Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 1: She couldn't She cleaned and cared for her children and
Speaker 1: the man of the house, and of course she didn't
Speaker 1: talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature.
Speaker 1: She was a good woman who always made good choices.
Speaker 2: That we're good mom's bad choices. Who single mom who
Speaker 2: said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and
Speaker 2: found out they were so bad after all, we're experts,
Speaker 2: overshares and your new besties.
Speaker 3: Sit back and enjoy the ride.
Speaker 4: I can.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to good Mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 2: I'm Meila. Happy Humpty bitches, Happy motherfucking humpday. We're back
Speaker 2: back on the couch. You can't hanging in the hume
Speaker 2: girl anyall?
Speaker 3: Was she kind of dressed like a genie in that
Speaker 3: music video or that another video. I feel like she
Speaker 3: had a video where she had like her I don't
Speaker 3: know why she was in the desert in that video.
Speaker 3: I think like the red puffs.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, I think right, that's the way I love goes.
Speaker 3: No red puffs weren't there then, Okay, anyway, we've been
Speaker 3: getting sidetracked like a motherfuck I look like a genie,
Speaker 3: which is why I'm asking these questions.
Speaker 2: Am I Janet? Now? I didn't know where you're going
Speaker 2: with that. I want to be Janet for Halloween.
Speaker 3: Maybe I need to write this down right the fuck now,
Speaker 3: I need to be red puff Janet, like you know Janet,
Speaker 3: where you're like, I know who that is.
Speaker 2: You're gonna cut your hair off. It's called a wig, bitch.
Speaker 3: Oh you can get a red puff wig? Yeah, Janet?
Speaker 3: And who knows what my hair will be in October?
Speaker 3: Who knows it might be a little bit longer. Red
Speaker 3: Puff Janet Jackson, Red Puffs Halloween, I had a good one.
Speaker 3: I always forget, so I have to write them down
Speaker 3: and in the moment so that I don't forget.
Speaker 2: I think I need to embrace wigs. Yeah you do.
Speaker 3: I'm going to in my hair cutting journey, I did that.
Speaker 3: I was going back down his like during down short
Speaker 3: hair road, and I was.
Speaker 2: Like, god damn.
Speaker 3: I was wearing a lot of bad wigs though, I
Speaker 3: mean they weren't bad. It's just like, you know it's
Speaker 3: a wig.
Speaker 2: It wasn't bad.
Speaker 3: It was just like you know that it's a wig.
Speaker 3: There's no way around the wig.
Speaker 2: I actually was looking back at the pictures and I
Speaker 2: saw some wig pictures and I was like, I kind
Speaker 2: of missed that way. There's like seven hundred pictures of me,
Speaker 2: Like it's like, okay, you're feeling.
Speaker 3: There was a few where I was like, wow, I
Speaker 3: could have worn that more time. This one was from
Speaker 3: Amazon unfortunately, but yeah, wow, why I'll.
Speaker 2: Be having them too. I gotta do you remember when
Speaker 2: I got that wig from Wow?
Speaker 3: I remember the hair piece is the wig win?
Speaker 2: I had a whole wig from.
Speaker 3: Not the way the other day you wore the fell
Speaker 3: after on the episode Right, it's my favorite.
Speaker 2: It's like it's like it was it was in the
Speaker 2: twenty twenty twenty. Oh my god. You know what?
Speaker 3: The first one I ever bought was a Vivica Fox
Speaker 3: wig in her she has a whole bitch.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 3: One night I was in Harlem drunk with Ashley. Were
Speaker 3: just roaming around. There was some wig shop open and
Speaker 3: we went in there just trying on wigs, drunk as hell,
Speaker 3: and I was again in crisis thinking.
Speaker 2: I was like, I need to cut my hair.
Speaker 3: I'm cut it short, and so I was like, I
Speaker 3: want to try I want to experiment with a Bob
Speaker 3: and so I was looking for bobs and shit, I
Speaker 3: fucking found Vivica Fox shout out tanty viv her wig
Speaker 3: collection and I looked at those pictures recently, bitch, I
Speaker 3: looked like fucking Justin Bieber or like Dance Moms or
Speaker 3: some shit. It was early on in my wig journey.
Speaker 3: I didn't realize like texture matter, and I was like,
Speaker 3: it's just straight, no, bitch, it needs a little crinkle
Speaker 3: in that straight, bitch for it's like your head of hair,
Speaker 3: Bob might be cute.
Speaker 2: Okay this you know? Yeah, I want to play more
Speaker 2: with my my look.
Speaker 3: Just a little mini bangs.
Speaker 2: You like that look?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's end right now. The mini bang is coming
Speaker 3: back ba a mini bang wig like those like twenties. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and it's so cute when black girls have the mini bang.
Speaker 2: I fucking love it. Yeah, like the mini bang, the
Speaker 2: mini bang, the mini Bang. I just like that mini bang.
Speaker 2: Days I saw I found a picture of me with
Speaker 2: a mini bang.
Speaker 3: I was like, do I need to wear a minibang
Speaker 3: like I saw the mini bang and it was cute.
Speaker 2: You have to commit to the mini bang, though, No,
Speaker 2: you don't. You don't sure?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not cutting her. I did
Speaker 3: you see me try to encourge j Ashley to get
Speaker 3: a minibang in the group chat. I said, the minibang
Speaker 3: is coming back, bitch, I thought she was going to do.
Speaker 2: She would look so cute with a mini bang. She
Speaker 2: would go crazier than anything.
Speaker 3: It would grow back in like two weeks. Yeah, it
Speaker 3: grows fast. It's not like a long term commitment unless
Speaker 3: you have curly hair. Because I did try to cut
Speaker 3: my own curly minibang and like cut too much and
Speaker 3: then it was like a fucking little afro puff in
Speaker 3: the front of my head. So curly girls, beware, you
Speaker 3: don't know and most definitely don't do it wet definitely
Speaker 3: don't do it at home, I thought, because I've been
Speaker 3: cutting my hair for so long, it's like I know
Speaker 3: how to do this shit. No, bitch, you don't. So anyway,
Speaker 3: I'm high already.
Speaker 2: I know me too. Anyway, this episode, since it's February,
Speaker 2: and in February we celebrate love and black love and
Speaker 2: all of the wonderful things. And since we're experts, you
Speaker 2: heard us talk about our expertise, and we have a
Speaker 2: variety of expertise. Is and one of them is being
Speaker 2: all very researched, seventy plus years, seventy plus years of
Speaker 2: research and development over seven combined forty million hours of
Speaker 2: hoh shit, responsible, shit, fuck shit, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: So we've did it for you. We've done it for you,
Speaker 2: which is the beauty of this podcast. If you're just
Speaker 2: joining us, so you just came in the most recent
Speaker 2: months or years, I encourage you to go all the
Speaker 2: way back to the beginning, because we've been doing this
Speaker 2: almost a decade, and eight years ago we were in.
Speaker 2: We were really you just I.
Speaker 3: Need you to chill with the words decade we've almost stop.
Speaker 2: I can't I'm trying.
Speaker 3: I can't believe you said that loud.
Speaker 2: Okay, you're right, you're right. Okay, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2: You're right, right, you're right. Do you want to telling
Speaker 2: experts or not? Yes?
Speaker 3: I just it's just crazy, it's just insane. It's it's
Speaker 3: because it's the truth. It's not a lie. We are experts.
Speaker 3: But ten years god damn, wow, Okay, sorry, go on
Speaker 3: doing this for eight years and no, just no, a decade.
Speaker 3: We've been doing it for almost almost a decade, and
Speaker 3: I don't need to know the specifics.
Speaker 2: During this We're almost a decade. We're experts. We've done
Speaker 2: the developmental research for you field. We were in the
Speaker 2: field doing ho shit so that we could come back
Speaker 2: and delve. You don't have to, but you still do it.
Speaker 3: You still gotta do it. But now you know you
Speaker 3: can do it.
