WEBVTT - #143 Debunking the myth about happiness 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:04.080 Have I not debunked that in this entire podcast? If 0:00:04.120 --> 0:00:08.119 you're listening to this, have I not debunked that thought 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:12.680 that getting married doesn't bring you ultimate happiness right away? 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:31.760 Having a girlfriend doesn't bring you happiness? Relax? What's up everybody? 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:34.880 Welcome to the Grangersmith Podcast. Thanks for listening, watching wherever 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:38.360 you're coming from, whatever platform you're coming on coming from. 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:40.960 Thank you. I'm grateful for you. However you heard about 0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:44.639 this podcast, Welcome. We put out new episodes every Monday. 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:48.120 We talk about your questions. I answer your questions. You 0:00:48.120 --> 0:00:51.919 could email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I'll 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:53.800 put it in the queue. I asked you just kind 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:56.240 of keep it an iPhone link and don't send it 0:00:56.320 --> 0:00:58.240 multiple times, and then we're going to talk about it 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:00.000 as though me and you are sitting around a campfire 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:03.360 long form. You asked me something, something that's been on 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:05.600 your mind, and I'm gonna answer like me and you 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:07.720 are friends. That's what this is all about. This is 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:11.279 episode one forty three. Let's dig into it. First question, 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:16.279 subject line says I don't love my wife. Says Hey, Grangeer, 0:01:16.280 --> 0:01:19.320 I'd like to remain anonymous. Long time follower of your music, 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.919 but first time listener of the podcast. It's been helping 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:25.080 me tremendously with deep issues I'm dealing with. To dive 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:27.480 straight into this after listening to a recent episode of 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:31.160 Yours where you said, if you have to think about 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:33.440 loving her, then you actually don't. So it made me 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:35.920 think and realize that I never did love my wife. 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:38.679 I love what she's given me, but I don't love her. 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:40.720 My wife and I met right after i'd gotten out 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:44.120 of a rough relationship when we were nineteen. We got 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:46.840 married less than a month after that, and we barely 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:49.720 knew each other. We're now twenty six, and every day 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:52.000 this haunts me. We have a two year old daughter, 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:54.840 and I honestly have no idea what to do. I 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:56.880 know what the right thing to do is, However I 0:01:56.920 --> 0:01:59.360 feel like it could be the wrong choice. I have 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:02.560 caught my wife sending illicit photos on three separate occasions 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:06.080 to three separate people, and I currently suspect she's talking 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:08.840 to someone else right now, though I cannot prove it. 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:11.760 She's very private about her phone and deletes everything every day. 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:15.240 It's a gut feeling I have, and everyone has always 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:17.640 said that you need to trust your gut. I have 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:20.880 been asking God for a sign on what to do, 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.680 and have recently surrendered myself to God and asked him 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:25.840 to guide me. And I believe that God brought me 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:28.680 to your podcast to ask for guidance from an outside source. 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:32.000 There is obviously way more to this and way more 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:33.400 to be said, but I don't want this email to 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:36.480 be too long, So my short story question is what 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:40.080 should I do. I don't believe I've ever loved my wife, 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:42.480 and my daughter always comes first in my mind. My 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:45.400 wife gets jealous of our daughter and my relationship and 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:49.000 accuses me of loving her more, which I do. Also, 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:51.640 my wife every day accuses me of either talking to 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:55.520 someone else or thinking about leaving her or sometimes wrong, 0:02:56.600 --> 0:03:01.680 or that that's sometimes wrong. Whenever I'm quiet, I'll stop 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:03.400 right here. So this email didn't get too long, but 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:05.360 please reply back. Thank you. I hope to hear from 0:03:05.400 --> 0:03:11.840 you soon. Anonymous, thank you for emailing buddy. You asked 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:14.320 from my opinion, and you're going to get it, and 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:18.160 you're not gonna like it. And I don't think you're 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:21.120 going to follow it because it sounds like you have 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:24.519 made your mind up. But I'm gonna plead the case. 0:03:24.600 --> 0:03:27.040 Plead my case to you, because you came here on 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:29.320 this podcast, and I'm gonna plead my case to you 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:33.200 and to