Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you.
Speaker 2: I'm good.
Speaker 3: I'm just here in Whistler, just whistling and whistler.
Speaker 1: Is it snowing or raining behind you? I can't quite tell.
Speaker 3: It was snowing and it turned to rain, which has
Speaker 3: been the saga of this whole season. It's supposed to
Speaker 3: be freezing temperature so that it's rain, that it's snow,
Speaker 3: not rain. So when the freezing levels are higher and
Speaker 3: higher and higher, that means anything beneath that is wetter
Speaker 3: and wetter and wetter.
Speaker 1: Then it just turns to ice.
Speaker 3: Yes, it just ruins the snow basically, and then it
Speaker 3: gets cold and it freezes the snow and then it
Speaker 3: turns into ice.
Speaker 2: So basically, a meteorologist snow.
Speaker 1: I mean, just added to your list of skills.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm adding that as well as dog training. I've
Speaker 3: become very regimented in my dog training. Doug has an
Speaker 3: entire situation going. He has a life coach, he has
Speaker 3: a dog walker. He goes out three times a week.
Speaker 3: She picks him up at nine and brings him back
Speaker 3: at noon. And then, I mean, yeah, my neighbor was like, hey,
Speaker 3: can Doug and his dog play have a playdate, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, his schedule is packed during the day.
Speaker 4: I'm like, if you.
Speaker 1: Want Doug, you have to come at night.
Speaker 3: And he's like, okay, I'm gonna come at six to
Speaker 3: pick up Doug because they play so nicely on the
Speaker 3: ski hill.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I was like, okay, let me know any other
Speaker 3: nights you want to come get them.
Speaker 1: And social calendar is so fall.
Speaker 3: He has a lot of social activities. I feel like
Speaker 3: a soccer moll. Yeah, everyone wants playdates with him. I'm like,
Speaker 3: we don't do one on ones, so we only do
Speaker 3: group playing me.
Speaker 5: He doesn't have time for anything else. Well, you have
Speaker 5: a birthday coming up.
Speaker 2: I do. I filmed my ski video yesterday. Oh, exciting
Speaker 2: some special guests in that skip video.
Speaker 1: Oh that'll be new and exciting for this year.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: I was actually going to be like fuck it because
Speaker 3: the weather's been so shitty and the snow's been kind
Speaker 3: of crappy.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, fuck the video, and then my
Speaker 2: friends are like, you can't do that.
Speaker 4: You have to do the video. It's tradition.
Speaker 1: It's tradition.
Speaker 5: But I also know that you're reading a fun new
Speaker 5: book that I just finished.
Speaker 3: Yes you, guys, we have to tease Kristin Hannah, author
Speaker 3: of The Great Alone, the book that I gave out
Speaker 3: to everyone as my Christmas gift, along with Atomic Habits,
Speaker 3: which is a book I actually read yet, but I
Speaker 3: heard great things about and I've read the great things
Speaker 3: about it. I've read everything about the book. But Kristin
Speaker 3: Hannah wrote The Great Alone, and she wrote this new book.
Speaker 3: She wrote The Nightingale. She wrote a bunch of books,
Speaker 3: and the most recent book is called The Women, which
Speaker 3: I am currently reading, and we are having her on
Speaker 3: the podcast soon. So for all of our listeners who
Speaker 3: read The Greade Alone and loved it, please read The
Speaker 3: Women to prepare for our interview with Kristin Hannah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: It's fantastic. It's like her books are very long, but
Speaker 5: they're like you just consume them because her character is
Speaker 5: super vivid. Yeah. Awesome.
Speaker 3: And we have a special guest today which is one
Speaker 3: of my favorite people. She's a comedian, she has a
Speaker 3: bunch of it. She has her own podcast too, and
Speaker 3: she is a new mother. Please welcome Rosebud Baker. Rosebud
Speaker 3: is back for her second well it's the second Coming
Speaker 3: of Christ.
Speaker 4: Really.
Speaker 3: She is back as a second time guest because we
Speaker 3: loved her so much the first time.
Speaker 2: And there's a pretty major update that has happened in
Speaker 2: Rosebud's life.
Speaker 3: If you don't follow Rosebud on so well, you should,
Speaker 3: and you should also watch your comedy specials.
Speaker 2: You have two on YouTube, right.
Speaker 4: I have one on YouTube, two shorter sets on Netflix.
Speaker 2: Yeah okay, and then you have one on Comedy Central.
Speaker 4: Right. Well, it's on Comedy Central's YouTube. It's called Whiskey Fish.
Speaker 3: Anyway, Rosebud, against my better judgment, decided to procreate. And
Speaker 3: when I have known her now for a few years,
Speaker 3: I've had the pleasure of knowing her for a few years.
Speaker 3: She's also a writer on SNL, so that's actually very
Speaker 3: much worth mentioning.
Speaker 2: She is a married woman.
Speaker 3: Who I met because she's a very talented writer, and
Speaker 3: she was talking to me. I think she was opening
Speaker 3: for me on a couple of stand updates, and we
Speaker 3: were discussing freezing your eggs, and I was trying to
Speaker 3: dissuade you from ever doing such a thing and that
Speaker 3: it was not necessary to procreate because I assumed you
Speaker 3: were like more like me in yeah, in really, because
Speaker 3: I felt like you were on the fence, and I
Speaker 3: always feel like if any one's on the fence, don't
Speaker 3: do it with children, Like you should be one hundred
Speaker 3: thousand percent excited. And you were on the fence, and
Speaker 3: I was like, if you have any question, there's no question,
Speaker 3: back it up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then.
Speaker 4: You and I are different in that way, and that
Speaker 4: I feel like, if you're one hundred percent into having kids,
Speaker 4: you haven't thought it through. Hmm, Like if you're one
Speaker 4: hundred percent into it, stop and think for a second,
Speaker 4: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: But I but valid.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I remember you saying like, oh, you don't
Speaker 4: have to and I and I felt I was. I
Speaker 4: was kind of like, we'll see, we'll see. And then
Speaker 4: I rosee embryos because I was like, I wasn't sure.
Speaker 4: And then I got pregnant while I had COVID, like
Speaker 4: right after freezing the amber.
Speaker 1: Oh so interesting, got a little frisky while you were sick.
Speaker 4: It was against your better judgment and mine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and doctor Frauci's.
Speaker 4: And doctor Frauci's so okay.
Speaker 3: So since then, she's had a baby and she has
Speaker 3: fallen madly in love with her baby, and I want
Speaker 3: to fucking hear all about it, Rosebud Okay fro, I
Speaker 3: want to hear from everything because I know your pregnancy.
Speaker 3: First of all, your pregnancy looked very uncomfortable for me
Speaker 3: watching you expand like that she was on stage. I
Speaker 3: think up until probably like a week before you gave birth,
Speaker 3: right or was it even closer to your birthday?
Speaker 4: It was? It was not, No, it wasn't a week,
Speaker 4: but it was. I think I was like thirty six
Speaker 4: weeks was the last time I was on stage, and
Speaker 4: then I went until thirty nine weeks, so it was
Speaker 4: like three weeks I was down. But yeah, it sucked.
Speaker 3: Okay, So I look at what you did as something
Speaker 3: that like if I were ever to do it, I
Speaker 3: feel like I would have a similar experience that you
Speaker 3: did because of your attitude towards pretty much everything. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so take us through it, take us through the pregnancy,
Speaker 3: take us through the news of becoming pregnant and all
Speaker 3: of that stuff. I want to know, like what your
Speaker 3: roller coaster of emotions or if it wasn't a roller
Speaker 3: coaster of emotion.
Speaker 4: No, it was one hundred percent of roller coaster of emotion.
Speaker 4: And it's an absolute I just to be clear, not
Speaker 4: for everybody. But for me, pregnancy was a no less
Speaker 4: than body torture that went on for nine months. It's
Speaker 4: bad when it starts and then it gets a little better.
Speaker 4: But by the end, I was like, Oh, this is
Speaker 4: what makes it possible to give birth is that you're
Speaker 4: so miserable that you're like, I'll do anything to get
Speaker 4: them out. Like, that's what makes it possible is just
Speaker 4: the amount of physical discomfort you're in. It kind of
Speaker 4: like gives you this willingness to just go to do whatever.
Speaker 4: You're like, I'll cut it out myself. If this is
Speaker 4: where we're headed.
Speaker 2: You know, which is where you're headed?
