 4: And I remember being six and my mom like crying

592
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 4: and like my dad was not coming home and shit,

593
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 4: and I was like, you need to move on.

594
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 1: I said that to mom.

595
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,240
Speaker 4: I do literally told my mom, like, maybe it's best

596
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 4: that you leave him alone at six.

597
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: And I remember the room where we were in, I

598
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 1: remember where we were sitting, and bitch, it is twenty eighteen,

599
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: and it like there's.

600
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 4: Still frustering issues from this relationship that I told you

601
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 4: when I was six, you shouldn't move the fuck on.

602
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 4: But that's why I think it is important that at

603
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 4: no age do you like underestimate your child's intelligence, because

604
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,399
Speaker 4: they're super evolved and more importantly, they're.

605
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 1: Super too tapped into your energy flow. If anything, they're.

606
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 3: The most clear people they are, you know what I mean,

607
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,360
Speaker 3: They have no they.

608
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 1: See everything in such clear.

609
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 4: Form, just that she can go in her room and

610
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 4: realize no one's coming. I don't want to be like this,

611
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 4: and how and how am I gonna avoid this? And

612
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,199
Speaker 4: that she can not only recognize that, but take it

613
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 4: into her adulthood and never like because what happened is like,

614
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 4: you know, we're usually super imaginative. We were like, we

615
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 4: were playful. We don't give a fuck about what is

616
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 4: looking at us. As a child, you could talk to

617
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 4: yourself and you're not thinking about it. But as adults

618
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 4: that dwindles and dwindles and dundalles because we're told that's crazy,

619
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 4: that's weird, that's not cool. But like to take that

620
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 4: those experiences and then move on into adulthood still with

621
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 4: those intact that's like a pretty healthy realm in the

622
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 4: child you were.

623
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 5: There's also an affirm that I live by, and it's

624
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 5: probably why I'm so strong. But I deserve and then

625
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 5: whatever comes after that is what you desire. So I

626
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 5: know every single ex boyfriend of mine has heard me

627
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 5: say those words, because I truly feel like I deserve

628
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 5: the best and everything from my friendships to my relationships,

629
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 5: like I deserve the best flowers, I.

630
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 3: Deserve the best food, like I deserve moisturized hair, all

631
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 3: my edges.

632
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 5: Yes, but if you continuously tell yourself that, you start

633
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 5: to believe it, and then the people around you will

634
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 5: act accordingly because she knows her worth.

635
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 1: Okay, so then I can't act up mm hmm.

636
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 4: And even like thinking like an affirmation can like really

637
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 4: change how your outlook of yourself. It took me to,

638
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 4: like after my baby's daddy, to be like, oh my god,

639
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 4: I manifested this because obviously I don't feel like I

640
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 4: deserve better. I had to I had to look like

641
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 4: reflect in on myself and be like, oh my god,

642
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 4: this is this is because obviously, like I don't feel

643
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 4: like I deserve better. I sat in this five year

644
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 4: relationship for so long with someone who genuinely does not

645
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 4: appreciate me or give a fuck about me, but obviously,

646
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 4: like I've allowed this, And so that was like, that

647
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 4: was an awakening for me that maybe even if you

648
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 4: don't want to admit that even if you think you

649
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 4: think you deserve the best or.

650
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,560
Speaker 1: You say that, unless you like really believe it.

651
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, but see, so then I have a question for

652
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 5: both of you guys, because I think the real problem

653
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 5: behind that is that we the things that we feel

654
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,959
Speaker 5: we deserve are what we're taught by others.

655
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 1: And that's a bigger issue.

656
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 4: Right.

657
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 5: So, even like with relationships, it'll take you meeting the

658
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 5: person that gives you the world and sweeps you off

659
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 5: your feet to be like, oh, this is what.

660
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 4: I deserve it's like, why didn't you believe that? Why

661
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 4: we have to wait for an outside factor to tell

662
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 4: us that. And even then sometimes it's hard to recognize

663
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 4: because it's like this is weird.

664
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: Do I like him? He's so happy, he's so nice,

665
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 1: I think.

666
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 3: I think for me, like I don't know if my

667
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 3: parents and I maybe not, I should just I should

668
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 3: just say my mom because I was raised by her

669
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 3: and she really taught me everything about relationships and everything

670
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 3: or not because she didn't always talk about things with me.

671
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 3: I don't know if she ever was clear about what

672
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 3: she thinks I should, what I deserve, you know what

673
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 3: I mean? Like I know, I know early on in

674
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 3: my dating life it was about like you know what

675
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 3: he does? You know and like who he is? And

676
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 3: I remember early on me being like especially when you're

677
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 3: like seventeen eighteen or even like early twenties, for me,

678
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 3: I was like, why is my mom so fucking shallow?

679
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 1: Like I don't like yeah he does, Yeah he's broke,

680
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 1: but I love him. Yeah, you know what I.

681
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 3: Mean that I didn't get it, you know what I mean?

682
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 3: I mean obviously now it shifted for me because I

683
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 3: do I deserve someone that can help that can take

684
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 3: care of me the same way I can take care

685
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 3: of myself, if not better, you know. But I didn't

686
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 3: understand the time because I was young, and I did

687
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 3: of course, the eighteen year olds weren't like popping.

688
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: You know, we're in financial but as long as you

689
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 1: go tony down like the movie theaters, you're good.

690
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 3: And like, you know, watching who she was with and

691
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 3: who she's still with, like I saw that they were.

692
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 3: He was very nice, so I thought like, okay, I

693
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 3: need a nice guy. But I think also then I

694
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 3: like my dad not being around and like then him

695
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 3: then at some point him being around and constantly having

696
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 3: multiple women around, and I could see them wanting to

697
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 3: keep his attention I could see, and me feeling like

698
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 3: I had to keep his attention. It's something like I,

699
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 3: for some reason I was attractive to me a man

700
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 3: whose attention I had to keep.

701
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: And that's that's.

702
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 3: Been the theme in all my relationships, is like dating men

703
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 3: whose attentions I feel like I'm constantly having to keep or.

704
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 1: Yes, baby, okay, come on.

705
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 6: So I just feel like I think as parents, we

706
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 6: just don't we don't have those discussions with our kids.

707
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 3: We don't have those discussions with our kids because it's uncomfortable.

708
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:03,239
Speaker 3: We don't We're like, you don't want to imagine I'm

709
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:04,720
Speaker 3: dating anyone, you know what I mean.

710
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 6: But it's happening. It's happening younger than ever. Yeah they

711
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 6: should have tea Yeah okay, yeah?

712
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 1: What about you?

713
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 5: Do you feel like you've kind of learned your worth

714
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 5: through others or do you have you had an idea

715
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 5: of like what you want you just haven't always been

716
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 5: able to manifest it.

717
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 4: I it's taken me to like right now, honestly, to

718
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 4: be like a to be like what is it that

719
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 4: I want and deserve? And then also like back to

720
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 4: what Erica said, I'm sorting through it.

721
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 1: To be like, oh, like are these ones like shallo?

722
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 1: Because I'll be like, he's really nice, but I kind

723
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 1: of want like a yacht.

724
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 4: I see myself like dancing on a yacht because you've

725
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 4: deserve a yat Yeah, but I'm like, am I being shallow?

726
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 4: Because I also like to travel the world and drink

727
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 4: fine wine and ship like that that's what's going to

728
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 4: make you happy?

729
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,760
Speaker 1: But then I'm wondering, Okay, so.

730
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 3: I mean or like not realistic, but I think also

731
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 3: like I think what you have to. I think the

732
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 3: other side of the conversation is like, well, what are

733
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,760
Speaker 3: we providing for? What are we giving to this person,

734
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 3: like because they have things that they deserve or can

735
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 3: we provide that for them too? I think it's like,

736
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 3: if we can't provide certain things for this person, how

737
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 3: can we expect them.

738
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: To provide those things us?

739
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 3: Not necessarily, I don't necessarily, Okay, it can be different

740
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,319
Speaker 3: things like you have a giving heart, if you had

741
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 3: the means to give a yacht, would you you know

742
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,319
Speaker 3: what I mean? Like, I think like you have to

743
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:43,360
Speaker 3: be like in order to receive that, you have to

744
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 3: be open to giving that and not necessarily in financial terms,

745
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.

746
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 1: It can be in love, it can be in just

747
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:51,919
Speaker 1: you know, in.

748
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 3: Different forms because not many people are able to give

749
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 3: some money out Okay, but you know what I mean though,

750
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:01,720
Speaker 3: it's just like So that's why I think I truly

751
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 3: definitely believe that, you know, we attract what we give

752
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 3: you'd give off. And I believe that more than ever

753
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 3: even now, because I think I've done a lot of

754
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 3: work since my breakup, and the men that I've been

755
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 3: attracting are so different than the men that I've been

756
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 3: attracting in my past, which lets me know that the

757
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,279
Speaker 3: work that I'm doing is working. I still have work

758
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:24,439
Speaker 3: to do because I haven't.

759
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:25,360
Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know.

760
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:25,920
Speaker 1: I'm dating this.

761
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:30,359
Speaker 3: Guy now and I'm like in list but but and

762
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 3: he's like the first guy that I've dated that I

763
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,439
Speaker 3: feel like. I was telling Jamila and I told him,

764
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 3: I was like, even if this doesn't work out and

765
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 3: this nothing happened transpires between us, like you've given me,

766
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:43,520
Speaker 3: like you've shown me like what I know that I

767
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,879
Speaker 3: deserve because so many I don't think I've been able

768
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 3: to accept or I haven't dated as someone that's been

769
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:51,880
Speaker 3: so adoring of me.

770
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: If anything, I'm constantly.

771
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 3: Having to adore someone else and raise them up and

772
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 3: like so someone doing that for me is very uncomfortable

773
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 3: for me. I'm like, like, if you tell me something

774
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 3: that's because of you, I know you, I know. And

775
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 3: it's like he is constantly telling me how great I

776
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 3: am or whatever like this that Matt, and I'm constantly like, okay,

777
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 3: like I have to say it back right like you're

778
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 3: saying this because you want to hear it too, I know.

779
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 3: And it's not He's like I don't need you to

780
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 3: just say that, like I'm telling you because I want

781
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 3: you to know this about you. And I'm like, oh

782
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 3: my god, I'm not used to that, and it's like

783
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 3: makes me so fucking uncomfortable.

784
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 1: Making Is it making me be more aware of like

785
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:25,319
Speaker 1: speaking your mind? Though?

786
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,359
Speaker 4: Like is it making like because someone's constantly speaking their

787
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 4: mind to you and telling you like you're so beautiful,

788
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 4: you're so great, You're an amazing woman. Does it remind

789
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 4: me like when because I know, like for myself, I'll

790
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 4: have thoughts about how much I really love someone, but

791
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 4: it's hard for me to be I feel I feel

792
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 4: really corny. I think we're different in that way. I

793
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 4: like to give, like it's as as as as as cold.

794
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:50,839
Speaker 1: As some people might think.

795
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 2: I am.

796
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 3: Actually rather in relationships, I am very loving and I

797
00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 3: love to give my partner. I love to lift my

798
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 3: partner up and tell them while you're so sexy, oh,

799
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 3: I'm so proud of you, all those things.

800
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 1: I'm just not used to receiving it.

801
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 3: So now that I'm receiving it, I feel like, oh

802
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 3: my god, like and I have to do it like

803
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 3: receiving it, I'm receiving it.

804
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,319
Speaker 1: Tenfold. So now I'm like, do I have to give

805
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 1: it back tenfold? No, you don't. You have to learn

806
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 1: how to receive it. That's your problem. I know, I

807
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 1: know you are pretty good at being verbally loving.

808
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's the same with like and I get like,

809
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 5: sometimes compliments make me feel uncomfortable, right, but.

810
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 1: It's that's insecurity.

811
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,439
Speaker 5: If I can't sit there and like the pace, yeah,

812
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 5: then it's like, oh you don't believe that is that

813
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:36,839
Speaker 5: why it makes you feel uncomfortable?

814
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 3: So but you're not you You're insecure about people giving

815
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 3: you a compliments.

816
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, like when people you know what and what's funny

817
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 5: is I can take the compliments about my inner beauty

818
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:48,879
Speaker 5: all day.

819
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, I get it. I

820
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 1: understand why you feel that way. But then when people.

821
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 7: Are like, oh, you're so beautiful or like like they'll

822
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:56,920
Speaker 7: say like, oh, it's such a nice skin, I'm like, no,

823
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,359
Speaker 7: I don't you know, like, but yes I do. That's

824
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 7: how you feel, you know, I discount your positive opinion.

825
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,439
Speaker 5: I'm like, you just caught me on a good day.

826
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 5: But that's not for me to argue. That's what someone

827
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:10,840
Speaker 5: wants to express, that's how they feel.

828
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: It's the opposite For me.

829
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm totally cool with people giving me

830
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 3: outward of compliments because I don't know, I'm like.

831
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,320
Speaker 1: You raised in the way that you were I was raised.

832
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:25,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was raised where my mom used my beauty

833
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 3: as a weapon. She did, and she didn't even know

834
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:29,919
Speaker 3: she was using it as a weapon. Like I've talked

835
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 3: about this earlier in the podcast, where like if someone

836
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 3: was mean to me, my mom would be like, oh,

837
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 3: they're jealous of you. They're jealous because you're prettier. They're

838
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,840
Speaker 3: jealous because and she thought she was like losing my confidence.

839
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:40,399
Speaker 3: But in the end, it actually made me feel more

840
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 3: insecure because I constantly felt like I had to like

841
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 3: be against another woman in some way, whereas praising who

842
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 3: I am inside that makes me uncomfortable.

843
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I'm just like.

844
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 3: Okay, like okay, like thanks, like all right, I get it,

845
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:02,280
Speaker 3: Like it is something nice, like you know, so it's interesting.

846
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 5: All it's back to her childhood everything it does the

847
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 5: way that we are raised.

848
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:13,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think and my family like there was

849
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 4: a lot of praise. It was more like you know,

850
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 4: I love you, you know, like you know what I

851
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 4: mean there was there wasn't a lot of life affection

852
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 4: even even it's like my dad, even though we're like

853
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:23,839
Speaker 4: I haven't talked to seven like a month because we're

854
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:27,319
Speaker 4: a fight, same same, right, I'm like, my childhood is

855
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 4: he as as he's gotten older, I see how he

856
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 4: feels guilty about things that have happened in my childhood

857
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 4: and things he's done, and now he's really verbally affectionate.

858
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 4: And then like, stop your being really weird.

859
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 1: You're so amazing. I love me. I'm sorry to this.

860
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, and that being strange.

861
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:49,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, the other side of that is like people do

862
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,319
Speaker 5: change and people grow, right, so we also have to

863
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:52,960
Speaker 5: kind of love.

864
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, but if your father wants to grow and.

865
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 5: He wants to tell you he loves you all day long,

866
00:39:57,719 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 5: he's just trying to overcompensate for what.

867
00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 1: He didn't do. Right, It's just so weird.

868
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 3: So you have this other chapter in your book about discipline,

869
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:12,400
Speaker 3: which I thought was interesting because I know you'd sent me.

870
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 3: It was like how different people discipline differently, and like

871
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 3: it ranges from like erase economic status, Like there's so

872
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 3: many different ranges of discipline. It doesn't always and it

873
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 3: doesn't always, you know, all those things don't necessarily always

874
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:27,919
Speaker 3: play a part, but in some ways they.

875
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 1: Do, you know. I do notice that.

876
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 3: Like people from like people like who come from lower

877
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:36,400
Speaker 3: economic statuses, like their patients sometimes is shorter, and they

878
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,360
Speaker 3: deal with shit in violence because.

879
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: They have less patient they have other shit to worry about.

880
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 1: They're stressed. It is hard out here, so they're stressed.

881
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 3: And they don't have the patience of like a rich

882
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 3: housewife that's like, oh.

883
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 1: Honey, like it's okay, you know, and doesn't.

884
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 3: I don't want to generalize because that's not always true,

885
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 3: but there are trends and I've seen it just in

886
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 3: just the supermarket yesterday. I've seen it in just the

887
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 3: men I've dated and the people that I know who

888
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,799
Speaker 3: have children or you know, I just see it and

889
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 3: how they deal with their kids.

890
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:12,319
Speaker 1: Yeah.

891
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 5: I think we're also as adults so judgmental when it

892
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 5: comes to how other people discipline their kids. Everybody thinks

893
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 5: that they know the best way. So, like you said,

894
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 5: in the supermarket, you see the child fall on the

895
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 5: floor having a tantrum, or the kid that won't stop crying,

896
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 5: and every adult that's giving a dirty look or staring

897
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,720
Speaker 5: is like, why is that parent not doing a better job?

898
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 4: You know, yeah, that's true, and as a parent, I

899
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 4: should definitely shut the bug up because I know it's

900
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 4: hard out here, but sometimes that I see disrespectful ass

901
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 4: kids in the supermarket, like awkwardly disrespecting their parent, it

902
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,719
Speaker 4: does piss me off. And it's not my place. This

903
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 4: is not my kid, that's not my my you know, like,

904
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 4: however way you do it is your way, and yeah,

905
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 4: that's wrong, You're absolutely right.

906
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 3: And you also don't know because that parent might be

907
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 3: the one that's doing a great job but trying to

908
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,240
Speaker 3: discipline their children, but it might be the other parent

909
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,799
Speaker 3: that's enabling this behavior and that's why this kid is

910
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 3: acting this way.

911
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 4: Or that time one time I called the airp and

912
00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:09,839
Speaker 4: I was like, oh my god, I just like, fucking

913
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 4: fair of jos. This kid was fucking horrible to his mom.

914
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 4: I wanted to take him aside myself. There. He was like,

915
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:19,239
Speaker 4: maybe he has a learning disability behabal issue, and I

916
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:20,879
Speaker 4: was like, oh, shut the fuck up.

917
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 1: Okay for me, right, you're right.

918
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 5: Like with the book, I was speaking directly to teens

919
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 5: because as a teenager who was punished sometimes for like

920
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 5: two months, two months, no TV, no nothing like shut down.

921
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 5: You feel like life is so unfair and your parents

922
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:43,360
Speaker 5: don't understand and everything is wrong with you hate your life,

923
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:45,879
Speaker 5: and it's like, no, your parents are punishing you because

924
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,879
Speaker 5: they want you to stay still and think about why

925
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 5: you didn't think in the first place, Like why did

926
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 5: you allow yourself to make that horrible decision? That's what

927
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 5: punishment is all about. I wasn't punishment for months. What

928
00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 5: did you do to get put on punishment for months?

929
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 1: Snack a boy into my room? I did the same thing. Yeah,

930
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 1: and you know what was your punishment for that?

931
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 5: Well?

932
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 1: They didn't. They didn't never catch me.

933
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,720
Speaker 3: They thought they thought they knew, but there was no evidence,

934
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 3: so they couldn't technically really do anything about it.

935
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,279
Speaker 1: You're like, if you're not listening, she knows now. I've

936
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 1: told her everything. One time meets me. All got caught,

937
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 1: we said, by sleeping at someone's house. We didn't. We

938
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 1: got a hotel room.

939
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 4: First of all, discussing we got one hotel room because

940
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:31,879
Speaker 4: fourteenagers can only afford one?

941
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: Who let the what hotel let?

942
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:33,879
Speaker 4: Y'all?

943
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 1: Motherfucker's bitch like st cash we can't catch I felt

944
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 1: like one person who was eighteen, Yeah, we're all having

945
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:42,359
Speaker 1: sex in one room, because that's what.

946
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 4: Everybody how discussed how porn ish my dad found out

947
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 4: that I was unpunished for like three months.

948
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 1: Now, in hindsight, the.

949
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 5: Other part of it is like so thinking about the

950
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 5: things that we got away with as teenagers that our

951
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 5: parents never found out, Like you have to keep that

952
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,520
Speaker 5: in mind. Raising teenagers, there's a lot a lot of stuff

953
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:02,800
Speaker 5: going one is never going on.

954
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 3: I think about the things that I did, and it

955
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 3: terrifies me that the lies I told of places I

956
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:11,319
Speaker 3: was at when I wasn't I was somewhere totally else,

957
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 3: the grown men that were.

958
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,439
Speaker 1: Picking me up in cars and taking me places and

959
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 1: all those things. And then I also think about.

960
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, I was so angry at my mom for

961
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 3: like reprimanding me or grounding me for this amount of time.

962
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 3: And I think about me just even grounding Iri for

963
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 3: like an hour or not even an hour, like ten minutes,

964
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:29,759
Speaker 3: and honestly, like I'm mad for like five minutes, and

965
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 3: then I feel bad, So like I think we Now

966
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 3: that I'm a parent, I have to I realize like

967
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 3: even though my parents are grounding me and I felt.

968
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: Like I hate my life. Fuck. Then they're the worst.

969
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,399
Speaker 1: It probably hurt them to have to do that for

970
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 1: an extended amount of.

971
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 5: Time, right, But then you also learn that grounding is

972
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:48,439
Speaker 5: actually a positive thing.

973
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 1: It's it's called grounding for reasons. Right. So when we

974
00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 1: do ground your ass, when we get you back up

975
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 1: to ground.

976
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,920
Speaker 5: We do meditation to ground ourselves and we sit still

977
00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:58,800
Speaker 5: and we think and we reflect.

978
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 1: That's really what you what your child to do.

979
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:02,719
Speaker 5: So next time you put your kid on punishment, soon

980
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 5: the sit by themselves been ten minutes.

981
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:05,760
Speaker 1: Let them ground themselves.

982
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 4: Yes, I think it comes a lot in telling them

983
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 4: this is why I'm doing this, and this is what

984
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 4: you need to do now.

985
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 1: Yes, because if you're just like you're bad, go to

986
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 1: your room, don't look at me, don't look at a TV,

987
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,319
Speaker 1: don't think about it. You're just thinking you're a bitch, yes,

988
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 1: and I hate you.

989
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 4: You're not thinking like there's an actual there's things that

990
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 4: should be happening in this time.

991
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,320
Speaker 3: It's so funny the time that we're in now in society,

992
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 3: which is great because we are having these conversations, it's

993
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 3: more like we're just normalizing the conversation of like, you know,

994
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:38,839
Speaker 3: having our kids understand our process as parents and all that,

995
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 3: but like today, like yesterday, I've been out of town

996
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 3: and so like my grandma like gave me this of

997
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 3: paper that Iris's school had given to her, and it's

998
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 3: they have an enrichment program at her school, which is

999
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 3: why I wanted her to go, because they have so

1000
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 3: many different extracurricular activities that they can do that aren't

1001
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 3: traditional to like a preschool. And there was one on

1002
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 3: there that was meditation and I love it. There was

1003
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:03,719
Speaker 3: meditation and yoga, and then there was one that was

1004
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,879
Speaker 3: like self reflection in yoga and it was like from

1005
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 3: ages three and up, that's great, And I was like,

1006
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,959
Speaker 3: this is you're taking this because I wish I could

1007
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 3: have had the toys to help ground myself and meditate

1008
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 3: through things that I was having panic attacks about as

1009
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 3: a kid, Like I think about like my relationship with

1010
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 3: my father and how it like was so stressful for me,

1011
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:29,399
Speaker 3: and I would like the mention of his name growing up,

1012
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:31,160
Speaker 3: I would just start crying and I need My mom

1013
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 3: would be like, why are you crying? And I didn't

1014
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 3: know why I was crying. I just felt like extreme

1015
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 3: hurt whenever she talked about him, and I remember this

1016
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 3: one time she was like fed up with me, like

1017
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 3: and my reaction to this whole situation. I think she

1018
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 3: had talked to him and was like, you need to

1019
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 3: come talk to your daughter, like she's not okay, and

1020
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,239
Speaker 3: he just she didn't give me any warning. I just

1021
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 3: remember I was sitting on her bed and then my

1022
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 3: dad walked in the room and I was like, why

1023
00:46:58,120 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 3: are you here?

