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Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce

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Speaker 1: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can

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Speaker 1: experience on Purpose in person. Join me in a city

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Speaker 1: near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It

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Speaker 1: could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO

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Speaker 1: or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,

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Speaker 1: spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences

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Speaker 1: for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a

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Speaker 1: meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.

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Speaker 1: Head to Jaysheddy dot me forward slash Tour and get

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Speaker 1: yours today. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm

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Speaker 1: so grateful you're here and I can't wait to dive

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Speaker 1: into today's episode because we're talking about something that affects

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Speaker 1: all of us. It's trending right now, it's buzzy right now. Now.

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Speaker 1: The thing that we all think about longevity. Can we

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Speaker 1: live a longer, healthier, more meaningful, more energetic life. Longevity

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Speaker 1: isn't just about having more years, It's about having more

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Speaker 1: life in your years. I recently had the incredible opportunity

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Speaker 1: to speak at the Longevity Summit, where I shared insights

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Speaker 1: on how mindset, habits, and purpose play a crucial role

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Speaker 1: in how we age. In this episode, I'm breaking down

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Speaker 1: the science backed habits, mindset shifts, and daily routines that

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Speaker 1: can help us not only extend our years, but make

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Speaker 1: those truly the best years of our life. So, whether

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Speaker 1: you're in your twenties, forties, or beyond, this episode is

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Speaker 1: for you. It's never too early and it's never too

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Speaker 1: late to start making changes that can transform your future.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to hear this keynote. Let's

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Speaker 1: get into it. The number one health and Well the

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Speaker 1: podcast Jay Sheidy, Jay Sheddy See ones the only Jay Sheddy.

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Speaker 2: We all know that purpose is one of the keys

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Speaker 2: to longevity. There's a fifteen percent reduction and all causes

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Speaker 2: immortality if you have purpose. Jay is the expert on purpose.

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Speaker 2: He is the host of one of the top health

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Speaker 2: of all this podcasts in the world, On Purpose. If

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Speaker 2: you don't listen to this, you have to download it.

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Speaker 2: He's an entrepreneur, a best selling author, proud to call

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Speaker 2: you my friend, and I start every morning with the

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Speaker 2: five minute Daily Jay and the call Map, and we

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Speaker 2: are so lucky to have them do this live for

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Speaker 2: us today to kick us off, And he told me

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Speaker 2: everything we're hearing today is brand new content. No one

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Speaker 2: else has really heard this ever before. So with that, Shay, thank.

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Speaker 1: You, thank you saying that good morning everyone. It's wonderful.

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Speaker 1: It's always relieving when your doctor introduces you on stage.

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Speaker 1: It's a new experience for me. But thank you Darshan

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Speaker 1: for being a dear friend and an incredible doctor to

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Speaker 1: me personally. I'd like to start off, as Darshan said,

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Speaker 1: with a grounding meditation to get us all in this space.

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Speaker 1: How many of you have been traveling lately. Maybe you've

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Speaker 1: got travel plans this summer and you're thinking to yourself,

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Speaker 1: I really hope that I can capture these memories with

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Speaker 1: my loved ones and family that you want to keep

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Speaker 1: them inside of You want to take a mental picture.

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Speaker 1: So what I'm going to guide you through today is

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Speaker 1: a practice that I love to share that we can

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Speaker 1: use to take a mental picture wherever we are in

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Speaker 1: the world. So when you're with your children, when you're

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Speaker 1: with your partner, when you're with your friends and loved ones,

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Speaker 1: how can you take that experience with you everywhere for

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Speaker 1: the rest of your life. So what I'd love to

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Speaker 1: do is, I'd love for you to keep your feet

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Speaker 1: firmly grounded in case you have them crossed over. I'd

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Speaker 1: love you to put your phones away, it's not that

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Speaker 1: kind of a meditation. And I'd love you to release

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Speaker 1: anything from your hands, whether it's pens, notebooks, whatever else

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Speaker 1: it may be, so that you can truly be free.

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Speaker 1: And I'd like you all to take a moment to

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Speaker 1: just look around this space and bring your awareness to

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Speaker 1: five things that you can see, and I want you

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Speaker 1: to observe them a bit more deeply than you ordinarily would.

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Speaker 1: The colors, the shades, the shapes. Bring your awareness to

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Speaker 1: five different objects in this room, looking at them closer

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Speaker 1: than usual. And when you found your five, taking a

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Speaker 1: deep breath and gently and softly close your eyes. What

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Speaker 1: are four things that you can touch? Maybe the clothes

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Speaker 1: that you're wearing, the seat beneath you, the texture of

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Speaker 1: the floor. Notice the temperature of the four things that

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Speaker 1: you can touch. Is it cold or warm? Is it

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Speaker 1: harsh or soft? Bringing your wears to four things you

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Speaker 1: can touch, Taking a deep breath and out, what are

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Speaker 1: three things that you can hear? The sound of your breath,

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Speaker 1: something in the background. No sound is a distraction, only

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Speaker 1: a point of focus. Taking a deep breath and out.

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Speaker 1: What are two things you can smell? A fragrance, a

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Speaker 1: scent cleanly washed clothes, breathing that scent becoming present through smell.

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Speaker 1: Taking a deep breath and out, what's one thing you

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Speaker 1: can taste? Maybe some breakfast morning coffee become present through taste.

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Speaker 1: And now repeat after me. I am where my feet are.

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Speaker 1: I am present in this moment. I am here right

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Speaker 1: now with the five things you could see, the four

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Speaker 1: things you could touch, the three things you could hear,

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Speaker 1: the two things you could smile, and the one thing

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Speaker 1: you could taste. You're now truly in this moment. And

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Speaker 1: when you're ready, in your own time, at your own pace,

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Speaker 1: you can gentle in softly, open your eyes and just

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Speaker 1: experience the moment. Does that feel good? Yeah? Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for taking part. Thank you for holding that

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Speaker 1: space for each other, and thank you for holding onto

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Speaker 1: your coughs. I know it can be hard, some of

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Speaker 1: you've ruined it a little bit, but for the rest

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Speaker 1: of you, thank you so much. So as Darshan said,

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Speaker 1: today we're talking about searching for purpose, and it's a

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Speaker 1: really interesting quest that we're on searching for purpose. And

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Speaker 1: as I was putting this together, I was often thinking

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Speaker 1: about what else do we search for? Often? And I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about how much time we spend searching for

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Speaker 1: what to watch? Every night? My wife and I did

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Speaker 1: this yesterday evening and we sat there and watched roughly

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Speaker 1: two minutes and twenty nine seconds of seven different shows,

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Speaker 1: and then gave up and went to bed. And so

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Speaker 1: I googled it this morning, saying how much time do

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Speaker 1: we spend every morning, or every day or every year

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Speaker 1: searching for what to watch? And the answer is forty

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Speaker 1: five hours, forty five hours a year are spent deciding

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Speaker 1: what to watch. And I was thinking, what if we

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Speaker 1: put that forty five hours into searching for purpose? Right?

