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Speaker 1: Scrubbing it In with Becca Tilly and Tanya Red and

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Speaker 1: I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.

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Speaker 1: Tanya is back from her just for alicking around the

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Speaker 1: island vacation. Can I just tell you I was little living.

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Speaker 1: I travel a lot, so I don't get I rarely

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Speaker 1: I feel like jealous of someone's vacation because I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you know, I get to go to really cool places.

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Speaker 1: I was fully jealous. Yeah, I don't travel much. You do.

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Speaker 1: Actually I don't really though, like if you I mean,

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Speaker 1: I really don't if you think about it. I would

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Speaker 1: take like one trip a year that was kind of

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Speaker 1: like those types of trips, but here and there, here

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Speaker 1: and there. Um. But yeah, I did, like Adam on

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Speaker 1: my bucket list, I went skinny dipping it freeing and

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Speaker 1: like delicious and just divine. Did you have your water

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Speaker 1: sues one at my water shoes so you weren't fully

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Speaker 1: skinny dipping? Yeah? I wasn't fully skinny dipping. But you

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Speaker 1: know what, jokes on everybody else who doesn't wear water shoes,

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Speaker 1: they don't look sexy. But you know what, I'm sexy

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Speaker 1: enough as it is, so I can rock my water

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Speaker 1: aqua socks and and feel like such a baywatch babe.

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Speaker 1: But there's a lot of seaweed, a lot of sea

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Speaker 1: urchins in these caves and Robbie's like tiptoeing around them

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Speaker 1: to get out. And I'm like, I can stop my

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Speaker 1: feet on anywhere because I got these water shoes on.

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Speaker 1: But where are you in this situation? So we uh

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Speaker 1: we And we went to St. Bart's and it is

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Speaker 1: a long trip U from Los Angeles. Like I don't

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Speaker 1: mean that, I mean, where are you skinny dipping? Is

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Speaker 1: it at pool of lake and ocean? Oh, it's a

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Speaker 1: natural pool, but it was like secluded. There was no

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Speaker 1: other nobody else there besides us because you have to

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Speaker 1: like hike a very dangerous hike to get to it. Um,

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Speaker 1: and like they tell you to use a guy. And

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Speaker 1: we were like, no, we got this. We're good, we're

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Speaker 1: you know, fit and stuff, and like we got to

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Speaker 1: it and I realized that, um, but it was quite

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Speaker 1: a journey to get to it, and there was nobody

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Speaker 1: in there. And I was like, oh, I'm taking my

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Speaker 1: taking this bad boy off, but not the water socks.

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Speaker 1: Did Robbie join you and taking the bad boy off? No?

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Speaker 1: He kept his clothes on. Well, he didn't have shoes on,

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Speaker 1: so he had to feel protection somewhere with the sea urchins.

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Speaker 1: You know that's risky for a man. Yeah, but I

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Speaker 1: also will tell you I have not consumed that amount

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Speaker 1: of alcohol that I've consumed in the last week. I

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Speaker 1: think all year. That part I didn't feel m v M.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I know that they are so tired

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Speaker 1: being in the sun and drinking and then but that's

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Speaker 1: the best part is like you drink all day and

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Speaker 1: you're just like rage have fun, and then we would

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Speaker 1: eat and then we just like go to sleep, but

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Speaker 1: we're never hungover because we didn't drink like hard liquor. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: y'all were just like relaxed. Well, I just I mean

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Speaker 1: every day when I would look at your stories, I

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Speaker 1: was like what I would give to be floating in

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Speaker 1: that crystal clear blue water. Yeah. It was a journey

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Speaker 1: in terms of there's like three separate flights, but we

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Speaker 1: had to be in New York for bar mitts. But

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Speaker 1: anyway at that time, and so we kind of were

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Speaker 1: just like, let's go somewhere close to New York and

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Speaker 1: price wise, this was like way better than going anywhere else. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean travel is that is expensive. I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's known for being I think luxurious. Yeah, it's quite

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Speaker 1: quite luxurious, but in like it was just beautiful. You

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Speaker 1: don't get water like that. Everybody. I was like, if

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Speaker 1: I were single, St. Barts is the place to be

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Speaker 1: because everybody that's like working there is hot and nice

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Speaker 1: and just like have these accents, the French accents. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, yes, tell all your single friends you

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Speaker 1: heard it here first. You heard it here first. If

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Speaker 1: you need a little summer fling, head on over. I know.

