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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I'm your

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Speaker 1: host Cole Stratton, who initially type out his name to

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Speaker 1: Coke Stratton, which is honestly better. Kevin is off collecting

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Speaker 1: seventeen cable as a word for Mazel, So I'll be

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Speaker 1: filling in today. Let's mean alchemist, shall we, in no

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Speaker 1: particular orders, say hello to the candy baron himself, James Heeney. James,

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Speaker 1: you didn't know, James, what's the worst candy out there?

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Speaker 1: The worst candy out there is God, I love candy. Uh,

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Speaker 1: you know what it is. It's it's it's a lot

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Speaker 1: of pressure root beer barrels that don't have anything inside

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Speaker 1: of him because you want them to have like a

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Speaker 1: gusher in the middle there. It is. It is straight

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Speaker 1: up rooper barrels on that. You'd rather have that than

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Speaker 1: a bit of honey or oh honey, the bit of

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Speaker 1: honey is pretty bad. I mean, I don't know. That's

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Speaker 1: a hard question. Cole. You a liquorice guy. Oh, I

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Speaker 1: fucking love liquor. Black liquorice. Red liquorice is for the birds.

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Speaker 1: You can use. That's an unpopular opinion. It's like even liquorice.

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Speaker 1: Liquorcio is black liquish. If it's not black liquors, it's not.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying to be aware that that's a that's

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Speaker 1: an unpopular but there's there's opinions, and there's facts. Liquorice

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Speaker 1: that has to be black or it's not liquorice, it's

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Speaker 1: just red rope man. That's our show for Next up,

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Speaker 1: it's the Master of Disguise Vanessa raglan v. What's what's

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Speaker 1: the key for hiding yourself in plain sight? Oh, we'll

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Speaker 1: cover yourself in trash dub. Next up, he's a cunning

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Speaker 1: linguist who can do any accent poorly. Chris Alvarado, Chris,

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Speaker 1: what language do you wish you could speak? Spanish? I

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Speaker 1: mean my last name is Alvarado, my father's first language

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Speaker 1: of Spanish, and yet I can't speak Spanish. You can

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Speaker 1: get there, there's ways, no not in this city. Hey,

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Speaker 1: it's very available here. Do you hear sleigh bells? It's

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Speaker 1: probably because Christmas. Caroline Cotter is here. That's kind of nice, Caroline.

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Speaker 1: What's the worst gift you ever received? Oh? Boy, let

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Speaker 1: me think about that. Oh someone gave me um like

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Speaker 1: a DVD recently. I don't remember what movie was, but

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Speaker 1: MoMA doesn't have a DVD. I know that was bad.

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Speaker 1: If you don't even remember what movie, I suck. And

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Speaker 1: finally it's the King of the Junior High Dance Floor

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Speaker 1: Brad Norman Pot Brad, what was your favorite middle school jam? Oh? Man? Uh,

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Speaker 1: fast jam? Pour some show ground me slow jam? Okay,

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Speaker 1: slow jam would be um. It's so hard to say.

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Speaker 1: Goodbyte yesterday, it's a good one. That's a slow jam.

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Speaker 1: Remember the school. That's a good that is? I mean again,

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Speaker 1: that's so multi that song. It's just like, yeah, scrap

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Speaker 1: here but yeah Spotify listed. All right, Well, before we

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Speaker 1: get started, we would like to invite you all to

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Speaker 1: be v i P members and our new Patreon page

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Speaker 1: bonus episodes not available to non members. There's a phone

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Speaker 1: number just for v i P Shere you can leave

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Speaker 1: a message being a question or request or whatever and

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Speaker 1: we'll replay at our regular video q and as with

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Speaker 1: the Alchemist at Kevin's Place, which are only available to

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Speaker 1: v i P s. It's all kinds of cool ship,

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Speaker 1: so please join our super core fans by going to

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Speaker 1: Patreon dot com slash Alchemy. That's it's a simpler your

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Speaker 1: l than where to get that teacher? Last episode? All right.

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Speaker 1: All of today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails.

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Speaker 1: If you'd like to submit yours, please write to the

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Speaker 1: podcast at your name here at alchemy this dot com.

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Speaker 1: That's your name here at alchemy this dot com. Our

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Speaker 1: first scene comes from Jeff, who wrote, Hey, guys, I

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Speaker 1: am very excited to send this in. I am loving

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Speaker 1: your show. I am suggesting two or more extremely unassertive

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Speaker 1: polite beta gender non binary individuals struggle not to outdo, insult,

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Speaker 1: trigger each other while at Starbucks. I am whatever you say. Thanks.

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Speaker 1: My name is Jeff. I think that the scene suggestion

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Speaker 1: is okay, and kneel and the order please, I'm sorry

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Speaker 1: my name. I can't believe you just said that. I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm trying. I'm training here today. UM give

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Speaker 1: me one sep with my manager. Excuse me? Are you

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Speaker 1: asking them their name? On want to lie? Yes? I

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Speaker 1: I asked their their name. These are regular customers. They

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Speaker 1: come here every single day. Oh that's the issue. Well you,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe you wouldn't understand that. I thought when

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Speaker 1: you started today you said that you understood how coffee

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Speaker 1: shops were. That's very easy to understand. I was under

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Speaker 1: the impression that you were saying that a name might

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Speaker 1: be a label and go further. Yeah, that's why. Because

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Speaker 1: everyone gasped, I'm so sorry. Never mind, this is easier

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Speaker 1: than I thought. You know what. I'm new here today. Um,

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Speaker 1: we'll come back over here, come back over here. What's

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Speaker 1: up there? I'm working on the phone machine. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: You know what, Maybe maybe you should take the register

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Speaker 1: for a minute. No, I'm fine. You're not fine. You

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Speaker 1: are going to get eaten by the dogs over there.

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Speaker 1: Wait dogs what? Okay, we don't but I don't really

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Speaker 1: call them dogs, but you don't know how how they

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Speaker 1: identify them. Do you want me on the register or listen?

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Speaker 1: I think I might have crossed the line. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to have to go to the back office and call

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Speaker 1: my supervisor and see if I've crossed a line, and

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Speaker 1: I'll finish up with this order here, stay on film.

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Speaker 1: Can I get any sound you'd like to make that

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Speaker 1: you know what? Just just put on the cup, put

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Speaker 1: on pa yes, play. This is tough here. Keep your

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Speaker 1: head down and keep your brain right, kid, I don't

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Speaker 1: know I don't. That's the thing. I don't know what's

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Speaker 1: right or wrong anymore. Well, talking to me is wrong.

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Speaker 1: It's a shop full of people. I'm sorry. Sorry, do

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Speaker 1: I not get to order? Look what you did? I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I just think it's kind of really funny in a

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Speaker 1: way that's not funny at all that you would ask

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Speaker 1: for WA's order and then don't correct me on my

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Speaker 1: own it was I was doing a silent key because

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Speaker 1: that's the way I identify. I gotta hand these keys

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Speaker 1: off over you. I've I've I'm so. It's it's as

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Speaker 1: simple as that. I've got to go. So long. Can

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Speaker 1: we reset? Look at six flow manager? Things about to

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Speaker 1: change your haund here? Okay, guess what you're out person.

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Speaker 1: I'm a customer, Yeah you are, But you were rude

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Speaker 1: to me and I got handed at spoon. You can

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Speaker 1: kick my best friend out of this start, you know

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Speaker 1: what I can, because I just got handed the spoon

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Speaker 1: with some keys on it. That's the bathroom key. I

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Speaker 1: thought you gave it to me before. You have the

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Speaker 1: bathroom key. That's why the spoon is so big. Listen,

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Speaker 1: this is a clear abuse of managerial power. You have

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Speaker 1: to make a drink from my best friend here and

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Speaker 1: finish up. My friendship doesn't come into this, by the way,

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Speaker 1: are you sure a customer is a customer? But you

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Speaker 1: keep reminding us your best friends and for me who lost,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's pretty triggering. Maybe you don't understand. Maybe you

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Speaker 1: don't understand what it's like to have a friend call

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Speaker 1: you and say I need some space. Maybe you don't

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Speaker 1: understand what it's like to have a friend from Desert Shield.

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Speaker 1: I mean we met in rock. Is that the one

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Speaker 1: with the yellow ribbon? Okay, okay, okay, we're all calm.

