WEBVTT - Postcard from Portugal

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<v Speaker 1>Pushkin, you've received a pace god from Portugal. Greetings, Not

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<v Speaker 1>Lost listeners. I'm sending you this audio card to let

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<v Speaker 1>you know that I've been thinking about you. I know,

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<v Speaker 1>I know it's taking me a moment to put ben

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<v Speaker 1>to paper, or rather microphone to mouth, but I haven't

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<v Speaker 1>forgotten you. In fact, I've been working on a batch

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<v Speaker 1>of Not Lost Chat episodes which is becoming to you

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<v Speaker 1>later this fall. That'll be a set of travel ori

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<v Speaker 1>ended conversations to fill your ears while the production team

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<v Speaker 1>and I embark on the more time consuming process of

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<v Speaker 1>actually traveling, conjuring dinner parties, and then editing. But in

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<v Speaker 1>the meantime, I went on a little holiday this summer

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<v Speaker 1>and I couldn't help but want to tell you about it.

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<v Speaker 1>After wrapping up season one I'm Not Lost, I began

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<v Speaker 1>to take care of all the life tasks I've been neglecting,

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<v Speaker 1>getting a wheel alignment from my car, submitting receipts to

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<v Speaker 1>work inhaling tubes of fig Newman's while flat on my

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<v Speaker 1>back watching old episodes of The Great British Bake Off.

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<v Speaker 1>I also caught COVID, which wasn't intentional but did end

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<v Speaker 1>up working in my favor. It turned out that covid

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<v Speaker 1>antibodies are the biological equivalent of a TSA prejeck. They

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<v Speaker 1>allow you to travel with a little less stress. And

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<v Speaker 1>when I recovered, I helped my then partner move out

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<v Speaker 1>of our apartment. Yes, another relationship ended. I was single again,

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<v Speaker 1>back where I started at the beginning of Not Lost.

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<v Speaker 1>This ending was less sudden and fractious as previous breakups,

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<v Speaker 1>but that didn't make the undertaking any less heavy. It

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<v Speaker 1>was still a breakup stage. Around that time, this lovely

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<v Speaker 1>incantatory song came out by Brazilian musician Tim Bernardes, and

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<v Speaker 1>I kind of served as a bomb for all that

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<v Speaker 1>had been going on. Now. The song's in Portuguese. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't speak Portuguese, so I didn't know what the words meant,

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<v Speaker 1>but I found it soothing just the same, and after

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<v Speaker 1>listening on repeat for a few days, I finally put

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<v Speaker 1>the name of the title and Google translate be Born,

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<v Speaker 1>Live Die. With all the had been going on, it

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<v Speaker 1>was nice to be reminded that there's really only one

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<v Speaker 1>to do list that matters. So I had Portuguese on

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<v Speaker 1>the mind in my ears, which was helpful because I

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<v Speaker 1>was struggling with a new dilemma, where do you travel

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<v Speaker 1>for fun when traveling is what you do for work.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd been to Brazil before Sam Paulo, with its tangle

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<v Speaker 1>of steel, glass and heat at once Ferrell and Cosmopolitan,

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<v Speaker 1>and I thought about going again. But I caught win

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<v Speaker 1>that a friend of a friend recently bought a place

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<v Speaker 1>in Portugal, and that's a place I've always wanted to go.

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<v Speaker 1>I love sardines. A couple summers back, my bloodstream was

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<v Speaker 1>made up primarily of vino Verde. And also, Portugal is

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<v Speaker 1>just a great word to say Portugal. It feels good

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<v Speaker 1>coming out of the mouth. And if it does come

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<v Speaker 1>out of your mouth within earshot of a certain class

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<v Speaker 1>of Americans, they will say something like, I hear it's

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<v Speaker 1>a great place to retire. I heard this from my colleagues,

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<v Speaker 1>my dentist, even an old friend in la I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>sure how you retire from being supported by your girlfriend,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's his plan. To be fair. Portugal encouraged this

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<v Speaker 1>perception of itself as a poker ratan with wine Country,

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<v Speaker 1>partially by creating the so called Golden Visa program, which

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<v Speaker 1>means if you invest a certain amount of money, it

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<v Speaker 1>will give you the equivalent of a green card. Now, personally,

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<v Speaker 1>I found all these people fantasizing about moving to another

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<v Speaker 1>place they'd never been a little bit distasteful and opportunistic, Like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>invest a little bit of money in a country and voila,

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<v Speaker 1>you get to live somewhere with low crime, solid healthcare,

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<v Speaker 1>and beautiful beaches and fresh fish dinners for a handful

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<v Speaker 1>of euro balby knights. So I decided to check out Portugal.