1024
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:00,759
Speaker 1: And my mom was like, you're out here to talk

1025
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: to you.

1026
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 3: And I literally flipped the fuck out, like hyperventilating, crying,

1027
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 3: like couldn't talk to him, went in the bathroom, got

1028
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,280
Speaker 3: in the shower and just cried for like an hour

1029
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:13,360
Speaker 3: in the shower by myself. And I was probably like twelve.

1030
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 3: And I think that when I think about like self comfort,

1031
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 3: when I was reading your book, that was the moment

1032
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 3: that I kept thinking about because like, I did not

1033
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 3: know how to comfort myself. I was I felt out

1034
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:28,319
Speaker 3: of control. I didn't know how to deal with it.

1035
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 3: And had I had the tools that maybe Irine might

1036
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 3: that I I'm planning and working on giving her, she

1037
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 3: would know how to deal with that situation. For me,

1038
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 3: it was just like I just internalized everything. I didn't

1039
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 3: want talk about it. I didn't want to talk.

1040
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 1: Don't talk.

1041
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 3: Don't talk about my dad, don't talk about my dead

1042
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 3: I don't want to talk about it, you know. And

1043
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,480
Speaker 3: even now I'm a adult, like it still triggers me

1044
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:50,280
Speaker 3: in a way. I think, like I've I've gained those

1045
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:54,520
Speaker 3: tools later on through meditation, figuring out what I need

1046
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 3: to do to help with my anxiety, especially because I

1047
00:47:58,120 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 3: think about my health and I think about my parents.

1048
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:03,360
Speaker 3: Both my parents have autoimmune disease, which are all triggered

1049
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 3: by stress, and I'm like, oh my god, Like I'm

1050
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,439
Speaker 3: totally open to getting something like that, Like my dad

1051
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 3: has alopecia, my mom has Graves disease. I don't want

1052
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 3: to lose my fucking hair and I don't want Graves.

1053
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:16,319
Speaker 1: Disease, you know.

1054
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 3: So what can I do now as an adult to

1055
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:22,800
Speaker 3: figure out how to soothe myself? And I wish I

1056
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 3: would have had those tools as a kid and advantage, Yeah, does.

1057
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 1: It really does.

1058
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 3: And I know, like you deal with a lot of

1059
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 3: kids that are in foster care, that feel alone, that

1060
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 3: don't have don't even have the problems I had. My

1061
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 3: dad was there like he wasn't there, but at least

1062
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,240
Speaker 3: he was around, right, you know what I mean? And

1063
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,359
Speaker 3: I had a mom, a good mom, you know what

1064
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 3: I mean. Just wh it wasn't perfect, but no one

1065
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 3: is right. These kids don't have anybody. Yeah, that's scary.

1066
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:49,320
Speaker 3: You know that I'm anyone. And it's hard.

1067
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 5: I mean, every team feels like when things are not

1068
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:57,400
Speaker 5: perfect in their eyes, then everything is unfair. And working

1069
00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:00,279
Speaker 5: with the children that I work with, I see that.

1070
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 5: Like the stuff that I dealt with, you know what

1071
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,759
Speaker 5: I mean, it was nothing can compare to these kids

1072
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:11,200
Speaker 5: who have been abandoned, abused, neglected. So my that's my

1073
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:13,839
Speaker 5: target audience, like making sure that they're gonna be okay

1074
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,880
Speaker 5: because they're the ones who when the options are on

1075
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 5: the table, Like in this moment, I am upset, I

1076
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:25,080
Speaker 5: am livid. Do I comfort myself or do I act

1077
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 5: out to express to others how I'm feeling inside?

1078
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:31,320
Speaker 1: And you know, a lot of the kids in foster

1079
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 1: care end up going to jail.

1080
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:34,960
Speaker 5: A lot of the girls that I work with, they

1081
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,439
Speaker 5: earned up, they end up pregnant before age twenty four,

1082
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,239
Speaker 5: and the cycle just continues to repeat. And it's not

1083
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 5: their fault. They were just angry. They acted out. They

1084
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:44,839
Speaker 5: weren't thinking, and they didn't.

1085
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:46,799
Speaker 4: Know that they had other options and now dealing with

1086
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:49,359
Speaker 4: things that are gonna be, you know, the in their

1087
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,359
Speaker 4: lives forever because they just didn't know how to deal

1088
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 4: with it.

1089
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:52,560
Speaker 1: They just didn't know.

1090
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 3: Getting back to the discipline aspect, how do you how

1091
00:49:57,840 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 3: like how did your parents discipline?

1092
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: Like what was their form at this plan? Because of me,

1093
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 1: I'm putting me on for three months.

1094
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:09,120
Speaker 4: But thinking about even what you just said, like i'd

1095
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:10,879
Speaker 4: be with my mom, I thought like I don't think

1096
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:14,880
Speaker 4: I respected her, but probably a lot because I was like,

1097
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:16,439
Speaker 4: I saw you put up with a lot of shit

1098
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 4: that I wouldn't like.

1099
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 1: I wouldn't think that I would. I thought like it

1100
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:20,000
Speaker 1: was weak.

1101
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:25,240
Speaker 4: And there were times like she would this sounds terrible,

1102
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 4: like brush up against me in the kitchen and I

1103
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:31,840
Speaker 4: would cringe, Like they're even till this day, Like she

1104
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:33,560
Speaker 4: just came to my house the other day and we

1105
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 4: were talking and I could I can tell, like I

1106
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:37,440
Speaker 4: know she's trying to be sweet to me and like

1107
00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:38,880
Speaker 4: trying to ask what's up with me?

1108
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 1: And it's wrong with me?

1109
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:42,880
Speaker 4: And I'm so like resentful and I'm just annoying, like

1110
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 4: I've been.

1111
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 1: Revert to teenager again.

1112
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 3: You feel but you It's funny. I've had those moments too,

1113
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:49,919
Speaker 3: where you you know you're not you know you're being

1114
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 3: a bit and and I want to like you want

1115
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:55,319
Speaker 3: to like unpeel these layers, but you just can't.

1116
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 4: You know, like so hard even with my but I

1117
00:50:57,320 --> 00:51:00,360
Speaker 4: said my dad, like wanting to talk and be like

1118
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 4: emotional and shit as an adult, like I can just

1119
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,000
Speaker 4: cry like I don't want to talk about this shit.

1120
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:06,359
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk. I don't want to get

1121
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:07,839
Speaker 1: all deep and shit, I don't know what the fuck

1122
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:10,399
Speaker 1: you're talking about. Like I'm an adult now, let's leave

1123
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:10,799
Speaker 1: it there.

1124
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 4: But like even sometimes I realized, like in my relationship

1125
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 4: now and like important conf when someone hurts my feelings,

1126
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:20,399
Speaker 4: I just like I'm processing it in myself like Okay,

1127
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 4: I get over it, like his feelings are valid.

1128
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,919
Speaker 1: But instead of that, let me call you back. You're

1129
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 1: putting the bandai though. Yeah, I don't want to deal

1130
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:27,719
Speaker 1: with it. I want to talk about it. I want

1131
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: to do with it with myself.

1132
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:30,640
Speaker 4: I want to be like okay, bitch, blah blah blah,

1133
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,239
Speaker 4: and then move on and then I'll call you back,

1134
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:34,600
Speaker 4: but I never really like, I don't think there was

1135
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:38,359
Speaker 4: a lot of discussion, like talking about what's wrong or

1136
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 4: why this is wrong, and I just felt like angry,

1137
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 4: like I see you guys fucking up a lot, and

1138
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:45,799
Speaker 4: you're constantly telling me how I'm fucking up, and I'm

1139
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:47,600
Speaker 4: a child and you got he an adults and you're

1140
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:48,319
Speaker 4: still fucking up.

1141
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:50,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean. And then like just

1142
00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 1: like yeah, I get your shit together.

1143
00:51:52,040 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 4: And that's kind of how I talked a little bit too,

1144
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 4: which is crazy because she's three, but I'm like, uhh,

1145
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 4: you're not like you're not playing me, Like, stop with

1146
00:51:59,719 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 4: that shit.

1147
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 1: Go in your room. I don't want to hear. That's

1148
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 1: how I like.

1149
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 4: That's how I like discipline because that's how I was disciplined.

1150
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 4: But I see, obviously I'm still like dealing with the

1151
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:12,319
Speaker 4: like the repercussions of that lack of discipline, like the conversation,

1152
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 4: the communication part, and it's not healthy. Yeah, And even

1153
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 4: I saw on your there's another chapter called like don't

1154
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 4: hurt Yourself, And I used to think like maybe because

1155
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:23,319
Speaker 4: I was like I read like once in eighth grade

1156
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 4: a really dark book about bitches that were cutting themselves

1157
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:29,799
Speaker 4: and I was like around a lot of like white

1158
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,080
Speaker 4: girls cutting themselves, so I did I cut, like like

1159
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:35,239
Speaker 4: in the eighth grade. And remember my mom saw like

1160
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 4: a scar on me and she's like, what the fuck

1161
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:39,440
Speaker 4: are you doing? And I was like all weird about it.

1162
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:41,760
Speaker 4: But like now as an adult, I look back, like, Okay,

1163
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 4: something is really wrong here, because.

1164
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,320
Speaker 1: Why is bitch cutting? Why am I cutting myself?

1165
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 4: And I was It's very common and I was literally

1166
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 4: cutting myself and it was a response.

1167
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 1: To like is it because you wanted attention? Or like

1168
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:52,799
Speaker 1: what do you did?

1169
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,880
Speaker 4: You? Sometimes I would be feel sad or angry and

1170
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:59,759
Speaker 4: then like the physical release of pain released the emotional

1171
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 4: pain I transfers.

1172
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:01,800
Speaker 1: It transfers.

1173
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 4: And I know that sounds crazy because it wasn't attention

1174
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:07,879
Speaker 4: because I felt embarrassed to my mom like.

1175
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 1: Like noticed it.

1176
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 4: But it was more like I was overwhelmed with the

1177
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:14,919
Speaker 4: emotional pain that I the physical release, which I don't

1178
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:17,840
Speaker 4: even understand it to this day, but like you know,

1179
00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 4: like if you just stick around the Parker like I

1180
00:53:19,719 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 4: was twelve, I was thirteen year I was stupid, which

1181
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 4: is true, but also like now I'm like, oh, fuck.

1182
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:28,320
Speaker 4: I had hella issues, you know, that weren't being addressed.

1183
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:31,920
Speaker 4: And I think then like thirteen fourteen came around and

1184
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 4: I started like getting attention from boys, and then I

1185
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 4: started turning.

1186
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 3: To like, it's another type of release. Yes, that's that's harmful, and.

1187
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 4: That led for and that took to like took a

1188
00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:44,359
Speaker 4: long WorldWind to get out of. And there's times where

1189
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 4: I was like, even in college, I was like just

1190
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:49,759
Speaker 4: fucking for no reason and I knew this was just there.

1191
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 1: I was just numbing myself.

1192
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 4: I would like meet guys, get drawnk have sex, be

1193
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 4: giving head like not facing.

1194
00:53:56,840 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 1: Them, and I'm like, something's fucking wrong with you, bitch.

1195
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,720
Speaker 4: And it took along like a lot of like empty

1196
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 4: encounters to be like, Okay, maybe this is something with you.

1197
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,960
Speaker 3: But it's almost another form of cutting, because that relationship

1198
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,319
Speaker 3: wasn't going to go anywhere, and maybe in your deep

1199
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:15,880
Speaker 3: dark mind wanted it to go somewhere. Even if you

1200
00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:17,719
Speaker 3: did it, you wanted that attention. You knew they weren't

1201
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 3: going to give it to you, and it was another

1202
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:20,879
Speaker 3: form of release and cutting like this.

1203
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:23,840
Speaker 4: Hurts, This hurts, but I'm control. I'm in control of

1204
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:26,440
Speaker 4: the hurt no one's hurting me. I'm hurting myself, so

1205
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:31,239
Speaker 4: it's better. So and I almost had forgotten about that

1206
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,239
Speaker 4: part of my life until I was looking through the

1207
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:35,600
Speaker 4: book and I was like, oh shit, I did this.

1208
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's so common that it's also something that

1209
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:40,320
Speaker 5: I experienced.

1210
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:42,240
Speaker 1: Like my best friend was cutting, and.

1211
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:43,960
Speaker 5: I didn't know what to do when she told me

1212
00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 5: about it, So I didn't tell anyone because I was like,

1213
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:48,799
Speaker 5: what the hell is cutting? You know, I just didn't know,

1214
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:50,800
Speaker 5: so I left it alone. And she could have hurt herself.

1215
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:52,839
Speaker 5: You could have killed yourself, you know what I mean.

1216
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:54,880
Speaker 5: That's when most kids don't think about when they're doing this,

1217
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 5: so you can actually kill yourself.

1218
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 1: And it has to be taken seriously.

1219
00:54:59,239 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 5: And so for all all the kids who are doing

1220
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:04,200
Speaker 5: this behind closed doors and they're afraid to tell an

1221
00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,800
Speaker 5: adult or they just don't want to because the adults.

1222
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 1: Around them are the ones that are causing the pain.

1223
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 5: I want them to read that chapter specifically because it

1224
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:13,719
Speaker 5: shows you what other things that you can do to

1225
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 5: transfer pain and a healthier way.

1226
00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:20,920
Speaker 4: And then I think, also, this is just springing back

1227
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:22,240
Speaker 4: a whirlwind of memories.

1228
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, let's go through it, because that's where all of

1229
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 5: our problems stem from.

1230
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, literally, and I'm like, Dan, maybe I may can

1231
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 4: talk to someone. There was like it also could have

1232
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,000
Speaker 4: been like the influence of the people I was around.

1233
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:38,680
Speaker 4: There was this whole chapter of We're drinking early like

1234
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:42,120
Speaker 4: sixth seventh, eighth grade, but then we found computer cleaner.

1235
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:45,759
Speaker 1: Computer cleaner too, you like.

1236
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 4: Huff it and it gets you high for like five

1237
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:54,239
Speaker 4: minutes or something, but you literally like zone out, like

1238
00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:57,120
Speaker 4: you can literally just like pass out. But I'm like, what.

1239
00:55:56,960 --> 00:56:00,600
Speaker 1: The fuck kind of supervision was like what are we doing?

1240
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, and even that I have friends who I'm still

1241
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:04,320
Speaker 4: friends with now who I was friends with that period,

1242
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 4: I'm my pitch. I don't want to, like I have

1243
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:08,200
Speaker 4: a kid that I don't want them because what the

1244
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 4: fuck are we doing? Like literally, just like all types

1245
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:15,680
Speaker 4: of things, like things that were so in hindsight, so

1246
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 4: damaging and so.

1247
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 1: Harm so ay better you just don't know what you're

1248
00:56:19,239 --> 00:56:20,000
Speaker 1: doing stupid shit.

1249
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:21,360
Speaker 4: And I was literally at the time my parents like

1250
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:24,320
Speaker 4: if we bring computer cleaner to school, we get extra credit,

1251
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:25,759
Speaker 4: and I'm just.

1252
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: Buying the shit. Oh my god, I know.

1253
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:31,960
Speaker 4: But like communication is very important now that I'm thinking

1254
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:34,280
Speaker 4: about it, because I just think that was what was lacking,

1255
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:36,480
Speaker 4: Like no one was really talking to me about and

1256
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:37,880
Speaker 4: it was more like, you're gona be in trouble, and

1257
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:40,360
Speaker 4: you'll be in trouble. And and if you're just grounding

1258
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:44,040
Speaker 4: your kid but there's not an actual conversation about what's

1259
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:47,280
Speaker 4: wrong and why, then the grounding means nothing.

1260
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:50,359
Speaker 5: Yeah, And then I have to also say, there's one

1261
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 5: statement that I hate to hear when a child is

1262
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:58,279
Speaker 5: crying and the parents says, you better stop crying or

1263
00:56:58,400 --> 00:56:58,880
Speaker 5: we give.

1264
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:00,880
Speaker 1: You a reason to cry. Oh, I gotta say that.

1265
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 1: Have you said it? Have you said it? Probably? Okay?

1266
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:06,440
Speaker 1: My dad definitely said it.

1267
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:06,920
Speaker 4: Growing up.

1268
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:11,840
Speaker 5: When someone is crying, it is because they are feeling

1269
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:15,759
Speaker 5: something that they can't even express in words, right, and

1270
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:20,360
Speaker 5: so they're brought to tears. And if you tell them

1271
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 5: that the only reason you should be crying is if

1272
00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 5: I physically hurt you, then that's confusing the crap out

1273
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:28,600
Speaker 5: of your child because then they don't know how they're

1274
00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:31,720
Speaker 5: supposed to process their emotions. And they're like, but this hurts,

1275
00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 5: but you're telling me it doesn't hurt, so should it

1276
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,360
Speaker 5: not hurt? Like I'm telling you how to feel and right.

1277
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:39,160
Speaker 5: So then so next time your kid is crying, ask

1278
00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:42,440
Speaker 5: them why are you crying? And if you can't answer

1279
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 5: why you're crying, then you need to go cry in

1280
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 5: the next room until you figure out why. But you

1281
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 5: ask yourself why you are crying, not that you shouldn't

1282
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 5: cry unless I go six.

1283
00:57:57,880 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 1: But yeah, I hear that all the time, especially a

1284
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 1: black man. Yeah that's yeah, I hate. I'm sure the

1285
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 1: listeners hate me because I'm always like, it's a black thing. No,

1286
00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:07,400
Speaker 1: it's totally a black thing.

1287
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 5: I mean, I don't know if it happens with other races,

1288
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 5: but my dad said it to me so many times.

1289
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 1: And then you stop crying because.

1290
00:58:13,520 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 4: You're like, I don't want to get hit, right, But

1291
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 4: then you're just like then you're not cring, surpressing your feelings,

1292
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:20,840
Speaker 4: and then you come out like.

1293
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:25,040
Speaker 1: Me crazy, well and here we are, well, how did

1294
00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:28,000
Speaker 1: your parents just plan you? So it was the same.

1295
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 5: I was terrified of my father and he said the

1296
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 5: whole you criming your reason to cry, you know, terrified

1297
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:38,320
Speaker 5: of him. But then my mom was so nice and sweet.

1298
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 5: My mom was like the one who would like slap

1299
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 5: your hand, and then I would just stare at her

1300
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 5: like that didn't hurt.

1301
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:48,320
Speaker 1: What were you trying to do? My mom actually communicated

1302
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 1: very well, and.

1303
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 5: Sometimes that annoy the craft out of me as a

1304
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:53,800
Speaker 5: teenager because it was just like, I don't want to

1305
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 5: talk to you. I'm not in a good mood. But

1306
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 5: she was consistent with it. It was like, you did this,

1307
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 5: I'm a set and know we're going to sit down

1308
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:04,160
Speaker 5: and we're going to have this conversation. Whereas my father,

1309
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 5: I mean, I felt like he didn't know anything about

1310
00:59:06,280 --> 00:59:08,080
Speaker 5: me as a team because I was too afraid to

1311
00:59:08,120 --> 00:59:08,560
Speaker 5: talk to him.

1312
00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 1: He just didn't allow that space where I could come.

1313
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 5: In and feel like my emotions, my thoughts, any of

1314
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:16,360
Speaker 5: that was accepted right.

1315
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 3: And in your book, I know you mentioned a lot

1316
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:21,560
Speaker 3: of the way that parents disciplined their kids is based

1317
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 3: on how they were disciplined and or how they were

1318
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 3: brought up. I think there was an example of a

1319
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:27,920
Speaker 3: guy who you know, I think you said you interviewed

1320
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:30,360
Speaker 3: a kid that had everything like from the outsider looking in,

1321
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 3: it looked like, you know, he was sitting courtside at

1322
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,480
Speaker 3: NBA games, he went to the best schools. He went to,

1323
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:39,440
Speaker 3: you know, the Malfie Coast for vacation, but his parents,

1324
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:40,919
Speaker 3: you know, didn't pay attention to him.

1325
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:44,080
Speaker 5: His father was completely absent, and so he would go

1326
00:59:44,080 --> 00:59:46,280
Speaker 5: to school and act out, person out the teachers, doing

1327
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:48,320
Speaker 5: all these He was a nice kid, but he was

1328
00:59:48,360 --> 00:59:49,200
Speaker 5: angry inside.

1329
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 1: And that's pot and you know, probably as a result.

1330
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:55,360
Speaker 3: I mean, the way that his parents, probably or his

1331
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:58,520
Speaker 3: father dealt with him is because he's I don't know

1332
00:59:58,520 --> 01:00:00,320
Speaker 3: what his father's situation is, but I'm maybe you go

1333
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 3: and do so. He didn't have much growing up, and

1334
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:04,960
Speaker 3: all his main focus was as long as I can

1335
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 3: provide everything that I need for my kids, I'm a

1336
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:10,440
Speaker 3: good parent, you know, like an impart.

1337
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 5: Who started self made millionaire and he was just like,

1338
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:17,840
Speaker 5: my child doesn't understand why it's so important for me

1339
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:20,959
Speaker 5: to work, and one day he will appreciate it. That's

1340
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:24,880
Speaker 5: his mindset. And the kid is like, no, I need

1341
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 5: you right now, and you're not present. I don't care

1342
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 5: about the money, and that's that's the disconnect. You know,

1343
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 5: a lot of times your parent feels like, why I'm

1344
01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:35,240
Speaker 5: doing what's best for you. You don't need to understand,

1345
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 5: but they do need to understand.

1346
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:38,600
Speaker 1: If not, they're going to.

1347
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:41,320
Speaker 5: Come up with their own assumptions of why you're doing

1348
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:44,240
Speaker 5: what you're doing translated. Yeah, so it makes the kid

1349
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 5: feel like you don't care. That's why you're not around.

1350
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:48,200
Speaker 5: That's why when we get a dinner and you're on

1351
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:50,160
Speaker 5: your phone the whole time because you don't care about

1352
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:51,200
Speaker 5: me because you don't love me.

1353
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:53,520
Speaker 1: But if you don't have that conversation, you won't realize

1354
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:54,240
Speaker 1: that they actually do.

1355
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 4: Yeah. I think it's also important because I think, like

1356
01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:00,560
Speaker 4: you said, there's so many kids who have really like

1357
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:03,360
Speaker 4: I mean, issues are issues, but there's you know, you

1358
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:06,360
Speaker 4: have issue kids who are literally starving, hungry, don't have

1359
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:08,720
Speaker 4: a place to eat, don't have like a place to sleep,

1360
01:01:09,160 --> 01:01:12,240
Speaker 4: and then you have like kids who are fucking vacationing

1361
01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:15,080
Speaker 4: them off the mouthy coast and you assume it they're okay.

1362
01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:16,920
Speaker 4: But there's so many, Like you said that how we

1363
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:20,800
Speaker 4: interpret our I think as children are so hyper sensitive.

1364
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 1: Yeah that the like like just like their siblings.

1365
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:25,560
Speaker 4: One can be totally fine, ore the ones is addicted

1366
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:28,720
Speaker 4: to heroin, same growing up, same upbringing. But you're interpreting

1367
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:31,040
Speaker 4: things so differently. Our minds are so weird that way

1368
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:36,120
Speaker 4: that we can't discount our children's like feelings and their

1369
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:39,880
Speaker 4: emotions because they're literally translating things so different.

1370
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:44,200
Speaker 3: It's like that it's like the telephone exercise. It's like

1371
01:01:44,480 --> 01:01:47,360
Speaker 3: you say something and then it just keeps going, keeps going,

1372
01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:50,080
Speaker 3: or like like, for example, it constantly happens with me

1373
01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:52,520
Speaker 3: and my mom like I'm like, you said this. She's

1374
01:01:52,600 --> 01:01:55,040
Speaker 3: like no, I said this, and I'm like, what the fuck?