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Speaker 1: All of us? We were busy people. We don't have time.

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Speaker 1: It's very hard to find that five minutes we just

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Speaker 1: did a five minute meditation. It can be very challenging,

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Speaker 1: but we spend about seven minutes a day wasted on

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Speaker 1: deciding what to watch, forty five hours a year and

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Speaker 1: that time just disappears. What if we were able to

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Speaker 1: redirect that. Now, what's really interesting about the word purpose?

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Speaker 1: And Darsha and I were just talking about this. I

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Speaker 1: think so many of us know what it feels like

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Speaker 1: to chase success. It felt very tangible, it felt very obvious.

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Speaker 1: There were clear minds, there were clear things to measure.

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Speaker 1: There was clear data, the promotion, the company, the exit right,

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Speaker 1: there were clear points. There were clear milestones as to

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Speaker 1: how we get there. And I think we know that

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Speaker 1: we understand that we were trained since we were young

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Speaker 1: people to be successful. It was part of our DNA,

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Speaker 1: it was part of the college. You went to the parents,

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Speaker 1: you had the people you were around. And then at

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Speaker 1: one point everyone started to talk about happiness, and that

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Speaker 1: was completely the opposite. There were no milestones, there was

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Speaker 1: no data, there were no metrics, and it was kind

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Speaker 1: of confusing. And then we started to realize that happiness

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Speaker 1: wasn't as tangible and holdable, and it was a feeling.

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Speaker 1: And maybe happiness was a hard thing to look for

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Speaker 1: in difficult times. Maybe you went through the loss of

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Speaker 1: a loved one, maybe you went through a really uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: process giving birth to a child. Maybe there was just

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Speaker 1: loads of discomfort and difficulty in happiness just feels like

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Speaker 1: a very far off, distant thing to even understand. And

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Speaker 1: I think purpose and what I aim to do today

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Speaker 1: is to start helping define the measurable, the milestones, the

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Speaker 1: formula of what it could be, what it might be.

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Speaker 1: It's not perfect yet. We're not there yet. We don't

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Speaker 1: have the level of clarity because it's new. We're still

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Speaker 1: figuring it out. The research is new, but we do

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Speaker 1: know that it helps reduce stress. We do know that

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Speaker 1: it has positive markers when it comes to inflammation. We

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Speaker 1: do know that people who have purpose in life live longer.

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Speaker 1: So how can we start to understand what purpose is

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Speaker 1: tangibly in a physical way that we can feel it,

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Speaker 1: Not in a woo woo way right, not in a

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Speaker 1: way that's like, oh yeah, one day it'll be nice

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Speaker 1: in it, but no, what does it actually mean? I

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Speaker 1: want to start off by sharing with you a story

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Speaker 1: that I was often told in the mind, and it's

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Speaker 1: a story that the Buddha would tell. And the Buddha

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Speaker 1: often shared this story about an individual who was on

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Speaker 1: a journey, an individual just like you and me. This

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Speaker 1: person on their journey came across their first obstacle. Now

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Speaker 1: their first obstacle was not millennials. Their first obstacle was

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Speaker 1: not annoying board members, and their first obstacle was not

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Speaker 1: how to get investments. This person's first obstacle was a

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Speaker 1: fast flowing river and the person had to cross to

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Speaker 1: the other side to continue their journey. Now this person

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Speaker 1: didn't know what to do, but he knew that the

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Speaker 1: river was fast, so he decided to build a raft.

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Speaker 1: So he got bamboo. He laid it out, put down

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Speaker 1: two rows, tied it up with some rope in the corners.

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Speaker 1: He even managed to make himself an awe. He got

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Speaker 1: on top, and he paddled and paddled and paddled as

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Speaker 1: fast as he could with all his energy and all

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Speaker 1: his strength and all his money. Finally made it to

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Speaker 1: the other side, and he thought to himself, this raft

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Speaker 1: saved my life. I'm going to take it with me

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Speaker 1: everywhere I go for the rest of time. I'm sure

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Speaker 1: you can think of things in your life that feel

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Speaker 1: that way. So he strapped the raft to his back,

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Speaker 1: and he decided to walk with this raft on his

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Speaker 1: back forever because this raft saved his life. And just

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Speaker 1: like us, he came to another challenge. Now his second

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Speaker 1: challenge was not an ipo. His second challenge was a

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Speaker 1: tall wooded forest with trees dotted at every step, And

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Speaker 1: as he walked in with his raft, the raft.

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Speaker 3: Just kept getting stuck, and he was trying to maneuver,

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Speaker 3: and he was trying to get through, and he was

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Speaker 3: trying to figure it out, and the raft just get

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Speaker 3: knocking and chipping and breaking and falling apart.

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Speaker 1: And the Buddha says that in this moment, this person

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Speaker 1: had a really interesting dilemma and an important decision to make.

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Speaker 1: The question the person had to answer was do they

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Speaker 1: hold on to this raft that saved their life and

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Speaker 1: try and make their way through, knowing that not only

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Speaker 1: will it be harder, but the raft may even break,

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Speaker 1: or do they leave it on the floor and walk

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Speaker 1: through freely. The Buddha told this story naturally as a

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Speaker 1: metaphor for our lives. All of us may have had

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Speaker 1: so many mindsets, so many habits, so many practices that

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Speaker 1: got us to where we are today, and they saved

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Speaker 1: our life. There's no doubt about it. They were brilliant.

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Speaker 1: The mindsets you've developed, the habits you've developed, the patterns,

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Speaker 1: they have been fulfilling and amazing and I think this

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Speaker 1: is a mistake that successful people often make, is that

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Speaker 1: we judge the skills and habits that got us to

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Speaker 1: where we are. And what that creates is this critical

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Speaker 1: culture inside of our minds and our hearts where we

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Speaker 1: hate what we became in order to get to where

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Speaker 1: we are. And then we're in an uncomfortable place because

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Speaker 1: now we're trying to grow from a place of hate.