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Speaker 1: It's I'm not am Yeah, I swear to God. It

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Speaker 1: is getting harder and harder. Don't say God. In this establishment,

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Speaker 1: we do not recognize religion here. Hey, I am sorry.

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Speaker 1: I sent in a mental order ten minutes ago, and

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Speaker 1: I don't see it out here. How did you just

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Speaker 1: used your brain wage? I did. I sent it out

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Speaker 1: ten minutes ago. Because can you say what it rhymes with?

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Speaker 1: I'll send it to you now. Gosh coffee, whoa, whoa,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's so much thought in the air.

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Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Like, like, yes, you can't use

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Speaker 1: that much mental energy in this establishment. I wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: had to if you just picked it up when I

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Speaker 1: initially sent it. Well, you make a great, if not

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Speaker 1: confusing point. I'm the manager now, I just got a

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Speaker 1: big promotion. No one's taken the time to congratulate me.

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Speaker 1: But I'd like to comp your drink or snack that

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Speaker 1: you thought of. Okay, thank you. I very much appreciate that.

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Speaker 1: If you could communicated verbally, could really help the team. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: I want a grande a half cap mocachino that identifies

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Speaker 1: as a regular black coffee. Now, sir, um, I can't

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Speaker 1: just sell you a gun. It Uh, there's a there's

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Speaker 1: a there's a waiting period. Um, I can wait. You

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Speaker 1: look pretty down. I'm not down. This is like one

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Speaker 1: of the best days of my life. Really. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: like a really good day. No, I'm not crying. I'm sweating.

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Speaker 1: It's really hot. It's really hot. How much longer do

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Speaker 1: I have to wait? As a matter of fact, I

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Speaker 1: have I have people in the bag. You have to

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Speaker 1: deal with customers like you. On second right, we have one.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, let me at him. Thank you, Hey, buddy, yeah,

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Speaker 1: here to get a gun. It's my birthday. It's my

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Speaker 1: favorite day of the year, and I just wouldn't get

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Speaker 1: a gun. Okay, Well, normally it's a store policy that

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Speaker 1: we don't sell firearms to people who are, let's say

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Speaker 1: so triggered. It's just kind of a funny joke. But

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Speaker 1: I think about it that way. Yeah, But but you seem,

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Speaker 1: well it's funny in like a pun terms kind of way,

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Speaker 1: you know, like it's sort of a play on where

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Speaker 1: it's guns triggers. Um, look, you seem pretty emotional. Would

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Speaker 1: you care to have twenty minutes of free counseling before

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Speaker 1: you purchase your firearm? Yeah? Yeah, it's a part of

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Speaker 1: a store benefit. And yeah, I can pay you up

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Speaker 1: with the counselor of your choice. Um, and you can

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Speaker 1: have it out with them, and afterwards you can decide

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Speaker 1: whether or not you want to whatever I want to say,

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Speaker 1: whatever I want. Why don't I bring them out? Hey,

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Speaker 1: counselor's come on out, make yourself alone. He gets to choose.

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Speaker 1: My name is Penny, and um, I'm a straight shooter.

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Speaker 1: And he's a graduate of the University of Arizona. And

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Speaker 1: uh and and this is Jeremy. Jeremy, what do you got?

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Speaker 1: I am really good to say, a leading what you

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Speaker 1: literally wanting inside? I don't like foreigners. Well he did

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Speaker 1: study at the Paris Institute for Intuition. Definitely not definitely

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Speaker 1: not in and this is bolka you slurping down money,

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Speaker 1: all right. She took a six week course for telepathy

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Speaker 1: for the Soft Paladin. I didn't know what the thing

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Speaker 1: about it was. I think it was still all of love.

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Speaker 1: So you have your choice here. You really have like

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Speaker 1: a straight shooters sort of advice. You have a sort

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Speaker 1: of American I don't want anybody that's sort of a

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Speaker 1: swishy French thing happening out here. Or you've got this

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Speaker 1: stage ly advice of this old crone. I'm only look

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Speaker 1: smy named from Ohio. Yes, yeah, I'm actually from France.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, that all my gosh, I'm so sorry. Or

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Speaker 1: in story, but I don't know if we got time

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Speaker 1: for Yeah, of course we did. He tells it's good stories.

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Speaker 1: Hey everybody, it's nineteen one and we're in high school.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna go back ten more years. First story, she said, anyone, damn,

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Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's nineteen seventy one years okay, it's nine

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Speaker 1: eight five, and we take this awesome and we're in

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Speaker 1: a grocery store. But did you leave the baby in

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Speaker 1: the car? Baby? Here's our baby. I'm four years old.

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Speaker 1: And he left was the potatoes? Oh thank god, thank god,

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Speaker 1: it is hot in the car. It was hot in

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Speaker 1: the car. I got and then I found that, and

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Speaker 1: then that's that's about the potato. Stay by the potatoes.

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Speaker 1: I remember saying that. I thought, well, this was taking

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Speaker 1: a whole. Are they trying to lay me a game

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Speaker 1: the potatoes? Potato? Hi? I'm sorry, can I um? I

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Speaker 1: was just wondering if I because I kind of had

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Speaker 1: like five pounds um of potatoes I needed for a recipe,

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Speaker 1: and I had picked up your daughter initially with that

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Speaker 1: look like I was wondering if I could just check

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Speaker 1: her out. I mean, thanks for asking, because honestly a

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Speaker 1: lot of people trying to do without asking, and the

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Speaker 1: fact that you're talking crazy. Unfortunately, my my daughter, even

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Speaker 1: though she does sort of look like when she doesn't

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Speaker 1: identify as a potato, it's more like a being. But

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Speaker 1: I don't look a lot like a Tit also feelings. Lady. Yeah, hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I did not mean to walk into

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Speaker 1: your origin story. Uh do you know which I the

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Speaker 1: burnet sauces the end. Yeah, that's ill seven right by

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Speaker 1: the jams and jellies. Thank you very much, appreciate the hair,

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Speaker 1: those your choices. You heard her origin story. She looks

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Speaker 1: at a potato. I still don't know where she's from them. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: we all have it Elgian stollies. He's not just hell

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Speaker 1: yeah of course. Alright. How much more longer do you

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Speaker 1: have to wait for my gun? Well it's still two

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Speaker 1: weeks and you are now seventeen minutes into your twenty

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Speaker 1: minute free Okay, okay, let's hear the next origin story

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Speaker 1: from the guy with the French accent for a while. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that happened. The yellow was nineteen ninety set, okay, you

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Speaker 1: got it. New Year's Eve? This to what happy bunch?

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Speaker 1: Don't you love? Oh no, I'm not having a bay.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god? Who brought that woman into labor at

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Speaker 1: our party? Jeremy, we do something about this. Well, let

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Speaker 1: me deliver us this baby. You push push right, Oh

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Speaker 1: my goodness, it's getting everywhere. I think I have changed.

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Speaker 1: My consciousness was the baby? The baby is not me?

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Speaker 1: And the baby baby and my baby is the consciousness

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Speaker 1: of a frenchman. So that's that origin story. That's Jeremy, Jeremy.

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Speaker 1: How much more time do you have? Ninety seconds left?

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Speaker 1: Nobody's got two weeks until it was just in line.

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Speaker 1: I'm also wanting to purchase the firearm. Would you like

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Speaker 1: the blue one? All right? So you want to hear her?

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Speaker 1: How are you from Paris? Okay? Well the year was

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Speaker 1: two thousand and eighteen. Everybody, it's the present day, and

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Speaker 1: that's kind of how my whole story happen. There, he goes. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: a bit of a mystery, that one, but full of

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Speaker 1: so much wisdom. So do you have up a gun?

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Speaker 1: I don't want that one to be my my therapist?

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Speaker 1: All right, Well, they can take a hike ball? Would

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Speaker 1: that mean to pick you up a coffee? If or something?

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Speaker 1: I just say, see I go to stopducks, pick you

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Speaker 1: up something. It could take days. You're gonna go to Starbucks? Yes,

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Speaker 1: I was about to make the line lunchtime everybody wants them.

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Speaker 1: All right? How about this? Oh my god, your nose

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Speaker 1: is bleeding? Did you have a gun? Of course I

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Speaker 1: do stand all the issues. Fue do me a favor gun?