1375
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:57,160
Speaker 3: We're having two different conversations. And like, me and my

1376
01:01:57,200 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 3: mom went to therapy a few years ago because we

1377
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 3: were having such a difficult time communicating and like, I

1378
01:02:03,080 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 3: just felt like I wanted to walk away from my relationship.

1379
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:09,240
Speaker 1: Seriously, I was like, I don't want to have a relationship.

1380
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:09,800
Speaker 1: It is an option.

1381
01:02:09,840 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 3: People do it all the time, but it's like I

1382
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:15,520
Speaker 3: was like, I don't want you in my life anymore

1383
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:18,960
Speaker 3: because I feel like you're harming me intentionally. And we

1384
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 3: went to my therapist was like, okay, so Erica, I

1385
01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 3: want you to say everything that you're feeling, and then Rhianne,

1386
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:27,360
Speaker 3: I want you to say repeat what she just said

1387
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:30,240
Speaker 3: to you. And it was like the best exercise, and

1388
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:32,640
Speaker 3: it really made me realize that telephone exercise is some

1389
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:36,080
Speaker 3: real shit because literally I said everything I said, and

1390
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:37,959
Speaker 3: then she repeated what I said and it was something

1391
01:02:37,960 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 3: totally different.

1392
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:40,960
Speaker 1: And I was like, and he helped her see that

1393
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 1: she was doing that, yeah, and the same it was.

1394
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:45,920
Speaker 1: It was back it was me too, you know what

1395
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 1: I mean?

1396
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:48,960
Speaker 3: And I was like, it was like she was interpreting

1397
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:53,000
Speaker 3: what she wanted to interpret and like then regurgitating what

1398
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 3: she felt like I said, and it was like, I did.

1399
01:02:57,040 --> 01:02:59,840
Speaker 1: Not fucking say that. That's not how I feel.

1400
01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:02,520
Speaker 3: And that's why we're not getting along because you think

1401
01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 3: I feel a certain way and I feel like you

1402
01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 3: feel a certain way, and we're just like missing we're

1403
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:12,480
Speaker 3: missing it. And I don't know at what point. I

1404
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:14,479
Speaker 3: think we're still working on that, me and my mom

1405
01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:16,800
Speaker 3: and trying to, like but I do feel like it's

1406
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:21,800
Speaker 3: gotten better. I feel like that exercise did help. But

1407
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,840
Speaker 3: it's a constant thing. It's a constant it's a constant

1408
01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:26,160
Speaker 3: work in progress.

1409
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:28,600
Speaker 1: How long did you guys go to therapy before? Like

1410
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:29,400
Speaker 1: three times?

1411
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:32,240
Speaker 4: Because I don't even anything like going to a therapist

1412
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:35,320
Speaker 4: with my mother just seems like fuck, it's traumatizing just the.

1413
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:35,880
Speaker 1: Thought of it. It.

1414
01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:38,400
Speaker 3: Actually, it was trying to like there were I remember

1415
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:41,400
Speaker 3: actually the last time too much, too much. The last

1416
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:45,320
Speaker 3: time I went didn't go well, and that was it

1417
01:03:45,400 --> 01:03:46,240
Speaker 3: was like a while ago.

1418
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:48,280
Speaker 1: Was like during the time when I.

1419
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 3: Was dealing with my baby daddy overseas and he was

1420
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:54,480
Speaker 3: in jail, and she was not supporting me, and I

1421
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:56,920
Speaker 3: was just like, could not understand how she couldn't support

1422
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:59,360
Speaker 3: me through this process. And so I remember the last

1423
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:02,240
Speaker 3: time we went, I left, like in the middle of therapy.

1424
01:04:02,280 --> 01:04:05,160
Speaker 3: I was like, fuck this, I'm out. And I think

1425
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 3: once that situation resolved itself with him and me and

1426
01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:11,720
Speaker 3: that whole situation, I think our relationship just automatically got better.

1427
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 3: I was clearly in dress. I was under so much

1428
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:17,640
Speaker 3: stress from that situation that I couldn't deal with any

1429
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:20,120
Speaker 3: other person like having an opinion about what I was

1430
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:22,120
Speaker 3: doing in my life. So I know a lot of

1431
01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:24,800
Speaker 3: that situation was caused by me, and it was caused

1432
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:31,400
Speaker 3: by my inability to deal and self comfort at that

1433
01:04:31,480 --> 01:04:36,240
Speaker 3: situation showed me how how like what I was, like,

1434
01:04:36,280 --> 01:04:38,920
Speaker 3: how much I was lacking in that department. It really

1435
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:41,280
Speaker 3: forced me to like, that's when I started meditating, That's

1436
01:04:41,280 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 3: when I started doing yoga, That's when I started using

1437
01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:45,960
Speaker 3: exercise as a tool for like release and not just

1438
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:48,520
Speaker 3: like my vanity. And I was like, no, I need

1439
01:04:48,560 --> 01:04:54,000
Speaker 3: to exercise for my mental health. But it's crazy, like

1440
01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:56,280
Speaker 3: how like I didn't even realize that until I was

1441
01:04:56,400 --> 01:04:59,080
Speaker 3: I was like twenty eight or twenty nine at that point,

1442
01:04:59,160 --> 01:05:00,920
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Like kids can learn that

1443
01:05:00,960 --> 01:05:04,360
Speaker 3: earlier than God. Please, Like I wish that I like

1444
01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:08,520
Speaker 3: realized how like how much I was lacking in that department,

1445
01:05:08,560 --> 01:05:10,200
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And like my mom didn't

1446
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:12,720
Speaker 3: identify that either. She never was like, hey, like you

1447
01:05:12,760 --> 01:05:14,360
Speaker 3: know what, like you need to figure out how to

1448
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:16,960
Speaker 3: self soothe, because shit, you're not, You're like falling apart.

1449
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:20,320
Speaker 3: She just thought I was being dramatic or sensitive or

1450
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:21,040
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.

1451
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 1: It's like it goes both ways. Parents can identify it.

1452
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:27,160
Speaker 4: You're wanting, you're wanting someone important to you to agree

1453
01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:29,680
Speaker 4: with you. You're wanting them to like support you and

1454
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:31,919
Speaker 4: understand where you're coming from. And I think a part

1455
01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:35,680
Speaker 4: of like the valuing self soothing or you're just your

1456
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:38,280
Speaker 4: own opinion period is that everyone's not going to agree

1457
01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:38,560
Speaker 4: with you.

1458
01:05:39,040 --> 01:05:39,760
Speaker 1: And that's okay.

1459
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:42,840
Speaker 4: You don't know I'm saying, like your parents, Like I

1460
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:44,320
Speaker 4: think a lot of times we're looking for our parents

1461
01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:48,080
Speaker 4: to like to forgive them, for them to apologize for things.

1462
01:05:48,080 --> 01:05:50,760
Speaker 1: Oh no, that's not most times that's not going to happen.

1463
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,640
Speaker 4: And that's part of it, like accepting, Okay, this is

1464
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:54,440
Speaker 4: my childhood.

1465
01:05:54,800 --> 01:05:56,640
Speaker 1: You were dealing, you were giving, you were doing the

1466
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:57,680
Speaker 1: best you could at the time.

1467
01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:01,240
Speaker 4: You obviously don't get it, and and you're expecting and

1468
01:06:01,280 --> 01:06:04,360
Speaker 4: wanting some type of soothing still from that inner child

1469
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:04,800
Speaker 4: part of you.

1470
01:06:04,840 --> 01:06:06,280
Speaker 1: But a lot of times that's she's not gonna happen.

1471
01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:09,080
Speaker 3: But how about too, though, Let's just talk about the apology,

1472
01:06:09,120 --> 01:06:12,400
Speaker 3: because sometimes you get the apology and it's still not enough.

1473
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:16,640
Speaker 3: Because my dad has apologized to me for being a

1474
01:06:16,720 --> 01:06:19,680
Speaker 3: terrible dad and not being there, and of course it

1475
01:06:19,720 --> 01:06:22,720
Speaker 3: was a very emotional moment in our relationship when he

1476
01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:23,480
Speaker 3: finally did that.

1477
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:28,000
Speaker 1: But I don't know if I've even still forgiven him.

1478
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:31,080
Speaker 3: Fully, I didn't know even I got the apology, and I, yeah,

1479
01:06:31,120 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 3: it doesn't make the hurt go away. It's just like

1480
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:36,280
Speaker 3: it's like when someone like murders your family and they

1481
01:06:36,320 --> 01:06:38,360
Speaker 3: go and get the death penalty and they die, and

1482
01:06:38,440 --> 01:06:41,000
Speaker 3: like it still doesn't it doesn't make it go away,

1483
01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:43,160
Speaker 3: you know, what I mean, And it's just like work

1484
01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:45,400
Speaker 3: you have to do within yourself. It's like, Okay, you

1485
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:48,440
Speaker 3: got this apology from someone else and that's great, and

1486
01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:51,320
Speaker 3: you still feel like shit. So obviously it's something within

1487
01:06:51,360 --> 01:06:54,400
Speaker 3: yourself that you have to work on and.

1488
01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:57,080
Speaker 1: Forgive because you're still holding on. Yeah. It's like you

1489
01:06:57,080 --> 01:06:58,560
Speaker 1: can get all the apologies in the world.

1490
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:01,160
Speaker 3: Your dad could apologize to your mom could apologize to you,

1491
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:02,840
Speaker 3: and you still probably won't feel better.

1492
01:07:03,080 --> 01:07:05,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, And sometimes you just need to get it out,

1493
01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:09,520
Speaker 5: Like I think that the feelings that are not expressed

1494
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:13,720
Speaker 5: are the hardest ones to process, right because when you

1495
01:07:13,720 --> 01:07:17,320
Speaker 5: go to a funeral, then people are crying about all

1496
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:19,560
Speaker 5: the things they didn't get to say to that person.

1497
01:07:19,880 --> 01:07:21,160
Speaker 1: I didn't get to say goodbye.

1498
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:24,240
Speaker 5: I never we never got to make up or you know,

1499
01:07:24,720 --> 01:07:27,440
Speaker 5: that's the hardest part of saying of letting go of

1500
01:07:27,480 --> 01:07:30,400
Speaker 5: another person is because you were harboring all these feelings

1501
01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:33,360
Speaker 5: and you never got to tell me you ever had

1502
01:07:33,400 --> 01:07:35,400
Speaker 5: that opportunity against So now you have to live with

1503
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:36,120
Speaker 5: that and keep it.

1504
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:38,480
Speaker 1: Inside that it's the hardest thing to do.

1505
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:43,240
Speaker 5: So my dad and my brother had a horrible relationship

1506
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:46,080
Speaker 5: for most of my brother's life. And about a year

1507
01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:48,520
Speaker 5: or two ago, my brother got really drunk one night

1508
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:52,080
Speaker 5: and he just lost it on my dad, like tried

1509
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:55,800
Speaker 5: to fight him, cursing, screaming at him. Caused the whole

1510
01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:59,120
Speaker 5: scene like half the families holding my dad back, half

1511
01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:01,800
Speaker 5: the families holding my brother back, and my brother just

1512
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:05,000
Speaker 5: was yelling all of these things that his sixteen year

1513
01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:09,000
Speaker 5: old self wanted to say, and like he looked like

1514
01:08:09,280 --> 01:08:12,000
Speaker 5: his teen My brother has two kids, you know what

1515
01:08:12,040 --> 01:08:14,000
Speaker 5: I mean, He's doing well, he's a beautiful family.

1516
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:17,240
Speaker 1: He has still not let go of that pain and

1517
01:08:17,280 --> 01:08:18,559
Speaker 1: he needed to get that out.

1518
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:20,640
Speaker 5: And as much as I hurt my dad, and you know,

1519
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:22,799
Speaker 5: they didn't end up talking for a long time after,

1520
01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:25,200
Speaker 5: it had to have made him feel better just to

1521
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:27,000
Speaker 5: let it out, you know. So sometimes it's like the

1522
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:29,880
Speaker 5: other person can say I'm sorry, and you're like, yeah,

1523
01:08:29,880 --> 01:08:32,880
Speaker 5: but you still don't understand how much this hurt me.

1524
01:08:33,479 --> 01:08:36,040
Speaker 5: And sometimes you just need to say it. And as

1525
01:08:36,120 --> 01:08:38,000
Speaker 5: much as that's going to hurt the other person's feelings,

1526
01:08:38,120 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 5: who gives a fuck?

1527
01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:40,240
Speaker 1: Who cares?

1528
01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:43,920
Speaker 5: Because you need to understand I'm sorry. However you're going

1529
01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:45,840
Speaker 5: to process this, but you need to understand how much.

1530
01:08:45,680 --> 01:08:46,240
Speaker 1: This has hurt me.

1531
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:48,519
Speaker 5: For me, I need to do this and I need

1532
01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:49,960
Speaker 5: to say this, and then you can do what you

1533
01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:52,080
Speaker 5: want with it, but it needs to happen.

1534
01:08:52,160 --> 01:08:53,080
Speaker 1: I need to release it.

1535
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:55,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, I need to release it, even if it's like,

1536
01:08:55,520 --> 01:08:57,680
Speaker 5: I'm not mad at you anymore, but you really need

1537
01:08:57,680 --> 01:08:59,640
Speaker 5: to understand how much work I'm doing on myself right

1538
01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 5: now as a result.

1539
01:09:01,080 --> 01:09:01,759
Speaker 1: Of what happened.

1540
01:09:02,120 --> 01:09:04,800
Speaker 3: But the other side of that is then what that

1541
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:07,960
Speaker 3: other person says to you, and then does that trigger

1542
01:09:08,080 --> 01:09:10,880
Speaker 3: more angry in you? Because I can because they're going

1543
01:09:10,960 --> 01:09:12,639
Speaker 3: to be defensive, so I can.

1544
01:09:12,520 --> 01:09:16,520
Speaker 1: Say as someone who and I still make mistakes.

1545
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:18,760
Speaker 5: But I obviously feel like I've kind of mastered this

1546
01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:23,880
Speaker 5: whole self comfort thing. When my father read the book,

1547
01:09:23,880 --> 01:09:26,479
Speaker 5: I sent you to him in advance, and when he

1548
01:09:26,520 --> 01:09:28,080
Speaker 5: read it and decided that he was going to cut

1549
01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:29,400
Speaker 5: me out of his life and not speak.

1550
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:33,000
Speaker 1: To me anymore, I was like, Okay, that's how long.

1551
01:09:33,160 --> 01:09:35,960
Speaker 1: How long it was up? This is a little over

1552
01:09:35,960 --> 01:09:38,519
Speaker 1: two months ago. He said he's going to cut you

1553
01:09:38,560 --> 01:09:39,360
Speaker 1: out of his life.

1554
01:09:39,360 --> 01:09:41,040
Speaker 5: He doesn't want to hear about me. He doesn't want

1555
01:09:41,040 --> 01:09:42,960
Speaker 5: to hear about the book. Like if my mom or

1556
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:48,760
Speaker 5: anybody tries to him, he's not I can't communicate with it.

1557
01:09:49,200 --> 01:09:53,320
Speaker 5: But the thing is, like, I know that my dad

1558
01:09:53,479 --> 01:09:56,240
Speaker 5: is suffering. Like you can look at how someone else

1559
01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:59,240
Speaker 5: reacts and treats you and it's like, well, this has

1560
01:09:59,280 --> 01:10:02,000
Speaker 5: nothing to do with me, really, like you still are

1561
01:10:02,000 --> 01:10:04,040
Speaker 5: holding on to all these issues that you have, and

1562
01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:07,479
Speaker 5: so it makes me feel bad for him, and I

1563
01:10:07,600 --> 01:10:09,559
Speaker 5: know that I'm good, Like I'm like, I hope he

1564
01:10:09,640 --> 01:10:12,000
Speaker 5: comes around, but if not, I'm okay, because really I

1565
01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:14,720
Speaker 5: didn't have a great relationship through all of those years

1566
01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:17,120
Speaker 5: growing up in the house. He wasn't talking then, So

1567
01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:18,880
Speaker 5: if he's not talking now, it's okay.

1568
01:10:18,960 --> 01:10:20,640
Speaker 4: I'm not really that Like, this is obviously how you

1569
01:10:20,680 --> 01:10:23,120
Speaker 4: deal with shit, so I'm not taking it personally.

1570
01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:26,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, And then I just also look at the reasons

1571
01:10:26,760 --> 01:10:29,400
Speaker 5: why people do things, you know, So if I express

1572
01:10:29,479 --> 01:10:31,760
Speaker 5: to you that you hurt me and then you like

1573
01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:34,000
Speaker 5: start swimming at me or you get offensive and then

1574
01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:36,840
Speaker 5: you walk away, I'm like, oh damn, that sucks that

1575
01:10:36,880 --> 01:10:38,879
Speaker 5: you don't know how to have a conversation yet.

1576
01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:42,160
Speaker 1: You know, like that's not me, that's you that walked

1577
01:10:42,200 --> 01:10:45,040
Speaker 1: out the room, and like, can't I can't take that.

1578
01:10:45,320 --> 01:10:47,880
Speaker 5: I tried to meet you halfway and you walked away,

1579
01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:50,439
Speaker 5: So you're not ready, right, And I think like we

1580
01:10:50,640 --> 01:10:54,160
Speaker 5: take it so personal, especially with our parents, but we

1581
01:10:54,280 --> 01:10:57,479
Speaker 5: have to really just start looking at them as regular people, children,

1582
01:10:58,080 --> 01:10:58,799
Speaker 5: as children.

1583
01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:01,640
Speaker 4: We all are still we are, we are, We're all

1584
01:11:01,720 --> 01:11:04,000
Speaker 4: still like this inner chap with my mom, Like I'll

1585
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:07,479
Speaker 4: bring up one thing and she's just like you, you

1586
01:11:08,080 --> 01:11:10,720
Speaker 4: like nothing, like she does nothing. Nothing she does is wrong.

1587
01:11:10,880 --> 01:11:13,920
Speaker 4: It's not accountable at all at all. It's like you're

1588
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:17,160
Speaker 4: blatantly lying right now. And it's like, oh, she's.

1589
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:19,960
Speaker 3: Not though in her mind she's not lying. That's the thing,

1590
01:11:20,960 --> 01:11:24,679
Speaker 3: Like she really feels that way. Probably you have a problem.

1591
01:11:24,680 --> 01:11:26,040
Speaker 1: There's multiple DUIs this.

1592
01:11:27,360 --> 01:11:31,200
Speaker 4: There are actually I'm actually looking at them right now.

1593
01:11:32,280 --> 01:11:35,680
Speaker 4: This is not a lie. There's some issues here. No

1594
01:11:36,280 --> 01:11:39,080
Speaker 4: to you, you don't love me. I'm like, okay, girl,

1595
01:11:39,240 --> 01:11:39,679
Speaker 4: I can't.

1596
01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:40,879
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah.

1597
01:11:40,920 --> 01:11:43,360
Speaker 4: And then it's like, at what point, like even with family,

1598
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,479
Speaker 4: even with parents, at what point is it unhealthy to

1599
01:11:46,479 --> 01:11:49,160
Speaker 4: like unhealthy to like you said, like, you have to

1600
01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:51,240
Speaker 4: sometimes accept things as they are and help people come around.

1601
01:11:51,320 --> 01:11:53,160
Speaker 4: Do you can do your best to communicate with them

1602
01:11:53,200 --> 01:11:56,800
Speaker 4: how you feel. But I'm not a firm believer of

1603
01:11:56,800 --> 01:11:59,240
Speaker 4: like not speaking of family. I think it's ridiculous, but

1604
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:01,679
Speaker 4: I've you know, and everybody's different.

1605
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:02,880
Speaker 1: People deal with.

1606
01:12:02,840 --> 01:12:05,599
Speaker 4: Demons differently, and even when it comes to their children,

1607
01:12:05,680 --> 01:12:07,599
Speaker 4: the people are just not ready to deal with it.

1608
01:12:08,080 --> 01:12:11,599
Speaker 4: And if you're not strong enough to take those toxic

1609
01:12:11,680 --> 01:12:14,200
Speaker 4: relationships shit, sometimes you do got to walk away.

1610
01:12:14,200 --> 01:12:14,599
Speaker 1: Sometimes.

1611
01:12:14,880 --> 01:12:17,040
Speaker 3: Well it goes all the way back to what we

1612
01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:20,160
Speaker 3: started this conversation about, which is our parents are people,

1613
01:12:20,200 --> 01:12:21,920
Speaker 3: and sometimes people need to be.

1614
01:12:22,560 --> 01:12:23,920
Speaker 1: Cut off from your life for a second.

1615
01:12:24,240 --> 01:12:26,000
Speaker 3: And I know that they gave birth to you, and

1616
01:12:26,040 --> 01:12:27,559
Speaker 3: I hate and you know, you never want to have

1617
01:12:27,600 --> 01:12:29,760
Speaker 3: regrets about you know. It's like you said, you always

1618
01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:33,040
Speaker 3: get when someone dies. That's when you realize, like, fuck,

1619
01:12:33,439 --> 01:12:35,559
Speaker 3: I should have I should have accepted this, I should

1620
01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:36,120
Speaker 3: have said sorry.

1621
01:12:36,160 --> 01:12:37,920
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have let that bother me so much. I

1622
01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:40,000
Speaker 1: shouldn't let that be so important at the time.

1623
01:12:40,640 --> 01:12:42,759
Speaker 3: But at the same time, it's like, but our parents

1624
01:12:42,800 --> 01:12:45,400
Speaker 3: are people, you know what I mean, And we cut

1625
01:12:45,439 --> 01:12:47,720
Speaker 3: people out of our lives all the time, or we

1626
01:12:47,720 --> 01:12:49,200
Speaker 3: should at least just make sure.

1627
01:12:49,120 --> 01:12:51,679
Speaker 1: Before you cut them out, you tell them why why?

1628
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:51,960
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1629
01:12:52,080 --> 01:12:54,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm not I'm not encouraging cutting your parents

1630
01:12:54,360 --> 01:12:57,040
Speaker 3: out of your life. I'm just saying though, like if

1631
01:12:57,040 --> 01:12:58,519
Speaker 3: we're gonna look at them as people, then.

1632
01:12:58,360 --> 01:13:02,760
Speaker 5: It's a toxic on how healthy relationship. Then you need

1633
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:06,200
Speaker 5: to step away if it's hindering your girls. But it's necessary. Yeah,

1634
01:13:06,240 --> 01:13:09,880
Speaker 5: And sometimes the kid or the adult is just in

1635
01:13:09,960 --> 01:13:12,720
Speaker 5: denial about their own stuff and still placing it all

1636
01:13:12,760 --> 01:13:15,280
Speaker 5: on the parent, like it's your follow No, girl, you

1637
01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:17,320
Speaker 5: still talk about what happened when you were twelve, Like, yeah,

1638
01:13:17,320 --> 01:13:18,479
Speaker 5: at what point are we going to grow?

1639
01:13:18,640 --> 01:13:20,519
Speaker 1: Right? Got to grow with like I fucked up? Okay,

1640
01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:22,559
Speaker 1: I get up? Yeah, just as I know we're doing

1641
01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:23,519
Speaker 1: giveaway on our Instagram.

1642
01:13:23,600 --> 01:13:25,280
Speaker 3: I know it's really random that I'm interrupting this, but

1643
01:13:25,320 --> 01:13:27,439
Speaker 3: I just have to remember so I don't forget.

1644
01:13:27,479 --> 01:13:33,920
Speaker 1: But the secret word is glow. Ho glow glow how glow? Anyway,

1645
01:13:33,960 --> 01:13:35,040
Speaker 1: there was a part of your book I think you

1646
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:36,160
Speaker 1: were talking about sex day.

1647
01:13:36,280 --> 01:13:36,519
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1648
01:13:36,560 --> 01:13:39,840
Speaker 5: Well there's a quote that I have in there. It says,

1649
01:13:39,960 --> 01:13:43,400
Speaker 5: no sext is safe sex. And I think it's just

1650
01:13:43,439 --> 01:13:49,200
Speaker 5: so important to address bullying in all forms, especially online

1651
01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:54,559
Speaker 5: and cyberbullying, because kids don't realize that what you send

1652
01:13:55,080 --> 01:13:58,080
Speaker 5: is public for life. Once you hit that button, it's

1653
01:13:58,120 --> 01:13:58,559
Speaker 5: out there.

