WEBVTT - Philip Galanes Lies Like a Rug 0:00:05.480 --> 0:00:08.680 This is Alec Baldwin and you're listening to Here's the thing, 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:13.600 My chance to talk with artists, policymakers and performers, to 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:18.000 hear their stories, what inspires their creations, what decisions change 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:23.400 their careers, what relationships influenced their work. Here's a quote, 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:27.720 Who died and made you? Dear Abbey? It was an insult, 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:30.880 no matter how you spun it, but a particularly fraught 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:34.640 one for Philip Galanas after the debut of his New 0:00:34.720 --> 0:00:39.000 York Times advice column in two thousand eight. Dear Abbey 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:42.919 had been his guiding force as a boy, growing up 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:46.800 with a distant father and mother who refused to accept 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:49.919 that her son was gay. Dear Abbey left him with 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:54.440 nothing but answers. Some people might have given up, but Gallanis, 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:58.680 who had already sailed through Yale, undergrad and law school, 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:02.040 isn't one of them. He kept writing the column, kept 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:06.760 answering questions about bullying, ex boyfriends, and sibling rivalry, and 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.320 nine years later, he still is. It's one of many 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:14.800 endearing qualities. The warm and witty lawyer turned writer possesses 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:19.280 quiet refusal to be anything but himself. In his weekly 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:23.240 column Social Cues, he pushes readers to do the same, 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:27.400 even if that means temporarily suspending the truth. I lie 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:31.560 like a rug and generally, um, I mean, I would 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:35.360 never lie, you know, I would never become a fraud. 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:38.679 I'd never lie and steal to steal from someone, but 0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:43.360 to smooth over something I'd like every single day of 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:46.720 the week and twice on Sunday, definitely. But when you're 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:50.120 in a conflict with your significant other, I find I lie. 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.920 Some of the time. I'm lying to just cast a 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.080 spray of ether over the whole room so we can 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:59.200 all rest. Well, I'm very defensive, so it doesn't really 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:04.880 even occurred to me. Not occurred doesn't sink in that 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:09.840 I am wrong sometimes for days or weeks later. But 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:12.040 you can't have a fight going on with your partner 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:15.400 for weeks until it actually occurs to you. So I do. 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:19.280 I get down immediately, and I lie, and then and 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:22.560 I said, I'm sorry, it's all my fault. And then 0:02:22.960 --> 0:02:26.280 most of the time when he says to me, know, 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:30.720 that was really shitty what you did, I'll three days later, 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:33.200 four days later, it well, it will hit me and 0:02:33.240 --> 0:02:36.240 I'll go, you know, yeah, that's right. But growing up 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:40.399 I think the way that I did. The first impulse 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:44.239 had to be I was not to blame. You weren't 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:47.880 I was in my house, it was who was to blame? 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:53.400 Everybody is running to the to the blameless corner. And 0:02:54.120 --> 0:02:58.919 I don't think my mother ever apologized one single time 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:02.679 in her life for anything so funny. Never. And when 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:06.280 I was in therapy, when I started to really you know, 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:10.240 become an adult in my twenties and thirties, thanks to 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:13.040 a guy who lives, you know, right around the corner 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.520 from us, and I would go to see him twice 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:20.920 or three times a week, and he would say, before 0:03:20.919 --> 0:03:24.320 we get anywhere, you've got to get angry with your mother. 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:28.200 You've got to go tell her, or tell me, or 0:03:28.280 --> 0:03:32.320 tell someone all the things that you've got pent up 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:34.560 inside of you. And so I did it with him, 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:36.200 and he said, I think you need to go do 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:39.360 this one thing with her. And I went to her 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:44.000 and it was about an episode that happened when I 0:03:44.040 --> 0:03:48.880 was you know, maybe seven or eight or something like that. 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:51.000 It was when it first started to occur to her 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:53.920 that she had a gay kid on her hands, and 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:56.720 she was really, you know, in the what would have 0:03:56.800 --> 0:03:59.760 in the seven early seventies, you wouldn't be thrilled about it. 