Speaker 4: Which is where we're headed. Yeah, So when I found
Speaker 4: out I was pregnant, I was like, oh, well, this
Speaker 4: sort of messes up the plan, you.
Speaker 2: Know, yeah, because Rostbud's career is really on the upswing.
Speaker 3: You're taking off, you're getting the credit you've deserveed, and
Speaker 3: you only have your whole career ahead of you. So
Speaker 3: also like not great timing for a lot of people's
Speaker 3: mentality in this business, right, people don't want to have
Speaker 3: kids until they're completely situated in their success exactly.
Speaker 2: A lot of people are scared to do yeah, but
Speaker 2: not you.
Speaker 4: Well, I was scared.
Speaker 2: I was are you smoking right now?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm vaping. I'm back to BA.
Speaker 1: You also couldn't do that while pregnant.
Speaker 4: I decided not to breastfeed because it's not for me.
Speaker 4: I wanted to debate, and I also wanted debate, that's
Speaker 4: the truth. And I was like, I've done enough. You know,
Speaker 4: I carried her.
Speaker 2: You're sober, you can don't have any alcohol or like addiction.
Speaker 2: You can lean on except for vape.
Speaker 4: Except for this, and so I and the whole time
Speaker 4: that I quit, I was like, people were like, so,
Speaker 4: are you quit for good? And I said, from the
Speaker 4: very beginning of my pregnancy until right now, I said,
Speaker 4: I'm going to go back the second that I can.
Speaker 4: And I was true to my word. Yeah good. So yeah.
Speaker 4: I think here's one thing that my attitude has given
Speaker 4: me is like an unwavering faith that whatever decision I
Speaker 4: make is the right decision. And I don't care about
Speaker 4: people's opinions about it. I don't. I'm going to do
Speaker 4: what I want to do because a happy mom is
Speaker 4: a better mom than a mom that is miserable and
Speaker 4: a martyr. So I am just not I'm not into
Speaker 4: that and that's not the kind of mom I'm going
Speaker 4: to be.
Speaker 2: So what was the most uncomfortable part about the back
Speaker 2: to the pregnancy? Was it the weight gain? Was it indigestion?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: What was the part that was just so unbearable?
Speaker 4: It was that the weight of my baby caused my hips.
Speaker 4: There's a joint that connects your pelvis in the front,
Speaker 4: and the weight of my baby was such that and
Speaker 4: because your ligaments loosen up in pregnancy, my hips actually
Speaker 4: split and so it just felt like hit. My entire
Speaker 4: pelvis felt like a barrel of loose bone. So by
Speaker 4: the end of my pregnancy, I truly couldn't walk. And
Speaker 4: the worst part about it was that they had no solution.
Speaker 4: I went in and I was like, Hey, it feels
Speaker 4: like my pussy's gonna fall out of my asshole and
Speaker 4: I need something for this, and they were like support, Yeah.
Speaker 4: They said, well, you could just tape your hips together
Speaker 4: with this disgusting elastic underwear that's just medical underwear. So
Speaker 4: not only did I feel less sexy than I'd ever
Speaker 4: felt in my life, they also added medical underwear to
Speaker 4: that equation, which made it not the most glowing I've
Speaker 4: ever felt, you know, and you know there are women
Speaker 4: that glow during pregnancy. I was not one of those women.
Speaker 4: It doesn't look good on me, it doesn't feel good
Speaker 4: on me. I fucking hated it from beginning to end.
Speaker 4: But by the time it was over, I was like,
Speaker 4: this was one hundred percent worth it. I love my baby.
Speaker 4: It took some time. It wasn't a meeting.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, tell us about that.
Speaker 4: I mean I it didn't take some time to love her.
Speaker 4: I loved her the second. It was weird, like I
Speaker 4: would have died for her, but I couldn't tell you
Speaker 4: why because she didn't do anything, like she was truly
Speaker 4: like a blob. And it's like having a pet turtle.
Speaker 4: For a while, you're just kind of staring at them
Speaker 4: and they don't do anything, and you're like, did I
Speaker 4: I ruined my life? I ruined my life and I
Speaker 4: don't know what I'm doing and I liked my life before,
Speaker 4: and what have I done? And then one day they
Speaker 4: smile at you, and it's like the whole thing changes. Now.
Speaker 4: It feels like I have Seltzer in my veins when
Speaker 4: I think about her. That's how much I love her,
Speaker 4: And I get excited to go home which was not
Speaker 4: the case when it was just a husband. Okay, I
Speaker 4: mean it's like, now I get excited. I'm so pumped
Speaker 4: I get to talk to her. She smiles back at me,
Speaker 4: like every day, it's a new thing. But for a while,
Speaker 4: it was really rough. And I was nervous about that
Speaker 4: time because I was like I knew it was coming,
Speaker 4: Like I knew that when she was here, I was
Speaker 4: going to have a real identity crisis that I wasn't
Speaker 4: that nothing could have prepared me for. And so while
Speaker 4: it was happening, even being aware of it didn't help.
Speaker 4: Like I was just like, oh my god. And plus
Speaker 4: I was so raw. You're just an open wound walking around.
Speaker 3: Did you have a natural childbirth or did you get
Speaker 3: an epidural? I mean, I don't know, you're sober. I
Speaker 3: don't know what the rules are. I'll assume you could
Speaker 3: get the one time drugs are legally allowed to get
Speaker 3: in your body.
Speaker 2: Yet that you would take that.
Speaker 4: Opportunity obvious, Okay, I said to the doctor's I don't
Speaker 4: want to push for one fucking second. I said, I
Speaker 4: I'm calling to schedule acy section. I was twenty weeks
Speaker 4: when I called scheduleacy section and they were like, well,
Speaker 4: you could give birth naturally, and I said, I have
Speaker 4: no interest. I want to know when I'm giving birth.
Speaker 4: I want there to be a deadline and I want
Speaker 4: to go in there and I want a full spinal tap.
Speaker 4: I just want you to present my baby like a
Speaker 4: bottle of wine and just say here she is. And
Speaker 4: it was really lovely. I mean, I really really loved
Speaker 4: my labor. It was like I went in, I laid down,
Speaker 4: they gave me a baby, and then I was paralyzed
Speaker 4: for three days and it was fantastic.
Speaker 2: That's perfect.
Speaker 3: That sounds like a procedure I would want without the
Speaker 3: end result being a baby.
Speaker 1: Though.
Speaker 3: Yes, you know, like I want to get a spinal tap,
Speaker 3: I want to be in bed in a hospital for
Speaker 3: three days getting drugs and yeah, like all the way
Speaker 3: all of that sounds I wouldn't even mind, like a
Speaker 3: cician scar. Yeah, if I had to get that in
Speaker 3: exchange for all of the supplies that they were giving me,
Speaker 3: it was worth it.
Speaker 2: Well, we're going to take a break. We'll be right back,
Speaker 2: and we're back.
Speaker 3: So Andy is her husband, and I always find it
Speaker 3: very interesting how everyone spouses are surprised by each other's
Speaker 3: reactions behavior and parenting.
Speaker 2: When a baby comes on the scene.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so are you surprised by Andy? Tell me about
Speaker 3: his reaction and everything.
Speaker 4: I'm not surprised, but I mean because it's so it's
Speaker 4: so what you would kind of expect from with our dynamic.
Speaker 4: Like I was so nervous about getting like postpartum depression,
Speaker 4: postpartum anxiety, and then he, being so supportive, decided to
Speaker 4: get it for me. And he got the postpartum anxiety
Speaker 4: and was fully checking to see if she was breathing
Speaker 4: every five seconds, was scared to like zip up her
Speaker 4: onesie all the way because he thought it was gonna
Speaker 4: choke her. I'm like, it's this is how they're designed,
Speaker 4: and all of that sounds like totally fine until you're
Speaker 4: putting the baby in the car seat and he's like, well,
Speaker 4: leave it a little loose because it could kill her.
Speaker 4: I'm like, you don't want to like invalidate how he's feeling,
Speaker 4: but at the same time, how he's feeling is insane,
Speaker 4: not valid, is not valid, So you're like, what do
Speaker 4: I do here? And plus I felt a little jealous
Speaker 4: because I was like, this is kind of like my
Speaker 4: time to be crazy, Like I have like full carte
Speaker 4: blanche to be insane right now, and you're like taking
Speaker 4: that from me. So I had my own feelings about
Speaker 4: that as well, you know where I had to work through,
Speaker 4: Like it's like this asshole.