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Speaker 1: I felt like you were gone for like forever. I

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Speaker 1: just kept thinking, when is she coming back? And then

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Speaker 1: I thought you were coming back Wednesday, and then you're

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Speaker 1: like Saturday, and I was like, you've been on the

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Speaker 1: island for how long? I know? And I turned into like, uh,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to put makeup on. I just kind

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Speaker 1: of I feel like I'm just nothing touches my hair,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't put a curling iron on my hair, like,

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Speaker 1: no blow dryer. I'm just like on the island bibs.

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Speaker 1: And it's like a whole different Tanya. I did not

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Speaker 1: have the same type of week by any means in

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Speaker 1: the past two weeks. But um, life in general did

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Speaker 1: come and organize my whole entire life. I know, are

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Speaker 1: you gonna post like video because I feel like but

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Speaker 1: you have before? Yes. And I got home. I went

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Speaker 1: to New York for an event with Keels for a

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Speaker 1: Pride of it. It was my first official Pride event,

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Speaker 1: which was really fun. Thank you so much. UM. But

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Speaker 1: I got home and my place is like in immaculate

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Speaker 1: like it is. It looks like no one has lived there,

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Speaker 1: which if you Rebecca's house before that is you can't

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Speaker 1: even believe. You cannot even imagine how bad it was,

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Speaker 1: Like I know, you couldn't see the floor on her

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Speaker 1: bedroom floor, like there's just clothes everywhere, and my room's big,

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Speaker 1: so like the fact that it was taking up so

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Speaker 1: much space, I'm like looking at it now. I immediately

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Speaker 1: took my bag because I went to Hayley's up to

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Speaker 1: the airport on Saturday. So I just got home today

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Speaker 1: and I unpacked my whole bag and put everything where

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Speaker 1: it's supposed to go, which is I think the first

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Speaker 1: time I've ever done that coming home from a trip.

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Speaker 1: Isn't this a nice feeling? It was a great feeling. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's exactly what I do when I get back from

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Speaker 1: like any sort of any vacation. I washed my clothes,

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Speaker 1: put everything back, and I'm just like settled, settled. But

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Speaker 1: I also realized, because I was doing my laundry and

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Speaker 1: unpacking from our trip, I have more stuff at Red

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Speaker 1: Star's house and I have it mine now officially, like

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Speaker 1: all my underwears, they're like I was like, I came

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Speaker 1: home today to like work, and I was trying to

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Speaker 1: put where's all my underwear? So I'm curious because we've

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Speaker 1: had this conversation and you answered it on your Instagram

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Speaker 1: story that you wouldn't move in until you're engaged, correct,

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Speaker 1: But you have more stuff at his place than you

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Speaker 1: do at your place, So what is it? Just like

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Speaker 1: mentally that makes more sense to you. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what it is. And that's a great question because you've

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Speaker 1: asked me that before and I'm trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: what it is. But it's almost like, and I guess

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Speaker 1: being engaged is no different than being in a serious,

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Speaker 1: committed relationship, right, So I don't know, but it's like

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Speaker 1: there's some sort of I almost say safety there, but

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Speaker 1: it's like I have a home, like in case it's

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Speaker 1: the fan, Like, I have a home, do you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? Yeah, but so you wouldn't say that

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Speaker 1: you all live together. No, but you're kind of just

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Speaker 1: shoveling your rent money into an incinerator every month. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that is annoying, which Carrie Bradshaw did for quite some time,

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Speaker 1: quite some time then after she married Big, which worked

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Speaker 1: out because she had needed that place when he failed. Correct,

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Speaker 1: I'm not opposed to you having another place, but I

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Speaker 1: do find it like you're so like headstrong about I'm

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Speaker 1: not moving in yet. You just admitted you officially have

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Speaker 1: more stuff at his house than realized that until like yesterday,

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Speaker 1: I was like cleaning out. I had like a whole

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Speaker 1: kind of reorganizing, washing everything, and I realized I needed

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Speaker 1: to kind of get organized because it was just a

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Speaker 1: slow progression, you know, you just like bring bags over

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Speaker 1: in bags, and then you put the bags stuff away,

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Speaker 1: and then you bring the bags back here and refill

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Speaker 1: them and and yeah, I didn't realize it until I

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Speaker 1: got back home and was like, where's all my stuff here?

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Speaker 1: Something to think about, something to think about. Um. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So obviously this past weekend was cool, like going to

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Speaker 1: New York and the day of the event was the

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Speaker 1: day that we found out about reverse Way being overturned.

