1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 1: Phew. It was a lot this week, a whole lot. 2 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 1: I was like whoa. Yeah to me. By surprise, I 3 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:25,720 Speaker 1: was like, whoa, I'm about the Welcome to the Therapy 4 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:30,120 Speaker 1: for Black Girls podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, 5 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: personal development, and all the small decisions we can make 6 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:38,479 Speaker 1: to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, 7 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 1: Dr Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. 8 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 1: For more information or to find a therapist in your area, 9 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 1: visit our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. 10 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 1: While I hope you love listening to and learning from 11 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute 12 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: for relationship up with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, 13 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 1: thanks so much for joining me for session of the 14 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girl's podcast. I want you to know 15 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 1: that when y'all talk, I listened, several of you send 16 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: us messages asking for Dr Donna orio Will to come 17 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:27,959 Speaker 1: back to do another Insecure debriefing episode, and clearly this 18 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,960 Speaker 1: week's episode was one that needed discussing. If you've missed 19 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 1: our first conversation about this season of Insecure, go back 20 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: and check out session one of the podcasts, and for 21 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,959 Speaker 1: those of you who haven't been introduced to Dr Orio Wo, 22 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 1: let me tell you a little bit about her. Dr 23 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:48,960 Speaker 1: Orio Wi is an author, international speaker, and certified sex 24 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: and relationship therapist in the Washington, d C. Metro area. 25 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: She's the owner of a nod Right and specializes in 26 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 1: working with black women on issues related to colorism and 27 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: tech tourism and its impact on mental and sexual health. 28 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 1: She's the author of Cocoa Butter and Hair Grease, a 29 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 1: self love journey through hair and skin. She and I 30 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:16,120 Speaker 1: chatted about the continuing tension and Molly and ESA's relationship steps. 31 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 1: You can try to be less defensive when someone calls 32 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 1: you out. Are in questions to ask yourself about the 33 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: health of your friendships and our thoughts about where Molly 34 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: and Issa go from this point on. We definitely want 35 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: you to weigh in with your thoughts as well, so 36 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: be sure to share them with us on social media 37 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 1: using the hashtag TBG in session. Here's our conversation. So 38 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 1: they definitely gave us a lot. Pew, it was a 39 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:56,919 Speaker 1: lot this week, a whole lot. I was like, whoa yeah, whoa, whoa, 40 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 1: whoa whoa. Um, I was like, whoa I mean about 41 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 1: the So I definitely was taken by surprise also, so 42 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: I think what happened is well, first of all, like 43 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:16,679 Speaker 1: very early in the episode, we realized that the conversation 44 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 1: that we saw in the beginning of the season happened 45 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 1: even before the blow up. Yeah, I was like, oh, yes, 46 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: I'll be honest. I was actually relieved because I was like, Okay, 47 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: this time for them to fix this the season. So 48 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: that's what you thought was gonna happen. I mean I 49 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:40,120 Speaker 1: still think that could happen, Yes, yes, like maybe hopefully. 50 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,119 Speaker 1: I was like, well, that would have been a horrible 51 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: season ending. Yeah, just don't funk with Molly no more, 52 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: Like what is she not coming back to the next season, Like, 53 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 1: what's gonna happen? Right, So we see that she's having 54 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: this conversation with Nathan um presumably you know, after uh 55 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: certain Molly has you know, said she's not gonna help 56 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 1: her try to find a new headliner for the block party. 57 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: So we don't know necessarily how she and Nathan started 58 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: talking again, although we did see last episode that he 59 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: called and said, hey, I heard the block party, is 60 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 1: you know coming along? Congratulations kind of thing. So we 61 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,280 Speaker 1: knew he was kind of, you know, eking back into 62 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 1: the picture, but didn't necessarily know that he was gonna 63 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: show up again and be such a central figure. Obviously, 64 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: it was like, huh, the original ghost shows up after 65 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: the other chick ghost. It isn't that something like Condola 66 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 1: and this guy in the same at the same day time. Yeah, so, 67 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 1: now that you have brought Condola into the conversation, what 68 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 1: do we think about that? Honestly, I felt like, what 69 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: was the purpose of her coming coming to the block party? Yeah? 70 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, so she's here, but she's we 71 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: don't watch her do anything. It's not that she an't 72 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 1: used to have like some real conversation. As a matter 73 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 1: of fact, I'm just like, okay, so did you really 74 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: just come here to be like, yeah, me and Lawrence 75 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,600 Speaker 1: broke up. Well, I feel like a part of her 76 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,200 Speaker 1: coming was to try to make sure she was salvaging 77 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,919 Speaker 1: her professional relationships, right, So it sounds like she was 78 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,159 Speaker 1: the one who brought Spotify on board and maybe some 79 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 1: other people, and so it feels like maybe she was 80 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 1: doing some damage control to make sure, you know, like, hey, 81 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 1: I was the one who signed you up for this 82 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 1: and given right, and given that she doesn't know how 83 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 1: so you know, faired after she dropped her, she probably 84 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,040 Speaker 1: was coming to see like, okay, is everything gonna be 85 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 1: good so that I can maintain these professional relationships? True, 86 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: I mean it was it all happened so fast. I 87 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:45,560 Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I almost forgott Yeah. Yeah, 88 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 1: So she just pops back up after ghosting Easter. Yeah, so, 89 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,599 Speaker 1: like you said, kind of a continuation of the ghost 90 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 1: I mean, this kind of goes back to our previous 91 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 1: conversation from a few episodes ago, just about the importance 92 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: of have any difficult conversations, even if you don't want 93 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:06,160 Speaker 1: to have them. So yeah, so now we've seen that 94 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,600 Speaker 1: Issa has had to try to manage and scramble to 95 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:12,280 Speaker 1: replace her headliner and to kind of get all of 96 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,560 Speaker 1: this stuff taken care of after Condola just drops out 97 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 1: on her, and boy would a scramble. It was just 98 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: like the whole thing. I mean, it really does those 99 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: whole season for me is you know, communication, But my 100 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: partner and I was just just just looking at some 101 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,840 Speaker 1: of those season one, season two, season three recaps because 102 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 1: I'm looking like, well, let me refresh some things, because 103 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 1: I do see some comments on the internet that I 104 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 1: simply do not agree with m But I was just like, 105 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:46,719 Speaker 1: oh my goodness, Like season one, Issa confronted Molly about 106 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: some of her foolishness. What did she confront her? And see, 107 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: I should have watched the recap too, what did she 108 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 1: confront her? Because I definitely have been seeing conversations around like, well, 109 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: Issa hasn't been that great of a friend either, and 110 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,560 Speaker 1: so I been trying to remember, like, well, what has 111 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,279 Speaker 1: Issa done that has kind of painted her as not 112 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,040 Speaker 1: a great friend? So did you see some of that 113 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: in the rehabs? We not actually not what I saw, 114 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: and you know, the memories that it's pract As far 115 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: as what I, you know, watched for the other three 116 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: seasons was mostly that both of them had foolishness with 117 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:23,000 Speaker 1: one another, both of them had expectations that were unstated 118 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: for one another, and that at times that ended up 119 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 1: getting in the way of how they wanted to do 120 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 1: their friendship. Um, at the end of season you know, 121 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 1: I can't even lie and say it was at the end, 122 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 1: but in season I think it was one or two. 123 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,840 Speaker 1: That was when um, when when Issa was still at 124 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: We got y'all, she confronted Molly like, yeah, what's up 125 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 1: with you? You you're talking all while to the people 126 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 1: I work with, I mean you trip them. What's up? 127 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:58,240 Speaker 1: She asked her. I think looked at that, not avoiding 128 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: actually wanting to have a conversation ship and then just 129 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 1: how that whole conversation was so left because Molly was 130 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: hurt that Easter said maybe you could benefit from therapy. 131 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 1: M So that's when we saw that conversation and uh, 132 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: you know, and Easta reminded her, like, you know, you 133 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 1: the common denominator and all your messed up relationships is 134 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 1: you this one? Is this one too thirsty? This wee 135 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: not thirsty enough, this wee not you not educated the 136 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:32,320 Speaker 1: way you need him to be educated, Like the common 137 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 1: denominator is useless? What are you gonna do about that? Right? 138 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:40,240 Speaker 1: And even then that conversation really only came up because 139 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 1: Molly was, you know, deflecting mm hmm. Yeah, we're sady 140 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: to be confronted on her poor behavior by Issa and 141 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 1: instead took it as an opportunity of well, well what 142 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 1: about what you do? And I'm just like, you know, 143 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,839 Speaker 1: that's the type of stuff that we people do. We 144 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 1: do that very often when we're not ready to be confronted. 145 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,719 Speaker 1: We want to throw it back to something else that happened. 