Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to I Choose Me. I'm talking to Constant Zimmer,
Speaker 1: who has just been nominated for an Emmy, you guys
Speaker 1: for her role in Love Story. She absolutely shines as
Speaker 1: Carolyn Bessett's mother Anne. Bravo, my friend. I can't wait
Speaker 1: for you all to hear the rest of our conversation,
Speaker 1: so let's jump back in. Congrats, Constant, so excited for you.
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk to you about female friendships because
Speaker 1: I know our kids went to school. First of all,
Speaker 1: everybody not in the same grade, but we would see
Speaker 1: each other on campus a lot. The female friendships are
Speaker 1: talked about a lot, and some, you know, stay, some go.
Speaker 1: Have you had the same friends forever or do you
Speaker 1: find that people come in and out of your life
Speaker 1: for whatever reason?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm my friendships keep changing, altering, some by choice,
Speaker 2: some not by choice. I definitely in this mid life range.
Speaker 2: I have met a whole new group of friends that
Speaker 2: I have become closer to in a shorter amount of
Speaker 2: time because we're so open and so honest, and we
Speaker 2: talk about everything, and so all of a sudden, you've
Speaker 2: become so close so fast, which that I did not
Speaker 2: anticipate or see.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, Heidi, who is my co.
Speaker 2: Host and of the podcast, like I met her in
Speaker 2: twenty twenty during COVID, you know, over Zoom because of
Speaker 2: a project that she was the writer and showrunner of
Speaker 2: and I was attached as the star. And you know,
Speaker 2: and she has in these last years, I mean, she's
Speaker 2: become like my closest and nearest and dearest friend.
Speaker 3: And did I see that happening.
Speaker 2: No, But she came at me with such a presence
Speaker 2: and an honesty and like a mentor that I had
Speaker 2: really never had before. And I was like, ooh, this
Speaker 2: is cool, Like that's what sixty looks like. Holy shit,
Speaker 2: it's amazing. So like, I, you know, I've noticed that
Speaker 2: a couple of my friends that are much younger than me,
Speaker 2: because I have a lot of friends that are much
Speaker 2: younger than me, and they I don't think they've not
Speaker 2: understood this transition, right, And I don't know how to
Speaker 2: explain it except to say, like you'll.
Speaker 3: See, like shit shifts changes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's like and it's not that I do
Speaker 2: not love those friends any less, it's just there's a
Speaker 2: whole different, all these different mind fields that I need
Speaker 2: to go through with other people that are experiencing it
Speaker 2: at the same time.
Speaker 3: So I know through it. That's about hard.
Speaker 1: And also you accepting the fact that men having mentors,
Speaker 1: having other women that you look up to and that
Speaker 1: you learn from. That was a whole new feeling for
Speaker 1: me after I turned fifty. Like I don't know why exactly,
Speaker 1: but it definitely changed. And so the other friends that
Speaker 1: weren't teaching me or showing me by example or sort
Speaker 1: of leading the way, I was less interested in hanging
Speaker 1: out with because I want, I so desperately want to
Speaker 1: grow and evolve and you know, be the best person
Speaker 1: I can be. And you sort of like weed out
Speaker 1: the fringe, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think too, think about it right, I
Speaker 2: mean again, I can say this because this is our experience,
Speaker 2: which is, you know, when you have kids, there's a
Speaker 2: whole group of friends that become your friends because your kids,
Speaker 2: and then the kids get older and the kids start
Speaker 2: having opinions, and then you lose those friendships because the
Speaker 2: kids are not friends anymore. And you're like, you really
Speaker 2: like the parents, but wait, I have to go do
Speaker 2: a play date over here, and so I can't come
Speaker 2: over here now. And then that like weirdly just starts
Speaker 2: to transition away.
Speaker 1: Does it fizzle out for you? Or you the person
Speaker 1: that's like, hey, this relationship is kind of reached its end.
