WEBVTT - Ep151: Fatphobia & Closing The Devil Dick Portal Feat. AshleighChubbybunny 0:00:02.680 --> 0:00:06.000 What what what? What? What? What? What? What up? Good 0:00:06.000 --> 0:00:08.920 morning or afternoon or goodness? I started trying to count 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:11.360 after three and I was like, I mean we go, 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:14.480 we go? What's up? Welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions? 0:00:14.720 --> 0:00:17.960 This you girl? Maindi b Hi. I'm wheezy, So I'm 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:19.800 really excited for this episode. Actually, I have to tell 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:22.759 you a few things. So I've been a fan of 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:24.720 yours for a while. I really love your page really 0:00:25.040 --> 0:00:27.240 and when I met you, I was like, oh, this 0:00:27.560 --> 0:00:29.280 does not fun with me. She give me the total slide. 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:32.080 I know because you met me at my friend's event 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:35.320 and I was already lit, so like like, I literally 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:37.680 when you met me, my friend Valerie was the one 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:41.000 that put on the event. I think, um, do you 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:44.400 think it was one of your friends? Because there's so 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:46.280 many dinner up in the house. There was a few 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:48.400 people doing it. Okay, I showed we had her on 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:52.120 the show. She is the b K, not the the 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:55.160 violet b K did that event. That's right, I didn't 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:57.440 know you were. Let yeah, I thought maybe he was 0:00:57.480 --> 0:01:00.319 like not sucking with me. Were smoking outside we were, 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:03.840 but we finally b K, that's your friend? Is that 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:06.160 the one that I made out with, and that's the 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:08.280 one I'm like, that name sounds for me. So what 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:10.959 happened is I had um. I did a panel for 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:14.319 Protects at UM Daniel Saint who's been on our show. 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:16.640 He does and that's so I met all of the 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:18.600 House of Yes people and they were like, oh my god, 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:20.800 you have to come out. And I got really drunk 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:25.520 that night and so up She's like, Hey, up with 0:01:25.600 --> 0:01:28.319 your co host last night. I was like, there's no way, 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:31.240 Like if she knew that we fucked, that would have 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:34.919 never happened. Yeah, she was like, but he didn't remember 0:01:34.959 --> 0:01:39.360 making out. Work should be happening though, because there's made 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:41.120 a lot because I'd be going to because I'm like, 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:42.640 I'm queer, but let be going now that I'm like 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:44.800 with more queer people. Every time I go into a space, 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:55.160 it's like everybody suck each other. Yeah, like good ship. No. 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:57.360 I mean, should I be in vr P if if 0:01:57.400 --> 0:01:59.320 I'm with the right athlete and then't brought the right 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:01.720 holes there? Hey, I'm making that with him too, Okay, 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:05.680 I mean emmy doing I tell you why I thought 0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:09.640 that because I have your go skinny girl bos ready. 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.400 I always felt like a lot of body paws girls 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:15.519 don't funk with me because sometimes I'll post and talk 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:18.080 about my weight or how I'm feeling, or use the 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:20.080 word fat for myself, which a lot of people do 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:22.440 right there, like I'm feeling fat or talk about a foopa, 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:27.799 and I'm like, I know that what I'm saying is 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:31.880 in my head how I'm feeling. And it's also probably 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:34.920 coming across as like bitch, fuck you because you ain't 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:37.079 that big, but you acting like you are. But am 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:38.919 I acting like I am? Am I allowed to say 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:41.239 those words, And I want to have a really open 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:45.400 conversation about it because I want to know what it 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:48.360 feels like on the other side of the table when 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:50.760 you see smaller bitches doing a ship like that. And 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:53.680 I mean, i'math said because I've been across the table 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:55.880 from you for three years and when we've gotten it, 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:58.320 we've we've had that conversation with Tao, who came on 0:02:58.400 --> 0:02:59.679 if you guys want to listen back to maybe the 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:01.760 first time. We've got to hold on also real quick 0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:04.160 before we get into this, can you introduce your name, 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:06.480 what what you go buy, and what you're known for 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.040 on social media? Because she she did send me your page. 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:12.160 Your page is phenomenal, So what made people know you ever? 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:14.720 Really good? Like, I don't know what your purposes with 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:16.919 your page, but it's fun. It is. It's fun. So 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:18.440 I was like, yeah, I think she would be dope. 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:21.359 So can you introduce your name, what we call you 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:23.000 for the show, what you go by, and what you're 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:25.919 known for. My real name is actually in the Cold 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:29.480 triple yes, government. I'm trying to make it a thing 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:31.679 to use my middle name because I grew up in 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:34.679 the night time of like Jonathan Taylor Thomas's and like 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:37.840 white people can use all three day names, why can't I. 0:03:40.880 --> 0:03:46.880 It's a good act like that of black people using 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:48.800 the third like the middle name. But I will say 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.720 a lot of black people have the middle name baby girl. Yes, 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:55.840 my middle day. My cousin's name is the Cold. That's 0:03:55.840 --> 0:03:57.480 what I got my share one thing. It should be 0:03:57.520 --> 0:03:59.320 the same age and it was popular. Nay, how old 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:07.120 are you? Names are popular amongst your there trendy? Yeah, 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:09.360 that's so that makes sense. And so what are you 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:13.360 known for? I'm known for my page Ashley Chubby Bunny, 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:17.719 which um as of like seen is when I actually 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:20.240 started posting more things but before then I was known 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:24.000 on Facebook for being a little bit more outspoken writing essays, 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:27.360 and then on Tumbler for basically just reblogging like there 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:29.640 but like and then like talking about my experience as well. 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:34.440 Is that your job? No, um, as of right now, 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:37.480 my job is like freelancing on social media, but like 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:40.600 that was like it's a job, but like it's not 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:42.840 like a career. So I think, I mean when you 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:45.240 are really like known and centered or on something. So 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:48.680 I know you said three years people have heard our conversation, 0:04:48.800 --> 0:04:52.600 but I think specifically with you, the fat phobia I 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:55.400 have never read about and seen so much more often 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:58.440 than I would say, maybe even the last twelve months, 0:04:58.440 --> 0:05:00.600 maybe even the lower like six months, I feel like 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:03.880 becoming very apparent. And I also see people saying that 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:07.280 it's not real until that I want to talk about too. 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:10.360 So that's really where I want to dig into that 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:12.760 ship today. But for now we're gonna start with Vanilla Ship. 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:17.120 So Vanilla Ship is our segment where we talked about 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:19.080 sex in the news. This one was sent in to 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:22.039 me by friend Marcus Sanders. Manny's about to pull it up. 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:25.920 It's really I really think it's from queerty dot Com. 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:29.240 It's insight for gay News and this one is hilarious. 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:32.360 Um also shout out before we um go into this, 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:35.279 shout out to Pastor core Elle Scott, who was our 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:40.840 guest last month. An amazing the vanilla ship for this 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:44.400 week is a pastor who says he used oral sex 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:52.840 to suck demons out of men near a New Jersey minister. Yes, 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:58.240 that's hilarious, right, I take this to play parties. I'm like, not, Jesus, 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:00.840 it's just because it's hot. I'm did so. A New 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:05.680 Jersey minister accused of sexually assaulting his parishioners has launched 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:08.960 a creative defense. He claims he was sucking demons out 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:12.040 of them by performing fallacio. Sixty nine year old Reverend 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:16.600 Dr William Weaver faces a lawsuit by four former parishioners, 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:21.440 three men one woman, who claimed that the Presbyterian ministers 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:24.760 sexually assaulted them when they came to him for spiritual counseling. 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:28.960 Documents obtained by Newsweek revealed that during counseling sessions, we 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:31.120 were asked the three men to strip naked and lay down. 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:33.720 He would then place an angel coin on their heads, 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:36.440 as well as sacred stones on their hands and ankles 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:40.119 before performing oral sex. You know, honestly, if you dressed 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:47.120 it up with the stones and ship. He said it 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:50.560 came from something we were allegedly told his victims that 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:53.520 he needed to suck the demons out through their seamen 0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:56.920 and that the ritual had come from Native American lore. 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:00.520 At least one victim also reported we were kissing him 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:03.520 on the mouth during Do you guys watch The Keepers Netflix? 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:08.400 I don't watch that yet. Fabulous one, seriously, really good. Indeed, 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:10.520 do you remember that he was saying that you have 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:13.640 to suck out or this is my holy water. You 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:16.640 embodied the spirit of God from sucking my Yeah, that's 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:18.960 what they did on there. This picture, I need to say, 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:22.800 real picture where well we know he not doing this. 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:28.600 Dr will Yeah, I said, we Williams motherfuck up. He 0:07:28.760 --> 0:07:31.520 looked no, no, no, no, no, no no. He looked 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:35.800 like he did right spirit. Oh yeah, he looked like 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:37.880 he sucking it. He looked like he did it. Look 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:42.240 at that pick, He's like, yeah, I did it. Um, 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:46.280 So it's it's crazy because I just went on um 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:48.720 grape Vine shout out to everyone at the grape Vine. 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:52.400 We had a conversation about how sex is more spiritual 0:07:52.880 --> 0:07:55.480 than we lead it to believe. Do you guys believe 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:59.680 in sex like demons and not that they're maybe attached 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:01.680 to your even but do you I lokey do as 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:04.400 somebody that like frequents creepy pasta and watch Top ten. 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:08.080 So that's why I'm like dying right now, because because 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:13.800 like creepy past Oh my god, okay be pasta. It's 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:16.760 basically like it's a genre of like scary stories that 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:20.600 like have It's like a culmination of urban legends. Read 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:22.840 it for a chand threats, all kinds of creepy ship 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:25.160 that comes from all over the Internet, and people just 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:28.240 literally engage in it and share it. And there's even 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:30.560 like this thing that's like I think it's called SPC 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:33.440 where they make up like actual fake monsters and characters 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:36.000 that they talk about. You creepy pasta when you talk 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:37.679 about like it's real, and it's like, I just think 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:39.839 it's so interesting and I really love like scary ship 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:41.080 and the other stuff that I used to look at 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:42.959 wasn't doing it for me, girl, So it's still on 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:45.319 a hole. I fell on a hole of all of 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:48.480 this stuff. I said, I was gonna start doing some 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:51.199 more reading. I'm to start this. I'm obsessed with it. 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.360 It's so fun, but it's very scary. Do not watch 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:56.480 it at night. I'm reading scary stuff. It's actually worse 0:08:56.520 --> 0:09:01.280 for me. Videos. There's video like reenactment on YouTube sometimes 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:05.320 and how they set it up sex. Yeah, let's make 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:14.240 it relievable. Thought you thought? That really comes up? So 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:16.199 real quick? I want to read what it says I'm 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:19.280 into b D S M. Go ahead. It says I'm 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:22.200 into b D S M bondage like that. Some people 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:25.200 might find that weird, but I'm sure those people are 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:27.720 into things others might find strange, so let's not judge. 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:30.520 I mentioned this because it's important to what happened. It 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:32.760 gives you an idea and it guys read more, and 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:35.679 then you just get into it. You wild. It's like 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:38.439 you read it and I don't know what it's like, 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:43.440 and it actually gives you the reading time I'm trying 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:48.920 to give it. I'm dead this way. Well, it says 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:50.720 it's seven minutes of reading. I don't want to get 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.160 into seven minutes of reading, but definitely check out. Maybe 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:56.640 we'll just awesome. I love that. Maybe we'll do this 0:09:56.679 --> 0:10:01.320 for Patreon episode Creeps episode look at you giving us content? 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:04.800 All Right, well, I think, um so I'm not. I 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:06.320 don't want to put him too much on the screen. 