Speaker 2: Is so synthrobbing my postpart of experience.
Speaker 3: Yes, and how quickly did you go back to work
Speaker 3: after you had the baby?
Speaker 2: What's your baby's name again, Mino Minno?
Speaker 3: I was gonna say Willow, but that's my other friend's baby, okay, Mino, Yeah,
Speaker 3: Oh that's cute.
Speaker 2: What's her middle name?
Speaker 4: Baker? Because I was like, if I she's named after
Speaker 4: my favorite aunt. And I was like, if I give
Speaker 4: her the name Minno, I can't give her like a
Speaker 4: anything after that is like a Wes Anderson movie, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean. Like I was like, you can't
Speaker 4: do like Minno Penelope. It's got to be something hard
Speaker 4: after Minno. So solid, I was like, Minno Baker haynes
Speaker 4: Is that's her full name.
Speaker 2: That's a cool name.
Speaker 4: It's yeah.
Speaker 2: So what have you discovered about yourself as a mother.
Speaker 4: I guess I'm still kind of discovering it, Like I
Speaker 4: don't really know yet. I'm still figuring that out, I'll
Speaker 4: say what I think I'm doing right, which is that
Speaker 4: when I'm with her, I'm one hundred percent with her,
Speaker 4: Like I don't look at my phone, I don't mess
Speaker 4: with work. I'm just like with her one hundred percent.
Speaker 4: And I love watching her grow up. Like I'm not
Speaker 4: someone who like I don't feel sad when she grows
Speaker 4: out of something. I'm like excited to see her because
Speaker 4: who she is, and like I don't have this kind
Speaker 4: of nervousness that I feel like a lot of parents
Speaker 4: have about her growing up. I'm excited. I'm genuinely excited
Speaker 4: for it, and I'm excited to see her become who
Speaker 4: she is. On the other hand, I went back to
Speaker 4: work after six weeks, and some people say, like, that's
Speaker 4: not a lot of time. To me, it's a lot
Speaker 4: of time. I wanted to start using my brain again
Speaker 4: for other things besides like changing her diaper. And so
Speaker 4: the result of that is, like I do worry all
Speaker 4: the time that she's gonna think Andy is her mom.
Speaker 4: I am constantly worried, Like I look in her eyes
Speaker 4: to see if she thinks I'm like her dad's girlfriend.
Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean? Like it's I feel
Speaker 4: genuine anxiety about the time that I spend away from
Speaker 4: her and how that is affecting her, and I worry
Speaker 4: about that all the time, Like I keep trying to remember,
Speaker 4: like how I felt about this stuff before I had
Speaker 4: a kid, which is like, she's a baby. It's gonna
Speaker 4: be fine. You're her mom, There's nothing that's going to
Speaker 4: break that, like bond. You're good. I just try not
Speaker 4: to overthink things.
Speaker 3: And has anything about your behavior since you had a
Speaker 3: child surprised you.
Speaker 4: No, I mean I am surprised by how much I
Speaker 4: love her, Like I was prepared for the stuff that
Speaker 4: is bad, I'm prepared for. I've been sleep deprived, I've
Speaker 4: done things that I thought were impossible. Honestly, I've had
Speaker 4: a puppy, and that is harder, Like having a puppy
Speaker 4: is harder than having a baby. Puppies can run, they
Speaker 4: are born knowing how to run, and babies can't. So
Speaker 4: the sleep deprivation is tough. But out of the two,
Speaker 4: I'm like, that was probably tougher for us. So it's
Speaker 4: just been like amazing to me how much I love her.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I wasn't prepared for the good stuff I
Speaker 4: really wasn't.
Speaker 2: And so when you have questions already saying like do
Speaker 2: you have people to go to? Like who do you
Speaker 2: go to? Do you go to your mom or any friends?
Speaker 4: I mean, I talked to Rachel Fine seeing a lot
Speaker 4: because Rachel's a comic with a kid. And it's weird
Speaker 4: because I feel outside of comics in a way now
Speaker 4: that I didn't before. But I also feel outside of
Speaker 4: moms in a way that I didn't expect to because
Speaker 4: I'm like, you know, I don't get excited about decorations
Speaker 4: for Halloween. It's not something that I'm like excited about.
Speaker 4: So there's things about like being a mom that I
Speaker 4: feel distant from. So I just go to people who
Speaker 4: are comics with kids, you know, that I feel close to,
Speaker 4: and there's not a lot of them. So yeah, it's
Speaker 4: that there's not a ton of questions that I have.
Speaker 4: The only things that I'm like really concerned about are
Speaker 4: like I'm like, hey, I'm crying more than I used to.
Speaker 4: What's that about? And people are like, yeah, that's pretty normal, Rosebud.
Speaker 4: It's not like you don't need to be concerned about that.
Speaker 4: But I wasn't a big crier before. So that's kind
Speaker 4: of odd.
Speaker 3: And what about your relationship with Andy? Has that brought
Speaker 3: you guys closer together?
Speaker 2: Because you've produced this thing.
Speaker 4: It's brought us closer in a major way. It's challenged
Speaker 4: our relationship in a huge way. It's it's very difficult
Speaker 4: at this stage that we're in not to constantly be
Speaker 4: fighting about who's doing more. You know. That's like a
Speaker 4: thing where you're just like why did this? And then
Speaker 4: why did this? And I found myself being like, you're
Speaker 4: keeping score, but so was I. You know, I had
Speaker 4: like a score I had, I had a tallly of
Speaker 4: all the times he'd kept score. So I was like,
Speaker 4: I'm telling him not to keep score while keeping a
Speaker 4: tallly of all the times that he's done it, Which
Speaker 4: is we're both doing more than we thought we were
Speaker 4: capable of. And you definitely start to feel resentful about it.
Speaker 4: But you have to you literally have to fight that
Speaker 4: urge to like be like it wasn't like this before,
Speaker 4: and it's like, yeah, no shit, dumbass, it's never going
Speaker 4: to be the same, you know. So that's been tough.
Speaker 4: But it also is like I look at him and
Speaker 4: I'm like, holy shit, everything that I've made fun of
Speaker 4: him for for years, like being so sensitive and so
Speaker 4: like caring. I'm like, there's no one in the world
Speaker 4: that if I was going to have a kid, I
Speaker 4: chose absolutely the right person advocate with. And also if
Speaker 4: I weren't with him, this wouldn't be possible, Like this
Speaker 4: would not be possible. So yeah, there's that. I mean,
Speaker 4: that's not funny, but it's that's the story, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean.
Speaker 2: No, I love it.
Speaker 3: I think it's always Yeah, I think it's always so
Speaker 3: fascinating how people react to it.
Speaker 2: People always describe.
Speaker 3: It as like your heart expanding to this degree of
Speaker 3: you don't even know you have this capacity to love.
Speaker 2: I have a new puppy and I'm like, wow, I
Speaker 2: didn't know I had the capacity to actually take to.
Speaker 3: Walks because my dogs don't fucking walk stand there. I've
Speaker 3: never I always have rescues so they're always old quick,
Speaker 3: And now I have a nine month old puppy and
Speaker 3: I'm like seeing myself. I'm like, I'm taking him to
Speaker 3: the doggie park, Like I would never take them to
Speaker 3: the doggy park because.
Speaker 2: They don't do anything at the doggy park.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, Mike and I'm talking about a
Speaker 3: dog and I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm my bandwidth.
Speaker 3: Is greater now because if he has such high energy
Speaker 3: and I want to support that. Yeah, I'm like, look
Speaker 3: at you cruising in a motherhood for this seventh time
Speaker 3: as a dog owner. But I can only imagine, you know,
Speaker 3: that's on a obviously different level. But like I can
Speaker 3: only imagine when people talk about your heart expanding and
Speaker 3: your capacity to like love someone so much, that's got
Speaker 3: to be the best feeling in the world.
Speaker 4: It is. It's funny because I used to hear that
Speaker 4: all the time, Like before I had kids, I used
Speaker 4: to hear, oh, yeah, loving a dog is different than
Speaker 4: loving it, And I'm like, it's not, though, I feel
Speaker 4: like love is love is love is love, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean. Like when I think about my pitbull Alabama,
Speaker 4: and there's certain dogs you know that you have like
Speaker 4: that like real strong connection with and this was like
Speaker 4: my soul dog, and I think about her, and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 4: it was the same level. It was the same level
Speaker 4: of love that I feel now that I felt then.