Speaker 2: I won't know how, like the best way to do
Speaker 2: it possible. If you're gonna do host shit, the best
Speaker 2: route possible. So this episode is brought to We're two
Speaker 2: experts giving you single moms and single dads, single parents
Speaker 2: everywhere that might just be coming back into the dating sphere.
Speaker 2: We're here.
Speaker 3: We're gonna get you together.
Speaker 2: We're gonna speed you up, We're gonna get you. We
Speaker 2: got five tips for each of you. Okay, so I'm
Speaker 2: ensued to listen closely. If you are a single mother,
Speaker 2: single father, single human, I don't really give a fuck
Speaker 2: wedge you identify it the day that I don't get
Speaker 2: you out here.
Speaker 3: Your single you got kids. The experts have some tips
Speaker 3: for you.
Speaker 2: Yes, the beginning of the year, trying to get your
Speaker 2: feet wet. You know you're ready to go back. Let's
Speaker 2: just start with the prep. Let's just start with the ready.
Speaker 2: Are you ready? Are you bitch?
Speaker 3: Are you ready?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: Are you sure?
Speaker 2: Are you sure? Is this a good time? Did you
Speaker 2: just finish something? Do you still is your heart still
Speaker 2: in another place? Are you still trying to get like
Speaker 2: your groundings, trying to figure out you and your kids'
Speaker 2: schedule and survival? Are you in survival mode? Then maybe
Speaker 2: you need to not date.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think that that's often when we're most vulnerable.
Speaker 3: And I think that if you're in survival mode, it's
Speaker 3: just it's not a good time because you're going to
Speaker 3: be looking to be saved, and then your choices are
Speaker 3: a bit cloudy because you're in survival mode. And also
Speaker 3: it's not even survival mode, like let's just move into
Speaker 3: just do you have capacity? Because obviously we're all parents
Speaker 3: are past is low. It's never going to be perfect.
Speaker 3: You're not just necessarily gonna have this wide open space
Speaker 3: ready for love and ready for dating. But there is
Speaker 3: like an emotional I feel like capacity of like are
Speaker 3: you able to like really take on someone else's energy
Speaker 3: and shit? Because that is what dating is, whether you're
Speaker 3: dating or committing to a relationship, which I feel like,
Speaker 3: first you need to are we just dating or are
Speaker 3: we actually committing? What are we Doing's the what's the trajectory?
Speaker 2: You need to be clear about what you're entering into
Speaker 2: the dating world, requesting and needing, And if you just
Speaker 2: got out of something, it's probably you should just be dating.
Speaker 2: Casually dating is what they call it.
Speaker 3: But you know what, that's a slippery slope for some
Speaker 3: people listening because some people listening don't know how to
Speaker 3: do that. People, I would say, so many people do
Speaker 3: not know how to casually date. They are always like
Speaker 3: kind of waiting for the next thing.
Speaker 2: Well, that's what I was gonna say, love or relationships
Speaker 2: or rather people are a drug. And I think people
Speaker 2: kind of remove that that problem as an addiction. But
Speaker 2: sometimes you are addicted to people. You're addicted to someone
Speaker 2: being there, You're addicted to a warm body because being
Speaker 2: without someone is removing you know, space, like removing space
Speaker 2: and conversation that you'd have to think about your fucking self,
Speaker 2: and so it's an avoidant. So I think sometimes yeah,
Speaker 2: like are you just fucking are you fucking to date?
Speaker 2: Are you just dating? You're trying to make friends?
Speaker 3: And like what you were saying is like to like,
Speaker 3: if you've just come out of a relationship. You're looking
Speaker 3: for someone to fill avoid and heal something that maybe
Speaker 3: that whoever left wide open for you. But also like
Speaker 3: you're gonna be disappointed. You're gonna disappointed because I hate
Speaker 3: to break it to you, like people are not that's
Speaker 3: not that's not what they can do. That's not. I
Speaker 3: feel like there's things that they can tend to, but
Speaker 3: ultimately the root and the cause have to be tended
Speaker 3: to buy.
Speaker 2: You and long term that that same person that you
Speaker 2: thought was saving you is gonna get your fucking nerves.
Speaker 2: Most importantly bad, real bad, real bad. Oh my god.
Speaker 2: And I've done it. I've done it. I've shown myself
Speaker 2: do it looking back, like in survival mode in twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: thinking the world maybe's gonna end finding a nice guy
Speaker 2: who had a good job and trying to really make
Speaker 2: it something that it was not. But like he just
Speaker 2: had the basic makings of a nice guy with a
Speaker 2: face that I could handle, big enough dick a job,
Speaker 2: you know, it was the basics. Wanted more ready to
Speaker 2: settle down, and I needed a place to say the
Speaker 2: truth is, I needed stability. I needed something strong and
Speaker 2: foundational in my life, and so I gravitated towards it,
Speaker 2: and then you know what, he got in my fucking
Speaker 2: nerves because it just wasn't it. It wasn't it, and
Speaker 2: I knew that, but I was really trying to be like,
Speaker 2: Buddy's got all the foundation, and that never works. So
Speaker 2: dating for survival is not what we recommend do that
Speaker 2: don't do it.
Speaker 3: This is for the women and the men.
Speaker 2: And sometimes it requires that you do the hard thing
Speaker 2: and the uncomfortable thing, especially if you're just getting out
Speaker 2: of a relationship with someone you like cohabitated with. The
Speaker 2: uncomfortable thing is to stay home alone. The uncomfortable thing
Speaker 2: is to make dinner for yourself. The uncomfortable thing is
Speaker 2: to just settle into it and watch a movie alone.
Speaker 2: But the truth is like once you start to do that,
Speaker 2: it gets so fun. Turn on some music, light some candles,
Speaker 2: bring energy into your house, like dance, you know, like,
Speaker 2: don't get afraid of the silence, just make it your
Speaker 2: own environment. And I think I see so many people
Speaker 2: be afraid of that part, which is so strange because
Speaker 2: you'll be in your house with the motherfucker and be
Speaker 2: miserable because they're existing and when you can just exist alone,
Speaker 2: so you know, and then it's like the little winds
Speaker 2: taking out the trash, cooking a meal. Maybe that wasn't
Speaker 2: your thing when your relationship, you know, speaking of this,
Speaker 2: you know, the couple that broke up recently, everybody's going
Speaker 2: crazy over husband and Sarah Sarah.
Speaker 3: I want Sarah to come on the show.
Speaker 2: I do too. I saw her. I saw her shopping
Speaker 2: and her mink coat.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel like, I'm so interested in who she
Speaker 3: is when she's not like wucking with her husband.
Speaker 2: I know, like, who are you?
Speaker 3: Like? I feel like we're going to see in the
Speaker 3: She said, she're gonna see different side of hers, which.
Speaker 2: Is I think she's really brave because I was like,
Speaker 2: I could never walk her on the supermarket and a
Speaker 2: fur coat with a microphone and she like, h just
Speaker 2: doing my blog. That's probably my problem, part of the problem,
Speaker 2: but I'm like, that's brave to me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, wait, what were you you were saying?
Speaker 2: Oh, I was just saying, just like they recently broke
Speaker 2: up and you're now seeing her in the supermarket. It
Speaker 2: was just not obviously it was not her role before,
Speaker 2: and like, you know, doing these things for the first time,
Speaker 2: which I think it's going to be really good because
Speaker 2: I think people actually need to see it and hear it,
Speaker 2: and like just because that's a scary part when you
Speaker 2: haven't done something like that on your own, and you know,
Speaker 2: you feel like it's easier to do it because you
Speaker 2: have support in doing of somebody, even if you kind
Speaker 2: of hate them a little.
Speaker 3: I would imagine it made me think of of like
Speaker 3: also because she's a beautiful woman, and I'm sure that
Speaker 3: and she has a lot of attention on her so
Speaker 3: while you're healing, and then also so many eyes on you,
Speaker 3: so much attention being thrown at you made me think
Speaker 3: of just even like relating it back to just a
Speaker 3: regular non influencer person woman, Like a lot of times
Speaker 3: when you come out of a relationship, like there might
Speaker 3: be someone there waiting for you, and it's like having
Speaker 3: the discernment to say, hey, I'm not ready right now,
Speaker 3: and not just hopping back into something because it feels
Speaker 3: good or it feels safe because hey, you know this
Speaker 3: guy or this or.
