Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hey kat Hi.
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 2: Oh nothing? It was one of those I had a
Speaker 2: Friends and Neighbors I love we love that show. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: did you finish it? I did such a good show.
Speaker 1: So good.
Speaker 2: We had a friends and neighbors moment, but like, I
Speaker 2: can't speak about it.
Speaker 1: I feel like if you had a friends and neighbors moment,
Speaker 1: we absolutely cannot speak about it.
Speaker 2: No, we can't, all fair, But is there anything you'd
Speaker 2: like to bring up?
Speaker 1: Oh? Man, you know, I had a moment this morning.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like a bad mom. I'm feeling guilty.
Speaker 2: Oh bring it well, I hear.
Speaker 1: I got to figure out how to handle this, okay,
Speaker 1: So maybe y'all can help me. So, you know, we've
Speaker 1: been trying to figure out the whole like new what
Speaker 1: is Ramsey gonna do, like sports wise thing or whatever.
Speaker 1: And she tried out she was not she was kind
Speaker 1: of over softball, over softball, and you know, just not
Speaker 1: really progressing and then kind of getting scared of the ball.
Speaker 1: She doesn't like to admit that, so don't tell her.
Speaker 1: I told you, but like you know, she just she's
Speaker 1: getting scared of like the fast pitching and you know stuff.
Speaker 1: So she decided to go back to cheers. She had
Speaker 1: done it for like two seasons. Well truthfully two things.
Speaker 1: I'll go back to this, but truthfully, she's also a
Speaker 1: little sensitive and you know stuff like that. So but
Speaker 1: she wanted to try cheer again. I'm like, okay, let's
Speaker 1: do it. She's been working really hard, she's been doing
Speaker 1: a great job. But then let like the second practice,
Speaker 1: I look over and I'm like, why is she crying?
Speaker 2: Oh no?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, And for those of you who
Speaker 1: are in like any kind of all star sport world, like,
Speaker 1: it's terrible, but it's kind of frowned upon to be
Speaker 1: like crying at practice, like they really don't like it,
Speaker 1: you know. And you know, I've done this. I've dealt
Speaker 1: with this with any and how many years since Immy
Speaker 1: was five's almost ten.
Speaker 2: Exactly, So you're probably more heightened to it as well,
Speaker 2: because you know the like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean Emmy used to get yelled at
Speaker 1: for crying like it was you know, Abby Miller style,
Speaker 1: and no, but I mean it was you know, I definitely, yeah,
Speaker 1: they definitely do not like it, you know. So I'm
Speaker 1: like oh dear Jesus, and so, like I have these
Speaker 1: moms like is she okay? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: she just got hurt. I'm sure she's fine, like assuming
Speaker 1: she got hurt, right, because I didn't see it whatever.
Speaker 1: I's like, yeah, I'm just not gonna look at her.
Speaker 1: It'll be fine, you know whatever. So we get done
Speaker 1: and this was last week. So then we get done
Speaker 1: and it's like, what's wrong with did you get hurt? Actually,
Speaker 1: another mom master did you get hurt? She was like no,
Speaker 1: I was fine. I was like, okay, So why were
Speaker 1: we crying? She's like, well, I just this makes me
Speaker 1: sound terrible. But she's like, I just you know, I
Speaker 1: just wasn't real confident, and so I was afraid I
Speaker 1: was going to drop her cause she's like a bass
Speaker 1: underneath and learning it. And she's like so I just
Speaker 1: like started crying. I was like, oh, okay, all right,
Speaker 1: that's fine. But in my mind I'm like really like, okay,
Speaker 1: it's fine. We got this right. So today she's right
Speaker 1: before I come here to podcast, I'm like talking to
Speaker 1: her kind of in a hurry, and I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: like you rested up? Good for practice tonight you know,
Speaker 1: and she's like yeah, and I was like okay. I
Speaker 1: was like, we can't have any crying tonight, and she
Speaker 1: was like okay. And I was like, you know, like
Speaker 1: we really can't cry at practice just because we're not
Speaker 1: confident and really, you know, and then I laughed and
Speaker 1: I was like I really shouldn't have said that, And
Speaker 1: so I'm struggling with how to like handle it, because
Speaker 1: like they really don't want them crying and being sensitive,
Speaker 1: you know, in those moments. And I did the same thing.
Speaker 1: And then as her mom, I was kind of guilty
Speaker 1: of being like because I really don't want her to
Speaker 1: cry at practice, and then I felt terrible because then
Speaker 1: I left her and then basically I just told her
Speaker 1: like you can't cry, you know. So it's like I'm
Speaker 1: having this moment of you know, and then I look back.
