1
00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:03,840
Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need

2
00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:07,760
Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please

3
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:11,240
Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and

4
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:14,240
Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letta

5
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,920
Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're gonna read this

6
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:20,000
Speaker 1: one right here, right now. See that buckle up and

7
00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:21,880
Speaker 1: hold on tight. We got it for you here. It

8
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,960
Speaker 1: is the Strawberry Letter. Thank you, nephew. Subject my husband

9
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:31,920
Speaker 1: is a thug and a prominent pastor. Okay, Dear Stephen Shirley,

10
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,960
Speaker 1: I've been married for seven years. I'm forty three and

11
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,800
Speaker 1: my husband is thirty eight. But he acts like the

12
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,960
Speaker 1: world owes him something and always has a chip on

13
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,360
Speaker 1: his shoulder. He is argument it is and I want

14
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,960
Speaker 1: to be thug. He grew up in a rough area

15
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:48,640
Speaker 1: and he had to make it out of a hood

16
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,320
Speaker 1: on his own. But he won't acknowledge that he's in

17
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,160
Speaker 1: a much better place spiritually and financially now. He will

18
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,640
Speaker 1: preach a good sermon on Sunday, but Monday through Saturday,

19
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:04,080
Speaker 1: he curses, drinks and he's a womanizing thug. He curses

20
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,960
Speaker 1: like a sailor, and he loves to brag about fighting

21
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,560
Speaker 1: and who's behind he could book if he had the chance.

22
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:13,720
Speaker 1: He's cheated on me twice. The second time it happened,

23
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:17,200
Speaker 1: I checked out of the marriage. I would love to

24
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,520
Speaker 1: divorce him, but I can't because he is my sole

25
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,840
Speaker 1: source of income. I got laid off in April of

26
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,920
Speaker 1: last year, and I'm having a hard time finding a

27
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,360
Speaker 1: full time job. He stands in the pulpit on Sundays

28
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,959
Speaker 1: while I sit amongst the two or more women he

29
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:36,440
Speaker 1: slept with at the church. A few sundays ago, a

30
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:39,559
Speaker 1: female church member approached me and said my husband made

31
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,680
Speaker 1: inappropriate remarks to her. I told her that she should

32
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:46,120
Speaker 1: tell her husband. A couple of days later, my husband

33
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,040
Speaker 1: came home and said he got into a verbal altercation

34
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,880
Speaker 1: with the lady's husband, and I acted surprised. My husband

35
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:56,720
Speaker 1: was flustered and embarrassed. I'm thinking all of the men

36
00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,040
Speaker 1: in the church need to know what he's up to.

37
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,120
Speaker 1: The two church members he slept with are married, and

38
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,920
Speaker 1: I think their husband should know what my husband has

39
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,560
Speaker 1: been doing. Should I start a war at the church

40
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:12,000
Speaker 1: or leave vengeance up to the Lord, Well, I'll say no, definitely,

41
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,560
Speaker 1: don't start a war at the church and the first lady.

42
00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:17,560
Speaker 1: You know, the Bible does say vengeance is mine. You

43
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,440
Speaker 1: know that vengeance his mind say if the Lord. So

44
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,280
Speaker 1: you already know the answer to that. The question is

45
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,480
Speaker 1: what are you going to do? I mean, I'm trying

46
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,600
Speaker 1: to figure out how you're still with him. He's a hypocrite.

47
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,200
Speaker 1: He's supposed to be a changed man, and you know

48
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,880
Speaker 1: all of that practice what he preaches every Sunday. And

49
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:39,640
Speaker 1: you know, of course, I'm not saying that he should

50
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:43,040
Speaker 1: be perfect, because you know he's still a man of course,

51
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:46,959
Speaker 1: but nothing in the letter says that he's a man

52
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,920
Speaker 1: of God except for that he goes Sunday and preaches

53
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,160
Speaker 1: and preaches a good sermon. But after that money through Saturday,

54
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,400
Speaker 1: you know he's all in this thug life or whatever

55
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:02,560
Speaker 1: he's been trying to do. You say, he's a womanizing thug,

56
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,720
Speaker 1: but then you're dependent upon him financially, so that makes

57
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,600
Speaker 1: it hard for you to leave. He's a cheater. You've

58
00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:12,919
Speaker 1: been humiliated every Sunday when you see these women's faces.

