1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:02,440 Speaker 1: This is Kelly Henderson, and you are listening to the 2 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:05,640 Speaker 1: Velvet Edge podcast. Last week, on the podcast, I talked 3 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 1: to Whitney Bischoff from over egg Freezing, and we talked 4 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,920 Speaker 1: about women's fertility and the egg freezing process in general. 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,840 Speaker 1: What we didn't talk about was the financial aspect of 6 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: this process, and I've gotten a ton of questions from 7 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 1: you guys about the cost before, during, and after egg freezing. 8 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,080 Speaker 1: I called financial journalists for the Wall Street Journal, Julia Carpenter, 9 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,040 Speaker 1: who has written some really great pieces addressing this topic. 10 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,240 Speaker 1: We talked through all of the cost you will be 11 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 1: looking at if you do decide to freeze your eggs, 12 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: and also the loopholes that Julia has found for cutting cost. 13 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: She also told me, as a twenty eight year old, 14 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:40,520 Speaker 1: why she and her friends are already starting the fertility 15 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: conversation and what kind of saving they are doing to 16 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: cover all their options. Here's our conversation. Okay, so you 17 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: obviously cover personal finances for the Wall Street Journal, which 18 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 1: I'm sure has revolved a lot around this coronavirus pandemic lately. Right, totally, Yeah, 19 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,160 Speaker 1: it's pretty much all we're writing about. Writing out can 20 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: imagine it's just seems like it's changing every day too, 21 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,839 Speaker 1: so I'm sure there's a lot of updates to give. 22 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: But I initially found you because of an article you 23 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: wrote for the Journal about the economics of freezing your eggs, 24 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 1: and like we were talking about before, I've gone through 25 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,640 Speaker 1: the process of freezing my eggs, and I've talked a 26 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: lot on this podcast about the medical aspect and just 27 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: kind of what your body goes through, but what I 28 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 1: haven't really addressed is the cost, and that's a huge 29 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: part of this whole process. Yeah. Yeah, I think this 30 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: piece was so important to me for that exact reason. 31 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: It's a piece that I actually have been pitching for 32 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 1: a couple years and that I wanted to do as 33 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 1: soon as I started at the Journal, so I talked 34 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 1: as my editor about it right away. I had actually 35 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: pitched it in my job interview because it is something 36 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,880 Speaker 1: that I spent so much time talking about with my 37 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,520 Speaker 1: friends and with my family, But there didn't seem to 38 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 1: be any answers out there about how to prepare financially 39 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: for this. Yeah, there were a lot. Yeah, so much discussion, 40 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 1: and you obviously know this from your personal experience, but 41 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: so much discussion about the kind of medical preparedness and 42 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 1: the personal preparedness, but very little about the financial preparedness. 43 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 1: And to me, those three things, both in my life 44 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: and then also in the life of my friends who 45 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: are considering this, those three things touch all aligne in 46 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: order a good experience, and so I really wanted to 47 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: explore that and to dive a bit deeper into that 48 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 1: and to think about this from kind of a personal 49 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 1: finance angle but also like individual wallet angle. Well, and also, 50 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 1: like we were talking about before, you're you just turned 51 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,919 Speaker 1: twenty nine, so you're a lot younger than I am, 52 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: and the fact that you guys are already talking about 53 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,800 Speaker 1: this was so fascinating to me and exciting. So what 54 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 1: has it? What does that look like amongst your friend group? Yeah? Yeah, 55 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 1: so I think I think I definitely run with a 56 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: group of probably like type A Tracy Flick overachievers to 57 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 1: be part of it. You know, two of my best 58 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:05,639 Speaker 1: friends we always joke that are our conversations always revolve 59 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 1: around goal setting, whether it be you know, what are 60 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,079 Speaker 1: your summer goals? Like are you going to get really 61 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: into journaling? Are you gonna before in this personal project? 62 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,079 Speaker 1: Are you gonna like make some headway on this. He 63 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:21,079 Speaker 1: had like a whole New Year's party specifically around each other. 64 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 1: It's like nerdy, but it's totally who I am, and 65 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 1: I think who who I tend to gravitate to. But 66 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,239 Speaker 1: also I'm a queer woman and I'm in a relationship 67 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: with another woman, and I have a girlfriend of six years. 