Speaker 2: That checking a box that the other guy didn't check.
Speaker 3: Or I mean, yeah, I just like because I feel
Speaker 3: like those type of opportunities come more times than you think,
Speaker 3: which is why then you see people always getting into
Speaker 3: a relationship well because niggas have got options, you know
Speaker 3: what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: And it's like having.
Speaker 3: The the confidence and they the patience and okayness with
Speaker 3: uncomfortability to be able to even say to someone like, hey,
Speaker 3: I'm really I think I am interested in you, but like,
Speaker 3: let me just get my shit together for a second,
Speaker 3: and that person will still be there if that starts
Speaker 3: to be, you know what I mean, And trusting that
Speaker 3: love isn't escaping you the moment that you decide to
Speaker 3: step away from someone and now you need to replace it,
Speaker 3: like you actually have more space for love now, and
Speaker 3: so when love comes walking on your door, don't don't
Speaker 3: be surprised. But also just having taking a second to
Speaker 3: really think, am I ready for that? You know? And
Speaker 3: like have I learned those lessons? Am I replacing something?
Speaker 3: Because one of the things that has come up constantly
Speaker 3: for me in relationships as someone who loves love and
Speaker 3: loves partnership, but also as healing is thinking is even
Speaker 3: the most like person that's introspectable thinking that he thinking
Speaker 3: that a partner can come and like somehow finish the
Speaker 3: job for.
Speaker 2: You, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it shows up over and over and it's taken
Speaker 3: me this long to realize, oh, this is my responsibility.
Speaker 3: I mean, knowing that some of these things are my responsibility,
Speaker 3: but thinking, but if I had love, then this would
Speaker 3: be better, and then this would be and some of
Speaker 3: those things are, but it's generally not the thing that is.
Speaker 2: You know that One more thing I was going to
Speaker 2: say about that is also if you were like in
Speaker 2: a loveless relationship or a loveless marriage, or like a
Speaker 2: sexless marriage and you just can't wait to get back
Speaker 2: out there, that's one thing. But also no being even
Speaker 2: intentional with that because eventually that also will get old.
Speaker 2: But you know, I mean, and of course, get your
Speaker 2: feet wet and get your attention on and remember who
Speaker 2: the fuck you are, but just doing it with you know,
Speaker 2: a little bit more maturity intention and keeping in mind
Speaker 2: that re entering the dating space as a parent, it's
Speaker 2: a little gives you a little a different perspective. I think,
Speaker 2: actually hate me the book because I'm gonna roll up.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna roll a blackwood, roll up the backwood, baby.
Speaker 2: And then are we at number two? Mm hmm, number two?
Speaker 3: We have So if you are gonna step out and
Speaker 3: you are gonna put yourself out there. You think you're
Speaker 3: ready for dating that kind of sorry, is it ready?
Speaker 3: Or no?
Speaker 2: No, No, that's not the one. That's not the one.
Speaker 3: Okay, what kind of backwood are we smoking today?
Speaker 2: We might not be smoking any, but you got one.
Speaker 2: You need to moist it up. You're gonna have to
Speaker 2: moist it up for sure. Oh, dial, we've got one
Speaker 2: banana Foster's no nola, no banana Foster's backwood.
Speaker 3: If you hold this napkin and I take and I
Speaker 3: take this water, together, you can work as a team
Speaker 3: to reignite backward and bless it, bless.
Speaker 2: Thy back baptized, bapotized, bless the daughter and the goddess spirit.
Speaker 2: I revive you, I babe, you.
Speaker 3: Said, oh, the feminine essence.
Speaker 2: Thank you Lord. I think she's coming back. I feel it.
Speaker 2: I feel it coming. The backwood is being revives. He's
Speaker 2: a resurrected m h the more I got, no more.
Speaker 2: You got some of that water bottle over there? You
Speaker 2: just dip the Oh you have that water bottle?
Speaker 3: M hmm. Okay, it's okay, baby. Sometimes we need a
Speaker 3: round two. Sometimes it's been such a dry spell, such
Speaker 3: a dry season, you've got to juice it up a
Speaker 3: little bit, you know, kind of like your dating life
Speaker 3: that you're about to enter it. Okay, kind of like
Speaker 3: that dry dating life you're about to end to because
Speaker 3: you're entering into your juiciest season yet. Because if you're ready,
Speaker 3: if you are finally ready to date differently as a
Speaker 3: single mom, it's time to step outside of your comfort
Speaker 3: zone and date different types of people.
Speaker 2: So that brings us to number two. Step out of
Speaker 2: your comfort zone and be open minded and forget this
Speaker 2: exact image of whoever you thought it was going to be.
Speaker 2: He might show up a little bit different, not in
Speaker 2: core values or feeling how you're going to feel. But
Speaker 2: maybe he's clothes or not exactly as you imagine that,
Speaker 2: Maybe his wardrobe is a little bit more eccentric.
Speaker 3: Things can be changed when it comes to clothing or not.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe you.
Speaker 3: Just learn to love you learn to love him, just
Speaker 3: like he's going to learn to love you. So you're
Speaker 3: not perfect. I hate to break it to you. I
Speaker 3: know someone told you you're perfect. They all do if
Speaker 3: you're not. And we have to accept people for where
Speaker 3: they're at and what they're doing. And love them through
Speaker 3: that because trust me and the relationship, you're gonna be
Speaker 3: forced to do that no matter what, whether he's wearing
Speaker 3: a crop top or whatever the fuck Puma Rihanna shoes
Speaker 3: or anything.
Speaker 2: Else, Puma Rihanna shoes.
Speaker 3: Don't worry about it anyway. You're gonna have to accept
Speaker 3: some shit. So pick your battles.
Speaker 2: Pick your battles is right. And it's just also like
Speaker 2: where do like, where do those beliefs come from? Why
Speaker 2: do you think men can't wear crop tops? Wasn't saved
Speaker 2: by the bill, but it was just, you know, whatever,
Speaker 2: whatever the fuck. But there's a difference here between being
Speaker 2: open and going against what you know you don't like,
Speaker 2: don't go against what you know for a fact, you
Speaker 2: can't handle long term wardrobe. It's rather minor. I mean,
Speaker 2: I guess some people it's more up on the the
Speaker 2: scale of priority. But something that could be can be molded.
Speaker 2: But like something like what is something that would you say?
Speaker 2: It's not something to compromise, like, well, your lifestyles, Matt,
Speaker 2: lifestyle is important lifestyle and long term goals. If he
Speaker 2: or she hates to travel and you love to travel,
Speaker 2: probably not going to work. You don't want to travel
Speaker 2: with somebody, do you her water? It's gonna need a
Speaker 2: little bit more proud of us, Look at us.
Speaker 3: We're backwoods practitioners.
Speaker 2: To the rest of our expertise. Join seventy years life backwards.
Speaker 2: I am a backwards practitioner. This is a couple drops
Speaker 2: a little more letters. Just let it sit there for
Speaker 2: a second. Just let ruminate, ruminate, rhemitate, remedy, rmany.
Speaker 3: This one's going to be good.
Speaker 2: She's vintage, it's been, it's been seasoned.
Speaker 3: Vintage, and she's wise. We smoke this weed. We're gonna
Speaker 3: have wise words from old witch, an.
Speaker 2: Old witch, old old tree. This tobacco plant was old
Speaker 2: and wise, and it was a woman. I could tell
Speaker 2: by the way the leaves are rolling on my fingers,
Speaker 2: like I feel like coming back. Yes, good mother, we're
Speaker 2: going to smoke you for your wisdom.
Speaker 3: Speaking of wisdom. Number three on this list is avoiding
Speaker 3: open or polydynamics. I love our notes. Avoid open and
Speaker 3: polydynamics not mandatory just because it's twenty twenty. This is
Speaker 3: for those you don't got to be gay because it's
Speaker 3: twenty twenty six.