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Speaker 1: And I it's been I think social media complicates these

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Speaker 1: things even more because you're I don't think we're made

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Speaker 1: to ingest so much information and opinions at one So

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Speaker 1: with you. I'm so with you. And it's like I

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Speaker 1: felt the same way I came back from vacation. I

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Speaker 1: felt like refreshed and re energized and recouper just all

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Speaker 1: like you know, kind of like high on life. And

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Speaker 1: then the news broke and it was like the emotions

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Speaker 1: that come with it are like anger, frustration, uh, rage,

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Speaker 1: which I don't feel like are conducive to me personally

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Speaker 1: or change. Yeah, like I think. And then you look

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Speaker 1: at social media and it's just people reposting their anger

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Speaker 1: and their frustration and their rage, and you're consuming it

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Speaker 1: at such like a high level that I think, like,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's okay, but you know how people react,

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Speaker 1: it's it's valid. If you want to not look at

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Speaker 1: your phone, like, don't look at your phone. If you

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Speaker 1: want to go protests, go protest, you know, I think

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Speaker 1: however you deal with things is valid. I have a

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Speaker 1: new rule on social media. I'm not reading comments anymore.

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Speaker 1: Yeah posts, but the comments are the tox success pool,

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Speaker 1: the comments where you're finding all the guys saying, hey,

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Speaker 1: if when would just keep their legs closed, They don't

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Speaker 1: want to have to worry about this. But Mark, let

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Speaker 1: me tell you if I were, if I were commenting,

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Speaker 1: when I was in my heated moment, I was like,

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Speaker 1: why don't we cut every man's dick off? Why doesn't

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Speaker 1: have a guy get a vasectomy and then reverse it

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Speaker 1: when he wants to have a kid, Like I have

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Speaker 1: those same I have those same anger and that same

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Speaker 1: feeling as well, but I can hold it back. I'm

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Speaker 1: not going and I don't. I don't want to. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to post it because I just like it

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Speaker 1: adds to this. Mm hmm, Well, I think I do

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Speaker 1: think anger and feelings are what create the motive too

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Speaker 1: encourage change. Like I do think like when you feel

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Speaker 1: that sadness or the heaviness or the anger of the frustration,

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Speaker 1: that those are the feelings that lead to doing something

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Speaker 1: about it. But I don't know, Like I kept thinking,

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Speaker 1: you know, there's always a pressure to post something on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: And I was just reading so much, and there were

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Speaker 1: so many posts and like re shares of the same post,

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Speaker 1: and I was just thinking, like if I don't have

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Speaker 1: anything to contribute that I've already read, and I'm just

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Speaker 1: adding into the devastation and the fear, and I don't

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Speaker 1: want to just say something off the top of my

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Speaker 1: head that's out of anger and rage and add to

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Speaker 1: what's already happening. So but I do want to say, like,

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Speaker 1: I've been on both sides of pro choice and pro life,

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Speaker 1: and um, I almost hesitate to even call it pro

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Speaker 1: life anti choice. I guess pro choice or anti choice

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Speaker 1: because how I thought about it was tunnel vision, like

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Speaker 1: I would not hear any other argument. I would not

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Speaker 1: listen to any their scenario. I did not do my

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Speaker 1: own research. I didn't look up information about anything. I

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Speaker 1: just listened to what I was taught in church in school.

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Speaker 1: And I was dead said, I would literally not hear

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Speaker 1: any other opinion. And as I started hearing stories like

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Speaker 1: from people that I know, like personal stories, and then

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Speaker 1: reading about people's just how important it is to have

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Speaker 1: this option as a woman, I realized how it's not

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Speaker 1: black and white. It's not and I do think that

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Speaker 1: there's this this. I read this tweet which I do

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Speaker 1: this toxic thing like you were saying. Reading the comments

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Speaker 1: mark where I'll go to like these extreme like people

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Speaker 1: who are extreme on either side of the political issues,

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Speaker 1: and read tweets I think just like make myself mad.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why I do it. And I saw

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Speaker 1: one that said today one group of people celebrating life

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Speaker 1: the life of babies or the unborn, and another the

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Speaker 1: other group of people are celebrate or grieving the life

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Speaker 1: of the unborn, insinuating that anyone who is pro choice

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Speaker 1: is just celebrating murdering babies. And I thought it was

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Speaker 1: such a And I used to have that mentality, so

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Speaker 1: I I like get so frustrated because I came from

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Speaker 1: that mentality. But I don't think people realize that majority

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Speaker 1: of people who are pro choice are people who think

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Speaker 1: it's the woman's responsibility to decide what is best for

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Speaker 1: that baby that's growing inside of her, or that life

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Speaker 1: that's growing inside of her. And sometimes that doesn't look

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Speaker 1: like the baby being born into the world because maybe

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Speaker 1: they don't have the ability to take care of it

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Speaker 1: past birth, and maybe they don't have the will, or

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Speaker 1: maybe they have other children they know how hard it is,

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Speaker 1: or know how hard pregnancy is, and they don't think

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Speaker 1: they can do that as a young girl who well, no,

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Speaker 1: it's not. Honestly, it extends so much further than that too,

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Speaker 1: because this is going to affect IBF but embryos and

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Speaker 1: not even just that, but also some people. You know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know where I was reading about, but sometimes

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Speaker 1: abortions save a lot of times, it saves the mother's lives.