Speaker 1: I'm looking back on like my childhood and being the
Speaker 1: third and everyone telling me I was a cry baby,
Speaker 1: and like so I was like, maybe I really was
Speaker 1: a cry Like maybe I was super sensitive because my
Speaker 1: girls are really sensitive and I know I am sensitive,
Speaker 1: but like this must have been what they were all
Speaker 1: talking about. I must have cried a lot, and you know,
Speaker 1: and so I'm looking at this and I'm like, how
Speaker 1: do I handle it? How do I help strengthen her
Speaker 1: to where she's not so sensitive in these moments and
Speaker 1: that she can be in these sports and not you know,
Speaker 1: because it is a detriment to just start crying at
Speaker 1: practice because you're not confident what you're doing. I can
Speaker 1: see as a coach where it's like, we can't have
Speaker 1: all the kids just break down crying in the middle
Speaker 1: of practice because they're not confident in something new that
Speaker 1: they're learning. But at the same time encouraging her that
Speaker 1: her feelings are valid and she has every right to
Speaker 1: feel those feelings, you know, and not trying to be
Speaker 1: such a hard ass mom, because I do lend myself
Speaker 1: to being that way a little bit. And yeah, so
Speaker 1: that's just where I'm at, and I'm struggling with that.
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: Do you think there's a piece of view that uh
Speaker 2: draws away from the emotion because it's uncomfortable for you too?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, emomption is not the most comfy feeling for you,
Speaker 2: right right right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean a little bit, like her crying doesn't
Speaker 1: really bother me, Like in a normal situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what is it? Then?
Speaker 1: Honestly, a lot of it is just that I know
Speaker 1: because Emmy used to get yelled at for it, how
Speaker 1: frowned upon it is in this and I am a
Speaker 1: little bit embarrassed. I hate to admit, and like, I
Speaker 1: don't want my kid to be the kid that's crying,
Speaker 1: you know, and I don't like that is a little bit.
Speaker 1: But also I know it's not ultimately and I know
Speaker 1: it's not going to end well for her. I know
Speaker 1: that she's going to end up getting yelled at and
Speaker 1: then that's going to make her even more emotional, and
Speaker 1: that's going to make her either not want to do
Speaker 1: it or not, you know, at backfires. It makes it
Speaker 1: harder on these kids because the coaches are kind of
Speaker 1: hard on them in that sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like there's a help, Like obviously there's
Speaker 2: always a healthy balance for like everything. There was a
Speaker 2: season where it didn't happen this year, but the previous
Speaker 2: softball season year, anytime Julie would strike out, she would
Speaker 2: go and she would like start crying, and like for
Speaker 2: me and Mike, we're like, hey, like you're like keep
Speaker 2: supporting your team. You know, you can be upset but
Speaker 2: like sitting there just like full on crying. Yes, also
Speaker 2: like not it's okay to be upset that you struck
Speaker 2: out of course, right, it's maybe embarrassing for you or
Speaker 2: it doesn't feel good, that's okay, But to sit there
Speaker 2: and be crying during a game, like we got to
Speaker 2: snap out of it too, you know, like you got
Speaker 2: to like be there for your team and like support
Speaker 2: your team. And I think that's like we put it
Speaker 2: more of a you can have the feeling, but you
Speaker 2: need to support your team as opposed to like you
Speaker 2: can't cry, you know, the cry. But it's more of
Speaker 2: like a frame it as a how we did it
Speaker 2: was like a frame to like be there for your
Speaker 2: team because if she's crying, she can't support the person.
Speaker 2: That's you know what I mean. So it's like you
Speaker 2: have to almost be strong but also like have a
Speaker 2: space for like disappointment post.
Speaker 1: Right right and talk about it and like be able
Speaker 1: to like cry and talk about it later. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I think that's that is how I will treat this situation.
Speaker 1: It's just so it sucks because in this world it's
Speaker 1: like both like I am so that when you know,
Speaker 1: I lean myself, like we can't cry right now, Like
Speaker 1: we got to get through it, we got to be tough.
Speaker 2: But that's you, right. So like here's the thing that
Speaker 2: I like struggle with, Like when I say to like
Speaker 2: what I would do is I'd be at the rink
Speaker 2: it forward a like I want to be like doing
Speaker 2: it where I'm like where I might see, Okay, maybe
Speaker 2: she's being a little lazy, but that's also where I'm
Speaker 2: she's not little me, right and I'm not like you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, like she's she's her and like
Speaker 2: that's maybe a it's not her thing and be like
Speaker 2: she's not going to be me in the sport right how?
Speaker 2: I right right gone?
