WEBVTT - Ros Didn’t Do It 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.000 This is he said a yavi ho with Eric Winter 0:00:04.120 --> 0:00:05.279 and Rodalin Fantaz. 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:12.160 Hey, mister, how are you welcome back? He said a yabho. 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:16.520 Listeners another episode of me and Eric answering questions and 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:22.400 talking about whatever we talked about about stuff. I say. 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:24.279 We had a lot of people that showed up a 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:26.520 couple of weeks ago to Miami that were big listeners 0:00:26.520 --> 0:00:28.320 of the podcast, and they showed up to support Palm 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:31.840 Republic and US at the signings of Total Wines. And 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:33.840 I just want to say thank you. That Miami trip 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:38.840 was awesome. So many fans showed up and we again 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:41.720 proved that Palm Republic is doing great things and it's 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:44.519 moving through and Total Wines is very happy, and I 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:47.519 just appreciate all of the fans support, and it's just 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:50.640 becoming true, true Palm Republic support. It's not even just 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:53.239 because of the rookie or US or anything else. So 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:56.440 it was a great trip. Did the ron It's a Revolution, 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:58.720 had a lot of fun. Yeah, it was great. It 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:00.680 was great, And we have another trip now coming up. 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:03.560 Because you know, Razin doesn't drink and a mocktail has 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:05.640 been something on our minds for a while, so we're 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:09.240 going to Minnesota to a distillery to do something samplings 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:11.160 that were don't want to reveal too much. 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:13.800 But guys, this is a true story. So for years, 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:16.800 even before mocktails were a thing, because now I feel 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:18.720 like it's becoming a thing. 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:20.280 There's a lot of mocktail bars. 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:23.600 Yes, celebrities that have mocktails. I've been talking about having 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:27.399 a mocktail for many, many, many years, even way before 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:30.080 Pan Republic. Par Republic just happened to come out first, 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:33.920 and we're so blessed that he's doing fantastic. But now 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:37.280 we finally found the distillery and the right partners, and 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:40.440 we go to Minnesota to do the third tasting and 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:43.560 it's going to be for flavors and it's all about 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:46.640 fruits that are very common in Puerto Rico where I 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.800 come from. I'm very excited. So I want to hear 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:51.120 about you. Guys. Just talk talk to us about what 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:55.120 do you feel when it comes to not drinking alcohol 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:57.360 and having mocktails as an alternative. You know, if you 0:01:57.360 --> 0:01:58.800 want to go out and you want to feel sexy 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:02.480 and cool and and feel like you're social but not 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:03.600 have to drink. 0:02:03.560 --> 0:02:05.960 And in a fun way kind of like our relationship. 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:08.120 We always talked about the fact that you can mix it, right, 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:09.760 if you're a drinker, you can mix this and it 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:11.720 could be a it could be a mocktail, but also 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:12.320 it could be a mixer. 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:16.080 I'm sure Palm Republic with a little a little splash 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:18.920 of our mocktail is going to besh. So we just 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:21.360 went we went to we went to a dinner in 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:25.000 Miami with a Palm Republic group and Eric. Eric asked 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:27.720 for a specific drink that was Palm Republic. But what 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:30.320 was it? It was? It wasn't It wasn't all fashions. 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:36.240 Press Martini. No, the oh the old Cuban, Cuban, old Cuban, 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:37.799 which you swore was guava, which. 0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:41.200 I don't drink at all. And he says, just, oh 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:44.600 my god, this is delicious. I want you to try it. 0:02:44.639 --> 0:02:47.040 And I tried that thing and it had like guava. 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:49.160 And I told her the wag the waiter, this has 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:50.880 guava and he's like, no, no, not at all. I'm 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:53.400 going on, you don't understand. This has guava. And he's like, no, 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:54.400 it was so delish. 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:55.799 Got drunk. 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:57.720 But because one of the mark says is going to 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:00.760 have guava, I have. If nobody's Palm Republic drink alcohol, 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:02.720 I know I'm gonna have. I'm gonna have to start 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:03.919 drinking a drinking. 