68 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: So it's something that I've talked about a lot because 69 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: it's kind of the reality is of how I would 70 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: start a family. You know, it's not gonna be and 71 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,120 Speaker 1: I addressed this in the piece of it, but so 72 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 1: many of my heterospectual friends, you know, there's there's this 73 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: question in their mind of like, well, maybe I'll meet 74 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 1: somebody or maybe I'll be ready at this kind of 75 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 1: future date and I'll have a baby, uh or that way. 76 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 1: And for me, it's something that I have to think 77 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: about kind of on the front end. You know, I'm 78 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,640 Speaker 1: not going to have I'm not going to conceive a 79 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: baby in the way that my mom can see me. 80 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: I'm not going to conceive a baby in the way 81 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 1: that many of my friends will can see. There's I 82 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: have to think about freezing my eggs to act, to 83 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: think about a joction and fostering and pred of all 84 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: these other avenues that that fires some planning on the 85 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:18,679 Speaker 1: front end. So it's kind of critical if that corn deals. 86 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,359 Speaker 1: Sometimes I think that it's it's just off in my 87 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,520 Speaker 1: natural inclination as well as like the direction of my 88 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: life just as a queer woman. But it's so, you know, 89 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,840 Speaker 1: I know so many people who they are juggling all 90 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: these different saving saving schools already, whether it be paying 91 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,159 Speaker 1: down their debt or saving for our house. And for 92 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:41,279 Speaker 1: many of the women I know, especially unpartnered women or 93 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 1: or women who you know, have always wanted to start 94 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: their families, but you know, maybe haven't found the right 95 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,839 Speaker 1: way to do it, or haven't found the right person 96 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,839 Speaker 1: to to partner with and do it with. They're already 97 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:54,119 Speaker 1: thinking about this because they're making that negotiation in their minds. 98 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 1: You know, they're thinking, does this money I have that 99 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 1: I would put into my savings account. Does this money 100 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:01,480 Speaker 1: I have go to a house? Does it go to 101 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 1: a John Clement? Does it go to eliminating my student debt? 102 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 1: Does it go to breathing me up? Does it? And 103 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: especially with freezing your heads, as you know, you know, 104 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: the timing is kind of everything. So I think for 105 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 1: a lot of women I speak with, that's the most 106 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,320 Speaker 1: urgent of all these goals because they think, well, I 107 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: don't have to own a house right now, but I 108 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 1: do have to think about my body, and I have 109 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: to think about when I'm gonna want to be a 110 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: mom and whom I'm gonna want to to do this absolutely, 111 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 1: and that's something that I I wish it would have 112 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: been on my radar a lot earlier. And like you mentioned, 113 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:35,320 Speaker 1: you know, the buying the house, the if you have 114 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: student debt paying that off, or I think as a 115 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 1: heterosexual woman, unfortunately a lot of women are like, well, 116 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: I'll just wait till I get married and we'll figure 117 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: this out, and like a lot of your financial goals 118 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: are tied to that. Especially. I mean, I'm from the South, 119 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,240 Speaker 1: so a lot of us are taught at a really 120 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,479 Speaker 1: young age that you just don't really think about that 121 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: stuff until you find the guy you're going to settle 122 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: down with, you know. So I think it's honestly, I 123 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: think it's a great thing that these conversations are starting 124 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:06,640 Speaker 1: to happen so much earlier. Totally totally, and I'm actually 125 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,679 Speaker 1: I grew up in Georgia. I grew up in Sudana 126 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 1: and that was something they think definitely, you know, from 127 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 1: a cultural perspective, wasn't talked about as much for me, um, 128 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 1: And I really identify with what you said about so 129 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,719 Speaker 1: much of so much of my life. I was thinking, okay, 130 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:25,919 Speaker 1: well that's all post marriage exactly, doing this about that 131 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 1: other part of my life. And I think for a 132 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,279 Speaker 1: lot of women my age, we're coming kind of coming up. 133 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 1: I'm threaty, coming up on these huge milestones and thinking, Okay, 134 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 1: well that hasn't happened, whether I chose not part to 135 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 1: happen or you know, it's just not happened. So like 136 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,560 Speaker 1: what do I do now? How do I prepare for that? Right? So, 137 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: what are the conversations amongst your friend group as far 138 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 1: as like the actual saving for this? I mean, is 139 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: it something that you start to prioritize and start to 140 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: think about, like maybe I need to start putting this 141 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: much away um, or I need to start a separate 142 00:06:55,920 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: savings account for this, or how are these conversations going right? Right? Well? 143 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,039 Speaker 1: Something I found out in the piece that was super 144 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:06,479 Speaker 1: illuminating to me but also made complete sense given the 145 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: conversations I've had with other ways is that the vast 146 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: majority of women are paying for this with their personal savings. 