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.440 But she was gonna always be in my corner. But 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:06.400 she wasn't happy. So I was like, that clear, how 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:08.120 did she make by shipping into a shrink? By she 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:09.480 made that clear to you by saying you need to 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:12.640 go talk to somebody, right, and by also encouraging. I mean, 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:15.960 it starts in very subtle ways, like, you know, have 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:20.039 you ever thought about maybe being the principal when you 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:25.719 play school as opposed to you know, the home act teacher, 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:30.720 something like, yeah, pouring tea for everyone exactly. Um, So 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:32.920 she starts that way, and then it gets to like 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:36.239 all of a sudden coaching. Yeah that the Teddy Bear 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:41.760 collection disappears one day because and in its place is 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:44.760 a bunch of baseball cards and you've never picked up 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:47.360 a mint in your life. And but so I go 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:50.479 and say to her, I say to her, I said 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:54.039 to her this thing. I remember that. I remember really clearly, 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:57.480 this ugly episode we had on the drive to this train. 0:04:57.680 --> 0:05:00.719 Isn't Vermond the wilds of Vermond? And she, to her credit, 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:04.520 she's found the one shrink who deals with kids in 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:08.440 the woods of Vermont. And she says something to me about, 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.200 you know, you could make more of an effort with 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:14.520 your father, you know, And I said, well, Mom, he 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:16.919 doesn't really you know. He comes home for dinner and 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:19.240 then he retreats to his study and that's the end 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:21.640 of him for the night. I said, he doesn't really 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:26.080 talk to me either. And I had siblings, two brothers, 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:31.120 two brothers, both younger. They were one is and with 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:35.679 both of them he could do more boy type stuff. 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:40.279 I mean, he was always doing the right thing. So 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:43.800 he'd come home from his day at work, he'd offered 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:46.720 to play catch. I didn't really want to play your brother, 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:48.720 Your brother who was gay, at least he was bodybuilding 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:51.800 in the gym. At least he was he was trying 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:54.960 to be. He was trying to be what everybody wanted 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:58.039 him to be. I was the first one. I was 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:03.120 definitely trying to be people pleaser. But I invented myself 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:06.040 before them, they before they came along. So I just 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:08.160 actually thought that I was supposed to do things I 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:12.000 like doing. But that's really not true. Willful, right, So 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:13.680 she so on the way to the strength this day, 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:15.680 she says to me, the situation with your father is 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:18.920 totally your fault. I mean, you're the one who's not 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:23.080 if you're the problem. If you actually engaged this wonderful 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:26.440 stand up guy, he'd be locked in that study because 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:30.400 of you. Exactly so years later, I said to her, 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:32.560 I said to her, I really thought I needed to, like, 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:35.000 I wanted to talk to her about that, because not 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:37.280 because I wanted to blame her. She didn't know what 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:39.680 was coming down the pike anymore than anyone else did. 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:43.640 But I I said to her, you know, I just 0:06:43.839 --> 0:06:46.200 I wanted to tell you this story, and I wanted 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:48.560 to tell you how much this story lives with me 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:51.760 all the time. And she looked at me and she said, 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:58.279 you know, what is so wonderful about you, Philip, And 0:06:58.320 --> 0:07:01.240 I knew something really shitty was going to come down play. 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:04.719 She said, what's wonderful about you is their active imagination. 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:09.320 I just love it. And so she just denied it, 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:12.360 shut it down. She couldn't even say I mean, as 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:16.360 any right thinking adult would say, like, you know, it's 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.520 a one car drive. It was just to say wow, 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.520 I don't obviously she wouldn't remember it, but just to say, wow, 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:26.320 it's so great that you remember that. I'm so sorry 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:28.720 if that if I made you feel that way. I mean, 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:31.160 she didn't put the idea that you were asked to do, 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:34.960 the understanding, the idea that you were asked to do, 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:38.720 the reaching. I think the only way to survive in 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:42.560 my family was to triangulate stuff. There's no way that 