anyone else that might be listening and going 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:35.400 through something similar. I'm also going to plead the case 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:39.400 for someone that's nineteen like you once were, that's single 0:03:39.520 --> 0:03:42.920 and lonely and looking for a relationship. And I'm going 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:45.280 to say, to that nineteen year old looking for a 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:50.280 relationship that's very, very lonely, do you want to be 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:55.080 in a situation like this? Don't rush it, wait, wait 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:57.080 it out. You could be here. You could be in 0:03:57.080 --> 0:04:02.560 this situation. So let's dive in now that I've given 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:04.160 you an intro to that I don't think you're going 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:09.080 to like, where do I start? I'm gonna start with God. 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:11.760 But you mentioned God three times in this email, and 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:14.840 you have a capital G, and you say you have surrendered. 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:20.000 What we do in a situation like this is we 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:24.520 turn to God's word. So there's three there's three points 0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:28.800 of action to heavy dilemma. The three points of action 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:34.400 is read the word, pray, and ask for wise counsel. 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:40.640 It's apparent that you're doing all three if you're reading 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:43.320 the word I know you said you're praying, you've surrendered. 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:48.159 You're asking this podcast. I would suggest also asking wise 0:04:48.160 --> 0:04:51.800 counsel at a church. Your story is not unique, it's 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:55.520 not new. It's not going to shock anybody because a 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:57.160 lot of people are going through this, so no one's 0:04:57.200 --> 0:04:59.200 going to go, Wow, this is the craziest story I've 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:03.160 ever heard, like just common. But here's the thing, anonymous. 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:09.720 God's word very clearly says you stay in the marriage 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:12.960 and you fight for it because your love at this 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:18.000 point is a decision. It is a choice. You don't 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:22.000 follow your gut. Don't follow your gut, you said, everyone 0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:24.040 tells you to do that. I'm telling you maybe I'm 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:28.480 the only one saying, don't follow your gut. That your heart. 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:32.080 The Bible says your heart is deceitful, it is wicked, 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:35.799 and so is mine, and so we follow our minds. 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:38.560 And when you read the Word, it says that your 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:41.480 marriage is a covenant and that what God has brought together, 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:45.960 no man can separate. Now, I understand that there there 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:50.719 are things that Jesus said, like adultery that allows you 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:53.480 a loophole, But he said that because man messed up 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:57.200 to begin with, so that's not an excuse that you 0:05:57.360 --> 0:06:01.919 look for. You have already declared your wife guilty until 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:07.080 proven innocent, not because she's an inherently bad person, but 0:06:07.279 --> 0:06:10.280 because you're trying to find a way out. You're trying 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:12.960 to find a loophole so that that court paper looks 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:15.560 a little bit better and you can keep custody of 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:19.520 your daughter, or fifty percent custody of your daughter. That's 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:22.760 what your brain is doing. You have decided she is guilty. 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:26.160 This was a wrong decision. You need out. You have 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:29.279 made up your mind in this situation because your heart 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:32.039 has been deceitful to you. Your heart has lied to you. 0:06:36.480 --> 0:06:40.800 When God's word says that this marriage is precious, that 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:45.039 this marriage matters, you can't go to God and say 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:48.239 I surrender. Now. What should I do when the word 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:52.239 clearly says clearly that you need to stay in this marriage. 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:54.159 You need to fight for this marriage. What does it 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:56.960 say to your daughter if you leave this marriage In 0:06:57.000 --> 0:06:59.160 twenty years, she's going to be in a serious relationship 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:03.080 thinking about this decision you made, and she's gonna think 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:07.240 to herself, well, marriage is not that big a deal. 