Speaker 1: Do you like you know? Because I don't, I never
Speaker 1: know what to do, you know, you start to like
Speaker 1: not talk as much. And then because I have, you know,
Speaker 1: and being older, having been through all those phases, and
Speaker 1: now my younger friends who are going, you know, having
Speaker 1: their kids and their lives are full of kids stuff,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, Okay, well, I feel as if I've lost
Speaker 1: a friend, but I fully understand where they are in
Speaker 1: their life and what's their priorities. But now, at a
Speaker 1: certain age, you really the divide happens.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely think it was a again that goes
Speaker 2: back to people pleasing right that, like I think I
Speaker 2: would let things, I would hold on for dear life. No,
Speaker 2: come on, come on, come on, please still like me,
Speaker 2: we still like each other. Let's make it work, let's
Speaker 2: figure it out, please please please, And so then it
Speaker 2: would become more of like, you know, a fizzle out,
Speaker 2: whereas at this age, I'm like, I don't know the
Speaker 2: fucking time right, it's just the band with no yeah,
Speaker 2: and you're just like, either I can meet you or
Speaker 2: I can't. Like, that's it and that's all I can
Speaker 2: give you. And if you're gonna be mad at me,
Speaker 2: you're gonna be mad at me. I'm sorry, but that's
Speaker 2: all I can do right now. So if you're okay
Speaker 2: with that, great, Because like, I have friendships with girls
Speaker 2: that I've known since I was eighteen, and I talked
Speaker 2: to them once a year and it's okay because we're
Speaker 2: living our lives and we're grown ass fucking women.
Speaker 1: Nobody's mad about you not calling them.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: I mean, for the first time in my life, I
Speaker 2: forgot my friend's birthday. And this is one of my
Speaker 2: friends I've known since I was eighteen, and I remember
Speaker 2: the day the next day and I texted her.
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god, oh my god,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I forgot.
Speaker 2: I didn't fucking wish you happy birthday and your birthday,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, and I felt horrible.
Speaker 1: I've been there, yes.
Speaker 2: And she said, you have so much going on. I
Speaker 2: do not fault you at all.
Speaker 3: You know you're here, you're saying it now.
Speaker 2: I love you, you know, it's okay. And I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 1: And that we don't we shouldn't have to have that
Speaker 1: validation in order for it to be okay. We should
Speaker 1: be able to sort of like comfort ourselves and remind ourselves,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you're dealing with a lot right now.
Speaker 1: But I still feel guilty though, you know, like I
Speaker 1: still feel that like I've disappointed them or I'm letting
Speaker 1: them down. Yeah, but it's just the way it is.
Speaker 2: Well, it's also like, yeah, because I don't know if
Speaker 2: you were this in your life, but like I was
Speaker 2: always the friend that always put the card in the mail,
Speaker 2: that always remembered the birthday, that always got the present,
Speaker 2: that set up the lunch, that set up the breakfast
Speaker 2: to celebrate that da da and that just started going
Speaker 2: away because I was like I can't I can't hold
Speaker 2: it all together. I can't hold everybody together. Like someone's
Speaker 2: got to help pick up the slack hair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, I've absolutely felt that shift because all my
Speaker 1: life I was like the one that did the planning
Speaker 1: and made it all happen and had the special celebrations
Speaker 1: for Easter, whatever, like hosted the parties. I just can't
Speaker 1: do it anymore, like physically and mentally cannot do it.
Speaker 3: But that goes back to people pleasing.
Speaker 1: And then it ties into not giving a fuck yeah anymore. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry if that's disappointing to someone. And it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I don't tricky, because that can be seen
Speaker 1: as like, oh, you're so wrapped up in yourself in
Speaker 1: your career and you know all of that, But yeah,
Speaker 1: I am right now, Urry, I've spent my whole life,
Speaker 1: you know, raising you have one of three, raising these
Speaker 1: humans that took all of me, and now I'm trying
Speaker 1: to give myself some of that attention.
Speaker 3: And hm, right, well, and I think too.