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:45.120 my mother or my father was there We're going to 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:50.080 look at me and go good boy. So the best 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:54.080 I could do was sort of create a triangle out 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:58.520 of the two of them and try to play from 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:01.640 each other, all play them off against each other enough 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:06.880 to get a little tiny bit of attention that way, like, 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:10.480 you might be a horrible kid, but at least you're 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:13.040 not as horrible as this. Or did you feel you 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:19.080 were a horrible kid? Ahmed? Because in general it worked 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:21.200 its way to in general, but we had two big 0:08:21.240 --> 0:08:25.800 secrets in the family. One was my mother was clearly saying, 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:28.040 there's something very wrong with you. I didn't even have 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:30.920 no the word. I didn't know that the problem with 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:34.520 me was that it would end up with me being 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:37.760 attracted to other boys that didn't even I'm seven or eight. 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:40.080 I didn't even get that, but I knew that was 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:44.120 a problem. Number one, your sexuality and the problem Number 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:48.319 two was that we had a father who was going 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:53.559 through the motions but would then disappear. But we were 0:08:53.800 --> 0:09:00.200 never allowed to let anyone know that our family only 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:05.679 in private, was any different from anybody else. Yeah, so 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:10.320 there were two big secrets and they were both really 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:13.520 I mean, now I know we've all got what's so 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:15.840 great is when you get to a point and you 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:19.840 realize you had two secrets, and Emily had two secrets, 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:22.160 and Tom had two secrets, and we all had two 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:30.920 secrets and or three and we had somehow, Yeah, march 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:35.440 through the world and diffuse and diffused. Your mother wanted 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:38.400 you to attempt to reach your father in a way 0:09:38.440 --> 0:09:42.480 that she could not. One Christmas and this was one 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:44.640 of the things that I once later tried to talk 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:49.800 to her about too. She said to me, I'm Christmas Eve. 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:53.760 I knew I was old enough to know that. You know, 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:57.280 we were pretty pretty well off. So they everything was there, 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:01.520 was never in We were never wanting for anything, and 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:05.360 they almost overdid it to overcompensate for all the stuff 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:09.240 they knew they weren't doing. So I don't know where 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:12.200 the hell My dad would ask where I'm Christmas Eve. 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:18.000 At seven o'clock or eight o'clock. My dad is at large, 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:22.400 and my brothers are getting into bed. And I said 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:25.800 to my mother, I can help you bring the presents, 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:29.960 because there were so many presents, lots of presents. And 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:35.600 she said to me, oh, I didn't. I haven't gotten 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:40.040 any of the presents yet, and I would have been 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:45.480 like ten, and she said, I said, well, but mom, 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:49.839 everything is going to be closed, and tomorrow's Chris and 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:53.240 tomorrow's Christmas. And I was thinking, actually, and I feel 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:56.199 like maybe I wasn't always so shitty, because I actually 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:59.319 think I was thinking of my brothers and I thought, well, 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:01.320 what what are we going to do? And she said 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:04.199 I don't know, because I don't have any money either. 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:10.640 And I ran upstairs and through you know, being a 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:14.440 shitty kid, through stealing from my father's pants every night, 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:17.600 you know, and putting things together, maybe had like forty 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:21.320 dollars or fifty dollars hidden away. And I came down 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:24.760 and brought it to her, and she thought that that 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:31.160 was funny and wonderful that I had been generous. But 0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:34.480 she didn't see any of this money I stole from dad. 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:38.400 Let's use that she didn't see the trauma of how 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:42.120 scary it was for me to think there wasn't going 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:48.280 to be any Christmas family there there were tons. When 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:50.560 did they come in? She she had just lied. She 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.680 thought it was like a funny thing. I mean, my 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:56.120 mother would treated me like very much like I should 0:11:56.120 --> 0:11:59.960 have been an adult and understood of course they were testing, 0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:04.760 but she wasn't going to involve me in bringing them down. 