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<v Speaker 1>I bought my plane ticket, and after that I went

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<v Speaker 1>to a bookstore and I bought a little prank guidebook.

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<v Speaker 1>That's right, a guide book. I always buy guide books.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't need an Instagram listical telling me about a

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<v Speaker 1>town's five hottest restaurants. That's information I can get on

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<v Speaker 1>the ground. But I do need a concise go to

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<v Speaker 1>guide that gives me a neat bit of local history

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<v Speaker 1>and tells me how to operate the metro machines. Some

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<v Speaker 1>things don't need to be messed with. Pines, ketchup, kissing.

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<v Speaker 1>Travel guides are among them. After crawling the gauntlet of

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<v Speaker 1>airline security, I slumped into my seat on the airplane

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<v Speaker 1>and opened up to page one of Insight Guide's Portugal

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<v Speaker 1>pocket guide, and I began to read. Few countries have

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<v Speaker 1>risen as triumphantly or fallen as forlornly as Portugal, from

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<v Speaker 1>preeminent global superpower in the sixteenth century with far flung

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<v Speaker 1>colonies and abundant riches, to brushed off backwater of continental Europe.

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<v Speaker 1>Portugal is again an Optimi stick country and society in transition.

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<v Speaker 1>Sounded a bit like me, global superpower at sixteen. Now

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<v Speaker 1>I brushed off backwater, but optimistic and in transition. So

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<v Speaker 1>I'm walking through beautiful Lisbon on a Sunday morning, lots

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<v Speaker 1>of hills. Even though I was on vacation, I couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>resist bringing my recorder out with me as I took

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<v Speaker 1>a walk one afternoon. Besides, I didn't have anyone else

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<v Speaker 1>to talk to. At first, I thought it'd be fun

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<v Speaker 1>to take you along with me while I described what

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<v Speaker 1>I saw. But I quickly realized that was a fool's

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<v Speaker 1>errand Portugal covered in tiles blue and yellow, and or

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<v Speaker 1>its symbols put uniform patterns so that I won't even

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<v Speaker 1>try to explain. Lisbon has a heady cocktail of architectural styles.

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<v Speaker 1>There's Roman architecture, Gothic architecture, Moorish architecture, Manu light architecture,

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<v Speaker 1>all things you'd be way better off googling and taking

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<v Speaker 1>a look at for yourself, as opposed to having me

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<v Speaker 1>google them and pretend I knew about them beforehand. But

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<v Speaker 1>the buildings are covered in them and they're beautiful. But

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<v Speaker 1>I can do is show you what Lisbon sounds like.

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<v Speaker 1>So I recorded some audio snapshots of things I found

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<v Speaker 1>around town, like this fountain in the center of a

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<v Speaker 1>square in the barrow Alto neighborhood. Another familiar sound in

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<v Speaker 1>Lisbon is the tram. The Portuguese call it the electricode.

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<v Speaker 1>But the most deafening sounds on the streets of Lisbon

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<v Speaker 1>in the summer the rolling suitcase armies of taurists click

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<v Speaker 1>clicking through the streets in and out of their lodgings.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you. Oh, and that's a guy who's trying to

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<v Speaker 1>sell me drugs. I just offered me hash cocaine, which

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<v Speaker 1>makes me feel good, like I'm still looking young and modern.

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<v Speaker 1>I was offered cocaine a couple of times while I

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<v Speaker 1>was in Lisbon, which honestly made me feel kind of good.

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<v Speaker 1>I was flattered that these guys thought that I looked interesting,

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<v Speaker 1>enough and that my social life might be robust enough

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<v Speaker 1>that I maybe wanted to do drugs because in truth,

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<v Speaker 1>all I really wanted was a small beer, a salad

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<v Speaker 1>and an app. Okay, well, maybe I wanted something more.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know how the Italian couples like. Did they

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<v Speaker 1>press their shirts in the morning. It's like gorgeous couple

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<v Speaker 1>muck by as lovely as it was the trapes about

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<v Speaker 1>Lisbon unhindered, I was feeling a bit lonely. Don't get

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<v Speaker 1>me wrong. Traveling alone has its advantages wake up whenever

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<v Speaker 1>you want, navigate through crowds with ease, pretend Canadian without

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<v Speaker 1>anyone calling you on it. Plus the whole opportunity for romance.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I haven't seen Eat, Pray, Love, but I

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<v Speaker 1>get the gist how you scrambled eggs with red wine.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course, there are also disadvantages traveling alone. When you

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<v Speaker 1>find a table in front of a cafe, there's no

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<v Speaker 1>one to hold onto it while you run inside to order.