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Speaker 1: We're now trying to move forward from a place of pain,

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Speaker 1: rather than saying, actually, what got me here is beautiful.

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Speaker 1: This raft is fantastic, it's brilliant. It's just not necessary anymore.

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Speaker 1: And there's a beautiful Zen proverb that says that letting

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Speaker 1: go is hard, but holding on is harder. And so

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Speaker 1: as I walk you through this today, I ask you

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Speaker 1: to reflect on what are you holding on to? What

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Speaker 1: is something that you know doesn't work anymore? But because

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Speaker 1: of habit, because of pattern, because of routine, because of systems,

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Speaker 1: whatever it may be for you, you've held onto it

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Speaker 1: for maybe six months too long, maybe three months too long,

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Speaker 1: maybe two years too long. There's something in your life

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Speaker 1: that isn't letting you move forward because you're holding onto it,

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Speaker 1: not because there's something in front of you, but because

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Speaker 1: there's something behind you that you're stuck to and attached to.

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Speaker 1: So before we define what purpose is, I want to

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Speaker 1: define what purpose isn't. Your purpose does not have to

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Speaker 1: be your job. I think over the last few years,

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Speaker 1: we've seen a lot of research and studies that makes

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Speaker 1: it feel like if you can make money from something

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Speaker 1: and you're good at it, that becomes your purpose. And

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Speaker 1: I found that to be extremely limiting when I started

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Speaker 1: to look at the research behind purpose. I also found

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Speaker 1: it extremely limiting when I started to think about the

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Speaker 1: number of people in the world who may never be

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Speaker 1: able to achieve that it was an idea that actually

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Speaker 1: felt outdated and useless. It wouldn't be scalable, it wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be possible for multiple people to experience purpose that way.

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Speaker 1: Your purpose does not have to be big. I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of the times there's this pressure, especially if

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Speaker 1: you've already been successful, that the next thing you do

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Speaker 1: has to be bigger, The next thing you do has

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Speaker 1: to be better, the next thing you do has to

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Speaker 1: be bolder. And I've seen that waste people's money, time, energy, effort,

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Speaker 1: and life away because the mismanaged resources of wanting to

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Speaker 1: do bigger, better, more leads us down a different path.

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Speaker 1: Your purpose does not have to make you money. Your

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Speaker 1: purpose does not have to make you famous, And your

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Speaker 1: purpose is not a person. This one's the hardest one

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Speaker 1: to stomach, and this one I only learned when I

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Speaker 1: was writing my last book, Eight Rules of Love. I

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Speaker 1: sat down with couples who'd been together for thirty or

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Speaker 1: forty years, and one of the clearest things I heard was,

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Speaker 1: at one point, someone is the relationship prioritized the kids

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Speaker 1: as their purpose. But then thirty years on, when the

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Speaker 1: kids had moved out, gone to college, started their own lives,

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Speaker 1: felt like they didn't know what their purpose was anymore

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Speaker 1: because their identity was wrapped around a person. And that's

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Speaker 1: the hardest one. Because a person can become our purpose

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Speaker 1: very easily. It becomes really easy to get fixated and

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Speaker 1: wrapped up in an individual. Maybe you've even done it

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Speaker 1: in a toxic partnership where the person became your project,

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Speaker 1: and because you see them as a project, you can

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Speaker 1: see it as a purpose. But a person can't be

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Speaker 1: your purpose. So as we dive into this and we

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Speaker 1: started defining what purpose is, this study stood out to

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Speaker 1: me the most, and I'm going to go through this

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Speaker 1: with you because this research showed who found the most

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Speaker 1: meaning and purpose in life. The first was people who

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Speaker 1: strongly agreed, which I think will be very easy in

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Speaker 1: this room. People who strongly agreed that hard work is

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Speaker 1: the reward hard work in and of itself. Now, I

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Speaker 1: don't think I need to explain that to anyone in

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Speaker 1: this room. I feel everyone in this room feels very

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Speaker 1: comfortable with that. So you can see that the percentage

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Speaker 1: of people who strongly agree their life has meaning, they

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Speaker 1: strongly agreed hard work was in itself the reward. The

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Speaker 1: second one, again very easy in this room. Strong belief

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Speaker 1: in personal agency, that your behaviors and your actions actually

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Speaker 1: make a difference, That you know that what you decide

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Speaker 1: to do, what you choose to do, what you invest in,

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Speaker 1: has value. Again, I feel a sense of contentment in

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Speaker 1: this room on those two. Am I right? Give me

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Speaker 1: a show of hands. If you agree that the first

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Speaker 1: two feel like wins, put your hands up. If the

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Speaker 1: first two do not feel like wins, and put your

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Speaker 1: hand up. If you don't, put your hand up, no

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Speaker 1: matter what I say, thank you for the honest, one

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Speaker 1: honest person in this room, Thank you so much first

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Speaker 1: who were pretty clear on third one again highly emphasizes

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Speaker 1: personal responsibility, a sense of personal responsibility, And the reason

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Speaker 1: why I'm sharing these with you is because for those

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Speaker 1: of you who have children or have young people in

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Speaker 1: your lives, I think these three are often what so

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Speaker 1: many Gen Z and millennials are struggling with, the feeling

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Speaker 1: that personal agency exists, the feeling that responsibility matters, the

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Speaker 1: feeling that hard work can be the reward. You may

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Speaker 1: have mastered it, but the people around you may actually

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Speaker 1: be struggling with this, and our desire to coddle in

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Speaker 1: society maybe losing that effect. So those three may be

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Speaker 1: for people in your life, may not for you. The

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Speaker 1: last three are my three favorites for this room. The

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Speaker 1: last three are the ones I want you to bring

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Speaker 1: your attention to. High compassion. People who had more meat

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Speaker 1: and purpose in their life were highly compassionate. That's a

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Speaker 1: really fascinating one, and I'll break down what I mean

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Speaker 1: by that. Often what we find is when how many

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Speaker 1: of you have done hard things in your life, raise

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Speaker 1: your hands if you believe you've done hard things right,

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Speaker 1: What often happens is when we do hard things we

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Speaker 1: become more hard hearted as we do harder things, is

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Speaker 1: we break boundaries as we define limits. What often happens

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Speaker 1: is we create a sense of a feeling that we've

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Speaker 1: done hard things and other people should be able to

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Speaker 1: do them too. That often that what we've done, somewhere subtly, subconsciously,

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Speaker 1: there's a belief system that other people need to step

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Speaker 1: up and get their act together. And it may not

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Speaker 1: be as harsh or extreme as that, but there's a

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Speaker 1: subtle feeling of how doing hard things makes us a

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Speaker 1: slight hard hearted. But actually, what we realize is that

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Speaker 1: the people that are happier and have meaning and purpose

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Speaker 1: in life, they've found that doing hard things made them

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Speaker 1: more soft hearted. Why because they realized how hard it is.