Speaker 2: Witch, you gotta be gay.
Speaker 3: You don't gotta be don't got to be gay, gay
Speaker 3: and Polly.
Speaker 2: But you don't have to. If you're gay, it's fine,
Speaker 2: You're still cool.
Speaker 3: If you're not gay, Okay, I know that it seems like,
Speaker 3: you know, you seem more about that, life, seem more
Speaker 3: open available, you have some you know, you've had some
Speaker 3: like experiences in your life. If you're gay, then it
Speaker 3: just makes you feel like you've've really done some shit,
Speaker 3: You've been through some shit. All these types of people.
Speaker 2: I know, everybody seems gay and everybody's fitting in and
Speaker 2: being Polly, but you don't have to.
Speaker 3: You don't have to do that.
Speaker 2: If you've been in a relationship for a long time,
Speaker 2: you're just getting back into the world. I know it
Speaker 2: feels overwhelming. Everybody's open by Pollie.
Speaker 3: You know what I would say, though, But if you
Speaker 3: are gay and you are Paully and that is their lifestyle,
Speaker 3: like maybe just wait to do that with the person.
Speaker 3: Get y'all shit together first, especially if you're a new
Speaker 3: single mom and you want to try things great, then
Speaker 3: just date. Don't date for love, just have go have
Speaker 3: some motherfucking.
Speaker 2: Fun, because essentially being Pollie and having fun, I feel
Speaker 2: like are synonymous a little bit. I know there's like
Speaker 2: more of like structure to it, but not you know,
Speaker 2: disrespecting anyone's dynamics. But I also think that, yeah, I
Speaker 2: think conquering just casual dating first before going into a dynamy.
Speaker 2: And you know what I will say from Erica nine,
Speaker 2: both we both said after our relationships with our baby
Speaker 2: daddies that we were for sure going to be open style.
Speaker 2: We're gonna be relationships that are open style, because we
Speaker 2: realized other styles didn't work because we were in loveless
Speaker 2: monogamous relationship.
Speaker 3: And we have needs and we have wants and desires too,
Speaker 3: so fuck.
Speaker 2: We didn't We didn't want to be limited, and so
Speaker 2: it felt like this was the only dynamic that would work.
Speaker 2: But the truth is we're not. We're both in monogamous relationships.
Speaker 2: And even though yeah, it's the twenty twenties, what is
Speaker 2: it twenty twenty six, you don't have to feel obligated
Speaker 2: to do that, because I do feel like people do
Speaker 2: it because it's popular. And also, what the fuck is
Speaker 2: solo polli? Well, I feel like solo polli is you're
Speaker 2: fucking single and you're dating, and you're being honest about it.
Speaker 3: I think people are curious, and I think it's I
Speaker 3: think some of it might be, but I think a
Speaker 3: lot of it is curiosity and also pleasing your pleasing
Speaker 3: someone else's curiosity may not be yours, but you're like, Okay, fine,
Speaker 3: I'll do it, and it's not for you, and it
Speaker 3: might be for them. And then then you end up
Speaker 3: in a relationship where now you're with someone who who
Speaker 3: basically told you they were probably from the beginning, and
Speaker 3: now you're trying to rein it in and it's like,
Speaker 3: just do the monogamy first, Just try to figure your
Speaker 3: shit out. There's always time to open up your relationship.
Speaker 3: But I think like, if you're just getting into dating,
Speaker 3: unless you're like a very if you've been out here
Speaker 3: in these streets, you've been dating, you've done the you've
Speaker 3: done the balancing of relationships and dynamics and energies and
Speaker 3: all that shit, don't.
Speaker 2: Do that because it just adds.
Speaker 3: So much an extra added layer to an already like
Speaker 3: new plate that I don't know, I don't think that,
Speaker 3: I don't. I think it just I don't. I don't recommend,
Speaker 3: but I don't recommend like opening up your trying to
Speaker 3: date an open relationship from the beginning, like if you're
Speaker 3: intentionally dating someone and you're trying to date, like.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that inevitably the beginning of any dating
Speaker 2: relationship is open because we're going to date, which implies
Speaker 2: we're not being exclusively dating unless we're exclusively dating, which
Speaker 2: means been a relationship. So I think people don't take
Speaker 2: the grace period and the beginning of dating long enough
Speaker 2: to just be friends. Of course, it might be like
Speaker 2: flirting and you're getting to know each other with whatever
Speaker 2: the goal is. But I think that is the beautiful
Speaker 2: part about taking your time is that we can still
Speaker 2: see other people instead of trying to own and territory everything.
Speaker 2: And because I like you and now I want you
Speaker 2: to be mine, it's like it is important that we
Speaker 2: take this time to know there's other people on the
Speaker 2: table for you and me, because then it's kind of
Speaker 2: a compet like, how like are you going to stick out?
Speaker 2: It's like a competitive like there's not a competitiveness or
Speaker 2: a process of elimination. But I don't know you, So
Speaker 2: I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt of having
Speaker 2: multiple people right now, so that if you don't work out,
Speaker 2: I'm not fucking disappointed, but people run to that next
Speaker 2: level so quickly, like even a mean or we're just
Speaker 2: friends or dating or whatever, it was open because nigga,
Speaker 2: you're across the country. And so even when we were
Speaker 2: dating and it was open, I was like, it's the
Speaker 2: same thing. So I don't really give a fuck, You're
Speaker 2: just gonna do what I say. It ended up escalating, But.
Speaker 3: So I is, okay, you're right, I agree. I agree
Speaker 3: with everything's just said.
Speaker 2: So you don't even have to have open relationship. You
Speaker 2: don't even have to call it that. Just fucking keep
Speaker 2: dating and stop asking questions. You're seeing other people, So
Speaker 2: am I Amen? We don't need to be whatever the
Speaker 2: fuck these new words are coming up with. So you're
Speaker 2: going to be an adult. You're gonna be an adult
Speaker 2: and be honest about what you're doing with your penis
Speaker 2: and pussy, and since we're sharing in that, and you're
Speaker 2: gonna be kind enough to respect me to just you know,
Speaker 2: casually mention it. So I'm an awareness too. Thank you
Speaker 2: for being in a mature adult who goes about sexual
Speaker 2: relations and a respectful well.
Speaker 3: I think okay, So, like if we're going on an
Speaker 3: extra layer into this tip. I think then it is like,
Speaker 3: because now I'm really pondering and contemplating my seventy plus
Speaker 3: years of shared experience, is that, especially if you're new
Speaker 3: to dating, you're being honest about or being available for
Speaker 3: honesty too is something you're new to when it comes
Speaker 3: to like being honest about where you're at in your
Speaker 3: dating process with the people that you're dating. This is
Speaker 3: a good time to practice it because it really sets
Speaker 3: the tone for how you enter into your next relationship
Speaker 3: and how honest you're willing to be. You have to
Speaker 3: practice now, because I think that was some of the
Speaker 3: most that was such a liberating when I think of
Speaker 3: like the beginning of Good Moms and like us dating wildly,
Speaker 3: dating whatever the fuck we wanted. There was a freedom
Speaker 3: in it because we were owning our shit.
Speaker 2: We were for the.
Speaker 3: First at least for me, for the first time, really
Speaker 3: being honest with people and requiring it of them, whether
Speaker 3: or not they.
Speaker 2: Did it or not, setting the standard.
Speaker 3: Whether or not they did it or not. I don't
Speaker 3: really give a fuck, but I knew I was being honest,
Speaker 3: and yeah I had there was pushback, and yeah, people
Speaker 3: got their feelings hurt and yeah, like maybe I regretted
Speaker 3: certain shit because after saying it out loud, I'm like, damn,
Speaker 3: that was kind of fucked up. But like, at least
Speaker 3: it put me in the practice of then when I
Speaker 3: got into a relationship, a was I got into a
Speaker 3: relationship because there was an implicit honesty available and be like,
Speaker 3: it's just that the tone and how honest we are
Speaker 3: able to share about so many other vulnerable things like finances,
Speaker 3: like child rearing, like like children moving in. Like if
Speaker 3: you can be honest about sex and dating, it makes
Speaker 3: being a being honest in other areas of your relationship
Speaker 3: so much easier.