1654
01:13:58,760 --> 01:14:00,519
Speaker 3: And I think we come from a time more like

1655
01:14:01,000 --> 01:14:02,840
Speaker 3: we didn't have to deal with this as much.

1656
01:14:03,200 --> 01:14:05,479
Speaker 1: We had to worry about the letter you wrote being

1657
01:14:05,520 --> 01:14:06,200
Speaker 1: passed around.

1658
01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:07,760
Speaker 4: Oh my god, and that happened to me a letter

1659
01:14:07,800 --> 01:14:10,200
Speaker 4: I wrote my lesbian love.

1660
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,200
Speaker 1: Who got the letter.

1661
01:14:11,240 --> 01:14:13,840
Speaker 4: My mom is like, you can't be writing oh twice

1662
01:14:13,960 --> 01:14:14,960
Speaker 4: always time I'm writing.

1663
01:14:14,960 --> 01:14:16,000
Speaker 1: This is partly I think I'm trauma.

1664
01:14:16,120 --> 01:14:18,559
Speaker 4: Like I stopped writing my journal because like on ten occasions,

1665
01:14:18,600 --> 01:14:21,479
Speaker 4: I gotta give that journal. Say girl, I got kicked

1666
01:14:21,479 --> 01:14:22,920
Speaker 4: out of school because I was talking about one and

1667
01:14:23,040 --> 01:14:24,040
Speaker 4: I think I want to have sex.

1668
01:14:24,200 --> 01:14:30,200
Speaker 1: I'm past titty sucking. I got a level two singer

1669
01:14:30,240 --> 01:14:30,600
Speaker 1: bing and.

1670
01:14:32,200 --> 01:14:33,400
Speaker 4: They were like, and I'm never going to see the

1671
01:14:33,439 --> 01:14:36,120
Speaker 4: sinful Jamilla or the Jamila we've seen all years.

1672
01:14:36,160 --> 01:14:38,479
Speaker 1: She can't come back to luther In school. And then

1673
01:14:38,520 --> 01:14:39,200
Speaker 1: I had another one.

1674
01:14:39,240 --> 01:14:41,559
Speaker 4: I was like confessing my love to my childhood friend

1675
01:14:41,600 --> 01:14:44,160
Speaker 4: who is still my childhood with my grown up friend Asia.

1676
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:46,280
Speaker 4: It was like, I love you, We're in love. I

1677
01:14:46,360 --> 01:14:49,400
Speaker 4: can't live without you, my lesbian lover. My mom was like,

1678
01:14:49,400 --> 01:14:52,640
Speaker 4: You're not a lesbian. This is a phase. Don't want

1679
01:14:52,720 --> 01:14:55,560
Speaker 4: to write this shit again and I was just so traumatized.

1680
01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:58,880
Speaker 1: But like, yeah, this is a totally growing kids and

1681
01:14:59,000 --> 01:15:02,640
Speaker 1: are totally different time. Well, cyber build is sober. I

1682
01:15:02,640 --> 01:15:04,439
Speaker 1: mean like all I had was like h sex location

1683
01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:05,800
Speaker 1: room chats, you know what I mean.

1684
01:15:05,880 --> 01:15:08,120
Speaker 5: I couldn't have nobody could take screenshots of what you

1685
01:15:08,120 --> 01:15:08,559
Speaker 5: were saying.

1686
01:15:08,920 --> 01:15:14,160
Speaker 3: All I had Facebook, Like I couldn't even get on Facebook.

1687
01:15:14,240 --> 01:15:16,040
Speaker 5: Like you had to be in college, all you we

1688
01:15:16,080 --> 01:15:18,400
Speaker 5: had a conversation with someone, you had to remember it

1689
01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:20,400
Speaker 5: so you can tell people the next day now in

1690
01:15:20,439 --> 01:15:24,200
Speaker 5: an instant unless some guys like say something acting and

1691
01:15:24,240 --> 01:15:28,040
Speaker 5: my friend she said to somebody else, somebody you know, nothing.

1692
01:15:28,360 --> 01:15:30,680
Speaker 1: I just showed ericause somebody's pussy picks I've sent me

1693
01:15:30,720 --> 01:15:31,160
Speaker 1: the other day.

1694
01:15:31,240 --> 01:15:32,479
Speaker 3: Yeah, she said to you she could want to see

1695
01:15:32,479 --> 01:15:34,439
Speaker 3: blah blah pussy I was like, yeah, sure, yeah, nothing

1696
01:15:34,520 --> 01:15:37,160
Speaker 3: is safe, you know, Like I mean, obviously I'm not

1697
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:39,479
Speaker 3: going to share it. We're gonna it's kept within our circle.

1698
01:15:39,520 --> 01:15:41,040
Speaker 3: And at the end of the day, she the girl

1699
01:15:41,040 --> 01:15:42,720
Speaker 3: who sent her the pussy pick, ended up sending me

1700
01:15:42,800 --> 01:15:46,120
Speaker 3: her pussy anyway. But like I said, a few other

1701
01:15:46,120 --> 01:15:49,840
Speaker 3: people unless someone gets a hold of your phone, right or.

1702
01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:51,919
Speaker 1: You're a cloud. It's just crazy.

1703
01:15:52,080 --> 01:15:54,080
Speaker 3: All you need is a password to log into someone's

1704
01:15:54,080 --> 01:15:56,880
Speaker 3: eye cloud, and you have access to everything they have.

1705
01:15:57,640 --> 01:16:00,479
Speaker 3: And yeah, it's like cyberbullying is so were Like you

1706
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:03,479
Speaker 3: were telling us about an experience with your family member

1707
01:16:03,600 --> 01:16:04,599
Speaker 3: about her.

1708
01:16:04,479 --> 01:16:07,640
Speaker 5: Like, yeah, with my cousin trusting this guy who she

1709
01:16:07,680 --> 01:16:10,720
Speaker 5: lost her virginity to, and she sent him all of

1710
01:16:10,800 --> 01:16:14,679
Speaker 5: these photos and videos thinking she felt comfortable enough with him,

1711
01:16:14,800 --> 01:16:18,040
Speaker 5: and she maybe thought that they were going to be

1712
01:16:18,080 --> 01:16:20,479
Speaker 5: in a relationship or something, or maybe she felt like

1713
01:16:20,520 --> 01:16:22,360
Speaker 5: sending these things to this guy would make her like

1714
01:16:22,400 --> 01:16:24,800
Speaker 5: her more because that's what the other girls were doing.

1715
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:27,439
Speaker 5: And after he had sex with her, he dropped her

1716
01:16:27,439 --> 01:16:30,320
Speaker 5: and started dating somebody else, And then when she was

1717
01:16:30,400 --> 01:16:33,800
Speaker 5: jealous and tried to intervene in their situation, he ended

1718
01:16:33,880 --> 01:16:36,479
Speaker 5: up showing her photos to make a fool of her,

1719
01:16:36,640 --> 01:16:39,439
Speaker 5: like showing her photos with friends and different people in

1720
01:16:39,479 --> 01:16:42,559
Speaker 5: the school, and those images got passed around and she

1721
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:45,320
Speaker 5: has to go to school every day and deal with that.

1722
01:16:45,439 --> 01:16:48,120
Speaker 5: And yes, you can get the counselor involve the teacher involved,

1723
01:16:48,160 --> 01:16:49,000
Speaker 5: that wasn't whatever.

1724
01:16:49,439 --> 01:16:52,000
Speaker 4: Once those photos are out there, it's there, and that's

1725
01:16:52,040 --> 01:16:53,080
Speaker 4: so traumatizing.

1726
01:16:53,120 --> 01:16:56,439
Speaker 3: It's true, a teenager who's just learning their body, who's

1727
01:16:56,439 --> 01:17:00,240
Speaker 3: just getting comfortable with their vagina and their breasts and

1728
01:17:01,120 --> 01:17:02,480
Speaker 3: not even really understanding.

1729
01:17:02,600 --> 01:17:05,240
Speaker 1: Still not even comfortable with my vagina, my breast. I know,

1730
01:17:05,280 --> 01:17:12,559
Speaker 1: I take like fifty vagina pigs discuss. No, it's true.

1731
01:17:12,760 --> 01:17:16,840
Speaker 3: It's like it's like women, like we're all we all

1732
01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:18,839
Speaker 3: have different vaginas and different breasts.

1733
01:17:18,840 --> 01:17:20,280
Speaker 1: And even Jimmila, like she was.

1734
01:17:20,280 --> 01:17:23,400
Speaker 3: Sending me a photo of like this, this this diagram

1735
01:17:23,520 --> 01:17:26,040
Speaker 3: of all different types of vaginas, like which one looks

1736
01:17:26,040 --> 01:17:26,479
Speaker 3: like yours?

1737
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:28,880
Speaker 4: Tell true story. I send her picture of my I

1738
01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:30,800
Speaker 4: said her, a sexy picture of me. First from the back.

1739
01:17:30,840 --> 01:17:32,280
Speaker 4: I was like, look how think my vagina is? And

1740
01:17:32,280 --> 01:17:34,120
Speaker 4: then I sent her a chart of vaginas, and.

1741
01:17:34,040 --> 01:17:34,840
Speaker 1: Then I from the bath.

1742
01:17:35,120 --> 01:17:37,559
Speaker 3: She was sending me like a like a a like

1743
01:17:37,560 --> 01:17:40,120
Speaker 3: a sexy photo she would send like her boyfriend.

1744
01:17:40,200 --> 01:17:41,880
Speaker 4: And she sent me my first. I was like, oh,

1745
01:17:41,880 --> 01:17:47,320
Speaker 4: this is a good pose. Let me try it. Speaking

1746
01:17:47,360 --> 01:17:50,519
Speaker 4: of anything she's encouraging us, speaking of everything she's encouraging

1747
01:17:50,560 --> 01:17:52,200
Speaker 4: people not to do, this is what we are doing

1748
01:17:52,200 --> 01:17:53,760
Speaker 4: as grown right.

1749
01:17:53,880 --> 01:17:56,240
Speaker 5: And all I can say is that I hope that

1750
01:17:56,280 --> 01:17:58,080
Speaker 5: you ladies will be friends for a very long time,

1751
01:17:58,200 --> 01:17:59,920
Speaker 5: and that one of you won't make the other persons

1752
01:18:00,080 --> 01:18:01,080
Speaker 5: so upset that one day.

1753
01:18:01,200 --> 01:18:03,800
Speaker 3: Look that book, the photo that I sent her was

1754
01:18:04,000 --> 01:18:06,120
Speaker 3: real cute, so you know what, go ahead and share

1755
01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:06,599
Speaker 3: that ship.

1756
01:18:06,840 --> 01:18:10,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, and my person wasn't. My vagina wasn't. I don't know,

1757
01:18:10,760 --> 01:18:13,840
Speaker 1: it was just booty, but uh.

1758
01:18:14,640 --> 01:18:17,280
Speaker 3: But yeah, like even looking at that diagram of the

1759
01:18:17,320 --> 01:18:19,880
Speaker 3: different vaginas and thinking, like even growing up, like I felt,

1760
01:18:19,880 --> 01:18:21,800
Speaker 3: always felt really self conscious about mine. I'm like, mine

1761
01:18:21,800 --> 01:18:24,519
Speaker 3: doesn't look like the porn star one, Like it looks different,

1762
01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:27,800
Speaker 3: Like I don't know if this is attractive, And just

1763
01:18:27,840 --> 01:18:31,360
Speaker 3: like imagine being a teenager and having that sent out,

1764
01:18:31,400 --> 01:18:34,840
Speaker 3: like I would be fucking I would lose my ship. Yeah,

1765
01:18:34,920 --> 01:18:38,759
Speaker 3: like I would like low key probably like want.

1766
01:18:38,640 --> 01:18:39,360
Speaker 1: To kill myself.

1767
01:18:39,400 --> 01:18:42,479
Speaker 3: And that's why people do. They fucking kill themselves everything,

1768
01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:46,000
Speaker 3: or they get depressed or they have suicidal thoughts, all

1769
01:18:46,040 --> 01:18:51,080
Speaker 3: because of something picture and because it's so personal and

1770
01:18:51,560 --> 01:18:54,840
Speaker 3: you're just learning about yourself. You're not even you don't

1771
01:18:54,840 --> 01:18:57,759
Speaker 3: even get comfortable with yourself until you're in our age,

1772
01:18:57,880 --> 01:18:59,920
Speaker 3: Like we're just now here, you know what I mean,

1773
01:19:00,160 --> 01:19:02,360
Speaker 3: just at the very at the tip of.

1774
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:06,040
Speaker 5: The iceberg, and there's no removing yourself from the situation.

1775
01:19:06,400 --> 01:19:09,920
Speaker 5: As adults and like you guys are friends. If at

1776
01:19:09,920 --> 01:19:12,000
Speaker 5: some point one of you decides to share the other

1777
01:19:12,040 --> 01:19:16,799
Speaker 5: person's personal photos, right, you can then say, well, I'm.

1778
01:19:16,640 --> 01:19:17,880
Speaker 1: Never going to speak to her again.

1779
01:19:17,960 --> 01:19:19,479
Speaker 5: I'm cutting her out of my life. I don't have

1780
01:19:19,520 --> 01:19:21,000
Speaker 5: to see her, I don't have to see the people

1781
01:19:21,040 --> 01:19:24,280
Speaker 5: she walks around. Right when you're in school, there's no

1782
01:19:24,400 --> 01:19:28,000
Speaker 5: walking away. You are forced to do every day knowing that,

1783
01:19:28,200 --> 01:19:31,840
Speaker 5: be very careful with what you share, secrets, photos, all

1784
01:19:31,880 --> 01:19:32,120
Speaker 5: of it.

1785
01:19:32,200 --> 01:19:32,479
Speaker 1: I know.

1786
01:19:32,520 --> 01:19:35,240
Speaker 3: I think about I think about the bullying that I

1787
01:19:35,280 --> 01:19:38,040
Speaker 3: received in high school. I dated like a popular football player.

1788
01:19:38,120 --> 01:19:40,640
Speaker 3: I cheated on him with someone, and I was like

1789
01:19:40,880 --> 01:19:43,400
Speaker 3: the school after that. Yeah, I was like the whore,

1790
01:19:43,439 --> 01:19:45,360
Speaker 3: the football team yelling shit at me. I wanted to

1791
01:19:45,439 --> 01:19:46,240
Speaker 3: transfer school.

1792
01:19:46,320 --> 01:19:47,880
Speaker 4: There's like nothing worse you could be called as a

1793
01:19:47,880 --> 01:19:50,640
Speaker 4: teenager than a whore. It was like whore host But

1794
01:19:51,240 --> 01:19:54,960
Speaker 4: like you know, just because I I cried.

1795
01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:55,559
Speaker 1: I cried.

1796
01:19:56,479 --> 01:19:58,920
Speaker 3: I cried every day. I went home and was just

1797
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:01,240
Speaker 3: went to sleep. I was so tired and I didn't

1798
01:20:01,240 --> 01:20:04,400
Speaker 3: know I was just I was just depressed and I

1799
01:20:04,439 --> 01:20:05,479
Speaker 3: wanted to switch schools.

1800
01:20:05,520 --> 01:20:07,679
Speaker 1: I tried to switch schools. I couldn't switch schools.

1801
01:20:07,760 --> 01:20:11,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, and eventually, eventually it blew over, and you know,

1802
01:20:11,760 --> 01:20:13,840
Speaker 3: someone else was the boy, the boy that I dated

1803
01:20:13,920 --> 01:20:17,320
Speaker 3: finally was like okay, guys, like enough, you know, like

1804
01:20:17,640 --> 01:20:21,280
Speaker 3: he called off the dogs. You know, but it was traumatizing.

1805
01:20:21,280 --> 01:20:23,880
Speaker 3: And I can only imagine if not only that was

1806
01:20:24,120 --> 01:20:27,160
Speaker 3: paired with a photo, paired with a video like that

1807
01:20:27,200 --> 01:20:29,840
Speaker 3: can just keep circulating and keep circulating. You brought up

1808
01:20:29,880 --> 01:20:32,040
Speaker 3: every time as a reminder like you even want to live.

1809
01:20:32,080 --> 01:20:34,280
Speaker 5: You're like, I can't face this life. I don't want

1810
01:20:34,280 --> 01:20:35,800
Speaker 5: to go to school. I don't want to see these people.

1811
01:20:36,280 --> 01:20:38,080
Speaker 3: And I think about Also, I was telling Jamila, like,

1812
01:20:38,120 --> 01:20:42,280
Speaker 3: when thinking about that kid recently who was gunned down

1813
01:20:42,280 --> 01:20:45,920
Speaker 3: in a liquor store by a gang in New York, Yeah, Junior,

1814
01:20:45,960 --> 01:20:50,439
Speaker 3: because this rival gang thought that he had shared a

1815
01:20:50,479 --> 01:20:53,439
Speaker 3: sex video of one of the gang member sisters. It

1816
01:20:53,560 --> 01:20:55,320
Speaker 3: just comes back to it could be that. It could

1817
01:20:55,400 --> 01:20:57,720
Speaker 3: just be that, and you can become a target. Yeah,

1818
01:20:57,840 --> 01:21:00,559
Speaker 3: it's just it's just crazy. It's crazy, it's.

1819
01:21:00,360 --> 01:21:03,320
Speaker 1: Scary, and now I want to delete all my sexies pictures.

1820
01:21:04,040 --> 01:21:07,479
Speaker 3: So you guys just be careful, bitch, delete all those

1821
01:21:07,640 --> 01:21:10,280
Speaker 3: as they say.

1822
01:21:10,360 --> 01:21:13,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, teens especially just have to be very careful. They're

1823
01:21:13,240 --> 01:21:15,200
Speaker 1: not even fully developed yet. Just stop sending them.

1824
01:21:15,200 --> 01:21:19,040
Speaker 3: Okay, you have all your life to send sexy excited.

1825
01:21:19,120 --> 01:21:20,680
Speaker 1: It's like, oh my god, but I might be. I'm

1826
01:21:20,680 --> 01:21:22,839
Speaker 1: a say, you know, and I excited.

1827
01:21:23,000 --> 01:21:26,240
Speaker 5: They're growling, but that's okay, show your friend in person

1828
01:21:27,160 --> 01:21:27,800
Speaker 5: and then move on.

1829
01:21:28,120 --> 01:21:28,519
Speaker 1: It's bad.

1830
01:21:28,520 --> 01:21:30,080
Speaker 3: And it's also just the world we living when we

1831
01:21:30,120 --> 01:21:32,280
Speaker 3: have like the Kylie Jenners of the world showing their

1832
01:21:32,320 --> 01:21:34,840
Speaker 3: sexy bodies and kids wanting to look like that and

1833
01:21:34,880 --> 01:21:37,400
Speaker 3: wanting to show their boyfriends that they can be sexy too.

1834
01:21:37,479 --> 01:21:38,639
Speaker 1: That was the question.

1835
01:21:38,760 --> 01:21:41,479
Speaker 4: Like back in the day is like the number one

1836
01:21:41,600 --> 01:21:43,840
Speaker 4: bad thing to be is like a whore. But I

1837
01:21:43,840 --> 01:21:45,920
Speaker 4: feel like it's kind of like cool now yeah, okay,

1838
01:21:46,479 --> 01:21:49,360
Speaker 4: it's scary. I think it's kind of celebrated low key now.

1839
01:21:49,520 --> 01:21:51,479
Speaker 3: It is, and then we're looked at as like old

1840
01:21:51,479 --> 01:21:54,800
Speaker 3: bitches because we're not. We're like, that's not cute. Like

1841
01:21:54,840 --> 01:21:56,639
Speaker 3: even today at the nail salon, I saw a girl

1842
01:21:56,720 --> 01:21:58,960
Speaker 3: walking with her dad and she was probably fourteen.

1843
01:21:59,400 --> 01:22:01,760
Speaker 1: She had the order shorts on. I see that at

1844
01:22:01,800 --> 01:22:04,760
Speaker 1: the top with the crop top, and I was like,

1845
01:22:05,120 --> 01:22:06,960
Speaker 1: and she was with her dad. I was like, Dad,

1846
01:22:07,640 --> 01:22:08,760
Speaker 1: I feel like, okay, I get it.

1847
01:22:08,800 --> 01:22:10,720
Speaker 3: Like even me, like I would wear sexy shit, don't

1848
01:22:10,720 --> 01:22:12,040
Speaker 3: get me wrong, but I would do it like I

1849
01:22:12,040 --> 01:22:14,639
Speaker 3: would sneak out when yeah, like I would pack another

1850
01:22:14,680 --> 01:22:17,599
Speaker 3: bag like I wasn't wearing that shit in front of my.

1851
01:22:17,479 --> 01:22:19,799
Speaker 4: Parents, Like fuck it, I'm not gonna'm gonna choose my battles,

1852
01:22:19,840 --> 01:22:20,800
Speaker 4: Like I think, what.

1853
01:22:20,720 --> 01:22:23,800
Speaker 1: I want a bitch about these shorts? Probably, yeah, definitely,

1854
01:22:24,200 --> 01:22:25,120
Speaker 1: because I've.

1855
01:22:24,840 --> 01:22:28,559
Speaker 4: Seen kids like, first of all, bitch, you look twenty nine. Okay,

1856
01:22:28,760 --> 01:22:30,960
Speaker 4: I know you're twelve. And I'm like, what in the fuck.

1857
01:22:31,520 --> 01:22:33,000
Speaker 4: And I know it's not me because I've been myceus

1858
01:22:33,040 --> 01:22:34,640
Speaker 4: with like my ex and we're like the mom he

1859
01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:37,320
Speaker 4: was like, what the fuck that bitch is twelve?

1860
01:22:37,320 --> 01:22:38,880
Speaker 1: What the fuck does she am on? And I'm like,

1861
01:22:38,920 --> 01:22:41,040
Speaker 1: if it makes him not uncomfortable, and like and you're

1862
01:22:41,200 --> 01:22:42,200
Speaker 1: not you know what I mean.

1863
01:22:42,320 --> 01:22:45,280
Speaker 3: I think about my brother's prom date. I'm brother shures

1864
01:22:45,280 --> 01:22:48,840
Speaker 3: those pictures and actually she had like side boob to

1865
01:22:48,920 --> 01:22:52,519
Speaker 3: the max out and I was tripping. I was like, mom,

1866
01:22:53,040 --> 01:22:54,920
Speaker 3: this is not okay. And She's like oh, Erica, I

1867
01:22:54,960 --> 01:22:55,519
Speaker 3: was like, what should mean?

1868
01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:57,720
Speaker 1: On Erica? I could never I could never have worn that.

1869
01:22:57,840 --> 01:22:59,920
Speaker 1: Why is this normal? This is not okay?

1870
01:23:00,160 --> 01:23:03,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know Everymber wanting so badly to be like

1871
01:23:03,160 --> 01:23:04,320
Speaker 4: sexy though, So.

1872
01:23:04,280 --> 01:23:08,040
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, it's also more it's a normal thing

1873
01:23:08,120 --> 01:23:09,280
Speaker 5: now to be sexy.

1874
01:23:09,680 --> 01:23:11,120
Speaker 1: And I think it's a normal.

1875
01:23:11,200 --> 01:23:14,679
Speaker 3: I think we are a more insecure society than ever,

1876
01:23:15,120 --> 01:23:17,960
Speaker 3: oh for sure. And because of that, we feel like

1877
01:23:18,000 --> 01:23:20,920
Speaker 3: we have to show more, we have to be more

1878
01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:21,400
Speaker 3: out there.

