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Speaker 1: Previously on Brewster High. Let me get this straight. Brady Brewster,

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Speaker 1: the most popular guy at our school, mysteriously went missing

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Speaker 1: a few nights ago. Who's mature girl forty eight? Claire

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Speaker 1: and I figured out who mature girl forty eight is.

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Speaker 1: It's Mrs Bagley, our home max teacher. Brady was having

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Speaker 1: an affair with Mrs Bagley, student teacher affair. That's the

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Speaker 1: first that note was in code. Brady and I aren't

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Speaker 1: having an affair. I'm not blinking, Brady. They can try

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Speaker 1: out our one, a new cutting edge autonomous robotic vacuum cleaning. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm Seifeld. What's the deal with sucks? Good morning Verster High.

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Speaker 1: There's just enough time for Clara to stop by the

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Speaker 1: newspaper classroom and talk to Mr Nelson before first period. Hey,

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Speaker 1: Mr Nelson, have a minute. Oh sure, Clara, But I

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Speaker 1: better not be to ask me for sage advice about

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Speaker 1: important life issues. I'm not that kind of teacher. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm the kind of teacher that teacher woud passed in

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Speaker 1: the parking lot but would not pay attention to. I

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Speaker 1: need a little help on my article. Why do you

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Speaker 1: read back to me what you've got so far picking

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Speaker 1: up from where I left off last time, the three

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Speaker 1: billboards set up in front of school delivered vital plot

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Speaker 1: information to everyone at once. While it's true that Brady

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Speaker 1: and Mrs Bagley were exchanging secret messages, the amorous language

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Speaker 1: was actually co Yeah, you've got the reader's attention now

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Speaker 1: reeling in. True, some of their messages were dirty talk,

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Speaker 1: but that was only flirting. Everyone knows that flirting isn't cheating.

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Speaker 1: What they were really communicating about was the surprise party

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Speaker 1: they were planning for Coach Bagley. Well, you've got a

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Speaker 1: lot of dangling mysteries, or as we like to call

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Speaker 1: them in journalism threads, like who put up those billboards?

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Speaker 1: Nobody knows, but I've got a name for him, the

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Speaker 1: billboard bandit. Bandit is someone who takes things. It seems

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Speaker 1: like you're and it puts things up. What's the opposite

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Speaker 1: a bandit? You find the answer that question, you'll have

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Speaker 1: your story. I'll get right on it. Mr Nelson. Also,

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Speaker 1: I need to use some old fashioned reporting this week

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Speaker 1: the annual school Talent Show. You need to cover that

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Speaker 1: and get me six columns by Monday, can do Hey?

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Speaker 1: Feel free to come back and read me new paragraphs

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Speaker 1: sporadically anytime. It helps me keep tracking what's going on. Careful,

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Speaker 1: I just might take you up on that good morning

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Speaker 1: verst Or High. The north parking lot will be off

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Speaker 1: limits for the rest of the week. Attention Dexter, if

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Speaker 1: you're looking for Britt, she's in the south hallway cleaning

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Speaker 1: graffiti in her capacity as a part time janitor. Hey, brand,

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Speaker 1: what you're doing cleaning the hallway walls? Janitor Gordy has

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Speaker 1: been giving me so much work. Really has it in

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Speaker 1: for you? Huh? This graffiti goes on all the way

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Speaker 1: around the corner, and I have to clean all of

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Speaker 1: it by myself. You're never by yourself when you have friends.

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Speaker 1: I'll give you a hand. Isn't your assignment usually sweeping

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Speaker 1: off the lunch. There's a new robot cleaner that does

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Speaker 1: that now instead of me. It's called the R one thousand.