147 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,880 Speaker 1: So I think we should this conversation about how this 148 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: benefit and that more companies everything it affordable. And I'm 149 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 1: looking enough to work at a company that that does 150 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 1: offer some money for this, but it's still a huge 151 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 1: cost that a lot of women are relying on their 152 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: personal savings for. So if you're thinking about something that's 153 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: going to cost thousands of dollars, and some of the 154 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: data I found for my piece estimates that women will 155 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,640 Speaker 1: spend around fifteen thousand dollars freezing their ads in total, 156 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,679 Speaker 1: you know, it's keep kind of a huge life changing 157 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 1: some of the money that's something that now. So I've 158 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: spoken with women who've already started setting aside some money 159 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 1: that I fit for this. I've spoken with women who 160 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:55,800 Speaker 1: already kind of talked with their family or other people 161 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: about you know, maybe the money that the parents would 162 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,480 Speaker 1: offer for a downteen it goes to business shud or 163 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,960 Speaker 1: you know. I spoke with one company who are actually 164 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: they're offering what they call grand babylons where it had 165 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 1: shows grandparents are actually another family members as well, not 166 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: just grandparents are actually helping funds um fertility costs, so 167 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 1: that then you're working with your family, you know, your 168 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,040 Speaker 1: extended family or or your parents directly in order to 169 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 1: fund starting your family this way. Yeah, I actually loved 170 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 1: some of the tips you gave. I do want to 171 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: get into that later, but you mentioned the cost, and 172 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: from my experience, um, the first round, it is around 173 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,600 Speaker 1: fifteen thousand dollars. For me, the first round did not 174 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 1: work and so I had to rebuy some of the 175 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: shots that I had already used from the last round, 176 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,559 Speaker 1: so it was another two thousand dollars. So this starts 177 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:51,440 Speaker 1: to get very expensive the more it happens. And you know, 178 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,960 Speaker 1: like I said earlier m. Thirty seven, and so for me, 179 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 1: it was probably always going to be more than one round. 180 00:08:57,679 --> 00:08:59,560 Speaker 1: And that's kind of the deal with this. That's so 181 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: interesting because someone maybe your age, would be physically in 182 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,720 Speaker 1: a better place to do this process because our eggs, 183 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:12,319 Speaker 1: you have more eggs, your eggs are better quality. But financially, 184 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,079 Speaker 1: like a twenty eight year old usually is not set 185 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: up to spend this much of a lump sum completely. No, 186 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 1: I mean what you decide. I think it's kind of 187 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: the most important point and that's the thing I kept 188 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 1: talking about with my editor but also with people as 189 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 1: I was reporting, is that this this money is so 190 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 1: elusive for so many younger women, and that's so damning 191 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 1: for their chances because you're, you're more successful the younger 192 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 1: you are. You know, you're you're able to squeeze more eggs, 193 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 1: You're able to like kind of chime it out more more, 194 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: um with with more ideas for your career and with 195 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,439 Speaker 1: like kind of more advantages for how you wanted to 196 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 1: structure your life. But it's it's money that until you 197 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 1: reach a certain step in your career, certain stuff in 198 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 1: your wife just doesn't exist for many of its the 199 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 1: time to say it, or you're not that requires it yet. 200 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: Um So, I mean, the one thing that was really 201 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 1: illuminating for me though in the piece is I know 202 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,640 Speaker 1: you said you that's the age. And one of the 203 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 1: studies that I looked at it said that it was 204 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 1: kind of the game changer for so many women that 205 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,080 Speaker 1: women who had frozen there as before turning twenty seven 206 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 1: at or sorry thirty seven at thirty seven, that was 207 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 1: then the biggest differential when it came to their chances 208 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: of getting pregnant, but women at thirty seven who hadn't 209 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,600 Speaker 1: frozen there as we're really at a at a much 210 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 1: greater disadvantage when it came to getting pregnant. So it's 211 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: kind of like there's all these junctures along the way. 212 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 1: But I think for a lot of women is just 213 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,680 Speaker 1: completely opafe and like super mysterious. And then until you 214 00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 1: start thinking about it, it's often that you look up 215 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,520 Speaker 1: and you're like, Okay, wait, crap, now I have two 216 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: years as apposed to ten years exactly. I mean, I 217 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: think I talked about this a lot, and I talked 218 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,559 Speaker 1: about this on another podcast with a nurse nurse from 219 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: my egg freezing process. But my gynecologist when I turned 220 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 1: thirty five was like, Okay, what are your plans for pregnancy? Like, 221 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 1: are you in a relationship? What are you looking at here? 222 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 1: Because immediately when you turn thirty five, that is the 223 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: conversation that starts. It's like, I mean, they call it 224 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: a geriatric pregnancy after that, which is just absurd because 225 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,440 Speaker 1: you know, I'm feeling like great about life at that 226 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 1: age and so to think that my body is not 227 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,080 Speaker 1: going to be able to physically do these things is crazy. 228 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 1: But it is true, and I think that that is 229 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,439 Speaker 1: the reality that women do need to start facing and 230 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,920 Speaker 1: and really looking at, which is why this conversation is 231 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 1: so important to me. But luckily we have all these 232 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 1: options now. Yeah, And I think especially for for me, 233 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: as I was recording this story, I was realizing more 234 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 1: and more that all of the ads in my Instagram 235 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 1: feed or for fertility companies or you know all podcast 236 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 1: it's like, there's way more people in this space than 237 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 1: ever before. Exectually simultaneously be like really helpful that you 238 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 1: have all these different options. But for a lot of 239 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:09,080 Speaker 1: women too, it's really intimidating because they well, you know, 240 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: which is which is the first step that I should 241 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,320 Speaker 1: be taking, you know, should I do the fertility test, 242 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 1: like should I order this at home a test? Should 243 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 1: I go to the doctor? Should I go to one 244 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: of these clinics? Should I buy a membership for long 245 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:25,439 Speaker 1: these pnics? It can get really overwhelming really quickly. Absolutely, 246 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about that, because, um, 247 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 1: you know you do mention also in your article that 248 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: some insurances do cover this, like you mentioned earlier to 249 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: your company has a policy in place that they help 250 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:41,559 Speaker 1: financially with this, right yeah, so we we have as 251 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 1: part of our benefits package, we have a partnership of 252 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 1: this company called Progeny. I think it's UM. It's pretty 253 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 1: common for a lot of major employers like mine to 254 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,960 Speaker 1: offer some sort of assistance or at least just getting 255 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 1: more and more common. The way project works is that 256 00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: they bundle fertility treatments into what they call smart cycles, 257 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,960 Speaker 1: So you can activate different smart cycles for different fertility treatments. 258 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,080 Speaker 1: So some women I work with have access that for 259 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 1: I d S and some then I have worked with, 260 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 1: access that ford for example, it's freezing. It's something I 261 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,400 Speaker 1: was really curious about. So I started a conversation with 262 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,319 Speaker 1: them about that to kind of understand what a smart 263 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:20,679 Speaker 1: cycle wouldn't pale in terms of uh, egg freezing or 264 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 1: you know how that applies. But so the kind of 265 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,319 Speaker 1: the issue for me was that for each of these cycles, 266 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 1: my employer would cover eighty percent of that cost. And so, 267 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:31,959 Speaker 1: like I said, that could be you know, spart freezing 268 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 1: or like uh, embryo transfer, like all these different all 269 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 1: of these different treatments. UM. But then that still leaves 270 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:43,319 Speaker 1: me with my coinsurance costs, which is in many cases 271 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:47,320 Speaker 1: still thousands of dollars or you know points, maybe the 272 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: first round doesn't work for me and so I need 273 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: to do another round. So it's it's still very helpful. 274 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: I'm definitely grateful that my company offered us up, but 275 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,400 Speaker 1: it's definitely not kind of a carte blanche to then, 276 00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,839 Speaker 1: you know, go head first into this world and like 277 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 1: kegles the truthments that they offer, right, I guess every 278 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 1: little bit counts, but yes, it's still something you have 279 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: to plan for. Let's talk about two. If you mentioned, 280 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,160 Speaker 1: you know, getting the fertility test, and I've noticed in 281 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 1: your article there was a lot of different options of 282 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: the at home fertility tests that I had, I was 283 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: not aware of even I always tell people I think 284 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:26,000 Speaker 1: that information, like knowledge is power for sure in this situation. 285 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,320 Speaker 1: So know what you're dealing with, because you might be fine, 286 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: Like you might have a completely different situation than you 287 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 1: know I had or anyone else my age might have. 288 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: But if you don't know, you can't act. So tell 289 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 1: me a little bit about the things you learned about 290 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,720 Speaker 1: the at home stuff. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I think 291 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: the thing that has been a game changer for so 292 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 1: many women is that those fertility tests once cost hundreds 293 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 1: of dollars and they were really inaccessible, and now there's 294 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 1: so much more accessible. You can take them at many 295 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 1: clinics like kind Body is one of the clinics that 296 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 1: I went and visited, and they offer for just three 297 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 1: hundred bucks um. There's home kits from places like Modern Fertility, 298 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: which I'm sure a lot of your listeners have seen 299 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: because they have a ton of Instagram ads and are 300 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: in are really visible in that space that's less than 301 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: two hundred dollars um. But I'm kind of a two 302 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 1: minds of the test, I think because after researching this piece, 303 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: I was really impressed to how affordable so many of 304 