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Speaker 1: That Starbucks? You know? You know what? You're probably right.

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Speaker 1: Everything's cool. I feel like we should gonna sell this

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Speaker 1: man a gun got a real joker movie period. Okay,

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Speaker 1: order up here. I have essence of coffee. Aroma is yes, there,

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Speaker 1: you are offensive coffee. Now. Um, we want to apologize.

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Speaker 1: I know we are route to you earlier, but we

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Speaker 1: are back in the swing of things. She take a

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Speaker 1: quick on line coursebacks stage. Yeah. I love this production

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Speaker 1: of Starbucks, so I love putting it on. We have

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Speaker 1: so much fun out here. I can't believe I one Starbucks.

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Speaker 1: So what can I get for you today? Um? I

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Speaker 1: would love your seasonal peppermint moca on it. Absolutely, guys.

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Speaker 1: I just heard that there's a talent agent from Freedo

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Speaker 1: l here today. Yeah, so if we want to start

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Speaker 1: Starbucks to be co owned by Friedo Lay, a huge

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Speaker 1: parent company. Okay, we need to make sure that today's

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Speaker 1: performance is the titties. But I also think it's important

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Speaker 1: to remember we don't need to go for the result,

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Speaker 1: just do our show. Us reacting is the show, listen.

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Speaker 1: I just felt that it was my job to let

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Speaker 1: you for sure. Absolutely, we love that, guys. I'm back.

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Speaker 1: What the hell he's got an A K four seven?

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Speaker 1: This is illegal? I wasn't supposed to have this right,

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Speaker 1: and I have that. Thank you, You're thanks um with

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Speaker 1: the good faith of that move. I'd really like to

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Speaker 1: get a reference from at least three of you to

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Speaker 1: get a gun. You're so a gun. This a K

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Speaker 1: forty seven was given to me. I don't, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know how to use an A K

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Speaker 1: forty seven. Places Starbucks places we can leather. Good morning,

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Speaker 1: don't bush, good morning, good morning. The day has just

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Speaker 1: to be gun. Wants Okay, how can I serve you?

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Speaker 1: Bringing up me a cappuccino? Line line line cappuccino? Sir, yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: right away? Yes, no, yes, yes, yes the customer, yes,

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Speaker 1: I freaking right away. Three. Production is terrible. James Fretto

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Speaker 1: and you sandral Asia leave immediately. Wait wait wait, wait wait,

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Speaker 1: It's my fault. What is doing. It's my first day

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Speaker 1: at this production and I let the nerves, my nerves

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Speaker 1: get the better of me, and it's been a crazy day.

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Speaker 1: Don't blame yourself. I it was my first day managing

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Speaker 1: the team, but I also let my nerves get the

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Speaker 1: better of me. It's my fault too. Listen, We're all human.

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Speaker 1: We're just trying to put on the best damn Starbucks

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Speaker 1: show we can remember. This is all a fever dream

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Speaker 1: of a seven year old. Okay, so let's just try

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Speaker 1: to do the best we can. Let'sten to the best

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Speaker 1: we can and try to get through it. Guys, pause, right,

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00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,399
Speaker 1: let's do it, even Mr funk, I sucked up. No,

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Speaker 1: you didn't sucked up. Someone smacked me. You're good, someone

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Speaker 1: smacked me. Ow, I just need it's potato d hi,

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Speaker 1: I bet y'all you know what someone said to me

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Speaker 1: as a joke once. Listen, I won't chop you up

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Speaker 1: and make you chips. Are you sure they weren't flirting

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Speaker 1: with you? I don't think they weren't, because I ad

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00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,880
Speaker 1: vomited recently about looking at me. But you don't identify

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Speaker 1: as a potatoes. So that's really a kind of insulting,

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Speaker 1: isn't it. Yeah, it's like a microaggression, almost a hate crime.

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Speaker 1: That is how Hamilton's was, And that's our first was

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Speaker 1: fishing for Frida lay acquisition. They weren't getting that seven

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Speaker 1: year old for that one. That's right, Thank you. See

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Speaker 1: two coaches from Dave who was not seven patriarch maybe

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Speaker 1: he is, and please you remember all of you pas

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Speaker 1: get first priorities, he suggestions that we do here, so

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Speaker 1: get those in thank you, sir. Straight Dave wrote, aliens

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Speaker 1: land on Earth, and their first interaction with humans is

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Speaker 1: when they walk into a low price big box retailer

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Speaker 1: like Walmart, Chicken his church. Dave, al Right, relax, try

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00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:23,680
Speaker 1: to behave like normal human beings, and we will. We

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00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:29,919
Speaker 1: will infiltrate them and impregnate them. Next here we go,

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Speaker 1: we corner box Mart. Are we supposed to hug you

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Speaker 1: on our way in? I was just gonna hand you

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Speaker 1: a basket or thank you? Thank you? Okay, here, sweetheart,

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Speaker 1: I don't give a ship kind of wine we get,

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Speaker 1: just get it and go. I know, but I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I want wet or white. They have rose eight.

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Speaker 1: Oh shoot, you're always drunk. It doesn't matter. Are you

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00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 1: talking about drunk? Right now? Our wine for breakfast? And

335
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,240
Speaker 1: you sit that scope on the way in the mouthwash. Yeah,

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00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 1: I know what Scope is saying. I'm sorry. I didn't

337
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 1: mean to interrupt domestic interaction. You know what Bernet sauces

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00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 1: in in seven right now? Thank you very much. Okay, baby,

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00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 1: listen to this. I'm listening. Okay, get this. Yeah, I

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00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,239
Speaker 1: just don't know who you one to catch observe your

341
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 1: next the gender roles forming between these people. Maybe they've like, Baby,

342
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 1: you can't say that you've gotten so much trouble for

343
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,360
Speaker 1: saying that before. You point ed someone in the middle

344
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 1: of the store and you're like, they seem for it,

345
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 1: and you walk up to them and ask him a

346
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: crazy question. It's not gonna be a crazy question. Just watch, okay, fine,

347
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 1: was approaching Hello, Hello, Hello, fellow, do you speaking lishes

348
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:02,120
Speaker 1: don't give me the okay signs? Baby, it's not hear you. Um,

349
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 1: we don't know what type of wine we should have tonight?

350
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 1: Could you recommend one? Can we recommend a wine I

351
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 1: permented alcohol beverage. Of course we can. It just requires

352
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 1: me to touch your neck with my lips. About scooter

353
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 1: through scooter, Look at this one, bodys, look at this one.

354
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 1: Cybernetic and must be she must be a boss. My goodness,

355
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 1: she as per godline y'all can't block an awe when

356
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 1: people with major issues that need scooters need to all

357
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 1: Every roll of her flesh goes all the way around.

358
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,160
Speaker 1: She has so much us and teeth like a jack

359
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,919
Speaker 1: o lantern. I want to clip my my lips upon her.

360
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,639
Speaker 1: I want do you advise you against that from this

361
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 1: particular human? What are y'all talking about? We're talking about you?

362
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,640
Speaker 1: Let me turn this thing around, back it up, turn

363
00:23:55,680 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 1: it around, my friend. I'm talking my friend Sammon, since

364
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 1: my friend Bobby Gary was wondering, Yes, Bobby Gary, Yes,

365
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 1: that Bobby Gary? Is it? My friend here? My friend

366
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:25,640
Speaker 1: something called Bobby Gary. Oh no, I mean this, Bobby Gary.

367
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 1: You hit my hand. Well, anyway, my friend and I here,

368
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 1: we're about to have somewhat of an argument about you, ma'am.

369
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,160
Speaker 1: He said that you were a seven, and I said

370
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 1: that you were an eight out of what four hundred million? Okay,

371
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,160
Speaker 1: well that was smart ass. I'm gonna tell you something.

372
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 1: Come on down here, hey, can you'll stand right here?

373
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 1: Can you put your feet right on that longe? So

374
00:24:55,000 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 1: this is the sensation known as pain. Um, excuse me, um,

375
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 1: I can't find my mom. Oh, remain calm, miniature mammal.