Speaker 1: After it, I also had the epiphany of maybe I
Speaker 1: was this way when I was a kid, and I
Speaker 1: don't know it. Maybe that's why, you know, because I'm looking,
Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe I was just super sensitive too. When
Speaker 1: I PEO will tell you not cry, well, my kids,
Speaker 1: my kids, my brothers did all the time, and so
Speaker 1: I was like traumatized by that, and so I think
Speaker 1: that's a lot of it too. I'm like, don't cry,
Speaker 1: don't cry, you know, And I'm like, ugh, because they
Speaker 1: are very sensitive and I'm so like there's that part
Speaker 1: of me that's like, ooh, they used to call me
Speaker 1: cry babies, you know, and I'm like all the things,
Speaker 1: but I don't remember being like super sensitive then, but
Speaker 1: I know I am since you know so anyway, So
Speaker 1: it's like all of that going through my head and
Speaker 1: like her seeing her in therapy one day, like my
Speaker 1: mom told me not to cry, and I'm not allowed
Speaker 1: to cry, but I.
Speaker 2: Still feel like you hold you know that you're you
Speaker 2: have a lack of emotion in some areas that I
Speaker 2: feel like you hold more space for them with emotion
Speaker 2: than yeah, for yourself. Sure, So I do think that
Speaker 2: you do a good job of like recognizing, like I'm
Speaker 2: not as like lovey or and affectionate, you still are.
Speaker 2: You're cognizant of it and enough to like be there
Speaker 2: for your kids to like let them have that. But
Speaker 2: within the sport arena, listen, there was a kid that
Speaker 2: cried at every single game, and it's like to be
Speaker 2: that parent, I get like if that was my kid,
Speaker 2: I would also be like, oh, yeah, you know. But
Speaker 2: also you know, like even the coaches were getting like, okay,
Speaker 2: they're crying again. You don't know that, no, And like
Speaker 2: what I'm always I'm like, I wonder, what is the
Speaker 2: like even deeper rooted, you know, like like every time
Speaker 2: Jace messed up, he puts his hands up and we're
Speaker 2: always like by stopped, like being we're like, no, no, stop,
Speaker 2: don't stop doing that, but like you're okay, like yeah,
Speaker 2: you messed up, like you don't need to stop, and
Speaker 2: then put your hands up and be like no, nor okay,
Speaker 2: keep playing. You get it, you know. So I think
Speaker 2: it's just like they're coming into maybe disappointments, are not
Speaker 2: feeling good enough for.
Speaker 1: And that's so interesting and how all the kids do
Speaker 1: it differently and handle it differently, and like it's just
Speaker 1: so fascinating because again, and the sports world is just
Speaker 1: so different in that and you know, if you're having
Speaker 1: like if you're crying because you're upset about a friend
Speaker 1: or you know whatever, it's just I feel like I
Speaker 1: treat that so differently than when it's in sports, where
Speaker 1: I'm just like, come on, we got tough enough.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe they just split the difference there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. I told her the other day, I
Speaker 1: was like, you gonna have's tough enough because she cried
Speaker 1: in softballsh kind of like she just she's just kind of.
Speaker 2: But maybe it's also like not her thing. Well that's
Speaker 2: what I saying.
Speaker 1: I did, we didn't have to do cheer. We quit
Speaker 1: softball to do cheer, and I'm like, baby, do whatever
Speaker 1: you want. But when I asked her if she was
Speaker 1: crying because I said, I actually said maybe cheers not
Speaker 1: your thing, but she was like, no, no, no, it's just
Speaker 1: because I wasn't confident and I didn't want to drop her.
Speaker 1: But I think she just tends to just go to
Speaker 1: that that place still, even though she's ten, I think
Speaker 1: she still has that like immaturity that she just still
Speaker 1: goes to that place of crying when she doesn't feel comfortable.
Speaker 2: I also think being third, like she's got big shoes
Speaker 2: to fill with Emmy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she was sensitive too.
Speaker 2: She cried.
Speaker 1: I mean again, she cried too. You know, she worked really,
Speaker 1: really really hard, probably harder than Ramsey does. Not in
Speaker 1: a bad way. She just cares a whole who whole
Speaker 1: lot more. But I mean she used to we'd come
Speaker 1: off the mat when she was five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
Speaker 1: and if we lost or we didn't do something, well,
Speaker 1: whether it was her or not, she was crying and
Speaker 1: she had a coach in her face yelling at her
Speaker 1: after to stop crying.
