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Speaker 1: Welcome back to On Purpose. Today, we're talking about something

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Speaker 1: that affects every single one of us. Friendship. As kids,

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Speaker 1: making friends seemed effortless, But why does it feel so

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Speaker 1: hard to make and maintain friendships as adults? I get it.

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Speaker 1: Life gets busy, we move, we change, and suddenly finding

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Speaker 1: people who truly get us feels like an almost impossible challenge.

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Speaker 1: But the truth is, no matter how busy or how

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Speaker 1: independent we are, we all need connection. We need people

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Speaker 1: who challenge us, support us, and remind us that we're

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Speaker 1: not alone. So in this special episode, I've gathered insights

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Speaker 1: from some of the best minds out there to help

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Speaker 1: you build meaningful friendships, strengthen your connections, and create a

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Speaker 1: support system that truly lasts. Because the right relationships can

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Speaker 1: change your life, and I believe everyone deserves to have those.

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Speaker 1: Let's start with a challenge so many of us face,

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Speaker 1: but rarely talk about. Why is it so hard to

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Speaker 1: make friends as an adult. When we're younger, we see

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Speaker 1: the same people every day, we share experiences, and we

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Speaker 1: grow together. But as we get older, life pulls us

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Speaker 1: in different directions and suddenly finding and keeping close friends

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Speaker 1: feels like an uphill battle. To help us break it down.

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Speaker 1: We have Mel Robins, best selling author, speak and expert

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Speaker 1: on human behavior. She's here to help us understand why

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Speaker 1: adult friendships feel so different, why connection matters more than ever,

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Speaker 1: and how we can take control of building meaningful relationships.

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Speaker 1: Let's dive in Mel, why is it so hard to

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Speaker 1: make friends as we get older.

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Speaker 2: There is a massive shift that happens in adult friendship

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Speaker 2: when you hit twenty that nobody sees coming. The rules

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Speaker 2: of friendship completely change when your twenty is hit. And

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Speaker 2: I'm going to explain the rules when you're little, and

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Speaker 2: then we're going to talk about the rules of adult friendship.

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Speaker 2: So when you're little, your entire life is organized around

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Speaker 2: friendship and making it possible because you're with people your

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Speaker 2: age all the time in class, in sports, you move

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Speaker 2: in groups because you're on teams and you're in neighborhoods

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Speaker 2: and you're always together. You also celebrate the same milestones.

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Speaker 2: You're hitting the same birthdays. You're all talking about the

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Speaker 2: next level of school or this thing this summer. You're

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Speaker 2: watching the same movies because you're all the same age,

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Speaker 2: and so there's so much synergy and relevance and the

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Speaker 2: conditions to spend a ton of time together are there.

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Speaker 2: Then you get to university and you spend even more

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Speaker 2: time together. And what happens when you hit your twenties, right,

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Speaker 2: is that it moves from this big group sport where

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Speaker 2: you just kind of expect to be around your friends

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Speaker 2: all the time. You expect the group to get invited

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Speaker 2: because that's what's always happened. You expect to see them

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Speaker 2: all the time because you do always see them all

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Speaker 2: the time. But then your twenties hit, the rules change

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Speaker 2: and what I call the Great Scattering happens. Everybody moves

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Speaker 2: in different directions. Friendship goes from group sport to individual sport.

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Speaker 2: You can no longer expect friendship. You are no longer

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Speaker 2: part of a group that is expected to be invited everywhere,

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Speaker 2: because everybody scatters and suddenly everybody's on different timelines. You're

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Speaker 2: in different cities, you're moving in different directions, so there's

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Speaker 2: no way to locate yourself inside your friend group. And

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Speaker 2: the only thing that's keeping you together from your friends,

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Speaker 2: from your little is a text chain that starts to

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Speaker 2: go quieter and quieter acquieter as people start to focus

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Speaker 2: on the people in front of them, And that brings

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Speaker 2: me to two major shifts that I want you to

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Speaker 2: embrace using the let them theory. Number One, you can

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Speaker 2: no longer expect friendship. You have to take a way

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Speaker 2: more flexible approach and a more proactive approach. You've got

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Speaker 2: to let people come and go super important, and then

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Speaker 2: you've got to let me take the actions to create

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Speaker 2: the friendships. I got to go first. I got to

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Speaker 2: be the one planning. I got to seek out new people.

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Speaker 2: But there are three pillars of adult friendship based on

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Speaker 2: research that are also going to help you understand that

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Speaker 2: when people come and go in your life, ninety nine

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Speaker 2: percent of the time, it's not personal and you actually

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Speaker 2: haven't lost them as a friend.

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Speaker 1: One of the.

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Speaker 2: Three pillars is missing. So the three things that need

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Speaker 2: to be required to have a friendship happen are the

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Speaker 2: same three things that were around all the time when

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Speaker 2: you were a kid. Number one, Proximity. Proximity matters tremendously.

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Speaker 2: Proximity means who are you actually physically next to. In fact,

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Speaker 2: they've done research, Jay, if you and I were in

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Speaker 2: a dorm and we lived across the hall, I don't

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Speaker 2: I don't remember the percentages exactly. But it's like ninety

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Speaker 2: percent chance we're going to be friends interesting the poor

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Speaker 2: person at the end of the hallway ten percent chance

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Speaker 2: that we're going to be friends with them. Because of proximity,

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Speaker 2: even a matter of fifty feet makes a difference. And

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Speaker 2: so when you were little, you were in proximity to

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Speaker 2: people your age all the time. Well, exactly. The research

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Speaker 2: also shows that to have as an adult a kind

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Speaker 2: of casual friend, you need to spend approximately seventy hours

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Speaker 2: with somebody. To have a close friend two hundred hours.

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Speaker 2: So when you're an adult, that creates a big problem

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Speaker 2: because who are you spending all your time with once

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Speaker 2: you're twenty The American Time Study shows that it's with

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Speaker 2: people you work with. So why aren't we best friends

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Speaker 2: with people at work because you have proximity and you're

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Speaker 2: spending a lot of time together. But here's the thing, timing.

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Speaker 2: When you were little, you were in the same timing

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Speaker 2: of life with everybody. When you hit your twenties and

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Speaker 2: it's now individual, everybody's on different timelines. Some of your

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Speaker 2: friends are getting married, some are going to graduate school,

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Speaker 2: some are now pursuing jobs. Other people are moving out

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Speaker 2: of the city into the city. Everybody's timing is now different,

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Speaker 2: and this also explains why you're almost never best friends

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Speaker 2: with people at work, because the timing is off. You're

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Speaker 2: sitting next to people that are in very different times

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Speaker 2: of their life. You may like them a lot, and

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Speaker 2: you may be friends, but you never spend time outside

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Speaker 2: of work because they're at home with their family and

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Speaker 2: you're going out with your bodies, your age on the weekends.

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Speaker 2: And then that brings me to the third thing that

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Speaker 2: needs to be present for a friendship to truly click,

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Speaker 2: and that's energy. And the thing about energy is it changes,

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Speaker 2: and you can have fantastic energy with somebody, and then

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Speaker 2: if you decide you're not drinking anymore, the energy is off.

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Speaker 2: If you decide to get really focused on fitness, the

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Speaker 2: energy is off. If you have very different political beliefs,

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Speaker 2: the energy is off. It's not personal. It's one of

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Speaker 2: these three pillars. And it has helped me so profoundly

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Speaker 2: Jay to realize that people come and go and it's

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Speaker 2: a beautiful thing and you should let them. And you

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Speaker 2: should really if you have a friendship that starts to dissipate, right,

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Speaker 2: ask yourself before you blame them or you blame you

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Speaker 2: are any one of these three pillars missing? Are we

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Speaker 2: not near each other anymore? Is the timing of our

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Speaker 2: lives off? Is there just something about the energy that

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Speaker 2: hasn't clicked? Because you can't force those things. But what

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Speaker 2: I've found is that when you recognize that those are

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Speaker 2: really important factors to your connection to someone else, that

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Speaker 2: if a friendship starts to fade, for me, it's so

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Speaker 2: easy to say, let them. And I don't wish anybody bad.

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Speaker 2: I literally wish people well because the other thing that

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Speaker 2: I've learned, and you know, being fifty six, I've had

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Speaker 2: a lot of friends come and go in different phases

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Speaker 2: of my life that you would be startled by how

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Speaker 2: many people from your past that you no longer quote

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Speaker 2: consider friends because you haven't seen them in a very

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Speaker 2: long time, or things just got weird. If you actually

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Speaker 2: called them, they'd pick up the phone. They would if

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Speaker 2: you texted them. The research shows that when you get

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Speaker 2: a surprise text from somebody that you haven't heard from

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Speaker 2: in a long time, the amount of joy that you feel.

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Speaker 2: And so I want you to consider, if you're very

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Speaker 2: lonely right now, that there's actually probably hundreds of people

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Speaker 2: from your past that still consider you a friend. And

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Speaker 2: if you take the approach that I'm talking about, which

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Speaker 2: is friendship is your responsibility, you need to go first.

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Speaker 2: Let me create the friendship and the connection that I want.

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Speaker 1: And you can.

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Speaker 2: Start by literally taking a look through your past and

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Speaker 2: thinking about people that you remember fondly and just sending

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Speaker 2: them a text, and you will be startled by what

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Speaker 2: comes back because they're there. They haven't actually gone anywhere.