Speaker 2: Listen again, it's a man's world, right, Like, anytime a
Speaker 2: woman puts herself first, it is looked down upon. And
Speaker 2: that is even someone who decides not to get married
Speaker 2: and not have kids.
Speaker 3: It's like, how selfish? How dare you?
Speaker 2: And it's like, no, this is my choice and what
Speaker 2: I want to do for my life, right, But nobody
Speaker 2: would ever look at a man who decided to not
Speaker 2: get married and not have kids and be.
Speaker 3: Like, how dare you?
Speaker 2: How selfish of you instead they're like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: you built a multi billion billion dollar company because you
Speaker 2: put yourself first.
Speaker 3: How cool? So it's that's all it is is.
Speaker 2: It's just like we have been fashioned and told that
Speaker 2: when we put ourselves first, we are being selfish. And
Speaker 2: what happens later in life is less people are paying
Speaker 2: attention to you. So you realize, oh, I can go
Speaker 2: put myself first and some people might not even notice,
Speaker 2: Like it's this weird permission of a tunnel that you're like,
Speaker 2: are people even going to see that I didn't do that?
Speaker 3: Like you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I know, it's so liberating though it's my last thing ever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when you are paid less attention to, Like I know,
Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like that could possibly be true, but
Speaker 1: there's such other it's like a freedom in it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I'm curious. Did you have you read
Speaker 2: this book called The Upgrade?
Speaker 3: No? Oh my god, Jenny.
Speaker 2: That book also got me through the weird three years
Speaker 2: of confusion because Luanne Brisandine, who is a neurological doctor, scientist,
Speaker 2: like fucking supernova of a woman, she doesn't talk about
Speaker 2: She doesn't use the word perimenopause or menopause. She only
Speaker 2: uses the word the upgrade because she talks about how
Speaker 2: physically our bodies are shifting to put ourselves first. So
Speaker 2: it is something that you actually cannot stop from happening,
Speaker 2: even if you try and fight it, it will fight back.
Speaker 2: Parts of your brain are shrinking and others are growing.
Speaker 2: And every time I would read a chapter or I
Speaker 2: would listen to her talking about it.
Speaker 3: I was like, Oh my god, yes, that's what it is.
Speaker 2: How fucking crazy that nobody has said that this time
Speaker 2: in our lives is an upgrade.
Speaker 4: It's a trip, and you don't talk about it until
Speaker 4: you've experienced it, and then you're like, I have to
Speaker 4: tell everyone that this is what happens just authentically to
Speaker 4: women as we get older.
Speaker 1: It's it's the best. It's like. And I would always
Speaker 1: think when people would say, oh, I love being fifty
Speaker 1: and I was like thirty, I'd like, what are you
Speaker 1: talking about? But it's it's fifties are the greatest, and
Speaker 1: you know, talking to Heidi, she said that sixties are
Speaker 1: even better. I feel like there's, you know, so much
Speaker 1: around the conversations that we're allowed to have now as
Speaker 1: women our age, and that we're there were allowing ourselves
Speaker 1: to have unapologetically that is changing just the narrative for
Speaker 1: the future for our girls.
Speaker 3: Right, and I mean it is.
Speaker 2: You know, I hate for us to take all the credit,
Speaker 2: but gen X is fucking kicking ass in the awareness
Speaker 2: and conversations around what it means to be a woman
Speaker 2: in her fifties to day, to not compare me to
Speaker 2: a woman in her fifties even from ten years ago,
Speaker 2: because there is we are the first generation as like
Speaker 2: in Mass right in Mass that is really making it
Speaker 2: a movement and giving the power back to women so
Speaker 2: they can be excited about getting here. And then we'll
Speaker 2: do it for sixty, We'll do it for seventy, and
Speaker 2: we'll do it for eighty.
Speaker 3: We'll just keep setting this new standard.
Speaker 1: New norm. Yeah it's acceptable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so good.
