WEBVTT - 5 Dating Tips for Single Parents 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.520 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.440 She couldn't She cleaned and cared for her children and 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:08.840 the man of the house, and of course she didn't 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:12.240 talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.600 She was a good woman who always made good choices. 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:19.800 That we're good mom's bad choices. Who single mom who 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:22.400 said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:24.680 found out they were so bad after all, we're experts, 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:26.600 overshares and your new besties. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:28.040 Sit back and enjoy the ride. 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:32.240 I can. 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:35.519 Welcome back to good Mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:40.800 I'm Meila. Happy Humpty bitches, Happy motherfucking humpday. We're back 0:00:41.360 --> 0:00:47.400 back on the couch. You can't hanging in the hume 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:49.600 girl anyall? 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:51.600 Was she kind of dressed like a genie in that 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:53.519 music video or that another video. I feel like she 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:55.640 had a video where she had like her I don't 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:57.760 know why she was in the desert in that video. 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:01.480 I think like the red puffs. 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:04.840 Like, oh, I think right, that's the way I love goes. 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:11.160 No red puffs weren't there then, Okay, anyway, we've been 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:13.440 getting sidetracked like a motherfuck I look like a genie, 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:14.920 which is why I'm asking these questions. 0:01:16.280 --> 0:01:19.160 Am I Janet? Now? I didn't know where you're going 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:20.840 with that. I want to be Janet for Halloween. 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:23.160 Maybe I need to write this down right the fuck now, 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:25.280 I need to be red puff Janet, like you know Janet, 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:26.600 where you're like, I know who that is. 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:29.440 You're gonna cut your hair off. It's called a wig, bitch. 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:31.759 Oh you can get a red puff wig? Yeah, Janet? 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:34.040 And who knows what my hair will be in October? 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:38.040 Who knows it might be a little bit longer. Red 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:42.119 Puff Janet Jackson, Red Puffs Halloween, I had a good one. 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:43.960 I always forget, so I have to write them down 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:46.319 and in the moment so that I don't forget. 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:49.000 I think I need to embrace wigs. Yeah you do. 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:53.600 I'm going to in my hair cutting journey, I did that. 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:56.040 I was going back down his like during down short 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:56.680 hair road, and I was. 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:57.200 Like, god damn. 0:01:57.240 --> 0:01:59.840 I was wearing a lot of bad wigs though, I 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:02.040 mean they weren't bad. It's just like, you know it's 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:02.400 a wig. 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:03.120 It wasn't bad. 0:02:03.280 --> 0:02:04.720 It was just like you know that it's a wig. 0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:05.960 There's no way around the wig. 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:07.800 I actually was looking back at the pictures and I 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:09.639 saw some wig pictures and I was like, I kind 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:12.000 of missed that way. There's like seven hundred pictures of me, 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:14.400 Like it's like, okay, you're feeling. 0:02:14.480 --> 0:02:15.639 There was a few where I was like, wow, I 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:18.400 could have worn that more time. This one was from 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:21.480 Amazon unfortunately, but yeah, wow, why I'll. 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:23.240 Be having them too. I gotta do you remember when 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:24.360 I got that wig from Wow? 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:27.240 I remember the hair piece is the wig win? 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:28.600 I had a whole wig from. 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:30.119 Not the way the other day you wore the fell 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:32.560 after on the episode Right, it's my favorite. 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:34.959 It's like it's like it was it was in the 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:36.840 twenty twenty twenty. Oh my god. You know what? 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:38.760 The first one I ever bought was a Vivica Fox 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:41.120 wig in her she has a whole bitch. 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:41.399 Yes. 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:43.560 One night I was in Harlem drunk with Ashley. Were 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:45.920 just roaming around. There was some wig shop open and 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.079 we went in there just trying on wigs, drunk as hell, 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:50.960 and I was again in crisis thinking. 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:52.040 I was like, I need to cut my hair. 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.239 I'm cut it short, and so I was like, I 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:55.960 want to try I want to experiment with a Bob 0:02:56.360 --> 0:02:58.160 and so I was looking for bobs and shit, I 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:02.560 fucking found Vivica Fox shout out tanty viv her wig 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:05.600 collection and I looked at those pictures recently, bitch, I 0:03:05.600 --> 0:03:09.640 looked like fucking Justin Bieber or like Dance Moms or 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:14.000 some shit. It was early on in my wig journey. 0:03:14.040 --> 0:03:15.960 I didn't realize like texture matter, and I was like, 0:03:16.000 --> 0:03:21.400 it's just straight, no, bitch, it needs a little crinkle 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:24.440 in that straight, bitch for it's like your head of hair, 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:26.160 Bob might be cute. 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:28.519 Okay this you know? Yeah, I want to play more 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:29.639 with my my look. 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:30.680 Just a little mini bangs. 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:31.360 You like that look? 