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:09.040 We know what that motherile is. Um. I don't think 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:11.920 that I could suck out the demons of you three semen, 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:17.439 but I do be snatching soul. That's what he thought. So, 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:21.719 like I think demons are real because not demons, but 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:24.240 and this also could be manifesting too, Like I've met 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:28.559 people that I feel like or not just clairvoyant, but 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:31.920 have a lot of power in making something happen. Um. 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:35.600 For example, like my friend and I were talking about 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:37.040 this shout out to Layla. She's actually been on a 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:39.920 Patren episode of ours. She's like, I know how strong 0:10:40.000 --> 0:10:43.000 my manifestation is because I've watched it happen. She's like, 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:46.880 my man was teasing me about always getting sick, and 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:50.200 she's like, and I was so irritated and so strong willed, 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:52.880 and I was like, you are absolutely gonna get sick. 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:56.400 Watch I know it. You're going to get sick. It's 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:58.839 going to fucking happen. And she's like on some teas 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:01.160 and ship she's like two days later it happened maybe 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:03.839 he got sick from being around her. Sickens mean, but 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:08.240 they together for years and he never got sick. When 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.079 She's like I was wishing it on him, I was 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.640 so annoyed with him, she was like, you can absolutely 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:15.040 put that ship awesobody. Yeah, I want to ask you 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:18.000 because we had um A Milia ortiz On here and 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:21.720 she talked about you know, the spirit, like just things 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:25.240 with energy and manifesting as well with crystals and ropes. 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:28.240 Do you believe in in those things and bringing them 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.040 into the bedroom or if they can affect your love 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:31.959 life at all. I feel like this year I have 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:34.040 been more learning more about that because one of the 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:36.960 many friends I've had throwing event house, yes Um talked 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:40.880 about not only blood magic but sex magic, and so 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:44.240 they talked about sex magic through masturbation but also sex 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:48.839 magic through like uh like partner simulation, and so like 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:50.640 I'm looking more into that right now. But I do 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:54.920 feel like that's something that actually does occur, because when 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:57.920 you think about it, there's so much like you know, 0:11:58.000 --> 0:11:59.600 the organs and feels like right, it's like really good. 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:03.440 So imagine that power being harnessed and at that moment 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:05.760 where you're like, oh, I'm about to Like, you're not 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.240 thinking about anything else if you just like manifest or 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:10.920 think about or visualize something you want to happen. People 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:12.840 are saying that when you get to that height, if 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:16.559 you do that, it helps manifest situations and circumstances that 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:18.640 you want. And I'm like, we have had three people 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:22.439 on that I've talked about that. I'm Kristen, which is 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:27.160 sluts and feminists. We're white shaped butt read her book 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:31.439 at the Blue Stockings bookstore and she came on and 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:34.079 she talks about black witches in her book, which actually 0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:35.920 that'sn't really I was like, I don't call it, but 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:39.640 she said, like, you want love, and you want read, 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:42.440 you want money, put that fucking green light on. Amelia 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:45.120 or tease Um has talked about that as well, and 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:48.679 Liz Goldwyn more recently talked about sex magic and I've 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.559 tried it and I feel like it only works for 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:55.160 me when I'm completely invested in and wrapped in, not 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:59.240 teasing about it and or Hi, I have to be 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:01.520 on some kind of a cadelic to actually connect in 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:03.240 that way, or else I start making it like a 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:04.640 joke to but I feel like that might be part 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:06.839 of the ritual though, because we used drugs to do 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:09.079 other things and like get into another plane of like 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.959 either existence or thought, when we want to actually be 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:13.439 a part of something like I don't think anybody just 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:15.400 gets high just to get high. People actually like to 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:19.959 doff to create Brianda from Super Trip, she gave me 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.240 some shrooms, was still too scared to ever take. They 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:26.640 never took them, and then shout out to our fans 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:30.160 who did meet and greet in Boston. The niggas gave 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:36.120 us pre rolls edibles. They're really ext they were just 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:39.760 bringing it real quick. I smoked one of the pre 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:43.839 roles that they gave us. I gave them one of 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.960 the pre roles while I smoked on the pre roles 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:50.200 last night, and the way my motherfucking heart was beating 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:52.400 it was some indica I don't remember what then it 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:54.920 was called. I was just like, oh not, na, I 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:58.000 ain't smoking that ship no more. My head I felt 0:13:58.040 --> 0:14:00.600 my heart beat and my forehead while I lay down. 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:05.520 I think there is a different experience, like you gotta 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:10.400 be really comfortable. I think with hallucinogens to like acid troops. 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:14.199 I think the number one thing that someone told me 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:16.160 that was a great advice, was like, if you have 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:18.960 any dark place you could go right now, possibly don't 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.280 do don't do that, keep telling us what happen. Done yet. 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:23.160 That's why ain't done it yet. But I know I'm happy, 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:28.480 but there's some deep I'd be bothered by something. I'm 0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:31.320 just not gonna do it. Like a ghost could be here, 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:34.840 but not really. And then like heah, and I think 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.080 that demons are scary than ghosts because they're not human, 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:39.800 they were never human. So therefore, like that's malevolent forces 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:41.560 right there. So therefore why would I want to get high? 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:43.560 And I'm thinking about all this. I don't know if 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:48.320 you guys have ever met at a house. I ever 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:57.200 met a ghost. Years ago, maybe six years ago. We're 0:14:57.200 --> 0:14:59.960 in this creepy gass house and we were making joe 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:03.560 about how someone died there. Not not only right, oh no, 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:07.400 this goes a real bit. I know the lights turned 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:10.760 off site. If you're ever in New Orleans, you're New 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:13.400 Orleans listener, right. There's a lot of voodoo culture, um, 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:15.480 a lot of spirits and things like that. They are 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:17.920 always talked about. And this house was very old and 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:20.880 there was this box. I want to say it was Latasha. 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:24.400 And so Vinnie opens the closet and he said, that's 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:29.160 the damn bits closed. I was like, so we're joking around, 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.440 but the house was fired. It's like six bedrooms, French quarter, 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:33.280 like old ship. Right. We're with a bunch of friends. 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.080 So we come home. Our house is the only house 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:41.120 on the block where still I'm sorry, no, it's okay. 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:45.080 We didn't know he's listening to it. So the house 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:48.120 is the only house on the block that the electricity 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:51.000 went off in, and I was like, what the fuck. 0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:56.120 Turns out it's just an outage in this one electrical box. Bro, 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:59.320 we're trying to go to sleep. Latasha is running through 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:04.600 the house. Nope, my friends right, shout out to DONALDO. 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:07.600 We're sleeping. He's like, Bro. I was like, Yo, it's 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:09.200 out there, isn't it. He was like, I mean it's 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.440 so late. What are we gonna do? I was like, 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:13.480 you know what, I could live with the ghost. When 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:17.920 he comes upstairs highest Ship talking about pay just relax, 0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:22.239 just don't bother her. We're in her space. We're violating. 0:16:22.600 --> 0:16:26.280 If we just act like we're fine, she's gonna be fine. 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:32.120 I'm like, ge Bro. He legit made us sit there 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:34.000 and he's like, yeah, we called Airbnb. There was nothing 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:36.400 else that we can We're fucked right now. So I 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:38.360 said what are we gonna do? And he was like, 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:40.840 we have to let her know that we're here, established 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:43.040 our presidents. We was googling how to talk to our ghost. 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.080 He's like, and let her know that we come in peace, 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:47.640 because bitch, we've been talking to it all day. I 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:50.760 was like, all right, fine, we get a candle. We're 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:52.880 all in the fucking kitchen, trying to let her know 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:55.280 where chill. Don't you know what tending on them lights? 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:59.200 Tart Mica randomly not by calling electricity. This was like 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.760 seven or six while we all went to sleep, woke up, 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:04.960 it was on. I'm like, yo, cool, She was real, 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:07.159 I'm just trying now about how y'all like explained that 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:09.479 to air and like we need to move just haunted. 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:14.119 I wait about the electricity And then I thought if 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.160 I said ghost, they thought I would have been tripping. Yeah, 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:19.080 it's crazy because me and my cousin's like when we 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:20.879 when we were growing up, like my cousin shout out 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:23.040 to my cousin Jerry. He used to be into all 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:28.760 that ship. So this niggabot Wegi board, no we to 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:30.719 night because my mama worked the weekends, so we had 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:33.800 my cousin's house and he's the ship moving. Now I 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:35.840 know he was making that ship move, but we was 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:38.000 talking to some spirit and we had a whole fucking 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.639 Wegi board and we're all like the lights. Look we 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.520 used to do listen, yes, but I don't know if 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:45.679 he just set that ship up. My cousin Jerry, used 0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:48.000 to be in all this ship and we literally had 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:49.800 a wegi board and mind you, this was the time 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:51.600 y'all know, if y'all been listening to the podcast, I 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:54.440 used to be into Charmed like crazy, So like I 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:56.239 was into all that ship. We was like calling them 0:17:56.280 --> 0:17:59.560 the sucy busses and all that ship. And I was like, oh, bit, 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:02.879 we're letting the demons into our lives by bringing them 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:05.720 through Thisuiji board, because you bring them from like the 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:09.440 other realm under and people don't know how man. People 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:11.440 don't know how to cut that connection either. They'll be 0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:13.040 freaked out by the Weiji board and they'll just like 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.080 throw it away or something, and the spirits will still 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:17.080 be there and listen as an adult now that the 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:20.879 Weiji board there, So like when people like start freaking 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:24.200 out when the board start bort start happening, they like 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.159 will be like nah, like we're not doing this and 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:28.040 they don't know how to close the portals of the things. 0:18:28.160 --> 0:18:30.720 Yeah there, you know what? This remind me of devil 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:37.440 Dick and you scared? Where did I talking about? Big 0:18:37.520 --> 0:18:41.680 bitch resolution. She's sorry, spooky big bitch. I'm sorry. Bring 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:46.120 everybody when real people know it's really called my girl. 0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:48.080 Just we just brought up a million ortiz and I 0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:50.159 was like, yo, when I was oppressed, I was like, 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:51.920 I'm not feeling too good right now and I don't 0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:53.560 know what's going on, and I just kind of feel 0:18:53.600 --> 0:18:55.800 like there's just like target on my back. I can 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:59.320 feel this weight. And she's like no, like not even 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:01.760 like I'm saying anything crazy. Yep, absolutely, and maybe somebody 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.679 put it on you. Um. She was like, I can 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:06.560 tell you how to break in, how to cut those cords, 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:08.480 how to cleanse yourself. I was like, yo, can you 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:11.600 recommend me somebody? I'm freaking out and she like with 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:15.399 no because I'm making not a joke, but like yo, 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:18.000 I feel like blah, blah blah, and she's like, yeah, probably, 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:20.639 how do you close the portal of that? So so 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:23.080 I'm outking this. So I'm asking this not for the 0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:26.520 Luigi board, but I feel like Devil Dick does the same. 