1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:06,440 Speaker 1: She couldn't She cleaned and cared for her children and 3 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,840 Speaker 1: the man of the house, and of course she didn't 4 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:15,600 Speaker 1: She was a good woman who always made good choices. 6 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,800 Speaker 2: That we're good mom's bad choices. Who single mom who 7 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 2: said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and 8 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 2: found out they were so bad after all, we're experts, 9 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 2: overshares and your new besties. 10 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:28,040 Speaker 3: Sit back and enjoy the ride. 11 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,240 Speaker 4: I can. 12 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,519 Speaker 2: Welcome back to good Mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and 13 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 2: I'm Meila. Happy Humpty bitches, Happy motherfucking humpday. We're back 14 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 2: back on the couch. You can't hanging in the hume 15 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 2: girl anyall? 16 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 3: Was she kind of dressed like a genie in that 17 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,519 Speaker 3: music video or that another video. I feel like she 18 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,640 Speaker 3: had a video where she had like her I don't 19 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 3: know why she was in the desert in that video. 20 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 3: I think like the red puffs. 21 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 2: Like, oh, I think right, that's the way I love goes. 22 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 3: No red puffs weren't there then, Okay, anyway, we've been 23 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 3: getting sidetracked like a motherfuck I look like a genie, 24 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:14,920 Speaker 3: which is why I'm asking these questions. 25 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 2: Am I Janet? Now? I didn't know where you're going 26 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 2: with that. I want to be Janet for Halloween. 27 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 3: Maybe I need to write this down right the fuck now, 28 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 3: I need to be red puff Janet, like you know Janet, 29 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 3: where you're like, I know who that is. 30 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 2: You're gonna cut your hair off. It's called a wig, bitch. 31 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,759 Speaker 3: Oh you can get a red puff wig? Yeah, Janet? 32 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,040 Speaker 3: And who knows what my hair will be in October? 33 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:38,040 Speaker 3: Who knows it might be a little bit longer. Red 34 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:42,119 Speaker 3: Puff Janet Jackson, Red Puffs Halloween, I had a good one. 35 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,960 Speaker 3: I always forget, so I have to write them down 36 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 3: and in the moment so that I don't forget. 37 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 2: I think I need to embrace wigs. Yeah you do. 38 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 3: I'm going to in my hair cutting journey, I did that. 39 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,040 Speaker 3: I was going back down his like during down short 40 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 3: hair road, and I was. 41 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 2: Like, god damn. 42 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 3: I was wearing a lot of bad wigs though, I 43 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 3: mean they weren't bad. It's just like, you know it's 44 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 3: a wig. 45 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 2: It wasn't bad. 46 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 3: It was just like you know that it's a wig. 47 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 3: There's no way around the wig. 48 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 2: I actually was looking back at the pictures and I 49 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,639 Speaker 2: saw some wig pictures and I was like, I kind 50 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 2: of missed that way. There's like seven hundred pictures of me, 51 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 2: Like it's like, okay, you're feeling. 52 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:15,639 Speaker 3: There was a few where I was like, wow, I 53 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 3: could have worn that more time. This one was from 54 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 3: Amazon unfortunately, but yeah, wow, why I'll. 55 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 2: Be having them too. I gotta do you remember when 56 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,360 Speaker 2: I got that wig from Wow? 57 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 3: I remember the hair piece is the wig win? 58 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 2: I had a whole wig from. 59 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:30,119 Speaker 3: Not the way the other day you wore the fell 60 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 3: after on the episode Right, it's my favorite. 61 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,959 Speaker 2: It's like it's like it was it was in the 62 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 2: twenty twenty twenty. Oh my god. You know what? 63 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 3: The first one I ever bought was a Vivica Fox 64 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 3: wig in her she has a whole bitch. 65 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:41,399 Speaker 2: Yes. 66 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 3: One night I was in Harlem drunk with Ashley. Were 67 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,920 Speaker 3: just roaming around. There was some wig shop open and 68 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,079 Speaker 3: we went in there just trying on wigs, drunk as hell, 69 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 3: and I was again in crisis thinking. 70 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 2: I was like, I need to cut my hair. 71 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,239 Speaker 3: I'm cut it short, and so I was like, I 72 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 3: want to try I want to experiment with a Bob 73 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 3: and so I was looking for bobs and shit, I 74 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 3: fucking found Vivica Fox shout out tanty viv her wig 75 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 3: collection and I looked at those pictures recently, bitch, I 76 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 3: looked like fucking Justin Bieber or like Dance Moms or 77 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 3: some shit. It was early on in my wig journey. 78 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,960 Speaker 3: I didn't realize like texture matter, and I was like, 79 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:21,400 Speaker 3: it's just straight, no, bitch, it needs a little crinkle 80 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 3: in that straight, bitch for it's like your head of hair, 81 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 3: Bob might be cute. 82 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,519 Speaker 2: Okay this you know? Yeah, I want to play more 83 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:29,639 Speaker 2: with my my look. 84 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 3: Just a little mini bangs. 85 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,360 Speaker 2: You like that look? 86 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's end right now. The mini bang is coming 87 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 3: back ba a mini bang wig like those like twenties. Yeah, 88 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 3: and it's so cute when black girls have the mini bang. 89 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:44,640 Speaker 2: I fucking love it. Yeah, like the mini bang, the 90 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 2: mini bang, the mini Bang. I just like that mini bang. 91 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:49,760 Speaker 2: Days I saw I found a picture of me with 92 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 2: a mini bang. 93 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 3: I was like, do I need to wear a minibang 94 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 3: like I saw the mini bang and it was cute. 95 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 2: You have to commit to the mini bang, though, No, 96 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 2: you don't. You don't sure? 97 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not cutting her. I did 98 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 3: you see me try to encourge j Ashley to get 99 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 3: a minibang in the group chat. I said, the minibang 100 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 3: is coming back, bitch, I thought she was going to do. 101 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 2: She would look so cute with a mini bang. She 102 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 2: would go crazier than anything. 103 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 3: It would grow back in like two weeks. Yeah, it 104 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,039 Speaker 3: grows fast. It's not like a long term commitment unless 105 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 3: you have curly hair. Because I did try to cut 106 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 3: my own curly minibang and like cut too much and 107 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 3: then it was like a fucking little afro puff in 108 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:28,359 Speaker 3: the front of my head. So curly girls, beware, you 109 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 3: don't know and most definitely don't do it wet definitely 110 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,039 Speaker 3: don't do it at home, I thought, because I've been 111 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 3: cutting my hair for so long, it's like I know 112 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:40,280 Speaker 3: how to do this shit. No, bitch, you don't. So anyway, 113 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:42,600 Speaker 3: I'm high already. 114 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 2: I know me too. Anyway, this episode, since it's February, 115 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,600 Speaker 2: and in February we celebrate love and black love and 116 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:54,479 Speaker 2: all of the wonderful things. And since we're experts, you 117 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 2: heard us talk about our expertise, and we have a 118 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 2: variety of expertise. Is and one of them is being 119 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 2: all very researched, seventy plus years, seventy plus years of 120 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:13,280 Speaker 2: research and development over seven combined forty million hours of 121 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:17,720 Speaker 2: hoh shit, responsible, shit, fuck shit, and everything in between. 122 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 2: So we've did it for you. We've done it for you, 123 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 2: which is the beauty of this podcast. If you're just 124 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 2: joining us, so you just came in the most recent 125 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 2: months or years, I encourage you to go all the 126 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 2: way back to the beginning, because we've been doing this 127 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 2: almost a decade, and eight years ago we were in. 128 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,920 Speaker 2: We were really you just I. 129 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 3: Need you to chill with the words decade we've almost stop. 130 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 2: I can't I'm trying. 131 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,239 Speaker 3: I can't believe you said that loud. 132 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 2: Okay, you're right, you're right. Okay, what are you talking about? 133 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,280 Speaker 2: You're right, right, you're right. Do you want to telling 134 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,159 Speaker 2: experts or not? Yes? 135 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,480 Speaker 3: I just it's just crazy, it's just insane. It's it's 136 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,279 Speaker 3: because it's the truth. It's not a lie. We are experts. 137 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 3: But ten years god damn, wow, Okay, sorry, go on 138 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,839 Speaker 3: doing this for eight years and no, just no, a decade. 139 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 3: We've been doing it for almost almost a decade, and 140 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,279 Speaker 3: I don't need to know the specifics. 141 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 2: During this We're almost a decade. We're experts. We've done 142 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:13,359 Speaker 2: the developmental research for you field. We were in the 143 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 2: field doing ho shit so that we could come back 144 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,359 Speaker 2: and delve. You don't have to, but you still do it. 145 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,040 Speaker 3: You still gotta do it. But now you know you 146 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 3: can do it. 147 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 2: I won't know how, like the best way to do 148 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,520 Speaker 2: it possible. If you're gonna do host shit, the best 149 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:30,920 Speaker 2: route possible. So this episode is brought to We're two 150 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 2: experts giving you single moms and single dads, single parents 151 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 2: everywhere that might just be coming back into the dating sphere. 152 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 2: We're here. 153 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 3: We're gonna get you together. 