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.960 It would all happen later when I was in bed too. 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:11.960 But I had a nervous breakdown and because I thought 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.520 that this would be the year there wasn't going to 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:18.959 be Christmas and in the Galana's household, and she thought, 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:21.599 she's I can sort of remember her laughing and and 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:26.440 and at the time I think I was just profoundly relieved. 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:28.640 But it's the kind of thing where you can spend, 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:31.360 you know, months on a story like that. At the shrink, 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.520 you know who was wearing what? Where did I say 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:35.880 that I'm gonna write a movie. I'm gonna steal that 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.960 from movie? Now? You went to boarding school where I 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:42.200 went to boarding school at this place called Deerfield Academy. 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:44.120 But at the time when I went in the in 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:47.679 the seventies and eighties, it was still all boys, so 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:50.280 it was kind of that for you. No, no, it 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:54.040 was really they were dumb boys. It's so it's so funny, 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:57.480 because why would you not make a school coach. I mean, 0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:00.120 it's like, if you do make something co ed, the 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:01.720 first thing you do is you get rid of the 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:05.640 really bad ones on the bottom, and all the boats 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:07.760 rise up because all the girls are bright, and then 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:10.200 you keep the bright boys. But this was a place. 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:16.000 It was like a nesting pen for like lesser semi 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:20.520 retarded Rockefellers, and so it was people that they wanted 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:23.080 out of the house. They were shelving them. Yeah, it was. 0:13:23.200 --> 0:13:26.720 It was a weird little school. And also what you 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:29.800 picked this up kind of a weird impulse. If you're 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:34.960 sending a boy two a school to butch him up 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:37.120 a little bit and see if there's like a last 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:41.120 ditch effort to make him straight, why in God's name 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:43.440 would you choose an all boys school to do it. 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:47.160 It's a very straights training man is playing. All the 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:49.840 teachers are claud or not all, but you know a 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:52.360 good percentage of them in my day where they were 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:55.120 all you you've read about choked in the Yeah, well 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:58.160 it was like that. They were, but of course the teachers, 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:02.559 the closet Kate's teachers, they're never coming after. I mean, 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:07.280 I would, you know, had elaborate fantasies at fifteen about 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:09.880 you know, the man who taught English and he was 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:13.760 like my dream boat. But they would of course be 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:18.000 after the lacrosse players who didn't have you know, and 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:20.840 it's a terrible I don't mean to do with years. 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:23.160 I was about there for four years, and there were 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:28.680 good things that happened. No, it's to me. It was 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:32.280 a wonderful place because it took me out of a 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:36.240 household where I felt ashamed every time I turned around. 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:40.360 But I what I learned to do there was to 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:46.040 create a public persona. When I first got there, I thought, 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:48.440 oh my god, I am going to be toast. These 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:52.360 guys are gonna beat me up. They're gonna tease the 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:54.440 hell out of me. It's going to be really tough. 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:59.960 But very quickly I saw that if I could be eccentric, 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:03.720 and if I could be funny, and if I could 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:08.080 be a little funny, and unfortunately the funny that they 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.640 crave in an environment like that is mean funny. So 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:15.640 I developed not the goodhearted sense of humor. But I 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.960 took a page out of your mother's humor book and 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:21.320 my mother's humor book, which was a kind of Betty 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:26.640 Davis meanness. But it I learned how to survive. I 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:28.840 learned how to It's what I call it's what I 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:33.040 call my Grandville Thorndyke theory. And I always say that 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:37.280 you could be amongst the most filthy flea bitten, you know, 