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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My boss got mad, I let a coworker vent, so

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Speaker 3: I stopped making work fun.

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Speaker 4: Don't be that person.

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Speaker 3: My job performance is exceptional. I meet every necessary mark

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Speaker 3: one hundred percent of the time, and I've done so

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Speaker 3: over the last ten years, maybe an odd month or

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Speaker 3: two in there due to travel and things that would

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Speaker 3: make it impossible. I've also stepped up and carried the

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Speaker 3: load for coworkers when things have come up to ensure

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Speaker 3: our area isn't dinged for performance issues. Clients get along

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Speaker 3: well with me. I've never had a complaint filed against me,

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Speaker 3: et cetera. You get the idea. By the way, this

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Speaker 3: comes from preference afraid and if you would have spent

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime

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Speaker 3: subret it. I'm Sophia, I'm key On, and we're here

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Speaker 3: to give a good advice goof Ley, but we don't

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Speaker 3: have all the answers we only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 3: so let us know what you would do in the comments,

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Speaker 3: and op says. I also am known to do all

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Speaker 3: the holiday decorating, coordinating the gifts for office celebrations, baking

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Speaker 3: the desserts, writing formal thank yous from our department, and

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Speaker 3: making holiday baskets to help maintain positive relationships with the

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Speaker 3: other agencies we work with. A couple months back, there

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Speaker 3: was a policy change and none of us were happy

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Speaker 3: about it. I made the best of a bad situation

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Speaker 3: and adapted to the change immediately. My coworkers did as well,

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Speaker 3: but they all called me to complain and invent. This

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Speaker 3: is normal. We tend to complain amongst ourselves for one

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Speaker 3: good which session then just it is what it is

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Speaker 3: and continue to work hard and not complain.

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Speaker 5: Again.

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Speaker 3: Here's where the issue is. While one of my coworkers

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Speaker 3: was venting, my boss was eavesdropping selectively on my side

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Speaker 3: of the conversation, as that's what he could hear. I

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Speaker 3: was commiserating with them, but also pointing out how it

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Speaker 3: wouldn't be that bad. It's in our contract. How we

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Speaker 3: can make it fun less obnoxious. We hung up and

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Speaker 3: I didn't think about it further, especially since neither of

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Speaker 3: us really said anything that you wouldn't expect an employee

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Speaker 3: to say with the kind of change they're wanting. It

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Speaker 3: was pretty dank tame. I didn't think anything about it

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Speaker 3: again until my boss called me in a few days

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Speaker 3: later to do an employee evaluation in response to it.

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Speaker 3: In every review I've had here, I've always hit the

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Speaker 3: exceed expectations in nearly every category. He got me down

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Speaker 3: to meets expectations on everything. He reamed me for my

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Speaker 3: attitude for not cutting my coworker off and letting them vent.

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Speaker 3: You think that OLP would be continue to be liked

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Speaker 3: in that office if someone gave it to her and

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Speaker 3: was like, oh, this is so annoying that we have

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Speaker 3: to do this.

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Speaker 5: She just went.

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Speaker 3: She said, Hey, don't talk about boss that I don't

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Speaker 3: do that. Don't talk about work that way as positive rateful.

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Speaker 4: If it's not positive, not allow.

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Speaker 3: No one would like her telling me I should have

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Speaker 3: told them to call him. Is this man never work

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Speaker 3: for anyone else? Has he never had a job that

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Speaker 3: he was in the bosses.

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Speaker 4: He never vented?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, you accuse me of being negative, a negative influence,

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Speaker 3: and that if you didn't nip it in the bud.

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Speaker 3: Now it could fester and create a toxic work environment.

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Speaker 3: I was, and still am, pretty pissed about it. Coworkers

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Speaker 3: should be allowed to vent to each other without it

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Speaker 3: being treated like this. After this, as you may have guessed,

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Speaker 3: I'm just not in the mood to add up everything

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Speaker 3: extra I've been doing to make the office environment fun.

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Speaker 3: I keep my door closed when he's here. I didn't

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Speaker 3: bring dessert for the March birthday lunch. That lunch isn't mandatory,

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Speaker 3: but I didn't want more problems, so I went and

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Speaker 3: just sat quietly the entire time. Now there's another appreciation

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Speaker 3: week and month for one of the departments we work with,

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Speaker 3: and there's been an email chain about cards and gifts,

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Speaker 3: and I've responded the amount I'll put towards it and

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Speaker 3: asked who I should send it to. People are noticing

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Speaker 3: I'm not picking this stuff up, and that chain has

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Speaker 3: gone in circles for days now, and I'm not budgeting.

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Speaker 3: I've had one person approach about it and I just

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Speaker 3: said I don't have the time to take it on

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Speaker 3: right now. I guess I'm feeling like all the crap

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Speaker 3: I did on the regular to foster a positive work environment,

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Speaker 3: got thrown out or was never appreciated because I lent

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Speaker 3: an ear to a coworker and then got viciously reprimanded

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Speaker 3: for it. Like, what's the point if ten years of

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Speaker 3: going out of my way gets thrown out just like that?

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Speaker 3: Am I the ale for just quietly stepping out of

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Speaker 3: all these extras? Do to my feelings on how this

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Speaker 3: was handled? Am I being overly petty? Canvas shoes? Says?

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Speaker 3: Not the ale? The boss and as the kids call it,

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Speaker 3: left around and found out venting is typically a positive

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Speaker 3: and necessary thing as long as it's handled appropriately. And

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Speaker 3: it sounds as if you were that appropriate bottleneck and

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Speaker 3: sounding board. He was extremely stupid to have not allowed

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Speaker 3: you to explain the situation to him. Stand your ground,

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Speaker 3: just keep it light, sweet, and my workload is preventing

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Speaker 3: me from keeping up with those extra tasks. About it all? Hope,

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Speaker 3: he says, thank you. We did try to explain to

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Speaker 3: him when he was marking me down. The real irony

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Speaker 3: as he's sitting there calling me a potential negative, toxic

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Speaker 3: presence that was going to ruin t morale The day

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Speaker 3: after I had just handed out handmade Valentines to my

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Speaker 3: other teammates. This person says, I agree with you and

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Speaker 3: absolutely would be heard in this aspect of having an

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Speaker 3: evaluation weaponized against you. He is toxic management. His actions

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Speaker 3: are going to damage morale more than providing a sympathetic

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Speaker 3: year will ever do. He boss is going to try

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Speaker 3: and flip this on you. Now that you're not doing

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Speaker 3: the extras that did brighten up your coworkers' days. He

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Speaker 3: may try and come back and use this against you.

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Speaker 3: Do you have a way to formally dispute the evaluation?

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Speaker 3: Can you speak with hr?

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Speaker 6: He is out of line.

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Speaker 3: Punishing an employee for listening to someone else vent about

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Speaker 3: the workplace. Venting is healthy, gets things out in the

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Speaker 3: open so work can continue. I think you need to

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Speaker 3: vent to someone higher on the food chain that can

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Speaker 3: wrangle him in OPI said, this one isn't the annual,

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Speaker 3: so it doesn't really count towards anything that could impact

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Speaker 3: pay or raises. If my next one goes like this,

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Speaker 3: I will be taking it above him. At that point,

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Speaker 3: I will potentially impact my earnings. And I refuse to

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Speaker 3: get doc to pay when I do so much. And

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Speaker 3: Opie says, I love this job. It's a good one

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Speaker 3: and one of the few that still has a union.

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Speaker 3: He wouldn't be able to terminate me unless I actually

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Speaker 3: did something crazy or consistently not met my matrix, And

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Speaker 3: so it asks can you talk to your union rep

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Speaker 3: Opie says I could, but I'm holding off unless he

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Speaker 3: tries to take it further than this. My actual review

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Speaker 3: is up but a few months, and if that goes

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Speaker 3: like this again without good my performances, I will be

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Speaker 3: which I think that's a good idea. Yeah, but but

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Speaker 3: there is an update three days later.

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Speaker 4: I think I agree with you not being appreciated and like,

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Speaker 4: is this really affecting your boss if you're not doing

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Speaker 4: this morality? Like all the stuff that you're doing is.

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Speaker 3: I think, for example, it's like if you work at

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Speaker 3: a job and you know you are staying over time

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Speaker 3: sweep or clear things.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, and you're.

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Speaker 3: Doing all this extra work that you're not being paid for. Uh,

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Speaker 3: and then your boss comes in and says, like you

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Speaker 3: suck and you did all this stuff wrong. Oh you

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Speaker 3: go yeah, okay, well I'm not being paid for all

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Speaker 3: the sexual work.

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Speaker 4: I don't have to do this. Yeah. It's the thing

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Speaker 4: of like you go above and beyond there.

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Speaker 3: Is an update. Three days later, there was an event

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Speaker 3: that usually requires someone to head up the card gift

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Speaker 3: staff coordination things. I had told the team and my

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Speaker 3: boss several weeks in advance this event was pending and

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't be free. No one did anything until the

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Speaker 3: day before, and then one of them called me to

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Speaker 3: ask that I do all the lake work. I declined,

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Speaker 3: citing that I just did not have the time, which

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Speaker 3: was slash is true. My higher ups quartered me on

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Speaker 3: this a few days later, stating that I've been pulling

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Speaker 3: away teamwork makes the dream work, et cetera, and citing

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Speaker 3: this event as evidence. They also cited me being on

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Speaker 3: my phone during unofficial mandatory fun times as further evidence

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Speaker 3: of drawing back. I told them that I had given

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Speaker 3: everyone Boss included weeks of notice that the event was

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Speaker 3: coming up and I wouldn't be able to head it.

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Speaker 3: I pointed out that I'm still helping the team with

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Speaker 3: tasks directly relevant to my work, but with my current caseload,

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Speaker 3: I just couldn't afford to allocate time to the social

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Speaker 3: event planning right now. As for the mandatory fun I

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Speaker 3: reminded them that I often don't get lunch breaks due

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Speaker 3: to community meetings that get held at those hours and

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Speaker 3: my having to flex out early on those days. So

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Speaker 3: having to lose out on a good break on a

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Speaker 3: day I don't have to is burning me out. They

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Speaker 3: fumbled around for about thirty minutes trying to convince me,

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Speaker 3: and I just held firm that with my current caseload,

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Speaker 3: I don't have time to allocate non essentials. I was

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Speaker 3: told I'm allowed to prioritize my breaks. I've been so

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Speaker 3: busy I haven't had a chance to attend the community

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Speaker 3: meetings recently, and honestly, this might be another thing I

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Speaker 3: end up cutting back on in the long run. Overall,

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Speaker 3: it came across like they're panicked. I'm considering leaving.

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Speaker 4: They should appreciate your Yeah.

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Speaker 3: There was common about that concern, and I let them

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Speaker 3: know I'm not planning I'm leaving, but I am taking

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Speaker 3: time to restructure my priorities now that my caseload has increased.