154 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,920 Speaker 2: We're gonna speed you up, We're gonna get you. We 155 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,480 Speaker 2: got five tips for each of you. Okay, so I'm 156 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,040 Speaker 2: ensued to listen closely. If you are a single mother, 157 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 2: single father, single human, I don't really give a fuck 158 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 2: wedge you identify it the day that I don't get 159 00:06:59,160 --> 00:06:59,720 Speaker 2: you out here. 160 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:04,159 Speaker 3: Your single you got kids. The experts have some tips 161 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:04,359 Speaker 3: for you. 162 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:09,520 Speaker 2: Yes, the beginning of the year, trying to get your 163 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 2: feet wet. You know you're ready to go back. Let's 164 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 2: just start with the prep. Let's just start with the ready. 165 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 2: Are you ready? Are you bitch? 166 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:15,760 Speaker 3: Are you ready? 167 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 2: Like? 168 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 3: Are you sure? 169 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 2: Are you sure? Is this a good time? Did you 170 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 2: just finish something? Do you still is your heart still 171 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 2: in another place? Are you still trying to get like 172 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,520 Speaker 2: your groundings, trying to figure out you and your kids' 173 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 2: schedule and survival? Are you in survival mode? Then maybe 174 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 2: you need to not date. 175 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 3: Yeah. I think that that's often when we're most vulnerable. 176 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 3: And I think that if you're in survival mode, it's 177 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 3: just it's not a good time because you're going to 178 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 3: be looking to be saved, and then your choices are 179 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 3: a bit cloudy because you're in survival mode. And also 180 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 3: it's not even survival mode, like let's just move into 181 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 3: just do you have capacity? Because obviously we're all parents 182 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,480 Speaker 3: are past is low. It's never going to be perfect. 183 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,280 Speaker 3: You're not just necessarily gonna have this wide open space 184 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 3: ready for love and ready for dating. But there is 185 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 3: like an emotional I feel like capacity of like are 186 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 3: you able to like really take on someone else's energy 187 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 3: and shit? Because that is what dating is, whether you're 188 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,240 Speaker 3: dating or committing to a relationship, which I feel like, 189 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 3: first you need to are we just dating or are 190 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 3: we actually committing? What are we Doing's the what's the trajectory? 191 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 2: You need to be clear about what you're entering into 192 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,960 Speaker 2: the dating world, requesting and needing, And if you just 193 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 2: got out of something, it's probably you should just be dating. 194 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 2: Casually dating is what they call it. 195 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 3: But you know what, that's a slippery slope for some 196 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,319 Speaker 3: people listening because some people listening don't know how to 197 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 3: do that. People, I would say, so many people do 198 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 3: not know how to casually date. They are always like 199 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 3: kind of waiting for the next thing. 200 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 2: Well, that's what I was gonna say, love or relationships 201 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 2: or rather people are a drug. And I think people 202 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 2: kind of remove that that problem as an addiction. But 203 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 2: sometimes you are addicted to people. You're addicted to someone 204 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 2: being there, You're addicted to a warm body because being 205 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 2: without someone is removing you know, space, like removing space 206 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 2: and conversation that you'd have to think about your fucking self, 207 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 2: and so it's an avoidant. So I think sometimes yeah, 208 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 2: like are you just fucking are you fucking to date? 209 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 2: Are you just dating? You're trying to make friends? 210 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:26,880 Speaker 3: And like what you were saying is like to like, 211 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 3: if you've just come out of a relationship. You're looking 212 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 3: for someone to fill avoid and heal something that maybe 213 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:36,440 Speaker 3: that whoever left wide open for you. But also like 214 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 3: you're gonna be disappointed. You're gonna disappointed because I hate 215 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 3: to break it to you, like people are not that's 216 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 3: not that's not what they can do. That's not. I 217 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 3: feel like there's things that they can tend to, but 218 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 3: ultimately the root and the cause have to be tended 219 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:53,959 Speaker 3: to buy. 220 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:58,560 Speaker 2: You and long term that that same person that you 221 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,959 Speaker 2: thought was saving you is gonna get your fucking nerves. 222 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:08,680 Speaker 2: Most importantly bad, real bad, real bad. Oh my god. 223 00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:11,319 Speaker 2: And I've done it. I've done it. I've shown myself 224 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 2: do it looking back, like in survival mode in twenty twenty, 225 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 2: thinking the world maybe's gonna end finding a nice guy 226 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 2: who had a good job and trying to really make 227 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 2: it something that it was not. But like he just 228 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 2: had the basic makings of a nice guy with a 229 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 2: face that I could handle, big enough dick a job, 230 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 2: you know, it was the basics. Wanted more ready to 231 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:46,560 Speaker 2: settle down, and I needed a place to say the 232 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 2: truth is, I needed stability. I needed something strong and 233 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,840 Speaker 2: foundational in my life, and so I gravitated towards it, 234 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 2: and then you know what, he got in my fucking 235 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 2: nerves because it just wasn't it. It wasn't it, and 236 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 2: I knew that, but I was really trying to be like, 237 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 2: Buddy's got all the foundation, and that never works. So 238 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 2: dating for survival is not what we recommend do that 239 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 2: don't do it. 240 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 3: This is for the women and the men. 241 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,600 Speaker 2: And sometimes it requires that you do the hard thing 242 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 2: and the uncomfortable thing, especially if you're just getting out 243 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 2: of a relationship with someone you like cohabitated with. The 244 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,560 Speaker 2: uncomfortable thing is to stay home alone. The uncomfortable thing 245 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 2: is to make dinner for yourself. The uncomfortable thing is 246 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,719 Speaker 2: to just settle into it and watch a movie alone. 247 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 2: But the truth is like once you start to do that, 248 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 2: it gets so fun. Turn on some music, light some candles, 249 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 2: bring energy into your house, like dance, you know, like, 250 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 2: don't get afraid of the silence, just make it your 251 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,959 Speaker 2: own environment. And I think I see so many people 252 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 2: be afraid of that part, which is so strange because 253 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,240 Speaker 2: you'll be in your house with the motherfucker and be 254 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 2: miserable because they're existing and when you can just exist alone, 255 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,400 Speaker 2: so you know, and then it's like the little winds 256 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 2: taking out the trash, cooking a meal. Maybe that wasn't 257 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 2: your thing when your relationship, you know, speaking of this, 258 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 2: you know, the couple that broke up recently, everybody's going 259 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 2: crazy over husband and Sarah Sarah. 260 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 3: I want Sarah to come on the show. 261 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,840 Speaker 2: I do too. I saw her. I saw her shopping 262 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,440 Speaker 2: and her mink coat. 263 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel like, I'm so interested in who she 264 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 3: is when she's not like wucking with her husband. 265 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,440 Speaker 2: I know, like, who are you? 266 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 3: Like? I feel like we're going to see in the 267 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,720 Speaker 3: She said, she're gonna see different side of hers, which. 268 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:32,560 Speaker 2: Is I think she's really brave because I was like, 269 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:37,599 Speaker 2: I could never walk her on the supermarket and a 270 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:41,080 Speaker 2: fur coat with a microphone and she like, h just 271 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 2: doing my blog. That's probably my problem, part of the problem, 272 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 2: but I'm like, that's brave to me. 273 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, wait, what were you you were saying? 274 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,560 Speaker 2: Oh, I was just saying, just like they recently broke 275 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,680 Speaker 2: up and you're now seeing her in the supermarket. It 276 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 2: was just not obviously it was not her role before, 277 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,080 Speaker 2: and like, you know, doing these things for the first time, 278 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 2: which I think it's going to be really good because 279 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 2: I think people actually need to see it and hear it, 280 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:07,439 Speaker 2: and like just because that's a scary part when you 281 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 2: haven't done something like that on your own, and you know, 282 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 2: you feel like it's easier to do it because you 283 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,320 Speaker 2: have support in doing of somebody, even if you kind 284 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:15,079 Speaker 2: of hate them a little. 285 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 3: I would imagine it made me think of of like 286 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 3: also because she's a beautiful woman, and I'm sure that 287 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 3: and she has a lot of attention on her so 288 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 3: while you're healing, and then also so many eyes on you, 289 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,360 Speaker 3: so much attention being thrown at you made me think 290 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 3: of just even like relating it back to just a 291 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:35,199 Speaker 3: regular non influencer person woman, Like a lot of times 292 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,199 Speaker 3: when you come out of a relationship, like there might 293 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,360 Speaker 3: be someone there waiting for you, and it's like having 294 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,600 Speaker 3: the discernment to say, hey, I'm not ready right now, 295 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,720 Speaker 3: and not just hopping back into something because it feels 296 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 3: good or it feels safe because hey, you know this 297 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 3: guy or this or. 298 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,880 Speaker 2: That checking a box that the other guy didn't check. 299 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 3: Or I mean, yeah, I just like because I feel 300 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:58,679 Speaker 3: like those type of opportunities come more times than you think, 301 00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 3: which is why then you see people always getting into 302 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,599 Speaker 3: a relationship well because niggas have got options, you know 303 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 3: what I'm saying. 304 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,760 Speaker 2: And it's like having. 