1879
01:23:21,560 --> 01:23:24,240
Speaker 5: And my sister, So, I have a foster sister who's

1880
01:23:24,360 --> 01:23:25,400
Speaker 5: thirteen years old.

1881
01:23:25,560 --> 01:23:28,280
Speaker 1: She's actually the inspiration by everything that I do.

1882
01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:33,000
Speaker 5: She said to me the other day, how did Kim

1883
01:23:33,080 --> 01:23:34,879
Speaker 5: Kardashian even become famous?

1884
01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:38,760
Speaker 1: Oh? Shit? And I had to like, I waited. It

1885
01:23:38,800 --> 01:23:40,200
Speaker 1: was like a thirty seconds.

1886
01:23:39,800 --> 01:23:43,400
Speaker 5: Of silence, and I was like, do I tell her

1887
01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:44,760
Speaker 5: the whole story?

1888
01:23:44,960 --> 01:23:48,120
Speaker 1: Do I like sugarcoat this? What do I? And so

1889
01:23:48,240 --> 01:23:50,040
Speaker 1: I did a little bit of sugar coating, but I

1890
01:23:50,080 --> 01:23:50,559
Speaker 1: wanted to be.

1891
01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:53,240
Speaker 5: Honest because I didn't want her to then go to

1892
01:23:53,240 --> 01:23:55,360
Speaker 5: school the next day and have that conversation with someone

1893
01:23:55,400 --> 01:23:57,160
Speaker 5: else and they're like, oh, she's only famous because she

1894
01:23:57,160 --> 01:23:58,519
Speaker 5: had a sex tape. With Ray J and then my

1895
01:23:58,560 --> 01:24:02,080
Speaker 5: sister's like sex sex tape and then had the conversation

1896
01:24:02,160 --> 01:24:04,880
Speaker 5: with someone else and be misinformed. So I was like,

1897
01:24:04,960 --> 01:24:07,200
Speaker 5: let me kind of give her a little bit of

1898
01:24:07,200 --> 01:24:10,719
Speaker 5: this she knows, because that's the thing. Kids are teaching

1899
01:24:10,840 --> 01:24:14,080
Speaker 5: kids everything that they know God, and that's.

1900
01:24:13,880 --> 01:24:18,760
Speaker 3: Why and the Internet and the Shade Room and all

1901
01:24:18,760 --> 01:24:20,320
Speaker 3: these sites are teaching our kids, right.

1902
01:24:20,800 --> 01:24:22,519
Speaker 5: So what I had to teach her was that a

1903
01:24:22,560 --> 01:24:26,280
Speaker 5: sex tape doesn't make you famous, right. So then she's

1904
01:24:26,400 --> 01:24:29,519
Speaker 5: a very smart business woman and she started its reality

1905
01:24:29,560 --> 01:24:31,720
Speaker 5: show and people fell in love with her family and

1906
01:24:31,760 --> 01:24:33,559
Speaker 5: the way that they interact with each other, and her

1907
01:24:33,640 --> 01:24:36,960
Speaker 5: and her sisters decided to start these businesses, these clothing stores.

1908
01:24:37,000 --> 01:24:39,760
Speaker 5: Like I had to explain all of that because if

1909
01:24:39,760 --> 01:24:41,640
Speaker 5: someone else had said she's only famous because of a

1910
01:24:41,640 --> 01:24:44,360
Speaker 5: sex tape, then my sister is being taught. So if

1911
01:24:44,360 --> 01:24:47,439
Speaker 5: I have a sex tape, I become famous, right right, No,

1912
01:24:47,560 --> 01:24:48,839
Speaker 5: you become a porn star.

1913
01:24:48,920 --> 01:24:51,920
Speaker 1: So I should perform every time. Right now, there's a

1914
01:24:51,960 --> 01:24:53,799
Speaker 1: lot of porn stars, and then there's Kim Kardashian.

1915
01:24:53,880 --> 01:24:58,080
Speaker 5: She's actually done something with that platform and that's why

1916
01:24:58,120 --> 01:24:58,799
Speaker 5: she's so famous.

1917
01:24:58,840 --> 01:25:02,720
Speaker 1: Now, what a hard question. Who would you said? I

1918
01:25:02,720 --> 01:25:10,439
Speaker 1: would have just say I'll get back to you. Do

1919
01:25:10,479 --> 01:25:15,080
Speaker 1: you know Brandy's little brother? Oh my god.

1920
01:25:15,360 --> 01:25:20,080
Speaker 4: Also you talk about wait, do you your dad adopted

1921
01:25:20,120 --> 01:25:20,599
Speaker 4: your sister?

1922
01:25:21,280 --> 01:25:24,400
Speaker 1: No, so my mom my mom.

1923
01:25:24,640 --> 01:25:28,320
Speaker 5: So there's a difference between like adoption fosters during temporary Yeah.

1924
01:25:28,479 --> 01:25:30,639
Speaker 5: So my mom had her when she was four years

1925
01:25:30,680 --> 01:25:34,080
Speaker 5: old to ten years old, and then her biological mother

1926
01:25:34,120 --> 01:25:39,120
Speaker 5: got clean and took her kids back. And my sister's

1927
01:25:39,160 --> 01:25:42,040
Speaker 5: not been with her family for three years. But I

1928
01:25:42,040 --> 01:25:44,519
Speaker 5: played very actival in her life. So she spent summer

1929
01:25:44,560 --> 01:25:48,000
Speaker 5: with me. Summers, she spends weekends with me. I'm like

1930
01:25:48,240 --> 01:25:50,240
Speaker 5: the person in charge of making sure she's okay.

1931
01:25:50,400 --> 01:25:53,400
Speaker 4: Okay, but she she does live with her biological mom now.

1932
01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:55,440
Speaker 1: But she allows you to have a relationship with relationship

1933
01:25:55,439 --> 01:25:59,679
Speaker 1: with her still. Yeah, yeah, it's complicated. I just applicated.

1934
01:26:00,479 --> 01:26:02,960
Speaker 3: I saw like a small well, you don't just get

1935
01:26:03,000 --> 01:26:05,640
Speaker 3: clean and suddenly you're mother of the year, right, you know,

1936
01:26:06,200 --> 01:26:06,840
Speaker 3: that's just how it.

1937
01:26:06,880 --> 01:26:10,240
Speaker 5: Works, right, Yeah, And sometimes being present is not always

1938
01:26:10,320 --> 01:26:11,040
Speaker 5: the best thing for.

1939
01:26:11,000 --> 01:26:13,439
Speaker 1: The kid, right, And if you're not in the right mind.

1940
01:26:13,240 --> 01:26:15,360
Speaker 5: So right, and then there's a difference of like some

1941
01:26:15,520 --> 01:26:18,479
Speaker 5: kids grow up angry. A lot of kids in foster

1942
01:26:18,479 --> 01:26:20,080
Speaker 5: care grow up angry because they're like, I don't care

1943
01:26:20,120 --> 01:26:21,280
Speaker 5: how great this home is.

1944
01:26:21,520 --> 01:26:23,559
Speaker 1: I want my real mom, I want my real day.

1945
01:26:24,280 --> 01:26:28,160
Speaker 5: But then when they are given that opportunity, then they're like, oh,

1946
01:26:28,280 --> 01:26:30,320
Speaker 5: this is why I was taken out of this environment

1947
01:26:30,360 --> 01:26:32,880
Speaker 5: in the first place. I don't want this I don't

1948
01:26:32,920 --> 01:26:35,920
Speaker 5: want this mom. So it's tough. It's very it's really

1949
01:26:36,000 --> 01:26:40,040
Speaker 5: hard for foster kids. Whether they're in a comfortable home

1950
01:26:40,160 --> 01:26:42,200
Speaker 5: or not. You know, either way, you're going to have

1951
01:26:42,240 --> 01:26:44,360
Speaker 5: those issues because of the deals.

1952
01:26:44,080 --> 01:26:46,200
Speaker 1: The rejection. Yeah, and then wise.

1953
01:26:47,560 --> 01:26:49,400
Speaker 4: One breth thing that we want to talk about that's

1954
01:26:49,400 --> 01:26:52,680
Speaker 4: in the book, the level ten breakups and crushes.

1955
01:26:54,120 --> 01:26:58,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, so that's I think every heartbreak that you experienced

1956
01:26:58,040 --> 01:27:00,400
Speaker 5: as a teenager is a level ten break up.

1957
01:27:00,760 --> 01:27:03,160
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's the end of your life. It is

1958
01:27:03,240 --> 01:27:04,599
Speaker 1: the end of life.

1959
01:27:04,640 --> 01:27:06,880
Speaker 5: You can take that person for two weeks and it

1960
01:27:06,960 --> 01:27:07,880
Speaker 5: is your heart broken.

1961
01:27:08,520 --> 01:27:09,640
Speaker 1: So I think that.

1962
01:27:10,600 --> 01:27:13,439
Speaker 5: And so when I was writing this book, I really

1963
01:27:13,479 --> 01:27:16,320
Speaker 5: had to tap back into how I felt as a team,

1964
01:27:16,400 --> 01:27:19,960
Speaker 5: because I think there's a huge disconnect and for some reason,

1965
01:27:20,320 --> 01:27:23,240
Speaker 5: adults are like, that's not love. You don't even know

1966
01:27:23,280 --> 01:27:26,760
Speaker 5: what love is, And it's like, yes I do. I'm

1967
01:27:26,760 --> 01:27:28,320
Speaker 5: a kid. I know how to love you. I know

1968
01:27:28,360 --> 01:27:30,800
Speaker 5: how to receive love. You know what I mean love.

1969
01:27:31,080 --> 01:27:33,400
Speaker 5: I know what I'm feeling, and I feel love for

1970
01:27:33,479 --> 01:27:38,080
Speaker 5: this person. And actually I'm falling faster and easier because

1971
01:27:38,240 --> 01:27:40,240
Speaker 5: I haven't been jaded by experience.

1972
01:27:40,640 --> 01:27:42,599
Speaker 1: So yes, I do know what love is anything. It's

1973
01:27:42,600 --> 01:27:44,320
Speaker 1: like the purest love it is.

1974
01:27:44,560 --> 01:27:47,320
Speaker 5: And so when your heart gets broken, it's like, what

1975
01:27:47,360 --> 01:27:47,880
Speaker 5: do you do?

1976
01:27:48,000 --> 01:27:50,439
Speaker 1: How do you react? How do you come back to that?

1977
01:27:50,720 --> 01:27:52,720
Speaker 5: How do you face that person in school every day,

1978
01:27:52,960 --> 01:27:55,160
Speaker 5: sitting next to them in the classroom, and you hate

1979
01:27:55,200 --> 01:27:55,679
Speaker 5: their guts?

1980
01:27:55,680 --> 01:27:56,160
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

1981
01:27:56,200 --> 01:27:58,559
Speaker 5: Those are things That's something else that parents don't really

1982
01:27:58,560 --> 01:28:01,240
Speaker 5: talk to their teens about. So I wanted to give

1983
01:28:01,280 --> 01:28:03,679
Speaker 5: them options for like, here's how you can.

1984
01:28:03,560 --> 01:28:04,120
Speaker 1: Deal with that.

1985
01:28:04,520 --> 01:28:06,600
Speaker 5: If you want to communicate to that person, this is

1986
01:28:06,600 --> 01:28:08,280
Speaker 5: what you can do. If you want to build a

1987
01:28:08,320 --> 01:28:11,360
Speaker 5: relationship or let it go, here's what you do. Because

1988
01:28:11,960 --> 01:28:13,920
Speaker 5: I didn't have anyone telling me that. I remember one

1989
01:28:13,920 --> 01:28:16,320
Speaker 5: time I was crying. I was on the phone with

1990
01:28:16,360 --> 01:28:19,120
Speaker 5: my high school sweetheart. He cheated on me, He like

1991
01:28:19,160 --> 01:28:23,120
Speaker 5: pet kissed this girl, And I was devastated because everybody

1992
01:28:23,160 --> 01:28:25,880
Speaker 5: in school was talking about it, and I'm crying and

1993
01:28:25,920 --> 01:28:28,040
Speaker 5: my dad comes to my room and starts yelling at me,

1994
01:28:28,600 --> 01:28:30,280
Speaker 5: and he's like, why are you.

1995
01:28:30,280 --> 01:28:33,840
Speaker 1: Crying over that? Damn boy, it's such a death. You

1996
01:28:33,840 --> 01:28:36,280
Speaker 1: don't cry. You don't cried, and no, boy, you think

1997
01:28:36,320 --> 01:28:38,200
Speaker 1: that's going to make him like you? And I was like,

1998
01:28:38,479 --> 01:28:40,240
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're so mean.

1999
01:28:40,520 --> 01:28:44,759
Speaker 6: And she's like, we're don't understand already crying.

2000
01:28:44,840 --> 01:28:46,640
Speaker 1: Now you're making me feel worse about it.

2001
01:28:46,880 --> 01:28:49,120
Speaker 5: So it's just like at the time he was trying

2002
01:28:49,120 --> 01:28:51,840
Speaker 5: to toughen me up, but it's like, I'm heartbroken.

2003
01:28:51,920 --> 01:28:54,080
Speaker 1: Here, come give me a hug, right right.

2004
01:28:55,040 --> 01:28:55,160
Speaker 4: Well.

2005
01:28:55,160 --> 01:28:56,840
Speaker 3: I think also as parents, we don't even want to

2006
01:28:56,840 --> 01:28:59,840
Speaker 3: imagine our kids in love or kissing or doing whatever

2007
01:29:00,000 --> 01:29:02,880
Speaker 3: the fuck they're doing in their relations and their you know,

2008
01:29:03,000 --> 01:29:06,320
Speaker 3: relationship whatever, and so we kind of like push it

2009
01:29:06,320 --> 01:29:08,080
Speaker 3: to the side. We're like, oh God, okay, thank God

2010
01:29:08,160 --> 01:29:09,880
Speaker 3: is over. Let's not talk about it. Let's like hope

2011
01:29:09,880 --> 01:29:11,000
Speaker 3: they don't get another.

2012
01:29:10,720 --> 01:29:14,080
Speaker 5: One, right, But they feel that when they when they

2013
01:29:14,200 --> 01:29:16,559
Speaker 5: sense that or when you tell them that they can't

2014
01:29:16,560 --> 01:29:18,120
Speaker 5: come to you with those things.

2015
01:29:17,920 --> 01:29:20,080
Speaker 1: Then that's when they started doing everything behind your back.

2016
01:29:20,760 --> 01:29:22,120
Speaker 1: So the birth control.

2017
01:29:22,720 --> 01:29:25,880
Speaker 5: The best relationship you can have is the one where

2018
01:29:25,960 --> 01:29:28,920
Speaker 5: it pisses you the fuck off, but you allow your

2019
01:29:29,000 --> 01:29:33,080
Speaker 5: kids to be honest with you. Oh lord, that was

2020
01:29:33,080 --> 01:29:34,880
Speaker 5: really hard for my mom. You guys got time.

2021
01:29:35,040 --> 01:29:36,840
Speaker 1: You guys couldn't. She couldn't do it.

2022
01:29:36,880 --> 01:29:39,320
Speaker 3: And that's why I think I just I always kept

2023
01:29:39,360 --> 01:29:44,800
Speaker 3: everything a secret with boys, constantly, sex, first kisses, everything,

2024
01:29:44,920 --> 01:29:46,600
Speaker 3: you know, like, and then I had friends who were like,

2025
01:29:46,680 --> 01:29:49,920
Speaker 3: tell their parents everything, and I was so like perplexed, like,

2026
01:29:49,960 --> 01:29:51,760
Speaker 3: how the fuck are you telling your mom you made

2027
01:29:51,800 --> 01:29:52,240
Speaker 3: up with someone?

2028
01:29:52,320 --> 01:29:52,720
Speaker 1: I know?

2029
01:29:52,800 --> 01:29:53,000
Speaker 3: How?

2030
01:29:53,200 --> 01:29:55,000
Speaker 1: Me too, I could never know.

2031
01:29:55,240 --> 01:29:59,479
Speaker 5: My My mom asked if I had lost my virginity.

2032
01:29:59,520 --> 01:30:00,519
Speaker 1: I think she had proof.

2033
01:30:00,600 --> 01:30:02,760
Speaker 5: I can't remember what happened, what went down, but she

2034
01:30:02,840 --> 01:30:06,000
Speaker 5: knew there was no lying about it, and I told her.

2035
01:30:06,200 --> 01:30:08,320
Speaker 5: And then after that she was like, all right, well, listen,

2036
01:30:08,360 --> 01:30:09,880
Speaker 5: if you're gonna be having sex, I want you to

2037
01:30:09,960 --> 01:30:11,800
Speaker 5: be I want you to use protection, and I don't

2038
01:30:11,840 --> 01:30:12,080
Speaker 5: want you.

2039
01:30:12,080 --> 01:30:12,560
Speaker 1: To lie to me.

2040
01:30:12,760 --> 01:30:14,800
Speaker 5: So when you're going over his house, tell me I'll

2041
01:30:14,800 --> 01:30:17,040
Speaker 5: come pick you up. Can I tell you that my

2042
01:30:17,760 --> 01:30:21,280
Speaker 5: whole high school years, I had the same boyfriend.

2043
01:30:21,439 --> 01:30:23,879
Speaker 1: We had lots of sex. We used lots of protection.

2044
01:30:24,280 --> 01:30:26,360
Speaker 1: My mother always picked me up from his house. My

2045
01:30:26,400 --> 01:30:29,320
Speaker 1: mother communicated with his dad. I never ended up pregnant,

2046
01:30:29,640 --> 01:30:31,760
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like and that was because

2047
01:30:32,720 --> 01:30:37,000
Speaker 1: I knew that I had my mom's trust and right

2048
01:30:37,080 --> 01:30:38,920
Speaker 1: and I didn't. And I was like, this is I'm

2049
01:30:39,000 --> 01:30:42,080
Speaker 1: lucky you were like a situation my mom.

2050
01:30:42,080 --> 01:30:45,880
Speaker 3: When my mom cornered me into like like basically like

2051
01:30:46,280 --> 01:30:48,919
Speaker 3: forced me into telling her that I lost my virginity,

2052
01:30:48,920 --> 01:30:51,960
Speaker 3: then cried when I told her, made shamed me.

2053
01:30:52,280 --> 01:30:55,760
Speaker 1: Essentially. I know she didn't mean to, but she was

2054
01:30:55,880 --> 01:30:58,080
Speaker 1: just didn't know how to deal with it.

2055
01:30:58,400 --> 01:31:02,839
Speaker 3: And because of that, I kept just everything was a secret.

2056
01:31:02,880 --> 01:31:05,040
Speaker 3: Everything was a secret. I wasn't safe all the time.

2057
01:31:05,520 --> 01:31:09,160
Speaker 3: I wasn't like fully equipped, and I did a lot

2058
01:31:09,200 --> 01:31:12,920
Speaker 3: of irresponsible things that, you know, because I felt like

2059
01:31:13,760 --> 01:31:15,680
Speaker 3: I couldn't I couldn't go to her, and she.

2060
01:31:15,640 --> 01:31:17,519
Speaker 1: Didn't want me to go to her. She didn't want that.

2061
01:31:17,560 --> 01:31:19,600
Speaker 1: She couldn't even handle She couldn't handle it, you know.

2062
01:31:19,720 --> 01:31:23,439
Speaker 3: And oh, thinking about Iri and that, you know, I

2063
01:31:23,479 --> 01:31:25,760
Speaker 3: want to give her a different experience. I truly do,

2064
01:31:25,840 --> 01:31:28,559
Speaker 3: and I and I plan to, but I know how

2065
01:31:28,560 --> 01:31:32,280
Speaker 3: difficult that conversation is, and it's something that it's as

2066
01:31:32,320 --> 01:31:36,200
Speaker 3: a parent, you're gonna have to internalize a lot. You're

2067
01:31:36,200 --> 01:31:38,240
Speaker 3: gonna have to internalize a lot of shit because you

2068
01:31:38,280 --> 01:31:40,960
Speaker 3: want to keep your kids trust. You're gonna have to

2069
01:31:41,000 --> 01:31:43,160
Speaker 3: go vent with the dad, go vent with your friends.

2070
01:31:43,600 --> 01:31:46,759
Speaker 3: Don't don't pull put that all on your kid, because

2071
01:31:46,840 --> 01:31:49,720
Speaker 3: you want that door open. And I that door was

2072
01:31:49,760 --> 01:31:53,000
Speaker 3: closed for me. And even now as an adult, it's

2073
01:31:53,120 --> 01:31:55,519
Speaker 3: only recently that I've been open with my mom about

2074
01:31:55,560 --> 01:31:59,960
Speaker 3: my relationships and talking about my problems in my relationship.

2075
01:32:00,120 --> 01:32:02,320
Speaker 3: I always felt like she judged any time, like it

2076
01:32:02,360 --> 01:32:03,280
Speaker 3: was like, well, fuck him, like.

2077
01:32:03,280 --> 01:32:03,840
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

2078
01:32:04,520 --> 01:32:08,439
Speaker 3: It wasn't until honestly, like maybe after this relationship that

2079
01:32:08,439 --> 01:32:10,599
Speaker 3: I've been in that I've been open about, Oh yeah, Mom,

2080
01:32:10,600 --> 01:32:13,040
Speaker 3: I'm dating someone. Oh like I really like this guy

2081
01:32:13,080 --> 01:32:16,040
Speaker 3: and she wants to know. You know, we're finally we're

2082
01:32:16,080 --> 01:32:17,880
Speaker 3: both at a place now where she can receive and

2083
01:32:17,920 --> 01:32:21,000
Speaker 3: I can tell you know. But it's taken some time,

2084
01:32:21,320 --> 01:32:23,240
Speaker 3: and I think only now. I think it's only she's

2085
01:32:23,280 --> 01:32:25,960
Speaker 3: receiving it now. It's because I'm grown as fuck. She

2086
01:32:26,040 --> 01:32:27,880
Speaker 3: could not receive it when I was a kid or

2087
01:32:27,920 --> 01:32:31,000
Speaker 3: a teenager or even an early early in my twenties.

2088
01:32:31,880 --> 01:32:36,040
Speaker 1: So the next book will be for parents with teens.

2089
01:32:37,560 --> 01:32:39,679
Speaker 3: When you go have some kids, though, because you're gonna

2090
01:32:39,680 --> 01:32:43,679
Speaker 3: be like mom of the year, right, No, the most

2091
01:32:43,760 --> 01:32:46,320
Speaker 3: like a well adapted child of all time.

2092
01:32:46,479 --> 01:32:49,280
Speaker 5: So it's crazy because people ask me that question all

2093
01:32:49,320 --> 01:32:53,799
Speaker 5: the time, and in this moment, I don't want children.

2094
01:32:53,960 --> 01:32:54,720
Speaker 1: Do you want?

2095
01:32:54,800 --> 01:32:54,960
Speaker 4: Do you?

2096
01:32:55,200 --> 01:32:57,360
Speaker 1: But do you want kids ultimately? Or you don't know?

2097
01:32:57,520 --> 01:32:59,640
Speaker 5: I feel like I have kids. I feel like I

2098
01:32:59,640 --> 01:33:01,960
Speaker 5: have so I'm being honest. I feel like I have

2099
01:33:02,040 --> 01:33:05,120
Speaker 5: so many kids, Like most people don't even see the

2100
01:33:05,200 --> 01:33:09,920
Speaker 5: stress that I take on in trying to fulfill the

2101
01:33:09,960 --> 01:33:12,600
Speaker 5: needs of all of these children that I Some of

2102
01:33:12,640 --> 01:33:14,840
Speaker 5: them I girl really close bonds with and they don't

2103
01:33:14,840 --> 01:33:17,120
Speaker 5: have parents there, Like I just dealt with back to

2104
01:33:17,160 --> 01:33:17,960
Speaker 5: school shopping.

2105
01:33:18,040 --> 01:33:19,559
Speaker 1: Do you know how many kids that I have.