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Speaker 3: And there are some comments which I'll read. Oh, someone

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Speaker 3: asks about Opie's pay. I'm not underpaid. I'm compensated fairly.

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Speaker 3: This is a job worth writing out. Frustration for policy

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Speaker 3: Change was to make some non traditional hours with stipulations mandatory.

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Speaker 3: I'm sure once the changes inevitably result with problems during

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Speaker 3: standard business hours, they'll eventually reconsider the stupid, short sighted

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Speaker 3: band aid fix. And Ope says about what her work is.

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Speaker 3: The nature of my work is emotionally draining. You could

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Speaker 3: describe the relationships with coworker as trauma bonded at times.

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Speaker 3: I do not have it in me at the end

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Speaker 3: of my forty hours to do more of what I

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Speaker 3: do at work for no pay. I know that sounds awful,

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Speaker 3: but I need my non work hours to spend time

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Speaker 3: with friends, family, pets, hobbies. I can't serve from an

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Speaker 3: empty vessel. I know everyone's saying quit, but that's realistically

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Speaker 3: not a solution for me. I love the work I do.

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Speaker 3: I find large areas of it to be incredibly fulfilling.

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Speaker 3: I'm having a positive impact on my community. I know

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Speaker 3: that I bring a personal history that allows me to

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Speaker 3: be somewhat good at what I do. I'm not sure

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Speaker 3: they'd be able to easily find another me, and that's

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Speaker 3: unfortunately what the clients on my caseloughd need. Beyond that, however,

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Speaker 3: I enjoy coming into work at least ninety percent of

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Speaker 3: the time. I know I wouldn't be able to find

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Speaker 3: another job that checks all the boxes this one does,

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Speaker 3: especially not where I live. A sleep Republic says, not

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Speaker 3: the ale, But seriously, weren't you overdoing it? Do your work,

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Speaker 3: enjoy your time, Opie says, I never work over forty

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Speaker 3: hours my hour's end and I walk right out the door,

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Speaker 3: and I leave the work phone there too. I don't

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Speaker 3: think I was overdoing it, just making sure I was

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Speaker 3: covering those that will cover me when things come up.

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Speaker 3: It's not even a weekly occurrence, and they always reciprocate.

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Speaker 3: I still plan on helping cover what needs coverage in

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Speaker 3: regards to things relevant to the job, just not the

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Speaker 3: cards or party planning stuff, due to the way I'm

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Speaker 3: feeling about things right now. And Opie also says I

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Speaker 3: have zero desire to be promoted. I left a managerial

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Speaker 3: position where I ran three programs to do this job.

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Speaker 3: Less work, more pay, less responsibility. Not everyone fantasizes about

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Speaker 3: job titles, and Opie says how she works. I am

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Speaker 3: very detail oriented, organized and efficient to a fault. A

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Speaker 3: lot of stuff I do simply because I feel guilty

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Speaker 3: for having free time at work. I could probably complete

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Speaker 3: my entire job functions each week in like twenty hours

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Speaker 3: if it was allowed. I've always been like this. I

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Speaker 3: probably have some kind of disorder. I'm just as bad

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Speaker 3: at home. My husband has told me that I complete

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Speaker 3: more in the time between waking and getting to work

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Speaker 3: than a lot of people manage in an entire day.

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Speaker 3: The job I left for this one to hire more

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Speaker 3: than one person to replace me, But training it's probably

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Speaker 3: easy because I wrote a guide on what needed to

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Speaker 3: be done daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually and gave

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Speaker 3: them my spreadsheets. I know if I reached out to

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Speaker 3: that previous job, they'd snap me up at an instant.

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Speaker 3: But their pay and benefits are crap. And anything about

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Speaker 3: the boss update wise Obey says, no hate to disappoint.

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Speaker 6: The thing is, he's.

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Speaker 3: A pretty decent boss most of the time. I think

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Speaker 3: that's why I was so shocked about this whole situation.

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Speaker 3: We don't have a lot of non mandatory, mandatory fun

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Speaker 3: stuff in our office, so I guess there haven't been

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Speaker 3: many opportunities. I'm holding strong to just not heading it up.

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Speaker 3: I'm doing my job and that's about it. My coworkers

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Speaker 3: haven't reached out at all this week, so I think

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Speaker 3: they're processing how to approach my sudden weirdness and distance.

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Speaker 3: And there is a final update, but any final thoughts.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think they're finally seeing how much you'd do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they're like, wait, hey, why aren't you helping it?

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Speaker 7: No?

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Speaker 3: Wait, should have have been more, you know. Appreciative annual

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Speaker 3: performance evaluation is in and it's just as dismal as

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Speaker 3: the retaliatory one. I've declined signing it without discussion and

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Speaker 3: I've contacted my union. This feels like punitive retaliation. If

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Speaker 3: they can't justify the decreases despite my consistent quality performance,

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Speaker 3: I will be quiet quitting everything that's not a core

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Speaker 3: job function as continuing to do so we'll feel like

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Speaker 3: chasing an unattainable metric. There is a third update, actually

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Speaker 3: six and a half months later.

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Speaker 4: That's crazy though, Oh my goodness. Yeah, I'm just like,

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Speaker 4: you are still doing what you need to be doing.

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Speaker 3: You're literally doing your job. You're just not doing extra

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Speaker 3: work for free. They cannot mark you down for not

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Speaker 3: doing free extra work. Union advise that technically the review

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Speaker 3: is valid as they're going by the letter of the

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Speaker 3: set parameters, and boss advised that since I meet my

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Speaker 3: deadlines and quotas, it's valid. I've gone the route of quiet,

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Speaker 3: quitting nothing outside the minimum to meet expectations so my

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Speaker 3: raises aren't impacted. I've called in sick a few days.

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Speaker 3: There was non mandatory but unspoken mandatory fund. I've ceased

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Speaker 3: community outreach that I'm not missing my brakes. Coworkers are

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Speaker 3: aware there was unjust retaliation. More changes have come that

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Speaker 3: impact management. Boss is talking about taking a job with

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Speaker 3: less of a commute. I know I'll be encouraged to

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Speaker 3: apply for their position. All I'm going to do when.

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Speaker 6: That happens is laugh.

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Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: good on you. Ope, that is completely unfair. You did

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Speaker 3: so much and the fact that they literally, you know,

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Speaker 3: affected your your.

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Speaker 4: Pay, they're never going to apologize.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, no, no, no, And that's the you know of

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Speaker 8: this story. We're going to go on to the next one.

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Speaker 4: A man at my office keeps blocking the door, so

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Speaker 4: I reported him.

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Speaker 2: Let me out.

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Speaker 4: There's this guy fifties who works at a different company

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Speaker 4: in the same business building as company, who blocks the doorway.

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Speaker 4: He does this by leaning against one side and extending

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Speaker 4: his arm out across it. If a woman happens to

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Speaker 4: be arriving at a doorway at the same time as him,

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Speaker 4: I report that he never says anything. He just does

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Speaker 4: his eye contact smile thing for maybe three seconds and

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Speaker 4: then allows us to go through.

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Speaker 5: Ew that.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user throw away non sec.

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Speaker 4: If you want submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 4: r slash Okay story time subur it. I'm keon, I'm

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Speaker 4: and we're here to give good advice goofly, but we

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Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. Unfortunately, we only know what

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Speaker 4: we'd do, So let us know what you'd do in

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Speaker 4: the comments pretty please. Today it was finally my turn.

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Speaker 4: I got to the main building door right after him,

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Speaker 4: so instead of holding it open so it didn't close

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Speaker 4: in my face like most people do, he just held

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Speaker 4: it open and stood there with a smug smile. It

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Speaker 4: makes me nervous. I go, uh, can I please enter

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Speaker 4: the building? I need to clock in, and he does

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Speaker 4: this whole wow geez fine, sorry, before stepping aside, still

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Speaker 4: holding the door open for me. So I said stop

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Speaker 4: doing that. We all hate it. Nice and I just

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Speaker 4: went in. As soon as I turned the corner from

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Speaker 4: the lobby. I half ran to the stairwell so I

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Speaker 4: wouldn't have to share the elevator with him. I don't

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Speaker 4: even know what Fermi works for. Does he even work there?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: It does he even work here?

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Speaker 4: According to my closest coworker, HR won't do anything because

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Speaker 4: he's not an employee.

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Speaker 3: Well, then why is he in the building?

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Speaker 4: Do we have security?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Can we get security in the building.

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00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,800
Speaker 4: And there's a little update. A mail colleague helped us

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00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,440
Speaker 4: figure out which company he works for by following him

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Speaker 4: up the elevator coming back from lunch. It's a law

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Speaker 4: office on a higher floor. Another coworker took one of

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Speaker 4: your suggestions and wrote an email to the building's management office.

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Speaker 4: I went to my department manager and carefully asked, if

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Speaker 4: this sort of thing were to happen, would I report

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Speaker 4: it to our own HR. He said it should be

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Speaker 4: at least on record, even though if it's hard to put,

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00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,520
Speaker 4: which made me give him the fry eyes. If you know,

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Speaker 4: you know, and I do know, we know. I went

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Speaker 4: back and typed up an email and sent it, ce

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Speaker 4: sed him, and bcced other woman that I've specifically seen

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Speaker 4: or heard deal with him if he thought I was

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Speaker 4: being hypothetical. Now he knows I wasn't. The colleague who

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00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,080
Speaker 4: followed him to the office joked that we should hand

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Speaker 4: draw flyers of him to warn people and put them

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Speaker 4: in the elevators. Love that It's very the office asse, Yes, yes,

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Speaker 4: and we have an update. Yesterday was a long day

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Speaker 4: from me. I came in early to make up for

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Speaker 4: lost time spent focusing on this BS and not to

357
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Speaker 4: avoid the nooid. Although someone ran into him in the

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Speaker 4: afternoon and went straight to our manager and said he's

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Speaker 4: still doing it. So as far as yesterday, not much

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00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,880
Speaker 4: has changed. It has only been a day. Who does

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00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,120
Speaker 4: he look like? I got this question more than once,

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Speaker 4: so I asked around what celebrity did we think he

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00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:55,680
Speaker 4: most resembles, and we all agreed he looks like the

364
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,199
Speaker 4: jump to conclusions guy from the movie Office Space.

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00:17:58,760 --> 00:17:59,639
Speaker 3: I'm looking that up.

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00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:03,200
Speaker 4: It's act being true, no way, that actor's probably really lovely,

367
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Speaker 4: but he played a very persistent and annoying character. But

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00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,760
Speaker 4: except for that character, to give you an image, he's

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Speaker 4: a lot taller. He's over six feet at least. Thank

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00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,399
Speaker 4: you so so much for all your support and suggestions.

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Speaker 4: I've never been advised about pepper spray so much. I

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Speaker 4: do carry it, but the one time I had to

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Speaker 4: use it, it got in my eyes too, so it's

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Speaker 4: become more of a last resort tool. I told everyone

375
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Speaker 4: in the bullpen about whipping out our phones and taking

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Speaker 4: a pick or video, including people who happened to notice

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Speaker 4: from a distance. In the moment, I think a lot

378
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,920
Speaker 4: of us kind of freeze up. I mean I did,

379
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,919
Speaker 4: so having a plan of action ahead of time really helps.