305 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:13,200 Speaker 3: The the confidence and they the patience and okayness with 306 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,959 Speaker 3: uncomfortability to be able to even say to someone like, hey, 307 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 3: I'm really I think I am interested in you, but like, 308 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 3: let me just get my shit together for a second, 309 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 3: and that person will still be there if that starts 310 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 3: to be, you know what I mean, And trusting that 311 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 3: love isn't escaping you the moment that you decide to 312 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 3: step away from someone and now you need to replace it, 313 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 3: like you actually have more space for love now, and 314 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 3: so when love comes walking on your door, don't don't 315 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 3: be surprised. But also just having taking a second to 316 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 3: really think, am I ready for that? You know? And 317 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 3: like have I learned those lessons? Am I replacing something? 318 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,280 Speaker 3: Because one of the things that has come up constantly 319 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,680 Speaker 3: for me in relationships as someone who loves love and 320 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:56,440 Speaker 3: loves partnership, but also as healing is thinking is even 321 00:14:56,440 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 3: the most like person that's introspectable thinking that he thinking 322 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 3: that a partner can come and like somehow finish the 323 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 3: job for. 324 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 2: You, you know what I mean? 325 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, And it shows up over and over and it's taken 326 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 3: me this long to realize, oh, this is my responsibility. 327 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 3: I mean, knowing that some of these things are my responsibility, 328 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 3: but thinking, but if I had love, then this would 329 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,040 Speaker 3: be better, and then this would be and some of 330 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,600 Speaker 3: those things are, but it's generally not the thing that is. 331 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 2: You know that One more thing I was going to 332 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 2: say about that is also if you were like in 333 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 2: a loveless relationship or a loveless marriage, or like a 334 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 2: sexless marriage and you just can't wait to get back 335 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 2: out there, that's one thing. But also no being even 336 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:42,440 Speaker 2: intentional with that because eventually that also will get old. 337 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 2: But you know, I mean, and of course, get your 338 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,600 Speaker 2: feet wet and get your attention on and remember who 339 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 2: the fuck you are, but just doing it with you know, 340 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,360 Speaker 2: a little bit more maturity intention and keeping in mind 341 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 2: that re entering the dating space as a parent, it's 342 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 2: a little gives you a little a different perspective. I think, 343 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 2: actually hate me the book because I'm gonna roll up. 344 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 2: I'm gonna roll a blackwood, roll up the backwood, baby. 345 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 2: And then are we at number two? Mm hmm, number two? 346 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 3: We have So if you are gonna step out and 347 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,720 Speaker 3: you are gonna put yourself out there. You think you're 348 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:35,760 Speaker 3: ready for dating that kind of sorry, is it ready? 349 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 3: Or no? 350 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 2: No, No, that's not the one. That's not the one. 351 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 3: Okay, what kind of backwood are we smoking today? 352 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 2: We might not be smoking any, but you got one. 353 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 2: You need to moist it up. You're gonna have to 354 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 2: moist it up for sure. Oh, dial, we've got one 355 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 2: banana Foster's no nola, no banana Foster's backwood. 356 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 3: If you hold this napkin and I take and I 357 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:11,199 Speaker 3: take this water, together, you can work as a team 358 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:15,360 Speaker 3: to reignite backward and bless it, bless. 359 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 2: Thy back baptized, bapotized, bless the daughter and the goddess spirit. 360 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 2: I revive you, I babe, you. 361 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 3: Said, oh, the feminine essence. 362 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 2: Thank you Lord. I think she's coming back. I feel it. 363 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:37,280 Speaker 2: I feel it coming. The backwood is being revives. He's 364 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 2: a resurrected m h the more I got, no more. 365 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 2: You got some of that water bottle over there? You 366 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 2: just dip the Oh you have that water bottle? 367 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 3: M hmm. Okay, it's okay, baby. Sometimes we need a 368 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 3: round two. Sometimes it's been such a dry spell, such 369 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,119 Speaker 3: a dry season, you've got to juice it up a 370 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 3: little bit, you know, kind of like your dating life 371 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 3: that you're about to enter it. Okay, kind of like 372 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,600 Speaker 3: that dry dating life you're about to end to because 373 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:14,359 Speaker 3: you're entering into your juiciest season yet. Because if you're ready, 374 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:19,560 Speaker 3: if you are finally ready to date differently as a 375 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 3: single mom, it's time to step outside of your comfort 376 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,720 Speaker 3: zone and date different types of people. 377 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,439 Speaker 2: So that brings us to number two. Step out of 378 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 2: your comfort zone and be open minded and forget this 379 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,919 Speaker 2: exact image of whoever you thought it was going to be. 380 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 2: He might show up a little bit different, not in 381 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,879 Speaker 2: core values or feeling how you're going to feel. But 382 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 2: maybe he's clothes or not exactly as you imagine that, 383 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,520 Speaker 2: Maybe his wardrobe is a little bit more eccentric. 384 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,200 Speaker 3: Things can be changed when it comes to clothing or not. 385 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:51,760 Speaker 2: Maybe maybe you. 386 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,320 Speaker 3: Just learn to love you learn to love him, just 387 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,480 Speaker 3: like he's going to learn to love you. So you're 388 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,119 Speaker 3: not perfect. I hate to break it to you. I 389 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,159 Speaker 3: know someone told you you're perfect. They all do if 390 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:06,040 Speaker 3: you're not. And we have to accept people for where 391 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 3: they're at and what they're doing. And love them through 392 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 3: that because trust me and the relationship, you're gonna be 393 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 3: forced to do that no matter what, whether he's wearing 394 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:18,640 Speaker 3: a crop top or whatever the fuck Puma Rihanna shoes 395 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,480 Speaker 3: or anything. 396 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 2: Else, Puma Rihanna shoes. 397 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 3: Don't worry about it anyway. You're gonna have to accept 398 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 3: some shit. So pick your battles. 399 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,320 Speaker 2: Pick your battles is right. And it's just also like 400 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,200 Speaker 2: where do like, where do those beliefs come from? Why 401 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,440 Speaker 2: do you think men can't wear crop tops? Wasn't saved 402 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 2: by the bill, but it was just, you know, whatever, 403 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:47,440 Speaker 2: whatever the fuck. But there's a difference here between being 404 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,960 Speaker 2: open and going against what you know you don't like, 405 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,439 Speaker 2: don't go against what you know for a fact, you 406 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 2: can't handle long term wardrobe. It's rather minor. I mean, 407 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,080 Speaker 2: I guess some people it's more up on the the 408 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:04,720 Speaker 2: scale of priority. But something that could be can be molded. 409 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,880 Speaker 2: But like something like what is something that would you say? 410 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 2: It's not something to compromise, like, well, your lifestyles, Matt, 411 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 2: lifestyle is important lifestyle and long term goals. If he 412 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 2: or she hates to travel and you love to travel, 413 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 2: probably not going to work. You don't want to travel 414 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 2: with somebody, do you her water? It's gonna need a 415 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 2: little bit more proud of us, Look at us. 416 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 3: We're backwoods practitioners. 417 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,920 Speaker 2: To the rest of our expertise. Join seventy years life backwards. 418 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:43,680 Speaker 2: I am a backwards practitioner. This is a couple drops 419 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:50,119 Speaker 2: a little more letters. Just let it sit there for 420 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:57,440 Speaker 2: a second. Just let ruminate, ruminate, rhemitate, remedy, rmany. 421 00:20:59,000 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 3: This one's going to be good. 422 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,200 Speaker 2: She's vintage, it's been, it's been seasoned. 423 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,680 Speaker 3: Vintage, and she's wise. We smoke this weed. We're gonna 424 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 3: have wise words from old witch, an. 425 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:15,639 Speaker 2: Old witch, old old tree. This tobacco plant was old 426 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,920 Speaker 2: and wise, and it was a woman. I could tell 427 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 2: by the way the leaves are rolling on my fingers, 428 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 2: like I feel like coming back. Yes, good mother, we're 429 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:31,160 Speaker 2: going to smoke you for your wisdom. 430 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:40,040 Speaker 3: Speaking of wisdom. Number three on this list is avoiding 431 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 3: open or polydynamics. I love our notes. Avoid open and 432 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:51,119 Speaker 3: polydynamics not mandatory just because it's twenty twenty. This is 433 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:52,679 Speaker 3: for those you don't got to be gay because it's 434 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,360 Speaker 3: twenty twenty six. 435 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 2: Witch, you gotta be gay. 436 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,880 Speaker 3: You don't gotta be don't got to be gay, gay 437 00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:58,600 Speaker 3: and Polly. 438 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,280 Speaker 2: But you don't have to. If you're gay, it's fine, 439 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 2: You're still cool. 440 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,000 Speaker 3: If you're not gay, Okay, I know that it seems like, 441 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,080 Speaker 3: you know, you seem more about that, life, seem more 442 00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,679 Speaker 3: open available, you have some you know, you've had some 443 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 3: like experiences in your life. If you're gay, then it 444 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 3: just makes you feel like you've've really done some shit, 445 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 3: You've been through some shit. All these types of people. 446 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,840 Speaker 2: I know, everybody seems gay and everybody's fitting in and 447 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:24,159 Speaker 2: being Polly, but you don't have to. 448 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:24,879 Speaker 3: You don't have to do that. 449 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:26,399 Speaker 2: If you've been in a relationship for a long time, 450 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,240 Speaker 2: you're just getting back into the world. I know it 451 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,720 Speaker 2: feels overwhelming. Everybody's open by Pollie. 