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 1: those tests were, and it definitely seemed like an easy 305 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: first step. And and I think, you know, I mentioned 306 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 1: my my friends that I do my goal setting with, 307 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 1: you know, those like other nerdy friends. That was actually 308 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 1: one of my goals for the beginning of the year. 309 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 1: I was writing this piece and I said, Okay, I 310 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: need to just get fertility tested. You know, I keep 311 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: talking about it, I'm writing this piece. It's on my 312 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,400 Speaker 1: mind all the time. I need to just do it. 313 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: And they were like, yeah, do it, you know, we 314 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,360 Speaker 1: support you, you know, great. Cool, And then as I 315 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 1: was talking with more and more experts for this piece, 316 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like it depends on who 317 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 1: you are and what stages the process you're in. You know. 318 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 1: I spoke with one expert. He said, I think that 319 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 1: you're going to take the test, and you're going to 320 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 1: spend that money on the test, and then you're gonna 321 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: come away with two options. You're either going to say, 322 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: oh wow, you know, my E reserve is really low, 323 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 1: I should freeze my asaps, or you're gonna come away 324 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: and say, oh wow, I am doing really great and 325 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: my AG preserve is really high, so I should freeze 326 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 1: my ad asaps. You know. It's kind of winning you 327 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 1: in that seame direction regardless. Um, and I know I 328 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 1: also took with a ton of experts and and this 329 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: is kind of up for debate, I think in in 330 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 1: that community. But I spoke with experts who said, you know, 331 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,520 Speaker 1: some of those testbook flads, like some of them can't 332 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:38,440 Speaker 1: give you results that are is true to your actual 333 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 1: reserve as it actually is. So I think I love 334 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 1: two minds about it. Part of me thinks it's a 335 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,640 Speaker 1: really great step for women who are curious about this. 336 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 1: It's a really low lift way. Uh, Like I said, 337 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 1: very affordable way for them to learn more about this 338 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 1: world and to take it a bit more seriously if 339 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 1: this is something they're already considering. But for somebody like 340 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 1: me who's kind of at the very beginning of the process, 341 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 1: I think I walked away thinking, you know what, like 342 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: I taking that trust, just gonna kind of confirm with 343 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,359 Speaker 1: that expert said, you know that I'm gonna do it 344 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,359 Speaker 1: or I'm gonna do it. So I'm hoil I'm ready 345 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,440 Speaker 1: to do it until I'm kind of at that juncture. 346 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,880 Speaker 1: It doesn't make sense for me to do right now. 347 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,199 Speaker 1: That makes a lot of sense actually, and you're at 348 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 1: an age where you have that luxury to you know, 349 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 1: like you can wait a couple of years until you're 350 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:22,400 Speaker 1: actually ready to go through the process. Totally. I'm really 351 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: fortunate in that regard that I, you know, I'm not 352 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,800 Speaker 1: working on its tide of a time frame I think 353 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 1: is a lot of other women are. Yeah, you also mentioned, 354 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,000 Speaker 1: um this was something I had never even heard of. 355 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: A company called Carrot, which is a debit card for 356 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,439 Speaker 1: women that helps pay for fertility procedures. Is that true? 357 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,080 Speaker 1: I know, I know Carrott is a huge player in 358 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:44,480 Speaker 1: the space. I've been having conversations with them, I think 359 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:50,719 Speaker 1: since two thousand seventeen or so article I wrote, and 360 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,159 Speaker 1: I've just watched them get bigger and bigger. The debit 361 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: card is their latest innovation, and what it does is 362 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: for the for the companies they work with. Carrot actually 363 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,119 Speaker 1: sends you a debit card with the benefit preloaded on. 364 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,359 Speaker 1: So before with a lot of people men and women, 365 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 1: UM and non binary folks to reusing Carrot, they would 366 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: go through the procedure and then get reimbursed on the 367 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,920 Speaker 1: back end. But now that they have the debit card, 368 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,800 Speaker 1: you don't even have to do that. It's kind of crazy. Wow, Okay, 369 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 1: and then you, I mean, yeah, I didn't see. I 370 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,920 Speaker 1: didn't know about any of these things. I was just 371 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: suffering through the cost myself, which you know, maybe that's fine, 372 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 1: but it would have been it would have been a 373 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,439 Speaker 1: really good thing to educate myself on. Also, you mentioned 374 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: the grand Baby Plan, so that's through Future Family. Is 375 00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 1: that the company? Yeah? Yeah, There's there's so many different 376 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,160 Speaker 1: players in this space, Like you mentioned herret Modern Patility 377 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 1: Proact me, Like, there's so many of them. Future Family 378 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,359 Speaker 1: is the one that offers the grand baby plan, And 379 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,639 Speaker 1: that's the plan I mentioned earlier where family members and 380 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: you know, even potential grandparents