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Speaker 1: Like people don't necessarily want them, they have to have

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Speaker 1: them or they will die. But that's what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's the argument we're seeing, is that

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Speaker 1: some people have to have them, but also some people

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Speaker 1: just know that they can't. They can't do it. And

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's fair to shame people for not

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Speaker 1: being able to to have to make the decision and

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Speaker 1: just assuming that it's like easy breezing and that they're

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Speaker 1: not grieving or having a hard time with it. I

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Speaker 1: just think I don't think it's a black and white issue,

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Speaker 1: and I think regardless, it might be for some people,

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Speaker 1: but you should let everybody have that choice for themselves.

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Speaker 1: I think there is a perception that women who have

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Speaker 1: abortions are all irresponsible, promiscuous monsters, and that's what we

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Speaker 1: need to get away from. We need to have more

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Speaker 1: empathy as a society. I didn't want to say because

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Speaker 1: I addressed last month the scrubbers that are applauding this decision.

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Speaker 1: And you might be thinking to yourself, sorry about my

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Speaker 1: voice not feeling the greatest. But you might be thinking

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Speaker 1: to yourself, this doesn't affect me because I'm saving myself

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Speaker 1: from marriage, or maybe you're already married or whatever. But

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Speaker 1: a lot of these states are not making exceptions for

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Speaker 1: rape or to protect the health of the woman. So

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Speaker 1: God forbid you or your daughter has an ectopic pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: some other complication and the doctor has to say to you,

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Speaker 1: continuing this pregnancy could possibly kill you, but state law

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Speaker 1: prevents me from doing anything about that. And that's the

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Speaker 1: moment you'll realize the role view it wasn't such a

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Speaker 1: bad thing, and that these politicians that made these laws,

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Speaker 1: they don't give it damn about you or your baby,

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Speaker 1: and you're lifly be collateral damage to advance the political careers.

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Speaker 1: Or what if you have a miscarriage or your daughter

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Speaker 1: has a miscarriage, What an awful experience, what a traumatic experience.

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Speaker 1: But now in these red states, you're gonna be under

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Speaker 1: investigation by the authorities who want to make sure you

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Speaker 1: didn't do anything to cause that miscarriage, in which case

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Speaker 1: they could arrest you. Like it's just you're not seeing

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Speaker 1: the whole picture of this. Yeah, but also like to say,

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Speaker 1: doesn't affect you as such, like a, well, it's privilege.

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Speaker 1: I mean I also that was my mentality to I

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Speaker 1: was waiting for marriage, So to me, not even thinking

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Speaker 1: about the idea of what if I was sexually assaulted

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Speaker 1: or or raped or something someone took advantage of me, Like,

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Speaker 1: not even considering that that to happen to me, which

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Speaker 1: is such a realistic possibility for so many people like

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Speaker 1: I just I, And I think my point is I

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Speaker 1: don't think everyone who is pro life is like this

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Speaker 1: horrible monsterver person who who doesn't think about anything else,

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Speaker 1: because I thought like this too, and I would hate

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Speaker 1: to for people to think that I was a monster.

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Speaker 1: But when your beliefs feel like this is what you

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Speaker 1: believe in and your unwavering in it, it feels like

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Speaker 1: it's the right thing. And so I just want to say,

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's an issue of yelling at people

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Speaker 1: on either side and saying you're a monster for thinking

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Speaker 1: this way, or you're a monster for thinking this way.

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Speaker 1: I think it's just opening your mind and opening your

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Speaker 1: heart to hearing that there are It's a way bigger picture,

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Speaker 1: like you said, Mark, It's way bigger than just and you.

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Speaker 1: But you can still have those feelings like I'm anti

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Speaker 1: abortion for myself, I don't believe in that for myself.