146 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: And I was just like, well, all of these things 147 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 1: they collalesque. Like looking back from season one, it makes 148 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 1: sense exactly why they're here where they are in season 149 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: four because I'm just like, I'm astounded at both of them. So, 150 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 1: I mean, I know that some people are taking side, 151 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: they're like, nam, i'll e gont messed up and set 152 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: it out out. I'm just like, you know what, both 153 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: of them messed up for real, for real. But even 154 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: but beyond all that, I'm just like, neither one of 155 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 1: them are seeing the growth in the other, so they 156 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:39,960 Speaker 1: are still treating each other like season one instead of 157 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 1: season four. Mm hmmm. So I want to go back 158 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,200 Speaker 1: to something you said because I think that this could 159 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 1: be helpful to kind of think through a little the 160 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: idea of when we are challenged by someone, and I 161 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 1: think for a lot of people it comes from trying 162 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: to protect yourself and like your defensiveness gets raised as 163 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 1: opposed to you really being able to hear with the 164 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 1: other us and said, a lot of a lot of 165 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 1: what happens is someone will say, well, I don't like 166 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,200 Speaker 1: the way that you do x y Z, or it 167 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:11,080 Speaker 1: offends me such and such, and then your immediate responses, well, 168 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 1: you do ABC as opposed to hearing what the other 169 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,559 Speaker 1: person said. And so it's not about the fact that 170 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: you both might not have valid agreements. It's about the 171 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,559 Speaker 1: fact that now is not the time for you to 172 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: talk about the thing that you had never put on 173 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: the table, because now they have called you out on 174 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:33,280 Speaker 1: something exactly like we never heard nothing about no toxic 175 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 1: women until somebody said that men are toxic. I'm like, Okay, 176 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 1: now that we talk about racism, we hear reverse racism. 177 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 1: I'm looking like you you had no problem. Your problem 178 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 1: is with the fact that you got confronted on your 179 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 1: nonsense in the first place, and now is the moment 180 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: that you choose to have the conversation about the other things, 181 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,839 Speaker 1: which means that you're not going to be in a 182 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: space for neither of you are being heard period, because 183 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: you're choosing now, when someone is confronting you about the 184 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: thing that is bothering them, to be like, well, you 185 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 1: know when you bother me last week Tuesday, you remember 186 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: when you said you remember, and it's just like, nah, 187 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 1: I don't want can't we what can we do instead, 188 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: because again, I think it is a very kind of 189 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,080 Speaker 1: like natural thing to go into defending yourself. So what 190 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 1: can we do in those moments when maybe we are 191 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 1: confronted or someone calls us out, hopefully with love about 192 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:32,080 Speaker 1: our stuff. How can we not have that kind of 193 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 1: split judgment reaction of defending ourselves and try to actually listen. 194 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 1: I know for me what I do, like the second 195 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: that it bubbles up in me, I throw up the 196 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 1: time out. Signed Usually people are really good about trying 197 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 1: to call me out or call me in on my 198 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 1: stuff while we're face to face or while we can 199 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,160 Speaker 1: see each other. So I'll call up the time out, 200 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: and I'm just like, you know what, I'm in a space. 201 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:58,440 Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm in a space to really 202 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 1: receive it right now. Can we talk about it later? 203 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 1: And we will actually make a moment to talk about 204 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: it later. Otherwise I'm just like I'm going to be silent. 205 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: I try to warrant them ahead of time, like I 206 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: hear that you have something to tell me about myself, 207 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be silent. But the differences between me 208 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,680 Speaker 1: and I would say other people that I'm generally very 209 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:25,079 Speaker 1: open to people's feedback, even to a well to a fault, 210 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 1: because my partner is just like, yo, it's not every 211 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:33,319 Speaker 1: every person's feedback that you gotta say, but when people 212 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 1: have feedback for me, Like there was a time where 213 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,680 Speaker 1: I did a speaking engagement and someone pulled me to 214 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:41,800 Speaker 1: the side after Basically she was just like in militant rude. 215 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,120 Speaker 1: White people are not gonna hire you. And she she 216 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: was just like, I just want to give you feel 217 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: you need to hear this feedback. So I gave her 218 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 1: space to give me whatever feedback she felt was necessary. Um, 219 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,000 Speaker 1: but just because someone gives you feedback doesn't mean it 220 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 1: belongs to you either. So I took a feedback, and 221 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,439 Speaker 1: for me, when I take the feedback, I just work 222 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 1: on remaining silent, and if I must, I take notes. 223 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,240 Speaker 1: Let me hear what it is that you have to say. 224 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: And I know that I'm gonna pay the best attention 225 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 1: like I did back when I was in school when 226 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 1: I was taking notes, So I will let somebody know, like, Hey, 227 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: I'm about to take some notes based on what you're saying. 228 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:24,719 Speaker 1: Is that cool? I don't want you to feel like 229 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,600 Speaker 1: I'm not paying attention, So let me let me take 230 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 1: these notes and I do that. One of my other friends, 231 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 1: you know, she likes to call me out pre she 232 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: does a pre call out where she texts me first, 233 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,160 Speaker 1: I got a problem with this thing that you did, 234 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,480 Speaker 1: and I want to talk to you about it. And 235 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, um, let's talk lovely when we When 236 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,960 Speaker 1: do you want to talk about it? M hm. So 237 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,200 Speaker 1: I think that that is Yeah, I agree with you. Like, 238 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 1: it's not easy to hear some maybe very difficult information 239 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: about yourself, but I think the way that it's presented 240 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 1: can soften the blow, right, And I think a lot 241 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 1: of times what happens is that you don't get this 242 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:09,320 Speaker 1: feedback until somebody has become resentful, and that is because 243 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 1: likely they have been avoiding having the difficult conversation, right. Like. Meanwhile, 244 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:20,080 Speaker 1: I mean, you can also always do a ship sandwich. 245 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: Here's the thing I like, here's the thing I don't like, 246 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 1: here's the thing I like. Now the feedback that you 247 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 1: have for them is now sandwiched, and you you soften 248 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 1: the blows. Now, Personally, I'm not a fan of the 249 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 1: ship sandwich. I like my I like my ship to 250 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,400 Speaker 1: stand on its own in the corner. I don't want 251 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 1: to touch my bread. But I recognize that for some 252 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 1: people that the ship sandwich is actually what they need. 253 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: So like a moment of really great feedback in this 254 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 1: episode was when Andrew pointed out to Molly, like, look 255 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 1: at all this hard work that he'sa put in to 256 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: make this happen, Snow wonders she's been absent, much like 257 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 1: how you were absent with Memm. I was like, go ahead, man, 258 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 1: this is what I call using the opportunity as it 259 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 1: presents itself able to say, look at this thing, this 260 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,920 Speaker 1: thing that we're experiencing right now, this is similar to 261 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 1: this other time when this thing happened. Can't you see that? 262 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,560 Speaker 1: So they're in the space where they're not sensitive about it. 263 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 1: You're not sensitive about it, but you're able to have 264 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 1: that conversation and really point out the parallels. Now, the 265 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 1: sad part is that Molly needed those parallels pointed out 266 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:42,720 Speaker 1: because she was so invested and just not really being 267 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:46,160 Speaker 1: there at all. M hmm. Yeah, And that's the thing 268 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 1: I have been kind of trying to think through, like 269 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 1: what actually happened with them this season. So it feels, yeah, 270 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: it feels like we went from zero to sixty real quick, right, Like, 271 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: it feels like there wasn't a lot of build up 272 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: for like how we get to where we got to 273 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 1: at the end of this episode. And so but even 274 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: but as I hear you talk back now about you know, 275 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 1: the ways that maybe Issa has you know, tried to 276 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,800 Speaker 1: call out Molly or have difficult conversations with her in 277 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:19,800 Speaker 1: the past, it really does seem like Molly has difficulty 278 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 1: hearing things about herself in a way that she really 279 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: needs to. Yeah, I mean, let's remember that Thanksgiving that episode. Yes, 280 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 1: but it does seem like she can do that with Andrew. 281 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 1: So I do find that interesting that she's vested in 282 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 1: doing it with Andrew because she remember, she was desperate 283 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: for probably not the right word, but it feels right, 284 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 1: so I'm going with it. She was desperate for a relationship. 