Speaker 1: Have I not debunked that in this entire podcast? If
Speaker 1: you're listening to this, have I not debunked that thought
Speaker 1: that getting married doesn't bring you ultimate happiness right away?
Speaker 1: Having a girlfriend doesn't bring you happiness? Relax? What's up everybody?
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Grangersmith Podcast. Thanks for listening, watching wherever
Speaker 1: you're coming from, whatever platform you're coming on coming from.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm grateful for you. However you heard about
Speaker 1: this podcast, Welcome. We put out new episodes every Monday.
Speaker 1: We talk about your questions. I answer your questions. You
Speaker 1: could email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I'll
Speaker 1: put it in the queue. I asked you just kind
Speaker 1: of keep it an iPhone link and don't send it
Speaker 1: multiple times, and then we're going to talk about it
Speaker 1: as though me and you are sitting around a campfire
Speaker 1: long form. You asked me something, something that's been on
Speaker 1: your mind, and I'm gonna answer like me and you
Speaker 1: are friends. That's what this is all about. This is
Speaker 1: episode one forty three. Let's dig into it. First question,
Speaker 1: subject line says I don't love my wife. Says Hey, Grangeer,
Speaker 1: I'd like to remain anonymous. Long time follower of your music,
Speaker 1: but first time listener of the podcast. It's been helping
Speaker 1: me tremendously with deep issues I'm dealing with. To dive
Speaker 1: straight into this after listening to a recent episode of
Speaker 1: Yours where you said, if you have to think about
Speaker 1: loving her, then you actually don't. So it made me
Speaker 1: think and realize that I never did love my wife.
Speaker 1: I love what she's given me, but I don't love her.
Speaker 1: My wife and I met right after i'd gotten out
Speaker 1: of a rough relationship when we were nineteen. We got
Speaker 1: married less than a month after that, and we barely
Speaker 1: knew each other. We're now twenty six, and every day
Speaker 1: this haunts me. We have a two year old daughter,
Speaker 1: and I honestly have no idea what to do. I
Speaker 1: know what the right thing to do is, However I
Speaker 1: feel like it could be the wrong choice. I have
Speaker 1: caught my wife sending illicit photos on three separate occasions
Speaker 1: to three separate people, and I currently suspect she's talking
Speaker 1: to someone else right now, though I cannot prove it.
Speaker 1: She's very private about her phone and deletes everything every day.
Speaker 1: It's a gut feeling I have, and everyone has always
Speaker 1: said that you need to trust your gut. I have
Speaker 1: been asking God for a sign on what to do,
Speaker 1: and have recently surrendered myself to God and asked him
Speaker 1: to guide me. And I believe that God brought me
Speaker 1: to your podcast to ask for guidance from an outside source.
Speaker 1: There is obviously way more to this and way more
Speaker 1: to be said, but I don't want this email to
Speaker 1: be too long, So my short story question is what
Speaker 1: should I do. I don't believe I've ever loved my wife,
Speaker 1: and my daughter always comes first in my mind. My
Speaker 1: wife gets jealous of our daughter and my relationship and
Speaker 1: accuses me of loving her more, which I do. Also,
Speaker 1: my wife every day accuses me of either talking to
Speaker 1: someone else or thinking about leaving her or sometimes wrong,
Speaker 1: or that that's sometimes wrong. Whenever I'm quiet, I'll stop
Speaker 1: right here. So this email didn't get too long, but
Speaker 1: please reply back. Thank you. I hope to hear from
Speaker 1: you soon. Anonymous, thank you for emailing buddy. You asked
Speaker 1: from my opinion, and you're going to get it, and
Speaker 1: you're not gonna like it. And I don't think you're
Speaker 1: going to follow it because it sounds like you have
Speaker 1: made your mind up. But I'm gonna plead the case.
Speaker 1: Plead my case to you, because you came here on
Speaker 1: this podcast, and I'm gonna plead my case to you
Speaker 1: and to anyone else that might be listening and going
Speaker 1: through something similar. I'm also going to plead the case
Speaker 1: for someone that's nineteen like you once were, that's single
Speaker 1: and lonely and looking for a relationship. And I'm going
Speaker 1: to say, to that nineteen year old looking for a
Speaker 1: relationship that's very, very lonely, do you want to be
Speaker 1: in a situation like this? Don't rush it, wait, wait
Speaker 1: it out. You could be here. You could be in
Speaker 1: this situation. So let's dive in now that I've given
Speaker 1: you an intro to that I don't think you're going
Speaker 1: to like, where do I start? I'm gonna start with God.
Speaker 1: But you mentioned God three times in this email, and
Speaker 1: you have a capital G, and you say you have surrendered.
Speaker 1: What we do in a situation like this is we
Speaker 1: turn to God's word. So there's three there's three points
Speaker 1: of action to heavy dilemma. The three points of action
Speaker 1: is read the word, pray, and ask for wise counsel.
Speaker 1: It's apparent that you're doing all three if you're reading
Speaker 1: the word I know you said you're praying, you've surrendered.
Speaker 1: You're asking this podcast. I would suggest also asking wise
Speaker 1: counsel at a church. Your story is not unique, it's
Speaker 1: not new. It's not going to shock anybody because a
Speaker 1: lot of people are going through this, so no one's
Speaker 1: going to go, Wow, this is the craziest story I've
Speaker 1: ever heard, like just common. But here's the thing, anonymous.
Speaker 1: God's word very clearly says you stay in the marriage
Speaker 1: and you fight for it because your love at this
Speaker 1: point is a decision. It is a choice. You don't
Speaker 1: follow your gut. Don't follow your gut, you said, everyone
Speaker 1: tells you to do that. I'm telling you maybe I'm
Speaker 1: the only one saying, don't follow your gut. That your heart.
Speaker 1: The Bible says your heart is deceitful, it is wicked,
Speaker 1: and so is mine, and so we follow our minds.