380
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:42,280
Speaker 4: I took one person's suggestion about wearing huge headphones. The

381
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,159
Speaker 4: theory is that because people who wear those are in

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Speaker 4: their own little world, it's acceptable to show no concern,

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00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,080
Speaker 4: which makes attention seekers feel less significant. So I wore

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Speaker 4: my headphones today and got here at my normal time,

385
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 4: but no one was hanging around the main entrance. Not

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Speaker 4: sure if that's because of the email or not. It's

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Speaker 4: I'll be too early to hear of any official steps taken,

388
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,119
Speaker 4: but I did feel kind of young and cool on

389
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,600
Speaker 4: the light rail way, more comfy than my AirPods. One

390
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,960
Speaker 4: person dwed me the song de Toto and Poko from

391
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 4: Dirty Dancing, and so next time someone should queue it

392
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,040
Speaker 4: up on their phone blast it and start a limbo line.

393
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 4: All genders welcome. Several folks asked about what I wrote

394
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,560
Speaker 4: in the email, so here's a copy paste of it

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Speaker 4: with identifying details omitted or changed. I'll post another update

396
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:31,120
Speaker 4: when more happens, hopefully today. I keep reading the email

397
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Speaker 4: and my stomach has been flipping over and over like

398
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 4: I'm a kid about to get in a huge trouble

399
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Speaker 4: and here's the email. Are we ready?

400
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 5: Yeah?

401
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,160
Speaker 4: Two hr department at the law office is a blank

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Speaker 4: in blank. I am writing on behalf of myself and

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Speaker 4: several employees at call center Company located on the third

404
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,679
Speaker 4: floor of our shared building to inform you about some

405
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 4: workplace intimidation we have been experiencing for several weeks now.

406
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Speaker 4: An employee at your firm has been intentionally intimidating woman

407
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Speaker 4: by interrupting their path of travel to and from our

408
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,880
Speaker 4: offices by blocking the doorway with his body in order

409
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,520
Speaker 4: to force an interaction. He will not move aside until

410
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:12,400
Speaker 4: some kind of verbal exchange has happened. He only does

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00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,760
Speaker 4: this with women, as far as we've observed and documented,

412
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 4: which makes us all inclined to call this spicy related intimidation.

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00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 4: This behavior is, of course unacceptable. This individual creates a

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Speaker 4: very uncomfortable work environment. Despite being in different organizations on

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00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 4: different floors, he will often be the first interaction of

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Speaker 4: the day as he seems to linger around the main

417
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 4: building lobby and entrance in the mornings. He will also

418
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 4: do this with the elevator doors by stalling them from

419
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Speaker 4: closing or blocking access to the button panel. This has

420
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 4: been setting a tone that interferes with having a secure

421
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Speaker 4: working experience. Many of us have made multiple attempts to

422
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 4: address the issue with this person directly. We are requesting

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00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,720
Speaker 4: that your firm take a media action to investigate and

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00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 4: address this issue. This has already been discussed with our

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Speaker 4: department manager and HR department and they are looking forward

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00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 4: to hearing from yours. I've see seds them on this

427
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,640
Speaker 4: email as well as the blah blah plaza building manager.

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Speaker 4: It is fair to assume that with six different organizations

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Speaker 4: sharing the same building, our employees are not the only

430
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Speaker 4: ones experiencing this. Please inform us when call Center company

431
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 4: can expect to see the results of your investigation and

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Speaker 4: what measures will be taken to ensure that this type

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Speaker 4: of behavior does not happen again in the future. We

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Speaker 4: hope that this issue can be resolved quickly, and that

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00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 4: appropriate actions will be taken to ensure that all employees

436
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 4: working in blah blah Plaza feel safe and respected as

437
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 4: we all make our way to and from our offices. Sincerely,

438
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,640
Speaker 4: with gratitude. Okay, I have to get back to work.

439
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 4: I will keep updating. And we have read update.

440
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 6: Email.

441
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 4: That's a that's a solid email. You covered all bases.

442
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,160
Speaker 3: Ten out of ten. Really really good email.

443
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,639
Speaker 4: You know what professional too? Yeah, sound a very nice,

444
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 4: amazing you should.

445
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,919
Speaker 3: Yeah see if it worked.

446
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:55,439
Speaker 4: And we have a second update.

447
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 5: Oh boy.

448
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 4: I have never gotten this much traffic from a post before,

449
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,440
Speaker 4: or mostly in a positive way. From all the support

450
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 4: and suggestions and input and reminders I've gotten over the

451
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,919
Speaker 4: last several days, so many comments helped me turn my

452
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 4: anger into power. I've been riding a high from them

453
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,919
Speaker 4: and from that email. I've never done anything like that before,

454
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:18,400
Speaker 4: and I'm so appreciative of all the support and validation

455
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 4: that I did the right thing. Here's how the week's

456
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 4: been going. Monday, no one saw the Nooid, which is

457
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:29,400
Speaker 4: what I've been calling him funny. I've arrived fifteen minutes early,

458
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 4: just in case I was afraid he would confront me angry,

459
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,119
Speaker 4: but because he'd gotten in trouble. But no, lobby was

460
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 4: empty and I was the first person to arrive at

461
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 4: the office that day. When I was in the break room,

462
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,639
Speaker 4: at one point, a colleague who sits in the bullpen

463
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 4: near me said, this is the first time in months

464
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 4: she hasn't had to deal with him some way or another. Tuesday,

465
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 4: still no NOOID sightings. I asked around. I haven't seen

466
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 4: his car in the lot. Did he get fired?

467
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 3: Alps.

468
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 4: It was super busy that day and I was pretty

469
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 4: much glued to my desk, so I didn't have time

470
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 4: to meet with my manager or anything besides shooting him

471
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 4: a quick hey any response via teams before I left

472
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,479
Speaker 4: for the day. I didn't want to be pushy, but

473
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 4: really wanted to know. Yesterday was Wednesday. Mid morning, a

474
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 4: few women, including myself, were asked to meet with HR separately. Ooh, okay,

475
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 4: maybe he was asked to stay home and like, let's

476
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 4: figure investigate. I learned that the law offices of Blank

477
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,679
Speaker 4: and Blank's HR rep email the response to my email

478
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 4: directly to them and my manager on Monday without seeing

479
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,400
Speaker 4: me on it. This made me feel some kind of way.

480
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 4: But whatever. The noid is not an attorney but a paralegal,

481
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 4: and he's on voluntary leave for the week.

482
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 3: Good nice, Ah, maybe let's make that full leave.

483
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 4: I fake that up pretty quickly.

484
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 3: Yeah.

485
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,919
Speaker 4: I asked if the response email could be forwarded to me,

486
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 4: but I was told that the policy prevents HR from

487
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 4: disclosing any disciplinary actions that might have been taken against him.

488
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 4: Then I had to write a short statement describing my

489
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 4: specific encounter. I hate how in words it doesn't look

490
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,119
Speaker 4: like a big deal, but I was assured that it is,

491
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:07,480
Speaker 4: and it is a big deal.

492
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:08,400
Speaker 3: It's a very big deal.

493
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 4: Don't let anyone say this wasn't a big deal. A

494
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 4: bunch of us went out for drinks after work, and

495
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 4: I got to hear what others wrote in their statements,

496
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 4: like how he sometimes followed them to their cars trying

497
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,359
Speaker 4: to talk to them creepy, or how he would stand

498
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 4: in the elevator doors preventing them from closing until they

499
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 4: heard please.

500
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,640
Speaker 6: Just do good job.

501
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,880
Speaker 3: Yeah that's amazing, OPI. I mean, it takes so much

502
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 3: work and so much bravery to stand up to people

503
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 3: like this, and you did it, and look how like

504
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 3: it already has you know, seen or cause change. And

505
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,119
Speaker 3: you've already heard from other people that they feel safer

506
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 3: that they haven't had those interactions.

507
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously he was an obstacle, but you took

508
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 4: away that obstacle and that uh that that gross feeling

509
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 4: of coming to work dread I guarantee you people dreaded

510
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 4: coming to work because of him. Yeah, so a great job,

511
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 4: good job op today Thursday. I just got here and

512
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 4: still no NOI we were all passing away to know

513
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,879
Speaker 4: what happened if he got fired or maybe transferred or whatever.

514
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,640
Speaker 4: No one has been told anything except that he chose

515
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 4: to take some days off. Maybe this is the law

516
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,880
Speaker 4: office for protecting themselves. I don't know. The thing I'm

517
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 4: most afraid of is if he comes back, will he

518
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 4: be hostile or retaliate in some way and I'll have

519
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 4: to be brave again and report it. I wish we

520
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,360
Speaker 4: had a spy in their offices. I'm sorry I don't

521
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 4: have more for you. It's kind of anticlimactic, I know.

522
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 4: I promise if I get to know what actually happened

523
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,919
Speaker 4: to him, I will let you all know, or if

524
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 4: he reappears, I will loop y'all in and edit to

525
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 4: add in, I'm getting a frame for that email for

526
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 4: my apartment, and that's the end of that story. I'm

527
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 4: hoping he's never coming back.

528
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 3: I hope so too. I'm gonna choose to believe that

529
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 3: he's never come back.

530
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 4: Good on euop. And if he does come back, I

531
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 4: mean hopefully doesn't. But you got so many people to

532
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 4: back you up. You got everything in your power. You

533
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 4: got the building backing you up, you got the law

534
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 4: offices backing you up.

535
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 5: Got it.

536
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 8: Yeah, And that's the end of this story. We're going

537
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,160
Speaker 8: to go on to the next one.

538
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,399
Speaker 5: I accused my girlfriend of cheating and now I can't

539
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,159
Speaker 5: make up for it.

540
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 4: How much proof did you have?

541
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 2: Basically, my twenty eight male girlfriend twenty four female was

542
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 2: acting shady.

543
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 5: By shady, I mean that she was on her phone

544
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 5: a lot, making phone calls, and I saw payments from

545
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 5: her cards for events and things I wasn't doing with her.

546
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from user uni Fara B

547
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 5: three And if you want to submit your own stories,

548
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,439
Speaker 5: go to the r slash Okay storytime suburday. I'm Dakota,

549
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 5: I'm Keon, and we are here to give you good advice. Goofly,

550
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,679
Speaker 5: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

551
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:42,800
Speaker 5: what we would do, so let us know what you

552
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 5: do in the comments. I waited it out a week

553
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,679
Speaker 5: or two, and the weirdness continued. She fell asleep and

554
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,919
Speaker 5: I went through her phone and found bookings for a

555
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 5: hotel at the weekend in a city a ways away,

556
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 5: and tickets for some sporting event on that weekend. I

557
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 5: she woke her up and shoved the phone at her,

558
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 5: demanding she explained. She looked distraught and said, do you

559
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 5: really think I'd do that, and began to cry. She

560
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 5: then told me to look at the bookings properly, and

561
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 5: when I did, my heart sank. We rarely got time

562
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 5: off together, and she had booked me the weekend off

563
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,240
Speaker 5: through my boss as a surprise. Booked a hotel in

564
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 5: the city I said, I wanted to visit, and it

565
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 5: just so happened my team we're playing in that city

566
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 5: that weekend, so she'd spend a good amount on tickets.