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Speaker 2: The connection is still there. And oftentimes even if you've

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Speaker 2: had somebody where something's been off again, let them yeah

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Speaker 2: and wish them well, and there will be a time,

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Speaker 2: I promise you, where the timing or proximity or energy

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Speaker 2: comes back around again.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And often you're so right. When as I'm listening

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Speaker 1: to your talk, I'm just thinking of how conscious we

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Speaker 1: have to be with all of our relationships, the ones

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Speaker 1: that mattered to us, the one that we want to

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Speaker 1: invest in. And it's what you said there was we

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Speaker 1: were actually dealt such a tough card in the fact

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Speaker 1: that basically from the moment you joined school at four

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Speaker 1: till the moment you were twenty one, if you went

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Speaker 1: to college, you basically didn't have to make really any

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Speaker 1: major decisions or think about the next step, because you

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Speaker 1: went from seventh grade to eighth grade, to ninth grade

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Speaker 1: to whatever it is right, and so then all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, you're in the world at twenty one, yeah,

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Speaker 1: or eighteen if you didn't go to college, and you

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden now have to figure out what

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Speaker 1: to do for the next fifty sixty years.

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Speaker 2: All structure of your life just that just disappears, because

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Speaker 2: there is no structure and it makes no sense.

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Speaker 1: And as I'm hearing you talk, it sounds like to

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Speaker 1: me that it would have been harder to watch your

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Speaker 1: daughter have to practice to let them theory than it

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Speaker 1: is for you to practice to let them theory. Yes,

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Speaker 1: when she was going through her back. When it comes

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Speaker 1: to building meaningful relayationships, we often put too much pressure

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Speaker 1: on one person to fulfill all of our emotional needs.

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Speaker 1: But the reality is different relationships fulfill different needs. Some

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Speaker 1: friendships may bring adventure, others offer comfort, and some are

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Speaker 1: simply there to listen. When we start seeing our relationships

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Speaker 1: this way, we open ourselves up to a deeper, more

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Speaker 1: fulfilling sense of connection, one where we can appreciate each

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Speaker 1: friendship for the unique role it plays in our lives.

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Speaker 1: To help us explore this idea further, we have Andrew Huberman,

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Speaker 1: neuroscientist and professor at Stamford University. He's dedicated his career

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Speaker 1: to understanding human behavior, brain function, and the science behind connection.

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Speaker 1: Let's hear his insights on how small, intentional habits can

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Speaker 1: help us build stronger, more fulfilling friendships. The second thing

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Speaker 1: you that I was reminded by as you were speaking

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Speaker 1: was I feel like writing down. I always encourage a

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Speaker 1: lot of my clients to do this, to write down

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Speaker 1: a list of emotions they'd like to experience with people.

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Speaker 1: So it could be things like adventure, discovery, comfort, humor, love,

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Speaker 1: whatever it may be. Just write down the list and

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Speaker 1: then for each one write down the name of a

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Speaker 1: different person. Ideally that fulfills that need in your life,

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Speaker 1: because often I feel like we put a lot of

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Speaker 1: pressure on our romantic partners or one person in our

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Speaker 1: life to be all these things. And the truth is,

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Speaker 1: no matter how phenomenal anyone is or how much they

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Speaker 1: love us, they just can't be that. And so if

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Speaker 1: you have, hey, I've reached out to this friend when

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Speaker 1: I want some adventure because they love it too. If

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Speaker 1: I want to see a sports game, this is the

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Speaker 1: person I reach out to and then do the same

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Speaker 1: in the opposite way. Which one of those do you

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Speaker 1: fulfill for your friends? What emotions do you help other

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Speaker 1: people create? And I feel like if you look at

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Speaker 1: friendship as a spectrum as this broad set of connection

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Speaker 1: points rather than like this is my best friend as

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Speaker 1: you were saying, or this is my number one friend,

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Speaker 1: and we get away from hierarchy and we move more

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Speaker 1: into a spectrum, I feel like that mixed in with

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Speaker 1: the text today starts creating a much more healthier network

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Speaker 1: of what connection means as well, it's also not just

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Speaker 1: the same person doing the same thing every week.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I love the idea that by staying in contact regularly

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Speaker 4: we don't have to get caught up and that then

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Speaker 4: we can just drop into what's most meaningful on that

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Speaker 4: particular date and maybe even have more available to us

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Speaker 4: to have a new experience, right as opposed to just

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Speaker 4: catching up. And then, of course there are those friends

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Speaker 4: that we catch up with and it feels like it

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Speaker 4: was just yesterday. Definitely, But I'd be willing to bet

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Speaker 4: that those were people that you spent a lot of

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Speaker 4: day to daytime activity with you come from a university,

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Speaker 4: or you spend a lot of time just in the

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Speaker 4: kind of everyday shared experience for a while, and then

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Speaker 4: when you see each other again, it's like being right

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Speaker 4: back there. The neuroscience of this hasn't been explored nearly enough,

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Speaker 4: but given that our very own Surgeon General highlighted the

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Speaker 4: loneliness crisis as one of the major crises in the

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Speaker 4: world today, I think that in terms of simple solutions

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Speaker 4: to big important problems, developing more connectivity with people through

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Speaker 4: simple practices. And again we're talking about a text here.

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Speaker 4: I mean I will be the first to say that

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Speaker 4: if you can hop on a phone call or you

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Speaker 4: can get on you know, a video chat with somebody,

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Speaker 4: that would certainly be better.

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Speaker 3: But many people just don't have time.

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Speaker 5: For that shoe.

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Speaker 4: So in terms of spending time with people in a

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Speaker 4: deeper and richer way, getting the drop in time, as

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Speaker 4: it were, I love that you mentioned adventure. I'm almost

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Speaker 4: forty nine. I turned forty nine in just over a month,

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Speaker 4: and I would say that the first forty nine years

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Speaker 4: of my life have been marked by a real thirst

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Speaker 4: for adventure, a ton of curiosity.

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Speaker 3: Now I really.

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Speaker 4: Feel myself entering a completely different season of my life.

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Speaker 3: I'm sort of hoping this would eventually.

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Speaker 4: Happen, in part because you know, I took some kind

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Speaker 4: of dangerous turns. You know, I took risks with my

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Speaker 4: with my life at points where I didn't really intend

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Speaker 4: to do that. But you know, you seek enough adventure,

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Speaker 4: you're gonna you're gonna find adventure, and you have to

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Speaker 4: be quite careful. I have friends with whom I had

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Speaker 4: tons of adventure, and then now the adventures are far

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Speaker 4: more docile and quiet, and of course the internal adventure

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Speaker 4: is real as well. I think that friends with whom

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Speaker 4: we can just be one version of ourselves are wonderful.

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Speaker 4: Friends with whom we can be all versions of ourself

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Speaker 4: is especially wonderful. That's the acceptance piece. Typically, I think

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Speaker 4: we look more for that in romantic relationship. This notion

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Speaker 4: of just like safety and acceptance being hallmarks of healthy

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Speaker 4: romantic relationship, I think those are also the hallmarks of

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Speaker 4: healthy friendship. It's just that with friendship we can be

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Speaker 4: a bit more segmented and terms of the number of

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Speaker 4: different aspects of self that we need safety and acceptance with.

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Speaker 4: I think with friendship also, you know, I've found it

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Speaker 4: to be the case that really knowing what's going on

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Speaker 4: with people has become a little bit more difficult.

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Speaker 3: There's this there's this.

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Speaker 4: Kind of odd thing right where we're more interconnected in

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Speaker 4: terms of availability of communication, but we're less aware of

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Speaker 4: what's really going on for people. In fact, on the

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Speaker 4: way here, I had a call with a friend and

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Speaker 4: their headset was making a lot of noise, and so.

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Speaker 3: We agreed. They said, Hey, how about I just.

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Speaker 4: Turned mute mine and for the next two minutes. I'm

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Speaker 4: not kidding. This is how they this is what they said.

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Speaker 4: They said, just tell me, like, what's what's on your

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Speaker 4: heart or what's in your heart? Hopefully it wasn't on

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Speaker 4: your heart? What's in your heart? And I was like, wow,

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Speaker 4: that's tough. You know, that's tough. I mean, I okay,

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Speaker 4: and I know that they're listening, and then but it's

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Speaker 4: very silent on the other end, and I'm kind of

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Speaker 4: speaking into a vacuum there because they're not hearing any thing.

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Speaker 4: And then had maybe just two minutes before we curled

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Speaker 4: up the hill because of the reception.

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Speaker 3: In the area that we're in.

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Speaker 4: As you know, it's always complicated to just get feedback.

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Speaker 4: It was very interesting, Like I realized that I felt

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Speaker 4: close to them before, but just the notion that they

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Speaker 4: would ask me that, how do I feel? Not what's

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Speaker 4: going on lately? Not you know, am I feeling good

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Speaker 4: or bad? Like a valuation of feelings, but just like

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Speaker 4: what's going on? And I stumbled a bit at first,

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Speaker 4: but I can realize in saying it now, like I'm

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Speaker 4: quite moved by the fact that they would ask that

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Speaker 4: of all things, as opposed to like, what's going on?

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Speaker 4: What's your next podcast about? And come and to visit

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Speaker 4: that sort of thing. And so like, I'm taking a

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Speaker 4: lot of cues these days from people that make me

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Speaker 4: feel very seen and accepted. You're one of them, I

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Speaker 4: must say, Like, I don't just say that because we're

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Speaker 4: in front of these microphones and sitting here, Like you

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Speaker 4: and I have been in touch a lot lately, through

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Speaker 4: good times and hard times and a lot of different things.

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Speaker 3: It's not.