Speaker 2: Even like when you begin it, honesty that is the standard.
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of people fuck this up,
Speaker 2: especially women, because we are trying to gift ourselves and
Speaker 2: present as this thing that is likable and lovable instead
Speaker 2: of just being like I'm gonna put it all on
Speaker 2: front street now, because if you don't like this, then
Speaker 2: we can not waste each other's time overall, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like starting at a place of really friendship,
Speaker 2: because it doesn't matter in a friendship, it doesn't matter
Speaker 2: if you slept with seven people or whatever the fuck
Speaker 2: because I'm not befriending you with this other expectation that
Speaker 2: you're gonna be my lover. But if you can love
Speaker 2: someone and respect them and friendship and in all honesty,
Speaker 2: then like that's truly the only kind of relationship that
Speaker 2: I think we should all aspire to have, one in
Speaker 2: which you can walk into it being authentically and genuinely
Speaker 2: human and yourself. And I think we're so used to it,
Speaker 2: especially for women, presenting a certain way to be loved
Speaker 2: and to be kept that we can we want to
Speaker 2: keep up this facade, and then later when you can't
Speaker 2: keep it up, everybody's disappointed and it's like, oh, or
Speaker 2: he heard on the streets that you had a threesome
Speaker 2: with two guys, and now he fucking wants to hate
Speaker 2: He wants to break up with you, despite all the
Speaker 2: experiences you've had and what you've been to him. So
Speaker 2: that's why I'm like, I kind of I love being
Speaker 2: brutally honest in the beginning. I kind of test it
Speaker 2: that way. Yeah, I have a podcast. Yeah I did this.
Speaker 2: Yeah I do that, like you know, because now is
Speaker 2: the time to figure it out, buddy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But if you're not someone who has that, because
Speaker 3: not everybody's built like that. Like people are be scared
Speaker 3: at being left and being judged.
Speaker 2: I mean, I've been scared because I came from a
Speaker 2: relationship that was so jealous, so judgy, so disrespectful that
Speaker 2: even in the relationship I'm in now sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 2: I can go, I can leave, I can stay out
Speaker 2: all night. It's where I am. No one's I'm not
Speaker 2: getting called seventy times? Are you mad at me? He's like, no, bitch,
Speaker 2: I'm sleep. You know what I mean. But it's taken
Speaker 2: time to be honest, or like it's forever.
Speaker 3: It's a forever thing. It doesn't just show up, is
Speaker 3: basically what I'm saying. Is like whether you are someone
Speaker 3: who practices honesty in other ways a lot, or you're
Speaker 3: someone who is at the very beginning of being able
Speaker 3: to just say what they need, Like if you're entering
Speaker 3: into dating, I would say, also, if you're entering into
Speaker 3: dating you haven't practiced that at all in your life,
Speaker 3: you probably need to start there too, because entering into
Speaker 3: love and sex, desire, all those things when you are
Speaker 3: are not good with any sort of boundaries at all,
Speaker 3: like you might need to focus on that first learning
Speaker 3: how to say what you need and also being honest
Speaker 3: about you know what you've done.
Speaker 2: I mean, it doesn't have to be like, hi, I'm rilla.
Speaker 2: Well one time, one time we went on a trip
Speaker 2: with our friend and he was with this new guy
Speaker 2: start dating, and like, look.
Speaker 3: At this beautiful backward. Sorry mean disrupt you, but you
Speaker 3: really revived her from the dead.
Speaker 2: I look at her. I'm gonna add like a little
Speaker 2: drop of honey for sweetness you left in there. Oh,
Speaker 2: it's coming down. You can't put too much or else
Speaker 2: it's gonna not stay list.
Speaker 3: That's the key is you only put the tiniest little.
Speaker 2: Dat seals that you seal it. You seal this wise
Speaker 2: blunt with the kiss honey, she's wise, She's gonna be sealed.
Speaker 2: Wait what were we saying?
Speaker 3: Just about talking being honest about who you like, what
Speaker 3: you're doing, who you are, what.
Speaker 2: You know, and knowing they've done. That's even being honest.
Speaker 2: It will be challenging even in the beginning because you
Speaker 2: don't want to disappoint people, because there's people and as women,
Speaker 2: there's just so much shame and guilt around dating other
Speaker 2: people being looked at as a whoe ran through you
Speaker 2: know you might.
Speaker 3: Be surprised though, I think, yes, there's a lot of
Speaker 3: fucking weird men in the world, but dating people in
Speaker 3: the world that are judgmental, But generally, when I've led
Speaker 3: with honesty, it's all most for the most part, been
Speaker 3: led with respect, whether or not like that person was
Speaker 3: ready to be honest with me, Like it's never been like,
Speaker 3: how could you tell me that you stupid whore? Like
Speaker 3: they might both, but but for the most part, what
Speaker 3: has it been more? Has it been more at least
Speaker 3: perceived well received.
Speaker 2: Than it has been? Yeah, but with mature men and
Speaker 2: even with men that thought.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying, I'm like, they're but there are
Speaker 3: there is I believe a large percentage of men that
Speaker 3: probably also want to be honest. I feel like men
Speaker 3: are waiting to be honest also, so like I think
Speaker 3: we need to. And also that's the kind of man
Speaker 3: you want to be with anyway, So you might as
Speaker 3: well get that.
Speaker 2: Shit out the way.
Speaker 3: They're gonna You're gonna weave a lot of people out
Speaker 3: just being yourself and being just in general when you're dating,
Speaker 3: So start there.
Speaker 2: But I also I invite you to contemplate this message too.
Speaker 2: Because one time, this guy's shamed me and I said,
Speaker 2: you can't shame me. I was like, I don't feel
Speaker 2: bad about what I did. I was like, I like
Speaker 2: who I am, and because I like who I am,
Speaker 2: I can accept my choices. So that's why I can
Speaker 2: be honest with you. You don't have to like who
Speaker 2: I am. You lie about the shit that you do
Speaker 2: because you are not one with your choices because you
Speaker 2: don't like who you are. That's the difference. You can't
Speaker 2: make me feel bad. You can call me ah, you
Speaker 2: call me all the things you want to. I feel great.
Speaker 2: I am okay with my choices. People who lie about
Speaker 2: their choices don't like themselves. And as soon as I
Speaker 2: said that shit to him, you shut the fuck up,
Speaker 2: of course, because nigga, that's what that means. When you
Speaker 2: lie about your choices, when you present as one thing,
Speaker 2: but really in reality what you're doing as something else,
Speaker 2: you really don't like the real you, and that's why
Speaker 2: you're lying about it. That's why you're going to women
Speaker 2: or to men and presenting like you're only talking to
Speaker 2: them or you're only doing this because that's who you
Speaker 2: want to be. But that's not who you are so
Speaker 2: until you start being that person, Like, just admit that
Speaker 2: you don't like who you actually are, give people options
Speaker 2: and like as difficult as it is. Like, that's how
Speaker 2: you make the world a better place because you start
Speaker 2: the standard of starting at honesty about self acceptance and
Speaker 2: the people who are not for you good, keep it moving.
Speaker 2: Most relationships die because you lied in the beginning about
Speaker 2: who the fuck you are and what your expectation was.
Speaker 2: And now you're here.
Speaker 3: Now you're here trying to uphold this lie.
Speaker 2: Trying to like somebody that you don't even like, you
Speaker 2: never liked.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Next, Oh my god, this is bluntwood. Is this blutwood?
Speaker 2: This bluntwood, this backwood.
Speaker 3: It's beautiful, it's burning so evenly.
Speaker 2: This might be the best one I've ever rolled. Okay,
Speaker 2: Nola Banana Foster, it like looks perfect? Does?
Speaker 3: It's gorgeous? These last two are very funny. One the
Speaker 3: one number one that we wrote, which was now number
Speaker 3: four in the era of sassy men, how to weed
Speaker 3: them out what you bring to the table ass niggas.
Speaker 2: And I say sassy, I don't mean wearing your croptop.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, I think that that kind of relates to
Speaker 3: what we just said. So being yourself is going to
Speaker 3: is going to weed people out, like niggas that are like,
Speaker 3: what do you bring to the table, how are you
Speaker 3: showing up? Who did you fuck? How many people did
Speaker 3: you have sex with? Did you fuck a homie? Did
Speaker 3: you like all of those things? You're gonna weed those
Speaker 3: people out with your honesty. Actually, yeah, I did fuck
Speaker 3: your homie in twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2: If you can't handle it like I didn't, who are you?
Speaker 2: Who are you? Then I did not know you. This
Speaker 2: is really important because this is the biggest thing. I
Speaker 2: think we said this in last week's episode two or
Speaker 2: one of these episodes recently about this is the most
Speaker 2: has been the most disappointing thing to me as a woman.
Speaker 2: I like me to guy. I think it's cute. He
Speaker 2: seems super smart, super deep, super spiritual. And then they'd
Speaker 2: be like yeah, and you know, yeah, generally I like
Speaker 2: to see other women, but I don't want my women
Speaker 2: to see other people. Ooh dead, you're we're done. You
Speaker 2: have to get I think a part of the reason,
Speaker 2: like I not I you're you're clapping me?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, clock it, clock it, and also pass that backward.
Speaker 2: Two meetings. Okay, Hannah, it's so good, I'm gonna get
Speaker 2: so high. Didn't get real deep.
Speaker 3: You have to go do stuff after this.
Speaker 2: Lord, oh god, this is what happens every time that
Speaker 2: happened on Tuesday.
Speaker 3: Its okay, I'm a functioning marijuana, not that.
Speaker 2: Lizzy Jeff Weed. I was not functioning. What was I
Speaker 2: gonna say? Fuck? Oh? I think a part of the
Speaker 2: reason that I kind of kind of enjoy using terms
Speaker 2: like I'm a hoe or hoo chy housewife or when
Speaker 2: hoes fall in love because I use the language that
Speaker 2: I know is generally triggering for men, basic men who
Speaker 2: are not thinking logically. So that scares you or that
Speaker 2: pisses you off. Then I know it's you're not gonna
Speaker 2: survive the fittest, you know what I mean. So it's
Speaker 2: like you lean ho forward, lean ho forward, because hoe
Speaker 2: is not real, there is no hoe. Hoe is relative.
Speaker 2: Some people say it's two to seven people twenty like
Speaker 2: it's an opinion. So when I lean ho forward, and
Speaker 2: it's almost like a a week Nigga's kryptonite, A week
Speaker 2: Nigga cannot handle for it's like threesomes. My whole shit.
Speaker 2: I'm not submissive a train literally, So I do like
Speaker 2: because I think if a man has already has the
Speaker 2: pre the mindset that women out a certain way or whatever,
Speaker 2: you're probably not the guy for me.
Speaker 3: Next one, Yeah, this is the last one for the ladies,
Speaker 3: and you know, one more for that one.
Speaker 2: Don't try to convince niggas. Don't try to prove yourself.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that is can we move that up
Speaker 3: the list to number one.
Speaker 2: Do not try to prove yourself. Do not try to
Speaker 2: convince niggas. Let people tell you who they are and say, okay,
Speaker 2: heard you, We're not compatible. Goodbye, Actually not even heard you.
Speaker 3: Like the action like, cause niggas are gonna talk. They're
Speaker 3: gonna say a lot of things. Let the actions be
Speaker 3: the voice of reason. Okay, because the voice of the
Speaker 3: actions are the voice of reason. Fuck what people are
Speaker 3: talking about.
Speaker 2: And for a lot of us, this is one of
Speaker 2: both sides. Yes, for a lot of us, wanting to
Speaker 2: be chosen, wanting to change someone's mind, wanting to prove
Speaker 2: your valuableness comes from childhood wounds, parents that didn't validate us,
Speaker 2: abandonment wounds. These are things that remitate, that make that
Speaker 2: word of.
Speaker 3: Remonatemate, I ruminate.
Speaker 2: Ruminate, my friend, i'mna remitate on that, reminisce and remember,
Speaker 2: but like literally realizing when you're when you're doing that,
Speaker 2: and what does that relate back to? When is your time?
Speaker 2: I didn't feel chosen when is her time? I felt
Speaker 2: like someone wasn't listening to me, or seeing me or
Speaker 2: valuing me. And now here I am in this childlike
Speaker 2: space trying to scratch and pull and chase someone. I
Speaker 2: really don't even like like that because I still have
Speaker 2: this wound in me that wants to be chosen, because
Speaker 2: I've done it. Even in my more healed where I
Speaker 2: thought I was more healed, I saw myself do this
Speaker 2: cycle and I had to pull out of it. And
Speaker 2: like it's recognizing the cycle in order to change it
Speaker 2: is where it begins. So when you like someone or
Speaker 2: there's some compatibility, but there's this thing, this big thing
Speaker 2: that they're just not accepting about you. If it's a
Speaker 2: part of you, probably not your person agreed now for
Speaker 2: fucking maybe you know whatever. Don't even convince them, shit,
Speaker 2: just tell me to shut the fuck up, get in
Speaker 2: and get out. You have to have skin to do that, though,
Speaker 2: If you don't get to the game. If you don't
Speaker 2: have tough enough skin to do that, then don't do it.
Speaker 3: Number five, don't try and blend your kids and families
Speaker 3: like the Brady Bunch.
Speaker 2: So when we wrote those down, did we.
Speaker 3: Mean like our baby daddy's in and like going like
Speaker 3: hang out with baby daddy and trying to blend the families.
Speaker 3: Are we talking about I'm dating of someone else and
Speaker 3: trying to like force the.
Speaker 2: Guys or the girl, Like, don't be trying to blend
Speaker 2: the families. Like your kid does not need to meet
Speaker 2: the guy you're dating or the girl you're dating immediately.
Speaker 2: It's just not necessary until you know it's something serious,
Speaker 2: because then they're gonna confuse the kid. People get attached.
Speaker 2: Fuck all that. Them bitches or niggas will be playing
Speaker 2: house buying toys like there's this other Let him be
Speaker 2: the daddy uncle.
Speaker 3: Daddy uncle is a very healthy space to be in.
Speaker 2: Now. I think daddy even daddy uncle has to be
Speaker 2: someone you're gonna be who's gonna be around.
Speaker 3: I'm kidding, but also, I mean, I don't think we've
Speaker 3: been perfect people in that space either. We've talked about
Speaker 3: like dating men and not knowing a maybe we didn't
Speaker 3: know we were going to date them long term. For example,
Speaker 3: Sham met I Rey the first day, like the first time.
Speaker 2: If it's your friend, it's your friend, you're gonna have
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: But that's why it's important to enter into dating with
Speaker 3: the mindset of being friends anyway, because that's going to
Speaker 3: weed out a lot of people anyway. Like does this
Speaker 3: person my friend? Would I even want to hang out
Speaker 3: with this person if I wasn't trying to fuck or
Speaker 3: I didn't want them to fuck me.
Speaker 2: Or have stability or whatever.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But because once you do blend your families, it
Speaker 3: becomes an added layer of pressure. It's beautiful if it's beautiful,
Speaker 3: but when there's like an an undoing that has to happen,
Speaker 3: it can feel scary, even though I will say children
Speaker 3: are very resilient. And like even with Iri meeting you know,
Speaker 3: my ex and him not living here, but still like
Speaker 3: her being active around him, seeing our love, seeing our
Speaker 3: you know, our relationship, there was a lot of shame
Speaker 3: and guilt and that I held onto and held into
Speaker 3: that relationship not like made it harder to let it go.
Speaker 3: And what I also learned was that she didn't really
Speaker 3: give a fuck.