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Speaker 1: They actually recognize how difficult it is to be disciplined,

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Speaker 1: to be focused, to be organized, to be dedicated, to

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Speaker 1: be committed, to be loyal. That is so challenging that

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Speaker 1: when you meet someone who's struggling with those things, you

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Speaker 1: actually feel compassionate because you realize you take a moment

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Speaker 1: to honor how hard it was for you to do it.

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Speaker 1: And this is a really intricate, subtle point. The challenge

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Speaker 1: we have with being compassionate to others as high performers

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Speaker 1: is because we struggle with compassion with ourselves. How many

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Speaker 1: of you know that showing yourself a little more grace

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Speaker 1: and kindness would be a useful asset in your life.

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Speaker 1: How many of you have said something really critical to

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Speaker 1: yourself in the last twenty four hours? Wow? Right, so

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Speaker 1: fascinating to me. As high performers, you are really confident

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Speaker 1: and really critical. Right, It's like this crazy in between

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Speaker 1: that you experience. If you can walk into the room

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Speaker 1: and you can know you can own it, and when

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Speaker 1: you walk out of the room, you're criticizing yourself of

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Speaker 1: how you didn't own it. Right. That's what it means

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Speaker 1: to be a high performing individuals. That's how it works.

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Speaker 1: But the challenge becomes that we lose our compassion with

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Speaker 1: ourselves and meaning in purpose. Are far more tied to

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Speaker 1: compassion than criticism. They're far more tied to collaboration than competition.

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Speaker 1: They're far more tied to care and kindness than they

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Speaker 1: are to competing with someone else or comparing ourselves to

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Speaker 1: someone else. So high compassion where and I leave this

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Speaker 1: with you for this section of think about over the

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Speaker 1: next twenty four hours where you can show some compassion

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Speaker 1: to yourself, and where you can show some compassion to

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Speaker 1: anyone else. Try for the next twenty four hours when

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Speaker 1: someone shares their story with you, and in your head

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Speaker 1: you're thinking, come on, get over it. Come on, it's

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Speaker 1: not that bad. Come on, it's not that bad. I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you a story, right and I'm sure you have

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Speaker 1: legitimate stories. Take a moment to see where in your

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Speaker 1: own heart you've locked some compassion for yourself. This one

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Speaker 1: is my favorite point of all of them. The fifth

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Speaker 1: point on this list people who had a strong sense

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Speaker 1: of meaning and purpose in their life. Low envy. Envy

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Speaker 1: was extremely low. Right now, I can't wait for a

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Speaker 1: Durshan and next self to invent a envy marker. Right

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Speaker 1: I'm waiting for a Dushan. You gotta find a way

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Speaker 1: to measure this envy marker inside all of us and

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Speaker 1: give yourself a score. But it's what we need because

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Speaker 1: you know this better than I do, and you know

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you know people. We know people who've achieved

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Speaker 1: everything you could possibly want to achieve and still feel envious.

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Speaker 1: I remember sitting down with a client who was the

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Speaker 1: number one person in his industry at the time, and

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Speaker 1: I remember sitting down for my first meeting with him,

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Speaker 1: and when I'm doing my purpose analysis, kind of like

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Speaker 1: what you do with your doctor's analysis and your bloods

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Speaker 1: and everything else. I did my analysis and I often

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Speaker 1: asked the question who are you envious of? So I

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Speaker 1: don't ask who's your competition? I ask who are you

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Speaker 1: envious of? And this person who is number one in

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Speaker 1: their field, global icon, well known, one of the you know,

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Speaker 1: most well known people in the entire planet, named another

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Speaker 1: person who's number one in their industry in a completely

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Speaker 1: different industry, not in their field, in a completely different field.

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Speaker 1: And I was sitting there completely confused, and I was thinking, why,

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Speaker 1: how like you have everything that that person has, like

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Speaker 1: whether it's finances, whether it's physical appeal, whether it's attracting

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Speaker 1: you know, a partner, whatever it is, you have all

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Speaker 1: those same superpowers that I see in that individual. And

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Speaker 1: I asked them, why are you envious with that person?

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Speaker 1: And they said, because I feel that that person is

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Speaker 1: loved fully, that that person is fully loved. And I said, well,

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Speaker 1: you haven't checked Reddit or Twitter for a while, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: there's no one who is loved fully in the world.

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Speaker 1: That's just not true. There's no one. And it was

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Speaker 1: just a really fascinating thing for me about how no

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Speaker 1: matter how high you go high envy is a cancer

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00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 1: that will destroy everything. It will eat up all all

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00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 1: the goodness in your life, whether it's a beautiful partner, family, job,

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00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: world impact service that nypiece destroys all of it. I

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00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,719
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Speaker 1: we have again we go into that hypercritical mindset. We

431
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: judge ourselves for being enviers. We get critical, oh gosh,

432
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 1: they've got so much endy inside of me, right, and

433
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 1: that mindset that guilt blocks growth. I think this is

434
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 1: a really important point that guilt blocks growth. Shame blocks growth.

435
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 1: Guilt and shame are not great incentivizes long term in

436
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: order for us to experience transformation. So what do we

437
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 1: do with our env with our envy, we lean into it.

438
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: What are we genuinely envious of? Let's actually study our

439
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 1: env let's actually take note of it. Is it a signal?

440
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 1: Is it a sign? What is it showing us? What

441
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 1: are we specifically envious about that person? Right? My client

442
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,240
Speaker 1: going back to them, they were envious with this person

443
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: because they believed that they were fully loved. As soon

444
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 1: as I started showing them how they weren't, all of

445
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 1: a sudden, their envy started to break because they'd built

446
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 1: up an imagination and a visual and a concept of

447
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: who this person was. Beyond the truth. It was an

448
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 1: illusion version of who this person was and what they'd achieved.