Speaker 1: Feels really it feels really good. How would you say
Speaker 1: that your path to motherhood affected like the trajectory of
Speaker 1: your career and your life because you're a couple of
Speaker 1: years older than me, and you waited a little longer
Speaker 1: to have your daughter in your life than I did.
Speaker 1: I was a really young mom by you know, people's standards.
Speaker 1: But do you think like, how did how did becoming
Speaker 1: a mom. Just change you.
Speaker 2: Well, I you know, I have a silly story because
Speaker 2: I met my second husband when I was thirty five,
Speaker 2: so I had already been married and divorced by thirty five, and.
Speaker 3: I was told that I couldn't get pregnant.
Speaker 2: So I was like, I can willy nilly, like, no
Speaker 2: birth control, get off birth control, don't use condoms. I
Speaker 2: can't get pregnant with my husband now. And we had
Speaker 2: only been together for a year. And I was going
Speaker 2: in to get my blood work done because I was
Speaker 2: gonna go have surgery because I had fibroids in my uterus,
Speaker 2: which is why they tell you can't get pregnant.
Speaker 1: Pregnant.
Speaker 2: I don't fucking believe that nonsense. So obviously I went
Speaker 2: to go get my blood work to do my pre
Speaker 2: op for the surgery to go get the fibroids out,
Speaker 2: and the woman came back in and she was like,
Speaker 2: you can't have the surgery because you're pregnant. I was like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 1: What I want to find out?
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 2: I thought I was on an episode of Punked with
Speaker 2: Ashton Kutcher, because that was a big show at the time,
Speaker 2: and I was on a TV show and I thought,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm unpunked, I'm being pumped.
Speaker 3: This is fucked up.
Speaker 1: It's messed up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that wasn't the case.
Speaker 2: And another part of the story is that me and
Speaker 2: my now husband, we were on a break when I
Speaker 2: found this out.
Speaker 3: So I was like, oh, what the fuck, what the fuck?
Speaker 3: What do I do?
Speaker 2: But you know, lo and behold it worked out in
Speaker 2: my favor and yeah, and we have an eighteen year
Speaker 2: old child, so it definitely changed me, just in a
Speaker 2: way that it was not my plan. So I was
Speaker 2: just rolling with it as it came. And the writer strike,
Speaker 2: that first writer strike, you know, seventeen sixteen years ago,
Speaker 2: six fifteen whatever. Anyways, I that was happening.
Speaker 3: While I was pregnant.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I did my whole pregnancy when like the
Speaker 2: whole business was on strike. So like, oh, well, this
Speaker 2: timing works out great. But yeah, I mean it shifted everything.
Speaker 2: I think having a kid is a lot of fucking
Speaker 2: work physically, emotionally, mentally.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just.
Speaker 1: Especially as they get older. Like I got to be honest,
Speaker 1: toddlers were easy, right, Like you fed them and you
Speaker 1: clean up after them, and you put them to bed.
Speaker 1: But didn't you know, having these young women daughters and
Speaker 1: you know, knowing what they're facing out there in the world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and not letting that just like consume you with concern
Speaker 1: and worry.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all of the above.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think it's you know, what I've been
Speaker 2: thinking about a lot lately is how we basically we
Speaker 2: as a.
Speaker 3: Species, we change every decade. We change.
Speaker 2: So like when you think of a child, any child
Speaker 2: from zero to ten, there's like.
Speaker 3: Three four, five.
Speaker 2: Personalities in that first ten year block. Okay, Then from
Speaker 2: like ten to twenty, there's like definitely a lot of
Speaker 2: personalities in there. Then you start going, oh then twenty
Speaker 2: to thirty, you know, it's a little less. Thirty to
Speaker 2: forty it was a little less, and like fifties is
Speaker 2: why you go, oh, this is me this I figured
Speaker 2: it out right. So it's like you figure it out
Speaker 2: and then you're like, oh, what is this this version
Speaker 2: that has all those decades right? Like it's like that's
Speaker 2: so interesting to me. So it's like why do.