like your own parents, they 381 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,359 Speaker 1: can partner with you to form some kind of loan 382 00:18:56,840 --> 00:19:00,200 Speaker 1: or like financial assistant plan, so then they actually are 383 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,560 Speaker 1: helping you cover the cost. That's great, Okay, So tell 384 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,400 Speaker 1: me where you stand with your decision. I mean, I know, 385 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 1: like you said, you're not fully ready to make this commitment, 386 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,720 Speaker 1: but as a twenty or twenty nine. I keep calling 387 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,159 Speaker 1: you twenty eight because you were when you were at 388 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 1: the article. Um, but you know, something you talked about 389 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 1: was the cost of a maybe, and like I want 390 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 1: to get into that, but I want to know where 391 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:25,879 Speaker 1: your head is right now in this process. Yeah, I 392 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:29,879 Speaker 1: mean turning twenty nine was definitely kind of a uh. 393 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 1: I feel like it's almost even more than thirty with 394 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 1: like a mouse sounds for me, because thirty for me 395 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,199 Speaker 1: is kind of and I think for many women too, 396 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,200 Speaker 1: it's kind of this team marcation where things are really 397 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:44,399 Speaker 1: serious and you know those from your personal experience. Like 398 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,479 Speaker 1: in the course of reporting this piece, I looked at 399 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:50,240 Speaker 1: so many scary sharks and so many like really intimidating 400 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 1: graphics about you know, when when makes sense and like 401 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,760 Speaker 1: when your pregnancy is most likely to be successful. So 402 00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 1: I think some more I kind of dove into this, 403 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 1: though it made me think, like all right, I really 404 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,160 Speaker 1: need to back up and think about how I wanted 405 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 1: to start my family and like how I want to 406 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 1: do this, and like what my girlfriend thinks about this, 407 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 1: because she's my partner too, She's my life partner, and 408 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 1: so I need to talk to her as well, because 409 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,280 Speaker 1: me freezing my eggs going through this process, like spending 410 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,480 Speaker 1: this money, that's something that's going to affect her too, 411 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: you know, that's something that's the decision for her as well, 412 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,800 Speaker 1: and like who we would want to carry if a 413 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,680 Speaker 1: big decision, Like the more and more I got into 414 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 1: this world, the more I realized, like, this is not 415 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:35,199 Speaker 1: a flippant decision. This is not saying yeah, and you 416 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,639 Speaker 1: obviously know that too from having actually gone through with it. 417 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,400 Speaker 1: Like I think I was realizing, like not even are 418 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 1: the medicinal stake so high and the process is so intense, 419 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 1: but like the financial stake, girls are really high, you know, 420 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:51,080 Speaker 1: like fifteen dollars is a huge life altering some of money. 421 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,920 Speaker 1: I said that at the beginning, but it's so real 422 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,080 Speaker 1: and so thinking about what that means to me, how 423 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:58,160 Speaker 1: I should prepare for it, you know, how I could 424 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 1: actually set my life up to make that happen. That 425 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,920 Speaker 1: requires way more thinking. And so I kind of got 426 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: through this this space where I all right, it's not 427 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 1: as dire right now as it will be in like 428 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,119 Speaker 1: three years. So I need to take this time to 429 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,600 Speaker 1: really mole on my options, Like I need to take 430 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 1: this time to think, do I want to do this? 431 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,680 Speaker 1: If so, how do I prepare for it? Do I 432 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,960 Speaker 1: want to instead, like think way more seriously about adoption? 433 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,119 Speaker 1: If so, how do I prepare for that? When do 434 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 1: I even want to be a mom? Like? There are 435 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 1: all these questions that I felt like I was weirdly 436 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 1: thinking of. Ed breezing is a way to postpone all 437 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,359 Speaker 1: those questions and all of those answers, And it's not 438 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 1: it's like an avenue toward all of those things. Yeah, 439 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 1: it was kind of laughing because you are speaking exactly 440 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:45,199 Speaker 1: what happened to me. It is so true, so true. Yeah, 441 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,199 Speaker 1: I think I think so many women too, And you know, 442 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: I was speaking with so many of my friends who 443 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:53,840 Speaker 1: have been pregnant or who you know have gone through 444 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,840 Speaker 1: this or talking with them, and I was realizing more 445 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 1: and more like we just need to be talking about 446 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,760 Speaker 1: this so much more because I realize like how many 447 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:06,640 Speaker 1: women around me had confronted this or had confronted these questions, 448 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,359 Speaker 1: and you know, going into this blind it was just 449 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,480 Speaker 1: never going to be my chile because since I told you, 450 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:15,639 Speaker 1: I'm like a Tracy flip over. But you know, I 451 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: I really felt so empowered kind of researching this because 452 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 1: it was, you know, really important for me to write 453 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,160 Speaker 1: a comprehensive article and a good article that could help 454 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:25,919 Speaker 1: other people, but it was also really important for me, 455 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 