285 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 1: Season one, we saw her day and every time they 286 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 1: can hearry they came her way right worthy of her 287 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 1: time or not worthy of her time, whether or not 288 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 1: she was gonna make it work or not make it work. 289 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: She was desperate to be in a relationship, so desperate 290 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: that she would have told East so, and she did 291 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 1: tell Easa that she should have just stayed with Lawrence, 292 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,399 Speaker 1: who sat on the couch for as many years as 293 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: he did not do not a dang thing. But that's 294 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 1: besides the point. The point here is that you know, 295 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 1: she wanted a relationship anyway that she could get it, 296 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,160 Speaker 1: and now that she's got a relationship, she's fighting tooth 297 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 1: their nail to make sure that she keeps it, which 298 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 1: is great and it's it's great to see that growth, 299 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:28,159 Speaker 1: that work, that that spacebook. She's able to listen to 300 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,640 Speaker 1: what the other person has to say, and yeah, maybe 301 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,320 Speaker 1: she initially gets defensive, because we all do when somebody 302 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: calls us out whether or not we like them, And 303 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,119 Speaker 1: but she's still able to go back and be like, 304 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 1: all right, look I was wrong. Can we talk about 305 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 1: this thing that happened last night, like like what she 306 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,919 Speaker 1: did in UM episode four, like going back at the 307 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: end of the episode talking to Andrew, just like, look, 308 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,640 Speaker 1: I messed up. I didn't realize how badly, you know, 309 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: my own stuff was being reflected here. And I could 310 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:04,520 Speaker 1: really appreciate that she was willing to have that conversation. Yeah, 311 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: and so see, for me, this is when I start 312 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 1: thinking about, like, Okay, if Molly were one of my clients, now, 313 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,240 Speaker 1: of course we are watching this on the screen, right, 314 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,600 Speaker 1: so we have a view that of course we never 315 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 1: do as a therapist. But if I knew some of 316 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: this information, that would be the piece I would want 317 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:23,359 Speaker 1: to tap into. Is this transferable skill? Because we see 318 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,280 Speaker 1: that you are able to have difficult conversations, You're able 319 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 1: to hear difficult feedback from Andrew in a way that 320 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,920 Speaker 1: you cannot with Pisa. Help me understand what you see 321 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,359 Speaker 1: the difference is here? Uh, she doesn't think Hess on 322 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,280 Speaker 1: her level. So that's what you think is at the 323 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 1: core of this. Yeah, I think that that Molly is 324 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 1: in a space where she's used to being the successful friend, 325 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:51,879 Speaker 1: the together friend together ish, and she does not see 326 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: Issa in that same space. She does not see Issa 327 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,880 Speaker 1: as a person who lives out her dreams or does 328 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 1: the work. I mean, let's you know episode one that's 329 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:06,119 Speaker 1: gonna be home grown, m and now episode five not 330 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 1: home grown, that's tall, full of sponsors and a lot 331 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,640 Speaker 1: of work that went into it. She did not expect 332 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:18,719 Speaker 1: for it to look that because she was surprised. So 333 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,760 Speaker 1: what do you think that's about? Then? Do you think 334 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,719 Speaker 1: that she is threatened a buy Issa's success? Like do 335 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: you feel like, do you think that she thinks like 336 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,080 Speaker 1: there can't be more than one successful one in the group. 337 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: I mean, it could be that it could be that 338 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 1: it could be that she's feeling insecure herself about her place, 339 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:43,159 Speaker 1: her standing, and Issa's life. If Issa glows up, what 340 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: is her relationship now to Molly? Now? I know that 341 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,760 Speaker 1: people have said that Issa is a user and that 342 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 1: she uses the people around her, and I disagree. I 343 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:56,080 Speaker 1: think that number one, to be a user requires the 344 00:19:56,119 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: act of participation of the other person. If I'm gonna 345 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,159 Speaker 1: use you, you have to allow me to use you. 346 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 1: So we have to also ask ourselves what is the 347 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:10,400 Speaker 1: dynamic of Issa and Molly's relationship? Issa isn't a one 348 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 1: down and Molly gets to hear Issa's problems and offer 349 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:20,920 Speaker 1: feedback and tell her she's messy and on occasion bail 350 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:26,400 Speaker 1: her out. What happens when the person that you're used 351 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,880 Speaker 1: to um needing something from you because they can't get 352 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,600 Speaker 1: it together because you know they're messy. What happens when 353 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 1: they clean up? Who are you now in relation to 354 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:40,840 Speaker 1: that person? Yeah, So it definitely feels like this is 355 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 1: speaking to the danger that can happen when your identity 356 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,840 Speaker 1: becomes wrapped up in being the one that everybody goes to. 357 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and being like, oh, I'm the successful one, 358 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: I'm the smart one on this one, I'm that one 359 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,120 Speaker 1: and the thing that happens every day, right, So it's 360 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 1: not like it's not like it's just something that happened 361 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 1: on TV the other day. I mean, I remember growing up, 362 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,639 Speaker 1: I was, you know, one of my best friends. She 363 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:13,120 Speaker 1: was always the smart friend and I was not. I 364 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:18,679 Speaker 1: was the mouthy friend, but certainly not the smart friend. 365 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:26,200 Speaker 1: You know, she's the Ivy League educated, great job, great benefits, great, 366 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,160 Speaker 1: you know, she's amazing. I was not a smart friend, 367 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 1: and I internalized that. So then when we get back 368 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 1: together and we're adults, despite the fact that I have 369 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,200 Speaker 1: a whole pH D, I don't feel like the smart 370 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,879 Speaker 1: friend in her presence. And that was some of my 371 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,080 Speaker 1: own ship that I had to work out. That wasn't 372 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,639 Speaker 1: on her, not her alone. Certainly he was on me 373 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: because I internalized that, and that means I have been 374 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 1: her experience at all. I know how other people treated 375 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: me based off the relationship that I was in, and 376 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 1: the relationship was that she was a smart when and 377 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,600 Speaker 1: I was not. M hm. So then what does that do? 378 00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: How do you then act in that? In that respect, 379 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,360 Speaker 1: you can resent the person that feels like they put 380 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: you back in the position that they know you as. 381 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,640 Speaker 1: And right now, both of them put each other back 382 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,200 Speaker 1: in the position of who they knew each other as. 383 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,080 Speaker 1: And I'm not seeing the growth that changed the work 384 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 1: that either one of them have made us far. Molly 385 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,840 Speaker 1: is more mature in her relationships and Lisa can't see that, 386 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:34,760 Speaker 1: is she? Oh, you're saying she is. Now you're saying 387 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,760 Speaker 1: you're you're seeing that she has he growth in her 388 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: I love to say, I don't know if we like, 389 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 1: because clearly there is no lack of maturity in this relationship. Here, 390 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,199 Speaker 1: you're saying that we've seen Molly grow and that she 391 00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: is more mature in relationships than she used to be. Yes, 392 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 1: got it, got it. We're seeing that she is on occasion, 393 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,920 Speaker 1: she is definitely willing to go have some humble pie. 394 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,040 Speaker 1: And that's not the same as though, that she is 395 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 1: really willing to invest the same level of humbleness within 396 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,879 Speaker 1: the context of the relationship with Easta because she sees 397 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,040 Speaker 1: Easa in a very specific way. I mean, let's be real, 398 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 1: I mean, wasn't It was that episode for where Issa 399 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 1: is talking to Lawrence outside and East and Molly is 400 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:17,359 Speaker 1: making the assumption that Issa is gonna have sex for Lawrence. Right. 401 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,399 Speaker 1: She she made an assumption about the type of block 402 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 1: party that she was gonna put on, about the behavior 403 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,720 Speaker 1: that she is engaging in. Now she's acting as though 404 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:29,359 Speaker 1: EASA in season four is still having Easter season one 405 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:34,120 Speaker 1: and two behaviors. They're not being fair to each other, 406 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:37,719 Speaker 1: they're not seeing the growth. So I don't remember, and 407 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,120 Speaker 1: I don't know if they explore this fully in season one. 408 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,919 Speaker 1: Do we really know the backstory of how Issa and 409 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,880 Speaker 1: Molly became friends? Uh, they were college friends. They were 410 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:52,600 Speaker 1: college friends. So this I think brings up God, okay, 411 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 1: got it? Um, this brings up I think another point 412 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,879 Speaker 1: of the idea of do you continue in friendships just 413 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:04,320 Speaker 1: because they have some longevity? Right? Because I think, of course, 414 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 1: when you're in college, you know, you're you make friends 415 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,320 Speaker 1: with the with the people who live next door to you, 416 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 1: to the people who are you see in your major classes, 417 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,119 Speaker 1: like those kinds of things out of convenience, and it 418 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,200 Speaker 1: feels really okay because that's the space you are in 419 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 1: in your life, and sometimes those relationships can transition with 420 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: us throughout life and grow, and then sometimes they can't, right, 421 00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:28,879 Speaker 1: And so I wonder if that is a part of 422 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,920 Speaker 1: what's happening is that they've been friends for so long 423 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,720 Speaker 1: that it feels like, okay, we just will continue in 424 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,919 Speaker 1: this friendship. But have they stopped to ask, like, do 425 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 1: I really even still like this person? Like is this 426 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: something that even feels like a good fit exactly? And 427 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 1: And the thing is, I'm definitely a person that believes 428 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 1: that any relationship you want to keep, you can keep 429 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 1: as long as all people involved in that relationship are 430 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:57,359 Speaker 1: also invested in keeping it. But to do that, that 431 00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 1: requires you to grow, to know yourself, to to fall in, 432 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,520 Speaker 1: but it also requires them to be falling in as well. 433 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:11,399 Speaker 1: When one person starts to grow, change and do different things, 434 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:17,000 Speaker 1: it can greatly impact everybody else in that friendship situation 435 00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 1: because now it's like, well, dang, I saw that I 436 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 1: grew you, how do I grow with you? Does the 437 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,199 Speaker 1: other person even