Speaker 1: And when you read the Word, it says that your
Speaker 1: marriage is a covenant and that what God has brought together,
Speaker 1: no man can separate. Now, I understand that there there
Speaker 1: are things that Jesus said, like adultery that allows you
Speaker 1: a loophole, But he said that because man messed up
Speaker 1: to begin with, so that's not an excuse that you
Speaker 1: look for. You have already declared your wife guilty until
Speaker 1: proven innocent, not because she's an inherently bad person, but
Speaker 1: because you're trying to find a way out. You're trying
Speaker 1: to find a loophole so that that court paper looks
Speaker 1: a little bit better and you can keep custody of
Speaker 1: your daughter, or fifty percent custody of your daughter. That's
Speaker 1: what your brain is doing. You have decided she is guilty.
Speaker 1: This was a wrong decision. You need out. You have
Speaker 1: made up your mind in this situation because your heart
Speaker 1: has been deceitful to you. Your heart has lied to you.
Speaker 1: When God's word says that this marriage is precious, that
Speaker 1: this marriage matters, you can't go to God and say
Speaker 1: I surrender. Now. What should I do when the word
Speaker 1: clearly says clearly that you need to stay in this marriage.
Speaker 1: You need to fight for this marriage. What does it
Speaker 1: say to your daughter if you leave this marriage In
Speaker 1: twenty years, she's going to be in a serious relationship
Speaker 1: thinking about this decision you made, and she's gonna think
Speaker 1: to herself, well, marriage is not that big a deal.
Speaker 1: It's not permanent. Because dad left, Mom is that the
Speaker 1: message you want to send to her. And let me
Speaker 1: tell you something else. The reason the Bible says this,
Speaker 1: it's not to cancuff us or to make us have miserable,
Speaker 1: loveless lives. It's because, as our creator that created us
Speaker 1: in a certain way, he knows where our ultimate joy
Speaker 1: is going to come from him, and so he builds
Speaker 1: us in a way, and he gives us the instructions
Speaker 1: to follow him and to follow his word so that
Speaker 1: we may have joy and hope and peace and love,
Speaker 1: not in our own way, like you're trying to create
Speaker 1: your own way. The only way that things are created
Speaker 1: new is from God. He makes the rivers in the desert,
Speaker 1: He makes things new. He's the one that can turn
Speaker 1: your heart back to her. So a total surrender, like
Speaker 1: you're saying, is God, I I don't love her, I
Speaker 1: am hurting, I am lost. I need direction. So I
Speaker 1: surrender to you because you have my heart in your hands.
Speaker 1: That's what the Bible says. It's got your heart in
Speaker 1: his hands. He could turn it any which way he
Speaker 1: wants to. So you say, God, I need I know
Speaker 1: that your word says to stay in this marriage, but
Speaker 1: I don't feel that so I need I need you
Speaker 1: to change my feeling. I need you to change my heart,
Speaker 1: make my eyes adore her again, turn my heart to
Speaker 1: her again, so that I could love her. And maybe
Speaker 1: you're thinking, well, I never did well. At nineteen, you
Speaker 1: found her and something happened so much so that you
Speaker 1: rushed into a marriage one month later. You must have
Speaker 1: been really attracted or something about her really compelled you,
Speaker 1: and then something else really compelled you enough to consummate
Speaker 1: that wedding and make a baby. Like it wasn't that
Speaker 1: wasn't nothing. It wasn't like there was zero attraction. There
Speaker 1: was something there. So now you go to God and
Speaker 1: you just go God. I know, I know what your
Speaker 1: word says. And I'm staying for my wife, I'm staying
Speaker 1: for my baby, and ultimately I'm staying for you. But
Speaker 1: I also want to feel joy and peace and hope,
Speaker 1: and I need you to turn my heart. And then
Speaker 1: your point of action, your action to your faith, is saying, hey,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go on a date. We're gonna go and
Speaker 1: we're gonna do counseling, we're gonna work on this. Why
Speaker 1: do you think she's jealous of you and your daughter?
Speaker 1: Because you're actually loving your daughter more. She sees that
Speaker 1: that's easy. Why do you think she's maybe cheating or
Speaker 1: sending pictures to somebody because she doesn't feel the love
Speaker 1: from you. You're blaming her for something that you have done.
Speaker 1: It's easy to see from my perspective, from this chair
Speaker 1: and this table and this podcast, it's easy to see.
Speaker 1: Of course she's talking to somebody else. Of course she's
Speaker 1: jealous of you and your daughter because you're not giving
Speaker 1: her anything, because you've already made up your mind. You
Speaker 1: don't want to be here. You have accused her guilty.
Speaker 1: That's just not what God's words said. Now, you said
Speaker 1: you feel like God has led you to this podcast
Speaker 1: to come and give you an outside perspective answer. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm here to tell you. I think I think you're right,
Speaker 1: and I think God led you to this podcast so
Speaker 1: that I could lead you back to his word that
Speaker 1: says stay with this marriage, fight for it. The easy
Speaker 1: thing for you to do right now, Anonymous. The easy
Speaker 1: thing is to go to the courthouse and file some
Speaker 1: papers and get out. But God says you do that,
Speaker 1: you're going to get into another marriage one day, and
Speaker 1: there will be zero trust in that next marriage, because
Speaker 1: your next wife will go why did you get out
Speaker 1: of that marriage? And you'll go, yeah, I just didn't
Speaker 1: love her. You didn't, but you must have thought you did. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I thought it did, but it didn't. So do you
Speaker 1: love me? Yeah? Of course I love you. Well, there's
Speaker 1: zero trust because you cannot prove to her that you
Speaker 1: stood in front of family and courthouse and friends or
Speaker 1: whatever you did. You stood up in front and said
Speaker 1: sickness and health and death to us part. I will
Speaker 1: love you forever. That's what you said in your vows,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna say it again, and you're a man
Speaker 1: that can't be trusted with vows a second time. A
Speaker 1: lot of people are listening, going, I'm remarried, and it's great.