59
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:16,240
Speaker 1: Your man is sexually harassing women at the church, and

60
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:20,119
Speaker 1: it's just wrong. He's just wrong on every level. I mean,

61
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:25,280
Speaker 1: you can't change him. But I guess, you know, I

62
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,120
Speaker 1: guess you should be planning your escape. I mean I

63
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,639
Speaker 1: say escape because you got to get away from him

64
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,120
Speaker 1: at least for a little while. You got to do something.

65
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,360
Speaker 1: I mean, he's not showing any signs of stopping, he's

66
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,560
Speaker 1: not showing any signs of remorse or anything. And he's

67
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:44,240
Speaker 1: being very disrespectful and self destructive, you know, really trying

68
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,040
Speaker 1: not to I do ask you this, trying not to

69
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:51,240
Speaker 1: make any emotional decisions like telling the husbands. You know,

70
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,160
Speaker 1: like you said at the end of the letter, let

71
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:56,840
Speaker 1: God handle that. You just continue to look for a

72
00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,600
Speaker 1: job because you know something's gonna give. Even see if

73
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,800
Speaker 1: you have any friends or family members you can trust

74
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,640
Speaker 1: that maybe can help you. And in the meantime, maybe

75
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,560
Speaker 1: you could suggest counseling. I doubt if he'll go, maybe

76
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:13,120
Speaker 1: you can suggest that. But definitely you have to change

77
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,360
Speaker 1: your situation, your pattern, what you're doing, so to start

78
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,560
Speaker 1: saving up if you can, you know, get a little

79
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,360
Speaker 1: part time job or something you're looking for full time.

80
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,680
Speaker 1: But you you got to get out of there because

81
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:30,760
Speaker 1: this is not healthy, especially for you, Steve. You know

82
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:35,520
Speaker 1: this letter right here, it starts off as a major conflict,

83
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:41,599
Speaker 1: just the subject my husband is a thug and a

84
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:46,279
Speaker 1: prominent pastor. What okay, let's just deal with that. He's

85
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,279
Speaker 1: a pastor part because he's really not a thug. He's

86
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,920
Speaker 1: really really not He's nothing in this letter. He does

87
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:56,240
Speaker 1: is thuggish. I'm but but he's supposed to be a pastor,

88
00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:00,240
Speaker 1: So let's get with the conflict right away. He acts

89
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,560
Speaker 1: like the world ohs. And first of all, you took

90
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,800
Speaker 1: forty three and he thirty eight. What did he say

91
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,919
Speaker 1: to you to get you in the first place? I

92
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,520
Speaker 1: don't even understand this. Hell, but that ain't what the

93
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,080
Speaker 1: letters about. But let me show you the conflict of

94
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,560
Speaker 1: him being a prominent pastor. First thing, he acts like

95
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:21,200
Speaker 1: the world owes him something. Here's another one. He always

96
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:26,400
Speaker 1: has a chip on his show. Here's another one, he's argumented.

97
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,600
Speaker 1: And last but not least, he's a wanna be thug.

98
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:34,520
Speaker 1: How to hell did he get to be the pastor?

99
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,440
Speaker 1: I mean, just these four qualities right in here? How

100
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:44,159
Speaker 1: did he become a prominent pastor? He grew up in

101
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,800
Speaker 1: the world, in the rough air, had to make it

102
00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:47,880
Speaker 1: out the hood on his own. How many you know,

103
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,320
Speaker 1: how many of us got that story. Three on this show.

104
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:57,359
Speaker 1: Three on this show. Damn, everybody I know that's anything.

105
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,160
Speaker 1: Damn near got that story. Everyone hello, us on this show,

106
00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:06,159
Speaker 1: got that story. So what is he talking about? He

107
00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:09,240
Speaker 1: don't acknowledge that he's in a much better place spiritually.

108
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:14,200
Speaker 1: What I can't tell? I'm just letting just too much.

109
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:18,000
Speaker 1: All right, here we go. He will preach a good

110
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:23,160
Speaker 1: sermon on Sunday Bowl Monday through. He cusses, he drinks,

111
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:28,800
Speaker 1: and he's a womanizing thug. Okay, now let's let's let's

112
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,720
Speaker 1: go back. He's your husband and you're putting up with

113
00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:37,240
Speaker 1: the cussing, the drinking, and womanizer. He cusses like a sailor,

114
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,279
Speaker 1: loves a brag about fighting. Hold on and who's behind?