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Speaker 4: A coincidence, though, that that I think that we're here

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Speaker 4: because and talking about this, Because I think that ultimately

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Speaker 4: the questions that we ask of the people we care

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Speaker 4: about are just as important as reminding them that we're

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Speaker 4: there because when we ask a question like you know,

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Speaker 4: what's in your heart, what we're really saying is, you know,

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Speaker 4: like what's really going on for you, as opposed to

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Speaker 4: like what's the next podcast about, which is an interesting

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Speaker 4: question to me, but you know, so you know, this

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Speaker 4: is more your territory than mine. But I think in

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Speaker 4: the end, I think it comes back to safety and acceptance,

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Speaker 4: simple behaviors like a good morning check in and then

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Speaker 4: asking questions that might feel a little bit challenging for

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Speaker 4: the other person to answer at first, but that really

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Speaker 4: show a depth of care and interest that go beyond

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Speaker 4: just kind of like narrative and storytelling. And I think

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Speaker 4: one thing that I'm also very eager about these days

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Speaker 4: is breaking down some of the traditional stereotypes, like you know,

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Speaker 4: for anyone that's listening to this and goes, oh, you know,

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Speaker 4: I didn't you know, men don't talk that way or something,

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Speaker 4: and it's like, actually they do. They do, and if

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Speaker 4: given the chance, they will open up about things that

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Speaker 4: perhaps they hadn't even thought about.

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Speaker 3: And I confess I'm one of those people.

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Speaker 4: Maybe it was my y chromosome and got in the

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Speaker 4: way of me thinking like, wait, what do you want

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Speaker 4: me to talk about what's in my heart. Hey, actually

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Speaker 4: that's a really great question, thank you. And so I

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Speaker 4: think this brings us back to these early circuits that

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Speaker 4: are all about safety and acceptance, that are all about

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Speaker 4: being able to predict things and basically to say, Okay,

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Speaker 4: I don't have to be vigilant. That's really what safety

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Speaker 4: is about, is about turning off the neural circuits for vigilance.

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Speaker 4: When we turn off the neural circuits for vigilance, we

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Speaker 4: can start to direct our neural circuits, vision, auditory, whatever

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Speaker 4: thoughts towards an awareness of things that are both inside

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Speaker 4: us and around us that keep us in that calm state.

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Speaker 4: I mean, vigilance is associated with stress. Stresses associated with

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Speaker 4: a narrowing of the visual field, a narrowing of the

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Speaker 4: auditory fields. I'll just use this analogy because my sister

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Speaker 4: and I last last summer we always go to New

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Speaker 4: York for our birthdays together. We went and saw what

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Speaker 4: the Harry Potter plays.

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Speaker 1: Oh it's so.

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Speaker 3: Good, right, yeah? Is wild?

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Speaker 4: I mean the effects are so unbelievable. She's a big

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Speaker 4: Harry Potter fan. I'm not okay, but just just spectacular effects.

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Speaker 3: It was just so wild. I couldn't believe it.

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Speaker 4: But there's this library in the play where it's a

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Speaker 4: magic library, where when one of the books is taken

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Speaker 4: out about a particular subject, the books around it actually

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Speaker 4: morph and change to reflect the same subject material. And

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Speaker 4: when I saw that, I immediately said, that's how the

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Speaker 4: brain works. The way the brain works is a kind

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Speaker 4: of pseudo hypnosis. Hypnosis is about context and context setting

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Speaker 4: and narrowing of context. All of us have such a

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Speaker 4: wealth of historical, present and future thinking cognition in our brains.

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Speaker 4: But when we get anchored to a particular emotional state

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Speaker 4: or topic, what ends up happening is that the available

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Speaker 4: topics around it change in reference to how stressed we are.

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Speaker 4: When we we are stressed, all the topics, all the

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Speaker 4: books on the shelf around that stress, are about that

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Speaker 4: thing and how to solve it. And actually, this is

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Speaker 4: why stress enhances our memory for solving that the things

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Speaker 4: that can help us solve that particular issue. But guess

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Speaker 4: what is given up all the other distantly or not

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Speaker 4: so distant, really related topics that lend themselves to creativity,

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Speaker 4: to thinking about novel combinations of things. This is why

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Speaker 4: our friend Rick Rubin I think is such a spectacularly

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Speaker 4: creative individual because he spends a lot of time putting

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Speaker 4: his brain and body into a state in which he

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Speaker 4: can remain in contact with these other related or seemingly

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Speaker 4: unrelated topics. Whereas when we're in a stressed mode, when

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Speaker 4: we have to problem solve, when we are in vigilance,

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Speaker 4: excuse me, we absolutely narrow our cognitive fields, our visual fields,

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Speaker 4: our auditory fields. We limit what we think is possible.

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Speaker 4: And so I think great friendships, to bring it back

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Speaker 4: to it, great relationships of all kinds have enough safety

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Speaker 4: and acceptance in them that we can make our way

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Speaker 4: through the practical constraints of the relationship in the day,

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Speaker 4: the week, and the year, but that there's also a

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Speaker 4: sense of creativity, that there are new elements allowed to

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Speaker 4: be brought in because there's enough safety and acceptance that

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Speaker 4: we can turn down those vigilance circuits.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely. As adults, building meaningful friendships isn't just about finding

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Speaker 1: people who uplift us. It's also about how we show

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Speaker 1: up for others. The strongest friendships are built on trust, joy,

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Speaker 1: and a sense of community, and when we find that balance,

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Speaker 1: our relationships become more meaningful and can be life changing.

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Speaker 1: Robin Sharma, leadership expert and best selling author, shares his

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Speaker 1: perspective on how the right friendships can shape not just

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Speaker 1: our personal lives, but our growth and success as well.

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Speaker 1: Let's hear what he has to say and develop the

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Speaker 1: idea that we can have a group of people that

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Speaker 1: we grow around, and then you have a group of

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Speaker 1: people that you have to give too often, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: I think that's what our life is made up of.

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Speaker 1: Like life isn't just we're not just running by people

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Speaker 1: that help us grow, because we're obviously taking from them

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Speaker 1: as well, and we don't want to be in a

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Speaker 1: position where we're only giving. We want to be able

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Speaker 1: to grow. So it's almost like we all have we

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Speaker 1: have two sets of groups in our life at any

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Speaker 1: real given time. Would you agree with that or.

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Speaker 6: Oh, I would just say trust trust your joy. I

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Speaker 6: think joy is a great GPS. And so yeah, I'm

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Speaker 6: not in any way suggesting be around people only who

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Speaker 6: fuel you and who help you become you at your best. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: I'm simply saying it's about what's healthy, It's about your joy.

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Speaker 6: It's about being on people who you vibe with, who

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Speaker 6: understand you, who have similar values, who support you and

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Speaker 6: who encourage you. So I think your community is definitely

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Speaker 6: a key and absolutely key form.

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Speaker 1: Of well And you mentioned this earlier I wanted to

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Speaker 1: come back to. It was this three great friends rule,

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Speaker 1: and I love that you do about having three great friends.

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Speaker 1: I heard recently somewhere I can't remember. I was browsing

436
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 1: on social media, and someone said, you need three am

437
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 1: friends as well. Like friends, you can call at three

438
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 1: am then they'll pick up the phone. How do you

439
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:34,159
Speaker 1: know what is the quality of a great long term friend?

440
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 1: What is a great friend? I'm not sure we even

441
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: know anymore.

442
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 6: A great friend is someone you can be yourself with

443
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 6: and they still love you. Great friend is I had

444
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,679
Speaker 6: a line in the book, you know you're in a

445
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 6: foreign country in three am, they hop on a plane

446
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 6: and they come get you. A great friend is someone

447
00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:01,400
Speaker 6: who you can laugh with. Great friend to someone who

448
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 6: you're going through your most difficult times and they'll listen

449
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 6: to you for hours. A great friend is, you know,

450
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,440
Speaker 6: someone who accepts you, someone who helps you be seen.

451
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 6: A great friend is someone who when you're with them,

452
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 6: you feel joyful versus depleted. So I think it's really important.

453
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 6: You know in this world where we are maximalists want

454
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 6: we want to be all things to all people. We

455
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 6: want to have so many different friends, focus on three

456
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 6: great friends. We want to read a hundred books, master

457
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 6: three books. Maybe it's Jobs, is Isaacson's autobiography on jobs

458
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 6: like you mentioned. Maybe it's The Prophet by Khalil Uberan.

459
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 3: Maybe it's.

460
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 6: The Giving Tree by Shell Silver Stem. Maybe it's Meditations

461
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 6: of Marcus Aurelius, one of my favorite books of all time.

462
00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 6: You know, but I think just being a minimalist is

463
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 6: is so powerful. Build your life around a few things.

464
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 6: Even in work, I mentioned it, rather than pushing at

465
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 6: one thousand pieces of mediocrity, do one thing incredibly well,

466
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 6: you know, even if it takes five years, ten years.

467
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 6: There's a chapter called make your Project X in the

468
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 6: Wealth Money Camp, and the example is the Duomo in Milan.

469
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 6: How long they spent on it. In this world where

470
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,919
Speaker 6: we want to do something in an hour and they

471
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,159
Speaker 6: get the rewards or maybe a week, maybe a month,

472
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,360
Speaker 6: it took six hundred years to create the Domo. These

473
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:44,919
Speaker 6: are values of an unspoken age. Six hundred years of calibrating, refining,

474
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 6: optimizing to create the Domo, and so that's what a

475
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 6: project X is. Rather than doing lots of things, you

476
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:57,640
Speaker 6: do one thing. Maybe it's one work of art. Miclangelo

477
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:01,120
Speaker 6: took four years of working on the chapel of the

478
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:07,120
Speaker 6: Sistine ceiling, but he got the job done. So minimalism

479
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 6: is very, very powerful.