Speaker 1: There's always these like exceptions. But you're asking me what
Speaker 1: God says. And I'm telling you, I don't think you're
Speaker 1: going to listen, and I don't think this matters to you,
Speaker 1: but you did ask me on this podcast, and I'm
Speaker 1: directing you back that you have to fight for this marriage.
Speaker 1: You might not love her, but think about the thousands
Speaker 1: of years before you, when people were in arranged marriages,
Speaker 1: when they never even met till the day they got married,
Speaker 1: and they stayed together the rest of their lives. We
Speaker 1: don't live in a fairy tale. This is not the
Speaker 1: movies where it just appears that people are always infatuated
Speaker 1: with each other for fifty years. Sometimes we can confuse infatuation,
Speaker 1: like I was talking about it in the other podcast.
Speaker 1: We can confuse that infatuation with true love that takes work.
Speaker 1: With true love that's more than just a feeling, like
Speaker 1: a fleeting feeling knees or weak and you get goosebumps.
Speaker 1: That's bigger than that. It's better than that. Stay with it, Anonymous,
Speaker 1: Pray that your heart has changed because you have a daughter.
Speaker 1: It matters. You have a wife. It matters when you're
Speaker 1: old and sitting in a rock and chair on the
Speaker 1: front porch. It doesn't matter what she looks like. You've
Speaker 1: made a commitment to her and you will love her.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you're going through this, but I do feel
Speaker 1: like you came to this podcast for a reason. You're
Speaker 1: asking for God's word. It's clear. It's clear. Read it.
Speaker 1: Read God's word about marriage. It's clear. What a way
Speaker 1: to start. Okay, next question, it says, Hey Granger, I'm
Speaker 1: thirty two. I'm from Las Vegas. I listen to your
Speaker 1: podcast all the time while at work, and I always
Speaker 1: look forward for the next episode to come out. Thank you, Buddy, says,
Speaker 1: let me get right to this. So I've been struggling
Speaker 1: mentally on how much I've lost patience. I have a
Speaker 1: two year old little boy, and my old lady has
Speaker 1: two girls of her own, eight and almost thirteen. I
Speaker 1: get frustrated so easily, and my girl tells me that
Speaker 1: I need to learn more patience, and she's one hundred
Speaker 1: percent right. When I'm trying to get my son down
Speaker 1: for a nap or bed, he's always just fighting with me,
Speaker 1: And sometimes it gets so frustrating. It feels like I'm
Speaker 1: always turning into an angry guy sometimes and I get
Speaker 1: a little sappy, snappy, or have an attitude. Sometimes that's
Speaker 1: not who I am. I'm usually always happy guy, but
Speaker 1: sometimes the kids just frustrate with me. I would just
Speaker 1: love some tricks on how to get better as a
Speaker 1: man and a father. I'm not open. I'm not one
Speaker 1: to open up about my problems, but I'm lost inside.
Speaker 1: My head is crying out for advice. Thanks God, bless
Speaker 1: A question comes from Chad thirty two, Las Vegas. Dude,
Speaker 1: thank you for listening to this podcast. Thank you for
Speaker 1: listening while you're working. I'm glad that it has mattered
Speaker 1: to you, because it matters to you now, it matters
Speaker 1: to me, and there's a lot of things I could
Speaker 1: be doing filling up my days instead of sitting in
Speaker 1: front of the microphone hoping that somebody's listening. So the
Speaker 1: fact that it matters to you makes it worth it
Speaker 1: to me. So Chad, thank you, brother. What you're feeling
Speaker 1: is very normal. Two year olds are monsters. They're absolute monsters.
Speaker 1: So of course you're frustrated with a two year old, like,
Speaker 1: that's not something new, that's not something weird. They're little monsters,
Speaker 1: as Jordan Peterson says, they're little rats. Now they're cute.
Speaker 1: They're so cute. I believe God made two year olds
Speaker 1: so cute so you don't kill them, and he made
Speaker 1: them so small so they don't kill you, because they
Speaker 1: would kill you. If a two year old was bigger
Speaker 1: than you and they could during one of those tipper tantrums,
Speaker 1: they would kill you. So buddy, uh, this is a
Speaker 1: season you're in and this is going to fly by
Speaker 1: your your baby boy is going to be three and
Speaker 1: then then they're going to be four and five, like
Speaker 1: in a blink of an eye. So the old you
Speaker 1: have to flip your mentality instead of I am so
Speaker 1: frustrated right now with this child into thinking this is
Speaker 1: just a phase. This child, this child is going through
Speaker 1: a phase that's going to be just a blink of
Speaker 1: an eye. It's like a small town map dot. You
Speaker 1: blink and you miss it. That's what two is. It's
Speaker 1: not easy, and it's harder. I believe it's harder for
Speaker 1: men sometimes because I think women are are better attuned
Speaker 1: to a small child than a man, and I believe
Speaker 1: men a man is more in tune for a teenager
Speaker 1: in raising that kind of child. Now we overlap, and
Speaker 1: we we're both good at certain things, but I just think,
Speaker 1: genuine genuinely, generally, a woman is better at dealing with
Speaker 1: a two year old than a man. You're coming home
Speaker 1: from work, you're tired, your your your patience is low.
Speaker 1: Keep fighting the good fight, brother, and that's what it is.
Speaker 1: You're keep struggling righteously. Right, Just just hang in there,
Speaker 1: hang in there, knowing that this is gonna pass. And
Speaker 1: look at that baby and just think, man two, it's
Speaker 1: gonna go by so fast. I love this baby boy,
Speaker 1: and he's gonna be a man one day, most of
Speaker 1: his life, most of this two year old's life, it's
Speaker 1: going to be an adult talking back to you, God willing.
Speaker 1: So this two year old stage is gone. It's so fast.
Speaker 1: So when you get frustrated and he's thrown a timber
Speaker 1: tantrum and he doesn't want to eat, or he doesn't
Speaker 1: want to sleep, or doesn't want to take a bath,
Speaker 1: just take a second and take a breath. Take a breath.