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Speaker 1: It's only a matter of time before I get laid

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Speaker 1: off robots. Next thing you know, they'll have robots stocking

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Speaker 1: the shellows at Amazon warehouses. Maybe we should sabotage the

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Speaker 1: robot vacuum cleaner. I'll pretend to throw up in the hallway,

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Speaker 1: but I'll mix in some quick drying cement, so when

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Speaker 1: the R one thousand mops it up, it'll harden inside

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Speaker 1: of it and sees it up. Great idea. I love it.

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Speaker 1: What do you love, brin Urschino ship you just said

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Speaker 1: I love it. What were you referring to, Brian? I

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Speaker 1: don't remember. It sounded to me like you were planning

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Speaker 1: something in violation of the student handbook. Does that jog

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Speaker 1: your memory, Brian? I'll ask you again, and what do

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Speaker 1: you love? We were talking about how much we love

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Speaker 1: playing hop scotch and you weren't talking about sabotaging me.

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Speaker 1: It was just hop Scotch squares jumping line is in

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Speaker 1: violation of the Student Code of Conduct Section eight. Well,

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Speaker 1: your attitude in violation of my dick. Why don't you

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Speaker 1: go buff out some old gum and then take your

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Speaker 1: mom pet and shove it up your ha. Oh, you

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Speaker 1: have a built in taser. There is much about me

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Speaker 1: you don't know. I suggest you don't test me. If

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Speaker 1: you require medical attention, I can provide you with step

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Speaker 1: by step directions to the nurse's office. Britta Maraschino, please

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Speaker 1: resume cleaning at your earliest convenience. That robot vacuum cleaner

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Speaker 1: is a real piece of ship. May I have your attention?

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Speaker 1: This Thursday is the annual Talent Show. If you want

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Speaker 1: to be in the Talent Show, the sign up shade

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Speaker 1: is now posted in the office. Thank you? Are you

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Speaker 1: performing anything? The only talent I have is a talent

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Speaker 1: for picking the wrong boyfriend. But realistically, I don't know

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Speaker 1: how well that would go over in a talent show.

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Speaker 1: How would you keep that entertaining for five minutes? By

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Speaker 1: five months? This is a special announcement for just three people,

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Speaker 1: but I'm using the school pa system to make it

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Speaker 1: so everyone else can hear what they're missing. Clara and Hide,

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Speaker 1: please make definite his garage for band rehearsals and one

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Speaker 1: and a two and a one to three. We sound

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Speaker 1: pretty good. Our band is gonna kick some serious ass

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Speaker 1: in the Talent Show. I mean serious ass. Maybe it's

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Speaker 1: finally time we come up with a name for ourselves. Well,

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Speaker 1: there are three of us, me, Devan, you Hide and

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Speaker 1: you Clara, So maybe our band name should be something

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Speaker 1: that comes in threes, like Three's Company. What about the

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Speaker 1: primary colors? No, how about the little pigs, tricycle wheels,

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Speaker 1: free piece suits. I think the band has to have

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Speaker 1: a name that you know means something to the students

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Speaker 1: in Brewster High, like the mysterious three billboards someone put

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Speaker 1: up outside of the school. It's exactly, Oh my god, guys,

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Speaker 1: I've got the hearts settled where the three billboards? Let's jam? Hey,

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Speaker 1: Mr Nelson, quick check in to run another paragraph past

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Speaker 1: you shoot hide. Geffen and Clara were really jelling as

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Speaker 1: a band. The rest of the school, however, was being

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Speaker 1: tormented by this new asshole robot vacuum cleaner. One note,

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Speaker 1: it's weird that you refer to yourself as Clara. You're Clara.

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Speaker 1: Just put it in the first person. I don't remember

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Speaker 1: asking for your opinion, so I guess you can just

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Speaker 1: go fund yourself. I am an autonomous robot vacuum cleaner

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Speaker 1: Model R one thousand, the latest technology and educational assistance.

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Speaker 1: Please vacate the hallway. You must go to your parent class. Hey, Dexter,

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Speaker 1: who got that? Are one thousand rooming the holes like

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Speaker 1: it owns the place? Please do not deposit your gun

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Speaker 1: rapper on the floor. A clean hallway benefits us all.