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:13.520 It's not permanent. Because dad left, Mom is that the 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:15.640 message you want to send to her. And let me 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:17.600 tell you something else. The reason the Bible says this, 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:20.560 it's not to cancuff us or to make us have miserable, 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:26.480 loveless lives. It's because, as our creator that created us 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:31.600 in a certain way, he knows where our ultimate joy 0:07:31.680 --> 0:07:34.920 is going to come from him, and so he builds 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:36.960 us in a way, and he gives us the instructions 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:40.480 to follow him and to follow his word so that 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:42.600 we may have joy and hope and peace and love, 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.360 not in our own way, like you're trying to create 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:49.600 your own way. The only way that things are created 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.400 new is from God. He makes the rivers in the desert, 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:55.800 He makes things new. He's the one that can turn 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:59.320 your heart back to her. So a total surrender, like 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:04.160 you're saying, is God, I I don't love her, I 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:08.320 am hurting, I am lost. I need direction. So I 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:11.480 surrender to you because you have my heart in your hands. 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:13.640 That's what the Bible says. It's got your heart in 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:17.000 his hands. He could turn it any which way he 0:08:17.040 --> 0:08:21.120 wants to. So you say, God, I need I know 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:24.000 that your word says to stay in this marriage, but 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:26.280 I don't feel that so I need I need you 0:08:26.360 --> 0:08:29.160 to change my feeling. I need you to change my heart, 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:33.840 make my eyes adore her again, turn my heart to 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:36.520 her again, so that I could love her. And maybe 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:40.000 you're thinking, well, I never did well. At nineteen, you 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:43.320 found her and something happened so much so that you 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:45.559 rushed into a marriage one month later. You must have 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:49.840 been really attracted or something about her really compelled you, 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:55.199 and then something else really compelled you enough to consummate 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:57.880 that wedding and make a baby. Like it wasn't that 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:00.880 wasn't nothing. It wasn't like there was zero attraction. There 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:04.000 was something there. So now you go to God and 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:05.920 you just go God. I know, I know what your 0:09:05.920 --> 0:09:09.200 word says. And I'm staying for my wife, I'm staying 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:12.560 for my baby, and ultimately I'm staying for you. But 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:14.680 I also want to feel joy and peace and hope, 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:18.280 and I need you to turn my heart. And then 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:22.600 your point of action, your action to your faith, is saying, hey, 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.400 we're gonna go on a date. We're gonna go and 0:09:24.480 --> 0:09:29.560 we're gonna do counseling, we're gonna work on this. Why 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:31.880 do you think she's jealous of you and your daughter? 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:36.000 Because you're actually loving your daughter more. She sees that 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:38.920 that's easy. Why do you think she's maybe cheating or 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:43.480 sending pictures to somebody because she doesn't feel the love 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:47.400 from you. You're blaming her for something that you have done. 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.280 It's easy to see from my perspective, from this chair 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:54.760 and this table and this podcast, it's easy to see. 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:57.920 Of course she's talking to somebody else. Of course she's 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:01.000 jealous of you and your daughter because you're not giving 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:03.800 her anything, because you've already made up your mind. You 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:08.840 don't want to be here. You have accused her guilty. 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.120 That's just not what God's words said. Now, you said 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.080 you feel like God has led you to this podcast 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:21.800 to come and give you an outside perspective answer. Now, 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:23.920 I'm here to tell you. I think I think you're right, 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:26.160 and I think God led you to this podcast so 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:28.160 that I could lead you back to his word that 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:31.520 says stay with this marriage, fight for it. The easy 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:33.520 thing for you to do right now, Anonymous. The easy 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:35.600 thing is to go to the courthouse and file some 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:39.120 papers and get out. But God says you do that, 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:41.920 you're going to get into another marriage one day, and 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:45.079 there will be zero trust in that next marriage, because 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.480 your next wife will go why did you get out 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:49.040 of that marriage? And you'll go, yeah, I just didn't 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:52.760 love her. You didn't, but you must have thought you did. Yeah, 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:54.840 I thought it did, but it didn't. So do you 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:58.440 love me? Yeah? Of course I love you. Well, there's 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:01.880 zero trust because you cannot prove to her that you 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:04.839 stood in front of family and courthouse and friends or 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:06.840 whatever you did. You stood up in front and said 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.200 sickness and health and death to us part. I will 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:13.439 love you forever. That's what you said in your vows, 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:16.200 and you're gonna say it again, and you're a man 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.960 that can't be trusted with vows a second time. A 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:23.280 lot of people are listening, going, I'm remarried, and it's great. 