Speaker 1: They Why is it design that we have to wait
Speaker 1: so long to figure out who we are?
Speaker 3: Because I think we need life. Yeah, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 1: But don't you think our kids feel like they know
Speaker 1: who they are? Like yes, I mean we probably thought
Speaker 1: that too when we were their age.
Speaker 2: That's what youth is for. I mean, youth is wasted
Speaker 2: on the young because it's you don't realize it until
Speaker 2: that part is over and then you're like, oh shit,
Speaker 2: did I use that time wisely? How did I do?
Speaker 2: What did I do there? But yeah, I mean I
Speaker 2: think that's just life. Like that's what life is for,
Speaker 2: is being here and figuring out your your purpose And
Speaker 2: a lot of times you don't know that until you've
Speaker 2: tried things and that didn't work and this felt good
Speaker 2: and that didn't feel good, and I don't know do.
Speaker 1: You ever trip out on just like being a human
Speaker 1: being every day?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: Who?
Speaker 3: How?
Speaker 1: Why?
Speaker 3: Every single day? I do? I trip out more on it?
Speaker 2: I'll be honest through grief because when you lose somebody
Speaker 2: that you felt was going to be here forever or
Speaker 2: that should still be here, it makes me look at
Speaker 2: being a human so differently where you're just like why them?
Speaker 3: Like why? I am such an EmPATH?
Speaker 2: And that is my hardest struggle as being an EmPATH
Speaker 2: is I feel like there are way too many people
Speaker 2: that are not here any longer that I do not
Speaker 2: understand why. And then there are people who are here
Speaker 2: and it feels like they're never going to fucking die,
Speaker 2: And you're like, why when this person is alive and
Speaker 2: they're causing so much pain?
Speaker 3: Why, Like that is where I just I go why
Speaker 3: it doesn't.
Speaker 1: Mean any sense?
Speaker 3: No, mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Well you've been married to us, you're since twenty ten?
Speaker 1: Is that correct?
Speaker 3: Yes, very good.
Speaker 1: I'm really inspired long you know, by long lasting marriages,
Speaker 1: especially in the industry that we are in. Seems like,
Speaker 1: you know, they're few and far between. My things and
Speaker 1: flow right in a relationship, especially in the context of
Speaker 1: the entertainment business, and you know, our travel schedules and
Speaker 1: our workloads and like, you know, being pulled apart. I
Speaker 1: think a lot more than a normal couple would be.
Speaker 1: My husband, by the way, also loves us.
Speaker 3: You know that.
Speaker 1: He's like I said, I'm having constant on the pod
Speaker 1: today and he's like, oh my god, talking about her
Speaker 1: husband and tell her I love them. Those two they
Speaker 1: could just talk and we could leave the building. It
Speaker 1: wouldn't matter.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we could love.
Speaker 1: What are your secrets?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 1: How do you choose your relationship. I mean now, especially
Speaker 1: that your daughter is flowing the coop and she's doing
Speaker 1: her thing as a young adult, like, how do you
Speaker 1: now shift and especially being women in our stage where
Speaker 1: we are focusing more on ourselves, how do you keep
Speaker 1: your relationship just as important? Because it, you know, it
Speaker 1: has taken for me, it has taken up more of
Speaker 1: a backseat that because of my daughters, right, and they
Speaker 1: stop meeting you as much. And then you feel the gap,
Speaker 1: you know, or the the absence that you notice it,
Speaker 1: and then you're like, Okay, I got to start working
Speaker 1: on this relationship more. What is your secret to you know?
Speaker 2: I don't know that I have a secret, because I
Speaker 2: think some days I'm not doing it very well at
Speaker 2: all at all.
Speaker 3: I think the.
Speaker 2: Going through the confusion of menopause before people were talking
Speaker 2: about it was our most challenging time because I didn't
Speaker 2: understand what was happening to me.
Speaker 3: Yep, and he didn't either, no exactly.