452 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 3: You know what I would say, though, But if you 453 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,600 Speaker 3: are gay and you are Paully and that is their lifestyle, 454 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,159 Speaker 3: like maybe just wait to do that with the person. 455 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,120 Speaker 3: Get y'all shit together first, especially if you're a new 456 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 3: single mom and you want to try things great, then 457 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,919 Speaker 3: just date. Don't date for love, just have go have 458 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 3: some motherfucking. 459 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,119 Speaker 2: Fun, because essentially being Pollie and having fun, I feel 460 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 2: like are synonymous a little bit. I know there's like 461 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 2: more of like structure to it, but not you know, 462 00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:03,399 Speaker 2: disrespecting anyone's dynamics. But I also think that, yeah, I 463 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 2: think conquering just casual dating first before going into a dynamy. 464 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,360 Speaker 2: And you know what I will say from Erica nine, 465 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:15,320 Speaker 2: both we both said after our relationships with our baby 466 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,159 Speaker 2: daddies that we were for sure going to be open style. 467 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,959 Speaker 2: We're gonna be relationships that are open style, because we 468 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,840 Speaker 2: realized other styles didn't work because we were in loveless 469 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,440 Speaker 2: monogamous relationship. 470 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,400 Speaker 3: And we have needs and we have wants and desires too, 471 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:29,000 Speaker 3: so fuck. 472 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,399 Speaker 2: We didn't We didn't want to be limited, and so 473 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,720 Speaker 2: it felt like this was the only dynamic that would work. 474 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:37,600 Speaker 2: But the truth is we're not. We're both in monogamous relationships. 475 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:42,439 Speaker 2: And even though yeah, it's the twenty twenties, what is 476 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 2: it twenty twenty six, you don't have to feel obligated 477 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:46,840 Speaker 2: to do that, because I do feel like people do 478 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,919 Speaker 2: it because it's popular. And also, what the fuck is 479 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,920 Speaker 2: solo polli? Well, I feel like solo polli is you're 480 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 2: fucking single and you're dating, and you're being honest about it. 481 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,840 Speaker 3: I think people are curious, and I think it's I 482 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:00,679 Speaker 3: think some of it might be, but I think a 483 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:05,280 Speaker 3: lot of it is curiosity and also pleasing your pleasing 484 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,200 Speaker 3: someone else's curiosity may not be yours, but you're like, Okay, fine, 485 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 3: I'll do it, and it's not for you, and it 486 00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 3: might be for them. And then then you end up 487 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:16,680 Speaker 3: in a relationship where now you're with someone who who 488 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,840 Speaker 3: basically told you they were probably from the beginning, and 489 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 3: now you're trying to rein it in and it's like, 490 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:26,200 Speaker 3: just do the monogamy first, Just try to figure your 491 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 3: shit out. There's always time to open up your relationship. 492 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,840 Speaker 3: But I think like, if you're just getting into dating, 493 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,480 Speaker 3: unless you're like a very if you've been out here 494 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,200 Speaker 3: in these streets, you've been dating, you've done the you've 495 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,879 Speaker 3: done the balancing of relationships and dynamics and energies and 496 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,880 Speaker 3: all that shit, don't. 497 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 2: Do that because it just adds. 498 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,679 Speaker 3: So much an extra added layer to an already like 499 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:51,320 Speaker 3: new plate that I don't know, I don't think that, 500 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,120 Speaker 3: I don't. I think it just I don't. I don't recommend, 501 00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 3: but I don't recommend like opening up your trying to 502 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,280 Speaker 3: date an open relationship from the beginning, like if you're 503 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 3: intentionally dating someone and you're trying to date, like. 504 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,879 Speaker 2: Well, I think that inevitably the beginning of any dating 505 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,360 Speaker 2: relationship is open because we're going to date, which implies 506 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,360 Speaker 2: we're not being exclusively dating unless we're exclusively dating, which 507 00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 2: means been a relationship. So I think people don't take 508 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 2: the grace period and the beginning of dating long enough 509 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 2: to just be friends. Of course, it might be like 510 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,760 Speaker 2: flirting and you're getting to know each other with whatever 511 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 2: the goal is. But I think that is the beautiful 512 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,440 Speaker 2: part about taking your time is that we can still 513 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,960 Speaker 2: see other people instead of trying to own and territory everything. 514 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,280 Speaker 2: And because I like you and now I want you 515 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 2: to be mine, it's like it is important that we 516 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,240 Speaker 2: take this time to know there's other people on the 517 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 2: table for you and me, because then it's kind of 518 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 2: a compet like, how like are you going to stick out? 519 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,920 Speaker 2: It's like a competitive like there's not a competitiveness or 520 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,840 Speaker 2: a process of elimination. But I don't know you, So 521 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,160 Speaker 2: I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt of having 522 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,480 Speaker 2: multiple people right now, so that if you don't work out, 523 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,320 Speaker 2: I'm not fucking disappointed, but people run to that next 524 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,679 Speaker 2: level so quickly, like even a mean or we're just 525 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,840 Speaker 2: friends or dating or whatever, it was open because nigga, 526 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,800 Speaker 2: you're across the country. And so even when we were 527 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 2: dating and it was open, I was like, it's the 528 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,000 Speaker 2: same thing. So I don't really give a fuck, You're 529 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 2: just gonna do what I say. It ended up escalating, But. 530 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 3: So I is, okay, you're right, I agree. I agree 531 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:19,160 Speaker 3: with everything's just said. 532 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 2: So you don't even have to have open relationship. You 533 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 2: don't even have to call it that. Just fucking keep 534 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,119 Speaker 2: dating and stop asking questions. You're seeing other people, So 535 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,600 Speaker 2: am I Amen? We don't need to be whatever the 536 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 2: fuck these new words are coming up with. So you're 537 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 2: going to be an adult. You're gonna be an adult 538 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,640 Speaker 2: and be honest about what you're doing with your penis 539 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,400 Speaker 2: and pussy, and since we're sharing in that, and you're 540 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:44,040 Speaker 2: gonna be kind enough to respect me to just you know, 541 00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,959 Speaker 2: casually mention it. So I'm an awareness too. Thank you 542 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,840 Speaker 2: for being in a mature adult who goes about sexual 543 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 2: relations and a respectful well. 544 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,879 Speaker 3: I think okay, So, like if we're going on an 545 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,199 Speaker 3: extra layer into this tip. I think then it is like, 546 00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:01,720 Speaker 3: because now I'm really pondering and contemplating my seventy plus 547 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:08,000 Speaker 3: years of shared experience, is that, especially if you're new 548 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:11,639 Speaker 3: to dating, you're being honest about or being available for 549 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,040 Speaker 3: honesty too is something you're new to when it comes 550 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,520 Speaker 3: to like being honest about where you're at in your 551 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,879 Speaker 3: dating process with the people that you're dating. This is 552 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 3: a good time to practice it because it really sets 553 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,159 Speaker 3: the tone for how you enter into your next relationship 554 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 3: and how honest you're willing to be. You have to 555 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,199 Speaker 3: practice now, because I think that was some of the 556 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,159 Speaker 3: most that was such a liberating when I think of 557 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,399 Speaker 3: like the beginning of Good Moms and like us dating wildly, 558 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 3: dating whatever the fuck we wanted. There was a freedom 559 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 3: in it because we were owning our shit. 560 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:40,159 Speaker 2: We were for the. 561 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,119 Speaker 3: First at least for me, for the first time, really 562 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,920 Speaker 3: being honest with people and requiring it of them, whether 563 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 3: or not they. 564 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,360 Speaker 2: Did it or not, setting the standard. 565 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,400 Speaker 3: Whether or not they did it or not. I don't 566 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 3: really give a fuck, but I knew I was being honest, 567 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,680 Speaker 3: and yeah I had there was pushback, and yeah, people 568 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 3: got their feelings hurt and yeah, like maybe I regretted 569 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 3: certain shit because after saying it out loud, I'm like, damn, 570 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,160 Speaker 3: that was kind of fucked up. But like, at least 571 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,639 Speaker 3: it put me in the practice of then when I 572 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,520 Speaker 3: got into a relationship, a was I got into a 573 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:12,240 Speaker 3: relationship because there was an implicit honesty available and be like, 574 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,879 Speaker 3: it's just that the tone and how honest we are 575 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:19,640 Speaker 3: able to share about so many other vulnerable things like finances, 576 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:25,480 Speaker 3: like child rearing, like like children moving in. Like if 577 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,920 Speaker 3: you can be honest about sex and dating, it makes 578 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,760 Speaker 3: being a being honest in other areas of your relationship 579 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 3: so much easier. 580 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 2: Even like when you begin it, honesty that is the standard. 