567
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 2: She had also booked a table at my favorite restaurant.

568
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:37,679
Speaker 5: I instantly realized how stupid I had been, and I

569
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 5: can't believe my first thought was that she would betray

570
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,360
Speaker 5: me when she's given me no reason to distrust her.

571
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 5: It's kind of tainted the surprise weekend, and she's so disheartened.

572
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 5: I've tried to apologize, but she's just shut off from

573
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 5: me and is so hurt by my assumptions. How can

574
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 5: I make this better? And we have some comments.

575
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 4: I don't know how you make this better? Get yeah.

576
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 4: I mean you can apologize and apologize, but you you

577
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 4: once snoop through her phone, you jump to the final

578
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 4: accusation of her cheating on you, and you showed her

579
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 4: how dumb and insecure are.

580
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 5: Your weird vibes from the setup of this story were

581
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 5: just that, like she's been on the phone and she's

582
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 5: going places and doing things without you. That doesn't sound

583
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 5: like very firm evidence at all. Hers, she kiss nips, says,

584
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 5: there probably isn't much you can say to make this

585
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:35,679
Speaker 5: better instantly, certainly apologize not only for jumping to the conclusion,

586
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 5: but for invading her privacy and going through her phone.

587
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 2: You clearly understand why she is so upset.

588
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 5: I think you need to do some soul searching to

589
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 5: discover why you were quick to jump to her cheating.

590
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 5: My guess is that you have some trust issues in

591
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 5: your life in general and or some insecurities. She is

592
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 5: personalizing this as you seeing something in her that would

593
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 5: bring you to that conclusion that she is someone who

594
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 5: who is dishonest or presents as someone who could cheat.

595
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 5: You say in your post that is not the case,

596
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 5: So where did that come from? If you can articulate

597
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 5: that to her, take the blame from her and own it,

598
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 5: and commit to working on whatever that issue is, you're

599
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 5: taking a step in the right direction. Violent Delights xox says,

600
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 5: can anyone just take a sec and realize he somehow

601
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 5: saw her bank payments too? Like? This is beyond wrongly

602
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 5: accusing someone. This is invading her privacy and making her

603
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 5: feel like utter crap Because you couldn't just ask her

604
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,719
Speaker 5: what was going on. Instead of talking and voicing your

605
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 5: concerns to her, you acted like a teenager and eft

606
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 5: your relationship up. I don't know whether this is fixable,

607
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 5: and you need to sit down and talk to her

608
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 5: about it rather than asking strangers.

609
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 4: On the internet.

610
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 5: I read your responses and decided to make a big

611
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 5: apology to my girlfriend for how I behaved.

612
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 2: However, before I got the chance, she arrived at the house.

613
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 5: I'll hold my hands up and say that this isn't

614
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 5: the first time I've jumped to conclusions, and pretty much

615
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 5: since we've got together, I've had a habit of winding

616
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 5: myself up and then checking her phone or accounts. I

617
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 5: know it's wrong, but I always felt if I found something,

618
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 5: I'd be justified, which is so messed up. I know

619
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 5: my ex did cheat on me, well, she hadn't a

620
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 5: fair and left me for the other dude. I guess

621
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 5: I projected this onto my current girlfriend. My girlfriend never

622
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 5: ever has given me any reason to doubt her, and

623
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 5: treats me better than I've ever been treated before. She's

624
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 5: down to earth, honest, open, funny, kind, beautiful, and she

625
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 5: gives me the opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings

626
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 5: with no judgment.

627
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 2: I don't know why I assumed the worst of her.

628
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 2: I really don't.

629
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 5: To answer a common question, she has an online banking

630
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 5: app on her phone, and it's the same passcode as

631
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 5: her mobiles, so I could log on super super effed up.

632
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 5: I know when she arrived at the house she was

633
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 5: calm but sad. She explained that she knew I'd always

634
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 5: check her phone and that i'd be off with her

635
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,479
Speaker 5: anytime she went out with friends, but that she always

636
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 5: hoped over time, if she proved herself, I'd let it go.

637
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 5: When she found out that I'd done what I did,

638
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 5: it hurt even more because she was trying to do

639
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 5: something nice for me. She told me she loves me,

640
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 5: but she finds herself justifying every activity she does over

641
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 5: explaining herself, and told me she has real, genuine anxiety

642
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 5: whenever she's out with friends because she knows, albeit at

643
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 5: home imagining scenarios of where she could be, she found

644
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 5: herself withdrawing from friends. She told me we were over,

645
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 5: not because she doesn't love me, because she can't devote

646
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 5: her life to someone who only sees the worst in her.

647
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 5: She told me that I could have just spoken to

648
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 5: her and she'd be honest, but that she knows even

649
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 5: if she did, I wouldn't believe her unless I could

650
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 5: prove it, and she's probably right. I don't know why,

651
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 5: but I know in myself I would not fully believe her,

652
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 5: because I mean, of course she would say that right. Anyway,

653
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 5: she left me, packed up her things and went. I

654
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 5: know her.

655
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 2: She's a strong minded woman.

656
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 5: It really is over, and I've never felt worse but

657
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 5: she's right. I'm not ready to trust someone yet. And

658
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 5: even in our last moments, she gave me the confidence

659
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 5: and motivation to get help and be better, even if

660
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 5: she won't be there to see the change. I know

661
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 5: she loves me, and that fact alone makes it worth

662
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 5: changing myself.

663
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 4: This is a big, big life lesson for you, and

664
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 4: you know the issue. You know what you gotta do.

665
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 4: You gotta just focus on yourself. You got to resolve

666
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 4: this trauma and it's hard. But you can't blame her.

667
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 4: I don't think anyone blames her. She said the whole truth.

668
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 5: Let's finish this story. I'm not gonna try and win

669
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 5: her back because I can't promise I won't do it again.

670
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 5: I'm heartbroken and hurt. But she verbalized it in such

671
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 5: a way that it really hit home. She calmly explained

672
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 5: it to me in a way that only showed me

673
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 5: her true love for me. I'm just so sorry for

674
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 5: hurting her, I guess, but thank you all for sharing

675
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 5: your opinions and giving me some home truths.

676
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,479
Speaker 2: I appreciate it more than you know. This is it

677
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 2: for now.

678
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 5: Hopefully this time next year I'll be a new man

679
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 5: and be able to treat the next woman who loves

680
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 5: me the way my ex girlfriend.

681
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 2: Deserved to be treated. Well, at least you're you know

682
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:18,960
Speaker 2: you're moving on. I guess that's the good.

683
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 4: The right was a big wake up call. Op, we

684
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 4: wish you the best. I don't think right now the

685
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 4: thought process of next partner. I feel like it needs

686
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:32,320
Speaker 4: to stem to you first before anything of how you

687
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 4: can trust and can you do this? Because this is

688
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 4: gonna be a big problem in any relationship. So hopefully

689
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 4: that can get resolved or you can work on yourself,

690
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 4: and then when the time is right and you find

691
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 4: a partner, hopefully it gets better.

692
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story.

693
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 2: We're gonna go on to the next one.

694
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: Sam Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But

695
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

696
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 4: My boyfriend posted a photo with a friend sitting on

697
00:33:57,880 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 4: his lap.

698
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, that ain't no friends and no friend of mine.

699
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 4: So some background. Matt twenty eight male and I twenty

700
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 4: two female have been dating unofficially for nine months and

701
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 4: officially for four. We kept things casual at first since

702
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,960
Speaker 4: we were both close to graduating from our respective programs

703
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 4: and weren't sure where we would end up, but once

704
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 4: we were both settled in the same city, we made

705
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 4: things official. By the way, this comes from user dev

706
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 4: dev dev d and if you want to submit your

707
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,719
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime suvered it.

708
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 4: I'm Keon, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good

709
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 4: advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers, not yet,

710
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,920
Speaker 4: so we only know what we'd do. Please let us

711
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,280
Speaker 4: know what you'd do in the comments. As Opie says,

712
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 4: during this casual dating phase, I met a few of

713
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 4: his friends. One in particular, Sarah twenty seven, female, often

714
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 4: went out of her way to clarify that we were

715
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 4: not official or exclusive. She also made caddy comments about

716
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 4: my profession, which I love doing, but it's certainly not

717
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 4: as prestigious as my boyfriend's and his friend's job. She

718
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,800
Speaker 4: made comments about my school, again not nearly as prestigious

719
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,839
Speaker 4: as where they all attended, and my age since I'm

720
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 4: five years younger than them. She has just generally made

721
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 4: condescending comments to me and rudely interrupted me. I've never

722
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 4: made a big deal out of it because Matt's other

723
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 4: friends are really friendly to me, and I'm generally an

724
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:25,320
Speaker 4: easy going person. All of Matt's friends, including Sarah, recently

725
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,760
Speaker 4: went to a party. I was invited but had other plans,

726
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 4: so I didn't go. A few days later, on the

727
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 4: blue app someone posted a photo of all the friends

728
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:39,240
Speaker 4: together at this said party. Everyone is posed normally except

729
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:44,839
Speaker 4: Matt and Sarah. He's sitting down and she has her

730
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,799
Speaker 4: arms and legs wrapped around him and is arching her

731
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,800
Speaker 4: back and kind of flipping her hair back. It clearly

732
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:55,040
Speaker 4: comes across as spicy related because several people commented on

733
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:58,720
Speaker 4: the post asking what was going on or marking jokes

734
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 4: about it. I text said Matt and asked why he

735
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 4: thought it was a good idea to take a photo

736
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 4: of his friend practically mounting him, and he said, are

737
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,799
Speaker 4: you on something that's just a photo of friends. I

738
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 4: tried explain to him that I found it disrespectful, but

739
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 4: he hasn't budged, So am I overreacting here? What should

740
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,879
Speaker 4: I do? And we have some relevant comments? Dragonflies love

741
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 4: me says Ah, Yes, the classic deflect then blame you

742
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 4: move that plus the fact that he never gently or

743
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 4: otherwise said anything to her about how she treats you

744
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 4: in general says to me that he likes her attention

745
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 4: and does not want to give it up. So I

746
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 4: think it's time for a sit down talk. He needs

747
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 4: to understand where you're coming from, and he needs to

748
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 4: decide if her attention is more important than you feeling

749
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 4: disrespected by the both of them, then you'll have to

750
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 4: decide how much you're willing to put up with.

751
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 3: No.