449
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 1: It wasn't real. What's the illusion that you need to

450
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: burst to burst your envy? We always talk about that, right,

451
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: We always say that people on Instagram it's just their

452
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 1: highlight reels, it's not their real life. We hear again

453
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: and again and again. But internalizing that with the person

454
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 1: that we admire, what is it about them that we

455
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 1: truly envy? What does that show us about what we

456
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 1: want to pursue in our life? Because maybe there's something

457
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: for us to learn and gain and study, and that

458
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: leads us onto the last one, which is common people

459
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 1: with high meaning and purpose admire high achievers. Sixty three

460
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: percent of those people who felt meaning and purpose in

461
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 1: their life admire higher achievers. What can our envy teach us?

462
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: What is your envy exposing as a potential goal for you,

463
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: as a potential focus for you, as a potential pathway

464
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 1: for you that you're actually blocking yourself off from because

465
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: we're judging ourselves for being enviers. So notice these are

466
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 1: the shifts. And I think anytime you're not feeling meaning

467
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 1: or purpose in life, this is a great mark ro

468
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 1: a metric to come back down to. Am I feeling

469
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 1: higher low envy? Is there a place I can improve

470
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 1: my compassion and inca is my compassion? How can I

471
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 1: study the person I might be envious off? Where is

472
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: that going to come from? Where am I going to

473
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,840
Speaker 1: learn that from rather than putting it aside? So what

474
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: I want to share with you is I looked at this,

475
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 1: I looked at some more research, and I came up

476
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 1: with five checking systems that each and every one of

477
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: us can do in our lives. You can do this

478
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 1: with your family and friends without asking someone what's your envy? Level,

479
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 1: which may be a bit intimidating language that may be

480
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 1: a bit more palatable and easy to do. And I'm

481
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 1: going to give you five markers that you can check,

482
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: check in with yourself, checking with others to see if

483
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: they're going. And I've been working with people to figure

484
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 1: out how many of the five that they have in

485
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 1: order to feel a three to sixty degree level of

486
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 1: purpose in their life. Now I want to start off

487
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: with belonging. So the first is belonging. All the people

488
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 1: that had purpose in their life had a deep sense

489
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 1: of belonging. Now, belonging is something we often turn to

490
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 1: our families for, but that's because we become more and

491
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 1: more isolated from community living. We know that right many,

492
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 1: many years ago, we would have been surrounded by bigger families,

493
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: supportive families, would have helped each other out with the kids,

494
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 1: would have helped each other out with cooking. There was

495
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 1: far more. Now we're getting more and more isolated. I

496
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: live a ten hour flight away from my mom and

497
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 1: a twenty hour flight away from my dad. Right I'm

498
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,920
Speaker 1: in a city. I lived in New York for two years.

499
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: I've lived in la for six years. I don't have

500
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 1: any family in either of these places, I'm isolated. No.

501
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: We have friends, of course, but there was a sense

502
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 1: of we've moved away. So belonging on a family level

503
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 1: isn't enough. When we're looking at the term belonging for purpose,

504
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 1: belonging was do I feel a part of something bigger?

505
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're a part of something bigger?

506
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 1: Ypo is a place of belonging, right, This is a

507
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 1: place of belonging. That's why you're here. And I encourage

508
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 1: you to make it a deeper place of belonging by

509
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 1: encouraging vulnerable conversation. I recently went on a retreat with

510
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 1: around sixteen people, mix of industries, athletes, artists, musicians to Bhutan.

511
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: There's an amazing trip, really really special. If you've not

512
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:26,719
Speaker 1: been to Bhutan, I highly recommend it. It's famously known

513
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 1: for measuring GNH gross National Happiness not GDP. We got

514
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 1: to meet the King and understand his vision, got to

515
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 1: meet the former Prime Minister to understand how they've maintained

516
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:41,360
Speaker 1: a country that really feels like you're going back in time,

517
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 1: but it's held on to its cultural values. You're not

518
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 1: allowed to you're not allowed to ski on the peaks

519
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 1: or try and climb them. They'll always make sure that

520
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: the ratio of trees on land is seventy percent. They

521
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,800
Speaker 1: won't cut below that because they believe that the trees

522
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:02,240
Speaker 1: and the mountains are say, there's a really special culture

523
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 1: there that they've been able to hold on to. Remember,

524
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:08,760
Speaker 1: Bhutan is landlocked between India and China, right in between

525
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,879
Speaker 1: a tiny little country, you know, surrounded by these two

526
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 1: big powerhouses, and they've really held on to this culture.

527
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 1: And I was asked to lead a session there to

528
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 1: help people be more vulnerable. And I leave this with

529
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: you to do throughout the rest of the day with

530
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: people you're getting closer to, but to increase belonging. I

531
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 1: encourage you to answer this one question with maybe the

532
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,239
Speaker 1: person sitting next to you afterwards, or maybe someone at

533
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 1: lunch or whatever it may be. This I promise you

534
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 1: will drop the walls, escalate vulnerability and closeness and belonging

535
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:46,840
Speaker 1: like no other question. The question is what is the

536
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 1: number one thing in the world that you're scared of

537
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: being judged for? What is the number one thing in

538
00:35:54,920 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 1: the world that you fear judgment of? The person you've

539
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 1: revealed that too now has a secret weapon so be

540
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 1: careful you share it with. But it's a really powerful thought.

541
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:14,080
Speaker 1: There's an amazing author named Charles Horton Crooley who wrote

542
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 1: this in the nineteen hundreds. He said, the challenge today

543
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,839
Speaker 1: is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not

544
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 1: what you think I am. I am what I think

545
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 1: you think I am. Let that blow your mind for

546
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 1: a moment. He said, The challenge today is I'm not

547
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,600
Speaker 1: what I think I am. I'm not what you think

548
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 1: I am. I am what I think you think I am.

549
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 1: Let me break that down, which means we live in

550
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 1: a perception of a perception of ourselves. If I think

551
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:55,759
Speaker 1: you think I'm smart, I feel smart. But if I

552
00:36:55,880 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 1: think you think I'm weak, then I feel weak. We

553
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 1: allow what we think others think of us to define

554
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 1: how we think about ourselves, and we live in what

555
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,359
Speaker 1: he called the looking glass self. We live in this

556
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 1: kind of perception matrix for our whole lives, never really

557
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: bursting the bubble and breaking out of it. So belonging

558
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:24,879
Speaker 1: can only exist when it's not based on fitting in.