581 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 2: And I think a lot of people fuck this up, 582 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 2: especially women, because we are trying to gift ourselves and 583 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 2: present as this thing that is likable and lovable instead 584 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:47,080 Speaker 2: of just being like I'm gonna put it all on 585 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,320 Speaker 2: front street now, because if you don't like this, then 586 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 2: we can not waste each other's time overall, you know 587 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 2: what I mean, Like starting at a place of really friendship, 588 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 2: because it doesn't matter in a friendship, it doesn't matter 589 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 2: if you slept with seven people or whatever the fuck 590 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 2: because I'm not befriending you with this other expectation that 591 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,200 Speaker 2: you're gonna be my lover. But if you can love 592 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,720 Speaker 2: someone and respect them and friendship and in all honesty, 593 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,240 Speaker 2: then like that's truly the only kind of relationship that 594 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 2: I think we should all aspire to have, one in 595 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,960 Speaker 2: which you can walk into it being authentically and genuinely 596 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:21,480 Speaker 2: human and yourself. And I think we're so used to it, 597 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 2: especially for women, presenting a certain way to be loved 598 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,080 Speaker 2: and to be kept that we can we want to 599 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 2: keep up this facade, and then later when you can't 600 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,040 Speaker 2: keep it up, everybody's disappointed and it's like, oh, or 601 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,120 Speaker 2: he heard on the streets that you had a threesome 602 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,440 Speaker 2: with two guys, and now he fucking wants to hate 603 00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 2: He wants to break up with you, despite all the 604 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:42,000 Speaker 2: experiences you've had and what you've been to him. So 605 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:43,920 Speaker 2: that's why I'm like, I kind of I love being 606 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 2: brutally honest in the beginning. I kind of test it 607 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 2: that way. Yeah, I have a podcast. Yeah I did this. 608 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 2: Yeah I do that, like you know, because now is 609 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 2: the time to figure it out, buddy. 610 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, But if you're not someone who has that, because 611 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 3: not everybody's built like that. Like people are be scared 612 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,080 Speaker 3: at being left and being judged. 613 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 2: I mean, I've been scared because I came from a 614 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 2: relationship that was so jealous, so judgy, so disrespectful that 615 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,920 Speaker 2: even in the relationship I'm in now sometimes I'm like, 616 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 2: I can go, I can leave, I can stay out 617 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,360 Speaker 2: all night. It's where I am. No one's I'm not 618 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 2: getting called seventy times? Are you mad at me? He's like, no, bitch, 619 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:22,840 Speaker 2: I'm sleep. You know what I mean. But it's taken 620 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:26,040 Speaker 2: time to be honest, or like it's forever. 621 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,280 Speaker 3: It's a forever thing. It doesn't just show up, is 622 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 3: basically what I'm saying. Is like whether you are someone 623 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,840 Speaker 3: who practices honesty in other ways a lot, or you're 624 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,000 Speaker 3: someone who is at the very beginning of being able 625 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:40,520 Speaker 3: to just say what they need, Like if you're entering 626 00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 3: into dating, I would say, also, if you're entering into 627 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 3: dating you haven't practiced that at all in your life, 628 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:48,880 Speaker 3: you probably need to start there too, because entering into 629 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,760 Speaker 3: love and sex, desire, all those things when you are 630 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 3: are not good with any sort of boundaries at all, 631 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:59,000 Speaker 3: like you might need to focus on that first learning 632 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,440 Speaker 3: how to say what you need and also being honest 633 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,880 Speaker 3: about you know what you've done. 634 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:07,920 Speaker 2: I mean, it doesn't have to be like, hi, I'm rilla. 635 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:09,840 Speaker 2: Well one time, one time we went on a trip 636 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,480 Speaker 2: with our friend and he was with this new guy 637 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:13,760 Speaker 2: start dating, and like, look. 638 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,560 Speaker 3: At this beautiful backward. Sorry mean disrupt you, but you 639 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,040 Speaker 3: really revived her from the dead. 640 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 2: I look at her. I'm gonna add like a little 641 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 2: drop of honey for sweetness you left in there. Oh, 642 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:29,800 Speaker 2: it's coming down. You can't put too much or else 643 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 2: it's gonna not stay list. 644 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,280 Speaker 3: That's the key is you only put the tiniest little. 645 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,280 Speaker 2: Dat seals that you seal it. You seal this wise 646 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:43,240 Speaker 2: blunt with the kiss honey, she's wise, She's gonna be sealed. 647 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 2: Wait what were we saying? 648 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,560 Speaker 3: Just about talking being honest about who you like, what 649 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,040 Speaker 3: you're doing, who you are, what. 650 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,560 Speaker 2: You know, and knowing they've done. That's even being honest. 651 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 2: It will be challenging even in the beginning because you 652 00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:58,440 Speaker 2: don't want to disappoint people, because there's people and as women, 653 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,680 Speaker 2: there's just so much shame and guilt around dating other 654 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 2: people being looked at as a whoe ran through you 655 00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:06,120 Speaker 2: know you might. 656 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 3: Be surprised though, I think, yes, there's a lot of 657 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,760 Speaker 3: fucking weird men in the world, but dating people in 658 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 3: the world that are judgmental, But generally, when I've led 659 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,120 Speaker 3: with honesty, it's all most for the most part, been 660 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,160 Speaker 3: led with respect, whether or not like that person was 661 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 3: ready to be honest with me, Like it's never been like, 662 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,600 Speaker 3: how could you tell me that you stupid whore? Like 663 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,440 Speaker 3: they might both, but but for the most part, what 664 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 3: has it been more? Has it been more at least 665 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:33,920 Speaker 3: perceived well received. 666 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:37,640 Speaker 2: Than it has been? Yeah, but with mature men and 667 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,040 Speaker 2: even with men that thought. 668 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,840 Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying, I'm like, they're but there are 669 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 3: there is I believe a large percentage of men that 670 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 3: probably also want to be honest. I feel like men 671 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 3: are waiting to be honest also, so like I think 672 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,520 Speaker 3: we need to. And also that's the kind of man 673 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 3: you want to be with anyway, So you might as 674 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 3: well get that. 675 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:55,840 Speaker 2: Shit out the way. 676 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,360 Speaker 3: They're gonna You're gonna weave a lot of people out 677 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,680 Speaker 3: just being yourself and being just in general when you're dating, 678 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:03,120 Speaker 3: So start there. 679 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:08,160 Speaker 2: But I also I invite you to contemplate this message too. 680 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,240 Speaker 2: Because one time, this guy's shamed me and I said, 681 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,400 Speaker 2: you can't shame me. I was like, I don't feel 682 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,400 Speaker 2: bad about what I did. I was like, I like 683 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 2: who I am, and because I like who I am, 684 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,800 Speaker 2: I can accept my choices. So that's why I can 685 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:22,720 Speaker 2: be honest with you. You don't have to like who 686 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,040 Speaker 2: I am. You lie about the shit that you do 687 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 2: because you are not one with your choices because you 688 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,800 Speaker 2: don't like who you are. That's the difference. You can't 689 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:32,320 Speaker 2: make me feel bad. You can call me ah, you 690 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,200 Speaker 2: call me all the things you want to. I feel great. 691 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,240 Speaker 2: I am okay with my choices. People who lie about 692 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,120 Speaker 2: their choices don't like themselves. And as soon as I 693 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:42,680 Speaker 2: said that shit to him, you shut the fuck up, 694 00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:45,280 Speaker 2: of course, because nigga, that's what that means. When you 695 00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,840 Speaker 2: lie about your choices, when you present as one thing, 696 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 2: but really in reality what you're doing as something else, 697 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,520 Speaker 2: you really don't like the real you, and that's why 698 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,880 Speaker 2: you're lying about it. That's why you're going to women 699 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,120 Speaker 2: or to men and presenting like you're only talking to 700 00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,400 Speaker 2: them or you're only doing this because that's who you 701 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,440 Speaker 2: want to be. But that's not who you are so 702 00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 2: until you start being that person, Like, just admit that 703 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 2: you don't like who you actually are, give people options 704 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,200 Speaker 2: and like as difficult as it is. Like, that's how 705 00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,080 Speaker 2: you make the world a better place because you start 706 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:16,719 Speaker 2: the standard of starting at honesty about self acceptance and 707 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,680 Speaker 2: the people who are not for you good, keep it moving. 708 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:23,840 Speaker 2: Most relationships die because you lied in the beginning about 709 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 2: who the fuck you are and what your expectation was. 710 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:26,759 Speaker 2: And now you're here. 711 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,160 Speaker 3: Now you're here trying to uphold this lie. 712 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:30,960 Speaker 2: Trying to like somebody that you don't even like, you 713 00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:31,920 Speaker 2: never liked. 714 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,239 Speaker 3: Yeah. 715 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,920 Speaker 2: Next, Oh my god, this is bluntwood. Is this blutwood? 716 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,120 Speaker 2: This bluntwood, this backwood. 717 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,920 Speaker 3: It's beautiful, it's burning so evenly. 718 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,920 Speaker 2: This might be the best one I've ever rolled. Okay, 719 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,000 Speaker 2: Nola Banana Foster, it like looks perfect? Does? 720 00:34:51,080 --> 00:35:00,120 Speaker 3: It's gorgeous? These last two are very funny. One the 721 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,440 Speaker 3: one number one that we wrote, which was now number 722 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:07,919 Speaker 3: four in the era of sassy men, how to weed 723 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,160 Speaker 3: them out what you bring to the table ass niggas. 724 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:14,200 Speaker 2: And I say sassy, I don't mean wearing your croptop. 725 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,680 Speaker 3: Okay, Well, I think that that kind of relates to 726 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 3: what we just said. So being yourself is going to 727 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,600 Speaker 3: is going to weed people out, like niggas that are like, 728 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,239 Speaker 3: what do you bring to the table, how are you 729 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 3: showing up? Who did you fuck? How many people did 730 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,440 Speaker 3: you have sex with? Did you fuck a homie? Did 731 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,359 Speaker 3: you like all of those things? You're gonna weed those 732 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:33,160 Speaker 3: people out with your honesty. Actually, yeah, I did fuck 733 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,880 Speaker 3: your homie in twenty eighteen. 734 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,520 Speaker 2: If you can't handle it like I didn't, who are you? 735 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,359 Speaker 2: Who are you? Then I did not know you. This 736 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,160 Speaker 2: is really important because this is the biggest thing. I 737 00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,000 Speaker 2: think we said this in last week's episode two or 738 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,879 Speaker 2: one of these episodes recently about this is the most 739 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,120 Speaker 2: has been the most disappointing thing to me as a woman. 