Speaker 4: I truly like love them both the same. So I
Speaker 4: don't really think it's like a different thing, you know.
Speaker 3: Right, you would you could jump in front of a
Speaker 3: car for both of them too. I would like your
Speaker 3: degree of commitment is the same, right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. To be honest, it's funny. I was like
Speaker 4: thinking about it. It was like a few days after
Speaker 4: Minna was born, and I was like walking her across
Speaker 4: the street, and I thought, if a car came and
Speaker 4: hit us right now, what would what would I do?
Speaker 4: And literally my first thought was, well, my body would
Speaker 4: turn into metal and the car would flip over. Like
Speaker 4: I literally was like, I just that was what I thought.
Speaker 4: It like took me a second to be like, oh,
Speaker 4: that's not physically possible.
Speaker 3: But and what's your SNL schedule these days? Like do
Speaker 3: you did you have to adjust that? Because I know
Speaker 3: you work crazy hours there you all do?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I haven't. I haven't really adjusted the schedule. I don't.
Speaker 4: I mean I took those six weeks off, but I
Speaker 4: I work the same hours that I did before. You know,
Speaker 4: and I have a nanny. So it's that makes me lucky,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 2: Is Mateo your nanny?
Speaker 4: Yeah? No, Mateo won't hold the baby. Mateo has come
Speaker 4: over so many times and and and just sits next
Speaker 4: to the baby, and I'm like, he's like, well, when
Speaker 4: she can hold up her head, then I'll then I'll
Speaker 4: then I'll hold her. But he's like, it scares the
Speaker 4: shit out of me.
Speaker 2: Then I'll engauge.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 5: My dad always says that he's like when they're out
Speaker 5: of the slug stage, like six months, like past six months,
Speaker 5: he's interested.
Speaker 1: But before that he's like no, no, no, no thanks.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, Honestly, I'm kind of the same. I was not.
Speaker 4: I'm not really like a newborn gal. They don't do
Speaker 4: it for me until their eyes are open and they're laughing.
Speaker 4: That's when it gets interesting.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: I mean it's almost pathetic how useless they are in
Speaker 3: the beginning. It is defenseless and useless, like it's just
Speaker 3: like a blood like they have to be kept alive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, wow, they're like a slug.
Speaker 4: I know, it's crazy. They're not even supposed to be
Speaker 4: out of the womb for like another It's like human
Speaker 4: beings just can't physically carry a baby for as long
Speaker 4: as we're supposed to, which is why they call that
Speaker 4: the fourth trimester is like those three months after they're
Speaker 4: born that they're just they're not fully cooked like they
Speaker 4: they have to finish cooking outside of the womb basically,
Speaker 4: and it shows.
Speaker 3: Was your mom there with you and helping you in
Speaker 3: the beginning, Yes, my mom, My mom was there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that was that very helpful to you.
Speaker 4: It was so helpful. And at the same time, it's like,
Speaker 4: your mom is there, so it's so helpful and it's
Speaker 4: so hard, and then they leave and you're like who
Speaker 4: But then you watch them walk away and you're like sobbing.
Speaker 4: It's just very complicated, you know.
Speaker 2: Ye, Yeah, your mom is present on my Instagram page
Speaker 2: a lot.
Speaker 3: I noticed her comments a lot, so we've cultivated an
Speaker 3: online friendship.
Speaker 4: How does she what does she say?
Speaker 3: That's none of your business, Rosebudden, It's really none of
Speaker 3: your business.
Speaker 4: Is she? Is she so supportive? Is she like, oh.
Speaker 3: She's a sweetheart? Yeah, she seems I she's somebody. I'm
Speaker 3: interested in her. I love parents. I'm always interested in parents,
Speaker 3: and she seems like she's off in the right kind
Speaker 3: of way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she really is. She's the most earnest person. It's
Speaker 4: crazy that I came from her. I'm always just like,
Speaker 4: how am I your daughter? She's like a golden retriever
Speaker 4: and I'm like the angel of Death and I.
Speaker 2: Know, I know, it's very funny. Isn't that so interesting?
Speaker 4: It's so odd to me?
Speaker 3: My mother was so shy. My mother was so demure,
Speaker 3: she was like ladylike, and she was horrified by me
Speaker 3: in my presence.
Speaker 2: She was like, what are you are you? Are you
Speaker 2: a man?
Speaker 4: Like? What? What is that? Like?
Speaker 3: She had never seen a girl talk like me, or
Speaker 3: act like me, or be so like a loud mouth.
Speaker 3: And my mom was always just in like, not disgusted
Speaker 3: or repelled, more like shocked than I was of her.
Speaker 4: Yes, Like She's like.
Speaker 2: How did you come out of me?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I don't know, bitch, but I'm here
Speaker 3: and let's get down to business. And she was just
Speaker 3: I remember she once found something like I guess it
Speaker 3: was a hair, I mean, something gross in her salad.
Speaker 3: We were at the Olive Garden in New Jersey and
Speaker 3: that was already you know, traumatizing growing up by an
Speaker 3: olive garden. And when she found the hair in her salad,
Speaker 3: I remember calling the waitress over to get rid of
Speaker 3: the salad and my mom was like, no, no, and
Speaker 3: I was like, nine, I'm excuse me she found a
Speaker 3: hair and my mom was like, no, no, it's okay,
Speaker 3: don't say anything, don't say anything. I was like, I
Speaker 3: was like advocating for her. And I realized then I
Speaker 3: was like.
Speaker 2: Oh god, we are not on the same page at all.
Speaker 3: But it's so interesting to see that, Like, I wonder
Speaker 3: how that will be with minnow.
Speaker 2: You know, she's gonna be a reflection of you and
Speaker 2: or the complete opposite of you.
Speaker 4: I know, I wonder about that too. I'm really curious
Speaker 4: to find out. My mom and I we went on
Speaker 4: you know, I took her to Italy on a trip
Speaker 4: while I was pregnant.
Speaker 2: Yes, how was that?
Speaker 4: It was so funny because here I am, I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm in my second trimester. I'm walking around Italy with
Speaker 4: my mother, and my mom is she's a painter. So
Speaker 4: she stops at every painting and reads the museum placard
Speaker 4: and sort of takes it in and breaks it down
Speaker 4: and cries softly cries, and then comes to me while
Speaker 4: she's crying and explains the meaning of the painting, right,
Speaker 4: And each time I can't summon the feeling each time,
Speaker 4: you know, I mean, it's like the Duomo. There's like,
Speaker 4: we spent all day in there, and I at the
Speaker 4: end of the day, we went out to dinner and
Speaker 4: I was kind of like fed up, right, and she
Speaker 4: she she was like, what's the matter, and I said,
Speaker 4: I was like, it's just, you know, there's not enough
Speaker 4: hours in the day for the amount of crying that
Speaker 4: you got to do. I can't. And of course she
Speaker 4: starts to tear up, and she's like, well, do you
Speaker 4: just want me to pretend like I don't care? And
Speaker 4: I was like, yes, yes, I want you to pretend
Speaker 4: like you don't care, just for a just for an hour, please,
Speaker 4: And so it became like a joke. Each time we
Speaker 4: walked by a painting, she'd be like, I mean, who
Speaker 4: gives a shit?
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, but now look at you.
Speaker 3: You're like, karma just landed on your doorstep, because now
Speaker 3: you're crying all the time.
Speaker 4: I know. I'm like, God, damn it, I've.
Speaker 3: Been seeing that happen a lot lately, like karma working
Speaker 3: in real time. Like even if I think like a
Speaker 3: nasty thought about someone, something will bite me right away
Speaker 3: or I trip right away, and I'm like, oh, I go,
Speaker 3: I might I must be so close to the surface
Speaker 3: of like especially when it happens to other people too.
Speaker 3: I was skiing the other day with this elderly woman
Speaker 3: and she was a cunt, and she was like, I
Speaker 3: think she was trying to rap. I didn't even want
Speaker 3: to go skiing with her, but a friend of a friend.
Speaker 3: And then and then she blamed me, like she was
Speaker 3: so unpleasant anyway, I was like, why am I spending
Speaker 3: my day with her? And then she started she was
Speaker 3: kind of racing me. And this is a woman in
Speaker 3: her older sixties, and I'm like, she is she.