559
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:29,880
Speaker 1: Belonging can only exist when we're actually our truer selves.

560
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:34,239
Speaker 1: Belonging can only exist if we are truly open and vulnerable,

561
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,720
Speaker 1: because otherwise all you have is a culture of people pleasing.

562
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: So belonging for a lot of us has ended up

563
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 1: in people pleasing because we say the right thing, we

564
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 1: do the right thing, we wear the right thing so

565
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 1: that we can fit in, We say the right thing

566
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 1: so that we can fit in. But we don't feel

567
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 1: belonging because we don't feel seen, heard and understood because

568
00:37:56,160 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 1: we've never shared that part of ourselves. Being belonging is

569
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: feeling a part of something bigger and being a part

570
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 1: of something bigger. Why Peter is a great place to

571
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,280
Speaker 1: actually experience that and to develop that and to invest

572
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 1: in that. And what's really interesting is a few probably

573
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 1: about ten years ago, I was reading something that was

574
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 1: talking about how what was important in society was defined

575
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: by the height of a building. So back in the day,

576
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 1: a few decades back, the tallest building in a town

577
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 1: or a city was the church or a temple or

578
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,720
Speaker 1: a place of worship, and that was considered a place

579
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:44,760
Speaker 1: of belonging in community, right, no matter our views on religion,

580
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,839
Speaker 1: that was the hope, or at least that was the goal.

581
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 1: That then changed to being the government building, right, the

582
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 1: capitol building, that became the tallest building in town. That

583
00:38:56,560 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 1: became the thing that we looked towards for direction. Again,

584
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 1: less belonging, bit more private. And then now the tallest

585
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: building is the businesses, the skyscrapers, no belonging whatsoever. So

586
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 1: you can see how society, just by what we've built

587
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: as the tallest building, is switched in our priority of

588
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:23,320
Speaker 1: belonging in community through to business and commerce and exchange

589
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 1: and transaction. And so in our own lives we have

590
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 1: to ask ourselves, where is my belonging? Where is that

591
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 1: tallest building in my life? What is the tallest building

592
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:35,880
Speaker 1: in my life? Belonging is feeling a part of something bigger,

593
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,279
Speaker 1: being a part of something bigger, a place where we

594
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 1: can really be ourselves. So that's metric number one. Give

595
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:47,280
Speaker 1: yourself a point or zero points up to you. Second one,

596
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 1: learning this one. We've heard time and time again, but

597
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 1: it's a core part of it. Those who reported a

598
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:56,280
Speaker 1: strong sense of purpose in recent spent a significant amount

599
00:39:56,320 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 1: of time cultivating their passions in everything from biology to art. Further,

600
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 1: they did not want for their passions to simply appear

601
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,279
Speaker 1: one day. They weren't hoping to stumble on something. They

602
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 1: were willing to invest and grow and see how something evolved. Now,

603
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 1: who in this room is a brilliant reader of graphs

604
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 1: and charts? Raise your hands? Wow, No one could tell.

605
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 1: Everyone's very scared in the room about what's coming next.

606
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 1: That's good because I asked this a couple of weeks

607
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 1: ago and everyone put their hands up, and then they

608
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 1: didn't like what I asked next. So we realized that

609
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: everyone in this room is terrible at reading charts and graphs. Great,

610
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,600
Speaker 1: apart from two people. Where were those two people? Actually? Yes?

611
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: One and okay two? What are your names, sir? Both

612
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: of you Tristan and Capill. Okay, we're relying on Tristan

613
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 1: and Capill because we have no hope for the rest

614
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: of the room. Okay, great, So I'm going to show

615
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 1: you this I want I'm going to ask you is

616
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 1: I want to ask you? This is an analysis is

617
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:04,840
Speaker 1: by MIT of two employees Twitter networks. At the time,

618
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:09,279
Speaker 1: they expanded this out to networks in general. And the

619
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 1: question I have for you a couple in Tristans specifically,

620
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 1: is who is more innovative, creative and impactful inside the organization?

621
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 1: Employee A or employee B. Okay, So if you think

622
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 1: it's employee B, raise your hands, make some noise. Okay,

623
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 1: And if you think it's employee A, make some noise,

624
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 1: raise your hands. And now I'm looking at Tristan and Copple.

625
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 1: Tristan and Copple, what do you believe B and couple

626
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:47,839
Speaker 1: B as well? Okay, great, you're all wrong. B is

627
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 1: not the right answer A. Who said he? There were

628
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 1: a few people who said A. Well down, all of

629
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 1: you said A. You're really good at reading graphs and charts.

630
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 1: You can now use that. Employee A is more innovative,

631
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 1: create and impactful. And now I'll tell you why. And

632
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 1: my TA found that everyone in employee bees Twitter networks

633
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 1: they know people who know people who know them back,

634
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 1: so their network is closed. So if you have a

635
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:15,839
Speaker 1: new idea and you reach out to the same three

636
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 1: friends every time and ask them what do you think

637
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 1: on a WhatsApp thread, on an email chain, or an

638
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: SMS thread, whatever it may be, and you get answers back,

639
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 1: it's you know people who know people who know you.

640
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 1: That leads to echo chambers. And that's what you see

641
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,919
Speaker 1: an employee bee. It's full of mini echo chambers where

642
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 1: you just have lots and lots of tight spaces of

643
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 1: the same people with the same experiences. Everyone's kids go

644
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 1: to the same school, everyone goes to the same college.

645
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 1: Everyone had the same life experience. Everyone went on the

646
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 1: same summer vacation this year. Everyone wears the same sneakers. Right.

647
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 1: It's that kind of culture, and it's very easy to

648
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,239
Speaker 1: get locked into that, especially as you're growing in your

649
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: careers and the more successful you get, it get smaller

650
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,799
Speaker 1: and smaller and smaller, and everyone's doing the exact same thing.

651
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 1: So that was employee. Employee A knows people who don't

652
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: know each other. The randomness and the openness of the

653
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: employee A is the strength in the learning space. So

654
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: the question I have for you is which one of

655
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 1: your friends is getting uninvited to dinner? Right? The one

656
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 1: that looks like you, talks like you, sounds like you.

657
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:23,759
Speaker 1: They need to get out of your life, right, they're

658
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,800
Speaker 1: out there? Are they could be your best friend? I

659
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 1: don't care now I'm joking, But the question is if

660
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 1: you looked. We've always heard the old adage of you're

661
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 1: defined by the five people you spend the most time with.