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Speaker 1: That's my choice. That's my choice. That's what I choose

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Speaker 1: for myself, but that's not on me to project onto

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Speaker 1: anybody else. And I don't think that it's fair for

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Speaker 1: anybody else to have that say on my own body

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Speaker 1: other than myself. I agree, And I think this goes

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Speaker 1: to you know, they started talking about like what does

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Speaker 1: this mean for same sex marriage? And what are these

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Speaker 1: decisions that we're undoing, Like it's scary. I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: like one thing leads to the next, and you're celebrating

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Speaker 1: one thing, but what if what if this progresses and

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Speaker 1: it's you know, and I live in hell Alfornia. This

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Speaker 1: isn't something I have to directly worry about for myself,

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Speaker 1: and I'm very aware of that, but I'm just I

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Speaker 1: think thinking of all the people who are genuinely fearing

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Speaker 1: their reality and what could happen, and also may not

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Speaker 1: have the means to leave that there's the state that

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Speaker 1: they're in or get out of, you know, and go

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Speaker 1: to a safer states. So I think it's just I

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Speaker 1: think it's upsetting, and I think it's it's so it's

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Speaker 1: so complicated seeing the arguments and not being angry to

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Speaker 1: the point where you're promoting fear. But it's something to

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Speaker 1: really be aware of what's happening right now, and I

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Speaker 1: think it's really important to like try to learn. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean again, it's like I have to bite my

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Speaker 1: tongue because my knee jerk reaction is is like the sectomes, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: chop the dick off the sectomies for all men. And

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Speaker 1: it's just like what the hell, dude, Like men get

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Speaker 1: take a pill so that they can get boners, and

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Speaker 1: women have to like take pills to be on birth.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean. It's just anything never on

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Speaker 1: the man. Nobody ever says why can't the men keep

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Speaker 1: it in their pants? Nobody ever says that why can't

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Speaker 1: the women keep their lives closed? And it's it's horrific

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00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,320
Speaker 1: but it's the reality because when you're with that guy

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Speaker 1: in the condom breaks or he convinces you that it's

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Speaker 1: just one time without a condom because I don't like

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Speaker 1: how it feels, and then you get pregnant, that your

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Speaker 1: life changes from that moment down where he just goes

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Speaker 1: on and lives his life. He's gonna be fine, he's

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Speaker 1: gonna go to do college, job, whatever he wanted to do.

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Speaker 1: But your life changes forever. And that's why it's so

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Speaker 1: important for women to have these options. Yeah. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's And I've gone to a cup because I didn't

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Speaker 1: post anything on so I think I'm going to post

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Speaker 1: something because it is important to me, but I wanted

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Speaker 1: to not do it in a place of where I was. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I was responding to a couple of d m

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Speaker 1: s of people just being like, you know, why aren't

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Speaker 1: you posting about this? And I'm like, I'm also just

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Speaker 1: so hired of the let's just repost a meme so

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Speaker 1: that I'm part of the conversation and I'm not doing

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Speaker 1: anything about it. And it's just like, I don't I'm

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Speaker 1: not about that. I think there's this thing now where

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Speaker 1: it's like you have to post something to believe in it,

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Speaker 1: or I don't know what I'm saying. It's like, it's

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Speaker 1: like so backwards, and I just I don't. I don't. Again,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not going to just repost a meme

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Speaker 1: to for what. And this is the last thing I'll

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Speaker 1: say on this. We are not a country that has

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Speaker 1: a system set up for kids or healthcare or taking

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Speaker 1: care of baby's past birth if if the family can't

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Speaker 1: or the mom can't do it herself. So I think

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Speaker 1: that's something else to consider, like until we figure out

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00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,639
Speaker 1: other things this this doesn't it doesn't make sense to

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Speaker 1: be forcing forcing this upon people not giving them the option.

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Speaker 1: And if you are pro life and you are celebrating this,

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Speaker 1: I really hope that you are looking into ways that

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Speaker 1: you can help progress the systems in which I have

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Speaker 1: to be in place for the babies past them being born.

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Speaker 1: And I too will do the same, even though I,

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Speaker 1: you know, do believe in the right to choose. I don't.

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Speaker 1: Any life is valuable, and I hope that past birth

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Speaker 1: there is. I hope there's more help for people moving forward.

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Speaker 1: That's the only thing I can say because I don't

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Speaker 1: know what else. I don't know what else makes sense. Yeah, Um,

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Speaker 1: we're going to take a break and we will be

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00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:54,399
Speaker 1: right back to switch some gears. All right, we are back.

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Speaker 1: Um okay. So I was a couple of weeks ago.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, are we gonna talk about Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: I started. I've tried to start Ship's Creek so many

381
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 1: times because everyone talks about how incredible it is and

382
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,399
Speaker 1: how funny it is, and so I have watched the

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00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: first episode. Probably this is like my dead last so experience.