Speaker 1: Breathe all the way out and all the way in.
Speaker 1: It's just a child, and it's normal. You did the
Speaker 1: same thing to your mom and dad. Everyone listening did
Speaker 1: the same thing to their parents. It's called the Terrible
Speaker 1: twos for a reason. This is not new. Take a breath.
Speaker 1: This is gonna pass. It's gonna be over in a
Speaker 1: blink of an eye. Sail your ship, you got it.
Speaker 1: It's turbulent water. You're gonna make it. You're gonna make it.
Speaker 1: Take a breath. If you got if you got to
Speaker 1: take a second, go out in the backyard, just yell,
Speaker 1: do it. Come back in recenter. Okay, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: let this child run my life, run my patience into
Speaker 1: the ground. Yes I'm tired, Yeah I'm hungry, but I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna let this child, who doesn't know any better,
Speaker 1: dictate my total mental state. Recenter reciner, you're the dad,
Speaker 1: take control of this household. You got this question. Subject
Speaker 1: line says drinking and driving. Hey Grange, I want to
Speaker 1: remain anonymous. I live in Georgia. I'm thirty five years old.
Speaker 1: Ever since I moved out of my parents' house, I
Speaker 1: started drinking alcohol and Friday and Saturday nights hanging out
Speaker 1: with my friends. It's always taught by my Christian parents
Speaker 1: that it was wrong, but I still did it well.
Speaker 1: This past weekend, I thought it was a good idea
Speaker 1: and it wasn't and I got a DUI. How do
Speaker 1: I get past this and how to get more focused
Speaker 1: on serving Jesus? Thanks Anonymous. I'm sorry, brother. This is
Speaker 1: this is tough. This is a this is the consequence
Speaker 1: of a mistake that is costly. I know the DUIs
Speaker 1: are expensive and it's going to take a long time
Speaker 1: to clear this off your record, to get off probation,
Speaker 1: to get your driver's license back. Whatever that might entail
Speaker 1: and it's just really the fine is really really expensive.
Speaker 1: So you got you got a long you got a
Speaker 1: long road ahead of you. An uphill climb, absolutely doable.
Speaker 1: A lot of people do it. It's gonna depend on
Speaker 1: your mentality. Are you the kind of person that's going
Speaker 1: to turn back to drinking and get another one and
Speaker 1: then you're really in trouble, Then you're going to jail,
Speaker 1: maybe getting a car accident and kill somebody and then
Speaker 1: go into prison for manslaughter. Are you the other side
Speaker 1: of the coin that goes no, I'm I learned my lesson.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get better now. You sound like that. That's
Speaker 1: what your email sounds like. You sound like the person
Speaker 1: that's like, man, I learned my lesson. I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: better at this. So Jesus is not the you do
Speaker 1: I How do I say this? I hope I could
Speaker 1: say this with all due respect to you, But we
Speaker 1: don't clean ourselves up and go to Jesus. There's a
Speaker 1: there's not a time when we Now every other religion
Speaker 1: is gonna say that you you clean up and you
Speaker 1: get your life together in order, and then you go
Speaker 1: to Jesus and then you're worthy of him when you're
Speaker 1: finally cleaned up. It's not Christianity. Jesus finds us as
Speaker 1: we're broken. He came to earth, as he said, he
Speaker 1: came to save sinners like me and you. So sometimes
Speaker 1: it takes something like this, something bad to open our eyes.
Speaker 1: It's unfortunate, but it's like sometimes when you're let's go
Speaker 1: back to the two year old, right, So we just
Speaker 1: had to have the email about the two year old.
Speaker 1: Sometimes a two year old will will pull up on
Speaker 1: the couch and you say, don't do that, don't do
Speaker 1: that because the rug is slippery, don't do that, and
Speaker 1: they don't listen to you. They kind of mock you
Speaker 1: and look back and they're not paying attention. And so
Speaker 1: his parents. One thing we can do is we could
Speaker 1: just go, Okay, I'm gonna let you stay there for
Speaker 1: a second. I'm gonna let you see what happens when
Speaker 1: you're on that slippery rug on that couch. I'm just
Speaker 1: making up as hypothetical. And then they fall and then
Speaker 1: they they bang up their elbow and then they cry
Speaker 1: and then you pick them up and you say, buddy,
Speaker 1: I told you, I told you not to do that.
Speaker 1: You did it, and now you're paying the consequence you gotta.
Speaker 1: You got a bruised elbow. Now God is a father,
Speaker 1: and I believe, I believe so many times he does
Speaker 1: the same thing to us. It's like, you want to
Speaker 1: you don't want to listen to the word. And okay,
Speaker 1: let's see what happens. You're a rebel. Let's see what
Speaker 1: happens to rebels. But whenever you finish being a rebel,
Speaker 1: whenever you're standing there with your bruised elbow and you're crying,
Speaker 1: turn back to me. Turn back to me. That's the story.
Speaker 1: That's the story of Jesus. So you want to get
Speaker 1: past this and start focusing more and serving him. Now
Speaker 1: you got a bruised elbow. Now you're ready. You're in
Speaker 1: a perfect place. This is that's not a bad thing,
Speaker 1: that's a beautiful thing. Now you're at a place when
Speaker 1: you're ready. You weren't ready before, before the bruised elbow.
Speaker 1: You weren't ready to turn and listen. But he was
Speaker 1: always there. You didn't have to clean up your life
Speaker 1: to get close to him. He was always always there ready.
Speaker 1: So what do you do now? Dive into the word,
Speaker 1: start going to church, make a priority on Sundays to
Speaker 1: go to church. Start surrounding yourself with better friends. Better
Speaker 1: friends that can keep you accountable, that say, hey, man,
Speaker 1: you're getting drunk again. You getting behind the wheel again.