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Speaker 1: You're right, Our one thousand is a total dick, doesn't it? Ever?

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Speaker 1: Run out of electricity. Looks like it's said it to

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Speaker 1: the basement. That's following. I've never been to this part

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Speaker 1: of the basement before. Do you think this is where

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Speaker 1: it comes to recharge? Where did our one thousand go?

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Speaker 1: I think through that slot in the wall. What's that

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Speaker 1: over there in the corner. It's a big metal box

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Speaker 1: with a combination lock in the front. That sounds like

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Speaker 1: a vault. What does a high school need with a vault?

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Speaker 1: What does anyone need with a vault to vault something

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Speaker 1: or to hide something? We can find Clara and Hide

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Speaker 1: and Geffen in Geffen's garage. They're rehearsing from the talent show.

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Speaker 1: Let's go Clara, Dexter, Hide. Don't start rehearsing yet. There's

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Speaker 1: something important we have to tell Clara. Anything you say

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Speaker 1: to Clara you can say in front of us. Uh. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we were going to Britain. Dexter. What's up? We found

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Speaker 1: something in the basement of the school. Sounds like a vault.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna have to get it open. You know how

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Speaker 1: to crack a safe. It's locked? Yep. Well, let's just

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Speaker 1: try all the combinations. How many can there be? At

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Speaker 1: least a hundred. You guys, that would take us all night.

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Speaker 1: Maybe we need to do this the hard way we

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Speaker 1: were talking about sounded pretty hard to me. I mean

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Speaker 1: hard as a jackhammer hard. My uncle owns a jackhammer store.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you let me borrow one overnight. I remember correctly.

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Speaker 1: Jackhammers are very loud. Everyone would hear us. Then we

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Speaker 1: just have to make the jackhammer. That's impossible. Hold on,

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Speaker 1: if we can't make the jackhammer quiet, then we just

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Speaker 1: need to find something even louder and that will drown

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Speaker 1: us out. But there's people all over the school. We

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Speaker 1: can't make every room loud. Then we'll wait till everyone's

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Speaker 1: in one room. The Talent show correct a moondo, and

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Speaker 1: this year there will be an extra loud performance from

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Speaker 1: the band The Three Billboards, the name I came up with.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like we better get practicing. Attention, Brewster High.

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Speaker 1: The Talent Show is about to begin in the auditorium

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Speaker 1: with Principal Fairweather as your MC. I want to guess

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Speaker 1: what my talent is. Make you peer your bounce face. Hello,

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Speaker 1: Brewster High. It is my honor, as principal of your school,

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Speaker 1: to host this year's talent show. Now are you ready

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Speaker 1: to get jiggy? All right? Listen to you on ungrateful,

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Speaker 1: fucking Prince. I will not start this talent show until

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Speaker 1: I hear a fucking, legitimately enthusiastic response. Now I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: ask you one more time, are you ready to get jiggy? Now?

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Speaker 1: That's what I'm talking about. All For our first act,

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Speaker 1: we have Jenny Freshman something or other doing her famous

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Speaker 1: tap dancing routine. Take it away, Jenny. Okay, Hi, Geffen.

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Speaker 1: In case you guys forgot, I'm going to go over

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Speaker 1: the plan one more time. Right now, we're backstage at

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Speaker 1: the Talent Show, already in progress. When it's our turn

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Speaker 1: to go on, we will signal Brendan Dexter, who are

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Speaker 1: in the basement waiting. Then they'll start jackhammering to break

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Speaker 1: into the vault. Has anyone heard from them? They just texted,

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Speaker 1: all right, Tell them to sit tight. Geffen, got our

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Speaker 1: instruments all set, all tuned up, and ready to go. Clara,

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Speaker 1: We're gonna play so loud they're gonna have permanent hearing loss.