752
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 4: I don't think you're overreacting. He'll play dumb, really really dumb,

753
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,520
Speaker 4: or he knows exactly what she's doing and he enjoys it.

754
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,320
Speaker 4: Even if he's not fully aware of what she's doing,

755
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 4: he's enjoying it. But he needs to realize that this

756
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 4: is coming at the expense of your feelings, at the

757
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 4: cost of your respect and the public perception of respect

758
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 4: of this relationship. I mean, his friends were even laying

759
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 4: it on this soft corn context of that pick. He

760
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 4: needs to take some responsibility here. He can say to Sarah,

761
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 4: chill out, take it down a notch, or even say, hey, Sarah,

762
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:28,840
Speaker 4: easy there, that's my girlfriend. You're insulting not cool waiting

763
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 4: for a dragon. I think that the previous commenter has

764
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 4: really described the situation perfectly. I would also love to

765
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 4: know how Matt would react in this situation if your

766
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:40,720
Speaker 4: roles were reversed and you were sat in the lap

767
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,240
Speaker 4: of some man who had subtly and not so subtly

768
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 4: mocked him in front of you on multiple occasions. Sometimes,

769
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 4: when drink and silliness is involved, people get carried away

770
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 4: and do things that wouldn't normally do in the sober

771
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:56,319
Speaker 4: light of day. It's possible that this is what has

772
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 4: happened with Matt, and that instead of putting his big

773
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 4: boy shoe and admitting it, he's being defensive. What bothers

774
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 4: me more in your account than the picture is the

775
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,799
Speaker 4: caddy comments you've endured. Why hasn't Matt picked up on

776
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 4: these and done something about them? I think what matters

777
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 4: now is whether or not he will acknowledge this transgression

778
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,359
Speaker 4: and admit he messed up and will promise to be

779
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 4: more careful in the future. If he doesn't, I think

780
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 4: it would be in your best interest to move on

781
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 4: from this relationship. It's not worth investing more time in

782
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 4: someone who can't respect their partner. Op responds with From

783
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 4: what I know of Sarah's personality, she's the type of

784
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,760
Speaker 4: person who will say or do outrageous things for attention,

785
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:42,000
Speaker 4: and then her friends will just laugh and say, that's

786
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:42,879
Speaker 4: Sarah for you.

787
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,080
Speaker 5: Wow, that's Sarah.

788
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 4: Oh did I call it? Or did I call it?

789
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 2: Yeah?

790
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 5: She's like, that's just who she is.

791
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 4: She's just a boss. B Come on, she really gets

792
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,399
Speaker 4: to you like that. You're kind of soft. Op, Oh,

793
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 4: you're kind of soft. She's chill. Once you get to

794
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 4: really know her personality, she's really cool. So when she

795
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 4: says insulting things to me, there will usually be a

796
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 4: moment of everyone's sharply inhaling, followed by laughter and oh

797
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 4: my god, Sarah, you can't say things like that. When

798
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:16,880
Speaker 4: I brought that up, I don't like being the subject

799
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 4: to her wit, Matt's basically had the reaction of, that's

800
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 4: just how she is.

801
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 2: I just like hanging out with mean ladies. I'm gonna

802
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 2: have to be okay with that.

803
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,319
Speaker 5: I like my lady's lotle mean.

804
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 4: You see this, you see this out of pocket, that's

805
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:35,759
Speaker 4: just Sarah. That's just Sarah.

806
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 5: Yeah.

807
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 4: If he's not respecting your boundaries or even sticking up

808
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 4: for you, and he's just like, that's how it is,

809
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:46,440
Speaker 4: and he knows your being disrespected, it shows how far

810
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:50,160
Speaker 4: he will go for you. So, after reading the responses here,

811
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 4: I thought I was being pretty rational about my concerns.

812
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 4: I confront of my boyfriend and not only did he

813
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,720
Speaker 4: double down on the insistence that he did nothing wrong,

814
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 4: but he also said some pretty nasty things. This brought

815
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 4: up other issues we'd had, and I decided to end

816
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,919
Speaker 4: things nice. It looks like it's been resolved. You got

817
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 4: his true colors, and uh, you broke up with him.

818
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 4: Good for you.

819
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,240
Speaker 5: Never an excuse for your partner to get angry, yelly

820
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 5: mad at you. Never never accept someone being legitimately angry

821
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 5: yelly blah blah at you.

822
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 4: Now, almost a month later on social media, I see

823
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:32,080
Speaker 4: he and Sarah are now dating.

824
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,319
Speaker 5: Yeah that's I was gonna say, like, brace yourself for

825
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 5: that inevitably happening, probably, but you know.

826
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 4: Ah, potato potato, Just move on. So much for that

827
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 4: being a normal picture for platonic friends to take right.

828
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:50,399
Speaker 4: Lesson learned, Trust your gut, and choose a partner who

829
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 4: respects you. I never felt secure in that relationship, but

830
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 4: I know one day I'll find someone who cares about

831
00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 4: me and isn't quasi cheating with his friend. Being single

832
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:03,800
Speaker 4: is one hundred times better than being called crazy for

833
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:07,279
Speaker 4: calling out inappropriate behavior. We have some top comments here,

834
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 4: let's go ahead straight into them from deleted. Now he

835
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 4: can become Sarah's problem. I'd say behavior like that doesn't

836
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 4: change overnight, and I guess they both have another thing coming.

837
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 4: Really good on you, Op for trusting your gut and

838
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 4: putting yourself first. Good luck with everything. A bys Stare says,

839
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:28,320
Speaker 4: always trust your gut, and yes, being single is always

840
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,879
Speaker 4: better than a disrespectful relationship. You did the right thing,

841
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 4: and I see have that story. Good job. You knew

842
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 4: you were weren't gonna be that punching bag. You aren't

843
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,880
Speaker 4: gonna keep taking that ish, So good for you.

844
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 6: OP.

845
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 4: Find someone who respects you and treats you the way

846
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 4: you to be deserved.

847
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 8: And that's the end of his story. We're gonna go

848
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:48,120
Speaker 8: on to the next one.

849
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 5: My fiance excused me of taking advantage of him financially

850
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:53,839
Speaker 5: when I'm really struggling.

851
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 3: You're not even taking advantage very well.

852
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 5: Backstory, I twenty nine female, have been with my fiance,

853
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 5: he thirty three mail for five years and he has

854
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 5: always had an issue with my finances. We've lived together

855
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 5: for four years and are set to get married next summer.

856
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 5: He does well for himself, makes decent money. He owns

857
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,960
Speaker 5: a twenty twelve Harley, a new twenty thirteen truck, and

858
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:17,320
Speaker 5: bought his our house about an a year and a

859
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,879
Speaker 5: half ago. I am genuinely proud of him. He works

860
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 5: hard and deserves everything he has. By the way, this

861
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 5: comes from a deleted user. And if you want to

862
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:25,880
Speaker 5: submit your own stories, go to the r slash showcase

863
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 5: Storytime suburd it. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and

864
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 5: we're here to give you a little bit of good

865
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 5: to baskofery. We don't have all the answers. We only

866
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:34,959
Speaker 5: know what we do, so if you do something different,

867
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,399
Speaker 5: let us know in the comments. And Opie says, I've

868
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 5: struggled with financial irresponsibility in the past, but I have changed.

869
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 5: The only thing I really spend money on for myself.

870
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 3: Is Siggy's a little siggys Tis test.

871
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 5: Op Yes, it's nasty, it's an expensive habit, I know,

872
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,279
Speaker 5: but it's my only indulgence and it helps me cope.

873
00:42:56,080 --> 00:43:00,440
Speaker 9: Wrong, mad, bad prey, big tobacco.

874
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, it doesn't help you cope. You would be able

875
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 3: to cope without it.

876
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 6: You just have to.

877
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:07,399
Speaker 9: You have to get that actually does is it makes

878
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 9: your cope and skills increase, and such a line need

879
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 9: the thing to help you cope, which makes you feel

880
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:18,800
Speaker 9: like it makes you cope better, but really it's already

881
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 9: reduced your baseline cope and ability.

882
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:22,919
Speaker 6: Yep, yep.

883
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 3: I have no further additions.

884
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 5: Now I'm fighting a new battle, the Battle of Helm's Deep.

885
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 5: I decided to go back to school a few years

886
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 5: ago to better myself and hopefully get a job that

887
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 5: pays well enough to support our future. After a couple

888
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,720
Speaker 5: of years of taking classes part time and getting nowhere,

889
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 5: I've finally enrolled full time. I was bartending, but I

890
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 5: had to quit after the place I worked that screwed

891
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:47,719
Speaker 5: up my schedule between full time school and a part

892
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 5: time job. I could not make it work and they

893
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 5: wouldn't accommodate me, so I left. This semester is especially tough.

894
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:58,360
Speaker 5: On top of classes, I have field work outside of school.

895
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,479
Speaker 5: I still have a part time making eleven dollars an hour,

896
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 5: but with recent management changes, my hours were cut drastically.

897
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:11,000
Speaker 5: I cannot pay my bills. Lately, I have been seriously depressed.

898
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 5: I cannot sleep, my stomach is in knots. I am

899
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 5: constantly worried, having panic attacks. The gym has been the

900
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 5: only thing helping me cope, but I'm going to have

901
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 5: to cancel that soon too. I don't even know how

902
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 5: I'm going to afford gas for school or work next month.

903
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 5: I have not paid my car taxes all year. Creditors

904
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 5: are calling, mostly for medical bills from surgery last year

905
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 5: and one credit card.

906
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 3: Now, Okay, I hate running, but it is free. So if,

907
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,320
Speaker 3: like you know, you want to exercise, and because exercising

908
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 3: every day is important, yeah, makes you feel good.

909
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 5: It's free, but you pay for it with your nees.

910
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I personally am running.

911
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:47,479
Speaker 6: I don't run.

912
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 3: I walk or I hike, so you can also do that,

913
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 3: but those are both free free forms. If that's like

914
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:54,320
Speaker 3: an issue.

915
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:58,799
Speaker 5: My fiance accuses me of taking advantage of him. He

916
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,399
Speaker 5: tells me I have nothing to worry about because he's here,

917
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:03,799
Speaker 5: But it doesn't come from a place of support. It

918
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:07,360
Speaker 5: feels more resentful. I do everything I can at home, cleaning,

919
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 5: laundry and all of it, but I cannot afford groceries,

920
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,879
Speaker 5: so we rarely have food in the house. Even when

921
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 5: I have time to cook, there's nothing to cook. I

922
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 5: have been applying to other jobs, but no one has

923
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 5: called me back. The silence just increases my anxiety and

924
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 5: makes me feel even more defeated. Changing jobs would be stressful.

925
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:28,239
Speaker 5: Staying where I am is stressful, and I have a

926
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:32,839
Speaker 5: tendency to overextend myself. My fiance does not help. He

927
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 5: gets meaner the more stressed I get, and he says

928
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 5: really hurtful things. Right now, I just feel worthless, helpless.