Speaker 1: Don't do that, don't do that. Those are the friends
Speaker 1: you need now, not the friends that go Man, can
Speaker 1: you be our designated driver? We're going out Friday. Those
Speaker 1: are the friends you don't need anymore. I believe you've
Speaker 1: learned your lesson from that, and who you are is
Speaker 1: the company that you keep. So look at the five
Speaker 1: people that are closest to you. Make a big note
Speaker 1: about those five people, because those five people that are
Speaker 1: surrounding you at all times more than anybody else. That's
Speaker 1: who you are. You will always assimilate to that group,
Speaker 1: that five, So it might be time for some new ones.
Speaker 1: Those are the three things I would tell you to do.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that you had to bruise your elbow, but
Speaker 1: I think it's a good thing. I think you're in
Speaker 1: a great place. Let's take a break and beerer back.
Speaker 1: Thank y'all for listening to the Granger Smith podcast. If
Speaker 1: you want to hear more, we put out a new
Speaker 1: episode every single Monday morning. If you want to find
Speaker 1: out ways to get a hold of me. You could
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. If you want
Speaker 1: a special message from me, this is really cool, go
Speaker 1: to cameo dot com slash grangersmith. Ask for anything you need,
Speaker 1: maybe a birthday shout out a little word of encouragement,
Speaker 1: happy engagement, whatever it might be. Go to cameo dot
Speaker 1: com slash Grangersmith. I'll make you a personal video message.
Speaker 1: You could also download the cameo app and search for
Speaker 1: me granger Smith. I'll make you any kind of video
Speaker 1: and send it to you personalized anytime you want. Go
Speaker 1: to cameo dot com slash Grangersmith or download the cameo app.
Speaker 1: Of course you know this, but if you ever want
Speaker 1: to sport some Yee apparel or anything related to Yee,
Speaker 1: go to ye Ye dot com. Let's get back to
Speaker 1: your questions, all right. Next question says single mom Dating Standards.
Speaker 1: Hey Granger, new listener here, I follow Yeeee and I've
Speaker 1: heard of your podcast. My question is I'm divorced, single
Speaker 1: mother for the last five years of an amazing little boy.
Speaker 1: His father chooses when he wants to be part of
Speaker 1: his life. I'm also the sole provider and have been.
Speaker 1: I'm a godfearing woman and raising my son to be
Speaker 1: a godfearing man. I've healed from all of my abusive
Speaker 1: marriage and I'm proud of that, all glory to God.
Speaker 1: But I do badly want a partner and a father
Speaker 1: figure in my son's life who loves the Lord. I
Speaker 1: go to church every week, I work children's ministry, I
Speaker 1: work full time, and then I'm also a full time mom.
Speaker 1: I'm overweight, which I'm trying to work on, but I
Speaker 1: feel like that's what's stopping my dating life. I have
Speaker 1: no dating life, and my son is at that age
Speaker 1: when he's having no man to look up to, and
Speaker 1: that's becoming more and more difficult. He's eight years old.
Speaker 1: I could show a mother's love all day, but there's
Speaker 1: something different with boys and their fathers. I'm ready for
Speaker 1: a marriage and a bigger family. Lord knows it, but
Speaker 1: I don't want to just settle for just any guy again.
Speaker 1: What do you suggest? Thank you for always being so
Speaker 1: encouraging and pointing us back to him. Anonymous fan, So Anonymous,
Speaker 1: this is interesting. So for everyone else listening, remember the
Speaker 1: first question I answered on this podcast in the first section.
Speaker 1: This is the result of the divorce. If you give
Speaker 1: up on your marriage, this is what happens. This is
Speaker 1: now a single mom in that other case with a
Speaker 1: daughter who's looking for a man and looking for that
Speaker 1: father figure for a seven or eight year old daughter.
Speaker 1: This is the end result. So we could always see
Speaker 1: through these questions as we listen to this podcast, we
Speaker 1: could see all the different stages of life and relationships.
Speaker 1: We could see the ones that if we follow a
Speaker 1: path that God's given us, or if we follow our
Speaker 1: own heart and chase after our own desires, we could
Speaker 1: see the result. It's very easy to see. Okay, So Anonymous,
Speaker 1: thank you for emailing. Thank you for this question. This
Speaker 1: is a hard thing you're in and I do have
Speaker 1: sympathy for that, and it sounds like you're doing some
Speaker 1: great things. You sound like an amazing woman. My first
Speaker 1: thought that comes to my mind is reading through the Psalms,
Speaker 1: like read through the Psalms like in the twenties, Psalm
Speaker 1: twenty twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, twenty four to
Speaker 1: twenty five, and you're gonna see so much in those
Speaker 1: Psalms of David in his heart, which is a man
Speaker 1: after God's own heart, and you can see a lot
Speaker 1: of things about waiting, waiting. I wait for you, Lord,
Speaker 1: I will wait for you. I wait for the Lord. Wait, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: wait for the Lord. He has a plan, he has
Speaker 1: a purpose. Trust and surrender to that and wait. Now
Speaker 1: that is so hard to understand, so difficult to swallow.
Speaker 1: But that's the truth. Anything less than that, anything less
Speaker 1: than you waiting, is a lack of trust. Now, you
Speaker 1: are a god freeing woman, according to your words. You
Speaker 1: go to church every week, you work in children's ministry.
Speaker 1: But there is a lack of trust. I'm not accusing you,
Speaker 1: because we all do at some level, all of us.
Speaker 1: But I just I'm pointing it back to you that
Speaker 1: that if you're going what's going on? Will I ever
Speaker 1: find someone I don't want to settle I I don't, don't, don't, can't, can't, won't, won't.
Speaker 1: It's a lack of trust. That's that's not an easy thing.
Speaker 1: But it's like this, It's like God on your knees
Speaker 1: at night, Anonymous God. I am surrendering to you because
Speaker 1: I know you have a purpose for my life that's
Speaker 1: already written. You have a plan for me, you have
Speaker 1: a purpose, you have a path for me. That's laid out.