Speaker 2: She wanted me to be happy, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: But if we can avoid those things, you know, let's
Speaker 3: do that.
Speaker 2: But you dated him for a significant amount of time,
Speaker 2: so that probably wasn't going to be realistically avoidable. I
Speaker 2: mean there's a and also the time it's it's just
Speaker 2: mostly about Also like playing house confuses the brain. Playing
Speaker 2: house confuses the brain. It feels good in the moment,
Speaker 2: someone's there, someone's cooking dinner, someone's helping with the homework,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like it gives this false
Speaker 2: sense of reality because it's not forever. So just be
Speaker 2: careful with that. Like I know people love the playhouse,
Speaker 2: but like, really good to know, motherfucker before you start
Speaker 2: integrating that that that level of person like intimacy, because
Speaker 2: it can deepen the confusion of if this person even
Speaker 2: my person. Mm hmm. Amen.
Speaker 3: That concludes our five tips for women basically.
Speaker 2: And there's here's a bonus, and it's just for the
Speaker 2: men and the women, because I know this is a
Speaker 2: big thing in our society is like bitches like gold
Speaker 2: digging bitches and like, but also there are men who
Speaker 2: don't have jobs or houses ladies, and they want hot
Speaker 2: meals and they have good dick. They have good dick,
Speaker 2: and that's really what it comes in. And you have
Speaker 2: a nicely decorated house and comfort and heat and a
Speaker 2: hot meal because you're a mom. So everybody's got to
Speaker 2: eat in this motherfucking beware, don't put anything in your name,
Speaker 2: don't let don't give anybody a key. And you know,
Speaker 2: there's like a forty eight hour max situation here. You
Speaker 2: got to go home, and I hope you have a home.
Speaker 2: And if you don't have a home, not my problem.
Speaker 2: Where'd you come from? And men, if you're on a
Speaker 2: date with a bitch who literally never offers, not even
Speaker 2: to tip, she doesn't, how is she taking care of
Speaker 2: herself when you met her? Did she have a Balenciaga bag?
Speaker 2: So what I know? I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3: Bitches deserve get the now, get the get the bag.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, are you can you live up to
Speaker 2: this bitch's standard of life? Are you? Are you prepared
Speaker 2: to do that? Stop dating bitches who you know are
Speaker 2: here for a check and you don't have one. That's stupid.
Speaker 2: You're not in her pay.
Speaker 3: Grade unless you're offering something that's really invaluable.
Speaker 2: What would that be? Erka, I just meet all the
Speaker 2: other women, I think on both sides, I mean, might
Speaker 2: meet someone who don't you make more money than you
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. No, that's one thing, But I'm saying,
Speaker 2: if you don't make enough money, like if you're not
Speaker 2: in this space to be a part time trick don't
Speaker 2: date a bitch who's expecting trickery.
Speaker 3: Yeah no, I mean I think that's a given. Do
Speaker 3: men do that?
Speaker 2: They will?
Speaker 3: They set themselves up like.
Speaker 2: That, try to score beyond their fucking scope all.
Speaker 3: The time, I know, but they can only hide for
Speaker 3: so long.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope this helps guys. Also, one more thing,
Speaker 2: women don't date anyone who listens to Andrew Tate, Kevin
Speaker 2: Samuels or any of these other fuck niggas talking about
Speaker 2: be subservient blah blah blah. God said, blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: I could have my women, but you just have your
Speaker 2: blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: I mean I think that goes for both, Like who
Speaker 3: are your poor your who is that person.
Speaker 2: Ingesting daily? What is there?
Speaker 3: What is their environment? Like?
Speaker 2: Who are their friends? Yeah? Like for their friends, are
Speaker 2: their friends married or their friends and relationships. And not
Speaker 2: to say every you're gonna everyone's gonna be in the
Speaker 2: same status, but like, are the things are gonna tell
Speaker 2: you about them?
Speaker 3: Besides what they're telling you, You have to observe their environment,
Speaker 3: their environment to see what they're not, what they're not
Speaker 3: even aware of.
Speaker 2: Sometimes what kind of house do they live in? Is
Speaker 2: it well decorated, is it clean? Does he have a
Speaker 2: standard or she have a standard about her life? Because
Speaker 2: I've seen I've seen some dirty bitches. I've seen some
Speaker 2: bitches who look good outside, hair laid, nice car, fucking
Speaker 2: Balenciaga bag, nice ass fucking outfits, lashes, and you go
Speaker 2: on that bitch's house and that ship is nasgusting. Nicety kid.
Speaker 2: I have experienced some bitches. I said, Oh, my fucking god,
Speaker 2: niggas are coming over here to fuck you. I know,
Speaker 2: I don't care what the fuck you look like, bitch.
Speaker 3: I had that happened to me. I was a try.
Speaker 3: I was like into this girl. I went to her
Speaker 3: house and I was like, oh.
Speaker 2: No, I've been scarred by women, by women's houses.
Speaker 3: Scarred it's typically the bathroom.
Speaker 2: No, I've seen a bitch's whole house. I mean the
Speaker 2: whole house, the old dog and it looked like a
Speaker 2: dog park.
Speaker 3: That was like the white girl that I had a
Speaker 3: roommate who was my roommate, and she locked her door
Speaker 3: and would go back home up north for like two
Speaker 3: weeks and leave like shit pads with piss and ship
Speaker 3: on them in her room, like eating.
Speaker 2: Spaghetti out of the pot.
Speaker 3: Leave it in there, Just leave it in there and
Speaker 3: walk away and leave for two weeks, a black rim
Speaker 3: around the fucking bath. It was the ship was falling apart,
Speaker 3: I was. And then she would come out, hair laid,
Speaker 3: curl to the tea, eyelashes on fleet. I'm like, bitch,
Speaker 3: how how do you step over the dog shit to
Speaker 3: the eyelashes to the shower?
Speaker 2: Bitch? How how do you even get dressed in a
Speaker 2: room with a shit on the floor, Which brings back
Speaker 2: us back to parenting. You have to teach your kid
Speaker 2: how to clean their ass, their environment, how to cook.
Speaker 2: You have to be literally showing them, not telling them
Speaker 2: showing them, because the things you don't literally show them
Speaker 2: they just don't know. You have to tell them to
Speaker 2: floss those fucking teeth, or you eat meat and flesh
Speaker 2: will rot between your fucking teeth and your your mouth
Speaker 2: will smell like a cemetery. You have to say it
Speaker 2: like that. My dad told me that you want flesh
Speaker 2: and your between your teeth. Oh my gosh, it's disgusting,
Speaker 2: But you gotta say it like that because then there
Speaker 2: I'm not guess who floss it? Yeah, yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2: And dating, how you date in front of your kids
Speaker 2: is how they will date. What you accept, this is
Speaker 2: what they'll accept. You know, you are setting the standard
Speaker 2: and the president, and so how you're loved and how
Speaker 2: you accept men and women to love you is what
Speaker 2: your sons and daughters will exemplify. And it's important. Our
Speaker 2: choices are important in dating and being honest and communicating
Speaker 2: with them that this ship is not always a fairy tale.
Speaker 2: You will fuck up some of these five steps, but
Speaker 2: at least if you have the honesty to not insult
Speaker 2: your child's intelligence and like, have a conversation because there
Speaker 2: there too will be in a situation whe where they're
Speaker 2: dating or where they're being gas lit or their heart
Speaker 2: broken or disappointed, and so they need to know that
Speaker 2: this shit is not a Disney movie. Yeah, you got
Speaker 2: to kiss a lot of frogs until you find a
Speaker 2: prince princess.
Speaker 3: Hmm, hopefully not too many frogs. We're trying to help
Speaker 3: you avoid the frogs.
Speaker 2: Please please let us, please listen to us.
Speaker 3: Trying to help you avoid the frogs. We yeah, I
Speaker 3: wish I didn't have to.
Speaker 2: Do all that. A lot of things I could have
Speaker 2: not done.
Speaker 3: But like like we said a few weeks ago, there's
Speaker 3: there's no bad choices.