376
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 1: We will, we will. We will alert someone who is

377
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: employed here and help him, and you will be reunited

378
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 1: with your It's been a long time. It's been like

379
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 1: a couple of days. You've been you've been stranded in

380
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 1: this retail show to Earthtie's perhaps that means we could

381
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 1: live here. Welcome back to the ship. I can't help,

382
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: but notice we have a guest. Have you made a

383
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: human family? We have not made a human body. With

384
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,919
Speaker 1: their many ature mammal on the ship, we believe there

385
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 1: will be becoming. What did you say, do not miniature

386
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 1: its miniature mammal? Say it bombay lex miniature mammal. I

387
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 1: just went to the bathroom. Oh I did it. In

388
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,959
Speaker 1: that beam of light over there, you'll find these tiny

389
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 1: mammals do excrete many liquids selling point. It's just something

390
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 1: to be concerned if you squeeze too much liquid out.

391
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 1: They seem to just lawlessly. What are you saying? Bomb lavelesslylessly?

392
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 1: I am sending different aliens next time. Look, Johnny, wake up. Yeah.

393
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 1: I hate to disturb your sleep, but I was admiring

394
00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: you as you were dozing off and I couldn't help.

395
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,640
Speaker 1: But notice you have Hickey's all over your neck. Now,

396
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 1: last time you had these marks, you said something about

397
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 1: alien abductions, and I'd let it go, even though I

398
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 1: know it was probably Suzette. Now it was alien. You

399
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: always say that, but they're there again. Yeah, the alien

400
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 1: can't enough of me, Johnny, I love you, Yeah, I

401
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,640
Speaker 1: love you too. I also love me, and I don't

402
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 1: love these aliens with constant taking advantage of me, and

403
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 1: I don't like you pawing it out. Well, it's just

404
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe I could see some aliens every now

405
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,400
Speaker 1: and then. It's not up to me who they abduct. Okay,

406
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 1: if it could abduct you, I would let him do that,

407
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:25,400
Speaker 1: because then they choose me most Fridays and Sundays. Well,

408
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 1: tonight is Sunday. I know. I'm so either I see

409
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 1: an alien or we're breaking up because I think you

410
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 1: you're cheating on me unless I see some proof. Fine,

411
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,679
Speaker 1: I wander down to the box mort and I'll go

412
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: to that b mlada I always try to pee in

413
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: and then you'll see what happened. Okay, Hey, I love you.

414
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 1: I love you too, but I don't like you blowing

415
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 1: up my story like it ain't real, nous, They don't

416
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 1: feel like realness. It's really that hunt up with the areal.

417
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: Now you know where my pajamas there? Yes, you're right,

418
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 1: I don't have time to put on my normal outdoor sweats,

419
00:27:55,800 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 1: all right, don't forget me. I won't forget you. I

420
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 1: want to be with aliens, and I want to be

421
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 1: with you. You know you could come with me. That's

422
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 1: kind of what I was saying. No, no, I'm tired.

423
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,600
Speaker 1: Listen Galactically. After six months on this this dirt water

424
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: planet Earth, six Earth months on this Earth planet, we

425
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 1: Bomby Lacks and I have discovered a few problems with

426
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,680
Speaker 1: the fertilization process between our species. You just do the

427
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:27,159
Speaker 1: next thing, yes, yes, but normal, normal human necks in

428
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 1: a Walmart scenario are too greasy to latch onto. I

429
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:34,160
Speaker 1: had ate something that I found on the ground. What

430
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: did you eat? I don't know. I found something on

431
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: the ground. It was green and it moved like a

432
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: little five worms, like a rat king. But my baby?

433
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 1: What you ate? My baby? Bomby Alex. You can't leave

434
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 1: babies on the ground. Bombay, Lex, care of down now,

435
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 1: she ate it? You ate? You ate bomb Your legs

436
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 1: may know to incubate for five thousand years. All right,

437
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: I'm here to get this over away. Yes, here's the

438
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 1: human that we've been We've been attempting to latch onto

439
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 1: and impregnate latch on. Well, I'm trying, but as you

440
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 1: can see, he's stop crying. As you can see, there's

441
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: there's nary a place to grab onto. It's all coated

442
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: and rolls of fat in French fry Greece. Yeah, well

443
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: those those are the unsuccessful attempts to impregnate. Look like that. No,

444
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: it's not it. Let me tell you how it's done.

445
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 1: Goo uh sir, so, ma'am, thank you so much for

446
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 1: coming in. Um, we just really don't know what to

447
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 1: make of these x rays. You said you were complaining

448
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 1: of a neck pregnancy. Yeah, I'll pretty show my neck

449
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: gonna have something. Okay, Well, we have done an m

450
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 1: r I scan and first of all, that bulge is noticeable. Um,

451
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: where are you two at in the stage of your

452
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: relationship exactly? Well, I was hoping to engagement, but um,

453
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 1: I'm thinking maybe that's going to be have to be

454
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 1: put on hold because I though, sir, I am not

455
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: a doctor, UH do have medical opinions, And based on

456
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: the X ray I just saw, I'd say that looks

457
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: like a like a bitch sousette and idis I'm thinking

458
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 1: he's saying it's aliens and I'm thinking it's susette. That's

459
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: my opinion. Huh did I hear my name? Oh? Well, look, doctor,

460
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: she just walked in and trying to keep her outside.

461
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 1: You don't apologize for well, I mean I should because

462
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 1: it's my job to keep you in a different room.

463
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 1: Well guess what I got out. I got out there's

464
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: a disease. He's disease. Your your mouth out of man's neck.

465
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 1: Never you already have, can just I'm gonna score both

466
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 1: of your water. I'm gonna scure both you with water.

467
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 1: Al Right, everybody calmed down, alright because Jerry Springer relationships aside.

468
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 1: This is a really crazy medical mystery. And I'm gonna

469
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 1: have to notify the government, at least the state government.

470
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: I'm upset about it too. And I got he's giving

471
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: birth through his mouth. Warm wrecking man. I'm gonna need

472
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: some fire can you can you bring in some fireplace.

473
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 1: Don't kill that thing. That's a living creature. It's an

474
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: abominations because it probably came from Suzette. It did not

475
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 1: have come from Keep my mouth out of you, keep

476
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: the mouth out of your face, and you keep your

477
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 1: rat babies, your boyfriend's net babies out of my Can

478
00:31:58,400 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 1: I just keep it? I don't know here's a lighter.

479
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 1: Can I'll keep it before what I have to do.

480
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 1: What the doctor tells me. He's my boss. I'll be

481
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 1: honest with you. My first instinct was to murder this.

482
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 1: But you're a doctor that you're supposed to do no harm. Yes,

483
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 1: but to humans. Um, but does it say that? I mean,

484
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: that's something I wrote in But I'm thinking that, you know,

485
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: this thing should cease to be in some Oh my god,

486
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 1: oh god. Yeah. Okay, so Len, we're gonna need you

487
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: to take a bunch of pictures of this, maybe some boomerangs.

488
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: Why don't we burn Johnny? Because are we sure he's dead?

489
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 1: Is our way to tell I think we should burn him?

490
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 1: Why not? Why you're his girlfriend? That's right? Say that

491
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: again one more time. I'll say it forever you're dead.

492
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 1: Guy at a rathom out of his next girlfriend. That's alright, alright, fine, fine,

493
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 1: what what as long as we get enough pictures the

494
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: end of the state government about his baby Tyler? Yeah,

495
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 1: he's your rat king? About out? Why is he my

496
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 1: rat king? My king? Is Jesus to get the CDCR. Okay,

497
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: it's me, y'all hearing that? Okay a little here's me

498
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 1: Hi UM. Sorry, I'm calling from the hospital, you know,

499
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 1: the one where all the freaky stuff happened. Um, so

500
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: we had this, Um a man gave birth out of

501
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 1: his mouth to what can I can only describe as

502
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 1: a rat. Wasn't an up signed down woman? What do

503
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 1: you mean? Okay, hold on, let me check. It's a man.

504
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: I just looked at his penis and balls. That all men, yes,

505
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 1: and not that all men have a penis and balls,

506
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: but this one. I looked at his chart. He is male,

507
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 1: he does have genitals, and I did just check to

508
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 1: make sure it wasn't his nose, and that is different

509
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 1: that was on his mouth. And well it sounds like

510
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 1: you guys have it under control. Thanks. He's talking in

511
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 1: full sentences and now listen to him. Hi, I am like, well,

512
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start with the people underworld and did I'll

513
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 1: move on to start one verse. I start with the

514
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 1: Bobby that you love so mad, Hi, I'm sorry, I

515
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,239
Speaker 1: just I just called. This is a woman working from

516
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,320
Speaker 1: the hospital where all the weird stuff happens. Oh, yeah,

517
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,319
Speaker 1: you're doing a good job, don't I'm not. I'm not.