480
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 1: In one of the things you said that this idea

481
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 1: of we're almost trying to be so many things to

482
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,159
Speaker 1: so many people that it's hard to find the right friends.

483
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:20,639
Speaker 1: One of the things you talk about is do not

484
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 1: be a doormat. And I find that that becomes that

485
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: people pleasing mentality, that ability to I can mold and

486
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 1: I can be whatever you want me to be, and

487
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: I can be lots of things, and we feel validated

488
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 1: that way. But in the end, we're just becoming a doormat.

489
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:39,199
Speaker 1: Everyone crosses over a doormat, and a doormat welcomes everyone

490
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: in the same way. So when I read that, I

491
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 1: was like, how do we be kind but not be

492
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:47,199
Speaker 1: a doormat? How do we be service oriented but not

493
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 1: be a doormat. How do we balance that art of

494
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,880
Speaker 1: being welcoming but not being a doormat.

495
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:57,360
Speaker 6: Well, you know, for many years, like you j, I've

496
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 6: talked about the power of just being being kind, you know,

497
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 6: And it sounds so simple, but being kind staying in

498
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 6: a hotel, remembering there's someone going to clean my room

499
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 6: after I leave the room. So put the towels in

500
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 6: the bathtub, straighten out the bed, leave the room service

501
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 6: tray clean. Little acts of kindness not only are gifts

502
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 6: you give to someone else, it's a gift you give

503
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 6: to yourself. You respect yourself more so then people came

504
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,120
Speaker 6: sometimes say to me, well, if I'm kind, people will

505
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,640
Speaker 6: take advantage of me. And I would say, people will

506
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 6: only take advantage of you if you allow people to

507
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 6: take advantage of you. Let's not confuse kindness with weakness.

508
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,719
Speaker 6: There is a time to always be kind, but that

509
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,959
Speaker 6: doesn't mean you'll let people walk over you. And that

510
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 6: makes me think of another idea that I write about,

511
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 6: which is the importance of you know, in this world

512
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 6: right now, it's so easy to live the same year

513
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 6: eighty times and call it a life. And there's one

514
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 6: chapter called be a Perfect Moment Creator. And the story

515
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 6: I tell him there is of Eugene Kelly. Oh Kelly,

516
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 6: excuse me, And Eugene O'Kelly used to be the former

517
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 6: CEO of KPMG, the accounting behemoth, And one day he

518
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 6: walked into his doctor's office to get the results of

519
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 6: a routine medical and the doctor came out with an

520
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:24,919
Speaker 6: expression you never want to see on the face of

521
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 6: your doctor when you go to get your results. And

522
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 6: he was told he had ninety days left to live.

523
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 6: He had an interoperable brain tumor. So confronted with his mortality,

524
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 6: he realized for the first time he had never in

525
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 6: all his years as a corporate titan, he had never

526
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 6: taken his wife to lunch. He had missed so many

527
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 6: Christmas concerts of his daughter. He had never spent time

528
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 6: with his friends walking through Central Park and having conversations.

529
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 6: And so he decided to re engineer his last ninety days.

530
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 6: And he said, I wanted to become a perfect moment creator.

531
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 6: And he spent those last ninety days. He actually died

532
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 6: roughly ninety days after the report from his doctor. But

533
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 6: I think that's so powerful. You know, when you're with

534
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 6: your family, when you're with your work, when you're with yourself,

535
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 6: each and every day, find some way to create a

536
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 6: perfect moment. Maybe it's giving a gift to someone through

537
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 6: a compliment. Maybe it's taking some time to do something

538
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 6: that fills you with joy, but being a perfect moment creator,

539
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 6: I think is a form of wealth money camp buy.

540
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: This episode is brought to you by eBay. I'd never

541
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 1: owned a vintage camera before. There was something about it

542
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 1: that fell almost unnecessary in a world where everything lives

543
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: on our phones. But I wanted to change that, so

544
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: I started the hunt for a point and shoot camera.

545
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 1: When I finally found the perfect one on eBay, I

546
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: didn't keep it to myself. I left it out on

547
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 1: a table, always within reach, and that's when something interesting happened.

548
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: People started picking it up without asking, family, friends, everyone,

549
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 1: to take a photo, oh of whatever felt important to

550
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,440
Speaker 1: them in that moment, a laugh for me, or someone

551
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 1: they loved, something small they didn't want to forget. There

552
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 1: was no editing, no retakes, no scrolling back to see

553
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 1: if it was good enough. You took the photo and

554
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: that was it. The moment became real right away. What

555
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 1: I loved most was that it wasn't about capturing everything.

556
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 1: It was about choosing something, deciding this matters, and letting

557
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 1: their choice belong to whoever was holding the camera, even

558
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 1: if it came out blurry. The vintage camera didn't belong

559
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 1: to one person. It belonged to the room, to the moment,

560
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: to the people in it. Over time, the photos started

561
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: to pile up on the fridge, on shelves, tucked into books,

562
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 1: each one a reminder that meaning isn't always planned. Sometimes

563
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 1: it's noticed. The things we keep can do that. They

564
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 1: can invite us to slow down, to share ownership, and

565
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: to see what the people around us find worth remembering.

566
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: That's what I appreciate about eBay. It's a place where

567
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 1: you can find things that bring people together and pass

568
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 1: along things you no longer need so they can become

569
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 1: part of someone else's memories. Visit eBay dot com to

570
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 1: shop your favorite fines. Find what you love, so what

571
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 1: you don't eBay things people love. Have you ever thought

572
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,479
Speaker 1: about what makes a truly good friend not just someone

573
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 1: you can grab lunch with, but the kind of friend

574
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 1: who truly sees you the version of yourself you might

575
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 1: even forget sometimes. Trevor Noah has spent years navigating relationships

576
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: in a world full of unpredictability, and his take on

577
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 1: friendship is powerful. He shares how his closest friends act

578
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 1: as his anchor, helping him reconnect with himself, especially in

579
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: the loneliness of stand up comedy and touring. Let's take

580
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,479
Speaker 1: a look, how A who are the friends? What are

581
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 1: you talking to them about? Like, what's your consistency? I'm

582
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: fascinated by that because.

583
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 5: So who are the friends? Predominantly my friends are from

584
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 5: South Africa, friends I met doing different things, all all organic,

585
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 5: new things, which I'm a sucker for. I'm terrible at

586
00:31:56,880 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 5: making friends, partially because I don't trust people easily. I

587
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:02,959
Speaker 5: exist in a world where I can be friendly with

588
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 5: many people, but you know, it takes me a while

589
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 5: to accept that this person is actually a.

590
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 3: Part of my life.

591
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 5: And I think for a long time it was because

592
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 5: and still is sometimes because a I have an idea

593
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 5: of putting something on that person where I may need

594
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 5: them means that they may disappoint me. And then on

595
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 5: the other side of it, them needing me means I

596
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 5: could be in the position to disappoint them.

597
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 3: You know.

598
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 5: And and and so as we learn people, I find

599
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 5: we learn what they can and cannot do, we learn

600
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 5: who they are or are not, And it's always situational

601
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 5: for me, you know. That's that's when I'll call you

602
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 5: like a friend is that I know how you are

603
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 5: in most situations.

604
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 1: It's a good definition.

605
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 5: You know that that that for me is the definition

606
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 5: of a friend. So you know I can be We

607
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 5: use it loosely obviously, but you know I can be

608
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 5: friends with you and we always meet for lunch. Annoys

609
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 5: me for but but then I only I know you

610
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 5: in one way. My friends, I start to be able

611
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 5: to I almost almost stole in a vault in my mind.

612
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 5: I can say, for a fact, if we're friends. If

613
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 5: Jay was here, this would bother him. He would like that.

614
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 3: He would probably.

615
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 5: Say this, and that's why he would act this way.

616
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 5: And that's you know, that's how I think of my friends.

617
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 5: So they've been a major part of making me feel

618
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 5: at home.

619
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 3: You know.

620
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 5: My job, stand up comedy, is a really lonely career,

621
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 5: you know. And I remember talking to a comedian, it

622
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 5: was a few weeks ago, talking about how there was

623
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 5: like a period where a lot of stand up comedians

624
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 5: were committing suicide, you know, and would be you'd hear

625
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 5: this devastating story of a comedian that everyone loved. They

626
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 5: were in a hotel room and then they committed suicide.

627
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 5: And I was petrified because I always think it can

628
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 5: happen to me. You know, I go that if that

629
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,479
Speaker 5: happened to them, why did it happen? How to If

630
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 5: I don't understand, then what is it? Another comedian, another comedian,

631
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 5: another comedian, another comedian. I think being a stand up

632
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 5: comedian is a really lonely job in that we're traveling

633
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 5: oftentimes alone. We don't have a band, we don't have

634
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 5: backup dancers, we don't, we don't, we don't travel.

635
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: Can you imagine?

636
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,439
Speaker 5: And yet every night you're going out there and you're

637
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,399
Speaker 5: making people laugh, you're having fun with them. They come

638
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 5: with their families, they come with their friends, they come

639
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 5: with their loved ones.

640
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,360
Speaker 3: You leave alone, and.

641
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 5: And it's this constant exchange of energy. And what I

642
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:41,240
Speaker 5: learned was my my friends became that hub. My friends

643
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,919
Speaker 5: became my recharge. My friends became the couch I could

644
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 5: lie on and say nothing or everything. And thanks partly

645
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 5: to technology, I've been able to keep in touch with them.