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:27.120 There's always these like exceptions. But you're asking me what 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:29.960 God says. And I'm telling you, I don't think you're 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:32.160 going to listen, and I don't think this matters to you, 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:34.680 but you did ask me on this podcast, and I'm 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:37.400 directing you back that you have to fight for this marriage. 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.960 You might not love her, but think about the thousands 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:44.079 of years before you, when people were in arranged marriages, 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:46.280 when they never even met till the day they got married, 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:50.280 and they stayed together the rest of their lives. We 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:53.160 don't live in a fairy tale. This is not the 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:57.760 movies where it just appears that people are always infatuated 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:03.400 with each other for fifty years. Sometimes we can confuse infatuation, 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:05.880 like I was talking about it in the other podcast. 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:10.040 We can confuse that infatuation with true love that takes work. 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:14.040 With true love that's more than just a feeling, like 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:17.680 a fleeting feeling knees or weak and you get goosebumps. 0:12:18.360 --> 0:12:23.960 That's bigger than that. It's better than that. Stay with it, Anonymous, 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:28.680 Pray that your heart has changed because you have a daughter. 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:32.000 It matters. You have a wife. It matters when you're 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.360 old and sitting in a rock and chair on the 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:37.680 front porch. It doesn't matter what she looks like. You've 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:40.520 made a commitment to her and you will love her. 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:45.920 I'm sorry you're going through this, but I do feel 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:48.079 like you came to this podcast for a reason. You're 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:51.240 asking for God's word. It's clear. It's clear. Read it. 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:56.360 Read God's word about marriage. It's clear. What a way 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:59.920 to start. Okay, next question, it says, Hey Granger, I'm 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:03.360 thirty two. I'm from Las Vegas. I listen to your 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:05.920 podcast all the time while at work, and I always 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:09.000 look forward for the next episode to come out. Thank you, Buddy, says, 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:11.080 let me get right to this. So I've been struggling 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:14.360 mentally on how much I've lost patience. I have a 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:16.839 two year old little boy, and my old lady has 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:19.360 two girls of her own, eight and almost thirteen. I 0:13:19.360 --> 0:13:23.920 get frustrated so easily, and my girl tells me that 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:26.080 I need to learn more patience, and she's one hundred 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:28.920 percent right. When I'm trying to get my son down 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:31.320 for a nap or bed, he's always just fighting with me, 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:34.079 And sometimes it gets so frustrating. It feels like I'm 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:36.920 always turning into an angry guy sometimes and I get 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:40.840 a little sappy, snappy, or have an attitude. Sometimes that's 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:43.960 not who I am. I'm usually always happy guy, but 0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:48.120 sometimes the kids just frustrate with me. I would just 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:50.040 love some tricks on how to get better as a 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:54.200 man and a father. I'm not open. I'm not one 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:57.480 to open up about my problems, but I'm lost inside. 0:13:57.480 --> 0:13:59.840 My head is crying out for advice. Thanks God, bless 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:03.520 A question comes from Chad thirty two, Las Vegas. Dude, 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:06.200 thank you for listening to this podcast. Thank you for 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:09.840 listening while you're working. I'm glad that it has mattered 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:11.720 to you, because it matters to you now, it matters 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:14.480 to me, and there's a lot of things I could 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:18.319 be doing filling up my days instead of sitting in 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:21.440 front of the microphone hoping that somebody's listening. So the 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:24.040 fact that it matters to you makes it worth it 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:27.320 to me. So Chad, thank you, brother. What you're feeling 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:34.320 is very normal. Two year olds are monsters. They're absolute monsters. 0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:38.720 So of course you're frustrated with a two year old, like, 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:45.000 that's not something new, that's not something weird. They're little monsters, 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:49.920 as Jordan Peterson says, they're little rats. Now they're cute. 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:52.560 They're so cute. I believe God made two year olds 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:57.120 so cute so you don't kill them, and he made 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:00.560 them so small so they don't kill you, because they 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.520 would kill you. If a two year old was bigger 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:06.359 than you and they could during one of those tipper tantrums, 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:14.120 they would kill you. So buddy, uh, this is a 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:16.840 season you're in and this is going to fly by 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:19.800 your your baby boy is going to be three and 0:15:19.840 --> 0:15:22.040 then then they're going to be four and five, like 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:24.280 in a blink of an eye. So the old you 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:28.040 have to flip your mentality instead of I am so 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:32.080 frustrated right now with this child into thinking this is 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:36.760 just a phase. This child, this child is going through 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.280 a phase that's going to be just a blink of 0:15:39.320 --> 0:15:42.640 an eye. It's like a small town map dot. You 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:45.840 blink and you miss it. That's what two is. It's 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:49.960 not easy, and it's harder. I believe it's harder for 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.800 men sometimes because I think women are are better attuned 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:57.000 to a small child than a man, and I believe 0:15:57.120 --> 0:15:59.880 men a man is more in tune for a teenager 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:04.160 in raising that kind of child. Now we overlap, and 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:07.040 we we're both good at certain things, but I just think, 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:12.200 genuine genuinely, generally, a woman is better at dealing with 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.000 a two year old than a man. You're coming home 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:18.720 from work, you're tired, your your your patience is low. 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:23.320 Keep fighting the good fight, brother, and that's what it is. 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:28.560 You're keep struggling righteously. Right, Just just hang in there, 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:31.520 hang in there, knowing that this is gonna pass. And 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:35.040 look at that baby and just think, man two, it's 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:37.360 gonna go by so fast. I love this baby boy, 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:39.200 and he's gonna be a man one day, most of 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.880 his life, most of this two year old's life, it's 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.360 going to be an adult talking back to you, God willing. 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:50.280 So this two year old stage is gone. It's so fast. 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:53.920 So when you get frustrated and he's thrown a timber 0:16:53.960 --> 0:16:55.600 tantrum and he doesn't want to eat, or he doesn't 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:57.320 want to sleep, or doesn't want to take a bath, 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:01.720 just take a second and take a breath. Take a breath. 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:04.560 Breathe all the way out and all the way in. 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:09.159 It's just a child, and it's normal. You did the 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:12.400 same thing to your mom and dad. Everyone listening did 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:14.399 the same thing to their parents. It's called the Terrible 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:18.760 twos for a reason. This is not new. Take a breath. 0:17:19.480 --> 0:17:22.159 This is gonna pass. It's gonna be over in a 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:26.200 blink of an eye. Sail your ship, you got it. 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:29.520 It's turbulent water. You're gonna make it. You're gonna make it. 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:32.879 Take a breath. If you got if you got to 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.040 take a second, go out in the backyard, just yell, 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:43.240 do it. Come back in recenter. Okay, I'm not gonna 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:47.520 let this child run my life, run my patience into 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:51.720 the ground. Yes I'm tired, Yeah I'm hungry, but I'm 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:54.119 not gonna let this child, who doesn't know any better, 0:17:54.200 --> 0:18:00.119 dictate my total mental state. Recenter reciner, you're the dad, 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:05.040 take control of this household. You got this question. Subject 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:07.399 line says drinking and driving. Hey Grange, I want to 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:10.400 remain anonymous. I live in Georgia. I'm thirty five years old. 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:12.240 Ever since I moved out of my parents' house, I 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:15.040 started drinking alcohol and Friday and Saturday nights hanging out 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:18.680 with my friends. It's always taught by my Christian parents 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:21.120 that it was wrong, but I still did it well. 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:24.119 This past weekend, I thought it was a good idea 0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:28.399 and it wasn't and I got a DUI. How do 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:32.280 I get past this and how to get more focused 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:39.960 on serving Jesus? Thanks Anonymous. I'm sorry, brother. This is 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:43.880 this is tough. This is a this is the consequence 0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:48.280 of a mistake that is costly. I know the DUIs 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:51.560 are expensive and it's going to take a long time 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:56.920 to clear this off your record, to get off probation, 0:18:57.200 --> 0:18:59.640 to get your driver's license back. Whatever that might entail 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:02.639 and it's just really the fine is really really expensive. 