have a willingness to do that with you? 438 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,639 Speaker 1: Are they really are they really willing to rock with you? 439 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 1: And sometimes what we do need is a fresh start 440 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 1: with people who don't know this history of us and 441 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,959 Speaker 1: thus can see us for exactly what and who we 442 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,920 Speaker 1: are in the moment as opposed to what they knew 443 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: about us back then. Mmmm. That was a word, Anna, 444 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 1: That was a word, right, because it does feel like 445 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,199 Speaker 1: that is a part of what's happening in the relationship 446 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,919 Speaker 1: is that they cannot see each other for who they 447 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,919 Speaker 1: might be in the moment. They are so caught up 448 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,000 Speaker 1: in the idea, in the narrative of who they scripted 449 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:02,360 Speaker 1: of one another exactly. I like that who they script 450 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 1: who the sc and that I think to me, when 451 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 1: you think about it, I think it still feels sad, right, 452 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 1: because you don't ever want to necessarily lose relationships that 453 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:17,640 Speaker 1: have meant something to you. But sometimes that happens through 454 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,199 Speaker 1: no fault of your own, right, If it's that I 455 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 1: don't know how to let go of this idea who 456 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,000 Speaker 1: I thought you were, to see who you are. That 457 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,439 Speaker 1: doesn't feel intentional, That doesn't feel as messy as what 458 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:32,040 Speaker 1: I feel like we are seeing play out now. Yeah, 459 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,360 Speaker 1: I mean, and the main thing here is it it's 460 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 1: all we're gonna come back to this, that gonna community 461 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,199 Speaker 1: make communication. But it does come back to the communication. 462 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,640 Speaker 1: They aren't. They don't know each other and they think 463 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,600 Speaker 1: they do. They they're not talking to each other. They're 464 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 1: not having the type of in depth conversations. What you're 465 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,240 Speaker 1: trying to do with your life, What's what's up with you? 466 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: Tell me about how you're liking a new position, Molly, 467 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 1: tell me about how you're trying to build things in 468 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,199 Speaker 1: your life. East So that I having the conversations in 469 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 1: a way and at the same time respecting what the 470 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 1: other person is saying. Because let's be clear, everyone in 471 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,840 Speaker 1: that friend group knew Easta was gonna do this block party, 472 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:17,400 Speaker 1: and everyone in the friend group, with the exception of Molly, 473 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:22,800 Speaker 1: showed up before the party. M m. I mean we 474 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: even saw that at the sponsor event earlier this season, 475 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 1: right that people were there helping to set up in Molly, 476 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,760 Speaker 1: you didn't get there until later, yea. And can you 477 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,960 Speaker 1: imagine the person who is like, Nah, she she's gonna 478 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,520 Speaker 1: land on me. And that's my role. My role is 479 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,919 Speaker 1: to be there for Issa because she you know, she 480 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:42,840 Speaker 1: a funk up and I'm gonna have to fix it. 481 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:45,919 Speaker 1: And now she's not sucking up and she doesn't need 482 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,119 Speaker 1: you to fix it. And as a matter of fact 483 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,600 Speaker 1: the other friends and even a new face is coming 484 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 1: front and sent her to be of support in a 485 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:58,159 Speaker 1: way that I'm not, which is to me, made the 486 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 1: whole argument even more ugly because I saw that some 487 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:06,639 Speaker 1: people just was like, yeah, it'sa just violated Molly's boundary, 488 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,160 Speaker 1: and I'm just like, Issa doesn't. I mean, Molly does 489 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:14,120 Speaker 1: not own Andrew. It's not a boundary violation. Yeah, we're 490 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 1: definitely gonna get into that. The other part that I think, 491 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:20,360 Speaker 1: you know, related to your comments about like not being 492 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,160 Speaker 1: able to see one another as who they are, It 493 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,760 Speaker 1: does feel like though they are very tied to this 494 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: idea of our best friend, right, Like you saw them 495 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 1: play with that a little bit. This of course, I'm 496 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:35,800 Speaker 1: going that's my best friend, right, and so friend just 497 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 1: like where's the word? Right? It feels very much something 498 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 1: like I can say this on my Instagram caption that 499 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,480 Speaker 1: we are bfls, right, But what does that even mean 500 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,600 Speaker 1: now that we are twenty somethings. You know, like that 501 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 1: may have been fun when we were eighteen nineteen in 502 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,719 Speaker 1: college and you just kind of throw that around Kevin lially, 503 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 1: but what does that mean now that we are you know, 504 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 1: professional women in and kind of growing in our lives. 505 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 1: What does that even mean for me to call you 506 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,960 Speaker 1: my best friend? And you can really think that y'all 507 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,720 Speaker 1: have been acting as the best friends to one another. 508 00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,400 Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, because I'm looking like, oh, Molly 509 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,200 Speaker 1: is Issa's best friend, but Issa is not Molly's best friend. 510 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:23,320 Speaker 1: I'm like. Issa basically was like oh really, Like they 511 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,320 Speaker 1: just see her whole her whole face, said nasense, we like, 512 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,720 Speaker 1: you know, my best friend. You can't be my best friend. 513 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 1: You don't show up for me like the best friend. Yeah, 514 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:37,640 Speaker 1: and that es friendially, especially after she just said like, no, 515 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,040 Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not asking Andrew for this favor for you. 516 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 1: But then we see on the next episode like you're 517 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:47,160 Speaker 1: calling yourself her best friend. So I was just like, oh, okay, 518 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,000 Speaker 1: we're best friends. Like I definitely can respect that. You know, 519 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:55,400 Speaker 1: Molly said a boundary and was just like, no, I'm 520 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable asking you know, this relationship is 521 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 1: important to me. I want to protect that and I'm 522 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,680 Speaker 1: not I'm not gonna do it. That piece though, when 523 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 1: she was like, you know in that last episode was 524 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 1: that I want these parts of my life separate, and 525 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,440 Speaker 1: it was my partner that pointed it out and said 526 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 1: it in so many words, but you know that stuff 527 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 1: was like, oh, um, you don't want him involved in 528 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:24,960 Speaker 1: what you believe would be Issa's messy stuff. You already 529 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,560 Speaker 1: believe her to be messy. You already believe that you're 530 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: not gonna have it together, and you don't want him 531 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 1: involved in it. And you don't even know what level 532 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,720 Speaker 1: of work Issa has been putting, so you just feel 533 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:41,880 Speaker 1: like she's been absent from you for no reason because 534 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,440 Speaker 1: you don't see the block party and something that's important. 535 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 1: You don't see it as something that takes time to 536 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:52,400 Speaker 1: develop that you know it's gonna require attention and work, 537 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,480 Speaker 1: and you don't want your relationship to be tainted by 538 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,280 Speaker 1: Issa's messiness. And I'm just like see the then go 539 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,800 Speaker 1: that that assumption you have no clue what's going on 540 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:08,880 Speaker 1: because you have been absent and if you had been there, 541 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 1: you would have you would have known, just like Kelly, 542 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,560 Speaker 1: just like Tiffany, that yeah, like here's all the work 543 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 1: that has actually been put in. They are aware of 544 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,760 Speaker 1: the work because they've been there, they've been doing like oh, 545 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 1: let me talk, let me talk to this person for you, 546 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,600 Speaker 1: let me hook you up with this person. Well, I 547 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:25,400 Speaker 1: don't know nobody, but let me hook you. I can 548 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 1: do drinks, I can, I can show up here. I 549 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:30,440 Speaker 1: will show up and I will show out for you. 550 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 1: And Molly just arrives to partake, begrudgingly, after she has 551 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:41,400 Speaker 1: had this conversation with Answer about not even to go. 552 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,560 Speaker 1: But I think you're right though, and I think when 553 00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,480 Speaker 1: we see after she has After Molly has this conversation 554 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,240 Speaker 1: with Andrew and he helps her to get a little 555 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:51,160 Speaker 1: bit of perspective, like, wow, look how big this thing is, 556 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,200 Speaker 1: Like can you imagine how much work? And she then 557 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,479 Speaker 1: tries to go and offer each of the chicken wings. 558 00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 1: That's my love language. We fix three big style like 559 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 1: you ill ma food? We go together? Right? Was a bid? 560 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:07,000 Speaker 1: Which was a bid? Right? Again? Did except that? Right? 561 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:12,360 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I see she looks so apologetic 562 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 1: when she had to go and work, right, and see 563 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,040 Speaker 1: that's the thing though to me, in that moment, it 564 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,959 Speaker 1: seemed like Molly almost felt as if like, oh man, 565 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,960 Speaker 1: she gotta go run again, not considering that this is 566 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: like Issa's job, like this is her time time, this 567 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,840 Speaker 1: is we're not we're not attending the block party. Like 568 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,280 Speaker 1: I have a moment, but I'm in charge of the 569 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,800 Speaker 1: block party, Like, yeah, I give you. I don't know 570 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,000 Speaker 1: if you noticed, but I'm hosting this, right, this is 571 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,240 Speaker 1: kind of my thing here, you know, like welcome, I'm 572 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,280 Speaker 1: glad they're having a good time, and d I P. 573 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,120 Speaker 1: I don't get to be a v I P. I 574 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,200 Speaker 1: get to be in run around. That's a different that's 575 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,520 Speaker 1: a whole different world, right, right, it's very different. But 576 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: I think in that moment, it felt like to me 577 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:58,560 Speaker 1: again was not considering how big of a thing this was, 578 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:00,880 Speaker 1: and that Issa was actually the one in charge of 579 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:05,400 Speaker 1: the actual black party. Yeah, she forgot just for a moment. 