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:04.320 For that old Cuban. 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:04.720 I know. 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:09.360 That's a phenomenal drinking. I think it was brought out 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:10.480 that little bit of a flavor and it. 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:12.360 Tastes like well. But anyway, so we did that and 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:15.400 then we're gonna go to Minnesota for that, and then 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.760 I go to Puerto Rico to record a second music 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:22.040 video with the leads of my movie because they're all 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:25.600 phenomenal singers and it's going to be so much fun, guys, 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:27.919 and what else is happening. 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:29.320 Also for all of you that are going to be coming. 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:31.080 I know, I know a lot of reached out about 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:34.240 coming to meet me in France for the con when 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:37.360 we do the signing and asking about Palm Republic. Listen, 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:39.640 I'm gonna be I'm allowed now to bring merch, So 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:41.720 we're gonna set this up with the con where you 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:45.240 can go on potentially it hasn't fully been flushed out yet, 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:46.920 but be able to pick out merch what you want 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:48.360 and I can bring it there and you can buy it, 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:49.480 and you guys can be set up. 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:50.200 I didn't know that. 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:51.840 Yeah, it's gonna be fun. 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:55.040 I was gonna go to France, but Eric took me 0:03:55.080 --> 0:03:55.680 out of the trip. 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:57.320 It takes me out of the trip. You took yourself 0:03:57.320 --> 0:04:00.240 out of the trip. But it's a very quick picture. 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:02.400 Look forward to meeting everybody I know. We have. 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:04.880 We have a question here from actually from from France, 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:07.960 from France. He lives in the south of France, Marion. 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:11.600 When you're friends in real life with your co stars, 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:15.600 does the friendship make your intimate scenes easier or more 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:17.680 difficult to film? 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:21.200 I think easier. I don't know. Don't you think easier. 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:22.599 If you're friends with the person? 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:25.920 Yeah, you've got all your love interests. You've been You've 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:29.640 been friends with the most acquaintances. 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:31.680 I have become really really good friends with some, and 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:33.200 I have become friendly. 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:36.080 I think it's worse if you're an enemy, if you 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:36.679 don't get along. 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:37.800 I don't think people say an enemy. 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:42.120 I think if I know people first hand as actors 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:45.719 who couldn't stand their co stars and had to be 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:48.520 love interests, that that's probably tough and that would be pain. 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:50.120 Like how do you do that? That would that'd be painful? 0:04:50.160 --> 0:04:51.800 I mean One thing that people don't understand is that 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:54.640 love and hate are very powerful emotions, right, so you 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:58.120 could literally despise your co star and fans will call 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:01.720 it chemistry. It's notorious with the show Moonlighting that Bruce 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:04.440 Willis and Sybil Shepherd did not get along. It happened 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.919 with the best best chemistry on the planet. 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:13.840 Same thing with Justin and and Blakely that is like 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:17.840 the chemistry was off the charts, and apparently they don't like. 0:05:18.120 --> 0:05:21.320 To learn a lawsuit exactly. You saw that movie. I 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:22.200 didn't see that movie. 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:26.520 It I liked it a lot. People like talking a 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:27.320 lot of about it. 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:29.080 I liked it a lot. I don't know if those 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:31.240 two truly hated each other. 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:35.960 I think that she was very attracted to him, for sure. 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:37.039 I think that started to develop. 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:37.839 I think it was. 0:05:37.960 --> 0:05:41.400 But I think it's it's common knowledge that you can 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:45.120 really care about somebody or really as a as a 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:48.680 as a friend or not and developed and have chemistry 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:52.359 portrayed on the screen. Because again, I think hate is 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:57.320 a powerful emotion that people don't see the difference on screen. Yeah, 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.279 like you can be give me, like I said, most 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:01.840 of your love and I think you've been friends with. Yeah, 0:06:02.200 --> 0:06:03.479 I don't think you've ever come back to me and 0:06:03.480 --> 0:06:04.680 said you didn't like somebody. 