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00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 1: I'm just like trying and and everyone was like, with

385
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,240
Speaker 1: Ship's Creek, you have to get through the first season,

386
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 1: and I'm like that is a huge commitment to get through.

387
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,440
Speaker 1: So I think I've watched the first like six or

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Speaker 1: seven episodes and that's as far as I got. No,

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00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: but when you're done, you didn't even find you didn't

390
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,359
Speaker 1: even giggle a little. I really didn't. But I was

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00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,399
Speaker 1: so sick that I was like, am I just like,

392
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: does nothing affect me right now? Because I'm so ill?

393
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,560
Speaker 1: I don't know. But I did really like when um

394
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: spoiler alert, David sleeps with Stevie and then she was like,

395
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,720
Speaker 1: I thought, you are you not like asking him of

396
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:04,639
Speaker 1: he's gay? Basically, and he's like, m, it's about the wine,

397
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,719
Speaker 1: not the label. And I really, you know, resonated with that,

398
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,080
Speaker 1: So I really I liked that part. I didn't love

399
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 1: the show. I'm telling you, I've been I'm so disappointed.

400
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,879
Speaker 1: I'm telling this story to people in this guy in

401
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 1: New York and he's like, no, if you don't like

402
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 1: the first season, if you don't like, if you're not

403
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,879
Speaker 1: interested in the characters, you're not gonna like the show.

404
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 1: But but I think you grow to love the characters

405
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 1: as time goes on. Like I I was not emotionally

406
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 1: invested in any of them until, like I don't know,

407
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 1: season four, No, no, season two, but like you just

408
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 1: really get invested. Well, I haven't fully. Haley thought it

409
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 1: was really funny because she watched the first two episodes

410
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 1: when she was out of town, so maybe her laughter

411
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:52,159
Speaker 1: will provoke I don't know, keep going, try harder. I

412
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,840
Speaker 1: don't know. It's just a lot. It's like, why are

413
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,159
Speaker 1: we investing time in the things that don't bring us

414
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 1: like entertainment or joy? I'm with you come to the islands, man, Yeah,

415
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 1: I need that vacation. That's really all I can think about. Um. Wait,

416
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 1: so oh, okay, people, this happened at Joe Jose event,

417
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 1: which was weeks ago. But I came up to you

418
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 1: and Ali and y'all were talking at the bar. So

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Speaker 1: Ali Grant is one of my really good friends and

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00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 1: she's also um my manager for social media. She owns

421
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:32,359
Speaker 1: the social And I walk up to Tony and Ali

422
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 1: and they're talking, and what was the conversation? You'll were like,

423
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 1: we decided we like each other. We're like, we decided

424
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 1: we like each other now, and y'all have been like

425
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 1: on birthday trips and hung out at like multiple different things.

426
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 1: It's not like this is the first time y'all were

427
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 1: with each other. So what happened then? Well, I will

428
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 1: tell you. Ali opened the door because she was like,

429
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 1: you know, I'm one of Becca's best friends and you're

430
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 1: one of Becca's best friends, but like we're not really friends.

431
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I know, and and and

432
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: I was like she's and she was, but why is that?

433
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 1: I know? It was very like professionally unemotional from her,

434
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:15,679
Speaker 1: And you know, I was like, um, I think because

435
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: when we first met, she and I it was all

436
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 1: business Like she was just all business. It was not

437
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 1: I didn't really, and and she admitted it. She was like,

438
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,440
Speaker 1: that's I was that way, Like it was just kind

439
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,119
Speaker 1: of like I was. All I did was work and

440
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 1: I didn't think outside of it. So for me, it

441
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 1: was never like I couldn't like get through, you know,

442
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: like I couldn't connect with her in any way. So

443
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 1: I was just like, okay. Well, because people were responding,

444
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: They're like, oh my gosh, wait, I don't get this,

445
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,159
Speaker 1: like how they just hated each other, And I was like, no, no, no,

446
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 1: I hated each other. It was just like you'll never

447
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 1: clicked or like yeah, clicked or like sought each other

448
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 1: out right. No, No, there was never a hate at all.

449
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 1: But there was never like a friendship on our own,

450
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like would never call her

451
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 1: and say like let's go to happy hour or something.

452
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 1: So do you feel like you would do that? Now

453
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 1: I've invited her to talk with Tuesday. Well you invite

454
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 1: everybody to talk about Tuesday's open door. Alright, Well glad

455
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: we got that settled. So it is interesting because when

456
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 1: you have friends, when you're best friends with somebody and

457
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 1: then they're best friends with somebody, you would think that

458
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,879
Speaker 1: ultimately you would all become best friends. Mm hmm. But

459
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 1: that doesn't always happen. Yeah, but I don't know, I don't.