115
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,680
Speaker 1: He could whoop if he had a chance. We'll have

116
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:47,679
Speaker 1: part two of Steve's response twenty three minutes after the hour,

117
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,720
Speaker 1: subject my husband is a thug and a prominent pastor.

118
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:55,600
Speaker 1: We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening show,

119
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,920
Speaker 1: all right, Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter.

120
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:03,320
Speaker 1: The subject my husband is a thug and a prominent pastor.

121
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:08,600
Speaker 1: All right, the prominent pastor has these following qualities the world.

122
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,760
Speaker 1: Oh he acts like the world owe him something. He

123
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,560
Speaker 1: always got a chip on his shoulder. He's argumented and

124
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:17,360
Speaker 1: he's wont to be thug. You're married to him. He

125
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,800
Speaker 1: worked his way out the hood, but he won't acknowledge

126
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,080
Speaker 1: that he's in a better place because he wants to

127
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,560
Speaker 1: hold up this little thug mentality for some dumb ass reason.

128
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,400
Speaker 1: He'll preach a good sermon on Sunday, but Monday through

129
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:33,800
Speaker 1: Saturday he cuss his drinks and he's a womanizing thug.

130
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,200
Speaker 1: So he has a lot of women. And obviously you

131
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,200
Speaker 1: know this cuss is like a sailor. He loves a

132
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,760
Speaker 1: brag about fighting and who's behind. He could whoop if

133
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,320
Speaker 1: he had a chance. You always got the chance to

134
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:49,880
Speaker 1: jump on somebody. If that opportunity is available twenty four seven,

135
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,160
Speaker 1: you're just going over there and start to fight, if

136
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,920
Speaker 1: that's what you want to do. He just talking, He

137
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:59,080
Speaker 1: running his damn mouf, he whooping. Nobody asks, But this

138
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,200
Speaker 1: dude right here, it's worse than that. Now, you said

139
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,960
Speaker 1: he's cheated on me twice. The second time it happened,

140
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,560
Speaker 1: you checked out the marriage. Then you say I would

141
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,080
Speaker 1: love to divorce him, but I can't because he's my

142
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,960
Speaker 1: sole source of income. Okay, now we have to deal

143
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,840
Speaker 1: with this part for a second, so I understand that.

144
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,320
Speaker 1: I mean, look, don't don't think I don't. So I

145
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,000
Speaker 1: got it. You You ain't got no means of taking

146
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,920
Speaker 1: care of yourself and everything. I get it. I'm not

147
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,920
Speaker 1: naive to that. But now let's go with what you

148
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:35,560
Speaker 1: have to swallow to have this roof over your head

149
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:39,320
Speaker 1: and a car to drive. He acts like the world

150
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:44,040
Speaker 1: owe him something. He's argumented, got a chip on his shoulder.

151
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:49,520
Speaker 1: He's sleeping with women at the church. You know about it,

152
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,240
Speaker 1: and you got to deal with all that if you

153
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:56,640
Speaker 1: want to keep having the key to that house. I

154
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,959
Speaker 1: just I don't. Is it worth it? Is it worth it?

155
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,440
Speaker 1: You know? I would love to divorce him, but I

156
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,120
Speaker 1: can't because he's my sole source sync. I got laid

157
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,640
Speaker 1: off in April last year, having a hard time finding

158
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,439
Speaker 1: a full time job. He stands in the poor pits

159
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,640
Speaker 1: on Sundays while I sit amongst the two or more

160
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:19,839
Speaker 1: women he slept with at the church. Who you're a

161
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:25,439
Speaker 1: bad girl? You you you're a bad girl. Man. You's

162
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:29,520
Speaker 1: a bad girl, and you gotta swallow a lot. Look,

163
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:31,520
Speaker 1: I don't know where your relatives at. I don't know

164
00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:34,400
Speaker 1: who you could move in with temporarily. I don't know

165
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,679
Speaker 1: if you think you're walking away from something and leaving

166
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,640
Speaker 1: it to somebody else. But you ain't got nothing though.