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<v Speaker 1>Then when you do order, you have to limit the

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<v Speaker 1>amount of dishes because there's no one to split them with.

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<v Speaker 1>And then when you're eating, you've no one to talk

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<v Speaker 1>to the same person you've been talking to you for decades.

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<v Speaker 1>You barely like that person anymore. You know all their stories.

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<v Speaker 1>They get grumpy when they're hungry, and they sometimes pretend

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<v Speaker 1>they're Canadian for no reason. That person is you or

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<v Speaker 1>in this case me, Hey in front of an empty

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<v Speaker 1>shop and the sign on it says in English nowhere. Sometimes,

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<v Speaker 1>when I was really tired of myself and I wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>recording and I wasn't reading for leisure, I have a

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<v Speaker 1>return to my travel guide, and that's where I found

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<v Speaker 1>this nugget about Portugal's national emotion, Sell Dodd. The presence

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<v Speaker 1>of absence, a longing for someone or something that you

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<v Speaker 1>remember fondly, but no, you can never experience again. Now That,

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<v Speaker 1>more than the sardines, the fountains, the trams, hit home.

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<v Speaker 1>Last time I'd been to Europe was the summer before

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<v Speaker 1>with my axe, who went to Roman Venice. And though

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't pine for our relationship ending, it was the

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<v Speaker 1>right thing for us. I was nostalgic for our companionship.

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<v Speaker 1>How we would people watch, hold bags for one another

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<v Speaker 1>while trying to unclose, agree in a restaurant order, and

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<v Speaker 1>hold hands while waiting for drinks. The guide went on

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<v Speaker 1>an untranslatable word that encompasses longing and melancholy. Well, I've

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<v Speaker 1>been walking the cobblestone streets of Lisbon, inhaling the diesel

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<v Speaker 1>fumes of its buses and trying to use those cafe

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<v Speaker 1>napkins which seemed to be made of onion paper and

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<v Speaker 1>stick your face instead of cleaning it. I was accompanied

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<v Speaker 1>by a unique feeling. It wasn't exactly regret, not exactly sadness,

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<v Speaker 1>and yet it was a touch melancholic. Perhaps I was

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<v Speaker 1>experiencing this untranslatable emotion seldad. There was only one way

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<v Speaker 1>to find out. Okay, So I'm trying to ask what

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<v Speaker 1>the word seldad means in English. Yeah, ask the Portuguese.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the It's the loss of something, a person, a place.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a feeling. It's a feeling from the heart, very profound.

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<v Speaker 1>On my way back to where I was staying, I

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<v Speaker 1>stopped at a bookshop in a train station where I

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<v Speaker 1>met Maria. Do you know this feeling? Do you have

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<v Speaker 1>seldad for anything? Yes, for my childhood, for my sister

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<v Speaker 1>that passed away from my the place where I where

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<v Speaker 1>I grew up, grow up. But people say it's not

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<v Speaker 1>it's not all bad. Oh, it's not all bad, because

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<v Speaker 1>the sad things make you more understanding, appreciate more what

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<v Speaker 1>you've got right now, appreciate the present well you learned

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<v Speaker 1>with soda. Thank you for chatting with me. Can I

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<v Speaker 1>get your name? Maria, Maria Jose, Maria Jose, non abregado.

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<v Speaker 1>So sodad was a profound feeling from the heart, and

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<v Speaker 1>not all bad either, because the sad things make you

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<v Speaker 1>appreciate the present more, like a sprinkle of salt and

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<v Speaker 1>grinded pepper, enhancing the main course. Me being me. After

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<v Speaker 1>the bookshop, I stopped at a wine shop and I

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<v Speaker 1>asked the owner, Sergio and his wife Carla, what they

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<v Speaker 1>thought the word man so that it's difficult to explain

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<v Speaker 1>from words because it's a very specific Portuguese word. It's

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<v Speaker 1>like missing, but more strong, more sentimental, because we are

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<v Speaker 1>very nostalgic people. It's not ugly, but it's it's here.

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<v Speaker 1>You have missing about many things, but so that is

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<v Speaker 1>something more strong, more intense. But it's very difficult to

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<v Speaker 1>express my words. You've done a good job. You don't

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<v Speaker 1>know women, they can people just miss you. Man. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>trying to figure that's my that's the mystery I'm trying

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<v Speaker 1>to figure out. So how would you describe what the

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<v Speaker 1>word meant? Well, it was like miss you, but more intense.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like missing nostalgia, but more intense. When you call

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<v Speaker 1>to your mom, mom, I miss you, or I said

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<v Speaker 1>in puts my things so nuch to us. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit more intense. But I'm see to a fault.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like, I miss you. Tell me some of the

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<v Speaker 1>things that make you feel that way. I have seluch

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<v Speaker 1>from my grandmother. Then she she roll me what what

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<v Speaker 1>was her name? Cecilia? Cecilia? Was she a character like you? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>she was worse. She'll talk about sex really to you,

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<v Speaker 1>to everyone, And well, I like, what would she say

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<v Speaker 1>about sex? That everyone likes it? Like even the animals?