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:35.560 Yeah, that's end right now. The mini bang is coming 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:37.920 back ba a mini bang wig like those like twenties. Yeah, 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:39.600 and it's so cute when black girls have the mini bang. 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:44.640 I fucking love it. Yeah, like the mini bang, the 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:47.960 mini bang, the mini Bang. I just like that mini bang. 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:49.760 Days I saw I found a picture of me with 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:50.240 a mini bang. 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:51.640 I was like, do I need to wear a minibang 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:53.480 like I saw the mini bang and it was cute. 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:55.160 You have to commit to the mini bang, though, No, 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:56.440 you don't. You don't sure? 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:59.080 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not cutting her. I did 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:00.560 you see me try to encourge j Ashley to get 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:03.240 a minibang in the group chat. I said, the minibang 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:05.200 is coming back, bitch, I thought she was going to do. 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:07.800 She would look so cute with a mini bang. She 0:04:07.840 --> 0:04:09.120 would go crazier than anything. 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:13.720 It would grow back in like two weeks. Yeah, it 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:16.039 grows fast. It's not like a long term commitment unless 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:18.320 you have curly hair. Because I did try to cut 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:20.960 my own curly minibang and like cut too much and 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:23.159 then it was like a fucking little afro puff in 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:28.359 the front of my head. So curly girls, beware, you 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:32.400 don't know and most definitely don't do it wet definitely 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.039 don't do it at home, I thought, because I've been 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:35.360 cutting my hair for so long, it's like I know 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:40.280 how to do this shit. No, bitch, you don't. So anyway, 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:42.600 I'm high already. 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:47.360 I know me too. Anyway, this episode, since it's February, 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:50.600 and in February we celebrate love and black love and 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:54.479 all of the wonderful things. And since we're experts, you 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:57.680 heard us talk about our expertise, and we have a 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:01.680 variety of expertise. Is and one of them is being 0:05:02.200 --> 0:05:06.200 all very researched, seventy plus years, seventy plus years of 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:13.280 research and development over seven combined forty million hours of 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:17.720 hoh shit, responsible, shit, fuck shit, and everything in between. 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:20.200 So we've did it for you. We've done it for you, 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:23.080 which is the beauty of this podcast. If you're just 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:25.599 joining us, so you just came in the most recent 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:29.320 months or years, I encourage you to go all the 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.200 way back to the beginning, because we've been doing this 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:34.440 almost a decade, and eight years ago we were in. 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:36.920 We were really you just I. 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:41.000 Need you to chill with the words decade we've almost stop. 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:42.640 I can't I'm trying. 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:44.239 I can't believe you said that loud. 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:46.960 Okay, you're right, you're right. Okay, what are you talking about? 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:48.280 You're right, right, you're right. Do you want to telling 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:50.159 experts or not? Yes? 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:52.480 I just it's just crazy, it's just insane. It's it's 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:55.279 because it's the truth. It's not a lie. We are experts. 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:58.320 But ten years god damn, wow, Okay, sorry, go on 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:01.839 doing this for eight years and no, just no, a decade. 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:03.840 We've been doing it for almost almost a decade, and 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:06.279 I don't need to know the specifics. 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:09.080 During this We're almost a decade. We're experts. We've done 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:13.359 the developmental research for you field. We were in the 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:16.120 field doing ho shit so that we could come back 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:18.359 and delve. You don't have to, but you still do it. 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.040 You still gotta do it. But now you know you 0:06:20.160 --> 0:06:20.880 can do it. 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:23.000 I won't know how, like the best way to do 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:25.520 it possible. If you're gonna do host shit, the best 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:30.920 route possible. So this episode is brought to We're two 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:35.920 experts giving you single moms and single dads, single parents 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:40.640 everywhere that might just be coming back into the dating sphere. 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:41.640 We're here. 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:44.760 We're gonna get you together. 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:46.920 We're gonna speed you up, We're gonna get you. We 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:50.480 got five tips for each of you. Okay, so I'm 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:54.040 ensued to listen closely. If you are a single mother, 0:06:54.240 --> 0:06:56.600 single father, single human, I don't really give a fuck 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:58.800 wedge you identify it the day that I don't get 0:06:59.160 --> 0:06:59.720 you out here. 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:04.159 Your single you got kids. The experts have some tips 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:04.359 for you. 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:09.520 Yes, the beginning of the year, trying to get your 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:11.840 feet wet. You know you're ready to go back. Let's 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:13.760 just start with the prep. Let's just start with the ready. 0:07:13.880 --> 0:07:15.040 Are you ready? Are you bitch? 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:15.760 Are you ready? 