167
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:45,040
Speaker 1: I mean, he's doggish, man, This dude is doggish, but

168
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,280
Speaker 1: he're the one that got it. A few sundays ago,

169
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,559
Speaker 1: female church member approached me and said, my husband made

170
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,680
Speaker 1: an inappropriate remark to her. You told her you should

171
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,880
Speaker 1: tell her husband. A couple of days later, my husband

172
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,360
Speaker 1: came home, said he got into a verbal you with

173
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,679
Speaker 1: the lady's husband and acted surprised what happened? All that

174
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:10,719
Speaker 1: ass whipping he was gonna down you remember that? Remember that?

175
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,680
Speaker 1: You know, if you really wanted to whip somebody ass

176
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:19,120
Speaker 1: I this was a perfect opportunity. Dude up in your

177
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,680
Speaker 1: face accusing you of something, you probably gonna act like

178
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,800
Speaker 1: you didn't do. So you're gonna act like you didn't

179
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,040
Speaker 1: say it. You got to because you the pastor because

180
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,839
Speaker 1: you can't admit it, because you know if you admit

181
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,680
Speaker 1: you did what you said, you know this dude gonna

182
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,640
Speaker 1: light into you. So your little husband is a little coward.

183
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:42,040
Speaker 1: Now my husband was flustered and embarrassed once again? What

184
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,480
Speaker 1: happened to this ass whipping he'd been wanting to do?

185
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,120
Speaker 1: See the man approach you? Now you flustered in the bad?

186
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:54,560
Speaker 1: Where is all these asshoppers? When you come on? Give

187
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:59,319
Speaker 1: me one? Come on, Jack Johnson, show me something. All right?

188
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,640
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of all the men in the church that

189
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:06,959
Speaker 1: need to know what he's up to. The two church

190
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,280
Speaker 1: members he slept with, a married and I think that

191
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:13,760
Speaker 1: husband should know what my husband has been doing. Okay, now,

192
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,760
Speaker 1: your husband has been talking about whipping a lot of

193
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,800
Speaker 1: people's behind. But if you go to these women husband

194
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,360
Speaker 1: and telling this, he he shall gonna be involved. As

195
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,120
Speaker 1: asked what was then? And he ain't gonna won't neither

196
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,720
Speaker 1: one of them. But they're gonna do something to your husband,

197
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:35,120
Speaker 1: see you, They're gonna do something to him. Man. So

198
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,120
Speaker 1: I agree with Shirley. I don't think you should say

199
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,280
Speaker 1: it to them. I think the bigger problem for you

200
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:45,559
Speaker 1: is what you're gonna do. I think that's the bigger problem.

201
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:50,000
Speaker 1: I think your situation you should start focusing on you.

202
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,160
Speaker 1: You've already checked out the marriage. It ain't much of

203
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:56,560
Speaker 1: a marriage. What you're willing to lose, you don't have.

204
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:03,439
Speaker 1: You don't have no cause. He's disrespeckful, he's misleading, he's overbearing,

205
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:07,960
Speaker 1: he's the bully pool pit, he's abusive to you. He

206
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,880
Speaker 1: treats you any kind of way. And if I were you,

207
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,120
Speaker 1: I would just find a way to remove myself from

208
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,960
Speaker 1: that situation. All you got to do is gone about

209
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,679
Speaker 1: your business. You ain't. You ain't got to do nothing.

210
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,760
Speaker 1: You can't stand in the pool pit claim to be

211
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,319
Speaker 1: God's man and be doing what you want. You might

212
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,000
Speaker 1: be getting away with it to them people, but you

213
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,000
Speaker 1: ain't getting away from God. You can walk away from this,

214
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,839
Speaker 1: Go set yourself up, Go stay at relative's house, get

215
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:36,079
Speaker 1: out of that situation. Because the London Bridge is falling down. Yep,

216
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,320
Speaker 1: all right. Poster comments. Thank you Steve on Today's Strawberry

217
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,199
Speaker 1: Letter at Steve Harvey FM, on Instagram and Facebook. Check

218
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,880
Speaker 1: out the Strawberry Letter podcast. Done to Man Now coming

219
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,679
Speaker 1: up at forty six minutes after Junior Sports Talk. Right

220
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:51,400
Speaker 1: after this, you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show