Speaker 2: Racing to me right now?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, am I Am I racing an elderly
Speaker 3: And I started to step it up and I was
Speaker 3: like going to race her back. And then I stopped
Speaker 3: myself and said, no, no, this is so silly, stop it.
Speaker 2: What are you doing? And then she wiped out.
Speaker 3: She wiped out so badly, and I couldn't help but laugh.
Speaker 2: I was like that you had that coming. That is karma.
Speaker 2: In a second.
Speaker 3: You're sitting here trying to race someone on a mountain.
Speaker 3: We're not racing, we're not fucking in the Olympics. We're
Speaker 3: just on a regular day. So I kind of I've
Speaker 3: been noticing that a lot lately, karma in real time,
Speaker 3: and I'm enjoying it even when it happens to myself,
Speaker 3: because it's a reminder, like, you know, you don't have
Speaker 3: to like even if you have a negative thought about someone,
Speaker 3: like you don't have to say it every single time.
Speaker 3: You don't have to emote it, and sometimes it's better
Speaker 3: to leave it inside. So I like it as a
Speaker 3: reminder personally, and I like seeing it happen to others.
Speaker 4: Yeah, although I do like when I have a negative
Speaker 4: thought just texting it to someone immediately. I love. I
Speaker 4: do love to.
Speaker 2: That's what Matteo is. That's what Matteo is for.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's my receptacle for negative thoughts, I know, or
Speaker 3: if I'm if I'm having a moment of shade and froud,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like to share that. He's a good audience
Speaker 2: for that.
Speaker 4: He's perfect for it.
Speaker 2: I know, he's ridiculous.
Speaker 4: Sometimes Matteo will just text me a name and I'll
Speaker 4: just write pass.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're back. All right, Catherine, what the fuck is happening?
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 5: We have some parenting questions well, some having babies questions
Speaker 5: because I figured they'd be perfect for you.
Speaker 2: Perfect. That's my wheelhouse.
Speaker 5: We've got some DNA questions. We've got a whole bunch
Speaker 5: of crazy questions. Dating, also dating. Her first question comes
Speaker 5: from Janine. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm struggling with a
Speaker 5: decision right now. I cannot decide whether or not to
Speaker 5: find the identity of my biological grandfather. My father has
Speaker 5: wanted to know who he is ever since he was
Speaker 5: a boy and found out that my Grandpa was not
Speaker 5: his biological dad. My grandmother refuses to tell him. In
Speaker 5: a recent twist, we found out via DNA test that
Speaker 5: his quote cousin is actually his complete biological sister. He
Speaker 5: confronted my grandmother about it and now they aren't speaking.
Speaker 5: The problem is my grandmother is obsessed with her image
Speaker 5: and her social standing, not to mention, she's a total
Speaker 5: bitch to my dad every chance she gets. My father's
Speaker 5: half siblings have no idea about any of this. This
Speaker 5: has left a huge hole in my dad's life. He's
Speaker 5: always been so good to me, especially when I came
Speaker 5: out being a lesbian when I was a teenager.
Speaker 1: I really want to find out.
Speaker 5: For him, but I don't want to overstep his boundaries
Speaker 5: or risk any more fighting than we already have on
Speaker 5: that side of the family.
Speaker 1: What do you think I should do, Jinine.
Speaker 3: I think you should just go for it. Don't worry
Speaker 3: about all the drama. If you don't participate in drama,
Speaker 3: you're not part of the drama. Your dad wants to
Speaker 3: know where he's from, go help him, and forget about
Speaker 3: your grandmother, like that's her own problem. Let her deal
Speaker 3: with her own emotions, and you do the right thing
Speaker 3: for your dad, which sounds like he wants that too,
Speaker 3: So I don't think that's a I think.
Speaker 2: That's a no brainer.
Speaker 3: I think everyone gets caught up in all the drama.
Speaker 3: You don't have to participate in drama. You can just
Speaker 3: do your thing and then extricate yourself from the situation
Speaker 3: and let everything. Let the chips fall where they may,
Speaker 3: as they say, Rosebud your thoughts.
Speaker 4: I agree. I feel like people's opinions about you are
Speaker 4: none of your business, and if you want to help
Speaker 4: out your dad, go for it and let the chips
Speaker 4: fall where they may. Like you said, like, it's just
Speaker 4: just see what happens. You know, you could just sit
Speaker 4: back and watch. You could enjoy it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sit back exactly, Sit back, get some popcorn, and
Speaker 3: just enjoy enjoy other people floundering.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But also the other thing is like your grandmother's saying,
Speaker 3: your grandmother's really protective over her image.
Speaker 2: That's no one's problem but hers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's her right.
Speaker 2: So don't ever.
Speaker 3: Feed into other people's pretend lives, pretentiousness, or their image,
Speaker 3: you know, like that's that is their deal, and they
Speaker 3: need to deal with that because the truth is what
Speaker 3: the truth is, and that's going to affect them.
Speaker 2: However, it's gonna affect them.
Speaker 4: Worst case scenario, what she has to accept who she
Speaker 4: actually is at the end of her life. That sounds
Speaker 4: like a pretty good payoff to me.
Speaker 2: I agree with you, actually.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: The other thing is like I don't think you have
Speaker 5: to advertise it, Like, just because you and your dad
Speaker 5: are going to find this out, there's already plenty of
Speaker 5: secrets that everybody else doesn't know about.
Speaker 1: Like, if you don't want to advertise, they don't have to.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, when you're not in the argument, there's nothing to
Speaker 3: argue about. Like, as long as you don't subscribe to it,
Speaker 3: it's it diffuses, like if someone's yelling at you and
Speaker 3: you're not saying anything back, eventually they're going to walk
Speaker 3: away because there's nothing to argue about.
Speaker 4: Right agreed?
Speaker 3: Anyway, Wise words from the sagacious Chelsea joy Handler.
Speaker 2: Let's move on to the next question.
Speaker 5: Moving on, Lauren says, Dear Chelsea, modern dating is hard
Speaker 5: between the apps and meeting in person. It's all fun
Speaker 5: and games until it's just the games. I'd love your
Speaker 5: advice on when it's time to bring up what someone's
Speaker 5: intentions are.
Speaker 1: I know it may seem.
Speaker 5: Silly, like I could just be honest and ask someone,
Speaker 5: But what I really mean is when you're dating someone
Speaker 5: and you see potential but also don't want it to
Speaker 5: be just another hookup or friends with benefit situation, how
Speaker 5: do you casually bring this up without sounding crazy or
Speaker 5: that you're trying to tie them down? And I don't
Speaker 5: know if there's an answer to this, but how many
Speaker 5: days before you sleep with someone that you see potential
Speaker 5: with I'm no prude, but I don't want to be
Speaker 5: just another notch in someone's bed.
Speaker 1: Post.
Speaker 5: This back and forth with men walking in and out
Speaker 5: of my life makes me wonder if I will ever
Speaker 5: find someone that will stick around. One guy told me
Speaker 5: he's ready to settle down, and then days later I
Speaker 5: see him back on the dating apps looking for a
Speaker 5: long term relationship and monogamy. The one after him, I
Speaker 5: found out was a former cop that's sexually assaulted a
Speaker 5: girl and has to register it as a sex offender.
Speaker 1: So, as you can tell, dating is quite.
Speaker 5: The learning experience, which is why I'd like your advice.
Speaker 5: Any advice would be amazing.
Speaker 1: Lauren.
Speaker 4: Hi Lauren, Hi Lauren, Hi, good morning.
Speaker 6: How are you.
Speaker 2: We're good? Thank you. This is Rose about our special
Speaker 2: guest today.
Speaker 4: Hi Lauren.
Speaker 2: She's a dating expert, so you're in good hands.
Speaker 6: That's perfect. Nice to meet you. Good to see Catherine.
Speaker 4: Hi.
Speaker 3: Listen, there's a bunch of fucking assholes out there, but
Speaker 3: that goes for women and men. And like, the dating
Speaker 3: scene is so up and down and you shouldn't follow
Speaker 3: any set of rules, is my personal opinion. You need
Speaker 3: to listen to your gut and you need to listen
Speaker 3: to like what you're interested in. Also, I feel like
Speaker 3: so many times as young women, we are so programmed
Speaker 3: to try to discern if the guy likes us, if
Speaker 3: the guy wants to be with us. When's the right
Speaker 3: time to sleep with him so that he'll speak to
Speaker 3: us again and.