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:31.479 So I cut I cut seven off, me and him 0:19:31.520 --> 0:19:34.480 no longer fuck. And since then, I've had niggas who 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:37.320 can't stay hard in condoms. They just like I've had. 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:41.080 I've been trying to find other like just casual sex partners. 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:45.520 And literally since I've cut him off, it's been three niggas. Sorry, 0:19:45.720 --> 0:19:47.639 And I don't know if it's because the niggas just 0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:49.040 don't want to with a condom. I don't know if 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:51.280 it's the liquor. I don't know if my mind is 0:19:55.600 --> 0:20:00.600 how tell you because I'm coming out my own Devil 0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:05.320 Dick like Instagram this nie like somebody was like, maybe 0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:11.440 he's a sex man, he's a saving like you down. 0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:13.600 This is how bad has been. I literally tried to 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:16.800 u three niggas since cutting this nigga off in October, 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:20.440 and you just don't say hardy nigga. Then I told 0:20:20.520 --> 0:20:23.480 y'all maybe in another episode, Patron, I don't know a 0:20:23.560 --> 0:20:26.240 nigga paid eleven hundred dollars to find me the Denver 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:28.399 for twelve hours just to get dick. And I was 0:20:28.400 --> 0:20:31.119 gonna go nigga, I got stuck on the runway for 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:33.720 three hours. When I tell you, I've been trying to 0:20:33.800 --> 0:20:36.640 get dick from niggas and since I cut that nigga off, 0:20:36.960 --> 0:20:39.399 I have not been able to fuck. So how we closed, 0:20:40.560 --> 0:20:47.600 But I don't know if you want to talking about 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:50.920 how she married niggas and I gotta married. Here we 0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:55.399 go to bullshit, man, I gotta harry that someone prayed, 0:20:55.600 --> 0:21:01.000 just like j R. Smith's wife prayed. You didn't any 0:21:01.800 --> 0:21:06.440 what I ain't got no Kurt coutching, you know, because 0:21:06.440 --> 0:21:11.359 the Mary Nick is still on my phone because in 0:21:11.400 --> 0:21:13.960 the world, bro, all the dick in the world, you know, 0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:16.760 this could be my fravorite. And I was like, you know, 0:21:17.000 --> 0:21:18.600 we ain't sucking. I know, I don't be fucking friends, 0:21:18.600 --> 0:21:20.560 but don't want dick. So let's and I couldn't even 0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:25.080 get any of you have Spanish because they definitely I 0:21:25.119 --> 0:21:27.040 don't even know these nigga's wives. I don't know the name, 0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:32.119 how many kids they got. Polly is definitely real because listen, now, 0:21:32.280 --> 0:21:37.600 I had Latina biches off your side. They will this 0:21:37.680 --> 0:21:40.120 whole court who I need to close the guy damn 0:21:40.200 --> 0:21:41.880 part of for the Devil Day. I feel like that's 0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:43.560 what I'm trying to do too, because when I talked 0:21:43.600 --> 0:21:46.399 about on my Instagram, when I called that dude, I 0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:48.560 was like, I was like, oh, this is a musician 0:21:48.760 --> 0:21:50.480 he has, Like this is the best I've had like 0:21:51.119 --> 0:21:53.639 in months, like all year, Like if I had like 0:21:53.680 --> 0:21:58.359 a little like years my whole life, like yeah, but 0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:01.880 liked like a Spotify playlists if you like think about 0:22:01.880 --> 0:22:03.840 your Dick, like your little plays of the year Spotify 0:22:03.960 --> 0:22:07.400 into the year wrap up, like I probably had four 0:22:07.640 --> 0:22:10.119 decent Dick appointments, but then like when I have one 0:22:10.200 --> 0:22:13.920 that was like, yes, it happened for a month, like 0:22:14.000 --> 0:22:17.080 your Slidify wrap up, like for a month, like it 0:22:17.240 --> 0:22:22.800 was solid, just like Demon Dick the entire time. Dick. 0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:25.280 I honestly think that after years of joking about this, 0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:28.000 I manifested him. And so every time you say your 0:22:28.040 --> 0:22:30.280 friend's name, I keep having flashbacks about him because those 0:22:30.320 --> 0:22:33.000 names are so similar. But I'm not gonna name his name, um, 0:22:33.840 --> 0:22:36.640 but like what ended up happening was he was always 0:22:36.680 --> 0:22:38.840 like on time to my place. He would always show 0:22:39.000 --> 0:22:43.320 up and like I knew that that was a bad idea, 0:22:44.160 --> 0:22:47.160 but like it wasn't. Like I would try to get 0:22:47.240 --> 0:22:49.920 past like the unpleasantry so we could fun, and that's 0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:52.360 what happened. So I was stuck in that spot where 0:22:52.400 --> 0:22:54.960 I literally wouldn't go anywhere. Afterwards, I would play my 0:22:55.000 --> 0:22:58.160 whole day around it. And then like he was able 0:22:58.200 --> 0:23:00.240 to like get away with certain things because I was 0:23:00.320 --> 0:23:03.040 just like, well he's bringing dick, great dick. It's great dick, 0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:06.119 and like he's bringing it like regularly and consistency, like 0:23:06.160 --> 0:23:08.320 consistently and so like after like I had to kick 0:23:08.400 --> 0:23:10.440 him out of my apartment. He thought that I was 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:12.920 kidding because I was literally like I was letting so 0:23:13.040 --> 0:23:14.840 much ship slide. And then he said something that was 0:23:15.000 --> 0:23:18.399 very that was the last straw, and I kicked him out. 0:23:18.480 --> 0:23:23.080 What did he say? He said that him he said 0:23:23.119 --> 0:23:24.760 to me, not being able to finish that time was 0:23:24.840 --> 0:23:28.440 not his fault because larger people take longer to organs. Oh, 0:23:29.560 --> 0:23:32.159 excuse me, say what he said? What he said that 0:23:32.520 --> 0:23:34.879 me not finishing like me not having an orgasm was 0:23:34.960 --> 0:23:37.200 not his fault because larger people take longer to work 0:23:37.240 --> 0:23:40.399 as up now bit he would have got fun in 0:23:40.520 --> 0:23:47.520 my life. I'd never like he said that porn right 0:23:47.560 --> 0:23:52.639 now because now I'm like, I'm just text him this 0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:55.159 is what I gotta know. Yeah, you're very loud and 0:23:55.240 --> 0:23:58.359 proud about when you don't appreciate it. What did you 0:23:58.520 --> 0:24:01.359 like almost could you almost not talk? Nigga? I would 0:24:01.400 --> 0:24:03.600 have know. It was just like it was weird because 0:24:03.600 --> 0:24:05.280 the way that I explained to my friends, the whole 0:24:05.320 --> 0:24:10.080 way I would tell him, the stuff he did a 0:24:10.160 --> 0:24:12.280 whole month. I'm just like me seeing him more than 0:24:12.320 --> 0:24:14.880 I saw my friends, like because it's all we did, 0:24:15.040 --> 0:24:17.680 and so like we ended up happening. He said what 0:24:18.160 --> 0:24:22.200 I have never but like every time he would say something, 0:24:22.320 --> 0:24:23.840 it was worse than the last thing he said, and 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:25.880 my body was like I was having this for reactions 0:24:25.960 --> 0:24:27.640 to it. But I'd be like, is this the time 0:24:27.680 --> 0:24:29.680 you're gonna kick him out? Actually? Is this a time 0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:31.360 that Dick's not gonna be enough? Is this the time 0:24:31.400 --> 0:24:35.080 you're gonna be like? This is you know, like I 0:24:35.200 --> 0:24:38.920 know this is episode that y'all ain't learned. They still 0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:42.800 have it. He's thirty one years old, his life, so 0:24:42.960 --> 0:24:45.200 like I was like, why not say anything. When he 0:24:45.240 --> 0:24:47.359 showed me that he had only eleven dollars in his account, 0:24:47.359 --> 0:24:50.760 why don't I say anything? He had broke nigga to 0:24:50.920 --> 0:24:57.479 that manifest joke about all he had. Yeah, that's why 0:24:57.480 --> 0:24:59.919 I said, like, oh, like what I would actually mean 0:25:00.240 --> 0:25:02.440 hanging out with other men? He was like, we're talking 0:25:02.440 --> 0:25:04.280 to other man. He got self conscious because he knew 0:25:04.280 --> 0:25:05.720 that's all he had was just a dick. So if 0:25:05.760 --> 0:25:07.480 somebody else's dick is coming in, he's like, oh, I 0:25:07.520 --> 0:25:09.840 don't understand. Like we're not together, but this is not exclusive, 0:25:10.080 --> 0:25:12.600 but he has that things that I felt were worse 0:25:12.600 --> 0:25:14.520 about it. He's made rape jokes, he's made other things. 0:25:14.560 --> 0:25:17.280 He said other things. Um, he ruined my first viewing 0:25:17.280 --> 0:25:19.960 a super Fly, so like it was just so much 0:25:20.000 --> 0:25:21.760 going on, and that final thing was like you know 0:25:21.840 --> 0:25:26.760 what he has to leave. He is amazing, movie is amazing. 0:25:26.800 --> 0:25:28.040 I was like, why is it just now taking me 0:25:28.080 --> 0:25:30.320 this really sitting here at my mouth open? And the 0:25:30.400 --> 0:25:33.440 reason being is because I want to use you as 0:25:33.480 --> 0:25:37.640 an example for strong women that people can't believe get 0:25:37.720 --> 0:25:42.800 heartbroken people you can't people you can truly niggas will 0:25:42.840 --> 0:25:46.159 really fuck a person up. Who would think that you 0:25:48.160 --> 0:25:51.280 after all everything you preach, it's like, this is really 0:25:51.320 --> 0:25:53.680 how men get in your fucking breast and talked about 0:25:53.680 --> 0:25:55.560 it because I was like, I was so embarrassed by it. 0:25:55.640 --> 0:25:57.200 But I was like, nah, first of all, he hasn't 0:25:57.240 --> 0:25:59.480 music careery's trying to promote I'm gonna I'm gonna like, 0:25:59.520 --> 0:26:02.680 that's gonna be over. Um. He also has ties with 0:26:02.800 --> 0:26:04.679 Zoe Kravitz. I was like, that's definitely gonna be over 0:26:04.720 --> 0:26:06.320 because she about to be our catwoman. Whether or not 0:26:06.359 --> 0:26:08.720 it's gonna be good. Why then are you speaking about her? 0:26:09.160 --> 0:26:10.680 And then on top of that, I wanted people to 0:26:10.760 --> 0:26:12.760 know that even if I am somebody that talks out 0:26:12.800 --> 0:26:15.080 about what I want, how this platform or whatever, or 0:26:15.160 --> 0:26:18.720 this perceived amount of like confidence, this still happens to 0:26:18.800 --> 0:26:20.920 me too. So it doesn't matter like where you're at 0:26:21.000 --> 0:26:22.600 in life or like where you think you need to be. 0:26:23.200 --> 0:26:25.480 Niggas really ain't ship. But it's not only niggas, I 0:26:25.480 --> 0:26:29.200 would say, it's people like even with this we talked 0:26:29.200 --> 0:26:32.920 about we we we you know, we come on this platform, 0:26:33.200 --> 0:26:36.480 We're almost three years in and there's even still some 0:26:36.960 --> 0:26:39.400 Um I went on a pott. It may have been 0:26:39.840 --> 0:26:43.640 actually tahos or you know, and we openly talk about 0:26:43.840 --> 0:26:46.880 claiming the slut title and the horse all these things. 0:26:47.160 --> 0:26:50.880 But even to be introduced as a home like, people 0:26:50.920 --> 0:26:53.880 don't like that and like, don't demean me, because that's 0:26:53.880 --> 0:26:56.000 the word for meant to demean me. So when a 0:26:56.080 --> 0:26:58.680 man says that, yeah, I just feel away. But it's 0:26:58.720 --> 0:27:00.960 crazy because at the same time I am on this platform. 0:27:01.280 --> 0:27:04.080 Also even with weight, like I've had I've had people, 0:27:04.160 --> 0:27:06.359 you know, talk about my weight in certain things, and 0:27:06.400 --> 0:27:09.359 I've I've discussed my journey. But the same way he said, 0:27:09.760 --> 0:27:11.479 you know, well it takes longer for you to come 0:27:11.520 --> 0:27:14.399 because of your sides. And I've got niggas who have like, well, 0:27:14.440 --> 0:27:17.119 can I suck you before you lose the weight? Like 0:27:17.400 --> 0:27:19.320 and he said things like that, and it's just like 0:27:21.119 --> 0:27:23.000 you do come off really strong. So to know that 0:27:23.119 --> 0:27:26.280 someone mentioning something about your weight has an effect on you. 0:27:26.720 --> 0:27:31.719 I commend you for apartment like I love my apartment, 0:27:31.840 --> 0:27:33.639 which I'm like blocking people. You have to get out, 0:27:33.760 --> 0:27:35.320 get out, you have to leave. I was like, you 0:27:35.440 --> 0:27:37.680 need to leave. And I even like had this whole 0:27:37.760 --> 0:27:42.200 it was like this whole fucking like Angela Bassett monologue 0:27:42.240 --> 0:27:44.399 because I was so I'm telling you, like, we just 0:27:44.480 --> 0:27:46.200 got done having sex, and I'm just not wrapping my 0:27:46.400 --> 0:27:48.040 head around the fact that, like, oh, he really not 0:27:48.160 --> 0:27:50.160 only came on my ass, but like I didn't come 0:27:50.600 --> 0:27:52.520 and then he sat there putting on his shoes, talking 0:27:52.520 --> 0:27:55.800 about it's not my problem. So I'm like still and 0:27:56.280 --> 0:27:57.920 I'm like sitting up in the bed, and I think 0:27:57.960 --> 0:27:59.840 that my subconscious like, actually, this is it. This is 0:27:59.880 --> 0:28:01.560 the this is it. So it was like I was like, 0:28:01.640 --> 0:28:03.920 you know what, I was wondering how long did it 0:28:04.040 --> 0:28:08.040 take and what would be like the final thing to 0:28:08.240 --> 0:28:10.879 get me to kick you out of my apartment and 0:28:11.040 --> 0:28:13.440 never see you again? And that was that was it. 0:28:13.920 --> 0:28:16.560 And I was just like, how fucking dare you? You 0:28:16.760 --> 0:28:22.320 have nothing, You literally have nothing, and like the fact 0:28:22.400 --> 0:28:24.840 that this is what it took for me to kick 0:28:24.920 --> 0:28:27.240 you out. I was like, you know, I'm embarrassed, but 0:28:27.240 --> 0:28:28.679 I was like, you have to leave. I don't want 0:28:28.720 --> 0:28:30.760 to see you again. Do not contact me, do not 0:28:30.840 --> 0:28:33.200 come to my apartment anymore. He thought I was kidding, 0:28:33.240 --> 0:28:34.639 so he tried to kiss me before he left, and 0:28:34.640 --> 0:28:36.760 I said, please leave, you not come back. He called 0:28:36.840 --> 0:28:39.720 me and proceeded to harass me from that Thursday all 0:28:39.760 --> 0:28:42.480 the way to that Monday, texting me, let's fun. Are 0:28:42.520 --> 0:28:45.160 you really that mad? Are we breaking up? Or? All 0:28:45.240 --> 0:28:47.600 I said was this, he doubled down. All I said 0:28:48.080 --> 0:28:51.160 is that this is what people too long to come 0:28:51.240 --> 0:28:53.480 and like it's not it's science, is not me. That's 0:28:53.480 --> 0:29:00.840 why they have terrible He knows I didn't have a 0:29:00.920 --> 0:29:05.520 question a question, You're nine, this happened recently. Has any 0:29:05.640 --> 0:29:10.280 other man in your life ever, um said anything regarding 0:29:10.720 --> 0:29:13.840 sex and your weight or your weight in your attractiveness 0:29:13.880 --> 0:29:15.920 to them? Um? And can you share some of those 0:29:15.960 --> 0:29:19.240 things that were definitely that happens, like especially since now 0:29:19.280 --> 0:29:22.120 we're using like online apps and stuff, and then sometimes 0:29:22.160 --> 0:29:24.600 in person. I successfully picked somebody up in person at 0:29:24.600 --> 0:29:25.960 the beginning of this year, so that's why I thought. 0:29:25.960 --> 0:29:27.880 I was like, Okay, I can do this. But then 0:29:27.960 --> 0:29:31.640 like I mean the face, I mean, it happens. But 0:29:31.760 --> 0:29:35.240 then like when he like when I would get approached 0:29:35.280 --> 0:29:37.480 by people on dating apps or even not even that, 0:29:37.600 --> 0:29:41.280 because that seems to be an issue in itself. When 0:29:41.360 --> 0:29:43.520 I talk to people, they kind of expect me to 0:29:43.600 --> 0:29:46.240 put in the work. So therefore I've heard it shouldn't 0:29:46.280 --> 0:29:50.400 take all of this to fuck you. You're a fat girl? What? Um? 0:29:50.560 --> 0:29:53.600 This one guy actually yesterday told me he read my 0:29:53.680 --> 0:29:55.880 okay Cupid profile and it was like, I don't want 0:29:55.920 --> 0:29:57.840 to be an experiment. Don't talk to me if you're 0:29:57.840 --> 0:29:59.880 not used to dating women like me. And he was like, 0:30:00.200 --> 0:30:02.160 I don't see you as an experiment. I like, have 0:30:02.560 --> 0:30:06.400 I have? He said, I have other big black girls. 0:30:06.480 --> 0:30:09.040 That's what he said. He was white. He's white. Um. 0:30:10.320 --> 0:30:13.280 And actually what was funny is that the guy that 0:30:13.440 --> 0:30:18.040 I like exercise from my home, the dick demon, um, 0:30:18.240 --> 0:30:20.640 he had me his phone as big black girl, and 0:30:20.720 --> 0:30:23.000 I saw you saw it's not black. I saw it 0:30:23.120 --> 0:30:24.920 when he like screenshot at me when he was trying 0:30:24.920 --> 0:30:29.640 to tell me that I said something that girl big 0:30:29.760 --> 0:30:35.320 black girl, and so like not so many feelings, and 0:30:35.400 --> 0:30:36.920 they don't think that they have to speak to me 0:30:37.000 --> 0:30:41.000 respectfully because it shouldn't be all of that to fuck me. 0:30:41.240 --> 0:30:43.600 That's what this is. Why it's funny. Manny and I 0:30:43.680 --> 0:30:46.320 had a conversation and I think it's because she doesn't 0:30:46.560 --> 0:30:49.600 white dudes. I do from time to time, right, And 0:30:50.360 --> 0:30:53.160 I'm always like, I hate the word BBC. And she's 0:30:53.160 --> 0:30:55.120 like I don't know the big deal is, and now 0:30:55.360 --> 0:30:58.520 I'm kind of hitting me a little bit. It's because 0:30:59.160 --> 0:31:01.960 if I hear the word I've never heard of nigga, 0:31:02.480 --> 0:31:06.120 like I've never heard dot com, you feel like white 0:31:06.200 --> 0:31:08.480 men are saying it, like white men are saying the color. 0:31:08.840 --> 0:31:10.440 I just have a few things to say about this 0:31:10.560 --> 0:31:12.080 nigga that really trips me out. We gotta get off it, 0:31:12.120 --> 0:31:14.600 because fuck him. I was on i G Live the 0:31:14.680 --> 0:31:16.240 other day where this dude was like trying to troll 0:31:16.320 --> 0:31:18.760 me that had no picture, and I was like, it's 0:31:18.800 --> 0:31:21.200 always these poor niggas, and someone said, stop trying to 0:31:21.240 --> 0:31:23.080 weaponize the word poor, and I said, I'd tell you 0:31:23.080 --> 0:31:27.000 why I need to, because it's facts. Having eleven dollars left, 0:31:28.440 --> 0:31:31.600 it's poor, And nigga, you have the nerve to bring 0:31:31.720 --> 0:31:34.760 you and your dusty dick over here and tell me 0:31:35.440 --> 0:31:38.240 niggas would pay to fuck me. This is true, And 0:31:38.400 --> 0:31:40.520 you have Dungeon where niggas literally put my toes in 0:31:40.560 --> 0:31:43.120 their mouth and paid me for that. So it's just like, 0:31:43.240 --> 0:31:45.080 why do you think that you're better than me and 0:31:45.160 --> 0:31:47.400 you only have eleven dollars? It's poor, niggas, I'm telling you, 0:31:47.520 --> 0:31:49.400 and then like, on top of that, what he would 0:31:49.480 --> 0:31:52.160 do he um, oh yeah. He also tried to get 0:31:52.160 --> 0:31:53.880 on me because he found my Instagram and he was 0:31:54.000 --> 0:31:56.840 like body positivity. I thought that it was like all right, 0:31:56.920 --> 0:31:59.160 but now people are just thinking that's okay to have 0:31:59.240 --> 0:32:01.400 heart attacks, and like, I just feel like you're playing 0:32:01.440 --> 0:32:04.560 a game, like don't get me wrong. Michael's recently said 0:32:04.560 --> 0:32:06.800 that let's let's talk about that. So the horrible decision 0:32:06.840 --> 0:32:09.840 for this week is can I say the word fat? 0:32:10.040 --> 0:32:13.680 I never thought that big old fat dick. I thought 0:32:15.320 --> 0:32:18.240 I thought fat. It was like a bad word for 0:32:18.400 --> 0:32:21.120 me to say. I thought you use other verbiage like 0:32:22.240 --> 0:32:25.480 do be see I can't even say do fat. People 0:32:26.000 --> 0:32:27.800 not like the word being called fat, and like, can 0:32:27.840 --> 0:32:30.680 you explain just the journey of fat if you've always 0:32:30.680 --> 0:32:33.040 appreciated that word, if you've used other things like yeah, 0:32:33.360 --> 0:32:36.560 I think it depends. Because there was a pivotal moment 0:32:36.600 --> 0:32:38.800 for me in college where they had the um Love 0:32:38.880 --> 0:32:41.160 Your Body Week where I first this was the first 0:32:41.200 --> 0:32:43.280 time I ever saw a woman that was bigger than 0:32:43.360 --> 0:32:45.720 me in her underwear in public. So it was like 0:32:45.760 --> 0:32:48.320 a demonstration on campus where everybody made signs and stuff. 