Speaker 2: They no bad choices. There are all lessons. Every bad
Speaker 2: choice leads you to who you are and where you are,
Speaker 2: and that's important.
Speaker 3: If you pay attention. You have to pay attention because
Speaker 3: I see a lot of people make bad choices and
Speaker 3: they just literally are like they just don't pay attention.
Speaker 2: Well, well, how many times you want to get the
Speaker 2: same lesson? Some people are willing to go far? Are
Speaker 2: and hard? Self awareness? Self awareness, self awareness, numb yourself?
Speaker 2: Good people, We love you. Thank you for listening to
Speaker 2: our dating advice. Is there an affirmation be yourself? The
Speaker 2: affirmation is when dating be yourself, there's there's a there's
Speaker 2: a lid to every pot. When dating be yourself, a
Speaker 2: lid to everybody. Every every pot has a lid. Oh
Speaker 2: like it fits ye for everybody. I thought I was
Speaker 2: thinking of like the steam coming out of the pot.
Speaker 2: I was like, what's gonna Uncle Jim told me that
Speaker 2: every pot has its lid. It's true, which means there's
Speaker 2: I'm missing a few lids in my fucking pots. It's
Speaker 2: very annoying, actually though, what are the socks and the potlets? Got?
Speaker 2: Where do the so and the tap of our tops?
Speaker 2: Just the tops? What the where the fuck are they?
Speaker 3: I'm literally I'm at my way with the tops the socks.
Speaker 2: And I'm like calling my baby daddy like, hey, do
Speaker 2: you have some pyres with a purple top page?
Speaker 3: I know, trying to track down tapware. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So remember that there's a pot. There's a lid to
Speaker 2: every pot, and so you don't have to change. You're
Speaker 2: perfect as you are, and equal rights for women and
Speaker 2: for men. Don't have expectations of men, or have axpectations
Speaker 2: of women that you don't have for your fucking self, stupid,
Speaker 2: or for your homeboy, your homegirl. Stop making them as
Speaker 2: excuses like men and women are different. We are, but
Speaker 2: not in our horniness. Actually, what we might be more horny?
Speaker 3: I think I agree, Yeah, I think men really want
Speaker 3: to like take that.
Speaker 2: Take that. I want to take that from us.
Speaker 3: For some reason, science has made it somehow proven that
Speaker 3: they do, but.
Speaker 2: It's just not the truth from my research.
Speaker 3: Anyway, we love you and we'll see you next week
Speaker 3: and join us at the Good Vibra Treat.
Speaker 2: And follow us Good Moms Underscore, Bad Choices, Miela Underscore Map.
Speaker 3: At watch Erica and just go just take a second
Speaker 3: and just go look at the links and all the
Speaker 3: things in different ways that you can tap in with
Speaker 3: us and talk to us and all.
Speaker 2: The Putreon discord. The Good Mom's universe is vast, and
Speaker 2: we have merch and we're cool people and we look
Speaker 2: good and if you're on YouTube, subscribe.
Speaker 3: Just going me think of something. The other day, one
Speaker 3: of the girls from our retreat, Carress, hit me because
Speaker 3: they the girls from our the Good Vibe Retreat, went
Speaker 3: and on their own retreat to Denver. Ye okay, so
Speaker 3: this summer we had this beautiful retreat. These girls, they
Speaker 3: they bonded and then ended up planning their own trip together.
Speaker 3: They went to Denver in the snow, had a bomb
Speaker 3: ass time. Anyway, me and Chorress were talking and she
Speaker 3: goes like, You're like Beyonce, and I was like, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna put you on speaker phone. I want you to
Speaker 3: say that again. My daughter's in the car.
Speaker 2: And MoMA like I didn't hear you again.
Speaker 3: I was just roll ri and but she was like no,
Speaker 3: I just wanted I just want you to know that.
Speaker 3: Like well, she was like, hey, I have your phone number,
Speaker 3: like I'm calling you. I saw you on the internet
Speaker 3: and now we're friends. I'm like, yeah, that's what happens
Speaker 3: when you come to the retreat. Like this is real shit,
Speaker 3: Like we're real people, real humans. This isn't like us performing,
Speaker 3: Like this is like some real shit. You're in the
Speaker 3: trenches with us, You're sitting like we're embracing you, you know.
Speaker 3: And and then she was just and I've been getting
Speaker 3: a lot of messages like this over the last I
Speaker 3: would say month, just affirming our friendship and affirming our relationship.
Speaker 3: And she was just like, you guys are the root
Speaker 3: of this and we're your branches and we're.
Speaker 2: Just spreading the word and we're bearing fruits for you.
Speaker 3: And I was like it's so beautiful and just that
Speaker 3: our friendship is has so much purpose and it's like
Speaker 3: bigger than just think them what we know right here
Speaker 3: in this moment right now, you know just how it
Speaker 3: trickles out. And so I just want to say I'm
Speaker 3: grateful for our friendship and thank you Chres for affirming
Speaker 3: our friendship because I really needed to hear that, and
Speaker 3: I think people need to hear that, you know, whether
Speaker 3: that's in your relationship and love or your relationship and
Speaker 3: friendship or your relationship with family, Like it's good. It
Speaker 3: feels good to like have someone else affirm you in
Speaker 3: that way. So I guess what's all my heart is
Speaker 3: just to affirm somebody in your life this week and
Speaker 3: say some say, just affirm them, let them know that
Speaker 3: they're doing a good job, or that they're purpose in
Speaker 3: your life or here in this present moment in time
Speaker 3: is a value and is important because there's something like
Speaker 3: so invaluable, like more than money could ever do, when
Speaker 3: you feel that from.
Speaker 2: Someone that you're respecting, care for. So that's it. I'm high, Well,
Speaker 2: I love you, and it is really beautiful to consider
Speaker 2: all that you know, this sitting down at a mic
Speaker 2: one day eight years ago has birthed and like that
Speaker 2: and that's all I ever wanted to as a little girl,
Speaker 2: is to like change the world in a positive way.
Speaker 2: I was like, there's so much fucked up shit happening,
Speaker 2: and how can I leave something positive? How can I
Speaker 2: make a difference? And I feel like, you know, together
Speaker 2: we've done that and just by cultivating this friendship and
Speaker 2: speaking honestly that we've been able to, you know, bring
Speaker 2: people to beautiful places, change people's minds, open people's minds,
Speaker 2: and even the slightest way, even if you don't agree
Speaker 2: with everything we say, because you know we're a little nuts,
Speaker 2: but I'm just I'm grateful for that for you and
Speaker 2: for you guys listening. Thank you, thank you, thank you,
Speaker 2: thank you, and please comment, please share, please DM because
Speaker 2: or else we're just fucking talking to her.
Speaker 3: Send us to your other mom friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is our challenge to you right now, Send
Speaker 2: us to five, not even mom friends, just five people
Speaker 2: you think will appreciate these two high bitches giving you
Speaker 2: seventy years of combined life experience and expertise. Oh I
Speaker 2: love your guy like Jesus.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm living so good. Can't you tell? I went
Speaker 4: through a drought.
Speaker 5: That's until I find out, well, MAYM have been known
Speaker 5: Earth that used to be broken?
Speaker 4: Tail.
Speaker 5: Now I got the blues ins like Beyonce jaw throat
Speaker 5: shot or popping his cow wearing our voices.
Speaker 4: Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit it.
Speaker 5: Women put the pee and powers so it's pointless. They
Speaker 5: want me to be good, so I make bad choices.
Speaker 4: Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 5: Get he's in on, put cannabis in their bath. Bon
Speaker 5: walked in Boss's cap and I blew his cat ball.
Speaker 4: Hope dog.
Speaker 5: Now I'm immune to the cat called Herbie and no
Speaker 5: waisted straight to it like a dollar sign.
Speaker 4: Mother rent the lover when too.
Speaker 5: It's like a water sumner where you're renting winter essential
Speaker 5: will when the summertime.
Speaker 4: I do with all they know when I need to
Speaker 4: running by