646
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 5: There's no there's no catching up for us. It's literally

647
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 5: a running We've got a WhatsApp thread that is now

648
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 5: I'm going to say, fifteen years old. Yeah, like literally

649
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 5: I can go back and search something from maybe ten

650
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:09,800
Speaker 5: years ago. Sometimes I can go back on the WhatsApp

651
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,719
Speaker 5: there and go what happened, and I can search and

652
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 5: I can find it. That's how long we've had the

653
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 5: same group and the same friends and the same everything.

654
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 5: And obviously it's grown over time, but that core has

655
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,799
Speaker 5: kept me. You know, I always think, did you end

656
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 5: up reading Harry Potter?

657
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: I didn't ever read it. I've watched all the movies. Yeah, old,

658
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:26,959
Speaker 1: you watched it? Okyeah, I watched all movies.

659
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 6: I know.

660
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan.

661
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 5: Act Okay, okay, So I feel like your friends in

662
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 5: life or your haw Cruxes.

663
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: Oh interesting, Okay, you know, yeah, I think that's people.

664
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 5: What we do is we break ourselves into parts, and

665
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,760
Speaker 5: whenever we meet people, we give them.

666
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 3: A part of ourselves.

667
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 5: And some people we give more than we give others,

668
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 5: but we give everyone a different part of ourselves. No

669
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 5: one in your life has the same part that another

670
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 5: person has. They may seem similar, but they're not. Your

671
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,240
Speaker 5: mother and father hold different parts of you. Your uncles,

672
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 5: your cousins, your brothers, sisters, your friends, whoever it is,

673
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 5: they all hold the different parts of you. And the

674
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 5: same way Voldemort could use that to come back to life.

675
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 5: I feel like we can use that to come back

676
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:13,399
Speaker 5: to life.

677
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 1: Wow, do you know what I mean?

678
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 7: Yeah?

679
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 1: You WA's a different movie. Yeah, you read the book,

680
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 1: my friend, that's what you missed in the movie.

681
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:21,359
Speaker 6: I read the book. Yeah.

682
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 5: And so I always think that as I I man,

683
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 5: sometimes I can be at my worst. I can be

684
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 5: sometimes I can be lost. Really, Jay, there will be

685
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:30,880
Speaker 5: times when I'll be like what am I doing? Or

686
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 5: I'm stressed, I'm tired, I'm burnt out, I feel lost,

687
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 5: and I can call a friend and no joke. They

688
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 5: can say to me, well, the Trevor I know, you know,

689
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,399
Speaker 5: and I love that they say that. They don't say

690
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 5: this is who you are or not. They go the

691
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 5: Trevor I know found his joy here.

692
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 8: Hey.

693
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 5: You know, I've noticed that you're always happiest when you

694
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 5: do it this way. Hey, I've noticed that you know

695
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:55,960
Speaker 5: you stress more when you're in this person.

696
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 7: Hey.

697
00:36:56,719 --> 00:37:00,920
Speaker 5: Then I go, man, I didn't know that about myself. Well,

698
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 5: I didn't hold myself that way because I'm always experiencing

699
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:05,720
Speaker 5: all of me still through my lens.

700
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 3: But thank you. You freed me, you encouraged.

701
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 5: Me, you held me, you loved me. And what then

702
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 5: happens is I start to find what I need to

703
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,800
Speaker 5: get back to my purpose, to my passion, to whatever

704
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 5: drives me. And that's why my friends are a big

705
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 5: part of that. That is the core of my world,

706
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 5: you know. And it's funny. My mom even used to

707
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,880
Speaker 5: say that to me when I was growing up, you know,

708
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,399
Speaker 5: at a certain age she said to me, she'd say

709
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,319
Speaker 5: to me, my friend, you know, and I'd be like,

710
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 5: I'm not your friend, You're a mom. And my mom

711
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 5: would say, just because I'm your mom doesn't mean i'm

712
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:45,959
Speaker 5: your friend.

713
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 3: She said.

714
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 5: There are many mothers out there that I'm friends with

715
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 5: their child. And she said, I'm your mother and I

716
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 5: will always love you as your mother, but you are

717
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:59,360
Speaker 5: becoming my friend. And that stuck with me. I realized

718
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:03,840
Speaker 5: that friendship is a choice. Every other relation we have isn't,

719
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 5: and so even your relatives can become your friends or

720
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 5: may not be your friends. And I think understanding that

721
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 5: illuminates a lot of how you interact with people in

722
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:13,360
Speaker 5: the world.

723
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really resonate with what I mean, everything you said,

724
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 1: But one of the things that stood out was that

725
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 1: kind of perform as loneliness and my work mainly starts

726
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,440
Speaker 1: with coaching and working with people. And I work with

727
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 1: a lot of musicians and people who tour and travel,

728
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 1: not comedians, but artists, and you know, they're performing to

729
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 1: like one hundred thousand people and eighty thousand people. And

730
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 1: then they would always talk to me about this and

731
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't really have an empathetic experience of it.

732
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 1: I could understand it theoretically.

733
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 3: Yeah.

734
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 1: And then because most of the events I used to

735
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 1: speak out with like corporate events, so like a business

736
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,439
Speaker 1: event or things like that. And then a few years

737
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 1: ago when I did my first ever event with my

738
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 1: audience and it was in LA people who came because

739
00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,360
Speaker 1: they followed my work, not because of anything else. It

740
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 1: was only about two thousand people in the audience. And

741
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 1: I finished the event and I got into the car

742
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 1: and it hit me and I was like, oh, like,

743
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 1: this is chemical. This is definitely chemical, because you've just

744
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: had yeah, thousands of people shouting your name and like

745
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 1: loving everything you say and all this validation and everything

746
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:19,439
Speaker 1: else as what you were saying when you were coming,

747
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 1: like the dope amine everything. Yes, And then all of

748
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 1: a sudden, I was like, wait a minute, this feels weird. Like,

749
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 1: why do I feel like, you know, a sense of loneliness.

750
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 1: And it was really interesting because I felt like that

751
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: pretty much the whole and I felt like calling someone yes,

752
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,760
Speaker 1: and I couldn't because in London it was too early.

753
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 1: None of my friends would be await and so they're

754
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,760
Speaker 1: eight hours ahead because I'm in LA and I'm going,

755
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,480
Speaker 1: oh God, wait another hour for my friend to wake up.

756
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 1: Two hours. I'm not going to wake him up in

757
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 1: the middle of the night. So I'm waiting there. And

758
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,480
Speaker 1: then all my friends in LA were just at the event,

759
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:51,840
Speaker 1: so I just saw them, and so they're probably like

760
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 1: going home, and it was a week night and so

761
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: maybe the end I'm like, I don't want to And

762
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 1: then I get home and my wife would organize this

763
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 1: surprise party for me with all my bad my closest

764
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: friends and wow, and it was like a relief. It

765
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,839
Speaker 1: wasn't even a celebration. I was like, there's a sense

766
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,880
Speaker 1: of relief. I was like, oh, thank God, because I

767
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 1: don't know what. I don't know what I would have

768
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,439
Speaker 1: done tonight. Man, Like, you know, I understand why people

769
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 1: turn to drugs. I understand why people turn to I understand,

770
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,280
Speaker 1: Like it was the first time, I was like, because, yeah,

771
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 1: you need to numb it. Yeah, you need to numb

772
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: it because you just don't know what to do with

773
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:26,320
Speaker 1: that feeling. And that was the first time I'd felt

774
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 1: that way. And I can't imagine, as you're saying, for

775
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: someone who's on tour and try it every night.

776
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 3: As I said to you, my drug was chocolates. That

777
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,240
Speaker 3: was like my I couldn't.

778
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,800
Speaker 5: It's like my team knew, my people knew. It's like

779
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 5: I'll do the show and immediately. And you probably relate

780
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 5: to this more because you know, coming from the UK

781
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 5: in America, they don't really do it in South Africa.

782
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 5: Our petrol stations, our gas stations, right, they have amazing

783
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,399
Speaker 5: stores attached to them. Like here, every gas station looks

784
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 5: like it's already been robbed.

785
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 3: You don't want to poor gas. I don't like it

786
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,719
Speaker 3: looks terrible. They all look abandoned.

787
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:00,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, they all look like.

788
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 5: Whereas where we're from, it's like, oh, you go and

789
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 5: you buy a pie, you buy some you do buy

790
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 5: a few dreams.

791
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:08,439
Speaker 1: It's like cooked exactly. It's like, oh, this is life.

792
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 5: You can get some groceries on though it's a very

793
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,880
Speaker 5: normal concept. And that would be me. After every show

794
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 5: I would drive, there would be the silence. I couldn't

795
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 5: listen to music. I couldn't. My mind would just be

796
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,800
Speaker 5: It's like I could hear everybody, but they were gone.

797
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 5: And then I would go in and then I would

798
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 5: buy chocolate would be my thing, it immediately, and then

799
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 5: I you know, over the years, I would read and

800
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 5: I'd started learning that you know, chocolate, the dopamine, the sugar,

801
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 5: all of these things. I was I was correcting a

802
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,840
Speaker 5: chemical thing without realizing it, because it is a it

803
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 5: is a shock on your body.

804
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:40,280
Speaker 3: Everyone nothing.

805
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's so fascinating that that that experience. And

806
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:47,240
Speaker 1: I'm sure people have that in different ways in their life,

807
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,760
Speaker 1: Like you don't have to be a performer. Yeah, thousands

808
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 1: of people to experience that. I think people experience that

809
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: in lots of different ways. It's beautiful that you've been

810
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 1: able to continue this tenure WhatsApp chat like that's you know,

811
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:22,240
Speaker 1: that's like a brilliant team man. One of the biggest

812
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 1: shifts we experience as we get older is realizing that

813
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 1: not everyone needs to be in our inner circle and

814
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,880
Speaker 1: that's okay. As we grow, we start to see that

815
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 1: when it comes to friendships, quality matters more than quantity.