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:16.440 Like? 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:17.000 Are you sure? 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:18.520 Are you sure? Is this a good time? Did you 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:20.640 just finish something? Do you still is your heart still 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:23.400 in another place? Are you still trying to get like 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:25.520 your groundings, trying to figure out you and your kids' 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:28.920 schedule and survival? Are you in survival mode? Then maybe 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:30.800 you need to not date. 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:36.840 Yeah. I think that that's often when we're most vulnerable. 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:42.240 And I think that if you're in survival mode, it's 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:46.560 just it's not a good time because you're going to 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:49.000 be looking to be saved, and then your choices are 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:52.400 a bit cloudy because you're in survival mode. And also 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:54.800 it's not even survival mode, like let's just move into 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:58.960 just do you have capacity? Because obviously we're all parents 0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:01.480 are past is low. It's never going to be perfect. 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:04.280 You're not just necessarily gonna have this wide open space 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:07.640 ready for love and ready for dating. But there is 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:11.640 like an emotional I feel like capacity of like are 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:15.080 you able to like really take on someone else's energy 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:19.200 and shit? Because that is what dating is, whether you're 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:22.240 dating or committing to a relationship, which I feel like, 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:24.240 first you need to are we just dating or are 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:26.920 we actually committing? What are we Doing's the what's the trajectory? 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:29.160 You need to be clear about what you're entering into 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:32.960 the dating world, requesting and needing, And if you just 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:36.120 got out of something, it's probably you should just be dating. 0:08:36.679 --> 0:08:38.280 Casually dating is what they call it. 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:41.320 But you know what, that's a slippery slope for some 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:43.319 people listening because some people listening don't know how to 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:46.040 do that. People, I would say, so many people do 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:48.240 not know how to casually date. They are always like 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:50.240 kind of waiting for the next thing. 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:53.240 Well, that's what I was gonna say, love or relationships 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:57.160 or rather people are a drug. And I think people 0:08:57.440 --> 0:09:01.520 kind of remove that that problem as an addiction. But 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:04.760 sometimes you are addicted to people. You're addicted to someone 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:08.160 being there, You're addicted to a warm body because being 0:09:08.440 --> 0:09:12.400 without someone is removing you know, space, like removing space 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:14.760 and conversation that you'd have to think about your fucking self, 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:17.920 and so it's an avoidant. So I think sometimes yeah, 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:20.360 like are you just fucking are you fucking to date? 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:22.520 Are you just dating? You're trying to make friends? 0:09:22.920 --> 0:09:26.880 And like what you were saying is like to like, 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:28.840 if you've just come out of a relationship. You're looking 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:32.160 for someone to fill avoid and heal something that maybe 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:36.440 that whoever left wide open for you. But also like 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:42.480 you're gonna be disappointed. You're gonna disappointed because I hate 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:45.079 to break it to you, like people are not that's 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:47.360 not that's not what they can do. That's not. I 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:50.320 feel like there's things that they can tend to, but 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:53.160 ultimately the root and the cause have to be tended 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:53.959 to buy. 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:58.560 You and long term that that same person that you 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:00.959 thought was saving you is gonna get your fucking nerves. 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:08.680 Most importantly bad, real bad, real bad. Oh my god. 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.319 And I've done it. I've done it. I've shown myself 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.640 do it looking back, like in survival mode in twenty twenty, 0:10:14.679 --> 0:10:17.680 thinking the world maybe's gonna end finding a nice guy 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:20.840 who had a good job and trying to really make 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:25.320 it something that it was not. But like he just 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:29.040 had the basic makings of a nice guy with a 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:35.720 face that I could handle, big enough dick a job, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:39.600 you know, it was the basics. Wanted more ready to 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:46.560 settle down, and I needed a place to say the 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:50.280 truth is, I needed stability. I needed something strong and 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:53.840 foundational in my life, and so I gravitated towards it, 0:10:54.160 --> 0:10:56.240 and then you know what, he got in my fucking 0:10:56.280 --> 0:10:59.360 nerves because it just wasn't it. It wasn't it, and 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:02.040 I knew that, but I was really trying to be like, 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:08.240 Buddy's got all the foundation, and that never works. So 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:12.880 dating for survival is not what we recommend do that 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:14.040 don't do it. 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:16.280 This is for the women and the men. 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.600 And sometimes it requires that you do the hard thing 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:22.920 and the uncomfortable thing, especially if you're just getting out 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:27.400 of a relationship with someone you like cohabitated with. The 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:29.560 uncomfortable thing is to stay home alone. The uncomfortable thing 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:31.760 is to make dinner for yourself. The uncomfortable thing is 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:34.719 to just settle into it and watch a movie alone. 