Speaker 2: I don't get the thing of stop crying. I don't
Speaker 2: like it, but I get I'm saying that two sides
Speaker 2: of my mouth here, because I did tell Julie to
Speaker 2: cry in that moment. Though. It's just like a, hey,
Speaker 2: I know you're upset. Like I feel like there's a
Speaker 2: better way of saying it than just like stop crying. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's like right now is not the time. We can
Speaker 2: feel it later, yeah, but like we gotta keep being
Speaker 2: there for the team.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I actually had words with that. We're actually friends,
Speaker 1: and I had some words with that coach because I
Speaker 1: was just like, look, we can't control her tears. That's
Speaker 1: one thing as long as she's not doing it on
Speaker 1: the mat. And because that will happen, I mean, that
Speaker 1: has happened to people, for it happened to her one time.
Speaker 1: It can't happen on the mat. But once they get off,
Speaker 1: if they're disappointed, we can't control your Can you control
Speaker 1: your tears when you're upset? Now that you know we
Speaker 1: can't control those, right.
Speaker 2: I can to do like a thing where I'm like
Speaker 2: and then I will go into another room and bawl
Speaker 2: my eyes out or whatever. But like, that's where I'm
Speaker 2: just like, if someone's telling me to stop crying, I
Speaker 2: will cry.
Speaker 1: More right exactly. Yep, It's so true. And so I
Speaker 1: do fall into that too. I'm like, stop crying and
Speaker 1: they're like, ah, yeah. So you know, I had words
Speaker 1: with that coach because I was like, look, we know
Speaker 1: now at this point, she's just going to be crying
Speaker 1: if they didn't do well afterwards, and there's nothing you
Speaker 1: or I can do about it as long as she's
Speaker 1: not doing it on the mat. But anyway, so then
Speaker 1: I saw her do that, and then I had those
Speaker 1: words with her before I left, and I could kind
Speaker 1: of see it on her face and it kind of
Speaker 1: upset her. And I had to go work and had
Speaker 1: to come here, and I was like, and it's just
Speaker 1: stuck with me since I left, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I feel like a terrible mom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, you're not a terrible mom. You're a great mom.
Speaker 2: Everyone who listens knows that. But I think there is
Speaker 2: such a balance of the feelings thing like we just
Speaker 2: were possibly going to go to a different daycare. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: I'm just gutted because we can't go to the one
Speaker 2: that we fell in love with because he has to
Speaker 2: be fully vaccinated and he's not yet. Listen, we will.
Speaker 2: I don't know what we're gonna do, but I was
Speaker 2: so upset, like because he needs he's like got half
Speaker 2: and he needs more and they've said no, and so
Speaker 2: it's just like, uh so. But one of the places
Speaker 2: that we liked that did a religious exemption or they're
Speaker 2: fine with the delayed schedule, which we are on a
Speaker 2: delayed schedule, they had a feelings box. And this is
Speaker 2: where I'm like, I struggled with it because conveniently it
Speaker 2: is very close to where we're at, and I had
Speaker 2: a hard time expressing to Alan, and once I did,
Speaker 2: like he totally we were on the same page. But
Speaker 2: there was like this box that if you have big feelings,
Speaker 2: you can go in there and sit there and be safe.
Speaker 2: I love that in retrospect, Oh, I want like kids
Speaker 2: to feel safe. And but the comment that she made
Speaker 2: after that was and there's one girl that sits in
Speaker 2: it all day. I don't think that's helpful. And again,
Speaker 2: I'm not a child psycholog. I don't know, but I
Speaker 2: also don't think I think we should lean into feelings,
Speaker 2: let them express their emotions, but not stay in it
Speaker 2: and then like have it be a crutch because there
Speaker 2: are so many things that I've learned like growing up,
Speaker 2: that I haven't done because or that I did that
Speaker 2: honestly was a disservice to me because I relied on
Speaker 2: things to as like a crutch. Mm hmm. Absolutely. And
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't want my child sitting in a
Speaker 2: box all day thinking does that? I mean that sounds no.
Speaker 2: But I love that they talk about feelings. I'm not
Speaker 2: talking about feelings, but I'm like to go sit in
Speaker 2: there and be surround because they're They're like, you know
Speaker 2: how kids like to hide underneath tables and I'm like,
Speaker 2: mine haven't. And that's fine that I mean maybe maybe
Speaker 2: that's maybe there's a corner or I don't know. And again,
Speaker 2: I think it's so good to talk about that. They
Speaker 2: want to talk about feelings but the whole like and
Speaker 2: a girl might stay in there the whole day if
Speaker 2: they want. I'm just like, it's a little too much
Speaker 2: into feelings. So it's like I don't I want I
Speaker 2: want Roman to cry, and I also want him to
Speaker 2: brush it off too, and like if he hurts a booboo,
Speaker 2: like you know, Alan's like you're fine. I'm like, wait,
Speaker 2: that's not it either, Like we got to get sit
Speaker 2: on their level and be like, hey, buddy, I know
Speaker 2: that hurts, and like you're okay, you know, or do
Speaker 2: you need something or do you need a hug? Like
Speaker 2: a lot of times I get on his level and
Speaker 2: go do you need a hug? Or can Mommy kiss it?