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<v Speaker 1>That's true. After chatting with Sergio and Carlo about Sadad,

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<v Speaker 1>we got to talking about life more generally and wine

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<v Speaker 1>more specifically. We hit it off and they invited me

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<v Speaker 1>to a pop up restaurant happening at a neighboring shop

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<v Speaker 1>the following night. The crowd was very hip, all haircuts

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<v Speaker 1>and tasteful tattoos. We sip wine that was natural and

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<v Speaker 1>adolf plates that were small and it was there I

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<v Speaker 1>met Francisco and his father Pedro, and I pulled them

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<v Speaker 1>outside to talk about my now favorite topic. So so

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<v Speaker 1>that can be well academically translated as this deep longing

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<v Speaker 1>for something, But because it is a very specific word

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<v Speaker 1>and concept within within our collective thought, it would it

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<v Speaker 1>is very It's best described as, for example, when you

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<v Speaker 1>when you tell someone I miss you, it's like a

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<v Speaker 1>part of you is missing. And so that because it's

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<v Speaker 1>a bit more broad, you miss someone, you you have,

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<v Speaker 1>so that of someone, it's something you have because it's

0:16:23.116 --> 0:16:27.796
<v Speaker 1>a feeling. There's some sort of constancy in that feeling.

0:16:27.996 --> 0:16:30.796
<v Speaker 1>So it's that's that's how I could put It's something

0:16:30.836 --> 0:16:35.156
<v Speaker 1>that is no longer there, either absolutely or in the

0:16:35.236 --> 0:16:37.916
<v Speaker 1>shape in which you grew accustomed to or you loved,

0:16:37.996 --> 0:16:41.276
<v Speaker 1>and then you just feel so that what do you

0:16:41.276 --> 0:16:49.076
<v Speaker 1>think about that? It's happy melancholy, meaning that there's something

0:16:49.716 --> 0:16:55.956
<v Speaker 1>good that happened and you you miss, you don't really

0:16:55.996 --> 0:17:00.516
<v Speaker 1>miss you know, it's not it won't come back again.

0:17:01.596 --> 0:17:06.676
<v Speaker 1>So it's it's a memory of something you consider it

0:17:06.876 --> 0:17:09.956
<v Speaker 1>like a positive thing. Yeah, And usually we use it

0:17:10.036 --> 0:17:14.196
<v Speaker 1>in in the plural, we have sodas meaning there are

0:17:14.276 --> 0:17:18.796
<v Speaker 1>a few events that we've shared or something that we

0:17:19.556 --> 0:17:24.396
<v Speaker 1>keep in our hearts, so that that's that's mother the idea,

0:17:24.716 --> 0:17:31.716
<v Speaker 1>for instance, when someone dies or someone lives abroad, which

0:17:31.756 --> 0:17:36.076
<v Speaker 1>is very common for Portuguese. So we missed those people.

0:17:36.316 --> 0:17:41.756
<v Speaker 1>We have soda again plural, not only in a single form,

0:17:42.236 --> 0:17:46.996
<v Speaker 1>but we missed when we refer to So that my

0:17:47.076 --> 0:17:50.916
<v Speaker 1>opinion is that we missed the good moments. It's not

0:17:51.316 --> 0:17:53.956
<v Speaker 1>crying about. It doesn't have to be some heavy, heavy

0:17:54.156 --> 0:17:59.116
<v Speaker 1>kind of relationship or yeah, you meet again the person

0:17:59.436 --> 0:18:02.196
<v Speaker 1>you had good moments and you had sodas you are

0:18:02.316 --> 0:18:06.476
<v Speaker 1>killing so that we say so that we are killing

0:18:06.516 --> 0:18:10.316
<v Speaker 1>the sada, so wiping it out right now exactly when

0:18:10.356 --> 0:18:16.476
<v Speaker 1>you're in some sort recuperating or getting back that memory

0:18:16.556 --> 0:18:18.996
<v Speaker 1>that was found to you. And so I'm killing this

0:18:19.316 --> 0:18:23.796
<v Speaker 1>for the moment, so it's let's let's let's kill So