460
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people there's there's always that

461
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 1: pressure of like, I think, the most you can hope

462
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,479
Speaker 1: for when you have a big friend group from like

463
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 1: different that aren't all like friends with each other is

464
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 1: that everyone gets along and has fun together. Yeah. So

465
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,119
Speaker 1: like when I have my birthday every year, it's like,

466
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,479
Speaker 1: I just I feel like everyone, even that they're from

467
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 1: different maybe different parts of my life, and they don't

468
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 1: always associate. They everyone gets along and has fun. Yeah,

469
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 1: and we did. We always got along and had fun,

470
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: but we were never like tight and I think we're

471
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,880
Speaker 1: going to be tight now tighter to her already. Oh

472
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: my gosh, you heard it here first, folks. Yeah. I

473
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:08,439
Speaker 1: don't even have a separate chat with her on my

474
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 1: own scrubbing in exclusive. Um so a lot of people

475
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 1: have also asked about the photo shoot. Oh I didn't

476
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: show you when you came downstairs. Guess what came in

477
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:25,399
Speaker 1: your lingerie? Okay, so we gotta put it on the books.

478
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 1: It's downstairs, ready and open. Handy dot Com came in

479
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 1: hot with some with some spikes oh my god, spikes, yikes.

480
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 1: And I will tell you I have never like lived

481
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 1: more than I did the past ten days in terms

482
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 1: of just like drinking whatever I wanted. We were eating,

483
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 1: like I was eating everything and anything, and I feel

484
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: sexy as hell right now. Good for you. Yeah, you

485
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,359
Speaker 1: look great like little mermaid and I was just swimming

486
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 1: all day like the flipper you were. Um, So I

487
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 1: found my bachelor journal like that I wrote in when

488
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,639
Speaker 1: I was on the shock that you kept one. Okay, well,

489
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 1: don't be that chocked, because I think, yeah, no, it's

490
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: not five words, it's probably it's probably like ten pages. Um.

491
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 1: I did it mostly while we were at the mansion,

492
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: so I was like a week and a half and

493
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,399
Speaker 1: I would just do it if I didn't have anything

494
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 1: else to do, Like I painted my nails, I had

495
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 1: a snack. Did my journals. I was like, this is

496
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: the most Tanya thing ever. Yeah, but they are so

497
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 1: hilarious because the way I right is like a child

498
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 1: like what like, oh, he touched my hand today? No,

499
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 1: like the spark in my vagina. No, I didn't do that.

500
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 1: But I was like, it's really weird because the producers

501
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 1: want you to say things that you don't want to say.

502
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: And then at the same time they feel like your friend,

503
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like, it's so weird um IOUs, like all

504
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 1: the girls. Some girls are like way more aggressive or

505
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 1: emotional or something, but everyone's nice. I'm like, everyone's nice.

506
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 1: And then and then I have one entry from Ben

507
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 1: season in the same journal. Why only one on his

508
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: I must have gotten lazy just write one down. And

509
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 1: I was like, it's so scary. How much more I

510
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 1: like Ben in five days or how many more feelings

511
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: I feel in five days with Ben than I did

512
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 1: with Chris. Oh, that's why I cried that seasons it

513
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 1: was deeper. But I'm actually going to bring the journal

514
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: next week and read some excerpts. So it's they're just excerpts. Um.

515
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 1: But we are gonna take a break and we will

516
00:28:52,000 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 1: be back with emails. All right, we are back. I

517
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,400
Speaker 1: don't think Mark's here anymore. He loved us, so I

518
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 1: guess I'll read the email Mark. Uh, We're not sure

519
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: where he is. Okay, this is anonymous. My boyfriend and

520
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: I have been dating for nearly two years and recently

521
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 1: moved in with each other. He has always been a

522
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 1: little guarded with his phone and After sharing that concern

523
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: with friends, we just chalked it up to coming to

524
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 1: coming from my anxiety and security around infidelity. I've been

525
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 1: cheated on before and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

526
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 1: Fast forward to last night. I found d m s

527
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: through Instagram to several girls in the area, all with

528
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 1: no responses, but these messages have a sexual motive. He

529
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: moved to the area around two years ago from the Midwest,

530
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 1: so I know he would have met them recently. I

531
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: feel guilty for snooping, but have had this feeling for

532
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 1: a little bit and finally acted on it. I don't

533
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 1: have any evidence that he has ever not acted on

534
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 1: any of these conversations, and giving given that we spent

535
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: a lot of time together, he probably would have to

536
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 1: be creative. Am I overreacting? I do feel guilty, but

537
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: I'm also wondering how to bring this up. So basically,

538
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: she's saying that she snooped. She messages but sexual sexual,

539
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: but she doesn't know that he's acted on any of that.