Speaker 2: Or you know? Yeah, So I think it's like good
Speaker 2: to lean in, but also not to stay there too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like a good happy medium.
Speaker 2: Am I like weird for me? No?
Speaker 1: This is you know, I've never heard of this feelings
Speaker 1: box before, So I'm not trying to be judgmental or anything.
Speaker 2: We're not going to go there, We're not We're going
Speaker 2: to drive an extra twenty minutes to the one that
Speaker 2: we've been going to because we're just we don't want
Speaker 2: to get you. We'd have to get all the shots
Speaker 2: all at one time, and we're just not there yet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just it would I think my hesitation on
Speaker 1: the feelings box would be and I'm not I would
Speaker 1: worry of that almost being like you said, a crutch
Speaker 1: but also an excuse for a teacher to be able
Speaker 1: to put a child in a box all day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this makes me feel's got a lot of feelings, right,
Speaker 2: you know, so I'm like, if he's being too rambunctious
Speaker 2: or to go to the box.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know this. I don't know that one
Speaker 1: makes me feel a little consciously, but I think there's
Speaker 1: a good happy medium. I think you're right. I think
Speaker 1: there's I need to not say don't cry. It's let
Speaker 1: them have that for a moment. But then we've got to, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, we don't have to sit in those feelings,
Speaker 1: like you said all the time.
Speaker 2: We can and just going to make it on the team.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I'll work on that. I'll let you.
Speaker 2: You're doing great and just completely you're so competitive too,
Speaker 2: Yeah that like and it's just like you you live
Speaker 2: for this, like and it's amazing, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I definitely have a different attitude on it with Ramsey, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's not I just know that it's not going
Speaker 1: to be as to your asmy is, and so it's
Speaker 1: kind of refreshing. But also I am just trying to
Speaker 1: look out for her and the fact that she is
Speaker 1: more sensitive and figuring out a way too tough en
Speaker 1: up a little bit right, and the best way to
Speaker 1: do that because we are growing up and there is
Speaker 1: reality that we can't just cry every single time, you know,
Speaker 1: So it's just that happy medium and figuring it out.
Speaker 2: Well. Listen, we've got a shake up coming. We have
Speaker 2: a new season of wind Down coming. Lots happening. You're
Speaker 2: going to get a lot more of us, how excited.
Speaker 2: So wind Down is now going to be airing on Sundays,
Speaker 2: We're airing four days a week. We're going to have
Speaker 2: some incredible guests coming up before that new season airs.
Speaker 2: We're going to have Savannah Chrisley, We've got Sasha Farber,
Speaker 2: We've got Hannah Brown, We've got another little guest that
Speaker 2: we're gonna sprinkle in there as well. But I think
Speaker 2: one of the episodes that I'm really excited about is
Speaker 2: one that I'm going to be doing. Obviously, we'll have
Speaker 2: our girl Chat still, we'll be doing headlines, we'll be
Speaker 2: doing guests, but on one of the days, we're going
Speaker 2: to be doing a podcast with you guys. So I
Speaker 2: want to hear directly from all of you. So if
Speaker 2: you find yourself needing advice, just want to vent or talk?
Speaker 2: Send a DM to our wind Down page because I
Speaker 2: want you guys to actually come on the show. One
Speaker 2: of my favorite things that actually our couples therapists. We
Speaker 2: has me and Alan listening to this podcast and you
Speaker 2: hear people talking about it and it's like I relate
Speaker 2: to so many things that they're saying. And then I'm like, as,
Speaker 2: this would be such a fun idea to have people
Speaker 2: come on because even if it's not one hundred percent
Speaker 2: of your story, you're going to find pieces of someone
Speaker 2: else's story. So we're going to get people that can
Speaker 2: call in and we can chat one on one and
Speaker 2: I'm really excited about that. So that's so fun.
Speaker 1: I can't wait.
Speaker 2: I'm really looking forward to that one.
Speaker 1: As our right, I'm so excited to listen to you
Speaker 1: give everyone advice.
Speaker 2: I'm not someone who is, you know, I love it everyone,
Speaker 2: But this is what I would say. It's gonna be
Speaker 2: so new wine Down season coming very soon, and we'll
Speaker 2: see you all next season. See you then. Bye.