0:32:48.320 --> 0:32:49.880 It was a part of like a different organization, like 0:32:49.880 --> 0:32:52.040 different organization on campus. But if it all go out 0:32:52.040 --> 0:32:54.280 in the underwear with signs and like basically tell people 0:32:54.360 --> 0:32:56.080 that they look amazing and like that they should love 0:32:56.120 --> 0:32:58.040 their bodies and stuff like that, and I was like, 0:32:58.440 --> 0:33:01.120 this is amaze saying. So I went out there and 0:33:01.160 --> 0:33:02.840 I took off my top and like I had my 0:33:02.880 --> 0:33:04.720 brom but I was just like this is cool, like 0:33:04.880 --> 0:33:06.560 and I met a lot of different people that way 0:33:07.080 --> 0:33:10.880 and throughout trying to understand more about that and then 0:33:11.040 --> 0:33:15.080 becoming a like officer in the feminist organization on campus 0:33:15.200 --> 0:33:17.360 and doing a lot of unpacking because that's where it required. 0:33:17.760 --> 0:33:20.200 I became okay with the worry fat because it's what 0:33:20.760 --> 0:33:24.800 I felt physically describe me. And up until that point, 0:33:25.000 --> 0:33:27.640 I would hear it and it would feel literally like 0:33:27.720 --> 0:33:29.960 somebody was like poking me with needles. And that's that's 0:33:30.000 --> 0:33:32.720 not like a because when I feel like I hear 0:33:32.760 --> 0:33:36.000 the word, it's like I don't need words. It's like 0:33:36.360 --> 0:33:38.280 it's used to de mean it she uses to mean. 0:33:38.320 --> 0:33:40.240 But it's weird because when it is used to mean, 0:33:40.320 --> 0:33:43.040 it's used by people that don't think that these people 0:33:43.160 --> 0:33:45.040 think or know that they're fat. So it's like, I'm 0:33:45.040 --> 0:33:48.120 gonna remind you you're a fat bitch. And so that's 0:33:48.120 --> 0:33:51.240 why my friend like shirt that's a fat bitch, and 0:33:51.320 --> 0:33:52.960 like you have all these women that are fat wearing 0:33:53.000 --> 0:33:55.360 the shirt that says fat bitch because that's been reclaimed. 0:33:55.400 --> 0:33:58.080 It's like, okay, that's that's a fact because I am 0:33:58.120 --> 0:33:59.800 a fat bitch. We're not getting around the same way. 0:33:59.800 --> 0:34:03.040 We're reclaiming horror and all. But it's just like if 0:34:03.080 --> 0:34:05.479 it's used in a way that's meant to demean, then 0:34:05.520 --> 0:34:07.720 people can see through it. So I think it depends. 0:34:07.720 --> 0:34:09.279 It's on a case by case basis. It's kind of 0:34:09.280 --> 0:34:11.879 like with black people that s where nobody should say nigga, 0:34:11.880 --> 0:34:13.279 and then you have some black people are like, you 0:34:13.320 --> 0:34:16.000 shouldn't say that around me, like or you can't say 0:34:16.040 --> 0:34:17.880 it around me. It's a case by case. Would I 0:34:18.040 --> 0:34:20.480 go around and call everybody fat if I wasn't fat, No, 0:34:21.080 --> 0:34:23.400 So I'd be like, you might not be okay with that, 0:34:23.480 --> 0:34:25.759 But it's somebody that is fat reclaiming your own word, 0:34:25.920 --> 0:34:28.680 reclaiming that words. It's been a very big step and 0:34:28.800 --> 0:34:31.880 being okay with my fatness because honestly, if you're somebody 0:34:31.920 --> 0:34:35.120 that struggles with that word still, that means that you're 0:34:35.160 --> 0:34:38.960 still feeling the negative connotations of it and you might 0:34:39.040 --> 0:34:41.520 not be able to accept the fact that well I did. 0:34:41.680 --> 0:34:44.200 And um we actually on our Patreon episode shout out 0:34:44.239 --> 0:34:48.560 to um Naimo. Mindy had VSG by the way, so 0:34:48.600 --> 0:34:51.359 I had to gastric sleeve. Um, so I went from 0:34:51.440 --> 0:34:53.719 two thirty pounds, mind you on five ft one, so 0:34:53.800 --> 0:34:57.000 I went from two dty pounds and I very depending 0:34:57.000 --> 0:34:58.799 on my cycles the time of the month, between one 0:34:59.360 --> 0:35:04.520 and one seven ish. Um. And so we have the conversation, 0:35:04.719 --> 0:35:09.560 and I've been referred to as fluffy chubby Nigga specifically 0:35:09.640 --> 0:35:12.480 islandmn Um used to love to just rub all my 0:35:12.560 --> 0:35:14.759 stomach and my rolls and stuff like that, and that 0:35:15.000 --> 0:35:17.719 always made me uncomfortable. Does that make you uncomfortable? No, 0:35:17.920 --> 0:35:20.520 I hated it. I wouldn't know what happened enough. I 0:35:20.600 --> 0:35:23.279 think that's weird, But the rest of you is not there. 0:35:23.560 --> 0:35:28.440 So because I had one of our friends always says 0:35:28.880 --> 0:35:31.800 she loved it because it makes you feel more present, 0:35:31.920 --> 0:35:33.480 So like you can kind of tell I think it 0:35:33.560 --> 0:35:34.960 might be coming from a point where you're, like I 0:35:35.000 --> 0:35:38.279 feel like I'm being fetishized. That's where So that's the thing. 0:35:38.400 --> 0:35:40.080 If it's like you can always tell when you're being 0:35:40.120 --> 0:35:43.719 fetishized during a sexual weekend when they only focus on 0:35:43.880 --> 0:35:45.560 like certain parts of your body and talking about your 0:35:45.600 --> 0:35:47.480 body in a very fetishy way, like I can, how 0:35:47.520 --> 0:35:52.120 do you mane your size without making I feel like 0:35:52.160 --> 0:35:53.960 the kind of body works because I go to me 0:35:54.239 --> 0:35:57.560 is body. It's different. It's different from you massaging my 0:35:57.640 --> 0:35:59.520 body or you being a lover who is just like 0:35:59.840 --> 0:36:02.040 I love you any size, all my like hose and 0:36:02.080 --> 0:36:04.759 ship there mind you. I've been sucking them for ten years, 0:36:04.800 --> 0:36:07.120 six years, seven years, so they've been with me throughout 0:36:07.200 --> 0:36:10.360 all of my weight gains and losses, and they're just 0:36:10.440 --> 0:36:13.480 like I'm I love you at either side. But when 0:36:13.560 --> 0:36:16.040 I was at my biggest, it would be niggas that 0:36:16.160 --> 0:36:18.440 we're just laying and they're just going, like, you know, 0:36:18.520 --> 0:36:21.680 squeeze or something. You're not worshiping my body, you're literally grabbing. 0:36:22.520 --> 0:36:27.000 So like you you get what I'm like, not focusing 0:36:27.320 --> 0:36:30.759 just on that particularly that makes sense. Like the guys 0:36:30.800 --> 0:36:32.680 that I had to kick out, like he there's like 0:36:32.760 --> 0:36:35.120 a place in between my tummy and where my food 0:36:35.360 --> 0:36:37.600 is that he I never had anybody like be like 0:36:37.719 --> 0:36:39.480 I like that place and he would kiss it and 0:36:39.560 --> 0:36:42.480 I'm like, oh, that feels really nice kissing it. That's cute. Like, 0:36:42.560 --> 0:36:44.640 but if it's like if they're doing this thing where 0:36:44.640 --> 0:36:48.040 they like grab your arms and they grab your thighs, 0:36:48.120 --> 0:36:50.759 your stomach, you're like, hey, what are you doing? And 0:36:50.920 --> 0:36:53.759 that's uncomfortable and you someone big, And to be fair, 0:36:53.840 --> 0:36:57.000 I've never had a nigga grab my arms. But we could, 0:36:57.040 --> 0:37:01.680 we could, we could portray as someone who's dealt was 0:37:01.840 --> 0:37:03.919 not only fat phobia. Of course, even with my loss 0:37:03.920 --> 0:37:06.799 of jokes, y'all have listened to brilliant idiots Charlemagne Mouse. 0:37:07.040 --> 0:37:08.480 So many people have come to me with still the 0:37:08.480 --> 0:37:10.440 fat jokes, like oh now that I've lost all the weight, 0:37:10.640 --> 0:37:12.319 now they can say all the fat jokes to my face. 0:37:12.400 --> 0:37:15.640 The type of thing, and so to to go through that, 0:37:15.800 --> 0:37:18.360 but also to have men, I've been like, a nigga 0:37:18.440 --> 0:37:21.320 has paid me, and of course I text them, but 0:37:21.520 --> 0:37:23.279 literally because he said, I want to see if I 0:37:23.320 --> 0:37:26.239 can just fuck someone your size, if I can last. 0:37:26.320 --> 0:37:30.000 He didn't last, but he gave me money just because 0:37:30.080 --> 0:37:32.040 he was like, I've never sucked anyone in your size, 0:37:32.080 --> 0:37:34.479 and you look like fun. And I think that's weird 0:37:35.520 --> 0:37:37.840 because it's weird because it's already they're coming out the 0:37:37.880 --> 0:37:39.920 gay othering you instead of appreciating you, and that's not 0:37:39.960 --> 0:37:41.200 a lot of men like that's how they talk to 0:37:41.200 --> 0:37:43.440 me online. You look like you're fun. Some of the 0:37:43.480 --> 0:37:45.560 first matches I've gotten. Do you suck dick? You like 0:37:45.600 --> 0:37:47.080 you know how to suck dick very well because you 0:37:47.160 --> 0:37:53.440 eat because because the very insecure about big girls fucking 0:37:53.480 --> 0:37:58.000 sucking my nigga's dick off. But like everybody, that's because 0:37:58.040 --> 0:38:00.640 that's what they say and it's not they don't think 0:38:00.680 --> 0:38:08.279 it's something because because that's what they're holding onto when 0:38:08.280 --> 0:38:10.680 it comes to being desirable, I can do something for you. 0:38:10.800 --> 0:38:13.120 That's what makes me desirable. And that's not okay because 0:38:13.160 --> 0:38:15.879 that's some of the first ways that were desirability. We're 0:38:15.880 --> 0:38:18.080 not giving desirability. So a lot of like fat women 0:38:19.760 --> 0:38:21.239 not even just that when you talk to them about 0:38:21.239 --> 0:38:23.719 how they're being socialized and romantically socialized as to how 0:38:23.719 --> 0:38:27.040 they're supposed to appeal to the other sex basically because 0:38:27.080 --> 0:38:30.000 that's we're not being taught like that. It's okay at 0:38:30.040 --> 0:38:31.759 that time, we weren't being taught it's okay to be 0:38:31.880 --> 0:38:34.759 with somebody that's not a man as a woman, and 0:38:34.840 --> 0:38:37.160 so therefore our socialization came in the way of, like, 0:38:37.480 --> 0:38:39.680 you have to be able to provide something for everybody 0:38:39.760 --> 0:38:41.440 to have them want to be around you. When it 0:38:41.520 --> 0:38:44.560 comes to like other like the opposite sex and your grade. 0:38:44.760 --> 0:38:46.800 You have to be able to give them something. And 0:38:46.880 --> 0:38:49.239 because they don't find your body that desirable, you have 0:38:49.360 --> 0:38:52.800 to be able to use. You have to overcompensate. And 0:38:52.920 --> 0:38:55.920 so that's why it's weird because because everybody, like with 0:38:56.000 --> 0:38:57.760 the Jill Scott thing, That's why I was so cringed 0:38:57.800 --> 0:38:59.920 out about it, because it's like everybody came out the woodwork. 0:39:00.320 --> 0:39:02.120 I can suck dick. I could do. It's like yeah, 0:39:02.160 --> 0:39:04.080 because you feel like that's the only way to gain 0:39:04.160 --> 0:39:06.880 desirability and your current body. And that's how we were 0:39:06.880 --> 0:39:09.279 taught to gain desirability in our bodies. And it's really 0:39:09.480 --> 0:39:12.239 fucked up because we enjoy sex too, and I would 0:39:12.239 --> 0:39:14.120 love to be able to be like somebody it's like, yeah, 0:39:14.120 --> 0:39:17.160 I love sucking, but it's always going to be taken 0:39:17.280 --> 0:39:19.799 as like, oh, because you eat, you could eat dick. 0:39:20.080 --> 0:39:22.360 Or because like how I used to get on okay Cupid, 0:39:22.480 --> 0:39:24.719 like it is it is it true that big girls 0:39:25.160 --> 0:39:27.879 appreciate sex more because they don't get it enough? Which 0:39:27.920 --> 0:39:30.799 is that big girls suck dick better because they don't 0:39:30.840 --> 0:39:34.040 have sex a lot nobody else wild. It's wild, but 0:39:34.120 --> 0:39:36.080 it happens. And so that's like what is using most 0:39:36.120 --> 0:39:38.520 of the conversation is all these dumb ass questions about 0:39:38.560 --> 0:39:42.520 fat girl sexuality that they obviously exist for some reason somebody. 0:39:42.760 --> 0:39:46.520 It's obviously like a very much consensus around like men 0:39:46.640 --> 0:39:48.359 that want to have sex with fat women but don't 0:39:48.400 --> 0:39:51.440 know how to talk, and they won't open out, they 0:39:51.520 --> 0:39:54.719 won't be open on social media to admit that these 0:39:54.760 --> 0:39:57.160 are the type of women they preferate, Like they'll date 0:39:57.280 --> 0:40:00.359 like and and so like I've dealt with and even 0:40:00.360 --> 0:40:03.880 in my bigger size that will publicly be with Victoria's 0:40:03.880 --> 0:40:05.839 Secret models and go out and claim these small girls 0:40:06.040 --> 0:40:08.680 and be like, oh my god. But so many friends 0:40:08.800 --> 0:40:10.799 that have that, like even the niggers they with would 0:40:10.800 --> 0:40:13.239 be like he only he only repost than women, and 0:40:13.560 --> 0:40:15.839 like we've been together for like two years, and I'm 0:40:15.880 --> 0:40:18.000 just like that's very strange. That's not what I heard 0:40:18.480 --> 0:40:20.200 that because they would turn it into like, oh, that's 0:40:20.239 --> 0:40:22.160 just my social media, why are you bugging? Especially when 0:40:22.200 --> 0:40:24.960 tumbler was like a really big and easier to reblog 0:40:25.080 --> 0:40:27.480 certain photos and stuff. It's easy to get caught up 0:40:27.480 --> 0:40:30.320 in that. But like, also you seeing how your partner 0:40:31.080 --> 0:40:33.400 interact in those ways? Why are they reposting people that 0:40:33.440 --> 0:40:37.000 looked the complete opposite of you? But they'll tell you that, no, Like, 0:40:37.120 --> 0:40:40.400 it's not that that's interesting. What I find interesting about 0:40:40.440 --> 0:40:45.000 that is how, like, Okay, I worked with someone at 0:40:45.040 --> 0:40:48.480 my last job who was maybe almost four hundred pounds, skinny, 0:40:48.520 --> 0:40:50.919 white dude. She dated, and she was never fucking short 0:40:50.920 --> 0:40:53.240 of a date, right, always meeting people, and she was active, 0:40:53.400 --> 0:40:56.839 wasn't like not able to move around, and like would 0:40:56.840 --> 0:40:59.520 go to the doctor. And oh, I asked her when 0:40:59.600 --> 0:41:02.120 Mandy got VSG. I went to the hospital that day. 0:41:02.160 --> 0:41:04.640 I was like, oh, I wanted to ask you, like, um, 0:41:05.040 --> 0:41:06.399 what do you know about it? I was like, I'm 0:41:06.400 --> 0:41:10.399 on my way to go see my What She's like, well, 0:41:10.840 --> 0:41:12.760 I know that my doctor told me I was healthy 0:41:12.800 --> 0:41:14.120 and if I wanted to get it, I could and 0:41:14.200 --> 0:41:16.320 I chose not to. And she's like, and I sometimes 0:41:16.400 --> 0:41:20.399 feel like because I am bigger, people always wonder why 0:41:20.560 --> 0:41:23.239 I'm not getting it, and She's like, and it really 0:41:23.360 --> 0:41:25.719 drives me nuts, Like I can go to a health 0:41:25.719 --> 0:41:28.759 professional that tells me I'm okay, and people still feel 0:41:28.800 --> 0:41:30.680 like that's the choice I could make first of all 0:41:30.680 --> 0:41:33.080 your friends lucky, because that's never the conversation and how 0:41:33.120 --> 0:41:36.439 it goes to a doctor. I was gonna say, even 0:41:36.520 --> 0:41:39.800 when I was growing, I was labeled obese. They go 0:41:39.880 --> 0:41:42.400 by to be my scale, and even though I had 0:41:42.480 --> 0:41:44.960 thighs and hips and to me it was proportionate. I've 0:41:45.040 --> 0:41:48.160 always been told from when I wasn't maybe twelve years old, 0:41:48.320 --> 0:41:50.840 because I'm obese on this b a my scale, that 0:41:51.080 --> 0:41:59.000 I risk high cholesterol, unhealthy sleep out and only was 0:41:59.080 --> 0:42:02.000 for shorter people and a certain reason of the fucking country. 0:42:02.040 --> 0:42:04.040 I mean, I'm sorry of the like of the world 0:42:04.400 --> 0:42:07.239 and was used to keep track of that populations like 0:42:07.960 --> 0:42:12.439 health status is still being used today. I wouldn't even deny. 0:42:12.640 --> 0:42:15.040 I wouldn't even go as far to say that honestly, 0:42:16.880 --> 0:42:19.759 not not only be in my because I've gone through 0:42:19.960 --> 0:42:22.479 this whole procedure of losing weight and have two friends 0:42:22.520 --> 0:42:24.480 that have done vs. Both three friends who have done VSG, 0:42:24.760 --> 0:42:28.080 one who did VSG, and the gastric the gastric bypass. 0:42:28.760 --> 0:42:31.040 I know that as someone who's been considered obese for 0:42:31.080 --> 0:42:33.319 pretty much majority of my life, there's no way at 0:42:33.320 --> 0:42:35.520 four pounds a doctor is saying, oh, well, you're healthy, 0:42:35.560 --> 0:42:39.200 you don't really need it because they're they're a doctor, 0:42:39.520 --> 0:42:41.520 which I still think is weird. When they do speak 0:42:41.560 --> 0:42:45.719 to fact, they're not thinking of like, oh, you're fine, 0:42:45.760 --> 0:42:49.680 They're thinking of like preventive measure for whatever, like insurance, whatever, 0:42:49.760 --> 0:42:52.200 the fun So like they're usually more and like you 0:42:52.280 --> 0:42:55.200 can come in there and not even be seeking anything 0:42:55.280 --> 0:42:57.680 that's weight related. Like when I went to a doctor 0:42:57.760 --> 0:43:00.239 I want to say last summer and I was like, oh, 0:43:00.280 --> 0:43:02.640 it's like a you know, public doctors like through the 0:43:02.680 --> 0:43:05.640 community or whatever. I went in there um for like 0:43:05.719 --> 0:43:08.440 a blood test because I needed to get tested and stuff, 0:43:08.640 --> 0:43:11.520 and this woman literally was like, Okay, well obviously we 0:43:11.680 --> 0:43:13.799 need to sign you up for a kind of colle 0:43:13.920 --> 0:43:16.840 just visit and then a nutritionist visit, and I was like, 0:43:17.520 --> 0:43:19.239 I'm so serious. I never went back. I still get 0:43:19.239 --> 0:43:20.800 emails and phone calls from then to this day. My 0:43:21.280 --> 0:43:24.399 first E N T tubes put into my ears because 0:43:24.400 --> 0:43:26.480 I have very bad sinuses. I talked about it on 0:43:26.560 --> 0:43:28.520 the show. So I went in there for my tube. 0:43:29.320 --> 0:43:31.759 Both my ears got infected, so they had to drain 0:43:31.840 --> 0:43:34.520 it and then put the tubes. And mind you, he's 0:43:34.520 --> 0:43:37.480 an e n T. He goes to ask me if 0:43:37.560 --> 0:43:40.279 I have snoring problems, and I'm like, I was gonna say, 0:43:40.280 --> 0:43:43.200 you have sleep apnea because you're fast. So but literally 0:43:44.520 --> 0:43:47.000 literally a lot of people that are not fat sleep, right, 0:43:47.080 --> 0:43:51.319 It doesn't right, loss can help you said, um, well 0:43:51.360 --> 0:43:53.160 the people around me, Yeah, I have, but I mean 0:43:53.200 --> 0:43:55.560 I was able to sleep. The sleep apnea is that 0:43:55.960 --> 0:43:58.279 you can have shortness of breath. So it's not even 0:43:58.360 --> 0:44:01.400 really the snoring, but it's more so that when you're sleeping, 0:44:01.440 --> 0:44:04.800 if you're big, if you have if you're large in size, 0:44:05.040 --> 0:44:07.560 that while you're sleeping, you could miss the breath and 0:44:07.600 --> 0:44:10.960 you could probably die. Like you here's the interesting thing, right, 0:44:11.040 --> 0:44:13.960 because the sleep happening a thing if it was true, 0:44:14.080 --> 0:44:16.000 or the snoring, and you stopped when you got your VS. 0:44:16.080 --> 0:44:21.560 You mentioned that how do you like doctors in essence? 