816
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:43,720
Speaker 1: Marianna Hewitt, content creator, entrepreneur, and co founder of Summer

817
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 1: Fridays knows this firsthand. She's built a successful brand while

818
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 1: also redefining what meaningful connections look like in both her

819
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,719
Speaker 1: personal and professional life. Let's hear her take on it.

820
00:42:56,800 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 1: We've talked about energy drainers and energy givers before. Well,

821
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 1: walk us through that, because I think everyone feels that,

822
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 1: whether it's people, places, projects, we all feel that certain

823
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 1: people drain us, certain projects give us energy. Walk us

824
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:11,000
Speaker 1: through your version of that.

825
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 9: Yeah, my energy drainers are saying yes to too many things,

826
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:18,280
Speaker 9: So saying no to me is what gives me energy.

827
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,359
Speaker 9: And I know that saying no might seem difficult at first,

828
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 9: especially when you have opportunities that come to you and

829
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 9: you want to say yes to everything. But saying yes

830
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 9: to things I absolutely want to do has been so helpful.

831
00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:31,919
Speaker 9: I am in a place now where I can say

832
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 9: no because I feel like I worked hard in my

833
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 9: twenties to get to where I am today that I

834
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,320
Speaker 9: have the ability to say no to things. But those

835
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 9: nos also are important because it's gotten me to the

836
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 9: jobs I want to do the brands I want to

837
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 9: work with. I think if you say yes to too

838
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 9: many things, you might dilute yourself doing too many things.

839
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 9: So saying yes to the things that are in alignment

840
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 9: with the content you want to create, the brands you

841
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 9: want to work with, the long term goals you have

842
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:56,880
Speaker 9: for yourself personally and professionally. Other energy drainers that I

843
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 9: have are not doing my morning routine and my ear

844
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,879
Speaker 9: name routine. So really setting myself up for the day

845
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 9: sets me up for success. I get up in the morning,

846
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 9: I usually meditate a gratitude journal, I do like a

847
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 9: little stretch, I drink my water, and even like just

848
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 9: a few things in the morning set me up because

849
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 9: if I wake up and I just instantly start doing things,

850
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 9: there's no time for me, just like in myself, to

851
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,359
Speaker 9: turn off, and then I'm kind of just thinking all

852
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 9: day long. Other energy drainers, sometimes it's work and people,

853
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 9: And I know that that one's a really difficult one

854
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,759
Speaker 9: to have boundaries around because you maybe cannot control who

855
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 9: you have to be around with work or people that

856
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 9: you have to spend your time with. So it's creating

857
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 9: boundaries around those people and things to make you feel

858
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:40,920
Speaker 9: your best. So maybe it's at work you don't sit

859
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,360
Speaker 9: next to that person, or you, you know, focus on

860
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 9: working on yourself when you're at work, so you don't

861
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 9: have to be near them too much. Because I know

862
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 9: that we can't always like eliminate energy drainers in our life,

863
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:53,000
Speaker 9: and if it's someone in our life personally, it's difficult.

864
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 9: But as I've gotten older, I realize, Okay, this person

865
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 9: in this friend is draining my energy. When I'm around them,

866
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 9: I don't feel great. I don't feel better after I

867
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 9: left them. I almost feel more drained just being around them.

868
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 9: And so I can love you from a distance. I

869
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 9: still love you, I still like you, but I don't

870
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 9: have to spend a lot of time with you, and

871
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,799
Speaker 9: that's okay. I can support you from afar, but I

872
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 9: know that if I'm around you, I don't feel my best.

873
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 9: And I want more of those energy givers in my life,

874
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:16,760
Speaker 9: like who do I hang out with? And I feel

875
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:18,960
Speaker 9: better after I leave them? Like who makes me feel

876
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 9: happier and whole, motivated, energized. And I always love being

877
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 9: around you because whenever I see you, you make us

878
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 9: feel so great. You're such a great friend. Our friend

879
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 9: Audrey is another one of them.

880
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 1: Yeah you guys, Audrey. I was like, Audrey's amazing, love.

881
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 9: You, We love you, Audrey, And she really is one

882
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 9: of those people where you want to be around people

883
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 9: who are good like that. You want people who make

884
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 9: you feel your best. And so as I've gotten older,

885
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:44,040
Speaker 9: it's less about quantity of friends, it's quality of friends.

886
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 9: And I choose to spend time with the people in

887
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 9: my life who give me energy and make me feel

888
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 9: my best. Because if you notice that after you leave

889
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 9: a friend and maybe you're a little bit tired or

890
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:54,879
Speaker 9: drained or you're just like whoa and you left them,

891
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 9: like it's okay to start like phasing out people and

892
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 9: love them from afar.

893
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can agree more with that or this tweet

894
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:04,280
Speaker 1: that said my circle is shrunk in size but increased

895
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:07,319
Speaker 1: in value. And I think that that's the mindset that

896
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: you're sharing them. I think that's something people struggle with.

897
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,799
Speaker 1: I think we feel guilty because we feel like we're

898
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 1: leaving friends behind, or we feel bad because we feel

899
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:19,359
Speaker 1: people are going to think we're better than them, Like

900
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:22,720
Speaker 1: when you move on from a group, you're often worried

901
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: about the perception that those group of people are going

902
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: to think or Ja or Marianna think that they're better,

903
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:29,839
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, you're not leaving because you think

904
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 1: you're better. You're leaving because you want to be better

905
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: and you want to grow. How have you kind of

906
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 1: outgrown groups or do you feel you've generally had a

907
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: group that's grown with you, but or have you had

908
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,759
Speaker 1: to let go of? Yeah, friendships, relationships and things.

909
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 9: I have a core like five people who have been

910
00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 9: with me for like over a decade, So that's impressio.

911
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 9: These are constants in my life. Like Audrey, we met

912
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 9: in two thousand and six, so that's like sixteen years ago,

913
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 9: so you're in friends for a very long time. So

914
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 9: it's like I had this core group of people who

915
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,400
Speaker 9: are very to who I am. They know me in

916
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 9: my personal life. This is who I want to spend

917
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 9: my time with. Like it's not about content or online

918
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 9: or anything. It's just like who do I want to

919
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,359
Speaker 9: sit on my couch with, like scroll on my phone

920
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:11,359
Speaker 9: or watch TV or just hang out with. And those

921
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 9: people are really important to me.

922
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 6: I have a lot of.

923
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 9: Acquaintances and people that we know just from work and

924
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 9: being around people, and I just know, like I don't

925
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 9: have to be overly close with a lot of people,

926
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:23,640
Speaker 9: and that's okay. And I think a lesson that I

927
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 9: learned now in my thirties was that a smaller circle

928
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 9: is fine. In my twenties, I think, you have to

929
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 9: Los Angeles. You want to make all these friends, you

930
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 9: want to be around all these people, and then I'm like, wait,

931
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 9: I don't feel great when I'm around them. I don't

932
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,040
Speaker 9: feel like myself. I feel like I'm trying to have

933
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:38,440
Speaker 9: to be someone i'm not or prove to them that

934
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 9: I'm something, and I don't want to do those things,

935
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 9: Like I want to be truly who I am, authentically.

936
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 9: And as I got into my thirties, I realized it's

937
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:47,759
Speaker 9: okay that my circle is smaller, Like it's okay to

938
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 9: have these people who I know love me and are

939
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 9: there for me no matter what, and then everyone else

940
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 9: is a bonus.

941
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, And I love that you did that. Like,

942
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 1: I think if we started seeing our relationships as degrees

943
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 1: of connection as opposed to like friends and not friends, yeah,

944
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 1: it becomes a lot easier to know how much time

945
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:07,839
Speaker 1: and how much energy to give someone. We all know

946
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 1: that staying active and eating well a key to a

947
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:14,320
Speaker 1: long healthy life. But what if the real secret isn't

948
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 1: just personal discipline, but the people we surround ourselves with.

949
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: Research shows our social circles shape our habits more than

950
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 1: we think. Dan Buttner, National geographic fellow, best selling author

951
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:32,480
Speaker 1: and founder of the Blue Zones has spent years studying

952
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 1: the world's longest living communities. He's here to share how connection, competition,

953
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: and collaboration can shape our well being. Let's listen in.

954
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 8: I actually have one of my little social groups from

955
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,839
Speaker 8: Los Angeles here where I used to live here. I

956
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,719
Speaker 8: still have four people and I hardly know. I've seen

957
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 8: him once in my life, but every day we email

958
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 8: each other our weight and it kind of keeps us

959
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 8: doing it. We were recountable to somebody and every one

960
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 8: of us our weight has gone down a little bit

961
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:04,800
Speaker 8: over the last decade or so, and for the average

962
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:07,439
Speaker 8: American male, in ten years, you can expect to gain

963
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,839
Speaker 8: an extra ten years. So we've been among my little

964
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 8: focus group, we've been it's worked really quite well.

965
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:16,839
Speaker 1: Competition and collaboration together are really fascinating. Really yeah, yeah, powerful, Yeah,

966
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 1: It's why picklebull works for me. It's also why I

967
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 1: think I have so many people I know do ten

968
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:25,839
Speaker 1: thousand step challenges within their family, and most of those

969
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:28,719
Speaker 1: people are walking way over ten thousand steps simply because

970
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:30,520
Speaker 1: they're trying to beat someone in their family. And then

971
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,439
Speaker 1: everyone's average is growing up. And so I think that

972
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 1: making something competitive and collaborative is the genius of the

973
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:42,920
Speaker 1: social network, the fitness, the fun in life, like so

974
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:44,840
Speaker 1: much of it comes from that. I think we've lost that.