662
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 1: Genuinely do that for a second, right, We've heard that

663
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,919
Speaker 1: so many times, I've rarely met people who've actually sat

664
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: down and done an audit of the five people they

665
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,880
Speaker 1: spend the most time with and actually looked at how

666
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:49,360
Speaker 1: many of them bring random ideas, how many of them

667
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:54,879
Speaker 1: bring opposing thoughts, how many of them question, challenge and

668
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: check us on our ideas, and how many of them

669
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 1: are exposing us to come completely new horizons. So this

670
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: friend that I recently met who took me to Bhutan

671
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 1: was one of those friends that I'd never been to

672
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 1: this country. I'd always wanted to go, didn't really have

673
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 1: any other friends who'd want to go to something like that,

674
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 1: but thankfully he took me, and it was one of

675
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: those experiences that I'll never forget because I learned about

676
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 1: a new culture, a new history, and new it's a

677
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,279
Speaker 1: new monastic tradition to the one that I lived in,

678
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 1: So I got to study a fully different set of

679
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 1: monasteries and with monk teachers that I'd never come across before.

680
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 1: It was a really beautiful experience and one that expands

681
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:35,880
Speaker 1: my ability to learn and see what's fascinating to me.

682
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: So I really want you to think about that, who

683
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 1: is it that you can expand in your network. Who

684
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 1: is it that's missing? Who is it that you haven't

685
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 1: come across yet? How can you make connections that are surprising,

686
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 1: maybe even uncomfortable in the beginning, or maybe even awkward

687
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: in the beginning. Where can they come from? So that's

688
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 1: learning individuality. This one's huge, and I feel everyone in

689
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: this room may have strong sense of professional individuality, and

690
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,800
Speaker 1: the question is do you get to be your personal

691
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 1: individual self as well? Our sense of self is an

692
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:15,040
Speaker 1: essential ingredient to our success as a species. But what

693
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 1: I mean by that professional versus personal is you may

694
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: have had to become so many things in order to

695
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: be successful at work, but are those the things you

696
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:29,720
Speaker 1: want to be outside of work? Are those the same

697
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 1: skills and patterns that you want to emulate in the

698
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 1: personal part of your life? Because personal individuality is as important,

699
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 1: if not more than that professional individuality. Professional individuality has

700
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:50,719
Speaker 1: solved our self worth professionally, but our self esteem personally

701
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: can often conflict with that. I remember a client that

702
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:59,479
Speaker 1: I worked with who is an athlete. His coach would

703
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 1: always tell him his athletic coach, not me. His athletic

704
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:07,240
Speaker 1: coach would always tell him, you fight how you train,

705
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 1: you fight, how you train, and so he used to

706
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 1: think of all moments as times of training. So if

707
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 1: he was working with if he was with his family

708
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 1: at a social event, but they were playing a pool game,

709
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 1: he would compete, because you fight how you train. So

710
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 1: everything became training. His professional expertise spilled over into his

711
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,239
Speaker 1: personal life, where everything was competitive because that's what it

712
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 1: took to win it all times, even if that meant

713
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 1: beating his nine year old son in a game of

714
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:45,200
Speaker 1: chess or whatever it may have been. Where is that

715
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 1: professional individuality he's spilling over into personal individuality and not

716
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 1: allowing us to grow that personal sense of expression and

717
00:46:55,160 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 1: individuality that we possess. Two more points. This one's really

718
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 1: fascinating and it's probably one of my favorite ones. Significance.

719
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 1: I was on a walk on a hike with my

720
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 1: wife around two months ago, maybe six weeks ago, and

721
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:22,479
Speaker 1: she had her first ever cookbook launching. So she wrote

722
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 1: this beautiful cookbook and it was coming out around six

723
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: weeks to two months ago now, and we were on

724
00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:31,239
Speaker 1: a hike just around that time, and I said that,

725
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 1: I said, we've been together for eleven years, married for

726
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 1: eight And I said that, I said, you know, we've

727
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 1: celebrated so many things over these last eleven years, but

728
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:41,799
Speaker 1: you've never written a cookbook. So I don't know how

729
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 1: to celebrate this moment for you, like I want to celebrate.

730
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 1: You've poured three years of your life into this, put

731
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:50,440
Speaker 1: so much energy and heart and effort into this. I've

732
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 1: seen you like for hours, just pour every part of

733
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 1: your being in soul into this book. How do I

734
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 1: celebrate this? I don't know? And I'd love to know

735
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 1: what you'd like A gift? Is it? What is it? Right? Like?

736
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 1: I don't know? And she said to me, she said, oh,

737
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 1: we just celebrated it last night. I was like what.

738
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 1: I wasn't invited. I was like, what do you mean?

739
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:14,360
Speaker 1: We said? I was trying to think. I was like,

740
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:16,360
Speaker 1: what did we do last night? That was like a celebration.

741
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:17,640
Speaker 1: I was like, what do we do? And she goes

742
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 1: so I said what do we do? Like? What are

743
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 1: you talking about? And she said, well, last night our

744
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 1: friends came over. I cooked my favorite dishes from my

745
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 1: book and they loved it. They really enjoyed it. That

746
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: felt like a celebration. To me, that felt like the

747
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:36,360
Speaker 1: perfect way to celebrate, to cook what I love for

748
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 1: the people that I love, and I was like, wow,

749
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 1: thank you. I was relieved. I was like, I was

750
00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 1: going to go and throw a big party, like if

751
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 1: I everyone over. I'm like, this is easy. Next time,

752
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:49,320
Speaker 1: I got it. But it was a really interesting point

753
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 1: for me for how my wife likes to be made

754
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 1: to feel significant. I've been with her for eleven years

755
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:57,239
Speaker 1: and I thought I had a pretty good sense of it,

756
00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: and I realized I didn't at all. I was actually

757
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 1: pretty far from me. I would never have said that

758
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 1: if you asked me to make a plan of how

759
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:07,719
Speaker 1: to celebrate her book. So the question I want to

760
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 1: leave you with is, with the people you love in

761
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:15,279
Speaker 1: your life, do you know how they like to experience significance?