0:44:22.600 --> 0:44:24.080 Figure out if they can help you, and how do 0:44:24.120 --> 0:44:25.480 you want them to speak to you? I would ask, 0:44:25.560 --> 0:44:27.440 I don't know because the nutrition this thing I think 0:44:27.560 --> 0:44:29.319 is too far. But to sleep on anything, I think 0:44:30.719 --> 0:44:33.439 sleep at the thing that went even that she didn't 0:44:33.440 --> 0:44:36.200 even make the appointment for the Ganda colleges, but she 0:44:36.280 --> 0:44:38.480 made sure to make that published nutrition. She's like, oh, 0:44:38.480 --> 0:44:41.719 I can't really do anything that's colleges because she's not 0:44:41.800 --> 0:44:43.759 here today because it was like after a certain time, 0:44:43.800 --> 0:44:45.520 like oh, but the nutritionists is so you may you 0:44:45.560 --> 0:44:48.960 went our way to make the doctor's appointment for the nutritionists. 0:44:49.239 --> 0:44:50.920 It is well because like I'm looking at you and 0:44:50.960 --> 0:44:53.239 I'm like, and here's another thing that's like I really 0:44:53.280 --> 0:44:55.200 want to talk about. It's like, oh, how could they 0:44:55.320 --> 0:44:58.359 say that she's not that big? Because what is that big? 0:44:58.440 --> 0:45:02.040 And who defines that? Because in my opinion, I've been 0:45:02.080 --> 0:45:04.239 seeing fat phobia and I'm like, I think it's I 0:45:04.280 --> 0:45:07.080 think it's real. But then I also I'm confused because 0:45:07.080 --> 0:45:09.680 I'm like I saw some girl like you ain't that 0:45:09.800 --> 0:45:11.960 big to the girl that was big, and I just 0:45:12.080 --> 0:45:15.600 think it's weird. I just think it's weird because there's 0:45:15.680 --> 0:45:17.960 this It's what a lot of like fat women currently 0:45:18.000 --> 0:45:20.800 deal with in our community of like, well, I'm not 0:45:21.000 --> 0:45:23.239 that big or I'm not that far gone or I 0:45:23.280 --> 0:45:27.239 haven't let myself go that back. So there's some redeeable qualities. Yeah, 0:45:27.320 --> 0:45:28.920 And so when it's like so when we kind of 0:45:29.000 --> 0:45:31.560 wrap up the conversations and that it's not about like, oh, 0:45:31.719 --> 0:45:35.400 that being fat doesn't come with health issues because everybody 0:45:35.560 --> 0:45:38.800 that says and claims that and just that's the blankets 0:45:39.080 --> 0:45:41.000 statement and leave it alone. I feel like there's some 0:45:41.160 --> 0:45:43.279 element of truth to it. I'm not stupid, But to 0:45:43.400 --> 0:45:45.440 make that the cornerstone of whether or not I deserve 0:45:45.480 --> 0:45:48.000 respect as a human being is the issue. So if 0:45:48.040 --> 0:45:50.440 it's like, oh, you look like you have diabetes, so 0:45:50.520 --> 0:45:52.800 that makes me less of a person. I think that 0:45:52.840 --> 0:45:55.120 I have diabetes, Why do I have to like bring 0:45:55.680 --> 0:45:58.080 a clean bill of health to be told whether or 0:45:58.160 --> 0:46:01.240 not I'm able to be treated like a person, Especially 0:46:01.560 --> 0:46:04.759 when it comes to like people asking about like your 0:46:04.800 --> 0:46:07.640 medical records and like as a fat person, feeling like 0:46:07.680 --> 0:46:09.440 you have to offer up that kind of information to 0:46:09.520 --> 0:46:12.880 kind of Okay, she's clear, she doesn't she doesn't have hypertention. Guys, 0:46:13.040 --> 0:46:15.080 like we can be nice right now, Like that's weird, 0:46:15.280 --> 0:46:17.239 Like why are we all asking people that around the board, 0:46:17.280 --> 0:46:18.640 Because we don't, and I don't like, I don't know, 0:46:18.680 --> 0:46:21.480 I don't even ask people that are sick, like, oh, 0:46:21.560 --> 0:46:23.880 when's the last time did it? Because that's not how 0:46:23.960 --> 0:46:26.960 we're e gauging how to respect other people. So I 0:46:27.000 --> 0:46:30.080 think that's really interesting, especially when it comes to dealing 0:46:30.120 --> 0:46:32.480 with health and people talking about health, that most of 0:46:32.520 --> 0:46:35.520 the time that's where they're deriving whether or not they 0:46:35.600 --> 0:46:38.480 respect somebody from a health conscious point of view. But 0:46:38.560 --> 0:46:40.759 you're not doing that two smaller people that might have 0:46:40.960 --> 0:46:43.799 chronic illnesses, that might have like diseases that they're dealing 0:46:43.880 --> 0:46:45.960 with that they might even be born with or you know, 0:46:46.080 --> 0:46:48.759 acquired later in life that people might think they are 0:46:48.800 --> 0:46:51.400 typically are for larger bodies. So it's just outside of 0:46:51.520 --> 0:46:55.160 health though, how you're talking about respect, it's also the value. 0:46:55.719 --> 0:46:59.080 When I when I was bigger, um, I felt like 0:46:59.160 --> 0:47:01.640 people thought I should be happy that anybody wanted to 0:47:01.680 --> 0:47:07.320 have sex with Talke. And that's how I felt in 0:47:07.480 --> 0:47:10.560 dating and but even you you you received that from 0:47:10.600 --> 0:47:13.040 women and men because I remember I was I was 0:47:13.239 --> 0:47:16.239 dating this this football player, um, and one of the 0:47:16.280 --> 0:47:18.719 girls knew when I got you know, knew that I 0:47:18.840 --> 0:47:21.600 was with him. In Indiana, da da da, And he 0:47:21.800 --> 0:47:24.320 was like, it's so funny to me how bothered she 0:47:24.520 --> 0:47:27.320 is that I deal with you and so mad. So 0:47:27.480 --> 0:47:30.359 she hopped in my d m uh got her body 0:47:30.400 --> 0:47:32.840 done girl from Miami um and she had like you know, 0:47:32.960 --> 0:47:35.359 the small ways big as her whole body was done 0:47:36.400 --> 0:47:40.120 and she and he he was like, yo, she's known 0:47:40.200 --> 0:47:41.839 other girls. I fun but now I don't know why 0:47:41.920 --> 0:47:43.800 it's you, but you bother her so much. So she 0:47:44.080 --> 0:47:46.480 slid in my d m s and literally trashed me 0:47:46.560 --> 0:47:48.839 because of my size, my weight, and like, I don't 0:47:48.880 --> 0:47:50.680 know why he would want you at he's sucking me 0:47:50.840 --> 0:47:53.959 and all of this. And so even as women would 0:47:53.960 --> 0:47:56.279 come to me and be like how dare you fuck 0:47:56.360 --> 0:47:58.840 her when you're fucking me? And I looked like this, 0:47:59.239 --> 0:48:01.959 so you get you get it from the other women 0:48:02.160 --> 0:48:04.120 and the men, because those are the ones that like 0:48:04.320 --> 0:48:06.400 to perpetuate that, and then like it doesn't exist when 0:48:06.440 --> 0:48:08.560 you say something about it, like what are you talking about? 0:48:08.719 --> 0:48:13.320 Fat phobia doesn't event obviously in my whole life, but 0:48:13.560 --> 0:48:17.880 definitely terrible women women do. They do it all the 0:48:17.920 --> 0:48:21.040 time because they're like because that's it's different, especially like 0:48:21.680 --> 0:48:23.879 which is sad because we're getting to be we're getting 0:48:24.920 --> 0:48:27.920 but like the fact that like that is still something 0:48:28.040 --> 0:48:32.360 that women internalize as I'm not as bad as this person, 0:48:32.560 --> 0:48:34.800 and there's something missing from me because this person that 0:48:34.880 --> 0:48:38.200 I find desirable is not is also dealing with this 0:48:38.280 --> 0:48:40.839 other person that I find undesirable. I have a question 0:48:41.000 --> 0:48:43.279 right when we're on this topic. I was googling fat 0:48:43.280 --> 0:48:45.080 phobia and like hot takes on it, and I want 0:48:45.120 --> 0:48:47.040 to know this one. And I've seen someone say it 0:48:47.120 --> 0:48:50.240 to Mandy actually, and I don't know if you responded 0:48:50.320 --> 0:48:51.799 or not, but it was in our comments on her 0:48:51.880 --> 0:48:58.160 VSG episode. Someone said, um uh no, it was a 0:48:58.200 --> 0:49:00.680 big chick that wrote a blog saying, No, I'm not 0:49:00.880 --> 0:49:03.560 fat phobic because I'm fat and want to lose weight. 0:49:04.680 --> 0:49:07.520 Can we talk about that in confidence and what your 0:49:07.560 --> 0:49:12.960 opinion is? Seriously, that is something that people throw in 0:49:13.000 --> 0:49:16.279 your face when you lose weight a confident person. No, 0:49:16.480 --> 0:49:19.360 it's internalized because you can still be fat phobic and 0:49:19.440 --> 0:49:21.319 be a fat person. That's how you could be anti black, 0:49:21.400 --> 0:49:24.080 be black person when you want to separate yourself as 0:49:24.120 --> 0:49:26.480 far as possible from this community that you are very 0:49:26.560 --> 0:49:29.480 clearly a part of because of negativity that you feel 0:49:30.160 --> 0:49:33.040 is attached to them living the way that they exist. 0:49:33.440 --> 0:49:34.960 So and I deal with that a lot. That's why 0:49:35.000 --> 0:49:37.200 I've had to actually start un following people that start 0:49:37.280 --> 0:49:40.120 that because I'm not against intentional weight loss. I think 0:49:40.200 --> 0:49:42.040 that conversation needs to be more nuanced than it is. 0:49:42.560 --> 0:49:44.840 But if we were not against it, I'm not against it, 0:49:44.880 --> 0:49:47.160 But I also think that if the right conversation surrounding 0:49:47.160 --> 0:49:50.759 fat phobic we're happening before this super surprise intentional like 0:49:50.840 --> 0:49:53.160 weight loss, it wouldn't be this much of an issue. 0:49:53.239 --> 0:49:56.360 Because you have a lot of influencers that make their platforms, 0:49:56.600 --> 0:49:58.920 that make all their profit off of our community and 0:49:59.040 --> 0:50:01.520 never want to bring up the existence of fatphobia. They 0:50:01.560 --> 0:50:04.960 just talk about, Oh, I have this new dress from 0:50:04.960 --> 0:50:07.880 the new Anthropology line because now their size inclusive, and 0:50:07.960 --> 0:50:10.200 it's really cool when it's the ugliest dress I've ever seen. 0:50:10.440 --> 0:50:13.040 But then they'll turn around and come back six months 0:50:13.160 --> 0:50:16.400 later and they've had a surgery to make themselves smaller, 0:50:16.400 --> 0:50:18.399 and we're just not supposed to address it. You've made 0:50:18.440 --> 0:50:20.920 all your money off of this community by telling us 0:50:20.960 --> 0:50:23.239 how we should feel and how things are going for you. 0:50:23.440 --> 0:50:26.320 But see that's the conversation why I'm interested. It's like 0:50:27.080 --> 0:50:29.640 just okay, I'll just talk about why it is and 0:50:29.719 --> 0:50:34.080 then you'd be okay. So like a VSG. That's because 0:50:34.120 --> 0:50:37.839 to me, I feel like it's very unfair to me. Um. 0:50:38.440 --> 0:50:41.960 I did say there was maybe a false pretense of confidence, 0:50:42.200 --> 0:50:45.000 fully because what people were saying to me, as far 0:50:45.080 --> 0:50:46.719 as the woman in my d M, as far as 0:50:46.760 --> 0:50:48.560 the men wanting to only have sex with me, because 0:50:48.560 --> 0:50:50.279 I was certainly yeah, but don't feel like, you know, 0:50:50.320 --> 0:50:52.359 with it no more, and I didn't like. But also, 0:50:52.440 --> 0:50:55.640 living in New York, it's the wintertime, boots don't go 0:50:55.760 --> 0:50:59.040 up my cats, I'm not fitting jeans, jackets, and layers 0:50:59.080 --> 0:51:01.359 are not closing because of my way. And so even 0:51:01.400 --> 0:51:03.239 though I have this confidence because I am who I 0:51:03.280 --> 0:51:05.360 am and I'm still bagging nigga, I'm still doing this. 0:51:05.520 --> 0:51:09.960 So how weight loss, how she's doing it right now? 0:51:10.560 --> 0:51:13.080 All right? But you said that girl that posted it 0:51:13.200 --> 0:51:15.719 and then got a surgery, you didn't like that. But 0:51:15.800 --> 0:51:19.040 then because she came out of nowhere and just expected 0:51:19.160 --> 0:51:21.640 us to just take that and not have any kind 0:51:21.640 --> 0:51:23.640 of conversation surrounding it. But we gotta sit here and 0:51:23.719 --> 0:51:26.279 talk about all the different fashion Noble Hall she's doing 0:51:26.719 --> 0:51:29.800 with the plus size like lingerie, and we all know 0:51:29.920 --> 0:51:32.359 what that means. Everything is more nuanced than a lot 0:51:32.400 --> 0:51:35.160 of people in the plus size influencer, and she want 0:51:35.239 --> 0:51:37.080 to act like it is. It's always caused for a 0:51:37.120 --> 0:51:39.520 conversation because we're not allowed to have those comps. I've 0:51:39.600 --> 0:51:42.520 never had a conversation with another fat girl that has 0:51:42.560 --> 0:51:44.080 been as honest as the ones that I'm having now, 0:51:44.160 --> 0:51:46.960 because it's always like, well, maybe it's just you know, 0:51:47.560 --> 0:51:49.319 I just have to go and run around the track 0:51:49.400 --> 0:51:51.759 and maybe things will change, but no one's discussing how 0:51:51.880 --> 0:51:54.400 things are supposed to change. I just slim fast. I 0:51:54.480 --> 0:51:57.360 tried to change my diet. What's the first time you 0:51:57.440 --> 0:51:58.680 ever put on a diet or was on a diet? 0:51:58.719 --> 0:52:01.440 Oh my god. In middle school, I was gonna say, 0:52:01.480 --> 0:52:03.319 when my mom would take me and my my breast 0:52:03.360 --> 0:52:05.960 started filling out quicker than they should have. I had hips, 0:52:06.000 --> 0:52:08.120 I had thighs, So these conversations when I went to 0:52:08.160 --> 0:52:10.759 the doctor my sister was smaller, I was being told 0:52:10.800 --> 0:52:12.719 I was obese at a very early age. And then 0:52:12.760 --> 0:52:15.320 of course when I got to adulthood, just moving to 0:52:15.400 --> 0:52:18.879 New York, going into college. Um that freshman fifteen turned 0:52:18.920 --> 0:52:21.359 into over the four years, I gained ten pounds a year. 0:52:21.360 --> 0:52:23.960 I gained fifty pounds over four to five years, and 0:52:24.320 --> 0:52:26.520 to reach two hundred and thirty pounds at my peak 0:52:26.800 --> 0:52:30.400 at five ft one. And that's why even though even 0:52:30.440 --> 0:52:32.720 though people are saying, girl, you're not a BBW anymore. 0:52:33.040 --> 0:52:35.279 I've posted my before and after picks. I've been very 0:52:35.640 --> 0:52:39.280 open about the procedure, what it's caused, as far as complications. Afterwards, 0:52:39.480 --> 0:52:41.360 I talked about my acid reflux now that I have 0:52:41.719 --> 0:52:43.799 and it's super bad now and the things that I've 0:52:43.800 --> 0:52:46.520 had to change what I'm eating. And so, yes, this 0:52:46.680 --> 0:52:48.840 girl did this weight loss and now she's like flawing 0:52:48.880 --> 0:52:50.920 around and Ladree like, I'm smaller now, so let me 0:52:50.960 --> 0:52:54.000 get into But you're not owning up to the thing 0:52:54.120 --> 0:52:56.600 is you can be somebody that isn't a larger body, 0:52:56.680 --> 0:52:59.640 that is confident, and you might either derive your confidence 0:52:59.680 --> 0:53:01.239 from some where else or you might feel good in 0:53:01.280 --> 0:53:03.600 your body at that time, but at some point it 0:53:03.680 --> 0:53:06.040 doesn't mean that you're not dealing with the very negative 0:53:06.080 --> 0:53:10.080 effects of fat phobia. And if and if you're like 0:53:10.440 --> 0:53:13.759 very upfront and honest with your followers, which I think 0:53:13.800 --> 0:53:15.560 they still owe to us because they're the ones that 0:53:15.600 --> 0:53:17.239 people are actually listening to and they have the reach. 0:53:17.280 --> 0:53:19.360 But I just think it's unfair. And the reason I 0:53:19.440 --> 0:53:21.480 have brought that up is because I always found it 0:53:21.600 --> 0:53:25.440 unfair to say that someone can't love anybody they're in, 0:53:25.680 --> 0:53:27.400 which is really why I liked with Lizzo said to 0:53:27.440 --> 0:53:29.360 Charlotte Mane when he was like, you wouldn't look at 0:53:29.360 --> 0:53:31.000 the kids, she was like, oh, I would look good regardless, 0:53:31.000 --> 0:53:32.600 which I didn't really. I didn't really like that that 0:53:32.880 --> 0:53:35.040 interview because he was so focused on the fact that 0:53:35.200 --> 0:53:37.840 she was not only just that, but like that she 0:53:37.920 --> 0:53:40.320 had lost a significant amount of weight. She was homeless, 0:53:40.840 --> 0:53:42.400 So why are you like focused on the weight that 0:53:42.480 --> 0:53:45.440 she lost. Yeah, she like during that she used to 0:53:45.480 --> 0:53:47.800 be homeless, and like she would like go to the 0:53:48.080 --> 0:53:50.000 like Trony for our fitness and shower in there, and 0:53:50.080 --> 0:53:52.560 like she literally lost a lot of weight because she 0:53:52.719 --> 0:53:55.000 was homeless and he wasn't. She couldn't afford food. Yeah, 0:53:55.000 --> 0:53:56.920 And he was stuck on how she looked when she 0:53:57.040 --> 0:53:58.920 lost the weight, and I'm just like, you're asking her 0:53:58.960 --> 0:54:01.200 about how much weight she lost and what she looked 0:54:01.239 --> 0:54:03.080 like and trying to compare back to how she looks 0:54:03.120 --> 0:54:06.320 now she was fucking homeless? Are you kidding? So she's like, 0:54:06.400 --> 0:54:09.160 he's more focused on the weight loss and the fact 0:54:09.200 --> 0:54:11.400 that she had no food to eat she was homeless. 0:54:11.600 --> 0:54:15.120 I watched an entire episode because I was like, okay, alright, 0:54:15.120 --> 0:54:16.480 because all my friends like did you see it? Did 0:54:16.520 --> 0:54:18.200 you see us? Like na, So I watched it. I 0:54:18.320 --> 0:54:20.319 honestly don't think they focused enough on her music. They 0:54:20.360 --> 0:54:22.120 focused a lot on her body. But then what I've 0:54:22.120 --> 0:54:24.640 really found disrespectful was him focusing on her weight loss 0:54:24.680 --> 0:54:27.000 during her homeless I think people are obsessed with focusing 0:54:27.200 --> 0:54:30.040 on her body because, well, one thing I want to 0:54:30.040 --> 0:54:31.719 talk about that I know you're gonna disagree with, but 0:54:33.640 --> 0:54:37.160 I wanted to talk about like fat phobia, trolling one 0:54:37.239 --> 0:54:41.439 if it's real, how it opened everyone's eyes with Lizzos ship, 0:54:42.239 --> 0:54:44.839 and I'm weird. I'm still like it took that long 0:54:45.239 --> 0:54:48.359 to like show everybody something to really be happening, right, 0:54:48.840 --> 0:54:51.360 and it's been happening. I mean, I think that it 0:54:51.480 --> 0:54:54.960 was more like mainstream because it was so jarring. But 0:54:55.080 --> 0:54:57.320 here's my main question for you, because I was teetering 0:54:57.360 --> 0:54:59.880 back and forth a lot on this one. I did 0:55:00.120 --> 0:55:02.680 like the outfit, It's okay not to like the Alpha 0:55:03.120 --> 0:55:06.279 was hideous too. I started getting confused in my head 0:55:06.320 --> 0:55:09.000 because I didn't like people's reactions, and then I was like, no, 0:55:09.080 --> 0:55:11.279 I'm team Lizzo Fuckett. But then I was like, yo, 0:55:12.280 --> 0:55:14.640 am I really serious because I didn't like the outfit. 0:55:14.880 --> 0:55:18.840 It's like, like Crystal said, it's okay to be in 0:55:19.000 --> 0:55:22.200 both camps at the same time, because I honestly think 0:55:22.280 --> 0:55:24.360 that was a terrible outfit. I'm not gonna lie. I 0:55:24.480 --> 0:55:27.560 have T shirt dresses, so when I saw the first photo, 0:55:27.680 --> 0:55:31.759 I'm like, Okay, she's in the T shirt dresses and 0:55:33.320 --> 0:55:36.600 so like, I honestly feel like the outfit is terrible, 0:55:36.800 --> 0:55:40.680 but it is the reaction to it is very much 0:55:40.800 --> 0:55:43.080 like something that needed to be calling the question whether 0:55:43.200 --> 0:55:46.040 or not her like not the actual questions or like 0:55:46.200 --> 0:55:50.319 not the actual outfits appropriateness as a whole, because because 0:55:50.360 --> 0:55:54.320 I feel like the kids too, because what they watched 0:55:54.360 --> 0:55:57.839 poor on their phones, same same thing a few weeks, 0:55:57.960 --> 0:56:01.439 the same thing then. But then after this, she also 0:56:01.560 --> 0:56:03.640 talked with her panties out in Chick fil A, like 0:56:04.520 --> 0:56:07.200 I did not see that. It's just it's just a 0:56:07.280 --> 0:56:11.279 lot so to me, so um so. Jerome Trammel was 0:56:12.160 --> 0:56:15.200 our opener host to our show in Atlanta, and he 0:56:15.360 --> 0:56:18.040 brought up the post of fat phobia. I want to 0:56:18.080 --> 0:56:20.120 ask you because this is me and him went back 0:56:20.120 --> 0:56:21.960 and forth a little bit on it, and even when 0:56:22.000 --> 0:56:23.880 we had our guests and we talked about Lozzo a 0:56:23.960 --> 0:56:27.160 few weeks ago, Um, this is do you know what 0:56:27.440 --> 0:56:30.880 she's talking about? He's slim. So my question to you, 0:56:31.680 --> 0:56:34.960 um is, so to me, when people bring up these 0:56:35.040 --> 0:56:39.520 fat phobia problems that people are portraying to meet, I 0:56:39.640 --> 0:56:43.040 don't like someone to point out that it's fat phobic. 