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Speaker 1: But there's still a few more acts ahead of us.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Jenny. Wow, that little girl, Sir knows how

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Speaker 1: to tap out a dance. Our next act is ventrilla

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Speaker 1: quist Lucy and her dummy Sawbones. Take it away, Lucia.

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Speaker 1: I'm Lucia, and this is my best friend, Sawbones, some friend.

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Speaker 1: You keep me locked in a trunk three hundred sixty

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Speaker 1: four days a year. Now, now, Sawbones, you should count

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Speaker 1: your blessings when you should count my fingers, especially the

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Speaker 1: middle one. If you have a complaint, Sawbones, just go

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Speaker 1: ahead and tell me. But I have some complaints of

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Speaker 1: my own. First of all, he smell like what if

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Speaker 1: the bag? So honestly, Lucia, Hey, Mr Nelson, can I

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Speaker 1: read my next paragraph to you? Real quick? Go ahead? Clara,

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Speaker 1: I thought you'd never ask. So. While the Talent Show continued,

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Speaker 1: Dexter and Brin were in the basement waiting for the

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Speaker 1: three billboards to go on so they could jack him

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Speaker 1: or open the safe without anyone noticing what was in

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Speaker 1: that's safe. Only time and a jackhammer can tell, and

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Speaker 1: also probably an inventory on file in the office. Good paragraph.

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Speaker 1: But shouldn't you be getting back to the talent show?

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Speaker 1: Your bands going on soon? Oh? Yeah, I have to

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Speaker 1: get back to I'm going to be performing my magic

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Speaker 1: act and you will not believe your ears. Thank you

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Speaker 1: Lucia and her Dummiesbbones, well who likes mines? Next up

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Speaker 1: is tenth grader Adrian to show off her my work. Now,

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Speaker 1: are you ready to get ja? Yeah? Yes, that's the

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Speaker 1: spirit Adrian, take it away? Ye wow, Thank you Adrian.

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Speaker 1: I almost believed you were actually walking against a very

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Speaker 1: strong wind. Now if you thought that sounded amazing, let's

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Speaker 1: hear it for eleventh grader Liam, who will show us

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Speaker 1: the miracle of juggling. So anyone can juggle a few

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Speaker 1: bowling pins. But what if I juggled three puppies? Maybe

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Speaker 1: juggling puppies isn't your think? What if I juggled one

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Speaker 1: cleaver and two puppies? My friend is my fenders. Everyone,

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Speaker 1: let's give Liam a hand. In fact, let's give back

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Speaker 1: his own hands so they can rejudge it. Liam knew

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Speaker 1: he was going to be juggling today, and I bet

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Speaker 1: he didn't think he'd be juggling his own fingers. Now

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Speaker 1: who here likes magic? I see you? Well, you're in

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Speaker 1: luck because today we have amateur magician and brewster Highs

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Speaker 1: history and journalism teacher Otis Nelson. All right, thank you presidigitation, alchemy, divination,

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Speaker 1: history and magic often go hand in hand. I bet

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Speaker 1: none of you knew or cared that I was a magician. Yes,

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Speaker 1: Principal fair Weather, I realized that's simply the act of

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Speaker 1: educating young minds is itself a form of magic. But

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Speaker 1: the magic that I, in fact him talking about is

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Speaker 1: the kind that's going to blow your mind. Now, May

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Speaker 1: I please have a volunteer from this audience? Al right? Um, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: you Charlie, the guy who makes the p A announcements,

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Speaker 1: as they say on the prices, right, get your ass

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Speaker 1: on down here, all right, all right, Charlie, say hello

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Speaker 1: to Brewster High. Hello, Brewster High. Can you tell everyone

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Speaker 1: here Charlie what I'm holding in my hand right now?