740 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:50,640 Speaker 2: I like me to guy. I think it's cute. He 741 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:53,879 Speaker 2: seems super smart, super deep, super spiritual. And then they'd 742 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,560 Speaker 2: be like yeah, and you know, yeah, generally I like 743 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,080 Speaker 2: to see other women, but I don't want my women 744 00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:01,080 Speaker 2: to see other people. Ooh dead, you're we're done. You 745 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,520 Speaker 2: have to get I think a part of the reason, 746 00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 2: like I not I you're you're clapping me? 747 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:12,760 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, clock it, clock it, and also pass that backward. 748 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:17,279 Speaker 2: Two meetings. Okay, Hannah, it's so good, I'm gonna get 749 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,439 Speaker 2: so high. Didn't get real deep. 750 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:21,640 Speaker 3: You have to go do stuff after this. 751 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:26,400 Speaker 2: Lord, oh god, this is what happens every time that 752 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 2: happened on Tuesday. 753 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:31,799 Speaker 3: Its okay, I'm a functioning marijuana, not that. 754 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:35,880 Speaker 2: Lizzy Jeff Weed. I was not functioning. What was I 755 00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:40,759 Speaker 2: gonna say? Fuck? Oh? I think a part of the 756 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:46,360 Speaker 2: reason that I kind of kind of enjoy using terms 757 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:49,520 Speaker 2: like I'm a hoe or hoo chy housewife or when 758 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,799 Speaker 2: hoes fall in love because I use the language that 759 00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:56,120 Speaker 2: I know is generally triggering for men, basic men who 760 00:36:56,160 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 2: are not thinking logically. So that scares you or that 761 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,800 Speaker 2: pisses you off. Then I know it's you're not gonna 762 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,839 Speaker 2: survive the fittest, you know what I mean. So it's 763 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:10,279 Speaker 2: like you lean ho forward, lean ho forward, because hoe 764 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,360 Speaker 2: is not real, there is no hoe. Hoe is relative. 765 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:16,360 Speaker 2: Some people say it's two to seven people twenty like 766 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,239 Speaker 2: it's an opinion. So when I lean ho forward, and 767 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:23,960 Speaker 2: it's almost like a a week Nigga's kryptonite, A week 768 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:28,239 Speaker 2: Nigga cannot handle for it's like threesomes. My whole shit. 769 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:38,680 Speaker 2: I'm not submissive a train literally, So I do like 770 00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,840 Speaker 2: because I think if a man has already has the 771 00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:49,120 Speaker 2: pre the mindset that women out a certain way or whatever, 772 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:50,840 Speaker 2: you're probably not the guy for me. 773 00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:56,840 Speaker 3: Next one, Yeah, this is the last one for the ladies, 774 00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:58,520 Speaker 3: and you know, one more for that one. 775 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:02,040 Speaker 2: Don't try to convince niggas. Don't try to prove yourself. 776 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,279 Speaker 3: Oh my god, that is can we move that up 777 00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:05,239 Speaker 3: the list to number one. 778 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,640 Speaker 2: Do not try to prove yourself. Do not try to 779 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:14,520 Speaker 2: convince niggas. Let people tell you who they are and say, okay, 780 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,960 Speaker 2: heard you, We're not compatible. Goodbye, Actually not even heard you. 781 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 3: Like the action like, cause niggas are gonna talk. They're 782 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,640 Speaker 3: gonna say a lot of things. Let the actions be 783 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,400 Speaker 3: the voice of reason. Okay, because the voice of the 784 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,400 Speaker 3: actions are the voice of reason. Fuck what people are 785 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:29,960 Speaker 3: talking about. 786 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,279 Speaker 2: And for a lot of us, this is one of 787 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,600 Speaker 2: both sides. Yes, for a lot of us, wanting to 788 00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:38,040 Speaker 2: be chosen, wanting to change someone's mind, wanting to prove 789 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:42,600 Speaker 2: your valuableness comes from childhood wounds, parents that didn't validate us, 790 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,840 Speaker 2: abandonment wounds. These are things that remitate, that make that 791 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:47,239 Speaker 2: word of. 792 00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 3: Remonatemate, I ruminate. 793 00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:54,240 Speaker 2: Ruminate, my friend, i'mna remitate on that, reminisce and remember, 794 00:38:55,239 --> 00:39:00,279 Speaker 2: but like literally realizing when you're when you're doing that, 795 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:04,399 Speaker 2: and what does that relate back to? When is your time? 796 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,400 Speaker 2: I didn't feel chosen when is her time? I felt 797 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,560 Speaker 2: like someone wasn't listening to me, or seeing me or 798 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,160 Speaker 2: valuing me. And now here I am in this childlike 799 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:15,000 Speaker 2: space trying to scratch and pull and chase someone. I 800 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,719 Speaker 2: really don't even like like that because I still have 801 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,919 Speaker 2: this wound in me that wants to be chosen, because 802 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,040 Speaker 2: I've done it. Even in my more healed where I 803 00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,560 Speaker 2: thought I was more healed, I saw myself do this 804 00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:26,919 Speaker 2: cycle and I had to pull out of it. And 805 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,400 Speaker 2: like it's recognizing the cycle in order to change it 806 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:31,800 Speaker 2: is where it begins. So when you like someone or 807 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,640 Speaker 2: there's some compatibility, but there's this thing, this big thing 808 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,759 Speaker 2: that they're just not accepting about you. If it's a 809 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:43,000 Speaker 2: part of you, probably not your person agreed now for 810 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 2: fucking maybe you know whatever. Don't even convince them, shit, 811 00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:46,960 Speaker 2: just tell me to shut the fuck up, get in 812 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:50,799 Speaker 2: and get out. You have to have skin to do that, though, 813 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,839 Speaker 2: If you don't get to the game. If you don't 814 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:57,239 Speaker 2: have tough enough skin to do that, then don't do it. 815 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:04,400 Speaker 3: Number five, don't try and blend your kids and families 816 00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:05,200 Speaker 3: like the Brady Bunch. 817 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:07,879 Speaker 2: So when we wrote those down, did we. 818 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,080 Speaker 3: Mean like our baby daddy's in and like going like 819 00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:12,800 Speaker 3: hang out with baby daddy and trying to blend the families. 820 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,320 Speaker 3: Are we talking about I'm dating of someone else and 821 00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:16,319 Speaker 3: trying to like force the. 822 00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,880 Speaker 2: Guys or the girl, Like, don't be trying to blend 823 00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:21,160 Speaker 2: the families. Like your kid does not need to meet 824 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,360 Speaker 2: the guy you're dating or the girl you're dating immediately. 825 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,240 Speaker 2: It's just not necessary until you know it's something serious, 826 00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 2: because then they're gonna confuse the kid. People get attached. 827 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,120 Speaker 2: Fuck all that. Them bitches or niggas will be playing 828 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:35,840 Speaker 2: house buying toys like there's this other Let him be 829 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:36,600 Speaker 2: the daddy uncle. 830 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:39,960 Speaker 3: Daddy uncle is a very healthy space to be in. 831 00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:43,680 Speaker 2: Now. I think daddy even daddy uncle has to be 832 00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:45,600 Speaker 2: someone you're gonna be who's gonna be around. 833 00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,520 Speaker 3: I'm kidding, but also, I mean, I don't think we've 834 00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:51,160 Speaker 3: been perfect people in that space either. We've talked about 835 00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,520 Speaker 3: like dating men and not knowing a maybe we didn't 836 00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:56,240 Speaker 3: know we were going to date them long term. For example, 837 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,719 Speaker 3: Sham met I Rey the first day, like the first time. 838 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,000 Speaker 2: If it's your friend, it's your friend, you're gonna have 839 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:01,560 Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. 840 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,520 Speaker 3: But that's why it's important to enter into dating with 841 00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:06,080 Speaker 3: the mindset of being friends anyway, because that's going to 842 00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:08,160 Speaker 3: weed out a lot of people anyway. Like does this 843 00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:09,680 Speaker 3: person my friend? Would I even want to hang out 844 00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:11,200 Speaker 3: with this person if I wasn't trying to fuck or 845 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:12,560 Speaker 3: I didn't want them to fuck me. 846 00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:14,280 Speaker 2: Or have stability or whatever. 847 00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:19,719 Speaker 3: Yeah, But because once you do blend your families, it 848 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:24,759 Speaker 3: becomes an added layer of pressure. It's beautiful if it's beautiful, 849 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:28,560 Speaker 3: but when there's like an an undoing that has to happen, 850 00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,640 Speaker 3: it can feel scary, even though I will say children 851 00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:36,600 Speaker 3: are very resilient. And like even with Iri meeting you know, 852 00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:40,080 Speaker 3: my ex and him not living here, but still like 853 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,520 Speaker 3: her being active around him, seeing our love, seeing our 854 00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:46,880 Speaker 3: you know, our relationship, there was a lot of shame 855 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:50,520 Speaker 3: and guilt and that I held onto and held into 856 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:54,040 Speaker 3: that relationship not like made it harder to let it go. 857 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,880 Speaker 3: And what I also learned was that she didn't really 858 00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:58,319 Speaker 3: give a fuck. 859 00:41:58,360 --> 00:41:59,759 Speaker 2: She wanted me to be happy, you know what I'm saying. 860 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:04,040 Speaker 3: But if we can avoid those things, you know, let's 861 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:04,400 Speaker 3: do that. 862 00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:06,520 Speaker 2: But you dated him for a significant amount of time, 863 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:09,560 Speaker 2: so that probably wasn't going to be realistically avoidable. I 864 00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:12,080 Speaker 2: mean there's a and also the time it's it's just 865 00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:18,120 Speaker 2: mostly about Also like playing house confuses the brain. Playing 866 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,760 Speaker 2: house confuses the brain. It feels good in the moment, 867 00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,800 Speaker 2: someone's there, someone's cooking dinner, someone's helping with the homework, 868 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,160 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like it gives this false 869 00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:30,000 Speaker 2: sense of reality because it's not forever. So just be 870 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 2: careful with that. Like I know people love the playhouse, 871 00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:35,959 Speaker 2: but like, really good to know, motherfucker before you start 872 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:40,720 Speaker 2: integrating that that that level of person like intimacy, because 873 00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,799 Speaker 2: it can deepen the confusion of if this person even 874 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:47,120 Speaker 2: my person. Mm hmm. Amen. 875 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:54,360 Speaker 3: That concludes our five tips for women basically. 