0:56:43.120 --> 0:56:45.680 Mind you, we brought up she could be asking for attention. 0:56:45.960 --> 0:56:47.960 The outfit is terrible. There's all these things. And so 0:56:48.440 --> 0:56:51.440 let me ask your opinion on people who decided to 0:56:51.480 --> 0:56:55.239 bring up fat phobia who have never experienced fatphobia. Do 0:56:55.400 --> 0:56:58.960 you find it okay for them to kind of pledge Oh, 0:56:59.040 --> 0:57:01.160 y'all are all fat phobic? It only because she's fat. No, 0:57:01.320 --> 0:57:03.200 because I think it's hollow. And if you're not going 0:57:03.280 --> 0:57:05.000 to do the work to actually explain to people why 0:57:05.040 --> 0:57:07.440 it's platphobic in terms of like the semantics and the 0:57:07.840 --> 0:57:10.440 language used around what was happening, as opposed to just 0:57:10.520 --> 0:57:12.840 jumping on this bandwagon that you think is pally correct. 0:57:13.040 --> 0:57:15.080 And that's where that's where the hollow that's where the 0:57:15.160 --> 0:57:18.240 hollowness is like okay, but like and that's why it 0:57:18.320 --> 0:57:20.280 turns other people off when you're trying to discuss what 0:57:20.320 --> 0:57:22.680 fat phobia is because like, like I said, it's possible 0:57:22.720 --> 0:57:24.760 to think that ALFA was terrible because it was, but 0:57:24.920 --> 0:57:27.640 also when you see the criticism surrounding the outfit, none 0:57:27.680 --> 0:57:31.040 of it really makes Nobody wants to say yeah, but 0:57:31.120 --> 0:57:34.200 like it just nobody wants to see that it was 0:57:34.280 --> 0:57:36.080 like all of these things people are like literally cherry 0:57:36.120 --> 0:57:38.720 picking out of like what is appropriate to be shown. 0:57:38.800 --> 0:57:40.480 They were talking about the seats being dirty, and they 0:57:40.520 --> 0:57:42.520 were talking about the children, and I'm like, okay, but 0:57:42.640 --> 0:57:45.320 like I'm not even trying to be that person. Your 0:57:45.400 --> 0:57:48.800 children see a lot worse on a daily basis, so therefore, 0:57:49.320 --> 0:57:51.760 a big black woman's ass is not going to corrupt 0:57:51.800 --> 0:57:54.560 your children. The children thing I actually got really annoyed 0:57:54.600 --> 0:57:58.640 with because the cheerleaders, which everybody, everybody's critiquing it. It's 0:57:58.640 --> 0:58:02.880 like literally the cheerleaders are right, there's seat thing. But 0:58:03.400 --> 0:58:04.760 I think that the seat thing was also like a 0:58:04.840 --> 0:58:06.800 random thing to pull out. It was random because everybody 0:58:06.800 --> 0:58:08.720 wanted to have something to say that wasn't fat over it, 0:58:09.360 --> 0:58:11.040 or they wanted to make it seem like it wasn't 0:58:11.080 --> 0:58:15.080 fact right, So that situation I didn't I didn't read 0:58:15.160 --> 0:58:17.800 what he said. Um, so I can't really comment on 0:58:17.880 --> 0:58:21.120 it too much, but I am curious to know how 0:58:21.400 --> 0:58:24.640 do people and this I guess could go in a 0:58:24.720 --> 0:58:27.680 box for white people with their Black Lives Matter ship, 0:58:27.840 --> 0:58:32.440 which gets super annoying sometimes. How does skinny people then 0:58:32.720 --> 0:58:37.560 become allies and especially with intersexual feminism, not celebrate bigger 0:58:37.600 --> 0:58:41.920 women's bodies and then be called like you know, just 0:58:42.200 --> 0:58:44.320 using your verbon hollow like he's not a woman, right, 0:58:44.320 --> 0:58:48.240 he's an LGBTQ advocate, So it's like, okay, I'm all 0:58:48.320 --> 0:58:51.040 four women, I'm all for people. How do you keep 0:58:51.120 --> 0:58:54.280 in that box and and and be with your activism 0:58:54.320 --> 0:58:56.880 and support people but then not be called like it 0:58:56.960 --> 0:58:58.920 can't be opportunistic? Why are you wait till now to 0:58:59.000 --> 0:59:01.880 say something? She can do with fatphobia since her career started. 0:59:02.320 --> 0:59:04.240 It wasn't just this this might have been like this 0:59:04.360 --> 0:59:06.040 might have been like the tipping point, but this is not. 0:59:06.560 --> 0:59:08.800 So you feel that that's I think a good point 0:59:08.840 --> 0:59:11.400 to see. So like using that as the catalysts can't 0:59:11.400 --> 0:59:13.520 be performative, and I feel like a lot of people 0:59:13.640 --> 0:59:16.840 that we're like, Na, this is fat phobic, without willing 0:59:16.920 --> 0:59:18.800 to offer a follow up in terms of what fat 0:59:18.840 --> 0:59:20.960 phobia is and show examples of how she's been dealing 0:59:21.040 --> 0:59:23.760 with this. What is it? And fat phobia is a 0:59:24.000 --> 0:59:30.360 very negative set of attitudes, behaviors, and societal like beliefs 0:59:30.440 --> 0:59:32.840 about somebody that lives in a larger body that's not 0:59:32.920 --> 0:59:35.760 seen as socially acceptable. And that literally is a systemic 0:59:35.840 --> 0:59:38.680 issue to the point where it affects uh, it affects insurance, 0:59:38.920 --> 0:59:41.560 health insurance, being able to have your children with you, 0:59:43.320 --> 0:59:45.280 It affects how you shop, It affects your employment and 0:59:45.320 --> 0:59:48.720 effect get paid. It affects everything, And people don't want 0:59:48.760 --> 0:59:51.120 to acknowledge that because it's still seen as something that 0:59:51.200 --> 0:59:53.040 you can change, because it's not like being born with 0:59:53.120 --> 0:59:56.400 a leg or not being born, you know, with like 0:59:56.440 --> 0:59:58.720 a skin disease or something like. It's something that they're like, well, 0:59:58.760 --> 1:00:01.520 you should have or control over this, and it's also 1:00:01.640 --> 1:00:04.760 seen as a moral issue because with the Ten Commandments 1:00:04.840 --> 1:00:11.320 and people talking about how gluttony is one of that's 1:00:11.360 --> 1:00:15.960 directly tied to morality and over feeding yourself, that the 1:00:16.120 --> 1:00:19.160 result of a larger body is over training when they 1:00:19.200 --> 1:00:20.880 don't think about the fact that a lot of people 1:00:20.960 --> 1:00:23.000 are born. I've been fat since I was a child. 1:00:23.120 --> 1:00:25.240 This is not something that just happened. When I went 1:00:25.280 --> 1:00:26.960 through a time. That was a conversation I had this 1:00:27.040 --> 1:00:29.880 morning with the dude. I was stating right like, um, 1:00:30.080 --> 1:00:31.960 I was writing out things I wanted to talk about 1:00:32.000 --> 1:00:34.160 with you, and I was like, you know, I know 1:00:34.280 --> 1:00:36.040 a lot of girls online that are bigger than me. 1:00:36.240 --> 1:00:39.920 When I would post myself and lingerie and what my 1:00:40.000 --> 1:00:41.600 stomach wasn't all the late flat and I would talk 1:00:41.600 --> 1:00:44.360 about a fuba, they would get angry with me. Girls 1:00:44.440 --> 1:00:45.920 around my side and be like, oh yeah, I got 1:00:45.960 --> 1:00:49.080 a muffin top today. It fluctuates daa. But girls that 1:00:49.200 --> 1:00:51.600 were significantly bigger than me, we're not working with me 1:00:51.680 --> 1:00:54.880 for it. I don't preach positivity because it's not my lane. 1:00:55.200 --> 1:00:57.560 I don't need to um and it's just not something 1:00:57.600 --> 1:01:00.560 I connect with as much as I connect with feminism. However, 1:01:01.200 --> 1:01:05.000 I am interested in knowing how you feel when, when 1:01:05.080 --> 1:01:07.160 and if a girl my size would say something like that, 1:01:07.840 --> 1:01:10.880 and if you feel like we can because that conversation 1:01:10.920 --> 1:01:13.120 about this conversation on the podcast and we we went 1:01:13.200 --> 1:01:15.560 back and forth. I told her, I told you, I 1:01:15.640 --> 1:01:17.640 thought that I agreed with you. Yeah, I didn't. I 1:01:17.720 --> 1:01:21.720 didn't really care first someone her size to even be 1:01:21.880 --> 1:01:25.200 doing the food or body positivity type don't do positivity 1:01:25.240 --> 1:01:27.640 type post. But I love my body. Well, first of all, 1:01:27.680 --> 1:01:30.200 I'm not body positive. I don't like body positively. At 1:01:30.200 --> 1:01:32.160 the current state it is right now, I think it's 1:01:32.320 --> 1:01:34.440 very performative. The people that needed the least are the 1:01:34.480 --> 1:01:38.160 people that benefit from the most. And I honestly feel 1:01:38.160 --> 1:01:40.920 at this point it is now a marketing point and 1:01:40.960 --> 1:01:43.200 we're going to move on to something else chasing. But 1:01:43.320 --> 1:01:49.280 there's another thing cloud chasing for ad companies that are however, 1:01:50.080 --> 1:01:52.640 there's an thing with that though. Bro, when I'm on 1:01:52.720 --> 1:01:55.400 the subway and now I see big girls in lingerie, 1:01:56.040 --> 1:01:58.280 are they cloud chasing me? Or and now we're putting 1:01:58.280 --> 1:02:00.320 it in everybody says it isn't better? Is it an 1:02:00.440 --> 1:02:02.560 is it an ad of a company? That's already made 1:02:02.600 --> 1:02:08.800 sizes for us or because but that's the thing where 1:02:08.840 --> 1:02:12.000 I'm like, okay, you gotta take it, like I like 1:02:12.200 --> 1:02:15.880 seeing it. And I also understand how someone who can 1:02:15.920 --> 1:02:18.080 be bigger can say it's cloud chasy or it's bullshit, 1:02:18.200 --> 1:02:21.080 but so now they're not supposed to well I can 1:02:21.160 --> 1:02:22.920 I can get that from Like when the answering the 1:02:22.960 --> 1:02:25.400 first question you ask, I think that when smaller women 1:02:25.600 --> 1:02:28.280 or like straight sized women as they're usually called, are 1:02:28.400 --> 1:02:31.160 able to talk about their body in a way that 1:02:31.840 --> 1:02:34.560 um kind of talks about what they feel are flaws 1:02:34.760 --> 1:02:37.600 or what they're uncomfortable with on their body, the language 1:02:37.640 --> 1:02:40.560 that they're using is something that they already um attribute 1:02:40.600 --> 1:02:42.800 as negative that somebody else is already living with. So 1:02:43.000 --> 1:02:44.720 like if you're like, oh I have a fopa, Oh 1:02:44.800 --> 1:02:47.240 I have muffin top, Oh I have roles, Oh I 1:02:47.320 --> 1:02:49.840 feel fat, it's just like I don't know if you'll 1:02:49.880 --> 1:02:51.200 talked about it in a way of like there's a 1:02:51.240 --> 1:02:53.920 difference between feeling fat and being fat, and you're already 1:02:53.920 --> 1:02:57.480 attributing negative word because you already know how fat people 1:02:57.480 --> 1:02:59.919 are treating. I really like that feeling fat and being 1:03:00.120 --> 1:03:05.440 fat because because now that's what I find interesting. I 1:03:05.480 --> 1:03:08.040 want to say one more time, I've never ever I 1:03:08.160 --> 1:03:10.240 do not do body positivity posts because that's not my 1:03:10.640 --> 1:03:13.240 either don't like but you see it's not on there. 1:03:14.520 --> 1:03:18.200 But I definitely always talk about FOPA because I have 1:03:18.720 --> 1:03:22.919 a really big fluctuating into my weight and oh, I've 1:03:23.040 --> 1:03:26.640 noticed that I've felt uncomfortable and which is why I 1:03:26.680 --> 1:03:29.280 wanted to take ownership of it. When the girls are 1:03:29.320 --> 1:03:32.280 talking about flaws that are straight sized women, like you said, 1:03:33.400 --> 1:03:38.920 do you feel like that is ownership of it or 1:03:39.120 --> 1:03:43.400 it's them brushing off criticism of what could be because 1:03:43.600 --> 1:03:46.479 I don't think it's ownership. I think it literally is them, 1:03:48.240 --> 1:03:50.080 like if you want to, I think it's a because 1:03:50.120 --> 1:03:52.160 I don't believe in absolutism. I think it's like a 1:03:52.200 --> 1:03:55.320 whole spectrum of like how they feel fatness affects them, 1:03:55.360 --> 1:03:58.040 because like I tell people, fat phobia affects everybody. They 1:03:58.040 --> 1:04:00.240 are not fat or terrified and being fat. There are 1:04:00.280 --> 1:04:03.320 studies showing that people rather be blind than fat, and 1:04:04.040 --> 1:04:07.000 would rather have other terrible things happen to them physically 1:04:07.520 --> 1:04:09.520 to be fat. Because all the people want to deny 1:04:09.560 --> 1:04:11.880 fat phobia, they know what fat phobia is they know 1:04:11.960 --> 1:04:13.520 how fat people are treated. They know how fat people 1:04:14.160 --> 1:04:17.520 mentally systematically. So so that's why when I was like, 1:04:17.640 --> 1:04:22.000 it's not fair the worst, they're the worst because it's 1:04:22.040 --> 1:04:24.320 perfectly set up to not have fat people there, especially 1:04:24.320 --> 1:04:25.600 in New York. When I moved here and I would 1:04:25.600 --> 1:04:27.840 make funs. I look at slim ask restaurants, there's like 1:04:27.960 --> 1:04:30.600 four chairs in there and it's like this small, most 1:04:30.720 --> 1:04:33.040 like table. It is set up in a way to 1:04:33.200 --> 1:04:36.560 where fat people are not allowed to participate. Come to society, 1:04:36.680 --> 1:04:38.480 and if they have a problem with it, they need 1:04:38.520 --> 1:04:40.280 to go lose weight so that they can conform to 1:04:40.320 --> 1:04:43.080 what society thinks it's acceptable enough to treat them with 1:04:43.200 --> 1:04:46.360 respect is human beings. And when you have somebody that 1:04:46.560 --> 1:04:49.520 already gets that respect just by just off of the 1:04:49.560 --> 1:04:52.760 strength of then existing in a non fat body, attributing 1:04:53.000 --> 1:04:56.280 all of these negative factors to problem areas they feel 1:04:57.040 --> 1:04:59.720 are issues on their body because you're not being treated 1:04:59.760 --> 1:05:01.479 like us in a person, because you have a food, 1:05:02.360 --> 1:05:04.040 not being treated like you can't raise your own children 1:05:04.040 --> 1:05:05.840 because you have a muff. You can do things like 1:05:06.040 --> 1:05:08.880 I'll remember, seven months before my surgery, I went with 1:05:09.040 --> 1:05:11.000 my coworkers. This is when I was working at an 1:05:11.040 --> 1:05:13.440 investment bank and me and all of the co workers 1:05:13.480 --> 1:05:15.160 that were on my level, we went to six Flags. 1:05:15.560 --> 1:05:17.520 Do you know do you know one of the rides 1:05:18.400 --> 1:05:21.680 the thing it wouldn't close. Do you get do you know? 1:05:22.200 --> 1:05:24.560 Do you know? That's when that's when, honestly, a lot 1:05:24.600 --> 1:05:27.200 of people are like, like, you know, but you were shapely, 1:05:27.240 --> 1:05:30.320 you weren't that big. I've been on planes where I 1:05:30.440 --> 1:05:34.480 got in the emergency seat and the bar didn't lift up, 1:05:34.720 --> 1:05:37.280 and so I felt squashed on an airplane seat. So 1:05:37.400 --> 1:05:40.360 when I went to six Flags and the thing wentn't closed, 1:05:40.400 --> 1:05:46.240 and he's literally trying between my you're not ride this ride. 1:05:47.360 --> 1:05:50.200 I cannot ride this ride with my coworkers because of 1:05:50.240 --> 1:05:53.240 my size. So that's like my problem. When I see 1:05:53.600 --> 1:05:56.280 the slim people talking about, you know, their size, their 1:05:56.280 --> 1:05:57.800 food with their arms there, Oh my god, on this, 1:05:57.880 --> 1:06:01.040 I'm not That's where like it didn't it internalizes with me, 1:06:01.160 --> 1:06:03.880 like you have no fucking idea. Yes you may not 1:06:04.040 --> 1:06:06.680 like your pupa, but there's been things that I have 1:06:06.920 --> 1:06:09.120 not been able to physically do. Even when I went 1:06:09.120 --> 1:06:11.600 to Dubai, a little African flew me to Dubai. We 1:06:11.680 --> 1:06:15.800 went to the NASCAR Ferrari. There's a Ferrari World out 1:06:15.840 --> 1:06:18.760 in Abu Dhabi. We went there. One of the riots, 1:06:19.000 --> 1:06:21.480 it wouldn't close over my hips and thighs and we 1:06:21.600 --> 1:06:23.200 literally had to get up and I was in tears. 1:06:23.240 --> 1:06:25.560 I was like, I'm ready to go. But in my size, 1:06:25.600 --> 1:06:27.960 there have been things that I was not physically able 1:06:28.000 --> 1:06:30.560 to do. I joke about not writing Dick because it's 1:06:30.560 --> 1:06:32.280 a lie. I'd had a breath, yeah, all that. But 1:06:32.360 --> 1:06:34.480 when I was bigger, there were literally things that I 1:06:34.520 --> 1:06:37.720 could not physically do that happened around people and they 1:06:37.760 --> 1:06:40.760 saw that because of my size, I was affected. So 1:06:40.840 --> 1:06:43.760 in talking about body positivity and people who are smaller 1:06:43.800 --> 1:06:46.600 and people who I believe like cloud chase off of 1:06:46.680 --> 1:06:49.760 this body positivity movement, when it comes to people who 1:06:50.160 --> 1:06:53.840 are slim and who have never been a victim of 1:06:53.960 --> 1:06:56.720 fat phobia, I do have problems with people trying to 1:06:56.760 --> 1:06:59.240 bring the conversation of fat phobia when that's something they've 1:06:59.280 --> 1:07:06.920 never ever had to experienced a series of isolated incidences, 1:07:07.000 --> 1:07:09.560 And I feel like, because there's still, for lack of 1:07:09.640 --> 1:07:11.960 a better phrase, there's still not enough room to have 1:07:12.080 --> 1:07:14.720 conversations about fat phobia. I really do think that if 1:07:15.640 --> 1:07:19.080 if finism wants to continue progressing and be intersexual, especially 1:07:19.080 --> 1:07:21.200 since we go into this next wave, we're going to 1:07:21.320 --> 1:07:23.960 have to address fat phobia. We're already getting to a 1:07:24.040 --> 1:07:27.200 point where we're being forced with Sesta Foster to discuss 1:07:27.840 --> 1:07:31.640 horophobia and like decriminalizing sex work because we had to 1:07:31.760 --> 1:07:33.840 actually throw in people's spaces. There had to be put 1:07:33.920 --> 1:07:36.320 something put in place to have everybody pay attention, which 1:07:36.360 --> 1:07:38.720 they didn't, And now everybody trying to ax surprise that 1:07:38.960 --> 1:07:41.600 Instagram and dating apps and all these other websites are 1:07:41.640 --> 1:07:44.480 now blocking them for content and like censoring stuff. Everybody's 1:07:44.480 --> 1:07:46.560 trying to act surprise, like Wow, maybe if you would 1:07:46.600 --> 1:07:48.360 listen to all the sex workers that were talking about 1:07:48.560 --> 1:07:50.560 what Sessa Foster is going to do instead of actually 1:07:50.600 --> 1:07:52.920 helping the people they think they're going to help, we 1:07:52.960 --> 1:07:54.720 wouldn't be in a situation. But I think it's going 1:07:54.760 --> 1:07:56.760 to get to a point where they're going to have 1:07:57.000 --> 1:07:59.040 to listen because it doesn't just affect whether or not 1:07:59.120 --> 1:08:02.720 I'm buying close somewhere, which fun facts like three places 1:08:02.760 --> 1:08:04.640 in New York I could buy closed places, But it's 1:08:04.680 --> 1:08:08.600 also yeah, but it's also affecting it on a personal level, 1:08:08.760 --> 1:08:10.800 and like what I talk about with my pages that 1:08:10.960 --> 1:08:13.040 talked it affects me on a sexual level too, because 1:08:13.080 --> 1:08:17.120 I'm expected to not even know what sexuality is in 1:08:17.200 --> 1:08:19.160 a larger body, and I'm, like she said, I'm only 1:08:19.200 --> 1:08:21.680 supposed to like take what i can get, be appreciative 1:08:21.720 --> 1:08:24.960 of whatever dick's coming back, be fetishized, or like shut 1:08:25.000 --> 1:08:27.360 the funk up about it. And everybody's response when you 1:08:27.439 --> 1:08:30.599 bring up fat phobia is either their discomfort, their body 1:08:30.640 --> 1:08:32.280 issues they want to share with you not in a 1:08:32.360 --> 1:08:34.400 fat body, but also the fact that if you want 1:08:34.400 --> 1:08:36.400 to be treated better, you have to lose a significant 1:08:36.439 --> 1:08:38.000 amount of weight to be even treated as a human, 1:08:38.080 --> 1:08:41.040 which I still think it's gross because why can't I'll 1:08:41.040 --> 1:08:43.240 be treated as a human while I'm taking dick, Like 1:08:43.760 --> 1:08:46.599 so you're you're basically saying that you're gonna put your 1:08:46.640 --> 1:08:49.280 dick in anything. But I'm not a person, And during 