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:05.720 So you got you got a long you got a 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:10.120 long road ahead of you. An uphill climb, absolutely doable. 0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:13.040 A lot of people do it. It's gonna depend on 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:15.360 your mentality. Are you the kind of person that's going 0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:18.439 to turn back to drinking and get another one and 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:20.399 then you're really in trouble, Then you're going to jail, 0:19:22.160 --> 0:19:24.919 maybe getting a car accident and kill somebody and then 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:28.400 go into prison for manslaughter. Are you the other side 0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:31.800 of the coin that goes no, I'm I learned my lesson. 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:35.080 I'm gonna get better now. You sound like that. That's 0:19:35.119 --> 0:19:37.000 what your email sounds like. You sound like the person 0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:40.520 that's like, man, I learned my lesson. I'm gonna get 0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:50.359 better at this. So Jesus is not the you do 0:19:50.400 --> 0:19:51.840 I How do I say this? I hope I could 0:19:51.880 --> 0:19:57.280 say this with all due respect to you, But we 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:01.480 don't clean ourselves up and go to Jesus. There's a 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:04.720 there's not a time when we Now every other religion 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:07.359 is gonna say that you you clean up and you 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:09.760 get your life together in order, and then you go 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:12.400 to Jesus and then you're worthy of him when you're 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:19.880 finally cleaned up. It's not Christianity. Jesus finds us as 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:21.840 we're broken. He came to earth, as he said, he 0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:28.480 came to save sinners like me and you. So sometimes 0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:33.280 it takes something like this, something bad to open our eyes. 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:38.320 It's unfortunate, but it's like sometimes when you're let's go 0:20:38.359 --> 0:20:40.679 back to the two year old, right, So we just 0:20:40.720 --> 0:20:42.359 had to have the email about the two year old. 0:20:42.720 --> 0:20:47.000 Sometimes a two year old will will pull up on 0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:51.480 the couch and you say, don't do that, don't do 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:54.000 that because the rug is slippery, don't do that, and 0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:55.560 they don't listen to you. They kind of mock you 0:20:55.600 --> 0:20:58.520 and look back and they're not paying attention. And so 0:20:58.560 --> 0:21:01.600 his parents. One thing we can do is we could 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:04.320 just go, Okay, I'm gonna let you stay there for 0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:06.640 a second. I'm gonna let you see what happens when 0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:08.639 you're on that slippery rug on that couch. I'm just 0:21:08.680 --> 0:21:12.840 making up as hypothetical. And then they fall and then 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:15.720 they they bang up their elbow and then they cry 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:19.479 and then you pick them up and you say, buddy, 0:21:19.840 --> 0:21:22.280 I told you, I told you not to do that. 0:21:22.680 --> 0:21:25.760 You did it, and now you're paying the consequence you gotta. 0:21:26.000 --> 0:21:30.040 You got a bruised elbow. Now God is a father, 0:21:30.160 --> 0:21:32.560 and I believe, I believe so many times he does 0:21:32.600 --> 0:21:34.119 the same thing to us. It's like, you want to 0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:37.240 you don't want to listen to the word. And okay, 0:21:37.720 --> 0:21:41.720 let's see what happens. You're a rebel. Let's see what 0:21:41.760 --> 0:21:45.439 happens to rebels. But whenever you finish being a rebel, 0:21:46.160 --> 0:21:49.040 whenever you're standing there with your bruised elbow and you're crying, 0:21:49.880 --> 0:21:54.640 turn back to me. Turn back to me. That's the story. 0:21:54.760 --> 0:21:57.320 That's the story of Jesus. So you want to get 0:21:57.359 --> 0:22:01.359 past this and start focusing more and serving him. Now 0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:04.000 you got a bruised elbow. Now you're ready. You're in 0:22:04.040 --> 0:22:07.360 a perfect place. This is that's not a bad thing, 0:22:07.760 --> 0:22:10.800 that's a beautiful thing. Now you're at a place when 0:22:10.800 --> 0:22:15.080 you're ready. You weren't ready before, before the bruised elbow. 0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:18.359 You weren't ready to turn and listen. But he was 0:22:18.400 --> 0:22:20.720 always there. You didn't have to clean up your life 0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:24.280 to get close to him. He was always always there ready. 0:22:24.560 --> 0:22:27.080 So what do you do now? Dive into the word, 0:22:28.040 --> 0:22:31.280 start going to church, make a priority on Sundays to 0:22:31.280 --> 0:22:36.040 go to church. Start surrounding yourself with better friends. Better 0:22:36.040 --> 0:22:38.520 friends that can keep you accountable, that say, hey, man, 0:22:38.520 --> 0:22:40.639 you're getting drunk again. You getting behind the wheel again. 0:22:41.320 --> 0:22:44.639 Don't do that, don't do that. Those are the friends 0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:46.920 you need now, not the friends that go Man, can 0:22:46.960 --> 0:22:50.440 you be our designated driver? We're going out Friday. Those 0:22:50.440 --> 0:22:54.800 are the friends you don't need anymore. I believe you've 0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:57.280 learned your lesson from that, and who you are is 0:22:57.320 --> 0:23:00.400 the company that you keep. So look at the five 0:23:00.440 --> 0:23:04.840 people that are closest to you. Make a big note 0:23:04.880 --> 0:23:07.440