Speaker 2: And you know the greatest thing that I would say
Speaker 2: if you, I wouldn't even call it a secret.
Speaker 3: I would tell it type every.
Speaker 2: Woman, don't keep it a secret during this transition of
Speaker 2: life is when you learn something teach them because it
Speaker 2: helps them to understand that it's not personal, right, because
Speaker 2: all of it feels very personal, and I would get
Speaker 2: mad that I was like, this is not about you,
Speaker 2: like I don't know what is happening or anything. I
Speaker 2: don't know what what's going on, and so like I
Speaker 2: take I took Russ on board for like some of
Speaker 2: my projects, some of my midlife projects, because I wanted
Speaker 2: him to read all the stuff I was reading.
Speaker 3: I wanted him like he would at the end of
Speaker 3: the day.
Speaker 2: He'd be like, oh my god, I just read this
Speaker 2: insane study. You know that women between you know, forty
Speaker 2: five and fifty five is the highest percentage of divorce.
Speaker 2: And he's like that is so trippy. You know, it's
Speaker 2: like so like it was. It was bringing him into
Speaker 2: the conversation, not not pushing him out and going like
Speaker 2: I'm going to go figure this out without you, because
Speaker 2: once he was getting the knowledge that I was getting,
Speaker 2: there was a softness and a like holy shit, like
Speaker 2: I'm so.
Speaker 1: Sorry, man, look at I see what you're dealing with
Speaker 1: now in a different way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to bring them into the conversations. They
Speaker 2: wanted me such good advice.
Speaker 1: No, seriously, because I think our tendency is to hunker
Speaker 1: down and figure our shit out, and then we really
Speaker 1: expect ourselves to act a different way because of what
Speaker 1: we know now. But the other your partner is kind
Speaker 1: of clueless to your whole journey. So it's really important.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And there is like a whole movement out there
Speaker 2: of men who are actually like doing these kinds of
Speaker 2: you know, videos about like you have a partner or
Speaker 2: a wife or a you know, somebody, a mom, a
Speaker 2: sibling or whatever going through this time, Like here are
Speaker 2: the things you need to realize, Be patient, be kind,
Speaker 2: you know, you know, it's like all and and I
Speaker 2: don't know, maybe it's easier coming from another man, but
Speaker 2: you know, I loved it because Russ would go and
Speaker 2: have coffee with his friends who were also in marriages
Speaker 2: or relationships with women at this age too, and and
Speaker 2: he was like.
Speaker 3: Well, have you talked to them about this, that and
Speaker 3: the other thing?
Speaker 2: And he realized that he was becoming the guy that
Speaker 2: was helping the other guys. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's so sweet, you know, like I love the ear
Speaker 2: sharing your information and not feeling.
Speaker 3: Weird about like going.
Speaker 2: Oh, like we had a tough time, like that was
Speaker 2: hard getting through that period, and so that I thought
Speaker 2: was really good.
Speaker 3: So like, really, that's that's it.
Speaker 2: The secret is just not keeping them out of the
Speaker 2: conversation or the knowledge that you're learning whatever you're going
Speaker 2: through in life.
Speaker 1: Okay. So in twenty twenty, you turn fifty. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: to celebrate the milestone, you co founded a media company
Speaker 1: called The Midlife Collective what you were just talking about,
Speaker 1: and you launched your podcast Talk fifty to Me, which
Speaker 1: I am excited to be on.
Speaker 3: We were so excited to have you with your.
Speaker 1: Writer partner Heidi.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you've described the show as sort of a
Speaker 1: reframing of your fifties fiercely funny and frank conversations, which
Speaker 1: I love. Tell me more about the media company aspect
Speaker 1: of it.
Speaker 2: Well, there was the podcast idea with Heidi, because Heidi
Speaker 2: had such a following and women would meet her on
Speaker 2: the street and they would like cry their eyes out
Speaker 2: and say like thank you so much. I feel seen
Speaker 2: for the first time in my life. And I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god.