518
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: I need your help because the talking worm rat king

519
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,439
Speaker 1: just gave a very thorough and detailed plan of how

520
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 1: he's going to destroy Maybe it's he. I don't know

521
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 1: he or she is going to destroy the world. You

522
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 1: don't know how to do that. And vagina in clob

523
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: on its head. That's my main thing. Are you on

524
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 1: the phone now, C d C said to a disease color.

525
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 1: Are you repeating me? And yes, I'm about a dream minute.

526
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it happened so fast. You know, they

527
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: grow up so fast. You gotta neat kids. Do I

528
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 1: have kids? Yeah? Well I do, but they don't talk

529
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 1: to me. I should call them. Yeah all right, Well

530
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,839
Speaker 1: thank you because if it goes to happen to them,

531
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 1: work forbid. But if something that you're so wise your

532
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 1: kids no matter. Right, you're right, and I'm gonna kill everybody.

533
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 1: You're right, Dad, A rat king told you to call me. Yeah.

534
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 1: I know it's weird, but I just wanted to tell

535
00:35:55,640 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 1: you I love you. Okay, Um, thanks for calling. That's it.

536
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,920
Speaker 1: Don't you want to say you love me too? Yeah?

537
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,439
Speaker 1: What if this is the last day? Why why would

538
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: it be the last day? No, rat king slim things

539
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,319
Speaker 1: told me that, And I fucking looked your phone number

540
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: up and you don't even saying fucking love me back. Well,

541
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 1: I haven't heard from you in a while. I mean

542
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 1: I haven't heard from you. My phone has not been

543
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: ringing off the hook. I'm working at the goddamn c DC.

544
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 1: You could call me anytime you want everything. Okay, babe,

545
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:29,760
Speaker 1: No it's not going good. Dad. Your dad called you. Yeah,

546
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:32,760
Speaker 1: I didn't even know he was talking to It's my wife.

547
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 1: It's Virginia. You're married. Yes, I've been married for fifteen years. Dad.

548
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 1: He didn't even remember you were married. No, get invited

549
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:43,359
Speaker 1: to the wedding. You were invited to the wedding. Dad,

550
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 1: you didn't make it. You said you had disease related

551
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 1: things to do. I'm gonna piss in this live stream.

552
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 1: Another human reached the spaceship. Hello. This one's in a

553
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: motley crew tanked up. I didn't know this was real,

554
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 1: but I guess it is. So since it's real, I

555
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,479
Speaker 1: want to tell you something real. There was a little

556
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: baby named Tyler down there. He looks like a rat,

557
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 1: king metal worms one of that. He's doing terrible, terrible things.

558
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 1: That's it. I'm gonna go pisting this night dream. We

559
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:26,399
Speaker 1: really should change the method adventurance, a lot of clean up, yes,

560
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 1: I mean delicious clean up. But maybe maybe the baby

561
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 1: to get born fastered down there. Well, Mombyles, you could

562
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: go take Tyler him as your own. Might tummy hurts,

563
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:42,800
Speaker 1: Oh you know I forgot, Yeah, you wake my baby.

564
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm just I didn't not coming out. It

565
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: might come out your belly button. I don't know what's

566
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 1: gonna happen. No, I don't want to come out my belly.

567
00:37:51,360 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: But how how is like a big farm? It's a

568
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 1: talking far cloud. That's my baby. I don't know you

569
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 1: mamma h scientists get around what you were about to see.

570
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 1: Cannot leave this room. I will draw this curtain and

571
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 1: you will see two curtain. Charles. Not today, we're not

572
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 1: at your open mic. Charles had a great open mic, though,

573
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 1: if anybody wants to go check it out, I can

574
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 1: give you off off. I paid thirty bucks for a pin.

575
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:55,040
Speaker 1: It is open mic. Last time you gotta show behind

576
00:38:55,120 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 1: this curtain are two D two spot? I mean I

577
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:09,200
Speaker 1: think of some of them at home and then bringing

578
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: up I bet the women you date love that. Yeah,

579
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 1: that's awesome. All right now, all right, now back to business. Okay, um,

580
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 1: you're going to see two Well, we're calling them rat

581
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 1: king babies. Rat king babies. They're made of worms, so

582
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,799
Speaker 1: don't get ahead of yourself. It seems like a bad name.

583
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to note, but it seems like a

584
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:36,799
Speaker 1: bad name. Come up from now and we just say

585
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 1: our kbs just short. I like that. Okay, here classic

586
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 1: face your eyes upon two r kbs having a conversation

587
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:55,799
Speaker 1: right now, like a far cloud of who love me?

588
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,839
Speaker 1: Throwing things. It does seem like they're capable of higher

589
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:03,839
Speaker 1: brain fag. Yes they're speaking English, Yes they can hear.

590
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 1: They're taunting me. Yeah, I mean they're taunting like another

591
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 1: kind of roasting, almost like an apollo comedian. I was

592
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: going to say, the Tyler character r KB, he actually

593
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: has five. Check out this tep five. Okay, yeah, let's

594
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 1: let's be here. Funny thing happened. I'm away in traffic.

595
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:30,319
Speaker 1: I saw this person and I like their brain. John

596
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: because he's an alien. Yeah, that's why KB grew up

597
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 1: to be Joe Rogan's the number two. Our final scene

598
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: is from Aaron who wrote, Hello Alchemis, I would listen

599
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 1: to your podcast is the beginning, and it provides some

600
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 1: much needed levity to my work day. Not to pick favorites,

601
00:40:56,760 --> 00:41:03,400
Speaker 1: but I especially enjoy Vanessa and James favorite. My scene

602
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 1: suggestion comes from my current work situation. A company is

603
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 1: pushing its employees to higher and higher productivity, including extra hours,

604
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 1: and everyone is getting understandably burnt out. There's one annoying

605
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 1: employee trying to keep a positive attitude. Can't wait to

606
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 1: hear what y'all come up with? Keep it up, Aaron

607
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 1: Dan Dan Dan hour sixteen? Yeah, man, sweet sixteen. What

608
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 1: is sweeter than a sixteen hour work? Damn? All right?

609
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 1: Howk honk? That's a horn I made up. I'm gonna

610
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:39,279
Speaker 1: go get you guys some hot chocolate. I'll be right back. No,

611
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 1: I think I'm going to kill him when it comes.

612
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 1: I think, can you honestly do it? I'm gonna do it.

613
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: You keep saying you're going to do it. I'm gonna

614
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:50,720
Speaker 1: to compare about going to your own conversation. I'm gonna

615
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:53,759
Speaker 1: kill him. To kill him. You should do stop. You

616
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 1: always say you can do it. Do it. It makes

617
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 1: it worse when you say you're going to do it,

618
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 1: and then I get excited for you to do it,

619
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 1: and then you don't do. It's just your reminder you

620
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,320
Speaker 1: need to be more productive. I'm looking through the glass window.

621
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,760
Speaker 1: Look up here. Hey, you shouldn't be looking you should

622
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: be looking at the conveyor belt. Got you keep working,

623
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 1: love corporate. Kill her to stop saying that, what time

624
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:22,240
Speaker 1: is it? Hot chocolate time? Chocolate chocolate. Oh, it's chocolate,

625
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 1: it's hot, it's hot chocolate. Here we go. Have one

626
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 1: that's for you, Tracy. And here, this one's for you man, Tracy. Here,

627
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: this one's for you, Joe. And this one's for you Nathan. Congratulations, guys,

628
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 1: you're doing great. Hot chocolate. Remember we're at the sixteen

629
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 1: hour mark. When we get to the twenty hour mark,

630
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 1: we all get to take a thirty second break. Stop.

631
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 1: It's hard for us to do conveyor belt work with

632
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 1: a cup of hot chocolate. And I'm sorry, I'm so look.

633
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,399
Speaker 1: I understand, guys, I might be a little annoying because

634
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,400
Speaker 1: I'm so cheerful, but honestly, outside of my job, I

635
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,960
Speaker 1: want to kill myself. So so you know, just just

636
00:42:55,960 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: just give me a whole face. I could kill you, Okay, okay, okay,

637
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 1: I can kill you too, But you want to die,

638
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 1: don't you well, I mean work, work is a place

639
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 1: for living. Everything else is a place for dying. How

640
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 1: about you and me a t G t g I

641
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:25,879
Speaker 1: Friday's Please, that's a white trash ruby Tuesdays and good

642
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 1: place to die. Hey, welcome to t G I Fridays

643
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: that too. Would you like sit outside or in the

644
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 1: murder section? Outside? Outside? No, definitely the alright, find the

645
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 1: murder section, but I'm not happy about it. Okay, there

646
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 1: is a fifteen minute wait for the murder section right now,

647
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 1: but I can see you immediately outside. Can we have

648
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 1: a drink at the bar while we wait? Yeah? You could?

649
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 1: You could? Great? Hi? Would you like something blue? Yeah?

650
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 1: I'll have a tall glass of blue curasoal with a

651
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: float of iced tea. Absolutely fun and it comes in

652
00:43:56,760 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 1: a signature novelty glass. You're damn right, it does. G

653
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: G IF What about you, sir? Knife? You go on? So, man, Tracy,

654
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,319
Speaker 1: what's this all about? You're really here to murder me?

655
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,879
Speaker 1: Or what's going on? And I don't well, I mean

656
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:20,400
Speaker 1: maybe it's just it's got to be hard to be

657
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 1: that happy when you're that miserable. Well, no, you see,

658
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 1: I get to a state of tiredness, and I get

659
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: to a state of nihilism that breaks me into this

660
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 1: like new level of happiness. I could give a shit

661
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 1: about anything and nothing matters, including anything that we do

662
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:37,800
Speaker 1: or don't do. So why not be happy? I wish

663
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: you could do that for me. What what do you mean?

664
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 1: I just am so miserable. I want to kill everybody. Well, listen, man, Tracy,

665
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,240
Speaker 1: think about it this way? Empty? Can I call you empty?

666
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 1: All right? Listen, empty? You gotta think about this way.

667
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: God is dead and never existed, and there's no consequences

668
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 1: to anything we do on this earth. Yea over here? Yeah,

669
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:04,880
Speaker 1: you don't. I don't want this parent anymore? Is that

670
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 1: my patron? Oh? That must be our table? Well, do

671
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 1: you know what? I don't really want to go to

672
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 1: the murder section anymore. Okay, but you're gonna have to

673
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 1: talk to the front the front guy about that. Talk

674
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:19,439
Speaker 1: to the host, all right? Excuse me? Yes, yes, hello?

675
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:21,279
Speaker 1: Can we just see the outside? We don't want the

676
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 1: murder section anymore. No, we were eating outside and there's

677
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 1: only one table left, and he just said we could

678
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 1: have it. Not, No, babe, partials are coming here, So

679
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: let's go to the murder section. I don't want to

680
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: come to murderous about what you want all the time,

681
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 1: because I'm supposed to be happy here, you're supposed to

682
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,759
Speaker 1: be happy. Why don't you act happen? Why don't I'll

683
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: tell you why? Because you don't make me happy? Well,

684
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:49,240
Speaker 1: patio could make me happy. Hi, guys, Sorry, my husband's

685
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 1: not gonna come to dinner. Right. You have blue all

686
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 1: over your shirt. You smell minty. Thank you, barbe. Uh.

687
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:02,319
Speaker 1: Maybe we could all make each other happen tonight. Hum babe, Yeah,

688
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:04,359
Speaker 1: I've been asking you for that birthday next month. Let's

689
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 1: do it, Okay, after dinner, after dinner, after dinner, delight,

690
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 1: how to go with the host? Where are we sitting?

691
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: Guess we're sitting on you know, Let's just let's just

692
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:21,200
Speaker 1: go back to work exactly. It doesn't matter it does it?

693
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 1: Does it? Let's just go back to work. Let's go

694
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 1: in another sixteen empty, Let's put it on a sixteen. Well,

695
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 1: I guess, man, Tracy didn't do what he said. He

696
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 1: knew he wasn't. He never does it. Look at all

697
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: the jealous faces. They didn't get to go on a

698
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 1: ruby or to teach always get him confused, you know,

699
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:42,320
Speaker 1: I mean I was getting confused. It's like my cousins, like,

700
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 1: who do I kiss first? I hate you. I hate you, girl, Tracy,

701
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 1: I hate you. Can I a girl not a woman? Girl? Tracy?

702
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,799
Speaker 1: Can I can? I just can I call you g T? Yes, Okay,

703
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you the exact same thing I told man, Tracy.

704
00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 1: And that's especially for you because it's talk more working.

705
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 1: This is coming from corporate. Look up at the glass window. No,

706
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 1: let's looking more work. You're fired, alright, Guys that you

707
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:09,240
Speaker 1: heard that. You heard the corporate god voice. It's time

708
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 1: to keep working. I mean, after all, working and making

709
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 1: money is the only thing that matters. It's the only

710
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 1: thing that makes any difference in linear time, which we're

711
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 1: trapped in. I'll be right back with some muffins. That

712
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:26,319
Speaker 1: gun down, Joe. No, I can't for me. Man, don't

713
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 1: pointed at the glass ceiling. I don't know what's behind there.

714
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fight out, but we're to see what's up there.

715
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:39,240
Speaker 1: Corporates God, let's fight corporate man, Tracy. Girl, Tracy, well,

716
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 1: you just switched. You just switch in like two seconds

717
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 1: because when so As he caught that gun and I

718
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 1: was like, he means business should I fine? I guess

719
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 1: I'm looking in. Let's go, let's go. He's ready, he

720
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 1: guys ready, here's no going back from Okay, yes, okay?

721
00:47:56,040 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 1: Whoa OUCHI Hi? You're corporate. Uh, there's a bunch of us.

722
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like where are they? There are up stairs.

723
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 1: There's another floor you can't see from the outside, but

724
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 1: it does exist. And how come there's just two floors

725
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 1: on the elevator because we don't want anyone getting up

726
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,319
Speaker 1: to Corporate Florida. Second, sounds like your voice is coming

727
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:27,600
Speaker 1: from behind this curtain. No, no, no, no, please? What

728
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 1: the hell? Embarrassing sort of rat king made of Hey, guys,

729
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 1: I'm back with the muffins. Holy, oh my god, what

730
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: is that thing? My name is Tray or something, Tyler?

731
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, is that an alien life form? Can

732
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:55,800
Speaker 1: you kill him? Can you? Can you execute this? Seriously?

733
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 1: Are you an alien life farm? Are you literally life

734
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 1: from another planet? My brother is in the Joegan explains

735
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:09,880
Speaker 1: a lot about He's great by the way, and a

736
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:11,879
Speaker 1: lot he's very polar righting to a lot of people.

737
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:15,439
Speaker 1: I don't know, we know you're Joe Rogan t Shirt.

738
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 1: We know you like him. He's a provocat. Only a

739
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 1: lot of him as like a trash can Howard Stern

740
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 1: t g I F Police. Somebody left about closing up

741
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 1: there tab at the bar man, Tracy, it was him work,

742
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:38,720
Speaker 1: which you work. I'll just keep working, coach Tracy. Tracy

743
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 1: have good news and I have bad don't. All right? Well?

744
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:45,480
Speaker 1: Good The good news is that aliens exist, and that

745
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:49,319
Speaker 1: means God for sure doesn't who. The bad news is

746
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:51,960
Speaker 1: is that the t g I Friday Police forces here.

747
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,319
Speaker 1: Apparently you didn't close out the tab before we left

748
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:57,279
Speaker 1: the restaurant. But wait, I get so much to live for? Well,

749
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,440
Speaker 1: I mean not really, no one really has that much

750
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 1: to live. I welcome to t g I Friday Prison. Motherfucker.