2106
01:33:19,479 --> 01:33:22,559
Speaker 5: Strong relationships with who had holes in their sneakers, who

2107
01:33:22,600 --> 01:33:26,040
Speaker 5: had no clothes, had like, couldn't get their hair done,

2108
01:33:26,120 --> 01:33:28,120
Speaker 5: all these different things to prepare for schools and their

2109
01:33:28,160 --> 01:33:30,400
Speaker 5: parents are on drugs, their parents aren't around, they don't care,

2110
01:33:30,920 --> 01:33:34,400
Speaker 5: and so me struggling to take care of my damn self.

2111
01:33:34,560 --> 01:33:36,880
Speaker 5: I'm like Okay, I gotta find a way. How let

2112
01:33:36,880 --> 01:33:38,640
Speaker 5: me see if I can get some sneakers donated, Like

2113
01:33:38,680 --> 01:33:41,760
Speaker 5: it's a lot of stress outside of work and so

2114
01:33:41,800 --> 01:33:44,360
Speaker 5: and then I have my sister. So I feel like

2115
01:33:44,600 --> 01:33:47,360
Speaker 5: if I had kids, and you guys understand as parents

2116
01:33:47,640 --> 01:33:52,599
Speaker 5: how time consuming it is, just mentally, physically, like everything,

2117
01:33:52,640 --> 01:33:55,599
Speaker 5: it takes so much of you that I think if

2118
01:33:55,640 --> 01:33:57,840
Speaker 5: I had my own children, I would not be able

2119
01:33:57,880 --> 01:34:02,240
Speaker 5: to assist with these kids in the capacity that I am.

2120
01:34:02,520 --> 01:34:04,600
Speaker 4: Sometimes it takes for like a person like you, like

2121
01:34:04,640 --> 01:34:07,800
Speaker 4: you're calling is obviously this and to be there for

2122
01:34:07,840 --> 01:34:11,040
Speaker 4: these kids who are so less fortunate, and obviously, because

2123
01:34:11,200 --> 01:34:14,960
Speaker 4: you're not like biologically their parent, you have the opportunity

2124
01:34:15,040 --> 01:34:18,800
Speaker 4: to effectively like be a guidance and of assistance to

2125
01:34:19,080 --> 01:34:21,720
Speaker 4: a lot of kids who need it. And I think

2126
01:34:21,720 --> 01:34:23,880
Speaker 4: it's like that's kind of first of all, it's a

2127
01:34:24,320 --> 01:34:28,520
Speaker 4: very commendable to you to recognize that, Like you're selfless

2128
01:34:28,640 --> 01:34:30,880
Speaker 4: enough to recognize if I had my own kids, I

2129
01:34:30,880 --> 01:34:33,000
Speaker 4: would probably not to be able to be of such

2130
01:34:33,040 --> 01:34:34,040
Speaker 4: service to so many.

2131
01:34:33,960 --> 01:34:34,519
Speaker 1: Kids in need.

2132
01:34:35,000 --> 01:34:38,479
Speaker 4: And I mean, yeah, you're technically a mom, but you

2133
01:34:38,520 --> 01:34:40,559
Speaker 4: do understand the stress of actually doing that.

2134
01:34:41,080 --> 01:34:43,280
Speaker 1: So I mean, I just think you have to.

2135
01:34:43,400 --> 01:34:45,599
Speaker 4: I mean, I think it's an amazing You're an amazing woman,

2136
01:34:45,680 --> 01:34:48,760
Speaker 4: and that's to understand, like sometimes you're calling as a

2137
01:34:48,800 --> 01:34:52,720
Speaker 4: parent or mother figure. Is it the traditional way that

2138
01:34:52,760 --> 01:34:55,439
Speaker 4: you see it, But it's still like not to be

2139
01:34:55,520 --> 01:34:57,720
Speaker 4: taken away from by any point because there's so much

2140
01:34:57,720 --> 01:35:01,679
Speaker 4: pressure from society like or why don't you have kids?

2141
01:35:01,840 --> 01:35:03,639
Speaker 1: Oh so and so and so and so about kids?

2142
01:35:03,800 --> 01:35:07,000
Speaker 1: You got this profound amazing book teaching kids. Why don't

2143
01:35:07,040 --> 01:35:08,960
Speaker 1: you have kids? You know, like caught the sticking who's

2144
01:35:08,960 --> 01:35:09,240
Speaker 1: your man?

2145
01:35:09,479 --> 01:35:12,080
Speaker 5: Because so many of my kids don't have moms, right

2146
01:35:12,560 --> 01:35:13,719
Speaker 5: right exactly.

2147
01:35:13,840 --> 01:35:16,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I think that's that's pretty fucking amazing.

2148
01:35:16,680 --> 01:35:20,120
Speaker 3: Thanks, And I think that I think I love how

2149
01:35:20,280 --> 01:35:22,640
Speaker 3: I mean, I know that through your work outside of

2150
01:35:22,720 --> 01:35:25,080
Speaker 3: just Precious Streams Foundation, just through your work as you know,

2151
01:35:25,320 --> 01:35:27,599
Speaker 3: and you did music in the past, dancing, you've made

2152
01:35:27,880 --> 01:35:31,680
Speaker 3: connections with a lot of our favorite our favorite celebrities

2153
01:35:31,720 --> 01:35:34,200
Speaker 3: currently and they've contributed. And I know that we live

2154
01:35:34,200 --> 01:35:36,040
Speaker 3: in a time now where like that type of ship

2155
01:35:36,880 --> 01:35:38,920
Speaker 3: connects to kids, like they're going to see that like

2156
01:35:39,040 --> 01:35:42,439
Speaker 3: Miguel contributed to your to your book, or Azapberg and

2157
01:35:42,439 --> 01:35:44,400
Speaker 3: they'll be like, oh, I want to listen, you know,

2158
01:35:44,720 --> 01:35:47,320
Speaker 3: and like, like, I think that that's amazing that you

2159
01:35:47,320 --> 01:35:49,000
Speaker 3: were able to get those voices, because at the end

2160
01:35:49,040 --> 01:35:51,600
Speaker 3: of the day, they are people, and people.

2161
01:35:51,360 --> 01:35:54,720
Speaker 5: They have some Some of those people have the biggest influence.

2162
01:35:55,000 --> 01:35:59,360
Speaker 5: Right So even as a mother, I read might not

2163
01:35:59,439 --> 01:36:03,160
Speaker 5: as a teen, I might not listen to you over

2164
01:36:03,680 --> 01:36:08,080
Speaker 5: the advice that her favorite singer gives you. So knowing

2165
01:36:08,120 --> 01:36:11,320
Speaker 5: that those type of people in these powerful positions had

2166
01:36:11,320 --> 01:36:15,280
Speaker 5: this influence, I wanted to connect them in these intimate

2167
01:36:15,320 --> 01:36:18,520
Speaker 5: spaces with the children that would never have these opportunities.

2168
01:36:18,520 --> 01:36:21,280
Speaker 5: And so through pressure streams, we've had Miguel come out

2169
01:36:21,320 --> 01:36:23,479
Speaker 5: and sit in a room with fifty teenagers that lived

2170
01:36:23,520 --> 01:36:26,479
Speaker 5: in a homeless shelter and talk to them about his

2171
01:36:26,600 --> 01:36:29,240
Speaker 5: teenage experiences and the things that he needed to hear.

2172
01:36:29,720 --> 01:36:31,960
Speaker 5: And I knew that that moment was a day that

2173
01:36:32,040 --> 01:36:35,160
Speaker 5: these kids would never forget. You know, it's not as

2174
01:36:35,200 --> 01:36:37,120
Speaker 5: easy as and I don't want to put names out there,

2175
01:36:37,160 --> 01:36:39,479
Speaker 5: but I've reached out to celebrities and they're like, Oh,

2176
01:36:39,600 --> 01:36:41,160
Speaker 5: I don't have time to talk to the kids, but

2177
01:36:41,160 --> 01:36:42,720
Speaker 5: I'll send them some concert tickets.

2178
01:36:42,800 --> 01:36:45,439
Speaker 1: And it's like it may not be as profound when

2179
01:36:45,479 --> 01:36:48,439
Speaker 1: you hear it. They could jump around at home and

2180
01:36:48,479 --> 01:36:49,360
Speaker 1: listen to the song.

2181
01:36:49,680 --> 01:36:51,800
Speaker 4: They can actually relate to someone out like, oh my god,

2182
01:36:51,880 --> 01:36:53,519
Speaker 4: this person had challenges too.

2183
01:36:54,200 --> 01:36:58,080
Speaker 1: So it's not just me. I'm not alone in these feelings. Yeah.

2184
01:36:57,800 --> 01:37:00,000
Speaker 5: So yeah, So I put some of our guests speaker

2185
01:37:00,120 --> 01:37:02,559
Speaker 5: is in the book. It's some of the things that

2186
01:37:02,560 --> 01:37:05,120
Speaker 5: they dealt with, like it's At first, it was crazy

2187
01:37:05,160 --> 01:37:08,080
Speaker 5: because he was so eager to share his story in

2188
01:37:08,120 --> 01:37:11,559
Speaker 5: the book, because he was like, when I'm doing my music,

2189
01:37:11,680 --> 01:37:14,639
Speaker 5: I don't like I make I try to make hits.

2190
01:37:14,680 --> 01:37:17,080
Speaker 5: I try to make songs and people are gonna love

2191
01:37:17,080 --> 01:37:18,920
Speaker 5: the people are going to dance to. And I don't

2192
01:37:18,920 --> 01:37:21,679
Speaker 5: want to make a sad song about my father dying

2193
01:37:21,800 --> 01:37:24,080
Speaker 5: and me going and depression and all this stuff as

2194
01:37:24,080 --> 01:37:27,320
Speaker 5: a teenager. But this is a space where I can

2195
01:37:27,760 --> 01:37:30,240
Speaker 5: share it with kids and they can read about it

2196
01:37:30,640 --> 01:37:32,519
Speaker 5: and hopefully it'll help them in that way.

2197
01:37:32,640 --> 01:37:34,559
Speaker 1: Right, And I'm not worried about it down and Debbie

2198
01:37:34,560 --> 01:37:35,400
Speaker 1: down in my album.

2199
01:37:35,800 --> 01:37:35,920
Speaker 5: Right.

2200
01:37:36,240 --> 01:37:39,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, you know, he probably has a better way.

2201
01:37:39,200 --> 01:37:41,800
Speaker 3: You can really break it down and really explain, you know,

2202
01:37:42,160 --> 01:37:45,280
Speaker 3: that side of him.

2203
01:37:44,120 --> 01:37:45,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, and tell his own story, because that's a whole

2204
01:37:45,960 --> 01:37:49,599
Speaker 5: other thing. So many people are are we having more?

2205
01:37:50,240 --> 01:37:53,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want more. I don't think we have any more. Sorry,

2206
01:37:54,200 --> 01:38:00,080
Speaker 1: we interview over. No, no we have, we have a

2207
01:38:00,240 --> 01:38:03,479
Speaker 1: little bit more. And no, I'm just choking. I mean

2208
01:38:03,560 --> 01:38:06,040
Speaker 1: kind of, but I'm kind of joking. We are at

2209
01:38:06,080 --> 01:38:09,840
Speaker 1: the end. We have some advice. Yeah, we got we

2210
01:38:09,920 --> 01:38:11,680
Speaker 1: got a uh.

2211
01:38:12,800 --> 01:38:15,080
Speaker 3: We We always ask our listeners to send in any

2212
01:38:15,160 --> 01:38:17,719
Speaker 3: questions they have that we can answer, and I feel

2213
01:38:17,720 --> 01:38:21,000
Speaker 3: like this is a really great question that maybe you

2214
01:38:21,080 --> 01:38:22,360
Speaker 3: have a great perspective on.

2215
01:38:23,800 --> 01:38:27,200
Speaker 4: It's an anonymous and also just to our listeners in general,

2216
01:38:27,600 --> 01:38:30,639
Speaker 4: a you can send us in questions for advice that

2217
01:38:30,720 --> 01:38:34,679
Speaker 4: you are seeking. But also before I read this, they

2218
01:38:34,800 --> 01:38:38,840
Speaker 4: have been a lot. This is not the first big

2219
01:38:38,920 --> 01:38:42,920
Speaker 4: like advice we've been asked. That's like around physical abuse.

2220
01:38:43,439 --> 01:38:46,720
Speaker 4: So if this is anything anyone else is struggling with,

2221
01:38:47,080 --> 01:38:48,080
Speaker 4: this is this is.

2222
01:38:48,080 --> 01:38:50,720
Speaker 1: Like a big deal, and don't ever like downplay it.

2223
01:38:51,160 --> 01:38:54,480
Speaker 4: And you can always come and obviously we're not like professionals,

2224
01:38:54,520 --> 01:38:56,960
Speaker 4: but we're gonna always provide the best advice we can

2225
01:38:56,960 --> 01:39:01,000
Speaker 4: give you. But take it really seriously because it's real. Anyway,

2226
01:39:01,160 --> 01:39:04,960
Speaker 4: to our anonymous advice. She writes question for you ladies.

2227
01:39:05,880 --> 01:39:08,360
Speaker 4: My husband and I got into an argument last week.

2228
01:39:08,560 --> 01:39:11,200
Speaker 4: I ended up grabbing his arm to prevent him from leaving.

2229
01:39:11,760 --> 01:39:14,559
Speaker 4: He shoved me back, so I swung at him. Next

2230
01:39:14,560 --> 01:39:17,080
Speaker 4: thing I know he was he has me pinned to

2231
01:39:17,160 --> 01:39:20,919
Speaker 4: the bed, choking me. Never has he showed signs of abuse,

2232
01:39:21,000 --> 01:39:23,200
Speaker 4: but it scared me so much I had to leave,

2233
01:39:23,320 --> 01:39:25,920
Speaker 4: and I am now staying with my parents. We have

2234
01:39:25,960 --> 01:39:28,080
Speaker 4: a one year old daughter, and I would feel terrible

2235
01:39:28,160 --> 01:39:29,719
Speaker 4: for tearing our family apart.

2236
01:39:30,160 --> 01:39:32,360
Speaker 1: I'm so scared of becoming a single mother.

2237
01:39:32,520 --> 01:39:34,759
Speaker 4: But the more and more I think about what happened,

2238
01:39:34,960 --> 01:39:37,639
Speaker 4: I don't know if I can forgive my husband. Not

2239
01:39:37,680 --> 01:39:40,360
Speaker 4: sure how y'all decided it was time to end the relationship,

2240
01:39:40,360 --> 01:39:41,920
Speaker 4: but could really use some advice.

2241
01:39:45,240 --> 01:39:48,880
Speaker 3: So this is this is a tricky one because it

2242
01:39:48,920 --> 01:39:52,640
Speaker 3: is like there is no first or second or like

2243
01:39:52,640 --> 01:39:54,719
Speaker 3: there's no good time for violence.

2244
01:39:54,760 --> 01:39:56,879
Speaker 1: There's no like limit on when it's.

2245
01:39:57,520 --> 01:40:01,360
Speaker 3: What Okay, I get it, people have to stuff coming

2246
01:40:01,400 --> 01:40:04,439
Speaker 3: in and okay, I've been so good. There's no like,

2247
01:40:04,920 --> 01:40:07,360
Speaker 3: oh it's the first time. I mean, people always say

2248
01:40:08,000 --> 01:40:10,120
Speaker 3: people always say if there's if he's into what once

2249
01:40:10,160 --> 01:40:10,960
Speaker 3: they're going to do it again.

2250
01:40:11,360 --> 01:40:12,280
Speaker 1: That's what they always say.

2251
01:40:12,360 --> 01:40:16,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I don't know if that's always true, But

2252
01:40:16,680 --> 01:40:22,800
Speaker 3: I also know that accepting something like that starts the

2253
01:40:22,840 --> 01:40:25,320
Speaker 3: big path of normalization, you know what I mean?

2254
01:40:25,439 --> 01:40:29,760
Speaker 1: And I don't know. I think that there's like, there

2255
01:40:29,800 --> 01:40:31,600
Speaker 1: were a few issues that I heard in there. So

2256
01:40:31,720 --> 01:40:32,479
Speaker 1: one is.

2257
01:40:32,400 --> 01:40:37,719
Speaker 5: That she's considering and figuring out how she feels, trying

2258
01:40:37,760 --> 01:40:40,519
Speaker 5: to process this and deciding if she's going to stay

2259
01:40:40,520 --> 01:40:43,240
Speaker 5: with him. She's considering that she should stay with him

2260
01:40:43,240 --> 01:40:45,080
Speaker 5: because they have a one year old, right, So I

2261
01:40:45,120 --> 01:40:51,000
Speaker 5: think the biggest problem is deciding whether or not you

2262
01:40:51,080 --> 01:40:53,720
Speaker 5: stay in healthy or unhealthy relationships based on the fact

2263
01:40:53,720 --> 01:40:57,960
Speaker 5: that you have children with this person, because children never

2264
01:40:58,040 --> 01:41:00,799
Speaker 5: deserve to grow up in a toxic or unhealthy environment,

2265
01:41:02,040 --> 01:41:03,799
Speaker 5: so that shouldn't be a factor.

2266
01:41:05,439 --> 01:41:07,600
Speaker 1: One thing that should be considered, though, is that she

2267
01:41:09,240 --> 01:41:11,879
Speaker 1: swung on him first, right, she said.

2268
01:41:11,640 --> 01:41:14,840
Speaker 4: She pulled, she pulled his arm back, and then she

2269
01:41:14,960 --> 01:41:16,840
Speaker 4: swung at and then he's.

2270
01:41:16,520 --> 01:41:19,000
Speaker 1: Like he like swung off of her, like I guess

2271
01:41:19,000 --> 01:41:20,040
Speaker 1: she tried to make him.

2272
01:41:19,880 --> 01:41:22,680
Speaker 4: Stay, and he when he and releasing her, he like

2273
01:41:22,800 --> 01:41:25,320
Speaker 4: kind of hit her, and then she strip then she

2274
01:41:25,400 --> 01:41:27,880
Speaker 4: hit him and then she was put down on the bed.

2275
01:41:28,120 --> 01:41:28,400
Speaker 1: Yeah.

2276
01:41:28,479 --> 01:41:33,000
Speaker 5: So so basically there's violence on both parts, right, and

2277
01:41:33,080 --> 01:41:36,120
Speaker 5: that's something that I don't think can be solved without

2278
01:41:36,760 --> 01:41:40,320
Speaker 5: possible therapy. Like I think that they need to really

2279
01:41:41,160 --> 01:41:43,400
Speaker 5: make this a bigger issue than it is, because some

2280
01:41:43,439 --> 01:41:46,200
Speaker 5: people will be like, Okay, he's had time to think

2281
01:41:46,240 --> 01:41:46,880
Speaker 5: about it.

2282
01:41:46,920 --> 01:41:48,800
Speaker 1: I forgive him, We're going to move on.

2283
01:41:49,680 --> 01:41:52,720
Speaker 5: But that's such a big issue that that needs to

2284
01:41:52,720 --> 01:41:56,800
Speaker 5: be talked through, because then the real issue is why

2285
01:41:56,800 --> 01:41:59,960
Speaker 5: are you trying to physically keep him here? And then

2286
01:42:00,040 --> 01:42:02,439
Speaker 5: and why did he feel he needed to hurt you

2287
01:42:02,760 --> 01:42:04,479
Speaker 5: in order to calm you down?

2288
01:42:04,680 --> 01:42:04,880
Speaker 1: You know?

2289
01:42:05,040 --> 01:42:07,360
Speaker 5: So that's I think those are issues that they need

2290
01:42:07,400 --> 01:42:10,200
Speaker 5: to get professional help or if they do want to

2291
01:42:10,240 --> 01:42:11,200
Speaker 5: try to work it out.

2292
01:42:11,479 --> 01:42:16,080
Speaker 3: Obviously they have argued before this that it's to come

2293
01:42:16,120 --> 01:42:17,960
Speaker 3: to this, you know what I mean, Like there's a

2294
01:42:18,040 --> 01:42:22,040
Speaker 3: backstory that we don't know about that they've obviously, I mean,

2295
01:42:22,400 --> 01:42:25,920
Speaker 3: I'm assuming, but I'm pretty sure like they've argued intensely before.

2296
01:42:26,280 --> 01:42:29,280
Speaker 3: Usually it leads to this something she.

2297
01:42:29,280 --> 01:42:30,080
Speaker 1: Said, this is the first time.

2298
01:42:30,640 --> 01:42:32,400
Speaker 3: No, I don't mean I don't mean physical, but I mean,

2299
01:42:32,439 --> 01:42:35,639
Speaker 3: like they when it's something in their relationship where there's

2300
01:42:35,680 --> 01:42:38,200
Speaker 3: probably a culmination of things in the relationship that have

2301
01:42:38,320 --> 01:42:42,880
Speaker 3: led to this point. So I think understanding whatever that is,

2302
01:42:42,960 --> 01:42:45,439
Speaker 3: and like understanding like why it is that she felt

2303
01:42:45,479 --> 01:42:47,200
Speaker 3: like she needed, like you said, to keep him there,

2304
01:42:47,200 --> 01:42:53,000
Speaker 3: and she used she used force as well, and obviously

2305
01:42:53,040 --> 01:42:56,200
Speaker 3: he used greater force. But like, how do we measure?

2306
01:42:56,360 --> 01:42:59,360
Speaker 3: Is there a measure of like what's better and what's worse?

2307
01:42:59,439 --> 01:43:03,120
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? It's hard. I said the

2308
01:43:03,160 --> 01:43:04,799
Speaker 1: same thing. I said, I needed to go to therapy.

2309
01:43:04,880 --> 01:43:06,280
Speaker 4: I said, I think it was best that you did

2310
01:43:06,400 --> 01:43:09,280
Speaker 4: leave and go stay with your moms, because in situations

2311
01:43:09,320 --> 01:43:12,559
Speaker 4: like this, you like, I think women are like this

2312
01:43:12,600 --> 01:43:15,519
Speaker 4: happens to everybody sometimes and aid, Now that's not true,

2313
01:43:16,000 --> 01:43:19,519
Speaker 4: and be like that person, no matter what you decide

2314
01:43:19,560 --> 01:43:22,040
Speaker 4: to do, has to know this is not to be

2315
01:43:22,080 --> 01:43:24,960
Speaker 4: fucking tolerated. I'm not fucking with you. I'm not playing

2316
01:43:25,040 --> 01:43:26,680
Speaker 4: with you in any case. You think this is going

2317
01:43:26,720 --> 01:43:29,000
Speaker 4: to be the norm in our relationship, Nope. Just know

2318
01:43:29,120 --> 01:43:31,439
Speaker 4: that I will remove myself at any point at.

2319
01:43:31,280 --> 01:43:32,800
Speaker 1: A drop of the doctor that she did.

2320
01:43:32,920 --> 01:43:34,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's why I said. I said, that was great,

2321
01:43:34,400 --> 01:43:36,120
Speaker 4: and maybe you should be there for a little while.

2322
01:43:36,160 --> 01:43:39,960
Speaker 4: So he understands the magnitude of his actions. I told her, like, yeah,

2323
01:43:39,960 --> 01:43:41,840
Speaker 4: you definitely should have like hit him. First of all,

2324
01:43:42,520 --> 01:43:46,639
Speaker 4: don't hit no man because he's probabdent to win. And

2325
01:43:46,640 --> 01:43:48,840
Speaker 4: and of course there's this whole trauma about being a

2326
01:43:48,880 --> 01:43:53,000
Speaker 4: single mom that is surrounded by whether we should say

2327
01:43:53,040 --> 01:43:55,920
Speaker 4: or we should leave, which also is so fucking ridiculous

2328
01:43:55,960 --> 01:43:57,559
Speaker 4: because it's just.