Speaker 2: We'll still and he won't he'll still respect us. It's like,
Speaker 2: what do you want? What do you like? What are
Speaker 2: you attracted to?
Speaker 3: That we kind of marginalize our own feelings in exchange
Speaker 3: for what we want to do to please men. And
Speaker 3: I think you have to take it always back to yourself.
Speaker 2: Who do you like? You know, when do you want
Speaker 2: to sleep with someone?
Speaker 3: There is no prescription of when it's a perfect timing,
Speaker 3: because if you meet a guy who's great and you
Speaker 3: have chemistry and you both like each other, you could
Speaker 3: slip together right away and then spend the rest of
Speaker 3: your life together.
Speaker 2: Possibly.
Speaker 3: There's no like, oh if I wait ten days and
Speaker 3: he's gonna respect me more. I mean, I don't buy
Speaker 3: into any of that. I think there you know, you know,
Speaker 3: when you have chemistry with somebody, and I think setting
Speaker 3: your intention as early as you want is fine, then
Speaker 3: you're weeding out anybody who's going to waste your time.
Speaker 3: You know why you don't have to wait five days
Speaker 3: so because you're gonna scare them off. There's a way
Speaker 3: to say what you're looking for without being desperate about it.
Speaker 2: There's a way to say, hey, how old are you?
Speaker 6: I'm twenty eight.
Speaker 3: Okay, there's a way to say, hey, I'm twenty eight.
Speaker 3: I've dated a lot. I'm ready for whatever your history is.
Speaker 3: I'm ready for something a little bit more substantial. So
Speaker 3: I just want to make sure we're on the same
Speaker 3: page even before you go out on a date. You know,
Speaker 3: it may change after you go out on a date
Speaker 3: and they'll say, you know, what they say may not
Speaker 3: be true afterward. But all you can do is be honest,
Speaker 3: outbound with your and your feelings, and then you're clean,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Like, you're not playing games,
Speaker 3: you're not doing anything wrong. Even if the first five
Speaker 3: guys you might be interested in aren't reciprocating that or
Speaker 3: don't end up being in your life. You have a
Speaker 3: clear conscience because you're being very, very direct and kind
Speaker 3: of self actualized about what you want, so to speak.
Speaker 3: And I always think that reaps more dividends than anything else,
Speaker 3: because then nobody can get confused.
Speaker 2: You're clear, then they're clear.
Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely, No. I think that's really good advice. And
Speaker 6: I think I mean, I have been dating a lot
Speaker 6: and I like to be very upfront and direct, but
Speaker 6: sometimes I feel like, you know, I may get one
Speaker 6: response and then their true color show later on. I
Speaker 6: just feel like I keep running into these like situationships.
Speaker 6: It seems like it's like this modern dating, whether it's
Speaker 6: the apps or in person, and it's like it's exhausting,
Speaker 6: you know, and that's part of dating. And I get
Speaker 6: all of that, but I think it's hard to kind
Speaker 6: of find that sometimes.
Speaker 4: I think when you are like if you just do
Speaker 4: what if you do what Chelsea does or what she's
Speaker 4: promoting you do, which I think she also does in
Speaker 4: her personal life. Is like if you just say this
Speaker 4: is where I'm at, this is what I want. It
Speaker 4: might not you might not be the right person for this,
Speaker 4: but this is what I want. And if you're not
Speaker 4: the right person for this, maybe we should go separate
Speaker 4: ways now. And they say no, no, no, I am
Speaker 4: this is what I want. This is you know, because men,
Speaker 4: they're a lot of times I've noticed in my own
Speaker 4: dating history that they'll lie and say something that they
Speaker 4: think I want to hear the same way that I've
Speaker 4: bent myself into different shapes hoping that I don't scare
Speaker 4: them off. So I think we're all kind of like
Speaker 4: programmed to do this to one another. But once you
Speaker 4: get that information of like, oh he was lying because
Speaker 4: he thought this is what I wanted to hear, and
Speaker 4: you you just go, Okay, that's all the information I need.
Speaker 4: I can move on to the next one. And you
Speaker 4: don't get discouraged by that. I think that's a really
Speaker 4: helpful attitude to have, of like, you have time, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean, you have all the time in
Speaker 4: the world. So to just say, like, all right, Like
Speaker 4: when I met my now husband, I was we had
Speaker 4: slept together on the first.
Speaker 2: Night, I ainal they did ANAL.
Speaker 4: We did ANAL on the first night. Yeah, when I
Speaker 4: say slept together, it was hardcore anal. And and then
Speaker 4: and I said to him like, look, I don't know
Speaker 4: if you're the right person for me, but I do
Speaker 4: know that I want to get married. So if you
Speaker 4: aren't into that idea, we should start dating other people.
Speaker 4: And he was like, well, I don't want to date
Speaker 4: other people. And I said, okay, well, then you know
Speaker 4: where I stand and you know where I'm at, and
Speaker 4: if this gets serious, I just want you to know
Speaker 4: I want to get married. So that's where I'm at,
Speaker 4: and we can just keep going on as if this
Speaker 4: conversation never even happened. But just know that's where I stand,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 2: And know that the conversation did happen.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, and then it ended up working out. But
Speaker 4: like I wasn't even sure that he was the guy
Speaker 4: for me when I told him that. I just knew
Speaker 4: that that was what I wanted. So yeah, it was
Speaker 4: like I had to put my own shame and feelings
Speaker 4: about how he would feel about it totally aside. Like
Speaker 4: I had to be like, I don't care what your
Speaker 4: reaction is to this. In fact, the more honest your reaction,
Speaker 4: the more information for me I can move forward just
Speaker 4: by watching you react to this.
Speaker 6: So I think that's a good way being true to
Speaker 6: yourself and where you stand with things and how they
Speaker 6: react is going to determine you know how or whether
Speaker 6: you move forward with them. And it's almost better knowing
Speaker 6: it that way than finding out maybe later on when
Speaker 6: it fizzles out.
Speaker 3: But they also the other thing is is like women,
Speaker 3: especially in your twenties and your thirties, before you really
Speaker 3: are like fortified in your self worth. I mean, you
Speaker 3: seem like you have some self worth, so I like
Speaker 3: to see that. But I also would like to say,
Speaker 3: like that is a practice. You have to practice your
Speaker 3: self worth, and by announcing to these guys or having
Speaker 3: real adult conversations is a constant cementing of your self worth,
Speaker 3: saying this is what I'm interested in, and if you're not,
Speaker 3: that's fine too, but like, let's just be on the
Speaker 3: same page.
Speaker 2: And conversely, if the opposite.
Speaker 3: Were true, I just had a conversation with a guy
Speaker 3: where I'm like, listen, there's nothing serious happening here.
Speaker 2: This is wintertime.
Speaker 3: I like having sex when I'm skiing and a lot
Speaker 3: of fun, and it's over when.
Speaker 2: I leave in March.
Speaker 3: And he was like, wow, that's pretty harsh. I go, well,
Speaker 3: you can take it as harsh, but that's where I am.
Speaker 3: If it's not going to be you, it's going to
Speaker 3: be another guy. I didn't say that part to him,
Speaker 3: but that's what I was thinking, Like, yeah, you can
Speaker 3: sign up for this program or but I'm never going
Speaker 3: to be deceptive.
Speaker 2: I'm never going to pretend.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, like if it does get serious, great,
Speaker 3: but that's not my intention.
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to get serious.
Speaker 3: So and I think that works in all ways because
Speaker 3: it's just a good reminder to yourself to always say
Speaker 3: your truth, especially when dating, when guys can be you know,
Speaker 3: these dating sites are filled with tons of assholes, so
Speaker 3: you just have to know that going in. So it's like,
Speaker 3: you know, if you get one good guy out of
Speaker 3: ten dates, then that's what's out there. You know, every
Speaker 3: ten dates you're gonna find somebody. Oh that's actually a potential,
Speaker 3: but you know, if that's what you're after, that's kind
Speaker 3: of what you have to do these days.
Speaker 2: And just know that nothing is.
Speaker 3: Personal, Like who cares if someone doesn't like you move
Speaker 3: on to the next guy. There are millions, billions of
Speaker 3: men out there. Yeah, so just keep that and practice
Speaker 3: the art of like self respect.