876 00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:55,920 Speaker 2: And there's here's a bonus, and it's just for the 877 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,600 Speaker 2: men and the women, because I know this is a 878 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:02,560 Speaker 2: big thing in our society is like bitches like gold 879 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:06,319 Speaker 2: digging bitches and like, but also there are men who 880 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,439 Speaker 2: don't have jobs or houses ladies, and they want hot 881 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,080 Speaker 2: meals and they have good dick. They have good dick, 882 00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:13,840 Speaker 2: and that's really what it comes in. And you have 883 00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:16,759 Speaker 2: a nicely decorated house and comfort and heat and a 884 00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:18,759 Speaker 2: hot meal because you're a mom. So everybody's got to 885 00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:22,600 Speaker 2: eat in this motherfucking beware, don't put anything in your name, 886 00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:27,040 Speaker 2: don't let don't give anybody a key. And you know, 887 00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:30,440 Speaker 2: there's like a forty eight hour max situation here. You 888 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,359 Speaker 2: got to go home, and I hope you have a home. 889 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:33,680 Speaker 2: And if you don't have a home, not my problem. 890 00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:37,040 Speaker 2: Where'd you come from? And men, if you're on a 891 00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,959 Speaker 2: date with a bitch who literally never offers, not even 892 00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:43,719 Speaker 2: to tip, she doesn't, how is she taking care of 893 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:48,200 Speaker 2: herself when you met her? Did she have a Balenciaga bag? 894 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,240 Speaker 2: So what I know? I'm just kidding. 895 00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:55,799 Speaker 3: Bitches deserve get the now, get the get the bag. 896 00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,000 Speaker 2: I'm just saying, are you can you live up to 897 00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,600 Speaker 2: this bitch's standard of life? Are you? Are you prepared 898 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:04,359 Speaker 2: to do that? Stop dating bitches who you know are 899 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:08,640 Speaker 2: here for a check and you don't have one. That's stupid. 900 00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,280 Speaker 2: You're not in her pay. 901 00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:19,200 Speaker 3: Grade unless you're offering something that's really invaluable. 902 00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:23,040 Speaker 2: What would that be? Erka, I just meet all the 903 00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:27,520 Speaker 2: other women, I think on both sides, I mean, might 904 00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,520 Speaker 2: meet someone who don't you make more money than you 905 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,399 Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. No, that's one thing, But I'm saying, 906 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,640 Speaker 2: if you don't make enough money, like if you're not 907 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,919 Speaker 2: in this space to be a part time trick don't 908 00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,840 Speaker 2: date a bitch who's expecting trickery. 909 00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,120 Speaker 3: Yeah no, I mean I think that's a given. Do 910 00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:41,719 Speaker 3: men do that? 911 00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:43,239 Speaker 2: They will? 912 00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:44,319 Speaker 3: They set themselves up like. 913 00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:49,479 Speaker 2: That, try to score beyond their fucking scope all. 914 00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,360 Speaker 3: The time, I know, but they can only hide for 915 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:51,799 Speaker 3: so long. 916 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:57,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope this helps guys. Also, one more thing, 917 00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:03,040 Speaker 2: women don't date anyone who listens to Andrew Tate, Kevin 918 00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:06,960 Speaker 2: Samuels or any of these other fuck niggas talking about 919 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,440 Speaker 2: be subservient blah blah blah. God said, blah blah blah. 920 00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,799 Speaker 2: I could have my women, but you just have your 921 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:13,680 Speaker 2: blah blah blah. 922 00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:15,839 Speaker 3: I mean I think that goes for both, Like who 923 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:19,440 Speaker 3: are your poor your who is that person. 924 00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:22,319 Speaker 2: Ingesting daily? What is there? 925 00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:24,520 Speaker 3: What is their environment? Like? 926 00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:27,279 Speaker 2: Who are their friends? Yeah? Like for their friends, are 927 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,680 Speaker 2: their friends married or their friends and relationships. And not 928 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,200 Speaker 2: to say every you're gonna everyone's gonna be in the 929 00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:34,600 Speaker 2: same status, but like, are the things are gonna tell 930 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:35,120 Speaker 2: you about them? 931 00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:37,720 Speaker 3: Besides what they're telling you, You have to observe their environment, 932 00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,840 Speaker 3: their environment to see what they're not, what they're not 933 00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:41,440 Speaker 3: even aware of. 934 00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,080 Speaker 2: Sometimes what kind of house do they live in? Is 935 00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,960 Speaker 2: it well decorated, is it clean? Does he have a 936 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:47,959 Speaker 2: standard or she have a standard about her life? Because 937 00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:51,239 Speaker 2: I've seen I've seen some dirty bitches. I've seen some 938 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:55,640 Speaker 2: bitches who look good outside, hair laid, nice car, fucking 939 00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:59,799 Speaker 2: Balenciaga bag, nice ass fucking outfits, lashes, and you go 940 00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:06,200 Speaker 2: on that bitch's house and that ship is nasgusting. Nicety kid. 941 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:11,640 Speaker 2: I have experienced some bitches. I said, Oh, my fucking god, 942 00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:13,799 Speaker 2: niggas are coming over here to fuck you. I know, 943 00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:15,840 Speaker 2: I don't care what the fuck you look like, bitch. 944 00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:19,640 Speaker 3: I had that happened to me. I was a try. 945 00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:20,960 Speaker 3: I was like into this girl. I went to her 946 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,760 Speaker 3: house and I was like, oh. 947 00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,560 Speaker 2: No, I've been scarred by women, by women's houses. 948 00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,839 Speaker 3: Scarred it's typically the bathroom. 949 00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,239 Speaker 2: No, I've seen a bitch's whole house. I mean the 950 00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:35,799 Speaker 2: whole house, the old dog and it looked like a 951 00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:36,399 Speaker 2: dog park. 952 00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:38,719 Speaker 3: That was like the white girl that I had a 953 00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:41,359 Speaker 3: roommate who was my roommate, and she locked her door 954 00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,560 Speaker 3: and would go back home up north for like two 955 00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:47,200 Speaker 3: weeks and leave like shit pads with piss and ship 956 00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:50,360 Speaker 3: on them in her room, like eating. 957 00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:51,480 Speaker 2: Spaghetti out of the pot. 958 00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:53,799 Speaker 3: Leave it in there, Just leave it in there and 959 00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:57,239 Speaker 3: walk away and leave for two weeks, a black rim 960 00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:00,720 Speaker 3: around the fucking bath. It was the ship was falling apart, 961 00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,760 Speaker 3: I was. And then she would come out, hair laid, 962 00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:06,440 Speaker 3: curl to the tea, eyelashes on fleet. I'm like, bitch, 963 00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:10,440 Speaker 3: how how do you step over the dog shit to 964 00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:12,440 Speaker 3: the eyelashes to the shower? 965 00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,200 Speaker 2: Bitch? How how do you even get dressed in a 966 00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:21,279 Speaker 2: room with a shit on the floor, Which brings back 967 00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,759 Speaker 2: us back to parenting. You have to teach your kid 968 00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:28,960 Speaker 2: how to clean their ass, their environment, how to cook. 969 00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:33,560 Speaker 2: You have to be literally showing them, not telling them 970 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,200 Speaker 2: showing them, because the things you don't literally show them 971 00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:38,440 Speaker 2: they just don't know. You have to tell them to 972 00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,200 Speaker 2: floss those fucking teeth, or you eat meat and flesh 973 00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:43,960 Speaker 2: will rot between your fucking teeth and your your mouth 974 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,040 Speaker 2: will smell like a cemetery. You have to say it 975 00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:51,720 Speaker 2: like that. My dad told me that you want flesh 976 00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:56,120 Speaker 2: and your between your teeth. Oh my gosh, it's disgusting, 977 00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:57,759 Speaker 2: But you gotta say it like that because then there 978 00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:06,160 Speaker 2: I'm not guess who floss it? Yeah, yeah, so yeah. 979 00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:09,880 Speaker 2: And dating, how you date in front of your kids 980 00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:13,319 Speaker 2: is how they will date. What you accept, this is 981 00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:16,200 Speaker 2: what they'll accept. You know, you are setting the standard 982 00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:19,080 Speaker 2: and the president, and so how you're loved and how 983 00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:21,879 Speaker 2: you accept men and women to love you is what 984 00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:26,160 Speaker 2: your sons and daughters will exemplify. And it's important. Our 985 00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:30,200 Speaker 2: choices are important in dating and being honest and communicating 986 00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:32,080 Speaker 2: with them that this ship is not always a fairy tale. 987 00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:34,520 Speaker 2: You will fuck up some of these five steps, but 988 00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:39,320 Speaker 2: at least if you have the honesty to not insult 989 00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:44,600 Speaker 2: your child's intelligence and like, have a conversation because there 990 00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:46,839 Speaker 2: there too will be in a situation whe where they're 991 00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:50,279 Speaker 2: dating or where they're being gas lit or their heart 992 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,759 Speaker 2: broken or disappointed, and so they need to know that 993 00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:56,200 Speaker 2: this shit is not a Disney movie. Yeah, you got 994 00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:57,799 Speaker 2: to kiss a lot of frogs until you find a 995 00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:00,160 Speaker 2: prince princess. 996 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,920 Speaker 3: Hmm, hopefully not too many frogs. We're trying to help 997 00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:04,120 Speaker 3: you avoid the frogs. 998 00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:06,399 Speaker 2: Please please let us, please listen to us. 999 00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,520 Speaker 3: Trying to help you avoid the frogs. We yeah, I 1000 00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:10,440 Speaker 3: wish I didn't have to. 1001 00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:14,040 Speaker 2: Do all that. A lot of things I could have 1002 00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:15,040 Speaker 2: not done. 1003 00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:18,279 Speaker 3: But like like we said a few weeks ago, there's 1004 00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:19,400 Speaker 3: there's no bad choices. 1005 00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,759 Speaker 2: They no bad choices. There are all lessons. Every bad 1006 00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:25,200 Speaker 2: choice leads you to who you are and where you are, 1007 00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:26,879 Speaker 2: and that's important. 1008 00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:28,719 Speaker 3: If you pay attention. You have to pay attention because 1009 00:49:28,719 --> 00:49:30,040 Speaker 3: I see a lot of people make bad choices and 1010 00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:32,640 Speaker 3: they just literally are like they just don't pay attention. 1011 00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:35,120 Speaker 2: Well, well, how many times you want to get the 1012 00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:38,799 Speaker 2: same lesson? Some people are willing to go far? Are 1013 00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:44,120 Speaker 2: and hard? Self awareness? Self awareness, self awareness, numb yourself? 