Speaker 1: Let me surrender to that path. Let me surrender knowing
Speaker 1: that your purpose is better than mine. I could try
Speaker 1: all I want to navigate and take the wheel and
Speaker 1: try to turn this ship however I want to go,
Speaker 1: But your path is better. You make things new, you
Speaker 1: restore marriages, you create rivers in the desert. That's you,
Speaker 1: the creator of this universe. I surrender to that. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna rest and that and I'm gonna wait on it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wait for you. Say that and preach it
Speaker 1: to your heart, even if you don't believe it. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we have to say things out loud and let our
Speaker 1: heart catch up to that later. But you know that
Speaker 1: that's the truth, and you know that that's the word.
Speaker 1: Wait for the Lord. He has glory plan for you,
Speaker 1: So wait it out and preach it to your heart.
Speaker 1: And your heart says, no, I don't want to wait.
Speaker 1: I wanna find somebody now, and I'm overweight and I
Speaker 1: have problems and I and my son is getting older
Speaker 1: and he needs a father and I don't. And just
Speaker 1: then preach it back and say, wait, wait for the Lord.
Speaker 1: I surrender. I trust his purpose, his plan, his will
Speaker 1: not mine. I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait,
Speaker 1: and say that to yourself and then get back on
Speaker 1: your knees and go God. I'm waiting for you. I
Speaker 1: pray that you just brings a man into my life.
Speaker 1: I'm working, I'm busy, I don't know where to look,
Speaker 1: and so I can anymore. And I'm gonna give it
Speaker 1: back to you. I'm not gonna worry about it. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna force this square peg in a round hole.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say to God, I trust you that
Speaker 1: you're gonna bring up. But I'm asking for a godly
Speaker 1: man to come into my life for my son. And
Speaker 1: if it doesn't come tomorrow, I'll pray it again. But
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna worry and I'm not gonna get angry
Speaker 1: about it, because your purpose is better than mine. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wait, wait for you. I'm gonna wait for
Speaker 1: you and then preach it back to your heart again.
Speaker 1: I'll wait for the Lord. I wait for the Lord.
Speaker 1: His purpose not mine, his will not mine. He has
Speaker 1: a path, he makes rivers in the desert. I will
Speaker 1: wait for the Lord. If you don't believe that, then
Speaker 1: you're just not trusting. Do that, Do that? Man. Next question,
Speaker 1: subject line depressed and single. Here we go, Hey, gradeer.
Speaker 1: My name is Jacob. I'm from West Virginia. I'm twenty
Speaker 1: three years old, never had a girlfriend, and I really
Speaker 1: want one. I've been on tender Bumble and a few
Speaker 1: other dating websites and I still can't find one. I'm
Speaker 1: not really going out. I'm quiet, I'm shy, so I'm
Speaker 1: not the type to go out to bars and parties
Speaker 1: to look for a girlfriend. I've been praying to God
Speaker 1: for what seems like forever to bring me a girlfriend
Speaker 1: and a future wife. But all my buddies either have
Speaker 1: a girlfriend or they're getting married, and I just feel
Speaker 1: left out at this point, I don't even know what
Speaker 1: to do. Please help appreciate it. Jacob from West Virginia.
Speaker 1: You're making a good case. You're making a good case
Speaker 1: to complete. Is this episode is like full circle? Okay, Jacob,
Speaker 1: you're making a case of a desperate man you're becoming.
Speaker 1: You're slowly letting your heart take over, and it's making
Speaker 1: you desperate. And the more desperate you let your wild,
Speaker 1: wicked heart be and it convinces your mind. That's how
Speaker 1: it works. Starts in the gut, follow your gut, follow
Speaker 1: your gut. Reject that. The more you let your wild,
Speaker 1: wicked heart run free and act desperate, the more it
Speaker 1: convinces your mind that you are desperate, and that everyone
Speaker 1: else has a good life, and everyone else has a girlfriend,
Speaker 1: and they're all getting married and oh, trust me, everyone
Speaker 1: that's getting married's gonna have a great life. Have I
Speaker 1: not debunked that in this entire podcast, if you're listening
Speaker 1: to this, Jacob, have I not debunked that thought that
Speaker 1: getting married doesn't bring you ultimate happiness right away? Having
Speaker 1: a girlfriend doesn't bring you happiness. Relax. Take a breath,
Speaker 1: like the guy with the two year old. Take a breath.
Speaker 1: This is a season. Wait for the lord. Get a hobby,
Speaker 1: Go get go, join a club and do something that
Speaker 1: you love with other guy friends. Wait, this is a season.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have an entire life to be married. You
Speaker 1: were twenty three. It's extremely young. You got a lot
Speaker 1: of life. I was not married at twenty three. There
Speaker 1: are a lot of girls out there. You don't need
Speaker 1: to be on tender and bumble and dating apps. I
Speaker 1: understand your shy. Overcome it. Instead of working on finding
Speaker 1: a girl on tender and bumble. Instead of worrying and
Speaker 1: taking all the think how much effort it takes to
Speaker 1: worry about finding a girl and how you're gonna do it.
Speaker 1: Instead of all that energy going that direction, put the
Speaker 1: energy on overcoming your shyness in small increments, baby steps,
Speaker 1: like I don't like going out where other girls are
Speaker 1: or parties. Try it. It's not easy for a shy
Speaker 1: person to go to a party. Float in there and
Speaker 1: hang on the wall like a fly, go with some friends,
Speaker 1: be in a group, be surrounded by a group. Work
Speaker 1: on that, and don't go there with the intention of
Speaker 1: finding a girlfriend. Not that many people find girlfriends at
Speaker 1: parties anyway. It comes through other ways, Like that's a
Speaker 1: rare thing to do any So that's not like the
Speaker 1: future wife is at the party. It's like no one's
Speaker 1: saying that the future wife is at the bar like that.
Speaker 1: Why would you want that anyway? I know that people
Speaker 1: do that, but is that what you want? Like that's
Speaker 1: the girl you want is one you found at a bar.
Speaker 1: Learn to be content in the situation you're in now.