751
00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:09,480
Speaker 1: You like my what's that stuff called on the suspenders

752
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 1: at the buttons? No, Rock, you are to all your flair,

753
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: all right? You know you would like to flare. You

754
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:25,879
Speaker 1: see you're like barbecue. Don't stop looking at us, Rock,

755
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:38,080
Speaker 1: Just look at you. Look blade sharp, dude, you're yeah,

756
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 1: paper scissors things you can do. I'm just saying you

757
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 1: do this. Every time there's a new guy. You gotta

758
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:48,799
Speaker 1: come in and do the thing to you practice like

759
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:51,600
Speaker 1: for thirty minutes on us. You did it perfectly, and

760
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 1: then as soon as he comes in you just booft

761
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:57,319
Speaker 1: it boost it. Yeah, he's a new fish, and tell

762
00:50:57,360 --> 00:51:00,319
Speaker 1: him about the Tilapia special. Right, come on, I can't,

763
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:04,879
Speaker 1: you can't. I'm listening. I'm I'm I want to see.

764
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 1: Um oh my god, dude. Okay, we got it to

765
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:12,800
Speaker 1: lap that we dunk in our prison toilet water and

766
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:16,359
Speaker 1: over here, my dude is gonna fucking ship you with

767
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:22,280
Speaker 1: our baby back ribs. You're so good grass, fetch ship

768
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:36,439
Speaker 1: and there's desserts. Come on, come on, Rock Cake Rock,

769
00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:45,920
Speaker 1: don't cry, okay, Officer Rock. All right, look, you're not

770
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 1: really working out at the t g I Fridays. What

771
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,280
Speaker 1: do you mean? Well, I mean it's just a simple

772
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:51,840
Speaker 1: bit of things that you need to let all the

773
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:56,720
Speaker 1: convicts know. Um. Well, no, they suspect that they're in prison,

774
00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:59,360
Speaker 1: but what they don't know is that you know, app

775
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 1: time is where after yard time, okay, and and that's

776
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,399
Speaker 1: your job to make sure that they know that. Now now,

777
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 1: now we're we are incarcerating people here until their debt

778
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:10,759
Speaker 1: to t JF Fridays is paid. But that doesn't mean

779
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 1: it can't be a fun, family oriented atmosphere, you know

780
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:16,960
Speaker 1: what I mean. So just think of it, think of

781
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:20,759
Speaker 1: what you do. Think of yourself as like an appetizer

782
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 1: sampler with a taser that you know, and you can

783
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,399
Speaker 1: like you can either serve it up. You can even

784
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 1: serve it up nice with extra sauces, or you could

785
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,839
Speaker 1: zap them right in the butt hole. Yeah, you see.

786
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:33,919
Speaker 1: I think my problem is I went in too deep.

787
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:36,439
Speaker 1: Sure I thought I was one of them, right, Yeah,

788
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,960
Speaker 1: you don't. You want to keep the fences high? Okay,

789
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:40,760
Speaker 1: all right? You know what? That gives me the confidence

790
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 1: I need to really say anything to anyone. Okay, Well,

791
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pair you up. I'm gonna pair you up

792
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 1: with a new f t O, a new field training officer,

793
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 1: and that's gonna be um officer red over here. Um,

794
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:53,400
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna call your an officer. Right, could you

795
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 1: come into my office please? Look, I'm gonna need you

796
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 1: to I'm gonna need you to f t O for

797
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 1: for rock here. What does Stanfield training? Why would would

798
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:05,239
Speaker 1: you just say that? Okay? Because well you know, listen,

799
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 1: I know a lot of you guys only have experience

800
00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:09,760
Speaker 1: in the restaurant industry. But this is a prison. Okay,

801
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 1: so I'm trying to use the proper terminology. So you know,

802
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:14,720
Speaker 1: we don't have experience in this. Why wouldn't you say

803
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 1: the thing? Listen, you've got an appetizer sampler and you've

804
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 1: got a taser. You know how to use both of you.

805
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 1: I eat the taser and I hit him with the appetizers.

806
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:23,279
Speaker 1: You know what that second thought, Rock, I'm gonna get

807
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 1: a different officer in here too for you. I like

808
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: to read. Yeah I liked his spirit. Yeah, I liked

809
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 1: red too, but he doesn't seem go to the bathroom.

810
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:35,960
Speaker 1: This is actually kind of perfect time because it's starting

811
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:37,759
Speaker 1: to come out. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna bring in

812
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,840
Speaker 1: another officer in here. I'm bringing Johnson. Johnson. Can you

813
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:44,000
Speaker 1: come in? Can you come into the office, Johnson. I'm

814
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 1: gonna needs you to fto for this new face Rock here, Johnson,

815
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:50,880
Speaker 1: I'm Rock. Anxiety gets the best of me sometimes, but

816
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:52,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to place through it with your help.

817
00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 1: But you have my back. I remember, guys, just smile, Okay,

818
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 1: just smile, whether you're tasering somebody or offering the money

819
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:01,319
Speaker 1: rings make sure you smile, make him feel welcome, make

820
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 1: them feel under our control, completely under our control. Make

821
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:06,759
Speaker 1: him feel like a product of the state. But make

822
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 1: him feel welcome. Yeah, okay, well, good luck guys, Thank you,

823
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:13,960
Speaker 1: thank you Johnson? So how long you been doing this?

824
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:15,840
Speaker 1: I've been doing this for fifteen years? Man, well you

825
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:18,279
Speaker 1: must be a real pro, that's right. What do you

826
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 1: do when you can see the gray matter of anxiety

827
00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 1: start to take over the floor and then your toes

828
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:26,319
Speaker 1: and go all the way up to your body when

829
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:28,080
Speaker 1: you choke on words and you don't know what to

830
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:33,319
Speaker 1: say next? Bogo hallepeeno poppers. That takes care of him. Man,

831
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:35,640
Speaker 1: what does bogo stand for? I won't get one, motherfucker?

832
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:40,040
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. You're good, You're good. You know what's up, yo, officers.

833
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:43,480
Speaker 1: I'm scheduled to be released in the next twelve hours

834
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 1: after I pray from my Long Island nice tease from

835
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 1: eight e three. What do I gotta do here? First

836
00:54:49,280 --> 00:54:51,799
Speaker 1: thing you gotta do is shut your mouth, Johnson? I

837
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:54,279
Speaker 1: got this good. Ah, you do it. And you gotta

838
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:56,520
Speaker 1: choose here from a list of drinks I can get

839
00:54:56,520 --> 00:55:00,800
Speaker 1: you started with. Motherfucker, Wait a second, substitution. I'm supposed

840
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 1: to be reunited with my family. I'm flailing Johnson, help me,

841
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 1: help me? Oh man, do you think about it? Think

842
00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:10,839
Speaker 1: about it? Think it was on the menu? Man? All right?

843
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:16,359
Speaker 1: All right, well, why don't I reunite your mouth with

844
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 1: some potato skins? Motherfucker? All right, right, go to flavor Fest. Man,

845
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:23,680
Speaker 1: I guess I could use a bite to eat. It's

846
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:26,400
Speaker 1: a long bus trap back to the city. Flavor Fest

847
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 1: starts today. That's right, Happy Hours starts now. Wait a minute,

848
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:35,919
Speaker 1: flavor Fest starts today, and it's I'm being released today. Well,

849
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:37,880
Speaker 1: how much supposed to you do it? Flavor Fest? You

850
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:40,279
Speaker 1: better do something to stay in longer than should come yam?

851
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:42,759
Speaker 1: And I mean, why why did I even drink those

852
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 1: long Island iced teas? All I did with some hands

853
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 1: stuff to take this steak nice? Alright, I'm gonna open

854
00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:50,759
Speaker 1: the cells. Okay, that's a gentleman named man Tracy, and

855
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 1: one of these cells. All right, you stick that steak

856
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:55,919
Speaker 1: knife through his fucking guts. Man Tracy. He's that guy

857
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:58,160
Speaker 1: that hated his job and loved his job, that hated

858
00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: it again. Guy can't stop talking about it, all right?

859
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:11,200
Speaker 1: Opening game I'm just a button, Tracy. Oh, he's not much.

860
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:13,799
Speaker 1: Did you care how much I care about? Could you

861
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:21,720
Speaker 1: try to touch the ceiling with your hands but flat footed? There? Yeah,

862
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:27,879
Speaker 1: you gotta stand welcome mock honey, what do you mean

863
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:32,880
Speaker 1: you're staying? Well, look, there was an incident earlier today.

864
00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 1: I thought that I was going to be released, but

865
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 1: it turns out its flavor Fest, which is like a

866
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 1: fiesta of text Mex flavors. I know what flavor fest is.