929
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:42,359
Speaker 5: I don't know how we're gonna make it through. I'm

930
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:44,760
Speaker 5: sorry for the novel, but I guess my question is

931
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:47,880
Speaker 5: is this normal inter relationship with financial difficulties? Am I

932
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,919
Speaker 5: really taking advantage of him? Like he says? What more

933
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 5: can I do? Any serious advice on how to fix this?

934
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 5: And there are comments.

935
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 3: If your partner right now before you got married, is

936
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 3: to telling you that you are taking financial advantage of

937
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:09,360
Speaker 3: him while you're actively unable to even buy food, doesn't

938
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:12,480
Speaker 3: seem like you're really taking any of his finances. Uh,

939
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 3: And it's also just being awful and mean to you.

940
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:16,279
Speaker 3: Probably not a person we want to get married too,

941
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 3: because when you're married, you're supposed to I mean usually

942
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:21,200
Speaker 3: split in finances.

943
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,920
Speaker 5: I mean it's it's it really feels like it's like, well, yeah,

944
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:27,239
Speaker 5: if you don't have to worry, I have taken care

945
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 5: of And then it comes from that place of like, yeah,

946
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 5: because I'm the man, I have to It's like I suspected,

947
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 5: but it's like, nah, he just doesn't want to have

948
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,360
Speaker 5: a productive yeah, conversation or context. He just wants to

949
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 5: have a context where it's like, see, I do everything

950
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 5: around here, and I pull my weight and it's like

951
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,399
Speaker 5: not even buddy, you guys can't afford food. Yeah, so

952
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 5: you're gonna have to sit down and figure out how

953
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:52,160
Speaker 5: to make it work. You know, what are you yet? What? What?

954
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 5: What's going on?

955
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 8: Yeah?

956
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 3: If she's taking financial advantage of you and can't eat,

957
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 3: you're not really making a lot of money.

958
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 5: Bud comments. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and

959
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 5: the engagement period is like a trial run for that partnership,

960
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 5: since something like planning a wedding together is among one

961
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 5: of the more stressful experiences a couple faces. I'm not

962
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,359
Speaker 5: reading much that leads me to thank you to our

963
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 5: inn a partnership. I mean, you're going to school full

964
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,600
Speaker 5: time in hopes of securing a degree that will exponentially

965
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:24,880
Speaker 5: increase your earning potential post graduation. You will both benefit

966
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:26,959
Speaker 5: from that, So it seems to me that he could

967
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 5: be more supportive with a little less of the begrudging

968
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 5: part and a lot less of the meanness. I just

969
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:35,880
Speaker 5: really see the absence of any true sense of partnership

970
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 5: in what you have written, and I find that worrisome

971
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 5: in a couple planning to be married. My husband and

972
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,840
Speaker 5: I have both faced layoffs and the ensuing periods of

973
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 5: unemployment in the last fifteen years. He was laid off

974
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:50,359
Speaker 5: for twenty three months right after nine to eleven because

975
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 5: his industry tanked. But we are partners, so any bills

976
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:57,799
Speaker 5: were our bills, any expenses were our expenses, and any

977
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,760
Speaker 5: income was our income. Would you turn into a petty

978
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 5: tyrant if he were laid off? Probably not, So why

979
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 5: is it acceptable for him to act that way? I

980
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 5: agree with another user who has a great name, by

981
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:13,160
Speaker 5: the way, nefarious Mango, you two need couples counseling. You

982
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 5: guys have to work these issues out before you get married,

983
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 5: otherwise you're going to be here posting about how you're

984
00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 5: considering divorcing your new husband. Another comment replies, you sound

985
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,760
Speaker 5: like you're working hard and have fallen on tough times.

986
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,920
Speaker 5: I would be really surprised if my financially stable boyfriend

987
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,720
Speaker 5: of five years was freaking out like this. You're obviously

988
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,480
Speaker 5: trying to fix the situation. How much more school do

989
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 5: you have left? I hope he stops being selfish and

990
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 5: gives you a little respect and support while you get

991
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 5: back on your feet. I would understand his position if

992
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:46,840
Speaker 5: you had squandered your money on substances or gambling and

993
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 5: had no interest in a job or school, but that

994
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 5: is clearly not the case. This guy sounds like a

995
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:58,920
Speaker 5: real JERKARONI hope he says no substances or gambling For me,

996
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,839
Speaker 5: I barely even drink. I have three years of school left,

997
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:03,399
Speaker 5: and then I will be able to get a job

998
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 5: as a math teacher, which are in high demand in

999
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 5: my area. And we do have an update, let's.

1000
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 3: Just get into it. I want to see if there's

1001
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 3: any change or if this is just heading towards a cliff.

1002
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 5: I am so lost. I'm wondering if I should stay

1003
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 5: or if I go. Here's what's going on. I got

1004
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 5: a job bartending on weekends, forty five minutes from home.

1005
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 5: It is a bar I used to work at, and honestly,

1006
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 5: I'm pretty happy to be back. The only downside is

1007
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 5: the long drive, especially at three in the morning. I've

1008
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:35,840
Speaker 5: been there for maybe five weeks now. It is a

1009
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 5: huge shift in income since I work Friday and Saturday nights.

1010
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 5: I have never made this much money in so little time.

1011
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 5: I finally feel like things are turning around. I started

1012
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,440
Speaker 5: to feel really good. I am so close to catching

1013
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:49,520
Speaker 5: up on my bills in medical debt and taxes, etc.

1014
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 5: I figured my fiance would be proud of me and

1015
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 5: happy that I'm getting my life in order. I want

1016
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:56,040
Speaker 5: to enter this marriage debt free, and I thought he

1017
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:59,200
Speaker 5: would appreciate that. Today's my first day off in a

1018
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 5: long time. Being a full time student and working two

1019
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 5: jobs is exhausting. I was planning to do a little

1020
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 5: birthday shopping for him and then get groceries the house.

1021
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 5: His house has been reminding me of that a lot lately,

1022
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,839
Speaker 5: which yes, he bought it, but it still hurts. It

1023
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 5: was already clean. I had already stayed up until two

1024
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 5: am the other night scrubbing it. I was planning to

1025
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 5: cook him dinner and maybe finally enjoy some quality time.

1026
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:26,520
Speaker 5: It's like I never see him anymore, and then this happened.

1027
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,799
Speaker 5: He's been acting really resentful today. I told him how

1028
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:33,320
Speaker 5: much I made this weekend, thinking he would be proud. Instead,

1029
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:34,759
Speaker 5: he lost it.

1030
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:37,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, this isn't a relationship that can continue.

1031
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 5: And it's time to break breakup. Yeah.

1032
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:44,880
Speaker 3: If he's acting mean when you're financially not stable, and

1033
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 3: he's acting mean when you are, then there's just nothing.

1034
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 3: There's nothing to this relationship.

1035
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 5: Time to break up, full on rage. When I said

1036
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 5: the money was going towards my debt and a little

1037
00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 5: into my personal savings just so I would have some

1038
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:00,400
Speaker 5: emergency money. I had nothing before this, I did not

1039
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 5: think that was unreasonable. Please tell me if it is

1040
00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:06,240
Speaker 5: not what we had talked about this when I started

1041
00:51:06,239 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 5: the job again, I told him I just needed two

1042
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 5: months to catch up and then I would start contributing again.

1043
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 5: But he's screaming to me about how I take advantage

1044
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 5: of him, how I will never pay bills again, how

1045
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 5: I don't appreciate him. He accused me of not respecting

1046
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 5: him or caring about his feelings, and he told me

1047
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:24,960
Speaker 5: to get out of his house. I think this This

1048
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:29,040
Speaker 5: guy honestly just sounds like he's he sees down the

1049
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,880
Speaker 5: pipeline that you're gonna finish your degree and end up

1050
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 5: with a job in a field that probably makes more

1051
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 5: money than him, and he's getting preemptive insecure.

1052
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:40,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I think he's trying to get you to

1053
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 3: feel like you are indebted to him, even though he's

1054
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 3: not really supporting you in any way.

1055
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:53,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, unbelievable. Edit. Would you consider this emotional or yeah?

1056
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 5: Already I'm saying yes, yep. He got me so worked up,

1057
00:51:57,480 --> 00:52:00,879
Speaker 5: and then he mocked me for crying and having panic attacks. Yep.

1058
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:03,719
Speaker 5: I ended up screaming just to release the frustration. He

1059
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:05,879
Speaker 5: would not let me speak, and when I finally did,

1060
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 5: he completely disregarded everything I said and kept ranting. Then

1061
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:11,319
Speaker 5: he called me crazy and said he would call the

1062
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,920
Speaker 5: police to take me out of his house. It's beyond time.

1063
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:18,440
Speaker 5: Your life will be better, so much better, you know.

1064
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:21,279
Speaker 5: Maybe talk to some of your coworkers at the bar,

1065
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 5: see if anybody knows anyone who's looking for a roommate.

1066
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:25,760
Speaker 5: The quick place that you can go to a couch

1067
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 5: to crash on in the interim, But yeah, get out

1068
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:32,319
Speaker 5: of his house. Please leave, get out. I'm seriously freaking out.

1069
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 5: I've been having hardcore pantic attacks and I'm shaking so

1070
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 5: bad I can't even get out of bed. I don't

1071
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,240
Speaker 5: know what's wrong with me lately. I think this relationship,

1072
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 5: but I've been getting intense urges to hurt myself. I

1073
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 5: don't want to. But after he left for work, Okay,

1074
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:48,439
Speaker 5: I'm just skipping over that. He told me to leave

1075
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:50,719
Speaker 5: and I don't have the energy to move. I'm not

1076
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:52,799
Speaker 5: ready to give up on us. No, no, no, no, no,

1077
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:54,399
Speaker 5: there is no r you are.

1078
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 3: There's us when any of these urges, when you were

1079
00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:00,959
Speaker 3: feeling this way, when you're feeling depressed being with him,

1080
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:04,960
Speaker 3: when you were doing so well in other areas. Finally,

1081
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 3: like you had this whole period where you weren't doing well,

1082
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,879
Speaker 3: feeling out awful, and now you're back up. He's made

1083
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 3: you feel awful.

1084
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 6: Leave him.

1085
00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 3: He's the only element of your life that's making you

1086
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:16,800
Speaker 3: feel awful.

1087
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, he told me to leave. I don't have the

1088
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 5: energy to move, and I'm not ready to give up

1089
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:23,839
Speaker 5: on us. When things are good, they're really good. Is

1090
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:26,319
Speaker 5: this my fault? Should I leave? Its fault? It's not

1091
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:30,320
Speaker 5: your fault. Leave and you should leave Lee.

1092
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:33,799
Speaker 3: He is making you feel awful about yourself when you

1093
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 3: are doing well, and that is.

1094
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:39,279
Speaker 5: The end of that story. Hey y'all, it's John og

1095
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:39,799
Speaker 5: Host here.

1096
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

1097
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 1: quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.