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Speaker 1: It's a very tiny elephant. Now you can go ahead

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Speaker 1: and hold him, and he is indeed real, yep. I

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Speaker 1: want you to go ahead and pick a card from

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Speaker 1: this deck of cards. All right, Just go ahead and

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Speaker 1: take that one. I'm going to close my eyes and

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Speaker 1: put a mask over my head now, Charlie, I would

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Speaker 1: like you to feed that card to the tiny elephant,

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Speaker 1: all right. Next, I want you to take that tiny

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Speaker 1: elephant and put it down on the X on the floor.

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Speaker 1: I've done it. Now turn back around. What do you see?

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Speaker 1: The elephant is full size? Now, guys, you've got to

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Speaker 1: listen to this magic act. It is amazing. Magic is

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Speaker 1: for kids, Geffen, Charlie. Elephants love peanuts, right, everyone knows that,

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Speaker 1: I guess. So come on, Charlie, I haven't you ever

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Speaker 1: seen Dumbo? They love peanuts. That's why Principal Fairweather is

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Speaker 1: bringing that vat of peanut butter onto the stage. Thank

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Speaker 1: you very much, Principle fair Weather. You're welcome. Charlie. Those

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Speaker 1: clothes you were wearing when you came up on stage,

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Speaker 1: we're pretty fancy, am I right? Yes, we don't want

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Speaker 1: to mess them up, so I like you to take

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Speaker 1: them all off, just stripped down all the way to

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Speaker 1: make it all right. I guess you're a great sports Charlie.

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Speaker 1: Isn't it a great sport? Okay? I still can't see

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Speaker 1: you through this mask? Are you fully undressed like we

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Speaker 1: can see your genitals and everything? Yeah? I'm fully naked

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Speaker 1: right now. So climb into that tub of peanut butter

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Speaker 1: and roll around it. Really coat yourself in that peanut butter.

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Speaker 1: Just tell me when you're done. Um, okay, I'm done, fantastic.

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Speaker 1: Hold on there, buddy, we'll feed you soon. You see, Charlie,

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Speaker 1: I purposely starved our elephant, haven't fed him in weeks,

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Speaker 1: and he must be really hungry about now, and today

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Speaker 1: you're his lunch. Dude. You're really missing out on something

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Speaker 1: special over here. I am trying to get in the

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Speaker 1: zone here. So standing on the elephant's mouth, all covered

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Speaker 1: in that peanut butter, and just let it eat you up,

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Speaker 1: just swallow a whole. Now it's gonna be taking my mask.

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Speaker 1: And that is a big elephant. So are you in

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Speaker 1: the belly? Now? Hide? Great? Now? Feel around? Is he

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Speaker 1: If you can find that playing card at eight earlier?

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Speaker 1: I think I got it. Can I come out? Now?

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Speaker 1: What do you think? Audience? Can we let Charlie out? Alright?

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Speaker 1: One thing you might not realize, but an elephant skin

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Speaker 1: is six inches thick. Principal Fairweather, could you bring me

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Speaker 1: that chainsaw please? One chain's not coming up. Next. I

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Speaker 1: will use this chainsaw to cut this elephant open, and

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Speaker 1: while I'm at it, slice it up into a dozen

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Speaker 1: smaller pieces suitable for grilling on your barbecue grill. Are

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Speaker 1: you ready? Charlie, here goes. It's supposed to be real magic.

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Speaker 1: There is no other explanation. It's just a trick. The

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Speaker 1: chainsaws made of felt, and the elephant is collapsible. Come on, no,

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Speaker 1: don't don't fight me, don't fight Oh, welcome back, Charlie.

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Speaker 1: Who's dark in there? All right? Now, let's see your car?

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Speaker 1: Can you say the name of the card to the audience,

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Speaker 1: The Night of Clubs? And was that your car? No?

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Speaker 1: It was the Jack of Diamonds. And h Charlie, when

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Speaker 1: did you get a tattoo on your forehead? Huh? What tattoo? Here?

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Speaker 1: Look in this mirror, it's the Jack of Diamonds. Holy

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Speaker 1: sh it. Oh when you got to put your clothes

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Speaker 1: b god, Charlie almost forgot Hanks, I was getting cold.

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Speaker 1: Let's have a big hand for Charlie, everybody. And that

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Speaker 1: was the magic of Otis Nelson. Our final act for

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Speaker 1: this year's Talent Show is a new band made up

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Speaker 1: of her own Clara, Hide and Geffen. They call themselves

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Speaker 1: The Three Billboards, and they've got a brand new sound

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Speaker 1: that I think you're gotta like. Please get ready to

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Speaker 1: get jiggy with not Three Billboard's hut you up. You

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Speaker 1: should be on stage. Hold your horses. Geffen Hides got

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Speaker 1: to called Dexter and brit and let them know they

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Speaker 1: can start jackhammering. Pick up, pick up, dextra. Here, it's time.

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Speaker 1: We're going on stage right now. You and Wren should

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Speaker 1: get started. Got it, We're on. Let's go and here

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Speaker 1: they come the Three Billows. Hey, what's that sound? Shoot?

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Speaker 1: They started jack hammering already, one, three, four, I'm Gevin,

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Speaker 1: We're the Three Billboards. Good night everybody, guys. We have

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Speaker 1: to go to the vault right now. Do you hear

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Speaker 1: that they love us? We can't let the fans down.

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Speaker 1: We'll run downstairs, take a quick look, then race back

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Speaker 1: up and do our encore. We don't have enough time. No,

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Speaker 1: Claire's right, it's a total rock star move. I once

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Speaker 1: went to a Patty Lapone sings Broadway concert and she

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Speaker 1: kept us waiting for a full ten minutes before she

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Speaker 1: came back on stage. Let's go, Clara, Jeff and Hide.

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Speaker 1: Did you find anything in the vault before we show you?

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Speaker 1: Do any of you get easily alarmed or of an

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Speaker 1: otherwise sensitive demeanor. We can handle a Dexter. Then take

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Speaker 1: a look at this. Oh my God, Is that what

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Speaker 1: I think it is? How do you get there? How

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Speaker 1: would I even begin to describe this? Next time on

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Speaker 1: Brewster High, do you know people pay atrially have sex

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Speaker 1: in an authentic teenager's bedroom mainly married people having affairs?

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Speaker 1: And ten thousand words on tree Bark for the next issue,

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Speaker 1: I had a camera in my iPhone. We all have

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Speaker 1: cameras in our iPhone. Boy, can you not make me

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Speaker 1: feel small right now? I'm sorry, but it's just my personality.

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Speaker 1: Machines can't lie. Everybody knows that lie down, but on

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Speaker 1: your side like Kay Winslet and Titanic, you know when

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Speaker 1: he's painting her naked, as kool Aid would say, Oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: This episode of Brewster High was written and directed by

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Speaker 1: Jonathan Stern. It was performed by Lelan Bowden, Jared Goldstein,

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Speaker 1: Greg Hess, Peter Kim, Mike McCafferty, Veronica Saudio, Shakira Jane Pay,

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Speaker 1: Dwayne Perkins, Anna Saragina Sager Shake, and Amy Silverberg. Executive

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Speaker 1: produced by Keith Quinn and Jonathan Stern. Produced by Frannie Baldwin,

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Speaker 1: Jack Brungart, Natalie Gurgery and Dave Solinger. Music by mc novak,

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Speaker 1: Greg Martin, and Alison Newman. The supervising sound editor was

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Speaker 1: Julie Diaz and the sound editor was Jack de Crane.

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Speaker 1: Mixed by Brent Kaiser Sound Design and mixed at Unbridled

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Speaker 1: Sound Brewster High was a production of abominable pictures and

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Speaker 1: honorable mention for I heart Media. Here's a question, why

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Speaker 1: do they call it easy listening? It's anything but