1: I think, to confront a lot of these questions and 456 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 1: to think way more seriously about who I am and 457 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,640 Speaker 1: what I want from it well, and those questions, I mean, 458 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 1: you know that is the hard part because then this 459 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: day and age, a lot of us are really chasing 460 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,040 Speaker 1: our careers first, and then we want to think about family, 461 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:45,640 Speaker 1: and luckily we have these options to where those things 462 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,959 Speaker 1: can all be possible. But it's like you said, you 463 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 1: really have to ask yourself the hard questions, like how 464 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,679 Speaker 1: do I want to have a family, What if I 465 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,080 Speaker 1: am in a relationship, what if I'm not in a relationship, 466 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 1: what does that look like? Or you know, for your situation, 467 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: what does that look like? And is adoption of more 468 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:09,439 Speaker 1: feasible option? Absolutely? Absolutely? And you know, even thinking about 469 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,880 Speaker 1: that more, I realized that my company also has financial 470 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:18,080 Speaker 1: assistance for adoption, also has financial assistance for fraga. See, 471 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,240 Speaker 1: there's a whole world that you know, not all employers 472 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,159 Speaker 1: and and maybe now and it's really very time fewer employers, 473 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: but a lot of employers are providing assistance for these things. 474 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,879 Speaker 1: And and it's up to so many women I know 475 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,920 Speaker 1: to actually ask those questions. And it can feel really intimidating, 476 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,359 Speaker 1: it can feel really overwhelming, like I was overwhelmed with 477 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,919 Speaker 1: so many different points throughout this process. But then I 478 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,080 Speaker 1: walked away from it feeling way less intimidated because I 479 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 1: felt like I at least had kind of the information 480 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 1: I needed to map out what I wanted to do exactly. 481 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,800 Speaker 1: And you're doing at a time where you don't have 482 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,679 Speaker 1: to make a decision like you know, when I was 483 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,480 Speaker 1: doing it, I was like, I need to do this now, 484 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,400 Speaker 1: like I have to make this decision now. It which 485 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 1: is a whole another added pressure and something that you 486 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,680 Speaker 1: kind of don't want to be going through you don't 487 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,479 Speaker 1: want any added pressure if you are putting your body 488 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 1: through the hormones or any sort of any sort of 489 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: physical thing like that. Absolutely. Absolutely. You talked to you 490 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,480 Speaker 1: um a doctor, Dr Steiner, and she said, it is 491 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 1: it is really hard in your twenties to know where 492 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 1: you're going to be, right, so how do you how 493 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 1: what would you say to other twenty year olds that 494 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 1: might be listening, like is it just to start educating yourself? 495 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:33,159 Speaker 1: Totally totally and Dr Steiner was she was so um 496 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,120 Speaker 1: so eliminating to talk to me because when she said that, 497 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:40,119 Speaker 1: it kind of unlocked this thing for me because she worked, 498 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,919 Speaker 1: you know, she she's such an expert, such a pre 499 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 1: eminent um fertility specialists, and talking with her, I realized, like, Okay, 500 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:53,040 Speaker 1: if she is she thinking that this is individual then 501 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,879 Speaker 1: it's not just me. You know, if she thinks because 502 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:59,119 Speaker 1: she's so individualized decisions for personal it's so different for 503 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,119 Speaker 1: some many women, Like it doesn't just mean then I'm 504 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 1: you know, I'm going through this alone, or that I'm 505 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,639 Speaker 1: like the only person who's asking these questions. It means 506 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,760 Speaker 1: that this is something that she's seeing again and again 507 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,879 Speaker 1: from other people who want really specific answers or you know, 508 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 1: advice tailor to their lives. And the way that we 509 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: can do that is to do it ourselves, you know, 510 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 1: to actually read all of the material out there, to 511 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,200 Speaker 1: like kind of survey the options, to think really critically 512 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,640 Speaker 1: about them, and to and to think too about kind 513 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,360 Speaker 1: of where all those different pieces of your life will align, 514 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,000 Speaker 1: you know, like taking some of it, some of the 515 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: pressure off one part of your life doesn't take the 516 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,919 Speaker 1: pressure off the rest of your list, and kind of 517 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,440 Speaker 1: deciding which one you're going to juggle at which time. 518 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 1: I think it's like the way bigger question here, absolutely, 519 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,840 Speaker 1: And I think like this is in my mind, the 520 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,399 Speaker 1: best conversation for all women to be having amongst your 521 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,480 Speaker 1: friend groups, with your sisters, with your mom, even just 522 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 1: because we have so many more options now and nobody 523 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,639 Speaker 1: seems to be talking about it for some reason still, 524 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:02,120 Speaker 1: and I'm just like, educate yourself, like you even educated 525 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 1: me with all of these companies that are helping financially. 