2329
01:43:57,479 --> 01:44:00,280
Speaker 3: Social bullshit, you know, Like that's not the Like, I'm

2330
01:44:00,439 --> 01:44:03,400
Speaker 3: so much happier being a single mom honestly, Like too,

2331
01:44:03,439 --> 01:44:05,720
Speaker 3: I feel like there's such a negative connotation about being

2332
01:44:05,720 --> 01:44:06,320
Speaker 3: a single parent.

2333
01:44:06,320 --> 01:44:07,880
Speaker 1: It's like it's like it's like.

2334
01:44:07,800 --> 01:44:10,840
Speaker 3: A woman's greatest fear. And I feel like, I mean,

2335
01:44:11,120 --> 01:44:12,679
Speaker 3: no offense to her. I mean, I know she didn't

2336
01:44:12,720 --> 01:44:16,439
Speaker 3: say like to be offensive but or not. I know

2337
01:44:16,560 --> 01:44:18,240
Speaker 3: she didn't say it to be offensive to us, but

2338
01:44:18,280 --> 01:44:20,719
Speaker 3: like I just know that like sometimes it's better, honestly,

2339
01:44:20,920 --> 01:44:22,320
Speaker 3: But it's taken us to be.

2340
01:44:22,439 --> 01:44:25,920
Speaker 1: Here to know to know. Yeah, it took us a

2341
01:44:25,920 --> 01:44:26,639
Speaker 1: while to leave.

2342
01:44:26,880 --> 01:44:28,720
Speaker 3: And we thought we put our kids in front of

2343
01:44:28,760 --> 01:44:31,839
Speaker 3: our own, our kids what we felt like their needs

2344
01:44:32,080 --> 01:44:33,840
Speaker 3: in front of our own. When it came to what

2345
01:44:33,920 --> 01:44:38,840
Speaker 3: we were tolerating, I think there's no black or white

2346
01:44:38,840 --> 01:44:41,519
Speaker 3: answer to answer this. There's no like yes, leave him

2347
01:44:41,600 --> 01:44:45,760
Speaker 3: or no stay. But I think also you just yeah,

2348
01:44:45,880 --> 01:44:47,960
Speaker 3: you have to kind of analyze your situation. You probably

2349
01:44:48,000 --> 01:44:51,640
Speaker 3: are going to need some therapy. Probably you have to.

2350
01:44:51,840 --> 01:44:54,320
Speaker 3: You have to think, what what led me here? What

2351
01:44:54,479 --> 01:44:57,080
Speaker 3: led us here? Will it show up again? It doesn't

2352
01:44:57,080 --> 01:44:59,320
Speaker 3: necessarily always have to show up in violence. That he

2353
01:44:59,400 --> 01:45:01,680
Speaker 3: might not ever physical with you again, but it might

2354
01:45:01,720 --> 01:45:06,320
Speaker 3: start being emotionally emotionally toxic, you know what I mean,

2355
01:45:06,320 --> 01:45:10,360
Speaker 3: which is sometimes even worse. And maybe he's already been

2356
01:45:10,360 --> 01:45:11,559
Speaker 3: emotionally right, and you.

2357
01:45:11,880 --> 01:45:12,760
Speaker 1: Need to write I said that to you.

2358
01:45:12,840 --> 01:45:14,800
Speaker 4: Are you need to recognize that there's other forms of

2359
01:45:14,840 --> 01:45:17,800
Speaker 4: abuse that have happened prior to this, because even in

2360
01:45:17,840 --> 01:45:20,560
Speaker 4: my relationship, my last relationship, this is someone I was

2361
01:45:21,080 --> 01:45:23,759
Speaker 4: my high school sweetheart and I've known him for fifteen

2362
01:45:23,840 --> 01:45:25,760
Speaker 4: years and then we lived together, you know, five years,

2363
01:45:25,800 --> 01:45:28,559
Speaker 4: we had a baby. But it was just this slow,

2364
01:45:28,920 --> 01:45:33,320
Speaker 4: toxic progression of abuse. And I was so dug deep

2365
01:45:33,320 --> 01:45:35,559
Speaker 4: in this hole that it was so verbal. I became

2366
01:45:35,680 --> 01:45:38,080
Speaker 4: so numb to it, so immune to it. Someone shit

2367
01:45:38,160 --> 01:45:40,360
Speaker 4: talking to me, someone questioning me a lot like a

2368
01:45:40,360 --> 01:45:43,439
Speaker 4: deeply insecure guy who's constantly accusing you of doing things

2369
01:45:43,439 --> 01:45:45,639
Speaker 4: you're not doing, like are you out there doing.

2370
01:45:45,479 --> 01:45:47,000
Speaker 1: Hoh shit da da da.

2371
01:45:47,200 --> 01:45:50,439
Speaker 4: There's just like a psychological type of abuse that happens.

2372
01:45:50,439 --> 01:45:52,080
Speaker 4: First a lot of times they build you up to

2373
01:45:52,120 --> 01:45:55,960
Speaker 4: break you the fuck back down, and then it graduated

2374
01:45:56,040 --> 01:45:57,040
Speaker 4: slowly to like.

2375
01:45:57,040 --> 01:45:58,200
Speaker 1: A push a shove.

2376
01:45:58,560 --> 01:46:00,280
Speaker 4: One time, I was supposed to go to Vaga with

2377
01:46:00,280 --> 01:46:02,360
Speaker 4: my friends and he got upset with me and.

2378
01:46:02,320 --> 01:46:05,400
Speaker 1: Like sprained my ankle. But it was like it was

2379
01:46:05,439 --> 01:46:06,240
Speaker 1: this weird like.

2380
01:46:07,920 --> 01:46:10,200
Speaker 4: Premeditated abuse for it was like I'm not gonna leave

2381
01:46:10,240 --> 01:46:12,519
Speaker 4: a mark, but I'm gonna hurt you, like I'm gonna

2382
01:46:12,520 --> 01:46:14,560
Speaker 4: twist your arm. And then I got to Vegas and

2383
01:46:14,600 --> 01:46:16,000
Speaker 4: I ended up having to go in the hospital because

2384
01:46:16,080 --> 01:46:16,600
Speaker 4: my fucking I.

2385
01:46:16,560 --> 01:46:17,799
Speaker 1: Could not walk on my foot.

2386
01:46:18,439 --> 01:46:20,160
Speaker 4: And even then, like I brushed it under, I brushed

2387
01:46:20,160 --> 01:46:24,160
Speaker 4: it under, it brushed it under until there were several

2388
01:46:24,200 --> 01:46:27,640
Speaker 4: things that happened, and of course I just like just

2389
01:46:27,640 --> 01:46:30,120
Speaker 4: just chopped it up to shit, you know. And then

2390
01:46:30,360 --> 01:46:32,960
Speaker 4: there was like the one of the last straws is

2391
01:46:33,400 --> 01:46:35,720
Speaker 4: my kid. I was with Luna and he did the

2392
01:46:35,760 --> 01:46:38,160
Speaker 4: ship in front of Lorna and then like he drew blood,

2393
01:46:39,040 --> 01:46:41,240
Speaker 4: and it was like the sight of my own blood

2394
01:46:41,400 --> 01:46:43,519
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, I'm I'm a fucking battered

2395
01:46:43,760 --> 01:46:46,760
Speaker 4: I'm a victim. Like it literally took years and years

2396
01:46:46,760 --> 01:46:48,360
Speaker 4: and years and years, and my friends were like, bits,

2397
01:46:48,439 --> 01:46:48,960
Speaker 4: that's not normal.

2398
01:46:49,000 --> 01:46:50,920
Speaker 1: That's not normal. This is not normal. This is not normal.

2399
01:46:51,040 --> 01:46:53,679
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, he's crazy d D D until

2400
01:46:53,800 --> 01:46:54,720
Speaker 1: it was in front of my kid.

2401
01:46:54,800 --> 01:46:57,360
Speaker 4: And then, like even to be completely honest, which is

2402
01:46:57,360 --> 01:47:01,560
Speaker 4: embarrassing to say, like weeks later after that happened, I

2403
01:47:01,920 --> 01:47:04,000
Speaker 4: was around him again, and then he'd be like come

2404
01:47:04,040 --> 01:47:04,479
Speaker 4: over and.

2405
01:47:04,520 --> 01:47:06,080
Speaker 1: He's like, well, I'm so sorry, let me take you

2406
01:47:06,120 --> 01:47:07,640
Speaker 1: to this, and I would go.

2407
01:47:08,160 --> 01:47:10,960
Speaker 4: And then finally, like a month later, Luna was still

2408
01:47:11,000 --> 01:47:14,679
Speaker 4: talking about it, and she was telling people mommy's booker's bleeding.

2409
01:47:15,360 --> 01:47:19,559
Speaker 4: Police come like she was not even verbally, like she

2410
01:47:19,560 --> 01:47:22,880
Speaker 4: couldn't even communicate like good, but she was communicating that shit.

2411
01:47:23,120 --> 01:47:25,719
Speaker 4: And then it'd be like two months out, three months out,

2412
01:47:25,840 --> 01:47:28,639
Speaker 4: and I'm like, oh my god, I've trauma. I've allowed

2413
01:47:28,640 --> 01:47:32,280
Speaker 4: this situation to literally traumatize my child. And it took

2414
01:47:32,320 --> 01:47:35,320
Speaker 4: me a few times to realize like I'm taking part

2415
01:47:35,360 --> 01:47:38,639
Speaker 4: in this, I'm allowing it, and I have to cut

2416
01:47:38,640 --> 01:47:41,040
Speaker 4: the shit off, and you know, and then finally I

2417
01:47:41,080 --> 01:47:42,719
Speaker 4: was like, fuck, this is not doing this shit anymore.

2418
01:47:43,000 --> 01:47:43,920
Speaker 1: And then then I'm out of it.

2419
01:47:44,000 --> 01:47:45,559
Speaker 4: I can see it for what it is more so,

2420
01:47:45,760 --> 01:47:49,240
Speaker 4: but it's so easy to get go down that rabbit

2421
01:47:49,280 --> 01:47:52,000
Speaker 4: hole with people that you love, people you make excuses for.

2422
01:47:52,320 --> 01:47:57,519
Speaker 4: But I realized in making excuses for him, I'm also like, like, what.

2423
01:47:57,479 --> 01:47:59,360
Speaker 1: Is it called when you give a drug dealer money?

2424
01:47:59,360 --> 01:48:02,120
Speaker 1: And you know, I mean like a drug user enabling him.

2425
01:48:02,120 --> 01:48:04,960
Speaker 4: I'm enabling him, not crazy because I'm forgiving him, and

2426
01:48:05,040 --> 01:48:08,479
Speaker 4: I'm he's thinking it's okay, and I I had to

2427
01:48:08,479 --> 01:48:10,120
Speaker 4: come to a point where I had to, like when

2428
01:48:10,160 --> 01:48:12,280
Speaker 4: she would bring it up, even at her young mind,

2429
01:48:12,320 --> 01:48:13,880
Speaker 4: I had to be like, well, you know, when so

2430
01:48:13,920 --> 01:48:15,960
Speaker 4: and so I did this, it's not okay.

2431
01:48:16,040 --> 01:48:19,240
Speaker 1: And that's how you can't be friends. Me and your dad,

2432
01:48:19,280 --> 01:48:22,080
Speaker 1: I can't be friends because this is not okay.

2433
01:48:22,560 --> 01:48:24,800
Speaker 4: And if someone ever puts their hands on you, it's

2434
01:48:24,800 --> 01:48:27,240
Speaker 4: not okay. I love him, but we are never going

2435
01:48:27,280 --> 01:48:30,280
Speaker 4: to be like this. So I mean, like, even at

2436
01:48:30,280 --> 01:48:32,840
Speaker 4: a very early age, I realized it's really important, like

2437
01:48:32,880 --> 01:48:36,160
Speaker 4: you said, to be honest with your kids. So even

2438
01:48:36,200 --> 01:48:39,680
Speaker 4: if something fucked up happens, because it happens, and inevitably

2439
01:48:39,720 --> 01:48:43,719
Speaker 4: we will at some point kind of do something traumatizing.

2440
01:48:43,000 --> 01:48:44,639
Speaker 1: To our kids because it's we're human.

2441
01:48:45,160 --> 01:48:47,600
Speaker 4: But it's also about addressing it and saying this is

2442
01:48:47,600 --> 01:48:50,760
Speaker 4: not okay and then take doing the work thereafter, so

2443
01:48:50,800 --> 01:48:53,920
Speaker 4: they can also see that there's been steps to, you know,

2444
01:48:54,120 --> 01:48:55,080
Speaker 4: change that narrative.

2445
01:48:55,400 --> 01:49:00,360
Speaker 3: So so I think I think with all of that said,

2446
01:49:00,880 --> 01:49:04,439
Speaker 3: and you know, I appreciate how candid you are about

2447
01:49:04,479 --> 01:49:08,960
Speaker 3: your relationship with baby Daddy, is that I think that

2448
01:49:09,080 --> 01:49:12,519
Speaker 3: our our anonymous writer needs to really look at her

2449
01:49:12,560 --> 01:49:16,439
Speaker 3: situation and see has it been building, like what led

2450
01:49:16,479 --> 01:49:19,800
Speaker 3: to this point? Was it a slow progression because.

2451
01:49:19,479 --> 01:49:20,120
Speaker 1: It had to be.

2452
01:49:20,280 --> 01:49:23,800
Speaker 3: I think nothing just happens like that. You're not like happy, happy, happy,

2453
01:49:23,840 --> 01:49:26,479
Speaker 3: and then suddenly I'm being strangled. No, you have to

2454
01:49:26,520 --> 01:49:29,960
Speaker 3: be you have to be like brutally honest with yourself.

2455
01:49:30,000 --> 01:49:30,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you really do.

2456
01:49:31,000 --> 01:49:33,320
Speaker 5: And like you said that, there's probably a lot going

2457
01:49:33,360 --> 01:49:36,439
Speaker 5: on before that happened. So it's physical abuse is not

2458
01:49:36,520 --> 01:49:38,920
Speaker 5: the only toxic thing that can happen a relationship.

2459
01:49:39,120 --> 01:49:45,760
Speaker 3: So okay, well, do you have any hories you want

2460
01:49:45,800 --> 01:49:48,679
Speaker 3: to discuss on a lighter note, would you like, would

2461
01:49:48,680 --> 01:49:49,799
Speaker 3: you like to share a horri.

2462
01:49:53,080 --> 01:49:56,320
Speaker 1: Who stories? Sure?

2463
01:49:57,600 --> 01:49:59,400
Speaker 3: So if you don't know what our what our hories

2464
01:49:59,400 --> 01:50:02,280
Speaker 3: are based, it's a horror story, whether it's like you

2465
01:50:02,400 --> 01:50:06,240
Speaker 3: being like a hope story, or it's usually it's a

2466
01:50:06,280 --> 01:50:10,160
Speaker 3: sexual story that's either like horrific or just kind of

2467
01:50:10,240 --> 01:50:14,400
Speaker 3: like you were, just kind of being oh love, and

2468
01:50:14,520 --> 01:50:15,960
Speaker 3: we don't we. I mean, you can share one if

2469
01:50:16,000 --> 01:50:17,720
Speaker 3: you like, or if you'd like to not share one.

2470
01:50:17,800 --> 01:50:23,720
Speaker 3: You don't have to ask.

2471
01:50:22,800 --> 01:50:25,680
Speaker 1: The way we're gonna say, I was, I thought you

2472
01:50:25,680 --> 01:50:27,519
Speaker 1: had what you told me? Oh yeah, So my more

2473
01:50:27,600 --> 01:50:30,080
Speaker 1: story is like actually kind of horrific. It's kind of

2474
01:50:30,120 --> 01:50:35,080
Speaker 1: funny horrific, but it's you know whatever. So one time,

2475
01:50:35,479 --> 01:50:37,840
Speaker 1: one time, a dank camp. I love how we go

2476
01:50:37,880 --> 01:50:38,439
Speaker 1: from that to this?

2477
01:50:38,640 --> 01:50:41,000
Speaker 4: I know, I know, Well we can't close on you know,

2478
01:50:41,760 --> 01:50:43,080
Speaker 4: you gonna have a mixed book.

2479
01:50:45,840 --> 01:50:49,680
Speaker 1: Okay, So young me and young Bay where I was, Okay.

2480
01:50:49,360 --> 01:50:53,920
Speaker 3: Her boyfriend Now he's not young man anymore. He's your man,

2481
01:50:54,560 --> 01:50:57,760
Speaker 3: my boyfriend, my young baby boyfriend. Before he was my

2482
01:50:57,840 --> 01:51:00,920
Speaker 3: boyfriend after I left because he doesn't love her. After

2483
01:51:01,000 --> 01:51:04,800
Speaker 3: I left New York, he called me and he was like, so,

2484
01:51:04,840 --> 01:51:07,559
Speaker 3: I know my boyfriend through another friend who's both our friend,

2485
01:51:07,560 --> 01:51:08,960
Speaker 3: and he's like, I have to tell you something.

2486
01:51:08,960 --> 01:51:09,760
Speaker 1: We've always had a.

2487
01:51:09,680 --> 01:51:13,439
Speaker 4: Pretty honest, transparent relationship when we're fucking other people. I mean,

2488
01:51:13,520 --> 01:51:15,040
Speaker 4: for him, I'm not like he didn't want to know

2489
01:51:15,080 --> 01:51:16,759
Speaker 4: my shit, But I was like, what happened?

2490
01:51:16,760 --> 01:51:17,719
Speaker 1: Tell me is okay?

2491
01:51:18,280 --> 01:51:22,080
Speaker 4: So he was like, I hooked up with so and

2492
01:51:22,120 --> 01:51:24,120
Speaker 4: so who was somebody? I knew it was a friend

2493
01:51:24,240 --> 01:51:27,160
Speaker 4: another friend of hers, and of course I was annoyed.

2494
01:51:27,240 --> 01:51:29,160
Speaker 4: But first, ill we were in a relationship, I lived

2495
01:51:29,160 --> 01:51:32,920
Speaker 4: across the country, so I'm like, okay. Also, in my ego,

2496
01:51:33,439 --> 01:51:35,840
Speaker 4: the bitch that he was talking about was there the

2497
01:51:35,920 --> 01:51:37,960
Speaker 4: day that I met him, And I was like, I

2498
01:51:37,960 --> 01:51:40,839
Speaker 4: don't really care because obviously you chose and she obviously

2499
01:51:40,920 --> 01:51:42,920
Speaker 4: like waited till I left and then you hooked up

2500
01:51:42,920 --> 01:51:44,360
Speaker 4: with her. So it doesn't really bother me. If she

2501
01:51:44,400 --> 01:51:46,439
Speaker 4: wants to fuck you after me, it's not a big deal.

2502
01:51:48,200 --> 01:51:50,000
Speaker 4: She obviously has issues. I don't want to date.

2503
01:51:50,040 --> 01:51:52,759
Speaker 1: I'm thinking that I know, to fuck somebody else that's around.

2504
01:51:52,800 --> 01:51:53,280
Speaker 1: But whatever.

2505
01:51:54,120 --> 01:51:57,320
Speaker 4: Anyway, me and my horrishness, when I came back in town,

2506
01:51:58,680 --> 01:52:00,320
Speaker 4: she was there.

2507
01:52:00,520 --> 01:52:02,760
Speaker 1: My friend had a birthday party. She was there, Young

2508
01:52:02,800 --> 01:52:03,360
Speaker 1: Bay was there.

2509
01:52:03,960 --> 01:52:07,280
Speaker 4: I was there, and she got really drunk and pretended

2510
01:52:07,439 --> 01:52:09,040
Speaker 4: like she didn't know that we were like talking.

2511
01:52:09,120 --> 01:52:10,599
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I had no idea.

2512
01:52:11,120 --> 01:52:13,120
Speaker 4: We need to get him back and I was like, no, girl,

2513
01:52:13,160 --> 01:52:14,360
Speaker 4: I'm not trying to get him back.

2514
01:52:14,360 --> 01:52:16,040
Speaker 1: I don't really care, Like it's not a big deal.

2515
01:52:16,840 --> 01:52:18,680
Speaker 4: So she got really drunk, and that night after we

2516
01:52:18,720 --> 01:52:20,519
Speaker 4: went out, we were all back at my friend's house

2517
01:52:20,520 --> 01:52:23,280
Speaker 4: and she was like, I don't know. I don't know

2518
01:52:23,320 --> 01:52:26,280
Speaker 4: how this happened because I'm like a three sume victim.

2519
01:52:26,360 --> 01:52:28,759
Speaker 4: People are always trying to invite me into their three sums.

2520
01:52:28,920 --> 01:52:29,639
Speaker 1: So she was like.

2521
01:52:29,560 --> 01:52:32,040
Speaker 4: Calling me and calling him upstairs, and I was like,

2522
01:52:32,120 --> 01:52:35,360
Speaker 4: how is this happening because I'm not really attracted to her.

2523
01:52:36,200 --> 01:52:37,760
Speaker 1: So anyway, finally roll upstairs.

2524
01:52:38,560 --> 01:52:41,080
Speaker 4: She's like pretending to be really drunk, and I'm like,

2525
01:52:41,200 --> 01:52:44,840
Speaker 4: obviously this bitch is trying to like get me, so

2526
01:52:44,880 --> 01:52:47,120
Speaker 4: I don't want to play games like this. I'm just

2527
01:52:47,120 --> 01:52:49,639
Speaker 4: going to start to get the party started because that's

2528
01:52:50,080 --> 01:52:54,280
Speaker 4: how I work. So whatever we start all messing around,

2529
01:52:54,360 --> 01:52:58,880
Speaker 4: I'm like eating her out and I'm sorry that could

2530
01:52:58,880 --> 01:53:10,360
Speaker 4: mean anything. And so midway through, this bitch removes her

2531
01:53:10,400 --> 01:53:18,200
Speaker 4: whole wig and has just straight backs yeah, removes the wig.

2532
01:53:19,360 --> 01:53:21,639
Speaker 1: The whole thing comes off like this curly wig.

2533
01:53:21,640 --> 01:53:23,519
Speaker 3: And I was just like she was just like you

2534
01:53:23,520 --> 01:53:26,120
Speaker 3: know what, fu yeah, hi, And she just whipped the

2535
01:53:26,120 --> 01:53:29,600
Speaker 3: wig off, took it off and placed it next to

2536
01:53:29,640 --> 01:53:30,000
Speaker 3: the bed.

2537
01:53:30,840 --> 01:53:32,960
Speaker 1: And I'm looking at him like did you know this

2538
01:53:33,320 --> 01:53:38,240
Speaker 1: was gonna do? Like she looked like set it off loky.

2539
01:53:38,160 --> 01:53:41,240
Speaker 4: Like with makeup on, and I was just so off put,

2540
01:53:41,400 --> 01:53:45,240
Speaker 4: like I can't believe that this chick is so First

2541
01:53:45,240 --> 01:53:47,280
Speaker 4: of all, I was like, wow, you're confident as fun,

2542
01:53:47,720 --> 01:53:50,160
Speaker 4: because there's no way that I can like remove my

2543
01:53:50,240 --> 01:53:54,000
Speaker 4: wing in the mid sex, especially with the third bitch there.

2544
01:53:54,040 --> 01:53:55,120
Speaker 1: I would never do it.

2545
01:53:55,280 --> 01:53:57,240
Speaker 3: This is why when I do wear my wigs, like,

2546
01:53:57,320 --> 01:53:59,200
Speaker 3: I always make sure if I know I'm gonna go

2547
01:53:59,360 --> 01:54:00,840
Speaker 3: like hang out with the I don't wear the wig

2548
01:54:00,840 --> 01:54:03,120
Speaker 3: because I don't want to have the situation. But I

2549
01:54:03,120 --> 01:54:05,000
Speaker 3: have had this situation where I did have sex with

2550
01:54:05,040 --> 01:54:06,680
Speaker 3: a wig and I was holding on to it for

2551
01:54:06,760 --> 01:54:09,280
Speaker 3: dear life. No, literally it kept like sliding off, and

2552
01:54:09,280 --> 01:54:12,400
Speaker 3: I was like, because I was like, how do people

2553
01:54:12,479 --> 01:54:13,559
Speaker 3: do this every day?