Speaker 1: Because of the characters she was writing.
Speaker 3: No, because of who she was on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 1: Right, just being her authentic self.
Speaker 2: Right, and I was like, this is crazy. We need
Speaker 2: to get this out in a bigger arena. And then
Speaker 2: I had the idea of what to do with all
Speaker 2: these women that are out of work in their fifties,
Speaker 2: because there's a lot of us. And I was like,
Speaker 2: where is the play like the Vagina Monologues. So then
Speaker 2: I had the idea to create a play called the
Speaker 2: Midlife Monologues. And what I did is I created a
Speaker 2: got a creative community of like a hundred women which
Speaker 2: you now need to come and join us, and that
Speaker 2: is like the Vagina Monologues, but for women in midlife
Speaker 2: to show one they can't not cast us because you
Speaker 2: need me, you need us, and also to show why
Speaker 2: storytelling is missing for this decade of a woman's life.
Speaker 2: So then I developed I'm in development on that. And
Speaker 2: then I was like, we got approached to me and
Speaker 2: the woman who are co creators of Midlife Monologues, Abbi Epstein,
Speaker 2: who's a documentary filmmaker who did the business of being
Speaker 2: born with Ricky Lake and did the business of birth control,
Speaker 2: and we partnered and then we got approached to co
Speaker 2: direct a documentary called Her Second End Act.
Speaker 3: Because of the Midlife.
Speaker 2: Monologues, and so we're also directing this documentary, and so
Speaker 2: we were like, what do we do with all of
Speaker 2: these projects, Like we need to we need a place
Speaker 2: for everything to come.
Speaker 3: So it's this. We call it like our tent, you know,
Speaker 3: like our umbrella.
Speaker 2: Is we all of these projects are under this umbrella.
Speaker 2: And then what we wanted to do was use it
Speaker 2: as a place for everyone with midlife stories, everybody using
Speaker 2: their platform to be so that you could have like
Speaker 2: a one stop shop like what are the best books
Speaker 2: about midlife or aging or being in your fifties or
Speaker 2: perimenopause or whatever. What are the best TV shows? What
Speaker 2: are the podcasts, what are the So we're just gathering
Speaker 2: all of this information about this time and putting it
Speaker 2: under this umbrella so that people will have one place
Speaker 2: to go to kind of decide like, oh, I want
Speaker 2: to watch a movie that's about this, I want to
Speaker 2: read a book, I want to listen to a podcast.
Speaker 3: So that's what the media company is.
Speaker 2: And then eventually we would like to help push people's stories,
Speaker 2: whether it's getting an IP for a book and saying
Speaker 2: we will get this book made, we will get your
Speaker 2: script made, we will try and sell this TV show,
Speaker 2: like basically using the power of all the celebrities that
Speaker 2: we have in the community to say, oh, I can
Speaker 2: get that script to Jenny Garth.
Speaker 3: Yes, I will call her. I will. So that's what
Speaker 3: the company.
Speaker 1: Is for, is it's like a LinkedIn Yeah pretty much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly in mid life women that have amazing ideas and
Speaker 1: needs and it's.
Speaker 2: Great, yeah and need more, need more eyeballs, you know,
Speaker 2: and how can we help you? Like it's like Julie
Speaker 2: Fla said, who is one of our founders? So it's
Speaker 2: myself Abby Epstein and Julie Fla said founded the Midlife Collective.
Speaker 2: But she always says, like all ships rise, and like
Speaker 2: right now with the Midlife Collective, we're on tour and
Speaker 2: we're doing this dressing Room Confessions tour, which we started
Speaker 2: for the Midlife Monologues. It was like a way to
Speaker 2: get out into the public and get women to give
Speaker 2: their anonymous stories so that we could use that storytelling
Speaker 2: in creating the play. And then we had to stop
Speaker 2: taking stories because we had to write the play. So
Speaker 2: now those stories are a part of the documentary, which
Speaker 2: are then a part of gathering statistics like what are
Speaker 2: pim women lacking. What are they the most mad about,
Speaker 2: the most ashamed of, the most wish that they had
Speaker 2: in their community. And we've been on tour with this
Speaker 2: and that's also a part of Midlife Collective, is gathering
Speaker 2: stories for the documentary and just to use so that
Speaker 2: all women can see they're not alone. Because the stories,
Speaker 2: when you give somebody a place to just anonymously kind
Speaker 2: of talk to themselves in the mirror, it's really incredibly
Speaker 2: moving and raw.