526 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,840 Speaker 1: So it's just like, let's just start talking about it 527 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,800 Speaker 1: at least and get all the information out there so 528 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:15,840 Speaker 1: that we can all make informed, empowered decisions. Yeah, I 529 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,359 Speaker 1: think that there's there's this one problem where the space 530 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,919 Speaker 1: feels really, really, really crowded right now. So if you 531 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,919 Speaker 1: even just google you know and Freezing, or if you 532 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,359 Speaker 1: google like one of these companies names, you've got just 533 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,480 Speaker 1: bombarded with all of this India. And I wanted to 534 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,840 Speaker 1: train you with like stitch through some of that, because 535 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,480 Speaker 1: I feel like you are bombarding all at this info 536 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 1: and so you back away from it or you start 537 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,760 Speaker 1: waiting into it, and then you realize, wait, actually, like 538 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: this is way Murphy again. I thought like, yes, there's 539 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,240 Speaker 1: all of these sources out there. Yes, there's all of 540 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 1: these companies out there, but like it's hard to kind 541 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: of decide what works for you or what feels right 542 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,680 Speaker 1: for you. And that's where I think you're so right 543 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,880 Speaker 1: and recommending that people talk to other women and talk 544 00:26:55,960 --> 00:27:00,000 Speaker 1: to other families. You know. I had a really dear friend, UM, 545 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,680 Speaker 1: and you know, he's actually he's one of my former bosses, 546 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,720 Speaker 1: but he and his family are our neighbors and they're 547 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,520 Speaker 1: such a good friends of our family. And I am 548 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 1: so grateful to him, UM for reaching out to me 549 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,320 Speaker 1: after a publish this Kieth, And all he said was, 550 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,280 Speaker 1: you know, any time you want to talk to me 551 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,000 Speaker 1: and Brandy and got this jo you can And I thought, 552 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,159 Speaker 1: you know, like, I really appreciate that. You know, this 553 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:24,400 Speaker 1: is a straight man with two kids, and she still 554 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,280 Speaker 1: looks like, hey, like, anytime you want to talk about this, 555 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,360 Speaker 1: we can talk about it. You know, it's not off 556 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,520 Speaker 1: limits in our friendship. And I really appreciated that totally. 557 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:35,000 Speaker 1: The more I've talked about it, the more conversation has 558 00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,640 Speaker 1: just come naturally to me from someone saying I've been 559 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,199 Speaker 1: through that too. You know, you mentioned you're not alone, 560 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 1: none of us are. It's just for some reason, a 561 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,160 Speaker 1: lot of people don't talk about it. I didn't even 562 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 1: realize how many friends I had that had gone through 563 00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:50,080 Speaker 1: the egg reason process because they just hadn't talked about it. 564 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 1: So the more we put it out there, I think 565 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,400 Speaker 1: there's nothing bad that can come from that. I'm going 566 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,680 Speaker 1: to link your article in the description of this podcast, 567 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,439 Speaker 1: so you guys go check out Julia's are cool with 568 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 1: all of this information. It has all the companies we 569 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,679 Speaker 1: talked about, and even more just information about what this 570 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 1: process looks like, the costs and all of that. Where 571 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:13,080 Speaker 1: else can people find you? Julian um I bombed pretty 572 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:19,680 Speaker 1: much all social media. Carper, say that one more time. 573 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 1: I think you cut out. Oh yeah, I'm on pretty 574 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: much all social media at at Julia see Carpenter, just 575 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,639 Speaker 1: use my middle initials and yeah, I write for the 576 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 1: journal and you can find me just at w dot 577 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 1: com and search re maining. Actually, when I was researching 578 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:41,240 Speaker 1: this conversation, I went deep on your Twitter. It's very entertaining. 579 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 1: So you guys go check out julius Twitter. She's very 580 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 1: funny and you're always linking funny articles and other memes 581 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,840 Speaker 1: you see, especially right now, I mean coronavirus memes. Are 582 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:55,360 Speaker 1: I feel like people are thriving? Yes, yes, what's getting 583 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 1: me through? Yeah, it's actually the same for me. Um. 584 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,720 Speaker 1: You guys, go check out Julia. Thank you so much 585 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,239 Speaker 1: for being here. I really appreciate this conversation and just 586 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 1: all you sharing all your information with us. Thank you. 587 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 1: I really appreciate you talking about this topic and I'm 588 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,720 Speaker 1: until appreciative of your time and as the conversation. Thank 589 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:17,080 Speaker 1: you guys for listening. This is Kelly Henderson and you've 590 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:20,680 Speaker 1: been listening to the Velvet's Edge podcast. I truly believe 591 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,960 Speaker 1: that every one of us has a little Velvet and 592 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,760 Speaker 1: a little Edge, so it's so important to remember that 593 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: to be strong, you must be soft too. Thank you 594 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 1: so much for sharing in those stories with me. You 595 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 1: can follow velvet's Edge on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, as 596 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,840 Speaker 1: well as velvet's Edge dot com. If you haven't yet, 597 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,920 Speaker 1: go to Apple Podcast and subscribe, rate and review this podcast. 598 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:46,480 Speaker 1: Join me every Wednesday for more conversations on lifestyle, beauty, 599 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,600 Speaker 1: and relationships. Thanks for listening.