540
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: It seems like the girls did not respond, so I

541
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 1: get the impression that the girls he messaged didn't respond,

542
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: so like if they would have, he could have acted

543
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 1: on it. All with no responses, but the messages have

544
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 1: a sexual motive. We think, wait, do we think these messages?

545
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,479
Speaker 1: Oh no, to several girls. It really throws me off

546
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: when Mark doesn't read the at all. He wrote them.

547
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 1: He wrote the messages to several girls with no response,

548
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 1: but they had a sexual motive. Okay, so this is bad.

549
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: This is very bad. And yes, you should feel guilty.

550
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say feel guilty. You should feel bad that

551
00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: you were snooping, but you found own something and it's

552
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: not right. This is even if he's not physically cheating.

553
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: This is emotionally, this is a break of trust. Okay, Wait,

554
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 1: I have a question about this because okay, if if

555
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 1: I have a gut feeling about something and then I

556
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: snoop and then I find something and that and and

557
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 1: he denied doing anything, and like, let's say I tried

558
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 1: to ask conversations and he denied doing anything. Right, Like

559
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 1: he's like, I didn't actually meet up with them. No.

560
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: Like let's say she's like, hey, why are you private

561
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,760
Speaker 1: with your phone? And he's like, oh, I just you

562
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 1: can't lie. You have to say you saw them. No, no, no,

563
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: I'm saying before she found these, if she had a

564
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: gut feeling, and she approached him and he denied to

565
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 1: nyed denied, and then she just had the gut feeling

566
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 1: that want to go away and she snooped. Why is

567
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 1: it so bad that she snooped? Because how would she

568
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: have ever found out that this guy was someone I

569
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: think snooping is not a good sign, I know, but

570
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 1: how do you how if someone's lying to your face

571
00:31:57,840 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: when you try to bring it up and a responsible

572
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 1: Why know what I'm saying, it's valid. I would just

573
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 1: come out and say I looked through I was feeling

574
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: a certain way. I looked through your phone. I saw

575
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: these messages. Explain thyself. I'm just saying, yeah, you can say, hey,

576
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 1: I had this gut feeling, it didn't go away. I

577
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 1: needed to know and the gut feeling when it go away.

578
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have snooped, but I did, and this is

579
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 1: what I found. And then give him a chance. I

580
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 1: guess too. I don't know what he could say to

581
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: possibly explain himself. But you know what I'm saying, Yeah,

582
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 1: you have to bring it up. You have to say

583
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 1: you look through his phone and that you found them

584
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 1: and you want answers. And if he tries to turn

585
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 1: it around on you like you did bad by snooping.

586
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 1: That's called gaslight gaslighting, and you were not and he

587
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 1: should have a vasectomy. I think that you are not overreacting.

588
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 1: You should bring it up to him, admit that maybe

589
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 1: snooping wasn't the best route, but you did and this

590
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: is what you found and you want to have a

591
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: conversation about it. And if he's not even willing to

592
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: have a conversation, then I think you you find someone

593
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: know what you need to do. But I'm sorry you're

594
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 1: having to navigate. It's very hard. Yeah, we love you. UM.

595
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 1: On that note, I think we're gonna it's time to

596
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 1: wrap her up. It's time to wrap her up like

597
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: a little condom. Oh, I was gonna say a little gift,

598
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 1: a present. Yeah, I'm always taking it. Just this just

599
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: a hair too far. Sexual motives tell you, Um, we

600
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 1: love you all. We hope you have a wonderful week

601
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: and we will be back Thursday with Leila Ponds. Yes,

602
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: we love you guys so much. We just love you

603
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: so much. And I'm gonna post it. I'm gonna Becca

604
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: post a photo because I don't I still have ton't

605
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: have access to Facebook. But I want to post a

606
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 1: picture um in the Facebook group, but I want to

607
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 1: post it on my Instagram because it's like, actually maybe

608
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: I will post it tv d M, I post it.

609
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: It's a little it's a little um sexual. I have

610
00:33:56,840 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 1: no idea. Oh on the rocks yeah, um yeah, we'll

611
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 1: get that up. And I hope everyone is just kind

612
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 1: to each other, like really, the thing that we're really

613
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 1: I think searching for is just empathy and kindness and compassion. Compassion.

614
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 1: So we love you all and have a great day. Bye.