580 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,680 Speaker 1: I think that she was really ready to talk. And 581 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,239 Speaker 1: that would have been you know, it would have been 582 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:11,960 Speaker 1: great if it wasn't for the fact that Issa was 583 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:15,760 Speaker 1: at work. Right, So it still ends up being Molly 584 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:21,160 Speaker 1: not recognizing that Issa is doing work and that this 585 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:26,280 Speaker 1: work requires time and attention, and that it's not about 586 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:30,239 Speaker 1: you in this moment. M h. Those small bids, right, 587 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,480 Speaker 1: So her offering the wings and then them doing the 588 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:42,840 Speaker 1: wobble together, I'm telling you, mus say baby love languages 589 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:46,240 Speaker 1: six and seven, food and right, So those made me 590 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,840 Speaker 1: feel a little hopeful, right. They made me feel like, okay, 591 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,720 Speaker 1: now I was. I was kind of giving aside because 592 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,520 Speaker 1: I was like, I hope they're not going to leave 593 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,480 Speaker 1: this as this is what mends them, right, like you 594 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 1: just got to offer some food and bobble together and 595 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:02,280 Speaker 1: then we're best friends again. But I was hopeful that Okay, 596 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:05,120 Speaker 1: this showed enough of a connection still being there that 597 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,800 Speaker 1: maybe next episode we will see them finally have the 598 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 1: conversation that I see they set us up. This was 599 00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,440 Speaker 1: like one of them Scandal episodes where you hang on 600 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,759 Speaker 1: to the last two minutes and your whole world is 601 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,520 Speaker 1: totally crash crash. I was just like, you know what, 602 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,520 Speaker 1: it was completely uncalled for because I was like, I 603 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,279 Speaker 1: got in a place where I was relaxed. I was 604 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,319 Speaker 1: on the right, right right, because I think we all 605 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,640 Speaker 1: had been kind of building up to like, oh my god, 606 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,600 Speaker 1: she's finally the block party was gonna happen, you know anything. 607 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,320 Speaker 1: You know, we saw them connecting a little and I 608 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,560 Speaker 1: had relaxed. I had kind of you know, like, okay, 609 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:43,480 Speaker 1: they're gonna he I literally let out a brush. I 610 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:47,680 Speaker 1: didn't even know I was holding it, and when the 611 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:53,160 Speaker 1: thing went sideways. I was like, wait, happen? Wait, yes, 612 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 1: I legit. I legit tiered up, Donna. I legit heared 613 00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 1: up because I think I was just so taken off 614 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:02,239 Speaker 1: guard by it, so I wasn't expecting it. And the 615 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:06,480 Speaker 1: things that they said to one another world so hurt, horrible, 616 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,760 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so hurt. You forgotten you were Actually 617 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 1: what's what you do when you're trying to viscerate someone? 618 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:17,280 Speaker 1: The words that you use when you are purposefully trying 619 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,680 Speaker 1: to be hurtful and harmful. And I'm just like, you 620 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,040 Speaker 1: know what, you can't take back those worlds. So I 621 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,480 Speaker 1: really don't know where we go from here. I don't 622 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:29,239 Speaker 1: know because get to that, right, you can't take them back. 623 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:31,640 Speaker 1: Before we wrap it all up with where do we 624 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:35,040 Speaker 1: go from here, let's go back to this whole idea 625 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,359 Speaker 1: of you know, So, we see Molly and Andrew having 626 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:41,680 Speaker 1: the conversation with Vince Staples manager like, hey, thanks for 627 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,920 Speaker 1: hooking this up. And so in that moment, Molly finds 628 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,560 Speaker 1: out that Andrew is the one who connected EASA to 629 00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:54,520 Speaker 1: Vince Staples through Nathan. So Molly clearly has a reaction. 630 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:58,400 Speaker 1: She doesn't even respond to Andrew's question. She goes storming 631 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,160 Speaker 1: over to EASA and I feel and I feel like 632 00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:06,600 Speaker 1: that question is the crux that can very easily be missed, 633 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:12,560 Speaker 1: like what's this really about? Or something like that. It 634 00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:14,879 Speaker 1: was I feel like it was something along those lines. 635 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,759 Speaker 1: But it was just like, she's your best friend. I'm 636 00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,439 Speaker 1: not supposed to help your best friend, yeah, he said. 637 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,359 Speaker 1: I think he said something like, you know, I thought 638 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,680 Speaker 1: you'd be fine with me helping your best friend out. 639 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,520 Speaker 1: What's this really about? I'm looking like you came for 640 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:31,239 Speaker 1: your so called best friend, you when you said it 641 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,640 Speaker 1: grudgingly at home, and then you said it again when 642 00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,880 Speaker 1: you got there, but you're the best friend and wouldn't 643 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:41,120 Speaker 1: want her to be supported. Yeah, but she couldn't stop. 644 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,400 Speaker 1: She couldn't. You're right, she she couldn't stop and answer 645 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 1: that question at that moment. It's like she would have 646 00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:49,759 Speaker 1: had to confront her own ship. So this is that 647 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:55,040 Speaker 1: thing happening again where someone confronts me and I am 648 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:59,440 Speaker 1: going to avoid the conversation by deflecting and having a 649 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:04,320 Speaker 1: complete different fight with somebody else or with the same person. Interesting, 650 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,080 Speaker 1: tell me this is not the same. Well, that's a 651 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,680 Speaker 1: great perspective you have there, because see, I think she 652 00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:13,760 Speaker 1: was already so heated. She probably didn't even hear Andrew 653 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,640 Speaker 1: asked that question. I mean, of course she heard him, 654 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,000 Speaker 1: but she was she had already made it up in 655 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,080 Speaker 1: her mind that he Sai has respected a boundary. With that, 656 00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,360 Speaker 1: I felt like I was firm and setting and so 657 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:28,359 Speaker 1: now I gotta go off it. No, let me very clear, 658 00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,400 Speaker 1: because I know that everybody's like, oh, boundary, boundary, boundary. 659 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, that's a buzzword. And yes, y'all know, y'all 660 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,800 Speaker 1: know I rocked hard with boundaries, right, But this was 661 00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 1: I did not see this. Yes, I saw her setting 662 00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:45,320 Speaker 1: the boundary of I am not going to ask Andrew 663 00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,839 Speaker 1: to do this thing for you because I don't feel 664 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,920 Speaker 1: comfortable with it. So, yes, the boundary. She had no 665 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:54,839 Speaker 1: emotional capital in that bank to withdraw. Let's be clear, 666 00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,279 Speaker 1: Molly had fucked up with Andrew, so it would have 667 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,680 Speaker 1: looked good when I'm coming back to make up with 668 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:05,520 Speaker 1: this person to now be requesting anything. Now, that's the 669 00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:09,720 Speaker 1: backstory we have. That is not what she told Issa. 670 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,800 Speaker 1: All she said to Issa was that the relationship is 671 00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:16,360 Speaker 1: important to me, and I want to protect that and 672 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:19,440 Speaker 1: I want these parts of my life separate, which sounded 673 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,040 Speaker 1: and you know he's to ask of what it, Matt, 674 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:24,440 Speaker 1: but Molly was not going to offer that. What she 675 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,840 Speaker 1: meant to say, or the way that I'm interpreted is 676 00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:32,399 Speaker 1: you messy Issa, and you're gonna do some homegrown ship 677 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:35,480 Speaker 1: that I don't want my name, my man's name anywhere near. 678 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 1: That's what I interpreted. Now, maybe that's an unfair interpretation, 679 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:41,319 Speaker 1: so you can go ahead and take it to leave 680 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,160 Speaker 1: it if you know whatever you want to do with it. 681 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,600 Speaker 1: But she said I'm not gonna ask. She didn't say 682 00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:50,840 Speaker 1: that no one can ask. So there's that, But also 683 00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:54,719 Speaker 1: the fact that Molly continues to display this idea of 684 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:59,880 Speaker 1: ownership of people who she has a relationship with. It 685 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:05,040 Speaker 1: there's a running problem with her. So she owns Andrew 686 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,279 Speaker 1: and now owns all of his resources and has the 687 00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,320 Speaker 1: right to deny them to other people. Put me on 688 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,040 Speaker 1: because I'm not I don't understand, but you know, this 689 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,160 Speaker 1: kind of feels like the same kind of thing that 690 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,120 Speaker 1: was happening with her mom and dad after she found 691 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:22,640 Speaker 1: out that her dad was unfaithful, right, so so she 692 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,640 Speaker 1: kind of owned this, like feeling like she needed to 693 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,680 Speaker 1: protect her mom even though her mom had clearly made 694 00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,880 Speaker 1: peace with the situation exactly like some of the like 695 00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:35,080 Speaker 1: yes you have hurts, but stand in your place with 696 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,719 Speaker 1: your hurts, don't stay in someone else's place, because it's 697 00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,720 Speaker 1: almost like she wanted to be upset on behalf of Andrew. 698 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,239 Speaker 1: And I'm looking like Andrew is telling you it didn't 699 00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:48,359 Speaker 1: cost him nothing but to eat mail. So calm down stairs, 700 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,120 Speaker 1: like this is this is not the boundary violation that 701 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:53,920 Speaker 1: you think it is. It's the one that you are 702 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,600 Speaker 1: creating in your head. You do not own Andrew. You 703 00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:03,040 Speaker 1: cannot keep his resources to yourself, and for what purpose 704 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,920 Speaker 1: other than to punish Issa, because that's what it seemed 705 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,880 Speaker 1: like to me. She wanted to punish her, and the 706 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,080 Speaker 1: way that she was going to punish her was for 707 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:16,680 Speaker 1: her entire event to fail. But that would fit her 708 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,879 Speaker 1: narrative right, like if if Andrew had not been able 709 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,399 Speaker 1: to save her um now, she might have been able 710 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,960 Speaker 1: to find someone else. We don't know, but if if 711 00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:28,080 Speaker 1: Molly's running narrative is I am the one there to 712 00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,920 Speaker 1: pick up the pieces, then it serves her interests and 713 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:34,320 Speaker 1: her narrative to let this thing feel, which would be 714 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,919 Speaker 1: exactly why she would want to be the lynchpin there. 715 00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,480 Speaker 1: Why she wanted to be the gatekeeper to Andrew. She 716 00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 1: forgot that Nathan exists, and that if anybody's claiming ownership 717 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,960 Speaker 1: over anyone, and let's be clear, you cannot own a 718 00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:52,879 Speaker 1: human being, then the only person that would be able 719 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:57,239 Speaker 1: to claim that would be Nathan. Nathan would be able 720 00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:00,759 Speaker 1: to say, but Andrew is my friend, right, because dude, 721 00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:04,600 Speaker 1: let's not forget that. Issa. I mean, Molly met Andrew 722 00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:09,680 Speaker 1: through Nathan. So I look like, let's let's let's all 723 00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,279 Speaker 1: the way chill, let's all the way fall back. I'm 724 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:15,400 Speaker 1: like you saying that you don't want to ask somebody something. 725 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,480 Speaker 1: That is setting a boundary, and it's a beautiful, firm boundary, 726 00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:21,680 Speaker 1: and I'm very proud that Molly was able to set it. 727 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,920 Speaker 1: She's entitled to that, exactly. Molly is not entitled to 728 00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:29,840 Speaker 1: saying that Andrew is not allowed to help people that 729 00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,560 Speaker 1: she knows unless they go through her. It is not hers, 730 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:38,279 Speaker 1: He is not hers. It cost her a phone call, 731 00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:42,560 Speaker 1: it costs a phone call to Nathan Nathan, it costs 732 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:46,400 Speaker 1: a conversation with Andrew, and Andrew cost the email. The 733 00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:51,800 Speaker 1: only person mad in any of this is Molly, Molly 734 00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,720 Speaker 1: trying to be like, you used Andrew, you use Nathan, 735 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:56,960 Speaker 1: You're a user, and I'm just like, whoa what whoa? 736 00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:01,000 Speaker 1: Whoa whoa, buddy, Let's slow down. Why are you taking 737 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:04,120 Speaker 1: ownership to be upset on behalf of people who are 738 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:09,200 Speaker 1: not MAdM And it doesn't even sound like, uh, Lisa 739 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:13,600 Speaker 1: set out to ask Nathan to ask Andrew. It's I mean, 740 00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,400 Speaker 1: because we heard Nathan leave the message right, and so 741 00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:18,920 Speaker 1: it's reasonable. I think the leap that I'm making is 742 00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:22,920 Speaker 1: that you know, she has this conversation with Molly. She's upset, 743 00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:25,400 Speaker 1: She's trying to scroll through all of these numbers of 744 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:28,680 Speaker 1: old people to try to find somebody. Nathan has reached out, 745 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,520 Speaker 1: and so, in a moment of weakness or whatever, she 746 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,080 Speaker 1: wants to feel comforted, she wants to feel supported. She 747 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:37,480 Speaker 1: talks with the Nathan, who then says, you know, like, oh, 748 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:40,120 Speaker 1: I'll just ask Andrew for you. So we don't know 749 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,120 Speaker 1: if she shared that. Molly said no, she wasn't gonna ask, Like, 750 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,200 Speaker 1: we don't know how all of that happened. But it 751 00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:49,480 Speaker 1: doesn't sound like, yeah, it doesn't sound like she hung 752 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,560 Speaker 1: up with Molly and then said, well, I know somebody 753 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,520 Speaker 1: else who knows Andrew. I'm gonna call Nathan, she said. 754 00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:57,879 Speaker 1: Nathan asked how was things happening for the block party, 755 00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,239 Speaker 1: and she told him that her headliner fell out, so 756 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:02,480 Speaker 1: it doesn't even sound like it was. You know, like, 757 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:04,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to try to get that Andrew another way. 758 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,200 Speaker 1: It just kind of happened again that there is this 759 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:11,560 Speaker 1: other link to Andrew exactly. And I'm just like, to me, 760 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:15,400 Speaker 1: the biggest problem here is how Molly claims ownership over people. 761 00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:19,319 Speaker 1: And I mean it's it's and how she stopped Nathan 762 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,080 Speaker 1: from being able to give his apologies to Issa, decided 763 00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,359 Speaker 1: that Issa didn't need to talk to Andrew, to um 764 00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:28,239 Speaker 1: to Nathan. She decided it for Issa. She did that 765 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:32,080 Speaker 1: last season and I'm just like, but you know, she's 766 00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:36,960 Speaker 1: like constantly speaking for people. So now she's claimed Andrew 767 00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:41,399 Speaker 1: as her own and she's making herself Jesus in his life. 768 00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,279 Speaker 1: Like no one can get through to Andrew but through me, 769 00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:48,600 Speaker 1: I am the life of truth in the way, and 770 00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:51,000 Speaker 1: that's where the buck stops. And I'm just like, you 771 00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:55,759 Speaker 1: gotta stop, you gotta stop, because he's not yours to 772 00:43:55,920 --> 00:44:00,120 Speaker 1: dictate what he does. With his resources and clear and 773 00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:04,320 Speaker 1: this is something that other seasons as well. And what 774 00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,640 Speaker 1: this is, this is Molly's m o of oh Issa 775 00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:11,279 Speaker 1: is mine, and I will stop people having contact with 776 00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:16,680 Speaker 1: her as is my choice to do. Mm hmmmm hmmm. Yeah. 777 00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:18,800 Speaker 1: So I mean, when you think about that is a 778 00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,759 Speaker 1: very different relationship dynamic, right, Like, if I feel like 779 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:26,200 Speaker 1: you are mine, then I'm not really in relationship to you. 780 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:30,239 Speaker 1: I am in relationship over you exactly. I lord over you. 781 00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:34,560 Speaker 1: I make the decisions here. And you can still say 782 00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,520 Speaker 1: that in a way that she's working as though Issa 783 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,520 Speaker 1: in a way still belongs to her and what she 784 00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:45,239 Speaker 1: wants to do with her. Issa is punished. I want 785 00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:48,560 Speaker 1: to punish my Issa, so the other people that I 786 00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,920 Speaker 1: own are not allowed to help, are not allowed to 787 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,919 Speaker 1: help you. I want you to flail and I want 788 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,360 Speaker 1: you to eventually fail and come crawling back to me. 789 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:04,479 Speaker 1: And that is the dynamic of our relationship. Wow. Wow, 790 00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,239 Speaker 1: And of course most of this is likely is not 791 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:11,239 Speaker 1: happening on a conscious level, right, But I think you 792 00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:13,960 Speaker 1: know I want you to right, I'm lord over you 793 00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:16,160 Speaker 1: kind of thing. Most people do not do that, but 794 00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:21,560 Speaker 1: it's more loy but like, but let's be were like nicky. 795 00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:25,040 Speaker 1: Molly has to be aware of some of the stuff 796 00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:26,920 Speaker 1: that she's doing, or maybe she would have been more 797 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:30,239 Speaker 1: aware of she wasn't spending so much timeline to her therapist. Right, 798 00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:32,160 Speaker 1: That's why I was gonna say, we have not seen 799 00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:36,040 Speaker 1: the good old therapist with that beautiful office again, and 800 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,440 Speaker 1: so we don't know. I mean, I think it's reasonable 801 00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:41,680 Speaker 1: to believe that she's either not seeing the therapist anymore, 802 00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,719 Speaker 1: you know, maybe they're just not you know, sharing that 803 00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:45,520 Speaker 1: kind of thing. But we've not heard her make any 804 00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:49,399 Speaker 1: reference to anything with the therapist. So I definitely think 805 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:52,279 Speaker 1: that would be key because, like we talked about in 806 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,640 Speaker 1: our last conversation here on the podcast, they're the lack 807 00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:59,239 Speaker 1: of awareness and self awareness from Molly is just astounding 808 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:02,279 Speaker 1: in continues to get in her way in terms of 809 00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:06,040 Speaker 1: her relationships exactly. I feel like, and I felt this 810 00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:08,600 Speaker 1: way for a while. I feel like Issa has been 811 00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:10,960 Speaker 1: able to see the ways in which she is messy 812 00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:14,400 Speaker 1: and then makes steps and strives toward fixing whatever the 813 00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,239 Speaker 1: thing is. Right, And I'm not saying that she is 814 00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:22,440 Speaker 1: always successful. I'm saying that she is generally more aware. 815 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,799 Speaker 1: I think that Molly sees herself in a certain light, 816 00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:27,719 Speaker 1: in the same way that she sees Issa in a 817 00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:31,760 Speaker 1: certain light and thus is unable to see anything else. 818 00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:35,160 Speaker 1: She does not see her blind spots. So this gets 819 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,680 Speaker 1: me into thinking about Jahry's window. So the idea is 820 00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:40,719 Speaker 1: that there are these four pains. So you have your 821 00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:43,200 Speaker 1: public self, your private self, your blind self, and your 822 00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:46,920 Speaker 1: undiscovered self. And I think that Molly is most acquainted 823 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,080 Speaker 1: with her public self. She knows how to put on airs. 824 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:54,960 Speaker 1: She keeps whatever pieces of her messiness to herself, but 825 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,200 Speaker 1: she keeps them very small because she never wants them 826 00:46:57,239 --> 00:47:01,520 Speaker 1: to speak for her. But she has laring blind spots 827 00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:05,279 Speaker 1: that she is so unaware of that impact how other 828 00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:08,080 Speaker 1: people get to experience her. And I'm not saying that 829 00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,120 Speaker 1: she's not an awesome person to be around, but I 830 00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,200 Speaker 1: am saying that she's got a lot of work to do. 831 00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,200 Speaker 1: I mean, looking back, like she thought that the white 832 00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:18,279 Speaker 1: law firm that she worked that was a problem, and 833 00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:21,480 Speaker 1: then got to the black law firm and had similar problems. 834 00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:26,359 Speaker 1: Who is the common denominator here? Yeah, And I feel 835 00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,680 Speaker 1: like that's a part of the work that a lot 836 00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:31,000 Speaker 1: of us have to do. Right, Like, I think there 837 00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:34,000 Speaker 1: becomes a point at which in your adult life, maybe 838 00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:37,040 Speaker 1: young adult life, maybe a little later adult life, like 839 00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:40,360 Speaker 1: you do have to wrestle with those ideas of like 840 00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,839 Speaker 1: who am I you know, to myself, who do other 841 00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:45,640 Speaker 1: people see it? What's the part of me that I 842 00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:48,680 Speaker 1: really don't want people to see? Because that's usually where 843 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,320 Speaker 1: the work is, right, It is not always Prettever you 844 00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:54,360 Speaker 1: have shame, that is where you have work. That is 845 00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,719 Speaker 1: where it is. And so I think that is the 846 00:47:56,800 --> 00:48:00,560 Speaker 1: part that we haven't seen Molly do either with a therapist. 847 00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:03,880 Speaker 1: Are alone, Yeah, And I feel like Molly has done 848 00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:06,200 Speaker 1: a great job of calling Issa out on the things 849 00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:10,520 Speaker 1: that Issa knows herself to be shameful for. She she's 850 00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:14,359 Speaker 1: good at calling people out. And I'm like, that's great. 851 00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:17,920 Speaker 1: Everyone wants. I think that everyone needs a friend that 852 00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,239 Speaker 1: will see clearly. But that friend also has to be 853 00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,120 Speaker 1: willing to grow with you and see you for where 854 00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:27,360 Speaker 1: you are and have the gift of timing, because that 855 00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,960 Speaker 1: continues to be a problem, Like now the time for 856 00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:34,440 Speaker 1: you that you want to start a shouting match at 857 00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:39,000 Speaker 1: my job, at my work event. What in the world. 858 00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:42,960 Speaker 1: So back to your earlier statement, you know, we were 859 00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:47,160 Speaker 1: both just dumbfounded by the things that they said to 860 00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:50,239 Speaker 1: one another. So where do you think they could even 861 00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:54,440 Speaker 1: possibly go from here? I mean, if if an apology 862 00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:56,879 Speaker 1: is not on the table, then the friendship is not either, 863 00:48:57,280 --> 00:49:02,560 Speaker 1: clearly clearly, because I'm just like, wow, the way they 864 00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:08,960 Speaker 1: were eveserating each other, the ill, ill begotten timing of 865 00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:12,320 Speaker 1: wanting to have this conversation. I'm looking like, I get it. 866 00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,480 Speaker 1: Your emotions are running high. Here you are at a successful, 867 00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,920 Speaker 1: non home grown event, so you're probably already feeling a 868 00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:21,239 Speaker 1: little bit some type of way and enjoying yourself despite 869 00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:23,800 Speaker 1: yourself because this is the type of environment that she 870 00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:28,640 Speaker 1: has created. You got called out for not necessarily seeing 871 00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:33,120 Speaker 1: the work by your partner earlier, and you know you're 872 00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:37,080 Speaker 1: trying to make amends through food that you feel was 873 00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:41,640 Speaker 1: rejected because someone is working at a work event. And 874 00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,640 Speaker 1: just so I get it, Like, I'm thinking about all 875 00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:48,279 Speaker 1: the ways that emotions are running high, and at no 876 00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:51,160 Speaker 1: point was there I need I need a full time. 877 00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:53,920 Speaker 1: I need to sit down, And that's usually what I 878 00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,360 Speaker 1: tell people to do. On looking like all those emotions 879 00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:59,800 Speaker 1: are coming at you all at once, sit down, because 880 00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,759 Speaker 1: those emotions will have you move into doing something that 881 00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:06,280 Speaker 1: you have no business doing. Sit down on the ground. 882 00:50:06,440 --> 00:50:09,040 Speaker 1: Actually that's usually what I tell people. And now I'm like, 883 00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:12,440 Speaker 1: this is a literal grounding technique. Sit your butt on 884 00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,160 Speaker 1: the ground, because do you know how foolish a person 885 00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:17,399 Speaker 1: whose angry looks trying to yell sitting on the floor. 886 00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:22,640 Speaker 1: So I just not gonna quite work. It does not 887 00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:25,239 Speaker 1: work in the same way at all. So that is 888 00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:27,799 Speaker 1: something that like when for some clients that I've had 889 00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,560 Speaker 1: that have had some anger issues that they were trying 890 00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:32,360 Speaker 1: to work out, I'm like, well, I need you to 891 00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:35,640 Speaker 1: sit on the floor. Let's practice that. And how it 892 00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:39,400 Speaker 1: is has almost immediate calming effect to sit on the 893 00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:42,360 Speaker 1: floor because when we're angry, the first thing that we 894 00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,440 Speaker 1: do when we get arouses, we get up right and 895 00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,480 Speaker 1: we get bigger, and I'm like, you need to take 896 00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:52,840 Speaker 1: yourself smaller, and making yourself smaller it also gives you 897 00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:56,480 Speaker 1: more space because anger takes up a lot of mental space, 898 00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:59,000 Speaker 1: takes up a lot of emotional space. And I'm not 899 00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:01,719 Speaker 1: saying that anger is not a fine emotion. It's one 900 00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:05,719 Speaker 1: of my favorite. Um I believe that emotions. Anger is 901 00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:08,920 Speaker 1: the emotion of changed More than anything, I am in 902 00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:12,240 Speaker 1: love with anger. It's one of my favorite emotions. However, 903 00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:15,160 Speaker 1: sometimes you need to sit down before you do something 904 00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:19,520 Speaker 1: that is regretful because anger also clouds your one's judgment. 905 00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:22,480 Speaker 1: And she lost her judgment. She forgot that this is 906 00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:26,080 Speaker 1: a work event, that this and and now you know, 907 00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:29,640 Speaker 1: like everything good great, But because they get into this argument, 908 00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:33,600 Speaker 1: now it's whoa, there's shooting. It's like, come on, now, 909 00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:37,120 Speaker 1: that's Molly. Yeah, this is the result of your ill, 910 00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:41,719 Speaker 1: big gotten timing. Yeah, and so you know, I think 911 00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:44,840 Speaker 1: you're right, Like, it's not that she was not entitled 912 00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,680 Speaker 1: to her feelings, even though we may not agree that 913 00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:50,719 Speaker 1: this was the boundary that was violated. She's entitled to 914 00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:53,880 Speaker 1: her feelings and that's how she is. She felt by 915 00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:59,120 Speaker 1: remind everybody out there that feelings are not facts, right, 916 00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:01,640 Speaker 1: she felt that way, so she deserved to address it. 917 00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,600 Speaker 1: It just didn't need to be in that moment. She 918 00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:11,040 Speaker 1: could have at the that it wasn't the right it 919 00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:13,600 Speaker 1: wasn't the right time. It wasn't the right time. Yeah. 920 00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:15,399 Speaker 1: So I mean, so, you know, like we talked about 921 00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,279 Speaker 1: on the last episode, timing is a lot of it 922 00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:21,920 Speaker 1: of you know, that goes into effectively communicating and not 923 00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:24,520 Speaker 1: in a way that you feel like, Okay, now it's 924 00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:27,160 Speaker 1: going to be the perfect time to have a difficult conversation, 925 00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:30,719 Speaker 1: because there usually is not a perfect time, but there 926 00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:33,880 Speaker 1: can be a better time than at the end of 927 00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:37,600 Speaker 1: your friends you know, hugely successful work event that she 928 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:40,680 Speaker 1: has poured months and you know, lots and lots of 929 00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:43,440 Speaker 1: time and resources into pulling off that you needed to 930 00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:46,920 Speaker 1: be told that she poured in time, months, and resources, 931 00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:50,120 Speaker 1: and and I was like, and at the very least, 932 00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,560 Speaker 1: I'm looking like, you don't even think that's disrespectful to Andrew. 933 00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:58,840 Speaker 1: Like if you do, you don't disrespectful to Andrew because 934 00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:03,480 Speaker 1: his name is evolved in this because he sent the email. Yeah. Yeah, 935 00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:06,080 Speaker 1: So it'll be interesting to kind of see how either 936 00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:08,960 Speaker 1: of those things resolved. Right. So we saw, you know, 937 00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:11,800 Speaker 1: a little clip of the next episode where each of 938 00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:13,560 Speaker 1: them is like, oh, well, have you reached out or 939 00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:16,000 Speaker 1: have you reached out? You know. So Kelly and Tiffany 940 00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:18,560 Speaker 1: are kind of you know, refereeing, so to speak, and 941 00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:21,239 Speaker 1: it sounds like they have been really trying to do 942 00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:24,160 Speaker 1: a good job. I mean, Tiffany physically was like, hey, guys, 943 00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:26,520 Speaker 1: we don't have to do this right now. She tried 944 00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:29,000 Speaker 1: to stop it from escalating, but Molly was not having it. 945 00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:31,120 Speaker 1: But yeah, so we see in the future clip that 946 00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,320 Speaker 1: you know, they're both maybe not reaching out to one another. 947 00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:36,600 Speaker 1: So it will be interesting to kind of see who 948 00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,239 Speaker 1: makes that first step, you know, like, at what point 949 00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,120 Speaker 1: do they even try to have a conversation if that happens, 950 00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:44,319 Speaker 1: we don't even know, So it'll be interesting to see 951 00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:48,080 Speaker 1: how the rest of the season unfulls I am, oh, 952 00:53:48,239 --> 00:53:54,600 Speaker 1: I'm definitely interested. I was like, oh oh, but besides 953 00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:57,840 Speaker 1: an apology, what else do you think would need to 954 00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:01,920 Speaker 1: happen for them to even be able to reconnect? I mean, 955 00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:04,200 Speaker 1: for me, number one, it's not a standard apology. It's 956 00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:09,560 Speaker 1: the fourth step apology. So I'm sorry for next time, 957 00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:13,320 Speaker 1: and how can I make amends? That is a fourth 958 00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:18,480 Speaker 1: step apology, So not just apologizing because most people do 959 00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:21,200 Speaker 1: step one of the steps out of the four steps, 960 00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:23,759 Speaker 1: and that's not enough in this case. Both of them 961 00:54:23,840 --> 00:54:27,520 Speaker 1: need to actually recognize how they contributed to this problem, 962 00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:31,520 Speaker 1: how they can how they both allowed it to to 963 00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:34,879 Speaker 1: get to a space where they were in that particular space, 964 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:38,160 Speaker 1: because they both have a lot of responsibility to to 965 00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:42,520 Speaker 1: to claim for themselves. So being able to recognize that 966 00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,800 Speaker 1: will even facilitate an apology. They first both got to 967 00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:48,839 Speaker 1: realize that they both suck up and then be able 968 00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:52,279 Speaker 1: to put their pride aside. And I don't know if 969 00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:54,200 Speaker 1: that is a space that either of them are in 970 00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:57,680 Speaker 1: right now, putting that pride aside. I think that's as 971 00:54:57,719 --> 00:54:59,920 Speaker 1: well versed than putting her pride aside, because she sucks 972 00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:04,080 Speaker 1: a lot, right, so easier for her. But for someone 973 00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:07,160 Speaker 1: who believes themselves to mostly be right, it can be 974 00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:13,359 Speaker 1: very hard to admit when you're wrong. Yeah, so they're 975 00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:16,040 Speaker 1: gonna have to put the pride aside and come together 976 00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:19,680 Speaker 1: and have a conversation that looks a lot like I'm sorry. 977 00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:22,600 Speaker 1: Here's what I'm sorry for. This is what I can 978 00:55:22,719 --> 00:55:24,879 Speaker 1: do next time to make sure that this thing does 979 00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:28,000 Speaker 1: not repeat itself, And I would like to make amends. 980 00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:31,640 Speaker 1: How can I do that with you? And that is 981 00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:34,120 Speaker 1: just one part of the conversation, right, because the other 982 00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:36,879 Speaker 1: part is the conversation that they still had never had, 983 00:55:37,239 --> 00:55:40,480 Speaker 1: which is what is even happening in this relationship dynamic. 984 00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:44,319 Speaker 1: So there is the conversation around the apology and then 985 00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:47,200 Speaker 1: a conversation about like, yo, what happened here? Do we 986 00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:51,279 Speaker 1: even want to continue in this friendship? Exactly? And to me, 987 00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:54,640 Speaker 1: I'm just like that, this is why I created that 988 00:55:54,719 --> 00:56:00,080 Speaker 1: relationship goals guy, because you have to evaluate what it 989 00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:03,160 Speaker 1: is that you're wanting so that when you do come together, 990 00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:05,520 Speaker 1: you already have it laid out and you can have 991 00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,480 Speaker 1: that conversation. It's hard to have it if you don't 992 00:56:08,560 --> 00:56:11,080 Speaker 1: know what it is that you want, or if you 993 00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:14,239 Speaker 1: don't recognize what it is that you've lost. So it's 994 00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:16,719 Speaker 1: still for free, It's still on my Instagram page, so 995 00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:19,040 Speaker 1: people can still get it, but you know, like taking 996 00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:21,160 Speaker 1: that time to just be like, Okay, this is what 997 00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:23,680 Speaker 1: where we were, this is how we connected in the 998 00:56:23,800 --> 00:56:27,560 Speaker 1: first place. Okay, this is where we are. Now what 999 00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:30,840 Speaker 1: do I want? What do I need? And what do 1000 00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:33,000 Speaker 1: I want? And do I think it can be provided 1001 00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:37,120 Speaker 1: in this relationship? Because even if they do come to 1002 00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,320 Speaker 1: a space where they're able to apologize, it does not 1003 00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:41,480 Speaker 1: mean that they have to be friends. I think that 1004 00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:44,480 Speaker 1: the apologies are owed and that they should pay what 1005 00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:47,880 Speaker 1: they owe. They both owe an apology to one another, 1006 00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:50,800 Speaker 1: But it doesn't mean that just because you apologize that 1007 00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:52,799 Speaker 1: now you gotta be cool. It doesn't mean that now 1008 00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:56,000 Speaker 1: you gotta be friends. That's still a discussion that they 1009 00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:57,800 Speaker 1: have to have about whether or not that's even the 1010 00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:01,360 Speaker 1: direction they want to go in, right, because, like we 1011 00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:03,920 Speaker 1: talked about, you know, even before this big blow up, 1012 00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:06,560 Speaker 1: it looked like there needed to be a conversation about 1013 00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:09,960 Speaker 1: whether this is a relationship that we both really want 1014 00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:13,160 Speaker 1: to do the work to continue, even really still like 1015 00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:17,120 Speaker 1: each other. Yeah, and sometimes it's not even like do 1016 00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,320 Speaker 1: we even still like each other? Because we can we 1017 00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,520 Speaker 1: can still like and adore and love each other and 1018 00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:24,320 Speaker 1: still not be in the space to be in one 1019 00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:29,120 Speaker 1: another's lives as an active participant the work. And it 1020 00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:32,040 Speaker 1: is okay to move into that space where it's like, 1021 00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:35,360 Speaker 1: all right, I love you, I still want what's best 1022 00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:39,320 Speaker 1: for you. I just don't want to be actively here 1023 00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:42,520 Speaker 1: to see it happen or to make it happen. I 1024 00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:45,320 Speaker 1: can't be in that space with you. It is okay 1025 00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:49,680 Speaker 1: to be there to love somebody from a distance. From 1026 00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,440 Speaker 1: a distance, it has to be that way sometimes, as 1027 00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:55,919 Speaker 1: difficult as it really really can be. Sometimes that that's 1028 00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:58,480 Speaker 1: what has to happen. Sometimes the roads that were on, 1029 00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:03,480 Speaker 1: they they diverge from one another. Maybe you will intersect again, 1030 00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:06,360 Speaker 1: Maybe one day you will run. Maybe you're gonna run 1031 00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:09,200 Speaker 1: parallel for a while, and maybe one day you come 1032 00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:11,720 Speaker 1: back together and you share the highway together. But until 1033 00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:15,360 Speaker 1: that time, you gotta turn left and they gotta turn right. 1034 00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:18,080 Speaker 1: If you come back together, awesome, and if you don't 1035 00:58:18,480 --> 00:58:22,640 Speaker 1: enjoy your journey, m m. Well, we will wrap up 1036 00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:26,040 Speaker 1: on that note. So I anticipate that we will likely 1037 00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:29,800 Speaker 1: come together at least one more time for the season finale, 1038 00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:32,840 Speaker 1: as we kind of continue to see where this thing 1039 00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,280 Speaker 1: winds up at the end of the season. So you've 1040 00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:41,480 Speaker 1: already been excited. So you mentioned your relationship goals, so 1041 00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:43,600 Speaker 1: we will share the link for that. So anybody who 1042 00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:46,960 Speaker 1: wants to worksheet that Dr Orio Will has brilliantly crafted, 1043 00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:49,320 Speaker 1: then we will definitely have that in the show. Notes 1044 00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:51,120 Speaker 1: are there are other resources, are things that you have 1045 00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:54,480 Speaker 1: available that you want to share. But there are a 1046 00:58:54,560 --> 00:58:56,640 Speaker 1: couple of things that like if you're ready to have 1047 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,720 Speaker 1: the conversation with people in your life, there's an ice 1048 00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:03,560 Speaker 1: eatment sheet that I think is just superb. If you 1049 00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:07,240 Speaker 1: put in I statement and Google and put in therapist aid. 1050 00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:11,000 Speaker 1: It's a free it's a free website with free resources. 1051 00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:15,080 Speaker 1: But the I statement sheets. Specifically, it's pretty dope and 1052 00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:17,320 Speaker 1: it really does help you to have that conversation. It 1053 00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:20,240 Speaker 1: might I might have already like put like put it 1054 00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:24,080 Speaker 1: in the relationship goals that I don't know, but there's 1055 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:27,880 Speaker 1: that there's um what we're here trying to look at 1056 00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:31,840 Speaker 1: my take a little sneak peek at my my my bookshelf. 1057 00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:35,360 Speaker 1: But like anything that you can get your hands on 1058 00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:39,560 Speaker 1: about communication, UM specifically, I think that a lot of 1059 00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:41,960 Speaker 1: the communication that we have is really based on ourselves. 1060 00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:44,960 Speaker 1: So being able to identify what your communication style is. 1061 00:59:45,560 --> 00:59:49,720 Speaker 1: There are you know, for attachment styles, but your communication 1062 00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:52,720 Speaker 1: style can also be very much attached to that. So 1063 00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:55,040 Speaker 1: taking the time to go and look up and look 1064 00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:59,800 Speaker 1: into that so that you can also have some conversations 1065 01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:03,680 Speaker 1: as are definitely going to be needed. UM and these 1066 01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:07,520 Speaker 1: are I think that's another free resource that I'm talking about. 1067 01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:11,320 Speaker 1: So Okay, I mean, I'm gonna see, I'm gonna see, 1068 01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:13,960 Speaker 1: I'm gonna trying to get all the things and I 1069 01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:18,160 Speaker 1: have decided that I'm definitely right. In the next book, Um, 1070 01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:21,000 Speaker 1: it is probably going to be a little bit of 1071 01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:24,440 Speaker 1: a workbook, definitely going to be a little expensive, definitely 1072 01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:28,280 Speaker 1: going to be around communication. It's gonna be called say 1073 01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:31,320 Speaker 1: it what You're in an asshole. As you share with 1074 01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:36,800 Speaker 1: the last episode, I love it, so we will. I 1075 01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:40,680 Speaker 1: admit writing this book. So I love how you come 1076 01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,280 Speaker 1: to the podcast to give us breaking news on all 1077 01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:46,320 Speaker 1: of the books. It was the podcast originally where you 1078 01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:49,320 Speaker 1: told us that Cocoa Butter and hair Grease was coming. 1079 01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:55,880 Speaker 1: So now another exclus and we are having said with 1080 01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:59,000 Speaker 1: your internet whole forthcoming and we will be sure to 1081 01:00:59,040 --> 01:01:01,240 Speaker 1: share that with everybody. And you know, I can't wait 1082 01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:04,880 Speaker 1: till you write a book. Oh okay, we're gonna come. 1083 01:01:05,360 --> 01:01:12,160 Speaker 1: We're gonna cut that from those So tell everybody where 1084 01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:15,160 Speaker 1: they can find you. On social they can find me 1085 01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,120 Speaker 1: at A NOD right, that's my first name backwards A 1086 01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:21,080 Speaker 1: N N O D R I G h T. On 1087 01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:24,440 Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook, and on Twitter, you can find me 1088 01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:28,160 Speaker 1: at Dr Donald Orio woh perfect. Well, thank you for 1089 01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:32,000 Speaker 1: joining us again, thank you for having me. Be sure 1090 01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:33,720 Speaker 1: to have all this in the show notes for anybody 1091 01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:36,720 Speaker 1: who wants to connect and check out all those incredible 1092 01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:41,040 Speaker 1: resources all right now, hopefully don't give us some heart 1093 01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:45,160 Speaker 1: poplications and moving forward episodes, we will keep our fingers crossed. 1094 01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:50,800 Speaker 1: I'm so glad Dr Orio Will was able to join 1095 01:01:50,920 --> 01:01:53,720 Speaker 1: us yet again this week. Don't forget to check out 1096 01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:56,080 Speaker 1: the show notes from this episode at Therapy for Black 1097 01:01:56,120 --> 01:02:00,440 Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash session, to grab your copy of 1098 01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:03,680 Speaker 1: her Relationship Goals Worksheat, or to grab your copy of 1099 01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:07,520 Speaker 1: her book Cocoa Butter and Hair Grease. And don't forget 1100 01:02:07,560 --> 01:02:09,800 Speaker 1: to share your takeaways with us from the episode on 1101 01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:14,680 Speaker 1: social media using the hashtag CBG in session. And please 1102 01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:17,840 Speaker 1: share this episode with all of the other Insecure fans 1103 01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:21,480 Speaker 1: in your life. If you're looking for a virtual therapist 1104 01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:25,000 Speaker 1: in your state, check out our therapist directory at Therapy 1105 01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:28,240 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you 1106 01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:31,080 Speaker 1: want to continue digging into this topic and connect with 1107 01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:33,800 Speaker 1: some other systems in your area, come on over and 1108 01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:36,480 Speaker 1: join us in the Yellow Couch Collective where we take 1109 01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:39,200 Speaker 1: a deeper die from the topics from the podcast and 1110 01:02:39,360 --> 01:02:42,400 Speaker 1: just about everything else. You can join us at Therapy 1111 01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:46,360 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash y c C. Thank you' 1112 01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:48,760 Speaker 1: all so much for joining me again this week. I 1113 01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:51,440 Speaker 1: look forward to continue in this conversation with you all 1114 01:02:51,760 --> 01:03:09,840 Speaker 1: real soon. Take good care, can be Witch