1:08:49.320 --> 1:08:52.479 that situation, the lead up to, during, and after, I 1:08:52.520 --> 1:08:54.320 don't have to be treated as a person or expect 1:08:54.360 --> 1:08:56.439 to be treated as a person because as a fat person, 1:08:56.520 --> 1:08:59.240 I don't deserve humanity. And that's what it is. That's 1:08:59.280 --> 1:09:01.519 like at the very core of it. And that's why 1:09:01.560 --> 1:09:04.120 I wanted to discuss it more in terms of sexuality, 1:09:04.160 --> 1:09:05.760 because like that leads to a lot of like that 1:09:05.880 --> 1:09:08.000 that is a part of rape culture, and people don't 1:09:08.080 --> 1:09:12.120 understand how like being socialized to be used as an 1:09:12.160 --> 1:09:15.360 instrument just to be seen as like desirable happens a 1:09:15.439 --> 1:09:16.800 lot with a lot of fact when whether or not 1:09:16.840 --> 1:09:18.800 you're in charge of her sexuality, whether or not you're 1:09:18.800 --> 1:09:21.920 more like assertive with it, there has been a like instance, 1:09:21.960 --> 1:09:24.840 like an instance or ongoing situation where you feel like 1:09:24.920 --> 1:09:26.439 this is the only thing that I can provide to 1:09:26.479 --> 1:09:28.479 this person to keep them around because they do not 1:09:28.560 --> 1:09:30.280 see me as a person. That's where I really wanted 1:09:30.280 --> 1:09:32.160 you to come because I feel like after watching a 1:09:32.200 --> 1:09:34.120 lot of your stories and stuff like that, and even 1:09:34.280 --> 1:09:39.240 someone that doesn't experience it, like just wanting just knowing 1:09:39.280 --> 1:09:41.960 our listeners seeing what they look like, I know I 1:09:42.080 --> 1:09:46.400 need it like a little bit, like do it. It's 1:09:46.439 --> 1:09:48.799 not about seeing it, it's about recognizing that you benefit 1:09:48.880 --> 1:09:51.560 from it. So like ask somebody that's not in a 1:09:51.640 --> 1:09:56.559 fat body, you're like already benefiting from fat phobia because 1:09:56.600 --> 1:09:59.360 you're being being treated better out of spite of fatphobia, 1:09:59.439 --> 1:10:01.400 because you're not in a fat body, so therefore you're 1:10:01.439 --> 1:10:04.280 not you're not existing in a way that is so 1:10:04.640 --> 1:10:07.800 like seen as a failure at moral failure, like an 1:10:07.800 --> 1:10:11.599 employment failure, social failure. So you're being seen as somebody 1:10:11.720 --> 1:10:13.600 that is human. And even though it might I'm not 1:10:13.640 --> 1:10:16.080 saying nothing bad happens to you because you're not fat, 1:10:16.160 --> 1:10:17.800 but it's just like the way that you're being treated 1:10:17.840 --> 1:10:20.679 an approached by people, talk to you, by people, treated 1:10:20.680 --> 1:10:24.320 by your partners. Oh, I know and acknowledge that. I mean, listen, 1:10:24.400 --> 1:10:26.760 I don't deal with fat phobia too often or have 1:10:26.840 --> 1:10:30.160 too many conversations about it, but I know that around you. 1:10:30.400 --> 1:10:33.280 I knew that it was necessary because of one people 1:10:33.320 --> 1:10:37.280 around me, to our listeners, and three the fact that 1:10:38.000 --> 1:10:40.120 if I am a feminist and is and this is true, 1:10:40.200 --> 1:10:43.120 I have to consider all women and what they look like. Yeah, 1:10:43.120 --> 1:10:44.679 and you have to consider all the ways in which 1:10:44.680 --> 1:10:48.519 you benefit from something that purely exists, because people do 1:10:48.680 --> 1:10:51.360 not think that people that live in larger bodies are human. 1:10:51.439 --> 1:10:53.280 And I felt like this was necessary to just to 1:10:53.439 --> 1:10:56.479 know that, like we all might treat people that are 1:10:56.560 --> 1:10:58.960 bigger than us away and not even see it. And 1:10:59.040 --> 1:11:02.599 I really wanted that I opening perspective from someone else. 1:11:02.640 --> 1:11:04.800 I mean, you know, Mandy has been through weight loss, 1:11:05.120 --> 1:11:07.479 I mean journey and done so many episodes on it, 1:11:07.520 --> 1:11:10.400 and it always feels like it's never enough of a 1:11:10.479 --> 1:11:13.800 combo because at the end of the day, I go 1:11:13.920 --> 1:11:16.080 through instances all the time where I'm seeing it happened, 1:11:16.120 --> 1:11:18.640 whether Niggas is talking about big Girls, whether it's on 1:11:18.720 --> 1:11:23.000 online every day, just the fucking Lizzo wave, like it's 1:11:23.200 --> 1:11:26.160 all of the fucking time, and it's like, especially after 1:11:26.240 --> 1:11:28.760 that ship, I was like, I just want one more 1:11:29.080 --> 1:11:32.200 where people can actually know and understand how it feels 1:11:32.200 --> 1:11:34.479 on the other side because I don't know, right. And 1:11:34.840 --> 1:11:37.599 like I said, when I say food and things like that, um, 1:11:38.439 --> 1:11:40.640 it's not a guilt trip to make someone feel bad 1:11:40.720 --> 1:11:43.240 for me because I don't need it. I'm just saying 1:11:43.720 --> 1:11:45.160 I love and like my body the way it is. 1:11:45.240 --> 1:11:47.680 But also when you are talking about your body, if 1:11:47.680 --> 1:11:49.920 you're not in a fat body, as a feminist, you 1:11:50.000 --> 1:11:52.360 have to think about whether or not that's something that 1:11:52.520 --> 1:11:55.120 is boring for misogyny or a faphobia. The way that 1:11:55.200 --> 1:11:57.000 I like my body, the way that if you might 1:11:57.080 --> 1:12:01.400 have an issue with your body, because I don't. Because 1:12:01.400 --> 1:12:03.640 a lot of women that aren't fat, they're dealing with 1:12:03.920 --> 1:12:06.439 their body through the lens of misogyny, not fat phobia. 1:12:06.600 --> 1:12:08.880 I think the only way out my body no not 1:12:09.040 --> 1:12:13.320 to wait. I bought tits, and I think I know 1:12:13.520 --> 1:12:16.160 I wanted them, and I wanted them for myself. But 1:12:16.280 --> 1:12:19.200 the older I get, I also know why. I'm like, 1:12:19.360 --> 1:12:21.240 I know it wasn't a man that made me get him, 1:12:21.640 --> 1:12:24.160 but was it? Though? Okay, it's okay to think about it, 1:12:24.240 --> 1:12:27.600 because did I feel less desirable because I didn't have it? 1:12:28.840 --> 1:12:31.680 And like, I definitely think that that's the one thing, 1:12:32.320 --> 1:12:37.160 not particularly weight um, but definitely getting it. And I'm 1:12:37.240 --> 1:12:39.160 super happy I got it because I feel very sexy 1:12:39.200 --> 1:12:41.120 with it. But I've never been a girl with curbs. 1:12:41.160 --> 1:12:43.000 I've never had a big as, i've never had hips. 1:12:43.360 --> 1:12:45.240 I've been teased on this show for not having it 1:12:45.720 --> 1:12:48.599 like that, and I'm not doing that on some victim 1:12:48.600 --> 1:12:51.439 pity party ship because I already know that that's misogyny though, 1:12:51.560 --> 1:12:53.960 but that's also in my mind, like the way that 1:12:54.560 --> 1:12:56.760 I think that some skinny girl should goes just like, oh, 1:12:56.960 --> 1:13:00.479 I'm not curvy enough, and as we've all internalized misogyn right, 1:13:01.320 --> 1:13:03.200 we're brought up with the misogyny. So if it's like 1:13:03.280 --> 1:13:04.840 somebody telling me they don't feel like their curves is 1:13:04.880 --> 1:13:06.720 big enough, their ass is not big enough, that's something 1:13:06.800 --> 1:13:09.400 that's completely different from like fat phobia, because it's like 1:13:10.200 --> 1:13:12.800 you're dealing with things. You're dealing with your body under 1:13:13.280 --> 1:13:16.880 the umbrella. That's a lot more interesting because I've heard 1:13:16.920 --> 1:13:20.800 people say that's skinny bitch wolves. I don't call it 1:13:20.840 --> 1:13:23.920 that anymore because I still be with the ship. I 1:13:24.000 --> 1:13:26.639 think it's I think it's but I think it should 1:13:26.640 --> 1:13:29.840 be looking at and you looked that through another lens, 1:13:29.880 --> 1:13:31.960 because it is through a lens of misogyny and not 1:13:32.160 --> 1:13:34.920 something because because I'm only saying that because that's usually 1:13:34.960 --> 1:13:36.680 what's used as a rebuttal when you say, hey, I 1:13:36.720 --> 1:13:39.479 don't like being treated like ship fat and then they're like, well, 1:13:39.600 --> 1:13:42.680 hey I don't have ass, and all the boys in 1:13:42.800 --> 1:13:44.920 high school and they talked to the curby girls like yeah, 1:13:44.920 --> 1:13:46.760 because those are the one sucking dick to get liked 1:13:47.000 --> 1:13:49.560 and you probably didn't have to. So it's just like you. 1:13:50.000 --> 1:13:54.080 I've never used not having courage because my hair the 1:13:54.120 --> 1:13:55.280 way that braid of my hair did it and it 1:13:55.400 --> 1:14:00.000 was a very awkward six hours. Bitch, I do feel 1:14:00.200 --> 1:14:03.439 like i'd be mad about how like I've been mad 1:14:03.520 --> 1:14:06.400 at like, oh I wish I had this, but I 1:14:06.479 --> 1:14:08.320 don't think I've ever weaponized. And like I nik, I 1:14:08.360 --> 1:14:10.560 don't want me because of this. No, because what's for 1:14:10.680 --> 1:14:12.240 me is for me. Bro See, look, you used the 1:14:12.240 --> 1:14:14.640 word weaponize because that's what they do. Yeah, they do, 1:14:14.840 --> 1:14:17.800 they do. Look at me, I'm my fake why fake wonk. 1:14:17.840 --> 1:14:21.519 I'm just saying through the conversation, I see the wheels turning. No, 1:14:21.640 --> 1:14:23.479 I see the word. I see the wheels turning. I 1:14:23.600 --> 1:14:25.599 see Like you're like, oh that's interesting. Oh like okay, 1:14:25.680 --> 1:14:28.559 because like I'm not saying that then women don't have voes. 1:14:28.600 --> 1:14:31.240 I'm just saying that they're completely different from what something 1:14:31.320 --> 1:14:33.479 else might be doing. So like if I came up 1:14:33.520 --> 1:14:36.479 to you and let's say you were like a white woman, 1:14:36.520 --> 1:14:38.000 and you're just like, oh, I just do it so 1:14:38.200 --> 1:14:41.080 much because men don't respect me and dada, and I'm 1:14:41.120 --> 1:14:45.240 just like okay, but just you know, that's something that 1:14:45.320 --> 1:14:47.720 would usually be used in response to like a black 1:14:47.800 --> 1:14:49.360 woman saying like hey, when I go to work. I 1:14:49.479 --> 1:14:51.640 have to change the volume of my voice. I have 1:14:51.760 --> 1:14:53.519 to code switch. I have to make sure I wear 1:14:53.600 --> 1:14:55.960 things that don't show off my curves too much because 1:14:56.000 --> 1:14:58.800 it will be seen this inappropriate something today. And I 1:14:58.840 --> 1:15:01.080 think the biggest thing that I'll take from you that 1:15:01.240 --> 1:15:05.880 I will change about what I do. I always say 1:15:06.280 --> 1:15:10.960 feeling that I mean. Obviously I'm not saying oh I'm 1:15:11.640 --> 1:15:14.960 I've definitely said I feel fat, and I've never thought 1:15:15.000 --> 1:15:16.560 about what it would feel like for someone else to 1:15:16.640 --> 1:15:19.479 hear that it is, but it's it's in my mind 1:15:19.560 --> 1:15:21.360 how I feel it. Even when I'm on my period, 1:15:21.400 --> 1:15:23.960 I'll use that word I feel like that, and I'm 1:15:24.160 --> 1:15:26.120 definitely not gonna do that anymore. I appreciate you for that. 1:15:26.400 --> 1:15:27.960 I want to get into the homemail before we get 1:15:28.000 --> 1:15:30.439 out of here. Um, this one is good because it 1:15:30.479 --> 1:15:33.080 actually kind of stems to you on what you said 1:15:33.120 --> 1:15:35.360 earlier with the broken negget, so that this is a 1:15:35.520 --> 1:15:38.320 hole that deserves it all. Hey, ladies, I just want 1:15:38.320 --> 1:15:40.439 to start by saying how much I love y'all. You've 1:15:40.520 --> 1:15:43.240 talked me through a pretty painful and dramatic breakup earlier 1:15:43.320 --> 1:15:45.960 this year, and now you're teaching me about this whole 1:15:46.040 --> 1:15:49.040 life and all the craziness that comes with it. Dating 1:15:49.520 --> 1:15:51.400 has been a wash for me lately, since me too. 1:15:51.920 --> 1:15:54.160 I'm not looking to be in a relationship with anyone 1:15:54.560 --> 1:15:56.680 at this time, but I do enjoy getting to know 1:15:56.800 --> 1:15:59.559 new people and going out on dates. Here is where 1:15:59.600 --> 1:16:03.200 the problem lies. My last relationship was with a man 1:16:03.520 --> 1:16:07.000 that didn't have much of anything. He was always in debt, 1:16:07.200 --> 1:16:09.520 never out of car, and had some pretty bad addictions. 1:16:10.040 --> 1:16:12.240 I stayed with him for over three years because I 1:16:12.320 --> 1:16:15.400 felt like I could help fix his situation, and because 1:16:15.439 --> 1:16:20.280 the duke was so bombed and all capitalised me, obviously 1:16:20.520 --> 1:16:22.960 I couldn't. We broke up in four months later, he's 1:16:23.000 --> 1:16:25.280 engaged to a white girl. But that's another story for 1:16:25.320 --> 1:16:30.320 another time. Anyways, I'm twenty three years old, college educated, 1:16:30.320 --> 1:16:33.160 attractive black woman that pays for my own car, apartment, 1:16:33.200 --> 1:16:35.160 and student loans, and I have a pretty great job 1:16:35.200 --> 1:16:39.000 at a nonprofit. Basically, my ass is deserving of a 1:16:39.080 --> 1:16:41.439 man that matches my energy and has the means to 1:16:41.520 --> 1:16:44.400 improve my life. However, all the men I seem to 1:16:44.439 --> 1:16:47.559 attract are typically broke or like ambition of any kind. 1:16:48.120 --> 1:16:50.000 You've done at least two episodes on sugar dating in 1:16:50.040 --> 1:16:52.560 the past, but seeking arrangements is whack. And as a 1:16:52.600 --> 1:16:55.040 black woman, finding the right sugar daddy that is willing 1:16:55.080 --> 1:16:58.800 to consistently spoil mentor and isn't just wanting to pay 1:16:58.880 --> 1:17:02.559 for play, situation is heard outside of sugar daddy's How 1:17:02.600 --> 1:17:05.519 do I position myself to receive the abundant blessings of 1:17:05.640 --> 1:17:08.120 five niggas that are willing to simply show me the 1:17:08.200 --> 1:17:10.720 finer things You both seemed You both seem to do 1:17:10.800 --> 1:17:13.040 it with ease. And I know these men exist here 1:17:13.080 --> 1:17:15.280 in Dallas, Texas. Can't wait to see you guys at 1:17:15.320 --> 1:17:19.120 the show. Love a broke nigga magnet, Come on Dallas. 1:17:19.400 --> 1:17:27.320 They do exist in Dallas, you do. But also they 1:17:27.400 --> 1:17:30.000 got many in Texas, specifically Houston. You have a lot 1:17:30.080 --> 1:17:35.040 of the oil money down there. Um, I would say, here, 1:17:35.280 --> 1:17:37.800 so here's something that me and my friends talk about. Um. 1:17:38.240 --> 1:17:40.160 And you don't have to go out and and buy 1:17:40.600 --> 1:17:44.360 luxury items, but I will say, um, you do attract 1:17:44.439 --> 1:17:48.120 what you put out. Um. So I would say, dressing 1:17:48.160 --> 1:17:50.439 a certain way when you go to either nice restaurants 1:17:50.479 --> 1:17:53.479 or out to a club, making sure your shoes are 1:17:53.560 --> 1:17:56.599 well kept, your outfit is nice, your hair is laid. 1:17:56.840 --> 1:17:59.599 So even just maybe putting more effort into what you're 1:17:59.760 --> 1:18:03.400 put out, keeping your nails done and literally just coming 1:18:03.439 --> 1:18:07.080 across more well kept does attract people who either want 1:18:07.080 --> 1:18:09.599 to spend money on you or people with money. There's 1:18:09.600 --> 1:18:12.800 also two things to be said to with your appearances. 1:18:13.520 --> 1:18:16.640 It's levels, right, like the way that I'm dressed right now, 1:18:16.680 --> 1:18:20.360 I'm wearing like orange pants, big chunky boots and sweater 1:18:20.439 --> 1:18:23.160 or whatever. This is how I like to dress. I'll 1:18:23.200 --> 1:18:25.760 dress casually and when I'm going out and hanging out 1:18:25.760 --> 1:18:28.760 with friends. But there's levels to ship if you want 1:18:28.800 --> 1:18:31.600 to niggle on a different level, and that's not the 1:18:31.720 --> 1:18:34.160 niggas you're running into when I'm in my orange pants 1:18:34.240 --> 1:18:37.599 or chunky heels. You I believe you should dress better 1:18:37.680 --> 1:18:40.280 than normal or even have a tire four that ship. 1:18:40.400 --> 1:18:43.000 Like I had my sugar Daddy clothes. I have my 1:18:43.520 --> 1:18:45.800 solo house clothes. Bro, I have my I'm going on, 1:18:46.160 --> 1:18:48.519 I have Hampton's clothes to loom clothes. Then I have 1:18:48.640 --> 1:18:52.160 my Caid Coon clothes. Like I think that we're like 1:18:52.360 --> 1:18:55.000 just throwing in like that fucking Oh, I've got a 1:18:55.040 --> 1:18:56.519 cute dress that I word to the club. Normally, well, 1:18:56.560 --> 1:18:58.400 don't wear it when you're catching a sugar Daddy because 1:18:58.439 --> 1:19:00.400 that's not the same one. But not aly that just 1:19:00.520 --> 1:19:03.720 knowing your your space. Now you're dressed. So yesterday after 1:19:03.800 --> 1:19:06.559 the studio, UM, I end up going out hanging out 1:19:06.600 --> 1:19:08.720 with my homeboy is Sante. But then one of my 1:19:08.880 --> 1:19:12.639 friends invited me to SLBs. I had on Forces, jeans, 1:19:12.800 --> 1:19:17.080 a sweatshirt, real chill. Then Katie was throwing a holiday 1:19:17.120 --> 1:19:19.840 party at Catch Steak, so his brother hit me and 1:19:19.960 --> 1:19:21.559 was like, Hey, are you coming to the holiday party? 1:19:21.600 --> 1:19:24.240 Kevin's having it and I was like, Nigga, I'm on 1:19:24.360 --> 1:19:26.519 Forces and jeans. I know that I'm not going to 1:19:26.600 --> 1:19:29.000 go in to Catch Steak where there's gonna be other 1:19:29.120 --> 1:19:32.280 NBA players, there's gonna be you know, probably team execs. 1:19:32.360 --> 1:19:34.479 There's gonna be niggas with money. I can't go in 1:19:34.479 --> 1:19:37.160 there with air Forces. I felt way more comfortable meeting 1:19:37.200 --> 1:19:40.639 my other homeboy SLB's chilling, rocking it out. So it's 1:19:40.680 --> 1:19:43.400 also knowing and being aware of the spaces that you're 1:19:43.439 --> 1:19:45.320 gonna be put in. If your friend is inviting you 1:19:45.600 --> 1:19:48.360 to a hotel lobby to have drinks and you know 1:19:48.439 --> 1:19:51.439 it's a nice hotel, definitely dressed the part. If you're 1:19:51.439 --> 1:19:54.240 gonna go to the Lower East Side and have drinks, 1:19:54.680 --> 1:19:57.639 you're probably not gonna find the person that you would 1:19:57.640 --> 1:19:59.160 expect to spend a lot of money on. And I 1:19:59.200 --> 1:20:01.760 think that's another thing too, with like expectations with like 1:20:01.920 --> 1:20:05.640 getting money out of niggas, like not every number you 1:20:05.720 --> 1:20:07.639 get so like and I really I want to talk 1:20:07.640 --> 1:20:09.439 about Cutty with this because I think she might have 1:20:09.479 --> 1:20:10.920 mentioned in her book and I read her book two 1:20:11.000 --> 1:20:15.760 years ago, but like, if you're, you know, trying to 1:20:15.880 --> 1:20:18.040 get money out of every single nigga you fuck with 1:20:18.160 --> 1:20:21.320 because you're following a person like Cutty who's excelled in 1:20:21.400 --> 1:20:23.600 this or even listening to this show and hearing us 1:20:23.640 --> 1:20:25.640 talk about niggas that we funk with like that, no 1:20:25.720 --> 1:20:28.320 one understand. Everybody at this table is fucking roe nigger right, 1:20:28.640 --> 1:20:31.519 but still has preached about the rich nigga and game 1:20:31.560 --> 1:20:37.880 money cannot pass them in the same net. Like you 1:20:38.040 --> 1:20:39.920 can't think that when you were chilling out a dive 1:20:39.960 --> 1:20:42.559 bar and met a dude that he's going to give 1:20:42.600 --> 1:20:44.840 you the same type of ship that someone else might have. 1:20:45.000 --> 1:20:47.000 It's just I'm not saying you can't. I'm just saying, 1:20:47.120 --> 1:20:51.320 like it's set your expectations realistically where to find them. 1:20:51.600 --> 1:20:53.880 Hotel lobbies are like the number one place I've always 1:20:53.920 --> 1:20:56.200 read online. That's like across the board. What they've said 1:20:56.320 --> 1:21:01.600 is a thing. Yes, because it's undercut a lot, specifically 1:21:01.640 --> 1:21:04.200 on the West coast in l A. Of course, well Vegas, 1:21:04.240 --> 1:21:05.680 it's kind of they don't really do it too much. 1:21:05.800 --> 1:21:07.840 But in l A, my friends would go to the 1:21:07.960 --> 1:21:10.400 nice restaurants and hopes of finding someone, and even sitting 1:21:10.400 --> 1:21:12.320 at a bar they got caught. Well, there was an 1:21:12.360 --> 1:21:15.240 undercover cop because they will look to see if you're 1:21:15.240 --> 1:21:20.720 trying to um, you know, sell yourself. Women as well, Yeah, 1:21:20.920 --> 1:21:22.479 that woman that was just staying at the hotel and 1:21:22.520 --> 1:21:25.439 they were like, obviously you're here, and they kicked up 1:21:25.479 --> 1:21:28.639 the hotel and rest. Oh wow, I didn't hear about this. Yeah, 1:21:29.040 --> 1:21:35.400 So like that if you were trans black, but you 1:21:35.479 --> 1:21:37.360 just can't be in the lobby, why would you in 1:21:37.400 --> 1:21:40.320 the lobby. That's that's insane. But even as my friends, 1:21:40.400 --> 1:21:42.160 you know, with their bodies down, are dressed a certain 1:21:42.200 --> 1:21:45.000 way that people automatically assume they're there for sex work. No, 1:21:45.040 --> 1:21:46.479 but we're just here to get the nice cocktails. We 1:21:46.520 --> 1:21:48.280 have the money to pay for them. But yeah, like, 1:21:48.520 --> 1:21:50.439 and that's been something even being with my friends where 1:21:50.640 --> 1:21:52.640 we've been looked at and we'll be like, oh, they 1:21:52.640 --> 1:21:55.120 think we're here working, even if we're not. We're just 1:21:55.200 --> 1:21:57.320 there to eat good food. It happens to me one 1:21:57.439 --> 1:21:59.280 time where I realized the dude thought I was a hole. 1:21:59.439 --> 1:22:01.600 And when he thought it, I almost I was like, 1:22:01.680 --> 1:22:03.360 I smiled and laughed because I couldn't leave it. I 1:22:03.400 --> 1:22:06.040 was at hunting Fish in New York. That's the number 1:22:06.040 --> 1:22:08.600 one place for sugar daddies, thought fish. If you're in 1:22:08.680 --> 1:22:10.599 New York, hot Fish is where you go to get them. 1:22:10.640 --> 1:22:14.240 But even our cameraman is smiling. That is the number. 