975
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:48,120
Speaker 8: One of the strategies we deploy in our cities. It's

976
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 8: an idea we took from Okinawa, the notion of a moai,

977
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 8: a committed social circle. And we'll get four or five

978
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 8: hundred people to show up to a gym. We'll have

979
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 8: them circle up according to what neighborhood they live. We

980
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 8: ask them a bunch of questions about, you know, are

981
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,439
Speaker 8: they religious, what their favorite food is, what they listen

982
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,279
Speaker 8: for music, and have them look at each other as

983
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 8: these questions are being answered, and then we have them

984
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,400
Speaker 8: self select in groups of five people. And a lot

985
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:16,360
Speaker 8: of these people are completely lonely. And once they self

986
00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 8: select in these clusters, we call them moai's. We have

987
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:23,239
Speaker 8: them give themselves a name, and then we organize them

988
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:27,160
Speaker 8: around walking together. Everybody can walk together, and then we

989
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,440
Speaker 8: offer a little prize at the end of ten weeks.

990
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 8: What happens during that ten weeks is not only are

991
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 8: these people walking a lot more than they normally would,

992
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:40,040
Speaker 8: they're creating a social network or social circle around walking

993
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 8: that in many cases we know about sixty percent are

994
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:47,880
Speaker 8: still around four years later. So as you were starting

995
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:52,720
Speaker 8: to latch onto it's the power of collaboration, but creating

996
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:56,840
Speaker 8: a social circle around a healthy behavior, that's what's going

997
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:58,839
Speaker 8: to last and that's what's going to matter over time.

998
00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:03,680
Speaker 1: Absolutely to quickly jump back to diet and food because

999
00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:06,360
Speaker 1: there's this great technique that you have a new method

1000
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:09,440
Speaker 1: mentioned and this was popular in parts of India that

1001
00:51:09,480 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 1: we're teaching it from this perspective as well. That the

1002
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 1: method you spoke about was being eight out of ten

1003
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 1: full when you're eating, and when we were trained about that,

1004
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 1: when we'd hear about it from an Eastern or Vadic perspective,

1005
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:26,560
Speaker 1: the idea of how breath is part of feeling full

1006
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: and so food is not the only thing that your

1007
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:30,920
Speaker 1: stomach is full on was how I was introduced to

1008
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,839
Speaker 1: that idea of being seven tenthsful or eight tenths full,

1009
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 1: and the rest would be covered by breath. Of course,

1010
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: there's water as well. Walk us through that idea of

1011
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:40,959
Speaker 1: how we can all stop eating at eight tenths fold,

1012
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 1: because I think most of us wait till ten ten

1013
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 1: or twelve ten. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah.

1014
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 8: So it has its roots in Confucius. The Okinawans have

1015
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 8: this sane hadahachibuu, which is a reminder to stop eating

1016
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,839
Speaker 8: when their stomachs are eighty percent full, and they'll say

1017
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 8: that like a prayer before or a meal, so instead

1018
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:05,280
Speaker 8: of saying grace or whatever, it's a reminder I believe,

1019
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:10,040
Speaker 8: though much of it is actually done at the table.

1020
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:13,000
Speaker 8: They tend to preplate their foods and put the leftovers

1021
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,480
Speaker 8: away at the beginning of the meal instead of the end,

1022
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 8: when you might be mindros leading. They don't have a TV,

1023
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:21,719
Speaker 8: so they're not mindlessly eating to their favorite television show.

1024
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:25,440
Speaker 8: They're sitting around with friends, slowing the meal down. It

1025
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 8: takes about twenty minutes from the full feeling to travel

1026
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 8: from your belly to your brain. And if you're wolfing

1027
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,520
Speaker 8: your food down, if you're not breathing, like you say,

1028
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 8: not drinking water, there's a pretty good chance you're going

1029
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 8: to overeat before you know it.

1030
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,799
Speaker 1: Building a business with your friend sounds like a dream, right,

1031
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 1: But as success grows, so do the challenges. How do

1032
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 1: you protect those relationships while navigating the pressures of making

1033
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 1: tough decisions, leading with clarity, and scaling a company. To

1034
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:58,200
Speaker 1: shed light on this, we have Brian Chesky, co founder

1035
00:52:58,239 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 1: and CEO of Airbnb. He's built one of the most

1036
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:05,360
Speaker 1: recognizable brands in the world while staying grounded in the

1037
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:10,280
Speaker 1: relationships that started it all. Let's hear his insights. I'm intrigued.

1038
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: You said something there that really stood out to me.

1039
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 1: You said that the happiest thing and the best thing

1040
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 1: about being successful is that you get to choose the

1041
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 1: people you worked with. You obviously built this with friends, Yeah,

1042
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 1: and that's how it started. It started in a place

1043
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 1: of being around people you love with What was the

1044
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:30,880
Speaker 1: biggest point of challenge in building something with people you

1045
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 1: love as you grow it, and what is it that

1046
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 1: you experienced and what was the biggest lesson that you

1047
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:40,279
Speaker 1: took away that actually kept it going? Because I can

1048
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 1: imagine as you're describing highs and lows, all of this

1049
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:45,800
Speaker 1: change for sixteen years, but here you are still building

1050
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:46,320
Speaker 1: it together.

1051
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 7: Think about how many stories you heard of founders. It's

1052
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:53,759
Speaker 7: like a band. They come together and then eventually the

1053
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:57,440
Speaker 7: band breaks up and people don't stay together, they resent

1054
00:53:57,480 --> 00:54:01,320
Speaker 7: each other, maybe things end very ugly. It's like a band,

1055
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 7: except like it's becomes so much bigger than the band

1056
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 7: because it's not just the three of you. Imagine a

1057
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:08,880
Speaker 7: band that starts three people and ends as three thousand people.

1058
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 7: And that amount of pressure, the amount of spotlight, the

1059
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 7: money that changes in like people's status and positioning, it

1060
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,799
Speaker 7: can do a lot to break people up. But also

1061
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 7: unlike a band, where maybe I'm not to say, you

1062
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:24,319
Speaker 7: just have to agree on like where you perform and

1063
00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:26,359
Speaker 7: what you sing. With a company, you have to agree

1064
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:27,840
Speaker 7: on like who we're gonna hire, what we're gonna call,

1065
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 7: what markets we're gonna go into, what's the prioritization, Like

1066
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 7: who are gonna raise money for. I can go down

1067
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:34,120
Speaker 7: the list of like the thousands of things you have

1068
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 7: to agree to, And with Joe, Nate and I, I

1069
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:40,320
Speaker 7: often say it's really good to start a company with friends.

1070
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 7: Not everyone has friends to start a company with, but

1071
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 7: you want that reservoir of goodwill.

1072
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:45,880
Speaker 3: And we made a decision.

1073
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:49,480
Speaker 7: The decision was that no one decision is going to

1074
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:52,400
Speaker 7: supersede our friendship in our relationship, that we're never going

1075
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:55,560
Speaker 7: to have well debate, will argue, but will never allow

1076
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:59,279
Speaker 7: a situation where winning an argument is the most important thing.

1077
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 7: Because you think about a company as one hundred thousand decisions,

1078
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 7: it could also be one hundred thousand arguments. And if

1079
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 7: you get stuck on the first debate or you like

1080
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:12,160
Speaker 7: somebody won a debate, Okay, great, you have ninety nine

1081
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 7: hundred ninety nine more things to discuss. And so the

1082
00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 7: lesson I learned is, I mean, first of all, Jay,

1083
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:20,520
Speaker 7: I was lucky, and a lot of people when I

1084
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:21,880
Speaker 7: say I was lucky, they think, oh, you're at the

1085
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 7: right place, the right time, with the right idea. And

1086
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 7: I said, well maybe, but there's something I was much

1087
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,600
Speaker 7: luckier about. And what I was most lucky about, what

1088
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:31,839
Speaker 7: made me most fortunate was I met Joe and Nate

1089
00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:35,799
Speaker 7: that we have this unbelievable chemistry. One time we had

1090
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 7: to do like some personality tests. It's like one of

1091
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 7: those core wheels, and we took this personality test to

1092
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 7: see about our chemistry, and they plotted our personalities and

1093
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 7: they formed a perfect equal adimble triangle. Not always you're

1094
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 7: going to find people that are perfect compliments to you.

1095
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:54,480
Speaker 7: I'd say a couple things. Number One, you want to

1096
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 7: have a team with people that you are friends with

1097
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:00,880
Speaker 7: or could see yourself becoming friends with, that you have

1098
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 7: a deep love and respect for that. You're going to

1099
00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 7: probably spend more time with your co founders than your

1100
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 7: spouse or your family if it goes well. If it

1101
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 7: doesn't go well, then maybe not. But that's the best

1102
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:13,800
Speaker 7: case scenario that people that have shared values. Because you

1103
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 7: can debate anything so long as you're trying to climb

1104
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 7: the same mountain in the same Volie system. You have

1105
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 7: different values. Eventually there's going to become irreconcilable conflicts. But

1106
00:56:21,640 --> 00:56:25,600
Speaker 7: you probably also want complimentary skills. The worst case is

1107
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,800
Speaker 7: people with different values and same skills. Right, we do

1108
00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:30,920
Speaker 7: the same job, we step in each other's tolls, and

1109
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:32,920
Speaker 7: we're trying to go in a different direction, And so

1110
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:35,000
Speaker 7: I think, and then I think the final thing is

1111
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:38,399
Speaker 7: just this mutual love and respect and never losing sight.