1098
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,840
Speaker 6: My friend made me realize I was just her therapist,

1099
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 6: not her friend. Oh no, she should get a therapist

1100
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:50,759
Speaker 6: for that.

1101
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:51,359
Speaker 5: Yep.

1102
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,720
Speaker 6: I have female twenty six. I met Juliette female twenty

1103
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 6: seven in twenty twenty at a healthcare facility when we

1104
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:00,960
Speaker 6: were both at a low point. I'm extreme introverted with

1105
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:05,320
Speaker 6: a strong, resting witch face, but she noticed my favorite

1106
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:08,840
Speaker 6: game on my clothing and we connected. We were trauma bonded,

1107
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 6: a term she always denied, believing it's only negative, while

1108
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:14,640
Speaker 6: I argued it could be a pathway to friendship. By

1109
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 6: the way, this comes from money. Try thirty eight seventy

1110
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:19,400
Speaker 6: six And if you want to submit your own stories,

1111
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:23,360
Speaker 6: go to the r slash Okay storytime Separreddit and I'm Angie.

1112
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, and we're here to give.

1113
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:27,440
Speaker 6: Good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers

1114
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:29,360
Speaker 6: We're just gonna guess what we would do in this situation,

1115
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:31,240
Speaker 6: but let us know what you would do in the comments,

1116
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:35,200
Speaker 6: so Opie says. After the facility, we became long distance friends,

1117
00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:37,719
Speaker 6: living an hour apart by train. In twenty twenty one,

1118
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:41,359
Speaker 6: she became friends with Mikey female twenty five. Although Mikey

1119
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:44,920
Speaker 6: and I never met, Juliette insisted on introducing us, believing

1120
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 6: her two best friends were too similar not to connect.

1121
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 6: In twenty twenty four, Mikey and I finally met, and

1122
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:53,720
Speaker 6: the connection was instant. It was like finding a puzzle piece.

1123
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:56,320
Speaker 6: I didn't know I was missing a twin flame connection,

1124
00:54:56,680 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 6: which we still laugh about because of how alike we are.

1125
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:02,320
Speaker 6: We started a group chat and updated each other almost daily.

1126
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:06,080
Speaker 6: My frustrations with Juliette began even before I met Mikey.

1127
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 6: We are very different people, which isn't inherently bad, but

1128
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:12,960
Speaker 6: I constantly went beyond my own boundaries to support her.

1129
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:16,319
Speaker 6: Juliette texts every day as she doesn't work or go

1130
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 6: to school for personal reasons. In contrast, I've been working

1131
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 6: in healthcare since twenty seventeen and I am currently a

1132
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,680
Speaker 6: social worker who is also attending school. Privately, I work

1133
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 6: forty plus hours on a twenty four hour contract, often

1134
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:32,319
Speaker 6: cramming school work between shifts, including night shifts. Anyone in

1135
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:35,480
Speaker 6: healthcare knows how chaotic and trading it can be. Sometimes,

1136
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 6: because I'm not an active social media user and genuinely

1137
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 6: disliked daily texting, some days I couldn't respond immediately. I

1138
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 6: often told her, Hey, I'm working right now, I'll read

1139
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:48,400
Speaker 6: slash respond when I can. Juliette never liked late responses.

1140
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:53,160
Speaker 6: Despite me explaining my situation a million times. Her daily texts,

1141
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:55,760
Speaker 6: whether in the group chat or privately, were the first

1142
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:59,480
Speaker 6: boundary she crossed. Juliette can also be very insecure. She

1143
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:03,160
Speaker 6: always to me with issues feeling unwell, not knowing how

1144
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:06,920
Speaker 6: to manage minor injuries, navigating her boyfriend's issues who cheated

1145
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:10,839
Speaker 6: multiple times, or being or feeling burnt out from two

1146
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:14,399
Speaker 6: appointments and a four hour volunteer shift in a single week.

1147
00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:18,239
Speaker 6: I always listened, offered comfort, gave advice, and helped her

1148
00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:21,960
Speaker 6: navigate being an adult. However, ninety percent of the time,

1149
00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 6: she ignored everything we discussed and did her own thing.

1150
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 6: The cycle would then repeat her issues, me helping her

1151
00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:32,560
Speaker 6: ignoring and back to the issues again. I told Juliette

1152
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:35,279
Speaker 6: countless times that I don't get angry easily, but I

1153
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:38,239
Speaker 6: do get angry when someone ignores me during a conflict.

1154
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:41,759
Speaker 6: I'm big on communication. If something I said or did

1155
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 6: hurt her, I need to know so I can apologize

1156
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:47,560
Speaker 6: or explain. When she felt wronged, she would go silent.

1157
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:51,000
Speaker 6: Every time this happened. She expected me to notice and

1158
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:52,960
Speaker 6: be the one to ask what was wrong. It was

1159
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:54,839
Speaker 6: always a struggle to get her to talk about it,

1160
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:58,800
Speaker 6: often days or weeks after the fact, interspersed with small, passive,

1161
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 6: aggressive updates on So I'm a student and a young

1162
00:57:02,239 --> 00:57:04,840
Speaker 6: person working in a demanding field. I did not always

1163
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:07,320
Speaker 6: have the energy to deal with this. When I was home,

1164
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 6: I wanted to be me, not social worker me, but

1165
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:14,440
Speaker 6: I couldn't be. Subconsciously, I was always walking on eggshells,

1166
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 6: dreading the next text from juliet These are just a

1167
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 6: few examples. It wasn't all negative, but the good times

1168
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:24,400
Speaker 6: were unfortunately rare. Everything came to a head this August.

1169
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:27,960
Speaker 6: Mikey and I have birthdays only thirteen days apart. While

1170
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:31,080
Speaker 6: I never celebrate mine, Mikey does. So I packed up

1171
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 6: and headed to their city. Juliet and Mikey live in

1172
00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 6: the same building. The weekend started poorly. Juliette was already

1173
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:40,840
Speaker 6: at Mike's apartment and crying the entire time. She was

1174
00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:44,440
Speaker 6: upset because she confronted her boyfriend about who he was

1175
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 6: texting because he was being evasive about it, and he

1176
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 6: called her paranoid. Her woe is me behavior lasted the

1177
00:57:51,640 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 6: entire weekend. When I arrived, things seemed okay. We exchanged

1178
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 6: gifts and planned the evening, Mikey and I wanting wine

1179
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 6: with our who she drank. Juliette opted not to, though

1180
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:06,479
Speaker 6: slightly buzzed from a challenge. Mikey and I constantly checked

1181
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:09,280
Speaker 6: in on Juliette, encouraging her to eat, asking if she

1182
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 6: wanted to watch anything, involving her in our conversations, checking

1183
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:15,560
Speaker 6: in on her emotionally, and trying to make her laugh.

1184
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:17,800
Speaker 6: She just said she was okay and wanted to do

1185
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 6: her own thing. She played a game on her phone

1186
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:22,160
Speaker 6: all night and went to bed at like eleven or

1187
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 6: twelve pm, claving that she was tired. Mike and I

1188
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:28,720
Speaker 6: went to bed shortly after, subconsciously drained by her energy.

1189
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 6: The next morning, the energy shift was palpable. I'm not

1190
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 6: a morning person, but I was excited to be with

1191
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 6: my friends instead. I immediately wanted to go home. While

1192
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:41,439
Speaker 6: I was showering, Juliette complained to Mikey about feeling left

1193
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:45,040
Speaker 6: out the night before. Mikey apologized, but Juliette never told

1194
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:48,600
Speaker 6: me this directly. That afternoon, while grocery shopping, Juliette was

1195
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:51,440
Speaker 6: back in her sad mood. I checked in, but she

1196
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:56,320
Speaker 6: insisted she was fine. At that moment, I was simply done.

1197
00:58:56,600 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 6: I was exhausted, emotionally drained from constantly being social worker

1198
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:04,280
Speaker 6: me for juliet and trying to be present for Mikey's birthday.

1199
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:08,120
Speaker 6: We shopped in uncomfortable silence and returned to Mikey's apartment.

1200
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:11,440
Speaker 6: I cooked for everyone except Juliette, who wasn't hungry, and

1201
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 6: did the dishes, including Juliette's dishes from baking a pie.

1202
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 6: She's not generally hygenic. Though I didn't complain. The thing

1203
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 6: that made me actually lose it was that her woe

1204
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 6: is me behavior didn't stop. At the party. She complained

1205
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:28,320
Speaker 6: about being tired and broken from the fight with her

1206
00:59:28,320 --> 00:59:32,240
Speaker 6: boyfriend while Mikey's friends were in earshot. She left after

1207
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:36,000
Speaker 6: only an hour. Meanwhile, I, with a social battery the

1208
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:39,600
Speaker 6: size of an actual triple a battery, stayed the entire time,

1209
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:44,000
Speaker 6: conversed with Mikey's friends and took care of Mikey because

1210
00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:46,840
Speaker 6: it was her birthday party. Around two am, I found

1211
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:50,400
Speaker 6: Mikey crying in her bedroom with a friend. I comforted

1212
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 6: her and then started cleaning up the party because most

1213
00:59:52,680 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 6: people already left or were leaving. When Mikey came out

1214
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 6: after her friend left, we hugged and collapsed into each other.

1215
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:01,720
Speaker 6: We went to the balcony around three am to talk.

1216
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:05,919
Speaker 6: Mikey burst out, saying Juliette was the trigger for most

1217
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 6: of her frustration. Mikey was drained by Juliette before I arrived,

1218
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 6: and they both felt like they were constantly caring for her.

1219
01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:17,120
Speaker 6: Her breaking point was Juliette leaving her party. We talked

1220
01:00:17,240 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 6: for three hours. Mike and I had never texted privately,

1221
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 6: only in the group chat. We realized our energy always

1222
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 6: depended on Juliette's mood and that we constantly accommodated her.

1223
01:00:27,760 --> 01:00:30,440
Speaker 6: We noticed that we could never talk about our shared

1224
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:33,920
Speaker 6: interests for even a minute without Juliette pouting or throwing

1225
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,680
Speaker 6: a tantrum because she feared we would be closer to

1226
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 6: each other than her. Mikey also asked if Juliette had

1227
01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:42,760
Speaker 6: ever visited my place. I said that in five years,

1228
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,640
Speaker 6: I had come to their city every couple of months,

1229
01:00:45,880 --> 01:00:49,200
Speaker 6: but she never came to mind. It was always a

1230
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 6: different excuse, finance time, fear of new cities, or train travel.

1231
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 6: I would offer comfort or even pay for her ticket,

1232
01:00:56,840 --> 01:01:00,720
Speaker 6: but she always found another excuse. We started an things

1233
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 6: more clearly. Juliette only ever came to me with problems.