2554
01:54:13,720 --> 01:54:16,120
Speaker 4: Because your imagination, Like to me, I would have to

2555
01:54:16,240 --> 01:54:19,160
Speaker 4: fulfill the imagination, like I'm not removing my fucking hair joing.

2556
01:54:19,120 --> 01:54:20,759
Speaker 1: Like even when I don't wear a lot of weaves.

2557
01:54:20,760 --> 01:54:22,479
Speaker 1: But the couple of times that I have, I'm like,

2558
01:54:22,560 --> 01:54:23,800
Speaker 1: oh my god in my head, like it's my track

2559
01:54:23,880 --> 01:54:24,479
Speaker 1: showing this.

2560
01:54:24,360 --> 01:54:26,360
Speaker 3: Is too much, like I can't don't touch my head,

2561
01:54:26,360 --> 01:54:27,879
Speaker 3: don't touch my yes, Like I feel.

2562
01:54:27,680 --> 01:54:28,839
Speaker 1: Like I just can't handle.

2563
01:54:29,280 --> 01:54:32,080
Speaker 4: I can't handle the thought that maybe my hair may

2564
01:54:32,160 --> 01:54:34,640
Speaker 4: come up you'll see a track. So when this bitch

2565
01:54:34,680 --> 01:54:37,720
Speaker 4: did this, I was completely I couldn't believe it.

2566
01:54:38,160 --> 01:54:41,480
Speaker 1: Anyway. She's also end the being one of those very

2567
01:54:41,480 --> 01:54:43,080
Speaker 1: annoying girls who's like, oh.

2568
01:54:43,000 --> 01:54:46,000
Speaker 4: My god, well I don't I don't do stuff like this,

2569
01:54:46,080 --> 01:54:47,520
Speaker 4: and like, bitch, you're doing it.

2570
01:54:47,920 --> 01:54:51,000
Speaker 3: I'm so comfortable right now you are, way after you

2571
01:54:51,200 --> 01:54:54,000
Speaker 3: hurt the whole wig off, you are doing it.

2572
01:54:54,120 --> 01:54:57,400
Speaker 1: We don't believe you, right, I was like, first of all, bitch.

2573
01:54:58,120 --> 01:55:02,240
Speaker 4: So later that night I I was like, yo, dude,

2574
01:55:03,280 --> 01:55:04,920
Speaker 4: did you notice she took her whole wig?

2575
01:55:05,440 --> 01:55:05,560
Speaker 1: Oh?

2576
01:55:05,560 --> 01:55:07,640
Speaker 4: Anyway, So after he traded to three times, which I

2577
01:55:07,840 --> 01:55:09,440
Speaker 4: kept going in and out of the room because I

2578
01:55:09,480 --> 01:55:11,400
Speaker 4: initiated it, because I'm the gangster bitch.

2579
01:55:11,680 --> 01:55:12,520
Speaker 1: And then I really didn't.

2580
01:55:12,560 --> 01:55:13,680
Speaker 8: I wasn't really that into it, so I was like,

2581
01:55:13,720 --> 01:55:15,920
Speaker 8: I'm okay, it's manny see, I'll be right back. Then

2582
01:55:15,960 --> 01:55:18,440
Speaker 8: like twenty minutes lad, They're like Jannah, I'm like fuck.

2583
01:55:18,960 --> 01:55:22,040
Speaker 8: I went back upstairs. So later that I ended up

2584
01:55:22,080 --> 01:55:24,040
Speaker 8: leaving with him. And when I left with him, I

2585
01:55:24,080 --> 01:55:25,080
Speaker 8: realized she was still there.

2586
01:55:25,160 --> 01:55:26,760
Speaker 4: And when I say, I feel like she was like

2587
01:55:26,760 --> 01:55:28,760
Speaker 4: an Afro wig, like she like shrunk into her wig,

2588
01:55:28,840 --> 01:55:30,800
Speaker 4: like she felt some type of WAYE for sure, like

2589
01:55:30,840 --> 01:55:33,520
Speaker 4: that she just given herself to this three way and

2590
01:55:33,520 --> 01:55:36,000
Speaker 4: now we were living together. I felt I kind of

2591
01:55:36,000 --> 01:55:38,560
Speaker 4: feel bad about it, but not really. You played yourself.

2592
01:55:39,880 --> 01:55:42,040
Speaker 4: You should never fucking guy who could have picked you

2593
01:55:42,080 --> 01:55:45,440
Speaker 4: but didn't. Anyway, So later that night, I was like, dude,

2594
01:55:45,440 --> 01:55:47,360
Speaker 4: did you know He's like I'll see her do it before.

2595
01:55:47,400 --> 01:55:48,720
Speaker 1: You know, I fucked it before, so you know I

2596
01:55:48,800 --> 01:55:50,240
Speaker 1: knew she's gonna take off her wig. I was like,

2597
01:55:50,360 --> 01:55:51,440
Speaker 1: that doesn't throw you off?

2598
01:55:51,520 --> 01:55:54,240
Speaker 4: He was like eh, I was like, you're a gangster nigga,

2599
01:55:54,280 --> 01:55:56,040
Speaker 4: because ain't no way.

2600
01:55:56,400 --> 01:55:59,360
Speaker 3: I've always wondered how that works with girls.

2601
01:55:59,440 --> 01:56:01,280
Speaker 4: I guess that's what they do they just say fuck

2602
01:56:01,320 --> 01:56:04,280
Speaker 4: it because she just took the ship or I think most.

2603
01:56:04,040 --> 01:56:07,600
Speaker 3: Black men know just don't touch a black woman's hair. Yeah,

2604
01:56:07,640 --> 01:56:10,040
Speaker 3: because I wasn't about women with like lace fronts like

2605
01:56:10,160 --> 01:56:11,960
Speaker 3: all that, like when they you know, they're out here

2606
01:56:12,080 --> 01:56:13,480
Speaker 3: like well you know some of these girls are out

2607
01:56:13,480 --> 01:56:15,720
Speaker 3: here trying to get u K.

2608
01:56:16,520 --> 01:56:18,840
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, you know.

2609
01:56:19,000 --> 01:56:21,000
Speaker 3: So I'm just like wondering, like how do they deal

2610
01:56:21,040 --> 01:56:23,320
Speaker 3: with the hair. It's like it's like a serious question,

2611
01:56:23,440 --> 01:56:26,360
Speaker 3: like listeners, for those of you who wear wigs on

2612
01:56:26,400 --> 01:56:30,360
Speaker 3: a daily what what's your process? I'm really curious because

2613
01:56:30,400 --> 01:56:31,560
Speaker 3: I've done it a few times.

2614
01:56:31,680 --> 01:56:32,040
Speaker 1: Low key.

2615
01:56:32,040 --> 01:56:36,160
Speaker 3: Actually, I had a ponytail. I know, with my ponytail.

2616
01:56:36,200 --> 01:56:38,000
Speaker 3: I was looking up with this guy we're making out.

2617
01:56:38,240 --> 01:56:40,960
Speaker 3: Actually I know him well, so it wasn't as embarrassing

2618
01:56:41,000 --> 01:56:42,120
Speaker 3: as it would have been if it was like some

2619
01:56:42,240 --> 01:56:44,760
Speaker 3: random dude. But my ponytail like fell off in the

2620
01:56:44,760 --> 01:56:48,480
Speaker 3: middle of the street and he was like, where's your ponytail?

2621
01:56:48,560 --> 01:56:51,920
Speaker 3: You were outside in Hollywood and it was like on

2622
01:56:51,960 --> 01:56:54,640
Speaker 3: the floor and he was like, I think this is

2623
01:56:54,640 --> 01:56:57,280
Speaker 3: your ponytail, and he picked it up, and I was embarrassed,

2624
01:56:57,280 --> 01:56:59,680
Speaker 3: but not as embarrassed as I would have been if

2625
01:56:59,680 --> 01:57:00,280
Speaker 3: it was like.

2626
01:57:00,120 --> 01:57:02,520
Speaker 1: A new guy that I just took with. So I'm

2627
01:57:02,560 --> 01:57:03,560
Speaker 1: really curious as.

2628
01:57:03,440 --> 01:57:07,200
Speaker 3: To how like women deal with that, Like what do

2629
01:57:07,320 --> 01:57:08,960
Speaker 3: you just pin that shit down?

2630
01:57:09,080 --> 01:57:10,960
Speaker 1: Or do you like, is there a disclaimer? Do you

2631
01:57:11,000 --> 01:57:11,560
Speaker 1: take it off?

2632
01:57:11,600 --> 01:57:14,760
Speaker 4: Before I thought, wow, I'm extremely insecure because I could

2633
01:57:14,760 --> 01:57:15,360
Speaker 4: have never done this.

2634
01:57:15,400 --> 01:57:17,040
Speaker 1: I would have been trying to write it must be.

2635
01:57:17,080 --> 01:57:18,800
Speaker 3: Normal to just take it off. She felt like that's

2636
01:57:18,840 --> 01:57:20,600
Speaker 3: what you do. Then that's just must be what people do.

2637
01:57:20,760 --> 01:57:22,600
Speaker 4: Now I'm going to ask him, like, and how many

2638
01:57:22,600 --> 01:57:24,240
Speaker 4: times is this your first time we had times with

2639
01:57:24,280 --> 01:57:25,480
Speaker 4: the bitch had a wig and she removed it?

2640
01:57:25,560 --> 01:57:27,800
Speaker 1: Or have you had other sex with bitches with wigs

2641
01:57:27,800 --> 01:57:28,520
Speaker 1: and they removed it?

2642
01:57:28,600 --> 01:57:31,480
Speaker 4: Because this is my first experience like this, And I

2643
01:57:31,600 --> 01:57:37,160
Speaker 4: was mortified. I was like, I knew it was awake

2644
01:57:37,240 --> 01:57:40,080
Speaker 4: the whole time, but I couldn't believe that she took

2645
01:57:40,200 --> 01:57:41,120
Speaker 4: it off.

2646
01:57:41,520 --> 01:57:42,720
Speaker 1: For the threesome.

2647
01:57:42,920 --> 01:57:43,320
Speaker 4: Yeah.

2648
01:57:43,480 --> 01:57:45,800
Speaker 5: Well, and actually her guy say that they prefer women

2649
01:57:45,840 --> 01:57:47,560
Speaker 5: with natural hair, and I'm like, but do you ever

2650
01:57:47,640 --> 01:57:49,160
Speaker 5: hear me to take it off and have straight back?

2651
01:57:49,520 --> 01:57:51,280
Speaker 5: But I was thinking, like, what is the big deal

2652
01:57:51,320 --> 01:57:53,000
Speaker 5: if her hair is natural or not? Like if she

2653
01:57:53,040 --> 01:57:54,800
Speaker 5: looks probably that, but yeah.

2654
01:57:54,640 --> 01:57:56,680
Speaker 1: It's probably. It probably has a lot to do with sex.

2655
01:57:56,880 --> 01:57:58,680
Speaker 4: And also I also feel like if you like where

2656
01:57:58,680 --> 01:57:59,880
Speaker 4: a lot of wigs are reaved, you know they shed

2657
01:57:59,880 --> 01:58:01,800
Speaker 4: a get that fucking shit everywhere that hair is.

2658
01:58:01,960 --> 01:58:03,960
Speaker 3: Oh, it also hibbits you, like I would say with

2659
01:58:04,000 --> 01:58:06,440
Speaker 3: a guy like guy loves to have that like pull

2660
01:58:06,440 --> 01:58:08,680
Speaker 3: your hair like well that they can't do that if

2661
01:58:08,720 --> 01:58:12,440
Speaker 3: you are wearing a wig unless that is the secured

2662
01:58:13,080 --> 01:58:13,840
Speaker 3: secure the wig.

2663
01:58:14,360 --> 01:58:17,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah that's hor. Are you gonna have a

2664
01:58:17,320 --> 01:58:20,160
Speaker 1: threesome with me? I would prefer you secure your wig

2665
01:58:20,640 --> 01:58:22,560
Speaker 1: or just have your natural hair out there or it's

2666
01:58:22,560 --> 01:58:23,200
Speaker 1: come natural.

2667
01:58:23,400 --> 01:58:25,320
Speaker 4: Yeah. I mean I'm not I'm not so listening for

2668
01:58:25,360 --> 01:58:27,560
Speaker 4: a third person, but I'm just saying just a PSA.

2669
01:58:27,640 --> 01:58:31,040
Speaker 4: If this ever happens, just yeah, for me, I would

2670
01:58:31,080 --> 01:58:37,120
Speaker 4: prefer you to secure it. Oh well that was a

2671
01:58:37,160 --> 01:58:39,440
Speaker 4: good one. That's a good horry and a learning experience.

2672
01:58:39,520 --> 01:58:43,200
Speaker 4: If you guys have any hori good ones though, you guys,

2673
01:58:43,320 --> 01:58:50,240
Speaker 4: juicy good deep level ten, level ten, not even Sometimes

2674
01:58:50,280 --> 01:58:52,440
Speaker 4: I'm just like, oh, this one's good. In Eric's like no,

2675
01:58:52,560 --> 01:58:55,480
Speaker 4: not hor, I'm like, wow.

2676
01:58:55,560 --> 01:58:57,200
Speaker 1: It's true. Someone sent us one. I was like we're

2677
01:58:57,200 --> 01:58:58,800
Speaker 1: not sharing that. I was like, I think it's kind

2678
01:58:58,800 --> 01:58:59,040
Speaker 1: of good.

2679
01:58:59,120 --> 01:59:02,800
Speaker 4: She's like, no, and up, so come correct it don't

2680
01:59:02,800 --> 01:59:04,920
Speaker 4: come at all because Eric is a level teen bitch.

2681
01:59:05,920 --> 01:59:08,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, Well, anyway, we're gonna wrap this up.

2682
01:59:08,920 --> 01:59:11,680
Speaker 3: You guys, can you tell everyone where to find your book,

2683
01:59:11,800 --> 01:59:12,960
Speaker 3: how they can find you?

2684
01:59:13,960 --> 01:59:18,720
Speaker 5: Yes, So first I'll always say look into the organization

2685
01:59:18,840 --> 01:59:22,480
Speaker 5: Pressure Streams. You can find us online Pressurestreams Foundation dot org.

2686
01:59:23,640 --> 01:59:27,600
Speaker 5: The book is currently available online. You can get it

2687
01:59:27,640 --> 01:59:31,320
Speaker 5: from anywhere Amazon, Target, Walmart. And what's it called Noble

2688
01:59:31,640 --> 01:59:34,920
Speaker 5: It's called everything a band aid can't fix.

2689
01:59:35,840 --> 01:59:39,120
Speaker 1: So, and then what's your Insta? My Insta is at

2690
01:59:39,200 --> 01:59:40,520
Speaker 1: Nicole Russell full name.

2691
01:59:41,760 --> 01:59:47,280
Speaker 3: Okay, and you guys were really looking forward to next Sunday.

2692
01:59:47,640 --> 01:59:52,320
Speaker 3: We are having a brunch. So we are sold out because.

2693
01:59:53,040 --> 01:59:55,160
Speaker 1: We really made a reservation for twenty people. I think

2694
01:59:55,200 --> 01:59:57,560
Speaker 1: we could possibly have any more people than twenty come.

2695
01:59:58,120 --> 02:00:00,280
Speaker 3: But but honestly, I know some of y'all are going

2696
02:00:00,280 --> 02:00:02,240
Speaker 3: to cancel the last minute, So feel free to show up.

2697
02:00:02,320 --> 02:00:04,160
Speaker 1: Just come by. Yeah, we'll figure it out. Elterrita will

2698
02:00:04,160 --> 02:00:04,800
Speaker 1: add more cheers.

2699
02:00:04,880 --> 02:00:07,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you look on our Instagram at good Mom's

2700
02:00:07,840 --> 02:00:10,600
Speaker 3: underscore bad choices. You can find out where the brunch is.

2701
02:00:10,680 --> 02:00:13,560
Speaker 3: It's in Sherman Oaks at El Tobrito. Like we've said before,

2702
02:00:13,840 --> 02:00:15,760
Speaker 3: the branches, the bomb.

2703
02:00:15,680 --> 02:00:16,120
Speaker 1: The bomb.

2704
02:00:16,240 --> 02:00:18,440
Speaker 4: Thirty six dollars is the best thirty six dollars you've

2705
02:00:18,440 --> 02:00:19,440
Speaker 4: ever spent on a brunch.

2706
02:00:19,440 --> 02:00:21,240
Speaker 1: And that includes is it thirty six or thirty one?

2707
02:00:21,600 --> 02:00:23,720
Speaker 1: It's twenty six, but with a tip I included, I

2708
02:00:23,760 --> 02:00:24,520
Speaker 1: thought it was thirty one.

2709
02:00:24,600 --> 02:00:27,960
Speaker 4: Thirty six, okay, because I figured for five dollars tip thirty.

2710
02:00:27,640 --> 02:00:33,120
Speaker 3: One okay, so thirty one dollars with tips tip. Bring cash,

2711
02:00:33,160 --> 02:00:34,520
Speaker 3: Please bring cash, y'all.

2712
02:00:34,560 --> 02:00:36,840
Speaker 4: No, stop saying that you don't have to bring cash.

2713
02:00:36,920 --> 02:00:38,640
Speaker 4: They can run a card at el too.

2714
02:00:38,800 --> 02:00:42,040
Speaker 3: Okay, Well just bring just don't come come correct. I'm

2715
02:00:42,040 --> 02:00:44,040
Speaker 3: not paying for your brunch. Why do you have.

2716
02:00:44,040 --> 02:00:44,760
Speaker 1: A bad experience?

2717
02:00:44,840 --> 02:00:47,680
Speaker 3: Of course everyone's had a bad experience going to group setting.

2718
02:00:47,800 --> 02:00:52,240
Speaker 4: Here are fucking followers, no our followers, No, he don't

2719
02:00:52,320 --> 02:00:53,080
Speaker 4: ever they know.

2720
02:00:53,240 --> 02:00:57,920
Speaker 3: To bring money, Jamila, Listen, listen. Followers, y'all know y'all

2721
02:00:57,920 --> 02:01:00,160
Speaker 3: have been to the birthday party where a bit she

2722
02:01:00,280 --> 02:01:01,320
Speaker 3: likes to dip out early.

2723
02:01:01,760 --> 02:01:05,600
Speaker 1: And I'm just saying I've had everyone's had a back

2724
02:01:05,840 --> 02:01:07,160
Speaker 1: have you had? Haven't you had that experience?

2725
02:01:08,240 --> 02:01:11,400
Speaker 3: Not amongst like people you've never it's even worse amongst

2726
02:01:11,400 --> 02:01:13,720
Speaker 3: people you've never met. First of all, I put the

2727
02:01:13,760 --> 02:01:16,040
Speaker 3: disclaimer out there so when we get there, ain't no

2728
02:01:16,080 --> 02:01:16,839
Speaker 3: funny business.

2729
02:01:16,920 --> 02:01:18,960
Speaker 4: First of all, if you even think for one second

2730
02:01:19,120 --> 02:01:22,800
Speaker 4: you could dip on me parking on hell too, you've

2731
02:01:22,840 --> 02:01:24,840
Speaker 4: tried it, because I will be in the fucking parking

2732
02:01:24,880 --> 02:01:27,480
Speaker 4: lot finding you. So I didn't even think that was

2733
02:01:27,520 --> 02:01:29,720
Speaker 4: an option, because I will literally come to the parking

2734
02:01:29,720 --> 02:01:31,200
Speaker 4: lot to get your money.

2735
02:01:33,480 --> 02:01:35,160
Speaker 1: If you're an adult you think this is an option,

2736
02:01:35,240 --> 02:01:37,560
Speaker 1: you're wrong, Especially at this This.

2737
02:01:37,520 --> 02:01:40,000
Speaker 3: Has been like a serious debate, Like for like two days,

2738
02:01:40,280 --> 02:01:42,120
Speaker 3: I was like, why did you post that on our stories?

2739
02:01:42,160 --> 02:01:43,920
Speaker 1: I was like, because they need to know. Oh my damn,

2740
02:01:43,960 --> 02:01:46,120
Speaker 1: everybody knows you have to pay free.

2741
02:01:46,960 --> 02:01:49,640
Speaker 4: God anyway, anyway, we're gonna be really nice when you

2742
02:01:49,640 --> 02:01:50,320
Speaker 4: get there, swear.

2743
02:01:52,640 --> 02:01:55,120
Speaker 3: So yeah, we're really excited to see you there.

2744
02:01:55,480 --> 02:01:57,760
Speaker 1: And uh Also we.

2745
02:01:57,640 --> 02:02:01,280
Speaker 4: Added uh the Sunday Book book Club to the website,

2746
02:02:01,400 --> 02:02:03,200
Speaker 4: so you'll be able to find a link for her book,

2747
02:02:03,280 --> 02:02:05,160
Speaker 4: for Nicole's book and all the other books that we've

2748
02:02:05,160 --> 02:02:06,920
Speaker 4: posted previously.

2749
02:02:07,000 --> 02:02:08,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you follow us on Instagram, then you know

2750
02:02:08,760 --> 02:02:11,920
Speaker 3: a most Sundays we include a book that we're reading,

2751
02:02:12,000 --> 02:02:14,880
Speaker 3: either personally or that we've read to our kids.

2752
02:02:14,920 --> 02:02:17,320
Speaker 1: So we've read some really good stuff.

2753
02:02:17,360 --> 02:02:20,120
Speaker 3: So go on our website www Dot Good Mom's Bad

2754
02:02:20,200 --> 02:02:22,800
Speaker 3: Choices and you can find a cooles book amongst all

2755
02:02:22,840 --> 02:02:25,360
Speaker 3: the other books that we've included on our Sunday book club.

2756
02:02:25,440 --> 02:02:26,840
Speaker 4: And also we're going to add a link if you

2757
02:02:26,880 --> 02:02:30,440
Speaker 4: are experiencing domestic violence ways you can get help or.

2758
02:02:30,360 --> 02:02:33,040
Speaker 1: You know people you could talk to. Absolutely.

2759
02:02:34,240 --> 02:02:37,640
Speaker 3: Okay, well, thank you again Nicole for coming.

2760
02:02:41,560 --> 02:02:44,720
Speaker 5: You were informatively. Yeah, I think we all learned a

2761
02:02:44,720 --> 02:02:47,880
Speaker 5: lot today. We tapped back into our childhood self.

2762
02:02:47,960 --> 02:02:48,720
Speaker 1: Seriously, I did.

2763
02:02:48,760 --> 02:02:55,120
Speaker 5: I had about tipping securing the wing Tracy fish down

2764
02:02:55,160 --> 02:02:55,880
Speaker 5: in a parking lot.

2765
02:02:56,560 --> 02:03:01,000
Speaker 3: So yes, and a lot of other educations. All right, Well,

2766
02:03:01,000 --> 02:03:03,520
Speaker 3: we'll see you guys next week nine.

2767
02:03:04,120 --> 02:03:12,440
Speaker 9: By Shorty right here, see see it, Shorty set see

2768
02:03:12,920 --> 02:03:19,000
Speaker 9: Shorty seed, See Shorty you the seed you to see.

2769
02:03:19,120 --> 02:03:22,280
Speaker 3: Okay, fine, Shorty you dimp.

2770
02:03:22,840 --> 02:03:29,960
Speaker 10: You should Dipper can you love it? You should Dipper

2771
02:03:30,720 --> 02:03:35,560
Speaker 10: Bushier fits your eggs and kritsen Loane it man. You

2772
02:03:35,560 --> 02:03:40,400
Speaker 10: should dipper bush dipper he takes with the taking on

2773
02:03:40,520 --> 02:03:41,000
Speaker 10: the sigh

2774
02:03:41,840 --> 02:03:46,120
Speaker 1: You should shorty