Speaker 5: I think also there's an element of separating like could
Speaker 5: this be something in the future and do you eventually
Speaker 5: want a long term relationship slash marriage whatever? And being exclusive,
Speaker 5: like I think you can find out if that's where
Speaker 5: someone's end goal is that they want, you know, a
Speaker 5: long term relationship and not necessarily be like we're a
Speaker 5: boyfriend and girlfriend. We don't see anybody else right now,
Speaker 5: until like you actually feel like you want that with
Speaker 5: that person, right.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and that's that's where I think, like what's hard
Speaker 6: and you know, whether it's on the apps or just
Speaker 6: in person, you know, when you start consistently seeing someone,
Speaker 6: like when do you kind of define the relationship and
Speaker 6: whin do you Whether it's not that I'm trying to
Speaker 6: get married tomorrow, but you know, when you finally meet
Speaker 6: someone you would like to, you know, see where things go,
Speaker 6: it turns into this when do you have that conversation
Speaker 6: and still staying true to yourself. But at that point that's.
Speaker 4: I don't think you have to know that they're the guy.
Speaker 4: You can also be clear like I'm not even sure
Speaker 4: if this is you. You can say like I don't
Speaker 4: know if it's you that I'm talking about, but I
Speaker 4: know that this is what I'm looking for.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: Yes, I like that a lot.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you're not it, that's okay, I'm not I'm
Speaker 4: just having this conversation for me because i want to
Speaker 4: be clear about my intentions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2: That's good.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And also you know, like everyone is always looking for
Speaker 3: a timeline, Like it's different for every relationship. When you're
Speaker 3: post to you know, sometimes it's mutual. Sometimes it's them,
Speaker 3: sometimes it's you, and not trying to control the outcome
Speaker 3: of something before it begins is a nicer, easier way
Speaker 3: to go through everything, you know, not trying to say, okay,
Speaker 3: by six months, I have to be engaged. But this
Speaker 3: is like that kind of hard line thinking doesn't allow
Speaker 3: for fun and spur of the moment, like a jouis
Speaker 3: de vie that you kind of want to implement into
Speaker 3: your dating life. Because you are only twenty eight, you
Speaker 3: could have like three or four loves before you meet
Speaker 3: the guy you know you could have, and like, wouldn't
Speaker 3: you want that?
Speaker 2: I want that for you.
Speaker 3: I want you to have a lot of different guys
Speaker 3: to like experience, so that when you're ready to really
Speaker 3: ready to settle down, you settle down. And that could
Speaker 3: be your intention the whole time, but it's nice to have,
Speaker 3: you know, the more experience you get, the better.
Speaker 2: In my opinion, Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely. I think through dating it's like I'm figuring
Speaker 6: out more of the things that I don't want and
Speaker 6: honestly more about myself and what I do. So I
Speaker 6: think that's a good way to look at it, not
Speaker 6: rushing things and just kind of you know, going with
Speaker 6: the flow a little bit and having some fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and having fun right, Like, some people aren't going
Speaker 3: to be your boyfriends. They're just going to be like
Speaker 3: a casual guy for two months, and that's fun as
Speaker 3: long as you're not you know, it has to end
Speaker 3: with this result, Like you can have fun with all
Speaker 3: sorts of different people in different ways.
Speaker 2: I mean, men do it, and you know, I feel
Speaker 2: like not enough women do that.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, it's not the same standard.
Speaker 4: It needs to be about our pleasure. If they're not
Speaker 4: going to make it their number one priority, then we
Speaker 4: have to, you know what I mean. And I feel
Speaker 4: like we have to anyway, regardless of what they do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I spent so many times in my
Speaker 3: twenties and thirties, a little bit in my thirties faking orgasms,
Speaker 3: faking like just pleasing men. I mean, and now I'm like,
Speaker 3: I don't even give a shit if you come, just
Speaker 3: go down on me and we'll talk about it if
Speaker 3: this leads to something else, Like I.
Speaker 2: Am so selfish now I don't even.
Speaker 3: Fucking care, you know, Like that it's a complete role
Speaker 3: reversal of the way I was in my twenties. So yeah,
Speaker 3: just from remember that when you sit down with a man,
Speaker 3: do you like him?
Speaker 4: Not?
Speaker 2: Does he like you?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: On that first second third date, like you know, ask
Speaker 5: yourself like is he even worth having? The sort of
Speaker 5: like DTR defining the relationship dog with and the answer map.
Speaker 1: You know, on the first second third date and then
Speaker 1: you're on the next year.
Speaker 2: Wow, DTR. That was quick, Catherine. Is that some lingo
Speaker 2: that I don't know about? DTR?
Speaker 1: The DTR?
Speaker 2: Have the DTR sounds like d M e T D
Speaker 2: five d M e O T which is frog venom.
Speaker 2: I've been haled have the DTR. Okay, well, we're gonna
Speaker 2: send you off.
Speaker 3: Good luck with everything, and remember self worth, self value,
Speaker 3: self respect, start there.
Speaker 2: And then move on out. Thank you.
Speaker 6: Well, I'm excited you're coming to LA I'm going to
Speaker 6: try to make it out to your show.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, the YouTube theater May eleventh. That's going to
Speaker 2: be a fun show. Yes come.
Speaker 6: Thank you so much for all of your guys' advice.
Speaker 6: I'll definitely keep it in mind as I continue the process.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, good luck and I'm sure you'll be very successful.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Bye, bye, Laurence, Bye, give me your Doug.
Speaker 3: I want to show you Doug. But he's so fucking
Speaker 3: big I can't even lift him up. I threw my
Speaker 3: back out yesterday taking him to the dog park. And
Speaker 3: then I get to the dog park and there was
Speaker 3: this guy who's like, there's a massive dog.
Speaker 2: And he's like, hey, is it okay to take my
Speaker 2: dog off leash? And I'm like, well, it's an awfu
Speaker 2: leash dog park?
Speaker 3: So why are you asking? He goes, do you have
Speaker 3: any snacks on you? I go, why what would happen
Speaker 3: if I do?
Speaker 2: I need that full? What's?
Speaker 3: And I said what kind of dog is that? He goes, Oh,
Speaker 3: he's half wolf. I'm like, we're leaving half wolf?
Speaker 2: Fuck off?
Speaker 4: That's so La.
Speaker 2: I'm in Whistler, so oh.
Speaker 4: They have they have half wolves in Whistler and I.
Speaker 2: Don't see wolves in La. Do you Is that allowed?
Speaker 4: I feel like people would find find a loophole out there.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's actor dogs. You can have I think up
Speaker 5: to a half wolf.
Speaker 1: I had a neighbor. I'd one neighbor. If you're an actor,
Speaker 1: well the dog is an actor.
Speaker 3: Oh wait, actors got to have wolves, but civilians don't.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't even blink an eye if that was the rule.
Speaker 4: I'd be like that, I does that make sense? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is illegal to own a coyote.
Speaker 5: And I also had a neighbor that owned a coyote
Speaker 5: and I was like, wow, looks like they're like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: don't tell anyone.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2: You should have reported them right away. I have no
Speaker 2: problem telling on people all the time.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Well, our last question today comes from r That's it
Speaker 5: r just our, just our.
Speaker 1: We could give her a name.
Speaker 2: It's Rachel, It's me Remedial, It's me Rose, It's.
Speaker 1: From rosebud Hi, Chelsea. I actually could be for you.
Speaker 2: Giving yourself advice. You wrote into yourself so you could
Speaker 2: give your self advice.
Speaker 5: I'm listening to your episode with Elise Loanan and she
Speaker 5: just asked you about pushing through your fears. I love
Speaker 5: this idea under most circumstances, but my fear about having
Speaker 5: a second child seems like one that I'm not sure
Speaker 5: is worth pursuing. A little backstory. I got pregnant with
Speaker 5: my daughter in March twenty twenty. Whoops, being a mom
Speaker 5: is all I ever wanted. With all of what twenty
Speaker 5: twenty took from literally everyone, it really cast an insane
Speaker 5: toll on my mental health while being pregnant. After my
Speaker 5: daughter was born, my postpartum depression and anxiety skyrocketed. I
Speaker 5: resisted medication at first and was talking to a therapist. Finally,
Speaker 5: after the darkest year of my life, I got on
Speaker 5: medication and really came into my own I still struggle
Speaker 5: here and there, but my daughter is now two and
Speaker 5: a half and I'm having the time of my life.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing.
Speaker 5: I'm terrified of the idea of having a second child.