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:41.720 just moronic rattle, and if you can entertain them, you 0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:45.080 buy yourself that they take the noose off your neck. Absolutely, 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:50.400 And I met a couple of kids there who really 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:52.800 became good friends. I mean they were It was the 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:57.440 first time I really made good friends. And there were 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:00.480 a couple of teachers there who were really in uraging 0:16:00.680 --> 0:16:04.400 and so yeah, on balance, it was a very positive 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:08.280 experience for me, mostly because I think my dad's situation 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:12.320 at home, even though nobody would talk about it, he 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:18.120 was sort of slowly getting more depressed, and I was 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:21.960 not forced to worry about that. So you go off 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:24.080 to go to college from So I go off to 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:26.880 go to college. I go to Yale. Was that a 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:28.760 fed company or did you want to go to Yale? 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:31.880 Other places? You want to. My parents were really really 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:36.880 interesting that way. My parents didn't care at all. I 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.200 want you to understand the kind of well off they were. 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:43.360 My parents were well off because my dad's father, who 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:47.960 was a Greek immigrant who came to this country and no, no, no, 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:51.200 his job was to go around and take the pennies 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:55.400 and nickels out of you know, gumball machines and and 0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:59.480 and collect money and collect money and deliver it to somebody. 0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:03.960 And he got where he got by working twenty hours 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:09.400 a day. And my dad was, you know, largely employed 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:12.320 by him, and my dad's brother was They built into 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:15.320 a big company. They built it, they bought real estate 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:18.879 and then and they were and they were really really 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:22.440 hard working. The idea that they had a kid who 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:28.880 wanted to study Emily Dickinson, Yes, I was literature. They 0:17:28.880 --> 0:17:34.359 didn't think that was good. Education was very very highly regarded, 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:37.160 but they certainly didn't They thought that I was maybe 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:39.399 taking it a bit far. So when you go to Yale, 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:44.959 what was Yale? Yale was heaven. If I could send everyone, 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:50.720 if if I could give everyone the four years go 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:54.840 to Yale, Yeah, I had the best. I mean, it 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:57.480 really worked for me. People didn't want me to be 0:17:57.640 --> 0:18:00.919 anything different than I was. I got to stop lying. 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:03.720 People were like, well, yeah, well of course you're gay. 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:07.000 It's obvious you're gay. Who cares? Um, it was the 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:09.600 gay scene like at the Yale then Jodie Foster and me. 0:18:11.000 --> 0:18:14.560 It was like it was around So it was no, 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.760 it was the wonderful It was sort of. It was 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:21.639 all yeah, it was a great time and the student 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:25.600 and four years were you there? Um, from nineteen eighty 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:31.840 one to your five years? Okay, so that period comes 0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:34.480 to an end. And as it comes to an end, 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:37.159 who are you well at that? What happened that you're 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:39.120 going to become an attorney? Well, no, no, no, I'm 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:41.520 so not going to become an attorney. I go and 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:43.960 take my first job, which is working at the New 0:18:44.040 --> 0:18:47.800 York Times as a copy boy. They have these old 0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:51.560 this is like six or so eight seven. They have 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:54.680 these fat old men who sit behind desks and they 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:57.680 rip a piece of paper off and they go international 0:18:58.359 --> 0:19:00.719 and they hand it to me. And my job is 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:04.639 I walk it to the international desk, and then I 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.879 walk back to the old man and he rips another 0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:12.960 piece off and he goes culture and Hearthur, I'm there 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:17.159 for like two weeks and I'm going get get me 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:19.520 out of here. This isn't working. So it did. And 0:19:19.520 --> 0:19:24.120 and I'm also not a journalist really, because they would 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:27.880 encourage us to go right stories after hours, and lots 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:31.280 of people would want to go to you know, there'd 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:35.560 be a shooting and they'd want to figure out who 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:38.720 did it, or where how it happened, or why I 0:19:38.800 --> 0:19:42.440 came alive at Christmas? Remember in the Metropolitan section there 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:45.960 used to be this these this little feature called Remember 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:51.000 the Neediest, and we go. I'd go up to Harm, 0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:53.720 I'd go up to Harlem and I'd sit in the 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:57.440 room and I think, I want to understand how these 0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:02.120 people got to this place? How do they feel about this? 