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.520 But the truth is like once you start to do that, 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:41.480 it gets so fun. Turn on some music, light some candles, 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:46.000 bring energy into your house, like dance, you know, like, 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:48.800 don't get afraid of the silence, just make it your 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:50.959 own environment. And I think I see so many people 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:53.280 be afraid of that part, which is so strange because 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:55.240 you'll be in your house with the motherfucker and be 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:59.760 miserable because they're existing and when you can just exist alone, 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.400 so you know, and then it's like the little winds 0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:05.640 taking out the trash, cooking a meal. Maybe that wasn't 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:07.880 your thing when your relationship, you know, speaking of this, 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:11.520 you know, the couple that broke up recently, everybody's going 0:12:11.520 --> 0:12:14.880 crazy over husband and Sarah Sarah. 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:17.240 I want Sarah to come on the show. 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:19.840 I do too. I saw her. I saw her shopping 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:21.440 and her mink coat. 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:23.480 Yeah. I feel like, I'm so interested in who she 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:25.240 is when she's not like wucking with her husband. 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:27.440 I know, like, who are you? 0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:28.800 Like? I feel like we're going to see in the 0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:30.720 She said, she're gonna see different side of hers, which. 0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:32.560 Is I think she's really brave because I was like, 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:37.599 I could never walk her on the supermarket and a 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:41.080 fur coat with a microphone and she like, h just 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:44.600 doing my blog. That's probably my problem, part of the problem, 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:46.640 but I'm like, that's brave to me. 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:50.680 Yeah, wait, what were you you were saying? 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:52.560 Oh, I was just saying, just like they recently broke 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.680 up and you're now seeing her in the supermarket. It 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:57.760 was just not obviously it was not her role before, 0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:00.080 and like, you know, doing these things for the first time, 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:01.600 which I think it's going to be really good because 0:13:01.600 --> 0:13:04.640 I think people actually need to see it and hear it, 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:07.439 and like just because that's a scary part when you 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:09.520 haven't done something like that on your own, and you know, 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:12.120 you feel like it's easier to do it because you 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:14.320 have support in doing of somebody, even if you kind 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:15.079 of hate them a little. 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:18.640 I would imagine it made me think of of like 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:22.200 also because she's a beautiful woman, and I'm sure that 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:24.920 and she has a lot of attention on her so 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:27.520 while you're healing, and then also so many eyes on you, 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:29.360 so much attention being thrown at you made me think 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:31.120 of just even like relating it back to just a 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:35.199 regular non influencer person woman, Like a lot of times 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:37.199 when you come out of a relationship, like there might 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:40.360 be someone there waiting for you, and it's like having 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:43.600 the discernment to say, hey, I'm not ready right now, 0:13:43.600 --> 0:13:45.720 and not just hopping back into something because it feels 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:48.160 good or it feels safe because hey, you know this 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:49.440 guy or this or. 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.880 That checking a box that the other guy didn't check. 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:54.640 Or I mean, yeah, I just like because I feel 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:58.679 like those type of opportunities come more times than you think, 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:00.840 which is why then you see people always getting into 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:03.599 a relationship well because niggas have got options, you know 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:04.080 what I'm saying. 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:05.760 And it's like having. 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:13.200 The the confidence and they the patience and okayness with 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:15.959 uncomfortability to be able to even say to someone like, hey, 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.640 I'm really I think I am interested in you, but like, 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:20.520 let me just get my shit together for a second, 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:22.680 and that person will still be there if that starts 0:14:22.680 --> 0:14:25.040 to be, you know what I mean, And trusting that 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.480 love isn't escaping you the moment that you decide to 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:29.600 step away from someone and now you need to replace it, 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:32.400 like you actually have more space for love now, and 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:35.320 so when love comes walking on your door, don't don't 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:39.320 be surprised. But also just having taking a second to 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:42.800 really think, am I ready for that? You know? And 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:45.320 like have I learned those lessons? Am I replacing something? 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:48.280 Because one of the things that has come up constantly 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:51.680 for me in relationships as someone who loves love and 0:14:52.000 --> 0:14:56.440 loves partnership, but also as healing is thinking is even 0:14:56.440 --> 0:15:00.680 the most like person that's introspectable thinking that he thinking 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:03.280 that a partner can come and like somehow finish the 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:03.800 job for. 0:15:03.840 --> 0:15:05.200 You, you know what I mean? 