Speaker 1: If you don't figure this out, if you don't rest
Speaker 1: on that contentment in the place you are right now,
Speaker 1: in your life. It's setting you up for failure in
Speaker 1: a relationship. Let me say it again. If you don't
Speaker 1: find contentment in the place in your life that you
Speaker 1: are right now, you are setting yourself up for failure
Speaker 1: in a future relationship because you will have become desperate.
Speaker 1: And a desperate way into a relationship is not a
Speaker 1: good one. That's not a good way to get into
Speaker 1: a relationship because you're desperately looking for one. It turns
Speaker 1: off people, It sets off your mood, It causes fights,
Speaker 1: it causes jealousy and anxiety. That is worse than being
Speaker 1: where you are now. Listen. I saw this Bonanza episode.
Speaker 1: It's an old western a long time ago. It impacted
Speaker 1: me so much. I was a kid when I saw this,
Speaker 1: and I still think about it. But these cowboys go
Speaker 1: up this mountain a long way and there's this old
Speaker 1: man at the top of the mountain in a cabin.
Speaker 1: The cowboys come in and they say, you live here
Speaker 1: all alone. The old guy says, yep. One of the
Speaker 1: cowboys says, must be lonely. The old man looks him
Speaker 1: dead in the eye and says, it's better to be
Speaker 1: lonely alone than lonely with somebody else. I never forgot that.
Speaker 1: That's you. That is your email. It is better to
Speaker 1: be lonely alone than lonely with somebody else. Can I
Speaker 1: say it again louder please, so y'all could hear me.
Speaker 1: It's better to be lonely alone than lonely with somebody else.
Speaker 1: If you get desperate, if you stop being content with
Speaker 1: who you are, you are going to get into a
Speaker 1: relationship where you are lonely alone. And that's a bad
Speaker 1: place to be. Wait. Work on contentment, work on your shyness.
Speaker 1: Small increments, you'll get there. It will happen. Getting all
Speaker 1: worked up today, y'all. Next question, subject line says, I
Speaker 1: just graduated high school and I'm seeking advice. Hey, Grangeer,
Speaker 1: just graduated high school. I have a great girlfriend. I'm
Speaker 1: currently living at home. I'm hoping to get married in
Speaker 1: two to three years. I'm eighteen. I want to move out,
Speaker 1: but I think it's not the right move because I
Speaker 1: also want to be saving money for my future. Any
Speaker 1: advice you could give me would be amazing. By the way,
Speaker 1: my name is whalan great name Whalen. Thanks for the email. Brother.
Speaker 1: We are continuing the theme here on today's episode, So
Speaker 1: here's what I wan to say about this. You are
Speaker 1: currently living at home, you're hoping to get married in
Speaker 1: two to three years, and you're eighteen, and you want
Speaker 1: to move out, but you don't think it's the right
Speaker 1: move because you want to save money. I don't ever, ever,
Speaker 1: I don't ever think it's the right thing to do
Speaker 1: to live at home to save money when you're eighteen. No,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't let I'm not going to let my kids
Speaker 1: do it. My parents didn't let me do it. Get
Speaker 1: out of the house. Eighteen is a good age. If
Speaker 1: you look back in history and you look at all
Speaker 1: the different cultures and tru of humans, there was always
Speaker 1: something set up about your age about eighteen where you
Speaker 1: kicked them out of the nest because that is the
Speaker 1: best education you could have. Saving money is not a
Speaker 1: good enough reason to live at home. I know a
Speaker 1: lot of people are disagreeing right now as they're listening.
Speaker 1: No way, no way, save money. No, get out of
Speaker 1: the house. Pack your bags today when you hear this podcast,
Speaker 1: and get out and go find a job and learn
Speaker 1: how to earn money, and learn how to pay bills
Speaker 1: on an apartment and utilities. I don't care if you
Speaker 1: have to stay on someone's couch and pay them for
Speaker 1: the couch, pay someone thirty dollars a month to stay
Speaker 1: on their couch whatever. This is not about money. Saving
Speaker 1: money in your parents' house will be lost in the
Speaker 1: long run. It is not a good financial plan to
Speaker 1: save money on rent so that you could build it
Speaker 1: up so you can get married in three years when
Speaker 1: you're twenty one, which is super young to be married.
Speaker 1: Have I not proven that point already with a nineteen
Speaker 1: year old who got married and now he's worried it
Speaker 1: was too soon. These are warning signs. Get out of
Speaker 1: the house, get a job, go to a trade school
Speaker 1: and work a double job to pay for the trade school.
Speaker 1: Get a cheap apartment, Live on a friend's couch, Live
Speaker 1: in a friend's laundry room with towels and a pillow.
Speaker 1: Get out of the house. It is not a good
Speaker 1: financial plan to stay and save money from mommy and
Speaker 1: daddy as they make you grilled cheese sandwiches. I am
Speaker 1: not trying to offend you. Please, Whylan, don't take this
Speaker 1: as an offensive statement. I'm saying it because I genuinely
Speaker 1: have a love for you and all the people that
Speaker 1: email because we have a connection through this pot and
Speaker 1: through ye nation. And I have zero reason to stand
Speaker 1: on a pedestal and look down on anybody and to
Speaker 1: judge anybody. I have zero reason, like I will not
Speaker 1: do this podcast if it's about me flexing and trying
Speaker 1: to judge and say I'm better. That's not what this
Speaker 1: is about. And I am genuinely saying this out of
Speaker 1: love for you, because I genuinely feel like this is
Speaker 1: the best move for you to be your best person,
Speaker 1: for you to gain Did you hear me talk to
Speaker 1: the guy right before this that was shy, or the
Speaker 1: girl that was shy, or guy all of them guys, girls,
Speaker 1: they're shy. That this shyness is cultivated by living at
Speaker 1: home for too long. What makes you an outgoing person
Speaker 1: is getting out of the house and renting an apartment
Speaker 1: or a couch or a laundry room with a towel
Speaker 1: and learning that responsibility of paining utilities of oh my rents,
Speaker 1: my electric bills late, they're going to cut it off.