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:07.040 And so I was always interested in the personality, the dynamics, 0:20:07.040 --> 0:20:10.320 and like the woman is sitting there, she angry that 0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:16.199 she's you know, she's got this terrible school system for 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:20.800 her disabled daughter. Is she does she does? She just does? 0:20:20.840 --> 0:20:23.320 She want help? Is is the husband helping? Where is 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:25.639 the husband? How did all this happen? Those were the 0:20:25.720 --> 0:20:27.920 kind of stories that I liked, And so like within 0:20:27.960 --> 0:20:29.600 a few weeks they sent me up to work for 0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:34.560 Carrie Donovan in the magazine, and I thought that that 0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:38.280 was going to be what I would do, and then 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:44.720 my dad killed himself. Coming up, Philip Galanis looks back 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:48.520 on an interview with former President Barack Obama and Emmy 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:55.840 Award winning actor Brian Cranston. In the literary world, a 0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:59.600 few names hold more weight than The New Yorker's longtime 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:02.920 editor David Remnick. As a writer, I take too much 0:21:02.960 --> 0:21:04.960 time clearing my throat in the beginning of the piece, 0:21:05.119 --> 0:21:07.320 and I hope I've learned myself to get rid of 0:21:07.359 --> 0:21:11.000 a lot of the crap. But very often my editor, 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:15.000 Henry Finder, will just very quietly take a pen. He's 0:21:15.000 --> 0:21:17.880 your editor. Oh yeah, that's who edits you. Oh yeah, 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:22.280 and he's great. He's unbelievable. To hear more about David 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:32.040 Remnick's story, go to Here's the Thing dot org. This 0:21:32.240 --> 0:21:35.120 is Alec Baldwin, and you were listening to Here's the Thing. 0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:39.879 Philip Galanus's mom once blamed him for his father's depression, 0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:43.600 but he didn't let that stifle him. After receiving a 0:21:43.680 --> 0:21:46.760 phone call from his uncle that his father had ended 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:52.320 his life, Philip sprang into action immediately. I came home, 0:21:53.040 --> 0:21:55.840 went back to Vermont. And I'll tell you something that 0:21:55.920 --> 0:22:00.240 I've never said out loud before. I found out the 0:22:00.520 --> 0:22:05.119 morning after I'd had my first one night stand. So 0:22:05.680 --> 0:22:09.240 all through the night, my not my mother, because she 0:22:09.400 --> 0:22:15.040 was so zonked out. My mom was um. Any any 0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:19.280 resentment I have for my mom disappears in a second 0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:22.160 if I think of her walking out that back door 0:22:22.880 --> 0:22:25.960 and having to find her husband having in the yard, 0:22:26.240 --> 0:22:30.720 in the yard, having shot his head off with a rifle, 0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:34.800 and which you all thought was inevitable. You thought you 0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:37.320 thought that was coming anyway, well, or you weren't sure. 0:22:37.640 --> 0:22:39.800 I don't think anyone thought it was coming. I think 0:22:39.880 --> 0:22:42.919 everyone thought he's you know, he was the guy who 0:22:43.200 --> 0:22:45.320 did the right thing all that. He went to work 0:22:45.400 --> 0:22:49.240 every day, he came home, he'd throw catch and then 0:22:49.320 --> 0:22:51.960 he should go and he'd sit and he'd watch television. 0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:54.720 He was never treated for his depression formally. He I 0:22:54.800 --> 0:22:57.440 think my mother tried to intervene a few times. But 0:22:57.600 --> 0:23:02.359 this is before no shrinks, No there. He He was 0:23:02.440 --> 0:23:04.359 not a talk therapy person. You have to be a 0:23:04.680 --> 0:23:08.040 you have to be a verbal person. Yeh. And medicine 0:23:08.080 --> 0:23:11.359 back then was rough, and it would you know, it 0:23:11.440 --> 0:23:16.920 would totally wipe you out. So I'm off having my 0:23:17.040 --> 0:23:21.280 first one night stand and my uncle, my mother's brother, 0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:24.200 is trying to reach me, trying to reach me, and 0:23:25.400 --> 0:23:28.640 I four cell phones. This is a way before cell phones. 0:23:28.720 --> 0:23:34.119 This is yeah, so he is everyone's trying to reach me. 0:23:34.160 --> 0:23:35.600 Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where 0:23:35.680 --> 0:23:40.640 is he? And I come in to work and I'm 0:23:40.680 --> 0:23:43.760 on the Upper West Side with a person I've just met, 0:23:44.160 --> 0:23:46.560 and it was I thought, Wow, this is so great. 0:23:46.600 --> 0:23:49.040 I mean because the other thing I should say is 0:23:49.119 --> 0:23:51.960 at Yale people we were all we talked about being 0:23:52.000 --> 0:23:53.800 gay a lot, but there wasn't a lot of what 0:23:54.000 --> 0:23:58.320 nobody was doing a lot. So um, I was very 0:23:58.359 --> 0:24:00.639 sexually and experienced. I thought, oh god, this is the 0:24:00.720 --> 0:24:03.800 most miraculous this thing. I'm having sex. It's great. And 0:24:03.920 --> 0:24:06.280 then the next morning I walk into work and I 0:24:06.359 --> 0:24:10.880 see every eye is on me, and I'm thinking, wow, 0:24:11.000 --> 0:24:13.760 can they tell that I've just had sex? And I thought, 0:24:15.280 --> 0:24:19.840 because they're really this, I'm working on and walking on air. 0:24:20.440 --> 0:24:23.520 And what really has happened is my uncle has been 0:24:23.600 --> 0:24:27.320 trying to has been calling every fifteen minutes for the 0:24:27.440 --> 0:24:31.879 last hour looking for me, and So I get to 0:24:32.240 --> 0:24:39.360 my little copyboy station and I am pulled aside by 0:24:39.800 --> 0:24:45.480