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:08.920 Yeah, And it shows up over and over and it's taken 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:11.800 me this long to realize, oh, this is my responsibility. 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:15.200 I mean, knowing that some of these things are my responsibility, 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:17.040 but thinking, but if I had love, then this would 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:19.040 be better, and then this would be and some of 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:21.600 those things are, but it's generally not the thing that is. 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:25.680 You know that One more thing I was going to 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:29.040 say about that is also if you were like in 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:32.720 a loveless relationship or a loveless marriage, or like a 0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:35.280 sexless marriage and you just can't wait to get back 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:38.880 out there, that's one thing. But also no being even 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:42.440 intentional with that because eventually that also will get old. 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:46.240 But you know, I mean, and of course, get your 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:48.600 feet wet and get your attention on and remember who 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:51.560 the fuck you are, but just doing it with you know, 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:54.360 a little bit more maturity intention and keeping in mind 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:58.520 that re entering the dating space as a parent, it's 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:01.840 a little gives you a little a different perspective. I think, 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:10.240 actually hate me the book because I'm gonna roll up. 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:13.160 I'm gonna roll a blackwood, roll up the backwood, baby. 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:23.600 And then are we at number two? Mm hmm, number two? 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:26.720 We have So if you are gonna step out and 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:28.720 you are gonna put yourself out there. You think you're 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:35.760 ready for dating that kind of sorry, is it ready? 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:36.120 Or no? 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:37.600 No, No, that's not the one. That's not the one. 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:42.880 Okay, what kind of backwood are we smoking today? 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:49.800 We might not be smoking any, but you got one. 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:52.040 You need to moist it up. You're gonna have to 0:16:52.040 --> 0:16:54.440 moist it up for sure. Oh, dial, we've got one 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:59.120 banana Foster's no nola, no banana Foster's backwood. 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:05.080 If you hold this napkin and I take and I 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:11.199 take this water, together, you can work as a team 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:15.360 to reignite backward and bless it, bless. 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:19.960 Thy back baptized, bapotized, bless the daughter and the goddess spirit. 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:25.080 I revive you, I babe, you. 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:27.760 Said, oh, the feminine essence. 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:32.520 Thank you Lord. I think she's coming back. I feel it. 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:37.280 I feel it coming. The backwood is being revives. He's 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:45.760 a resurrected m h the more I got, no more. 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:49.240 You got some of that water bottle over there? You 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.040 just dip the Oh you have that water bottle? 0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:55.720 M hmm. Okay, it's okay, baby. Sometimes we need a 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:58.840 round two. Sometimes it's been such a dry spell, such 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:01.119 a dry season, you've got to juice it up a 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:02.800 little bit, you know, kind of like your dating life 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:07.800 that you're about to enter it. Okay, kind of like 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:09.600 that dry dating life you're about to end to because 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:14.359 you're entering into your juiciest season yet. Because if you're ready, 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:19.560 if you are finally ready to date differently as a 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:22.000 single mom, it's time to step outside of your comfort 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:23.720 zone and date different types of people. 0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:26.439 So that brings us to number two. Step out of 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:31.520 your comfort zone and be open minded and forget this 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:34.919 exact image of whoever you thought it was going to be. 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:36.840 He might show up a little bit different, not in 0:18:36.880 --> 0:18:39.879 core values or feeling how you're going to feel. But 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:44.240 maybe he's clothes or not exactly as you imagine that, 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:46.520 Maybe his wardrobe is a little bit more eccentric. 0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:50.200 Things can be changed when it comes to clothing or not. 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:51.760 Maybe maybe you. 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:54.320 Just learn to love you learn to love him, just 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:57.480 like he's going to learn to love you. So you're 0:18:57.520 --> 0:18:59.119 not perfect. I hate to break it to you. I 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:02.159 know someone told you you're perfect. They all do if 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:06.040 you're not. And we have to accept people for where 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:08.200 they're at and what they're doing. And love them through 0:19:08.240 --> 0:19:10.480 that because trust me and the relationship, you're gonna be 0:19:10.480 --> 0:19:13.639 forced to do that no matter what, whether he's wearing 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:18.640 a crop top or whatever the fuck Puma Rihanna shoes 0:19:19.320 --> 0:19:20.480 or anything. 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:22.000 Else, Puma Rihanna shoes. 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:26.000 Don't worry about it anyway. You're gonna have to accept 0:19:26.040 --> 0:19:29.240 some shit. So pick your battles. 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:32.320 Pick your battles is right. And it's just also like 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:35.200 where do like, where do those beliefs come from? Why 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:38.440