1112
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 6: You know.

1113
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 7: One of the things I tried to make sure of

1114
00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:42,560
Speaker 7: is like, even as CEO, I wanted to try to

1115
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:46,279
Speaker 7: make sure that like Joe and Nate, you know, were

1116
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:49,399
Speaker 7: included in things. And I wanted to always make sure

1117
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:51,840
Speaker 7: that people referred to us together. We thought of us

1118
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 7: as a as a unit. When I like when public

1119
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:56,919
Speaker 7: you write a founder's letter, and a lot of people

1120
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:59,520
Speaker 7: write letter and they just sign the name of the CEO.

1121
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 7: I made sure that it was from all of us

1122
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 7: and was representing all of us. I feel like they

1123
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:05,880
Speaker 7: are the heart and the soul of the company. And

1124
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:09,879
Speaker 7: it's like you know, parents, like you know, not every

1125
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,959
Speaker 7: child has the fortune to have multiple parents. Not every

1126
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 7: company has the fortune have multiple founders. But if they're together,

1127
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 7: they're not fighting, and they have a mutual love and

1128
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 7: respect from another, that's going to permeate the company, just

1129
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:22,400
Speaker 7: like it permeates the health of a child.

1130
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 3: And joan A and I.

1131
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:26,480
Speaker 7: Kind of thought ourselves as parents of the company. As

1132
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 7: a child, I'd never have had kids, but you know

1133
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 7: there's something about that and I think who you are

1134
00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:36,400
Speaker 7: and that relationship permeates every single thing. If the founders fight,

1135
00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:39,000
Speaker 7: the employees fight, if they have one respect from one another,

1136
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:42,040
Speaker 7: that is going to be a role a model that

1137
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:44,440
Speaker 7: other people throughout the organization are going to copy, and

1138
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 7: that's what I've learned from that.

1139
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 1: We will crave a sense of security, not just physically,

1140
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 1: but emotionally. One of the greatest forms of protection comes

1141
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,760
Speaker 1: from knowing that the people around us truly see us,

1142
00:57:57,320 --> 00:58:01,200
Speaker 1: understand us, and have our backs. But as life gets busier,

1143
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:06,520
Speaker 1: careers grow and challenges arise, friendships often take a backseat.

1144
00:58:07,160 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 1: How do we make sure we don't lose those connections

1145
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 1: along the way. Actress and entrepreneur Lala Anthony has built

1146
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 1: an incredible career while staying deeply connected to her inner circle.

1147
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:23,240
Speaker 1: She shares her perspective on maintaining meaningful friendships through every

1148
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:27,200
Speaker 1: season of life. Let's hear her perspective. Last time you came,

1149
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,360
Speaker 1: we were tracking your whole career journey like you've done.

1150
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:32,000
Speaker 1: You've hustled, you've worked hard, You've done so much to

1151
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 1: get to where you are today, and I want to

1152
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:36,440
Speaker 1: get to that. But for me, as I've been on

1153
00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 1: this journey, I've been reflecting on what's changed over time

1154
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 1: as my external situations changed, and what makes me feel

1155
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:47,320
Speaker 1: protected and use that word protection, And I've realized that,

1156
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:50,200
Speaker 1: of course, we have to have our internal protection. How

1157
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:53,960
Speaker 1: we feel about ourselves, our confidence, our own practices. But

1158
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:55,680
Speaker 1: I found that the thing that makes me feel the

1159
00:58:55,760 --> 00:59:00,400
Speaker 1: most protected is knowing the people around me who really

1160
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:05,360
Speaker 1: know me, and how much closer we get through that process. Like,

1161
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:07,120
Speaker 1: I have to take so much strength in the fact

1162
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:09,240
Speaker 1: that the people around me not only do they have

1163
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:12,400
Speaker 1: my back, but they actually know me and understand me

1164
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:14,720
Speaker 1: at a core and I kind of take a lot

1165
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:16,040
Speaker 1: of energy from that. Do you do the same?

1166
00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 10: I take so much energy from that. I'm like the

1167
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:20,720
Speaker 10: people who know, they know the people that I need

1168
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 10: to depend on, They're always there. I'm blessed to have

1169
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 10: an amazing family, amazing group of friends that are like

1170
00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 10: ride or die that I know are there no matter what.

1171
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:32,000
Speaker 10: And it's something that I don't take lightly. So it's

1172
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:35,320
Speaker 10: not about proving to the world anything. Like if my

1173
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 10: core group gets it, knows me inside and out, knows

1174
00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:40,920
Speaker 10: my ups, knows my downs, and are there for me,

1175
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:43,280
Speaker 10: that's the energy I pull from as well.

1176
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 1: I want to talk to about friendship. I think a

1177
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:48,080
Speaker 1: lot of people feel quite even when you're close friends,

1178
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 1: and I'm sure you felt this. It's hard to open

1179
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:52,919
Speaker 1: up about things that are going wrong in your life.

1180
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:54,240
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people are listening or

1181
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:56,720
Speaker 1: watching that's something that they can relate to. Where it's

1182
00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:58,840
Speaker 1: like I have my friends, but I don't know how

1183
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 1: to tell them right that I'm going through this, or

1184
01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 1: I know they'd care about me, but I don't want

1185
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:05,840
Speaker 1: them to feel sorry for me. Yeah, well maybe they're

1186
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:07,720
Speaker 1: going through so much stuff that yeah, I don't want

1187
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 1: to put my stuff on.

1188
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 3: That, right.

1189
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:13,720
Speaker 1: How have you managed to keep strong relationships as you've

1190
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:17,040
Speaker 1: grown in life, as you've built your career. How have

1191
01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:20,560
Speaker 1: you managed to keep that core instead of losing it

1192
01:00:20,600 --> 01:00:21,439
Speaker 1: as you get more busy.

1193
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:24,920
Speaker 10: I think that my friendships have gotten even stronger because

1194
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 10: of those moments. I don't base my friendships off of

1195
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:30,240
Speaker 10: you know, this person has only been around when everything's

1196
01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 10: been great, or we only talk about sunshine and flowers

1197
01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:36,720
Speaker 10: and cupcakes. Like friends have to be there through everything,

1198
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:38,760
Speaker 10: and you have to be able to be okay with

1199
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 10: being raw and real with people that you consider your

1200
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:44,320
Speaker 10: friend and don't throw that word around. Likely if you're

1201
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 10: saying this is my friend, this is my go to,

1202
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:48,960
Speaker 10: you should be able to share whatever's happening in your life,

1203
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:50,640
Speaker 10: whether it's good or bad. And those are the things

1204
01:00:50,680 --> 01:00:53,600
Speaker 10: that bond, you you know, through those I remember the

1205
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 10: friends that were there for me when I was going

1206
01:00:56,240 --> 01:00:58,760
Speaker 10: through my divorce, when I was publicly you know, going

1207
01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:00,800
Speaker 10: through what I was going through as a result of

1208
01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:03,440
Speaker 10: what happened in my marriage. Like, I remember my friends

1209
01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 10: that were there. I remember when my son was really

1210
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:08,320
Speaker 10: young and had to have surgery, and who was there

1211
01:01:08,360 --> 01:01:10,560
Speaker 10: in that moment, Like, I remember all of that, and

1212
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 10: those were the strengthening moments of our friendship. Now the

1213
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 10: fun stuff is great too. I remember my friends who

1214
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:18,840
Speaker 10: had been on vacation with me and got drunk and

1215
01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 10: had a great time. But it's a balance, you know.

1216
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,600
Speaker 10: The real friendships had a mix of all of that stuff,

1217
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:27,520
Speaker 10: because that's what life is. Life is not always just

1218
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:30,400
Speaker 10: fun and games. Life is up and down, and up

1219
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,640
Speaker 10: and down. That's what life is.

1220
01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:36,160
Speaker 1: Adult friendships aren't just about who's been around the longest.

1221
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:39,320
Speaker 1: They're about trust and the people who truly show up,

1222
01:01:39,680 --> 01:01:43,200
Speaker 1: who understand you and grow with you. If there's one

1223
01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:48,120
Speaker 1: thing these conversations make clear, it's that strong friendships don't

1224
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 1: just happen. They take honesty, effort, and the courage to

1225
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:55,720
Speaker 1: be vulnerable and in a world that often pulls us

1226
01:01:55,800 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 1: in so many different directions. Prioritizing connection isn't just important,

1227
01:02:01,920 --> 01:02:05,280
Speaker 1: it's essential. I hope this episode gave you a fresh

1228
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 1: perspective on what it takes to build and maintain meaningful connections.

1229
01:02:09,680 --> 01:02:12,320
Speaker 1: If something resonated with you, share it with a friend

1230
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: who needs to hear it. I'll see you next time.

1231
01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:18,480
Speaker 1: On on purpose, remember on forever in your corner and

1232
01:02:18,600 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 1: always routine for you. Hey everyone, if you love that conversation,

1233
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:26,000
Speaker 1: go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist,

1234
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:30,360
Speaker 1: Lorie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people

1235
01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:34,840
Speaker 1: ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak,

1236
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 1: and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space

1237
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,640
Speaker 1: right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.

1238
01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:43,760
Speaker 2: If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands.

1239
01:02:44,320 --> 01:02:45,920
Speaker 6: It's really hard to argue.

1240
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:47,840
Speaker 3: It actually calms your nervous systems.

1241
01:02:48,320 --> 01:02:50,640
Speaker 2: Just hold hands as you're having the conversation.

1242
01:02:50,840 --> 01:02:51,800
Speaker 6: It's so lovely.