762
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 1: And for you, do you know how you like to

763
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:23,400
Speaker 1: experience significance? Because most of us are that person that says, oh, no,

764
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 1: I don't need anything, don't worry about my birthday, It's okay,

765
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 1: and then on the day of your birthday you're like, wait,

766
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,920
Speaker 1: why is no one doing anything? Wait, like you know

767
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 1: what's going on. A lot of us have created this

768
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:38,480
Speaker 1: modesty around celebration. As we get older, we're scared to

769
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 1: ask for what we want. We're scared to be open

770
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: about how we want to be made to feel significant

771
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:46,759
Speaker 1: for ourselves by others and to others. But a big

772
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:50,839
Speaker 1: part of purpose and meaning is knowing how to make

773
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:54,320
Speaker 1: people we love significant. That creates meaning in our lives

774
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 1: when we know what's meaningful to them, And how do

775
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 1: we make ourselves feel significant? What is it that we

776
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:03,520
Speaker 1: truly need to feel a sense of significance in our lives?

777
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:06,439
Speaker 1: Don't be shy to at least explore that on your own,

778
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 1: At least explore that internally. I know so many people

779
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 1: who after the biggest win of their life, didn't know

780
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:17,480
Speaker 1: how to celebrate it right the day after the biggest

781
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,799
Speaker 1: win of their life, didn't have any clue as to

782
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:22,400
Speaker 1: what to do, and they just moved on to the next,

783
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:23,920
Speaker 1: and moved on to the next, and moved on to

784
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 1: the next. And we all do that. I've done that too,

785
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 1: And I started to realize at one point that nothing

786
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 1: would ever feel like I wanted it to because I

787
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 1: didn't know how to experience my own significance and the

788
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 1: significance of the people I love. And the final one

789
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: is service. There's a beautiful study by Amy vers new

790
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:49,320
Speaker 1: Ski and the team at the Yale School of Management.

791
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:50,760
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm not allowed to say Yale

792
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,839
Speaker 1: in this building, but I just did. Her team in

793
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen went out to research what they believed was

794
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:03,200
Speaker 1: the most difficult job in the world. Have a guess

795
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:07,879
Speaker 1: an he guesses most difficult job in the world twenty

796
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 1: nineteen parent. They were looking for a paid, full time job,

797
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 1: so not parent, although I agree. Teacher, hospice closer, uber, driver, nurse, closer, president, note,

798
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:29,759
Speaker 1: social worker, all very close, all in the right so

799
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:36,800
Speaker 1: healthcare is the right direction. So the answer is hospital cleaners.

800
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 1: They believed that the most difficult job in the world

801
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 1: was to be a hospital cleaner. Remember this was twenty

802
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,720
Speaker 1: nineteen pre pandemic, so you can only imagine how difficult

803
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:48,839
Speaker 1: it was post pandemic during the pandemic. So they went

804
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 1: and interviewed hospital cleaners and they sat down with them

805
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 1: and asked them, what do you do? And the hospital

806
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 1: cleaner said, we clean beds, we cleaned toilets, we cleaned plates,

807
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:00,719
Speaker 1: we clean up after people. You these things, and we

808
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 1: clean up after people pass away. It's an intense job.

809
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 1: But they described themselves as low skilled labor. In their

810
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 1: own words, they didn't want an interviewed more cleaners. But

811
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:19,360
Speaker 1: these cleaners use different words. These cleaners describe themselves as healers,

812
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 1: as careers, as servers. These cleaners or healers should I say,

813
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: got paid the exact same amount as the cleaners. They

814
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 1: worked the same hours in the same hospitals and had

815
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,440
Speaker 1: the same shifts. But somehow they saw themselves as healers

816
00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 1: when the others saw themselves as cleaners. So they asked

817
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:46,600
Speaker 1: the healers, why why do you call yourself healers? And

818
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:51,200
Speaker 1: they said, because we believe that keeping the hospital clean

819
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:56,719
Speaker 1: is integral to the healing journey of the patient. We

820
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:58,960
Speaker 1: believe that if the toilets are clean and the beds

821
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 1: are clean, people feel a sense of dignity and difficult

822
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 1: times in their life. We believe that if the hospital

823
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 1: rooms are clean, that people's families will spend more time

824
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 1: with them in their difficult time. We believe that if

825
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 1: the spaces are clean, then overall it boosts a person

826
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:23,080
Speaker 1: morale and confidence in their healing. I think we'd all

827
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:27,720
Speaker 1: agree they weren't the same jobs. They had the same money,

828
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:32,000
Speaker 1: they had the same vacations, everything was the same. Amy

829
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:35,840
Speaker 1: Versnuski in our team coined a word called job crafting,

830
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:40,399
Speaker 1: where they realized that it wasn't what we did, it's

831
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 1: how we felt about what we did. And this is

832
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 1: the biggest key to meaning and purpose. How do we

833
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:53,680
Speaker 1: feel our work is improving and benefiting the lives of others?

834
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 1: And how closely are we connected to that story in

835
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:02,120
Speaker 1: a genuine way when you look up from your phones

836
00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:05,320
Speaker 1: and look beyond your spreadsheets, and look beyond our laptops,

837
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:09,719
Speaker 1: and look beyond our flight schedules and everything else, when

838
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:11,799
Speaker 1: we really reflect on how is our life having a

839
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 1: positive impact on the lives of others? How is it

840
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 1: creating opportunities for others? Let me really internalize that. Let

841
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 1: it not be a statement on the website or a

842
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 1: check I write at the end of the year. How

843
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 1: is that the core compass of how I navigate my

844
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 1: entire world? And so I leave you with this, I

845
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 1: call it the Bliss formula for purpose. Joseph Campbell famously said,

846
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:42,560
Speaker 1: follow your bliss. I've always been struggling to figure out

847
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:46,440
Speaker 1: exactly what that meant. That he pointed us in the

848
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:52,360
Speaker 1: right direction, and I feel a bit closer now. Belonging learning, individuality,

849
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:56,839
Speaker 1: significance and service. Thank you so much. If this year

850
00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,680
Speaker 1: you're trying to live longer, live happier, live healthier, go

851
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 1: and check out my conversation with the world's biggest longevity doctor,

852
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 1: Peter Attia on how to slow down aging and why

853
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:13,600
Speaker 1: your emotional health is directly impacting your physical health. Acknowledge

854
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 1: that there is surprisingly little known about the relationship between

855
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 1: nutrition and health and people are going to be shocked

856
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:22,360
Speaker 1: to hear that, because I think most people think the

857
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 1: exact opposite.