1:22:14.720 --> 1:22:19.479 Is the number? The number one. I was in. I 1:22:19.600 --> 1:22:21.439 was suited when I was, you know, working in tech, 1:22:21.560 --> 1:22:23.320 and I came in there, but under my suit I 1:22:23.360 --> 1:22:25.759 were like maybe a lace like thing under the blazer. 1:22:26.720 --> 1:22:29.600 This dude was like from New York, honey and the 1:22:29.680 --> 1:22:31.599 honey thing. I was like, yeah, I'm not from here, 1:22:31.640 --> 1:22:33.280 but you know I live here. And I was like 1:22:33.360 --> 1:22:35.800 I worked nearby and he's like, oh yeah, okay, and 1:22:35.880 --> 1:22:37.639 he's like, well, I'm staying nearby. I was like, oh 1:22:37.680 --> 1:22:40.320 cool number one. I was like, I actually live on 1:22:40.439 --> 1:22:44.400 fifty four right and at the time, And it's funny 1:22:44.400 --> 1:22:46.560 because I didn't realize I was sounding like I was 1:22:46.640 --> 1:22:49.479 being inviting. Yeah, And right before he left, he was 1:22:49.560 --> 1:22:52.720 like listen, like I do this all the time, but 1:22:53.080 --> 1:22:56.439 you know, I think you're great. And I was like, 1:22:56.840 --> 1:22:59.840 oh my god, I'm not at home, but I am no. 1:23:00.479 --> 1:23:02.000 But I was like yeah. When he left, I felt 1:23:02.000 --> 1:23:05.160 insulted and like hot at the same time. Oh my god, 1:23:05.200 --> 1:23:09.160 you were like carry from sexist yet that day. I 1:23:09.320 --> 1:23:11.479 hate that episode because she was really in her feelings 1:23:11.479 --> 1:23:13.400 about that. I was like, grow up Sundays I love 1:23:13.439 --> 1:23:15.920 with Samantha said you have power between your legs and 1:23:16.000 --> 1:23:18.120 he got power in his pocket. It wasn't a direct quote, 1:23:18.120 --> 1:23:19.600 but it was something like that anyway. It was so 1:23:20.200 --> 1:23:21.840 I just realizing whatever the time ed and keeps looking 1:23:21.840 --> 1:23:22.880 at me. I don't know if you ever someone to go. 1:23:22.920 --> 1:23:26.400 Mandy couldn't even be here past two weeks. I was 1:23:26.400 --> 1:23:28.360 about to get scancer. I can't say something real quick though. 1:23:28.680 --> 1:23:30.519 How we were talking about like the whole bad energy 1:23:30.600 --> 1:23:35.160 and closing portal. She like that know how to close man, 1:23:35.240 --> 1:23:39.439 it funny. How many's Mike bro though? How what? How? What? 1:23:40.160 --> 1:23:43.719 Look at your microphone? What about it? Your mic broken? 1:23:43.840 --> 1:23:46.559 Arts energy? I know because the devil dig and I'm 1:23:46.600 --> 1:23:49.120 talking about it. It's not it's one of their wives. 1:23:49.160 --> 1:23:53.880 I'm serious. Listen, let's not talk about everything in the 1:23:53.920 --> 1:23:58.040 studio falls apart. Let's not. Let's really not. I don't 1:23:58.080 --> 1:24:01.840 want to say, God damn this dude. So it's not 1:24:02.000 --> 1:24:06.760 motherfucking double days. Listen, listen this this podcast that don't 1:24:06.760 --> 1:24:11.280 even record out of here anymore. Goddamnit. So anyways, but shots, nigga, 1:24:11.360 --> 1:24:13.519 it ain't the double dick energy. I'm not cursed. It's 1:24:13.560 --> 1:24:17.240 the motherfucking Mike stand anyways, or it is a lord 1:24:17.320 --> 1:24:21.439 father god full at full card pops. Listen, I'm about 1:24:21.479 --> 1:24:25.719 to add to understand or underscore to my name. Maybe 1:24:25.920 --> 1:24:30.519 I think it's one on maybe two. They can and 1:24:30.640 --> 1:24:32.200 they know all my A k A. They don't. They 1:24:32.240 --> 1:24:36.160 don't motherfuckering curse everything. Anyway, before we get out of here, Ashley, 1:24:36.240 --> 1:24:38.560 can you give our listeners where they may find you, 1:24:38.800 --> 1:24:40.720 if you have any websites, if you have anything going on, 1:24:41.320 --> 1:24:44.240 well you can find me an actually, Chubby Bunny Um, 1:24:44.320 --> 1:24:46.639 that's a s H l E. I g H chubby bunny. 1:24:46.680 --> 1:24:48.800 That's all one word on Instagram. I don't really use 1:24:48.840 --> 1:24:51.880 any other social media at the moment. I also in 1:24:51.920 --> 1:24:55.080 the vein of what I'm talking about, have a lingerie 1:24:55.120 --> 1:24:59.200 party coming up February sixteen. Yeah, we have. We had 1:24:59.240 --> 1:25:01.840 wanted June that was called Centerfold. It was laundry party. 1:25:01.880 --> 1:25:04.559 Went really well. So we're doing it again and I'm 1:25:04.600 --> 1:25:06.880 running it with my friend Venus Cuffs, and I'm very 1:25:06.920 --> 1:25:10.040 excited to have that happen again because the first one, 1:25:10.120 --> 1:25:12.080 even though there was drama, it was a success. It 1:25:12.120 --> 1:25:13.479 will be here in New York. It'll be here in 1:25:13.520 --> 1:25:16.080 New York. It would be at three dollar bill in Brooklyn, 1:25:16.280 --> 1:25:18.080 So you have to give us the flyer. I would 1:25:18.120 --> 1:25:20.559 definitely have to post that. Yet we're taking our photos 1:25:20.640 --> 1:25:24.680 like next week, pot I will happen. Yes, so I'll 1:25:24.680 --> 1:25:27.519 get that to you. But that's what we're doing. Awesome, awesome. 1:25:27.560 --> 1:25:30.960 I do appreciate um you coming in here. Um even 1:25:31.160 --> 1:25:35.040 even for us going on tour. When we first decided 1:25:35.080 --> 1:25:37.760 to do merch we we we bought quite a bit 1:25:37.840 --> 1:25:40.000 of shirts. We we bought it in bulk and when 1:25:40.040 --> 1:25:42.599 we brought it to Atlanta as one of our first 1:25:42.640 --> 1:25:45.400 Atlanta shows. This was maybe two years ago. UM, my 1:25:45.520 --> 1:25:48.200 friend who did the table um, who was also bigger, 1:25:48.240 --> 1:25:50.160 she went through the surgery as me. She's like, girl, 1:25:50.240 --> 1:25:51.880 you have people that wanted to buy shirts, and you 1:25:51.960 --> 1:25:54.160 guys did they were too you guys didn't have the 1:25:54.200 --> 1:25:56.920 bigger sizes. So even again, I want to thank our 1:25:56.920 --> 1:25:59.479 patrons because because of you, we did a large order. 1:25:59.560 --> 1:26:01.439 But we went all the way up to three x 1:26:01.640 --> 1:26:04.400 L on our tort shirts just because we do want 1:26:04.439 --> 1:26:10.479 to include Yeah. So um, I do apologize for that 1:26:10.600 --> 1:26:12.800 misstep two years ago for those of you who came 1:26:12.840 --> 1:26:15.080 to our show in Atlanta and couldn't get merged because 1:26:15.080 --> 1:26:17.320 we didn't have your size. Um. But yes, for our 1:26:17.360 --> 1:26:19.040 tour March, we do go all the way into three X. 1:26:19.200 --> 1:26:20.479 And there's that three X kind of looked like I 1:26:20.960 --> 1:26:22.240 tell you right now, I want to take your skinny 1:26:22.240 --> 1:26:24.599 as money, your big as money, Nick money or mom money, 1:26:24.640 --> 1:26:27.840 your old money, and your scamming money. Now I went 1:26:27.920 --> 1:26:29.919 all that. But again I want to thank our patrons. 1:26:30.320 --> 1:26:32.519 Because of you, we were able to do that. If 1:26:32.600 --> 1:26:35.160 you guys, UM, aren't familiar and maybe this is your 1:26:35.200 --> 1:26:37.400 first time listening and you came on over because Ashley 1:26:37.439 --> 1:26:40.640 Chubby Bunny told you to. Um. Do know that we 1:26:40.920 --> 1:26:44.680 do offer three bonus episodes every month, so depending on 1:26:44.720 --> 1:26:46.400 how many Mondays land in that month, you can get 1:26:46.400 --> 1:26:49.200 anywhere between seven and eight episodes in that month. Um, 1:26:49.439 --> 1:26:51.600 and we are going to leave you off with a 1:26:51.680 --> 1:26:54.519 five minute bonus clip front Patreon. If you want to 1:26:54.520 --> 1:26:59.519 become a patron, go to Patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions. Also, 1:27:00.000 --> 1:27:02.680 if you want to submit homemail, definitely go ahead and 1:27:02.800 --> 1:27:06.160 email us at Horrible Decisions at gmail dot com. That's 1:27:06.320 --> 1:27:08.679 w h O R E I b l E decisions 1:27:08.720 --> 1:27:12.160 dot com. Also, we come into a motherfucker's sitting near you, 1:27:12.920 --> 1:27:16.040 So if you haven't yet get your motherfucking tickets to 1:27:16.160 --> 1:27:19.240 see us live, we are bringing Kinksters to the stage. 1:27:19.280 --> 1:27:21.560 We have a lot of invited guests coming out. You 1:27:21.640 --> 1:27:24.479 may be able to see some of our previous guests 1:27:24.680 --> 1:27:26.640 on stage. And it's a hell of a show that 1:27:26.720 --> 1:27:28.800 we give you guys. So if you guys have not yet, 1:27:29.040 --> 1:27:32.400 be sure to purchase your tickets at Horrible Decisions dot 1:27:32.560 --> 1:27:35.680 com and click the city that you're in or one 1:27:35.720 --> 1:27:37.639 that you plan to travel to and it will take 1:27:37.720 --> 1:27:39.840 you right to the landing page of the tickets. Once again, 1:27:39.840 --> 1:27:41.599 we're gonna leave you with a five minute bonus clip 1:27:41.800 --> 1:27:45.120 of our Patreon episode. Once again, thank you Ashley for 1:27:45.240 --> 1:27:48.280 joining us. And this has been yet another episode of 1:27:48.479 --> 1:27:52.280 horrible Decisions. Three things you and your partner app here 1:27:52.320 --> 1:27:55.320 to have in commons so you can answer this. Me 1:27:55.400 --> 1:28:02.400 and you, this is to say six questions to love 1:28:02.479 --> 1:28:08.000 each other. Um, what do we have in common? I 1:28:08.040 --> 1:28:11.000 ain't gonna lie. People listen to us, and I think 1:28:11.040 --> 1:28:13.120 now that we're three years in, they realized we don't 1:28:13.160 --> 1:28:17.559 have much in common outside of tol. We both love 1:28:17.640 --> 1:28:22.320 to suck dick and we we both get our hair 1:28:22.560 --> 1:28:26.519 done with we've we both love to travel, we both 1:28:26.720 --> 1:28:28.840 love we both love our friends a lot. We love 1:28:29.840 --> 1:28:34.160 our friends. We both like ethnic foods. I was gonna 1:28:34.160 --> 1:28:39.719 say we both like bougie things, but I blewis bitten 1:28:40.240 --> 1:28:42.120 per across it. And you see, I got a very 1:28:42.200 --> 1:28:45.040 very jacket. But this is just now like things that 1:28:45.840 --> 1:28:49.920 I couldn't afford. Um, and I also used to so 1:28:50.080 --> 1:28:52.679 the niggas that I've when I talk about sugar daddies 1:28:52.680 --> 1:28:54.280 and stuff like that. All of the men that I've 1:28:54.320 --> 1:28:58.120 dealt with are those that won't buy me. They would 1:28:58.120 --> 1:29:00.679 never they would never buy me tangible thing. They would 1:29:00.680 --> 1:29:03.759 buy me things for school, they would pay for my bills, 1:29:04.120 --> 1:29:07.519 they would do things for my livelihood. But they're they're 1:29:07.680 --> 1:29:12.920 not materialistic niggas. So now that you know, they know, 1:29:13.040 --> 1:29:15.720 I really don't need that money that way, if I 1:29:15.800 --> 1:29:18.160 do ask for something, it's like, oh, I want this, 1:29:18.439 --> 1:29:20.280 and they're okay, Like I'm waiting on these wire cell 1:29:20.320 --> 1:29:24.559 shoes right now. So it's also, yes, the pump that's 1:29:24.600 --> 1:29:27.599 my Valentine's list, that's what only what I'm getting. Well, 1:29:27.680 --> 1:29:29.960 it's crazy because so they have a boot version and 1:29:30.040 --> 1:29:33.200 open toe versions and pumpers. So the boots are seventeen 1:29:33.280 --> 1:29:37.640 hundred the and the other two are. So I was like, 1:29:38.760 --> 1:29:41.519 the boot is seasonal. Open toe was also seasonal because 1:29:41.560 --> 1:29:43.080 we live, I said, the pump I could wear a 1:29:43.160 --> 1:29:47.160 year round. I would get in those shoes by the way. 1:29:47.439 --> 1:29:51.800 Um yeah, but see even my even on Louis, it's 1:29:51.840 --> 1:29:54.200 on like, um, combat boots they said are uncomfortable. Not 1:29:54.320 --> 1:29:57.920 for those. Yeah, that's what I want. I know that 1:29:58.439 --> 1:30:01.759 you like ship like this, but that's kind of tacky. 1:30:01.960 --> 1:30:04.080 I was like, it's not tacky. He's like, listen, it's 1:30:04.080 --> 1:30:06.479 too over the top. He's like, it's not. Then you 1:30:06.520 --> 1:30:07.960 could dress it down, but you can wear that with 1:30:08.120 --> 1:30:09.760 cargo pants. I was like, I don't know why you 1:30:09.800 --> 1:30:11.160 feel like it's too much. He was like, I think 1:30:11.200 --> 1:30:12.880 it's too showy. He was like, I'll get you some 1:30:12.920 --> 1:30:14.519 while I sell ship, but it's not gonna be all 1:30:14.560 --> 1:30:17.000 over it. And I'm like, then this body standing mad it. 1:30:17.720 --> 1:30:20.479 I'm not gonna lie like I'm one of those that 1:30:20.600 --> 1:30:24.719 didn't grow up with money. I don't have family members 1:30:24.760 --> 1:30:27.080 that have money, and to me, I don't believe in 1:30:27.200 --> 1:30:30.719 spending so much money on something. So I was talking 1:30:30.720 --> 1:30:32.519 to my homeboy about it, and I was like, you know, 1:30:32.560 --> 1:30:34.960 if I'm gonna buy something, the monograph is gonna be 1:30:35.040 --> 1:30:37.120 only because they're gonna know if it costs to a hundred, 1:30:37.240 --> 1:30:39.400 and they're gonna because they gonna see it. I don't 1:30:39.400 --> 1:30:41.880 want just a leather black leathers. I felt like the 1:30:42.160 --> 1:30:44.720 y s l like he'll was tasteful and not that 1:30:44.880 --> 1:30:47.880 much and he's like no, he was like, real, Nias 1:30:47.920 --> 1:30:49.240 know when you have a certain kind of time. I'm like, well, 1:30:49.280 --> 1:30:51.040 I don't know I don't know a bit started walking 1:30:51.040 --> 1:30:53.240 down the street with well, actually the y saw doesn't 1:30:53.240 --> 1:30:55.040 have the very round front with a certain kind of thing. 1:30:55.080 --> 1:30:57.400 But anyway, Nah, okay. Nine is for what in your 1:30:57.400 --> 1:30:59.000 life do you feel us fray full? Ten If you 1:30:59.040 --> 1:31:01.679 could change anything about there raised, I would be eleven. 1:31:02.280 --> 1:31:04.479 Tell take four minutes and tell your partner your life 1:31:04.520 --> 1:31:06.240 story and as much detail as possible. I think that's 1:31:06.240 --> 1:31:08.479 a good one too. Um. If you could wake up 1:31:08.520 --> 1:31:11.920 tomorrow morning having gained one quality or ability, what would 1:31:11.920 --> 1:31:17.639 it be? Can I get into my side fake? Yeah? 1:31:18.240 --> 1:31:22.160 Oh so I would want to be able to teleport 1:31:22.240 --> 1:31:27.439 anywhere in the world. Wow, mine was totally different. I'm 1:31:27.439 --> 1:31:30.400 thinking of magical powers. We like, what what abilities are 1:31:30.400 --> 1:31:32.360 you talking about? I was gonna say I would want 1:31:32.400 --> 1:31:35.840 like one quality. I would want like I wouldn't want 1:31:35.840 --> 1:31:38.559 to be like super strong, Like I'm trying really hard 1:31:38.680 --> 1:31:41.080 to like build strength, like that's something that's so important 1:31:41.120 --> 1:31:43.200 to me, Like being able to lift myself up doing 1:31:43.280 --> 1:31:45.120 certain ships like that, and I feel like a failure 1:31:45.160 --> 1:31:47.320 every time, and so like my I T band has 1:31:47.360 --> 1:31:48.880 been sucked up. I haven't been able to work out, 1:31:48.920 --> 1:31:51.759 so it's all upper body. I'm gaining weight. That's funny. 1:31:52.840 --> 1:31:55.000 I can't do pull ups for ship like. My upper 1:31:55.000 --> 1:31:58.640 body strength sucks, but my lower body these things stronger, 1:31:58.760 --> 1:32:02.720 but most people are. I can squat and do yeah, 1:32:02.840 --> 1:32:05.400 but that's how I have a lot of lower body strength. Um. 1:32:05.880 --> 1:32:08.760 Except if a crystal ball could tell you the truth 1:32:08.800 --> 1:32:11.160 about yourself, your life, the future, where would you want 1:32:11.160 --> 1:32:14.800 to know? I know about my life. I don't believe 1:32:14.880 --> 1:32:17.320 in learning about the future. No, I don't want to 1:32:17.320 --> 1:32:18.439 know about the future. You know, I was going to 1:32:18.479 --> 1:32:19.840 say the same thing. I don't want to I don't 1:32:19.840 --> 1:32:22.600 want to know about the future. Actually, the only thing 1:32:22.640 --> 1:32:24.040 about the future I would want to know, if I 1:32:24.080 --> 1:32:28.280 could specify, I would want to know when or if 1:32:28.320 --> 1:32:31.960 I'm ever gonna find love. I would want to know 1:32:32.240 --> 1:32:35.120 if I'm gonna be like Oprah and just care about 1:32:35.160 --> 1:32:38.639 my money in my career, or if I'm genuine. Yeah, 1:32:38.840 --> 1:32:41.679 seman doesn't really count. I don't think so. I think 1:32:41.720 --> 1:32:44.760 that they're just chills her partner. Yeah, I don't know 1:32:44.800 --> 1:32:48.160 about that. I just think if people say that I'm here, 1:32:48.360 --> 1:32:51.320 I don't know. But okay, so think okay, okay, well, 1:32:51.520 --> 1:32:55.200 oh no, me too. But then Tracey Ellis Fross in 1:32:55.280 --> 1:32:57.960 her fifties, fabulous, but still no partner. The same for 1:32:58.040 --> 1:33:02.639 a Maya beautiful chick. Never she ain't never would either Chili. 1:33:03.320 --> 1:33:05.679 I don't want to end up like Chili, so I'm 1:33:05.720 --> 1:33:08.480 not gonna lie. Like to me, if I could specify, 1:33:08.560 --> 1:33:10.280 I want to know if I'm ever gonna find love 1:33:10.400 --> 1:33:12.120 or if love just is not in the cards for me. 1:33:12.800 --> 1:33:15.280 I would want to know that so I can get 1:33:15.320 --> 1:33:18.120 off these dating apps and stop shooting my shot in 1:33:18.200 --> 1:33:20.160 these niggs. So I would I would kind of want 1:33:20.160 --> 1:33:22.560 to know maybe when I meet my soul mate, Like 1:33:22.680 --> 1:33:25.280 for example, let's say they say it's in and be like, Okay, 1:33:25.280 --> 1:33:27.040 I'm gonna do all the gang thangs and should I 1:33:27.040 --> 1:33:29.000 need to do now because I'm gonna meet my nigga. 1:33:31.000 --> 1:33:33.080 But maybe if I know I'm gonna meet my soul 1:33:33.120 --> 1:33:36.360 mate this year, bet I'm gonna I'm a sloan down. 1:33:37.040 --> 1:33:39.000 But if my nigga are you, I'm a race to 1:33:39.120 --> 1:33:41.760 that finished. But I mean, I'm gonna be likely coming. 1:33:42.040 --> 1:33:43.800 But if I know that I may not meet my 1:33:43.920 --> 1:33:46.600 soul mate for another ten years, I think then I 1:33:46.640 --> 1:33:51.320 would stop putting so much emphasis on, you know, my 1:33:51.479 --> 1:33:55.160 dating strategies, and and the time I spend going back 1:33:55.240 --> 1:33:58.439 to men in the past or trying to meet new 1:33:58.520 --> 1:34:02.200 people that can mean more to me. It's jail.