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:08.040 No, No, I mean I've been I've like some more 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:08.480 than others. 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:11.360 You've been in situations where it's been uncomfortable and it's 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:13.160 been awkward. I think you've told me stories. You don't 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:14.560 have to say the actor, but I feel like you've 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:16.120 told me stories where you were uncomfortable. 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:18.480 It's not always comfortable because I listen. 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.320 Not that part of it. I'm talking about the person 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:21.920 like they made you uncomfortable, but you had to go 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:22.279 through with it. 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:24.360 But you have to go through it. Listen. It's usually 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:27.000 not comfortable, guys, even even with with somebody that you 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.480 like that is a friend. It's a very intimate thing, 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:32.880 you know, when you're like, it's not I don't know, 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.719 unless you really like the person and you fancy the 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:39.120 person sexually. You know, then I guess it's like, oh 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:40.840 my god, it's like a free pass, you know. But 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:46.640 for the most part, with actors, there's nothing exciting. When 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:47.800 you have twenty. 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:49.160 It's very uncomfortable. 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:51.280 Yeah, when you have so many people looking at you. 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:55.799 Technically, even a close set, right, it's close close. 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:58.279 Yeah, I always love when they go, it's a close set. 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:01.880 It's like it's not a yeah, it's oh, you know 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:03.799 what I want to I wanted to bring something up. 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:06.880 And I'm doing this very respectfully because I have a 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:10.480 friend of mine texting me the other day saying, Bros, 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:14.880 have you checked TikTok? They hate you, like like all 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:17.200 the fans of the rookie. They think, I don't know 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:20.360 what's happening with your storyline, that the breakup and going 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:23.559 back together and the whole story about changed for getting 0:07:23.560 --> 0:07:26.120 back together or not. And it's like everybody is blaming 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:29.800 you for them not being together because you gave your 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:33.120 husband an ultimatum yes. And I was like, what I can, 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:38.760 so I go and I'm gone, go, so let me 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:39.080 just go. 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:42.200 Do you think Ross is responsible for Ross and Rachel 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:46.760 breaking up on friends? It happens like fans break up. 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:49.119 I mean, couples break up all the time and guys. 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:50.600 As I went in and I was like, let me 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:52.800 see what they're saying, I was shocked and I was like, 0:07:53.960 --> 0:08:01.000 oh my god, like hate hate, and I'm like, should 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:03.520 I say something? But I know that if I engage 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:04.320 and I answer one. 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:07.000 You can't. And I was like you can't engage. 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:08.480 Oh my goodness, I cant. 0:08:10.240 --> 0:08:13.600 Been on The Rookie. Roslin's like a full supporter of 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:18.240 the show. She's good friends with Melissa. I mean, you 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:21.160 could not be a bigger supporter of our show. Do 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.400 fans I will say this, Do fans take it too 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:28.240 far on social media and say things that are hurtful? 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:30.880 One hundred percent. We've talked about it before on the podcast. 0:08:30.880 --> 0:08:35.040 People have a difficult time separating acting and reality. And 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:37.120 the reality of all this is is these are two 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:40.400 characters that are given scripts by writers that have to 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:43.440 act out scenes. She does it all the time Devius Maids. 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.280 Her character is probably the most sexual character on that show. 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:50.040 She was always in a romance, sleeping around doing whatever. 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:52.440 The girl was a go get her if you will. 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:57.520 Awesome And you know it's still acting. This is not reality. 0:08:57.559 --> 0:09:01.040 These aren't real couples. So she I can speak firsthand 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:03.360 rather than it's been nothing but supportive of the show. 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:06.040 It's provided me a life to live in Los Angeles, 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:10.360 be with the kids. Unfortunately, she travels a lot. She 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:13.000 wanted to come back on The Rookie. She almost came 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:15.880 back two different seasons. It just didn't work out with 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:18.200 her schedule when she was doing Fantasy Island and also 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:22.680 something else. So, I mean, guys, don't believe everything you 0:09:22.720 --> 0:09:23.640 see one. 0:09:23.400 --> 0:09:26.360 So I have never called any writer on the Rookie 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:29.800 saying I have an issue with this. Never in my life. 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:33.280 I will never never. It doesn't exist in my universe. 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:36.240 TikTok also said I owned a ranch in New Zealand, 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:36.920 which wasn't. 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:39.839 It says all kinds of things. It's a I'm going no, 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:41.679 but I'm reading no, guys. It really affected me and 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:42.800 then I was like, let me just snap out of 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:44.600 it because it is what it is. And you know, 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:47.600 while my conscience is clear, I think, and I've said 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:51.480 it many times, the testament of how incredible that storyline 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:55.080 has been conducted and how it has resonated with the 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:57.960 audience and people love it, love it. Everywhere we go, 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:01.480 everybody loves it and that's huge, and I think that's amazing. 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:03.560 So no, I'm assuming you guys are going to get 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:05.079 back together. I hope I get back together. So I 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:06.560 had to stop they stop blaming me. 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:10.839 Yeah I can't. I mean, I can't speak to that regardless. 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:13.160 But all I can say is that Roz had nothing 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:14.600 to do with anything I need to. 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.840 Do with the show anyway, So anyway, I would laugh 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:18.760 at I wanted to clarify that because I'm going on 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:20.080 this is the last thing. I mean. 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:21.600 That is the first time I've ever heard of this. 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.160 So I'm glad you did because you've never even told 0:10:24.200 --> 0:10:25.640 me that this whole incident took place. 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:27.200 Because I had no idea. And then I looked, and 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:28.600 I was like, should I look? And then I started 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:30.760 looking and I was like, I'm going to pass out 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:35.760 right now. But then, but guys, it's okay anyway. 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:37.680 Next, I don't know if we answered your question fully, Miriam, 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:39.199 but what was a question we did? 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:40.240 We talked about it for a while. 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.640 Next question from Andrea, who's also from France. I'm still 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:54.920 struggling about a breakup that happened many years ago. This 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:58.360 relationship was toxic. I was physically and verbally abused by him. 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:01.559 I'm now thirty, still not confident about myself and it's 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:04.000 hard to trust another man. I feel like I'm in 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:07.400 a shell and can't feel any emotions. What would be 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:10.800 your advice to get through this? Wow? First off, let 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.480 me start by saying I'm so sorry that you could 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:15.560 even have to go through something like this. I'm gonna 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:18.439 let you raz speak to this. You have never experienced 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:20.480 physical abuse, but I think you've been in a relationship 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:25.240 where you felt verbally abused. Maybe you can speak to 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:28.559 this this listener, and how to get through that when you. 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:31.120 Is a verbal abuse, like somebody so well. 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:33.840 Verbal verbally abused in a relationship that was toxic and 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:36.560 now she's having trouble getting back out there and trusting 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:37.080 men again. 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:42.000 Listen, it's listen. I okay, let me let me let 0:11:42.040 --> 0:11:49.320 me organize my thoughts my relationship before, not boyfriend, my 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:51.640 ex husband, because I want to make sure it was 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:54.800 not never physical. It was never verbal to the point 0:11:54.920 --> 0:12:02.880 of like my dad, Okay, my dad is very verbally abusive. 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:06.520 What comes out of his mouth is allowed, is just insult. 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:12.160 It's pretty bad. What I experienced was somebody much much older, 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:16.400 smarter than me, that it was more like emotional in 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:21.440 terms of like maniating, manipulating, you know, and I didn't 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:24.200 have the tools or the maturity to be able to 0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:26.600 deal with what was being done. 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:29.800 He wasn't calling your names or screaming at you or or. 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:31.760 Well, we will have screaming, but I'm also I'm also 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:33.480 pretty loud and I have a bad temper, so it 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:37.960 was a screaming badge was it was mutual because I 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:43.640 grew up in a very volatile, bolatile up bringing, you know, 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:46.080 where my mom my father will say something and my 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:48.320 mom will top it and it was like a pissing context, 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:51.280 you know. So to me having that kind of dynamic 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:54.320 of somebody saying, what the f da da da, I'll 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:55.880 be like, what have yeah? You know, So it was 0:12:55.880 --> 0:13:00.600 that kind of thing. So it's sad because it took 0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:04.080 a lot of people around me to tell me this 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:07.680 is not healthy or normal. This is very toxic. And 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:09.720 a lot of times I was like, what do you mean. 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.320 It's like it's okay because it was normal to me. 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:13.000 You know. 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:19.439 It took a lot of reading and therapy books, god, 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:23.439 you know to understand no, Russ, this is not normal. 0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:28.000 It's actually not even love. You need to break that cycle. 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:32.200 And it's been it's been an ongoing demon battle for 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:35.520 me throughout the years to break habits and to break 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:37.400 cycles and to be like, I don't want to be 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:40.200 in a relationship like my parents have, and listen, I 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:42.400 feel bad because both of my parents are alive, and 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:45.679 my mom listens to this podcast, doesn't understand a lot 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:49.080 because her English is not great, And I don't want 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:52.880 to hurt her because my mom did and it's still 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:57.160 doing the best she could and she can given her circumstances, 0:13:57.200 --> 0:13:59.960 you know, and as a mom, she's incredible. 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.559 So so the. 0:14:02.559 --> 0:14:07.760 Advice listen, you need to you need to snap out 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:13.360 of it. And it's brutal to understand to go through physical, verbal, 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:20.320 emotional abuse, but you owe it to yourself to break 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:22.760 the cycle, and you owe it to yourself to love 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:27.000 yourself enough to understand it wasn't your fault. This was 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:30.360 an experience that life has given you because you need 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:34.200 to learn something. When you're in it, it's so cloudy, 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:37.760 so muddy, you don't get it. Even post being in it. 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:41.560 It takes a long time to realize there's a learning 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:45.320 that I need to that I need to pay attention here. 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:52.720 Maybe it's about yourself to become stronger, become more assertive, 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:57.120 to respect yourself enough to know I did not deserve that. 0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:00.640 It's not my fault. I'm gonna have to move on 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:03.240 and listen, listen. I just went to this man that 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:05.920 is a healer, and he said, people get so caught 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:09.200 up with the past and the future, and the reality 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:12.800 is that none of that is real. The pass is done. 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:16.960 The future you have no control. It's always about the present. 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:19.760 And if you're able to get out of it, because 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:21.840 you know it takes women many, many years. But if 0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:26.560 you're strong enough and smart enough and courageous enough to 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:29.040 be like, I am breaking out of this and I'm 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:32.360 going to go solo, you have to find it in 0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:37.080 You have to change that channel and understand, this happened 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:39.400 to me. It doesn't define me. It doesn't mean that 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:41.480 it's going to happen again. And now I have the 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:47.000 clarity and the awareness to recognize recognize the signs. So 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:49.440 when the other dude comes into your life, because you 0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:53.000 went through it, the check marks are going to be 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:56.160 so evident. You know. It's like, is what happened to me. 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:58.320 I had to go through what I went through to 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:00.200 understand I don't want to be in love with my dad. 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:04.760 I married my dad, so I don't want and I 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:07.920 never respected it, so I don't want that. So it 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:11.000 took me going through it to know, Okay, oh I 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:13.280 get it, this is not what I want for me, 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:16.000 and then the next relationship was a little better, and 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:18.960 then the other one was glorious. And he's the one 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.880 that prepared me for Eric, because by the time I 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:26.320 met Eric, I had already I broke the cycle, and 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.200 I knew exactly you know what, I know what good 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:32.080 love is. I know that there doesn't It doesn't have 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:37.880 to be about disrespect or competition or jealousy or or anything. 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:42.400 It has to be about seeing this man thrive with 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:46.360 me and next to me. And it took again. Listen, 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:49.760 therapy is important, reading, reading, reading, reading, I had I 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:52.360 read so many books at Giane lavan zandt is A. 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:59.320 It's an incredible writer that it was instrumental for me 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.640 to be able to break the cycle. So that's my advice. 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:04.120 Yeah, well said I mean Andrew. I think she summed 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:06.960 it all up. Put you owe to yourself to find 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:09.399 your love that's real and important to you. 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.040 So and pay attention to the signs because people manifest 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:15.000 themselves day one. The problem is that we just don't 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:17.119 want to We don't want to see it because you're 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:19.800 physically attracted to the person, because you think is because 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:21.920 you all habits come back and you're like, Oh, he's 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:25.399 so jealous. Oh, my god, he loves me. Be very 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:30.520 shrewd Is that a word? Very shrewd? About recognizing the 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:35.560 signs they will reveal themselves in day one. I look 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:43.360 at a mannerism, a conversation, a word. It's pretty evident, 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:46.359 Pretty evident. You just have to just open those eyes. 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:47.520 Just open those eyes. 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:52.760 Well said. We're going to our last listener question from Kate. Hello, 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:56.159 I'm fourteen. I have a question. My parents have always 0:17:56.160 --> 0:18:00.560 been strict on the no boy's rule, not even guy friends. 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.440 There is this guy that has liked me for three years, 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.200 and I've secretly liked him and just recently told him. 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:10.159 I also told my parents. I also told him my 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:12.680 parents wouldn't allow it, and he said he would wait 0:18:12.800 --> 0:18:15.680 until I was ready. But I've realized over the past 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.360 few days how much I like him. Should I date 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:24.320 in secret or risk making him wait to respect my parents' wishes. Oh, 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:29.160 this is a tough and very real question. I'll give 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:30.880 you my two cents rather as you could chime in. 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:38.240 I believe in facing your parents with honesty and truth. 0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:41.960 I don't know your full dynamic with your parents. I 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:44.560 think dating in secret can be very complicated and could 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:47.680 come back to really be harmful in a situation, maybe 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:50.639 for the two of you, maybe for your relationship with 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:53.800 your parents, and I think you'll never get the full 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:57.160 experience of that relationship. You don't like the guy, why no, 0:18:57.840 --> 0:19:00.920 any guy. She's not allowed to there's no boy rule. 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:03.480 How old is she? 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:06.240 Fourteen? OK? Have you been here for any of this conversation? 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:06.879 I'm sorry? 0:19:07.040 --> 0:19:12.360 Oh my god. So, Katie, what I would say, or Kate, 0:19:12.400 --> 0:19:15.040 what I would say is if again I don't hear 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:17.840 a dynamic, but if it's possible to talk to your parents. 0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:21.600 I know that probably sounds scary as heck, just sharing 0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:23.200 with them. You don't have to make it specific about 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:26.600 this boy, but just in general about this concept of 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:30.399 no boys and how it makes you feel. How you 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:32.919 feel a little bit trapped, and you don't want to 0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:34.480 go against their wishes, and you don't want to do 0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:37.080 anything behind their back. You want to be honest, and 0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:40.200 you want to have an open relationship with your parents 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:42.639 that you can share how you're feeling. Maybe start with 0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:45.399 that and just see if little by little you can 0:19:45.400 --> 0:19:47.520 get them to open up to the idea that you 0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:48.720 might have a. 0:19:48.680 --> 0:19:52.280 Guy friend and Listen. I think for any kid that 0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:56.040