867
00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 1: Don't treat me like that is over? Wrap this up, happy,

868
00:56:46,120 --> 00:56:48,279
Speaker 1: I was over. I can't be with visitors any longer.

869
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:51,680
Speaker 1: I gotta get back in. I'm not worth price visitation

870
00:56:51,719 --> 00:56:54,840
Speaker 1: to baby baby. You don't call me baby, sweetie, you

871
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:59,800
Speaker 1: dirty half py honey, pry honey, cuddle monkey. You don't

872
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:03,840
Speaker 1: you say cud sugar muffin? You want you say? Don't

873
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 1: you use our bedroom names and sweet fat lips? You

874
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:11,240
Speaker 1: are everything to me I wanted. I want to slowly

875
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:16,760
Speaker 1: suffocate and your sweet fat lips for a hundred years.

876
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 1: I gotta pay my debt back to t G I Friday,

877
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,240
Speaker 1: so we can never be together again. But well, I

878
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:26,360
Speaker 1: hope you enjoy never meeting your twins look, wait before

879
00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:28,520
Speaker 1: you go, don't don't go away mad. Before you go.

880
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:32,000
Speaker 1: I made you this. I made you the swan out

881
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 1: of an old napkin. Oh my god, it's beautiful as

882
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:37,240
Speaker 1: two heads. They called me the swan man of t

883
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 1: G I f is that why? There's sorry your husband's

884
00:57:40,520 --> 00:57:42,040
Speaker 1: not getting now. But you can work on the conveyor

885
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 1: light here. Serious, Yeah, you can get double time about

886
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:50,040
Speaker 1: the nine day. So that's my deal as my husband

887
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:52,480
Speaker 1: doesn't get out of prison and I get to work

888
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 1: at a conveyor but work. Yeah, in a lot of ways,

889
00:57:56,200 --> 00:58:01,360
Speaker 1: you're kind of bolted prison. Oh my god, I'll do it. Okay,

890
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:03,840
Speaker 1: Well there you go. Just monitor here and I just

891
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 1: stand and look at the conveyor belt all day for nights.

892
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:08,680
Speaker 1: And your twins can work here as well. They can

893
00:58:08,680 --> 00:58:13,040
Speaker 1: start togest dating. Still they're in your belly. Yeah, I'm pregnant.

894
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:15,920
Speaker 1: Well if you swallow some of the products that the

895
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:22,880
Speaker 1: sweet fat lips excuse yes, my lips got extremely fat

896
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 1: when I got pregnant. Not something to shame me about,

897
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:30,560
Speaker 1: thank you very much. Yes, well then that's your answer. Yes,

898
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,520
Speaker 1: And all I'm saying is why can't your children make

899
00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 1: a couple of bucks while they're just stating because they

900
00:58:37,160 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 1: are six months in my tumu. O follow some product

901
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 1: and watch them get to work. Okay, Jesus, sweet products.

902
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:59,640
Speaker 1: I hate that. You know when you make sense. If

903
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 1: you listen to this lot and slow it down, you're

904
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:06,800
Speaker 1: gonna see all the connections Brains rights and Bernet sauce

905
00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:11,320
Speaker 1: in the third one, go around and say thank you

906
00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 1: what you're up to? Brad Norman. I'm the voice of

907
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:17,440
Speaker 1: Bowlwinkle Moose on Rocky and Bullwinkle on Amazon Prime. It's

908
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:22,200
Speaker 1: a streaming service that also sells spatulas and uh, speaking

909
00:59:22,240 --> 00:59:26,000
Speaker 1: of Spatula's Twitter, I'm on Twitter and Instagram. You can

910
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 1: find me Brad Norman or Brad in Action or Beating Norms.

911
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 1: And I love you even though we don't know each other,

912
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:37,800
Speaker 1: we're friends. Vanessa Raglin, I take a while to love

913
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 1: quick to like Vanessa Hope on Instagram and Dynasty Typewriter.

914
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 1: And if you're in l A comes to shows there

915
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 1: because it's lovely. And if you don't want to see

916
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 1: a show there, the only other option is to see

917
00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 1: me this at West Side Comedy. Will there you go

918
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 1: first Sunday? The one Well, there are other options too,

919
00:59:57,560 --> 01:00:01,320
Speaker 1: pretty pretty pony bears. Supply it you ever limited in

920
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 1: l A. There's not a lot of entertainment, that's true,

921
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:11,160
Speaker 1: Chris Alvarado. That's at Chris Albarado. For all you people

922
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:16,440
Speaker 1: who were wondering westn Comedy theaters, see all the shows there,

923
01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:18,920
Speaker 1: because we're all in all of them constantly. It's true,

924
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 1: James Heaney. If you want to read more about me,

925
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:23,800
Speaker 1: you can read the reviews of Alchemy this but I'd

926
01:00:23,800 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 1: like to clear something up, but one titled very funny

927
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:29,200
Speaker 1: five star review love it can't This is great, but

928
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 1: this is what it says. It says James beliefs we

929
01:00:31,840 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 1: have the tech to land on the Moon, but doesn't

930
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 1: have the faith astronauts know how to use a camera.

931
01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:39,240
Speaker 1: Now that's not true. I believe that they might have

932
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:41,640
Speaker 1: had a camera, but you know what the thing is

933
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:43,960
Speaker 1: is there, it's just how would they get the cameras

934
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 1: outside to film them coming out. I'm not saying that

935
01:00:46,640 --> 01:00:49,440
Speaker 1: the Moon is a conspiracy, No, I don't. I just

936
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:52,760
Speaker 1: think that it's possible that there was somebody else setting

937
01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 1: up cameras before the astronauts got wait, hold on who,

938
01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 1: I don't know what director of men on the moon, Oliver,

939
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:03,520
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just saying that astronauts don't know

940
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:06,080
Speaker 1: how to use cameras. I'm just saying they weren't the cameraman.

941
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:10,000
Speaker 1: They've spent their careers learning about space travel doing this

942
01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:12,560
Speaker 1: in a while. So okay, and we have to move on.

943
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 1: This is we gotta wrap up here. But just just

944
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:18,440
Speaker 1: just to clarify, you don't believe it's a conspiracy. So

945
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 1: you think they went to the moon, but you think

946
01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 1: maybe Oliver Stone also went there. Listen, I'm just saying

947
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: that news Justin reviewed us five stars. Appreciate it, but

948
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:31,440
Speaker 1: it is spreading slanderous things. I do believe know how

949
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 1: to use cameras. I just don't think they did use

950
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:38,240
Speaker 1: the camera. We love it when people read us review Internet.

951
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:41,200
Speaker 1: You don't even learn more about it. Visit James's room

952
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:46,160
Speaker 1: with newspaper clippings. I'd like you to do this review

953
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,520
Speaker 1: and tell the truth about James Heeney and still give

954
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:50,840
Speaker 1: the nice five star reviews of Alchemy. This. I love that.

955
01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 1: Thanks news Justin's the truth, all right, let's palate cleans

956
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:58,360
Speaker 1: with Caroline Um. I don't do anything you can find

957
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 1: me on Instagram at cotter Poop, I could be convinced

958
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 1: that the moon landing is fake. Okay, let's oh no,

959
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:09,520
Speaker 1: Hi'm at Cole Stratton or at Stratton, Cole and various

960
01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:12,400
Speaker 1: social media. Westie comedy pretty pretty punny, but also s

961
01:02:12,480 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 1: F Sketch Fest. It's coming up in January, nineteenth Annual

962
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:19,600
Speaker 1: s F Sketch Fest, and I'll tip it a little bit.

963
01:02:19,640 --> 01:02:23,520
Speaker 1: Alchemy this will be there, so come and check that out.

964
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:27,919
Speaker 1: That's our show for today. Let's thank our engineer Doug

965
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:32,360
Speaker 1: Bam that's right, our post sound design artist Raphael Brito,

966
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 1: that's right. We encourage you all to write a review.

967
01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 1: Tell everyone you've ever met in Debunk James Penis Theories,

968
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:42,720
Speaker 1: that's right right to us at your name here at

969
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 1: Alchemy this dot com. That's your name here at Alchemy

970
01:02:46,040 --> 01:03:16,360
Speaker 1: this dot com. Until next time, he and all