Speaker 5: I'd always wanted multiple kids before, no less than three,
Speaker 5: no more than five. What when I read that now,
Speaker 5: I can't believe I ever said that and really thought
Speaker 5: that's what I wanted with all my heart. I feel
Speaker 5: like a completely different person after what I went through.
Speaker 5: Do I accept the realities of my first experience and
Speaker 5: move forward with a new perspective on my future, or
Speaker 5: do I push through my fears of having a second
Speaker 5: child because I can trust that I can get through
Speaker 5: the hardship I might endure for longer term. Joy I
Speaker 5: hear your voice saying, don't have a child unless you're
Speaker 5: one hundred percent positive. But I'm struggling with knowing which
Speaker 5: of my voices to listen to. Thanks for reading are.
Speaker 3: I don't think having a second child is pushing through fear.
Speaker 3: When I talk about pushing through fear, I'm talking about
Speaker 3: like daring yourself to like do stuff that you're not
Speaker 3: comfortable with. This fear is actually like based in what
Speaker 3: your experience was, like you had a reaction after having
Speaker 3: a child. But I do think that having been through
Speaker 3: it and surviving it, which I know nothing about, I
Speaker 3: want to be very clear, I don't I think once
Speaker 3: you survive something, then it seems a lot more reasonable
Speaker 3: to expect that you will survive it again. So if
Speaker 3: having a child is so important to you, I would
Speaker 3: say go for it.
Speaker 2: But I wouldn't frame it as pushing through your fears.
Speaker 3: I would frame it as getting to the end goal
Speaker 3: of like long term happiness and having the family that
Speaker 3: you even desired many years ago when you wrote down
Speaker 3: how many kids you wanted to have. I think that
Speaker 3: you should go for it because you know what it is,
Speaker 3: and while it might not be, it may not even
Speaker 3: happen the second time, and what happened to you the
Speaker 3: first time, and even if it does, you survived it.
Speaker 3: So there's really like if you really want the kid.
Speaker 3: That's the question, do you want a second child? And
Speaker 3: if the answer is yes, I would say, go for it.
Speaker 1: She survived it, and she's got the tools now too.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: It's just that evolution and the therapy.
Speaker 2: Rosebud, what about you, God.
Speaker 4: I'm like, that's just like a hard question for someone
Speaker 4: else to answer. I feel like that's such a personal
Speaker 4: choice that I don't know, I truly, because I'm in
Speaker 4: the same position where it's like, I mean, I would
Speaker 4: be I don't want a second kid, but it would
Speaker 4: be terrifying to me if I did want one, it
Speaker 4: would be terrifying to choose to do it. And I
Speaker 4: know what she means by I don't know which voice
Speaker 4: to listen to, because that's how I felt before I
Speaker 4: had my first kid, was I was like, I don't
Speaker 4: it's it scared the shit out of me having a kid,
Speaker 4: and for good reason, it is terrify and life changing,
Speaker 4: and you do feel like a totally different person. And
Speaker 4: I think if there's anything that I could say, it's like,
Speaker 4: just take a minute to yourself to really work through
Speaker 4: how much you want this, you know, because if you
Speaker 4: really want this and you're just scared. I agree with Chelsea,
Speaker 4: like you have the tools, you've done it before, you
Speaker 4: can do it again, and if you don't, you'll find
Speaker 4: that out. But I think it's going to take to me.
Speaker 4: It sounds like a little bit like you're still unsure
Speaker 4: just from the question. So I would say it's okay
Speaker 4: to let to give time time and to just figure
Speaker 4: out how badly you want this, you know, because I
Speaker 4: think that's really what it comes down to, is like
Speaker 4: how badly you want it. So I don't know if
Speaker 4: that's an answer, but it's it's hard to answer a
Speaker 4: question that's like such a personal choice, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and also sit with yourself, whether you meditate or not,
Speaker 3: sit alone quietly. Like women, we have like a total
Speaker 3: intuition and a total knowing when we actually allow ourselves
Speaker 3: to like be very still, be very quiet and think
Speaker 3: is this something that you're going to do? And your
Speaker 3: body is going to tell you like you have to
Speaker 3: you know, you really have to kind of get in
Speaker 3: touch with yourself.
Speaker 2: But it's not that hard. We have such strong intuitions
Speaker 2: within ourselves.
Speaker 4: I agree.
Speaker 3: I would say to like really try to listen to
Speaker 3: yourself and really just like sit with yourself for like
Speaker 3: fifteen minutes every morning, just with your eyes closed and
Speaker 3: thinking about what this means to you and if you're
Speaker 3: ready and if you're ready to take this on, and
Speaker 3: I bet you that you are.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, And you know, I think if you're not
Speaker 5: ready to move forward right now, you know, like Rosebud said,
Speaker 5: it's not a question that has to be answered today,
Speaker 5: but part of what keeps us spinning is not having
Speaker 5: made the decision. So maybe just like put a pin
Speaker 5: in it, be like, you know what, I'm not gonna
Speaker 5: make a decision on this. I'm giving letting myself off
Speaker 5: the hook for the next six months and then like
Speaker 5: literally put on your calendar six months from now or
Speaker 5: three months or a year or whatever. You think, Okay,
Speaker 5: let's dive into this again. Let's think about this again,
Speaker 5: and you know, give yourself a little bit of a break.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I think with I was like torturing myself with
Speaker 4: the question for so long about whether or not I
Speaker 4: wanted to have a kid, and I think when I
Speaker 4: finally did get pregnant, I thought, well, this is terrifying.
Speaker 4: And while I'm very scared, I want this more than
Speaker 4: I am scared of it, and I wanted there was
Speaker 4: something even about the fear that intrigued me, So I
Speaker 4: was like, I want to go into this just to
Speaker 4: see what it does to me. I want to, like,
Speaker 4: I want to be changed, and I want to experience
Speaker 4: all of this, even if it's horrifying. And that kind
Speaker 4: of makes the fear not something to be avoided, but
Speaker 4: something that you can kind of dive in two and explode.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's well said Rosebud.
Speaker 3: All right, well we're gonna take a break and we'll
Speaker 3: come back to wrap things up. And we're back to
Speaker 3: wrap things up with Rosebud Baker, Rosebud, what do you
Speaker 3: have to say for yourself after the today's episode?
Speaker 4: Just that I love you and this was fun and
Speaker 4: I can't wait to see you again. It's been way
Speaker 4: too long.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna get an apartment in New York. I'm just
Speaker 3: waiting for my wrap. Yeah, totally. I tried to get
Speaker 3: one but then someone else got it, so but I'm trying.
Speaker 3: I need to live in New York for sure, so
Speaker 3: I will see you at some point. And I can't
Speaker 3: wait to see you either.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you need to come to New York. It feels
Speaker 4: like everyone in LA's brain is melting. It's so scary
Speaker 4: it guys.
Speaker 2: Really yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker 3: There's a real no, there's a real lack of stimulation
Speaker 3: in La.
Speaker 4: Something's going on over there. It's dark.
Speaker 2: It's like Rosebud.
Speaker 3: You are always a delight, Catherine. Thank you everyone who
Speaker 3: called in. Thank you, and thank you to our listeners.
Speaker 3: Good times, good times, everybody.
Speaker 4: Thanks for having you.
Speaker 2: Chilse okay, take care of Resbude. Okay.
Speaker 3: So, Chelsea Handler is my name, and comedy is my game.
Speaker 3: Comedy and therapy. There are my games. I'm sorry I misspoke.
Speaker 3: I have added more shows. I added a second show
Speaker 3: in Vancouver, so I have two shows in Vancouver March
Speaker 3: twenty ninth March thirtieth, I am coming to Calgary, Victoria, Colowna.
Speaker 3: Then I've added another show in Sydney, Australia on July thirteenth.
Speaker 3: So I have two shows in Sydney July twelfth and thirteenth.
Speaker 3: For other shows in Australia and New Zealand, go to
Speaker 3: Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 2: And I've added two.
Speaker 3: Shows in Oklahoma, Norman, Oklahoma on May third, and one
Speaker 3: in Thackerville, Oklahoma, which is May fourth, and then I'll
Speaker 3: be at the YouTube Theater May eleventh and Los Angeles
Speaker 3: with Matteo Laine and Vanessa Gonzalez and Fortune Fimester and
Speaker 3: Sam Jay.
Speaker 2: Those are my updates and no more shows are coming,
Speaker 2: so pay attention.
Speaker 5: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 5: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 5: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 5: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 5: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 5: com