Speaker 3: And it's been a part of this.
Speaker 2: You know, I didn't I had no idea this was
Speaker 2: what was going to come out of. Like these ideas,
Speaker 2: it's just like keeps like blossoming and blossoming, and it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's really beautiful.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had the pleasure of being on your pod.
Speaker 1: You did a pod swap and it was really fun.
Speaker 1: So everybody watch out on your socials for when those
Speaker 1: are going to air. We will for sure be promoting them,
Speaker 1: of course, because we want you to see it. I
Speaker 1: just love you. I love I love your just honesty,
Speaker 1: and you know, I love that we've known each other
Speaker 1: for a long time and we're able to like kind
Speaker 1: of reconnect yet and different stage in our lives in
Speaker 1: a whole different way. So that's it's just like hopeful
Speaker 1: for me and comforting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have to say I when I saw your
Speaker 2: whole I Choose Me movement, I was like, fuck, yeah, Jenny, Yes, yes,
Speaker 2: like that is what we need to be doing. Like
Speaker 2: this is like doesn't this feel so good in your core?
Speaker 2: Not only for yourself, but to be giving that back
Speaker 2: to other women?
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 1: It's I'm moved because I feel like we're both doing
Speaker 1: the same you know, we're both in that phase and
Speaker 1: we're I find personally more fulfillment in this work than
Speaker 1: in any acting role I've ever done. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: how you feel about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I agree because it's I mean, look,
Speaker 2: it's it's it's more us obviously, it's more controlled.
Speaker 3: We decide more of it.
Speaker 2: And also because there's no characters that exist life us
Speaker 2: out there, so like we are becoming the characters that
Speaker 2: we would like to see and if we can't see
Speaker 2: them on screen, we can be them in real life.
Speaker 3: And that feels powerful.
Speaker 1: It really does. Yeah, Constance Zimmer, before I let you go,
Speaker 1: I need to know what was your last I Choose
Speaker 1: me moment?
Speaker 2: I think coming on this podcast because I have so
Speaker 2: much chaos going on in my life right now, and
Speaker 2: I remember saying like, I'm going to choose to do
Speaker 2: that for myself. I'm going to take an hour out
Speaker 2: of the chaos. I'm going to take a shower, I'm
Speaker 2: going to put lotion on, and I'm going to just
Speaker 2: go in the space because i can hear all the
Speaker 2: chaos happening outside of these doors. And this was me going, yeah,
Speaker 2: but I'm going to do this for myself because this
Speaker 2: matters for me.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad it mattered for you, because it really
Speaker 1: it helped me close a loop I don't know on
Speaker 1: some old stories I had around our friendship that I
Speaker 1: created in my mind for whatever the reasons that were happening,
Speaker 1: you know, to us around us, and I just I
Speaker 1: feel I've really connected with you. Just say that. And
Speaker 1: I'm so deeply happy for what is happening for you
Speaker 1: and your career because you are a hard worker, and yeah,
Speaker 1: I really look up to you, and I'm just so
Speaker 1: glad that you were here and that this was your
Speaker 1: eye choose me moment.
Speaker 3: Oh well, thank you, Jenny. I'm happy too, because I do.
Speaker 2: I it makes me realize that you do come back
Speaker 2: to the people who see you, you know, for who
Speaker 2: you are, and all the other stuff like doesn't fucking matter.
Speaker 1: Nope, I love you.
Speaker 3: I love you too,