1234
01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:07,920
Speaker 6: The moment we argued, she would private message Mikey. Mikey

1235
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:10,800
Speaker 6: noticed Juliette was possessive of me and jealous of how

1236
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:15,160
Speaker 6: quickly Mikey and I bonded. We always, and I mean always,

1237
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:18,640
Speaker 6: did everything she liked, talked about the things that she enjoyed,

1238
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:22,200
Speaker 6: were cordial with her boyfriend, comforted her when needed. But

1239
01:01:22,280 --> 01:01:25,760
Speaker 6: we could never talk to each other without Juliette trying

1240
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:29,120
Speaker 6: to victimize herself, being afraid that we would leave her behind.

1241
01:01:29,240 --> 01:01:32,160
Speaker 6: Because this happened every time she introduced her friends to

1242
01:01:32,160 --> 01:01:35,280
Speaker 6: each other, always pulling this card. This is so exhaust

1243
01:01:35,320 --> 01:01:39,960
Speaker 6: I'm exhausted for you. Right, even reading this is crazy.

1244
01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:44,000
Speaker 6: It's just like you really can't do anything with this

1245
01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 6: type of person.

1246
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:49,040
Speaker 7: But at all, they usually don't change. I feel like, yeah,

1247
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:51,520
Speaker 7: I just have to exactly bond from it.

1248
01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, totally. I mean even with like you know, you

1249
01:01:55,680 --> 01:01:58,680
Speaker 6: not responding to texts right away, it's like, well, that

1250
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:00,960
Speaker 6: just kind of happens when one person is busier than

1251
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 6: the other, and just different texting styles too. But then

1252
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:07,920
Speaker 6: all of this like victimizing stuff, it seems like she

1253
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:11,520
Speaker 6: has no ability to self soothe, and so it's just

1254
01:02:11,560 --> 01:02:14,160
Speaker 6: like she has all these emotions, she doesn't know what

1255
01:02:14,200 --> 01:02:17,200
Speaker 6: to do with them, and so she just like that's

1256
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:20,960
Speaker 6: her way of getting attention. And it's very frustrating because

1257
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:22,560
Speaker 6: it's too exhausting.

1258
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:23,919
Speaker 3: No, it's way too much.

1259
01:02:23,960 --> 01:02:26,560
Speaker 7: And then to like keep you and Mikey from being

1260
01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:29,800
Speaker 7: able to have a friendship outside of her is just like, right,

1261
01:02:29,840 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 7: it's just not good.

1262
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 6: It's like, well, if you want to keep a friendship

1263
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:35,800
Speaker 6: and like be closer with someone because you're so jealous

1264
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,000
Speaker 6: of other people being close, then maybe put in efforts

1265
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 6: to that relationship.

1266
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1267
01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 6: After three hours of talking, I cracked and cried. I

1268
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,360
Speaker 6: had the realization that Juliette made me feel like I

1269
01:02:48,440 --> 01:02:51,800
Speaker 6: was talking to my mother, always walking on eggshells, being

1270
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:55,560
Speaker 6: a therapist instead of a friend, constantly having my boundaries crossed,

1271
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:59,160
Speaker 6: and helping her be a functional adult while struggling myself.

1272
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:02,040
Speaker 6: My key share had similar feelings, and after another hour

1273
01:03:02,160 --> 01:03:06,439
Speaker 6: we went to bed at seven am. Wow. Juliette woke

1274
01:03:06,520 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 6: us up at eleven am by walking into Mikey's apartment.

1275
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:13,480
Speaker 6: She had a key for emergencies, as me already stating

1276
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 6: that I am not a morning person and seeing her

1277
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:19,080
Speaker 6: first thing was not a good combination. Yeah, after spending

1278
01:03:19,120 --> 01:03:22,040
Speaker 6: the whole night talking about how much she sucks, I

1279
01:03:22,080 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 6: just need a break and yeah, good morning. After sleeping

1280
01:03:25,640 --> 01:03:29,800
Speaker 6: for four hours, like, oh my goodness, I was so

1281
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:33,160
Speaker 6: drained that I started packing to go home. Almost no

1282
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:35,480
Speaker 6: words were exchanged before they dropped me off at the

1283
01:03:35,480 --> 01:03:38,959
Speaker 6: train station. Apparently Mikey and Juliette had an argument after

1284
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:41,680
Speaker 6: I boarded the train, but Juliette left thinking that it

1285
01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 6: was resolved. I arrived home, collapsed, and slept for many hours.

1286
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:48,720
Speaker 6: I stayed silent for a couple of days to rearrange

1287
01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:51,920
Speaker 6: my thoughts and assess the friendship, knowing if I spoke

1288
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:55,280
Speaker 6: then I would be mean. A week later, Juliette asked

1289
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:58,080
Speaker 6: to call me, and I agreed. She asked why I

1290
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 6: was silent and if she had done anything. I listened,

1291
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:04,760
Speaker 6: then calmly explained to my realization that after five years,

1292
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:07,480
Speaker 6: she didn't know me and that I was never her

1293
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 6: friend but her social worker. I never minded helping, but

1294
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,360
Speaker 6: I felt like I wasn't allowed to struggle when she

1295
01:04:13,480 --> 01:04:16,200
Speaker 6: was struggling. She said she did know me, that I

1296
01:04:16,320 --> 01:04:19,280
Speaker 6: was her scary dog friend who is a confident woman

1297
01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:22,160
Speaker 6: and no longer struggles with things. Maybe thinks she no

1298
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:26,360
Speaker 6: longer struggles with things because you always take the spotlight.

1299
01:04:26,200 --> 01:04:28,120
Speaker 3: Because of exactly what she just told you.

1300
01:04:28,360 --> 01:04:32,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, never allowed to struggle with things, right. I broke

1301
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:35,240
Speaker 6: down crying for the first time in our friendship, explaining

1302
01:04:35,240 --> 01:04:38,240
Speaker 6: that she just proved my point. Yeah, exactly. I asked

1303
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:42,680
Speaker 6: if she knew I loved dresses, makeup, museums, rom coms,

1304
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:46,080
Speaker 6: One Piece, Lord of the Rings, and music like Hosier

1305
01:04:46,120 --> 01:04:49,040
Speaker 6: and Florence than the Machine, that I still struggle with

1306
01:04:49,080 --> 01:04:52,960
Speaker 6: my looks, or that I'm academically insecure, that I'm actually

1307
01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 6: really soft hearted person by nature, she stayed silent during

1308
01:04:56,320 --> 01:04:58,760
Speaker 6: all of this. I told her all of these things.

1309
01:04:58,840 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 6: I shared everything in our group chat, privately or while

1310
01:05:01,880 --> 01:05:04,200
Speaker 6: talking in real life. I also told her all of

1311
01:05:04,240 --> 01:05:07,160
Speaker 6: her favorite things, how I see her and what I

1312
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:10,960
Speaker 6: know she wants to become. To emphasize the imbalance, she

1313
01:05:11,120 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 6: never corrected me. I told her I needed time to

1314
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:16,200
Speaker 6: think about our friendship and hung up. I haven't texted

1315
01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:19,360
Speaker 6: Juliette since August fifteenth, and the worst part is she

1316
01:05:19,480 --> 01:05:22,600
Speaker 6: barely texted and Mikey either, But I was the one

1317
01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:25,600
Speaker 6: who broke contact with her. Some things have happened between

1318
01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:28,439
Speaker 6: juliet and Mikey, but that's not my story to tell.

1319
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:31,360
Speaker 7: My goodness, I don't even really have much to add, Like,

1320
01:05:31,440 --> 01:05:36,480
Speaker 7: I just need to know what the heck Juliette says, Yeah, yeah,

1321
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,640
Speaker 7: it's crazy to go to your friend and be like, Hi,

1322
01:05:38,720 --> 01:05:42,240
Speaker 7: these are like some genuinely like genuine concerns that have

1323
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:44,040
Speaker 7: been having in our friendship and her just be like, well,

1324
01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 7: you don't struggle.

1325
01:05:45,040 --> 01:05:48,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, you just That's what I know about you is

1326
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 6: that you don't struggle that much anymore.

1327
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:51,760
Speaker 3: None of my interests.

1328
01:05:52,920 --> 01:05:56,520
Speaker 6: What she gave very like vague things about her. It's like,

1329
01:05:57,560 --> 01:06:00,720
Speaker 6: this has been five years, you can't say anything more like, oh,

1330
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:04,800
Speaker 6: come on, my goodness. Mike and I actually text every

1331
01:06:04,840 --> 01:06:07,520
Speaker 6: day now. It gives me so much energy because we

1332
01:06:07,680 --> 01:06:10,400
Speaker 6: genuinely talk about things we like. And I'm so glad

1333
01:06:10,520 --> 01:06:13,040
Speaker 6: I found her because she truly sees the real meat.

1334
01:06:13,240 --> 01:06:15,560
Speaker 6: We already made plans about her staying in my place,

1335
01:06:15,600 --> 01:06:18,200
Speaker 6: which is happening in the upcoming days. I still need

1336
01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:20,880
Speaker 6: to text Juliette to formally end our friendship, but I

1337
01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:24,080
Speaker 6: am duretting the fallout. So am I the a hole

1338
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:26,600
Speaker 6: for not wanting to end a five year friendship with

1339
01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:29,919
Speaker 6: Juliette and continue my friendship with Mikey, who I met

1340
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:31,960
Speaker 6: through Juliette. That's the end of that story. But what

1341
01:06:32,040 --> 01:06:32,560
Speaker 6: do we think?

1342
01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:36,400
Speaker 7: No, not at all so draining?

1343
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:39,280
Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, I think, Like I mean, I don't know

1344
01:06:39,320 --> 01:06:41,920
Speaker 6: if you need to formally end the friendship with Juliette.

1345
01:06:42,200 --> 01:06:44,600
Speaker 6: You did say you needed to talk, like think about things,

1346
01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:48,080
Speaker 6: so I guess maybe you could just say what you

1347
01:06:48,160 --> 01:06:49,640
Speaker 6: need to but get it out.

1348
01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:51,840
Speaker 7: I guess because you told her you would. But yeah,

1349
01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:56,160
Speaker 7: I agree with you, Like, it's not necessarily right needed.

1350
01:06:56,160 --> 01:06:59,120
Speaker 6: Kind of have it like fizzle out. Yeah, but if

1351
01:06:59,160 --> 01:07:02,000
Speaker 6: she'll let it fizzle right right, if she won't let

1352
01:07:02,040 --> 01:07:03,720
Speaker 6: a fizzle, then yeah, you might have to say something.

1353
01:07:03,800 --> 01:07:07,320
Speaker 6: But but it's definitely like there's no world where it

1354
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:09,800
Speaker 6: would be wrong of you to be friends with someone

1355
01:07:09,960 --> 01:07:12,160
Speaker 6: that you met through someone that you don't want to

1356
01:07:12,160 --> 01:07:14,840
Speaker 6: be friends with anymore. Like it's it doesn't matter how

1357
01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:17,000
Speaker 6: you met that person. You just want to be friends

1358
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:19,280
Speaker 6: with someone and not someone else, And that's the end

1359
01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:19,840
Speaker 6: of this story.