1014 00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:47,880 Speaker 2: Good people, We love you. Thank you for listening to 1015 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:53,799 Speaker 2: our dating advice. Is there an affirmation be yourself? The 1016 00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:58,719 Speaker 2: affirmation is when dating be yourself, there's there's a there's 1017 00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:03,000 Speaker 2: a lid to every pot. When dating be yourself, a 1018 00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:06,560 Speaker 2: lid to everybody. Every every pot has a lid. Oh 1019 00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:09,520 Speaker 2: like it fits ye for everybody. I thought I was 1020 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,200 Speaker 2: thinking of like the steam coming out of the pot. 1021 00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:12,920 Speaker 2: I was like, what's gonna Uncle Jim told me that 1022 00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:16,279 Speaker 2: every pot has its lid. It's true, which means there's 1023 00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:18,560 Speaker 2: I'm missing a few lids in my fucking pots. It's 1024 00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:22,200 Speaker 2: very annoying, actually though, what are the socks and the potlets? Got? 1025 00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:24,840 Speaker 2: Where do the so and the tap of our tops? 1026 00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,960 Speaker 2: Just the tops? What the where the fuck are they? 1027 00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:33,120 Speaker 3: I'm literally I'm at my way with the tops the socks. 1028 00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:34,920 Speaker 2: And I'm like calling my baby daddy like, hey, do 1029 00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,400 Speaker 2: you have some pyres with a purple top page? 1030 00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:43,759 Speaker 3: I know, trying to track down tapware. Yeah. 1031 00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:46,279 Speaker 2: So remember that there's a pot. There's a lid to 1032 00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:48,759 Speaker 2: every pot, and so you don't have to change. You're 1033 00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:53,279 Speaker 2: perfect as you are, and equal rights for women and 1034 00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:57,080 Speaker 2: for men. Don't have expectations of men, or have axpectations 1035 00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,960 Speaker 2: of women that you don't have for your fucking self, stupid, 1036 00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:03,759 Speaker 2: or for your homeboy, your homegirl. Stop making them as 1037 00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:06,400 Speaker 2: excuses like men and women are different. We are, but 1038 00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:11,120 Speaker 2: not in our horniness. Actually, what we might be more horny? 1039 00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:15,040 Speaker 3: I think I agree, Yeah, I think men really want 1040 00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:16,680 Speaker 3: to like take that. 1041 00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:17,960 Speaker 2: Take that. I want to take that from us. 1042 00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:22,040 Speaker 3: For some reason, science has made it somehow proven that 1043 00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:22,759 Speaker 3: they do, but. 1044 00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:25,440 Speaker 2: It's just not the truth from my research. 1045 00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,760 Speaker 3: Anyway, we love you and we'll see you next week 1046 00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:33,040 Speaker 3: and join us at the Good Vibra Treat. 1047 00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:40,040 Speaker 2: And follow us Good Moms Underscore, Bad Choices, Miela Underscore Map. 1048 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:42,920 Speaker 3: At watch Erica and just go just take a second 1049 00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:45,319 Speaker 3: and just go look at the links and all the 1050 00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,640 Speaker 3: things in different ways that you can tap in with 1051 00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:49,040 Speaker 3: us and talk to us and all. 1052 00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:53,200 Speaker 2: The Putreon discord. The Good Mom's universe is vast, and 1053 00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:55,920 Speaker 2: we have merch and we're cool people and we look 1054 00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:58,239 Speaker 2: good and if you're on YouTube, subscribe. 1055 00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:00,960 Speaker 3: Just going me think of something. The other day, one 1056 00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:04,040 Speaker 3: of the girls from our retreat, Carress, hit me because 1057 00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:06,520 Speaker 3: they the girls from our the Good Vibe Retreat, went 1058 00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:09,680 Speaker 3: and on their own retreat to Denver. Ye okay, so 1059 00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,840 Speaker 3: this summer we had this beautiful retreat. These girls, they 1060 00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,760 Speaker 3: they bonded and then ended up planning their own trip together. 1061 00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:17,839 Speaker 3: They went to Denver in the snow, had a bomb 1062 00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,480 Speaker 3: ass time. Anyway, me and Chorress were talking and she 1063 00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:25,120 Speaker 3: goes like, You're like Beyonce, and I was like, I'm 1064 00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,319 Speaker 3: gonna put you on speaker phone. I want you to 1065 00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,040 Speaker 3: say that again. My daughter's in the car. 1066 00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,799 Speaker 2: And MoMA like I didn't hear you again. 1067 00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:34,040 Speaker 3: I was just roll ri and but she was like no, 1068 00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:35,640 Speaker 3: I just wanted I just want you to know that. 1069 00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,840 Speaker 3: Like well, she was like, hey, I have your phone number, 1070 00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:39,680 Speaker 3: like I'm calling you. I saw you on the internet 1071 00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:41,360 Speaker 3: and now we're friends. I'm like, yeah, that's what happens 1072 00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:43,160 Speaker 3: when you come to the retreat. Like this is real shit, 1073 00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:46,480 Speaker 3: Like we're real people, real humans. This isn't like us performing, 1074 00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:48,080 Speaker 3: Like this is like some real shit. You're in the 1075 00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:51,960 Speaker 3: trenches with us, You're sitting like we're embracing you, you know. 1076 00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,360 Speaker 3: And and then she was just and I've been getting 1077 00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,360 Speaker 3: a lot of messages like this over the last I 1078 00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:00,600 Speaker 3: would say month, just affirming our friendship and affirming our relationship. 1079 00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,479 Speaker 3: And she was just like, you guys are the root 1080 00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:04,960 Speaker 3: of this and we're your branches and we're. 1081 00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,200 Speaker 2: Just spreading the word and we're bearing fruits for you. 1082 00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:09,680 Speaker 3: And I was like it's so beautiful and just that 1083 00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:13,920 Speaker 3: our friendship is has so much purpose and it's like 1084 00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:17,040 Speaker 3: bigger than just think them what we know right here 1085 00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:19,759 Speaker 3: in this moment right now, you know just how it 1086 00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:22,040 Speaker 3: trickles out. And so I just want to say I'm 1087 00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:25,400 Speaker 3: grateful for our friendship and thank you Chres for affirming 1088 00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:27,719 Speaker 3: our friendship because I really needed to hear that, and 1089 00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:29,680 Speaker 3: I think people need to hear that, you know, whether 1090 00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:32,160 Speaker 3: that's in your relationship and love or your relationship and 1091 00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:35,440 Speaker 3: friendship or your relationship with family, Like it's good. It 1092 00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:38,920 Speaker 3: feels good to like have someone else affirm you in 1093 00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,880 Speaker 3: that way. So I guess what's all my heart is 1094 00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:44,160 Speaker 3: just to affirm somebody in your life this week and 1095 00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:46,560 Speaker 3: say some say, just affirm them, let them know that 1096 00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:48,440 Speaker 3: they're doing a good job, or that they're purpose in 1097 00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:50,719 Speaker 3: your life or here in this present moment in time 1098 00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:54,359 Speaker 3: is a value and is important because there's something like 1099 00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:57,279 Speaker 3: so invaluable, like more than money could ever do, when 1100 00:53:57,640 --> 00:53:58,440 Speaker 3: you feel that from. 1101 00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:03,040 Speaker 2: Someone that you're respecting, care for. So that's it. I'm high, Well, 1102 00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:05,640 Speaker 2: I love you, and it is really beautiful to consider 1103 00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:08,680 Speaker 2: all that you know, this sitting down at a mic 1104 00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:14,520 Speaker 2: one day eight years ago has birthed and like that 1105 00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:16,319 Speaker 2: and that's all I ever wanted to as a little girl, 1106 00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,799 Speaker 2: is to like change the world in a positive way. 1107 00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:20,520 Speaker 2: I was like, there's so much fucked up shit happening, 1108 00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:22,960 Speaker 2: and how can I leave something positive? How can I 1109 00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:26,000 Speaker 2: make a difference? And I feel like, you know, together 1110 00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:29,040 Speaker 2: we've done that and just by cultivating this friendship and 1111 00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:32,200 Speaker 2: speaking honestly that we've been able to, you know, bring 1112 00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:36,040 Speaker 2: people to beautiful places, change people's minds, open people's minds, 1113 00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:37,919 Speaker 2: and even the slightest way, even if you don't agree 1114 00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:39,800 Speaker 2: with everything we say, because you know we're a little nuts, 1115 00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:45,160 Speaker 2: but I'm just I'm grateful for that for you and 1116 00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:47,400 Speaker 2: for you guys listening. Thank you, thank you, thank you, 1117 00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:50,600 Speaker 2: thank you, and please comment, please share, please DM because 1118 00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:51,880 Speaker 2: or else we're just fucking talking to her. 1119 00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:53,160 Speaker 3: Send us to your other mom friends. 1120 00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:56,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, this is our challenge to you right now, Send 1121 00:54:56,200 --> 00:54:59,080 Speaker 2: us to five, not even mom friends, just five people 1122 00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,840 Speaker 2: you think will appreciate these two high bitches giving you 1123 00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:10,480 Speaker 2: seventy years of combined life experience and expertise. Oh I 1124 00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,720 Speaker 2: love your guy like Jesus. 1125 00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:16,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm living so good. Can't you tell? I went 1126 00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:17,200 Speaker 4: through a drought. 1127 00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:19,439 Speaker 5: That's until I find out, well, MAYM have been known 1128 00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:20,720 Speaker 5: Earth that used to be broken? 1129 00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:21,080 Speaker 4: Tail. 1130 00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:24,280 Speaker 5: Now I got the blues ins like Beyonce jaw throat 1131 00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:26,440 Speaker 5: shot or popping his cow wearing our voices. 1132 00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:28,920 Speaker 4: Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit it. 1133 00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:31,879 Speaker 5: Women put the pee and powers so it's pointless. They 1134 00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:34,360 Speaker 5: want me to be good, so I make bad choices. 1135 00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:36,960 Speaker 4: Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom. 1136 00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,560 Speaker 5: Get he's in on, put cannabis in their bath. Bon 1137 00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:42,160 Speaker 5: walked in Boss's cap and I blew his cat ball. 1138 00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:42,879 Speaker 4: Hope dog. 1139 00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:45,440 Speaker 5: Now I'm immune to the cat called Herbie and no 1140 00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:47,479 Speaker 5: waisted straight to it like a dollar sign. 1141 00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:48,759 Speaker 4: Mother rent the lover when too. 1142 00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,560 Speaker 5: It's like a water sumner where you're renting winter essential 1143 00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:52,680 Speaker 5: will when the summertime. 1144 00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:54,600 Speaker 4: I do with all they know when I need to 1145 00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:55,200 Speaker 4: running by