Speaker 1: I remember me at that age, electric bill going late
Speaker 1: and the guy coming down the street and flipping the
Speaker 1: switch at seven am while I'm still in bed, and
Speaker 1: the power goes off in the summertime in Texas and
Speaker 1: the air conditioning stops because I didn't pay the bill
Speaker 1: on time. Like, those are life lessons that I can't
Speaker 1: learn at mommy and Daddy's house while she's making me
Speaker 1: honey nut cheerios. This is so valuable. That money that
Speaker 1: you're saving is not worth it because it's worthless because
Speaker 1: you don't know how to save it or spend it.
Speaker 1: You will learn that when the electricity gets cut off
Speaker 1: in the summer and you don't have a girl cheese
Speaker 1: and honey nut cheerios in the cabinet. You go, Okay,
Speaker 1: I need to straighten myself up. I need to go out.
Speaker 1: I need to ask for a raise. I need to
Speaker 1: get a second job. I need to go to trade
Speaker 1: school or go to college. I need to look for
Speaker 1: a scholarship. I need to work a third job. To
Speaker 1: figure this out, and then guess what happens all that,
Speaker 1: through those life circumstances, through that electricity getting cut off,
Speaker 1: through the empty honey nut cheerios box, now you're learning
Speaker 1: how to make money and save it and budget it
Speaker 1: and spend it in the right ways. Now you're learning.
Speaker 1: Now you're on a path it doesn't matter how much
Speaker 1: two or three thousand dollars you saved it. Mommy's get out.
Speaker 1: It's going to prove something to this current girlfriend. You
Speaker 1: have to tell her this. Say it's time for me
Speaker 1: to be a man. I'm old enough to go to
Speaker 1: the military. I'm old enough to learn how to be
Speaker 1: a man, and that starts with me leaving the nest,
Speaker 1: getting kicked out and going and starting my life. Do this,
Speaker 1: do this? Whalan anyone else listening? You're disagreeing. I already
Speaker 1: know it. If this goes on TikTok, you're gonna comment
Speaker 1: and say you hate me and I'm wrong? Am I
Speaker 1: the am I? It's interesting. Let's hit one more question.
Speaker 1: What should I go to next? How about this one?
Speaker 1: Anxiety and depression? Hey Granger, Lately my life has been
Speaker 1: throwing shots at me and it doesn't feel like I'm
Speaker 1: strong enough for it. Every day gets a little harder,
Speaker 1: and I really don't see a good reason to stay
Speaker 1: around if life always hurts this bad every day. I'm
Speaker 1: so anxious, always worrying. It feels like my brain is
Speaker 1: attacking me. Let me rephrase that. It says it feels
Speaker 1: like my brain is under attack. And I'm the one
Speaker 1: attacking it. I feel like it's always my fault and
Speaker 1: I feel this way and blame myself and I can't
Speaker 1: fix it. I'm at a loss. Any advice is helpful.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Question comes from Drayton. Drayton, because you asked him,
Speaker 1: because you came to this podcast. I will tell you
Speaker 1: that Jesus says, come to him. His yoke is easy
Speaker 1: and his burden is light. Bring your cares to him,
Speaker 1: Lay it at his feet, surrender to him as the
Speaker 1: one and only God in the flesh, who came to
Speaker 1: earth two thousand years ago, was crucified, bore the weight
Speaker 1: of our sins, supplemented all of our problems, all of
Speaker 1: our inequity, and inequitd in all of our things. I
Speaker 1: am so worked up right now from this, from this podcast.
Speaker 1: Lay it all at his feet, Go to him, run
Speaker 1: to him, and the power, the power of God is
Speaker 1: in the Gospel. What I'm telling you right now this
Speaker 1: is in Romans one. You are lost, you're under attack,
Speaker 1: you're worrying, you're anxious, and that is normal. That is
Speaker 1: a normal human thing. I've been there, I felt it.
Speaker 1: This is uh, this is the greatest day of your
Speaker 1: lif if you listen to me, and if you don't
Speaker 1: listen to me, then you're gonna see more of the same.
Speaker 1: Run to him, Get on your knees and say, Granger
Speaker 1: said that there's this, that you're out there Jesus, and
Speaker 1: that you have you've taken the weight of all my
Speaker 1: burden on your shoulders with your blood, through your sacrifice.
Speaker 1: That you were resurrected three days after you were killed.
Speaker 1: That's miraculous. That's never happened ever in human history. No
Speaker 1: human has died and three days later come back to life.
Speaker 1: That is something only God can do. Why why did
Speaker 1: he do that? Read about it. That's the story of
Speaker 1: the gospel. You learn that you go to his feet
Speaker 1: and you lay it all down, and you will be restored, renewed.
Speaker 1: You will replace this anxiety and worrying and anxiousness. You'll
Speaker 1: replace it all for hope, hope. That cannot lead us astray.
Speaker 1: It cannot be something that lets us down. This is
Speaker 1: the best news I could ever tell you, Drayden. I
Speaker 1: could go so much deeper into this, and I could
Speaker 1: analyze your question, but you didn't go into any detail,
Speaker 1: and so I'm not gonna need to go into any
Speaker 1: detail besides run to Jesus. If you don't hear that message,
Speaker 1: then you're gonna join a lot of people that don't.
Speaker 1: But if you do, you're gonna join a few that do.
Speaker 1: And you're gonna feel it and then email me back
Speaker 1: and say I feel it. Email me back, Drayton. I
Speaker 1: love you guys. Sorry, I got so worked up on
Speaker 1: this podcast. Let's see you next Monday. Thanks for joining
Speaker 1: me on the granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of
Speaker 1: you guys. You could help me out by rating this
Speaker 1: podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel.
Speaker 1: Hit that little like button and notification spell that you
Speaker 1: never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have
Speaker 1: a question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye