1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:08,840 Speaker 1: Who baby a baby? I need you, Oh hell, I 2 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:14,000 Speaker 1: need you. What to Expect is a production of I 3 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 1: Heart Radio. I'm your host Heidi Murkop, and I'm a 4 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 1: mom on a mission, a mission to help you know 5 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: what to expect every step of the way. Have I 6 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:29,200 Speaker 1: noticed that there's just something about a baby bump that 7 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: brings out the busybody in everybody, that breaks down social 8 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:38,640 Speaker 1: barriers and norms that usually keep strangers minding their own business, 9 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,919 Speaker 1: that has everyone and your mother playing the pregnancy police 10 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: or the pregnancy expert, predicting your baby sex, or speculating 11 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:51,239 Speaker 1: on your due date, or even making cracks about your 12 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 1: family planning fail. Of course you have. And let's face it, 13 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 1: we are all looking for advice when we're expecting. Chances 14 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 1: are you already turned to people who've been there before 15 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 1: for a little insight and intel. It's probably why you're 16 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast. And today we are turning the 17 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:15,280 Speaker 1: tables and turning to you are What to Expect Community 18 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: to share the best and worst pregnancy advice and comments 19 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 1: you've ever received, the things that have shocked or offended you, 20 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,960 Speaker 1: and the things that have helped motivate and inspire you. 21 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 1: Because as you know, we are all in this together, 22 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: and I am together with Emma. Hey, Emma, when you 23 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:40,960 Speaker 1: were pregnant both times, Okay, we can safely assume that 24 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: of the unwanted advice you got from me, and then 25 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 1: you didn't follow like that aircraft to get other comments 26 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 1: that bugged you or rubbed you the wrong way. No, 27 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: I think the only thing is wow, you look so small. 28 00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's like a double edged sword. 29 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 1: Need to say that to a pregnant keep it to 30 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 1: yourself exactly. I'm actually really grateful that I didn't have 31 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,239 Speaker 1: any comments like that towards me, because I literally would 32 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 1: have had a meltdown. Yeah, I'm very insecure to be 33 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: in my youth, So I just don't you that fuel 34 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 1: added to that insecurity fire. Yeah, I mean me, it's 35 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: really hard for me to remember that far back. I mean, 36 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,679 Speaker 1: I wasn't that young. I was twenty three. I was 37 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 1: a grown up, But I remember people looking at me 38 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 1: a little bit funny because I gave off this kind 39 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 1: of teen mom vibe and Eric dad, he was a 40 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,960 Speaker 1: grown up, you know, it was clear that he had 41 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,919 Speaker 1: gotten me knocked up, so that it seemed like awkward 42 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:44,080 Speaker 1: for everyone yeah, yeah, I like it. There was a 43 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: girlfriend of Eric's friend who asked to see my bump, 44 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: like we're all sitting around and she said, oh, let 45 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 1: me see your belly because we didn't call it bumps 46 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,079 Speaker 1: back then, it was belly. And I was so excited 47 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: and I lifted up my shirt and I was so 48 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:03,800 Speaker 1: proud of my ump and she goes, wow, that's really furry. 49 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 1: You got so much further. I was mortified. That's normal, Okay, relaxed, 50 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: turbo sit down. Yeah, no, we're all furry when we're pregnant. 51 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,519 Speaker 1: I know it goes away. Babies are usually born furry too, 52 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: so you can exactly keep those comments to yourself. I mean, 53 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: I have to admit that I've made some comments that 54 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: I later regretted. I think we all have. But like recently, 55 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,680 Speaker 1: at a USO baby shower, a mom was there. She 56 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 1: didn't have a baby with her, and usually either the 57 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: mom is pregnant or she has her baby with her. Well, 58 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: this mom, I didn't have a baby with her, so 59 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 1: I assumed she was pregnized. That what's your due date? 60 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 1: And she said, oh, I already had the baby. The 61 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 1: baby's home with my husband. And I was like oh no, sorry, So, yeah, 62 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 1: I'm a little bit more careful now, but yeah, never 63 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 1: assume a woman is pregnant or speculate about her to day. 64 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 1: Now she wants to tell you, she'll tell you. So 65 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,480 Speaker 1: we asked our moms on social media and the what 66 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,400 Speaker 1: to Expect message boards to find out what comments. You 67 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 1: are all just sick and tired of hearing You're already 68 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: sick and tired when you're pregnant, but now you're sick 69 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: and tired of hearing these things. And first, um, what 70 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 1: we heard so much was that pregnant moms seemed to 71 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: be sick of the dire warnings, like the worst case 72 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: scenarios that everybody is always giving you. So if you're 73 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 1: listening out there, the bottom line is nobody wants to 74 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 1: hear your horror stories. Every pregnancy is different, and because 75 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 1: you're probably exaggerating the story that that's what tends to 76 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,159 Speaker 1: happen naturally. You know a mom who's been through the 77 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 1: ring or you know, during labor and delivery, she embellishes 78 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: the story every time she tells it, and it truly 79 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 1: does become a horror story, and nobody wants to hear 80 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,680 Speaker 1: that when they're about to go into labor. So some 81 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: of the common responses were labor is so painful. You 82 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 1: know people telling you that, Like, duh, we can assume 83 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: that paper is painful. It's going to hurt. But I 84 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 1: don't see why you have to tell a mom that 85 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: one she's pregnant. I also remember, you're not going to 86 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 1: remember that pain. If you remember that pain, no one 87 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 1: would have more than one kid. It's true, although I 88 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,159 Speaker 1: kind of think I do remember the pain. Yeah, but 89 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 1: you also had a natural birth. I had an epidural, 90 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 1: so well that's true. Then of course you're not going 91 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 1: to remember. That's what epidurals were made for. So anyway, 92 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,160 Speaker 1: something else they're sick of hearing is you're never going 93 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,359 Speaker 1: to sleep again, or you think you're tired. Now you 94 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,359 Speaker 1: just wait. I'm guilty of saying that to so many people, 95 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 1: so you might want to rethink that strategy. Yeah, this 96 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 1: whole episode has made me rethink my whole life, so 97 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 1: I'm glad me too. I feel like I've said so 98 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:47,679 Speaker 1: many things that could have been offensive, so probably best 99 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: to just yeah or edit yourself when in doubt, just 100 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: be quiet. Yeah, you got some from your Instagram that 101 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 1: we're pretty yeah. The best one was enjoy every second, 102 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: and then she put the nausea emoji because like a 103 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:07,159 Speaker 1: lot of people are puking for nine months and they're like, okay, yeah, 104 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,559 Speaker 1: I'm going to enjoy every second, praying to the porcelain gods, 105 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: thank you. I love that. Another one is life is 106 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,160 Speaker 1: about to end. I won't be anything I want ever again. 107 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,919 Speaker 1: And then the mom's like, okay, well, life actually began 108 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: when I had my son, and I thought that was awesome. 109 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 1: She took a negative and turned it into a positive. 110 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: The truth is your life begins. It really does. So 111 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 1: I really like that way of thinking. It's a different life, 112 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: better in some ways, even better in other ways. And 113 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:41,280 Speaker 1: then there's the rest. We don't need to, you know, 114 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: go there with her when she's still pregnant. Let her 115 00:06:45,160 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 1: find out and decide for herself. Of the moms were 116 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: bothered by the endless barrage of questions. I don't know 117 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: if you got any of these, emma, but you know, 118 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,919 Speaker 1: are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding? You know, what are 119 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: your plans to feed the baby? Insert judgment? How long 120 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 1: were you trying? Like? Seriously, okay, my sex, like my 121 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 1: sex life unless it's mad, then I'll tell you all 122 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 1: about my sex life. But for most people, they don't 123 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: like to talk about that, especially you know what, like 124 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: that's not a fair question because someone had infertility problems 125 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 1: or they couldn't get pregnant for a while. There's so 126 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: many varitables about becoming pregnant, so let's just not go there. 127 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: If she wants to volunteer it, then let her be 128 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 1: the one to share. This one surprised me a lot 129 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: because a lot of people said they don't like being 130 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 1: asked how are you feeling now? I asked this of 131 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 1: pregnant women all the time, but it's because I care 132 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 1: and like, I want them to share if they have, 133 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 1: you know, symptoms that are bothering them, or if they 134 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 1: just want to say they feel great. But a lot 135 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: of you reported being tired of repeating you know how 136 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 1: I'm feeling. I'm tired, and I'm Cassie and I'm uncomfortable, 137 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 1: my bad hurts my crot shirts, or on the other hand, 138 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: you know, tired of just lying and saying, oh, I 139 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: feel fine because it leads to an easier conversation. What 140 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 1: do you think about the question? Yeah, I was surprised 141 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: by that, although I do get it, I sometimes feel like, Okay, 142 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 1: I just don't want to talk to anybody right now, 143 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 1: so I just don't talk to me. So I kind 144 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: of understand that, but I mean people care after. I mean, 145 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 1: if it's a family member or like your best friend, like, 146 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 1: you can't really fault them for caring exactly, but it's 147 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 1: still sometimes it gets annoying, I guess. So some of 148 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 1: the most common questions are rhetorical and just plain rude. 149 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: You're still pregnant, like when is that baby going to 150 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 1: be born already? Um? And then there's the perennial favorite 151 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 1: are you sure you're not having twins? People on my 152 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: Instagram they're like, they're like, are you sure there's only one? 153 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 1: M nice? And then there's a question when you have twins, 154 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:08,199 Speaker 1: or you tell someone you're expecting twins and they're like, oh, 155 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 1: did you have fertility treatment? Okay, zipp at peanut Gallery 156 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:16,200 Speaker 1: and there are moms like you, you had IVF with 157 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 1: lenox I put two babies in there, yeah, and you 158 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 1: would probably be happy to discuss you know, your fertility treins, 159 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 1: But like, exactly, I'm not everybody. I will be happy 160 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:32,400 Speaker 1: to talk about anything, anything, all day, any day. But 161 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,680 Speaker 1: most people, especially you know, pregnant women, are not like me, 162 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,959 Speaker 1: especially people who are going through those kinds of struggles. 163 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: They don't want to talk about it. Yeah, and I 164 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 1: mean some moms are happy to talk about it, especially 165 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 1: if they can help another mom out who might be 166 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: facing those fertility struggles themselves. I mean, that might be 167 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: why they're asking, not just because they're nosy, although they 168 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,680 Speaker 1: might just be nosy. I've had moms say when they're 169 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,840 Speaker 1: asked about their twins, they say, well, they were made 170 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 1: with love, so which is true, Like they were made 171 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,680 Speaker 1: with love, even if they were made in you know, 172 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,439 Speaker 1: a laboratory or if they were made in bed. Another 173 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,839 Speaker 1: comeback that some moms give is well, we had sex 174 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 1: twice in the same night. Well, like who hasn't at 175 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 1: some point in her eyes, sometimes five times. Um Unsolicited 176 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: advice was a big theme. Not surprisingly, some moms said 177 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: they've been told over and over you can drink in 178 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: the third trimester. Well, that is a discussion between a 179 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 1: woman and her doctor, not a woman and you stranger person. 180 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,360 Speaker 1: The person in like the grocery store exactly, and the 181 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:41,560 Speaker 1: you should comments like you should eat this, you should 182 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 1: sleep now you should buy this and you should shut up. 183 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: You should shut up, Yes, definitely, And I mean you 184 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 1: had some odd ones that I had never heard before. Yeah, 185 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 1: I had some bizarre ones. I had someone say someone 186 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 1: told her not to eat mustard, and someone said, don't 187 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,280 Speaker 1: eat spicy food. So, first of all, if anyone told 188 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:06,200 Speaker 1: you not to eat mustard, you probably would have flipped mustard. Yeah, 189 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: you love mustard um and hot food. I mean I've 190 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 1: heard people say that, oh, it's gonna make the baby's 191 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 1: eyes burn or something. No. Yeah, it's just like the 192 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,719 Speaker 1: whole thing, like when a man's like, I'm scared to 193 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: have sex. I don't want my penis to hit the 194 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 1: baby in the head. Well it's not bulls. Don't don't 195 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 1: have sex and eat spicy food at the same time. 196 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 1: And then, of course the pregnancy police are everywhere, everywhere, everywhere, 197 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 1: so many Karen's up in here. Yeah, like the woman 198 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: at Starbucks who says, are you sure you should be 199 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: having that giant coffee drink? So many people have said 200 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,560 Speaker 1: that people in Starbucks has actually come up to them 201 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: and said, are you sure you've been drinking that when 202 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 1: you're pregnant? And then like say you were in a 203 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,959 Speaker 1: restaurant and you're drinking something out of a cocktail glass. 204 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 1: You should not be drinking. I don't make those assumptions. 205 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 1: And again, it's a conversation between a doctor and a mom, 206 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 1: not between you busybody person, or you shouldn't be carrying 207 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 1: that heavy bag or that toddler. There was a mom 208 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 1: online who said that her mother in law forbade her 209 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: to hold the toddler right, yeah, while she was at 210 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 1: her house. Yeah, that's another conversation with the doctor. Now 211 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 1: with you mother in law. Yeah, I love you. But 212 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: everybody has an opinion. Opinions are like you know what, 213 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:33,720 Speaker 1: because everybody has one. Oh yeah, um, And then there 214 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 1: that don't gain too much weight and don't eat too 215 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: much sugar. Again, check with the doctor with the person 216 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 1: checking you out of the store. Oh and speaking of that, 217 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:48,960 Speaker 1: there's the family planning police too, apparently, because one mom 218 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,320 Speaker 1: was at a store, she was pregnant and she had 219 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: her very young toddler with her, and then checker said, 220 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 1: I kid you not, I hope you're ready to be 221 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 1: a single mother of two under two. And she was 222 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: actually married, not that it mattered, right, Like this was 223 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 1: none of this woman's business. She was married, but her 224 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 1: ring didn't fit anymore because of pregnancy. Plus so she 225 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 1: wasn't wearing a ring. But who did she think she 226 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: is making that? Who are these people? Like? Where in 227 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,199 Speaker 1: your head? Is that okay to say? But but also 228 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 1: it is okay to be a single mother of course, 229 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,559 Speaker 1: Like I want to know who this woman is so 230 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,200 Speaker 1: I can go into that store and just have a 231 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: word with her. You and me both, honey, you and 232 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 1: me both. A few moms who have closely space babies 233 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:36,400 Speaker 1: are also tired of hearing, wow, you all are fast, 234 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 1: or isn't it time to start using birth control once again? 235 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,840 Speaker 1: A conversation? You just jealous that I'm sleeping with my husband, 236 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 1: not with you, not with you. I feel like people 237 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 1: who say that are just jealous that those you know, 238 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: parents are having so much sex enough to get pregnant 239 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,320 Speaker 1: two months after they have a baby. And of course, 240 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:02,640 Speaker 1: there were lots of comments on pregnant woman's bodies, which 241 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 1: seemed to be like community property somehow, Right when you're pregnant, 242 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 1: everybody thinks they know something about your body that you 243 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 1: should know. You're not pregnant. We're all pregnant. And this 244 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 1: was one of the most common things you responded about. 245 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: Not surprisingly, we have some personal stories too. So yeah, 246 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 1: my father in law, Norm, I've told this story before, 247 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 1: but to this day he always says to pregnant women, 248 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 1: so when you have in the twins, he said that 249 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 1: to me times right, And he also did say to me, Um, 250 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 1: you're starting to look pregnant from behind, ye remember with me, 251 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 1: and your face is starting to look pregnant. Thanks Norm. 252 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 1: I do love Norm, but still I love him. Um, 253 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: he should be careful to tread lately. Our producer's father 254 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 1: in law, he said, when she announced her pregnancy, the 255 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: first words were, actually, pregnancy is not an excuse, by 256 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 1: the way, to eat lots of ice cream and gain 257 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: a of weight, not congratulations. Were so excited for you? 258 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:08,960 Speaker 1: So the ice cream not cool. A lot of moms 259 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: told me they were sick of hearing wow, you're about 260 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 1: to pop ps. They were like, twenty six weeks. That 261 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 1: was not something they wanted to hear. People are a 262 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: real dream team. Oh, don't make assumptions about a woman's 263 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 1: doo days. Essentially, because healthy babies come in all kinds 264 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 1: of packages. I can tell you're having a girl because 265 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: you're caring so wide, or you're having a girl because 266 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,280 Speaker 1: girls take your beauty. Well, yeah, you can do the 267 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,760 Speaker 1: math on that one. That's really such a compliment. Or 268 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 1: you're caring so small, and what that does is make 269 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 1: you worry that something's wrong with the baby. It sounds 270 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,360 Speaker 1: like a compliment, but then it's the way a pregnant 271 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 1: woman's brain works is she's already going to stress out, 272 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 1: and then you're caring so low, and then you stress 273 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 1: out that you're gonna have the baby pre term. It's 274 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 1: not like any one means harm with these comments. You know, 275 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,240 Speaker 1: they're just trying to enjoy your pregnancy with you to 276 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 1: participate in it. But I think there's a lesson to 277 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 1: all of us. This was a common thing that mom 278 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 1: said on your social media, So what were some of 279 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 1: the things that you heard? To your face? Is so full? 280 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:22,000 Speaker 1: Pregnant too, you're so big. There's no way you're making 281 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 1: it to your due day. I mean like that kind 282 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:29,480 Speaker 1: of thing, And honestly, like I know myself and that's 283 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 1: your trigger. I feel like you're very different. You know, 284 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 1: how would you react. I'm a bit of a tongue biter, 285 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 1: so it would take a lot for me to actually 286 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 1: say what I was really thinking and maybe I'll tell 287 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: someone later. But you know, then again, it's totally fine 288 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: to explode if that's what you're feeling and you need 289 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 1: to vent. It depends on the day. For me, Like 290 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: I've been known to get into altercations with other people 291 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: when it comes to like other people, like I saw 292 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 1: this guy at Starbucks being mean to this older lady. 293 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 1: I'll totally fight kind of situation when it comes to myself, 294 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 1: Like if I'm pregnant, I feel like I'm a little 295 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 1: bit more measured submissive. So I'm gonna obsess about it 296 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 1: for like eight months internally. Internally, I'm gonna obsess about it. 297 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,680 Speaker 1: I'm gonna cry, it's gonna be at the forefront of 298 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: my mind and I'm not gonna get over. But not 299 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:22,119 Speaker 1: just my personality. No, and it's completely valid. So let's 300 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,119 Speaker 1: not say this to pregnant women anymore. Just say you 301 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 1: look beautiful. So we asked our community the best advice 302 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 1: they ever got when they were pregnant and when they 303 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,640 Speaker 1: were new parents, and some of it was motivational, like 304 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 1: you look beautiful, you look like you're flourishing. Enjoy your 305 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:59,160 Speaker 1: body and your waking, enjoy the newborn days. They go 306 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 1: too fast. One that sounded inspirational slash motivational wasn't to 307 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,920 Speaker 1: the mom who received it. The person said, you're going 308 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:14,359 Speaker 1: to love being pregnant. Yes, she did not love being pregnant. 309 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:19,920 Speaker 1: Spoiler alert yes, so that that didn't go over so well. 310 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 1: Every mom is different, every reaction is different. Some moms 311 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 1: loved hearing you're not gonna love being pregnant, and some 312 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:31,200 Speaker 1: loved hearing it's okay not to love being pregnant, which 313 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 1: I would say plenty of moms do not love being pregnant. 314 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:41,120 Speaker 1: It's really a crapshoot, so to speak as a patient, So, um, 315 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:44,160 Speaker 1: I love this one. Actually, this is great, and this 316 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 1: is something everyone should say to every pregnant woman that 317 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 1: they care about. Let me know if you need anything 318 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:55,399 Speaker 1: or you need to talk. I mean, that's such a simple, 319 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: great thing to say to her pregnant woman or a 320 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 1: new mom, and it leaves the door open. It's not 321 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,680 Speaker 1: assuming or presuming. Is leaving the door open that if 322 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: she needs something, she knows that she can come to. 323 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:10,720 Speaker 1: And that could be if she's depressed or anxious or 324 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:14,119 Speaker 1: you know, having a really rough time. She knows someone 325 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 1: is there for her, and that's that's a great gift. Exactly. Emma, 326 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: you've got some great practical advice for moms on your Instagram. 327 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, somebody, these are so good. Okay, so a 328 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: lot of people recommend journaling. Yeah, I did like two 329 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 1: pages of a journal and I quit. But that's just 330 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 1: my personality. It's such a great thing. It's really great 331 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,639 Speaker 1: for like releasing and just like memories. This is the 332 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 1: best one. Okay, she said, create an email address now, 333 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,680 Speaker 1: send pictures and notes, and give the log in to 334 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,960 Speaker 1: your child when they turn eighteen. That's awesome. Well it's 335 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:50,560 Speaker 1: still work. Yeah, technology change or something. I mean, I've 336 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:54,160 Speaker 1: had a all for like twenty years, that's true. Yeah, 337 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,360 Speaker 1: I mean that's kind of like a variation of what 338 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: moms used to do, like write a letter to your baby, 339 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,199 Speaker 1: which you can still do, or you can make a 340 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 1: little time capsule. Yeah, so this is like the millennial version. 341 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, me too. Drink lots of water, 342 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 1: don't be ashamed to ask for help, and ask for 343 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: help when you need it. My friend actually said, your mom, 344 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,800 Speaker 1: how do you telling me how to push out a baby? 345 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 1: And the baby was out in six minutes, which is 346 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: ironic because I don't listen to anything you say. And 347 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,080 Speaker 1: I pushed forever and I couldn't figure out how to push. 348 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 1: So maybe I should have taken some advice I was. 349 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,800 Speaker 1: I was right by your side telling you how to push. 350 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,439 Speaker 1: When I didn't. I was just too concerned I was 351 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 1: going to poop in front of my husband. I did 352 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 1: not want to. So as everybody should know, you push 353 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 1: like you're going to have the biggest poop of your life. 354 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,159 Speaker 1: So I tell this some mom's all the time when 355 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,280 Speaker 1: they're worried about the pushing part, I tell them, yeah, 356 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 1: just look down, look down past your belly, and don't 357 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,199 Speaker 1: push with your face, because that's what I did, and 358 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 1: I ended up with bruce is all over the place. 359 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,040 Speaker 1: I just couldn't at how to push. It's just not 360 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 1: my talent um. Other things mom said they loved hearing 361 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:08,000 Speaker 1: about where pregnancy pillows and prenatal yoga. Many people love it. 362 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 1: The best advice. A mom told me. She told me 363 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,520 Speaker 1: she got the best advice and she didn't follow it, 364 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 1: and then as soon as she didn't follow it, she 365 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 1: immediately regretted it. And that was to read up and 366 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 1: learn about breastfeeding. I mean that could sound like something judgmental, 367 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 1: but in fact, the person telling her this was just 368 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,480 Speaker 1: giving your heads up that breastfeeding is the natural process. 369 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,680 Speaker 1: It doesn't always come naturally, and she found that out 370 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: as soon as she had her baby and wish that 371 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 1: she had, you know, given herself that grace, but also 372 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: realized that it's a process that you need to learn 373 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,160 Speaker 1: and that you have to be patient while you're learning. Yeah, 374 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 1: it's not like the movies where they just latch on 375 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,679 Speaker 1: and it's magical and the angels things. Usually sometimes it 376 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:55,280 Speaker 1: is something else was stay off Google and so funny 377 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:59,680 Speaker 1: because Emma Roberts posted on Instagram that she had been 378 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,680 Speaker 1: Googling a lot, I guess and it's stressed her out. 379 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,439 Speaker 1: So then she got a copy of what to expect 380 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 1: when you're expecting and then she felt calm and happy. 381 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,240 Speaker 1: Emma thing, that was really nice. But I totally agree, 382 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:16,080 Speaker 1: do not google. Step away from the Google. I'm so 383 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,639 Speaker 1: guilty of googling. Step away from the Google. If you 384 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,440 Speaker 1: have any questions, and you know, you can always ask 385 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,720 Speaker 1: me on Facebook or Instagram, but also call your doctor 386 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 1: or your midwife. Yeah, don't page doctor. Google don't go 387 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 1: down that rabbit hole. Lots and moms also said get 388 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: an epidural. Now, Emma, that's probably your advice that you 389 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:41,000 Speaker 1: give everyone I I do and now. Um. My top 390 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,600 Speaker 1: pregnancy advice, and you've all heard this one before is 391 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:49,600 Speaker 1: remember every pregnancy, every pregnant body, every labor and delivery, 392 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 1: every baby is different. But the funny thing about this 393 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,040 Speaker 1: is that some moms on social media said that this 394 00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:01,760 Speaker 1: advice makes them sick too, and they roll their eyes out. 395 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,480 Speaker 1: But it's true, it's true. But everything makes you roll 396 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,480 Speaker 1: your eyes at some point because you hear it over 397 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 1: and over and over again, especially from me. I'm sorry, 398 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 1: I apologize in advance. Apology accepted. Other people's experiences are 399 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:21,399 Speaker 1: fun to hear sometimes, but they don't reflect your experience. Okay, 400 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 1: so that's a variation on the theme. And other people's 401 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 1: choices are their own and they shouldn't influence your choices, 402 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,320 Speaker 1: so don't let them get you down or make you 403 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:36,920 Speaker 1: doubt yourself. Emma, what's the best advice you could give 404 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:42,119 Speaker 1: pregnant and new moms besides getting epidural getting upidural? Although 405 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,359 Speaker 1: of my friends are like anti epidural and didn't have 406 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 1: them exactly their choice. Yeah, their joys. And that's that's 407 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,920 Speaker 1: my best advice. Follow your own heart and your gut, 408 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: because the thing is, during pregnancy is really the time 409 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 1: when you start developing those like maternal gut instincts and 410 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,920 Speaker 1: you know, totally stay with you throughout your whole journey 411 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 1: and motherhood, and you've got to trust them. You gotta 412 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,920 Speaker 1: learn to trust them during pregnancy because they usually don't 413 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,480 Speaker 1: steer you wrong. That's a fact. So, yeah, if you're 414 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:15,080 Speaker 1: pregnant and you're on the receiving end of all that 415 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 1: unsolicited advice, all the advice you didn't ask for, all 416 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:23,479 Speaker 1: the advice that's pissing you off, just keep thinking about 417 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 1: that baby you're going to hold in your arms and 418 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:29,399 Speaker 1: all the ship that people told you you can just 419 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 1: forget who baby love a baby love. I need you, 420 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 1: Oh how I need you. Thanks for listening. Remember I'm 421 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,720 Speaker 1: always here for you. What to Expect is always here 422 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,159 Speaker 1: for you. We're all in this together. For more on 423 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,400 Speaker 1: what you heard on today's episodes, visit what to Expect 424 00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 1: dot com slash podcast. You can all so check out 425 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,280 Speaker 1: What to Expect when You're expecting, What to Expect the 426 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,840 Speaker 1: first year, and the What to Expect app, and we 427 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 1: want to hear from you. Connect with us on our 428 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:13,840 Speaker 1: community message board or on our social media. You can 429 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 1: find me at Heidi Murkoff and Emma at Emma Being 430 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,680 Speaker 1: w t E and of course at What to Expect. 431 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,399 Speaker 1: Baby Love is performed by Riley Biterer. What to Expect 432 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio. From more shows 433 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,200 Speaker 1: from I Heart Radio check out the I Heart Radio app, 434 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. 435 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:46,280 Speaker 1: In my Arms, what on? Just stay Nija Nieda Baby 436 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 1: Baby