0:18:24.076 --> 0:18:29.876
<v Speaker 1>that a funny thing happened while I was talking to

0:18:29.876 --> 0:18:34.116
<v Speaker 1>everyone about sodad. I started to lose that feeling. I

0:18:34.156 --> 0:18:37.356
<v Speaker 1>certainly wasn't missing the United States. As for the lack

0:18:37.396 --> 0:18:40.676
<v Speaker 1>of companionship with all the mingling and talking I've been doing,

0:18:41.116 --> 0:18:44.996
<v Speaker 1>that didn't make so much either. So maybe I killed Sodad,

0:18:46.956 --> 0:18:50.916
<v Speaker 1>and yet before Sodad's body was even cold, a different

0:18:50.956 --> 0:18:54.396
<v Speaker 1>sort of emotion started to creep in. It's mostly dealing

0:18:54.436 --> 0:18:57.396
<v Speaker 1>with the past, but because it's something deeply ingrained in

0:18:57.436 --> 0:19:01.996
<v Speaker 1>the culture and vocabulary. There was this interesting episode a

0:19:01.996 --> 0:19:04.556
<v Speaker 1>couple of years ago. I think Namar the football star,

0:19:05.076 --> 0:19:07.676
<v Speaker 1>he wrote to some girl and it got leaked at

0:19:07.756 --> 0:19:11.476
<v Speaker 1>Soda As. You don't be winged though, It's like I

0:19:11.636 --> 0:19:15.156
<v Speaker 1>miss that which we have not lived yet. This is

0:19:15.196 --> 0:19:19.396
<v Speaker 1>the the football star taxed this to a lover, something

0:19:19.676 --> 0:19:23.156
<v Speaker 1>something to that effect, and so so it does. It

0:19:23.196 --> 0:19:25.676
<v Speaker 1>does not always, it does carry that sense of sounds

0:19:25.676 --> 0:19:27.596
<v Speaker 1>just going to be something in the future. I know

0:19:27.956 --> 0:19:30.996
<v Speaker 1>I already miss it. I know that this is going

0:19:31.036 --> 0:19:37.236
<v Speaker 1>to be good, and now already miss it. I miss

0:19:37.476 --> 0:19:40.636
<v Speaker 1>that which we have not lived yet. That felt right.

0:19:41.516 --> 0:19:43.756
<v Speaker 1>I didn't miss who I was before coming to Portugal,

0:19:44.676 --> 0:19:50.836
<v Speaker 1>the overworking COVID, the felt relationship, but being here, spending

0:19:50.836 --> 0:19:54.076
<v Speaker 1>time alone, talking to others, hearing about those they loved

0:19:54.116 --> 0:19:57.676
<v Speaker 1>and missed, it all created sort of a firebreak from

0:19:57.716 --> 0:20:01.796
<v Speaker 1>my life before and my life to come. In other words,

0:20:01.876 --> 0:20:06.436
<v Speaker 1>it did what a vacation is supposed to do, and now,

0:20:07.116 --> 0:20:10.676
<v Speaker 1>after two weeks away, I was starting to miss the

0:20:10.676 --> 0:20:14.236
<v Speaker 1>future I had not lived yet. It was time for

0:20:14.276 --> 0:20:16.396
<v Speaker 1>me to get back to New York and begin making

0:20:16.396 --> 0:20:52.436
<v Speaker 1>new memories that someday I'm probably gonna miss. This Postcard

0:20:52.436 --> 0:20:55.276
<v Speaker 1>from Portugal was written and produced by me Brendan Francis

0:20:55.356 --> 0:21:00.476
<v Speaker 1>Nuno Bart Warshaw also produced, mixed and mastered it. Thanks

0:21:00.476 --> 0:21:03.116
<v Speaker 1>to Justine Lang and Deevid Glover for lending their voices,

0:21:04.036 --> 0:21:07.076
<v Speaker 1>and thanks to Latamilad and Jacob Smith for their notes,

0:21:08.236 --> 0:21:10.716
<v Speaker 1>and be sure to check out Tim Bernard's His song

0:21:10.836 --> 0:21:14.796
<v Speaker 1>Nassar viver morej appears on his latest album entitled Meal,

0:21:14.916 --> 0:21:19.596
<v Speaker 1>Cassas and Visiervas, which translates into A Thousand Invisible Things

0:21:20.276 --> 0:21:24.156
<v Speaker 1>put out by Psychic Hotline Records, and last but not least,

0:21:24.276 --> 0:21:27.396
<v Speaker 1>thanks to Portugal, I miss you a little bit, but

0:21:28.236 --> 0:21:29.996
<v Speaker 1>I've got stuff to do here before I return